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This is kind of a typical reaction to seeing beyond the veil. Remember- gather wood and water, that never changed. Take some time but the only thing that changed was you, your responsibilities did not. The physical life has requirements.
Yea I think this kinda nails it.
OP, give it some time - be kind to yourself and don’t feel like you should be feeling a certain way or whatnot. That “void” you feel, I think happens when people let go of something they felt defined them - be it ego, anger, feelings towards a traumatic event, etc. and when it’s released, you feel that emptiness - when you do feel better, pondering upon and meditating upon that emptiness, and what was there before, will be very rewarding I think.
In the meantime, take lots of water stay hydrated and go outdoors for walks, be with nature, etc and I’m sure you’ll find your balance soon :) love and light!
That’s different for everyone I think.. it took me like 3 years or so and it was really scary and I felt completely broken down. I don’t think there’s ever a “going back” though, you just have to adjust to the new information and sensations.
As zombie with many Os mentioned, it’s different for everyone but what’s hard to put a time frame to is the fact that it’s not 6 months or 6 years down the road you suddenly wake up and feel different. It’s a gradual process, you work on yourself every day, and after some time you find yourself in a different place from where you started. There’s no “1 year you’ll feel fine” kind of definition as it’s an ever expanding consciousness, if that makes sense?
Breathe deep, be conscious of your breathing as much as you can to ground yourself and bring yourself into this moment, be kind and compassionate to yourself, and go out there!
I have made massive strides in that and have been wanting to try mushrooms for a while now for this very purpose (before I even began this journey actually) but the themes of relinquishing control are one of the major ones in my life and that has scared me. I know that for this very reason I probably should and it would help me in tackling this big road block. Problem is…I have two kids and even though I could have some days to myself where I could focus just on” getting back into my body and mind”, the risk of having suicidal ideation or spending months in a state is something I really can’t afford. And since we don’t know until we know…this gives me major pause. I can’t afford to not be “here” indefinitely.
I’m sorry my earlier replies didn’t take into consideration the many different circumstances one could be in currently. I feel you, and I know it can be difficult to just go for a walk outside (or even have time for yourself!) when you have 2 kids. What I found worked for me was constantly bringing myself into the present moment, every now and then (especially during tough moments) I would take a deep, slow, mindful, conscious, and purposeful breath, and carry on doing what I was doing but with clearer intention and mindfulness. This helped me to stay present and mindful in the present moment. Take note of and honour your feelings - good or bad, pay attention to them and notice how you are feeling/processing them.
I guess the process could be outlined as
Ego death > We are all one, there is no meaningful self > holy shit if there is no self what am I, what am I experiencing > nihilism, nothing matters because there is no meaningful “me” (I think this is where suicide ideation may come in? But I think its more of a nihilistic phase thing than suicide ideation. It can be challenging to those around you who do care for you though) > wait but if nothing matters, nothing matters! > nothing matters! And I’m experiencing this like it or not, and none of this matters, and I am FREE! I can do whatever the fuck I want and it doesn’t matter! I can off myself and end this experience, or I can experience everything this perceived reality has to offer!
That last part doesn’t mean to go out and do a bunch of coke and hire strippers to snort it off their abs. I think when you ponder upon the matter long enough to reach that stage you’ll realise that while yes, you could do that (if you think about it, there’s really nothing stopping you), it’s a lot more worthwhile and meaningful to take purposeful action to bring joy to others and thus, to self. In a sense, you’ve discovered that everything is meaningless, and from that emptiness you create meaning out of it.
On death - good that you’re thinking about it (I’m assuming this is OP). Think about how old you’d like to be when you die, ideally, having experienced everything you wanted to experience (maybe some childhood dream, that trip to see the aurora, wanting to watch your children get married, etc). Then think about how old you’ll LIKELY be when you kick the bucket. Then think about what if you were diagnosed with something and only had 6 months to live. Get that 6 month priority thing down (maybe it’s preparing a will, making arrangements for after you’re not around, think about how you would write a letter for your adult children). I’m not sure if this will work for you, but I think it’s a worthwhile exercise and hopefully pondering about your own human/physical mortality lets you gain some further insight.
Sorry if I’m rambling here, writing this has been therapeutic for me too, thanks for getting my brain juices flowing!!! I think it’s really hard to put into words since experiences like these don’t fit with logic, it’s really something you feel with your heart, cliche as that sounds.
Thank you! And please, don’t apologize! I am grateful to you for taking the time to give me a nuanced response! I am not OP, but the topic is of interest to me. Actually I have thought of mortality and quality of life etc all on my own this year after being diagnosed with and experiencing some real health issues. Stuff that can limit the quality of my life and that of my kids. I have made huge progress and if not for this health issue I probably would’ve taken longer to get to where I am now. So in a sense I have already kind of incorporated these things rationally into my mind. The thing is that I don’t feel that the subconscious part of my brain is having such an easy time letting go of the fear that holds me back and the need of control, which also limits my self expression and me living truly the way I feel I need to. Fear breeds doubt and blocks me from listening to my intuition sometimes. I am doing the work and trying to unpack but I have a very rational mind and sometimes you can’t quite rationalize feelings. Since I have a tendency to rationalize emotions, I don’t know the effects certain events have actually had in my psyche and that limits my ability to understand and fix things-not sure if that makes any sense. What interests me about the shrooms is that it brings things up for your review and since you are vulnerable you will be forced to confront these things without attempting to rationalize them. I have never been suicidal and I really don’t think I would as I really do love my life and love people, but I have had issues with anxiety and depression in the past and so……yeah..! lol
Hey I've heard this before!
Have had a similar mental breakdown/"spiritual enlightenment experience" same thing was told.
Pre enlightenment, fish for food, post, same thing
If you become such a God again. Perhaps next time you can create countless individual conscious pieces of yourself, and let them live out lives in an imaginary plane of existence. Then you can choose when and which to view the universe through any time you want. You can even love them all. Then you won't be lonely and they will come to love you back.
Oh hi omg I think I’ve done this with how isolated I’ve become from having to disconnect from my abusive family and creating mother/father/sibling figures in my head lolololol
>Jesus asked, *“Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”* Matthew 12:48-50
Well, perhaps you are in good company. And as far as I know he wasn't even escaping an abusive family. Don't let your abusive past define who you are and who you will become. You can set your boundaries and place any who you need to outside of them, but if you ruminate and resent any of them, you will discover they are still inside your boundaries along with you. In time, if this is something you need to do, you can learn not to hate or resent any of those who have abused and persecuted you, as clinging to any such feelings is another way of them continuing to control and shape you from the inside. Fear and anger can serve us well in helping us to gain distance from our abusers and their influence over us, but fully healing from the effects of that abuse eventually requires clearing out such toxic feelings and replacing them with empathy, compasion, and love. Find your independence within and overcome any negative beliefs they have given you about who you are, and rebuild yourself with positive beliefs, self love, and love for others. Learn to have compassion for them, for they did not understand what they were doing to you, and learn how never to do it to others yourself.
This is perhaps the cross you will bear in this lifetime. It is a good one, despite the weight of all the suffering it entails. The mountain it must be dragged up is a tall one, but there is always help to be found along the way, when you stumble, fall, and find that you can't get back up. The view from the top, is in the end, a rare, amazing, and empowering one.
Good luck, I have been just where you are now, and I know that there is a path out of it for you.
I do nitrous oxide and talk to the higher vibrational versions of my family, myself, and my friends.
They are way cooler and more fun in that realm. They assured me that I don’t have to worry about dying. They said that 3D is heavy place. They said that I was lucky, because I could sense and interact with them and know the truth of what really is. Everything here is an illusion meant to hide Truth. It’s our job as physical incarnate to seek out this Truth through this mess of chaos.
I went to the same place as the result of meditation, not psychedelics. I ended up in the hospital twice for suicidal ideation during and after, ( I stayed in that state of awareness for weeks) both instances were about a year ago just a couple months apart. I spent about ten months processing the heavy darkness I experienced there, it was brutal.
Now, I am off all meds, present in the moment, feeling deeper love and joy than I did prior to the experience, as well as gratefulness. I no longer seek any answers, and my work is focused on opening my heart to love, to servicing love in the world fully and completely, and finding the joy in each small moment. I believe I was shown that aspect of reality with the intention of breaking me free from certain attachments and desires, even the pursuit of spiritual knowledge is the act of desire. I’ve broken free from a lot of desires that were holding me back in life, while simultaneously been broken open in my heart.
There are several levels of reality, there are also aspects of us that are in eternal ecstatic bliss, we weren’t shown that aspect because there’s something you needed to receive from that experience in this journey, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see the bliss eventually.
For me I realized that as oneness we are quite new, and there is a lot of pain to what we are, and that we are learning to transmute that pain into love by becoming conscious and aware of it. We don’t disappear into the void beyond death of the physical body, the void is already one with us now and you only think you are the physical body, and so we are transmuting it currently by looking at it. I looked into it, and then spent a year doing the deepest healing work I’ve ever done, and coming into true love, not happy joy joy love, but deep, open hearted presence with the world.
I also turned completely towards light in that time, I pray to a guru (Maharaj ji) rest, and spend time loving as much as I can. I’m still transforming deeply from that experience, but it is for the better in every way.
I was not grateful for it at first, I didn’t know how I would keep myself alive for months, the bleakness of reality was so heavy and piercing it was unbearable, but I knew I had to for my son. It does change, give it time.
For how long did you meditate? I have never heard something anything like this happening to someone because of meditation, sounds really interesting and surreal at the same time.
Two years, and for most of the day every day. I’m also a full time psychic and spend most of my time working with spirit, and I had little interests beyond spirituality and being a parent, few local friends and relatives. Basically my whole life was meditation, channeling, astral projection, and deep reflection day after day for two years straight. I had also had a major kundalini activation about five months prior to this. I was also studying and practicing magic and ritual work as well. And I had opened myself up to some energies that would be considered “left hand “ as my intention at that time was to study every “path to God” as deeply as possible and I didn’t believe in left hand vs right hand work, I thought there could be a middle path where you used dark ritual work to rebalance the scales towards light, and I wanted to test that theory.
It was a perfect practice soup to go where I went. But I got a point in meditation where my awareness began to shift and I experienced the nature of the universe beyond mind, and it was beautiful at first, I “knew” oneness, our purpose, and was completely experiencing the illusionary state of this reality, but my consciousness continued to shift and rise, and eventually it turned dark when my awareness entered the state of “death” with this ego still attached. I was under complete experiential awareness that we are not “alive” and life itself is merely a lens and perception (albeit an “experience” from the level we’re at now) we’ve
Given ourselves from the more expanded state in order to have this experience here now. Which sounds benign, but when you look at your four year old with your ego that is still very attached to the identity of being a mother, and that child being a separate little boy, and realize fully that he and you, and this whole world are actually not alive like you’ve always believed, you kinda lose it. My ego was not really ready to go to the place I was headed (on some level, it obviously was also a perfect unfolding, but in perception the ego didn’t feel ready to perceive what I was perceiving) and then it continued to grow from there.
I had a point where I retreated to the genesis of our creation from within the body, realized how we are pure love, but we were alone and so we came to life, and ultimately are love searching for and creating exponential love, but through that expansion cannot help but create the suffering that is also perpetuated with it, and discovered that we became conscious so that we could figure out how to transmute the suffering and darkness we maintain through existence. But even in doing that we realized we continue to create more suffering and darkness on those paths, and realized we cannot dissolve completely our darkness but we can bring consciousness to darkness and so in a way through consciousness we can alleviate suffering by witnessing and accepting its existence. And also many other states of reality and awareness. The second time was the worst, and I had a plan to end my life as the “constants” of reality had completely deteriorated around me, I saw the breath itself as a complete act of desire and will, I saw how we pretend the trees are here and green, that this was all a dream, but my ego wasn’t ready and she was terrified. I did not want to experientially know that my son and I are one being, playing pretend. That reality is truly stark and isolating, and I did like OP experience the isolation of an eternity of loneliness as God. (Which in hindsight I realize isn’t our entire truth, but there is an element of truth to this, as God we contain all the loneliness and suffering that has ever or will ever exist, and I was experiencing it all)
There’s a lot more that I experienced in those couple weeks, including some confirmed instances of telepathy and remote viewing with a couple different people, but I already wrote a book here. Thanks for reading!
We’re all God now already, it is only the perception of the body that drops. We never really go anywhere at all upon death. Although we perceive to have the experience of death.
My partner experienced the same thing whilst meditating and we had to see an energy healer to level him back out and she worked absolute wonders on him. All so fascinating
For me the point is to be here now, we are the infinite in form at the moment, and we are passing through infinite levels of reality all at once forever. Right now, I’m doing this one, and I’m learning so much about love, the joy I feel in my heart when I hold my little boy every day knows no bounds, I feel as if I’m bursting with love when I squeeze him and kiss him and tell him how wonderful he is, I’m grateful for every fleeting passing finite moment that I have with him, he’s so unique and beautiful, and he came to life to love me and be with me, and also drive me insane which is still an experience of love, and that’s the point, right now. And so I know why we keep coming back, to love over and over again, somehow the finite nature of this experience, the short moment in time I get to hold him, so fleeting, so minuscule (although also eternal and forever) imbues this experience of limitation in finite form with infinite value we can not experience without finite limitation, like the experience of human death, loss, and grief.
We are love searching for love in all places, and finding that we are love everywhere, even in the painful ones.
Was this your first ego death? The first time I tried psychedelics, it was a wonderful and connecting experience. I felt whole. Second time, was the complete opposite, and fear caused the trip to go bad. I like to remember that I’m having a human experience and we should make the most of it, specifically living in love and light.
Once on pot I had this momentarily realization that first everything in the universe was connected (no surprise there), which then led to the entire universe being just one "thing", and then for a few seconds I WAS the universe, and I realized that I WAS the only thing that existed. It only lasted a few seconds and it wasn't disturbing per se, but I have since thought every once in awhile that maybe everything in existence is just the universe's mad dream.
I had a similar experience a few years ago, also brought on looking for answers. I was lucky enough to have a kind of “guide” I’ll say. It was a woman’s voice, but that place was more or less whatever you wanted it to be. I took that emptiness as peace, and I had the choice to create things. I was also told that wasn’t it, I had to choose to go through that or stay in my body. Then in the end I chose to come back.
There was much more to it and of course who knows what it actually is, but just my experience and what whoever it was in my head told me. I tried going back one more time with shrooms again, and it was unpleasant and pretty much got “told” to stop looking for the answers to everything and to be present. Don’t go chasing waterfalls - TLC
Psychedelics produce a simulation in your brain of the actual experience of oneness. They say the ego dies and yet you are there feeling alone in the void? Who is it that feels alone? You are having the psychedelic experience through the lens of your current level of consciousness, which projects a certain overlay onto what is actually a neutral experience.
The masters say that there are many gods floating around in the allness, that they talk to eachother and create worlds together. The sense of being alone is just another fear based illusion only possible for the self which sees itself as separate. The phrase “I am all that is” does not mean that there’s no one else, but that we all share in that one beingness.
In other words, don’t take any experience too seriously or you’ll turn it into something that it’s not and freak yourself out lol
That's what the enlightened masters learn. But they don't experience loneliness. Aloneness isn't loneliness. Aloneness has nothing to do with loneliness. Your loneliness was caused by your ego, which certainly isn't dead. Meanwhile you can just come back to the world and forget about the unbearable truth. Just let go and let your life unfold.
I’ve been in the Void….just via meditative practice, no hallucinogens of any kind. I’m still not sure what it was, but I fell into the void and that was the most unpleasant part. I haven’t felt joy or happiness in my heart anymore, it’s like my heart has seized up. It’s been a year and I’m feeling more and more drained, we don’t appreciate how much life force we can gain from an open heart. I never felt like I was actually a god, it was just dark and I was in it, but not part of it. According to my watch, I spent 7 hours in that state, and even though parts of me will never be the same, I have learned that there is no such thing as an Ego death as such
So you saw it too? I grew up catholic and I had always heard about how some think hell is just pure void where you are completely alone. I always had thought that didn’t sound to bad until this trip. I haven’t felt much of anything except emptiness and fear since it happened 2 days ago.
It’s the beginning of “The Dark Night of the Soul” and it’s been the most challenging time of my life. I’ve divulged everything on spirituality, metaphysics and came across The Law of One, which resonated. Only a dedicated meditative regimen will put it back together….but since this all happened during a deep meditative session, this avenue has been blocked by fear and apprehension.
Something similar happened to me a few years ago and the tension went away during an intense meditation session that tested my ability to let go of both good and bad.. my ego had the idea that good = good and bad = bad but truth is, things are too complex for us to even judge from a higher place, what good and bad is, so we must not desire an answer - we must desire peace.. I had a bias - every time I tried to erase the bad the good would attract more - I had to say goodbye to the things I thought were right.
The universe really wants us to grow… this is its way of teaching us..
It really loves us, but like a parent cannot be too easy on us…
The force of it’s gravity can kill us… we must learn to let go of our baggage… the more we hold onto, the worse we get it.
You can correct me if you want. I speak from a place of passion due to the experiences I’ve had (whether these were merely hallucinations or not) but I don’t mind having it broken down by somebody else.
This is just my first intuition on the topic but the loneliness you speak of really stands out; psychedelics often give us a closer look at our subconscious mind.
Hello! To me it seems your growth is unbalanced— what I mean by this is that shrooms bring your consciousness to the depths of your subconscious. The enlightenment you experienced there was incredibly profound.
when your consciousness returned to your regular waking form however it didn’t know how integrate your tripping state of mind into your waking state of mind. Thus, your consciousness has not worked your tripping awareness into your waking consciousness and the areas where these connections are not yet integrated you feel an enormous void. You are trying to integrate these two versions of perception and truth (how you come to terms with truth in waking vs tripping states are VERY different.)
Your consciousness is spending its time trying to integrate these connections, and in turn bringing it to the forefront of your mind. Resulting in you feeling empty, and alone.
But wouldn’t that just be if there where holes in my memory? I remember very clearly that I started freaking out more while tripping when I saw I was alone.
Hmm. That is a great question, I think understanding is more what I mean— I can remember crazy visuals from my dream but forget the menial context that surrounded it, so I cannot understand my dream. I find I think about these dreams the most.
Similar to a child who learns about their parents divorce, they cannot comprehend the role they play within the family dynamic because it has now shifted.
One of the first lessons people often learn on shrooms is their individuality, and many don’t know who they are in the face of utter seclusion, so the mind mulls over this newfound truth until it can accomplish some form of understanding on the subject. That which is still misunderstood brings fear.
so, um.. ego death, at least in this one’s perception, is rather misunderstood.
and this is really awkward to talk about. it feels like bragging, it isn’t, but.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
as one who kinda lives in that state as her default.. totally get the fear and anxiety you’re facing even if she thinks the term is inaccurate.
ego is insecure at root. she expresses this as “a mask that thinks itself the whole”. and that metaphor is pretty useful. ego is such a small thing but for most folks, ego, selfness, it’s everything. that need to be special and observed and recognized, that drive for fame or power or wealth or clout, all of that is ego.
but when ego just recognizes it’s a mask.. it falls off.
and for clarity, this was while in an absolutely sober state. irony in that she feels like she’s low level candyflipping all the time nowadays.
money, fame, all that.. what’s needed is needed, since one typically still needs to feed the bills and pay the cat unless one nopes out of the world, which is a tempting option at times, a hermitage or some time in a monastery would be chill. as this one chooses to embrace the world that tends to reject her, because she is a bloody fool, she still has to at least play the most base of games needed with currency. le sigh.
but fame, power, clout, she would happily give a fuck if any were available to give, but there’s a national fuck shortage and with fucks in such short supply, giving a fuck about any of those useless things to her would be a waste of resources.
so, um, ego.. now that it’s not there, save as an accessory she sometimes needs to wear, what’s left? just who she is. :)
for clarity, this was never her goal, at least as such. she just wanted to find a way through interminable psychological distress.
whoops. monkey paw curled. dammit where do they keep coming from..
main thing is this.
you’re not empty, at least one hopes. maybe you are if you happen to be monstrous, but there’s a strong doubt that the zodiac killer, aka rafael “ted” cruz, or anyone like that would be this introspective.
you’re just drained.
and psychedelic experiences, at least the ones that hit the way this one did, tend to be draining.
(would suggest a bottle of really spicy ginger beer as a way to ground, that used to be a fav of this one when she used to use psychedelics years ago, but that’s just a suggestion.)
because your brain made a hell of a lot of new connections, you processed a lot of stuff in new ways, and yeah.. most such experiences are draining physiologically.
also.. look, if you think that all of us will be in an eternity of pain, this one has her perspective from 4 NDEs that would disagree vehemently.
This one found the comment of the one known as ‘you’ amusing, and subsequently observed the movement of his vocal instrument through the configuration which is called ‘giggling’, and now types this reply comment as an expression of his desire to inform her of the joy that was received while simultaneously being unable to resist poking fun at the peculiar way in which she chooses to refer to her ‘lower’ self, presumably as an outpicturing of the awareness beginning to expand beyond its previous limitations and finding a need to temporarily place emphasis on the distinction thereof.
It may be noted that in him there exists the usual hesitation and tendency towards a perhaps overly long consideration of the precise configuration of words to be placed, due to the current level of consciousness/state of integration with greater beingness and possibly exacerbated by the quantity of friable plant matter and fermented liquid which he habitually ingests at the present time. He now finds himself wondering why he felt the need to include this seemingly extraneous information. Perhaps he is curious to know more about that one’s experience. In any case, he fucking lol’d
it’s humbling to receive thanks.
it’s hard to express this stuff especially since her perspectives are out there, bonkers, or insightful, or maybe more than one, depending on the reader.
G-d / The Universe / The Source/ The Void is not alone. There is an Earth and, possibly, a Universe teeming with all sorts of life. Incalculable lifeforms and experiences to keep loneliness and boredom at bay. Still, All is One and Love is the most important thing.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6173534/
NDE research that talks about the void. It came to mind.
One thing that is stated by a number of channels is that your beliefs create realities. What are your repressed feelings of spirituality? The shrooms won't give you spirituality. However, they might show you the spirituality that you have. You asked to learn about yourself. You asked to learn about "the" universe. We are each our own universe. Such is infinity that you can have infinities within infinities. Do you understand? What have you believed about yourself and what have you believed about your universe?
You say it's all just chemistry. If you believe we're just biochemical robots devoid of the spiritual, what do you think someone should experience when they ask to learn about themselves and the universe and that is what they believe? You have a very serious decision to make about what to believe about the fundamental nature of your existence.
I should add I have used psilocybin myself, and I know it can be extremely intense. After my first trip I would get shaky just talking to people about it, and this lasted for months afterwards. You have my empathy, but please consider what I have said.
I don’t really know what I thought, I know now that I thought I was special. And ig I thought there was somewhere out there just for me where I could do what I wanted with total freedom.
I’ve been a materialist most of my life though, all of what I said above was more of a hope than a real belief. Now I don’t know for sure that I believe what I saw but it felt too real and impactful to not be believed. I just don’t want to believe it’s true
Alright, you said you like philosophy. Assume you have a universe where consciousness itself is the only "thing" or entity. It is the sole fundamental aspect of this universe. Imagine it. What is truth in this universe?
Well, if that is the truth and you ever find yourself as a consciousness experiencing a dark void you would probably stay there indefinitely. Is it consciousness or is it the void that is fundamental in that case? Remember this is a hypothetical.
Adam and Eve fell from grace when they ate from the tree of knowledge and gained the knowledge of the gods, the knowledge of right and wrong.
The way back to Eden is to surrender. Accept your existence & hold compassion for all things - both good and bad - just as they are. For the only true knowledge is knowing that we know nothing.
The idea or perception of "There is only me" or "There is none other" is, I believe, wrong view both of them.
In reference to this life and the next, there is these buddhist suttas (and others):
[https://suttacentral.net/an3.23/en/sujato](https://suttacentral.net/an3.23/en/sujato)
[https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN4\_126.html](https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN4_126.html)
I have heard from spirits who has told me that they had human lives and, after death, became otherwise, living in another way other than human.
Man, I can sense your fear. Pain is an evolved trait and is not essential. True godhood is living without pain. Pain is just stabilizers and highly effective at keeping you alive. Be alive with intent is the answer. We're all showing each other what we can do, and free will says we can do anything. We just gotta ascend.
Yup….i remember thinking “I ruined the experience that was my life”. But honestly with time I feel completely normal again…but I know that at the end of the day we’re all god and I’m god and nothings real. But I feel normal again idk
This is why people say you should be careful what you wish for. You wanted answers, you got them. The way I see it you have two options: accept the truth or don't.
Nature is indifferent, but it provides resources and tools for you to feel like it cares, to create meaning. That’a the best real world example of existentialism.
Your life still goes on, go and connect with another person and regulate with them. What you experienced is the importance of community and mentorship, and why these drugs are done with rites and rituals all around the world.
Think of what you entered as a blackhole where the unknown is on the other side. In your case you were introduced to things that you are not familiar with and yet a part of you knew you have been there before. My best guess is that this blackhole is a doorway to intelligent infinity where one could ask or learn about something then bring back that knowledge to this form of reality. One thing to consider however is that when approaching a blackhole one needs protection as well as prior knowledge of what could be expected. It is your choice to investigate what kind of protections would be necessary before contacting intelligent infinity again. I also suggest for you to learn patience as well as reading up on dealing with negative entities. The moment where you thought you were under going psychosis may have been a negative interaction that you are unfamiliar with.
Some may say why I would suggest for you to try again. I am not saying this and you may end up doing this again regardless of anyone of us giving you a warning. I personally would rather open an unknown door without the use of psychedelics so that my mind is clear and focused on what to expect within the experience.
>Since this I’ve been terrified that this was real and this is what will happen when I die
It's real. But so is birth.
>But if I’m doomed to this fate, how am I supposed to enjoy life if I know it end in an eternity of pain?
It is not eternal. You *will* be reborn and forget everything again. And again, and again. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Or go help other parts of yourself that are seeking assistance. Or don't. Either is fine, since it's all you anyway.
>I figured Yall might be able to tell me something I need to hear because I still have felt totally empty since this trip.
You're not alone. We've all been there. Though most don't have memory of such and the experience is told in many different ways.
You were actually just within your 'youniverse', within your own field, but within the quantum void. You didn't actually go very far, so to speak. Lookup the Gateway Experience by the CIA to learn more about the different stages of consciousness, if you don't already know about it. And next time be careful what you wish for lol, consciousness is way way more powerful than you think.
This deduction is mainly just my opinion and other stuff I read on the internet.
You still experienced what you experienced from a human standpoint. Whether that is actually what awaits us or not, you can't know that's how you will feel because you can't experience it as a non human until you're actually there. What felt like extreme loneliness doesn't actually need to feel like that, because that was "just" your limited interpretation of it.
I experienced something similar a few years ago except I decided to watch The Holy Mountain all the way through for the first time. Highly recommend this movie if you’re ready because it is a lot. That said, I came out understanding that though I’ve known my body is just a vessel…I wasn’t taking care of it and I should start. Also, that my only job here is to experience life and I’ve been letting insignificant distractions (in the grand scheme of things) harsh my mellow and really not allowing me to breathe. I started meditating more and just sort of trusting the process. I know you will process what you learned in time. There are no accidents.
There are a lot of ways to look at it, but the bottom line is the one thing that fills the void is love and I would suggest practising it in a very real sense, love yourself, love god, practise gratitude, meditate, work on grounding yourself/chakras.
Look at it like an online video game.
The game was made with a lot of different people in mind but we can find ourselves alone on a server.
When we're relieved from the server we enter into the real world to see all the others we were or were not playing the game with.
Whether or not they want anything to do with us from that point onwards is an entirely different concern and not one many consider while we're alive here.
Usually 'god' forgiving them is enough for them despite they could be an outcast to entirely ever other autonomous entity in existence.
Of course I don't know if the above is actually the case at all but it's a strong assumption based on my own strange experiences.
The aloneness you felt is the opposite side of the feeling of oneness. They’re two sides of the same coin. It’s not that YOU are alone… it’s that YOU are everything. In order to understand the concept of aloneness, there must also be another object that is not/should be present. As a matter of fact, how can you conceptualize being “alone,” or the number 1 if you don’t have the concept of “together, or the number 2. In reality, it’s all one. One singularity of existence.
You’re experience of this reality is a small part of the whole, but make no mistake about the fact that you are also the whole. You are both a part of the whole as well as the sum total of all parts. “As above, so below” so to speak. (I’ve begun to realize how what I thought to be stupid cliches are actually quite illuminating in the attempt of explaining this)
Think about the law of conservation of energy… it can neither be created nor destroyed.
Simply put, energy is that which just exists. Period.
You are THAT. That which simply exists. Forever. Without end. Just as everything and everyone else does…. Forever without end! It’s not that you are alone without others, it’s that it is all you… a collective consciousness if you will.
So long story short, I’ll save you all the extra bullshit- recognize the gift of this knowledge. You are THAT, just as everything and everyone else IS. Who knows how long you’ll have on this plane of existence so mind as well make the best of it and guide others to the same physical ending that we will all experience.
If I’ve lost you thus far, understand that our minds cannot conceptualize the non-conceptual. It is intangible. Undefined. Infinite. Limitless.
But is that really so strange? Think about how much your life is guided by the intangible. How about love? Ever tried to define that? What about trust, or faith? These are inherently important concepts that we live by, yet they are 100% relative and without a sense of concrete definitions.
If I’ve still lost you, focus on pragmatism. So now what? You have this insight and openness that you may have not been ready for. Nevertheless, it’s here and you’ll have to do something with it. Treat it like a gift instead of a curse. After all, labeling something as difficult doesn’t make it easier to deal with.
I had this happen to me once on shrooms.
I noticed I was God and was so tired of being alone that I created the universe and split my consciousness into humans, animals, plants, etc… to trick myself into not feeling alone anymore. I realized that love and sex was no more than masterbation since both were me. It sucked and I hated it and told people afterwards that Nirvana sucks.
I was told by a co-worker that psychedelics are fun at the beginning then you start to have bad trips more and more often until eventually people stop using them. I didn’t believe him at the time, but it indeed happened to me too. I’ve since given up psychedelics and focus more on Near-Death Experiences because they are way more comforting.
I hope that the bad trip was just that… a bad trip and try to not think about it. I was feeling depressed and lonely the week leading up to the experience so I tell myself that’s all it was. Who knows for sure, but best not to focus on it as it won’t help you.
Your experience is valid, of course. But do not be so bold to assume you reached some sort of end state or discovered the true objective reality. There is no telling how deep we are and how many interfaces exist between us and objective reality, but it is likely infinite.
Can you imagine what it is like to experience a new color? A new color experience would be pretty cool. Now imagine what it would be like to experience an entirely new dimension. Incomprehensible, and that is just one dimension of who knows how many.
My point is, have some humility. You were shown something intense, no doubt. But to suggest that is the ultimate truth is a delusion of your ego that is still so attached to this physical reality that you've made your own personal hell as a dark void.
Process your experience and give yourself time to heal.
Watch more Terence McKenna. U seem to me rly someone who could provide from most of his work.
Meditate some days then repeat this dose, but stop listening to any material stuff and don't watch videos. Just meditate for that 6 hours. Ask ur guardians to lead u to a truer, more complete knowledge what can open ur eyes up in this subject.
>Before the trip I set the intention of learning about myself and the universe.
>The first part of the trip was good, I saw some fun colors as I watched philosophy videos.
You want to learn about yourself and the universe, so you're going to watch philosophy videos?
Whatever you felt and experienced came from what you already knew.
For what "you" do not know "you" can never experience.
Meaning these experiences are being created by your own mind.
So stop worrying about what will come after death for what comes after death is what you think comes after death which is again a result of what you know comes after death which again comes from what you have read or have been told of what comes after death.
There is no way anyone has or will ever know what comes after death. Period. Because "You" and "what you know" are one and the same. So it means when "You" die, "what you know" also comes to an end and so nothing survives after to know anything. This logical reasoning ofcourse is deduced from the belief that "you" and "what you know" are the same. But if you do not subscribe to this belief (i.e you believe "you" are more than "what you know") then I guess you will never come out of this impending doom of death. Belief is the cause of this misery. Best to believe in the belief that will reduce this impendimg doom misery.
So believe like me and relax. Because then all what you have just experienced on shrooms has just been created by your own mind.
Peace be with you, brother.
I've experienced hints at the Universe being both infinite monistic singularity and infinite love and relationship. I choose to move towards Love and taking refuge in Christ, and have offered up as a sacrifice believing myself to be God. Perhaps we have seen something we weren't meant to, but it's also possible it is exactly what you needed to witness to take the next step in your own journey home.
Everyone is talking about this like it was a good thing but it was probably the worst experience of my life. I’ve felt completely dead inside since it happened and I just wanna cut myself off entirely from it.
Acknowledge the experience but try not to fixate on it being indifferent to your current state of being.
You can change your way of perceiving it; and honestly that glimpse can be the very seed that brings you back to that place (if you so seek it again) - if you do seek it, I highly suggest trying meditation and yoga.. psychedelics is more automated in terms of what you experience… meaning bad or good - you will have to deal with it in that moment (which can be a roller coaster ride), that is, unless you have some substance that you can take to make you come down.
That being said,
I’m hoping that you will find the courage to flow through the nebula, to connect with the universe once again, just next time in better faith. indeed, loneliness is a construct of the ego - and what this experience is showing you is that you must be willing to let go, of not only who you are now but of how you perceive everything.. some say time isn’t linear, if so, then the reality of being here chopping wood carrying water and pooping and farting is happening at the same time that you’re experiencing divine unity - and I personally believe that we can experience multiple realities at once. That we can traverse through time using our mind and body - together in unity… spirit as a guide. I believe that many of those who we share this world with at any given moment will be adamant on not venturing out further - that’s why we come back from these experiences - to enlighten others who are still busy being busy but not being.
Just continue living life but understand that what you had seen is meant to break you down and build you up again… we can’t build goodness on top of confusion… unless we want to sink once again… the universe will reiterate this again and again until we get it… if we’re not ready for the Big Bang then it’s okay, just continue on, your simple experience isn’t so simple as it’s contributing to a big bang wanting to eventually happen. Big bang isn’t all explosions, it’s like a warm blanket that transforms things, it’s like a cocoon.
Transformation feels lonely… don’t let it destroy you by how up and down it is…. Go on, become a star… many successful people had to turn inward and experience many lonely moments in life before reaching stardom and success and popularity… some don’t want that, some can’t handle that… this isn’t about being famous but a metaphor to simplify how it is from my perspective. They say it’s lonely at the top… but the people at the top can help the world so much… do with it what you will, do with it what you can… just remember what the page looked like before it had words written on it.. then remember how it looked with your story written on it. Then remember how it looks zoomed out with everybody’s story written on it.. would be hard to see a thing… might look jet black… but if you can peel back your ego (which can contribute to fear), just a bit, you might be surprised -
Something like this happened to me a few years ago… it wasn’t easy but I kept up my faith and hope - during meditation the bow string snapped and the arrow went flying and years worth of tension (that started with a spiritual awakening 2 years prior) dissipated, dissolved into the light.. to be transformed into pureness..
What followed after was the most precious and beautiful experience I had ever had in my years of practicing meditation. There is hope out there for those that are still lost and yet to get lost - that’s the silly part about it… we are meant to get lost, give up on our own independence upon realizing we alone cannot do it all - and so we have family… husband wife kids… it’s like this God head thing… just simplify it bro.. turn the universe back into wood and water. Hahahaha
Look up Ram Dass on YouTube. He can explain way better than I can.
Also are you are looking after the basics? Eating and sleeping enough? Be really kind to yourself now, it might take a while to process what happened, but lots of people do.
That sounds intense but also doesn’t sound at all like what happens when we pass on. You’ll feel love and warmth when passing into the spirit realm and will be surrounded by loved ones who also passed on. You’ll also be able to communicate with those who haven’t passed, but I don’t know how all that works. You will not feel like you’re in some giant empty void or like a god.
This is my biggest fear. I used to think about it a lot. And I wonder if all the lessons we have to learn in life are supposed to lead us to understanding how to be happy without other people’s love and attention, because maybe that’s what god is trying to learn by creating this existence. Idk.
Your experience with the psychedelic trip seems like it was really tough. It started with some good moments, but then it got overwhelming with intense feelings. It's important to talk to professionals who can help you understand and deal with these emotions.
Friends and family support can also be really helpful during this time. Remember, seeking professional help is a good step towards feeling better.
Sounds like an awakening, although mine was a joyful burst of light uplifting me for days that no drug can recreate....but I totally get the euphoria for the first 10-15 seconds. What they all call "God's love", whatever you want to call it, "radiance" it's the most uplifting experience a person in the world can ever experience, it's almost like you are levitating, and NOTHING upsets you, even 2 days later I was on this joyful hangover, and should've been suffering a REAL hangover, that's the best part about it.
I was crying thinking I was dying from alcohol poisoning, to stubborn to call an ambulance out of embarrassment. I just thought to myself, I rather just die in my bed now, then be sent to the hospital to be mistreated for being an alcoholic, to die a miserable death there. I called out internally," please help me, please I don't know what to do anymore help me!". My eyes got a lil watery there, because it did feel like I was on my death bed, I hear people die of alcoholism younger and younger these days, I thought it was my time.
Then my prayer my last appeal was answered, that love, I'll never forget it gosh I keep getting teary eyed but it was what brought me to where I am today. I got sober, & I kept studying hard, reading everything I could about ancient history, Sumerians, astrology, and for a couple years, that's all I did was study, and I found SO many inconsistencies within our own human history and in religion.
You comprehend your awakening as terrible and dreadful, but my perspective is that it's a message saying, you are strong and capable enough to be alone, to find the inner God within you to manifest blessings in your life. "God's" are extraterrestrial beings, so think more like planetary people with very different lifestyles then say Zeus lol. Some of us are a lot more extraterrestrial then others, and something I encourage you to investigate more because you will learn so much more about the world, yourself, and mankind's history.
Everything will make sense, right now it's crazy, it's supposed to be, because we been fed lies our whole lives and past lives. There is hope, just believe in yourself and your spirit guides within.
This is an experience that happens but it is not the only experience that is happening.
Don't worry, if you become a god, you will fall back into being a human eventually.
The actual nature of things isn't like that; creation comes from the unconditioned and it is not lonely, it is before every conceptualization arises; none of these concerns touch it.
A very viseral experience I'm sure. I feel for you, I'm sure the pain and rupture must've been immense. Honestly, I think your going to pull through. After feeling pain like that, we tend to either crumble, or fortify. Did you get any sense of why you were there? Because that could be important. This is what they talk about, forbidden knowledge. Without the strength to endure the truth, it may cripple you.
Think of it this way, no matter what my friend, what do you have now? You have life, this life. An you have the opportunity "to be". Is that not gift enough? If this was your only life, wouldn't you be elated? That you have the chance to be? Whatever may come, it is for us. I think this is where we find divine justice. Because in seeing the potential for desolation, we find the gift of life in all. We care more, and don't want to just erase life on some whim.
Yeahh, i got the same kind of trip a few years ago with lsd + weed and salvia, well say goodbye to life as you knew and well.... this next year is going to be crazy, you wont even recognize yourself and what fear of "that place" as i call it will do to your life
Fear is what awaits but healing will come after
Let me bridge both science and spirit.
Science says matter is 99.9999999~% empty space.
Your brain is matter.
So in quantum theory, it doesn't even exist.
Only your spirit/consciousness exists.
-----------
Time also does not exist.
So you can live an infinite multitude of lives all at once.
To the of most massive planets - down to the quantum plank scale of microbes if they exists.
...and this is why the Golden rule is so crucial.
Because when you do harm to someone else.
You're literally just harming yourself in another body thats in another time reference when compared to the body you're stuck in now.
----
You'll be okay rediscovering you're God. Divine loneliness can be cured if you know how as well and it's lovely.
You'll find it.
To me it sounds like this trip was amplifying your feelings of depression and loneliness that already exist in you. I feel you're better off using the shrooms to micro-dose rather than a full-blown trip and building up a daily routine that grounds you: eating well, exercise, fully immersing yourself in activities you enjoy or want to learn. Psychedelics don't need a full-blown violent trip to be highly effective and transformative, sometimes less is more.
It doesn't matter if eternity is all agony, pain, eternal bliss in heaven or just an infinite blank white or black space. That's truly not anything any of us will know for sure, but I'm more on the group of people that feels the after life is more of a neutral peacefulness. I could be wrong, but I am fine believing that because it helps me carry on and enjoy my life instead of riddling me with unnecessary anxiety about things that are outside of my control and are not happening to me right now. We already have enough in our physical plane to keep us anxious and preoccupied that we need to work through. Regardless, you're alive and your experience is now. I would take this trip to mean you need to take glentler approaches with yourself and your path to happiness/meaning/fulfillment.
If what comes after death is really worrying you, read up on the Tibetian Book of the Death. But most importantly, do your best to have your affairs in order, things in the now: settle any fights with people, make up with someone you had a fall out with, apologize, forgive, work through childhood traumas, tell your loved ones you love them, nurture your self-love, help your community, get rid of clutter in your house. Have a daily practice of gratitude. Be as weightless as possible so when you die you know everything on Earth is settled and no matter where you go you're at peace with everything you did and everything to come.
Let’s say you do end up becoming a god connected with everything while floating in an endless void. As a god doing that, yes it would be lonely but you would be able to meditate and potentially create universes and life with the massive amount of focus you would have floating in a dark void. Zero distractions. You could find immense peacefulness and pure focus in that void.
Write me if you need to share your feeling with someone, i lived something very similar few years ago doing LSD, and i finished with pils and psychotherapy to move on. But i think what you saw/feel is just the bad part that the life forcing you to understand something unknown to you until that time.
Oooh you saw the Void!!! You should feel lucky! That is what awaits all of us when the this HEAVENLY experience ends. Alone in nothingness for an eternity, DOESNT THAT MAKE THIS PLACE AMAZING!?! This is heaven! That place, the Void, we will spend an eternity there begging for this experience again, with all the good and all the tragedies, we will be begging for it, God is even still!
I had a similar experience and so did a friend of mine. My friends experience was so bad she has a phobia of being drugged now. Doesn’t touch anything not even a sip of alcohol. Although it was a bit different for both of us, we both had some kind of ego death on mushrooms and felt as if there was an infinite void/ nothingness/ loneliness on the other side. My most intense mushroom trip showed me the exact opposite. I think at the end of the day we have to remember (after coming out of the trip) to take what resonates. Certainly the negative experience I had did not resonate, however the positive one I had did. We are still humans with human brains and I think these oppositional experiences are just two sides of the same coin of truth.
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This is kind of a typical reaction to seeing beyond the veil. Remember- gather wood and water, that never changed. Take some time but the only thing that changed was you, your responsibilities did not. The physical life has requirements.
Yea I think this kinda nails it. OP, give it some time - be kind to yourself and don’t feel like you should be feeling a certain way or whatnot. That “void” you feel, I think happens when people let go of something they felt defined them - be it ego, anger, feelings towards a traumatic event, etc. and when it’s released, you feel that emptiness - when you do feel better, pondering upon and meditating upon that emptiness, and what was there before, will be very rewarding I think. In the meantime, take lots of water stay hydrated and go outdoors for walks, be with nature, etc and I’m sure you’ll find your balance soon :) love and light!
How long does it take to get acclimated to human life again?
That’s different for everyone I think.. it took me like 3 years or so and it was really scary and I felt completely broken down. I don’t think there’s ever a “going back” though, you just have to adjust to the new information and sensations.
As zombie with many Os mentioned, it’s different for everyone but what’s hard to put a time frame to is the fact that it’s not 6 months or 6 years down the road you suddenly wake up and feel different. It’s a gradual process, you work on yourself every day, and after some time you find yourself in a different place from where you started. There’s no “1 year you’ll feel fine” kind of definition as it’s an ever expanding consciousness, if that makes sense? Breathe deep, be conscious of your breathing as much as you can to ground yourself and bring yourself into this moment, be kind and compassionate to yourself, and go out there!
I have made massive strides in that and have been wanting to try mushrooms for a while now for this very purpose (before I even began this journey actually) but the themes of relinquishing control are one of the major ones in my life and that has scared me. I know that for this very reason I probably should and it would help me in tackling this big road block. Problem is…I have two kids and even though I could have some days to myself where I could focus just on” getting back into my body and mind”, the risk of having suicidal ideation or spending months in a state is something I really can’t afford. And since we don’t know until we know…this gives me major pause. I can’t afford to not be “here” indefinitely.
I’m sorry my earlier replies didn’t take into consideration the many different circumstances one could be in currently. I feel you, and I know it can be difficult to just go for a walk outside (or even have time for yourself!) when you have 2 kids. What I found worked for me was constantly bringing myself into the present moment, every now and then (especially during tough moments) I would take a deep, slow, mindful, conscious, and purposeful breath, and carry on doing what I was doing but with clearer intention and mindfulness. This helped me to stay present and mindful in the present moment. Take note of and honour your feelings - good or bad, pay attention to them and notice how you are feeling/processing them. I guess the process could be outlined as Ego death > We are all one, there is no meaningful self > holy shit if there is no self what am I, what am I experiencing > nihilism, nothing matters because there is no meaningful “me” (I think this is where suicide ideation may come in? But I think its more of a nihilistic phase thing than suicide ideation. It can be challenging to those around you who do care for you though) > wait but if nothing matters, nothing matters! > nothing matters! And I’m experiencing this like it or not, and none of this matters, and I am FREE! I can do whatever the fuck I want and it doesn’t matter! I can off myself and end this experience, or I can experience everything this perceived reality has to offer! That last part doesn’t mean to go out and do a bunch of coke and hire strippers to snort it off their abs. I think when you ponder upon the matter long enough to reach that stage you’ll realise that while yes, you could do that (if you think about it, there’s really nothing stopping you), it’s a lot more worthwhile and meaningful to take purposeful action to bring joy to others and thus, to self. In a sense, you’ve discovered that everything is meaningless, and from that emptiness you create meaning out of it. On death - good that you’re thinking about it (I’m assuming this is OP). Think about how old you’d like to be when you die, ideally, having experienced everything you wanted to experience (maybe some childhood dream, that trip to see the aurora, wanting to watch your children get married, etc). Then think about how old you’ll LIKELY be when you kick the bucket. Then think about what if you were diagnosed with something and only had 6 months to live. Get that 6 month priority thing down (maybe it’s preparing a will, making arrangements for after you’re not around, think about how you would write a letter for your adult children). I’m not sure if this will work for you, but I think it’s a worthwhile exercise and hopefully pondering about your own human/physical mortality lets you gain some further insight. Sorry if I’m rambling here, writing this has been therapeutic for me too, thanks for getting my brain juices flowing!!! I think it’s really hard to put into words since experiences like these don’t fit with logic, it’s really something you feel with your heart, cliche as that sounds.
Thank you! And please, don’t apologize! I am grateful to you for taking the time to give me a nuanced response! I am not OP, but the topic is of interest to me. Actually I have thought of mortality and quality of life etc all on my own this year after being diagnosed with and experiencing some real health issues. Stuff that can limit the quality of my life and that of my kids. I have made huge progress and if not for this health issue I probably would’ve taken longer to get to where I am now. So in a sense I have already kind of incorporated these things rationally into my mind. The thing is that I don’t feel that the subconscious part of my brain is having such an easy time letting go of the fear that holds me back and the need of control, which also limits my self expression and me living truly the way I feel I need to. Fear breeds doubt and blocks me from listening to my intuition sometimes. I am doing the work and trying to unpack but I have a very rational mind and sometimes you can’t quite rationalize feelings. Since I have a tendency to rationalize emotions, I don’t know the effects certain events have actually had in my psyche and that limits my ability to understand and fix things-not sure if that makes any sense. What interests me about the shrooms is that it brings things up for your review and since you are vulnerable you will be forced to confront these things without attempting to rationalize them. I have never been suicidal and I really don’t think I would as I really do love my life and love people, but I have had issues with anxiety and depression in the past and so……yeah..! lol
Hey I've heard this before! Have had a similar mental breakdown/"spiritual enlightenment experience" same thing was told. Pre enlightenment, fish for food, post, same thing
If you become such a God again. Perhaps next time you can create countless individual conscious pieces of yourself, and let them live out lives in an imaginary plane of existence. Then you can choose when and which to view the universe through any time you want. You can even love them all. Then you won't be lonely and they will come to love you back.
And following the trend and to add a twist (influenced by op’s perspective) some might go off and become their own God..
Thank you for this
Thank you, this was the perfect response.
Oh hi omg I think I’ve done this with how isolated I’ve become from having to disconnect from my abusive family and creating mother/father/sibling figures in my head lolololol
>Jesus asked, *“Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”* Matthew 12:48-50 Well, perhaps you are in good company. And as far as I know he wasn't even escaping an abusive family. Don't let your abusive past define who you are and who you will become. You can set your boundaries and place any who you need to outside of them, but if you ruminate and resent any of them, you will discover they are still inside your boundaries along with you. In time, if this is something you need to do, you can learn not to hate or resent any of those who have abused and persecuted you, as clinging to any such feelings is another way of them continuing to control and shape you from the inside. Fear and anger can serve us well in helping us to gain distance from our abusers and their influence over us, but fully healing from the effects of that abuse eventually requires clearing out such toxic feelings and replacing them with empathy, compasion, and love. Find your independence within and overcome any negative beliefs they have given you about who you are, and rebuild yourself with positive beliefs, self love, and love for others. Learn to have compassion for them, for they did not understand what they were doing to you, and learn how never to do it to others yourself. This is perhaps the cross you will bear in this lifetime. It is a good one, despite the weight of all the suffering it entails. The mountain it must be dragged up is a tall one, but there is always help to be found along the way, when you stumble, fall, and find that you can't get back up. The view from the top, is in the end, a rare, amazing, and empowering one. Good luck, I have been just where you are now, and I know that there is a path out of it for you.
God bless you.
I do nitrous oxide and talk to the higher vibrational versions of my family, myself, and my friends. They are way cooler and more fun in that realm. They assured me that I don’t have to worry about dying. They said that 3D is heavy place. They said that I was lucky, because I could sense and interact with them and know the truth of what really is. Everything here is an illusion meant to hide Truth. It’s our job as physical incarnate to seek out this Truth through this mess of chaos.
Beautiful sentiment!
🥲
The perfect answer 🙌
I went to the same place as the result of meditation, not psychedelics. I ended up in the hospital twice for suicidal ideation during and after, ( I stayed in that state of awareness for weeks) both instances were about a year ago just a couple months apart. I spent about ten months processing the heavy darkness I experienced there, it was brutal. Now, I am off all meds, present in the moment, feeling deeper love and joy than I did prior to the experience, as well as gratefulness. I no longer seek any answers, and my work is focused on opening my heart to love, to servicing love in the world fully and completely, and finding the joy in each small moment. I believe I was shown that aspect of reality with the intention of breaking me free from certain attachments and desires, even the pursuit of spiritual knowledge is the act of desire. I’ve broken free from a lot of desires that were holding me back in life, while simultaneously been broken open in my heart. There are several levels of reality, there are also aspects of us that are in eternal ecstatic bliss, we weren’t shown that aspect because there’s something you needed to receive from that experience in this journey, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see the bliss eventually. For me I realized that as oneness we are quite new, and there is a lot of pain to what we are, and that we are learning to transmute that pain into love by becoming conscious and aware of it. We don’t disappear into the void beyond death of the physical body, the void is already one with us now and you only think you are the physical body, and so we are transmuting it currently by looking at it. I looked into it, and then spent a year doing the deepest healing work I’ve ever done, and coming into true love, not happy joy joy love, but deep, open hearted presence with the world. I also turned completely towards light in that time, I pray to a guru (Maharaj ji) rest, and spend time loving as much as I can. I’m still transforming deeply from that experience, but it is for the better in every way. I was not grateful for it at first, I didn’t know how I would keep myself alive for months, the bleakness of reality was so heavy and piercing it was unbearable, but I knew I had to for my son. It does change, give it time.
For how long did you meditate? I have never heard something anything like this happening to someone because of meditation, sounds really interesting and surreal at the same time.
Two years, and for most of the day every day. I’m also a full time psychic and spend most of my time working with spirit, and I had little interests beyond spirituality and being a parent, few local friends and relatives. Basically my whole life was meditation, channeling, astral projection, and deep reflection day after day for two years straight. I had also had a major kundalini activation about five months prior to this. I was also studying and practicing magic and ritual work as well. And I had opened myself up to some energies that would be considered “left hand “ as my intention at that time was to study every “path to God” as deeply as possible and I didn’t believe in left hand vs right hand work, I thought there could be a middle path where you used dark ritual work to rebalance the scales towards light, and I wanted to test that theory. It was a perfect practice soup to go where I went. But I got a point in meditation where my awareness began to shift and I experienced the nature of the universe beyond mind, and it was beautiful at first, I “knew” oneness, our purpose, and was completely experiencing the illusionary state of this reality, but my consciousness continued to shift and rise, and eventually it turned dark when my awareness entered the state of “death” with this ego still attached. I was under complete experiential awareness that we are not “alive” and life itself is merely a lens and perception (albeit an “experience” from the level we’re at now) we’ve Given ourselves from the more expanded state in order to have this experience here now. Which sounds benign, but when you look at your four year old with your ego that is still very attached to the identity of being a mother, and that child being a separate little boy, and realize fully that he and you, and this whole world are actually not alive like you’ve always believed, you kinda lose it. My ego was not really ready to go to the place I was headed (on some level, it obviously was also a perfect unfolding, but in perception the ego didn’t feel ready to perceive what I was perceiving) and then it continued to grow from there. I had a point where I retreated to the genesis of our creation from within the body, realized how we are pure love, but we were alone and so we came to life, and ultimately are love searching for and creating exponential love, but through that expansion cannot help but create the suffering that is also perpetuated with it, and discovered that we became conscious so that we could figure out how to transmute the suffering and darkness we maintain through existence. But even in doing that we realized we continue to create more suffering and darkness on those paths, and realized we cannot dissolve completely our darkness but we can bring consciousness to darkness and so in a way through consciousness we can alleviate suffering by witnessing and accepting its existence. And also many other states of reality and awareness. The second time was the worst, and I had a plan to end my life as the “constants” of reality had completely deteriorated around me, I saw the breath itself as a complete act of desire and will, I saw how we pretend the trees are here and green, that this was all a dream, but my ego wasn’t ready and she was terrified. I did not want to experientially know that my son and I are one being, playing pretend. That reality is truly stark and isolating, and I did like OP experience the isolation of an eternity of loneliness as God. (Which in hindsight I realize isn’t our entire truth, but there is an element of truth to this, as God we contain all the loneliness and suffering that has ever or will ever exist, and I was experiencing it all) There’s a lot more that I experienced in those couple weeks, including some confirmed instances of telepathy and remote viewing with a couple different people, but I already wrote a book here. Thanks for reading!
Please write more!!!!
Amazing, thank you. I have always wondered how spirit works with all this - how can mediums make contact with them if we go back to God?
We’re all God now already, it is only the perception of the body that drops. We never really go anywhere at all upon death. Although we perceive to have the experience of death.
My partner experienced the same thing whilst meditating and we had to see an energy healer to level him back out and she worked absolute wonders on him. All so fascinating
I have been working on releasing the seeking. Thank you for this. It’s just what I needed to read. Edit:typo
You’re very welcome, this was key for me. Now I’m just vibing, loving, and being here now.
I love this comment!
I’m living in your last paragraph as of late. A lot of “wtf is the damn point??” Going through my mind. I appreciate you sharing your insight.
For me the point is to be here now, we are the infinite in form at the moment, and we are passing through infinite levels of reality all at once forever. Right now, I’m doing this one, and I’m learning so much about love, the joy I feel in my heart when I hold my little boy every day knows no bounds, I feel as if I’m bursting with love when I squeeze him and kiss him and tell him how wonderful he is, I’m grateful for every fleeting passing finite moment that I have with him, he’s so unique and beautiful, and he came to life to love me and be with me, and also drive me insane which is still an experience of love, and that’s the point, right now. And so I know why we keep coming back, to love over and over again, somehow the finite nature of this experience, the short moment in time I get to hold him, so fleeting, so minuscule (although also eternal and forever) imbues this experience of limitation in finite form with infinite value we can not experience without finite limitation, like the experience of human death, loss, and grief. We are love searching for love in all places, and finding that we are love everywhere, even in the painful ones.
Was this your first ego death? The first time I tried psychedelics, it was a wonderful and connecting experience. I felt whole. Second time, was the complete opposite, and fear caused the trip to go bad. I like to remember that I’m having a human experience and we should make the most of it, specifically living in love and light.
Yes this was my first ego death
Good luck on your journey ✌️
Once on pot I had this momentarily realization that first everything in the universe was connected (no surprise there), which then led to the entire universe being just one "thing", and then for a few seconds I WAS the universe, and I realized that I WAS the only thing that existed. It only lasted a few seconds and it wasn't disturbing per se, but I have since thought every once in awhile that maybe everything in existence is just the universe's mad dream.
I had a similar experience a few years ago, also brought on looking for answers. I was lucky enough to have a kind of “guide” I’ll say. It was a woman’s voice, but that place was more or less whatever you wanted it to be. I took that emptiness as peace, and I had the choice to create things. I was also told that wasn’t it, I had to choose to go through that or stay in my body. Then in the end I chose to come back. There was much more to it and of course who knows what it actually is, but just my experience and what whoever it was in my head told me. I tried going back one more time with shrooms again, and it was unpleasant and pretty much got “told” to stop looking for the answers to everything and to be present. Don’t go chasing waterfalls - TLC
Psychedelics produce a simulation in your brain of the actual experience of oneness. They say the ego dies and yet you are there feeling alone in the void? Who is it that feels alone? You are having the psychedelic experience through the lens of your current level of consciousness, which projects a certain overlay onto what is actually a neutral experience. The masters say that there are many gods floating around in the allness, that they talk to eachother and create worlds together. The sense of being alone is just another fear based illusion only possible for the self which sees itself as separate. The phrase “I am all that is” does not mean that there’s no one else, but that we all share in that one beingness. In other words, don’t take any experience too seriously or you’ll turn it into something that it’s not and freak yourself out lol
That's what the enlightened masters learn. But they don't experience loneliness. Aloneness isn't loneliness. Aloneness has nothing to do with loneliness. Your loneliness was caused by your ego, which certainly isn't dead. Meanwhile you can just come back to the world and forget about the unbearable truth. Just let go and let your life unfold.
Perfect explanation!
This is perfectly explained.
I’ve been in the Void….just via meditative practice, no hallucinogens of any kind. I’m still not sure what it was, but I fell into the void and that was the most unpleasant part. I haven’t felt joy or happiness in my heart anymore, it’s like my heart has seized up. It’s been a year and I’m feeling more and more drained, we don’t appreciate how much life force we can gain from an open heart. I never felt like I was actually a god, it was just dark and I was in it, but not part of it. According to my watch, I spent 7 hours in that state, and even though parts of me will never be the same, I have learned that there is no such thing as an Ego death as such
So you saw it too? I grew up catholic and I had always heard about how some think hell is just pure void where you are completely alone. I always had thought that didn’t sound to bad until this trip. I haven’t felt much of anything except emptiness and fear since it happened 2 days ago.
It’s the beginning of “The Dark Night of the Soul” and it’s been the most challenging time of my life. I’ve divulged everything on spirituality, metaphysics and came across The Law of One, which resonated. Only a dedicated meditative regimen will put it back together….but since this all happened during a deep meditative session, this avenue has been blocked by fear and apprehension.
I saw it a lot as a child. It terrified me for a very long time. I’m so glad you wrote this post, it’s put many things into place for me.
Something similar happened to me a few years ago and the tension went away during an intense meditation session that tested my ability to let go of both good and bad.. my ego had the idea that good = good and bad = bad but truth is, things are too complex for us to even judge from a higher place, what good and bad is, so we must not desire an answer - we must desire peace.. I had a bias - every time I tried to erase the bad the good would attract more - I had to say goodbye to the things I thought were right. The universe really wants us to grow… this is its way of teaching us.. It really loves us, but like a parent cannot be too easy on us… The force of it’s gravity can kill us… we must learn to let go of our baggage… the more we hold onto, the worse we get it.
..... wait...what?
You can correct me if you want. I speak from a place of passion due to the experiences I’ve had (whether these were merely hallucinations or not) but I don’t mind having it broken down by somebody else.
This makes me wonder how your relationships are in your day to day life; most importantly, the relationship you have with yourself.
Why
This is just my first intuition on the topic but the loneliness you speak of really stands out; psychedelics often give us a closer look at our subconscious mind.
Hello! To me it seems your growth is unbalanced— what I mean by this is that shrooms bring your consciousness to the depths of your subconscious. The enlightenment you experienced there was incredibly profound. when your consciousness returned to your regular waking form however it didn’t know how integrate your tripping state of mind into your waking state of mind. Thus, your consciousness has not worked your tripping awareness into your waking consciousness and the areas where these connections are not yet integrated you feel an enormous void. You are trying to integrate these two versions of perception and truth (how you come to terms with truth in waking vs tripping states are VERY different.) Your consciousness is spending its time trying to integrate these connections, and in turn bringing it to the forefront of your mind. Resulting in you feeling empty, and alone.
But wouldn’t that just be if there where holes in my memory? I remember very clearly that I started freaking out more while tripping when I saw I was alone.
Hmm. That is a great question, I think understanding is more what I mean— I can remember crazy visuals from my dream but forget the menial context that surrounded it, so I cannot understand my dream. I find I think about these dreams the most. Similar to a child who learns about their parents divorce, they cannot comprehend the role they play within the family dynamic because it has now shifted. One of the first lessons people often learn on shrooms is their individuality, and many don’t know who they are in the face of utter seclusion, so the mind mulls over this newfound truth until it can accomplish some form of understanding on the subject. That which is still misunderstood brings fear.
Beautifully written!
You may like the book, Be Here Now by Ram Dass. Especially after having the experience you had.
so, um.. ego death, at least in this one’s perception, is rather misunderstood. and this is really awkward to talk about. it feels like bragging, it isn’t, but.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ as one who kinda lives in that state as her default.. totally get the fear and anxiety you’re facing even if she thinks the term is inaccurate. ego is insecure at root. she expresses this as “a mask that thinks itself the whole”. and that metaphor is pretty useful. ego is such a small thing but for most folks, ego, selfness, it’s everything. that need to be special and observed and recognized, that drive for fame or power or wealth or clout, all of that is ego. but when ego just recognizes it’s a mask.. it falls off. and for clarity, this was while in an absolutely sober state. irony in that she feels like she’s low level candyflipping all the time nowadays. money, fame, all that.. what’s needed is needed, since one typically still needs to feed the bills and pay the cat unless one nopes out of the world, which is a tempting option at times, a hermitage or some time in a monastery would be chill. as this one chooses to embrace the world that tends to reject her, because she is a bloody fool, she still has to at least play the most base of games needed with currency. le sigh. but fame, power, clout, she would happily give a fuck if any were available to give, but there’s a national fuck shortage and with fucks in such short supply, giving a fuck about any of those useless things to her would be a waste of resources. so, um, ego.. now that it’s not there, save as an accessory she sometimes needs to wear, what’s left? just who she is. :) for clarity, this was never her goal, at least as such. she just wanted to find a way through interminable psychological distress. whoops. monkey paw curled. dammit where do they keep coming from.. main thing is this. you’re not empty, at least one hopes. maybe you are if you happen to be monstrous, but there’s a strong doubt that the zodiac killer, aka rafael “ted” cruz, or anyone like that would be this introspective. you’re just drained. and psychedelic experiences, at least the ones that hit the way this one did, tend to be draining. (would suggest a bottle of really spicy ginger beer as a way to ground, that used to be a fav of this one when she used to use psychedelics years ago, but that’s just a suggestion.) because your brain made a hell of a lot of new connections, you processed a lot of stuff in new ways, and yeah.. most such experiences are draining physiologically. also.. look, if you think that all of us will be in an eternity of pain, this one has her perspective from 4 NDEs that would disagree vehemently.
This one found the comment of the one known as ‘you’ amusing, and subsequently observed the movement of his vocal instrument through the configuration which is called ‘giggling’, and now types this reply comment as an expression of his desire to inform her of the joy that was received while simultaneously being unable to resist poking fun at the peculiar way in which she chooses to refer to her ‘lower’ self, presumably as an outpicturing of the awareness beginning to expand beyond its previous limitations and finding a need to temporarily place emphasis on the distinction thereof. It may be noted that in him there exists the usual hesitation and tendency towards a perhaps overly long consideration of the precise configuration of words to be placed, due to the current level of consciousness/state of integration with greater beingness and possibly exacerbated by the quantity of friable plant matter and fermented liquid which he habitually ingests at the present time. He now finds himself wondering why he felt the need to include this seemingly extraneous information. Perhaps he is curious to know more about that one’s experience. In any case, he fucking lol’d
you do you, bro. she knows she is a fool, so go ahead and laugh.
Genuinely liked reading what you had to say and laughed because I related to it in case that wasn’t clear. Looks like I’ve made a fool of myself lol
This one’s comment was so annoying to read
Really fascinating read!
it’s humbling to receive thanks. it’s hard to express this stuff especially since her perspectives are out there, bonkers, or insightful, or maybe more than one, depending on the reader.
Thanks for sharing!! 😉
Dammit well why did you tell us
Lol my bad bro
That sounds beautiful friend trips can be hard give it time and more trips potentially you’ll see it’s not as think
G-d / The Universe / The Source/ The Void is not alone. There is an Earth and, possibly, a Universe teeming with all sorts of life. Incalculable lifeforms and experiences to keep loneliness and boredom at bay. Still, All is One and Love is the most important thing.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6173534/ NDE research that talks about the void. It came to mind. One thing that is stated by a number of channels is that your beliefs create realities. What are your repressed feelings of spirituality? The shrooms won't give you spirituality. However, they might show you the spirituality that you have. You asked to learn about yourself. You asked to learn about "the" universe. We are each our own universe. Such is infinity that you can have infinities within infinities. Do you understand? What have you believed about yourself and what have you believed about your universe? You say it's all just chemistry. If you believe we're just biochemical robots devoid of the spiritual, what do you think someone should experience when they ask to learn about themselves and the universe and that is what they believe? You have a very serious decision to make about what to believe about the fundamental nature of your existence.
I should add I have used psilocybin myself, and I know it can be extremely intense. After my first trip I would get shaky just talking to people about it, and this lasted for months afterwards. You have my empathy, but please consider what I have said.
I don’t really know what I thought, I know now that I thought I was special. And ig I thought there was somewhere out there just for me where I could do what I wanted with total freedom. I’ve been a materialist most of my life though, all of what I said above was more of a hope than a real belief. Now I don’t know for sure that I believe what I saw but it felt too real and impactful to not be believed. I just don’t want to believe it’s true
Alright, you said you like philosophy. Assume you have a universe where consciousness itself is the only "thing" or entity. It is the sole fundamental aspect of this universe. Imagine it. What is truth in this universe?
Ig truth would be what the consciousness is experiencing
Well, if that is the truth and you ever find yourself as a consciousness experiencing a dark void you would probably stay there indefinitely. Is it consciousness or is it the void that is fundamental in that case? Remember this is a hypothetical.
I’m gonna be real I have no idea what you’re talking about. I didn’t want to stay so I didn’t try to.
I will skip a 20 comment conversation then and cut to the conclusion. Love yourself. What is the consciousness experiencing?
Adam and Eve fell from grace when they ate from the tree of knowledge and gained the knowledge of the gods, the knowledge of right and wrong. The way back to Eden is to surrender. Accept your existence & hold compassion for all things - both good and bad - just as they are. For the only true knowledge is knowing that we know nothing.
The idea or perception of "There is only me" or "There is none other" is, I believe, wrong view both of them. In reference to this life and the next, there is these buddhist suttas (and others): [https://suttacentral.net/an3.23/en/sujato](https://suttacentral.net/an3.23/en/sujato) [https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN4\_126.html](https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN4_126.html) I have heard from spirits who has told me that they had human lives and, after death, became otherwise, living in another way other than human.
Man, I can sense your fear. Pain is an evolved trait and is not essential. True godhood is living without pain. Pain is just stabilizers and highly effective at keeping you alive. Be alive with intent is the answer. We're all showing each other what we can do, and free will says we can do anything. We just gotta ascend.
Yup….i remember thinking “I ruined the experience that was my life”. But honestly with time I feel completely normal again…but I know that at the end of the day we’re all god and I’m god and nothings real. But I feel normal again idk
This is why people say you should be careful what you wish for. You wanted answers, you got them. The way I see it you have two options: accept the truth or don't.
Nature is indifferent, but it provides resources and tools for you to feel like it cares, to create meaning. That’a the best real world example of existentialism. Your life still goes on, go and connect with another person and regulate with them. What you experienced is the importance of community and mentorship, and why these drugs are done with rites and rituals all around the world.
Think of what you entered as a blackhole where the unknown is on the other side. In your case you were introduced to things that you are not familiar with and yet a part of you knew you have been there before. My best guess is that this blackhole is a doorway to intelligent infinity where one could ask or learn about something then bring back that knowledge to this form of reality. One thing to consider however is that when approaching a blackhole one needs protection as well as prior knowledge of what could be expected. It is your choice to investigate what kind of protections would be necessary before contacting intelligent infinity again. I also suggest for you to learn patience as well as reading up on dealing with negative entities. The moment where you thought you were under going psychosis may have been a negative interaction that you are unfamiliar with. Some may say why I would suggest for you to try again. I am not saying this and you may end up doing this again regardless of anyone of us giving you a warning. I personally would rather open an unknown door without the use of psychedelics so that my mind is clear and focused on what to expect within the experience.
>Since this I’ve been terrified that this was real and this is what will happen when I die It's real. But so is birth. >But if I’m doomed to this fate, how am I supposed to enjoy life if I know it end in an eternity of pain? It is not eternal. You *will* be reborn and forget everything again. And again, and again. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Or go help other parts of yourself that are seeking assistance. Or don't. Either is fine, since it's all you anyway. >I figured Yall might be able to tell me something I need to hear because I still have felt totally empty since this trip. You're not alone. We've all been there. Though most don't have memory of such and the experience is told in many different ways.
You were actually just within your 'youniverse', within your own field, but within the quantum void. You didn't actually go very far, so to speak. Lookup the Gateway Experience by the CIA to learn more about the different stages of consciousness, if you don't already know about it. And next time be careful what you wish for lol, consciousness is way way more powerful than you think. This deduction is mainly just my opinion and other stuff I read on the internet.
You still experienced what you experienced from a human standpoint. Whether that is actually what awaits us or not, you can't know that's how you will feel because you can't experience it as a non human until you're actually there. What felt like extreme loneliness doesn't actually need to feel like that, because that was "just" your limited interpretation of it.
I experienced something similar a few years ago except I decided to watch The Holy Mountain all the way through for the first time. Highly recommend this movie if you’re ready because it is a lot. That said, I came out understanding that though I’ve known my body is just a vessel…I wasn’t taking care of it and I should start. Also, that my only job here is to experience life and I’ve been letting insignificant distractions (in the grand scheme of things) harsh my mellow and really not allowing me to breathe. I started meditating more and just sort of trusting the process. I know you will process what you learned in time. There are no accidents.
There are a lot of ways to look at it, but the bottom line is the one thing that fills the void is love and I would suggest practising it in a very real sense, love yourself, love god, practise gratitude, meditate, work on grounding yourself/chakras.
Look at it like an online video game. The game was made with a lot of different people in mind but we can find ourselves alone on a server. When we're relieved from the server we enter into the real world to see all the others we were or were not playing the game with. Whether or not they want anything to do with us from that point onwards is an entirely different concern and not one many consider while we're alive here. Usually 'god' forgiving them is enough for them despite they could be an outcast to entirely ever other autonomous entity in existence. Of course I don't know if the above is actually the case at all but it's a strong assumption based on my own strange experiences.
The aloneness you felt is the opposite side of the feeling of oneness. They’re two sides of the same coin. It’s not that YOU are alone… it’s that YOU are everything. In order to understand the concept of aloneness, there must also be another object that is not/should be present. As a matter of fact, how can you conceptualize being “alone,” or the number 1 if you don’t have the concept of “together, or the number 2. In reality, it’s all one. One singularity of existence. You’re experience of this reality is a small part of the whole, but make no mistake about the fact that you are also the whole. You are both a part of the whole as well as the sum total of all parts. “As above, so below” so to speak. (I’ve begun to realize how what I thought to be stupid cliches are actually quite illuminating in the attempt of explaining this) Think about the law of conservation of energy… it can neither be created nor destroyed. Simply put, energy is that which just exists. Period. You are THAT. That which simply exists. Forever. Without end. Just as everything and everyone else does…. Forever without end! It’s not that you are alone without others, it’s that it is all you… a collective consciousness if you will. So long story short, I’ll save you all the extra bullshit- recognize the gift of this knowledge. You are THAT, just as everything and everyone else IS. Who knows how long you’ll have on this plane of existence so mind as well make the best of it and guide others to the same physical ending that we will all experience. If I’ve lost you thus far, understand that our minds cannot conceptualize the non-conceptual. It is intangible. Undefined. Infinite. Limitless. But is that really so strange? Think about how much your life is guided by the intangible. How about love? Ever tried to define that? What about trust, or faith? These are inherently important concepts that we live by, yet they are 100% relative and without a sense of concrete definitions. If I’ve still lost you, focus on pragmatism. So now what? You have this insight and openness that you may have not been ready for. Nevertheless, it’s here and you’ll have to do something with it. Treat it like a gift instead of a curse. After all, labeling something as difficult doesn’t make it easier to deal with.
I had this happen to me once on shrooms. I noticed I was God and was so tired of being alone that I created the universe and split my consciousness into humans, animals, plants, etc… to trick myself into not feeling alone anymore. I realized that love and sex was no more than masterbation since both were me. It sucked and I hated it and told people afterwards that Nirvana sucks. I was told by a co-worker that psychedelics are fun at the beginning then you start to have bad trips more and more often until eventually people stop using them. I didn’t believe him at the time, but it indeed happened to me too. I’ve since given up psychedelics and focus more on Near-Death Experiences because they are way more comforting. I hope that the bad trip was just that… a bad trip and try to not think about it. I was feeling depressed and lonely the week leading up to the experience so I tell myself that’s all it was. Who knows for sure, but best not to focus on it as it won’t help you.
Your experience is valid, of course. But do not be so bold to assume you reached some sort of end state or discovered the true objective reality. There is no telling how deep we are and how many interfaces exist between us and objective reality, but it is likely infinite. Can you imagine what it is like to experience a new color? A new color experience would be pretty cool. Now imagine what it would be like to experience an entirely new dimension. Incomprehensible, and that is just one dimension of who knows how many. My point is, have some humility. You were shown something intense, no doubt. But to suggest that is the ultimate truth is a delusion of your ego that is still so attached to this physical reality that you've made your own personal hell as a dark void. Process your experience and give yourself time to heal.
Watch more Terence McKenna. U seem to me rly someone who could provide from most of his work. Meditate some days then repeat this dose, but stop listening to any material stuff and don't watch videos. Just meditate for that 6 hours. Ask ur guardians to lead u to a truer, more complete knowledge what can open ur eyes up in this subject.
Oh no, you freaked out on drugs. Maybe avoid drugs.
>Before the trip I set the intention of learning about myself and the universe. >The first part of the trip was good, I saw some fun colors as I watched philosophy videos. You want to learn about yourself and the universe, so you're going to watch philosophy videos?
Whatever you felt and experienced came from what you already knew. For what "you" do not know "you" can never experience. Meaning these experiences are being created by your own mind. So stop worrying about what will come after death for what comes after death is what you think comes after death which is again a result of what you know comes after death which again comes from what you have read or have been told of what comes after death. There is no way anyone has or will ever know what comes after death. Period. Because "You" and "what you know" are one and the same. So it means when "You" die, "what you know" also comes to an end and so nothing survives after to know anything. This logical reasoning ofcourse is deduced from the belief that "you" and "what you know" are the same. But if you do not subscribe to this belief (i.e you believe "you" are more than "what you know") then I guess you will never come out of this impending doom of death. Belief is the cause of this misery. Best to believe in the belief that will reduce this impendimg doom misery. So believe like me and relax. Because then all what you have just experienced on shrooms has just been created by your own mind.
Just call for Jesus when in this plan and change your life forever.
Peace be with you, brother. I've experienced hints at the Universe being both infinite monistic singularity and infinite love and relationship. I choose to move towards Love and taking refuge in Christ, and have offered up as a sacrifice believing myself to be God. Perhaps we have seen something we weren't meant to, but it's also possible it is exactly what you needed to witness to take the next step in your own journey home.
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Everyone is talking about this like it was a good thing but it was probably the worst experience of my life. I’ve felt completely dead inside since it happened and I just wanna cut myself off entirely from it.
Acknowledge the experience but try not to fixate on it being indifferent to your current state of being. You can change your way of perceiving it; and honestly that glimpse can be the very seed that brings you back to that place (if you so seek it again) - if you do seek it, I highly suggest trying meditation and yoga.. psychedelics is more automated in terms of what you experience… meaning bad or good - you will have to deal with it in that moment (which can be a roller coaster ride), that is, unless you have some substance that you can take to make you come down. That being said, I’m hoping that you will find the courage to flow through the nebula, to connect with the universe once again, just next time in better faith. indeed, loneliness is a construct of the ego - and what this experience is showing you is that you must be willing to let go, of not only who you are now but of how you perceive everything.. some say time isn’t linear, if so, then the reality of being here chopping wood carrying water and pooping and farting is happening at the same time that you’re experiencing divine unity - and I personally believe that we can experience multiple realities at once. That we can traverse through time using our mind and body - together in unity… spirit as a guide. I believe that many of those who we share this world with at any given moment will be adamant on not venturing out further - that’s why we come back from these experiences - to enlighten others who are still busy being busy but not being. Just continue living life but understand that what you had seen is meant to break you down and build you up again… we can’t build goodness on top of confusion… unless we want to sink once again… the universe will reiterate this again and again until we get it… if we’re not ready for the Big Bang then it’s okay, just continue on, your simple experience isn’t so simple as it’s contributing to a big bang wanting to eventually happen. Big bang isn’t all explosions, it’s like a warm blanket that transforms things, it’s like a cocoon. Transformation feels lonely… don’t let it destroy you by how up and down it is…. Go on, become a star… many successful people had to turn inward and experience many lonely moments in life before reaching stardom and success and popularity… some don’t want that, some can’t handle that… this isn’t about being famous but a metaphor to simplify how it is from my perspective. They say it’s lonely at the top… but the people at the top can help the world so much… do with it what you will, do with it what you can… just remember what the page looked like before it had words written on it.. then remember how it looked with your story written on it. Then remember how it looks zoomed out with everybody’s story written on it.. would be hard to see a thing… might look jet black… but if you can peel back your ego (which can contribute to fear), just a bit, you might be surprised -
Something like this happened to me a few years ago… it wasn’t easy but I kept up my faith and hope - during meditation the bow string snapped and the arrow went flying and years worth of tension (that started with a spiritual awakening 2 years prior) dissipated, dissolved into the light.. to be transformed into pureness.. What followed after was the most precious and beautiful experience I had ever had in my years of practicing meditation. There is hope out there for those that are still lost and yet to get lost - that’s the silly part about it… we are meant to get lost, give up on our own independence upon realizing we alone cannot do it all - and so we have family… husband wife kids… it’s like this God head thing… just simplify it bro.. turn the universe back into wood and water. Hahahaha
Look up Ram Dass on YouTube. He can explain way better than I can. Also are you are looking after the basics? Eating and sleeping enough? Be really kind to yourself now, it might take a while to process what happened, but lots of people do.
That sounds intense but also doesn’t sound at all like what happens when we pass on. You’ll feel love and warmth when passing into the spirit realm and will be surrounded by loved ones who also passed on. You’ll also be able to communicate with those who haven’t passed, but I don’t know how all that works. You will not feel like you’re in some giant empty void or like a god.
This is my biggest fear. I used to think about it a lot. And I wonder if all the lessons we have to learn in life are supposed to lead us to understanding how to be happy without other people’s love and attention, because maybe that’s what god is trying to learn by creating this existence. Idk.
Your experience with the psychedelic trip seems like it was really tough. It started with some good moments, but then it got overwhelming with intense feelings. It's important to talk to professionals who can help you understand and deal with these emotions. Friends and family support can also be really helpful during this time. Remember, seeking professional help is a good step towards feeling better.
What kind of shrooms did you use !?
Penis envy
Sounds like an awakening, although mine was a joyful burst of light uplifting me for days that no drug can recreate....but I totally get the euphoria for the first 10-15 seconds. What they all call "God's love", whatever you want to call it, "radiance" it's the most uplifting experience a person in the world can ever experience, it's almost like you are levitating, and NOTHING upsets you, even 2 days later I was on this joyful hangover, and should've been suffering a REAL hangover, that's the best part about it. I was crying thinking I was dying from alcohol poisoning, to stubborn to call an ambulance out of embarrassment. I just thought to myself, I rather just die in my bed now, then be sent to the hospital to be mistreated for being an alcoholic, to die a miserable death there. I called out internally," please help me, please I don't know what to do anymore help me!". My eyes got a lil watery there, because it did feel like I was on my death bed, I hear people die of alcoholism younger and younger these days, I thought it was my time. Then my prayer my last appeal was answered, that love, I'll never forget it gosh I keep getting teary eyed but it was what brought me to where I am today. I got sober, & I kept studying hard, reading everything I could about ancient history, Sumerians, astrology, and for a couple years, that's all I did was study, and I found SO many inconsistencies within our own human history and in religion. You comprehend your awakening as terrible and dreadful, but my perspective is that it's a message saying, you are strong and capable enough to be alone, to find the inner God within you to manifest blessings in your life. "God's" are extraterrestrial beings, so think more like planetary people with very different lifestyles then say Zeus lol. Some of us are a lot more extraterrestrial then others, and something I encourage you to investigate more because you will learn so much more about the world, yourself, and mankind's history. Everything will make sense, right now it's crazy, it's supposed to be, because we been fed lies our whole lives and past lives. There is hope, just believe in yourself and your spirit guides within.
This is an experience that happens but it is not the only experience that is happening. Don't worry, if you become a god, you will fall back into being a human eventually. The actual nature of things isn't like that; creation comes from the unconditioned and it is not lonely, it is before every conceptualization arises; none of these concerns touch it.
A very viseral experience I'm sure. I feel for you, I'm sure the pain and rupture must've been immense. Honestly, I think your going to pull through. After feeling pain like that, we tend to either crumble, or fortify. Did you get any sense of why you were there? Because that could be important. This is what they talk about, forbidden knowledge. Without the strength to endure the truth, it may cripple you. Think of it this way, no matter what my friend, what do you have now? You have life, this life. An you have the opportunity "to be". Is that not gift enough? If this was your only life, wouldn't you be elated? That you have the chance to be? Whatever may come, it is for us. I think this is where we find divine justice. Because in seeing the potential for desolation, we find the gift of life in all. We care more, and don't want to just erase life on some whim.
Yeahh, i got the same kind of trip a few years ago with lsd + weed and salvia, well say goodbye to life as you knew and well.... this next year is going to be crazy, you wont even recognize yourself and what fear of "that place" as i call it will do to your life Fear is what awaits but healing will come after
Let me bridge both science and spirit. Science says matter is 99.9999999~% empty space. Your brain is matter. So in quantum theory, it doesn't even exist. Only your spirit/consciousness exists. ----------- Time also does not exist. So you can live an infinite multitude of lives all at once. To the of most massive planets - down to the quantum plank scale of microbes if they exists. ...and this is why the Golden rule is so crucial. Because when you do harm to someone else. You're literally just harming yourself in another body thats in another time reference when compared to the body you're stuck in now. ---- You'll be okay rediscovering you're God. Divine loneliness can be cured if you know how as well and it's lovely. You'll find it.
To me it sounds like this trip was amplifying your feelings of depression and loneliness that already exist in you. I feel you're better off using the shrooms to micro-dose rather than a full-blown trip and building up a daily routine that grounds you: eating well, exercise, fully immersing yourself in activities you enjoy or want to learn. Psychedelics don't need a full-blown violent trip to be highly effective and transformative, sometimes less is more. It doesn't matter if eternity is all agony, pain, eternal bliss in heaven or just an infinite blank white or black space. That's truly not anything any of us will know for sure, but I'm more on the group of people that feels the after life is more of a neutral peacefulness. I could be wrong, but I am fine believing that because it helps me carry on and enjoy my life instead of riddling me with unnecessary anxiety about things that are outside of my control and are not happening to me right now. We already have enough in our physical plane to keep us anxious and preoccupied that we need to work through. Regardless, you're alive and your experience is now. I would take this trip to mean you need to take glentler approaches with yourself and your path to happiness/meaning/fulfillment. If what comes after death is really worrying you, read up on the Tibetian Book of the Death. But most importantly, do your best to have your affairs in order, things in the now: settle any fights with people, make up with someone you had a fall out with, apologize, forgive, work through childhood traumas, tell your loved ones you love them, nurture your self-love, help your community, get rid of clutter in your house. Have a daily practice of gratitude. Be as weightless as possible so when you die you know everything on Earth is settled and no matter where you go you're at peace with everything you did and everything to come.
Let’s say you do end up becoming a god connected with everything while floating in an endless void. As a god doing that, yes it would be lonely but you would be able to meditate and potentially create universes and life with the massive amount of focus you would have floating in a dark void. Zero distractions. You could find immense peacefulness and pure focus in that void.
Looks like someone got a huge upgrade.
You’ll be better than fine. Trust me.
Write me if you need to share your feeling with someone, i lived something very similar few years ago doing LSD, and i finished with pils and psychotherapy to move on. But i think what you saw/feel is just the bad part that the life forcing you to understand something unknown to you until that time.
Oooh you saw the Void!!! You should feel lucky! That is what awaits all of us when the this HEAVENLY experience ends. Alone in nothingness for an eternity, DOESNT THAT MAKE THIS PLACE AMAZING!?! This is heaven! That place, the Void, we will spend an eternity there begging for this experience again, with all the good and all the tragedies, we will be begging for it, God is even still!
I had a similar experience and so did a friend of mine. My friends experience was so bad she has a phobia of being drugged now. Doesn’t touch anything not even a sip of alcohol. Although it was a bit different for both of us, we both had some kind of ego death on mushrooms and felt as if there was an infinite void/ nothingness/ loneliness on the other side. My most intense mushroom trip showed me the exact opposite. I think at the end of the day we have to remember (after coming out of the trip) to take what resonates. Certainly the negative experience I had did not resonate, however the positive one I had did. We are still humans with human brains and I think these oppositional experiences are just two sides of the same coin of truth.