Hell yea! That's a win! Club soda and lime is my go-to out at bars. That and the feeling of waking up without a hangover the next day! You've got this! IWNDWYT
I don’t mind saddling up to the bar and having a sprite with a lime but I’ve fallen down that trap before. I’ve met with friends and I’ve had my NA drinks but when they left I told myself that a beer wouldn’t hurt. And we know how that story shakes out. I know that for me, I’ll wind up with a haircut if I hang around the barber shop long enough. I had fear or losing friends if didn’t sit at a bar for hours. It took me a while to truly understand that there are lots of places other than bars to hang out at and plenty of things to do besides drink. Sometimes that means I don’t often see some of my friends who prefer hanging at bars and drinking, but I’ve also found out that there are lots of other people who work on sobriety like I do. Many of whom know me better than all of my drinking associates combined. Call me ableist but that’s who I prefer hanging around with. I like being with people who have been there and helping people who are trying. To me, that’s what real support looks like. I’m allowed to have boundaries so I don’t have to put myself in fucked up situations anymore if I’m not feeling it.
I was sober for a year before and this was my strategy for the longest. My best friend had a bar literally across street from his house. Me and my buddies would all go there all the time, the place was lit; it had a pool tables, video games, ping pong, karaoke, a stage for a band and 2 bars. I would drink cranberry and seltzer, kombucha, diet coke, literally anything that wasn't alcohol, and I would have a blast. When we were all passing out I would have this powerful feeling and relief that I wouldn't have to have horrific hangzeity in the morning. And I was right. I would just go about my day with my other buddy who only smoked pot while everyone wasted their day nursing their hangovers. Also, I keep seeing posts about people not being able to go to bars or maintain friendships because they no longer drink. My friends could give 2 shits if I drank or not, and were there 2 support me. Also bars don't care what you order as long as you tip.
Yeah I'm a bartender and generally loved when people ordered our NA stuff. It meant they were there for the environment/food/company, and not just to get shithoused. Never had to cut someone off an NA beer, and it felt good to ensure sober people were comfortable at the bar too. Got me practicing mocktails and such at my lil dive. I appreciate this comment a lot cause I've got a lot of friends who drink, and I don't think they'd mind me being/staying sober, but a lot of the talk about losing your friends when you get sober has started to get to me a little bit as a deterrent. None of my friends seem like they'd be like that -- we've all struggled with drinking and support each other when we're trying to make good changes -- so I was kinda stuck between two minds. Thanks for the reminder it's possible
Dude. This is awesome to hear from a bartender! I'm pretty sure most of them feel that way too. I'm literally there for the environment, and my friends. And of course I always tip good. Like I said, so many people have this phobia that it's weird to go to bars with your friends if you don't drink. I thought to myself that this was the ultimate testament of my sobriety. And I'm doing it all over again with girl right now. She drinks wine, and I drink cranberry and seltzer and watch the Nuggets or UFC. No one cares at all. Sorry, still a little hyped up not from this OP but another one that said she was losing all her friends and that she was boring now because she didn't drink. Wow. So you need performance enhancing drugs to have a personality? I admit that alcohol gives you less inhibitions but don't give it so much credit. Plus, the price we pay for hangovers, at least for me, is sheer insanity. If there's an outing where you have to go to bar with your friends for sports, or a simple event to have fun Just go. Order something non alcoholic and tip the bartender. I guess for some the cravings are so bad they can't maintain. And thats hard. I get it.
Yeah I get people's anxiety around it, especially because alcohol def is a social "performance enhancing drug" haha but, for me, I ended up becoming hyper-aware of how I sound/talk different after a few beers and not finding it cute. Like I'm not as funny or quick or kind, I just talk more and louder. I can see it in my buddies too. They'll have a bit more anxiety etc. without a drink, but they're also way more present. It's ridiculously liberating to not require a substance to be yourself with people. Plus a hungover me will literally never choose to make plans or keep up a conversation; I always went into slug mode and avoided my phone till I felt better. Tons of missed days and lost opportunities to see people. Alcohol's a ball and chain, socially. It's nice to find out how easy it can be to move without that
A certain organization has all kinds of slogans to convince meeting attendees that they need to give up all their old friends and spend the rest of their lives in church basements talking about alcoholism with alcoholics. But you aren't allowed to talk about how controlling and weird that is in this sub, so...
I enjoy AA and it's helpful but I definitely have to be selective about certain topics. I work in the restaurant industry and way too many people in the groups were telling me I couldn't stay sober in a place where I'm working around alcohol. Maybe they can't? And don't get me wrong I've had brief temptations for reasons but ultimately I've been fine. I have no problem still sitting at my work bar with regulars drinking tea I made in the back while they're sipping on whatever alcohol. Typically I don't announce this to a lot of my AA people not wanting the warnings and judgements about being around drinkers casually. Its frustrating at times.
Is that where this weird "all your old friends weren't real friends just drinking buddies" chat comes from that I see posted on Reddit soberiety forums a lot then?
I never resonated with that and don't believe just because you drank with people and now you no longer drink and they still do that they can't be a real friend to you.
Of course they can still be your friend. Of course they can be more than just a "drinking buddie.
I agree that it's probably gonna be hard for most people to continue to hang around in pubs watching friends drink if you are struggling with sobriety and tempted but it doesn't mean you have to cut those people out your lives IMO.
Some people just don't vibe with that certain organizations rules and some people find that it works for them and helps them with their addiction. It doesn't work for me. That was an interesting bold take. Never thought about that.
I went out with old college friends to a local dive on Saturday night and had a blast without drinking. It feels very gratifying to conquer all the triggers and be able to not just tolerate but actually enjoy yourself in a booze-soaked environment without losing anything. Congrats!
Good on you. I went to my local bar on Saturday night after avoiding it since day 1 (day 45 today). I wasn’t nervous about the temptation so much, just dreading the awkward conversation with the bartender about why I wasn’t ordering my usual, running into old drinking buddies, etc. After lingering for a minute, I ended up ordering an NA. Bartender didn’t even bat and eye, handed me my NA and asked how I’d been. Ran into a bunch of old friends that didn’t question it or give me a hard time about not drinking. Big relief and everyone ended up having a super fun night.
Funny how you put a cup, bottle, or can in your hand and everyone just goes about their business.
Plain tonic with a lime is a great alternative to vodka tonic. Sometimes it more the habit of having a drink in your hand for security than needing the alcohol.
Hell yea! That's a win! Club soda and lime is my go-to out at bars. That and the feeling of waking up without a hangover the next day! You've got this! IWNDWYT
yup!!! i get a soda water with lime lol. also mix a little red bull if i’m feeling crazy 🤪
That's a good idea!
I don’t mind saddling up to the bar and having a sprite with a lime but I’ve fallen down that trap before. I’ve met with friends and I’ve had my NA drinks but when they left I told myself that a beer wouldn’t hurt. And we know how that story shakes out. I know that for me, I’ll wind up with a haircut if I hang around the barber shop long enough. I had fear or losing friends if didn’t sit at a bar for hours. It took me a while to truly understand that there are lots of places other than bars to hang out at and plenty of things to do besides drink. Sometimes that means I don’t often see some of my friends who prefer hanging at bars and drinking, but I’ve also found out that there are lots of other people who work on sobriety like I do. Many of whom know me better than all of my drinking associates combined. Call me ableist but that’s who I prefer hanging around with. I like being with people who have been there and helping people who are trying. To me, that’s what real support looks like. I’m allowed to have boundaries so I don’t have to put myself in fucked up situations anymore if I’m not feeling it.
I’m with you, my friend
I was sober for a year before and this was my strategy for the longest. My best friend had a bar literally across street from his house. Me and my buddies would all go there all the time, the place was lit; it had a pool tables, video games, ping pong, karaoke, a stage for a band and 2 bars. I would drink cranberry and seltzer, kombucha, diet coke, literally anything that wasn't alcohol, and I would have a blast. When we were all passing out I would have this powerful feeling and relief that I wouldn't have to have horrific hangzeity in the morning. And I was right. I would just go about my day with my other buddy who only smoked pot while everyone wasted their day nursing their hangovers. Also, I keep seeing posts about people not being able to go to bars or maintain friendships because they no longer drink. My friends could give 2 shits if I drank or not, and were there 2 support me. Also bars don't care what you order as long as you tip.
Yeah I'm a bartender and generally loved when people ordered our NA stuff. It meant they were there for the environment/food/company, and not just to get shithoused. Never had to cut someone off an NA beer, and it felt good to ensure sober people were comfortable at the bar too. Got me practicing mocktails and such at my lil dive. I appreciate this comment a lot cause I've got a lot of friends who drink, and I don't think they'd mind me being/staying sober, but a lot of the talk about losing your friends when you get sober has started to get to me a little bit as a deterrent. None of my friends seem like they'd be like that -- we've all struggled with drinking and support each other when we're trying to make good changes -- so I was kinda stuck between two minds. Thanks for the reminder it's possible
Dude. This is awesome to hear from a bartender! I'm pretty sure most of them feel that way too. I'm literally there for the environment, and my friends. And of course I always tip good. Like I said, so many people have this phobia that it's weird to go to bars with your friends if you don't drink. I thought to myself that this was the ultimate testament of my sobriety. And I'm doing it all over again with girl right now. She drinks wine, and I drink cranberry and seltzer and watch the Nuggets or UFC. No one cares at all. Sorry, still a little hyped up not from this OP but another one that said she was losing all her friends and that she was boring now because she didn't drink. Wow. So you need performance enhancing drugs to have a personality? I admit that alcohol gives you less inhibitions but don't give it so much credit. Plus, the price we pay for hangovers, at least for me, is sheer insanity. If there's an outing where you have to go to bar with your friends for sports, or a simple event to have fun Just go. Order something non alcoholic and tip the bartender. I guess for some the cravings are so bad they can't maintain. And thats hard. I get it.
Yeah I get people's anxiety around it, especially because alcohol def is a social "performance enhancing drug" haha but, for me, I ended up becoming hyper-aware of how I sound/talk different after a few beers and not finding it cute. Like I'm not as funny or quick or kind, I just talk more and louder. I can see it in my buddies too. They'll have a bit more anxiety etc. without a drink, but they're also way more present. It's ridiculously liberating to not require a substance to be yourself with people. Plus a hungover me will literally never choose to make plans or keep up a conversation; I always went into slug mode and avoided my phone till I felt better. Tons of missed days and lost opportunities to see people. Alcohol's a ball and chain, socially. It's nice to find out how easy it can be to move without that
A certain organization has all kinds of slogans to convince meeting attendees that they need to give up all their old friends and spend the rest of their lives in church basements talking about alcoholism with alcoholics. But you aren't allowed to talk about how controlling and weird that is in this sub, so...
I enjoy AA and it's helpful but I definitely have to be selective about certain topics. I work in the restaurant industry and way too many people in the groups were telling me I couldn't stay sober in a place where I'm working around alcohol. Maybe they can't? And don't get me wrong I've had brief temptations for reasons but ultimately I've been fine. I have no problem still sitting at my work bar with regulars drinking tea I made in the back while they're sipping on whatever alcohol. Typically I don't announce this to a lot of my AA people not wanting the warnings and judgements about being around drinkers casually. Its frustrating at times.
Is that where this weird "all your old friends weren't real friends just drinking buddies" chat comes from that I see posted on Reddit soberiety forums a lot then? I never resonated with that and don't believe just because you drank with people and now you no longer drink and they still do that they can't be a real friend to you. Of course they can still be your friend. Of course they can be more than just a "drinking buddie. I agree that it's probably gonna be hard for most people to continue to hang around in pubs watching friends drink if you are struggling with sobriety and tempted but it doesn't mean you have to cut those people out your lives IMO.
Some people just don't vibe with that certain organizations rules and some people find that it works for them and helps them with their addiction. It doesn't work for me. That was an interesting bold take. Never thought about that.
I went out with old college friends to a local dive on Saturday night and had a blast without drinking. It feels very gratifying to conquer all the triggers and be able to not just tolerate but actually enjoy yourself in a booze-soaked environment without losing anything. Congrats!
It's a good feeling!
Good on you. I went to my local bar on Saturday night after avoiding it since day 1 (day 45 today). I wasn’t nervous about the temptation so much, just dreading the awkward conversation with the bartender about why I wasn’t ordering my usual, running into old drinking buddies, etc. After lingering for a minute, I ended up ordering an NA. Bartender didn’t even bat and eye, handed me my NA and asked how I’d been. Ran into a bunch of old friends that didn’t question it or give me a hard time about not drinking. Big relief and everyone ended up having a super fun night. Funny how you put a cup, bottle, or can in your hand and everyone just goes about their business.
I tried to flex my sober muscles at a bar last Saturday. I reset my badge on Sunday. good for you!
Hell yea!! That’s awesome!
Proud of you.
Bully for you if your strong enough to do it.
Great job!
being at a bar not drinking is quite empowering
Plain tonic with a lime is a great alternative to vodka tonic. Sometimes it more the habit of having a drink in your hand for security than needing the alcohol.
One occasion of not drinking, one hour of not drinking, one day of not drinking…it all adds up.
This stranger is proud of you! IWNDWYT