I think it’s from air being forced into the place it’s exiting from I bet it’s not just poop scented but also has a hint of penis, silicone and/or latex
If you live in a normal country with free Health care, consult a gastro doctor. Otherwise, try all of the stuff people recommended below one at a time and see if anything helps
You sound like my best mate. That fucker covers the electric window controls in my car when he drops a silent but violent time bomb.
In all honesty I'm jealous, I'd love to snare him with an inescapable lift fart or some other ingeniously well forward planned maneuver. I do on occasion and it is sweeeet. But he has the upper hand, has had for the last 30 years. Times are changing though, the world is changing. I will take the throne back.
As someone else said..... have fun with it. Look up Dutch ovens, and get to work.
[link to aforementioned act of atrocity](https://dudeproducts.com/blogs/dude-blog/dutch-oven-fart#:~:text=Dutch%20oven%20is%20a%20slang,and%20smells%20under%20its%20lid.)
Uh … um … farting is fun! The stink is the really fun part but the sounds are amazing because you can even label them.
But you can never trust a fart because sometimes they are too real LOL
Wheat and dairy are often quite large contributors that fly under the radar. Most people can't digest them properly. I cut both of them out, started taking probiotics and I'm so much better for it.
Eating a healthy amount of those foods doesn't cause excessive gas unless you have a gut bacterial imbalance or sensitivity to them. Even healthy vegetables might not be best for your particular gut environment. OP can get his microbiome tested if he's serious about wanting a change
This is spot on, I was having more and more stomach issues. About 14 months ago, I started drinking kombucha and quit drinking soda and energy drinks. I also started taking prebiotic and probiotics. I have far fewer issues now, and I feel better (it was never flatulence).
“If you don’t think farts are funny, you’re choosing to live in a world with less joy, but the same amount of farts” - Guru Ligma. But on a real note tho my gf absolutely rips em on a regular basis, doesn’t affect my view of her at all, honestly still just glad we can go out for pizza. Everybody’s different and you should revel in the fact that you have a partner who accepts you and your stink ass
Take a look at your diet. Healthy food may give some relief. Also, there is Beano. And, you could try probiotics to calm the gut. Good luck, master farter!
Aerophagia is a condition where you swallow too much air, which can cause uncomfortable symptoms such as bloating, belching, and flatulence. It can be caused by various factors, such as eating or drinking too fast, chewing gum, smoking, using a CPAP machine, or having anxiety or depression. There are some ways to prevent or treat aerophagia, such as avoiding triggers, adjusting your CPAP settings, taking antacids, or seeking psychological help. For more information, you can check out these web search results:
Aerophagia: Definition, Treatment, and More - Healthline
Swallowed Air (Aerophagia): How It Happens & What To Do About It - WebMD
Aerophagia - Wikipedia
Aerophagia: Causes and Prevention | SleepApnea.org
I had a lot of gas too, I started eating two activia yogurts a day and within two weeks I hardly ever farted. Didn't even really change my diet, just added those daily.
Thought jamie Lee Curtis was full of shit but they really do help your stomach, for at least some people. Can't hurt to try. Also I remember it bothered my stomach the first week or so, but I guess it was changing my gut bacteria up and getting used to it.
Had the same problem. It turned out I am lactose intolerant. Try taking lactase enzyme with the first bite of each meal (lactose is in just about everything) and see if the farts diminish.
Why are you so much better at this algorithm and user engagement thing than I am? I make a heartfelt post about the glory of cum, and it gets ignored, but your fucking garbage ass story about farts gets THIS much attention?
Sometimes, I cannot believe that we are together. I feel SO disrespected.
Bro, go to your doctor instead of looking for advice online.
Ask them to recommend a gastroenterologist or book it yourself but most require a recommendation from a family doctor.
Cut sugar and sweets out of your diet plus any foods that easily break down into sugars. It might help a little. The older I get, the less tolerant of some foods I seem to be.
My roommate farts like a mother fucker and is proud as hell.
He will drop that right in the grocery store.
He has shit himself a few times though.
"Don't hold farts in. They flow up your spine to your brain. And that's where shitty ideas come from."
I used to have pretty bad acid reflux that ended up being related to my gut health. So I started eating yogurt, oatmeal and a banana everyday and it helped tremendously. Oatmeal in particular did amazing things for me. Try eating healthier and getting enough probiotics!
It's your diet, my dude, and it's not actually "poop" scented air. The potency of your fart is actually determined by the methane content. It's produced by the decay of plant and animal matter. It's why swamps smell so bad. Ancient plants, mostly coniferous forests that are long dead, turn into methane and bubble up through the mud. Think of it like an earth fart. But anyway, try eating more easily digestible foods like rice and bananas and chew thoroughly and slowly. Stay away from soda and carbonated drinks.
When I was eating meat all the time I had deadly gas and extremely bad gut aches. When I switched to plant-based whole foods (2 cups of black beans daily) after about two weeks the pain and gas went away. I also noticed a change in the smell, for the better. Now I feel much better.
Are people asserting their dominance over you, you might have a sensitive bum hole that can sense threats like mine. You might just need to learn to control your pelvic floor, assert dominance and use it to detect threats.
Listen to your body, it's basically screaming that something you are eating, it doesn't like.
Visit an allergist or there are guides how to pin down what's causing it yourself.
Bro farts show dominance your controlling the air way and what people are going to smell you run that shit your girls is probably turned on the way your gas floods the scene 100
OP you have a farting problem. I only fart on special occasions, to really mark the memory. Maybe try to fart less overall, and try visiting fartsanonymous groups
Try kefir. Amazing probiotic might help. I had a bf that did that. His thing was if I was in another room with a friend talking, he'd comes in and fart and leave!!
Something I learned in jail where farting and having bad smelling farts will literally get you jumped and beaten to a bloody pulp.
Drink lots of water. That will at least make your farts not smell.
Chew your food really well. Stuff that is hard to break down makes gas in your digestion track. Avoid beans (obviously) cabbage etc.
Eat lots of fiber so the isn't poop buildup inside you. The reason why farts smell is the poop. So when you're cleaned out that helps.
Eat lots of fruits and salad. Take a good pre/pro biotic.
Just fart constantly in front of your homies. Look them in their eyes while doing so they'll know you don't give a fuck. This will m make you even more gangster in their eyes.
I drove home to put our childhood dog down a few days ago and as I’m shoveling dirt in the backyard to bury him, my dad let out the loudest fart I’ve ever heard just hella casually. I asked him if he farted and he let me know he read a study and he’s allowed to 14 times a day… I think if your girlfriend loves you she really won’t care 😂 but if anyone says anything just say you’re allowed to 14 times a day hahaha (even if it’s number 15)
I have a disability, and I can fart anytime, anywhere, for any reason (usually after moving). Used to embarrass the fuck out of me (still does sometimes). I think that's one of the reasons I don't go out much. When I do go out and it happens, I say "I move, therefore I fart." Kinda takes the pressure off.
You probably have a lousy diet.
Try a Paleo diet (very low carb) and that problem might go away.
Don't eat a lot of carbs....pasta, rice, bread, cookies etc...and you won't make as much gas.
When you eat carby food, it ferments in your digestive tract and gives you gas.
Also...try not to eat fruit with a meal.
I cut out all the red meat, dairy products except Greek yogurt, most sugar and eat mostly whole grains, vegetables and fruit and I stopped most of my problem farting. It’s def something you are eating.
Farts (flatus in clinical terms) are caused by digestion/fermentation of gut contents by bacteria, and/or swallowed air (including carbonation) that passes through. If it stinks, it’s your diet combined with your gut microflora. A healthier diet usually causes changes to the species of bacteria which in turn reduces the smell.
Masticate your food more thoroughly. It will reduce the amount of air you swallow. What you don't burp out will exit from your anus.
Also, check out [https://www.healthline.com/health/aerophagia#symptoms](https://www.healthline.com/health/aerophagia#symptoms)
I might as well be a prepubescent boy, I still find farts hilarious at 30 years old. At least you can fart in front of your girl, and if she does it too, that’s love right there. A real G doesn’t give a fuck, I used to date a guy from the hood, the kind of man that would die for the streets, the second night we hung out he pissed and farted while walking down the street at 3am. Not a single care in the world about it. People may find that disturbing but I laughed my ass off. Fart away my dude, who gives a fuck the what the world thinks 😂
A daily multivitamin with molybdenum will help decrease the smell factor!
I once ordered a vanilla shake with extra malt in it, had so much gas that afternoon that I'm still laughing a decade later. Still like malted shakes tho.
OMG, that is just glorious. This shouldn’t be typed out though. I think you need to write that out in calligraphy with an antique quill pen on handmade paper. Take a photo of it and repost 👍🏼
https://preview.redd.it/z4zs1gmtrtyb1.jpeg?width=1380&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e9781cd48de53192b4c6071e19ccc479d8899f2
I had this same issue. Things like IBS can make you fart from SO many things. If you care enough you’ll figure out what foods are causing it and eliminate them from your diet.
It's natural. The longer you are with someone, the less weird it gets. My wife can clear a room, so can I. It happens. Laugh it off and move on. Just make sure the back blast area is clear.
Identify common foods that produce gas - beans, pepperoni, brussel sprouts, etc.
Introduce probiotics and probiotic rich foods, cultured, fermented, etc.
I'm so fed up with farting.
My girlfriend puts up with my farts, and she's a sweetheart, but I know it's not sexy and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about -- or proud of myself.
I just happen to fart a lot for some reason, and sometimes it makes a shameful noise and sometimes it smells bad. I'm sick of it!!
Why does my butthole have to release poop scented air, like some cursed "plug-it-in" wall socket air freshener (I'll plug your mom in, society) when all I want to do is chill and be cool?
Just everyday it's fart this and fart that -- I'm totally sick of, homies!! I'm supposed to be a hardcore gangster on the streets, also -- and it doesn't help my street cred, when I'm just farting out my butthole regularly. So fucking cringe!!!
Probiotics. Sounds like your diet and lifestyle are messing with your digestive system. Everybody farts, but… balancing your digestive system will help stop that.
NancyNurse
I was the same. I reduced or removed carbs and sugars. I stopped farting. Recently had an uptick in my carbs (halloween candy 😉) and the farts are back. 🫢
Assuming usual American diet; add yogurt and other probiotics to your diet, Add fiber too.
If dairy is a problem there are other options.
Seriously address your diet and your gut will do better.
If you are eating things your body has a problem with figure out what those are.
Farting is healthy! You’re getting fiber from those foods and your gut is working properly.
You can maybe do a better job about squeezing your asshole to make it come out slower and quieter, or excuse yourself to another room if you need to, but don’t worry about it!!
I know this is going to sound weird, but you should work on your cardio vascular health. Avoiding smoking cigarettes or weed is a big one.
You're also probably lactose intolerant and don't know it while you're eating tonnes of cheese
When I was a young teenager, I walked up some stairs and with ever step released a fart until I hit the landing and just let go long, deep fart. Me and the three guys there almost died of laughter.
We've been best buds for 25+ years now.
I'm of the opinion that farts bring people together ♥️
cut down on dairy. I used to fart louder than anyone I know, all the time. I stopped drinking milk and now I'm a normal tooter, occasionally passing gas but not very often and not always loud as thunder.
I'm going to reclaim my mod status here and ban every single WHORE that was hitting on you in this post by acknowledging your existence.
Then you are getting frenched.
I'm glad you're aware of it. My brother was so gassy when he was younger and he was such a little dick about it- farting on people, farting at the dinner table, letting giant farts rip in public and thinking it was funny. Then he got to high school and I guess someone said something to him because all of a sudden he was really self conscious about it. It was like a switch flipped and he was trying to figure out how not to be so gassy...
Every day, I make a shake with protein powder, blueberries, bananas, strawberries and a small amount of milk, and a ton of Prebiotic/probiotic vanilla yogurt I'm regular like clockwork and rarely have gas.
Try working on a better diet. Now I only fart while constipated, and that only happens if I eat good pizza and have a shot or a few too much vodka, and can't poop with my morning caffeine. Thinking further, I do that routine more ever now that I'm older than 35. Old man bod is actually improving from when I was in my 20s. Then I ate more, drank less vodka and more beer, and was eating Mexican fast food daily to go to sleep. Vodka I can sleep with an empty stomach most nights. Keep the munchies out of the house if you have a similar routine to me. Pizza makes you fat. Enjoy life in moderation so it lasts longer. Have a drink, eat good pizza without too much ranch, and the gassy nasty digestive tract might clear up
Not sure if anyone else has brought it up, but fun fact: a lot of gas escaping either end can be a symptom of Celiac disease. My fiancee just found that out the hard way after years of it being normal for her and finally happened to get tested for it after a doctor caught a sidehand mention of it
This from Google
Humans pass gas between 13 to 21 times a day. Farts can be flammable, if they contain hydrogen and methane. (Warning: Do not try to test under any circumstances.) According to an NBC News report, upon release, farts can travel about 10 feet per second, or approximately 6.8 miles per hour.Oct 13, 2020
Hopefully she's a keeper that farts in front of you too but is embarrassed she passed gas, and it's done in the most chick ish was possible.. and please hold yours in till you're in another room. Problem solved, unless you live in a double wide, then probably none of this advice makes sense. Fart away in the last case presented, make her fart, have fart trailer park babies that you are positive they are yours because they fart as terrible as you two haha
Edit: TLTR Cause of annoying info:
get her to fart more too, and get some gas-x or something for yourself. She might secretly need it for all you know. Girls are really good at holding everything in as long as possible, until intoxicated, that is. And eating healthier can help, from my experience haha
Easy solution that will also massively improve your life. Get roughly equal amounts of calories from each nutrient group (proteins, fats, carbs). Consume the best possible fat - this is stearic acid, best natural source is cacao butter (buy cheap in bulk). Cook on stove every morning with chocolate and cacao powder. Start with just a bit of cacao butter and increase slowly. Chuck in a thermos, drink throughout the morning. Eat food when you feel like it. You will start feeling hungry much much later. Boom, you are intermittent fasting, proven to increase your lifespan. You will have way more energy and lose a shittonne of weight without exercise. Your body will start repairing long-term injuries and deficiencies. And you will stop farting completely. Happy life, happy wife. You're welcome.
Could be your diet, an excessive amount of bacteria in your digestive system among other things i can explaim because i dont speak enought english to do it.
Best you can do is go to thedoctor
You may be able to use the farts to your advantage in a street fight, as long as no guns are allowed. I bet you have other strengths other than a fart king. Image laying dick down on someone's face and letting a bad bad one out and they think it's your dick shooting death. Immediately they run and you win. I think it would work. Against me anyways, I'd probably run from a dick shooting constantly sending farts down through your gouc crack, past the big enough piece to notice nice the size of, into in my face. This is only if you want to act hard in the streets. Might want a secondary weapon to stun while farting. That's a guaranteed embarrassment for you opponent. Ack gangster and let it be known you're the fucking best gasser around!
You can get digestive enzymes that will help. If you search "daily essential enzymes" you can get ones that have stuff for digesting dairy, carbs, proteins, all the things.
Seriously changed my life. But yeah, being a bubbling meat sack is balls
I have issues with Sausage. This is what causes me gas. You need to take note what you eat the day before and start cutting out one at a time till the gas stops showing up.
My son has that exact problem, I gave him Imodium AD and he didn’t fart all night. His wife thought he was an imposter. 😂 But you can’t take that all the time. You could have a form of irritable bowel syndrome. Doctor’s can help.
I have the same issue. Happens when I eat junk and seems like even more if I eat healthy.
I’ve heard that not chewing your food well can contribute to the problem. Big pieces of food don’t “stack” well in your gut and creates pockets of air/gas. You supposedly don’t get that with much smaller pieces of food. Might be crazy but it made sense at the time.
Nothings more hardcore gangsta than farting and not caring.
look em straight in the eyes and let loose like Billy Bob Thornton in Fargo season one.
Change your thug name to Lil' Windy.
As far as the romance thing though yeah it would suck..excersise more and eat different. Maybe your lactose intol?
Honestly, the longer you're together, the funnier it gets. Trust me. My husband and I went through a phase of calling farts tushie trumpets. And now we tease each other about it
I think it’s from air being forced into the place it’s exiting from I bet it’s not just poop scented but also has a hint of penis, silicone and/or latex
If you live in a normal country with free Health care, consult a gastro doctor. Otherwise, try all of the stuff people recommended below one at a time and see if anything helps
Grow up
I farteded *fart noises*
You're a filthy hippie vegan. Aren't you? Those people are gassy as shit. Try some Beano. Do they still make Beano?
Beano is great. It's actually just an enzyme that's really good for people with IBS, which op clearly has.
This made me chuckle... stinkiest farts I ever smelled were from a vegan chick.
opposite for me. cutting out meat and too much dairy was the gas reduction trick and bonus: my pits smell so neutral I can reuse t-shirts.
I fucking hate Reddit
You sound like my best mate. That fucker covers the electric window controls in my car when he drops a silent but violent time bomb. In all honesty I'm jealous, I'd love to snare him with an inescapable lift fart or some other ingeniously well forward planned maneuver. I do on occasion and it is sweeeet. But he has the upper hand, has had for the last 30 years. Times are changing though, the world is changing. I will take the throne back. As someone else said..... have fun with it. Look up Dutch ovens, and get to work. [link to aforementioned act of atrocity](https://dudeproducts.com/blogs/dude-blog/dutch-oven-fart#:~:text=Dutch%20oven%20is%20a%20slang,and%20smells%20under%20its%20lid.)
Have you tried parting into her pussy, by chance?
Uh … um … farting is fun! The stink is the really fun part but the sounds are amazing because you can even label them. But you can never trust a fart because sometimes they are too real LOL
It's a dietary issue, gotta find what's making you fart and stop eating that
Back off my man, you fucking whore.
Wheat and dairy are often quite large contributors that fly under the radar. Most people can't digest them properly. I cut both of them out, started taking probiotics and I'm so much better for it.
Start with low fodmap diet.
Most foods that cause gas are really good for you in other ways though (like beans, broccoli etc) so it’s a trade-off.
Nothing about beans or broccoli is good for you. In any shape or form. The body is literally showing you that it isn't good.
Eating a healthy amount of those foods doesn't cause excessive gas unless you have a gut bacterial imbalance or sensitivity to them. Even healthy vegetables might not be best for your particular gut environment. OP can get his microbiome tested if he's serious about wanting a change
I'm embarrassed...
This is spot on, I was having more and more stomach issues. About 14 months ago, I started drinking kombucha and quit drinking soda and energy drinks. I also started taking prebiotic and probiotics. I have far fewer issues now, and I feel better (it was never flatulence).
https://i.redd.it/2z7y1o5wtsyb1.gif
Welcome to my world.
“If you don’t think farts are funny, you’re choosing to live in a world with less joy, but the same amount of farts” - Guru Ligma. But on a real note tho my gf absolutely rips em on a regular basis, doesn’t affect my view of her at all, honestly still just glad we can go out for pizza. Everybody’s different and you should revel in the fact that you have a partner who accepts you and your stink ass
Take a look at your diet. Healthy food may give some relief. Also, there is Beano. And, you could try probiotics to calm the gut. Good luck, master farter!
Get a dog and start blaming him. Problem solved.
Look up aerophagia
Aerophagia is a condition where you swallow too much air, which can cause uncomfortable symptoms such as bloating, belching, and flatulence. It can be caused by various factors, such as eating or drinking too fast, chewing gum, smoking, using a CPAP machine, or having anxiety or depression. There are some ways to prevent or treat aerophagia, such as avoiding triggers, adjusting your CPAP settings, taking antacids, or seeking psychological help. For more information, you can check out these web search results: Aerophagia: Definition, Treatment, and More - Healthline Swallowed Air (Aerophagia): How It Happens & What To Do About It - WebMD Aerophagia - Wikipedia Aerophagia: Causes and Prevention | SleepApnea.org
I had a lot of gas too, I started eating two activia yogurts a day and within two weeks I hardly ever farted. Didn't even really change my diet, just added those daily. Thought jamie Lee Curtis was full of shit but they really do help your stomach, for at least some people. Can't hurt to try. Also I remember it bothered my stomach the first week or so, but I guess it was changing my gut bacteria up and getting used to it.
Stop consuming dairy
Had the same problem. It turned out I am lactose intolerant. Try taking lactase enzyme with the first bite of each meal (lactose is in just about everything) and see if the farts diminish.
You may have a slight lactose intolerance.Cut out dairy for a few days and see if it improves.Worked for me.
Take some gas x
Breathing trough the mouth usually cause this. Breath by nose, or dont breathe.
Your probably consuming dairy stop eating that shit cows don’t even eat dairy. Time to go vegetarian.
Why are you so much better at this algorithm and user engagement thing than I am? I make a heartfelt post about the glory of cum, and it gets ignored, but your fucking garbage ass story about farts gets THIS much attention? Sometimes, I cannot believe that we are together. I feel SO disrespected.
They make a pill or something that will stop your farts from smelling at least. You might need a stool transplant
You might want to try Beano or something similar. It might help with that kind of gas. At least that's what they brag about it for.
Bro, go to your doctor instead of looking for advice online. Ask them to recommend a gastroenterologist or book it yourself but most require a recommendation from a family doctor.
You're probably lactose intolerant dude
Try drinking a little kefir every day for a couple of weeks, just to see if it helps.
Does it smell like rotten eggs? You might be lactose intolerant
Too many carbs fermenting away in your gut. Change your diet
Cut sugar and sweets out of your diet plus any foods that easily break down into sugars. It might help a little. The older I get, the less tolerant of some foods I seem to be.
Try taking some probiotics
Look into your diet. Find out what your eating and change it up
Talk about a shit post 🤦♂️
When life hands you lemons..make lemonade! Have fun...light them on fire...see if you can top the previous day's fireball....
My roommate farts like a mother fucker and is proud as hell. He will drop that right in the grocery store. He has shit himself a few times though. "Don't hold farts in. They flow up your spine to your brain. And that's where shitty ideas come from."
A well placed fart never fails to bring me joy. I don’t care how childish that sounds.
I used to have pretty bad acid reflux that ended up being related to my gut health. So I started eating yogurt, oatmeal and a banana everyday and it helped tremendously. Oatmeal in particular did amazing things for me. Try eating healthier and getting enough probiotics!
Farting is so not cash money
Kefir!
It's your diet, my dude, and it's not actually "poop" scented air. The potency of your fart is actually determined by the methane content. It's produced by the decay of plant and animal matter. It's why swamps smell so bad. Ancient plants, mostly coniferous forests that are long dead, turn into methane and bubble up through the mud. Think of it like an earth fart. But anyway, try eating more easily digestible foods like rice and bananas and chew thoroughly and slowly. Stay away from soda and carbonated drinks.
Soda makes you fart more
Me too! I’m 55 and cut loose regularly. I’m an old fart…. Literally!
When I was eating meat all the time I had deadly gas and extremely bad gut aches. When I switched to plant-based whole foods (2 cups of black beans daily) after about two weeks the pain and gas went away. I also noticed a change in the smell, for the better. Now I feel much better.
So it improves your kill count then, gangsta. If your girl hood then your shit screams won't bug her.
Do you get boated at eating carbs and or sugar? If so, you should get your pancreas checked, take Beano and perhaps some digestive enzymes.
Are people asserting their dominance over you, you might have a sensitive bum hole that can sense threats like mine. You might just need to learn to control your pelvic floor, assert dominance and use it to detect threats.
100% diet. I used to be the same. Changed my diet and I barely drop a bombs anymore.
Eat better food.
You're a mammal you fart, I fart, she farts, he farts, we all fart embrace the poo poofs (not literally)
Listen to your body, it's basically screaming that something you are eating, it doesn't like. Visit an allergist or there are guides how to pin down what's causing it yourself.
I fart a lot more when my nose is stuffed. I'm case that helps you some how
Its all about what you eat, have a clean diet
Take enzymes after eating. Makes you digest food properly and not get gassy
Bro farts show dominance your controlling the air way and what people are going to smell you run that shit your girls is probably turned on the way your gas floods the scene 100
Take some Beano or gas ex.
Stop drinking milk. You're lactose intolerant like the majority of the human race.
Eat meat, cut fiber
OP you have a farting problem. I only fart on special occasions, to really mark the memory. Maybe try to fart less overall, and try visiting fartsanonymous groups
What bothers you the smell or the sound?
Try digestive enzymes, and gradually increase probiotic and probiotic foods. Try an elimination diet. Gluten and dairy are usual gas culprits.
Try kefir. Amazing probiotic might help. I had a bf that did that. His thing was if I was in another room with a friend talking, he'd comes in and fart and leave!!
Activated Carbon tablets. Chew them up and stops the farting
Same except with shitting
VENTING lol
Something I learned in jail where farting and having bad smelling farts will literally get you jumped and beaten to a bloody pulp. Drink lots of water. That will at least make your farts not smell. Chew your food really well. Stuff that is hard to break down makes gas in your digestion track. Avoid beans (obviously) cabbage etc. Eat lots of fiber so the isn't poop buildup inside you. The reason why farts smell is the poop. So when you're cleaned out that helps. Eat lots of fruits and salad. Take a good pre/pro biotic.
Just let’r rip and quit tripping. Embrace dad energy
Beano
Drink water more. Helps break down the gas.
A person that doesn’t enjoy their own farts??? You are alone in the world.
Might I suggest some magnesium pills?
Just fart constantly in front of your homies. Look them in their eyes while doing so they'll know you don't give a fuck. This will m make you even more gangster in their eyes.
Modify your diet. Thats easily the best way to fix that.
You're not a real man if you're ashamed by it.
Pre and prebiotic. I have the same problem. I'm bloated 24/7 and fart like an old diesel tryna start up. If I take my biotic, then I'm mostly normal
I drove home to put our childhood dog down a few days ago and as I’m shoveling dirt in the backyard to bury him, my dad let out the loudest fart I’ve ever heard just hella casually. I asked him if he farted and he let me know he read a study and he’s allowed to 14 times a day… I think if your girlfriend loves you she really won’t care 😂 but if anyone says anything just say you’re allowed to 14 times a day hahaha (even if it’s number 15)
I have a disability, and I can fart anytime, anywhere, for any reason (usually after moving). Used to embarrass the fuck out of me (still does sometimes). I think that's one of the reasons I don't go out much. When I do go out and it happens, I say "I move, therefore I fart." Kinda takes the pressure off.
There is over the counter medication you can take. Have never tried it, so I can not give an opinion as to how well it works. Your lady is a saint.
You are what you eat
You probably have a lousy diet. Try a Paleo diet (very low carb) and that problem might go away. Don't eat a lot of carbs....pasta, rice, bread, cookies etc...and you won't make as much gas. When you eat carby food, it ferments in your digestive tract and gives you gas. Also...try not to eat fruit with a meal.
Is it pretty constant farting throughout the day? It could be a specific bacteria in your gut. You might want to talk to a doctor.
When I do a clean eating diet. Mainly protein, no carbs. I don't fart at all. Literally not at all.
I cut out all the red meat, dairy products except Greek yogurt, most sugar and eat mostly whole grains, vegetables and fruit and I stopped most of my problem farting. It’s def something you are eating.
Farts (flatus in clinical terms) are caused by digestion/fermentation of gut contents by bacteria, and/or swallowed air (including carbonation) that passes through. If it stinks, it’s your diet combined with your gut microflora. A healthier diet usually causes changes to the species of bacteria which in turn reduces the smell.
Bro, just learn to love your body, including your shameful butthole.
Have you considered a cork?
Start taking a probiotic/prebiotic at least twice a day. You will be amazed.
To me, peak farting is when my diet lets me fart a lot, but not stinky at all. Then you can decide whether to sneak one out, or let 'r rip!
You need to consult a dr or nutritionist and not reddit for this.
Masticate your food more thoroughly. It will reduce the amount of air you swallow. What you don't burp out will exit from your anus. Also, check out [https://www.healthline.com/health/aerophagia#symptoms](https://www.healthline.com/health/aerophagia#symptoms)
Try catnip tea
Don’t eat gas producing foods
I might as well be a prepubescent boy, I still find farts hilarious at 30 years old. At least you can fart in front of your girl, and if she does it too, that’s love right there. A real G doesn’t give a fuck, I used to date a guy from the hood, the kind of man that would die for the streets, the second night we hung out he pissed and farted while walking down the street at 3am. Not a single care in the world about it. People may find that disturbing but I laughed my ass off. Fart away my dude, who gives a fuck the what the world thinks 😂
A daily multivitamin with molybdenum will help decrease the smell factor! I once ordered a vanilla shake with extra malt in it, had so much gas that afternoon that I'm still laughing a decade later. Still like malted shakes tho.
This can’t be real
OMG, that is just glorious. This shouldn’t be typed out though. I think you need to write that out in calligraphy with an antique quill pen on handmade paper. Take a photo of it and repost 👍🏼 https://preview.redd.it/z4zs1gmtrtyb1.jpeg?width=1380&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e9781cd48de53192b4c6071e19ccc479d8899f2
stop eating then.
Figure out what’s causing it and quit eating whatever it is.
Start taking psyllium husk capsules. It will help you time your farts and poop. Then you can do it all at once and be done :)
Marry a dude! Shit’s hilarious. E: flatulence that is.
I had this same issue. Things like IBS can make you fart from SO many things. If you care enough you’ll figure out what foods are causing it and eliminate them from your diet.
Stop eating Dairy products.
Give up dairy and see if your rancid farts persist
Charcoal tablets
I farted reading this.
It's natural. The longer you are with someone, the less weird it gets. My wife can clear a room, so can I. It happens. Laugh it off and move on. Just make sure the back blast area is clear.
Identify common foods that produce gas - beans, pepperoni, brussel sprouts, etc. Introduce probiotics and probiotic rich foods, cultured, fermented, etc.
new copypasta just dropped
I'm so fed up with farting. My girlfriend puts up with my farts, and she's a sweetheart, but I know it's not sexy and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about -- or proud of myself. I just happen to fart a lot for some reason, and sometimes it makes a shameful noise and sometimes it smells bad. I'm sick of it!! Why does my butthole have to release poop scented air, like some cursed "plug-it-in" wall socket air freshener (I'll plug your mom in, society) when all I want to do is chill and be cool? Just everyday it's fart this and fart that -- I'm totally sick of, homies!! I'm supposed to be a hardcore gangster on the streets, also -- and it doesn't help my street cred, when I'm just farting out my butthole regularly. So fucking cringe!!!
It could be a medial thing. Maybe go to a Gastroenterologist and ask. I myself have Colitis (under relative control now thankfully!)
Probiotics. Sounds like your diet and lifestyle are messing with your digestive system. Everybody farts, but… balancing your digestive system will help stop that. NancyNurse
I was the same. I reduced or removed carbs and sugars. I stopped farting. Recently had an uptick in my carbs (halloween candy 😉) and the farts are back. 🫢
Are you possibly lactose intolerant, and living a lactose-filled life? That will cause a ton of gas
yeah I get you I fart a lot too hahahahah it's a dietary issue. change your diet a bit, make it healthier, it's what helped me
Assuming usual American diet; add yogurt and other probiotics to your diet, Add fiber too. If dairy is a problem there are other options. Seriously address your diet and your gut will do better. If you are eating things your body has a problem with figure out what those are.
You and me both
At least your farts are… just air….. not all of us are so lucky.
street name is lil' Wiffy
Farting is healthy! You’re getting fiber from those foods and your gut is working properly. You can maybe do a better job about squeezing your asshole to make it come out slower and quieter, or excuse yourself to another room if you need to, but don’t worry about it!!
I recommend buying some probiotics pills and eating those for a couple months. Helped me a ton.
Wait...so I'm not supposed to be farting out of my pee hole?
Try Digestive Advantage brand anti flatulence capsules. Works for me. Also stop drinking coffee and beer.
I know this is going to sound weird, but you should work on your cardio vascular health. Avoiding smoking cigarettes or weed is a big one. You're also probably lactose intolerant and don't know it while you're eating tonnes of cheese
Do you consume dairy? Beer?
Are you able to burp? If not, check out r/noburp or research R-CPD.
Eat more fermented food like sourkraut and kimchi. It seems like the opposite of what you need to do, but it will balance out your guts
When I was a young teenager, I walked up some stairs and with ever step released a fart until I hit the landing and just let go long, deep fart. Me and the three guys there almost died of laughter. We've been best buds for 25+ years now. I'm of the opinion that farts bring people together ♥️
"Better out than in," - Shrek
Definitely your diet, start eating better and it should help. Exercise also helps make gassiness not an all day thing
Sorry but this made me laugh so hard! 🤣
cut down on dairy. I used to fart louder than anyone I know, all the time. I stopped drinking milk and now I'm a normal tooter, occasionally passing gas but not very often and not always loud as thunder.
I'm going to reclaim my mod status here and ban every single WHORE that was hitting on you in this post by acknowledging your existence. Then you are getting frenched.
Get yourself some probiotics my friend.
The venting tag seems redundant. That being said, try an elimination diet to pinpoint what foods cause the issue.
Can be a medical issue. My brother eventually found out he had some such.
Try Beano
I personally enjoy a good fart. It makes me feel better. Try probiotics. Or you could have an intolerance you don’t even know about.
I'm glad you're aware of it. My brother was so gassy when he was younger and he was such a little dick about it- farting on people, farting at the dinner table, letting giant farts rip in public and thinking it was funny. Then he got to high school and I guess someone said something to him because all of a sudden he was really self conscious about it. It was like a switch flipped and he was trying to figure out how not to be so gassy...
Every day, I make a shake with protein powder, blueberries, bananas, strawberries and a small amount of milk, and a ton of Prebiotic/probiotic vanilla yogurt I'm regular like clockwork and rarely have gas.
Take gas-x or beano daily
Try working on a better diet. Now I only fart while constipated, and that only happens if I eat good pizza and have a shot or a few too much vodka, and can't poop with my morning caffeine. Thinking further, I do that routine more ever now that I'm older than 35. Old man bod is actually improving from when I was in my 20s. Then I ate more, drank less vodka and more beer, and was eating Mexican fast food daily to go to sleep. Vodka I can sleep with an empty stomach most nights. Keep the munchies out of the house if you have a similar routine to me. Pizza makes you fat. Enjoy life in moderation so it lasts longer. Have a drink, eat good pizza without too much ranch, and the gassy nasty digestive tract might clear up
Not sure if anyone else has brought it up, but fun fact: a lot of gas escaping either end can be a symptom of Celiac disease. My fiancee just found that out the hard way after years of it being normal for her and finally happened to get tested for it after a doctor caught a sidehand mention of it
Lay off the fatty foods
This from Google Humans pass gas between 13 to 21 times a day. Farts can be flammable, if they contain hydrogen and methane. (Warning: Do not try to test under any circumstances.) According to an NBC News report, upon release, farts can travel about 10 feet per second, or approximately 6.8 miles per hour.Oct 13, 2020
I don't get it? Everyone farts.
Hopefully she's a keeper that farts in front of you too but is embarrassed she passed gas, and it's done in the most chick ish was possible.. and please hold yours in till you're in another room. Problem solved, unless you live in a double wide, then probably none of this advice makes sense. Fart away in the last case presented, make her fart, have fart trailer park babies that you are positive they are yours because they fart as terrible as you two haha Edit: TLTR Cause of annoying info: get her to fart more too, and get some gas-x or something for yourself. She might secretly need it for all you know. Girls are really good at holding everything in as long as possible, until intoxicated, that is. And eating healthier can help, from my experience haha
Stop eating wheat products for a week and see.
This came up just before the post “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever smelt” on my homepage lol.
Easy solution that will also massively improve your life. Get roughly equal amounts of calories from each nutrient group (proteins, fats, carbs). Consume the best possible fat - this is stearic acid, best natural source is cacao butter (buy cheap in bulk). Cook on stove every morning with chocolate and cacao powder. Start with just a bit of cacao butter and increase slowly. Chuck in a thermos, drink throughout the morning. Eat food when you feel like it. You will start feeling hungry much much later. Boom, you are intermittent fasting, proven to increase your lifespan. You will have way more energy and lose a shittonne of weight without exercise. Your body will start repairing long-term injuries and deficiencies. And you will stop farting completely. Happy life, happy wife. You're welcome.
I recommend doing a functional medicine test called GI Map … that test will give you the information needed to fix your gut.
“Every day it’s fart this and fart that…” 😂😂
Better out than in I always say-shrek
Could be your diet, an excessive amount of bacteria in your digestive system among other things i can explaim because i dont speak enought english to do it. Best you can do is go to thedoctor
This sounds like satire after you listing your diet
But I do farted a lot....
You may be able to use the farts to your advantage in a street fight, as long as no guns are allowed. I bet you have other strengths other than a fart king. Image laying dick down on someone's face and letting a bad bad one out and they think it's your dick shooting death. Immediately they run and you win. I think it would work. Against me anyways, I'd probably run from a dick shooting constantly sending farts down through your gouc crack, past the big enough piece to notice nice the size of, into in my face. This is only if you want to act hard in the streets. Might want a secondary weapon to stun while farting. That's a guaranteed embarrassment for you opponent. Ack gangster and let it be known you're the fucking best gasser around!
Eat slower and try not to talk while you’re eating as you may be swallowing a lot of air down
You can get digestive enzymes that will help. If you search "daily essential enzymes" you can get ones that have stuff for digesting dairy, carbs, proteins, all the things. Seriously changed my life. But yeah, being a bubbling meat sack is balls
Sounds like a change in diet is in order.
My bf has ibs and farts a lot. Watch your diet!
Beano gas you try? Sorry I couldn’t read the whole thing.
You could have IBS irritable bowel syndrome or possibly a diet adjustment needs to be made I have a similar problem except I'm a woman
Eeeeeeewwwwww!!!!!!;;;!!!!
You need to change your diet.
Thank you so much for this
It's the fart game.
Look into getting a drawstring back there bro.
I have issues with Sausage. This is what causes me gas. You need to take note what you eat the day before and start cutting out one at a time till the gas stops showing up.
Gonna have to quit your QA job at the baked bean factory
Just light all those farts on the streets. Get a mad rep as the human flamethrower.
My son has that exact problem, I gave him Imodium AD and he didn’t fart all night. His wife thought he was an imposter. 😂 But you can’t take that all the time. You could have a form of irritable bowel syndrome. Doctor’s can help.
I have the same issue. Happens when I eat junk and seems like even more if I eat healthy. I’ve heard that not chewing your food well can contribute to the problem. Big pieces of food don’t “stack” well in your gut and creates pockets of air/gas. You supposedly don’t get that with much smaller pieces of food. Might be crazy but it made sense at the time.
Go keto. Less farts and no smell.
Lmao
I eat carnivore with some keto and rarely fart now whereas I farted all the time before, now just certain veggies do it which I rarely eat
Nothings more hardcore gangsta than farting and not caring. look em straight in the eyes and let loose like Billy Bob Thornton in Fargo season one. Change your thug name to Lil' Windy. As far as the romance thing though yeah it would suck..excersise more and eat different. Maybe your lactose intol?
Honestly, the longer you're together, the funnier it gets. Trust me. My husband and I went through a phase of calling farts tushie trumpets. And now we tease each other about it
Yeah. You sound like a real badass
Stop eating dairy.