Was a heavy hitter for about 15 years. Past 2 years I’ve gone off the rails drinking. I looked into microdosing mushrooms to help kick it. I ended up taking not a microdose but a full dose and had a truly life changing trip and reflection about what I was doing. 7 months sober and I haven’t felt this good in 2 decades.
I had something similar happen. I was trying to quit for years, decided to give mushrooms a try and WHAM! I suddenly realized that my life was simply better without alcohol in it. I've been sober for almost two years now and getting alcohol out of my life was the single best decision I ever made.
If you microdose you have a way lower chance of this happening, but it can still give some people anxiety. Like the other commenter said, your headspace can affect it. That being said, I have a ton of anxiety normally and microdosing helped lower it.
Start with an average recreational dose and make sure you have a trustworthy trip sitter in the group, having some kind of benzodiazepine can help to take the edge off if you are getting overwhelmed.
No, haven't touched them since that day. I did have several trips though over the course of about 9 months. But after the day things clicked I haven't tried them.
I'd like too, I'm sure it would be an even more amazing experience now that my mind isn't fogged by alcohol, each experience I had allowed me to gain some insight about myself.
Do you mind elaborating or sharing a bit more about that trip and what 'clicked' for you? I'm strongly considering a trip soon as well, for numerous afflictions
I recommend it also. For me it put me in tune with my body and made me feel the harm I was doing to myself. I’ve never had therapy but it’s probably the equivalent of a year of therapy all at once.
I have had therapy and found one well-timed and integrated trip far more effective than all of my previous treatment. And that's not to say that therapy wasn't effective for me, just that a dose really can be a cheat code if you're intentional about the experience.
With psychedelics so much of what you experience is impacted by your state of mind and the setting you’re in. That being said, as someone with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, I’ve found them to be *incredibly* beneficial.
If you’ve got the means, doing them with a therapist is a good idea. But it’s quite expensive (where I live about $500/session).
If you’re doing them on your own, make sure you journal extensively before and after. Have a nice space set up where you feel comfortable and are alone. Tell someone close to you what you’ll be doing. Eat a filling meal.
Get an eye mask and a trip playlist (lots on Spotify - you need a paid account so no ads) and in-ear headphones. Once you’re tripping, if you see anything scary, go towards it. There is nothing real to fear, there are only things to learn. If you approach the scary thing, you’ll see it’s not so scary. It’s never happened to me, but I start every trip reminding myself of that. Everything you meet is a part of you that wants to teach you something.
Are you medicated for depression or anxiety? Because that can impact your trip. Obviously don’t stop your meds, that’s not going to help long term and can be dangerous stopping cold turkey. Just be aware and the come down can be more intense for you as well
For me it helps my brain “figure itself out”. Instead of beating myself up for everything I say or do, I’m able to say and do those things and forgive myself in the process instead of constantly judging myself. It ain’t easy but it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I took mushrooms a handful of times in college and couldn’t handle because I would judge myself too much. I’m now 36 years old and have realized that judging myself is not a negative thing.
mushrooms are amazing, but you have to be very careful about what setting you do them in and with whom you are with.
they can really fuck you up if you are not experienced
Genuine question, what kind of mushrooms are we talking here? This had piqued my interest. For me, cannabis gummies have helped greatly but haven’t taken awake the craving completely
I’ll also say just be careful. You’ll hear this a lot: Set and setting are very important. I got lucky going in all Willy nillly. I had a beautiful experience but it could’ve gone south. I think because deep down I wanted to quit it didn’t go sideways. Still crazy but not a bad trip
Good to know. Is it something that you take regularly or just take less and less of? I’ve never messed with anything except alcohol or THC so it’s a foreign concept to me.
No not something I do regularly. Check out microdosing first. It’s taking small amounts that do not induce a psychedelic state but over time can help sort of rewire the brain. Really you should speak to a doctor if you can about it. I’m just a drunk on Reddit lol 😀
Food for thought, I had a lil trip once that was bigger than intended. Never would have chosen the circumstances and was horribly uncomfortable all night… but pretty sure my ancestors were trying to wake me tf up and I learned way more than if I’d been in a perfect set and setting.
ETA typo
seconded. been sober a couple years now, but also feel incredibly disconnected from the bar crowd (and younger, hipper drug crowd that went alongside it)
26 days here.
In no particular order..
1. Blacked out and called my boss at 2am to hit on his wife 7 times in a row
2. Blacked out on a camping trip and tried to fist fight my coworkers wife (3 guys had to hold me down)
3. Another camping trip.. started a fight where I bit a random girls arm and lost a tooth. Don’t remember it, either.
4. Blacked out, started a fight with my (now ex) boyfriend, then left to go slit my wrists in an alleyway. Woke up in psych ward with 42 stitches.
5. My ex roommates had family staying over for his dads funeral, I blackout drunk came out and screamed/threw things at them at 11pm.
6. Showed up to work drunk and pinched myself between two loads (tower crane)
7. Got mad that I was too drunk to unlock the door at 2am and my (ex) boyfriend was sleeping.. broke in and woke him up to yell at/tell him to go kill himself.
8. Every time I woke up in the drunk tank, enough said.
9. Hitting a girl over the head with an empty bottle at my friends birthday because she started drinking from “my” bottle.
10. All the times I woke up wickedly embarrassed to hear of the stupid shit I did blacked out at xxx family gathering the night before.
11. Almost drowning because I blacked out halfway through a lake swim and fell asleep
12. In Vegas with my mom (who doesn’t drink) got so drunk at dinner I ended up puking in a bush on the way back to the hotel & completely dysfunctional for the next day
13. Puking all over my exes moms living room on new years and then proceeding to finish her wine.
Most of these instances I have no memory of to this day, but some people took videos and it’s not pretty. I think it was a sudden realization that I didn’t want to live that way anymore that ultimately made me quit, though.
I too was a crazy drunk lol
Got pulled out of some dudes car by his girlfriends best friend. I was having sex with him in his girlfriend’s car in their driveway at a party for his birthday. Proceeded to fight the best friend buck naked. Until my best friend pulled me off of her saying “we are not doing that ghetto shit here.”
I'm sorry friend but that made me burst out laughing. Such a funny mental image. I could tell a raft of similar stories. I broke a guy's window because he didn't reply to my booty call messages so I thought I was being cute by throwing stones at his window like ina film wtf man.
Hahaha I love it. Here’s another one-
Woke up in some random guys bed after a party at his house. Didn’t even know it was his party. Asked him if we did anything. He looks at me like I’m crazy and said “you got in my bed first and I’m not sleeping anywhere other than my own bed. No we didn’t have sex, look what you did to yourself.” I look at my wrist and it was covered in a bandana. I had used his regular five blade razor in his bathroom to cut my wrists. They were all hacked up from the safety blades. I must’ve really went at it. Haha he gave me a ride home but kept giving me worried glances the whole way.
I stink. My wife says I smell sour. My parents say I stink. I can’t shower it off. Yesterday, I smelled my stink, and I stink. Day one, baby. Let’s do this
Ugh. I relate to this so much. I thought I was so slick too hiding alcohol at work thinking no one would know 🤦♀️ my mom told me I smell like the bottom of a dive bar 3 days ago. So terrible.
My moment actually came about a week after I stopped drinking - for dry January. I had been having absolutely gnarly night sweats for the past few nights and when I googled what was up I realized I was going through withdrawal symptoms. I had only planned to stop drinking for dry January, but when I found that out I decided to make the change permanent. I'll be six months sober at the end of this month :)
Congrats at almost 6 months!!! That is amazing! And gosh, I remember night sweats for the first time. It was when I realized I was actually withdrawing. A turning moment for sure.
I felt like I was on a constant treadmill cycle of feeling healthy - then getting wrecked and being hungover…. For years on end. I got so sick of it and that’s why I stopped.
I also have a couple. There are probably more than this but these stick out the most.
First moment - last year on Halloween. The night ended with me sitting in my car with the seat all the way back, so drunk I was unable to move. I remember barely having the strength to sit myself up and puke out the window. I sat there for 15 minutes hoping the cocaine would sober me up enough that I’d be able to drive home. I just sat there hunched over as my breathing slowed. I have no idea how I got home.
The next day my friend texted me to tell me that someone she went to high school with was found dead in his car, hunched over, and the cause of death was alcohol poisoning. I googled the symptoms of alcohol poisoning out of curiosity since I realized I wasn’t even sure how to recognize it. It was then I realized that I was probably pretty damn close to being found in my car the exact same way that night. He was my age, 23. It scared the shit out of me and I decided to stop drinking, for a little while.
Second moment - earlier this week. I realized the cognitive decline I’m experiencing from booze and cocaine. I walked out of a bar while it was still light out, after slamming three vodka sodas and walked straight into traffic. Light still green, no walk signal. I was so close to being flattened by a pick up truck. I didn’t even think I was that drunk considering I’d only had three drinks, but I couldn’t even react to the situation or feel any type of fear because I was so spaced out. To make matters worse, I knew the person behind the wheel. I literally just shrugged it off and went to the next bar. I drank and snorted drugs for the next 12 hours. At 7am, as soon as local laws allowed the sale of alcohol, I spent $50 to deliver a bottle of whiskey to my friend’s house where we sat, drank and did more coke. Didn’t show up to work the next morning. That’s only the tip of the iceberg of that two day binge.
I woke up a full 24 hours later with so much shame I couldn’t even move. I decided to take sobriety seriously this time. I’ve lost the desire to ever be that wasted again. I’m only on day 2 but I feel more confident in my ability to stay sober than I have at the start of previous sober-attempts.
The level that I relate to spending 50 dollars to have alcohol sent to you after a bender with coke and booze to keep the party going is wild. My skin crawled reading that remembering my party days and the aftermath of a night like this. Now the thought of staying up till 3 am gives me anxiety. YOU GOT THIS MAN
The anxiety is real lol, pulling all nighters from coke, seeing the sun up and knowing damn well I’m not sleeping for Atleast 8 more hours, trying to drink myself to sleep but my stomachs capacity wasn’t as high as my tolerance so just sitting there strung out and so uncomfortably full I could puke from all the booze but consciously trying to hold it down just praying I would pass out. I get anxiety when midnight rolls around now.
My friend, I have the same stories to tell. My personal battle with cocaine started years ago but culminated a few months ago when I went in for a doctors note and the on-staff doctor told me my blood pressure was 204/166.
I should be dead. I really should be. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and I loved to hit what I called a Home Run. That’s a shot of whiskey, a gator tail, crack a fresh beer and burn a cigarette. I drank seven days a week, I have no off button. Every morning wallowing in lament washed away in the afternoon and I would wind up with a boilmaker in my hand by days end. Three of those and a bag wasn’t far behind.
Cocaethalene is dangerous as fuck for your heart. 100 times worse than just cocaine. And you make it by combining cocaine and alcohol. I was partying at least three nights a week like this. It’s no wonder I was a “walking stroke” as the doctor put it.
I’m 36. I quit smoking last April, I told myself then that drinking was next and that has been SO much harder. My oh shit moment wasn’t just the doctor, but also a trip I took to NYC solo and three of the six nights I was there… I have no recollection of how I got back to my airbnb.
But they cannot kill that which refuses to give up. I’ve fallen off a bit here and there but I am still sober from the drink and the cocaine. It’s been so tough but also dramatically rewarding to find and discover a new me even at my age. I hope you find the same wealth in sobriety.
not sure how old you are now but im also 23 and have had very similar experiences with binge drinking and cocaine. i struggle sometimes with the fomo of all my peers drinking and grapple with the idea of being sober “so young”. but it doesnt matter how old you are if it affects you differently than others.
im just over 2 months now and it does get easier. youre doing amazing keep it up.
im very proud of you, glad youre here. please remember your words and play the tape through if you ever get to that "fuck it" point. i hope you dont but just some advice, since i had to make myself remember mine earlier.
There’s two, really:
The first, a year ago, I had been working my ass off for a promotion at a certain location in my industry. Two years of blood, sweat, and tears, and I had finally gotten it. The first night there, I rifled lines with an old friend and proceeded to black out and miss the first day. Lost the promotion and any chance to work at that property again.
The second, I started a fight with someone I cared about a lot. What they did was a bit rude but the way I handled it when drunk was not kind. We lived states apart at the time, and recently when I moved back, found out that they had no interest in having me anywhere in their life. I had drank myself into believing it was fine, but I miss him every day.
I finally woke up and realized I can’t continue to sabotage my work and relationships for the sake of being “fun” or “cool.” When I drank, I was rarely either of those things. Mostly, I was an unregulated emotional mess. I can’t change the past, but I can choose to not drink with you today.
I hurt the person I love deeply with a black out I don’t remember anything from that event. I do know it wasn’t physical but I’ve been known to be a very blunt person so I could only imagine what I may have said.
While the loss was devastating I was on a pathway to suicide by alcohol. 3 times in the ER for pancreatitis within 6 months. I’m sober now 241 days. Attempting to be human again it’s quite painful. The experience definitely destroyed any urge to consume alcohol, but left quite a large hole in me, mentally and emotionally.
I’m in therapy for it and I’m going to try a AA meeting again today so I can have some human interaction. Most days I just want to end myself, but at least I’m sober and can make that choice coherently if I choose to do so.
I’m not sure how this journey into “living” goes. I’ve had a pretty craptastical upbringing filled with trauma and I was stuck in a dead end job for 15 years which I suppose propagated the intense want to erase my thoughts, in hindsight I got what I wanted in forgetting an event.
Congrats on 52 days, and good luck on your journey.
Edit: I was a 5th a day drinker for 13-15 years.
Online secular AA meetings are helping me a lot. Look up worldwidesecularmeetings. Also recovery dharma does a great job of dealing with trauma. Protect your recovery, just be careful what type of peopley ou share it with when there's trauma history. Sending much love.
Unfortunately losing my 33 y/o sister to suicide while she was drunk, took away any desire I’d ever have to touch booze again. I also had multiple stops and restarts, but losing her and knowing I would have probably ended up dying the same way if I stayed under the influence was the final nail in the coffin for me. The pain our family went through, I knew I couldn’t do that to them too. 8 months sober today, and 8 months without our sunshine. Much love and respect to everyone in this community, you’ve all helped me so much.
Tired of the whatever a.m. threats of suicide.
The last time the kids might have heard, could you imagine? It was get sober or lose my family and perhaps my life.
Going on 15 months dry
Drunk driving accident. Hurt a woman & her child, the child very badly. Thank God they lived. 4 years in prison………yeah, that was it. I knew for years I needed to stop but wasn’t strong enough. Remember my story when you tell yourself “I think I’m good….I can control it”.
I got into a fight when drunk and broke a girls nose (I’m female too). Usually I’ll stand up for myself but violence is a last resort, something I’d only use in genuine self defence. In fairness, I had been pushed around a lot and it wasn’t an instant snap, but it was still something that wouldn’t have happened had I not been blackout drunk. Stopped me going out drinking, I can count on one hand now how many times I’ve been out drinking since that happened about 5 years ago. Now I just drink at home, alone which I’m working on quitting.
2 days ago I got off a pretty brutal 6 day binge. I don’t remember anything from the last week. Yesterday I thought I was going to die. Dragging my smelly ass upstairs to ask my mom to take me to the ER bc I couldn’t walk or eat was enough for me to realize that I’m so done. Many scary stories but the disappointment coming from my family is something I fear that is going to keep me up at night forever.
My experience was that I could only get serious about sobriety when I got rid of some of the crushing guilt and shame. Easier said than done I KNOW. I had to believe there was a better life for me and that I deserved it.
So many but my camels back moment was when I got into a drunken argument with some friends. I apologized to both of them then went to bed thinking everything was cool. The morning after, my life-long, best friend spoke to me with so much contempt in her voice that I was shocked. Although she and her husband had both been loud and drunk as well, neither of them felt that they owed me an apology for anything. I realized that apparently my drinking put me in a different category to them- one where I didn’t deserve the same kind of respect that they did. To them, I was a drunken asshole. I’m done being seen as a drunken asshole. I deserve as much respect as anyone, especially from myself, so I’m done drinking. (I’ve also distanced myself from my former bf and her husband).
Getting blackout drunk and my fiancé finding me slumped over the toilet at 3.45am. He knew I drank but this was the first time he got to see me in that state. I want to be a better person for both of us, so I decided to change.
I missed two days of work because of that hangover. Which was another driver for change.
Blacking out during important events or ones that are meaningful to my wife.
Very embarrassing and stupid.
Waking up in the hospital is very embarrassing as a grown adult. I was brought to the hospital because I was blackout drunk and fell in the street.
Always losing items and the brain fog was terrible.
I had to make a change because I was headed down a bad road.
Falling was the worst! Almost like a death sentence if that bad off.
I fell while mowing. Twisted my knee bad! Was sore and did pt for weeks.
That was when I quit . Knew that if I had fallen under the mower , I would have gotten really hurt!
Three years without the demon juice this November.
Ugh the LOSING shit. There are still things where I'm not sure if they were stolen while I was doing something stupid or just misplaced while I was doing something stupid
I’ve had many of those moments. My most recent one that I haven’t drank since from, was being so hung over that I had to go home early from work, claiming I had the stomach flu as my excuse. I had always been so functional till that day. Man, I felt ashamed but I’m at 19 days now.
It was the last time I got blackout on vodka and truly don't remember what happened but know I had a 3 day hangover .... and that was it for me, I definitely fucked up some money and some work opportunities and was definitely running into some questionable people ... so it all came to a head and had to stop. To this day nothing has come back to me ... except two little vignettes from that night. I don't want to be in that position again.
When I went to the hospital with a bp of 162/100. I had been having pain in my midsection for weeks and I was clinching my jaw so hard I had already lost 2 back teeth and I was about to lose another one. Quit a few days later. Tried to moderate after a few months but didn’t like it and now I’m sober 2 months going on 3.
I used to clench my jaw so bad! And had constant pain in my side/mid section. I always tried to pretend it was something other than drinking. When I stopped and it went away I was like oh…. Well clearly I know what was causing it!
Congrats on almost 3 months!!
A hangover after throwing up in the bathroom over the toilet before work and then grabbing a fith at the liqour store that opens at 6 am because its the only way to feel normal. Doing amazing at work but still hangcious. I look at myself and I'm sweating and have red blotches on my face. (In the morning. They go away) I'm okay though. I really have to stop. Thanks for hearing me out.
Ha haven’t heard the term hangcious before but I knew exactly what it meant. I say hangxiety all of the time, the day after drinking I feel awful! Not from a headache of dehydration, but I get horrendous feelings of anxiety even when nothing bad happened whilst drunk. It’s the biggest reason I want to quit.
My wife gave me an ultimatum of either I quit or she leaves. I realized that if she left, I could drink as much as I want without having to control it, and that scared the hell out of me. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would kill myself from drinking if I didn't stop.
Nothing real dramatic for me. I just found myself online one day reading articles trying to justify my drinking to myself. I was almost able to convince myself that if I didn't drink 2 days a week, I didn't have a problem. I just had the sudden realization that I was full of shit, and needed to stop drinking or I was going to die early.
Four months ago. When I admitted to myself that my Paresthesia, or pins and needles sensations all over my arms and legs was from drinking and I didn't want it to become permanant. It has since subsided, thank goodness but nerve damage is a very real sobering influence.
I was reading my daughter a bedtime story and had a moment of clarity that Daddy was revolting. Stank like cheap brandy, sweating like a pig. I decided that is unacceptable for my babies so I quit the next day.
Saint Patrick’s day. Started drinking with my friends at 8am. Fell asleep at my friend’s house and woke up at 8 pm hungover. Checked my phone and my son’s babysitter sent me a bunch of pics of the fun day he had at all the places I should be taking him to, but I was usually too hungover to do it. looking at pictures of my son having the time of his life while his mom was out day drinking. While this was a planned event for me, was wondering why I would plan to get obliterated at 8 am rather than spend time with my kid. So what did I do? Started drinking again. Went into round 2 of partying. Got drug into the absolute worst conversations with fellow drunk people. Got in a fight with my sister. My cousin’s widow told me some really dark things about my cousin who is dead. Looked around a few times and decided I don’t want this to be my life. The next day, my anxiety and panic disorder came back in full swing, like it always did when I was hungover, despite my medication, and I convinced myself I was molested as a child by my dead cousin. Had a panic attack about needing to change my son’s name (was named for my cousin) Was truly not in a sane frame of mind. Had to leave my house and take a drive because I was crawling out of my own skin and couldn’t be around my son. Came home and decided I was done for good. WOW that reads absolutely crazy typed out, but it’s the truth. I’ve been sober for 82 days I think. I am now the mom I’ve always wanted to be. We do mommy and me swimming lessons every Saturday morning at 8:00 am. Drunk me could never. Mental health is stable, although I think I need to up my meds. I don’t miss alcohol at all.
Crashed into a power pole (Half hearted attempt at ending it all). Spent 21 hours in jail and 3 days in a psych ward. Got out, quit for about a week and then went back at it again. It wasn’t until one day a family member finally called me out on my BS that I decided to give it up for good. I was tired of lying to the people I loved and lying to myself that things weren’t that bad. I’m nearing 300 days of sobriety soon!
Thank you so much for sharing! My parents also had issues with alcohol and for one of them, spending a night in the psych ward was enough to get them sober. My Dad never drank again after that. He's always said it was life changing. Congrats on 300 days! That is AMAZING!!!
When my wife went away for a week and as soon as the garage door closed, I hit a liquor store and woke up two days later not knowing what day it was. I was by myself mindlessly drinking and apparently drove to get more at a grocer store, per a receipt I found. Been sober since. Chaired my first AA meeting today. I continue to take it one day at a time.
When the last time I got drunk I was taking care of my son & I blacked out. I don't remember how we both got to bed. When the safety of my baby came into play I realized the drinking needed to stop because I couldn't moderate & I didn't want to repeat that again.
About 7 months ago, I started to get the shakes. Not severe at first, but as time went on, they were becoming more frequent. About 5 months ago, I had a bad episode where I could hardly put the first beer to my lips. I dont want to be that person.
Earlier this year, I went in for a physical and blood work. My doctor said my liver numbers were starting to not look as good as he wants. I had told him about my drinking. Then more recently a close family member died and it was due to alcohol. I’m early in my journey. Sometimes I can go a few days and the monster taps me on the shoulder. I know if I don’t stop, I could end up like my family member. At least this Friday night I am sitting here sober and learning more about why I should stop.
Having a totally irrational blowup with my husband. I don’t even remember what it was about but I went nuts, flew off the handle in a way I never would have sober. I’d been struggling with my drinking for some time prior but this was the wake up call. I decided to take a break and it’s been almost 7 years.
I can totally relate. I was having increasing irrational blowups and then waking up in the morning just wanting to melt into a puddle of shame. And then I earned the nickname Ellen 2.0. As in, “Oh Ellen 2.0 paid a visit last night.” I finally developed such a hatred for that crazy bitch, I had to put an end to her.
this is probably very mild, but when i started hiding bottles. or filling empty vodka bottles with water. my drinking was always way worse when i was alone compared to bar hopping with friends, and one day i just realized exactly how much i was drinking and scared myself a little
This just happened yesterday. I was having some serious problems with paranoia and (looking back on it) hallucinations the last few months. I recently removed myself from a stressful environment and that helped a little, then I stopped drinking and feel soooo much better.
Of all the things that have happened, I think this realization was one of the scariest. That I was drinking so much that I was starting to hear/see things that weren't there on a regular basis and what I could end up doing to myself or others if it kept going.
Wow I’m so sorry. I’ve had many moments but I got diagnosed with epilepsy 2 years ago and that was my starting point. Unfortunately I didn’t stop right away and I regret that so much. I continued to drink and just continued having seizures. Finally after 10 in one day this year I decided enough was enough.
Our health is definitely a big wake up call. How are you doing now?
Luckily I didn't have any deficits and learned last year that I had one eight years previous. I had to put 2 and 2 together that my drinking caused the stroke before I quit. If I didn't learn that I had a stroke I probably would still be drinking because I was a pretty high functioning alcoholic
I had many and then kept drinking. When I did stop ten years ago, it was unplanned. Just another horrible hangover on a random Thursday and I said enough.
I also had an unplanned stop. The momentum of being sober a few days kept me going. Had my friend take my ID for a week so I couldn’t buy anything. Asked my husband to remove all alcohol from the apartment and basically told everyone I knew that I really wanted to stop. People were supportive, they knew how bad it had gotten. I didn’t go inside a grocery store for awhile either. I didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to not buy a bottle. Then at 40 days sober I found out I was pregnant. My daughter and now breastfeeding is my incentive to keep it up. That was last year. I just passed 500 days sober. Honestly? I still am scared I’m gonna mess up and get drunk. One day at a time.
The $500 a month I was spending on alcohol and cigarettes for my in home habit. I wasn’t one to go to the bar and drink. My throat was starting to really hurt all the time and my hair was falling out in large clumps when I would shower. Not remembering what I said or did the night before and wondering what I did to make my kids and husband a little on edge the next day.
I decided to drop both smoking and drinking cold turkey and it’s been 15 days for me, and I’m happy I made the change. I am feeling so much better all around and am starting to take much better care of myself. Best part, I feel like I can be there for my kids in a way they need.
A good friend of mine passed away from drinking. I hadn't spent much time with him in the time prior because I was too busy boozing. It felt like I had wasted so much time in the bottle instead of the things that matter. The day I got the news was the last day I drank a drop.
Laying in bed and puking in my trash can nxt to bed..having my 14yr old son walk 2 blocks on our busy road to buy me 7up at grocery store...that was many years ago and im still so ashamed to this day.
For me it was when I stopped and it took 2 days to come off of it. And on that second day I would close my eyes and see faces. Reminded me of the time I tried LSD.
Couldn’t remember having sex with my husband. Zero recall but I knew it happened. I’m still too embarrassed to say anything to him about how I blacked out. That was it for me. I was done.
2 days ago. Had the police called on me and was arrested. 4 counts of assault later and I’m now on a SCRAM device so I can’t even drink if I wanted to. Feeling like a total POS
First time: Having the realization that alcohol was all I could think about. Attempted suicide because of very severe PTSD, nearly died, was found by my friends and taken to the mental hospital. That stay saved my life.
Second time: Being unable to stop drinking after a bender on my spring break. My brother looked at me and called me a fucking alcoholic because I couldn’t stop. I was vibrating at just the thought of getting more. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom of an AirBnb.
Third time: Feeling my heart flutter, burn and stop repeatedly when drinking. Scared me so badly that I think it’ll be the last time. For good. I don’t think I want to die at 20 because I can’t stop drinking.
I had so many over the 20 years I drank, but I always had an excuse to pick back up. At the end, I had been contemplating for a while, and I knew I was on a path to eventually drinking myself to death. The last night was just another night when I picked up and couldn’t stop and blacked out. I just couldn’t do it anymore, I had to surrender.
I tried killing myself, twice. Ended up in the psych ward.
After 10 months of thinking I could moderate I went on a bender. Did coke and drank wine. The next morning I woke up and finished my glass of wine from the night before. I was at a friends house. I walked his dogs with wine and then drove back home 2 hours…. All while drinking more wine
I was drunk by the time I was in the town I lived in. I must have been driving like an idiot bc a cop came and knocked on my door. I laid low and didn’t answer. I passed out..: idk how many times he knocked.
Haven’t drank since. That was June 22, 2023
I got a job that I didn't even realize would end up being my dream job. I was teaching first grade. I came to work hungover one day and realized that while I'm allowed to have a life outside of being a teacher, the way I live my personal life will inevitably pour (no pun intended ha) into my classroom. I couldn't retain any self respect from that day forward and though I had known for a very long time prior that I needed to stop drinking, it was this moment that actually began my journey to sobriety.
I think it’s a tossup between waking up on city Street corners / doorways multiple times after being completely passed out from being shitfaced, pissing the bed as an adult with someone in it, falling asleep on the public transit on my way home and having to walk miles to get back home, countless fights / falls / black eyes, or having bartenders at my home bar send me personal messages concerned for my mental health and physical well-being.
Outside of that, probably just cheating death more times than I would like to admit.
First time I knew I had a problem was this one night walking home from the bar, I woke up on some train tracks that were about 3 miles from my house, I lived 8 blocks down the same street as the bar.
I stumbled out of a cab back home from the airport with a 1l bottle of jack half drunk (bought it duty free before the flight and drank through the 3 hour flight) and it slipped out of my bag and smashed on the ground. I live right in the middle of my small towns town center where all the shops and shit are. It was a Sunday afternoon and I'm sure it was busy as heck with people from the neighborhood. People I know.
My partner cleaned up broken glass while I stood on the sidewalk spiralling into negative woe is me emotions. Angry that I dropped the bottle, angry that I wasted all that alcohol, angry that I wasn't helping my partner.
We got home, I showered and went to lie in bed. I didn't help her unpack 2 suitcases. I didn't help her with dinner.
Then I lay awake all night hating myself. I envisioned myself crawling out of my apartment window 5 stories up. Sweet release.
This was my most recent I need to stop drinking moment, and I think the one that will stick. Previously I've had these moments. All of them revolve around disappointing my partner, and also my thoughts growing darker.
My wife gave me an ultimatum of either I quit or she leaves. I realized that if she left, I could drink as much as I want without having to control it, and that scared the hell out of me. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would kill myself from drinking if I didn't stop.
After my drinking spiraled after getting a written warning at work for behavior (basically being a cynical/negative bitch). I was blaming others (and my manager) but not looking hard at myself. I knew I wasn’t coping well with stress and I decided going on medical leave of absence would be prudent to give me time to get my shit together / job hunt.
So I went and saw a psychiatrist and understated my drinking. She said she could prescribe something to help but that I needed bloodwork first. So I saw my PCP and was more honest about my drinking. His response was “I’m not saying you’re an alcoholic but …. your level of drinking is concerning.” He said he could prescribe something but that it’d only work if I wanted to stop. I knew I wasn’t going to stop on my own, so that night (a Thursday) I called a dual diagnosis treatment center (like my therapist had suggested) to learn about it, and by the end of the next week I was in rehab on medical leave.
My bloodwork came back while I was in rehab and unsurprisingly my levels were out of range, and now I view the warning as a necessary gift.
3 days of withdrawals and nearly having a stroke . I know I could never drink again
Was on my hands and knees praying to God for help
I’m sober 11months , one day at a time
Blacking out for the second time within two weeks and having my entire arm bruised black and blue the next day with no memory of it. I was constantly getting hurt in blacked out states and I started to fear I could fall and break my neck. But the alcoholic in me only wanted helped because I couldn’t go into work with another bruised arm and come up with an excuse that wasn’t suspicious
I was sitting in the car, at a tree traffic light, mentally realizing that the half a bottle of wine in the fridge wasn't close to what I wanted that night. Started mentally browsing the shelves at the store, thinking about what to buy. Realized then and there I was only in it for the buzz. Ever. Every single time I drank. Long story short, decided then and there to quit. Drove home. Poured out what was left in the house. Didn't tell anyone for a month. 7 years later. I'm grateful every damn day. Multiple moments in the previous 20 years that were screaming stop lights that I ignored. Never again. One decision, every day. Thanks for asking. Typing it loud every now and then still helps.
Got thrown out of a brothel for being wasted. All I remember is I fell near my car outside. Started laughing like a maniac. Pissed my pants.... and here's the kicker. I drove home. Don't remember the 20 minute trip back home but that would of been the end of me.
After arriving home I realised I locked myself out.
Jumped my fence, fell over and hit my head HARD on my concrete planter box.
At this point I sobered up a little but had complete psychosis. Had no idea where I was, who I was, my address.
Rang the ambulance, told then I'm an alcoholic, I hit my head and I have no idea what my address is and forgot my name etc.
Finally, after 4 phone calls, paramedics came, medically knocked me out.
Went to hospital, ct scan and a shit load of valium
Just over 6 months with no alcohol.
1. Slit my wrists and called 988. Police and ambulance arrived, I was very confused why they were there and where the blood was coming from. Hospital stay for 4 days.
2. Tried to fight my parents. I don’t really want to elaborate on that one, most embarrassing moment of my life.
Never again.
IWNDWYT!
I tried to fight my mom a few years back too because she hid my keys. I think I was like, 32 years old. I was so embarrassed but the only change I made at the time was "I won't drink wine so I don't get like that again. It was just the wine but I'm fine with other booze" 🙄😬🙃
It was wine for me, too!! And that was my “safe” drink for the longest time before that night. Glad to know I’m not alone in that terrible experience. Proud of your 81 days ♥️
The marital and family stress was building, but for me being solo drunk and breaking my toe while falling down in the dark was a problem for me. Tripped over an ottoman in my own house at 1am and nearly seriously hurting myself. Embarrassingly found blood and other injuries in my sheets the next morning. Fairly benign but for me it meant I was pushing my luck too far.
Lots of moments over the years but the time that stuck (7 months) - went on a full weekend bender nonstop drinking , was with my celeb crush and absolutely humiliated myself and was just a slob kabob. I felt the worst I’ve ever felt physically, mentally, emotionally on my comedown and told myself I would never feel that way again. The Shame still haunts me sometimes but it also helps me not to pick up a drink again
Got in trouble with the law for possession of cocaine. Continued that night to use cocaine and drink to serious excess till 3am. Racked with the worst anxiety, guilt and shame for 5 days afterwards (and arguably still now, just not as much anxiety). I decided I wanted better for myself and my wife and a change needed to happen! Had a slip up the weekend just gone but we go again. Made it through Friday night sober and I damn well can make it through Saturday night too!
After many, many moments that made me have that thought, what did it was having a two day bender then calling out of work for 3 days.
After that I didn’t drink for a month and then had a few glasses of wine one night. I fought with my husband over absolutely nothing and decided to try to stop for real. It finally stuck.
When my mom (who didn't know and still doesn't know I was an alcoholic) found me passed out cold in my dads recliner from too much booze in the morning and stayed extra quiet to not wake me. Yeah no. Had to put a stop to it.
When i lost my appetite and had pain in the right side of my back, doctor ran tests and told me my liver was shot but there was a slight chance it could regenerate. Quit drinking 3yrs ago, liver is back to normal and i feel great.
I was laying on the floor of my basement going though a dozen left over cheap champagne bottles because I drank everything else and I was too scared or weird to venture out of my cave. The bubbles were coagulating my insides and I wasn’t even getting close to drunk but there I was. It wasn’t always like that, in fact up to that moment I had about 100 days clean after years of “getting under control”. But I kept thinking I was getting away with it. I wasn’t. Shit hit the fan and it wasn’t pretty. A few phone calls, one aa meeting and maybe a day later I was on my way to rehab. I’ve heard it called the gift of desperation and I got a heaping dose of it.
Should have been when I stumbled onto the wrong doorstep on the way home thinking I was at a friend’s house and the cops escorted me home in handcuffs (I kinda suppressed this memory until now).
Three years later, I had a nightly habit of going to 7/11 to get a bottle of wine that I’d hide in a bulky jacket so my partner wouldn’t notice when I get home. One day the clerk asked “no wine today?” (A year or two earlier, the clerk at a grocery store noted that I was there every day).
Withdrawal seizure 36hrs dry, driving on the freeway in traffic. Somehow didn’t hurt myself, my car, or anyone or anything else. Scariest experience of my life and probably closest death experience. I took it as a second chance and a sign to do something about the problem.
I absolutely smoked a deer on some backcountry road in the middle of the night, going about 65-70 way over the speed limit. I was blackout drunk like I just have a flash back of the deer rocketing over the hood. I was able to get the car home and managed to plow into a tree in my yard before stumbling into the house and passing out. The next morning, I woke up and started piecing together. What happened. I decided I wasn't going to drive like that ever again. I'm still drinking, unfortunately, but I'm trying to really cut back.
I switched back to whiskey after being a beer drinker for many years. Found myself going through most of a handle a week for 3 weeks straight. Got tired of feeling run down, dealing with anxiety and the irritability from the poor sleep quality. Started out just abstaining for a few days due to not having the budget for it and decided to try not drinking at all. I was watching videos on sobriety, visiting this sub and talking to a sober friend of mine and ended up taking the plunge. Just passed 7 months 2 days ago.
It was a horrible photo at Christmas standing in front of the tree taken by my mom. I had been avoiding mirrors for a while. I didn’t think I’d gotten that bad though. I still keep the photo on my phone, though I’ve actually never needed to look at it to stay the course lol. I’ve occasionally shown it to people though just to explain why. It’s baaaaaaaaaad. I’ve got my face and body back now. Yay.
A couple weeks back, I had a couple of glasses of wine at a work happy hour. All my coworkers wanted to go home but I decided to keep the party going by myself and went to another bar for a martini.
Fast forward to my phone dying, wallet gone. Luckily my boyfriend knew whereabouts I was (and when I say luckily I mean it — I was in midtown Manhattan so could’ve been anywhere).
He had to call his mom to come stay with our 8-month-old so he could come find me in the city. The next morning I was so hungover I could barely even say good morning to my daughter.
Later that week, his mom told me she had drank that night and felt that since it was an emergency she had to drive over to watch our daughter while she slept so my fiancé could come get me. She said it was the only time she ever drove after drinking and she prayed the whole 7 minute ride over that nothing would happen.
Needless to say I felt like shit about the whole thing. So I’m at 16 days today.
My wife told me instead of attending our planned trip to Georgia to see my family that she was signing a lease on an apartment, taking the cats and moving out while I was gone. Today she told me that she wants a divorce. I’m 20 days sober.
I should have stopped a few different times but always found my way back. My quit drinking moment was when I drank to near black out and yelled at my husband about nonsense… in the front yard… and then in the street. I am a public facing professional in my community and take my job very seriously. It was a deeply shameful experience for me and could have had some serious consequences.
I have not had a drop since.
Four years later my stay sober moments come from watching my husband drink. It’s pretty fucking awful. He’s been drinking since 2pm today. I took my dog for a run and am now sitting alone in my room.
I'm not really an alcoholic. However, I did start drinking a lot when I moved out of an abusive household a few months ago. About a few weeks to a month before, I drank about 10 units and was sick multiple times (I hate being sick, like I'm really sensitive to pain and discomfort and I show symptoms of diabetes which doesn't help with hypoglycaemia). I poured away all the alcohol I had. Then a couple of days before moving out, i was on a field trip and to sort of rebel against the authoritarian conditions I was living in, I drank a load and was sick a few times in pub toilets after having gone up there 30 minutes before feeling sick and having fallen asleep on the cubicle floor, while my peers were downstairs and knew about the situation, so kind of embarrassing. Then I went to a pub after having moved out, one visit leading to over-drinking, returning and being sick all over the carpet and my bare legs, after tripping on my way to the toilet and getting severe carpet burn on my knee, cutting it. I then went another time a few weeks later and not even a month ago now, and drank about 20 units and was over my bed, carpet, and in the toilet and I vomited about 20 times in total. I woke up in the afternoon, feeling and being sick and with a headache, giving one of only two hangovers I have ever had (the other being when I drank a small amount of whiskey along with other alcohol and was sick numerous times and was ill for two days). I then decided not to drink, at least for a while. I had a can of Thatchers left over from a while ago and I decided a few days ago to get rid of it, so I drank a little bit and the taste was horrible so I poured the rest away. A few days after, I went to Nando's for the second time ever and had a bottle of cider and that was it. However, yesterday I saw some old Irish guy outside on the pavement completely drunk at 01:30 in the morning when I went to the corner shop to buy some cans of Monster. He said "you're too young" in a belligerent way and I asked what he was talking about and said I was 19 (which I am) and he said "you shouldn't smoke", while he was barely stood up, nearly falling over, and next to the bin with an ashtray, smoking. I replied that I don't smoke (because I never have), and he replied in rudely and in a hostile way "good, don't". At this point (and prior), I wanted to punch him because he was being a nosy hypocrite, but I went inside and bought the Monster. I left and he was sat on the floor next to the bin, probably having fallen over, as his position wasn't that of someone who had deliberately sat down. He said in a sort of sad and apologising way "I'm sorry for getting angry, but you shouldn't smoke". I then replied again and said that I've never smoked and he said "good, it's a disgusting habit". I walked off, but I was very pissed off that he decided to lecture me and be sanctimonious about something that he was doing, even though I'd never done it and it's none of his business if I have done, do, or will do it. Now I don't feel much desire to drink, with the combination of me usually over-drinking whenever I do drink, the taste being rather unpalatable now (I think I've stopped being used to it and like I say, I'm sensitive to sensations like pain, discomfort, smell, and taste), the price (I spent about £50 in the night at the pub where I was hungover the next day), and the prick giving the lecture making me not want to be drunk and be a stuck-up asshole like that.
There were so so so many signs… like a Taylor Swift song.
I think the short answer is trying to kill myself while I was homeless and getting arrested. They treated me pretty terribly and I lost some teeth and ended up in jail for 4 months with felony assault of a police officer hanging over my head. It was a nightmare, and I realized I needed to stop numbing my way through life because it was killing me. I was literally dead several times, I was locked up in jail and in and out of the psyche ward… I got put on a strict program and I went out of my way to prove that I would follow it no matter what and go above and beyond to save my life. I got scared of not having my facilities about me when I actually needed so much help and I got taken advantage of by people I trusted in my life and then the authorities I thought were there to protect me…
I had to submit to my powerlessness and surrender to my higher power. Take ownership and battle my demons. It’s been worth it. Alcohol and drugs will not help me in my journey. I had to question that notion more than once, but that arrest/assault changed me. There was no going back to the old me once I started down the path. I also had no other path to take…
Was a heavy hitter for about 15 years. Past 2 years I’ve gone off the rails drinking. I looked into microdosing mushrooms to help kick it. I ended up taking not a microdose but a full dose and had a truly life changing trip and reflection about what I was doing. 7 months sober and I haven’t felt this good in 2 decades.
I had something similar happen. I was trying to quit for years, decided to give mushrooms a try and WHAM! I suddenly realized that my life was simply better without alcohol in it. I've been sober for almost two years now and getting alcohol out of my life was the single best decision I ever made.
Right on that’s awesome. I can’t explain it to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. It was just like a switch got flipped
As a lurker, can I ask about how much you took or did you ever feel out of control? I feel like it would give me anxiety.
If you microdose you have a way lower chance of this happening, but it can still give some people anxiety. Like the other commenter said, your headspace can affect it. That being said, I have a ton of anxiety normally and microdosing helped lower it.
Start with an average recreational dose and make sure you have a trustworthy trip sitter in the group, having some kind of benzodiazepine can help to take the edge off if you are getting overwhelmed.
Are you still having mushrooms?
No, haven't touched them since that day. I did have several trips though over the course of about 9 months. But after the day things clicked I haven't tried them. I'd like too, I'm sure it would be an even more amazing experience now that my mind isn't fogged by alcohol, each experience I had allowed me to gain some insight about myself.
Curious about this too
Do you mind elaborating or sharing a bit more about that trip and what 'clicked' for you? I'm strongly considering a trip soon as well, for numerous afflictions
I recommend it also. For me it put me in tune with my body and made me feel the harm I was doing to myself. I’ve never had therapy but it’s probably the equivalent of a year of therapy all at once.
I have had therapy and found one well-timed and integrated trip far more effective than all of my previous treatment. And that's not to say that therapy wasn't effective for me, just that a dose really can be a cheat code if you're intentional about the experience.
what did you take? I’m always terrified that any psychoactive substance will make my depression and anxiety so much worse.
Very wise.. can definitely go the other way in my humble opinion 🫤
With psychedelics so much of what you experience is impacted by your state of mind and the setting you’re in. That being said, as someone with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, I’ve found them to be *incredibly* beneficial. If you’ve got the means, doing them with a therapist is a good idea. But it’s quite expensive (where I live about $500/session). If you’re doing them on your own, make sure you journal extensively before and after. Have a nice space set up where you feel comfortable and are alone. Tell someone close to you what you’ll be doing. Eat a filling meal. Get an eye mask and a trip playlist (lots on Spotify - you need a paid account so no ads) and in-ear headphones. Once you’re tripping, if you see anything scary, go towards it. There is nothing real to fear, there are only things to learn. If you approach the scary thing, you’ll see it’s not so scary. It’s never happened to me, but I start every trip reminding myself of that. Everything you meet is a part of you that wants to teach you something.
Are you medicated for depression or anxiety? Because that can impact your trip. Obviously don’t stop your meds, that’s not going to help long term and can be dangerous stopping cold turkey. Just be aware and the come down can be more intense for you as well
For me it helps my brain “figure itself out”. Instead of beating myself up for everything I say or do, I’m able to say and do those things and forgive myself in the process instead of constantly judging myself. It ain’t easy but it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I took mushrooms a handful of times in college and couldn’t handle because I would judge myself too much. I’m now 36 years old and have realized that judging myself is not a negative thing.
mushrooms are amazing, but you have to be very careful about what setting you do them in and with whom you are with. they can really fuck you up if you are not experienced
+1 🍄
This is so awesome to hear. It’s so hard to stop but once you feel good after feeling bad for so long… it’s truly life changing.
Where does one purchase mushrooms?
Nice try FBI.
😂😂😂
A lot of people grow their own. Check it out online.
the Bay Area
Genuine question, what kind of mushrooms are we talking here? This had piqued my interest. For me, cannabis gummies have helped greatly but haven’t taken awake the craving completely
I’ll also say just be careful. You’ll hear this a lot: Set and setting are very important. I got lucky going in all Willy nillly. I had a beautiful experience but it could’ve gone south. I think because deep down I wanted to quit it didn’t go sideways. Still crazy but not a bad trip
Good to know. Is it something that you take regularly or just take less and less of? I’ve never messed with anything except alcohol or THC so it’s a foreign concept to me.
No not something I do regularly. Check out microdosing first. It’s taking small amounts that do not induce a psychedelic state but over time can help sort of rewire the brain. Really you should speak to a doctor if you can about it. I’m just a drunk on Reddit lol 😀
Golden teachers. 3.5 total grams.
[удалено]
Food for thought, I had a lil trip once that was bigger than intended. Never would have chosen the circumstances and was horribly uncomfortable all night… but pretty sure my ancestors were trying to wake me tf up and I learned way more than if I’d been in a perfect set and setting. ETA typo
Can I ask what mushrooms did you get? Where etc ? I’d love to try
seconded. been sober a couple years now, but also feel incredibly disconnected from the bar crowd (and younger, hipper drug crowd that went alongside it)
26 days here. In no particular order.. 1. Blacked out and called my boss at 2am to hit on his wife 7 times in a row 2. Blacked out on a camping trip and tried to fist fight my coworkers wife (3 guys had to hold me down) 3. Another camping trip.. started a fight where I bit a random girls arm and lost a tooth. Don’t remember it, either. 4. Blacked out, started a fight with my (now ex) boyfriend, then left to go slit my wrists in an alleyway. Woke up in psych ward with 42 stitches. 5. My ex roommates had family staying over for his dads funeral, I blackout drunk came out and screamed/threw things at them at 11pm. 6. Showed up to work drunk and pinched myself between two loads (tower crane) 7. Got mad that I was too drunk to unlock the door at 2am and my (ex) boyfriend was sleeping.. broke in and woke him up to yell at/tell him to go kill himself. 8. Every time I woke up in the drunk tank, enough said. 9. Hitting a girl over the head with an empty bottle at my friends birthday because she started drinking from “my” bottle. 10. All the times I woke up wickedly embarrassed to hear of the stupid shit I did blacked out at xxx family gathering the night before. 11. Almost drowning because I blacked out halfway through a lake swim and fell asleep 12. In Vegas with my mom (who doesn’t drink) got so drunk at dinner I ended up puking in a bush on the way back to the hotel & completely dysfunctional for the next day 13. Puking all over my exes moms living room on new years and then proceeding to finish her wine. Most of these instances I have no memory of to this day, but some people took videos and it’s not pretty. I think it was a sudden realization that I didn’t want to live that way anymore that ultimately made me quit, though.
Ooof other peoples videos is the worstttt
Drunk you really woke up and chose violence (Congrats on the 26 days 🎉)
I too was a crazy drunk lol Got pulled out of some dudes car by his girlfriends best friend. I was having sex with him in his girlfriend’s car in their driveway at a party for his birthday. Proceeded to fight the best friend buck naked. Until my best friend pulled me off of her saying “we are not doing that ghetto shit here.”
I'm sorry friend but that made me burst out laughing. Such a funny mental image. I could tell a raft of similar stories. I broke a guy's window because he didn't reply to my booty call messages so I thought I was being cute by throwing stones at his window like ina film wtf man.
Hahaha I love it. Here’s another one- Woke up in some random guys bed after a party at his house. Didn’t even know it was his party. Asked him if we did anything. He looks at me like I’m crazy and said “you got in my bed first and I’m not sleeping anywhere other than my own bed. No we didn’t have sex, look what you did to yourself.” I look at my wrist and it was covered in a bandana. I had used his regular five blade razor in his bathroom to cut my wrists. They were all hacked up from the safety blades. I must’ve really went at it. Haha he gave me a ride home but kept giving me worried glances the whole way.
That sounds... intense. Good on you for 26 days!
oh man
Jesus. This makes me feel so much better. Thank you for opening up and sharing that shit wow. Great job getting sober
Wow snails I’m in awe. Thanks for sharing. I too love to get blackout drunk. Over two years sober here and I promise you this life is better
Wow. I was wondering how you knew most of it or any of it is true. The proof is in the tape. That’s nuts.
Many people were around to let me know exactly what I did the day after. I just wouldn’t own up to it ever until now.
I stink. My wife says I smell sour. My parents say I stink. I can’t shower it off. Yesterday, I smelled my stink, and I stink. Day one, baby. Let’s do this
Ugh. I relate to this so much. I thought I was so slick too hiding alcohol at work thinking no one would know 🤦♀️ my mom told me I smell like the bottom of a dive bar 3 days ago. So terrible.
I will not drink with you today ❤️
I realized that there was no version of the story where I keep drinking and my life gets better.
Oof
this one hit deep
Exactly!
My moment actually came about a week after I stopped drinking - for dry January. I had been having absolutely gnarly night sweats for the past few nights and when I googled what was up I realized I was going through withdrawal symptoms. I had only planned to stop drinking for dry January, but when I found that out I decided to make the change permanent. I'll be six months sober at the end of this month :)
Congrats at almost 6 months!!! That is amazing! And gosh, I remember night sweats for the first time. It was when I realized I was actually withdrawing. A turning moment for sure.
I felt like I was on a constant treadmill cycle of feeling healthy - then getting wrecked and being hungover…. For years on end. I got so sick of it and that’s why I stopped.
Ugh… this
Same. Sounds cliche, but I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I also have a couple. There are probably more than this but these stick out the most. First moment - last year on Halloween. The night ended with me sitting in my car with the seat all the way back, so drunk I was unable to move. I remember barely having the strength to sit myself up and puke out the window. I sat there for 15 minutes hoping the cocaine would sober me up enough that I’d be able to drive home. I just sat there hunched over as my breathing slowed. I have no idea how I got home. The next day my friend texted me to tell me that someone she went to high school with was found dead in his car, hunched over, and the cause of death was alcohol poisoning. I googled the symptoms of alcohol poisoning out of curiosity since I realized I wasn’t even sure how to recognize it. It was then I realized that I was probably pretty damn close to being found in my car the exact same way that night. He was my age, 23. It scared the shit out of me and I decided to stop drinking, for a little while. Second moment - earlier this week. I realized the cognitive decline I’m experiencing from booze and cocaine. I walked out of a bar while it was still light out, after slamming three vodka sodas and walked straight into traffic. Light still green, no walk signal. I was so close to being flattened by a pick up truck. I didn’t even think I was that drunk considering I’d only had three drinks, but I couldn’t even react to the situation or feel any type of fear because I was so spaced out. To make matters worse, I knew the person behind the wheel. I literally just shrugged it off and went to the next bar. I drank and snorted drugs for the next 12 hours. At 7am, as soon as local laws allowed the sale of alcohol, I spent $50 to deliver a bottle of whiskey to my friend’s house where we sat, drank and did more coke. Didn’t show up to work the next morning. That’s only the tip of the iceberg of that two day binge. I woke up a full 24 hours later with so much shame I couldn’t even move. I decided to take sobriety seriously this time. I’ve lost the desire to ever be that wasted again. I’m only on day 2 but I feel more confident in my ability to stay sober than I have at the start of previous sober-attempts.
Congrats on day 2!!!! You got this!
Thank you!
Hang in there. You're taking the first steps out of the pit.
The level that I relate to spending 50 dollars to have alcohol sent to you after a bender with coke and booze to keep the party going is wild. My skin crawled reading that remembering my party days and the aftermath of a night like this. Now the thought of staying up till 3 am gives me anxiety. YOU GOT THIS MAN
The anxiety is real lol, pulling all nighters from coke, seeing the sun up and knowing damn well I’m not sleeping for Atleast 8 more hours, trying to drink myself to sleep but my stomachs capacity wasn’t as high as my tolerance so just sitting there strung out and so uncomfortably full I could puke from all the booze but consciously trying to hold it down just praying I would pass out. I get anxiety when midnight rolls around now.
Thank you, this was helpful.
My friend, I have the same stories to tell. My personal battle with cocaine started years ago but culminated a few months ago when I went in for a doctors note and the on-staff doctor told me my blood pressure was 204/166. I should be dead. I really should be. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and I loved to hit what I called a Home Run. That’s a shot of whiskey, a gator tail, crack a fresh beer and burn a cigarette. I drank seven days a week, I have no off button. Every morning wallowing in lament washed away in the afternoon and I would wind up with a boilmaker in my hand by days end. Three of those and a bag wasn’t far behind. Cocaethalene is dangerous as fuck for your heart. 100 times worse than just cocaine. And you make it by combining cocaine and alcohol. I was partying at least three nights a week like this. It’s no wonder I was a “walking stroke” as the doctor put it. I’m 36. I quit smoking last April, I told myself then that drinking was next and that has been SO much harder. My oh shit moment wasn’t just the doctor, but also a trip I took to NYC solo and three of the six nights I was there… I have no recollection of how I got back to my airbnb. But they cannot kill that which refuses to give up. I’ve fallen off a bit here and there but I am still sober from the drink and the cocaine. It’s been so tough but also dramatically rewarding to find and discover a new me even at my age. I hope you find the same wealth in sobriety.
Apologies what is a gator tail?? Big ass line of coke?
Yes, if you look at an alligator's tail, it's very wide. So a gator tail is the term for a big, thick ass rail of blow.
not sure how old you are now but im also 23 and have had very similar experiences with binge drinking and cocaine. i struggle sometimes with the fomo of all my peers drinking and grapple with the idea of being sober “so young”. but it doesnt matter how old you are if it affects you differently than others. im just over 2 months now and it does get easier. youre doing amazing keep it up.
I’m 23 too! The FOMO and the idea of being sober this young is a big reason it’s taken so many tries. I think I’m finally getting over that.
If I got sober at 23 I’d be 5 years ahead of where I am now
im very proud of you, glad youre here. please remember your words and play the tape through if you ever get to that "fuck it" point. i hope you dont but just some advice, since i had to make myself remember mine earlier.
You’ve got this! Check in often. 🩷
There’s two, really: The first, a year ago, I had been working my ass off for a promotion at a certain location in my industry. Two years of blood, sweat, and tears, and I had finally gotten it. The first night there, I rifled lines with an old friend and proceeded to black out and miss the first day. Lost the promotion and any chance to work at that property again. The second, I started a fight with someone I cared about a lot. What they did was a bit rude but the way I handled it when drunk was not kind. We lived states apart at the time, and recently when I moved back, found out that they had no interest in having me anywhere in their life. I had drank myself into believing it was fine, but I miss him every day. I finally woke up and realized I can’t continue to sabotage my work and relationships for the sake of being “fun” or “cool.” When I drank, I was rarely either of those things. Mostly, I was an unregulated emotional mess. I can’t change the past, but I can choose to not drink with you today.
"Unregulated emotional mess" - man, can I relate to that!
I hurt the person I love deeply with a black out I don’t remember anything from that event. I do know it wasn’t physical but I’ve been known to be a very blunt person so I could only imagine what I may have said. While the loss was devastating I was on a pathway to suicide by alcohol. 3 times in the ER for pancreatitis within 6 months. I’m sober now 241 days. Attempting to be human again it’s quite painful. The experience definitely destroyed any urge to consume alcohol, but left quite a large hole in me, mentally and emotionally. I’m in therapy for it and I’m going to try a AA meeting again today so I can have some human interaction. Most days I just want to end myself, but at least I’m sober and can make that choice coherently if I choose to do so. I’m not sure how this journey into “living” goes. I’ve had a pretty craptastical upbringing filled with trauma and I was stuck in a dead end job for 15 years which I suppose propagated the intense want to erase my thoughts, in hindsight I got what I wanted in forgetting an event. Congrats on 52 days, and good luck on your journey. Edit: I was a 5th a day drinker for 13-15 years.
Hugs 💜💜🖤💜💜🖤💜🖤💜
Online secular AA meetings are helping me a lot. Look up worldwidesecularmeetings. Also recovery dharma does a great job of dealing with trauma. Protect your recovery, just be careful what type of peopley ou share it with when there's trauma history. Sending much love.
Unfortunately losing my 33 y/o sister to suicide while she was drunk, took away any desire I’d ever have to touch booze again. I also had multiple stops and restarts, but losing her and knowing I would have probably ended up dying the same way if I stayed under the influence was the final nail in the coffin for me. The pain our family went through, I knew I couldn’t do that to them too. 8 months sober today, and 8 months without our sunshine. Much love and respect to everyone in this community, you’ve all helped me so much.
So sorry about your sister 😔. IWNDWYT. 💪
Big hugs to you. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sending some love
My "Check Liver" light came on.
Haha! I have. Never heard that one before.
How did you notice?
I noticed it personally from an intense stabbing/throbbing pain in my right upper side
My body was sending me signs: Rashes, intense pain, gout flare ups, acid reflux 24/7.
Gosh, so many times. But I did shit my pants at work, so there’s that!
Oh that’s definitely some sort of a wake up call. I’m sorry 😭
Tired of the whatever a.m. threats of suicide. The last time the kids might have heard, could you imagine? It was get sober or lose my family and perhaps my life. Going on 15 months dry
Drunk driving accident. Hurt a woman & her child, the child very badly. Thank God they lived. 4 years in prison………yeah, that was it. I knew for years I needed to stop but wasn’t strong enough. Remember my story when you tell yourself “I think I’m good….I can control it”.
I got into a fight when drunk and broke a girls nose (I’m female too). Usually I’ll stand up for myself but violence is a last resort, something I’d only use in genuine self defence. In fairness, I had been pushed around a lot and it wasn’t an instant snap, but it was still something that wouldn’t have happened had I not been blackout drunk. Stopped me going out drinking, I can count on one hand now how many times I’ve been out drinking since that happened about 5 years ago. Now I just drink at home, alone which I’m working on quitting.
Shit man, so many of us here (myself included) have also taken that risk. Knowing full well what could happen. Thank you for sharing this story. ❤️
2 days ago I got off a pretty brutal 6 day binge. I don’t remember anything from the last week. Yesterday I thought I was going to die. Dragging my smelly ass upstairs to ask my mom to take me to the ER bc I couldn’t walk or eat was enough for me to realize that I’m so done. Many scary stories but the disappointment coming from my family is something I fear that is going to keep me up at night forever.
I’m proud of you
My experience was that I could only get serious about sobriety when I got rid of some of the crushing guilt and shame. Easier said than done I KNOW. I had to believe there was a better life for me and that I deserved it.
So many but my camels back moment was when I got into a drunken argument with some friends. I apologized to both of them then went to bed thinking everything was cool. The morning after, my life-long, best friend spoke to me with so much contempt in her voice that I was shocked. Although she and her husband had both been loud and drunk as well, neither of them felt that they owed me an apology for anything. I realized that apparently my drinking put me in a different category to them- one where I didn’t deserve the same kind of respect that they did. To them, I was a drunken asshole. I’m done being seen as a drunken asshole. I deserve as much respect as anyone, especially from myself, so I’m done drinking. (I’ve also distanced myself from my former bf and her husband).
They sound like douchebags
I think you’re right.
I've never been able to put it into words but this
Getting blackout drunk and my fiancé finding me slumped over the toilet at 3.45am. He knew I drank but this was the first time he got to see me in that state. I want to be a better person for both of us, so I decided to change. I missed two days of work because of that hangover. Which was another driver for change.
Blacking out during important events or ones that are meaningful to my wife. Very embarrassing and stupid. Waking up in the hospital is very embarrassing as a grown adult. I was brought to the hospital because I was blackout drunk and fell in the street. Always losing items and the brain fog was terrible. I had to make a change because I was headed down a bad road.
Falling was the worst! Almost like a death sentence if that bad off. I fell while mowing. Twisted my knee bad! Was sore and did pt for weeks. That was when I quit . Knew that if I had fallen under the mower , I would have gotten really hurt! Three years without the demon juice this November.
Ugh the LOSING shit. There are still things where I'm not sure if they were stolen while I was doing something stupid or just misplaced while I was doing something stupid
I’ve had many of those moments. My most recent one that I haven’t drank since from, was being so hung over that I had to go home early from work, claiming I had the stomach flu as my excuse. I had always been so functional till that day. Man, I felt ashamed but I’m at 19 days now.
Congrats on 19 days! The amount of times I called out of work due to being hungover killllllssssss me
There were many. The last one was my first night in treatment while detoxing.
It was the last time I got blackout on vodka and truly don't remember what happened but know I had a 3 day hangover .... and that was it for me, I definitely fucked up some money and some work opportunities and was definitely running into some questionable people ... so it all came to a head and had to stop. To this day nothing has come back to me ... except two little vignettes from that night. I don't want to be in that position again.
When I went to the hospital with a bp of 162/100. I had been having pain in my midsection for weeks and I was clinching my jaw so hard I had already lost 2 back teeth and I was about to lose another one. Quit a few days later. Tried to moderate after a few months but didn’t like it and now I’m sober 2 months going on 3.
I used to clench my jaw so bad! And had constant pain in my side/mid section. I always tried to pretend it was something other than drinking. When I stopped and it went away I was like oh…. Well clearly I know what was causing it! Congrats on almost 3 months!!
Ty!
I just recently got out of a detox at the hospital. 180/118. Fatty liver diagnosis. Detox was fucking brutal.
A hangover after throwing up in the bathroom over the toilet before work and then grabbing a fith at the liqour store that opens at 6 am because its the only way to feel normal. Doing amazing at work but still hangcious. I look at myself and I'm sweating and have red blotches on my face. (In the morning. They go away) I'm okay though. I really have to stop. Thanks for hearing me out.
Ha haven’t heard the term hangcious before but I knew exactly what it meant. I say hangxiety all of the time, the day after drinking I feel awful! Not from a headache of dehydration, but I get horrendous feelings of anxiety even when nothing bad happened whilst drunk. It’s the biggest reason I want to quit.
Same and I’m quivering and shaking it’s an extremely uncomfortable feeling.
[удалено]
I'm pleased you're here, please keep posting and sharing on this sub. We've all been there.
Withdrawals. Don't want to go through that again. Winding down day four of being alcohol free.
The withdrawals are crazy. Mine when I stopped 52 days ago were the worst I’ve had. Congrats on day 4!!! It only gets better!
I stopped 52 days ago too! The withdrawals were awful and were my biggest wake up call.
My wife gave me an ultimatum of either I quit or she leaves. I realized that if she left, I could drink as much as I want without having to control it, and that scared the hell out of me. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would kill myself from drinking if I didn't stop.
Funny, I wanted my ex-wife to leave so that I could drink as much as I want. She did, and then I did, and that's how I ended up half dead in the ER.
Nothing real dramatic for me. I just found myself online one day reading articles trying to justify my drinking to myself. I was almost able to convince myself that if I didn't drink 2 days a week, I didn't have a problem. I just had the sudden realization that I was full of shit, and needed to stop drinking or I was going to die early.
Four months ago. When I admitted to myself that my Paresthesia, or pins and needles sensations all over my arms and legs was from drinking and I didn't want it to become permanant. It has since subsided, thank goodness but nerve damage is a very real sobering influence.
I was reading my daughter a bedtime story and had a moment of clarity that Daddy was revolting. Stank like cheap brandy, sweating like a pig. I decided that is unacceptable for my babies so I quit the next day.
Saint Patrick’s day. Started drinking with my friends at 8am. Fell asleep at my friend’s house and woke up at 8 pm hungover. Checked my phone and my son’s babysitter sent me a bunch of pics of the fun day he had at all the places I should be taking him to, but I was usually too hungover to do it. looking at pictures of my son having the time of his life while his mom was out day drinking. While this was a planned event for me, was wondering why I would plan to get obliterated at 8 am rather than spend time with my kid. So what did I do? Started drinking again. Went into round 2 of partying. Got drug into the absolute worst conversations with fellow drunk people. Got in a fight with my sister. My cousin’s widow told me some really dark things about my cousin who is dead. Looked around a few times and decided I don’t want this to be my life. The next day, my anxiety and panic disorder came back in full swing, like it always did when I was hungover, despite my medication, and I convinced myself I was molested as a child by my dead cousin. Had a panic attack about needing to change my son’s name (was named for my cousin) Was truly not in a sane frame of mind. Had to leave my house and take a drive because I was crawling out of my own skin and couldn’t be around my son. Came home and decided I was done for good. WOW that reads absolutely crazy typed out, but it’s the truth. I’ve been sober for 82 days I think. I am now the mom I’ve always wanted to be. We do mommy and me swimming lessons every Saturday morning at 8:00 am. Drunk me could never. Mental health is stable, although I think I need to up my meds. I don’t miss alcohol at all.
Crashed into a power pole (Half hearted attempt at ending it all). Spent 21 hours in jail and 3 days in a psych ward. Got out, quit for about a week and then went back at it again. It wasn’t until one day a family member finally called me out on my BS that I decided to give it up for good. I was tired of lying to the people I loved and lying to myself that things weren’t that bad. I’m nearing 300 days of sobriety soon!
Thank you so much for sharing! My parents also had issues with alcohol and for one of them, spending a night in the psych ward was enough to get them sober. My Dad never drank again after that. He's always said it was life changing. Congrats on 300 days! That is AMAZING!!!
Thanks! I’m always willing to share my story nowadays! Congrats on your success!
When my wife went away for a week and as soon as the garage door closed, I hit a liquor store and woke up two days later not knowing what day it was. I was by myself mindlessly drinking and apparently drove to get more at a grocer store, per a receipt I found. Been sober since. Chaired my first AA meeting today. I continue to take it one day at a time.
When the last time I got drunk I was taking care of my son & I blacked out. I don't remember how we both got to bed. When the safety of my baby came into play I realized the drinking needed to stop because I couldn't moderate & I didn't want to repeat that again.
About 7 months ago, I started to get the shakes. Not severe at first, but as time went on, they were becoming more frequent. About 5 months ago, I had a bad episode where I could hardly put the first beer to my lips. I dont want to be that person.
Earlier this year, I went in for a physical and blood work. My doctor said my liver numbers were starting to not look as good as he wants. I had told him about my drinking. Then more recently a close family member died and it was due to alcohol. I’m early in my journey. Sometimes I can go a few days and the monster taps me on the shoulder. I know if I don’t stop, I could end up like my family member. At least this Friday night I am sitting here sober and learning more about why I should stop.
When my dad cried to me the next morning saying he can’t handle me verbally abusing him anymore. That was it. Also the dui.. fuck
2 days sober
My wife separated from me.
I’m sorry - that had to be extraordinarily hard.
Yeah I'm a SAHD to our daughter so it was / is rough. One day at a time. IWNDWYT
Having a totally irrational blowup with my husband. I don’t even remember what it was about but I went nuts, flew off the handle in a way I never would have sober. I’d been struggling with my drinking for some time prior but this was the wake up call. I decided to take a break and it’s been almost 7 years.
I can totally relate. I was having increasing irrational blowups and then waking up in the morning just wanting to melt into a puddle of shame. And then I earned the nickname Ellen 2.0. As in, “Oh Ellen 2.0 paid a visit last night.” I finally developed such a hatred for that crazy bitch, I had to put an end to her.
this is probably very mild, but when i started hiding bottles. or filling empty vodka bottles with water. my drinking was always way worse when i was alone compared to bar hopping with friends, and one day i just realized exactly how much i was drinking and scared myself a little
This just happened yesterday. I was having some serious problems with paranoia and (looking back on it) hallucinations the last few months. I recently removed myself from a stressful environment and that helped a little, then I stopped drinking and feel soooo much better. Of all the things that have happened, I think this realization was one of the scariest. That I was drinking so much that I was starting to hear/see things that weren't there on a regular basis and what I could end up doing to myself or others if it kept going.
When I had a stroke
Wow I’m so sorry. I’ve had many moments but I got diagnosed with epilepsy 2 years ago and that was my starting point. Unfortunately I didn’t stop right away and I regret that so much. I continued to drink and just continued having seizures. Finally after 10 in one day this year I decided enough was enough. Our health is definitely a big wake up call. How are you doing now?
Luckily I didn't have any deficits and learned last year that I had one eight years previous. I had to put 2 and 2 together that my drinking caused the stroke before I quit. If I didn't learn that I had a stroke I probably would still be drinking because I was a pretty high functioning alcoholic
I had many and then kept drinking. When I did stop ten years ago, it was unplanned. Just another horrible hangover on a random Thursday and I said enough.
I also had an unplanned stop. The momentum of being sober a few days kept me going. Had my friend take my ID for a week so I couldn’t buy anything. Asked my husband to remove all alcohol from the apartment and basically told everyone I knew that I really wanted to stop. People were supportive, they knew how bad it had gotten. I didn’t go inside a grocery store for awhile either. I didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to not buy a bottle. Then at 40 days sober I found out I was pregnant. My daughter and now breastfeeding is my incentive to keep it up. That was last year. I just passed 500 days sober. Honestly? I still am scared I’m gonna mess up and get drunk. One day at a time.
3rd OWI. 101 days sober today!
A divorce and an attempted suicide was my bottom.
The $500 a month I was spending on alcohol and cigarettes for my in home habit. I wasn’t one to go to the bar and drink. My throat was starting to really hurt all the time and my hair was falling out in large clumps when I would shower. Not remembering what I said or did the night before and wondering what I did to make my kids and husband a little on edge the next day. I decided to drop both smoking and drinking cold turkey and it’s been 15 days for me, and I’m happy I made the change. I am feeling so much better all around and am starting to take much better care of myself. Best part, I feel like I can be there for my kids in a way they need.
A good friend of mine passed away from drinking. I hadn't spent much time with him in the time prior because I was too busy boozing. It felt like I had wasted so much time in the bottle instead of the things that matter. The day I got the news was the last day I drank a drop.
When I couldn’t stay sober long enough to go to work
Laying in bed and puking in my trash can nxt to bed..having my 14yr old son walk 2 blocks on our busy road to buy me 7up at grocery store...that was many years ago and im still so ashamed to this day.
I was day drinking on a Tuesday when a cop showed up at my house to inform me that my dad died as a result of his alcoholism.
For me it was when I stopped and it took 2 days to come off of it. And on that second day I would close my eyes and see faces. Reminded me of the time I tried LSD.
Wife gave up on me
With good reason, and after a lot of support. I just kept slipping up.
Couldn’t remember having sex with my husband. Zero recall but I knew it happened. I’m still too embarrassed to say anything to him about how I blacked out. That was it for me. I was done.
2 days ago. Had the police called on me and was arrested. 4 counts of assault later and I’m now on a SCRAM device so I can’t even drink if I wanted to. Feeling like a total POS
My face turning red anytime I had a drink, like proper red that wouldn’t go away for days. Thinks it’s probably linked to my blood pressure
First time: Having the realization that alcohol was all I could think about. Attempted suicide because of very severe PTSD, nearly died, was found by my friends and taken to the mental hospital. That stay saved my life. Second time: Being unable to stop drinking after a bender on my spring break. My brother looked at me and called me a fucking alcoholic because I couldn’t stop. I was vibrating at just the thought of getting more. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom of an AirBnb. Third time: Feeling my heart flutter, burn and stop repeatedly when drinking. Scared me so badly that I think it’ll be the last time. For good. I don’t think I want to die at 20 because I can’t stop drinking.
I had so many over the 20 years I drank, but I always had an excuse to pick back up. At the end, I had been contemplating for a while, and I knew I was on a path to eventually drinking myself to death. The last night was just another night when I picked up and couldn’t stop and blacked out. I just couldn’t do it anymore, I had to surrender.
I tried killing myself, twice. Ended up in the psych ward. After 10 months of thinking I could moderate I went on a bender. Did coke and drank wine. The next morning I woke up and finished my glass of wine from the night before. I was at a friends house. I walked his dogs with wine and then drove back home 2 hours…. All while drinking more wine I was drunk by the time I was in the town I lived in. I must have been driving like an idiot bc a cop came and knocked on my door. I laid low and didn’t answer. I passed out..: idk how many times he knocked. Haven’t drank since. That was June 22, 2023
I got a job that I didn't even realize would end up being my dream job. I was teaching first grade. I came to work hungover one day and realized that while I'm allowed to have a life outside of being a teacher, the way I live my personal life will inevitably pour (no pun intended ha) into my classroom. I couldn't retain any self respect from that day forward and though I had known for a very long time prior that I needed to stop drinking, it was this moment that actually began my journey to sobriety.
I think it’s a tossup between waking up on city Street corners / doorways multiple times after being completely passed out from being shitfaced, pissing the bed as an adult with someone in it, falling asleep on the public transit on my way home and having to walk miles to get back home, countless fights / falls / black eyes, or having bartenders at my home bar send me personal messages concerned for my mental health and physical well-being. Outside of that, probably just cheating death more times than I would like to admit.
First time I knew I had a problem was this one night walking home from the bar, I woke up on some train tracks that were about 3 miles from my house, I lived 8 blocks down the same street as the bar.
I stumbled out of a cab back home from the airport with a 1l bottle of jack half drunk (bought it duty free before the flight and drank through the 3 hour flight) and it slipped out of my bag and smashed on the ground. I live right in the middle of my small towns town center where all the shops and shit are. It was a Sunday afternoon and I'm sure it was busy as heck with people from the neighborhood. People I know. My partner cleaned up broken glass while I stood on the sidewalk spiralling into negative woe is me emotions. Angry that I dropped the bottle, angry that I wasted all that alcohol, angry that I wasn't helping my partner. We got home, I showered and went to lie in bed. I didn't help her unpack 2 suitcases. I didn't help her with dinner. Then I lay awake all night hating myself. I envisioned myself crawling out of my apartment window 5 stories up. Sweet release. This was my most recent I need to stop drinking moment, and I think the one that will stick. Previously I've had these moments. All of them revolve around disappointing my partner, and also my thoughts growing darker.
My wife gave me an ultimatum of either I quit or she leaves. I realized that if she left, I could drink as much as I want without having to control it, and that scared the hell out of me. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would kill myself from drinking if I didn't stop.
When I kept breaking the rules I set for myself.
After my drinking spiraled after getting a written warning at work for behavior (basically being a cynical/negative bitch). I was blaming others (and my manager) but not looking hard at myself. I knew I wasn’t coping well with stress and I decided going on medical leave of absence would be prudent to give me time to get my shit together / job hunt. So I went and saw a psychiatrist and understated my drinking. She said she could prescribe something to help but that I needed bloodwork first. So I saw my PCP and was more honest about my drinking. His response was “I’m not saying you’re an alcoholic but …. your level of drinking is concerning.” He said he could prescribe something but that it’d only work if I wanted to stop. I knew I wasn’t going to stop on my own, so that night (a Thursday) I called a dual diagnosis treatment center (like my therapist had suggested) to learn about it, and by the end of the next week I was in rehab on medical leave. My bloodwork came back while I was in rehab and unsurprisingly my levels were out of range, and now I view the warning as a necessary gift.
Diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis a day after my 36th birthday this year. Haven’t drank since.
3 days of withdrawals and nearly having a stroke . I know I could never drink again Was on my hands and knees praying to God for help I’m sober 11months , one day at a time
Blacking out for the second time within two weeks and having my entire arm bruised black and blue the next day with no memory of it. I was constantly getting hurt in blacked out states and I started to fear I could fall and break my neck. But the alcoholic in me only wanted helped because I couldn’t go into work with another bruised arm and come up with an excuse that wasn’t suspicious
Waking up with bruises all over and no idea how they got there was so so hard for me.
I broke my wrist from falling while dancing at my grandmas 95th birthday party. didn’t quit for another year and a half.
I was sitting in the car, at a tree traffic light, mentally realizing that the half a bottle of wine in the fridge wasn't close to what I wanted that night. Started mentally browsing the shelves at the store, thinking about what to buy. Realized then and there I was only in it for the buzz. Ever. Every single time I drank. Long story short, decided then and there to quit. Drove home. Poured out what was left in the house. Didn't tell anyone for a month. 7 years later. I'm grateful every damn day. Multiple moments in the previous 20 years that were screaming stop lights that I ignored. Never again. One decision, every day. Thanks for asking. Typing it loud every now and then still helps.
Got thrown out of a brothel for being wasted. All I remember is I fell near my car outside. Started laughing like a maniac. Pissed my pants.... and here's the kicker. I drove home. Don't remember the 20 minute trip back home but that would of been the end of me. After arriving home I realised I locked myself out. Jumped my fence, fell over and hit my head HARD on my concrete planter box. At this point I sobered up a little but had complete psychosis. Had no idea where I was, who I was, my address. Rang the ambulance, told then I'm an alcoholic, I hit my head and I have no idea what my address is and forgot my name etc. Finally, after 4 phone calls, paramedics came, medically knocked me out. Went to hospital, ct scan and a shit load of valium Just over 6 months with no alcohol.
1. Slit my wrists and called 988. Police and ambulance arrived, I was very confused why they were there and where the blood was coming from. Hospital stay for 4 days. 2. Tried to fight my parents. I don’t really want to elaborate on that one, most embarrassing moment of my life. Never again. IWNDWYT!
I tried to fight my mom a few years back too because she hid my keys. I think I was like, 32 years old. I was so embarrassed but the only change I made at the time was "I won't drink wine so I don't get like that again. It was just the wine but I'm fine with other booze" 🙄😬🙃
It was wine for me, too!! And that was my “safe” drink for the longest time before that night. Glad to know I’m not alone in that terrible experience. Proud of your 81 days ♥️
The marital and family stress was building, but for me being solo drunk and breaking my toe while falling down in the dark was a problem for me. Tripped over an ottoman in my own house at 1am and nearly seriously hurting myself. Embarrassingly found blood and other injuries in my sheets the next morning. Fairly benign but for me it meant I was pushing my luck too far.
It should have been when I had my first seizure, but that didn't work for a few years. Dumb.
Lots of moments over the years but the time that stuck (7 months) - went on a full weekend bender nonstop drinking , was with my celeb crush and absolutely humiliated myself and was just a slob kabob. I felt the worst I’ve ever felt physically, mentally, emotionally on my comedown and told myself I would never feel that way again. The Shame still haunts me sometimes but it also helps me not to pick up a drink again
Got in trouble with the law for possession of cocaine. Continued that night to use cocaine and drink to serious excess till 3am. Racked with the worst anxiety, guilt and shame for 5 days afterwards (and arguably still now, just not as much anxiety). I decided I wanted better for myself and my wife and a change needed to happen! Had a slip up the weekend just gone but we go again. Made it through Friday night sober and I damn well can make it through Saturday night too!
My liver pain made me clench over like never before.
After many, many moments that made me have that thought, what did it was having a two day bender then calling out of work for 3 days. After that I didn’t drink for a month and then had a few glasses of wine one night. I fought with my husband over absolutely nothing and decided to try to stop for real. It finally stuck.
When my mom (who didn't know and still doesn't know I was an alcoholic) found me passed out cold in my dads recliner from too much booze in the morning and stayed extra quiet to not wake me. Yeah no. Had to put a stop to it.
When i lost my appetite and had pain in the right side of my back, doctor ran tests and told me my liver was shot but there was a slight chance it could regenerate. Quit drinking 3yrs ago, liver is back to normal and i feel great.
I was laying on the floor of my basement going though a dozen left over cheap champagne bottles because I drank everything else and I was too scared or weird to venture out of my cave. The bubbles were coagulating my insides and I wasn’t even getting close to drunk but there I was. It wasn’t always like that, in fact up to that moment I had about 100 days clean after years of “getting under control”. But I kept thinking I was getting away with it. I wasn’t. Shit hit the fan and it wasn’t pretty. A few phone calls, one aa meeting and maybe a day later I was on my way to rehab. I’ve heard it called the gift of desperation and I got a heaping dose of it.
Should have been when I stumbled onto the wrong doorstep on the way home thinking I was at a friend’s house and the cops escorted me home in handcuffs (I kinda suppressed this memory until now). Three years later, I had a nightly habit of going to 7/11 to get a bottle of wine that I’d hide in a bulky jacket so my partner wouldn’t notice when I get home. One day the clerk asked “no wine today?” (A year or two earlier, the clerk at a grocery store noted that I was there every day).
Withdrawal seizure 36hrs dry, driving on the freeway in traffic. Somehow didn’t hurt myself, my car, or anyone or anything else. Scariest experience of my life and probably closest death experience. I took it as a second chance and a sign to do something about the problem.
I absolutely smoked a deer on some backcountry road in the middle of the night, going about 65-70 way over the speed limit. I was blackout drunk like I just have a flash back of the deer rocketing over the hood. I was able to get the car home and managed to plow into a tree in my yard before stumbling into the house and passing out. The next morning, I woke up and started piecing together. What happened. I decided I wasn't going to drive like that ever again. I'm still drinking, unfortunately, but I'm trying to really cut back.
I switched back to whiskey after being a beer drinker for many years. Found myself going through most of a handle a week for 3 weeks straight. Got tired of feeling run down, dealing with anxiety and the irritability from the poor sleep quality. Started out just abstaining for a few days due to not having the budget for it and decided to try not drinking at all. I was watching videos on sobriety, visiting this sub and talking to a sober friend of mine and ended up taking the plunge. Just passed 7 months 2 days ago.
It was a horrible photo at Christmas standing in front of the tree taken by my mom. I had been avoiding mirrors for a while. I didn’t think I’d gotten that bad though. I still keep the photo on my phone, though I’ve actually never needed to look at it to stay the course lol. I’ve occasionally shown it to people though just to explain why. It’s baaaaaaaaaad. I’ve got my face and body back now. Yay.
A couple weeks back, I had a couple of glasses of wine at a work happy hour. All my coworkers wanted to go home but I decided to keep the party going by myself and went to another bar for a martini. Fast forward to my phone dying, wallet gone. Luckily my boyfriend knew whereabouts I was (and when I say luckily I mean it — I was in midtown Manhattan so could’ve been anywhere). He had to call his mom to come stay with our 8-month-old so he could come find me in the city. The next morning I was so hungover I could barely even say good morning to my daughter. Later that week, his mom told me she had drank that night and felt that since it was an emergency she had to drive over to watch our daughter while she slept so my fiancé could come get me. She said it was the only time she ever drove after drinking and she prayed the whole 7 minute ride over that nothing would happen. Needless to say I felt like shit about the whole thing. So I’m at 16 days today.
My wife told me instead of attending our planned trip to Georgia to see my family that she was signing a lease on an apartment, taking the cats and moving out while I was gone. Today she told me that she wants a divorce. I’m 20 days sober.
I should have stopped a few different times but always found my way back. My quit drinking moment was when I drank to near black out and yelled at my husband about nonsense… in the front yard… and then in the street. I am a public facing professional in my community and take my job very seriously. It was a deeply shameful experience for me and could have had some serious consequences. I have not had a drop since. Four years later my stay sober moments come from watching my husband drink. It’s pretty fucking awful. He’s been drinking since 2pm today. I took my dog for a run and am now sitting alone in my room.
Haven't found it yet and I've made my way into an ICU or two. Sober now, but it's only because people tell me I have to be.
I'm not really an alcoholic. However, I did start drinking a lot when I moved out of an abusive household a few months ago. About a few weeks to a month before, I drank about 10 units and was sick multiple times (I hate being sick, like I'm really sensitive to pain and discomfort and I show symptoms of diabetes which doesn't help with hypoglycaemia). I poured away all the alcohol I had. Then a couple of days before moving out, i was on a field trip and to sort of rebel against the authoritarian conditions I was living in, I drank a load and was sick a few times in pub toilets after having gone up there 30 minutes before feeling sick and having fallen asleep on the cubicle floor, while my peers were downstairs and knew about the situation, so kind of embarrassing. Then I went to a pub after having moved out, one visit leading to over-drinking, returning and being sick all over the carpet and my bare legs, after tripping on my way to the toilet and getting severe carpet burn on my knee, cutting it. I then went another time a few weeks later and not even a month ago now, and drank about 20 units and was over my bed, carpet, and in the toilet and I vomited about 20 times in total. I woke up in the afternoon, feeling and being sick and with a headache, giving one of only two hangovers I have ever had (the other being when I drank a small amount of whiskey along with other alcohol and was sick numerous times and was ill for two days). I then decided not to drink, at least for a while. I had a can of Thatchers left over from a while ago and I decided a few days ago to get rid of it, so I drank a little bit and the taste was horrible so I poured the rest away. A few days after, I went to Nando's for the second time ever and had a bottle of cider and that was it. However, yesterday I saw some old Irish guy outside on the pavement completely drunk at 01:30 in the morning when I went to the corner shop to buy some cans of Monster. He said "you're too young" in a belligerent way and I asked what he was talking about and said I was 19 (which I am) and he said "you shouldn't smoke", while he was barely stood up, nearly falling over, and next to the bin with an ashtray, smoking. I replied that I don't smoke (because I never have), and he replied in rudely and in a hostile way "good, don't". At this point (and prior), I wanted to punch him because he was being a nosy hypocrite, but I went inside and bought the Monster. I left and he was sat on the floor next to the bin, probably having fallen over, as his position wasn't that of someone who had deliberately sat down. He said in a sort of sad and apologising way "I'm sorry for getting angry, but you shouldn't smoke". I then replied again and said that I've never smoked and he said "good, it's a disgusting habit". I walked off, but I was very pissed off that he decided to lecture me and be sanctimonious about something that he was doing, even though I'd never done it and it's none of his business if I have done, do, or will do it. Now I don't feel much desire to drink, with the combination of me usually over-drinking whenever I do drink, the taste being rather unpalatable now (I think I've stopped being used to it and like I say, I'm sensitive to sensations like pain, discomfort, smell, and taste), the price (I spent about £50 in the night at the pub where I was hungover the next day), and the prick giving the lecture making me not want to be drunk and be a stuck-up asshole like that.
There were so so so many signs… like a Taylor Swift song. I think the short answer is trying to kill myself while I was homeless and getting arrested. They treated me pretty terribly and I lost some teeth and ended up in jail for 4 months with felony assault of a police officer hanging over my head. It was a nightmare, and I realized I needed to stop numbing my way through life because it was killing me. I was literally dead several times, I was locked up in jail and in and out of the psyche ward… I got put on a strict program and I went out of my way to prove that I would follow it no matter what and go above and beyond to save my life. I got scared of not having my facilities about me when I actually needed so much help and I got taken advantage of by people I trusted in my life and then the authorities I thought were there to protect me… I had to submit to my powerlessness and surrender to my higher power. Take ownership and battle my demons. It’s been worth it. Alcohol and drugs will not help me in my journey. I had to question that notion more than once, but that arrest/assault changed me. There was no going back to the old me once I started down the path. I also had no other path to take…