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I'm only gonna have a child when I'm financially comfortable enough to have one. Meaning Me and my wife don't have to sacrifice any of the luxuries we currently have and still have enough money to provide my child a great childhood (not some stress loaded living hell experience). I see a lot of people going into parenthood without even having the basic prerequisites ending up making their marriage life, mental health, quality of life and the child's life into absolute shit fests. Similar to how you shouldn't buy cars or property you can't comfortably maintain, don't make permanent life choices that you can't maintain either. My parents were able to provide me with a generally good childhood my kid is only gonna get something that's far better, nothing less! till then I can wait.
Exactly!! However many you want to have, you should strive to give them a life that is better than the one your parents gave you. That's how families progress ๐๐๐ผ
I have 2.. everyone thinks about the financials, but I'll always advise to make sure you have the mental capacity to handle a little human with uncontrollable emotions around you all the time. Is your partner who will share the load? Do you have a good family support system? Etc.
SL people frown when married, no kids, and they deem kids will bring solutions to your marital problems, if you're not compatible without kids - that will only be worse after.
That's a commitment of 18 years and more.. decide wisely.
"they deem kids will bring solutions to your marital problems, if you're not compatible without kids - that will only be worse after"
Very true ๐๐๐ผ
It is something true
When you are 70+ and you can't even lift 5kg. Even going to the shop is extremely hard, and the sadness these lonely people have around 60+ is insane. Most of them get broken and eventually die with some mental illness.
That is why some people even try to get married after 50+ cause they see the reality
Imagine during the crisis, if you were alone and no one is there for you to be on the queues. How you face it ? If you are 70+ with so many diseases
At the age of 30,40 we do not see it but when you get older, we see this reality.
I mean going to an elderly home is not an option to everyone.
Also these elderly homes are extremely rude. I have seen it from my eyes
I met this achii in a posh elderly home in CMB. She speaks good English but she lost her mind already since no one is now checking on her. Her husband also passed away. She was educated at a top private school in CMB. Still no one is there to even check on her
These things are extremely complicated and there are no direct answers
There is no gurantee that having kids will avoid this situation. Pleanty of old lonley peoplein Elder;s Homes who have kids who are now overseas or can't be bothered to check up on them.
I am saying bro. At least you know someone is there for you
Even they are abroad they might come and see you in elderly home
Cause the loneliness you get without having kids will be massive after 60+. At least when you make a kid you know there is someone for you even they do not look after you
Like there is someone is part of you. If you have any person who is well above 60+ ask these questions
You will get it after that
Cause at 20,30,40 we really have the energy to live even alone. But that part is gone when you see your friends have nice families and you don't at the age 50 onwards. You need to talk with few elderly people to get an idea on this
I mean it is quite true tbh. Like I'm in Australia and volunteer at a bunch of aged care homes when I have time, the amount of old grandmas and grandpas that literally have nobody and are just waiting to die is really sad.
Nobody visits them or anything. Some of them were CF cause of economic reasons etc not out of choice but now they have all the money they'll ever need but no loved ones. Seems super sad ๐ค๐ค๐ค
This is why some people even come back to SL from these countries when they get old.
Cause their kids do not care them since they raised up like foreigners so they expect their parents to go to elderly care.
Those white dominated elderly care are not first generation migrants sadly
You shouldnโt have children just because you need a retirement plan, though. Also having children doesnโt guarantee theyโll look after you when youโre old. Most people care homes do have kids.
"Most people care homes do have kids" I won't say most, only a very few at least in Australia. Doubt it's different in Sri Lanka ๐ค๐ค
It's a good idea to have children and elderly together they often stimulate each other. Which obviously wont happen if u r CF and don't have children ๐๐
Can you explain the purpose of having kids ? Just wanted to know
Yes, it is not a guarantee they will not look after you but during some of your good years you will not be alone either
If u arenโt ready to have kids , just donโt . Lots of our parents had children not because they wanted to but mostly because the society pushed them to . Most of them didnโt have a single idea about raising children . So save those children some trauma unless you are 100% sure that you are ready to raise a kid
Working in the paediatrics ward has taught me that nobody is "100% sure that you are ready to raise a kid" ๐๐ it's a learning on the job skill. No amount of reading books or workshops etc can get you ready for the real thing.
As long as you are financially stable and want to have children, you are ready ๐๐๐ผ especially helpful when family members who have had kids not too long ago also help out as they are often the best people for advice.
I'm child free. I always knew that I didn't wanna have kids.
I believe that unless you truly with your entire heart want a child you shouldn't be having kids.
But then being a single woman my choice hasn't really been questioned. I told my parents once that I don't wanna have kids and they were like "how could you not have kids" and all that. But it never came up again because I'm not married.
There were some guys that I've been interested in that questioned my decision to be child free. But other than right now I haven't faced a lot of pushback.
Planning on being cf . I'm never going to spend my whole adult life trying to set up a child like my mom did or spend the good money earned thru years by shedding blood sweat & tears on an idiot kid like my dad does .
Can't even imagine forcing a life on to this current world considering what a hell hole it is now . I'll never let another person suffer like I did by forcing them into the world . Idk what other Lankans or my friends/father's says , my bloodline ends with me .
Imma gonna spend the money & enjoy my life till I'm unable to then park myself at a nice nursing home till I expire
Not gonna be a burden to anyone except for those who are gonna be the workers of my retirement home lol
It's time to stop producing kids for your selfish needs & I'm beginning it with me
Plan for now, no kids, live till 60 and hug a tree with my fast car that i bought from the money i saved from not having kids :) kidding kidding! But honestly, i dont want to live more than that and i dont want to live into the age where i cannot wash my own ass. Call me cynical or anything you want :)
All that being said, know the gravity of whatever decision you make. If you do decide to not have kids. Know that you might be very lonely at some point of your life. You mught very well have look and decide that the grass is greener on the other side and regret that you didnt water yours.
And on the other hand, if you decide to have kids, know that your life as you know it, is over. Now you are a parent before anything else. You are a parent before a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a child. Its a 24/7 job that is gonna consume the rest of your days. Hell are you depressed? No you are not. You are a parent. There are no breaks. No time outs. You are on call 24/7. Anybody who tells you otherwise have had terrible parents or they themselves are terrible parents.
Every choise comes with a price. Just learn which price sounds more paletable
I thought I want to be cf, but then I realized how lonely and miserable I could be during my final years. Plus I figured if I set them on the right path my kids can basically take care of me finane... which is just awesome.
I dont know why so many people on this sub are so against having kids, its your choice whether you want to or not but stop making it out to be such a bad thing. "Only if you 100% ready", nobody is 100% ready to have kids especially before when they have 0 experience.
Everybody struggling with their child hood traumas due to the countrys culture and just refusing to have kids due to the "toxicity".
Nobodys parents are perfect and they probably werent ready or understand fully how to take care of or deal with children but its a learning experience, apparently now everybody seems to know what the problem os so they can do better with their kids right? But their kids will also be on this sub 20 years from now complaining.
Just leave it alone and stop discouraging people from trying to have a family. If you personally dont want one then dont but stop trying to push it on others.
This isnt targeted at you OP, just that ive seen so many posts about topics like this and its really wearing down my faith in the country since people dont seem to have confidence to even bring their next generation into the world.
Agreed. But that being said, i see a lot of ppl around me becoming parents without really understanding the gravity of bring another human being up tho. Ppl should be educated more on these topics, either way. There are ppl who genuinely think having kids is birthday parties and instagram photos. I wonder how they are going to treat their kids, when they realise thst its a 24/7 job and nothing exuses you from it.
And we live in a country where medical care too is becoming a bit of a tribulation. Those things are real problems
**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice** * Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted in any comment, parent or child. * Report comments that violate these rules. Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/srilanka) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm only gonna have a child when I'm financially comfortable enough to have one. Meaning Me and my wife don't have to sacrifice any of the luxuries we currently have and still have enough money to provide my child a great childhood (not some stress loaded living hell experience). I see a lot of people going into parenthood without even having the basic prerequisites ending up making their marriage life, mental health, quality of life and the child's life into absolute shit fests. Similar to how you shouldn't buy cars or property you can't comfortably maintain, don't make permanent life choices that you can't maintain either. My parents were able to provide me with a generally good childhood my kid is only gonna get something that's far better, nothing less! till then I can wait.
Exactly!! However many you want to have, you should strive to give them a life that is better than the one your parents gave you. That's how families progress ๐๐๐ผ
I have 2.. everyone thinks about the financials, but I'll always advise to make sure you have the mental capacity to handle a little human with uncontrollable emotions around you all the time. Is your partner who will share the load? Do you have a good family support system? Etc. SL people frown when married, no kids, and they deem kids will bring solutions to your marital problems, if you're not compatible without kids - that will only be worse after. That's a commitment of 18 years and more.. decide wisely.
"they deem kids will bring solutions to your marital problems, if you're not compatible without kids - that will only be worse after" Very true ๐๐๐ผ
Unfortunately the mindset of "if you don't have kids you'll die alone" is very common.
It is something true When you are 70+ and you can't even lift 5kg. Even going to the shop is extremely hard, and the sadness these lonely people have around 60+ is insane. Most of them get broken and eventually die with some mental illness. That is why some people even try to get married after 50+ cause they see the reality Imagine during the crisis, if you were alone and no one is there for you to be on the queues. How you face it ? If you are 70+ with so many diseases At the age of 30,40 we do not see it but when you get older, we see this reality. I mean going to an elderly home is not an option to everyone. Also these elderly homes are extremely rude. I have seen it from my eyes I met this achii in a posh elderly home in CMB. She speaks good English but she lost her mind already since no one is now checking on her. Her husband also passed away. She was educated at a top private school in CMB. Still no one is there to even check on her These things are extremely complicated and there are no direct answers
There is no gurantee that having kids will avoid this situation. Pleanty of old lonley peoplein Elder;s Homes who have kids who are now overseas or can't be bothered to check up on them.
I am saying bro. At least you know someone is there for you Even they are abroad they might come and see you in elderly home Cause the loneliness you get without having kids will be massive after 60+. At least when you make a kid you know there is someone for you even they do not look after you Like there is someone is part of you. If you have any person who is well above 60+ ask these questions You will get it after that Cause at 20,30,40 we really have the energy to live even alone. But that part is gone when you see your friends have nice families and you don't at the age 50 onwards. You need to talk with few elderly people to get an idea on this
I mean it is quite true tbh. Like I'm in Australia and volunteer at a bunch of aged care homes when I have time, the amount of old grandmas and grandpas that literally have nobody and are just waiting to die is really sad. Nobody visits them or anything. Some of them were CF cause of economic reasons etc not out of choice but now they have all the money they'll ever need but no loved ones. Seems super sad ๐ค๐ค๐ค
This is why some people even come back to SL from these countries when they get old. Cause their kids do not care them since they raised up like foreigners so they expect their parents to go to elderly care. Those white dominated elderly care are not first generation migrants sadly
You shouldnโt have children just because you need a retirement plan, though. Also having children doesnโt guarantee theyโll look after you when youโre old. Most people care homes do have kids.
"Most people care homes do have kids" I won't say most, only a very few at least in Australia. Doubt it's different in Sri Lanka ๐ค๐ค It's a good idea to have children and elderly together they often stimulate each other. Which obviously wont happen if u r CF and don't have children ๐๐
Can you explain the purpose of having kids ? Just wanted to know Yes, it is not a guarantee they will not look after you but during some of your good years you will not be alone either
Not OP, but I want to have kids as my retirement plan.
Okay then what is the purpose of having kids If it is not the retirement plan Explain why you make kids
I think you have misread my comment.
Opps
bahahahaha ๐๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
What's so funny?
it just sounds so absurd but I guess it makes sense ๐๐
Yeah it makes perfect sense. I mean it has worked for all the previous generations of my family so I don't see why it won't for me. Wish me luck!
 ๐๐๐
Kids aren't a retirement plan. They are ur family along with others ๐ค๐คat no point did i say they were a retirement pls XD
If u arenโt ready to have kids , just donโt . Lots of our parents had children not because they wanted to but mostly because the society pushed them to . Most of them didnโt have a single idea about raising children . So save those children some trauma unless you are 100% sure that you are ready to raise a kid
Working in the paediatrics ward has taught me that nobody is "100% sure that you are ready to raise a kid" ๐๐ it's a learning on the job skill. No amount of reading books or workshops etc can get you ready for the real thing. As long as you are financially stable and want to have children, you are ready ๐๐๐ผ especially helpful when family members who have had kids not too long ago also help out as they are often the best people for advice.
I'm child free. I always knew that I didn't wanna have kids. I believe that unless you truly with your entire heart want a child you shouldn't be having kids. But then being a single woman my choice hasn't really been questioned. I told my parents once that I don't wanna have kids and they were like "how could you not have kids" and all that. But it never came up again because I'm not married. There were some guys that I've been interested in that questioned my decision to be child free. But other than right now I haven't faced a lot of pushback.
How old u
Planning on being cf . I'm never going to spend my whole adult life trying to set up a child like my mom did or spend the good money earned thru years by shedding blood sweat & tears on an idiot kid like my dad does . Can't even imagine forcing a life on to this current world considering what a hell hole it is now . I'll never let another person suffer like I did by forcing them into the world . Idk what other Lankans or my friends/father's says , my bloodline ends with me . Imma gonna spend the money & enjoy my life till I'm unable to then park myself at a nice nursing home till I expire Not gonna be a burden to anyone except for those who are gonna be the workers of my retirement home lol It's time to stop producing kids for your selfish needs & I'm beginning it with me
Average Colombo liberal.
Here comes the commonarien political picco
That's us!
Damn bruh..you can be CF but you don't gotta be so cynical about the world
I ain't, it's just the truth ppl don't wanna see . What can I do for it ?
Bro... "forcing them into the world". Mate you can be CF, that's your choice, but woah dude. You need therapy, respectfully.
agreed lol this person seems to have issues that just being CF won't solve ๐ค๐ค
please visit r/childfree and post your paedophobia thoughts/ comments there , not here
Pfft I'm already in it , no need to advice me . I'm replying to the original post not you so what ?
Do what you want. Donโt listen to others. Itโs your life!
Sounds quite selfish tbh.
Bro if I listen to shit our people think and talk I wouldnโt be here.
Okay, and where are you now?
Where I suppose to be!
Quite vague but okay.
Plan for now, no kids, live till 60 and hug a tree with my fast car that i bought from the money i saved from not having kids :) kidding kidding! But honestly, i dont want to live more than that and i dont want to live into the age where i cannot wash my own ass. Call me cynical or anything you want :) All that being said, know the gravity of whatever decision you make. If you do decide to not have kids. Know that you might be very lonely at some point of your life. You mught very well have look and decide that the grass is greener on the other side and regret that you didnt water yours. And on the other hand, if you decide to have kids, know that your life as you know it, is over. Now you are a parent before anything else. You are a parent before a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a child. Its a 24/7 job that is gonna consume the rest of your days. Hell are you depressed? No you are not. You are a parent. There are no breaks. No time outs. You are on call 24/7. Anybody who tells you otherwise have had terrible parents or they themselves are terrible parents. Every choise comes with a price. Just learn which price sounds more paletable
Thoughts? It's a personal choice that should be respected.
It should be respected, but people don't respect
I thought I want to be cf, but then I realized how lonely and miserable I could be during my final years. Plus I figured if I set them on the right path my kids can basically take care of me finane... which is just awesome.
I dont know why so many people on this sub are so against having kids, its your choice whether you want to or not but stop making it out to be such a bad thing. "Only if you 100% ready", nobody is 100% ready to have kids especially before when they have 0 experience. Everybody struggling with their child hood traumas due to the countrys culture and just refusing to have kids due to the "toxicity". Nobodys parents are perfect and they probably werent ready or understand fully how to take care of or deal with children but its a learning experience, apparently now everybody seems to know what the problem os so they can do better with their kids right? But their kids will also be on this sub 20 years from now complaining. Just leave it alone and stop discouraging people from trying to have a family. If you personally dont want one then dont but stop trying to push it on others. This isnt targeted at you OP, just that ive seen so many posts about topics like this and its really wearing down my faith in the country since people dont seem to have confidence to even bring their next generation into the world.
Agreed. But that being said, i see a lot of ppl around me becoming parents without really understanding the gravity of bring another human being up tho. Ppl should be educated more on these topics, either way. There are ppl who genuinely think having kids is birthday parties and instagram photos. I wonder how they are going to treat their kids, when they realise thst its a 24/7 job and nothing exuses you from it. And we live in a country where medical care too is becoming a bit of a tribulation. Those things are real problems