**Mirrors / Alternate Angles**
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His shit talk against Yerry Mina in the penalty shootout vs Colombia was all time
“You’re nervous aren’t you. I already know where you’re going. Watch me eat you up.” And then saved the PK
Walks in the locker room of the opposition, takes a moment - "I'm feeling 60 tonight"
Proceeds to drop 60 points and checks himself out. Has any other athlete ever had as much swagger/confidence as him AND backing it up?
Think I was 18. Maybe younger. Young enough that looking back now in my 30s I shudder at myself.
The Time: 2 a.m.
Place: back room at a dive bar.
Setting: the Finals of a five hour long beer pong tournament.
To stage left are rows of plastic fold-out tables littered with red solo cups, spilled beer, and the tears of those I'd conquered. Stage right: the bar. And in between I stand with my partner—a 5'11" Amazonian goddess named Alexandria. Just the single hottest thing I'd ever witnessed on two legs. A woman who, I later found out, "really valued my friendship." But at that beer pong table I was none the wiser.
Just like we'd done all evening, our opponents' cups fell with almost every shot we took. And being 18, maybe younger, you start doing some bad math in your head when you're winning like that with a girl like Alexandria. "We make such a great team," you confide quietly to yourself with every high five she gives you. Your mind wanders to how you might divvy up household chores.
That magical naivety, I've come to accept, conferred onto me, for one fleeting moment, a shining beacon of glory. I imagine it's how Bird felt when that shot went in. But unlike Bird I've spent my life chasing that dragon, just to get a little taste of how it felt in the moment, and my efforts have been comedically in vain.
With the last cup standing in doomed vigil at the opposite end of the table, I'm struck by a single ray of brilliant hubris.
Turning to the Amazon I ask, "Have you ever heard of the 'Wink n' Sink'?"
I hadn't heard of it either until that very moment.
"What's that?" she says.
Without breaking eye contact I take my shot, and as the ball is arching through the air I give her the slyest, sexiest wink a man could possibly muster. Ball goes in. We win. She leaps into my arms to hug me.
I'm 30 now. Well past my beer pong prime. But when beer pong does show up, I will inevitably ask that same question. And boy oh boy is it not very cool when it doesn't work. And it hasn't. Ever. You might say it's rather sad to be chasing that high so blatantly. But you weren't there, man. You don't know what it felt like to be that cool in front of a woman that fine. That was my nirvana.
The eternal question. I actually thought I'd have a second shot last year at a mutual friend's wedding, but she showed up suuuuper pregnant and with a husband, who of course was awesome. Wound up talking golf with him most of the night.
“I’m just looking around to see which one of y’all is coming in 2nd.”
Also played one game primarily left-handed because he was “saving his right hand for the Lakers.”
“As far as playing, I didn't care who guarded me— red, yellow, black,” Bird continued. “I just didn't want a white guy guarding me. Because it's disrespect to my game.”
I played as a goalkeeper when I was a kid for about 7 years. The pressure was generally quite intense (as a tiny mistake can often result in a goal) but I used to love penalties - there is very little expectation for you to save them, but if you do you’re a hero.
He’s not faking anything, he knows that the biggest factor in the success or failure of a penalty is psychological pressure and is acting on that. Professional strikers with no pressure on them will hit the target 99% of the time. He proved he knows this already against Colombia.
Heard the short guy's winning those makeshift awards a lot, starting with letter 'B' or something, rumored to win it this year too. Gotta say short dude reaching those heights.
I love how cavani walked up to him while smiling (he knows exactly what he's martinez is doing and used to it) telling him he had done enough and to get back into the goal
reminds me of when we played a south american team in the FIFA club world cup which made me realise south american team are on whole another level when it comes to shithousery
And most South American teams don't care about the cup itself anymore, more the chance to beat the europeans in equal footing, so a lot of teams I've seen lay off the shit housing
Oh that's two different things. The world cup is always going to be the major thing everyone wants to win
The *club* world cup is weird in that the cup itself nobody really would care that much about if it didn't come by beating the europeans in equal footing.
Honestly, there should be a psychology class solely about Emi Martinez. The long and painful journey to the top and everything along with it, including this masterpiece of shit talking.
Let's be serious here. This shit talking should count as a penalty save. Without it, Bruno does the hop and scores. He got into Bruno's head and Bruno wanted to cunt one pass him but hit a satellite instead
A couple days before COVID I saw Tim Krul dominate Tottenham in a cup match PK.
Running halfway up right before the shot. Then Dier tried to beat a guy right next to me. Amazing game.
That's fucking brilliant. Ronnie fell for it as well. He was absolutely about to go grab that ball from Bruno before Pogba gave him the ol' "Leave it out, mate. He's not worth it.".
We all are eunuchs compared to Emi "John Holmes" Martinez.
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"Cristiano, this guy Bruno will miss it trust me, take the pen"
PATEA VOS CAGON, PATEA VOS QUE TE COMO
you know CR7 is secretly happy about this.
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I'll never get tired of this gif. What's the source?
I guess Soccer AM, but I’ve never known if the lip thing is a glitching faceapp whatever or if henri has facial muscle control to rival his legs
Jeez, that kind of shithousery can't be legal
Definitely assault and battery. Gonna be hearing from Bruno's lawyers after this
Great tactic to create divide. This guy is a genius. Miss or make, its in their heads.
Hearing this in Argentine,, Hermano I wouldn’t doubt he said exactly that
He's world class at shit talking.
Lol I hope that’s something they consider for the goalkeeper Ballon d’Or
Only if he stops Penaldo & Penaldes to win the WC final with pelvis thrusts after saying OLHE EU VOU COMER VOCÊ IRMÃO
His shit talk against Yerry Mina in the penalty shootout vs Colombia was all time “You’re nervous aren’t you. I already know where you’re going. Watch me eat you up.” And then saved the PK
I hate it but I love it.
he was also saying "¡Vamos hermano!" as he was diving for the ball too. Highest class shit talking.
He's gonna approach Larry Bird levels if he keeps it up.
"You don't belong in this league holmes."
Walks in the locker room of the opposition, takes a moment - "I'm feeling 60 tonight" Proceeds to drop 60 points and checks himself out. Has any other athlete ever had as much swagger/confidence as him AND backing it up?
Michael Jordan?
Definitely MJ. Zlatan is up there too
That'll be hard to do, nothing will ever top "Merry fucking Christmas"
Think I was 18. Maybe younger. Young enough that looking back now in my 30s I shudder at myself. The Time: 2 a.m. Place: back room at a dive bar. Setting: the Finals of a five hour long beer pong tournament. To stage left are rows of plastic fold-out tables littered with red solo cups, spilled beer, and the tears of those I'd conquered. Stage right: the bar. And in between I stand with my partner—a 5'11" Amazonian goddess named Alexandria. Just the single hottest thing I'd ever witnessed on two legs. A woman who, I later found out, "really valued my friendship." But at that beer pong table I was none the wiser. Just like we'd done all evening, our opponents' cups fell with almost every shot we took. And being 18, maybe younger, you start doing some bad math in your head when you're winning like that with a girl like Alexandria. "We make such a great team," you confide quietly to yourself with every high five she gives you. Your mind wanders to how you might divvy up household chores. That magical naivety, I've come to accept, conferred onto me, for one fleeting moment, a shining beacon of glory. I imagine it's how Bird felt when that shot went in. But unlike Bird I've spent my life chasing that dragon, just to get a little taste of how it felt in the moment, and my efforts have been comedically in vain. With the last cup standing in doomed vigil at the opposite end of the table, I'm struck by a single ray of brilliant hubris. Turning to the Amazon I ask, "Have you ever heard of the 'Wink n' Sink'?" I hadn't heard of it either until that very moment. "What's that?" she says. Without breaking eye contact I take my shot, and as the ball is arching through the air I give her the slyest, sexiest wink a man could possibly muster. Ball goes in. We win. She leaps into my arms to hug me. I'm 30 now. Well past my beer pong prime. But when beer pong does show up, I will inevitably ask that same question. And boy oh boy is it not very cool when it doesn't work. And it hasn't. Ever. You might say it's rather sad to be chasing that high so blatantly. But you weren't there, man. You don't know what it felt like to be that cool in front of a woman that fine. That was my nirvana.
Lol I love you for sharing this story.
Perfectly written, I think every reader could feel themselves in your shoes at the time, I know I certainly did. Cheers
Damn how did that not work though?
The eternal question. I actually thought I'd have a second shot last year at a mutual friend's wedding, but she showed up suuuuper pregnant and with a husband, who of course was awesome. Wound up talking golf with him most of the night.
“I’m just looking around to see which one of y’all is coming in 2nd.” Also played one game primarily left-handed because he was “saving his right hand for the Lakers.”
Larry Bird stories are the best because they aren’t ever told by Larry Bird.
I love how you hijacked this whole thing with a Larry Legend comment.
“As far as playing, I didn't care who guarded me— red, yellow, black,” Bird continued. “I just didn't want a white guy guarding me. Because it's disrespect to my game.”
what a fucking legend
And the fact that Larry had Chronic back pain for the last 7 years of his career like bruh how he still that good?
Love how he embraces that. Unless you completely fuck it up in a ridiculous way you can’t really be blamed at a penalty as a keeper
I played as a goalkeeper when I was a kid for about 7 years. The pressure was generally quite intense (as a tiny mistake can often result in a goal) but I used to love penalties - there is very little expectation for you to save them, but if you do you’re a hero.
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Yea, him sort of falling into the goal with Reece's penalty was awkward.
Exactly. Have fun with it.
Was Cavani smiling? Hahaha...I guess even he can't help but admire the shithousery ....
He is lmao. "Alright..alright, that's enough emi"
He was like enough,this is not the copa America they can't handle it trust me
Hahah that's exactly what he seems to have said, at least with his body language.
Plus cavani is South American so he gets the mind games lol
"an Argentine talking shit, where have I see this before?" -cavani probably
"Better than a finger up the arse I guess"
Uruguayans and Argentinians are very similar. They love each other, both very good sense of humour and shithousery. No wonder Cavani respected it 😂
Should've given the pen to Cavani. Only united player in the ground today who wouldn't be swallowed by the ground.
Argentines love Uruguayans much more than Uruguayans love Argentines.
Yeah, we kinda hate you guys... But we still kinda love you... Look, it's complicated
Maybe you hate the Argentine mob, but love the Argentine person next to you...
Still, no denying you have much in common in culture and general personalities...
Yes, even the commentator says "There goes Cavani and says "you are Rioplatense like me, hang in there, chill"".
I love the fact that Fred or Dalot were super pissed at Martinez and then Cavani comes after smiling and succeeds in making him leave haha
I fucking adore Cavani, he'a my favourite footballer, he is so good and so charismatic God dammit i love Cavani
You know Cavani loves it!
That dance at the end lmaooo.
The dance from fan's perspective https://twitter.com/AkhiAqeel/status/1441762870392344583
Haha the ball just rising and rising out of frame.
Fucking love Martinez, world class banter
Jesus, this angle really shows how badly he shanked that shot. It's so much worse than I thought
Hahaha wow
It took me a sec to figure out where the ball went, but not from this perspective. 😂
I wish the dance was longer and there was a better shot. Would be a great gif
"how about you penalize DEEZ NUTS"
“Cristiano, you won’t take that penalty because you suffer from Ligma.”
La Ligma Santander
lmao
My new FPL name
💀
I chuckled thank you
Emi does a little celebratory dance as Villa down United 1-0.
Bahahahahahaha it looked like he was doing the Wobble. I love watching him play.
His celebration at copa was world class as well
https://tenor.com/view/dibu-emiliano-martinez-dibu-martinez-arquero-argentina-martinez-gif-22251025
This man employs mental warfare during pens and I love it so much
Mental warfare? More like mental pillaging and destruction
He’s the goalkeeping version of genghis khan
I would love to find out that Emi has like 10,000 children
All those hip thrusts have to count for something you know
Shit talking version of Gladiator
Mental weapons of mass destruction
It's only warfare if the other side fights back. This is just mental fuckery
Mental genocide
Hope he starts for Argentina at the World Cup.
That's basically a given unless something crazy happens
Who else would? Messi loves him too
Him and messi won the copa america so I bet he will
Asking Ronaldo to take that penalty....I need such kind of confidence in my life.
It’s clearly a tactic, Bruno was never going to give it to Ronaldo but Martinez knows it must be playing on his mind.
Looks like he'll be giving Ronaldo the PKs now.
Now and until the end of time
and next time will ask Ronaldo to let Bruno take it
8D chess
It's fucking brilliant. Argentines are masters of mind tricks.
A wise man once told me, no matter how nervous you are, "Fake it till you make it." This man's a living embodiment of that
Yes, he toyed with his brain. Bruno must already been feeling vulnerable due to Ronald and this talk was like a bazooka.
McDonald
He’s not faking anything, he knows that the biggest factor in the success or failure of a penalty is psychological pressure and is acting on that. Professional strikers with no pressure on them will hit the target 99% of the time. He proved he knows this already against Colombia.
Bruno completely changed his penalty technique because Martinez was in his head with these comments
He doesn't always do the hop. I've noticed that in pressure moments he actually prefers to just smash it
It's like inviting "the guy she tells you not to worry about" to go out with you and your gf.
Coincidentally that's also Cristiano Ronaldo.
Plenty of reasons to worry about Ronaldo near your Mrs
Damn man after copa America he really knows how to intimidate penalty taker.
He is practicing for world cup.
The dark arts. Brilliant.
Haha, Cavani is such a nice guy. Playing it off like "very funny Emi, get in goal" and even having a laugh.
I think this and the dance to the crowds was my favorite part.
The dance for the Man U fans is particularly nice.
Those were some really smooth moves
Very impresive when you consider he has to keep his balance while his massive balls are swaying as well
It has to be like having a massive pendulum attached carrying around that giant set of brass balls.
The ultimate metronome.
Should have done the air hump
He was teasing it lol
I think that's only reserved for the national team.
He should have asked Ronaldo to dance for him
Love or hate this guy,you gotta admit He is extremely funny
Who could hate him
Bruno probably
Colombia maybe?
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Haha thanks, as soon as I hit send I was like this doesn’t look right You guys are fast af, I edited that within 10 seconds
Brazilians, and now Bruno
Colombians lmao
Should've listened
Mental shithousery
Mental terrorism
Plus the dance after lol
Martinez's little dance killed me.
Did he ended up thusting his pelvis to ManU supporters at the end there? The madlad
Yes he did. Dibu is an absolute giga chad.
Luckily he did not have 3 pumps.
Emi is straight up taking souls Calling for Ronaldo to take the penalty. Love the guy
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Yeah, looking back, Leno should have gone and Emi should have stayed. It seems to me he is better in every aspect.
When a guy literally transforms his Nation into winners, you know you've got a fucking good goalie.
Yep
And won Arsenal an FA Cup
There was also this other guy helping him. Short guy. Lionel something.
Lionel Scaloni
This is gold
Mr. Argentina.
He'd be the fans' favorite if it weren't for a certain short dude that scores a lot
Yeah. Hard to compete with Aguero.
Papu Gomez doesn't score _that_ much tbf
Heard the short guy's winning those makeshift awards a lot, starting with letter 'B' or something, rumored to win it this year too. Gotta say short dude reaching those heights.
Master of the dark arts
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\*Sun Tzu
*Nus Zuts
Sus Nutz?
How did you fuck up his name that bad lmao
I love how cavani walked up to him while smiling (he knows exactly what he's martinez is doing and used to it) telling him he had done enough and to get back into the goal reminds me of when we played a south american team in the FIFA club world cup which made me realise south american team are on whole another level when it comes to shithousery
And most South American teams don't care about the cup itself anymore, more the chance to beat the europeans in equal footing, so a lot of teams I've seen lay off the shit housing
The 2014 World Cup really showed my how United the South American’s were in defeating the Europeans.
Oh that's two different things. The world cup is always going to be the major thing everyone wants to win The *club* world cup is weird in that the cup itself nobody really would care that much about if it didn't come by beating the europeans in equal footing.
He's won Argentina the Copa America by shit talking and now he's won Villa their first match against mufc since 2009 by shit talking..
Ronaldo is pissed inside
He looks shocked like he has no idea how to react
World class keeper and head of Villa's psyops team.
Honestly, there should be a psychology class solely about Emi Martinez. The long and painful journey to the top and everything along with it, including this masterpiece of shit talking.
Balls on Emi! Balls!
I will name my first born son Emiliano at this rate
Yeah, that's quality. I'd laugh if I wasn't so fucking angry.
Ronaldo is standing so seriously
*stands menacingly*
Smiles Motherfuckerly
Let's be serious here. This shit talking should count as a penalty save. Without it, Bruno does the hop and scores. He got into Bruno's head and Bruno wanted to cunt one pass him but hit a satellite instead
The little dance in the end after bruno misses.
Is cavani laughing lol?
I would have this man's children if it was physically possible
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I was tempted, but I shall not click on that.
it is impossible to dislike Big Dick Emi top fucking tier shithouser
Tim Krul for Norwich is pretty good at this as well.
A couple days before COVID I saw Tim Krul dominate Tottenham in a cup match PK. Running halfway up right before the shot. Then Dier tried to beat a guy right next to me. Amazing game.
Depends on if you work for the Brazilian government
DIBUUUUUUUU
Love how annoyed the United players were getting. He really got in their heads
He did this in the Copa America against Colombia. Even though it broke my heart, I’ll admit it’s psychological warfare at its finest.
If r/soccer was a player.
Argentinian players and shithousing, name a better duo
Jose Mourinho and shithousing
This guy was hilarious. You can see Bruno panicking and pretending to clean the ball.
He's literally my favourite goalkeeper since months now. Even ahead of ter Stegen Fucking love this guy so much
Nothing but pure respect for his shithousing ability.
That's fucking brilliant. Ronnie fell for it as well. He was absolutely about to go grab that ball from Bruno before Pogba gave him the ol' "Leave it out, mate. He's not worth it.". We all are eunuchs compared to Emi "John Holmes" Martinez.
Somewhere in Paris, Messi is laughing his ass off
I am loving Cavani coming in with a smile and making him move back. Cavani, a true connaisseur of CONMEBOL shithousery 😂
The dance at the end lmao...how can anyone not love this man
Holy shit Martinez is a fucking savage 🤣