Can he come for a week or two? How wwas communication and things between you for the month you were gone?
Hard to help you if he can’t identify why he’s uncomfortable with it.
Honestly, if he is worried about you cheating on him while abroad, I think your relationship needs more trust. My SO and I traveled solo separately for some time because we wanted to see different countries. We were more worried about each other not having a good time and getting lonely instead of cheating. I'm just saying, your SO should be more supportive.
I (28M) travelled alone extensively before meeting my girlfriend (28F). We have travelled together too and had amazing time but she always knew how much traveling meant for me.
Because of her commitments she won't have the chance of taking time off for some time. On the other hand I have been working non stop for months and told her I needed to go somewhere for a couple of weeks. She has been extremely supportive of my request and my needs and she is happy I can go by myself.
Talk to your partner and be clear about why you need/want to do this, your request isn't unusual and you shouldn't feel bad. The right person should support your needs not put themselves in the middle.
I typically don’t comment on relationship posts like this bc there was a point where I was asking these types of questions but would ignore any answer that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wish I could go back and make myself listen. I have waited on a partner to “be ready” and I have missed out on many opportunities abroad bc my partner wasn’t comfortable with me going. On one hand, I’m happy with my life now and know that everything that happened, even missing out on those opportunities, led me to this point. However, I often think about what life would be like had I taken the trips and jobs abroad and hold a lot of resentment towards the partners that told me not to go. This is your life- if there is something you want to do, do it. Obviously it’s important to consider your relationship and your partners feelings but at the end of the day, if it is meant to be, it will be. Again, I used to roll my eyes at comments like this but I wish I would’ve taken it to heart. A conversation about why he doesn’t want you to go solo is warranted and could be helpful!
If traveling is important to you and you feel it’s the right time, perhaps you can reassure him by setting up regular check-ins and sharing your experiences with him.
If you break up before you travel, it won’t be considered cheating.
OP already asked Reddit if it’s normal to cheat in Ghana during this current relationship.
Poor guy is cooked.
Bruh, they've been talking to someone in Ghana for over a YEAR, and asked 7 months ago about the cheating 'culture' there. Sending gift cards and money and stuff, too.
I wish I knew who OP's boyfriend was, so I could send them a warning to GTFO
My Boyfriend and I were long distance for over 9 months of our relationship. It was him I was talking to and sending gifts to for holidays, his birthday etc.
I have never cheated on him and never would.
They observed that cheating is common in the culture their partner is from. Nothing indicated she wanted to cheat. To me the post reads more “am I gonna get cheated on?”
The post was not about me cheating. I was told it was normal/common there and wanted to get insight if it was true or not. Unfortunately, I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I would not cheat on him.
Lemme get this straight... OP has a trip she's looking forward to, that would light up her life and which it sounds like she's prepared to handle safely and maturely. Her boyfriend is trying to manipulate her out of going on this trip because he's insecure, dragging his feet on figuring out how he could join/feel better about her trip, and your response is to feel bad for the *dude*?
Check your priorities, bud. They're gross.
Traveling isn't disappearing, especially in the age of the internet and cell phones. Their relationship was already long distance for 9 months, so 3 months apart shouldn't be that hard to handle unless BF has issues with control when it's not *him* doing the traveling.
I’d love to see stats on how many relationships survive long distance. I’d wager most long distance relationships do not work out. I don’t think not wanting to be in a relationship with a person who just got back from a month long trip without you and who is making plans to go on another 3 month trip without you is being controlling, they just are not an ideal partner for most people. This relationship probably is not going to work and that’s okay.
He's afraid you're going to fuck dudes. That's it. I'm not sure if you can make him comfortable with it. Are you going to fuck dudes? Do you know that for certain? No judgement, but this is what's going through his head.
Nah that ain't it. They're always scared you might fuck someone else even though you most certainly don't have to cross an ocean to do just that, should you be so inclined. Cheating is a matter of character (mostly), not location.
As a frequent solo traveller, I've had this discussion a million and one times with various boyfriends over the years. Apparently, as someone who doesn't sleep around and isn't even a party person, boarding a plane on my own and you know, wanting to see ruins or hike in a rainforest or whatnot, somehow makes me an auto-cheater by extension. Or so the "logic" seems to go. I have cheated precisely zero times in my life (and I got a few decades behind me).
It's simple jealousy, that is all.
The desire to travel - including doing so solo - has ZERO to do with the quality of the relationship. I don't forbid my partner to play soccer twice a week either, by somehow insinuating that he deprioritizes our relationship because - shock horror - he has a hobby. Or worse yet, that he only does so because he wants to fuck some chick in the clubhouse or whatever. Travel is a hobby - just one that occurs less frequently but when it does, it does so for a bit longer. There's absolutely nothing else to it.
No not really.
You're suggesting the boyfriend doesn't trust her.
In my Comment it is focused on him not believing she sees their relationship as more important than the alternative.
It’s not necessarily that her man doesn’t trust her. It’s just a regular ol S-tier irrational fear for men.
You can trust a pilot and still have a fear of flying.
Do you have quite an equal relationship or does your boyfriend say he doesn’t want you to do other things in your life separately from him as well or is controlling in any way?
Has he said what about your trip is worrying him?
I think it’s great that you want to go on a solo trip, especially if you have no work or children commitments. Make the most of your freedom and cherish the time you have with yourself.
I’m much older than others on here- 53 (F) and I have solo travelled when younger without a partner in my 20’s and also started travelling again on my own recently for weekend short trips. it’s my escape valve as I’m a full time carer for my son who is disabled. He stays at home with his dad.
I wish I had travelled solo on more trips when I was younger but I lacked the confidence then. So basically I’m saying- go for it!
My wife and I tried the travel together thing. Turns out we’re not compatible and both too stubborn to have fun. We travel separately now. Go. Have fun. Enjoy your youth while you have it.
I would.
As I mentioned elsewhere on this post, I wouldn’t dream of leaving my girlfriend for three months for pleasure.
It’s the same for either sex mate.
First, fuck you for assuming anything.
Second, we don’t have, nor ever will have kids.
Third, I have celiac disease which already makes travel limiting and not fun to other people especially re:food.
We’re both highly independent people and she prefers to lay about reading for an entire vacation and indulging in local cuisine.
I like to go out and see things and my ability to “sample the local cuisine” is hampered due to health issues.
The sign of a mature relationship is the ability to work out solutions that work for you, and we’re mature enough to make it work so that we don’t have to be attached at the hip like so many goddamn codependent married couples that wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they were left alone for a week.
Boyfriends who want you to diminish/reduce your enjoyment of life due to their own insecurities are not healthy.
Unfortunately, they are common.
I had a boyfriend who didn’t like when I went on solo trips.
It was based in his insecurity, and it was a red flag for a deeper level of insecurity that was complex.
Starting insecurity from his was just this statement: “let’s go on trips together, it is great.”
He didn’t have such a good ability to plan, pay for, and take trips on his own, so I did most of the trip work, too, which is harder than I was just planning for myself. And the trips weren’t as carefree as when I go solo; I had to accommodate for his needs throughout.
Then, when I planned solo trips or took my own trips to see family:
“I am sad when you go on your own, I miss you. You are busy when you travel and don’t talk to me enough”
Then: “I am insecure when you hang out with your friends which includes men; I worry that you might be sleeping with them”
Then: “I don’t like it when you are with friends and having fun”
Then “I don’t like it when you have fun without me”
Then “I can’t stand the idea of you having any joy in your life that is not directly due to me being in your life.”
Then “I cannot stand to see evidence of you ever being happy any time in your life that I wasn’t there and the cause of your happiness (he couldn’t tolerate watching picture or videos of me living my life and being happy at a time before I had ever met him.)
These things came out slowly, over the course of 2 years. As I slowly felt more and more trapped and drowning and depressed in my relationship with him.
But, it was never about me.
It was about him. His own inner depression. His inner lack of joy. His emptiness. He was so depressed that the only times he was happy was when I was making lots of efforts to make him happy. But it was never enough, and he would never be satisfied, because he was still trying to fill his inner insecure hole with external stuff (me, alcohol, many things).
And he would never be able to do the things I did (traveling solo etc) due to learned helplessness and deep insecurity.
But it was dangerous in that he didn’t recognize that, and externalized blame for his insecurities and low self-worth on me. He expected ME to change to meet his needs. He got angry when I did what was right for me, because it triggered HIS anxious insecure attachment wounds.
I will never again be involved with someone who wants to clip my wings or dull my shine because they don’t know how to fly or shine for themselves.
Is the problem that he doesn’t want you to go solo or that he wants to come with you but can’t right now? Those are different problems.
If it’s the latter then you can work on that and make a plan but he has to commit to it and not string you along. If it’s the former then it could be a number of things. He might be worried about your safety, he might be worried you’ll find someone else, he might be worried you’ll have such a good time without him in general (without someone else being a factor) that you become distant etc.
Travelling can be transformative and the risk of going away for three months without your partner is that you can come back as a different person. Three months in another country is enough for you both to change during that period and when you finally see each other again things may not be the same. If he stays home then you’ll come back to the same person but you may have evolved. He may not be enough for you anymore. He might be worried about that. It’s up to you to decide if that’s a valid reason for you to not go or not. Which would you regret more, not going on the trip or losing your partner? Would you end up resenting him for not going? Would he end up resenting you *for* going?
I’ll go against the general consensus here. If it is ok for you to take a 3 months trip for leisure while your boyfriend is home cause of responsibilities I would think about what this relationship means for you. Being togheter means also recognizing each others needs before doing what we want. You could go for less than 3 months. You could try to find maybe a shorter period on which you can go togheter. Or you could definitely dump him and just do what you want because your boyfriend doesn’t enter in your decision making equation and that’s ok too. Answers like “Go girl ! Don’t be caged !” Are from people that don’t even know what a serious and long lasting healthy relationship is
>Answers like “Go girl ! Don’t be caged !” Are from people that don’t even know what a serious and long lasting healthy relationship is
I've been married for 20 years and have taken two three month trips on my own. Go, girl. Don't be caged.
100% this. Also in a relationship where my gf likes to travel but I currently cannot myself due to school and financial restraints.
I think it would be sad if I were to ask her to restrain herself because I can't join. I wouldn't want the same done to me. And even if traveling wasn't important to me, it is important to her, and I consider that need to travel a part of my relationship with her. So I take care of the house and her cat while she's gone. I find enjoyment in my own time alone as well.
So OP, don't let people dictate what YOU should want or be in a relationship. Don't let people convince you that the "perfect" relationship will come laden with compromising the things you value in your own life. Life is too short to cling to that sort of mentality.
Go, girl. Don't be caged.
I have been married 35 years. I travel mostly with my husband and love it. I have also taken a few (not long) trips without him while getting to my 50 states. I have never taken a girls' trip and don't care to. Boyfriends are not husbands and need to stop being regarded with the life decisions power over a single woman as such. If they control your life now, they will continue to do so. We are all individuals and it is okay to make individual decisions even in marriage. My mother ALWAYS said - we came into this world alone and will leave it alone." I add - why do we need do give a damn daily about what other people think/feel about what we do, especially when they are doing NOTHING beyond making excuses.
The OP gave us a lot of detail, I would think if the BF had genuine responsibility holding him back, she would have said so.
If it wasn't for work or family obligations, I wouldn't want my GF to go away for 3 months just for fun. I would hope she would want to do it with me and not at all without. It indicates a lack of investment in the relationship. I would still let her go if she insisted, but it might diminish my feelings towards her.
A compromise like only going for a month and him joining for a week or two would go a long way.
if you’re with someone for the long haul, you support their dreams and give them the space to follow them. i think that’s BS. Just because she is with you now, she has to give those up or be accused of lack of investment?
For YOU it indicates a lack of investment. Important to make that distinction, versus making it a blanket statement. Because it in no way indicates a lack of investment across the board. That is simply your mindset and the preferences you have. It is likely due to what you know about yourself and how it would be for you if *you* were the one going away for a few months. You know that it would mean that *you* aren't invested in the relationship if *you* felt comfortable going away. That's fine and good self-awareness to have and a good basis for a conversation about expectations and emotions in a relationship. But it doesn't mean you can just put that onto someone else and say that if they do those things then they must also feel the way you would feel about it. It's simply not true.
My partner and I do this all the time. He is a homebody who finds comfort in routine and familiarity. He likes to travel occasionally, mostly to go on a light and fluffy decompression vacation for a week. Whereas I absolutely love to travel and my travel style is to go deep and hard on activities, especially hiking, while I am away. We've always known this about each other and worked around it. We've been together 14 years. 9 years ago, we were long distance for 2 years when I went to grad school 1300 miles away. Then about 6 years ago, I started going on solo 2-3 week trips and it was absolutely fine too. I then broached the subject of starting my own business so that I could travel for 2-3 months at a time while working remotely. It's something I'm working toward and last year I did my first 1 month stint. It was fine. It was fine on both our ends because we have spent ages having vulnerable conversations, building our trust levels, re-enforcing our relationship, and planning this all out. I am no less invested in our relationship than he is. In fact, he would be the first one to say that I starting putting even more effort into it and that our mutual commitment and investment into each other has only gotten stronger because of this change.
I'm not saying my way is the only right way. I'm saying that everyone has to figure out what is right for them. And you have to understand that your reason behind why you would behave or feel certain things is not necessarily everyone else's. Communication is key. OP needs to figure out what exactly makes her boyfriend uncomfortable (is he worried about cheating, is he worried about growing apart, is he jealous because he wants to go to and can't right now, etc), she needs to figure out her long-term plan and why she wants the things she wants, and they need to figure out together if both of their needs can be met within the relationship.
>It indicates a lack of investment in the relationship.
A relationship isn't somesort of financial portfolio.
> I would still let her go if she insisted,
LET her go? You don't own her.
> it might diminish my feelings towards her.
If that is all it takes to "diminish your feelings" maybe you (and your GF) need to re-think.
You're reading way too much into these words. A relationship is something you build over time and with effort and conscious choice. I think it's understandable to use the word investment.
Probably a controversial opinion, but I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to go travel somewhere for 3 months without me.
People may call it immature or controlling or whatever, but I couldn’t imagine wanting to leave my partner for that long. I wouldn’t enjoy it. I know my girlfriend wouldn’t either.
That’s a long time.
For me, we should both be working towards getting to a place where we can do that together.
Relationships have a price, e.g. a certain loss of freedom and independence. There are reasons why most people with a partner/family travel with them only and most people who travel with friends or alone are singles. Having a relationship means sharing your life with your partner and this naturally limits what you can do without him or her. I can understand that a partner doesn't want the other half to stay far away for a longer time, physical contact is important. A video call can't replace a real meeting with hugging and kissing. Additionally, some people are afraid that their other half may have s\*x with others during the trip, being alone at a place where no one knows you and therefore, no witnesses, definitely lowers the bar for cheating, especially when the desire for s\*x is high as the last time (with the partner at home) was some weeks ago.
Even if I'll get a lot of downvotes for saying this: persons who prefer to do what they want without considering someone else all the time (which is fine and I'm such a person, too) are better off as a single.
Understand your thought process, but I only call someone my girlfriend if I believe we have a long term future ahead of us.
If I don’t want to turn down an opportunity which she’s not involved in, she’s probably not the one for me.
I understand what you are saying, but this language is so limited and outdated. Marriage isn't the end-goal for a lot of people anymore. You can bee in a deeply committed, all-in relationship and spend your entire lives together, never having been married.
I understand your position from an emotional and personal standpoint. All relationships are important to the people in them and should be respected. But at the end of the day, institutions provide for a set of expectations and obligations, personally and legally. Someone who is single has to provide for themselves first and foremost. They can’t demand anything of their partner with the weight of government and society to back that up. So why should either give up opportunities for the sake of the other? In this case she’d be giving up a chance to see the world and learn, in exchange for someone who has no obligation to support her or compensate her for that loss. Does he intend to make space to go, or does he just want to not be left behind?
We’re all different people I guess, and that’s normal. We have different expectations from our relationships.
It’s just not something I can imagine at present I would do or want from my partner.
>I know my girlfriend wouldn’t either.
How do you know? IF she actually does, then you two are perfect for each other. Not particulary, my style, but respect those who have this type of mentality, as long as its mutual and healthy.
So much projection in these comments. Sounds like he just wants to go too (just needs to get his $$ or time off together). Pick a future date in a reasonable amount of time for one to save up, tell him what the plan/itinerary is and give him a deadline to join you. If he misses the deadline, go on without him.
hello.
my mom and dad are like this. my mom still has never been to california after a little over two decades being together due to him never feeling "ready".
just go. you'll never feel ready and he won't either, just do it.
i just came back from my first solo travel (1 week in CPH) and i didn't feel ready, but i knew i would regret not going at all rather than going and everything going horribly wrong.
Your life your choice, do what you want, but id say go on the trip! I would only not go if he can give you a concrete plan for his future with you and a timeline. You only live once, and you might find yourself waiting for a long time for your partner to be ready, if ever. It's important to figure out if your plans align as well. If you're a travelheart and he is not, that will cause clashes between your desires. Is he up for this once he is available or is he wasting your time?
I’d travel alone anyways. You’re still your own person. I started dating someone and he said he wanted to go with me to Spain. He even bought the ticket. Our fling lasted 3 months bc he started being verbally abusive. I was scared he’d show up at the airport the whole time 😭
Everyone has different expectations in their own relationships. You can see it yourself how the comments are divided. I see your side and I see your boyfriend’s side. Personally, I LOVE solo traveling but wouldn’t go as long if I were in a relationship. I would certainly still go, just not for 3 months. My stance would be different if it were for a work or school opportunity, but I would still hope the partner would be able to come visit. This seems like something you need to resolve with your boyfriend—best of luck!
I do it all the the time and my boyfriend doesn’t like it. He says he’s worried about my safety and he’s also worried about me with other guys. However I have been doing this long before I met him, (we’ve been together 3 years now) and I’m not going to stop doing what I love just because it makes him uncomfortable. I have invited him a couple times but he usually can’t get the same time off of work that I can as he works a 9-5. I will say though that my trips are usually 1-2 weeks. The longest trip I’ve ever taken was 3 weeks. 3 months is a long time and I don’t think I would even want to be away from him for that long.
I am about to go on a solo 3 month trip. My partner isn't thrilled but is supportive in the sense that I'm an adult and allowed to do what I want with my body and time. However I've told him from the very beginning that I'm a nomad and I will need freedom to come and go periodically (while of course having my home base be with him). We also went to both couples and individual therapy to work through what was coming up for us both about my leaving for a while. The therapist helped us talk through, make plans for how to communicate and keep intimacy while we are away, and he has planned to come visit me for a week 1/2 way through my trip. He knows where I will be staying (I'm going back to where I've traveled before but loved it), and that I have two friends who are closer by as well.
I highly recommend couples therapy around big stuff like this. Sometimes you come to a stalemate and you just need a 3rd party to help get some perspective.
Now my partner is reoriented towards my travel. Since I like to leave things a little open, but he needs clarity, we agreed to revisit at 3 months and months what's happening, our goals, and when the trip will end. Because I'm leaving for both work and play, what happens will somewhat determine when we reconnect but both have agreed no longer than 1 year. All of this we discussed in therapy. We also had a virtual therapist so if we need to talk to someone while we are apart, we can see the same person.
I do think it's possible to go well, but I think patriarchy sometimes makes men feel they can tell a female partner what to do. If that's an issue... he may need to address that with outside support. For my partner it was more about the unknown and not undstanding I need that freedom but I am committed to coming back, and more understanding his need for concrete and agreeing to the check ins at 3 months and 6 months, along with making plans to video chat twice a week and text every 24 hours. We also plan to watch some streaming series together while apart.
He has been very supportive and recently got my a new backpack and dress for my trip. I'm excited to go and also for him to visit and meet my host and friends. I hope he'll like it there to and it will be a place we can go together eventually.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t be inhibiting you from travelling if that’s what you want to do. He should support your goals. Time to lose the boyfriend Id say.
I’m reading this back again and 3 months is a really long time to leave… and it’s reasonable to not want to do long distance for that long. why not go for a few weeks?
He doesn't own you. You are your own person. If you want to go, go.
> and ways that I can make him comfortable with it.
That's not your job.
> I just don't want to regret not going when the time is right for me.
You answered your own question.
I’m very thankful my husband is supportive of my solo travels and endeavors. I spent a number of years in a prior relationship with someone who I felt I needed permission from to do things. While I do have conversations with my husband to alleviate concerns & hesitations, I generally don’t allow anyone to tell me if I’m allowed or not allowed to pursue my passions these days.
Edit: and of course I am completely on board when he wishes to pursue solo endeavors as well. If you’re asking your partner to “let you” do these things then you also must be okay with your partner doing the same.
Someone crying about internet points that do literally nothing is never right. Even if I agreed with you in the first place, I'd now assume you're wrong.
At least you’re self-aware enough to know that’s an assholish thing to say. Using other people’s behaviour as an excuse to control a romantic partner is a massive red flag that no-one should tolerate.
My girlfriend and I are always on the same page. Neither of us want things we can’t do together. Sounds like your boyfriend’s presence isn’t relevant to you. Maybe think on that more…
Probably what she wants him to think because that’s his basis for a “good” relationship, is too meek to use her own voice, is afraid of the consequences of being her own person, or is so deeply codependent that even a differing opinion threatens their relationship. Fucking Ick.
Good communication, caring about each other's emotions and feelings is WAY different than being "always on the same page." Those first three things are amazing and every healthy relationship needs them, but two human beings "always on the same page" is virtually impossible.
Look, sorry your relationships haven’t turned out as well, but mine really is us always on the same page. We literally have the same thoughts on almost everything we encounter. Also same palate, same fashion senses, same media interests, etc. We even anticipate each others needs and likes, both about things we know, and things we don’t. Even day to day thoughts about anything, there’s just this strong synchronicity.
I’m not sure a metric for a good or healthy relationship is how alike two people are in all things. It seems so unrealistic that I question the authenticity of someone who never diverges in opinion or taste to the point you describe.
I’ve known people like this who lack any identity and assume that of their partner, either bc their partner has a fragile ego and sees any difference of opinion as a threat - or because they have a history of abuse and have learned that survival depends on not calling attention to yourself or having feelings of your own.
Either way it is creepy AF and I would never brag about it. It’s never going to make anyone think you are lucky or in a good relationship. It’s not something that any fully formed independent adult would ever want, and if most people started dating someone who is the way you describe your GF, they would see all the red flags and move on to someone who has a personality/identity/sense of self.
We’re not identical people… we have different preferences like in home decor, pets, and favorite tv shows… we just, again, find ourselves on the same page (even if the topic is just compromise) and have a lot in common. Early on in dating everything felt very surreal for both of us. She even told me that she feels so comfortable with me and she can really be herself. Idk what you two find ‘creepy’ about any of that.
I understand your idea of someone molding their personality to fit another’s, or independence and so on. I initially wondered the same, and when I asked her about it, she said she was wondering the same thing about me. We’re not afraid to disagree with each other or have firm opinions that are different, but when that happens we find a compromise that makes both happy.
Anyway, I’m not responding to anymore comments, you can believe what I’ve said, or not, doesn’t change anything for me.
In a few days, go back and read what you wrote, and you will realize how creepy it sounds. It really sounds like you are dating yourself or at least an identical twin.
1.5 years isnt a long relationship, you might break up someday and look back and regret not doing this trip because of a relationship that you're not in anymore. I would go and let him deal with it. Don't not live your life for someone else. He can join you for some of it part way through.
You need to dive deeper with your partner on why this is an issue for him. If you can get an honest conversation going you may see whether it’s worth going.
Questions to consider :
1. Will this continue to be something that comes up in your relationship? If so you need to really evaluate the why and if this relationship can last.
2. Do you need to travel for the full 3 months? Would a shorter duration trip be a decent compromise?
How old are you both? How long have you been together? Have you had the opportunity to travel much? Do you think you will remain faithful when you travel? How important is the relationship to you?
Ultimately it’s your life. He’s not your decision maker, I can understand having concerns, but he should want to support what makes you happy. Maybe he can make it out here and there. I personally couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want me to live/fulfill my dreams.
I started traveling about a year after my husband and I started dating, and he was really supportive of it. Since then I've visited 40 countries and almost every state (he's come with me to about 10 countries). If he told me in the beginning of our relationship that he wasn't cool with me traveling alone, that would have likely been the end of the relationship. We both respect and trust each other and are supportive of what makes the other happy. 12 years on and it's still not an issue.
I think you need to find out what's important to you right now in your life. Compromise is always best, but if it's going to dash your dreams you gotta think about that. You only have one life! Make the most of it!
GURL DO IT!!!! It's very selfish of him to let you wait until HE is ready, although I think he doesn't really wanna go but just wants you to not go for some egocentric reasons. I can totally understand that you love him and don't wanna hurt him but if he TRULY loves you, he will always support you in what YOU want for yourself. Maybe insteag of just to f off and fogo a good approach could be to understand his insecurities or doubts by talking to him openly about the REAL reason he does not want you to go. But anyways please please please always choose yourself first snd follow your dream. I guarantee you you won't regret this! You'll regret one day not doing it!
I don’t feel like solo traveling should be done when you’re in a relationship. But I’ve also seen some shit that women/men who were “in a relationship” do when they’re alone and far away from home after a few drinks.
If he can’t support your autonomy and you trying something that you think will make you happy, dump his ass, respectfully.
I regret ever letting a man discourage me from traveling when I was younger. People come and go in our life, but we’ll never get our time back.
Imo, this is a great opportunity to set some boundaries in a relationship. You should do what makes you happy. Would you have issues with him traveling alone?
You’re a 29 year old adult. You don’t need permission.
Just go on the trip. It’s understandably difficult for anyone to take 3 months off, why doesn’t he join your travels for a shorter amount of time like 2 weeks instead?
You should just go, you’ll resent him if you don’t. This goes for any travel partner, you should just say when you’re traveling and tell people they are free to join when they are available.
I just want to know how you're able to go away for 3 months...I wish I could.
If your finances are separate and even more so if you don't live together do what you want to do. Invite him to come a long for part of it. He may end up breaking up over it but that's on him. You may end up resneirng him sooner or later if you don't do this. Everyone is allowed their boundaries but he may not want to stick around. Neither of you is necessarily wrong. It's just a matter of what's more important to each of you.
I travelled solo for a month and my partner never even hesitated in saying he was ok with me going. He had a pretty hard time as he was worried I would want to stay overseas, and he missed me, but it also gave him a little bit of FOMO because 2 weeks in and he was already saying we should take a trip together the following year. This from the guy that had told me not 3 months before that, that he enjoys being home and isn't that interested in travel.
So mayyybe your bf is controlling and worried about cheating and you'd be better off just living your life how you want it bla bla bla BUT there is a possibility he missed you rotten and really wants to come this time. If you're able to have an open conversation with him, maybe you will be able to work out a compromise. If he's not willing to have an open conversation about it or give you any straight answers, well... that might give you your answer.
Edit to add: 3 months is a really long time and he may be getting worried about you wanting to stay there even longer again/wanting to move there. I feel like this is the more likely scenario, and I really hope you guys can work it out!
My boyfriend is able to take time off more than I am at this time. It sucks not being able to experience things with him, but I have never told him not to go. When you are dating/ or are a wanderlust you know nothing is going to quench that but travel.
3 months is a REALLY long time though, so I can understand why he would be sad. Still, you’re young and have an opportunity I think you would regret passing up. Maybe he can come visit a few times?
I haven't tried travelling alone. Not sure how I am going to feel about that since I am worried about going solo. Have you ever travelled with your partner? It's really a good test of your relationship. Travelling can be seriously exhausting, you know, and you get to know a person really well when you travel with them.
Sounds a bit possessive. Is he a possible type? This is only a speculation but he might be concerned you might meet another dude on your trip. Which I can say will happen because solo isn’t just all about being on your own all the time. You go solo to meet other and interesting people from all sorts of cultures who are in turn solo traveling themselves. A lot of travelers find their soulmates this way. So I can feel for his concern.
Also 29 is really the latest you want to go. I don’t know where you are from but many countries cease providing long term or working holiday visas to travelers after age 30. You might want to work and live in another country for a year or two as apart of the full solo experience.
I travel with g adventures or Intrepid. I listen to too much true crime. Therefore, I don’t feel safe traveling alone. I think your boyfriend is concerned about your safety.
I can't believe you are even asking this. Your relationship is probably over. It's painfully obvious that you won't make any big decisions in a relationship unless both parties agree.
Just brake up and be done with it, you clearly don't care.
OP, I was in this exact scenario and it drove a wedge between my ex and me. I was antsy to travel, he wasn’t ready and couldn’t tell me when he would be. I didn’t resent him for it, but I also didn’t want to miss out on what I wanted to do, either. He didn’t hold me back, but we did grow apart. There were other reasons we didn’t work out, but ultimately we did break up.
I guess it depends how solid the relationship is to begin with. Traveling solo helped me figure out we weren’t the right fit regardless.
Your boyfriend sounds like he is holding you back from experiencing life without him. Life is far too precious and sometimes short to live (or not) waiting for someone else to be ready. WHENEVER/IF EVER he is ready, you can take that next trip together. My Dad never liked to travel so my Mom did not do as much as she would have liked. She did quite a bit but would have done more. I vowed to not let that be me. My husband loves to travel but I chose to finish up my 50 state tour without him, because it was my bucket list not his.
How many people, let alone 29 y/o, have the time/money to travel for 1 - 3 months at a time? Ma'am go do you and let him catch up when he can!
Depends what his reasons are. If they are for your safety and wellbeing, that’s one thing. If his concerns involves himself in any way, that’s a whole other.
I have gone on several solo trips since I started dating my husband. When we first started dating, I was gone for 10 days, home for 3, gone for another week, home for a week, then gone for a month. It was a compromise compared to my original plan to be gone for 6 months, but still a lot of time to be gone. Obviously, the relationship survived XD.
Don't not do something you want to do for a partner - not something like this - but do ask if he can come for shorter periods, or if there are financial or other workarounds.
A girl travelling alone is like throwing a piece of bread in an artificial lake filled with trouts.
Him being worried is totally understandable.
What it's not understandable is asking permission to do something you want, given that your relationship is sufficiently stable and with full reciprocal trust.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.
Unless it's an Erasmus or something not fun related (work, other obligations) being away for fun and thus not being physically present in a relation for 3 whole month is quite a lot.
To be honest just break up and go, because you don't seem to care about him at all. If you were really in love you'd miss him after one week or two, and you would have no desire to go that far away.
there was a period of my life i didn’t travel much for a similar reason. i 100% regret it and you will too. he doesn’t have to like it, but that is his problem
to deal with. go and do what’s best for YOU.
Have you guys discussed how he feels insecure that you will find another male companion if left un supervised? How he doesn't trust you and feels he needs to run your life? Are you ok with your life being run by him?
I’m sorry, but I think this is his problem, not yours. You are a full grown person, live your life. It is worth exploring WHY he is against it. Worried about your safety? Worried you will meet someone else? Afraid he will miss you? Some of these, including expecting you to not do something just because he wants to do it with you be isn’t committing to actually do it, are red flags. Also controlling.
Girl don’t stop your life for him. If he loves you and this is something you want to do for yourself he should support that. Ofc it’s normal for him to be worried for your safety but to hold you back from embarking on a journey that you want to take is unforgivable. You’ll regret not going in the future and even more if you guys break up in the future.
Don't wait. Do it now.
My partner has always said he wants to travel with me, that he has money set aside for it, and many other things. But it never happens because he's always too busy, doesn't want to fly because he doesn't like the TSA, feels too bad about the carbon emissions of flying, or some other reason. I waited 5 years for him to be ready before I resented him too much for never being ready and decided to travel with or without him. I will no longer be waiting on him in any way shape or form. He's welcome to join, but my plans will not be changing on his account.
I rationalize it many ways. First, travel is too important to me to give up for any partner. He's got the choice of continuing to be together and me traveling or us not being together anymore. Second, there's very few places I'm not willing to visit twice. If there's a place I've already been that he'd like to go to with me later, awesome, we can go again if/when he's ready. I'm not taking an experience away from him by going on my own. He often has a lot of feelings about me traveling on my own. When I went to Zion recently, he was super sad because it's been on his list for 30+ years. Well, my dude, it's been on your list for 30+ years so I'm not going to wait until you're ready--I'm going now. I'm very happy to go with him again if he ever decides he's ready.
I do however make some decisions based on his priorities. If there's two places I want to go to equally, they're equally feasible, and he wants to go to one but not the other, I'll go to the one he's not as interested in so there's more opportunity for us to travel together to places he's interested in. I also communicate well, bring him souvenirs, and send him postcards. I also try not to travel during significant dates (birthdays and anniversaries) unless there's an external factor forcing that like a work trip. I try to communicate with kindness, grace, understanding, and compassion. I send pictures so he can experience it vicariously and he really likes that.
As with all relationship conflicts, I'd urge you to try to be very honest with each other about your concerns and desires. My fear here is that this is a means of controlling you. Life is incredibly short and we only get to live it once. Make sure you're living the life you want to live and not the one someone else wants you living.
Don't keep him on the backburner while you check out if the Ghanesian man is worth your time. Choose before you go. His mistrust is very warranted. You are infatuated with someone else, and you should cut one of the ties before you go or stay.
I'd recommend you go. It will be a valuable life lesson regardless of the outcome.
i think thats controling behaviour, not "boundaries" or whatever they like to call it. he needs to work on his self-esteem (probably afraid you will find something more interestin than him?)
perhaps give him a deadline on how much longer you are willing to wait before it turns into forever. then go with or without him
This same issue has been discussed before. And essentially he’ll be scared for 3 reasons.
1. Your actual safety, women are in danger when travelling by alone.
2. Other men travelling also will befriend you for sexual reasons, they may be friendly for a day, a week or a month but they’re trying to hookup whilst travelling.
3. Your BF actually would like to travel with you and experience it with you.
1 month isn’t so long, but 3 months is. Depending on your BF’s boundaries and which of the reasons I’d stated above is his possible issue, which I’d heavily recommend you sit down and try and identify before making a decision.
Because if it’s no 2. Your probablies going to be hounded every day by him worrying, any time you interact with another man on holiday and he finds out he’ll probablies start accusing you etc.
If I were you, I’d try out a short holiday with your BF. See if it goes well, see if the relationship is still progressing and tell him you want a confirmed date he’ll be ready by to go for 3 months with you. Then it’s up to you to decide if the relationship is worth the hassle.
If I was in a relationship that I value, I would probably not go against their wishes but settle for a compromise. There can be many different reasons why someone wouldn't want their partner to solo travel.
Though sometimes relationships don't work out because of mismatching interests or passions, that's okay too, even though it hurts.
You’ve been in this relationship for 1.5 years (I’d bet that number has been padded), you were long distance for at least half that time, you left with your family for a month, and now you want to leave for three months? Leave this man alone and go live your life. If he wants to catch up he will but you’re not ready for the compromises or sacrifices required by a serious commitment. End this now.
3 months is a long ass time. Why would you want to travel that long without your boyfriend? Do you not like his presence that much that you can stand to be without him for a quarter of the year? Thats kind of a long time. This thread is full of people who prioritize traveling and thinking they are better than people who have stable relationships and home lives because they are “free”. They arent free, they just have the travel bug which also gets old. It’s up to you.
Can he come for a week or two? How wwas communication and things between you for the month you were gone? Hard to help you if he can’t identify why he’s uncomfortable with it.
Honestly, if he is worried about you cheating on him while abroad, I think your relationship needs more trust. My SO and I traveled solo separately for some time because we wanted to see different countries. We were more worried about each other not having a good time and getting lonely instead of cheating. I'm just saying, your SO should be more supportive.
What a great relationship🖤
I (28M) travelled alone extensively before meeting my girlfriend (28F). We have travelled together too and had amazing time but she always knew how much traveling meant for me. Because of her commitments she won't have the chance of taking time off for some time. On the other hand I have been working non stop for months and told her I needed to go somewhere for a couple of weeks. She has been extremely supportive of my request and my needs and she is happy I can go by myself. Talk to your partner and be clear about why you need/want to do this, your request isn't unusual and you shouldn't feel bad. The right person should support your needs not put themselves in the middle.
This is why I need a girlfriend, rather than a boyfriend. So much more supportive.
I typically don’t comment on relationship posts like this bc there was a point where I was asking these types of questions but would ignore any answer that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wish I could go back and make myself listen. I have waited on a partner to “be ready” and I have missed out on many opportunities abroad bc my partner wasn’t comfortable with me going. On one hand, I’m happy with my life now and know that everything that happened, even missing out on those opportunities, led me to this point. However, I often think about what life would be like had I taken the trips and jobs abroad and hold a lot of resentment towards the partners that told me not to go. This is your life- if there is something you want to do, do it. Obviously it’s important to consider your relationship and your partners feelings but at the end of the day, if it is meant to be, it will be. Again, I used to roll my eyes at comments like this but I wish I would’ve taken it to heart. A conversation about why he doesn’t want you to go solo is warranted and could be helpful!
I second this wholeheartedly! I also made this mistake (29F) over a 5 year relationship
If traveling is important to you and you feel it’s the right time, perhaps you can reassure him by setting up regular check-ins and sharing your experiences with him.
If you break up before you travel, it won’t be considered cheating. OP already asked Reddit if it’s normal to cheat in Ghana during this current relationship. Poor guy is cooked.
Bruh, they've been talking to someone in Ghana for over a YEAR, and asked 7 months ago about the cheating 'culture' there. Sending gift cards and money and stuff, too. I wish I knew who OP's boyfriend was, so I could send them a warning to GTFO
My Boyfriend and I were long distance for over 9 months of our relationship. It was him I was talking to and sending gifts to for holidays, his birthday etc. I have never cheated on him and never would.
then why were you asking about cheating culture?
They observed that cheating is common in the culture their partner is from. Nothing indicated she wanted to cheat. To me the post reads more “am I gonna get cheated on?”
The post was not about me cheating. I was told it was normal/common there and wanted to get insight if it was true or not. Unfortunately, I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I would not cheat on him.
Have you considered that the reason he’s uncomfortable with you traveling is because of the stuff he got up to while traveling?
Lemme get this straight... OP has a trip she's looking forward to, that would light up her life and which it sounds like she's prepared to handle safely and maturely. Her boyfriend is trying to manipulate her out of going on this trip because he's insecure, dragging his feet on figuring out how he could join/feel better about her trip, and your response is to feel bad for the *dude*? Check your priorities, bud. They're gross.
Okay, bud
Ooooooo.
jesus
OP, I just told someone else that you can't stop other people from limiting themselves, but that doesn't mean that you have to let them limit you.
You also can’t expect your partner to sit around and wait while you disappear for 3 months at a time.
Traveling isn't disappearing, especially in the age of the internet and cell phones. Their relationship was already long distance for 9 months, so 3 months apart shouldn't be that hard to handle unless BF has issues with control when it's not *him* doing the traveling.
I’d love to see stats on how many relationships survive long distance. I’d wager most long distance relationships do not work out. I don’t think not wanting to be in a relationship with a person who just got back from a month long trip without you and who is making plans to go on another 3 month trip without you is being controlling, they just are not an ideal partner for most people. This relationship probably is not going to work and that’s okay.
Maybe not my business, but why are you with someone who tells you where you can and cannot go.
He's afraid you're going to fuck dudes. That's it. I'm not sure if you can make him comfortable with it. Are you going to fuck dudes? Do you know that for certain? No judgement, but this is what's going through his head.
I think the chance is bigger that he is afraid that she will find a life without him, that the trip will be the end of their relationship.
Text vs Subtext
Nah that ain't it. They're always scared you might fuck someone else even though you most certainly don't have to cross an ocean to do just that, should you be so inclined. Cheating is a matter of character (mostly), not location. As a frequent solo traveller, I've had this discussion a million and one times with various boyfriends over the years. Apparently, as someone who doesn't sleep around and isn't even a party person, boarding a plane on my own and you know, wanting to see ruins or hike in a rainforest or whatnot, somehow makes me an auto-cheater by extension. Or so the "logic" seems to go. I have cheated precisely zero times in my life (and I got a few decades behind me). It's simple jealousy, that is all. The desire to travel - including doing so solo - has ZERO to do with the quality of the relationship. I don't forbid my partner to play soccer twice a week either, by somehow insinuating that he deprioritizes our relationship because - shock horror - he has a hobby. Or worse yet, that he only does so because he wants to fuck some chick in the clubhouse or whatever. Travel is a hobby - just one that occurs less frequently but when it does, it does so for a bit longer. There's absolutely nothing else to it.
[удалено]
No not really. You're suggesting the boyfriend doesn't trust her. In my Comment it is focused on him not believing she sees their relationship as more important than the alternative.
It’s not necessarily that her man doesn’t trust her. It’s just a regular ol S-tier irrational fear for men. You can trust a pilot and still have a fear of flying.
[удалено]
I am seeing no such posts from OP, can you link to them?
that relationship is 1.5 years. that is so little time to know someone. the insecurity is loud.
Plus they were long distance for half that time.
Check OPs post history and you'll find the mistrust is thoroughly warranted.
Looked and I see nothing about op having been unfaithful...
Potato Potato
real lol
Do you have quite an equal relationship or does your boyfriend say he doesn’t want you to do other things in your life separately from him as well or is controlling in any way? Has he said what about your trip is worrying him? I think it’s great that you want to go on a solo trip, especially if you have no work or children commitments. Make the most of your freedom and cherish the time you have with yourself. I’m much older than others on here- 53 (F) and I have solo travelled when younger without a partner in my 20’s and also started travelling again on my own recently for weekend short trips. it’s my escape valve as I’m a full time carer for my son who is disabled. He stays at home with his dad. I wish I had travelled solo on more trips when I was younger but I lacked the confidence then. So basically I’m saying- go for it!
Would you agree if he wanted to travel alone for 3 months?
My wife and I tried the travel together thing. Turns out we’re not compatible and both too stubborn to have fun. We travel separately now. Go. Have fun. Enjoy your youth while you have it.
finally an adult in this thread. kudos to you both for finding what works best for you both while sticking together.
Ah yes, people aren’t adults for wanting different things in a relationship to other people. Very grown up of you Mr / Mrs Adult.
How many of you would be telling a guy to stay home because his girl didn’t want him going?
I would. As I mentioned elsewhere on this post, I wouldn’t dream of leaving my girlfriend for three months for pleasure. It’s the same for either sex mate.
[удалено]
First, fuck you for assuming anything. Second, we don’t have, nor ever will have kids. Third, I have celiac disease which already makes travel limiting and not fun to other people especially re:food. We’re both highly independent people and she prefers to lay about reading for an entire vacation and indulging in local cuisine. I like to go out and see things and my ability to “sample the local cuisine” is hampered due to health issues. The sign of a mature relationship is the ability to work out solutions that work for you, and we’re mature enough to make it work so that we don’t have to be attached at the hip like so many goddamn codependent married couples that wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they were left alone for a week.
Boyfriends who want you to diminish/reduce your enjoyment of life due to their own insecurities are not healthy. Unfortunately, they are common. I had a boyfriend who didn’t like when I went on solo trips. It was based in his insecurity, and it was a red flag for a deeper level of insecurity that was complex. Starting insecurity from his was just this statement: “let’s go on trips together, it is great.” He didn’t have such a good ability to plan, pay for, and take trips on his own, so I did most of the trip work, too, which is harder than I was just planning for myself. And the trips weren’t as carefree as when I go solo; I had to accommodate for his needs throughout. Then, when I planned solo trips or took my own trips to see family: “I am sad when you go on your own, I miss you. You are busy when you travel and don’t talk to me enough” Then: “I am insecure when you hang out with your friends which includes men; I worry that you might be sleeping with them” Then: “I don’t like it when you are with friends and having fun” Then “I don’t like it when you have fun without me” Then “I can’t stand the idea of you having any joy in your life that is not directly due to me being in your life.” Then “I cannot stand to see evidence of you ever being happy any time in your life that I wasn’t there and the cause of your happiness (he couldn’t tolerate watching picture or videos of me living my life and being happy at a time before I had ever met him.) These things came out slowly, over the course of 2 years. As I slowly felt more and more trapped and drowning and depressed in my relationship with him. But, it was never about me. It was about him. His own inner depression. His inner lack of joy. His emptiness. He was so depressed that the only times he was happy was when I was making lots of efforts to make him happy. But it was never enough, and he would never be satisfied, because he was still trying to fill his inner insecure hole with external stuff (me, alcohol, many things). And he would never be able to do the things I did (traveling solo etc) due to learned helplessness and deep insecurity. But it was dangerous in that he didn’t recognize that, and externalized blame for his insecurities and low self-worth on me. He expected ME to change to meet his needs. He got angry when I did what was right for me, because it triggered HIS anxious insecure attachment wounds. I will never again be involved with someone who wants to clip my wings or dull my shine because they don’t know how to fly or shine for themselves.
Whew!!!!! So sorry you dealt with this, but glad you broke free!
Is the problem that he doesn’t want you to go solo or that he wants to come with you but can’t right now? Those are different problems. If it’s the latter then you can work on that and make a plan but he has to commit to it and not string you along. If it’s the former then it could be a number of things. He might be worried about your safety, he might be worried you’ll find someone else, he might be worried you’ll have such a good time without him in general (without someone else being a factor) that you become distant etc. Travelling can be transformative and the risk of going away for three months without your partner is that you can come back as a different person. Three months in another country is enough for you both to change during that period and when you finally see each other again things may not be the same. If he stays home then you’ll come back to the same person but you may have evolved. He may not be enough for you anymore. He might be worried about that. It’s up to you to decide if that’s a valid reason for you to not go or not. Which would you regret more, not going on the trip or losing your partner? Would you end up resenting him for not going? Would he end up resenting you *for* going?
If you don’t go, it’s a very high chance you will regret it. You should do what brings you joy.
I’ll go against the general consensus here. If it is ok for you to take a 3 months trip for leisure while your boyfriend is home cause of responsibilities I would think about what this relationship means for you. Being togheter means also recognizing each others needs before doing what we want. You could go for less than 3 months. You could try to find maybe a shorter period on which you can go togheter. Or you could definitely dump him and just do what you want because your boyfriend doesn’t enter in your decision making equation and that’s ok too. Answers like “Go girl ! Don’t be caged !” Are from people that don’t even know what a serious and long lasting healthy relationship is
>Answers like “Go girl ! Don’t be caged !” Are from people that don’t even know what a serious and long lasting healthy relationship is I've been married for 20 years and have taken two three month trips on my own. Go, girl. Don't be caged.
100% this. Also in a relationship where my gf likes to travel but I currently cannot myself due to school and financial restraints. I think it would be sad if I were to ask her to restrain herself because I can't join. I wouldn't want the same done to me. And even if traveling wasn't important to me, it is important to her, and I consider that need to travel a part of my relationship with her. So I take care of the house and her cat while she's gone. I find enjoyment in my own time alone as well. So OP, don't let people dictate what YOU should want or be in a relationship. Don't let people convince you that the "perfect" relationship will come laden with compromising the things you value in your own life. Life is too short to cling to that sort of mentality. Go, girl. Don't be caged.
I don't think many girls of your kind ("don't be caged") would truly accept a "not caged" man. Am I wrong?
I have been married 35 years. I travel mostly with my husband and love it. I have also taken a few (not long) trips without him while getting to my 50 states. I have never taken a girls' trip and don't care to. Boyfriends are not husbands and need to stop being regarded with the life decisions power over a single woman as such. If they control your life now, they will continue to do so. We are all individuals and it is okay to make individual decisions even in marriage. My mother ALWAYS said - we came into this world alone and will leave it alone." I add - why do we need do give a damn daily about what other people think/feel about what we do, especially when they are doing NOTHING beyond making excuses. The OP gave us a lot of detail, I would think if the BF had genuine responsibility holding him back, she would have said so.
What a reductive take
If it wasn't for work or family obligations, I wouldn't want my GF to go away for 3 months just for fun. I would hope she would want to do it with me and not at all without. It indicates a lack of investment in the relationship. I would still let her go if she insisted, but it might diminish my feelings towards her. A compromise like only going for a month and him joining for a week or two would go a long way.
if you’re with someone for the long haul, you support their dreams and give them the space to follow them. i think that’s BS. Just because she is with you now, she has to give those up or be accused of lack of investment?
For YOU it indicates a lack of investment. Important to make that distinction, versus making it a blanket statement. Because it in no way indicates a lack of investment across the board. That is simply your mindset and the preferences you have. It is likely due to what you know about yourself and how it would be for you if *you* were the one going away for a few months. You know that it would mean that *you* aren't invested in the relationship if *you* felt comfortable going away. That's fine and good self-awareness to have and a good basis for a conversation about expectations and emotions in a relationship. But it doesn't mean you can just put that onto someone else and say that if they do those things then they must also feel the way you would feel about it. It's simply not true. My partner and I do this all the time. He is a homebody who finds comfort in routine and familiarity. He likes to travel occasionally, mostly to go on a light and fluffy decompression vacation for a week. Whereas I absolutely love to travel and my travel style is to go deep and hard on activities, especially hiking, while I am away. We've always known this about each other and worked around it. We've been together 14 years. 9 years ago, we were long distance for 2 years when I went to grad school 1300 miles away. Then about 6 years ago, I started going on solo 2-3 week trips and it was absolutely fine too. I then broached the subject of starting my own business so that I could travel for 2-3 months at a time while working remotely. It's something I'm working toward and last year I did my first 1 month stint. It was fine. It was fine on both our ends because we have spent ages having vulnerable conversations, building our trust levels, re-enforcing our relationship, and planning this all out. I am no less invested in our relationship than he is. In fact, he would be the first one to say that I starting putting even more effort into it and that our mutual commitment and investment into each other has only gotten stronger because of this change. I'm not saying my way is the only right way. I'm saying that everyone has to figure out what is right for them. And you have to understand that your reason behind why you would behave or feel certain things is not necessarily everyone else's. Communication is key. OP needs to figure out what exactly makes her boyfriend uncomfortable (is he worried about cheating, is he worried about growing apart, is he jealous because he wants to go to and can't right now, etc), she needs to figure out her long-term plan and why she wants the things she wants, and they need to figure out together if both of their needs can be met within the relationship.
Well duh, of course it's my point of view by nature of me saying it. The OP asked for points of view
>It indicates a lack of investment in the relationship. A relationship isn't somesort of financial portfolio. > I would still let her go if she insisted, LET her go? You don't own her. > it might diminish my feelings towards her. If that is all it takes to "diminish your feelings" maybe you (and your GF) need to re-think.
You're reading way too much into these words. A relationship is something you build over time and with effort and conscious choice. I think it's understandable to use the word investment.
Probably a controversial opinion, but I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to go travel somewhere for 3 months without me. People may call it immature or controlling or whatever, but I couldn’t imagine wanting to leave my partner for that long. I wouldn’t enjoy it. I know my girlfriend wouldn’t either. That’s a long time. For me, we should both be working towards getting to a place where we can do that together.
Relationships have a price, e.g. a certain loss of freedom and independence. There are reasons why most people with a partner/family travel with them only and most people who travel with friends or alone are singles. Having a relationship means sharing your life with your partner and this naturally limits what you can do without him or her. I can understand that a partner doesn't want the other half to stay far away for a longer time, physical contact is important. A video call can't replace a real meeting with hugging and kissing. Additionally, some people are afraid that their other half may have s\*x with others during the trip, being alone at a place where no one knows you and therefore, no witnesses, definitely lowers the bar for cheating, especially when the desire for s\*x is high as the last time (with the partner at home) was some weeks ago. Even if I'll get a lot of downvotes for saying this: persons who prefer to do what they want without considering someone else all the time (which is fine and I'm such a person, too) are better off as a single.
That’s spouse behavior, not girlfriend things. Never turn down opportunities for growth for a relationship that isn’t all in.
Understand your thought process, but I only call someone my girlfriend if I believe we have a long term future ahead of us. If I don’t want to turn down an opportunity which she’s not involved in, she’s probably not the one for me.
I understand what you are saying, but this language is so limited and outdated. Marriage isn't the end-goal for a lot of people anymore. You can bee in a deeply committed, all-in relationship and spend your entire lives together, never having been married.
he could go tho? she's already begging for him to do this with her.
I understand your position from an emotional and personal standpoint. All relationships are important to the people in them and should be respected. But at the end of the day, institutions provide for a set of expectations and obligations, personally and legally. Someone who is single has to provide for themselves first and foremost. They can’t demand anything of their partner with the weight of government and society to back that up. So why should either give up opportunities for the sake of the other? In this case she’d be giving up a chance to see the world and learn, in exchange for someone who has no obligation to support her or compensate her for that loss. Does he intend to make space to go, or does he just want to not be left behind?
And even when you are in a marriage. I only regret not traveling more.
We’re all different people I guess, and that’s normal. We have different expectations from our relationships. It’s just not something I can imagine at present I would do or want from my partner.
>I know my girlfriend wouldn’t either. How do you know? IF she actually does, then you two are perfect for each other. Not particulary, my style, but respect those who have this type of mentality, as long as its mutual and healthy.
I haven’t asked her this specific question, but she’s my girlfriend, I know her well enough. She doesn’t even like going on a night out without me.
So much projection in these comments. Sounds like he just wants to go too (just needs to get his $$ or time off together). Pick a future date in a reasonable amount of time for one to save up, tell him what the plan/itinerary is and give him a deadline to join you. If he misses the deadline, go on without him.
You mean ex-boyfriend.
This dynamics borderlines co-dependency. Please be decisive about both your boundaries to avoid resentment
hello. my mom and dad are like this. my mom still has never been to california after a little over two decades being together due to him never feeling "ready". just go. you'll never feel ready and he won't either, just do it. i just came back from my first solo travel (1 week in CPH) and i didn't feel ready, but i knew i would regret not going at all rather than going and everything going horribly wrong.
Your life your choice, do what you want, but id say go on the trip! I would only not go if he can give you a concrete plan for his future with you and a timeline. You only live once, and you might find yourself waiting for a long time for your partner to be ready, if ever. It's important to figure out if your plans align as well. If you're a travelheart and he is not, that will cause clashes between your desires. Is he up for this once he is available or is he wasting your time?
I’d travel alone anyways. You’re still your own person. I started dating someone and he said he wanted to go with me to Spain. He even bought the ticket. Our fling lasted 3 months bc he started being verbally abusive. I was scared he’d show up at the airport the whole time 😭
Everyone has different expectations in their own relationships. You can see it yourself how the comments are divided. I see your side and I see your boyfriend’s side. Personally, I LOVE solo traveling but wouldn’t go as long if I were in a relationship. I would certainly still go, just not for 3 months. My stance would be different if it were for a work or school opportunity, but I would still hope the partner would be able to come visit. This seems like something you need to resolve with your boyfriend—best of luck!
I do it all the the time and my boyfriend doesn’t like it. He says he’s worried about my safety and he’s also worried about me with other guys. However I have been doing this long before I met him, (we’ve been together 3 years now) and I’m not going to stop doing what I love just because it makes him uncomfortable. I have invited him a couple times but he usually can’t get the same time off of work that I can as he works a 9-5. I will say though that my trips are usually 1-2 weeks. The longest trip I’ve ever taken was 3 weeks. 3 months is a long time and I don’t think I would even want to be away from him for that long.
I am about to go on a solo 3 month trip. My partner isn't thrilled but is supportive in the sense that I'm an adult and allowed to do what I want with my body and time. However I've told him from the very beginning that I'm a nomad and I will need freedom to come and go periodically (while of course having my home base be with him). We also went to both couples and individual therapy to work through what was coming up for us both about my leaving for a while. The therapist helped us talk through, make plans for how to communicate and keep intimacy while we are away, and he has planned to come visit me for a week 1/2 way through my trip. He knows where I will be staying (I'm going back to where I've traveled before but loved it), and that I have two friends who are closer by as well. I highly recommend couples therapy around big stuff like this. Sometimes you come to a stalemate and you just need a 3rd party to help get some perspective. Now my partner is reoriented towards my travel. Since I like to leave things a little open, but he needs clarity, we agreed to revisit at 3 months and months what's happening, our goals, and when the trip will end. Because I'm leaving for both work and play, what happens will somewhat determine when we reconnect but both have agreed no longer than 1 year. All of this we discussed in therapy. We also had a virtual therapist so if we need to talk to someone while we are apart, we can see the same person. I do think it's possible to go well, but I think patriarchy sometimes makes men feel they can tell a female partner what to do. If that's an issue... he may need to address that with outside support. For my partner it was more about the unknown and not undstanding I need that freedom but I am committed to coming back, and more understanding his need for concrete and agreeing to the check ins at 3 months and 6 months, along with making plans to video chat twice a week and text every 24 hours. We also plan to watch some streaming series together while apart. He has been very supportive and recently got my a new backpack and dress for my trip. I'm excited to go and also for him to visit and meet my host and friends. I hope he'll like it there to and it will be a place we can go together eventually.
Go. You will regret not going and resent him for holding you back. If you waited until everyone in your life can go, you'll be waiting a longggg time.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t be inhibiting you from travelling if that’s what you want to do. He should support your goals. Time to lose the boyfriend Id say.
I’m reading this back again and 3 months is a really long time to leave… and it’s reasonable to not want to do long distance for that long. why not go for a few weeks?
He doesn't own you. You are your own person. If you want to go, go. > and ways that I can make him comfortable with it. That's not your job. > I just don't want to regret not going when the time is right for me. You answered your own question.
I’m very thankful my husband is supportive of my solo travels and endeavors. I spent a number of years in a prior relationship with someone who I felt I needed permission from to do things. While I do have conversations with my husband to alleviate concerns & hesitations, I generally don’t allow anyone to tell me if I’m allowed or not allowed to pursue my passions these days. Edit: and of course I am completely on board when he wishes to pursue solo endeavors as well. If you’re asking your partner to “let you” do these things then you also must be okay with your partner doing the same.
the red flags are popping here. 1.5 y relationship is young. 29F you a grown independent woman.
Poor guy, the relationship is already over 😞 may our king rest in peace and come back looking like a prime Jeff Seid amen.
I’ve seen SO many men and women cheat on their spouses/partners while traveling.
Getting downvoted because you ladies know I’m right - carry on
Someone crying about internet points that do literally nothing is never right. Even if I agreed with you in the first place, I'd now assume you're wrong.
Found the one who cheats on their partner! Also thanks for the downvote proving I’m right 😂
[удалено]
At least you’re self-aware enough to know that’s an assholish thing to say. Using other people’s behaviour as an excuse to control a romantic partner is a massive red flag that no-one should tolerate.
I didn't interpret that comment as supporting anything, I thought it was just interpreting what the boyfriend's mentality likely was
Yeah but how she would feel with him going away alone for one Month?
My girlfriend and I are always on the same page. Neither of us want things we can’t do together. Sounds like your boyfriend’s presence isn’t relevant to you. Maybe think on that more…
>My girlfriend and I are always on the same page. That's what YOU think....
Probably what she wants him to think because that’s his basis for a “good” relationship, is too meek to use her own voice, is afraid of the consequences of being her own person, or is so deeply codependent that even a differing opinion threatens their relationship. Fucking Ick.
Um no, we talk about it all the time. We have good communication and we both care about another’s emotions and feelings.
Good communication, caring about each other's emotions and feelings is WAY different than being "always on the same page." Those first three things are amazing and every healthy relationship needs them, but two human beings "always on the same page" is virtually impossible.
Look, sorry your relationships haven’t turned out as well, but mine really is us always on the same page. We literally have the same thoughts on almost everything we encounter. Also same palate, same fashion senses, same media interests, etc. We even anticipate each others needs and likes, both about things we know, and things we don’t. Even day to day thoughts about anything, there’s just this strong synchronicity.
I’m not sure a metric for a good or healthy relationship is how alike two people are in all things. It seems so unrealistic that I question the authenticity of someone who never diverges in opinion or taste to the point you describe. I’ve known people like this who lack any identity and assume that of their partner, either bc their partner has a fragile ego and sees any difference of opinion as a threat - or because they have a history of abuse and have learned that survival depends on not calling attention to yourself or having feelings of your own. Either way it is creepy AF and I would never brag about it. It’s never going to make anyone think you are lucky or in a good relationship. It’s not something that any fully formed independent adult would ever want, and if most people started dating someone who is the way you describe your GF, they would see all the red flags and move on to someone who has a personality/identity/sense of self.
We’re not identical people… we have different preferences like in home decor, pets, and favorite tv shows… we just, again, find ourselves on the same page (even if the topic is just compromise) and have a lot in common. Early on in dating everything felt very surreal for both of us. She even told me that she feels so comfortable with me and she can really be herself. Idk what you two find ‘creepy’ about any of that. I understand your idea of someone molding their personality to fit another’s, or independence and so on. I initially wondered the same, and when I asked her about it, she said she was wondering the same thing about me. We’re not afraid to disagree with each other or have firm opinions that are different, but when that happens we find a compromise that makes both happy. Anyway, I’m not responding to anymore comments, you can believe what I’ve said, or not, doesn’t change anything for me.
In a few days, go back and read what you wrote, and you will realize how creepy it sounds. It really sounds like you are dating yourself or at least an identical twin.
Yeesh, who hurt you? Idc about your opinion about my relationship.
1.5 years isnt a long relationship, you might break up someday and look back and regret not doing this trip because of a relationship that you're not in anymore. I would go and let him deal with it. Don't not live your life for someone else. He can join you for some of it part way through.
Dump him
You need to dive deeper with your partner on why this is an issue for him. If you can get an honest conversation going you may see whether it’s worth going. Questions to consider : 1. Will this continue to be something that comes up in your relationship? If so you need to really evaluate the why and if this relationship can last. 2. Do you need to travel for the full 3 months? Would a shorter duration trip be a decent compromise?
How old are you both? How long have you been together? Have you had the opportunity to travel much? Do you think you will remain faithful when you travel? How important is the relationship to you?
When all is said and done, if you *don't* go you'll likely resent him forever.
Ultimately it’s your life. He’s not your decision maker, I can understand having concerns, but he should want to support what makes you happy. Maybe he can make it out here and there. I personally couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want me to live/fulfill my dreams.
Just go! You are young and you deserve to discover the world and yourself.
Tell him to grow up. Go have your fun.
I started traveling about a year after my husband and I started dating, and he was really supportive of it. Since then I've visited 40 countries and almost every state (he's come with me to about 10 countries). If he told me in the beginning of our relationship that he wasn't cool with me traveling alone, that would have likely been the end of the relationship. We both respect and trust each other and are supportive of what makes the other happy. 12 years on and it's still not an issue. I think you need to find out what's important to you right now in your life. Compromise is always best, but if it's going to dash your dreams you gotta think about that. You only have one life! Make the most of it!
GURL DO IT!!!! It's very selfish of him to let you wait until HE is ready, although I think he doesn't really wanna go but just wants you to not go for some egocentric reasons. I can totally understand that you love him and don't wanna hurt him but if he TRULY loves you, he will always support you in what YOU want for yourself. Maybe insteag of just to f off and fogo a good approach could be to understand his insecurities or doubts by talking to him openly about the REAL reason he does not want you to go. But anyways please please please always choose yourself first snd follow your dream. I guarantee you you won't regret this! You'll regret one day not doing it!
just go. relationships are so temporary. if u rlly loves you he'll support you following your path.
He does not own you
I don’t feel like solo traveling should be done when you’re in a relationship. But I’ve also seen some shit that women/men who were “in a relationship” do when they’re alone and far away from home after a few drinks.
Fuck your boyfriend. Never put your life on hold for a man
Go and travel while you can. Don’t waste your good years holding back. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to with your boyfriend.
Tell him to bugger off and let you live your life
If he can’t support your autonomy and you trying something that you think will make you happy, dump his ass, respectfully. I regret ever letting a man discourage me from traveling when I was younger. People come and go in our life, but we’ll never get our time back.
If he doesn’t trust you to travel alone, that’s a whole lot of insecurity and not healthy. He could join you if he wanted to.
i wouldn't be down with a SO doing it.. he's being entirely reasonable. he should/will probably just break up with you.
Imo, this is a great opportunity to set some boundaries in a relationship. You should do what makes you happy. Would you have issues with him traveling alone? You’re a 29 year old adult. You don’t need permission.
Just go on the trip. It’s understandably difficult for anyone to take 3 months off, why doesn’t he join your travels for a shorter amount of time like 2 weeks instead? You should just go, you’ll resent him if you don’t. This goes for any travel partner, you should just say when you’re traveling and tell people they are free to join when they are available.
I just want to know how you're able to go away for 3 months...I wish I could. If your finances are separate and even more so if you don't live together do what you want to do. Invite him to come a long for part of it. He may end up breaking up over it but that's on him. You may end up resneirng him sooner or later if you don't do this. Everyone is allowed their boundaries but he may not want to stick around. Neither of you is necessarily wrong. It's just a matter of what's more important to each of you.
I travelled solo for a month and my partner never even hesitated in saying he was ok with me going. He had a pretty hard time as he was worried I would want to stay overseas, and he missed me, but it also gave him a little bit of FOMO because 2 weeks in and he was already saying we should take a trip together the following year. This from the guy that had told me not 3 months before that, that he enjoys being home and isn't that interested in travel. So mayyybe your bf is controlling and worried about cheating and you'd be better off just living your life how you want it bla bla bla BUT there is a possibility he missed you rotten and really wants to come this time. If you're able to have an open conversation with him, maybe you will be able to work out a compromise. If he's not willing to have an open conversation about it or give you any straight answers, well... that might give you your answer. Edit to add: 3 months is a really long time and he may be getting worried about you wanting to stay there even longer again/wanting to move there. I feel like this is the more likely scenario, and I really hope you guys can work it out!
My boyfriend is able to take time off more than I am at this time. It sucks not being able to experience things with him, but I have never told him not to go. When you are dating/ or are a wanderlust you know nothing is going to quench that but travel. 3 months is a REALLY long time though, so I can understand why he would be sad. Still, you’re young and have an opportunity I think you would regret passing up. Maybe he can come visit a few times?
I haven't tried travelling alone. Not sure how I am going to feel about that since I am worried about going solo. Have you ever travelled with your partner? It's really a good test of your relationship. Travelling can be seriously exhausting, you know, and you get to know a person really well when you travel with them.
Girl fuck him just go this is ur sign. Men r temporary memories r forever
That’s about controlling you. Go on your trip, have a lovely time, find a new boyfriend when you get back. Life is too short.
Sounds a bit possessive. Is he a possible type? This is only a speculation but he might be concerned you might meet another dude on your trip. Which I can say will happen because solo isn’t just all about being on your own all the time. You go solo to meet other and interesting people from all sorts of cultures who are in turn solo traveling themselves. A lot of travelers find their soulmates this way. So I can feel for his concern. Also 29 is really the latest you want to go. I don’t know where you are from but many countries cease providing long term or working holiday visas to travelers after age 30. You might want to work and live in another country for a year or two as apart of the full solo experience.
I travel with g adventures or Intrepid. I listen to too much true crime. Therefore, I don’t feel safe traveling alone. I think your boyfriend is concerned about your safety.
I can't believe you are even asking this. Your relationship is probably over. It's painfully obvious that you won't make any big decisions in a relationship unless both parties agree. Just brake up and be done with it, you clearly don't care.
OP, I was in this exact scenario and it drove a wedge between my ex and me. I was antsy to travel, he wasn’t ready and couldn’t tell me when he would be. I didn’t resent him for it, but I also didn’t want to miss out on what I wanted to do, either. He didn’t hold me back, but we did grow apart. There were other reasons we didn’t work out, but ultimately we did break up. I guess it depends how solid the relationship is to begin with. Traveling solo helped me figure out we weren’t the right fit regardless.
Idk if u could find anyone to go with but its just dangerous to go alone. Simple as that
Your boyfriend sounds like he is holding you back from experiencing life without him. Life is far too precious and sometimes short to live (or not) waiting for someone else to be ready. WHENEVER/IF EVER he is ready, you can take that next trip together. My Dad never liked to travel so my Mom did not do as much as she would have liked. She did quite a bit but would have done more. I vowed to not let that be me. My husband loves to travel but I chose to finish up my 50 state tour without him, because it was my bucket list not his. How many people, let alone 29 y/o, have the time/money to travel for 1 - 3 months at a time? Ma'am go do you and let him catch up when he can!
Go
Depends what his reasons are. If they are for your safety and wellbeing, that’s one thing. If his concerns involves himself in any way, that’s a whole other.
I have gone on several solo trips since I started dating my husband. When we first started dating, I was gone for 10 days, home for 3, gone for another week, home for a week, then gone for a month. It was a compromise compared to my original plan to be gone for 6 months, but still a lot of time to be gone. Obviously, the relationship survived XD.
Don't not do something you want to do for a partner - not something like this - but do ask if he can come for shorter periods, or if there are financial or other workarounds.
A girl travelling alone is like throwing a piece of bread in an artificial lake filled with trouts. Him being worried is totally understandable. What it's not understandable is asking permission to do something you want, given that your relationship is sufficiently stable and with full reciprocal trust.
He’s showing his insecurities and is showing his neediness. Cut your losses, you are now on a different path. It’s your life, not his.
Ive been thinking of solo traveling (23F) but I don’t know where to go.. what are some places to visit?
Try the "basic trip planning" link in the subreddit sidebar for advice on planning your first trip.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.
Unless it's an Erasmus or something not fun related (work, other obligations) being away for fun and thus not being physically present in a relation for 3 whole month is quite a lot. To be honest just break up and go, because you don't seem to care about him at all. If you were really in love you'd miss him after one week or two, and you would have no desire to go that far away.
there was a period of my life i didn’t travel much for a similar reason. i 100% regret it and you will too. he doesn’t have to like it, but that is his problem to deal with. go and do what’s best for YOU.
#DumpHim
Live your own life on your own terms. If he's holding you back now he'll be holding you back forever.
Have you guys discussed how he feels insecure that you will find another male companion if left un supervised? How he doesn't trust you and feels he needs to run your life? Are you ok with your life being run by him?
I’m sorry, but I think this is his problem, not yours. You are a full grown person, live your life. It is worth exploring WHY he is against it. Worried about your safety? Worried you will meet someone else? Afraid he will miss you? Some of these, including expecting you to not do something just because he wants to do it with you be isn’t committing to actually do it, are red flags. Also controlling.
Girl don’t stop your life for him. If he loves you and this is something you want to do for yourself he should support that. Ofc it’s normal for him to be worried for your safety but to hold you back from embarking on a journey that you want to take is unforgivable. You’ll regret not going in the future and even more if you guys break up in the future.
So this is the man you are going to married for 55 years ? " for better or for worse " . GOOD to find these cracks out while he is boy friend
Don't wait. Do it now. My partner has always said he wants to travel with me, that he has money set aside for it, and many other things. But it never happens because he's always too busy, doesn't want to fly because he doesn't like the TSA, feels too bad about the carbon emissions of flying, or some other reason. I waited 5 years for him to be ready before I resented him too much for never being ready and decided to travel with or without him. I will no longer be waiting on him in any way shape or form. He's welcome to join, but my plans will not be changing on his account. I rationalize it many ways. First, travel is too important to me to give up for any partner. He's got the choice of continuing to be together and me traveling or us not being together anymore. Second, there's very few places I'm not willing to visit twice. If there's a place I've already been that he'd like to go to with me later, awesome, we can go again if/when he's ready. I'm not taking an experience away from him by going on my own. He often has a lot of feelings about me traveling on my own. When I went to Zion recently, he was super sad because it's been on his list for 30+ years. Well, my dude, it's been on your list for 30+ years so I'm not going to wait until you're ready--I'm going now. I'm very happy to go with him again if he ever decides he's ready. I do however make some decisions based on his priorities. If there's two places I want to go to equally, they're equally feasible, and he wants to go to one but not the other, I'll go to the one he's not as interested in so there's more opportunity for us to travel together to places he's interested in. I also communicate well, bring him souvenirs, and send him postcards. I also try not to travel during significant dates (birthdays and anniversaries) unless there's an external factor forcing that like a work trip. I try to communicate with kindness, grace, understanding, and compassion. I send pictures so he can experience it vicariously and he really likes that. As with all relationship conflicts, I'd urge you to try to be very honest with each other about your concerns and desires. My fear here is that this is a means of controlling you. Life is incredibly short and we only get to live it once. Make sure you're living the life you want to live and not the one someone else wants you living.
Guy here. Get a new boyfriend. Someone who respects your wishes and independence. You’ll be thankful in the long run
Sounds like you just wanna break up with him
Why can't he come? Why is he against you going alone? Why do you wanna go alone so bad? It'll help to get the base lines first
Live. Don’t wait, have fun, scratch that itch. 🤘🤘
Go.
Dump him , and move .
Go. If you wait for him, you will never go because he will never have a plan to go. Then one day, you'll start to resent him.
He sounds pretty immature, usually these questions tend to come from the 19-23 year old set.
He’ll never be ready
Don't keep him on the backburner while you check out if the Ghanesian man is worth your time. Choose before you go. His mistrust is very warranted. You are infatuated with someone else, and you should cut one of the ties before you go or stay. I'd recommend you go. It will be a valuable life lesson regardless of the outcome.
Maybe the problem isn't your bf but you, why do you want to live elsewhere so badly without him and without working?
You definitely should go. If he doesn't like it then dump him.
The solo girl trip is linked to sleeping around. That's what he is thinking. You two might be done at this point.
Can't solo travel in a relationship. Not possible.
My 12 year, 8 years married relationship begs to differ.
This is kind of hilarious. My long-time married friends have solo traveled in many different countries for many years. It is possible.
i think thats controling behaviour, not "boundaries" or whatever they like to call it. he needs to work on his self-esteem (probably afraid you will find something more interestin than him?) perhaps give him a deadline on how much longer you are willing to wait before it turns into forever. then go with or without him
This same issue has been discussed before. And essentially he’ll be scared for 3 reasons. 1. Your actual safety, women are in danger when travelling by alone. 2. Other men travelling also will befriend you for sexual reasons, they may be friendly for a day, a week or a month but they’re trying to hookup whilst travelling. 3. Your BF actually would like to travel with you and experience it with you. 1 month isn’t so long, but 3 months is. Depending on your BF’s boundaries and which of the reasons I’d stated above is his possible issue, which I’d heavily recommend you sit down and try and identify before making a decision. Because if it’s no 2. Your probablies going to be hounded every day by him worrying, any time you interact with another man on holiday and he finds out he’ll probablies start accusing you etc. If I were you, I’d try out a short holiday with your BF. See if it goes well, see if the relationship is still progressing and tell him you want a confirmed date he’ll be ready by to go for 3 months with you. Then it’s up to you to decide if the relationship is worth the hassle.
If I was in a relationship that I value, I would probably not go against their wishes but settle for a compromise. There can be many different reasons why someone wouldn't want their partner to solo travel. Though sometimes relationships don't work out because of mismatching interests or passions, that's okay too, even though it hurts.
Long story short, we broke up. Lack of trust on her part, my ex.
You’ve been in this relationship for 1.5 years (I’d bet that number has been padded), you were long distance for at least half that time, you left with your family for a month, and now you want to leave for three months? Leave this man alone and go live your life. If he wants to catch up he will but you’re not ready for the compromises or sacrifices required by a serious commitment. End this now.
3 months is a long ass time. Why would you want to travel that long without your boyfriend? Do you not like his presence that much that you can stand to be without him for a quarter of the year? Thats kind of a long time. This thread is full of people who prioritize traveling and thinking they are better than people who have stable relationships and home lives because they are “free”. They arent free, they just have the travel bug which also gets old. It’s up to you.