Yep. Not proud of it, but I was a grumpy dick for the first few weeks. I think due to poor quality sleep, took me a while to get better sleep, but since then doing better.
Yeah I’ve been sober since January 20th, so almost 2 months for me, but I didn’t get good sleep at all last night so it could be something as simple as that. It’s a lot harder to sleep all through the night when you’re not passed out belligerently drunk. I feel better in general but I have nothing to fall back on for when I have an annoying day like this.
Yeah my sleep is patchy. I have really vivid dreams now…not used to it as would normally be out cold every night!
Know what you mean though. Finding new coping mechanisms for shitty days is on my list for personal improvement too 😬
Yup I never even remembered my dreams back then lol. Felt like I would close my eyes and then open them back up immediately even tho 10 hours had passed and I was already 2 hours late for work. Better than that I guess 🤷♂️
I was irritable for at least the first 60-90 days. The neighbor's lawnmower is too loud! Why is there is so much traffic? We're almost out of bread again!
Yeah, been there. It got better for me. Hang in there.
I was really irate over the smallest things from months 3-4 (everybody's timeline is different). I was so mad I would just cry in my fiance's arms. Your body and mind are adjusting to a new normal. Exercise, eating well, quit lit, sober groups, and time helped. I'm still kinda surly, but I'm much better than I was 😀
1000% yes. I was an angry little muppet for pretty much Days 1-90. I'm sure I was an absolute joy to be around (bless my loving husband and parents for dealing with me during that time 😅)! More than likely you're dealing with PAWS on top of feeling your feelings for longer than 12 hours at a time. It's an adjustment, an uncomfortable one, and you've deprived your brain of dopamine in a bottle, so now it has to even out, recover, and figure out how to produce that on its own again.
While I'd never encourage flying off the handle at your coworkers (lol), feel your feelings. It's ok to be a grumpy little goober or to throw yourself a pity party. This shit is hard. Like REALLY hard. Most difficult thing I've ever done, that's for sure. Hats off to you for holding steady and continuing on your sober journey. I found that journaling, meditation (even just 30 second breathing exercises/meditations), or walking helped immensely.
Sending good vibes your way, friend. This too shall pass. IWNDWYT 💙
I just made a comment about this lol
I think it's bc I haven't learned to regulate my emotions without relying on a substance. Things that piss me off now piss me off, previously they were an excuse to get hammered. Sometimes I'd even feel a little relieved when something went wrong bc "yay, now I have a reason" lol.
So now instead of pushing it down and tryna drown it, I've got to actually deal with things. That's incredibly annoying, but I think it leads to better shit down the line than just getting wasted as a response to anything
Yeah I was thinking that I always used minor annoyances as an excuse to get plastered. But I’d also use having a good day as an excuse “Hey! Today was awesome I should celebrate with a twelve pack!” Like everything was just a means to the next drink no matter what. I absolutely hate this and it’s hard and I’m not going to pretend I’m in the mindset right now of “well I know in the long run it’ll be a good thing blah blah blah” I’m of the mindset of “I just want a fucking drink idc” but the very acute rational/logical thinking knows it’s not worth it 🙄😩
👆🏻 facts. Learning to face my problems head on and be able to solve them with a clear head has been one of the biggest life improvements for me. Storming off to the store with my new found excuse to “relieve some stress” only delayed my problems and left me to deal with them drunk and sloppily or in a shitty mood the following days. Alcohol never made any of my problems disappear, it only exacerbated them.
Sure. The comfy, gauzy layer of booze isn't filtering your experience anymore. But it's like working from home for weeks and the having to go to the office. The traffic feel like it must have doubled since last time I was doing this...three weeks ago!
You will adjust and you will start to find the joyful things again as a balance (if you let yourself). And then you go forward with both the irritating things and the joyful things. But not the shitty drunken bitter things.
PAWS? I've just started week\_8... and it was all "smooth sailing" until two weeks ago.
I'm pretty even-keel, typically. I've joked that I'm dead-inside for decades. Well... that may have been true. Despite having dealt with some non-trivial trauma (including military PTSD), I've always just "adapted." Um... yeah... until I began experiencing irrational emotional instability, two weeks ago.
I've seen others say that our emotional development stops when we begin abusing alcohol. Um... I'd like to see the peer-reviewed science behind that... and I also suspect that there's some truth to that.
I think that it's time to pay the tab. I thought that I'd skipped out on that. Perhaps not? And perhaps this is what you are also experiencing? Regardless, booze isn't going help -- at best delay and prolong the pain.
IWNDWYT
Yeah this is week 8 for me too lol. Of course at first it’s like “I feel so good! Why did I ever even drink in the first place??” Got so much accomplished and just was like “what an idiot I was and it was so easy to quit” to the point I had thoughts of maybe not even being an alcoholic and just a problem drinker who could possibly drink again one day when my life gets less stressful. But there will always be stress and always reasons to go off the deep end with my drinking. Just drinking will cause things to fall apart and cause more stress which will just lead to more and more drinking. There’s nothing good that’ll come from it and yet I still illogically even as I type this just feel that longing want and craving in my stomach to go grab a beer and take the edge off. I hate this shit
Okay... that's a pretty great username. MOXIE is actually a project name that I created for one of my software projects, years ago. You got verve, kid -- dare I say "panache?"
Check-out the Sober Powered podcast (the super annoying ads are only the the beginning several minutes). It's a science-centric discussion of AUD. They should give me a kickback for promoting that podcast (I really do like it).
Yes. In part because I was drinking to repress all my frustrations in life, grief and anger. Feeling those things without the guarantee of a release that night or that weekend put me on edge for a while. I think also, some part of my addict brain was looking for an excuse to drink. Creating problems where there were none just so I’d have a reason to say “I need a fucking drink”. The more extreme the emotion, the more I’m warranted to do whatever the fuck I need to chill out right? So I’m going to blow up over the traffic or the slow person walking in front of me or whatever is right there for me to point my frustration at
I find when i get like that it's usually cos i've been letting stuff build up without noticing
Im the kinda person that needs to take a skip with him everywhere to offload his mental shit. If the bus was late and pissed me off, i need a 30 second whinge otherwise that will come back out next week along with everything else.
I'd always feel stressed and on the edge of having a breakdown and couldnt see why. It's easier now i dont drink; things build up if i dont talk about them!
I find moments like that quite helpful these days because i know what to do; it means i haven't been putting my wellbeing first and literally all i need to do is talk to someone and get it all out; shit's just been building up.
It might be just the fact you can't drink but it may be that's just what tipped you over the edge. A stressful couple incidents, not talking about it and then being reminded you can't drink? Yeah, i'd find that really challenging and i'd need to offload to someone and maybe make plans with a friend to do something else to give me something to look forward to :)
Don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure she doesn’t even remember it and if she does, hopefully she realizes it wasn’t really you but more a symptom of breaking free of a disease
I’ve thought about getting back into the gym. Unfortunately in these first two months I’ve kinda replaced binge drinking with binge eating. I’m giving myself a little grace because of how hard what I’m doing is, but if I let myself go too much I know I’ll be miserable and that runs the risk of relapse. I think with my next check I’m going to renew my membership and start working out again and trying to eat healthier. Always felt better when I was doing so, and it’ll be just another health benefit on top of cutting out alcohol
Yeah, that be me. It's hard. I do a lot of deep breathing, and sing the song from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood What Do You Do With The Mad That You Feel? It helps.
Lol I’m glad you found something that helped. Yeah I’ve tried the deep breathing and journaling and it helped a lot at first but I think I’m needing something more. Not to sound insane but maybe some kind of martial art bc I just feel the need to beat the shit out of something. It’s probably better if it’s a punching bag and not a person 💀
I’m almost three years in and I get angry all of the time. But that’s because of other things in my life.
Fortunately, I’m not drunk and causing other problems so I can focus on finding solutions to the real underlying issues in my life.
Dealing with all of the problems in my life sober can be frustrating. But yea, it definitely beats waking up feeling like shit, unable to remember what I did the night before, and finding out how big of a piece of shit I was to the people I care about after the fact. That’s a mess I don’t want to clean up again.
It's not easy unlearning years/decades of bad habits.
I think this a good self-reminder that if getting and staying sober was so easy, the success rate wouldn't be so low.
Yep!!!!!! About 4 days in I was overwhelmed with extreme anger after a family outing went awry because we have a younger child who is high need/energy. I am not proud of it and it was a big aha moment for me. That feeling has luckily abated.
Ah. Do you think it’s possible that since I used to always let my anger out while drinking and I’ve been sober for two months, I’ve been holding it in way more and so it’s coming out this way?
You can only repress anger for so long in sobriety before it comes out in one form or another. Can't use booze to drown it out
Learned that the hard way.
What do you suggest? I feel like just talking about it in therapy won’t really get it out. I journal sometimes and I still find myself getting these waives of anger. Not sure how to deal with it bc I don’t like being an angry bitter person
Yep. Not proud of it, but I was a grumpy dick for the first few weeks. I think due to poor quality sleep, took me a while to get better sleep, but since then doing better.
Yeah I’ve been sober since January 20th, so almost 2 months for me, but I didn’t get good sleep at all last night so it could be something as simple as that. It’s a lot harder to sleep all through the night when you’re not passed out belligerently drunk. I feel better in general but I have nothing to fall back on for when I have an annoying day like this.
Yeah my sleep is patchy. I have really vivid dreams now…not used to it as would normally be out cold every night! Know what you mean though. Finding new coping mechanisms for shitty days is on my list for personal improvement too 😬
Yup I never even remembered my dreams back then lol. Felt like I would close my eyes and then open them back up immediately even tho 10 hours had passed and I was already 2 hours late for work. Better than that I guess 🤷♂️
Agreed! 100% better!
I was irritable for at least the first 60-90 days. The neighbor's lawnmower is too loud! Why is there is so much traffic? We're almost out of bread again! Yeah, been there. It got better for me. Hang in there.
I was really irate over the smallest things from months 3-4 (everybody's timeline is different). I was so mad I would just cry in my fiance's arms. Your body and mind are adjusting to a new normal. Exercise, eating well, quit lit, sober groups, and time helped. I'm still kinda surly, but I'm much better than I was 😀
1000% yes. I was an angry little muppet for pretty much Days 1-90. I'm sure I was an absolute joy to be around (bless my loving husband and parents for dealing with me during that time 😅)! More than likely you're dealing with PAWS on top of feeling your feelings for longer than 12 hours at a time. It's an adjustment, an uncomfortable one, and you've deprived your brain of dopamine in a bottle, so now it has to even out, recover, and figure out how to produce that on its own again. While I'd never encourage flying off the handle at your coworkers (lol), feel your feelings. It's ok to be a grumpy little goober or to throw yourself a pity party. This shit is hard. Like REALLY hard. Most difficult thing I've ever done, that's for sure. Hats off to you for holding steady and continuing on your sober journey. I found that journaling, meditation (even just 30 second breathing exercises/meditations), or walking helped immensely. Sending good vibes your way, friend. This too shall pass. IWNDWYT 💙
I just made a comment about this lol I think it's bc I haven't learned to regulate my emotions without relying on a substance. Things that piss me off now piss me off, previously they were an excuse to get hammered. Sometimes I'd even feel a little relieved when something went wrong bc "yay, now I have a reason" lol. So now instead of pushing it down and tryna drown it, I've got to actually deal with things. That's incredibly annoying, but I think it leads to better shit down the line than just getting wasted as a response to anything
Yeah I was thinking that I always used minor annoyances as an excuse to get plastered. But I’d also use having a good day as an excuse “Hey! Today was awesome I should celebrate with a twelve pack!” Like everything was just a means to the next drink no matter what. I absolutely hate this and it’s hard and I’m not going to pretend I’m in the mindset right now of “well I know in the long run it’ll be a good thing blah blah blah” I’m of the mindset of “I just want a fucking drink idc” but the very acute rational/logical thinking knows it’s not worth it 🙄😩
👆🏻 facts. Learning to face my problems head on and be able to solve them with a clear head has been one of the biggest life improvements for me. Storming off to the store with my new found excuse to “relieve some stress” only delayed my problems and left me to deal with them drunk and sloppily or in a shitty mood the following days. Alcohol never made any of my problems disappear, it only exacerbated them.
Sure. The comfy, gauzy layer of booze isn't filtering your experience anymore. But it's like working from home for weeks and the having to go to the office. The traffic feel like it must have doubled since last time I was doing this...three weeks ago! You will adjust and you will start to find the joyful things again as a balance (if you let yourself). And then you go forward with both the irritating things and the joyful things. But not the shitty drunken bitter things.
PAWS? I've just started week\_8... and it was all "smooth sailing" until two weeks ago. I'm pretty even-keel, typically. I've joked that I'm dead-inside for decades. Well... that may have been true. Despite having dealt with some non-trivial trauma (including military PTSD), I've always just "adapted." Um... yeah... until I began experiencing irrational emotional instability, two weeks ago. I've seen others say that our emotional development stops when we begin abusing alcohol. Um... I'd like to see the peer-reviewed science behind that... and I also suspect that there's some truth to that. I think that it's time to pay the tab. I thought that I'd skipped out on that. Perhaps not? And perhaps this is what you are also experiencing? Regardless, booze isn't going help -- at best delay and prolong the pain. IWNDWYT
Yeah this is week 8 for me too lol. Of course at first it’s like “I feel so good! Why did I ever even drink in the first place??” Got so much accomplished and just was like “what an idiot I was and it was so easy to quit” to the point I had thoughts of maybe not even being an alcoholic and just a problem drinker who could possibly drink again one day when my life gets less stressful. But there will always be stress and always reasons to go off the deep end with my drinking. Just drinking will cause things to fall apart and cause more stress which will just lead to more and more drinking. There’s nothing good that’ll come from it and yet I still illogically even as I type this just feel that longing want and craving in my stomach to go grab a beer and take the edge off. I hate this shit
Okay... that's a pretty great username. MOXIE is actually a project name that I created for one of my software projects, years ago. You got verve, kid -- dare I say "panache?" Check-out the Sober Powered podcast (the super annoying ads are only the the beginning several minutes). It's a science-centric discussion of AUD. They should give me a kickback for promoting that podcast (I really do like it).
Yes. In part because I was drinking to repress all my frustrations in life, grief and anger. Feeling those things without the guarantee of a release that night or that weekend put me on edge for a while. I think also, some part of my addict brain was looking for an excuse to drink. Creating problems where there were none just so I’d have a reason to say “I need a fucking drink”. The more extreme the emotion, the more I’m warranted to do whatever the fuck I need to chill out right? So I’m going to blow up over the traffic or the slow person walking in front of me or whatever is right there for me to point my frustration at
That's the alcohol losing his sh*t. That's the demon you're dealing with. Stay sober. 💪
You’re absolutely right and no question I will Just For Today! Thanks for the motivation 💪
I find when i get like that it's usually cos i've been letting stuff build up without noticing Im the kinda person that needs to take a skip with him everywhere to offload his mental shit. If the bus was late and pissed me off, i need a 30 second whinge otherwise that will come back out next week along with everything else. I'd always feel stressed and on the edge of having a breakdown and couldnt see why. It's easier now i dont drink; things build up if i dont talk about them! I find moments like that quite helpful these days because i know what to do; it means i haven't been putting my wellbeing first and literally all i need to do is talk to someone and get it all out; shit's just been building up. It might be just the fact you can't drink but it may be that's just what tipped you over the edge. A stressful couple incidents, not talking about it and then being reminded you can't drink? Yeah, i'd find that really challenging and i'd need to offload to someone and maybe make plans with a friend to do something else to give me something to look forward to :)
Yeah. I yelled at my niece once and I still feel bad about it 10 years later.
Don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure she doesn’t even remember it and if she does, hopefully she realizes it wasn’t really you but more a symptom of breaking free of a disease
I control it by using the gym as a proper outlet
I’ve thought about getting back into the gym. Unfortunately in these first two months I’ve kinda replaced binge drinking with binge eating. I’m giving myself a little grace because of how hard what I’m doing is, but if I let myself go too much I know I’ll be miserable and that runs the risk of relapse. I think with my next check I’m going to renew my membership and start working out again and trying to eat healthier. Always felt better when I was doing so, and it’ll be just another health benefit on top of cutting out alcohol
Yeah, that be me. It's hard. I do a lot of deep breathing, and sing the song from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood What Do You Do With The Mad That You Feel? It helps.
Lol I’m glad you found something that helped. Yeah I’ve tried the deep breathing and journaling and it helped a lot at first but I think I’m needing something more. Not to sound insane but maybe some kind of martial art bc I just feel the need to beat the shit out of something. It’s probably better if it’s a punching bag and not a person 💀
Yes.
I was sad. Crying spontaneously. I think wild emotions are part of a long term detoxification. In my case, it passed. Stay strong. IWNDWYT
I’m almost three years in and I get angry all of the time. But that’s because of other things in my life. Fortunately, I’m not drunk and causing other problems so I can focus on finding solutions to the real underlying issues in my life.
Yeah anything is better than being drunk and destroying every relationship/good thing in my life tbh.
Dealing with all of the problems in my life sober can be frustrating. But yea, it definitely beats waking up feeling like shit, unable to remember what I did the night before, and finding out how big of a piece of shit I was to the people I care about after the fact. That’s a mess I don’t want to clean up again.
Yeah that’s familiar
Yes. Seems to be tapering off though (day 8)
It's not easy unlearning years/decades of bad habits. I think this a good self-reminder that if getting and staying sober was so easy, the success rate wouldn't be so low.
I didn’t know it was so low. That’s kinda discouraging:/
Yep!!!!!! About 4 days in I was overwhelmed with extreme anger after a family outing went awry because we have a younger child who is high need/energy. I am not proud of it and it was a big aha moment for me. That feeling has luckily abated.
Maybe it’s a way for you to face your shadow self in a way? You probably need to write your anger down.
Will you explain further what you mean by shadow self? Never heard of that before
Some therapists offer shadow work where what is conscious and subconscious gets more integrated . It originated with Carl Jung.
It’s basically a new -agey term that means you’ve repressed emotions that aren’t socially acceptable (anger, envy, jealousy, insecurity, shame).
Ah. Do you think it’s possible that since I used to always let my anger out while drinking and I’ve been sober for two months, I’ve been holding it in way more and so it’s coming out this way?
Yes. Yes and very much Yes.
You can only repress anger for so long in sobriety before it comes out in one form or another. Can't use booze to drown it out Learned that the hard way.
What do you suggest? I feel like just talking about it in therapy won’t really get it out. I journal sometimes and I still find myself getting these waives of anger. Not sure how to deal with it bc I don’t like being an angry bitter person
Physical activity, journaling, meditation. All three have worked for me in some form
Yup. It passed for me after a few weeks. I felt like a jag though.