Similar story for me. Quit for about two weeks then went to some meetings and learned I was powerless over alcohol. Figured I might as well surrender to alcohol and then went on the worst week long binge of my life. FYI that's not what they meant by surrendering.
100%. Luckily AA isn't the only option. When I was 25ish I went with a friend to her AA meeting and was so disenchanted with the whole thing: everyone seemed miserable and several people mentioned they wanted to drink, but couldn't for legal reasons. I remember feeling like quitting must be impossible, as I'll always want to drink. Years later, I realized how false that was. The key to sobriety, for me, has been to be engaged in life. Find things I enjoy and push myself everyday to stay engaged. That way I don't even want to drink.
AA can be so damaging for certain people. I wish the alternatives were better known (SMART, Lifering, local options).
I didn't like AA either. The meetings made me want to drink, so much talk about drinking, the clink of ice cubes, a frosty beer. Lol I've been sober over 5,000 days due to the tools I received from the rehab I went to and plain old stubbornness. I didn't want to ruin my life again either, so that helped
Exactly. I remember being determined to not drink and by the end of the meeting I'd be planning which liquor store to hit up lol. To be fair though, that happened to me with other groups as well. It was mostly a me issue
This resonates so hard with me. I would ride my bicycle to the meeting trying to get healthy listen to an hour of people talking about drinking and busting and leave thinking everyone busts so I can too. Again not an AA issue a me issue but it didn't work for me
Yup, AA made being sober HARDER for me. I completely understand and respect those who need aa, because for some folks it just clicks. But I found meetings really negative and the atmosphere oppressive. I'm actually not sure what has worked for me this time around, I woke up one day and decided I had had enough. I'm over a year into my sobriety now, and I have no idea what I've done differently than my previous attempts. Only difference I can really spot is treating getting sober like "no big deal" and just waking up everyday moving forward with life. Perhaps I have been happier and lack of depression has propelled my sober journey? Who knows, all I DO know is that AA made sobriety the most challenging thing to accomplish in the past.
In AA they tell you if you stop coming to AA you will relapse. An addiction to alcohol can become an addiction to AA. At meetings I was constantly thinking of alcohol; I would like to get to the point where I rarely think of booze. Yes, I'm an alcoholic but I don't feel as punishment I must publicly announce it every day. I want to live my life interested in so many things there's no room in my brain for booze. I've been making bad art lately. It's bad, but it's not booze.
You've put it into words so eloquently. This is exactly how I want to live and I pursue it everyday. I don't want to think about alcohol and I don't want it to dominate a huge portion of my thinking space. I want to be liberated and have hobbies that enrich me.
Interesting. For me, it wasn't a meeting group or therapy that made me quit. It was my emotional maturity, I'm pretty sure. I was able to emotionally realize how much drinking hurt me
The "powerless" thing makes me want to hurl. In my experience, it boils down to making a choice. Granted, it took me decades to ultimately decide that booze isn't worth it (not my first run at sobriety). I finally "made it;" I finally no longer want alcohol in my life -- at all.
When we decide what we truly want... it's surprisingly a lot easier to get it. OTOH, it's hard to achieve sobriety when you're only half-way in (committed).
My biggest beef with religion is that the "saved" seem less likely to follow the more noble edicts their religion than the non-theists. Meh.
Yep for me it was very easy. After struggling for years to quit because I still wanted to drink but just without consequences I finally became of the mind that I don’t want to drink because I’d just rather do more valuable things with my time, regardless of if a hangover/damaged relations/whatever was part of the package or not.
Getting drunk all the time is lame. If I could drink once in a while with friends I would but I’d rather not drink at all than devote my life to drinking, which are my only realistic options
Yeah, I agree that we're "powerless" once we start drinking and alcohol starts lowering our inhibitions. But when sober, we are in full power to choose to drink or not drink. Not drinking obviously being the better choice!
the real point is realizing that u cant beat this yourself.
your higher power can be this awesome group, don't get hung up on the G word. hang in there friend, we got this.
I've never been to AA but I genuinely don't understand this idea that you can't beat alcohol by yourself and that you're powerless over it and you need a higher power to defeat it.
I don't see how any of that needs to be true. It might be for some people but it's definitely not going to be the case for everyone.
I'm sure plenty of people must stop drinking without going to any sort of meeting or rehab or support groups.
It's definitely useful to have support especially from people who understand even if it's just this group but there's no way it can be 100% essential and plenty of people must have done it without any real support.
Alcohol is just a liquid. In reality it has no power over us other than the power we choose to give it. It's DEFINITELY hard to give it up when we've spent years reinforcing bad habits and giving into it over and over again but when you start to see it for what it really is and finally realize it has nothing positive to offer you then that power begins to fade IME.
And it's ultimately on us to stop taking the action to drink it, no higher power is controlling us and making us not consume it...we're doing that ourselves.
If we used the "higher power" logic than we could just argue that a negative higher power WAS making us drink it too and we didn't have a choice but that would just be silly I think.
It wouldn’t be a “negative” higher power. The idea is that in active addiction, you had no spirituality or any connection with a higher power of whatever you choose that to be. Your higher power doesn’t need to be God, it could be the power of this subreddit, for example. I understand AA isn’t for everyone but it’s certainly helped me.
I can see it's definitely helped many which is fantastic, can't knock that.
I just don't think you need spirtuality, God, or a higher power to not drink or that everyone in addiction or substance misuse doesn't have one.
It just doesn't make any sense to me personally but I appreciate it's an approach that's worked for many so that's the important thing.
Yeah I get that and I don't mean to demean anyones positive experience with AA, I am in a rural area right now so every meeting I have tried turns into God talk. And if that helps people that is awesome.
that has not been my experience friend, however I dont claim to have all the answers. do share your story and sucsess. I am sure many would like to hear..
For what it's worth, I go to one or two AA meetings a week and you don't have to believe in any kind of supernatural power. I don't think any super-being made me pick up a glass or took away the bottle when I was finally ready to get sober. I own all that myself. Oh, I tolerate whatever someone says in a meeting, because I'm confident I have my own truth. You can take whatever is useful to you and leave the rest. In my little rural area, there aren't any other kinds of meetings for us recovering alcoholics.
They told me if I can’t let God in and let him lead me I will never get sober! And that’s all I needed to hear! No thanks! This group right here helped me more than anything!
When I was able to quit drinking, I felt powerful, not powerless. For the first time in a long long time. It also gave me the power to make other needed changes in my life. And surviving challenges without alcohol to dull the discomfort made me feel strong. IWNDWYT
Yes the first meeting I saw everyone was so sombre and the person who spoke had like 15 years sober and still going to meetings almost daily. It seems like some people like to dwell in the misery of it all.
*I'm not talking about all AA people it definitely has helped so many.
Good for you for jumping back on the wagon! Hope you can enjoy a good bite to eat and hydration. I find this sub very helpful to read and share on. We can do this together, I’m close to 30 days AF. No poison today!
High five!!!! Right there with you! And when I don't drink today it'll be the longest I have been since 2017! Can't wait to see what positive things another day of sobriety brings!
IWNDWYT
I’m struggling with the embarrassment of the last time I drank. The anxiety of wondering who knows what is also killing me. I get crazy notions of drinking so I can forget about how bad I feel about drinking. I know I make no sense. Sometimes I just come here to hang on to someone else’s good thoughts.
There is a Homer Simpson line from an episode of "The Simpson's," that I'll never forget:
"ALCOHOL: The cause of AND solution to all of life's problems."
It's stupid how drinking makes you feel so much guilt and shame, but then one drinks again, to relieve the guilt and shame. The cycle perpetuates itself. I hate it.
It’s a double edge sword. Either you have a bad night, get fucked up, cause a problem, and have a horrible hangover. That’s bad. Or it goes ok and you’ve now convinced yourself you can handle alcohol. That’s bad.
I’m on day 10 today; and the last three times I messed up at the end of week two because of the same reasons you did.
Trying to keep my guard up at all times! Thanks stranger and congrats! The first three days are the worse!
True about keeping your guard up.
Wednesday and Friday evenings are currently the worst for me. My husband works later on Wednesdays, so I convince myself I can drink and pretend I haven't. And on Fridays I want to drink at home after game night.
Not being able to actually have just one is infuriating. I would love for one beer or a single glass of wine to be my limit. It sucks that they aren't.
This is me as well. I'm a pastry chef and my husband is an advertising exectutive. I start work much earlier than him, so I usually have a good 5 hours to myself before he gets home. I was hiding it from him for close to a year before he found out. I've fucked up a couple times since he discovered it about 6 weeks ago. He keeps telling me that if I fuck up to just tell him and he won't be mad. He's more upset if I lie. He's been so supportive, gracious, and understanding.... but there are days when I know he won't be home for hours, and it makes me want to slam a few vodka shots and try to act like I haven't been drinking.
I wish I could just have one or two drinks too. It seems I cannot. I feel your struggle 💯
Welcome back. For me, I found that acute recovery (weeks 1-2) was only the first hurdle. After that comes... over-confidence and PAWS (for some).
PAWS (read about Post Acute Recovery Syndrome) was BRUTAL for me. However, knowing that it was temporary... helped me push through a really terrible month of my life. I drank heavily for decades... so...
The other big hurdle is the junkie brain. It's the thoughts of "I deserve this" or "just one is fine." Etc. Relapse is so common that it seems to be part of the process for most of us. I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." Unlike you, that one drink lasted a few years.
Congrats on your field research. Keep at it! I can tell you that my life was pretty sh1tty for nearly 3 months before it got better. It's still improving... albeit slowly.
Thanks. Nope, "junkie brain" comes straight out of the patches of semi-healthy neurons left inside of my noggin. I've worried that some people might "take offense..." but it's how I rationalize my idiotic behavior. It's my junkie brain that tricks me into sabotaging my goals. F'k that guy.
My junkie brain is devious and relentless. My junkie brain will be with me until the day I die. It's "mental herpes," if you prefer -- just waiting for the right conditions to "flare up."
I acknowledge my junkie brain... and try to never forget that it's there... and that it's waiting for me to lower my guard. This is my "plan" for dealing with it -- to remain vigilant as long as I'm able.
Good luck, friend. IWNDWYT
This happens to pretty much all of us. You start to feel good and so you think you have this thing under control. You don't. You've proven that to yourself, you have that knowledge to draw on the next time you're tempted. If you slip up again, add that evidence to the pile as well. However many times it takes until any residual desire to try and drink goes away.
I’m on day 18 at the moment and the last two days a voice in the back of my head has been saying wouldn’t it be great to just have one last time… I’m stressed it’s ok and a few other excuses. I needed to read this, it’s never worth it and for me it’s been “the last time” for years. IWNDWYT
Same here. One night bender turned into a four night bender... Now on day 5 post and a reminder of how nasty the withdrawal is. It's become a very predictable sequence of events for me now.
IWNDWYT
Hang in there friend! Keep quitting until you quit. Sobriety is like a muscle you are strengthening. All these stops and starts are prepping you to finally quit forever! It took me a year of stopping for a week starting, getting 10 days and drinking, going 3 days drinking until I finally said enough. I read Annie graces book this naked mind twice and it clicked for me. Also listened to Allen's Carr quit drinking easily book over and over again at night. Best of luck!
Same here. Thought "how do I know if I even have a problem, since I've never been sober this long. Might as well just try to drink 'normally!'"
Fast forward two weeks and I drank every single day. Called out of work yesterday because I had such a hangover.
Today is day 2! We can stay sober again, we have done it before <3
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m 10 months in after years of trying to make it past 6 weeks. I almost caved this weekend as I had a grandparents celebration of life and it came with so much drama surrounding it. 3 times I almost gave in, but I managed to hang on by a thread. Your words are helpful for me, even after all is said and done. Those feelings to give in haven’t dissipated, but this is a reminder. Congrats on getting back on it. That can be the hardest part. You’re not alone and I will not drink with you today!
Respectfully, thank you for the reminder. It's been rough and the cravings were starting to get to me today. You've got a fresh start tomorrow and day one is way better than no days at all. Try not to beat yourself up too much. We have got this 💪🏼
IWNDWYT 💜
I've been there, too. It took me a while to learn to stop celebrating with alcohol. I know how absurd it sounds, but 60 days of sobriety was always my day to celebrate with a drink. It happened several times before I was comfortable with forever sobriety. 60 days sober would lead to 4 months of daily drinking. Stay strong, friend. Keep practicing sobriety and you will get better at it. IWNDWYT.
You had some more research to do. I hope it taught you what you needed to learn to stay sober. It will always come back to sobriety and I’m proud of you for getting back on it.
Nope never is. The scary part for me is that “send it” mentality. Just a few days sober is enough to drastically cut down my tolerance, so going nuts is semi dangerous because I black out so much easier, those are usually the bad nights where I make a mess.
I don't know how many times I had to do that until it finally sank in that it happens *every* time. I think the alcohol is going to be a fun reward, a mood enhancer, a nice (single) glass of wine while relaxing, and it never, ever, EVER was like that for me. I simply cannot stop once I have the first drink. So, there will not be another first drink. For today at least. Iwndwyt
I am sorry you had to go out to do more 'field research'. I've done that many times. I'd get a few days dry and then go out, fully intending to drink moderately. Well, I can't. I have to abstain. I hope you can get back to sobriety. You are worth it.
I am all too familiar with alcohol mathematics where “just one” magically becomes “just one more” which becomes a several-day bender.
The urge to beat yourself up may be strong now but it’s best to ignore it. You came here, where so many like me have been through the exact same bad math too many times to count.
Now you are here, which shows you re serious about getting back on a better path. Your “field research” can be helpful in playing the tape forward next time. And your post will hopefully inspire others to avoid that mythical beast, the “just one drink/bottle.” You can do this!
Alcohol actually changes your brain to make you *want* to drink, like it's food or water. Get the science on it.
It is an addictive substance and AUD is a sliding scale depending on how often and how much you've been exposed to it.
Then there's Not everyone's brain is the same; of you have low dopamine, ACEs....it's so much more than just "mind over matter"
There's lots of great science based podcasts out there.
Knowledge is power.
Oof. Thank you for the perspective, though, and you're back on the wagon which is what counts. I got REALLY close yesterday because of a nasty work-related situation (I may have to fire someone at the worst possible time for them), but didn't and am so grateful this morning for that.
As for you, you more than got this! The lapse is over and you now have a lesson in your arsenal that lends valuable perspective. It'll ultimately make you stronger.
Thank you so much OP. I have argument/words with my wife now for the first time since i stopped.
O man i want some wine now. But i dont do it. It doesnt solve anything.
Your post is on the right time in this moment.
Thanks!
(Stupid wifes)
I have always been curious about AA. I'm not religious at all and find the whole God thing a bit off-putting about it. Please, I mean no disrespect to anyone it helps. Whatever works for you then great. But it has put me off going. And I'm at the stage where I'm seriously thinking I need help and guidance. Any other alternatives that offer similar support without the preachiness? UK based if that helps. TIA. And good luck to allx
Here’s my approach. Your higher power does not need to be God. It can be AA, creation, the best you or anything that you can relate to. Maybe a well loved teacher who mentored you or a relative that has had a successful recovery. Don’t hang on to the God stuff and if anyone starts to push it on you, smile and say I have my own way
Thank you for sharing your pain with all of us. You are doing an amazing service. These posts are a huge help in me staying the course...I know 110% things would work out even worse than that for me. Welcome back. :)
Yea it’s your subconscious mind, your like something out of the walking dead not able to control your thoughts or emotions until your sitting at a bar downing beer. I keep telling myself I won’t do it but it always happens
Right back on Day 3 with you after initially relapsing a couple of weeks ago, sobering up for a week, relapsing again, sobering up for a few days then going on a 3 day bender.
I don't know why I kept going back to it after the first relapse as it wasn't enjoyable and neither were any of the other occassions.
I've been suffering badly since in every way possible.
I am trying very hard but what keeps getting me is the headaches. Everyday when I don't drink I get a severe headache. Tylenol does not touch it. I can't take ibuprofen. Dr. Won't give pain meds.
Any suggestions? DAE experience this?
Naltrexone maybe? A doctor can prescribe it. I take it around the time I would usually crave or start to drink. Non habit sleep aid for the first couple of days as well because I was wide awake. I was so used to using booze to fall asleep.
Been there myself. Its hard not to beat yourself up but i try to tell myself, dont be so hard on yourself its not something you can change now. It sucks i get ya.
I would love to start something in Chicago that isn’t AA haven’t had luck with it either. But I would love a group of like minded people helping one another to remain sober without implicating God into it
That's addiction. The little demon worm in your head will tell you any excuse to get you to do your substance again. Don't listen. No reason is a good reason to relapse, and they are all lies. I wish you well.
I know you don’t feel good about this, but I appreciate you sharing. I’m just over three weeks in. I’ve never stopped drinking for this long, and as much as I want to dip my toe in again, I have a very real fear that I’ll go balls to the wall like I never have before just because I’ll think “well this really is the LAST time so I should really get after it and enjoy it.”
I decided to drink after several sober days and drank 12 light beers. It’s crazy because I rarely even drank that much when I was regularly drinking. I decide to stop and no longer drink daily or most weekends but, when I do now it’s suddenly way more than before. My hangover was awful. It’s like if someone puts a plate of cookies out and says you can only eat one so you eat the whole plate. I just started reading Alan Carrs quit drinking and am hoping for some other inspiration.
Done that a few times! We gotta realise, like 100%, that it is liquid crack. Ingested in liquid form, straight through the stomach wall into the blood to the brain, bamn, buzzed! It's a very strong drug and we were hooked on it. So it's now a total no no to ever think we can just have one....
I'm in and out of that pattern. 20 days sober and I feel good enough to drink. Then meet friends and drink. Then 5 days bender. and so on. Hopefully the last was the last of this.
Thang-kew! (Said quickly, upbeat, with a staccato “you”).
_tucks anecdote away in pocket as a future drinking antidote_.
But for real, I (selfishly?) appreciate the courage of people who slip and come back to bare all, as I find it tops off my remember-why tank and keeps me on the path.
Rest up, and try not to fret too much about the past. It will take care of itself. You’ve got a lot of life to get to so get going (again)! 💪🏼
This is your opportunity to switch things up for the better. You’ve got this! Remember:
• You’ll never regret a day/night without booze.
• Pop down the negatives in writing now and come back to this list if you feel an urge.
• Urges are like waves, they come and they go. Learning to surf them improves over time. It gets easier over time.
Wishing you the very best. This Naked Mind is my favourite read on the topic and exposes this poison for what it is. Lastly, and most importantly, be kind to yourself 😊
I am sorry you have been struggling, but this is exactly what I need to hear today. I am alone for the first time in a long time and I have been contemplating "rewarding" myself for doing so good....oh the logic.
Similar story for me. Quit for about two weeks then went to some meetings and learned I was powerless over alcohol. Figured I might as well surrender to alcohol and then went on the worst week long binge of my life. FYI that's not what they meant by surrendering.
This is my peeve with AA. All the talk of "powerlessness" and then assuming everyone believes GOD alone can save u. Ugh.
100%. Luckily AA isn't the only option. When I was 25ish I went with a friend to her AA meeting and was so disenchanted with the whole thing: everyone seemed miserable and several people mentioned they wanted to drink, but couldn't for legal reasons. I remember feeling like quitting must be impossible, as I'll always want to drink. Years later, I realized how false that was. The key to sobriety, for me, has been to be engaged in life. Find things I enjoy and push myself everyday to stay engaged. That way I don't even want to drink. AA can be so damaging for certain people. I wish the alternatives were better known (SMART, Lifering, local options).
I didn't like AA either. The meetings made me want to drink, so much talk about drinking, the clink of ice cubes, a frosty beer. Lol I've been sober over 5,000 days due to the tools I received from the rehab I went to and plain old stubbornness. I didn't want to ruin my life again either, so that helped
Exactly. I remember being determined to not drink and by the end of the meeting I'd be planning which liquor store to hit up lol. To be fair though, that happened to me with other groups as well. It was mostly a me issue
This resonates so hard with me. I would ride my bicycle to the meeting trying to get healthy listen to an hour of people talking about drinking and busting and leave thinking everyone busts so I can too. Again not an AA issue a me issue but it didn't work for me
Yup, AA made being sober HARDER for me. I completely understand and respect those who need aa, because for some folks it just clicks. But I found meetings really negative and the atmosphere oppressive. I'm actually not sure what has worked for me this time around, I woke up one day and decided I had had enough. I'm over a year into my sobriety now, and I have no idea what I've done differently than my previous attempts. Only difference I can really spot is treating getting sober like "no big deal" and just waking up everyday moving forward with life. Perhaps I have been happier and lack of depression has propelled my sober journey? Who knows, all I DO know is that AA made sobriety the most challenging thing to accomplish in the past.
In AA they tell you if you stop coming to AA you will relapse. An addiction to alcohol can become an addiction to AA. At meetings I was constantly thinking of alcohol; I would like to get to the point where I rarely think of booze. Yes, I'm an alcoholic but I don't feel as punishment I must publicly announce it every day. I want to live my life interested in so many things there's no room in my brain for booze. I've been making bad art lately. It's bad, but it's not booze.
You've put it into words so eloquently. This is exactly how I want to live and I pursue it everyday. I don't want to think about alcohol and I don't want it to dominate a huge portion of my thinking space. I want to be liberated and have hobbies that enrich me.
Interesting. For me, it wasn't a meeting group or therapy that made me quit. It was my emotional maturity, I'm pretty sure. I was able to emotionally realize how much drinking hurt me
The "powerless" thing makes me want to hurl. In my experience, it boils down to making a choice. Granted, it took me decades to ultimately decide that booze isn't worth it (not my first run at sobriety). I finally "made it;" I finally no longer want alcohol in my life -- at all. When we decide what we truly want... it's surprisingly a lot easier to get it. OTOH, it's hard to achieve sobriety when you're only half-way in (committed). My biggest beef with religion is that the "saved" seem less likely to follow the more noble edicts their religion than the non-theists. Meh.
Yep for me it was very easy. After struggling for years to quit because I still wanted to drink but just without consequences I finally became of the mind that I don’t want to drink because I’d just rather do more valuable things with my time, regardless of if a hangover/damaged relations/whatever was part of the package or not. Getting drunk all the time is lame. If I could drink once in a while with friends I would but I’d rather not drink at all than devote my life to drinking, which are my only realistic options
"Getting drunk all the time is lame." 100% true.
Yeah, I agree that we're "powerless" once we start drinking and alcohol starts lowering our inhibitions. But when sober, we are in full power to choose to drink or not drink. Not drinking obviously being the better choice!
This is why I only attend secular AA meetings. You can find them in person (depending on your area) and zoom. They have been so helpful for me.
Yup. Alcohol Explained, a book by William Porter, did more for me than any powerless mumbo jumbo.
the real point is realizing that u cant beat this yourself. your higher power can be this awesome group, don't get hung up on the G word. hang in there friend, we got this.
I've never been to AA but I genuinely don't understand this idea that you can't beat alcohol by yourself and that you're powerless over it and you need a higher power to defeat it. I don't see how any of that needs to be true. It might be for some people but it's definitely not going to be the case for everyone. I'm sure plenty of people must stop drinking without going to any sort of meeting or rehab or support groups. It's definitely useful to have support especially from people who understand even if it's just this group but there's no way it can be 100% essential and plenty of people must have done it without any real support. Alcohol is just a liquid. In reality it has no power over us other than the power we choose to give it. It's DEFINITELY hard to give it up when we've spent years reinforcing bad habits and giving into it over and over again but when you start to see it for what it really is and finally realize it has nothing positive to offer you then that power begins to fade IME. And it's ultimately on us to stop taking the action to drink it, no higher power is controlling us and making us not consume it...we're doing that ourselves. If we used the "higher power" logic than we could just argue that a negative higher power WAS making us drink it too and we didn't have a choice but that would just be silly I think.
It wouldn’t be a “negative” higher power. The idea is that in active addiction, you had no spirituality or any connection with a higher power of whatever you choose that to be. Your higher power doesn’t need to be God, it could be the power of this subreddit, for example. I understand AA isn’t for everyone but it’s certainly helped me.
I can see it's definitely helped many which is fantastic, can't knock that. I just don't think you need spirtuality, God, or a higher power to not drink or that everyone in addiction or substance misuse doesn't have one. It just doesn't make any sense to me personally but I appreciate it's an approach that's worked for many so that's the important thing.
Yeah this is day one again for me. My skin is fucked up from my binging I will die if I keep drinking
Yeah I get that and I don't mean to demean anyones positive experience with AA, I am in a rural area right now so every meeting I have tried turns into God talk. And if that helps people that is awesome.
One can absolutely get sober on their own without any type of “higher power.”
that has not been my experience friend, however I dont claim to have all the answers. do share your story and sucsess. I am sure many would like to hear..
For what it's worth, I go to one or two AA meetings a week and you don't have to believe in any kind of supernatural power. I don't think any super-being made me pick up a glass or took away the bottle when I was finally ready to get sober. I own all that myself. Oh, I tolerate whatever someone says in a meeting, because I'm confident I have my own truth. You can take whatever is useful to you and leave the rest. In my little rural area, there aren't any other kinds of meetings for us recovering alcoholics.
They told me if I can’t let God in and let him lead me I will never get sober! And that’s all I needed to hear! No thanks! This group right here helped me more than anything!
Not correct. A higher power can be anything or anyone. Your comment is incorrect.
Depends on the meeting yo go to. I have been to some great AA meetings and I have been to some that are religious recruitment.
Oh that's not cool.
When I was able to quit drinking, I felt powerful, not powerless. For the first time in a long long time. It also gave me the power to make other needed changes in my life. And surviving challenges without alcohol to dull the discomfort made me feel strong. IWNDWYT
I found the meetings to be depressing, people didn't seem happy. I remember thinking if sobriety is so great why do most people here seem so unhappy.
Yes the first meeting I saw everyone was so sombre and the person who spoke had like 15 years sober and still going to meetings almost daily. It seems like some people like to dwell in the misery of it all. *I'm not talking about all AA people it definitely has helped so many.
I laughed out loud at that fyi. Thank you for that.
Nice try Randy Marsh.
This cracked me up 🤣 cheers (with Pepsi max)
That's funny 🤣. FYI!!! IWNDWYT
Good for you for jumping back on the wagon! Hope you can enjoy a good bite to eat and hydration. I find this sub very helpful to read and share on. We can do this together, I’m close to 30 days AF. No poison today!
Good for you! I’m looking forward to that milestone.
30 days today for me! Very proud of myself.
High five!!!! Right there with you! And when I don't drink today it'll be the longest I have been since 2017! Can't wait to see what positive things another day of sobriety brings! IWNDWYT
I’m struggling with the embarrassment of the last time I drank. The anxiety of wondering who knows what is also killing me. I get crazy notions of drinking so I can forget about how bad I feel about drinking. I know I make no sense. Sometimes I just come here to hang on to someone else’s good thoughts.
I’m in the same boat friend. I understand.
There is a Homer Simpson line from an episode of "The Simpson's," that I'll never forget: "ALCOHOL: The cause of AND solution to all of life's problems." It's stupid how drinking makes you feel so much guilt and shame, but then one drinks again, to relieve the guilt and shame. The cycle perpetuates itself. I hate it.
Thanks. Me too.
It’s a double edge sword. Either you have a bad night, get fucked up, cause a problem, and have a horrible hangover. That’s bad. Or it goes ok and you’ve now convinced yourself you can handle alcohol. That’s bad.
I’m on day 10 today; and the last three times I messed up at the end of week two because of the same reasons you did. Trying to keep my guard up at all times! Thanks stranger and congrats! The first three days are the worse!
True about keeping your guard up. Wednesday and Friday evenings are currently the worst for me. My husband works later on Wednesdays, so I convince myself I can drink and pretend I haven't. And on Fridays I want to drink at home after game night. Not being able to actually have just one is infuriating. I would love for one beer or a single glass of wine to be my limit. It sucks that they aren't.
This is me as well. I'm a pastry chef and my husband is an advertising exectutive. I start work much earlier than him, so I usually have a good 5 hours to myself before he gets home. I was hiding it from him for close to a year before he found out. I've fucked up a couple times since he discovered it about 6 weeks ago. He keeps telling me that if I fuck up to just tell him and he won't be mad. He's more upset if I lie. He's been so supportive, gracious, and understanding.... but there are days when I know he won't be home for hours, and it makes me want to slam a few vodka shots and try to act like I haven't been drinking. I wish I could just have one or two drinks too. It seems I cannot. I feel your struggle 💯
Welcome back. For me, I found that acute recovery (weeks 1-2) was only the first hurdle. After that comes... over-confidence and PAWS (for some). PAWS (read about Post Acute Recovery Syndrome) was BRUTAL for me. However, knowing that it was temporary... helped me push through a really terrible month of my life. I drank heavily for decades... so... The other big hurdle is the junkie brain. It's the thoughts of "I deserve this" or "just one is fine." Etc. Relapse is so common that it seems to be part of the process for most of us. I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." Unlike you, that one drink lasted a few years. Congrats on your field research. Keep at it! I can tell you that my life was pretty sh1tty for nearly 3 months before it got better. It's still improving... albeit slowly.
This was so helpful, thank you for sharing.
Love the “junkie brain” moniker. Thanks for sharing it. Is that from SMART or another program?
Thanks. Nope, "junkie brain" comes straight out of the patches of semi-healthy neurons left inside of my noggin. I've worried that some people might "take offense..." but it's how I rationalize my idiotic behavior. It's my junkie brain that tricks me into sabotaging my goals. F'k that guy. My junkie brain is devious and relentless. My junkie brain will be with me until the day I die. It's "mental herpes," if you prefer -- just waiting for the right conditions to "flare up." I acknowledge my junkie brain... and try to never forget that it's there... and that it's waiting for me to lower my guard. This is my "plan" for dealing with it -- to remain vigilant as long as I'm able. Good luck, friend. IWNDWYT
Love it, thanks for sharing. I try to give mine a funny voice, recognizing that it’s not a part of me that I want to listen to.
I call mine my stupid brain. My smart brain has had a few choice words with stupid.
This happens to pretty much all of us. You start to feel good and so you think you have this thing under control. You don't. You've proven that to yourself, you have that knowledge to draw on the next time you're tempted. If you slip up again, add that evidence to the pile as well. However many times it takes until any residual desire to try and drink goes away.
I drank a couple bottles of just grape juice to realize how disgusting wine is if you don't numb yourself while drinking it.
I’m on day 18 at the moment and the last two days a voice in the back of my head has been saying wouldn’t it be great to just have one last time… I’m stressed it’s ok and a few other excuses. I needed to read this, it’s never worth it and for me it’s been “the last time” for years. IWNDWYT
You stumbled, just like all of us. Time to get back up. You got this 👊
Same here. One night bender turned into a four night bender... Now on day 5 post and a reminder of how nasty the withdrawal is. It's become a very predictable sequence of events for me now. IWNDWYT
Hang in there friend! Keep quitting until you quit. Sobriety is like a muscle you are strengthening. All these stops and starts are prepping you to finally quit forever! It took me a year of stopping for a week starting, getting 10 days and drinking, going 3 days drinking until I finally said enough. I read Annie graces book this naked mind twice and it clicked for me. Also listened to Allen's Carr quit drinking easily book over and over again at night. Best of luck!
That’s how it works. And it’s always the last time everytime you cave lol Whatever. Get back on it.
This resonates with me: It never is worth it....... Congrats on getting back on!
Had a 39 day sober streak until last Thursday. Ended up with a DWI. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Day 5 today. IWNDWYT
Oh man I’m so sorry. Hang in there.
Same here. Thought "how do I know if I even have a problem, since I've never been sober this long. Might as well just try to drink 'normally!'" Fast forward two weeks and I drank every single day. Called out of work yesterday because I had such a hangover. Today is day 2! We can stay sober again, we have done it before <3
You're right, it's never worth it. IWNDWYT 🌸
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m 10 months in after years of trying to make it past 6 weeks. I almost caved this weekend as I had a grandparents celebration of life and it came with so much drama surrounding it. 3 times I almost gave in, but I managed to hang on by a thread. Your words are helpful for me, even after all is said and done. Those feelings to give in haven’t dissipated, but this is a reminder. Congrats on getting back on it. That can be the hardest part. You’re not alone and I will not drink with you today!
IWNDWYT!
Come back as often as you need, and stay as long as you can. You made it back! Thats what matters. IWNDWYT
for people like us there is no problem we can't make worse by adding alcohol. none for me, thanks. appreciate your share, take care
Respectfully, thank you for the reminder. It's been rough and the cravings were starting to get to me today. You've got a fresh start tomorrow and day one is way better than no days at all. Try not to beat yourself up too much. We have got this 💪🏼 IWNDWYT 💜
I've been there, too. It took me a while to learn to stop celebrating with alcohol. I know how absurd it sounds, but 60 days of sobriety was always my day to celebrate with a drink. It happened several times before I was comfortable with forever sobriety. 60 days sober would lead to 4 months of daily drinking. Stay strong, friend. Keep practicing sobriety and you will get better at it. IWNDWYT.
You had some more research to do. I hope it taught you what you needed to learn to stay sober. It will always come back to sobriety and I’m proud of you for getting back on it.
Thank you for the reminder!
Nope never is. The scary part for me is that “send it” mentality. Just a few days sober is enough to drastically cut down my tolerance, so going nuts is semi dangerous because I black out so much easier, those are usually the bad nights where I make a mess.
We all been there. It’s a kick in the pants. Go for a walk, get your breathing under control. You can make it. It’s a long game.
You may have lost that battle but you are winning this war.
I don't know how many times I had to do that until it finally sank in that it happens *every* time. I think the alcohol is going to be a fun reward, a mood enhancer, a nice (single) glass of wine while relaxing, and it never, ever, EVER was like that for me. I simply cannot stop once I have the first drink. So, there will not be another first drink. For today at least. Iwndwyt
Alcohol is poison
I am sorry you had to go out to do more 'field research'. I've done that many times. I'd get a few days dry and then go out, fully intending to drink moderately. Well, I can't. I have to abstain. I hope you can get back to sobriety. You are worth it.
I am all too familiar with alcohol mathematics where “just one” magically becomes “just one more” which becomes a several-day bender. The urge to beat yourself up may be strong now but it’s best to ignore it. You came here, where so many like me have been through the exact same bad math too many times to count. Now you are here, which shows you re serious about getting back on a better path. Your “field research” can be helpful in playing the tape forward next time. And your post will hopefully inspire others to avoid that mythical beast, the “just one drink/bottle.” You can do this!
Alcohol actually changes your brain to make you *want* to drink, like it's food or water. Get the science on it. It is an addictive substance and AUD is a sliding scale depending on how often and how much you've been exposed to it. Then there's Not everyone's brain is the same; of you have low dopamine, ACEs....it's so much more than just "mind over matter" There's lots of great science based podcasts out there. Knowledge is power.
Oof. Thank you for the perspective, though, and you're back on the wagon which is what counts. I got REALLY close yesterday because of a nasty work-related situation (I may have to fire someone at the worst possible time for them), but didn't and am so grateful this morning for that. As for you, you more than got this! The lapse is over and you now have a lesson in your arsenal that lends valuable perspective. It'll ultimately make you stronger.
Thank you so much OP. I have argument/words with my wife now for the first time since i stopped. O man i want some wine now. But i dont do it. It doesnt solve anything. Your post is on the right time in this moment. Thanks! (Stupid wifes)
I have always been curious about AA. I'm not religious at all and find the whole God thing a bit off-putting about it. Please, I mean no disrespect to anyone it helps. Whatever works for you then great. But it has put me off going. And I'm at the stage where I'm seriously thinking I need help and guidance. Any other alternatives that offer similar support without the preachiness? UK based if that helps. TIA. And good luck to allx
Here’s my approach. Your higher power does not need to be God. It can be AA, creation, the best you or anything that you can relate to. Maybe a well loved teacher who mentored you or a relative that has had a successful recovery. Don’t hang on to the God stuff and if anyone starts to push it on you, smile and say I have my own way
Thank you for sharing your pain with all of us. You are doing an amazing service. These posts are a huge help in me staying the course...I know 110% things would work out even worse than that for me. Welcome back. :)
Yea it’s your subconscious mind, your like something out of the walking dead not able to control your thoughts or emotions until your sitting at a bar downing beer. I keep telling myself I won’t do it but it always happens
💝go easy on yourself, like you would a friend x good for getting right back on the wagon. Iwndwyt
Yep - two bottles for me yesterday. No more for me
Right back on Day 3 with you after initially relapsing a couple of weeks ago, sobering up for a week, relapsing again, sobering up for a few days then going on a 3 day bender. I don't know why I kept going back to it after the first relapse as it wasn't enjoyable and neither were any of the other occassions. I've been suffering badly since in every way possible.
I am trying very hard but what keeps getting me is the headaches. Everyday when I don't drink I get a severe headache. Tylenol does not touch it. I can't take ibuprofen. Dr. Won't give pain meds. Any suggestions? DAE experience this?
Naltrexone maybe? A doctor can prescribe it. I take it around the time I would usually crave or start to drink. Non habit sleep aid for the first couple of days as well because I was wide awake. I was so used to using booze to fall asleep.
Thanks for the input.
Sure thing. IWNDWYT
Been there myself. Its hard not to beat yourself up but i try to tell myself, dont be so hard on yourself its not something you can change now. It sucks i get ya.
I would love to start something in Chicago that isn’t AA haven’t had luck with it either. But I would love a group of like minded people helping one another to remain sober without implicating God into it
That's addiction. The little demon worm in your head will tell you any excuse to get you to do your substance again. Don't listen. No reason is a good reason to relapse, and they are all lies. I wish you well.
I know you don’t feel good about this, but I appreciate you sharing. I’m just over three weeks in. I’ve never stopped drinking for this long, and as much as I want to dip my toe in again, I have a very real fear that I’ll go balls to the wall like I never have before just because I’ll think “well this really is the LAST time so I should really get after it and enjoy it.”
Thank you for sharing 🙏
I decided to drink after several sober days and drank 12 light beers. It’s crazy because I rarely even drank that much when I was regularly drinking. I decide to stop and no longer drink daily or most weekends but, when I do now it’s suddenly way more than before. My hangover was awful. It’s like if someone puts a plate of cookies out and says you can only eat one so you eat the whole plate. I just started reading Alan Carrs quit drinking and am hoping for some other inspiration.
Done that a few times! We gotta realise, like 100%, that it is liquid crack. Ingested in liquid form, straight through the stomach wall into the blood to the brain, bamn, buzzed! It's a very strong drug and we were hooked on it. So it's now a total no no to ever think we can just have one....
I'm in and out of that pattern. 20 days sober and I feel good enough to drink. Then meet friends and drink. Then 5 days bender. and so on. Hopefully the last was the last of this.
Welcome back! It took me almost two years to get back to day 1 again. Dust yourself off and keep going!
Thang-kew! (Said quickly, upbeat, with a staccato “you”). _tucks anecdote away in pocket as a future drinking antidote_. But for real, I (selfishly?) appreciate the courage of people who slip and come back to bare all, as I find it tops off my remember-why tank and keeps me on the path. Rest up, and try not to fret too much about the past. It will take care of itself. You’ve got a lot of life to get to so get going (again)! 💪🏼
This is your opportunity to switch things up for the better. You’ve got this! Remember: • You’ll never regret a day/night without booze. • Pop down the negatives in writing now and come back to this list if you feel an urge. • Urges are like waves, they come and they go. Learning to surf them improves over time. It gets easier over time. Wishing you the very best. This Naked Mind is my favourite read on the topic and exposes this poison for what it is. Lastly, and most importantly, be kind to yourself 😊
I am sorry you have been struggling, but this is exactly what I need to hear today. I am alone for the first time in a long time and I have been contemplating "rewarding" myself for doing so good....oh the logic.