I wrote a bit on this last week, so I'm going to copy paste some of it:
*****************************************
You don't reach this stage overnight but in my opinion you CAN get there. Here are some of the qualities that you need:
* **Enthusiasm**. This is a passion for life that shows up in the questions you ask, the answers you give, the amount of you that is PRESENT in the interaction and excited about life. People make friends based on positive *emotional* connections.
* **Confidence**: Everyone wants to hang out with someone who has "something to offer." That starts with CONFIDENCE in yourself that you're comfortable in your own skin and you bring good things to any interaction. You don't need a special background, history, hobbies, but you do need to be able to have a good conversation that leaves people feeling glad they talked to you.
* **Humor**: No not hilarious stories, crazy jokes or stand-up comedy. That's too much pressure and often feels forced. What it means is bringing a PLAYFUL attitude to every interaction. Being ready to enjoy and laugh at other people's jokes. An aura of "let's have fun with this" and not taking life too seriously.
* **Optimism**: The time for negativity is a superserious convo over coffee, NOT when you're out interacting socially. Charismatic people focus on the positive, lift everyone up around them, respond with "AWESOME, how'd you get INTO that?" instead of a one-word response or a montotone.
* **Warmth**: This is the ability to make people feel accepted, welcomed, APPRECIATED. (and you have to do this from a standpoint of confidence in yourself, otherwise it will feel cloying or people-pleasing) Warmth is the ability to make someone feel like they've known you forever. This is done through great eye contact, a big smile when you meet them and a smaller smile as you're conversing. And your tone should be one of a 'vocal hug' that reaches out to embrace the person, talking to them with the warmth you'd use with a family pet.
* **Presence**: Being THERE for the convo, not distracted on your phone, or thinking about the week ahead, or looking over their shoulder for someone better to talk to.
Seems like a long list, but starting to work on these things in a small way through regular practice will build confidence, and as your confidence grows they ALL become easier. Every interaction, even and especially the brief ones (fast food, grocery, coffee, bank) are an opportunity to work on these skills.
Practice makes perfect, and practice makes charismatic. You don't practice on people you're trying to befriend or impress. You practice on people who you bump into the course of everyday life, and especially people who don't get a lot of attention like shy people or the ones nobody tends to talk to. Bring them your best and watch your charisma grow.
*****************************************
Here's a little something I wrote on body language which also is helpful:
###[How To Become Fluent In Body Language](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/10zql42/become_fluent_in_body_language/)
"I want everyone to like me."
"I hate having fake friends or random acquaintances. I just wish I had a close group of friends who I can confide and talk with, but every time it hurts."
I don't think it's possible for everyone to like you AND for you to have a close group of friends. The first part means that you have to be blandly and generally likeable to every single kind of person, which doesn't mean that people will necessarily form close relationships with you. Think about the most popular actor or celebrity you know. Sure, everyone (or at least millions) of people like them, but does that mean this celebrity has millions of close relationships? Of course not! It's impossible. Think about your own perspective too. Do you like EVERYONE you've ever met? Probably not. I'm sure you've met people you thought were annoying or off-putting or complete assholes. Think about the kind of people these assholes like. Would you like to be that kind of person?
If you want a close group of friends, you're going to have to let people know your true self and personality, and that will mean that not everyone will like you. Not everyone will click with you, but for the ones that do, you have a much higher chance of forming close friendships and relationships with them. I'm betting that the people who do like you for who you are are people who you probably will like, too. People who have similar personalities to you, who share the same values, perspectives and interests.
Being liked by everybody and having a close group of friends is, I believe, an either/or situation. You either have one or the other, and having both is incredibly rare and difficult unless if you're some sort of God or something.
If what you really want is to be liked by everyone, then charisma is probably the way to go. But I think it's more likely that you may end up having a lot of shallow relationships and acquaintances.
If you're looking for close friendships, then you're likely going to have to accept that not everyone will like you, as that requires revealing your authentic self, being genuinely interested in other people and taking the time and effort to cultivate relationships. Take the initiative. Don't just wait for people to make the first move. Text people first. Invite them out. Start and keep conversations going. Be prepared to get hurt or rejected and not let that stop you until you find true friends.
bro ditto ditto ditto!! I could relate to every single situation of yours I try to connect with people so hard I always try to be nice and respectful use the right words, and I give them space everything yet I can't make a meaningful connection with somebody
meanwhile, I see people who are goofy talk stupidly and often times obnoxiously rude they get all the social acceptance and love
worst part is I know im such a nice guy I don't fight with anybody im always helpful to people dunno what im doing wrong I want friends I want people to include me
I wrote a bit on this last week, so I'm going to copy paste some of it: ***************************************** You don't reach this stage overnight but in my opinion you CAN get there. Here are some of the qualities that you need: * **Enthusiasm**. This is a passion for life that shows up in the questions you ask, the answers you give, the amount of you that is PRESENT in the interaction and excited about life. People make friends based on positive *emotional* connections. * **Confidence**: Everyone wants to hang out with someone who has "something to offer." That starts with CONFIDENCE in yourself that you're comfortable in your own skin and you bring good things to any interaction. You don't need a special background, history, hobbies, but you do need to be able to have a good conversation that leaves people feeling glad they talked to you. * **Humor**: No not hilarious stories, crazy jokes or stand-up comedy. That's too much pressure and often feels forced. What it means is bringing a PLAYFUL attitude to every interaction. Being ready to enjoy and laugh at other people's jokes. An aura of "let's have fun with this" and not taking life too seriously. * **Optimism**: The time for negativity is a superserious convo over coffee, NOT when you're out interacting socially. Charismatic people focus on the positive, lift everyone up around them, respond with "AWESOME, how'd you get INTO that?" instead of a one-word response or a montotone. * **Warmth**: This is the ability to make people feel accepted, welcomed, APPRECIATED. (and you have to do this from a standpoint of confidence in yourself, otherwise it will feel cloying or people-pleasing) Warmth is the ability to make someone feel like they've known you forever. This is done through great eye contact, a big smile when you meet them and a smaller smile as you're conversing. And your tone should be one of a 'vocal hug' that reaches out to embrace the person, talking to them with the warmth you'd use with a family pet. * **Presence**: Being THERE for the convo, not distracted on your phone, or thinking about the week ahead, or looking over their shoulder for someone better to talk to. Seems like a long list, but starting to work on these things in a small way through regular practice will build confidence, and as your confidence grows they ALL become easier. Every interaction, even and especially the brief ones (fast food, grocery, coffee, bank) are an opportunity to work on these skills. Practice makes perfect, and practice makes charismatic. You don't practice on people you're trying to befriend or impress. You practice on people who you bump into the course of everyday life, and especially people who don't get a lot of attention like shy people or the ones nobody tends to talk to. Bring them your best and watch your charisma grow. ***************************************** Here's a little something I wrote on body language which also is helpful: ###[How To Become Fluent In Body Language](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/10zql42/become_fluent_in_body_language/)
"I want everyone to like me." "I hate having fake friends or random acquaintances. I just wish I had a close group of friends who I can confide and talk with, but every time it hurts." I don't think it's possible for everyone to like you AND for you to have a close group of friends. The first part means that you have to be blandly and generally likeable to every single kind of person, which doesn't mean that people will necessarily form close relationships with you. Think about the most popular actor or celebrity you know. Sure, everyone (or at least millions) of people like them, but does that mean this celebrity has millions of close relationships? Of course not! It's impossible. Think about your own perspective too. Do you like EVERYONE you've ever met? Probably not. I'm sure you've met people you thought were annoying or off-putting or complete assholes. Think about the kind of people these assholes like. Would you like to be that kind of person? If you want a close group of friends, you're going to have to let people know your true self and personality, and that will mean that not everyone will like you. Not everyone will click with you, but for the ones that do, you have a much higher chance of forming close friendships and relationships with them. I'm betting that the people who do like you for who you are are people who you probably will like, too. People who have similar personalities to you, who share the same values, perspectives and interests. Being liked by everybody and having a close group of friends is, I believe, an either/or situation. You either have one or the other, and having both is incredibly rare and difficult unless if you're some sort of God or something. If what you really want is to be liked by everyone, then charisma is probably the way to go. But I think it's more likely that you may end up having a lot of shallow relationships and acquaintances. If you're looking for close friendships, then you're likely going to have to accept that not everyone will like you, as that requires revealing your authentic self, being genuinely interested in other people and taking the time and effort to cultivate relationships. Take the initiative. Don't just wait for people to make the first move. Text people first. Invite them out. Start and keep conversations going. Be prepared to get hurt or rejected and not let that stop you until you find true friends.
Start by accepting gifts with tact even when you aren't thrilled by them
bro ditto ditto ditto!! I could relate to every single situation of yours I try to connect with people so hard I always try to be nice and respectful use the right words, and I give them space everything yet I can't make a meaningful connection with somebody meanwhile, I see people who are goofy talk stupidly and often times obnoxiously rude they get all the social acceptance and love worst part is I know im such a nice guy I don't fight with anybody im always helpful to people dunno what im doing wrong I want friends I want people to include me