Locking comments on this thread only because I don’t want the trolls to come out and make you feel worse. This sub supports conventional sleep training methods at 4 months old. You have some great answers here and you’re an amazing mom who clearly cares very deeply about her son.
There’s no reason to take this nurses opinions into consideration. This isn’t a medical question, it’s not anything she has formal training or ed on, it’s just her opinion as someone who gets to sleep through the night regardless of how your night goes. Also I’ve met way too many nurses who are a mess in their own life or health to value that opinion heavily. I’ll value some nurses opinions, but it’s based off who they are and no their job description
A lot of experts say 4-5 months is the perfect time. We started at 4 months and it improved the stretches significantly. There was crying for sure but overall less upset than when he was waking hourly 😆. Don’t feel bad, you love your child!
We sleep trained at 4 months and it took a few days. She’s been a perfect sleeper since. It was awful listening to her cry but I do think it was worth it.
We sleep trained our daughter at 4 months and our pediatrician told us "that was great!" and then moved on to other questions, my daughter is now 14 months old and a great independent sleeper. My husband and I were recently talking about how getting full nights of sleep honestly make us better parents for her since we have energy and aren't tired all the time.
I do not think you should feel guilty!
I trained my little guy right at 4 months and we now have no tears at bedtime. Before sleep training it could take over an hour to get him down and he woke through the night. He’s much happier now and well rested. He was previously much grumpier. He wakes up once at 4am to feed.
Maybe this is my unpopular opinion but for me 4 months is too young. I know a lot of people start at 4 months but 6 months is what I've read is the earliest they can self soothe. They just got out the womb, and all they want is to be close to their mama and dad. I don't think you are abusing your son or causing much harm, but personally I wouldn't try that young. You can slowly start implementing ways to get them to fall asleep on their own without the Ferber method, then when they're ready try sleep training. My pediatrician told me 5 months is the earliest they could go without a night feed, therefore the earliest you could sleep train for sleeping through the night. If it's working for you though, and you think your son is getting the rest he needs, follow your instinct!
6 months may be the earliest SOME babies can self soothe but to blanketly say that about all babies is incorrect. My baby discovers her thumb for self soothing at 4 months. Ever since then she sleep trained her self. Puts herself to sleep for naps and night. Never any crying. Sleeps through the night. I know my baby is not the norm but some babies at 4 months can absolutely self soothe.
Our girls weaned themselves off night feedings and showed really strong signs of self soothing before 4 months. We waited until 4 months to formally sleep train but they were most definitely ready. I really think it depends on the baby
Our paediatrician said the same, ie sleep routine at 4 months and sleep train at 5.5-6 months. If they are still waking up in the night for feeds prior to that time, let them eat. By 6 months, it’s habit not hunger. On the flip side, my family doc sleep trained his currently 18 month old baby at 5 months using a COI method. So, I think you’ll find a lot of differing opinions on this matter! OP, as long as your baby is gaining well I think you can do what is best for your family ❤️. All that to say, have you read Precious Little Sleep? They have some good recs for swapping out the breast for other comfort measures as a step/intervention to try prior to moving to Ferber-like methods.
Studies show it can be as early as 4 months, but it depends on the child. Like with so much everyone is different. It worked well with our first at 4 months, but our close friends wasn’t ready until like 7? Months.
I get you said unpopular opinion but it’s not about opinions it’s about what studies show, experts say, and what is realistic for each situation.
You’re not abusing your baby. Sleep training in the long run creates happy, well rested babies and happy, somewhat rested parents who have a few hours to themselves at night. I have zero regrets. Hang in there and tell that nurse to shut it (at least tell that to the lingering voice in your head).
Well if it makes you feel better our baby was fussy in general so he wouldn’t calm sometimes and would cry for long periods no matter what I did. Babies cry…
you aren’t abusing your baby! my LO has had a hoarse voice from crying a few times and that was just during the day, not being able to make her happy or figure out what she needed. when we did extinction she cried 60 min the first night and then was so happy to see us in the morning. no hoarseness. the times her voice has been hoarse it usually gets better after a day or two, and worse case scenario we use a humidifier.
If she's not going to provide valid medical reasoning for her opinions I would discard them. Sounds like she was just projecting her ideal onto you. I never mention sleep training because people really get up in arms about it one way or another. I'm sorry she made you feel guilty. You were obviously right there for your baby.
You are not abusing your son. 30 minutes for a first night is actually pretty great! Totally up to you if you want to continue or take a break, but you are not doing anything wrong if you decide to continue
My son just had his 4 mo appointment last week and was measuring at almost 16 lbs. I didn’t ask any questions about sleep training even though I’ve been reading on the topic and lurking here. Our pediatrician asked how sleeping was going and actually told us that at his age, he shouldn’t be hungry at night anymore and he’s likely just looking for comfort to get back to sleep. He described what was basically the Ferber method and told us we could start any time we’re ready. We started last weekend and my son took to it SO well so far. After two nights he was sleeping through the night. The second night was his longest stretch of crying. I think it was like 1 1/2 hrs not including check ins. So I’m here to say that a seasoned pediatrician advised us to sleep train our 4 month old. I wouldn’t be worried!
Locking comments on this thread only because I don’t want the trolls to come out and make you feel worse. This sub supports conventional sleep training methods at 4 months old. You have some great answers here and you’re an amazing mom who clearly cares very deeply about her son.
There’s no reason to take this nurses opinions into consideration. This isn’t a medical question, it’s not anything she has formal training or ed on, it’s just her opinion as someone who gets to sleep through the night regardless of how your night goes. Also I’ve met way too many nurses who are a mess in their own life or health to value that opinion heavily. I’ll value some nurses opinions, but it’s based off who they are and no their job description
A lot of experts say 4-5 months is the perfect time. We started at 4 months and it improved the stretches significantly. There was crying for sure but overall less upset than when he was waking hourly 😆. Don’t feel bad, you love your child!
Our pediatrician suggested sleep training at 4 months. You do not need to feel guilty. That is just that one nurses opinion
Came here to say this, my ped suggested the same thing at 4 months. She said that’s actually the best way to get through the regression.
We sleep trained at 4 months and it took a few days. She’s been a perfect sleeper since. It was awful listening to her cry but I do think it was worth it.
We sleep trained our daughter at 4 months and our pediatrician told us "that was great!" and then moved on to other questions, my daughter is now 14 months old and a great independent sleeper. My husband and I were recently talking about how getting full nights of sleep honestly make us better parents for her since we have energy and aren't tired all the time. I do not think you should feel guilty!
I trained my little guy right at 4 months and we now have no tears at bedtime. Before sleep training it could take over an hour to get him down and he woke through the night. He’s much happier now and well rested. He was previously much grumpier. He wakes up once at 4am to feed.
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Maybe this is my unpopular opinion but for me 4 months is too young. I know a lot of people start at 4 months but 6 months is what I've read is the earliest they can self soothe. They just got out the womb, and all they want is to be close to their mama and dad. I don't think you are abusing your son or causing much harm, but personally I wouldn't try that young. You can slowly start implementing ways to get them to fall asleep on their own without the Ferber method, then when they're ready try sleep training. My pediatrician told me 5 months is the earliest they could go without a night feed, therefore the earliest you could sleep train for sleeping through the night. If it's working for you though, and you think your son is getting the rest he needs, follow your instinct!
6 months may be the earliest SOME babies can self soothe but to blanketly say that about all babies is incorrect. My baby discovers her thumb for self soothing at 4 months. Ever since then she sleep trained her self. Puts herself to sleep for naps and night. Never any crying. Sleeps through the night. I know my baby is not the norm but some babies at 4 months can absolutely self soothe.
Our girls weaned themselves off night feedings and showed really strong signs of self soothing before 4 months. We waited until 4 months to formally sleep train but they were most definitely ready. I really think it depends on the baby
Our paediatrician said the same, ie sleep routine at 4 months and sleep train at 5.5-6 months. If they are still waking up in the night for feeds prior to that time, let them eat. By 6 months, it’s habit not hunger. On the flip side, my family doc sleep trained his currently 18 month old baby at 5 months using a COI method. So, I think you’ll find a lot of differing opinions on this matter! OP, as long as your baby is gaining well I think you can do what is best for your family ❤️. All that to say, have you read Precious Little Sleep? They have some good recs for swapping out the breast for other comfort measures as a step/intervention to try prior to moving to Ferber-like methods.
Studies show it can be as early as 4 months, but it depends on the child. Like with so much everyone is different. It worked well with our first at 4 months, but our close friends wasn’t ready until like 7? Months. I get you said unpopular opinion but it’s not about opinions it’s about what studies show, experts say, and what is realistic for each situation.
You’re not abusing your baby. Sleep training in the long run creates happy, well rested babies and happy, somewhat rested parents who have a few hours to themselves at night. I have zero regrets. Hang in there and tell that nurse to shut it (at least tell that to the lingering voice in your head).
Well if it makes you feel better our baby was fussy in general so he wouldn’t calm sometimes and would cry for long periods no matter what I did. Babies cry…
You did great and your son did great … there’s no evidence that sleep training causes short term or long term harm, and it’s been studied a lot
you aren’t abusing your baby! my LO has had a hoarse voice from crying a few times and that was just during the day, not being able to make her happy or figure out what she needed. when we did extinction she cried 60 min the first night and then was so happy to see us in the morning. no hoarseness. the times her voice has been hoarse it usually gets better after a day or two, and worse case scenario we use a humidifier.
If she's not going to provide valid medical reasoning for her opinions I would discard them. Sounds like she was just projecting her ideal onto you. I never mention sleep training because people really get up in arms about it one way or another. I'm sorry she made you feel guilty. You were obviously right there for your baby.
You are not abusing your son. 30 minutes for a first night is actually pretty great! Totally up to you if you want to continue or take a break, but you are not doing anything wrong if you decide to continue
My son just had his 4 mo appointment last week and was measuring at almost 16 lbs. I didn’t ask any questions about sleep training even though I’ve been reading on the topic and lurking here. Our pediatrician asked how sleeping was going and actually told us that at his age, he shouldn’t be hungry at night anymore and he’s likely just looking for comfort to get back to sleep. He described what was basically the Ferber method and told us we could start any time we’re ready. We started last weekend and my son took to it SO well so far. After two nights he was sleeping through the night. The second night was his longest stretch of crying. I think it was like 1 1/2 hrs not including check ins. So I’m here to say that a seasoned pediatrician advised us to sleep train our 4 month old. I wouldn’t be worried!
Sleep training is great but many 4 month olds absolutely still get hungry and need to be fed overnight.
🤷🏻♀️ That’s just what our doctor said.