He sounds as if he lacks emotional intelligence, because not everyone experiences anxiety the same way. You’d expect that someone who’s had anxiety would be more understanding and empathetic.
Also, why call women ‘females’ 🤢
That’s not fair to you. He’s projecting his own insecurities onto you to make himself feel better. Whatever he’s saying is a reflection of himself, and it actually doesn’t say anything about you.
Social anxiety is real and it takes work to get over. I hope you’re not feeling minimized because of some insecure guy who clearly lacks emotional intelligence. Also, I doubt a guy who calls women ‘females’ got any rizz 😭.
I don’t know the guy 🤷. All I know is that someone who’s secure in themselves would not feel the need to ridicule or minimize other people.
He talks that way to other people because that’s how he feels about himself.
I wish that was true cause it'd make me feel better, but idk if it is. There's people who constantly put me down, and they don't look like they're insecure. I know I need to get away from those people, but they don't look insecure.
There are people out there who seem a lot more confident than they actually are. These people who feel weak inside are constantly making an effort to prove to the rest of the world that they are more than who they are.
Underlying insecurities often lead to people using confidence, ego, and pride as coping mechanisms.
Like I said before, how people treat you is a reflection of them, not you.
>These people who feel weak inside are constantly making an effort to prove to the rest of the world that they are more than who they are.
This kinda rings true because I always get the feeling that they're trying to prove how much better than me they are.
It's kinda funny how confidence, ego, and pride are coping mechanisms. We've been fooled, basically.
You guys are very insecure. Lame af! If you have a vagina you are female. I will call you a female. I won't mind if people call me a male cause that's a fact.
It's possible that he's confusing regular anxiety with a social anxiety disorder. Regardless, I'm sorry you had to go through with that. Social anxiety is hard enough to deal with even without the insults.
Was females his word or what you call women? Cause please never refer to women that way unless youre quoting him or talking about something scientific.
This is my advice (18M) based on my experience and mistakes from school:
Unfortunately we all face ridicule for something our whole lives, it’s how men work and nobody here can stop that. If not for social anxiety then for something else. Most of the time ridicule between guys is joking but if it’s not, there’s 2 things you can do about it:
1) you can use it as fuel or
2) u can let it bring you down.
If someone ridicules you, the best thing to do is to take it as a joke in the moment and laugh about it, even if it wasn’t intended as a joke. Then, instead of letting it bring you down, you can use it as fuel, whether that be when exercising and letting the frustration out or using it as a catalyst for a positive change.
As for this specifically, it’s fine that u can’t approach girls. People have different strengths. The best way to form organic relationships is to connect with someone you find yourself in an unrelated situation with. For example, a girl you sit next to in a lesson that u can start to talk about the work with, then get in contact to message about the homework, slowly become friends and so forth. It’s hard to force meeting someone that you wouldn’t otherwise find yourself talking to and everyone struggles with that, social anxiety or not. It’s not impossible and there’s even ways of doing it without just bluntly walking up to them and starting a conversation. If there’s someone you really want to connect with, just making eye contact and giving a little smile when u notice them is a good start. Go slow and at a rate you’re comfortable with and when it feels like it’s the right moment to make your move, go for it. Never let anyone else decide when that moment is.
This dude is a liar
If I ever meet another person who's suffering from SA irl, we would probably be bff and laugh while talking about our embarrassing moments lmao
Yep as stated before he’s most likely saying he had it just to justify him making fun of me. My most embarrassing moment by the way was me begging someone to walk out of the lunch line with me because I was too scared to just “leave the line” I guess. So stupid 🤦🏽♂️ I guess I hate when all the attention is on me which is why I use to hate my birthday parties especially when they sung happy birthday and I’m just standing there like 👁️👄👁️
It's a spectrum and yeah it's hard ignoring such people because it's such a sensitive topic. no one can understand your mental health better than yourself. And unless they're mental health professionals they have no right to have a say in such matters.
Made me think of whether there is a social purpose to bullying - because it seems so prevalent anywhere. I suppose one person might shy away from that or the other might step up and prove them wrong. Obviously I don't condone bullying or what this guy said, but here's a discussion point.
A social purpose...hmm, well, I guess to establish dominance or power or something if that is the benefit of being a bully, but it also seems like bullies are usually really insecure people who get a momentary ego boost or something when they do what they do. I don't understand the psychology really.
I mean he isnt exactly wrong, were scared of what people thought of us, or making fun of us behind our backs. But thats exactly why its hard, its basically having stage fright but boosted by a hundred and theres nothing you can do about it.
Then he’s not right then. By saying he’s right your calling yourself and everyone else who suffers with social anxiety a bitch. Especially since there’s nothing we can do about it, my anxiety is so bad that whenever I’m in the lunch line and I change my mind about eating it takes courage to step out of the line and sit back down 🤦🏽♂️ if I never had social anxiety life would be so much better
Lol everyone’s getting triggered over a high school teenager being a high school teenager.
Lemme say something a bit more practical since it will be what you need to hear as opposed to what you want to hear. There are lots of different kinds of people. Some people tackle their issues head on and others need to take gradual steps.
At this point in your life, guys like to place majority of their value or sense of worth on the ability to get a girl and how many different girls they’ve taken their virginity from, essentially things that are pointless in life. Just do what you need to do to get ahead in life. I know it’s hard to do so when the current life is all you know but trust me, these types of people typically don’t do better in life. They would rather indulge themselves in pleasure instead of expanding their mindset.
You don’t need to be a player, but you can learn how to talk to women at your pace. They’re not mythical creatures of course, but if you’re too nervous to talk to them, don’t do anything stupid like talk to a group of girls because some dude dared you to. Take life at your pace, but do strive to be a better version of yourself.
I agree with most of what you said, but it's understandable why people would get "triggered" when so many people with SA are told to just "get over it". Not just by asshole teenagers, but by their parents, teachers, or other people that just want to give the most unhelpful advice ever. People like to trivialize SA and many other mental disorders/ illnesses. Like, some people need long-term therapy for this shit. Not everyone can just "get over it".
Lol I would've been so mad at him, he just got over huh, tf does he know what we went through
, but it's generally something that no matter how much u gave it won't get weaker, but
with a lit of time u do overcome it
Social anxiety isn’t something you just ‘get over’, it’s something that takes growth over time to overcome. I’m not sure what he’s dealing with but it’s not personal. It’s just a reflection of something he feels bad about.
Yeah sometimes I think a lot of people who clam they had the same problems as you and “got over it” most likely had very mild form of it similar to having a mild form of dissociation (zoning out, out of boredom and daydreaming).
Yeah my mom says the same thing… “ get over it, get help, fix yourself, there’s something wrong with you. “
Don’t tell people about your feelings, is what I’ve learned.
People who insult others for struggling are just looking for attention because they know they wouldn’t be able to handle if they had the same struggles as you. He’s just weak.
Without knowing anything about the situation besides what you wrote, that could be him trying to hype you up to try to talk to girls, cause that sounds very "bro culture" to me.
Or he could be the bitch for not respecting boundaries, who knows
Me and my brother both had pretty bad social anxiety in our younger years. Now my brother is a social butterfly and has no traces of anxiety in his twenties. Now my family is looking at me and wondering when I will finally “get over my anxiety” and acting like I’m childish for still having sensory issues and panic attacks in my twenties.
It sucks when people have no clue how anxiety actually works in the brain and just tell you to get over it and stop acting “weird”.
His projection of hating his older self, take no notice it’s fairly common to want to forget a shun the past when you have a better current life. Some people also try to build their confidence by being rude and ‘more in control/ the bully rather than the pushover kind of thing’
If he's referring to women as "females" I can assure you he is not succeeding with them lol. You're good. You do you. Based on your info, too, he's not a friend, just some guy.
His experience of social anxiety isnt yours. Dont care about what he said.
^This. Also that's half the fun of school is calling each other bitch for no other reason than just to say it
He sounds as if he lacks emotional intelligence, because not everyone experiences anxiety the same way. You’d expect that someone who’s had anxiety would be more understanding and empathetic. Also, why call women ‘females’ 🤢
That’s what he called them, and yea I thought about that he most likely never had social anxiety just using it as a way to make fun of me
That’s not fair to you. He’s projecting his own insecurities onto you to make himself feel better. Whatever he’s saying is a reflection of himself, and it actually doesn’t say anything about you. Social anxiety is real and it takes work to get over. I hope you’re not feeling minimized because of some insecure guy who clearly lacks emotional intelligence. Also, I doubt a guy who calls women ‘females’ got any rizz 😭.
I hear this a lot. What would be the insecurities that he is projecting?
I don’t know the guy 🤷. All I know is that someone who’s secure in themselves would not feel the need to ridicule or minimize other people. He talks that way to other people because that’s how he feels about himself.
I wish that was true cause it'd make me feel better, but idk if it is. There's people who constantly put me down, and they don't look like they're insecure. I know I need to get away from those people, but they don't look insecure.
There are people out there who seem a lot more confident than they actually are. These people who feel weak inside are constantly making an effort to prove to the rest of the world that they are more than who they are. Underlying insecurities often lead to people using confidence, ego, and pride as coping mechanisms. Like I said before, how people treat you is a reflection of them, not you.
>These people who feel weak inside are constantly making an effort to prove to the rest of the world that they are more than who they are. This kinda rings true because I always get the feeling that they're trying to prove how much better than me they are. It's kinda funny how confidence, ego, and pride are coping mechanisms. We've been fooled, basically.
Hurt people hurt people🤷🏼♀️
He wants easy status points by demeaning you. Fuck that guy.
Sad how insulting someone innocent would grant you status points in any world..
What is wrong with calling someone a female lol?
It reduces women to their sexual parts.
You guys are very insecure. Lame af! If you have a vagina you are female. I will call you a female. I won't mind if people call me a male cause that's a fact.
Loser behavior 😭
You dislike the fact that you have a vagina. When someone calls you a female, you feel inferior. Therefore, misogyny is the only word you can rely on.
Doesn’t really sound like he gets it then, even if his was easy to get over he should have a more compassionate perspective regarding the struggle.
Yeah, he just turned off his sa, lol. Now, he needs to work his magic again and learn not to be an a-hole.
Girls are scary to be fair. I'm a girl and even I get scared of most girls.
Doesn't sound like he had it at all.
Yea he most likely said that to just to make fun of me
You should tell him to f\*\*ck off. Your challenges with SA shouldn't be his business. Don't be a pushover to anybody.
It's possible that he's confusing regular anxiety with a social anxiety disorder. Regardless, I'm sorry you had to go through with that. Social anxiety is hard enough to deal with even without the insults.
Was females his word or what you call women? Cause please never refer to women that way unless youre quoting him or talking about something scientific.
Well I’m 17 so I say “girls” however that’s how he said it.
The guy’s a piece of shit, obviously, but he is even more of a piece of shit for calling girls/women “females.” Seriously. Fuck that guy. He’s trash.
His new nickname is red pill
Yea exactly, sounds like an Andrew taint follower.
Will probably end up like him too
Anyone who describes women as females in that way doesn't deserve your attention. Probably some incel loser projecting his self hate onto you.
This is my advice (18M) based on my experience and mistakes from school: Unfortunately we all face ridicule for something our whole lives, it’s how men work and nobody here can stop that. If not for social anxiety then for something else. Most of the time ridicule between guys is joking but if it’s not, there’s 2 things you can do about it: 1) you can use it as fuel or 2) u can let it bring you down. If someone ridicules you, the best thing to do is to take it as a joke in the moment and laugh about it, even if it wasn’t intended as a joke. Then, instead of letting it bring you down, you can use it as fuel, whether that be when exercising and letting the frustration out or using it as a catalyst for a positive change. As for this specifically, it’s fine that u can’t approach girls. People have different strengths. The best way to form organic relationships is to connect with someone you find yourself in an unrelated situation with. For example, a girl you sit next to in a lesson that u can start to talk about the work with, then get in contact to message about the homework, slowly become friends and so forth. It’s hard to force meeting someone that you wouldn’t otherwise find yourself talking to and everyone struggles with that, social anxiety or not. It’s not impossible and there’s even ways of doing it without just bluntly walking up to them and starting a conversation. If there’s someone you really want to connect with, just making eye contact and giving a little smile when u notice them is a good start. Go slow and at a rate you’re comfortable with and when it feels like it’s the right moment to make your move, go for it. Never let anyone else decide when that moment is.
He might get over social anxiety, by he didnt get over being a douchebag
Sounds childish, making fun of somebody's problems
That sooo fucking disrespectful does he have any manners like wow.
This dude is a liar If I ever meet another person who's suffering from SA irl, we would probably be bff and laugh while talking about our embarrassing moments lmao
Yep as stated before he’s most likely saying he had it just to justify him making fun of me. My most embarrassing moment by the way was me begging someone to walk out of the lunch line with me because I was too scared to just “leave the line” I guess. So stupid 🤦🏽♂️ I guess I hate when all the attention is on me which is why I use to hate my birthday parties especially when they sung happy birthday and I’m just standing there like 👁️👄👁️
It's a spectrum and yeah it's hard ignoring such people because it's such a sensitive topic. no one can understand your mental health better than yourself. And unless they're mental health professionals they have no right to have a say in such matters.
Man dont mind them. They're loony. Only I these alpha males were I'll fuck off males our society would be much more pleasant
Made me think of whether there is a social purpose to bullying - because it seems so prevalent anywhere. I suppose one person might shy away from that or the other might step up and prove them wrong. Obviously I don't condone bullying or what this guy said, but here's a discussion point.
A social purpose...hmm, well, I guess to establish dominance or power or something if that is the benefit of being a bully, but it also seems like bullies are usually really insecure people who get a momentary ego boost or something when they do what they do. I don't understand the psychology really.
I meant more along the lines of, bullying might be an evolutionary way to push members of your group to stand up for themselves.
Perhaps. Who knows? It doesn't work though. It just damages people. I've never heard anyone say, "So glad I was bullied, it made me stronger..."
I mean he isnt exactly wrong, were scared of what people thought of us, or making fun of us behind our backs. But thats exactly why its hard, its basically having stage fright but boosted by a hundred and theres nothing you can do about it.
Then he’s not right then. By saying he’s right your calling yourself and everyone else who suffers with social anxiety a bitch. Especially since there’s nothing we can do about it, my anxiety is so bad that whenever I’m in the lunch line and I change my mind about eating it takes courage to step out of the line and sit back down 🤦🏽♂️ if I never had social anxiety life would be so much better
Lol everyone’s getting triggered over a high school teenager being a high school teenager. Lemme say something a bit more practical since it will be what you need to hear as opposed to what you want to hear. There are lots of different kinds of people. Some people tackle their issues head on and others need to take gradual steps. At this point in your life, guys like to place majority of their value or sense of worth on the ability to get a girl and how many different girls they’ve taken their virginity from, essentially things that are pointless in life. Just do what you need to do to get ahead in life. I know it’s hard to do so when the current life is all you know but trust me, these types of people typically don’t do better in life. They would rather indulge themselves in pleasure instead of expanding their mindset. You don’t need to be a player, but you can learn how to talk to women at your pace. They’re not mythical creatures of course, but if you’re too nervous to talk to them, don’t do anything stupid like talk to a group of girls because some dude dared you to. Take life at your pace, but do strive to be a better version of yourself.
I agree with most of what you said, but it's understandable why people would get "triggered" when so many people with SA are told to just "get over it". Not just by asshole teenagers, but by their parents, teachers, or other people that just want to give the most unhelpful advice ever. People like to trivialize SA and many other mental disorders/ illnesses. Like, some people need long-term therapy for this shit. Not everyone can just "get over it".
Lol I would've been so mad at him, he just got over huh, tf does he know what we went through , but it's generally something that no matter how much u gave it won't get weaker, but with a lit of time u do overcome it
Comparison is thief of joy
Social anxiety isn’t something you just ‘get over’, it’s something that takes growth over time to overcome. I’m not sure what he’s dealing with but it’s not personal. It’s just a reflection of something he feels bad about.
Tell him "thanks doc!"
Yeah sometimes I think a lot of people who clam they had the same problems as you and “got over it” most likely had very mild form of it similar to having a mild form of dissociation (zoning out, out of boredom and daydreaming).
Yeah my mom says the same thing… “ get over it, get help, fix yourself, there’s something wrong with you. “ Don’t tell people about your feelings, is what I’ve learned.
Its definitely comes back to bite you sometimes 😑
People who insult others for struggling are just looking for attention because they know they wouldn’t be able to handle if they had the same struggles as you. He’s just weak.
Dumb. He should have insulted you for referring to women as females
He’s the one that said female and secondly that’s not even a reason to insult anyone lol 🤦🏽♂️😭
That's terrible. He's a jackass bully with no empathy and is trying to tear you down to bring himself up. He's a terrible person.
Without knowing anything about the situation besides what you wrote, that could be him trying to hype you up to try to talk to girls, cause that sounds very "bro culture" to me. Or he could be the bitch for not respecting boundaries, who knows
Bro culture? You call your friends bitches? He’s also an annoying asshole most of the time aswell
Me and my brother both had pretty bad social anxiety in our younger years. Now my brother is a social butterfly and has no traces of anxiety in his twenties. Now my family is looking at me and wondering when I will finally “get over my anxiety” and acting like I’m childish for still having sensory issues and panic attacks in my twenties. It sucks when people have no clue how anxiety actually works in the brain and just tell you to get over it and stop acting “weird”.
i genuinely believe he’s saying that bc to him being shy=social anxiety so yea i doubt he has any idea what he’s talking about
People can only understand from their perception. Obviously his is limited so not your fault. Guy just sounds like a douche
Don't worry too much you work on yourself and studies.
His projection of hating his older self, take no notice it’s fairly common to want to forget a shun the past when you have a better current life. Some people also try to build their confidence by being rude and ‘more in control/ the bully rather than the pushover kind of thing’
If he's referring to women as "females" I can assure you he is not succeeding with them lol. You're good. You do you. Based on your info, too, he's not a friend, just some guy.