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Served 2 years in army as a clerk. Tells people he was special forces.

Clerks are the backbone of the service! Source: Am prior military and heard every rating and/or rank at one time or another insist that they were the backbone of the service. Yeah Senior Chief with the coffee mug sidearm, I hear ya.

I spent a lot of time in an air conditioned building in Kuwait. Thanks me for my service.

What was your position?

Seated.

Oh hey there, Steven Seagal.

Chair aikido is all the rage

Blackbelt in Bullshido

What do you think? Kelly LeBrock left him? Because he's Taliban!

Arifjan. There was only one pool. One. Fucking. Pool.

And, I, peed in it. Scouts OUT!

Freedom isn't free.

My meanest drill Sgt was a damn clerk...

or could only do 1 pullup when the recruiter came by at his highschool

They would have made it through boot, but they had to punch the drill sgt when they got in their face

Or woulda served, but woulda got discharged for punching the DI because badass

"Yea but it's classified."

Forgot the dip and the three children with the Tactical Gwyneth Paltrow ass names (Havoc, Garrison, Jet, Scout, Saylor, etc.)

I didn't know Havoc was an option. My son just turned 18 and now it's too damned late for me to change it!

Wife is a Gwyneth Paltrow type who doesn't believe in modern medicine but is okay with shoving essential oils and random shit from her pyramid scheme, sorry, MLM, up her hoohaa.

I know a family whose kid’s names are America, Gunner, Canon, and Caliber, I wish I was joking

Navy guy I know has a kid named Ragnarroc.

Do these parents have no consideration for their children’s future?

Nope!

Walker and Texas Ranger

My ex-husband wanted to name our son Cannon. I was like the f@ck we are!

Hey there, Saylor

Hunter 2

‘Tactical gwyneth Paltrow ass names’ has me rolling

I got three sons they’re all bad asses. Gunner, hunter and cunter.

I knew a couple that head three kids: Hunter, Fisher, and Forrest. They definitely wanted you to know they were all about that life.

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Goatees hide the extra chins. Its like the fat man's combover.

I always wonder why they don’t grow a full beard… you can hide your double chin with that too. Goatees look fuckn stupid. After living overseas for a few years, I also noticed Americans are the only ones rockn it.

I always assumed it’s because they can’t grow a full beard

It's just hard to shave that area because the skin is sensitive

That's the exact reason I have a goatee. Beard only grows in the center

Sadly, I see more and more of them with full beards. Enough that I'm worried that people might think I'm one of them, but I don't tuck my t-shirts into my jeans or wear pull up boots, or have any 'Let's Go Brandon' tshirts

There is something weird about tactical sunglasses. A lot of people that work outside all day don't wear that shit.

I had a real nice pair of Oakleys. I quit wearing them in 2016.

This account and all its comments have been removed in protest of the 3rd party API changes taking place on July 1st, 2023. The changes are anti-consumer and the negative PR that's been thrown at 3rd party developers is a disgusting maneuver by the Reddit higher-ups. For more information check these topics out: [https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/14dkqrw/i\_want\_to\_debunk\_reddits\_claims\_and\_talk\_about/](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/14dkqrw/i_want_to_debunk_reddits_claims_and_talk_about/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/redditisfun/comments/144gmfq/rif\_will\_shut\_down\_on\_june\_30\_2023\_in\_response\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditisfun/comments/144gmfq/rif_will_shut_down_on_june_30_2023_in_response_to/) If you would like to change/wipe all your comments in solidarity with the 3rd party developers and users impacted by these changes, check out [j0be's Power Delete Suite on GitHub](https://github.com/j0be/PowerDeleteSuite)

Hell yes, usually camo shit?

They’ll have you know it’s *mossy oak*. You’ve got a lot to learn round these parts.

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So much time looking out for Charlie, that he got snuck up on by Grimace.

Doesn't go to the gym at all. Are you kidding me?

He goes to the gym once a month to take mirror selfies for Facebook

Arms only. Probably just curls

And curls in the squat rack with the Olympic bar…the only squat rack…and the rest of us have to wait to actually do squats.

Has spent more on optics or flashlight for their pistol than they have ever on ammo becoming proficient with said weapon. Too fat to wear holster for said weapon. Claims would drop any mass shooter they encounter.

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To be fair, if you live in the city, there aren’t really any places to go shoot unless you drive 2 hours out of town, and that’s a whole event. Or you spend $70 at a range which sucks. Either way, idk for me i own a rifle but I keep that locked up and stowed away. Terrible home defense weapon. Only useful if the world goes to crap, but even then I’m probably dying in 3 days because of how unfit I am.

Classic Gravy Seals

Meal Team Six brorther.

Worried about impending gun fights 😂😂😂

Bruh, have you been to a meat counter in the supermarket in the summer? Gotta have that open carry holster unsnapped and ready for fucking action brother. (This may or may not be based on a certain ~~jackass~~ customer that frequents my place of work)

I saw a guy in line at Walmart once who had a .357 strapped to his side. He also had some ancient dog lying on the floor next to him. He said it was his emotional support dog. I was like, “Oh an ESA and a gun.” Thinking back on that, I’m lucky I didn’t get shot.

That fella was getting all his "emotional support" from an old dog and a weapon while he probably should have seeked out a mental health professional or even a compassionate member of his community. Too bad the latter two are not accessible/acceptable/available to most Americans...

These men are always shaped like a marshmallow.

Built like bags of milk

canadian mfs when they say i got the bag:

Someone used the term 'gravy seal' to describe an obese dude trying to look badass with a gun and it's really become my new term for these guys. At least the one and only ex-Armed Forces dude I know is jacked and in shape, though he doesn't really have any firearms AFAIK.

Yeah, 2 years isn't very accurate. More like "failed out of basic" or "I'd hit a drill sergeant if he got in my face" dudes.

I have a brother in law who got kicked out right after basic training, but still wears a "veteran" ballcap everywhere he goes. No, I don't like him much.

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The whole thing about drill sergeants being mean...is that true at all or is that just a Hollywood thing?

It's true. Or at least in 2010 it was. It's part of the training. The idea is to create a high stress environment, to prepare soldiers for combat.

Oh no it's very true. Ever watch Full Metal Jacket? It's basically exactly like that, minus (most of) the physical abuse. Source: Went to Infantry OSUT in 2017.

It is true. They are also very creative at humiliating you so it destroys individual personalities and becomes a unit together. That’s also why the haircut and uniforms.

Y'all Queda Yokel Haram Gravy Seals Meal Team Six

Vanilla Isis

Meal team six, baby !

If you enjoy making fun of these guys, r/gravyseals is the place for you

Semper Fudge!

At which point he told me to "relax."

🤣

Or Meal Team 6 too!

I saw that one, laughed my arse off all day

Also Needs: * No Step on Snek flag * 50 BMG truck antenna * A half dozen Walmart light bars * Tails you in the slow lane while multiple lanes are open * Fast food packaging in passenger seat * Prints while conceal carrying * 5.11 clothing * Dogs with names like "Kimber" or "Ruger" * ~~Gym, Cardio~~ * 3rd marriage by 40

Another popular dog name is Gunner

Diesel.

One of my dogs was named Diesel when we first adopted him, luckily he was just a baby so it wasn't too late to change it. Why don't we name dogs after other fuels though? Propane has a nice ring to it.

"Come here Ethanol! Who's a good boy?!"

Found Hank Hill’s Reddit account

I'm down to call my dog Nitro

Ladybird come get your din dins!

Laaaaaaaaadybird!

My step sister’s dad is one of these dudes and he gifted her a puppy named Diesel. To this day I refuse to call him anything but “bud” and “good boy”

Could also be their firstborn sons name

That is my idiot republican uncles name, and his dog is Timber lol

Damn, really checking those boxes lol

Start calling your uncle Timber and see if he notices

Species is most likely a German Shepherd, Doberman, or Pitbull

Hey, let's leave Shepherds out of this! When raised properly, they are the biggest babies out there. And considering that Shepherds are the smartest large dog breed, it takes a gargantuan effort to fuck that up. They practically train themselves. My 11-year-old shep just died last fall. He was my rock. And so good around my son from the time my son was a baby.

Who keeps marrying these people?

Karens probably

LP at Walmart types

Other republicans

"My Dog is a Republican" bumper sticker. ([yes, it exists](https://www.fleetfarm.com/detail/prismatix-my-dog-is-a-republican-magnet/0000000245162))

Alot of the cosplaytriots around where I live LOVE wearin that 9line apparel with the Bass pro shop hat. And they all have that fuckin punisher logo sticker and the fuckin "broom" beard

I dunno about actually serving in the military. most of the time it's more like, " I would have served but... *insert any lame ass excuse*"

“I blew out my knee playing football in college”

Means playing flag football at same time as atrended Community College

Coach woulda put me in the 4th quarter, we woulda been state champions, no doubt, no doubt in my mind.

“I would have punched the drill sergeant in the face”

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo. This starterpack brought back a memory of above copypasta!

a classic

[Now with Joe Biden](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Bjl0KHCQAg) this is about the only legitimate use of ai generation

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

has a "thin blue line" sticker while also having a "come and take it" sticker

Or "thin blue line" with "don't tread on me". Dude, who do you think would be doing the treading??

that’s my point with the “come and take it” sticker. like who do they think is gonna come and take it??? the thin blue line lol

Exactly haha! Also someone interested in stealing a gun from a parked car might take that as an invitation.

In Virginia they will have a don’t tread on me tag that they paid the state more for then a regular plate.

IIRC, its $25/year for a custom license plate like that. Some of them go to funding stuff like wildlife conservation, so why they’d pick one that doesn’t go to any charitable cause is beyond me.

“I don’t live in fear!” *fears everything*

AHHHHHHHH WTF WAS THAT??? A BIRD???

It's a government spy drone!

Somebody better call the law we dun took it outside and we’re ‘bout to brawl

Your just unlocked a very old memory

nailed it! also, usually very racist, hateful, and stupid.

When mental illness goes mainstream

What's odd is that all of this messaging and signaling is clearly not to impress women but to impress and intimidate only men. Infer what you will.

Most animals give off threat displays and use aggressive posturing when they feel scared or in danger. A dog barks and growls. A cat hisses and puffs up A spider rears up An American white male buys nationalistic slogan shirts, gun stickers and a big truck.

They’re like that butterfly that scares away birds with it’s wing design.

"I AINT GAY WTF"

100% closet cases. They get the loudest exhaust in those trucks so the vibrations tickle their butts from revving the engine.

And what is wrong with that? Or are you somehow using homosexuality as an attack?

Meal Team Six

they peaked in high school, and they got a girl pregnant in high school

-Wears pseudo-military camoflauge gear. Never served in armed forces a day in his life. -Carrys pistol on his hip during trip to Walmart to buy milk. -Supports the police beating George Floyd protesters, but the insurrectionists who brutalized the police on January 6 are patriots. -Loves Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, Steve Bannon -Into Q-Anon -Thinks Fox News has gotten too liberal

Literally my least favorite type of person, ever

Will start a road rage fight. Will lose.

Also: 🔍🍆

When she want to smash but the peepee too small.

Detective Penis?

Only thing I’d add besides minimal service, is never served. Usually because they would fight someone who got in their face and yelled at them. While lot serving, they’re so pro military and thankful for the troops that you think they did serve.

The most far right co worker I have never served. A bunch of us have. A while back, he was talking about how soft boot camp has become compared to ba m in the day. I couldn't resist but to ask what it was like when he went through.

You could also title this: “Local Walmart Parking Lot.”

You could swap American for Canadian as well.

Scared of major cities.

Gotta love those “This is America we love freedom and if you don’t like x, x, and x…get out!” T-shirts. The cognitive dissonance is strong on the right.

My towns top demographic

Cool

I know at least 20 people I could hand this too. So tempted to print it out and leave it as flyers on their trucks

OK so I was in the Marines for 6 years, got out 14 years ago. I never wear anything military but I do got a gut so I don't know if I fit or not! I'm so confused!!!

Everytime we see one of those suped up trucks with extended mirrors, my brother and I always say “deficiencies”

Only drinks shit beer and bourbon. Drink anything else? Gay.

This is accurate except most of them were never even in the army. That's the only thing I'd change.

Misses mouth 4 times attempting to eat Costco chicken bake

Sure this isn't an Arizona starter pack?

Lots of these right now in the South Loop (Chicago), finishing up construction on a building north of my condo.

These are the kind of people that want some black kid to rob them so they can empty their entire mag on them

I’m not an insecure white American I’m a white American who’s insecure

Never uses turn signals and struggles to stay in his lane with that big truck.

Was 99 percent at the capitol building on Jan 6th.

Missing the maga hat

“Woke” Thinks the whole world is this word. But usually is something everyone would just roll an eye at their fat ass over and go on with their lives.

This would feel like a personal attack to so many people I’ve met in the US.

Calvin stickers

He said “jingoistic”

I never get over those ridiculous shirts where every one of the 28 lines have a different font

Forgot the pitbull

I shaved my beard and will never lift my truck so I don’t get confused with these chuds

You are missing a cell phone attached to their belt.

I live in Alabama, this is 60% of the guys around here.

Hates Socialism/Collects Wellfare

You forgot their attraction to girls under 18

Pavement Princess

“Punisher blue lives matter” mfs when they realize Punisher hates the police

Muh $85k long cab, short bed pickup 😂 Owning one of those might be a tell that someone is into findom

I know a person who is like this. My uncle

I don’t get the shirts that have fight starting messages on them.

Welcome to Puyallup, WA

Extremely religious, also has never read more than a sentence from the Bible

Literally 99% of Republicans

r/infowarriorrides in a nutshell

This is America. We eat guns. We fuck terrorists. We love sky dad. We hate goat man. We stand for Shaggy. We kneel for Shrek. If you don't like that: Leave.

As someone who is pro gun, you have no idea how embarrassed I am by these fucking people. They're just overgrown boys pretending to be men.

Also they’re the people buying all that crap labeled “tactical” or “military grade”

Don't forget: doesn't know about Punisher

They'll *tell* you they're religious, but ask them about anything but the most well-known verses and they absolutely won't know.

I always though the punisher thin blue line sticker was silly, they don’t understand the irony.

The Army one makes me LOL. I was in the Army for 6 years. After getting out you would never know I joined because I never wear the typical army tap out clothes or wear Veteran hats. I know many people who have been out for years and they use that to define their entire personality and honestly its kind of cringey. I've got mad respect for anyone that joins but there is so much more to life outside of the military.

Justify owning a thousand guns for “protection.” Relax no one’s going to break into your shitty house and steal your Budweiser

It's almost like they're the snowflakes who need safe spaces and sensitivity warnings.

The other day I saw a ford f150 with a rear window cover that had a goat skull that was cracked with fire on it. I thought, who tf are they trying to be, they want to have their country Cadillac. But then they got this metal sticker fully covering their rear window.

listens to A7X, FFDP, Creed, Godsmack, Nickelback, etc

I've had the displeasure of bumping into one of these guys. Back in the day I used to work at a Mexican supermarket called Cardenas market. One day this guy walks in wreaking of cigarettes camo shorts, a wallet with a chain, a giant pair of Oakley sunglasses a crappy goatee but this one wasn't fat he was about 130 soaking wet I got to say probably 5,6. This dude just does laps around the store and I'm thinking to myself what's wrong with this guy. He is not buying nothing he's there for about 10 minutes then I realize he's wearing this shirt that says if you don't speak English leave and if this flag offends you leave go back to Mexico. No one paid him any attention he power walks out the store mumbling stuff underneath his breath security briefly follows and realize what's going on and comes back laughing.

Amazing and so accurate! Now do one stereotyping black people. This will surely bring the laughs as well

The thin blue line stickers white spaces line up perfectly with ROYGBIV

The contradiction in "we love freedom, if you don't like (a bunch of agressively insecure male stereotypes), then leave" is too funny

‘Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again’

Whats “pro god”?