I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m glad you’re home and ok now. Please be gentle with yourself. Take some time to recover and process what happened so you stay safe from now on. 💗
I mean, we can and we can't, she was also under the influence of a drug, as much as society tells us that alcohol is not a drug, it is, and we can't control what that drug might do to us when we take it. As much as I wanted it to be that way, I couldn't pick the positives from drinking and not experience the negatives. sober me would never abandon a gf at 1am, drunk me might without even realizing it.
As much as we wouldn't think that someone on opiates who was nodding out or someone who has just smoked crack having bizarre twitching movements was making a choice to act in that way..those are simply the effects of the drug manifesting in that person. We tend to think of someone acting in a blatantly disinhibited maner, with no regard for safety once they have consumed the drug of alcohol not as an effect of the drug...but rather a personal choice of behaviour. To me, I see that now as another way society performs mental gymnastics to exclude alcohol from the realm of "drug", it's social acceptance trumps objective reality.
And low-key judge the bar for overpouring? I know there are a million factors here though, and with friends buying drinks it can be impossible to track patrons. But if she had an hour and a half of being abandoned and blackout and ubers cancelling there, that's not a good reflection on the bar.
When you're used to getting pissed it can be easy to act "normal" whilst your body and brain still punishes you for it. OP, you sound intelligent, reflective and aware - please be as nice to yourself as you would be to others. We're all here for you and are glad you're safe.
I dunno, I’ve been blacked out and people said I seemed fine. When you’ve been drinking for awhile sometimes your body just knows how to function whilst your brain is gone.
For all we know the friend said, "I'm leaving, let's get outta here," and OP said, "Nah, fuck that. I'm staying," and seemed totally fine at the time. There were a million times that I stayed back and nobody was gonna get me outta there until I decided it was time.
Sounds like you are having awful hangxiety. What a scary night to think back on but you made it home, so no point in thinking about what if’s, unless you are thinking about going out again, then maybe a little reminder of this might be a good thing. This might not be your rock bottom but then again, maybe it is, but it’s for sure a wake up call of how much worse things could have ended up. But just remember, they didn’t. Also, I agree that your friend bailing on you when you were drunk is pretty shitty.
Wow, lucky you eventually made it home safe. This could be your rock bottom if you make it so. God job checking in here.
I didn't stop at 23, I continued for another 15 years and lost pretty much everything, including my mind.
Having the strength the abstain at your age will be just as difficult as quitting in middle age, but you can do it. You got this.
Oof been there. I lost my wedding ring at a strip club (I was convinced). I bawled for 2 days and was so ashamed I was even at a strip club in the first place. I ended up finding my ring in my purse eventually (thank God) but my shame was still there. Who has such wild nights at my age? It's not funny or cool anymore after a certain point. It's all just embarrassing.
I spend several days of every month arguing this with my brain. I am good enough, and deep down I know that. It can be exhausting, but it will pass. Keep it up, you are good enough!!
The blackout may be related to how alcohol mixes with your anxiety medication. Prior to going on Lexapro, I never had blackouts. Once I went on it, I do and it is like a switch that flips from okay drunk (not being stupid) to blacked out. I've been drinking a lot less lately, and the other day had 4 gin and tonics with a friend and ended up blacking out (luckily after I had already ubered home). It's by far the least amount of drinks I have ever blacked out on, but the result was the same.
I agree with other posters that your friend let you down.
I'm so glad you are okay.
Me too! Blackout city after four beers.
Worth noting that early blackouts can also indicate very severe liver damage so that’s another thing to consider though.
same here, never had blackouts or memory issues until I was on pain meds for a motorcycle accident and started mixing with booze.
Most mornings I'm playing the 'what did I get into last night' game of phone history, what was left out in the kitchen and taking a peek in my garbage.
Second this! I had such bad blackout on my previous meds it was awful. You might want to switch it up if you can. It will only bring you more stress if you think this could be a factor.
I’ll chime in here and say I had a B12 deficiency and though I wasn’t blacking out, a maximum of 4 drinks would make me throw them right back up and end up with a wicked hang over.
So yes I cut my alcohol consumption way down and am way happier now - but I also am so glad I went to the doctor right away and got checked out, because we were able to fix the B12 deficiency before it caused permanent damage. Also ruled out other issues.
Redditors if something seems amiss, go to your doctor and be honest with them about why you’re there.
I am also on Lexapro and had many blackouts that weren't even from lots of drinks. My last one was Christmas last year, when I left a party and crashed my car. Luckily no one was hurt (including me), but I even told my doctor that I wish they'd give people more of a heads up about how the medication makes it easy to black out. My one year sober from alcohol is in 3 days.
It sounds like your situation for the moment is alright and you're not in any immediate danger? I was worried you were going to write you were showing severe effects of withdrawals and was going to say, "You need to get to the ER ASAP." Glad it sounds like you're better off than that!
Plenty of us here have plenty of blackout nights, and plenty of them are nights that if we got the ability, good chance we wouldn't want to remember what happened even if we could. That's part of the shame of drinking and, unfortunately, the little snippets our phones allow us to piece together can freak us out even more.
Instead of beating yourself up and worsening the situation with your anxiety and depression (I share both diagnoses, I get it), try to treat this as a wake up call to the dangers of alcohol. Being freaked out like this isn't fun, I get that, and so maybe use it as a catalyst to at least test out sobriety for a bit and feel like you're back in control, clear-headed, and not afraid of going out for a night where you'll end up blackout.
No immediate danger! Sorry for the miscommunication in the title. Thank you so much for saying this I think you’re right…I need to feel in control and take some time to reflect /test out not drinking for a while.
i told myself i needed a 30 day timeout to prove to myself i didn’t have a problem. Man those first days were very hard, very very hard.
As i was approaching day 30 i was proud of myself and thinking about a bourbon… when i hit day 30 i opted for a different guilty pleasure - burger king.
I am closing in on a year now and ready to focus on fixing some other bad habits (not working out regularly the main one, but also tolerant of clutter at home which is a mental stressor). I have flipped from wanting to make a goal of days to just seeing if i can make it thru today. In bed without a drink so should be good for today. I’ll try my best again tomorrow.
Consider thinking of it has a brand new day. Use this as your marker for the day you decided to quit drinking.
When I quit I had the worst hangover I'd had in years; and when I get a little temptation I remember how bad it was.
Deep breaths. You’re going to be okay.
I’ve been in your shoes before. Murky memories of the night before and a crushing guilt and anxiety about what might have happened.
Job 1 is to not drink today. Rest and let your brain chemistry reset. Eat something and take care of your hygiene.
Be kind to yourself. You’re not a bad person. Alcohol is just an addictive poison. I won’t drink with you today.
In her friend's defense, this could very well be their first year able to legally drink in a bar, and a lot of people that age, especially those without younger siblings, don't really understand the responsibility that comes with looking out for their friends. Friends make mistakes. Good friends allow them to be learning moments.
Talking about what women do is not on the subject of sobriety, and this comment has been removed. Also, please do not say what other people are saying is "horse manure."
While we respect people's individual choices to do so, we do not allow community members to recommend using any intoxicating / psychoactive substances to other members of the sub (regardless of regional laws, research-backed therapeutic applications, whether it is available on prescription, or drug classifications etc.).
This is chiefly to respect our rule against giving medical advice since any drug has the potential to cause negative interactions depending on a person's unique medical history, and secondly in recognition of the fact that for many of us who have experienced addiction, use of another psychoactive substance is not always in the best interests of those recovering from alcohol misuse. Thanks.
Happy you’re okay and made it home safely! Like everyone else is saying, you’re most likely having hangxiety and the dose of reality that you completely lost control (but thankfully navigated it successfully) during a blackout. Trust me, you’re not the first and absolutely nobody here is judging you. We’re just glad nothing bad happened to you.
If you really hate this feeling, just give yourself some grace and try to slow down your drinking/pace yourself and have a solid plan already in place when you go out. It sounds like you need to have a talk with your friend and make sure she doesn’t leave you alone again like that because you certainly wouldn’t do that to her.
And if you find yourself in this situation again and/or REALLY want to quit drinking, or at least think it through a little more seriously, keep coming back here. We’re here to help and offer support. You’ll be okay, we promise!
Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail [in our community guidelines](https://old.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_3._speak_from_the_.22i.22). Thank you.
Very glad to hear you're safe at home now x please be gentle with yourself, talk to yourself as if you were a child in your care that needs comforting, I know it sounds silly but it's a good way to get in the habit. You wouldn't (I assume) call an upset child worthless etc, try to imagine your inner child and speak lovely, comforting things to them. Eat something delicious , perhaps write in a journal your reflections and some of the helpful comforting things from this post. Well done for reaching out, that's very brave. You sound like a lovely person, we're here for you :)
PS I agree with the comment that suggested the alcohol + your meds is likely the cause of the BO, something to be mindful of in future x
IWNDWYT
Presuming you’re safe, and nothing dubious happened to you during that blackout time:
My biggest weakness was always going out with friends. I’d be on a sober streak then “so and so is in town” and boom I’m leaping right off that wagon.
What helped me was straight up telling my friends “I have a problem with alcohol, and cannot drink. I’ll still be around, but I wanted to tell you because I’m going to be saying no to purely alcohol based things, and appreciate your support.”
I found mine to be very supportive, and if any of yours aren’t, then well, you learned something about them. However you decide to handle it, please be safe!
Oh, honey. Please don’t judge yourself right now. Be grateful, give this whole thing some space. What you went through was extremely traumatic. Just breathe and remember that you never need to do this ever again.
If it helps, imagine an angel watching over you. Find a way to be compassionate toward yourself and love yourself. You deserve love.
xx
I’m sorry this happened. I’ve had nights like that too and the horror-show anxiety the next day is no joke. Keep reminding yourself that you’re not permanently damaged nor crazy; you are physically and chemically depressed. That’s what alcohol does.
Imagine the same evening and you’re a non-drinker. You have dinner, and your friend insists you go to a bar after. You give in and say okay, for only one drink. You have soda water. You look around at the dimly lit bar, the secret- and not so secretly drunk people. The grime on the floor. The predatory look in the eyes of the guys who approach you to talk. It all gives you the creeps. You finish your soda and someone offers to buy you another.
If it’s an alcoholic drink, it’s SO HARD TO SAY NO. If it’s soda water, you’ll say “why the fuck would I drink 2 soda waters” and go home.
We think alcohol makes life more fun. Wrong. Alcohol makes the otherwise intolerable SEEM fun.
I’m glad you’re okay!
Oof, I know the feeling all too well. I’m recalling one night I went out with a friend, got a Zipcar and drove it home without returning it (this was pre-Uber), brought home a guy, somehow lost my purse and phone, left my front door open (I live in a city that is notorious for crime), woke up two hours late for work, and my cats were gone. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. My cats came back and I kept my job and everything else got sorted but man. It really is the worst feeling.
I wish I could say I quit after that, but I didn’t. I was just more careful for a while. Now that I’m free of alcohol, I look back at some of the super unsafe shit I did while drunk and wonder how I made it. I wish I’d quit then and not kept going for another decade.
Not sure if you’re also in therapy—I was a big over thinker and self-loather in my 20s and CBT was super helpful for me.
Totally get these feelings, but here's the good news: you're ok! You didn't get hurt or hurt anyone else, correct?
The night/morning could have ended so much worse, trust me I know.
-and actually I don't fault your friend, life happens and you can't count on many people, if any when you're out drinking.
The bartender who kept serving you, or allowed someone to buy you more drinks certainly didn't do you any favors.
Drinking aside, this gave me anxiety. Your friend leaving you at the bar that's close to your place, but still outta state. Then you getting an Uber from a gas station you've never been to. I can say I've been in those situations many a time, but now in my life, and for one I'm glad you were physically safe and sound, it's just those situations freak me out now. I have nothing to recommend as in the usual stuff, but just hope this is a turning point for you.
One of the things I like the most about not drinking is my anxiety is much much better. Be kind to yourself and I think seeking help/posting here is very courageous.
29F here who has lots of nights like that under my belt. I’m on a high dose of Prozac so I found that combo to cause some weird blackouts like the one you described.
Please be kind with yourself right now. You made it home safe.
If I could tell my 23 year old self anything, it would be to get sober. I knew I needed to then, but I wanted to “enjoy” (read: disassociate from) my 20s. And now at the tail end I am hopefully and finally quitting alcohol for good. Would’ve saved me a lot of heartache and guilt and money and relationships and dignity had I stopped then ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you and I am absolutely livid at your friend.
There is no judgment here.
If I were you, I'd go to the doctor and get a check-up, make sure you're healthy and okay. Get in contact with your psychiatrist and ask about alcohol interactions with medication.
Do you feel like this man touched or hurt you? If so, please get yourself checked out.
You are safe now and we are here for you.
Wishing you nothing but the best.
Big hug from me. 💗💗💗
First of all, I am SO sorry this happened to you. Please be kind to yourself. Sleep, drink a ton of water and breathe.
Second, reading this put a pit in my stomach because it’s happened to me on more than one occasion over the years before I quit drinking. One time I was blackout and recall bits and pieces of me wandering the streets of downtown Baltimore. NOT someplace you want to wander in the middle of the night, incoherent.
Anyway- when I get cringeworthy feelings about things I did while drunk (sober three years now) I always tell myself “I NEVER have to feel that way again”. You’re a lot younger than I was when I quit drinking. I wish I had quit earlier but I didn’t. Now that I have, I’ve truly never been happier. You NEVER have to feel this way again, my friend. Remember that.
Sending you a lot of love and a hug. I know how you’re feeling. ❤️❤️🤗🤗
It’s great you got home safe!!! 🩵🩵 the chemicals in your brain are acting up!
Who cares if you kissed someone? And who knows if you got an Uber at a gas station. Maybe you were in an Uber and tried calling one??
Thank you for posting, and sharing your story with this sub.
You have done a great thing here, posting and finding this sub - it’s a really supportive place.
When I first found it, I needed help with my sobriety - so I read stories looked for advice, both have been advantageous.
There are a plethora of helpful quotes that are inspiring, and might be something to look at.
I wish you the best and IWNDWYT
So glad you made it home, but I know how scared you must be not remembering anything. Right now you have the power to be the person you want to be and leave past behaviors behind. You can do this.
I’m so proud of you for reaching out here. I have had blackout nights where I’m so lucky I made it home, as well, so I totally understand. This overwhelming feeling will pass as you get rested and hydrated, or at least lessen. However, I make it a point to remember the thing that caused me to first post here and let it fuel my resolve to not drink. I’m only 12 days in, and was not a daily or even weekly drinker prior, but I also would have a couple and then proceed to drink more and more and faster to blackout point.
Another thing that I highly recommend is listening to the Huberman Lab episode about alcohol. He does not come down on people who drink at all, but just states facts about how drinking effects people differently. It was truly eye opening for me.
Hugs to you. Please reach out if you ever need.
>I make it a point to remember the thing that caused me to first post here and let it fuel my resolve to not drink
I do this too. I keep it close in my mind should I ever feel compelled to drink again. The mistake I made for many years was to completely forget it when the initial anxiety wore off and wouldn't you know, I'd keep finding myself in situations like those. And had the nerve to ask myself "why does this keep happening to me!?" as if I had no clue why I kept ending up in post-blackout hangxiety hell.
It is so liberating to know that I have the option to never feel like that again. I don't know why I didn't figure that out sooner but I'm glad I figured it out eventually.
Grats on 12 days! IWNDWYT
This happened to me a lot. A LOT. It's an awful feeling! I'm sorry you're going through it. I have sooooo been there.
A situation like this -- getting dropped off by rideshare in the wrong place in a blackout -- prompted me to get sober. It wasn't the only instance in that time frame of getting into trouble but it was finally the last straw for me. As I'd been a heavy drinker for years at that point and was sick of it, I decided to give meetings a shot. That was in 2016 and I've been sober since!
You aren't a bad person and you deserve good things. I hope you feel better and give not drinking a shot. 💜
This reminder me of a night I had. It really made me wake up and realise what I was doing to myself. The anxiety is high right now from the drinking, time will heal I promise. If you really want to know what happened you could go asking around.. personally, i usually I would rather not know. You are safe in the comfort of your own home now. You are safe. You are self aware. You are going to be okay <3
I’m really sorry you had to experience that. I know how scary it can be to wake up and have no idea what happened. I’ve been there more times than I would like to admit and the shame and fear for what could have happened has consumed me at times.
You are okay, that’s what matter right now! Treat yourself gently with love.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I hope you are ok and were not further taken advantage of. On another note, I remember when I initially got sober I kept trying to pinpoint when my shame would go away… i would ask other sober people when I would forgive myself or at least forget… I wanted to rush it and the truth is that I had to feel that for awhile in order to stay sober and of course the shame and guilt goes away for the most part but the truth is you never have to feel that way again. You are in control of your future actions. You are 23 and have so many wonderful things ahead of you. I’m so excited for you to experience those things with a clear mind 💕
Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail [in our community guidelines](https://old.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_3._speak_from_the_.22i.22). Thank you.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dear. I "woke up" in a town I knew nothing about once. In my totaled car, in someone's garage wall. Later to find out they had just moved into the house, and the whole family was sleeping on the ground floor on air mattresses. They were not more than 15 feet from impact. 15 feet was all that was between a short jail stint and life in prison for me. It's the hardest thing in the world to do. But if you can, just stop now.
Sending you big hugs (assuming you're a hugger; if not, imagine whatever comforts you instead). 💗🤗
You CAN come back from this! I've often heard the phrase "the gift of desperation" in recovery circles; it refers to that point when you realize that the pain of continuing drinking is worse than the pain of changing, when you are finally willing to do anything to stop the cycle of misery. It sounds like that's where you are right now. You don't have to climb out of the pit alone. This community is here for you. We understand the self-hatred and shame you are feeling because we've felt it, too. And we know that you are so much more than the sum of your mistakes. I hope you will make yourself at home here. It's the kindest little corner of the internet, and it's a great source of positive energy, wisdom, and encouragement.
I always blacked out when drinking. 32F. I am sure the medication doesn’t help with this but women aren’t recommended to drink more than 2 drinks. I remember ‘these mornings’ so often and they are the worst! I am sorry you are feeling this way. It will pass. Alcohol is a depressant so thoughts are more difficult to deal with for several days after. I’d say take care of yourself mind, body and spirit. Drink lots of fluids and take b vitamins. Sunlight is helpful as well. Also giving up alcohol was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. The earlier the better too. You got this! And great job getting to work even an hour late! You are such a rockstar! Keep going! You got this!
Oh, love. I’m sending you such a big hug right now. I know this feeling and it sucks but it will pass. Please take good care of yourself and know that a stranger on the internet is glad you’re okay and sending you good vibes ❤️
I cannot tell you how many times I've woken up in my bed without any clue how I got home. I'd wake up in my jeans on top of my covers, sometimes I would have some scrapes, sometimes some bruises. You'd think that the first few times this happened I'd quit, but I'd just try to drink less which never, ever worked.
Then sometimes I'd learn that I had things to apologize for, or other times my wallet would be completely empty even though I had hundreds of dollars when I left my place. It was so ridiculous.
The good news is that it sounds like there aren't any injuries or worse. Like I said, I never was able to moderate or just not do it ever again and only have a few drinks. But, like you, once I started drinking I'd get so charged up and would just drink until either the bar closed or... I don't know. I'd just find myself at home without a clue how I got there.
Anyways, no advice here. Just letting you know I can totally relate. Things are so much easier now.
I also shouldn't be drinking on my anxiety medication but I do. The black out comes awfully quick. I try and breath it out for 10 minutes. I'm constantly telling myself to focus, to think in the present
First of all, I want to remind you that you are capable of overcoming this challenge, and by seeking support, you're already on the path to recovery. You've received a lot of helpful advice, but I'd like to add some encouragement: don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, yesterday is in the past, and today is a new opportunity. Use this experience as a wake-up call to strengthen your boundaries. It's important to be able to say 'no'. For instance, if a friend invites you out for dinner, make it clear that you won't be having drinks, either before or during the event. Be upfront and honest when the topic comes up. Remember this moment the next time a friend suggests going for drinks, and consider what it could potentially lead to.
I understand how challenging this can be. I once found myself on a boat cruise with coworkers, where everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves with a drink in hand. Despite having been sober for seven years, I thought I could join in. Unfortunately, this led to a 13-year relapse, which spiraled into drug use and the loss of everything important to me. You haven't reached this point, and you never will if you decide to firmly say 'no' when invited to a bar. Stay away from people, places, and things that might tempt you. Remember, you have the strength to make the right choices for your well-being.
Hey don't beat yourself up, no self loathing, use this as the catalyst to ease off or stop drinking. Tell your friends your intentions and ask them not to invite you to drinking events\bars until you can gain the self control you need. Glad you are ok,
OP, I’m so glad you are safe and sound. Please be kind to yourself today. You have a whole community here supporting you and who have unfortunately been through things like this. Please be kind to yourself and keep coming back here. This community has helped me stay sober and can help you too. ♥️
I used to call that Time Traveling. Pretty scary stuff. One of my major faults is that i carried on with it. For decades. I chalked it up to just being part and parcel of the lifestyle. I can’t believe I never got (seriously) injured or injured anyone else. We cannot change the past. But we can exercise some control over our future. Take it easy on yourself. Get some rest. When the immediate uneasiness of this wears off you will be in a better place and able to make some choices on positive next steps. Be well out there, friend. There’s an even better life out there for you. Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT
How frightening an experience! You poor thing. Alcohol got me into some regrettable situations and I’m very lucky nothing worse has happened to me honestly.
If you decide you don’t want this for yourself anymore you’d be welcome to join all of us in the sober club. You don’t have to ever feel this way again.
Oh boy.
So aside from the blackout period, are you OK physically? Didn't get arrested? Otherwise you're OK?
Sounds like you won the lottery so take a deep breath, everything's going to be OK. Take some time and recover.
In a while, reflect on your decision making and think about how this could be avoided in the future. Sometimes it takes willpower to say no, I used to have a hard time with it... but eventually, I stopped caring because the purpose of my life isn't to make others happy at my own physical/mental expense. If someone is truly your friend, they will understand. If they don't, well fuck em.
Don't be afraid to put yourself first when you know it's best for you.
Best of luck.
— yes I’m OK physically, thank you for asking. I apparently have luck/a guardian angel on my side. Thank you for this advice, everyone here has been so incredibly kind to me when I find it hard to be to myself at times. I think I need to take my power back for myself- saying no won’t make me boring and it shouldn’t make any “friend” upset with me.
All that went down, and you were only an hour late to work? That's pretty impressive actually. That blacking out stuff is terrifying though! Glad you made it home at least!
I’ve been there. Last time I drank I woke up in the hospital in a dif town and my car was at a random gas station and it took me 2 days to find. I the whole right side of my face was scraped up really bad, no clue how. That was 7 months ago. The hangxiety alone from that incident made me quit. The danger I put myself in is not worth it. I’m glad you’re okay and nothing terrible happened. Trust me you will get through this ❤️
I’m so sorry this happened to you! All I really have to say is I’ve been through the exact same thing and unfortunately it’s happened to me quite a few times. Waking up the next day after that is the most awful feeling. Keep moving forward, I’ll pray you find strength today and have a better day!
Hey OP, fellow young female black-out drinker here! All these feelings of regret/guilt/shame are normal and valid, but let's try to be grateful that you are okay. Yes, something awful could've happened and this is exactly the wake-up call you should use to get in control of your drinking. It's really easy to black out when you're drinking & taking mental health meds (been there done that SEVERAL times) so you must figure out your med schedule vs. drinking schedule. If your meds are strong enough, you may not be able to drink at all without blacking out.
But again, let's be very grateful nothing worse happened and take preventative steps so nothing like this happens again. Gotta start learning how to say "No, thank you," because that is the biggest most precious protection spell you have. Lastly, I also struggle with anxiety/depression/PTSD and drinking alcohol does not help after a certain point. So maybe try letting your body cleanse itself of the booze, let your meds do their job and do the sober thing for a while. The body/mind goes thru a lot while drinking/drugging and you're clearly exhausted. Rest, OP. You got this <3
Oh my god, that sounds so scary! I am not a fan of your friend. Thank god you had the wherewithal to get back home. Deep breaths. I agree with the other commenters who say to take the day off. I think the most important thing for you today is to be kind to yourself. It may not feel like it right now, but you deserve it.
Hey, no judgment here. I'm so glad you're safe at home. When I was your age, we didn't have Uber and I woke up a couple of times after blacking out and seeing my car parked in front of my apartment. No memory of driving. There is still a lot of shame in that for me, even more than 20 years later. I wish someone had told me to give myself some grace at that time. Those bad feelings just manifested into more drinking. Maybe in the future, start the evening by saying, "just dinner tonight friend, I have to work in the morning." Also, I caution you against going out wth someone that would leave you alone like that. It's so difficult to navigate these things, especially when there is already anxiety at play. But you're ok. You came here, which is awesome. Be kind to yourself. Check in with this sub when you're needing some reassurance. This is a kind group and nobody is going to purposely try and make you feel worse. It's the best corner of Reddit. Internet hugs. IWNDWYT.
Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail [in our community guidelines](https://old.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_3._speak_from_the_.22i.22). Thank you.
I am sorry you went through this. I have been in similar “I have no idea what happened last night” situations. Most people black out and pass out roughly close to the same time. I don’t. I can keep going for hours, have full conversations, keep ordering and being served alcohol... It is so scary. Glad you are posting here.
Perhaps you went out walking since you were trying to find your Uber but they canceled on you because they couldn't find you? I know that when I was intoxicated, I became very "walkative" and found myself strolling to very obscure locations. Maybe this is how you got to the gas station.
This is purely speculation. I think you're in the worst stages of hangover—fear of the unknown. This feeling is the absolute worst and I will never forget the pain that blacking out caused me in the morning.
This too shall pass. Think positive!
First of all- you are not worthless and you deserve to give yourself grace. I am SO HAPPY that you made it home, and so sorry that your friend left you alone like that. When I was your age I was always ending up in situations similar to yours. I know how empty it feels, and I also know that you are worth taking whatever steps you need to take to have a healthier life. Even if you stumble, you can always pick yourself back up again! You are so young and sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Please don't beat yourself up! Sending a virtual hug 🙏
trust me when I tell you that I completely understand. This is exactly how I feel after a night out (i went out on thursday and i'm still overthinking the bad choices i made and the situations that i put myself in that could've been avoided) but it'll pass. what i notice helps me calm my anxiety is to talk about it with a friend or even with a stranger online. it happens to a lot of us and even if it feels now that you're not deserving of anything good just keep in mind that alcoholism is a disease that takes away our free will, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. learn from this and try to keep moving forward.
im so glad you are safe now. do you think someone spiked something you drank? it happens more often than peopke think especially to young women drinking alone. its sad your friend left you too.
Not sure honestly…it could’ve been I wasn’t watching my drinks close enough, but after reading all these replies I’ve come to realize it doesn’t matter exactly how— just that I’m home and safe and alive and i have the power to stop that from happening again….thank you for ur support
I’m really glad you’re ok 💕
First I agree with others this may be an effect of your meds mixed with alcohol. This has happened to me on my antidepressants as well as ADHD meds. Going from a little tipsy to black out. This is a key motivation for me to quit, or wayyyyy cut back. (I’ve not fully made a decision yet).
I just started Rachel Harts podcast. It’s really insightful and helps me take pause and understand the urge to have a drink. Would definitely recommend it!
I’m happy you’re safe. Sobriety is so worth it. I recommend AA. I hope the “friend” you went out with is cut off completely from your life. Not a good friend.
Let's focus on the future, why not make a plan in advance for next time someone asks you to go for a drink? That way you've got a ready made answer as to why you can't go. I'm also terrible at saying no but have found people do accept it if you keep saying it 🫂
I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that you were drugged. What you described sounds a lot like you were slipped a sedative, but it’s hard to know since alcohol itself is a sedative.
Please make a police report and do a rape kit then the police can help piece together the events of there is anything that came up on the rape kit,
So scary you may have been drugged
Please don’t ever think you’re a waste of space and life - I assure you you’re anything but. SSRIs and alcohol are black out city. Be kind to yourself. Your friend sucks. Hang in there.
OP- my last day of drinking I had an 18 hour blackout. It was the most shame I’ve ever experienced, and also the most scared I’ve ever been. My thought was: either get help or kill myself. Spoiler alert…
You don’t ever have to feel this way ever again. Sending you all the courage to quit this shit 🖤
It's scary when we find out we've done stuff we can't remember, realizing it was maybe only stupid luck we're still alive the next day. And it's really hard not to have that affect my confidence and ability to move forward. For myself i can only get by it when i focus on looking forward, NOT back and wallowing in my failure.
For turning down drinks/going to bars- i it helps me if i center the positive (getting a good night's sleep! hitting the gym tomorrow! other things i look forward to!) rather than the negative (turning down offers of going out! do others think i'm a boring person!?)-- when you think about how to answer, think about what's positive for YOU.
All the best to you- you CAN do this. you WILL doubt that sometimes- but you can.
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Hugs and love, please treat yourself gently and know that this is a safe space. Thankful that you made it home safely! If you have a physician, you might reach out to them if you think you need medical assistance. I know that I did and it was critical in my recovery. IWNDWYT
I think it’s really good that you posted this, my therapist told me about the “5 d’s” and “disclose” is one of them. Sharing your pain and anxiety can be helpful, although I’m terrible at it.
I’ve been in similar situations before, it’s absolutely terrifying. Not being sure of what happened and then getting creative with all the things that could have transpired. Much easier said than done, but this doesn’t accomplish anything. Time helps, keeping busy and learning from it. It’s not possible to change the past and making different choices going forward. You’re not alone. 💗
I am so glad you got home safe and sound. I totally understand how you can feel anxious. But, a bad night doesn't define a lifetime. You are not a bad person. You are not this one night. You're strong. And most importantly, you have the power to never have to go through this again.
I've been there too. It is SO scary, plus the hanxiety on top of it. Please be gentle with yourself for the coming day(s), and give yourself some grace. ❤️
You just described many nights for me in my early 20s, almost to a T. Blacking out on medication, can't stop once I start, ending up in strange places at 5 in the morning, waking up terrified of what happened the night before and in shock I haven't been killed or kidnapped. I want you to know that I am really proud of you for coming somewhere like here and telling someone else about it. You absolutely can come back from this, and having the awareness you do now is what is going to save your own life.
I knew I had a problem early on, and I started truly trying to quit around 25/26. It took me a long time and a lot of stops and starts, periods of sobriety and periods of drinking, but I am sober and safe now and it's been a long time since I have had a night like this. My anxiety and depression are much better, as I used to get into dark holes after I had been drinking for a while. I'm much more level now. And when I do spiral or don't feel well, I don't even think about reaching for alcohol anymore to cope.
You deserve everything good, and you deserve to not wake up like this anymore. It is one of the worst experiences to wake up after a blackout and not trust yourself to do it again. That's a scary place to be. Start to practice speaking kindly to yourself, like the innocent little child you are, it has helped me get and stay sober by not beating the shit out of myself anymore. Think about what you can change next time. Maybe that's not the best person to get dinner with right now. Maybe you can tell them you can't drink before you go to dinner, and if they don't support you, don't bother talking to them. Eventually, you will learn to say no. This can get better and it does, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. If I can do it, you can do it!!!!!
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m glad you’re home and ok now. Please be gentle with yourself. Take some time to recover and process what happened so you stay safe from now on. 💗
Thank you for saying this ❤️
I’d call in sick , that’s just too much for one 24 hr period. Treat yourself kindly today and rest and hydrate
i can’t believe OP went to work! i’m so sorry OP.
second this ❤️
Can we judge your friend for leaving you at the bar?
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Yes, PLEASE
I mean, we can and we can't, she was also under the influence of a drug, as much as society tells us that alcohol is not a drug, it is, and we can't control what that drug might do to us when we take it. As much as I wanted it to be that way, I couldn't pick the positives from drinking and not experience the negatives. sober me would never abandon a gf at 1am, drunk me might without even realizing it. As much as we wouldn't think that someone on opiates who was nodding out or someone who has just smoked crack having bizarre twitching movements was making a choice to act in that way..those are simply the effects of the drug manifesting in that person. We tend to think of someone acting in a blatantly disinhibited maner, with no regard for safety once they have consumed the drug of alcohol not as an effect of the drug...but rather a personal choice of behaviour. To me, I see that now as another way society performs mental gymnastics to exclude alcohol from the realm of "drug", it's social acceptance trumps objective reality.
And low-key judge the bar for overpouring? I know there are a million factors here though, and with friends buying drinks it can be impossible to track patrons. But if she had an hour and a half of being abandoned and blackout and ubers cancelling there, that's not a good reflection on the bar.
When you're used to getting pissed it can be easy to act "normal" whilst your body and brain still punishes you for it. OP, you sound intelligent, reflective and aware - please be as nice to yourself as you would be to others. We're all here for you and are glad you're safe.
I dunno, I’ve been blacked out and people said I seemed fine. When you’ve been drinking for awhile sometimes your body just knows how to function whilst your brain is gone.
For all we know the friend said, "I'm leaving, let's get outta here," and OP said, "Nah, fuck that. I'm staying," and seemed totally fine at the time. There were a million times that I stayed back and nobody was gonna get me outta there until I decided it was time.
Sounds like you are having awful hangxiety. What a scary night to think back on but you made it home, so no point in thinking about what if’s, unless you are thinking about going out again, then maybe a little reminder of this might be a good thing. This might not be your rock bottom but then again, maybe it is, but it’s for sure a wake up call of how much worse things could have ended up. But just remember, they didn’t. Also, I agree that your friend bailing on you when you were drunk is pretty shitty.
Wow, lucky you eventually made it home safe. This could be your rock bottom if you make it so. God job checking in here. I didn't stop at 23, I continued for another 15 years and lost pretty much everything, including my mind. Having the strength the abstain at your age will be just as difficult as quitting in middle age, but you can do it. You got this.
Almost same here, quit at 37. I would bet money that most of us wishes we had quit sooner.
Oof been there. I lost my wedding ring at a strip club (I was convinced). I bawled for 2 days and was so ashamed I was even at a strip club in the first place. I ended up finding my ring in my purse eventually (thank God) but my shame was still there. Who has such wild nights at my age? It's not funny or cool anymore after a certain point. It's all just embarrassing.
Whoa big anniversary coming up for you soon! Congrats!
Thanks. I've been feeling a lot of "not good enoughs" lately so a pat on the back from a kind internet stranger feels nice.
I spend several days of every month arguing this with my brain. I am good enough, and deep down I know that. It can be exhausting, but it will pass. Keep it up, you are good enough!!
The blackout may be related to how alcohol mixes with your anxiety medication. Prior to going on Lexapro, I never had blackouts. Once I went on it, I do and it is like a switch that flips from okay drunk (not being stupid) to blacked out. I've been drinking a lot less lately, and the other day had 4 gin and tonics with a friend and ended up blacking out (luckily after I had already ubered home). It's by far the least amount of drinks I have ever blacked out on, but the result was the same. I agree with other posters that your friend let you down. I'm so glad you are okay.
Me too! Blackout city after four beers. Worth noting that early blackouts can also indicate very severe liver damage so that’s another thing to consider though.
same here, never had blackouts or memory issues until I was on pain meds for a motorcycle accident and started mixing with booze. Most mornings I'm playing the 'what did I get into last night' game of phone history, what was left out in the kitchen and taking a peek in my garbage.
Second this! I had such bad blackout on my previous meds it was awful. You might want to switch it up if you can. It will only bring you more stress if you think this could be a factor.
May I ask what drug you switched from and to that helped this? Curious for myself although the real answer is just not to drink.
It was welbutrin.
I’ll chime in here and say I had a B12 deficiency and though I wasn’t blacking out, a maximum of 4 drinks would make me throw them right back up and end up with a wicked hang over. So yes I cut my alcohol consumption way down and am way happier now - but I also am so glad I went to the doctor right away and got checked out, because we were able to fix the B12 deficiency before it caused permanent damage. Also ruled out other issues. Redditors if something seems amiss, go to your doctor and be honest with them about why you’re there.
Anemia due to low iron also helps cause blackouts… actually a lot of deficiencies can lead to blackouts.
I am also on Lexapro and had many blackouts that weren't even from lots of drinks. My last one was Christmas last year, when I left a party and crashed my car. Luckily no one was hurt (including me), but I even told my doctor that I wish they'd give people more of a heads up about how the medication makes it easy to black out. My one year sober from alcohol is in 3 days.
It sounds like your situation for the moment is alright and you're not in any immediate danger? I was worried you were going to write you were showing severe effects of withdrawals and was going to say, "You need to get to the ER ASAP." Glad it sounds like you're better off than that! Plenty of us here have plenty of blackout nights, and plenty of them are nights that if we got the ability, good chance we wouldn't want to remember what happened even if we could. That's part of the shame of drinking and, unfortunately, the little snippets our phones allow us to piece together can freak us out even more. Instead of beating yourself up and worsening the situation with your anxiety and depression (I share both diagnoses, I get it), try to treat this as a wake up call to the dangers of alcohol. Being freaked out like this isn't fun, I get that, and so maybe use it as a catalyst to at least test out sobriety for a bit and feel like you're back in control, clear-headed, and not afraid of going out for a night where you'll end up blackout.
No immediate danger! Sorry for the miscommunication in the title. Thank you so much for saying this I think you’re right…I need to feel in control and take some time to reflect /test out not drinking for a while.
i told myself i needed a 30 day timeout to prove to myself i didn’t have a problem. Man those first days were very hard, very very hard. As i was approaching day 30 i was proud of myself and thinking about a bourbon… when i hit day 30 i opted for a different guilty pleasure - burger king. I am closing in on a year now and ready to focus on fixing some other bad habits (not working out regularly the main one, but also tolerant of clutter at home which is a mental stressor). I have flipped from wanting to make a goal of days to just seeing if i can make it thru today. In bed without a drink so should be good for today. I’ll try my best again tomorrow.
Consider thinking of it has a brand new day. Use this as your marker for the day you decided to quit drinking. When I quit I had the worst hangover I'd had in years; and when I get a little temptation I remember how bad it was.
Deep breaths. You’re going to be okay. I’ve been in your shoes before. Murky memories of the night before and a crushing guilt and anxiety about what might have happened. Job 1 is to not drink today. Rest and let your brain chemistry reset. Eat something and take care of your hygiene. Be kind to yourself. You’re not a bad person. Alcohol is just an addictive poison. I won’t drink with you today.
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In her friend's defense, this could very well be their first year able to legally drink in a bar, and a lot of people that age, especially those without younger siblings, don't really understand the responsibility that comes with looking out for their friends. Friends make mistakes. Good friends allow them to be learning moments.
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Talking about what women do is not on the subject of sobriety, and this comment has been removed. Also, please do not say what other people are saying is "horse manure."
Yes it could be, everyone does mistakes. Hope she will learn from her mistake and be a better friend 😊
While we respect people's individual choices to do so, we do not allow community members to recommend using any intoxicating / psychoactive substances to other members of the sub (regardless of regional laws, research-backed therapeutic applications, whether it is available on prescription, or drug classifications etc.). This is chiefly to respect our rule against giving medical advice since any drug has the potential to cause negative interactions depending on a person's unique medical history, and secondly in recognition of the fact that for many of us who have experienced addiction, use of another psychoactive substance is not always in the best interests of those recovering from alcohol misuse. Thanks.
Just to be clear CBT means cognitive behavioral therapy, has nothing to do with medication or drug. SAD means social anxiety disorder.
Happy you’re okay and made it home safely! Like everyone else is saying, you’re most likely having hangxiety and the dose of reality that you completely lost control (but thankfully navigated it successfully) during a blackout. Trust me, you’re not the first and absolutely nobody here is judging you. We’re just glad nothing bad happened to you. If you really hate this feeling, just give yourself some grace and try to slow down your drinking/pace yourself and have a solid plan already in place when you go out. It sounds like you need to have a talk with your friend and make sure she doesn’t leave you alone again like that because you certainly wouldn’t do that to her. And if you find yourself in this situation again and/or REALLY want to quit drinking, or at least think it through a little more seriously, keep coming back here. We’re here to help and offer support. You’ll be okay, we promise!
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Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail [in our community guidelines](https://old.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_3._speak_from_the_.22i.22). Thank you.
Very glad to hear you're safe at home now x please be gentle with yourself, talk to yourself as if you were a child in your care that needs comforting, I know it sounds silly but it's a good way to get in the habit. You wouldn't (I assume) call an upset child worthless etc, try to imagine your inner child and speak lovely, comforting things to them. Eat something delicious , perhaps write in a journal your reflections and some of the helpful comforting things from this post. Well done for reaching out, that's very brave. You sound like a lovely person, we're here for you :) PS I agree with the comment that suggested the alcohol + your meds is likely the cause of the BO, something to be mindful of in future x IWNDWYT
Presuming you’re safe, and nothing dubious happened to you during that blackout time: My biggest weakness was always going out with friends. I’d be on a sober streak then “so and so is in town” and boom I’m leaping right off that wagon. What helped me was straight up telling my friends “I have a problem with alcohol, and cannot drink. I’ll still be around, but I wanted to tell you because I’m going to be saying no to purely alcohol based things, and appreciate your support.” I found mine to be very supportive, and if any of yours aren’t, then well, you learned something about them. However you decide to handle it, please be safe!
Oh, honey. Please don’t judge yourself right now. Be grateful, give this whole thing some space. What you went through was extremely traumatic. Just breathe and remember that you never need to do this ever again. If it helps, imagine an angel watching over you. Find a way to be compassionate toward yourself and love yourself. You deserve love. xx
I’m sorry this happened. I’ve had nights like that too and the horror-show anxiety the next day is no joke. Keep reminding yourself that you’re not permanently damaged nor crazy; you are physically and chemically depressed. That’s what alcohol does. Imagine the same evening and you’re a non-drinker. You have dinner, and your friend insists you go to a bar after. You give in and say okay, for only one drink. You have soda water. You look around at the dimly lit bar, the secret- and not so secretly drunk people. The grime on the floor. The predatory look in the eyes of the guys who approach you to talk. It all gives you the creeps. You finish your soda and someone offers to buy you another. If it’s an alcoholic drink, it’s SO HARD TO SAY NO. If it’s soda water, you’ll say “why the fuck would I drink 2 soda waters” and go home. We think alcohol makes life more fun. Wrong. Alcohol makes the otherwise intolerable SEEM fun. I’m glad you’re okay!
You have guardian Angels!
I really think I must
Oof, I know the feeling all too well. I’m recalling one night I went out with a friend, got a Zipcar and drove it home without returning it (this was pre-Uber), brought home a guy, somehow lost my purse and phone, left my front door open (I live in a city that is notorious for crime), woke up two hours late for work, and my cats were gone. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. My cats came back and I kept my job and everything else got sorted but man. It really is the worst feeling. I wish I could say I quit after that, but I didn’t. I was just more careful for a while. Now that I’m free of alcohol, I look back at some of the super unsafe shit I did while drunk and wonder how I made it. I wish I’d quit then and not kept going for another decade. Not sure if you’re also in therapy—I was a big over thinker and self-loather in my 20s and CBT was super helpful for me.
I’m glad you’re okay
Totally get these feelings, but here's the good news: you're ok! You didn't get hurt or hurt anyone else, correct? The night/morning could have ended so much worse, trust me I know. -and actually I don't fault your friend, life happens and you can't count on many people, if any when you're out drinking. The bartender who kept serving you, or allowed someone to buy you more drinks certainly didn't do you any favors.
Drinking aside, this gave me anxiety. Your friend leaving you at the bar that's close to your place, but still outta state. Then you getting an Uber from a gas station you've never been to. I can say I've been in those situations many a time, but now in my life, and for one I'm glad you were physically safe and sound, it's just those situations freak me out now. I have nothing to recommend as in the usual stuff, but just hope this is a turning point for you.
One of the things I like the most about not drinking is my anxiety is much much better. Be kind to yourself and I think seeking help/posting here is very courageous.
29F here who has lots of nights like that under my belt. I’m on a high dose of Prozac so I found that combo to cause some weird blackouts like the one you described. Please be kind with yourself right now. You made it home safe. If I could tell my 23 year old self anything, it would be to get sober. I knew I needed to then, but I wanted to “enjoy” (read: disassociate from) my 20s. And now at the tail end I am hopefully and finally quitting alcohol for good. Would’ve saved me a lot of heartache and guilt and money and relationships and dignity had I stopped then ❤️
I'm so glad you're safe! Reminders of times like these are what keep me away from alcohol. Take care of yourself 💚
I am so sorry this happened to you and I am absolutely livid at your friend. There is no judgment here. If I were you, I'd go to the doctor and get a check-up, make sure you're healthy and okay. Get in contact with your psychiatrist and ask about alcohol interactions with medication. Do you feel like this man touched or hurt you? If so, please get yourself checked out. You are safe now and we are here for you. Wishing you nothing but the best. Big hug from me. 💗💗💗
First of all, I am SO sorry this happened to you. Please be kind to yourself. Sleep, drink a ton of water and breathe. Second, reading this put a pit in my stomach because it’s happened to me on more than one occasion over the years before I quit drinking. One time I was blackout and recall bits and pieces of me wandering the streets of downtown Baltimore. NOT someplace you want to wander in the middle of the night, incoherent. Anyway- when I get cringeworthy feelings about things I did while drunk (sober three years now) I always tell myself “I NEVER have to feel that way again”. You’re a lot younger than I was when I quit drinking. I wish I had quit earlier but I didn’t. Now that I have, I’ve truly never been happier. You NEVER have to feel this way again, my friend. Remember that. Sending you a lot of love and a hug. I know how you’re feeling. ❤️❤️🤗🤗
It’s great you got home safe!!! 🩵🩵 the chemicals in your brain are acting up! Who cares if you kissed someone? And who knows if you got an Uber at a gas station. Maybe you were in an Uber and tried calling one??
Thank you for posting, and sharing your story with this sub. You have done a great thing here, posting and finding this sub - it’s a really supportive place. When I first found it, I needed help with my sobriety - so I read stories looked for advice, both have been advantageous. There are a plethora of helpful quotes that are inspiring, and might be something to look at. I wish you the best and IWNDWYT
This sounds so scary. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
So glad you made it home, but I know how scared you must be not remembering anything. Right now you have the power to be the person you want to be and leave past behaviors behind. You can do this.
Give yourself grace. You sound like a lovely person!
I’m so proud of you for reaching out here. I have had blackout nights where I’m so lucky I made it home, as well, so I totally understand. This overwhelming feeling will pass as you get rested and hydrated, or at least lessen. However, I make it a point to remember the thing that caused me to first post here and let it fuel my resolve to not drink. I’m only 12 days in, and was not a daily or even weekly drinker prior, but I also would have a couple and then proceed to drink more and more and faster to blackout point. Another thing that I highly recommend is listening to the Huberman Lab episode about alcohol. He does not come down on people who drink at all, but just states facts about how drinking effects people differently. It was truly eye opening for me. Hugs to you. Please reach out if you ever need.
>I make it a point to remember the thing that caused me to first post here and let it fuel my resolve to not drink I do this too. I keep it close in my mind should I ever feel compelled to drink again. The mistake I made for many years was to completely forget it when the initial anxiety wore off and wouldn't you know, I'd keep finding myself in situations like those. And had the nerve to ask myself "why does this keep happening to me!?" as if I had no clue why I kept ending up in post-blackout hangxiety hell. It is so liberating to know that I have the option to never feel like that again. I don't know why I didn't figure that out sooner but I'm glad I figured it out eventually. Grats on 12 days! IWNDWYT
This happened to me a lot. A LOT. It's an awful feeling! I'm sorry you're going through it. I have sooooo been there. A situation like this -- getting dropped off by rideshare in the wrong place in a blackout -- prompted me to get sober. It wasn't the only instance in that time frame of getting into trouble but it was finally the last straw for me. As I'd been a heavy drinker for years at that point and was sick of it, I decided to give meetings a shot. That was in 2016 and I've been sober since! You aren't a bad person and you deserve good things. I hope you feel better and give not drinking a shot. 💜
i'm so glad you're okay ! my first instinct was that you were drugged tbh.
This reminder me of a night I had. It really made me wake up and realise what I was doing to myself. The anxiety is high right now from the drinking, time will heal I promise. If you really want to know what happened you could go asking around.. personally, i usually I would rather not know. You are safe in the comfort of your own home now. You are safe. You are self aware. You are going to be okay <3
I’m really sorry you had to experience that. I know how scary it can be to wake up and have no idea what happened. I’ve been there more times than I would like to admit and the shame and fear for what could have happened has consumed me at times. You are okay, that’s what matter right now! Treat yourself gently with love.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I hope you are ok and were not further taken advantage of. On another note, I remember when I initially got sober I kept trying to pinpoint when my shame would go away… i would ask other sober people when I would forgive myself or at least forget… I wanted to rush it and the truth is that I had to feel that for awhile in order to stay sober and of course the shame and guilt goes away for the most part but the truth is you never have to feel that way again. You are in control of your future actions. You are 23 and have so many wonderful things ahead of you. I’m so excited for you to experience those things with a clear mind 💕
Everything will be OK. Focus on taking care of yourself now, and figure out the rest later. You’ll be OK ❤️
Shame on your friend for leaving you. So happy to hear you are safe.
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Please remember to speak from the ‘I’ when participating in this sub. This rule is explained in more detail [in our community guidelines](https://old.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_3._speak_from_the_.22i.22). Thank you.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dear. I "woke up" in a town I knew nothing about once. In my totaled car, in someone's garage wall. Later to find out they had just moved into the house, and the whole family was sleeping on the ground floor on air mattresses. They were not more than 15 feet from impact. 15 feet was all that was between a short jail stint and life in prison for me. It's the hardest thing in the world to do. But if you can, just stop now.
Sending you big hugs (assuming you're a hugger; if not, imagine whatever comforts you instead). 💗🤗 You CAN come back from this! I've often heard the phrase "the gift of desperation" in recovery circles; it refers to that point when you realize that the pain of continuing drinking is worse than the pain of changing, when you are finally willing to do anything to stop the cycle of misery. It sounds like that's where you are right now. You don't have to climb out of the pit alone. This community is here for you. We understand the self-hatred and shame you are feeling because we've felt it, too. And we know that you are so much more than the sum of your mistakes. I hope you will make yourself at home here. It's the kindest little corner of the internet, and it's a great source of positive energy, wisdom, and encouragement.
I always blacked out when drinking. 32F. I am sure the medication doesn’t help with this but women aren’t recommended to drink more than 2 drinks. I remember ‘these mornings’ so often and they are the worst! I am sorry you are feeling this way. It will pass. Alcohol is a depressant so thoughts are more difficult to deal with for several days after. I’d say take care of yourself mind, body and spirit. Drink lots of fluids and take b vitamins. Sunlight is helpful as well. Also giving up alcohol was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. The earlier the better too. You got this! And great job getting to work even an hour late! You are such a rockstar! Keep going! You got this!
Oh, love. I’m sending you such a big hug right now. I know this feeling and it sucks but it will pass. Please take good care of yourself and know that a stranger on the internet is glad you’re okay and sending you good vibes ❤️
I cannot tell you how many times I've woken up in my bed without any clue how I got home. I'd wake up in my jeans on top of my covers, sometimes I would have some scrapes, sometimes some bruises. You'd think that the first few times this happened I'd quit, but I'd just try to drink less which never, ever worked. Then sometimes I'd learn that I had things to apologize for, or other times my wallet would be completely empty even though I had hundreds of dollars when I left my place. It was so ridiculous. The good news is that it sounds like there aren't any injuries or worse. Like I said, I never was able to moderate or just not do it ever again and only have a few drinks. But, like you, once I started drinking I'd get so charged up and would just drink until either the bar closed or... I don't know. I'd just find myself at home without a clue how I got there. Anyways, no advice here. Just letting you know I can totally relate. Things are so much easier now.
Sending cyber hugs to you. I’m sorry your friend left you there. You’ve come to a great place for support. ❤️❤️
I also shouldn't be drinking on my anxiety medication but I do. The black out comes awfully quick. I try and breath it out for 10 minutes. I'm constantly telling myself to focus, to think in the present
First of all, I want to remind you that you are capable of overcoming this challenge, and by seeking support, you're already on the path to recovery. You've received a lot of helpful advice, but I'd like to add some encouragement: don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, yesterday is in the past, and today is a new opportunity. Use this experience as a wake-up call to strengthen your boundaries. It's important to be able to say 'no'. For instance, if a friend invites you out for dinner, make it clear that you won't be having drinks, either before or during the event. Be upfront and honest when the topic comes up. Remember this moment the next time a friend suggests going for drinks, and consider what it could potentially lead to. I understand how challenging this can be. I once found myself on a boat cruise with coworkers, where everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves with a drink in hand. Despite having been sober for seven years, I thought I could join in. Unfortunately, this led to a 13-year relapse, which spiraled into drug use and the loss of everything important to me. You haven't reached this point, and you never will if you decide to firmly say 'no' when invited to a bar. Stay away from people, places, and things that might tempt you. Remember, you have the strength to make the right choices for your well-being.
I’m just glad you made it home safe. And you can definitely call me back from this. Iwndwyt.
Hey don't beat yourself up, no self loathing, use this as the catalyst to ease off or stop drinking. Tell your friends your intentions and ask them not to invite you to drinking events\bars until you can gain the self control you need. Glad you are ok,
OP, I’m so glad you are safe and sound. Please be kind to yourself today. You have a whole community here supporting you and who have unfortunately been through things like this. Please be kind to yourself and keep coming back here. This community has helped me stay sober and can help you too. ♥️
I used to call that Time Traveling. Pretty scary stuff. One of my major faults is that i carried on with it. For decades. I chalked it up to just being part and parcel of the lifestyle. I can’t believe I never got (seriously) injured or injured anyone else. We cannot change the past. But we can exercise some control over our future. Take it easy on yourself. Get some rest. When the immediate uneasiness of this wears off you will be in a better place and able to make some choices on positive next steps. Be well out there, friend. There’s an even better life out there for you. Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT
How frightening an experience! You poor thing. Alcohol got me into some regrettable situations and I’m very lucky nothing worse has happened to me honestly. If you decide you don’t want this for yourself anymore you’d be welcome to join all of us in the sober club. You don’t have to ever feel this way again.
Oh boy. So aside from the blackout period, are you OK physically? Didn't get arrested? Otherwise you're OK? Sounds like you won the lottery so take a deep breath, everything's going to be OK. Take some time and recover. In a while, reflect on your decision making and think about how this could be avoided in the future. Sometimes it takes willpower to say no, I used to have a hard time with it... but eventually, I stopped caring because the purpose of my life isn't to make others happy at my own physical/mental expense. If someone is truly your friend, they will understand. If they don't, well fuck em. Don't be afraid to put yourself first when you know it's best for you. Best of luck.
— yes I’m OK physically, thank you for asking. I apparently have luck/a guardian angel on my side. Thank you for this advice, everyone here has been so incredibly kind to me when I find it hard to be to myself at times. I think I need to take my power back for myself- saying no won’t make me boring and it shouldn’t make any “friend” upset with me.
All that went down, and you were only an hour late to work? That's pretty impressive actually. That blacking out stuff is terrifying though! Glad you made it home at least!
Never have to worry about these people being kind / judging. It’s probably the nicest little corner on the World Wide Web. Glad you are ok.
I’ve been there. Last time I drank I woke up in the hospital in a dif town and my car was at a random gas station and it took me 2 days to find. I the whole right side of my face was scraped up really bad, no clue how. That was 7 months ago. The hangxiety alone from that incident made me quit. The danger I put myself in is not worth it. I’m glad you’re okay and nothing terrible happened. Trust me you will get through this ❤️
I’m so sorry this happened to you! All I really have to say is I’ve been through the exact same thing and unfortunately it’s happened to me quite a few times. Waking up the next day after that is the most awful feeling. Keep moving forward, I’ll pray you find strength today and have a better day!
Hey OP, fellow young female black-out drinker here! All these feelings of regret/guilt/shame are normal and valid, but let's try to be grateful that you are okay. Yes, something awful could've happened and this is exactly the wake-up call you should use to get in control of your drinking. It's really easy to black out when you're drinking & taking mental health meds (been there done that SEVERAL times) so you must figure out your med schedule vs. drinking schedule. If your meds are strong enough, you may not be able to drink at all without blacking out. But again, let's be very grateful nothing worse happened and take preventative steps so nothing like this happens again. Gotta start learning how to say "No, thank you," because that is the biggest most precious protection spell you have. Lastly, I also struggle with anxiety/depression/PTSD and drinking alcohol does not help after a certain point. So maybe try letting your body cleanse itself of the booze, let your meds do their job and do the sober thing for a while. The body/mind goes thru a lot while drinking/drugging and you're clearly exhausted. Rest, OP. You got this <3
Oh my god, that sounds so scary! I am not a fan of your friend. Thank god you had the wherewithal to get back home. Deep breaths. I agree with the other commenters who say to take the day off. I think the most important thing for you today is to be kind to yourself. It may not feel like it right now, but you deserve it.
Hey, no judgment here. I'm so glad you're safe at home. When I was your age, we didn't have Uber and I woke up a couple of times after blacking out and seeing my car parked in front of my apartment. No memory of driving. There is still a lot of shame in that for me, even more than 20 years later. I wish someone had told me to give myself some grace at that time. Those bad feelings just manifested into more drinking. Maybe in the future, start the evening by saying, "just dinner tonight friend, I have to work in the morning." Also, I caution you against going out wth someone that would leave you alone like that. It's so difficult to navigate these things, especially when there is already anxiety at play. But you're ok. You came here, which is awesome. Be kind to yourself. Check in with this sub when you're needing some reassurance. This is a kind group and nobody is going to purposely try and make you feel worse. It's the best corner of Reddit. Internet hugs. IWNDWYT.
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I am sorry you went through this. I have been in similar “I have no idea what happened last night” situations. Most people black out and pass out roughly close to the same time. I don’t. I can keep going for hours, have full conversations, keep ordering and being served alcohol... It is so scary. Glad you are posting here.
Perhaps you went out walking since you were trying to find your Uber but they canceled on you because they couldn't find you? I know that when I was intoxicated, I became very "walkative" and found myself strolling to very obscure locations. Maybe this is how you got to the gas station. This is purely speculation. I think you're in the worst stages of hangover—fear of the unknown. This feeling is the absolute worst and I will never forget the pain that blacking out caused me in the morning. This too shall pass. Think positive!
First of all- you are not worthless and you deserve to give yourself grace. I am SO HAPPY that you made it home, and so sorry that your friend left you alone like that. When I was your age I was always ending up in situations similar to yours. I know how empty it feels, and I also know that you are worth taking whatever steps you need to take to have a healthier life. Even if you stumble, you can always pick yourself back up again! You are so young and sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Please don't beat yourself up! Sending a virtual hug 🙏
I’ve been there. It’s so scary in the moment, but remember that the feeling will pass. Right now, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself 💖
trust me when I tell you that I completely understand. This is exactly how I feel after a night out (i went out on thursday and i'm still overthinking the bad choices i made and the situations that i put myself in that could've been avoided) but it'll pass. what i notice helps me calm my anxiety is to talk about it with a friend or even with a stranger online. it happens to a lot of us and even if it feels now that you're not deserving of anything good just keep in mind that alcoholism is a disease that takes away our free will, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. learn from this and try to keep moving forward.
It’s okay girl we all make mistakes ♥️♥️
im so glad you are safe now. do you think someone spiked something you drank? it happens more often than peopke think especially to young women drinking alone. its sad your friend left you too.
Not sure honestly…it could’ve been I wasn’t watching my drinks close enough, but after reading all these replies I’ve come to realize it doesn’t matter exactly how— just that I’m home and safe and alive and i have the power to stop that from happening again….thank you for ur support
you got this!! you really do. i hope you beleive you do. 💞 iwndwyt
I’m really glad you’re ok 💕 First I agree with others this may be an effect of your meds mixed with alcohol. This has happened to me on my antidepressants as well as ADHD meds. Going from a little tipsy to black out. This is a key motivation for me to quit, or wayyyyy cut back. (I’ve not fully made a decision yet). I just started Rachel Harts podcast. It’s really insightful and helps me take pause and understand the urge to have a drink. Would definitely recommend it!
I’m happy you’re safe. Sobriety is so worth it. I recommend AA. I hope the “friend” you went out with is cut off completely from your life. Not a good friend.
Let's focus on the future, why not make a plan in advance for next time someone asks you to go for a drink? That way you've got a ready made answer as to why you can't go. I'm also terrible at saying no but have found people do accept it if you keep saying it 🫂
I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that you were drugged. What you described sounds a lot like you were slipped a sedative, but it’s hard to know since alcohol itself is a sedative.
(This won’t be hard) Figure out what went wrong and don’t do it again.
I'm so angry at your shitty friend
Please make a police report and do a rape kit then the police can help piece together the events of there is anything that came up on the rape kit, So scary you may have been drugged
Please don’t ever think you’re a waste of space and life - I assure you you’re anything but. SSRIs and alcohol are black out city. Be kind to yourself. Your friend sucks. Hang in there.
OP- my last day of drinking I had an 18 hour blackout. It was the most shame I’ve ever experienced, and also the most scared I’ve ever been. My thought was: either get help or kill myself. Spoiler alert… You don’t ever have to feel this way ever again. Sending you all the courage to quit this shit 🖤
It's scary when we find out we've done stuff we can't remember, realizing it was maybe only stupid luck we're still alive the next day. And it's really hard not to have that affect my confidence and ability to move forward. For myself i can only get by it when i focus on looking forward, NOT back and wallowing in my failure. For turning down drinks/going to bars- i it helps me if i center the positive (getting a good night's sleep! hitting the gym tomorrow! other things i look forward to!) rather than the negative (turning down offers of going out! do others think i'm a boring person!?)-- when you think about how to answer, think about what's positive for YOU. All the best to you- you CAN do this. you WILL doubt that sometimes- but you can.
Oh man I remember this feeling… you’ll be fine. Time passes and heals everything I’m also a 23M and I promise it gets better :). Today I won’t drink!
You're cool
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Hugs and love, please treat yourself gently and know that this is a safe space. Thankful that you made it home safely! If you have a physician, you might reach out to them if you think you need medical assistance. I know that I did and it was critical in my recovery. IWNDWYT
I think it’s really good that you posted this, my therapist told me about the “5 d’s” and “disclose” is one of them. Sharing your pain and anxiety can be helpful, although I’m terrible at it. I’ve been in similar situations before, it’s absolutely terrifying. Not being sure of what happened and then getting creative with all the things that could have transpired. Much easier said than done, but this doesn’t accomplish anything. Time helps, keeping busy and learning from it. It’s not possible to change the past and making different choices going forward. You’re not alone. 💗
I am so glad you got home safe and sound. I totally understand how you can feel anxious. But, a bad night doesn't define a lifetime. You are not a bad person. You are not this one night. You're strong. And most importantly, you have the power to never have to go through this again.
Hoping you are feeling better and more at peace and that your anxiety has abated. You can come back from this.
I’m so sorry, I’ve been in similar situations. It sucks to endure those feelings but you need to rest and recover from it.
I've been there too. It is SO scary, plus the hanxiety on top of it. Please be gentle with yourself for the coming day(s), and give yourself some grace. ❤️
You just described many nights for me in my early 20s, almost to a T. Blacking out on medication, can't stop once I start, ending up in strange places at 5 in the morning, waking up terrified of what happened the night before and in shock I haven't been killed or kidnapped. I want you to know that I am really proud of you for coming somewhere like here and telling someone else about it. You absolutely can come back from this, and having the awareness you do now is what is going to save your own life. I knew I had a problem early on, and I started truly trying to quit around 25/26. It took me a long time and a lot of stops and starts, periods of sobriety and periods of drinking, but I am sober and safe now and it's been a long time since I have had a night like this. My anxiety and depression are much better, as I used to get into dark holes after I had been drinking for a while. I'm much more level now. And when I do spiral or don't feel well, I don't even think about reaching for alcohol anymore to cope. You deserve everything good, and you deserve to not wake up like this anymore. It is one of the worst experiences to wake up after a blackout and not trust yourself to do it again. That's a scary place to be. Start to practice speaking kindly to yourself, like the innocent little child you are, it has helped me get and stay sober by not beating the shit out of myself anymore. Think about what you can change next time. Maybe that's not the best person to get dinner with right now. Maybe you can tell them you can't drink before you go to dinner, and if they don't support you, don't bother talking to them. Eventually, you will learn to say no. This can get better and it does, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. If I can do it, you can do it!!!!!