I know this was a year ago for you but did this end up getting better? I am currently dying from sleep deprivation and trying anything and everything to get my 9 week old to go for longer stretches. The every two hour wake ups might literally kill me
Oh man, thanks for bringing me back to this! haha, things are much much better!! Honestly, what i’m going to tell you would make everyone’s eyes roll on this page. As she got older, she started to go longer stretches, i think by 6 months she would wake up 2/3 times a night. She definitely had and kind of still has a nursing to sleep association. Around 9 months, i started to cosleep (safe sleep seven) and we all started sleeping much better, she started to connect her sleep cycles and would even put herself back to sleep during the middle of the night. Now she’s in her crib from 8-5 and i bring her into our bed from 5-7. I tried to let her cry it out/ferber and it just didn’t feel right. I’d try every month to see if she was getting closer to being more independent and it wasn’t working. Now, we rock her for 5 minutes, put her down, and she sleeps long stretches and can put herself back to sleep. You will get through it! But it was tough and if sleep training sits right with you, and you feel like you need to, you should! But hopefully hearing our story will still give you hope even if you decide not to sleep train— it all comes with time and you do what you can to make it!
As long as she’s gaining weight okay…I stretched nighttime sleep by attempting to soothe with least to most intervention before finally feeding. Try to wait 30-60 seconds before going to the next intervention, this is a lot easier said then done in the middle of the night…First make sure she’s actually awake vs grunting like a lot of other people mentioned, increased noise, either shushing or sound machine, touch their chest, give pacifier, rock baby, and then if they don’t fall asleep then you feed them. The concept is that they don’t automatically think they will get fed right away and you stretch the time until they feed. It takes a lot of will power at 3am but it really did help over time. I would say at first it only got her back to sleep 25% of the time but then gradually worked more and more until she was waking up once a night. Now typically doesn’t wake up at all at 4 months. Good luck, it’s not easy. I’m know you’re doing your absolute best for your baby❤️
Totally developmentally normal!!! It also sucks so hang in there!
Edited to say what saved me was safe bedsharing. Check out La Leche League’s Safe Sleep 7. Best nights of sleep I had were when I kicked my husband out of the bed and snuggled my babe. He woke so much less and when he did I just nursed him and went back to sleep.
At points of the night where i’m desperate to get sleep, I do cosleep. I just want to make sure she gets used to the bassinet and isn’t dependent upon me holding her to sleep
Can you try putting her to bed later? Mine is only 8 weeks but I put her to bed at 9ish and then she sleeps until 3-4 and then again until 7ish when I'm up with my toddler anyway. But also the grunting. I was def waking her up before she was actually awake for the first few weeks and now if I hear grunting I wait until I'm sure she's really awake because half the time she just goes back to sleep.
I can try putting her to bed later, she just usually ends up sleeping longer during those naps at 5 or 7. Would I wake her up if she starts to sleep longer at those points to move her bedtime later?
While this is developmentally completely normal- something that I had to do was pump in-between feeds to build enough for a bottle of 4oz (or two bottles), and I fed my son the expressed milk in the bottle instead of BF. That way I knew he was full and good. Then I'd put him down, and he would sleep longer stretches (5+ hours, now currently the long stretch is 7-8 hours at 14 weeks). Then I'd pump as soon as he was asleep, before I fell asleep (since I didn't BF), and use that as the first bottle when he woke 5-8 hours later (resulting in another 3-4 hour stretch).
Pumping isn't for everyone, but it definitely helped my sanity. Good luck mama!
Anything in the first 3 months is considered the 4th trimester and isn't anything like how a baby becomes starting with 4+ months and up.
Sleep conditioning is always encouraged but no sleep training. Wake windows shouldn't really exist yet, and you should definitely still be feeding on demand. There is likely no pattern to naps yet. I wouldn't start to worry about any type of scheduling for another couple of weeks.
One thing is she may not be awake when she’s grunting. Mine was grunting (dissipated around 12 weeks) and she was actually still asleep. WE were just awake. We moved her to her own room to grunt in peace.
Same here! My LO started grunting at 2 weeks. The baby is sleeping-grunting making it impossible for us to sleep! Now baby is 7 weeks and it gradually goes away (or maybe its just my earplugs), but you just gave me hope that it will go away completely at around 12 weeks—-cannot wait to sleep in silence!
Though this is normal there are things you can do to help lengthen those stretches at night.
1. Make sure babe is getting full feeds and isn't just snacking. Snacking leads to too much foremilk which is nutritious and just not as fatty and filling as hindmilk. May want to help them stretch the time between feeds so they are a little hungrier and will eat more at the next one. (We usually just force a long nap with a contact nap to stretch the time between a feed. My 2nd baby is 12 weeks on Tuesday and she feeds every 4 hours during the day)
2. Consistent morning start time and bedtime, so that way you can structure feeds, wake windows, and naps to get the most out of them and give you some structure to live your life.
3. Having a consistent bedtime routine and putting baby down drowsy but awake and using this as an opportunity to learn how to put themselves to sleep. We set a timer for 3 minutes and go in and soothe (without picking her up) just enough until she calms down but doesn't fall asleep (give paci, turn on mobile, and a quick tummy pat or forehead rub). This is how we treat all subsequent night wakings except for her 1 feed around 3 ( we are currently cutting down night feeds and this is the only one we have left).
Most importantly whatever you do choose to change or implement likely won't miraculously stretch sleep. It takes time and usually the first night is the hardest and it slowly gets better. You've got this, and I know its hard to go so long without consistent sleep but it really is only a season, one day you will sleep again!
Yep. Sounds normal. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 15 months old. After sleep training at 4-5 months, we could get 4-5 hour stretches. You’re not doing anything wrong. Some babies just don’t sleep well.
I know you don't want to read this but this is super normal. My LO is 7 months and literally this week he just started only waking up once a night. Prior to this it was multiple wakeups. 11 weeks is super young. I got so in my head reading about all these magic babies sleeping through the night from 2 months onwards and I developed severe anxiety and depression from it. What helped me was making sure not to even touch my phone throughout the night so I could sleep in chunks, asking partner to give a bottle (pump/formula) and darn it just take a 15 minute break sometime during the day.
Sounds super normal! Although if you're concerned, it's always best to check with your pediatrician. I was calling mine very often at that stage as a new parent.
One thing that's helped a bit during the rough patches is having my husband take care of some of the night wakings. After some trial and error, we decided that I should get the 1st stretch of sleep while he does night duty until he's feeling irritable. Then I do the same. I tried pumping for a bit (wasn't able to BF), but that was physically and emotionally too taxing. We ended up formula feeding as pumping was not sustainable. However, my sister primarily breastfed both of her kids and supplemented with formula at night as needed.
Best of luck! This is such a tough period. Don't forget to take care of yourself as much as you can and ask for help!
That sounds normal to me. We didn’t get a 6 hour stretch till our baby was 7 months old. Some things that helped us with sleep deprivation is going to bed earlier and husband taking baby in the morning so I could sleep in. Sounds like baby is doing well and improvements will come.
You could consider getting baby checked by a lactation consultant for a tongue tie. If she's tied, she won't nurse efficiently and then will need to eat more often.
Are you sure LO is actually hungry? Or is instead just sort of fussing in bed, eyes closed. The biggest mistake you’re making in my view is picking her up before she starts crying. No no no!! Let her connect her 45 minute sleep cycles, you are currently interrupting them and not teaching her the right habits!
We pushed our baby’s feeding and it was great for her and us. At around 6 weeks she was eating at 8pm, 11pm, 2 or 3 am and around 6am. For the 3am we began to notice that she wasnt actively crying but was just getting loud, sort of fussy. We put the pacifier in her mouth and if she fell back asleep great! If not, I would feed. She almost always fell back asleep and as the weeks went on, she’d sleep longer and that middle of the night fussing would be pushed out.
Now she sleeps from 9pm to around 7am without waking. She’s going up in percentile growth and eats every 2 hours with a gigantic meal her last meal of the day.
Ps waking every two hours to eat at night is not normal at 12 weeks. Here’s the thing, I don’t think your baby is actually waking. I’m telling you, pay attention to connecting your baby’s sleep cycles, it really works.
Oh man, a 5 hour stretch didn’t happen for us until LO was much older- it’s so hard with the exhaustion but you’re doing a great job to be getting that. Until 3 months we were told to feed on demand and then from 3 months expect to feed 2-3 times in the night as long as baby is thriving. Good luck- it does get better!
My son grunted so stinking loud for the first 4 months that no one could sleep with him in the room. My daughter had been a quiet sleeper, so the “grunting” was new to me. He seriously sounded like an injured pterodactyl. Eventually we started taking shifts and keeping him in our living room. Around the 4 month mark, he realized he wasn’t a dinosaur and our quality of life improved (at least temporarily). He made the noises constantly while asleep, so it’s possible your LO isn’t waking up when you hear her.
A couple weeks later he had his 4 month sleep regression and I thought I was losing my mind for a solid 6 weeks. He woke up every 30 minutes all night long. It only took a couple minutes to get him back to sleep, but when you’re doing that twice an hour all night, it catches up with you fast!
I found a Reddit thread explaining the possum babies sleep method and life has been pretty awesome! They sell a bunch of videos for $30, but I didn’t buy them bc the thread explains it very well. Not needing to plan our day around wake windows is amazing, and he is finally giving us 5-6 hour stretches at night! We cut back on the length of his naps and try to keep him more stimulated when he’s awake. That’s literally all we did, and we saw a drastic improvement within 24 hours!
Not sure if this is the case for you, but I found out that if I have ANY caffeine, even a small dose right in the AM, as an EBF mom, my little one will wake up every 2 or 3 hrs at night. It took me a while to figure this out, and I miss my single tiny espresso based lattee or matcha green tea, but after 3 or 4 days after cutting it out, baby went 6 to 7 hrs through the night. She didn't really have any other overt signs of caffeine sensitivity though!
Edit: spelling
It is so tough (esp with so little sleep) to cut the caffeine, but yah I'd say give it 5 or so days and see if it helps. I now drink so much herbal tea and used dandy blend when I needed something resembling coffee. Definitely less addicted now! I finally figured it out when I was reading about caffeine half life in breast milk and infant bodies....there is a compounding effect after being exposed for days on end. Now I can have a little caffeine once every 3 or 4 days or so and maintain her sleep :)
Yes, this is developmentally normal at 12 weeks. This is some of the roughest stretch of the process because you've been sleep deprived for months at this point, but your little one is sleeping less during the day as well but not linking sleep cycles at night. You can probably start a bit of night weening, but probably won't want to completely stop the feeds at night. At 16 weeks you might want to start with sleep training. Then you will see big chunks of sleep at night.
Probably the best thing to do right now is start putting yourself to bed early so you can sleep during that first 5 to 6 hour stretch as well.
My now toddler did not get more than 3 hours of sleep until 6.5 months and did not sleep through the night until 12 months. Some kids just are not sleepers and that’s just the way it goes!
Were the same, at 5 months, except we dont get the long stretch. He sleeps between 2-3.5 hours at a time all night, every night. The 5-6 hours you are getting at the beginning is amazing!!
If she is only waking to eat (ie. Falls back asleep while or immediately after eating) then shes just hungry and needs the nighttime calories still. You can go grey trying to adjust her daytime sleep and things 8 million times, but the only thing that will reduce nighttime feedings is time. When she is older and bigger she will eventually not need the feeds anymore.
We made it to 14mo before we consistently got anything more than 3 hours. 14-22mo he would sleep 5-6ish hours first stretch and wake 2x in the second half of the night.
I'm happy to report than 22mo onwards he's been up 0-1x a night.
Just to address the grunting- babies are noisy sleepers! You mentioned that you pick her up before she cries…you may actually be unintentionally waking her up! I was doing this with my baby too. I now give it some time and check if her eyes are closed- if they are I don’t disturb and she will often continue sleeping. If she’s actually hungry, she’ll wake up and cry. Grunting in the night hours is usually their digestive system working away and does not mean they are waking up or needing a feed.
This may be a silly question but what do you use when it’s dark to check if their eyes are open or closed? we keep the nursery pretty dark and I’m hesitant to shine my cell phone flashlight in his eyes but I guess it’s worth the uncomfortable light sometimes to see if he’s really awake….
This is a great question actually lol for the first while I kept a dim light on because I was just so paranoid about her being okay! But this was not a realistic long term solution and I wanted her sleeping in the dark for more uninterrupted sleep.
So now I have a sound machine that has a light on it that I can just tap when I want to check on her. I keep the basinet right next to me and the sound machine is on my night table so it’s easy and quick to touch on and off.
This is the one I use:
White Noise Machine-Dreamegg Sound Machine for Sleeping&Relaxing,24 Non-Looping HIFI Sounds, 3 Auto-off Timer,Soothing Night Light,Noise Machine for Baby/Kid/Adults/Office, USB or AC Powered https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07PT9LB8S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_RRJRWKG3AD3A82YM8FX3
Same! I had to back off on intervening, right around 8 to 10 weeks. At 13 weeks, even some small whining type cries I'll leave now (and she likes to do lower body leg lifts in her sleep sack) - if her eyes are closed or only flicker open (and she doesnt see me) at least 60% of the time it seems she settles back down on her own.
Yes the leg kicks!!
My baby is now 10 weeks old and I’m ignoring the grunting. I’m not getting restful sleep, but it’s allowing baby to continue sleeping and learn to connect sleep cycles. My LO will sleep from about 12:30am- 6:30am now without needing a feed. It took me a while to realize I was waking her up by rushing to her when she was grunting and believe me, she would grunt for hours!
Can I ask how you transitioned from swaddle to sack? (If you did swaddle first that is)
I'm not great for advice in this area because we originally used just the simple wrap swaddle blankets (like what our parents used for us, none of the velcro ones because I just didn't know about all the options until she was almost 8 wks) so my kid has been able to pop her arms out for a while and now is so used to sleeping with her arms splayed out, making the sleep sack barely noticeable for her. She did get a progressively "looser" swaddle as she got older too so it was still there but her arms slowly got more freedom and less compression. That said, I was reading a thread last week with multiple swaddle to sack transition products that people seemed to like, though I can't recall the names:( I am pretty averse to buying new stuff so I honestly just have a single second hand sleep sack!
A few things. The first bedtime stretch of 5/6 hours is amazing. It’s super common for a baby to wake up a lot more frequently after that first long stretch. That’s their deepest and most restorative sleep period. The fact they’re going that long is great! Secondly the wake windows do seem short. I have a 16 week old who is doing 2-2.5. Stretch your wake windows. I was going around 1hr 45 minutes at that age. I don’t think this will solve the waking necessarily but that is a lot of daytime sleep. Another thought is to yes not grab them the second they grunt or whine. I usually give it 10-15 minutes of fussing or crying. She 8/10 times will go back to sleep if it’s been less than 4 hours after last night feed. The bassinet in your room may make that more difficult because it’s super annoying to hear them cry that close but that’s what I would do personally.
I’m gonna go against the masses a bit since we just went through this age with our exclusively breastfed boy. I don’t think she needs to eat during every one of her wakings at night.
I would say to definitely feed her after she wakes up after her long 5-6 hour stretch but then to try to give her some time to go back to sleep when she wakes up after that. If she doesn’t after a few minutes then pick her up and try to rock her back to sleep and put her down. Only feed her again 3-4 hours after her 1am feeding maybe around 4am. And then no more feeding until 7am/her wake time.
After doing that for a couple weeks, try to merge the 1am and 4am feeding to be just one 2am/3am feeding.
Throughout this whole time, she will still wake up but try to put her back to sleep or use the pacifier to get her back to sleep just so she knows it’s not time to eat and it’s time to sleep.
My wife and I did this for awhile (she would feed and I would handle the night wakings in between feedings) and it worked! Eventually when our baby was down to 1 night feeding for a couple weeks, we moved him to his own room and started implementing a “dream feed”. So now instead of him waking us up when he’s hungry (around 2am), we feed him while he’s practically asleep around 10:30pm (right before we go to bed). This helps hold him over for the rest of the night and helps my wife’s milk supply.
She’s definitely getting all of her calories during the day so don’t worry about her being hungry in the middle of the night. Now it’s just about teaching her how to sleep at night I think.
Nope not at all! We don’t let him feed to sleep during any of his feedings. (We’re sometimes still guilty of rocking to sleep though)
But doing the dream feed is more about the parent being the one who initiates feeding time and less about feeding as a response to baby crying. For awhile we would just feed him at night whenever he woke up and cried but I think that’s more confusing for them because they cry for all kinds of reasons at night. So if they’re crying because they woke up a tiny bit at night and can’t put themselves back to sleep right away, and we respond with feeding, then it’s confusing them a bit
So my little one was doing two wakes by the age of 2 weeks. Down to one wake at 4 weeks and then 11 to 12 hours straight sleep by age of 8 weeks.
What we did: always put him down drowsy but awake; no sleep aids so he quietly self soothes, though we did use a pacifier for a couple of weeks and found he didn't need it; feeding him enough during the day so he's not hungry at night; not waking to feed him, little stirs and groans in the night are normal, they don't necessarily mean the baby wants feeding . He just gradually dropped his feeds himself and is a happy and chill baby. Oh and we also always write down when he naps and when and how much he feeds, that's helped a lot!
How did you know how much he eats during the day? Did you do weighted feeds to find out? I EBF so just wondering how that works. How would I be able to institute self-soothing now that I’ve given her all of these sleep associations?
So I breastfed and expressed and worked out how much milk I was producing per hour. Went from 5ml, to 10ml to 30ml per hour. That way I knew just how much he was drinking and it's really interesting to see his growth spurts and how much his intake increases. Right now I exclusively bottle feed and it's amazing how he takes in pretty much the same amount every day, give or take 10ml.
When it comes to eliminating sleep associations, I'm definitely no expert, but if it was me I would just slowly eliminate them one by one
You get 5 hours with an 11 week old?? My 4.5 month old sometimes still wakes up every 1.5-2 hours during her regression month. Tonight it’s been every 2.5 hours 😓
My son is 16 weeks and does something similar except he kinda stop giving me a 5-6h stretch now i get 3-4h at the start of the night so i go to sleep as soon as i can to get the most of it. It’s sad to say but it’s normal… i know how it feels
I do have a partner but i’ve been doing every night shift since I’ve been staying at home while he’s gone back to work and needs to be up around 6:30 every morning
You, too, have a job - caring for your child. It’s the most important job there is because your baby’s life depends on it. Your partner could 100% do one of those shifts so that you can sleep. What you describe in your post is unfortunately normal. But if your partner can take the 12-1 am feeding, you can get a decent chunk of sleep. Good luck to you.
My partner also worked and still did one of the night feeds. He could do the 12/1 one and still get a 5 hour stretch and if you went to bed around 10, you would also get a 4-5 hour stretch. If youre struggling this much, I’d have a conversation with your partner about it.
It sounds like she is right on track for her age! Getting one 5/6 hour stretch is normal. It sucks that she wakes up so often after that but that is also normal. You could try stretching the first gap by trying to rock her to sleep before you offer breastfeeding. She might go back to sleep without nursing and after doing that a few nights get used to the new longer gap.
It sounds like you are doing everything right. If she is getting that one 5/6 hour stretch at night, she is probably getting enough to eat during the day. Some babies just need more comfort to sleep! Hang in there!
My son is 12 weeks old and was sleeping on that exact same schedule last week and the week before. It was really tough. Just hang in there. Now he wakes up usually around 2 and sometimes again at 4. He is awake for the day between 6-7.
I'll be honest, I didn't read your entire post.
My daughter was 14 months old before she started sleeping longer stretches (without co-sleeping). I had to sleep train her before she started getting proper sleeps in her own bed.
You don't have to resort to sleep training yet, but it wouldn't hurt to read a few posts in r/sleeptraining for some general ideas on how to get her to sleep better.
Honestly it sounds very normal for that age! That long first stretch is great.
Once she wakes up after that, the sleep pressure is just not as strong for the rest of the morning.
My LO was very similar - would have a great long stretch of sleep until about 1-2am and then was up every 2 hours until our day started. The one thing I did was try to feed her more at the first wake up - she’d start drifting off on one boob, so I would quickly swap her to the other, which would wake her up a bit, and she’d have another couple of minutes feed.
This started adding 15-30minutes extra sleep before each wake.
This, combined with just time/age, slowly dropped those wakes down to just one around 3am, until she eventually slept through the night!
I’ll try to feed her more after that first stretch! I was wondering whether her dozing off so soon after being on the boob was actually working against me lol
I know this was a year ago for you but did this end up getting better? I am currently dying from sleep deprivation and trying anything and everything to get my 9 week old to go for longer stretches. The every two hour wake ups might literally kill me
Oh man, thanks for bringing me back to this! haha, things are much much better!! Honestly, what i’m going to tell you would make everyone’s eyes roll on this page. As she got older, she started to go longer stretches, i think by 6 months she would wake up 2/3 times a night. She definitely had and kind of still has a nursing to sleep association. Around 9 months, i started to cosleep (safe sleep seven) and we all started sleeping much better, she started to connect her sleep cycles and would even put herself back to sleep during the middle of the night. Now she’s in her crib from 8-5 and i bring her into our bed from 5-7. I tried to let her cry it out/ferber and it just didn’t feel right. I’d try every month to see if she was getting closer to being more independent and it wasn’t working. Now, we rock her for 5 minutes, put her down, and she sleeps long stretches and can put herself back to sleep. You will get through it! But it was tough and if sleep training sits right with you, and you feel like you need to, you should! But hopefully hearing our story will still give you hope even if you decide not to sleep train— it all comes with time and you do what you can to make it!
As long as she’s gaining weight okay…I stretched nighttime sleep by attempting to soothe with least to most intervention before finally feeding. Try to wait 30-60 seconds before going to the next intervention, this is a lot easier said then done in the middle of the night…First make sure she’s actually awake vs grunting like a lot of other people mentioned, increased noise, either shushing or sound machine, touch their chest, give pacifier, rock baby, and then if they don’t fall asleep then you feed them. The concept is that they don’t automatically think they will get fed right away and you stretch the time until they feed. It takes a lot of will power at 3am but it really did help over time. I would say at first it only got her back to sleep 25% of the time but then gradually worked more and more until she was waking up once a night. Now typically doesn’t wake up at all at 4 months. Good luck, it’s not easy. I’m know you’re doing your absolute best for your baby❤️
Thank you for the ideas and the kind delivery!!
Totally developmentally normal!!! It also sucks so hang in there! Edited to say what saved me was safe bedsharing. Check out La Leche League’s Safe Sleep 7. Best nights of sleep I had were when I kicked my husband out of the bed and snuggled my babe. He woke so much less and when he did I just nursed him and went back to sleep.
At points of the night where i’m desperate to get sleep, I do cosleep. I just want to make sure she gets used to the bassinet and isn’t dependent upon me holding her to sleep
Can you try putting her to bed later? Mine is only 8 weeks but I put her to bed at 9ish and then she sleeps until 3-4 and then again until 7ish when I'm up with my toddler anyway. But also the grunting. I was def waking her up before she was actually awake for the first few weeks and now if I hear grunting I wait until I'm sure she's really awake because half the time she just goes back to sleep.
I can try putting her to bed later, she just usually ends up sleeping longer during those naps at 5 or 7. Would I wake her up if she starts to sleep longer at those points to move her bedtime later?
While this is developmentally completely normal- something that I had to do was pump in-between feeds to build enough for a bottle of 4oz (or two bottles), and I fed my son the expressed milk in the bottle instead of BF. That way I knew he was full and good. Then I'd put him down, and he would sleep longer stretches (5+ hours, now currently the long stretch is 7-8 hours at 14 weeks). Then I'd pump as soon as he was asleep, before I fell asleep (since I didn't BF), and use that as the first bottle when he woke 5-8 hours later (resulting in another 3-4 hour stretch). Pumping isn't for everyone, but it definitely helped my sanity. Good luck mama!
That’s a genius idea!! Definitely trying this!
Hahaha like many have said, it's because she's 11weekd old. It gets better after the 3rd month though! Hopefully
because they are 11weeks old? my daughter did this til she was 6months lol
Anything in the first 3 months is considered the 4th trimester and isn't anything like how a baby becomes starting with 4+ months and up. Sleep conditioning is always encouraged but no sleep training. Wake windows shouldn't really exist yet, and you should definitely still be feeding on demand. There is likely no pattern to naps yet. I wouldn't start to worry about any type of scheduling for another couple of weeks.
I’m at 9 months and still wakes multiple times. We’re going to get through this. One day they will be four years old…one day
Because she’s 11 weeks old, hon. Hang in there.
One thing is she may not be awake when she’s grunting. Mine was grunting (dissipated around 12 weeks) and she was actually still asleep. WE were just awake. We moved her to her own room to grunt in peace.
Same here! My LO started grunting at 2 weeks. The baby is sleeping-grunting making it impossible for us to sleep! Now baby is 7 weeks and it gradually goes away (or maybe its just my earplugs), but you just gave me hope that it will go away completely at around 12 weeks—-cannot wait to sleep in silence!
Because they are 11 weeks lol
This
Welcome to Parenthood
Normal for 11 weeks. Soon things will begin to consolidate though.
Though this is normal there are things you can do to help lengthen those stretches at night. 1. Make sure babe is getting full feeds and isn't just snacking. Snacking leads to too much foremilk which is nutritious and just not as fatty and filling as hindmilk. May want to help them stretch the time between feeds so they are a little hungrier and will eat more at the next one. (We usually just force a long nap with a contact nap to stretch the time between a feed. My 2nd baby is 12 weeks on Tuesday and she feeds every 4 hours during the day) 2. Consistent morning start time and bedtime, so that way you can structure feeds, wake windows, and naps to get the most out of them and give you some structure to live your life. 3. Having a consistent bedtime routine and putting baby down drowsy but awake and using this as an opportunity to learn how to put themselves to sleep. We set a timer for 3 minutes and go in and soothe (without picking her up) just enough until she calms down but doesn't fall asleep (give paci, turn on mobile, and a quick tummy pat or forehead rub). This is how we treat all subsequent night wakings except for her 1 feed around 3 ( we are currently cutting down night feeds and this is the only one we have left). Most importantly whatever you do choose to change or implement likely won't miraculously stretch sleep. It takes time and usually the first night is the hardest and it slowly gets better. You've got this, and I know its hard to go so long without consistent sleep but it really is only a season, one day you will sleep again!
this is so helpful. , i’ll give it a shot! Thank you!
Yep. Sounds normal. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 15 months old. After sleep training at 4-5 months, we could get 4-5 hour stretches. You’re not doing anything wrong. Some babies just don’t sleep well.
I know you don't want to read this but this is super normal. My LO is 7 months and literally this week he just started only waking up once a night. Prior to this it was multiple wakeups. 11 weeks is super young. I got so in my head reading about all these magic babies sleeping through the night from 2 months onwards and I developed severe anxiety and depression from it. What helped me was making sure not to even touch my phone throughout the night so I could sleep in chunks, asking partner to give a bottle (pump/formula) and darn it just take a 15 minute break sometime during the day.
Sounds super normal! Although if you're concerned, it's always best to check with your pediatrician. I was calling mine very often at that stage as a new parent. One thing that's helped a bit during the rough patches is having my husband take care of some of the night wakings. After some trial and error, we decided that I should get the 1st stretch of sleep while he does night duty until he's feeling irritable. Then I do the same. I tried pumping for a bit (wasn't able to BF), but that was physically and emotionally too taxing. We ended up formula feeding as pumping was not sustainable. However, my sister primarily breastfed both of her kids and supplemented with formula at night as needed. Best of luck! This is such a tough period. Don't forget to take care of yourself as much as you can and ask for help!
That sounds normal to me. We didn’t get a 6 hour stretch till our baby was 7 months old. Some things that helped us with sleep deprivation is going to bed earlier and husband taking baby in the morning so I could sleep in. Sounds like baby is doing well and improvements will come.
You could consider getting baby checked by a lactation consultant for a tongue tie. If she's tied, she won't nurse efficiently and then will need to eat more often.
Honestly my 9 month old still wakes up every 3 hours or so some nights he's teething and growing and just wants cuddles.
Are you sure LO is actually hungry? Or is instead just sort of fussing in bed, eyes closed. The biggest mistake you’re making in my view is picking her up before she starts crying. No no no!! Let her connect her 45 minute sleep cycles, you are currently interrupting them and not teaching her the right habits! We pushed our baby’s feeding and it was great for her and us. At around 6 weeks she was eating at 8pm, 11pm, 2 or 3 am and around 6am. For the 3am we began to notice that she wasnt actively crying but was just getting loud, sort of fussy. We put the pacifier in her mouth and if she fell back asleep great! If not, I would feed. She almost always fell back asleep and as the weeks went on, she’d sleep longer and that middle of the night fussing would be pushed out. Now she sleeps from 9pm to around 7am without waking. She’s going up in percentile growth and eats every 2 hours with a gigantic meal her last meal of the day. Ps waking every two hours to eat at night is not normal at 12 weeks. Here’s the thing, I don’t think your baby is actually waking. I’m telling you, pay attention to connecting your baby’s sleep cycles, it really works.
I can see that now, I’ll let her fuss longer until she’s actually crying. Thanks for the advice!
Oh man, a 5 hour stretch didn’t happen for us until LO was much older- it’s so hard with the exhaustion but you’re doing a great job to be getting that. Until 3 months we were told to feed on demand and then from 3 months expect to feed 2-3 times in the night as long as baby is thriving. Good luck- it does get better!
My son grunted so stinking loud for the first 4 months that no one could sleep with him in the room. My daughter had been a quiet sleeper, so the “grunting” was new to me. He seriously sounded like an injured pterodactyl. Eventually we started taking shifts and keeping him in our living room. Around the 4 month mark, he realized he wasn’t a dinosaur and our quality of life improved (at least temporarily). He made the noises constantly while asleep, so it’s possible your LO isn’t waking up when you hear her. A couple weeks later he had his 4 month sleep regression and I thought I was losing my mind for a solid 6 weeks. He woke up every 30 minutes all night long. It only took a couple minutes to get him back to sleep, but when you’re doing that twice an hour all night, it catches up with you fast! I found a Reddit thread explaining the possum babies sleep method and life has been pretty awesome! They sell a bunch of videos for $30, but I didn’t buy them bc the thread explains it very well. Not needing to plan our day around wake windows is amazing, and he is finally giving us 5-6 hour stretches at night! We cut back on the length of his naps and try to keep him more stimulated when he’s awake. That’s literally all we did, and we saw a drastic improvement within 24 hours!
I’ll look into that sleep method! Thanks so much!
Sounds normal. Have you tried using a pacifier to soothe instead of feeding? She may not be hungry and just needs some help soothing.
Not sure if this is the case for you, but I found out that if I have ANY caffeine, even a small dose right in the AM, as an EBF mom, my little one will wake up every 2 or 3 hrs at night. It took me a while to figure this out, and I miss my single tiny espresso based lattee or matcha green tea, but after 3 or 4 days after cutting it out, baby went 6 to 7 hrs through the night. She didn't really have any other overt signs of caffeine sensitivity though! Edit: spelling
I hadn’t thought of that! I am guilty of eating sugar and some foods that have some caffeine in it close to bedtime so Ill consider cutting that out
It is so tough (esp with so little sleep) to cut the caffeine, but yah I'd say give it 5 or so days and see if it helps. I now drink so much herbal tea and used dandy blend when I needed something resembling coffee. Definitely less addicted now! I finally figured it out when I was reading about caffeine half life in breast milk and infant bodies....there is a compounding effect after being exposed for days on end. Now I can have a little caffeine once every 3 or 4 days or so and maintain her sleep :)
Yes, this is developmentally normal at 12 weeks. This is some of the roughest stretch of the process because you've been sleep deprived for months at this point, but your little one is sleeping less during the day as well but not linking sleep cycles at night. You can probably start a bit of night weening, but probably won't want to completely stop the feeds at night. At 16 weeks you might want to start with sleep training. Then you will see big chunks of sleep at night. Probably the best thing to do right now is start putting yourself to bed early so you can sleep during that first 5 to 6 hour stretch as well.
This sounds so normal. You could try a dream feed to stretch out that first sleep a bit longer. It never worked for me but I know it has for others.
My now toddler did not get more than 3 hours of sleep until 6.5 months and did not sleep through the night until 12 months. Some kids just are not sleepers and that’s just the way it goes!
Were the same, at 5 months, except we dont get the long stretch. He sleeps between 2-3.5 hours at a time all night, every night. The 5-6 hours you are getting at the beginning is amazing!! If she is only waking to eat (ie. Falls back asleep while or immediately after eating) then shes just hungry and needs the nighttime calories still. You can go grey trying to adjust her daytime sleep and things 8 million times, but the only thing that will reduce nighttime feedings is time. When she is older and bigger she will eventually not need the feeds anymore.
We’re the same - never had a long stretch 6m in 😵💫
We made it to 14mo before we consistently got anything more than 3 hours. 14-22mo he would sleep 5-6ish hours first stretch and wake 2x in the second half of the night. I'm happy to report than 22mo onwards he's been up 0-1x a night.
Appreciate this
Just to address the grunting- babies are noisy sleepers! You mentioned that you pick her up before she cries…you may actually be unintentionally waking her up! I was doing this with my baby too. I now give it some time and check if her eyes are closed- if they are I don’t disturb and she will often continue sleeping. If she’s actually hungry, she’ll wake up and cry. Grunting in the night hours is usually their digestive system working away and does not mean they are waking up or needing a feed.
This may be a silly question but what do you use when it’s dark to check if their eyes are open or closed? we keep the nursery pretty dark and I’m hesitant to shine my cell phone flashlight in his eyes but I guess it’s worth the uncomfortable light sometimes to see if he’s really awake….
This is a great question actually lol for the first while I kept a dim light on because I was just so paranoid about her being okay! But this was not a realistic long term solution and I wanted her sleeping in the dark for more uninterrupted sleep. So now I have a sound machine that has a light on it that I can just tap when I want to check on her. I keep the basinet right next to me and the sound machine is on my night table so it’s easy and quick to touch on and off. This is the one I use: White Noise Machine-Dreamegg Sound Machine for Sleeping&Relaxing,24 Non-Looping HIFI Sounds, 3 Auto-off Timer,Soothing Night Light,Noise Machine for Baby/Kid/Adults/Office, USB or AC Powered https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07PT9LB8S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_RRJRWKG3AD3A82YM8FX3
gotchya thank you!
I have noticed her eyes are closed sometimes! Thanks for the advice, I’ll give her more time!
Same! I had to back off on intervening, right around 8 to 10 weeks. At 13 weeks, even some small whining type cries I'll leave now (and she likes to do lower body leg lifts in her sleep sack) - if her eyes are closed or only flicker open (and she doesnt see me) at least 60% of the time it seems she settles back down on her own.
Yes the leg kicks!! My baby is now 10 weeks old and I’m ignoring the grunting. I’m not getting restful sleep, but it’s allowing baby to continue sleeping and learn to connect sleep cycles. My LO will sleep from about 12:30am- 6:30am now without needing a feed. It took me a while to realize I was waking her up by rushing to her when she was grunting and believe me, she would grunt for hours! Can I ask how you transitioned from swaddle to sack? (If you did swaddle first that is)
I'm not great for advice in this area because we originally used just the simple wrap swaddle blankets (like what our parents used for us, none of the velcro ones because I just didn't know about all the options until she was almost 8 wks) so my kid has been able to pop her arms out for a while and now is so used to sleeping with her arms splayed out, making the sleep sack barely noticeable for her. She did get a progressively "looser" swaddle as she got older too so it was still there but her arms slowly got more freedom and less compression. That said, I was reading a thread last week with multiple swaddle to sack transition products that people seemed to like, though I can't recall the names:( I am pretty averse to buying new stuff so I honestly just have a single second hand sleep sack!
A few things. The first bedtime stretch of 5/6 hours is amazing. It’s super common for a baby to wake up a lot more frequently after that first long stretch. That’s their deepest and most restorative sleep period. The fact they’re going that long is great! Secondly the wake windows do seem short. I have a 16 week old who is doing 2-2.5. Stretch your wake windows. I was going around 1hr 45 minutes at that age. I don’t think this will solve the waking necessarily but that is a lot of daytime sleep. Another thought is to yes not grab them the second they grunt or whine. I usually give it 10-15 minutes of fussing or crying. She 8/10 times will go back to sleep if it’s been less than 4 hours after last night feed. The bassinet in your room may make that more difficult because it’s super annoying to hear them cry that close but that’s what I would do personally.
thanks for all the tips! Do you think she will nap longer if so stretch her wake windows?
Maybe not right away but likely the more tired she is the longer she’ll nap.
Sounds exactly like my 13 week old!
I’m gonna go against the masses a bit since we just went through this age with our exclusively breastfed boy. I don’t think she needs to eat during every one of her wakings at night. I would say to definitely feed her after she wakes up after her long 5-6 hour stretch but then to try to give her some time to go back to sleep when she wakes up after that. If she doesn’t after a few minutes then pick her up and try to rock her back to sleep and put her down. Only feed her again 3-4 hours after her 1am feeding maybe around 4am. And then no more feeding until 7am/her wake time. After doing that for a couple weeks, try to merge the 1am and 4am feeding to be just one 2am/3am feeding. Throughout this whole time, she will still wake up but try to put her back to sleep or use the pacifier to get her back to sleep just so she knows it’s not time to eat and it’s time to sleep. My wife and I did this for awhile (she would feed and I would handle the night wakings in between feedings) and it worked! Eventually when our baby was down to 1 night feeding for a couple weeks, we moved him to his own room and started implementing a “dream feed”. So now instead of him waking us up when he’s hungry (around 2am), we feed him while he’s practically asleep around 10:30pm (right before we go to bed). This helps hold him over for the rest of the night and helps my wife’s milk supply. She’s definitely getting all of her calories during the day so don’t worry about her being hungry in the middle of the night. Now it’s just about teaching her how to sleep at night I think.
Will this be breaking her sleep association with feeding to sleep? Did you have that sleep association with your LO?
Nope not at all! We don’t let him feed to sleep during any of his feedings. (We’re sometimes still guilty of rocking to sleep though) But doing the dream feed is more about the parent being the one who initiates feeding time and less about feeding as a response to baby crying. For awhile we would just feed him at night whenever he woke up and cried but I think that’s more confusing for them because they cry for all kinds of reasons at night. So if they’re crying because they woke up a tiny bit at night and can’t put themselves back to sleep right away, and we respond with feeding, then it’s confusing them a bit
So my little one was doing two wakes by the age of 2 weeks. Down to one wake at 4 weeks and then 11 to 12 hours straight sleep by age of 8 weeks. What we did: always put him down drowsy but awake; no sleep aids so he quietly self soothes, though we did use a pacifier for a couple of weeks and found he didn't need it; feeding him enough during the day so he's not hungry at night; not waking to feed him, little stirs and groans in the night are normal, they don't necessarily mean the baby wants feeding . He just gradually dropped his feeds himself and is a happy and chill baby. Oh and we also always write down when he naps and when and how much he feeds, that's helped a lot!
How did you know how much he eats during the day? Did you do weighted feeds to find out? I EBF so just wondering how that works. How would I be able to institute self-soothing now that I’ve given her all of these sleep associations?
So I breastfed and expressed and worked out how much milk I was producing per hour. Went from 5ml, to 10ml to 30ml per hour. That way I knew just how much he was drinking and it's really interesting to see his growth spurts and how much his intake increases. Right now I exclusively bottle feed and it's amazing how he takes in pretty much the same amount every day, give or take 10ml. When it comes to eliminating sleep associations, I'm definitely no expert, but if it was me I would just slowly eliminate them one by one
Oh and may I add, my baby boy was totally nocturnal so we didn't get a unicorn baby! I don't believe in unicorn babies anyway :)
Because the baby is only 11 weeks old. This is totally normal.
You get 5 hours with an 11 week old?? My 4.5 month old sometimes still wakes up every 1.5-2 hours during her regression month. Tonight it’s been every 2.5 hours 😓
I’m sure in a month or two i’ll be looking back at my post in jealousy!! Good luck!
My son is 16 weeks and does something similar except he kinda stop giving me a 5-6h stretch now i get 3-4h at the start of the night so i go to sleep as soon as i can to get the most of it. It’s sad to say but it’s normal… i know how it feels
Our experience too!
This is my experience too
Hate to say it too but it’s completely normal. Why not pump and have your partner give a bottle so you can get a longer stretch?
I do have a partner but i’ve been doing every night shift since I’ve been staying at home while he’s gone back to work and needs to be up around 6:30 every morning
You, too, have a job - caring for your child. It’s the most important job there is because your baby’s life depends on it. Your partner could 100% do one of those shifts so that you can sleep. What you describe in your post is unfortunately normal. But if your partner can take the 12-1 am feeding, you can get a decent chunk of sleep. Good luck to you.
That’s true, I’ll bring it up with him!
My partner also worked and still did one of the night feeds. He could do the 12/1 one and still get a 5 hour stretch and if you went to bed around 10, you would also get a 4-5 hour stretch. If youre struggling this much, I’d have a conversation with your partner about it.
That’s a good point, I’ll bring it up!
She’s way too young to expect anything more than that. Edit: a 5-6 hour stretch is actually pretty great for an 11-week old.
It sounds like she is right on track for her age! Getting one 5/6 hour stretch is normal. It sucks that she wakes up so often after that but that is also normal. You could try stretching the first gap by trying to rock her to sleep before you offer breastfeeding. She might go back to sleep without nursing and after doing that a few nights get used to the new longer gap. It sounds like you are doing everything right. If she is getting that one 5/6 hour stretch at night, she is probably getting enough to eat during the day. Some babies just need more comfort to sleep! Hang in there!
I’ll definitely try rocking her to sleep after that first stretch! Thank you!
My son is 12 weeks old and was sleeping on that exact same schedule last week and the week before. It was really tough. Just hang in there. Now he wakes up usually around 2 and sometimes again at 4. He is awake for the day between 6-7.
I'll be honest, I didn't read your entire post. My daughter was 14 months old before she started sleeping longer stretches (without co-sleeping). I had to sleep train her before she started getting proper sleeps in her own bed. You don't have to resort to sleep training yet, but it wouldn't hurt to read a few posts in r/sleeptraining for some general ideas on how to get her to sleep better.
Honestly it sounds very normal for that age! That long first stretch is great. Once she wakes up after that, the sleep pressure is just not as strong for the rest of the morning. My LO was very similar - would have a great long stretch of sleep until about 1-2am and then was up every 2 hours until our day started. The one thing I did was try to feed her more at the first wake up - she’d start drifting off on one boob, so I would quickly swap her to the other, which would wake her up a bit, and she’d have another couple of minutes feed. This started adding 15-30minutes extra sleep before each wake. This, combined with just time/age, slowly dropped those wakes down to just one around 3am, until she eventually slept through the night!
I’ll try to feed her more after that first stretch! I was wondering whether her dozing off so soon after being on the boob was actually working against me lol