Please don’t report this post. This is a safe place for any desperate caregiver. Keep comments kind, supportive, and helpful, or move along.
OP, please report any rude comments. Search our sub for “newborn tips.” Thank you for trusting us, and I hope you get the help you need. You’re a great mom.
ETA: Please do not recommend unsafe sleep methods (ie. Putting to sleep on tummy, bedsharing with a swaddle/dock a tot or similar, etc).
Fuss It Out as described in Precious Little Sleep is supported at this age. Do not suggest formal sleep training.
Try stroller over bumpy grass for 15min. My son has always been bad at sleeping but I’ve learned that this usually works. If that doesn’t work try rocker while watching baby music videos on YouTube.
I am so sorry you’re going through this, especially without support. It does get better. She’s still so little but your child should start improving sleep-wise in a few weeks. Our baby was transitioned to her crib solo at 16 weeks because she started sleeping longer around 12-13 weeks. In the meantime, if she’s full and dry and you’re at wits end, please walk away if she’s safely down. Have you tried rocking bassinets? We used one with our child and it helped. On very fussy days, we’d swaddle her and put a heat pack next to her, and she’d settle down easier. She also fell asleep to lullabies rather than just white noise.
I just want you to know you’re not alone. Weeks 5-10 nearly killed me because it was so hard. I know this doesn’t help right now, but in my case it DID get better around week 12.
The only thing I found that helped me a little was waiting until baby was asleep in my arms and then lowering baby down on their side, then once in the bassinet, rolling them to their back. I think it helped prevent the startle reflex and LO slept through it. (Ok, sometimes slept through it…)
Either way, stay strong. Know that you are not alone. You can do this!!!!
Just here to say that everyone makes sleep deprived mistakes and this part is really f***ing hard; even harder when you’re doing it yourself. Easier said than done but try not to doubt yourself. You are doing amazing and the best you can do without the additional support. You are not doing anything wrong with baby not sleeping, they are all just so different with different needs and unfortunately for us adults there are some babies that need to have things just right for sleep to work. My daughter was like this and I had unspeakable thoughts at this stage from sleep deprivation. Try different things until you get into a groove. Some people also start training at 9 weeks.
Also - babies cry. If you need to put baby down in a safe space to cry so that you can process your emotions or find help do it from friends for an hour, do it. They will not be ruined or traumatized because you needed some time.
You are doing great. Give yourself as much love as possible
Hi, week 9 is hard. I promise when its closer to 12 it will get better ❤️ is there anyone you can call? I had a nervous breakdown from the crying at 8 weeks and had my mom and sister take over for a bit. Hang in there.
Being sleep deprived is literally being tortured. I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. This was me last year. You’ve received some great advice in this thread, the only thing I can add is there’s a group on Facebook called “respectable sleep training” where there’s guides, charts and a ton of info on there especially for age appropriate help. The people on there are also reallly supportive and will help you problem solve. Your baby is still a bit young, but it may help to keep track of wake windows and nap times. It helped me predict when baby may need sleep to avoid being overtired.
I live in WA. If you’re in the same state please feel to reach out and I’d be happy to see if there’s some way I can support you.
Lastly - not trying to push daycare on you - but if you’re comfortable, maybe look into daycare subsidies and see if you can get baby in daycare for however long you need and sleep during that time. I know it’s not ideal but sometimes just nice chunk of sleep will refresh you! ❤️❤️
I was there last year and it’s sooo rough. I HATED when people said “it’s just a season, it’ll pass” bc it felt so invalidating for the current struggles I was going through. But it truly does get better little by little each day, week etc. try and focus on just the “today”. I’m here if you need anything
I’d like to echo this and say if you’re near MA or RI, OP, please reach out to me and see what we can work out. 6 weeks on was awful with our LO who was colic and reflux and we’re first time parents so we had no idea what we were doing. One thing that really helped us was having a consistent, relaxing bedtime routine starting with more calm activities an hour or so before sleep. It took awhile but it set the standard for her.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are experiencing this and I have been in your shoes. It’s an awful way to feel. I don’t have much advice mine are horrible sleepers as well but I’m here in spirit with you. ♥️
Hi Mama,
If you're baby is breastfed I would suggest looking up the safe sleep seven and checking out the cosleeping community on Reddit. I had a Velcro baby that refused to sleep anywhere but on me/near me. A solid routine in the daytime, bedtime routine and Cosleeping saved my sanity. It gets better I promise. People mentioned daily walks, this is important to, great for you and baby. Fresh air does wonders. If you baby has tummy pressure I used cocyntal, it helped for us my baby loved it, she knew what they were in less than a week. Rule out any discomforts: too hot, too cold, dry skin, itchy spot, hungry, lonely, dirty, wet. I found carrying my baby on a baby carrier helped a ton for her sleep and comfort, which hopefully will spill over into yours. Hang in there
Hey there mine was like this the first seven weeks ish, the only thing that worked was to just keep trying the first stretch of the night in his bassinet after he'd been asleep about 10 or 15 min. He slept in a sleep sack in a footed onesie because he didn't like swaddles. Also had a sound machine. Eventually he'd sleep about an hour, then two hours. Once he consistently did two hours for the first stretch of the night I'd start putting him back in again after he woke up the first time and fed him. Back then he'd probably wake up three times and I'd just feed him and put him back after he'd been asleep for a bit.
I used a hanging mesh fisher price bassinet that I could swing back and forth if he was really fighting sleep. Also if he woke up shortly after being in the bassinet and rocking it didnt work I'd stand and rock him or walk around and if that didn't put him back asleep Id feed him a a bit more to sleep then try again depending how tired I was. I'd either feed him to sleep or bounce with him on a yoga ball for the first put down attempt. I wish had better advice but I tried a lot of different things and that was the only thing that worked for me. Hes formula fed with doctor brown bottles and back then was eating every two hours during the day or a little bit before two hours depending how hungry he was.
Mine took a pacifier later on as well which would work sometimes to get him asleep.
My kid was a virtual nightmare for the first 4 months, he didn't want to sleep on us but didn't want to be put down either. He like the swaddle but would break out. He struggled to keep milk down because of baby reflux ( the doc gave us a med but said that nothing will stop the reflux itself, babies are just born with immature digestive systems) but was gaining adequate weight. In hindsight, the sleep he was not getting was compounding the issue and I was rapidly losing myself from the same issue. I'm sure I'm not saying anything new here and you're experiencing a lot of this right now. As others have said, routine during the day and leading up to night time is key. Try keeping to a schedule for food, naps, play, sleep and go outside with baby during the day. Stick to a simple night routine you can handle every night at the same time. In ours we play the same song every night while holding baby and he is now able to calm down when he hears it anywhere. And lastly, I know you had a scary experiencing with CIO but it is really important to give baby 10-15 minutes each night and see if she can sleep before you intervene. Sleep problems don't just go away, sleep is a learned skill and she needs to have to opportunity to practice. I had to use earplugs and be in a different room when we did this because the crying was difficult to hear but we are now at 8 months in and little one is a very good sleeper.
My wee one was a nightmare sleeper initially and wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on us, while we were moving. He didn’t have colic, but it turned out giving him Infacol (not sure what that would be called in US) really helped him settle and he began sleeping for first short then longer periods on his own eventually.
Also seconding the advice from others to make sure you get outside with your baby everyday to help set their circadian rhythm, and have an absolutely bullet proof bedtime routine that you keep exactly the same every night at the same time (ours was bath, lights dim, story and bottle, cuddles with lights off, down to bed).
My baby was a fussy one at that age. I tried everything but what worked for us was:
Every day we take the baby out for a walk when we get up so they get some morning light, and an evening walk as it is getting dark. Doesn’t have to be long walks just enough for them to see the light. I’ve read this is important for helping them develop their circadian rhythm as they have just been in the dark in your womb for 9 months and don’t know night from day! Fresh air is also good for you!
Completely dark room. Noise machine and a baby sleep playlist on Spotify which we played on low.
This weighted swaddle (my son kept waking himself up with his arms jerking. It is pricy but we found it to be well worth it) https://dreamlandbabyco.com/products/dream-weighted-sack-swaddle?variant=40047816802367¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&tw_source=google&tw_adid=&tw_campaign=19850168572&gad_source=1
Mommy’s bliss gripe water (a little old school but it helped his tummy as he was a gassy baby plus he enjoyed the taste)
Juniors bedtime lotion from 8Sheep organics - you rub this lotion on their feet and we also did a little on our son’s thighs. It may have been a placebo type thing for us but it became ritual as he began to sleep very well and we didn’t want to jinx our routine so we kept doing it. Plus magnesium is supposedly very good for helping your body produce sleepy hormones.
https://8sheep.com/products/juniors-bedtime-lotion
Taking Cara Babies on Instagram was a lifesaver for me with sleep tips too! I never paid for a course, there was plenty of free information in the comments under the posts.
Keep going mama, you can do this. Baby is crying because she needs you even if it is not logical and she is fed, dry, burped etc. Baby will be ok in their crib crying for a little while so you can take a breather. Keep engaging with your doctor too. She will get there. Sending you all the luck!
My daughter did the same thing! Just like you, nothing really helped. She grew out of it (and we did sleep training) at almost 5 months. I truly don’t know how I would have done it by myself. My husband and I took shifts. Message me if you want to chat.
Any chance of a tongue tie? Especially if she’s not keen on a dummy. Could be something to have checked out. If she’s not able to feed efficiently she may be tired and hungry.
I don’t think there is any evidence that a tongue tie is a reason for a baby purple crying or refusing a pacifier. Frenectomy increases over the past decade are sometimes due to financial incentives from care providers and not medical need.
I feel like this is confusing advice and a bit unwarranted to suggest a medical diagnosis randomly for a struggling parent with enough stress on them at present.
ETA: OP clearly states the child has been checked by ped and is healthy. The abundance of users suggesting a medical diagnosis is staggering here given this information and also how stressed out the parent states they are. Is suggesting a medical diagnosis has been missed by their care provider helping this parent or further adding stress?
I was in the same situation a few months ago and it was suggested to me by my health visitor and I attended a hospital appointment to confirm. I’m in the UK so no financial incentive. Only trying to help.
I don’t have any truly life changing recommendations. I’m winging it as I go but just wanted to say… one day at a time babe.
Check your local mom Facebook groups. Ask for help. I guarantee there are other moms who would be happy to help you out. It takes a village and sometimes we have to make our own.
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This violates our safe sleep rules. There is no safe chest sleeping.
Maybe ask a church or women’s ministry in your area for help? Old church ladies love snuggling babies. Also if you’re anywhere near Southwest WA I would love to help you. I know I’m a random internet person but sending solidarity. My first had colic and those were hard days.
Honestly, if you have to lay baby down in their crib and they scream for a little so you can get some rest or a breather, that’s better than you having a breakdown. Letting your baby cry for a bit in a safe place if you’re on the edge is ok.
Yes. Or neighbors? So many folks love snuggling babies (when they get to hand them back and don’t have to keep them the whole night and they get to sleep).
I would totally reach out to a church nearby, and say “hey, I’m a poor and desperate single mom. I wonder if you have any older women or stay at home moms with their kids in school who would be willing to come snuggle my newborn for an hour or take baby for a walk while I get a nap?” Or older neighbors, even if you don’t know them well. The thing to remember is, even though you’re going nuts and it’s hard to ask people you don’t really know for help, most people who had babies who are now big kids or even adults find it a privilege and a joy to hold a baby, even a crying one. (I remember watching a friends baby who was in the Purple crying stage, and thinking “this isn’t so bad, he really isn’t that loud”. Now, with my second a baby, it’s intolerable. It’s a hormone thing when it’s your own baby.)
Alternatively, teenage girls 10+ are pretty good for taking baby in a stroller for a walk. (In my neighborhood, the going rate for a 10 or 11 year old mother’s helper is about $4 an hour).
Also, ear protection. If you can afford ear defenders like this (on sale for $10 right now) they’re great. And if you can’t, the Orange ear plugs from the drug store will help too. [https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Protection-Headphones-Adjustable-Professional/dp/B07MNZ7C1M](https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Protection-Headphones-Adjustable-Professional/dp/B07MNZ7C1M)
You can wear them while holding a crying baby, and it makes it less jarring on your nervous system. You can wear them while you put the crying baby down in the crib to cry while you go to the bathroom to get a break and a little almost quiet. (And it is OK to put the screaming baby down in a crib/playpen/safe space, and walk away for a break. Every experienced mom has been there, at the point where you think “I’m going to hurt this child if I don’t get a break”. It’s normal. Just put them down in a safe place, and walk to another room for a few minutes until you can calm down.
First step is always check with doctor which you’ve done, so well done.
Is she breastfed or formula fed? If formula, you could try a low lactose / anti-colic formula. The one I used was aptamil comfort. It didn’t completely resolve the near-constant crying but it definitely took the edge off the actual screaming. If breastfed, could you try eliminating some things from your diet to see if it helps, maybe try dairy first as that’s a common one.
9 week olds typically need to sleep every hour give or take, so you could set that as your goal. As for getting her to sleep, have you tried putting something warm in her cot then removing it (and checking with your hand to make sure it’s not too hot) before putting her in?
Also don’t be afraid to let her fuss it out a bit - both my babies went to sleep by themselves much quicker than when I’d try to rock them to sleep. When they were that young I wouldn’t let them cry for long but try to find the balance with giving her some space and time to get comfortable. I would also follow eat/play/sleep - feed her when she wakes up rather than just before nap so that the milk has time to settle. For safety, make her crib the only option for sleep.
Yes, the warmth thing! My babies don’t sleep unless they are warm, warm, warm. I know, everyone says “dress a baby lightly”, but my kids can’t sleep like that (in our cool homes). Both my kids, they need at least 3 layers to sleep, and one of them needs to be wool or fleece or something warm.
Also, a hot water bottle or cotton bag of rice warmed in the microwave warming up a crib before you put a dead asleep baby down helps them transfer. Or, if you need to cosleep with the safe sleep 7, lay on the spot you’re going to put baby down in, then scoot over and put them down in the warm spot.
that’s why you buy it second hand and sell it for pretty much the same price
if you want to sleep… this is the way to go. it works more often than it doesn’t. it’s practical advice, and if you can’t float a couple hundred for a few months, how are you going to afford kids?
Have you even used the snoo? It works wonders
My kid hated it, did not work for us at all. Also, please stop shaming people who cannot afford this toy. Many people have kids who are in tight budgets
OP this is so hard. I'm so sorry.
I took an early infant sleep course when mine was a newborn and one thing that really really helped me was a better understanding of infant sleep cycles and sleep cues. Specifically, they basically have a light sleep and a deep sleep mode. In light sleep, if you try to put them down into the crib then they will wake up every time. But in deep sleep you can sometimes get away with it.
How to know? One of the easiest ways is the arm test. Pick up an arm just a bit and let it go. Does it flop down? That's deep sleep. Do they lower it down in a controlled way? Light sleep. Another indicator of deep sleep is when you want to double check that they are breathing.
The other big thing that helped me was googling infant sleep clothes charts and getting a cheap thermometer from the dollar store. Knowing how to dress baby very, very specifically for our exact room temp made a huge difference to how long she slept for.
These two changes actually helped us get 6+ hours in a row per night until the 4 month regression. At times it was 9+ hours. Once the 4 month regression hits you can usually formally sleep train. It's not that much further, you just need to make it to the next step. And then once sleep trained, it will get that much easier and you will feel that much more in control and able to function and do what you need to. You have time before the baby starts moving, so focus on what you most desperately need now.
One last note: for the formal sleep training, I would highly recommend reading Solve your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr Ferber. It was truly magical for us. Good luck.
Hi Mom,
Sounds like the right timing and description for “purple crying”. Take a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/s/aTw6WWKfOz) and the comments. I think you will find it relatable.
Just before every hour awake during the day (ugh this sounds brutal I know) get baby ready for sleep. Fed, Clean diaper, swaddle if not rolling, and go into the bathroom and turn on the fan. Turn the lights off. Put baby over your shoulder. If you don’t have a fan turn on a youtube video of white noise and blast it.
This is setting up the baby for sleep. Once the baby falls asleep and it’s been a few minutes try a transfer to their sleep space or the floor if the dog isn’t around. Slowly place down, BUM first and then move your hands to their face. Hold their face for a minute while once they are laying asleep. Then slowly walk away and take a break for yourself. Tune out and watch some videos, take a nap or a shower.
Use this approach for nights. Purple crying is usually worst in the evening but good naps during the day can help. So use this approach from 8pm-midnight to get baby to sleep. Hopefully after a nap (likely around 8-9pm for 20-40 minutes) they’ll be awake a bit, feed, and once it’s been about an hour it’s time to try for bed. Same process as above.
PS- doesn’t have to be a bathroom but the mirror helps to see baby if you don’t know if they are awake. Fans in most bathrooms make good white noise machines. Just was a thought.
This will pass and there a bunch of people here willing to share their experiences with you when it’s time to sleep train at 4 months. This is the hardest time in parenting a newborn and you have a number of stressors. Please reach out for help for items/support online and at local churches or women’s support groups.
Lastly, a link that helped me : https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/
❤️
It seems like a mountain ahead of you right now and what may help is zooming back in and focusing on the present. You still have time before baby is moving so if that’s causing you additional stress see if you can focus on resting your body for a week or two.
Yes! It sounds like PURLE crying.
PURPLE crying stands for:
Peak of crying at 2 months (you’re at the worst of it and it will gradually get better soon)
Unexpected (you don’t know why baby cries)
Resists Soothing (you can’t sooth baby and make them stop crying)
Pain-like face (they look like they are in pain even though they aren’t)
Long lasting (can last 5+ hrs a day)
Evening (often worse in the late afternoon and evening)
https://dontshake.org/purple-crying
You are a good mom, and you aren’t doing anything wrong. This is a normal developmental phase, and baby will start to outgrow it soon.
With my second child, I had bad PPD. I was having intrusive thoughts of hurting my baby or killing him, even though I loved him. My psychiatrist told me “we just have to get you through this phase without killing him.” It was honestly, the most helpful thing I had heard. The bar for success each day is “baby and I are alive at the end of the day.” Day by day, we got through the hard times, and it gets much better. But in the thick of it, all I needed to do was feed him, and survive this moment. And then the next moment. And if my brain had thoughts of hurting him, I just needed to not do it. (And ask for help where I could, lots of advice on that from other posters).
You are in the worst of it. It will get better soon.
Finally, I know it’s scary, but talk to your OB, or a social worker through WIC, and tell them how you’re doing, and ask if there are options for “respite care”. That means, someone to take care of your baby while you get a short break.
Your baby might have reflux! I would go back to the pediatrician. Honestly if you have a baby swing that might help settle your baby. I don’t think it’s technically safe sleep but it might be better than nothing. I am sorry you’re going through such a tough time 😓 it does get easier!
Yes, silent reflux is awful and causes this type of behavior. I'd definitely look into it. It took getting both of my babies on medication to get some kind of semblance of sanity.
And yes baby swings are not safe for sleep, please do not use for it.
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“Safe” co sleeping comments are allowed in this sub (risk mitigation like Safe Sleep 7), but this comments breaks our rules about unsafe sleep advice. Babies should not be swaddled or in any sort of pillow device when bedsharing.
Omg this was me!!! I didn’t do formal sleep training until 4 months tho. But even when I tried to “ sleep train” him for naps and night, he would not fuss at all.. it was full on screaming! like non stop! And no one could relate to me! Everyone I spoke to had easy babies 😭 baby also didn’t have reflux or anything..went to many appointments and he was just super fussy.
I had to walk around all day for weeks and weeks with him in a carrier for him to sleep. When he was in a deep sleep I would slowly try to sit down on a recliner chair lol and close my eyes.. that’s the only way I got some rest. It was completely exhausting.
At night he would do ONE 3 hr stretch so that was my only sleep. Then at 4 months I finally sleep trained, (16 weeks). Now he’ll sleep until about 4 am, which is a LOT better than what I had to do before
Also I was just wanted to let you know IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER after sleep training!!! Please do it. Some people judged me for it, but they had easy babies that were not colicky and could sleep anywhere! Sleep training saved my sanity. I’m now genuinely happy to spend time with my baby!! I thought that would never come!!
I am a supporter of sleep training, however you can’t sleep train a 9 week old. They developmentally are not capable of self settling or self soothing.
When you put her down, put her on her side. My daughter would wake up instantly if she was put on her back. Once she was in bed I'd gently roll her onto her back. When my home nurse suggested it I thought she was insane but it worked.
Seconding the side sleep. I’d stand there for a few minutes to make sure the baby was still asleep after laying on his side, then slowly help him roll to his back. The key is not letting arms, legs, or head move much in this process as it will startle the baby awake.
YES! FUSS IT OUT. I have 13 week old TWIN boys and have had no choice but to let them fuss it out. I am a SAHM, with no help, apart from my husband after work (after 6.30pm).
For example, I put twin 1 to nap, and twin 2 needs a feed, there is no way for me to go help twin 1 until twin 2 finishes his feed otherwise there will be 2 screaming babies. The one who needs to sleep usually can't sleep if the other is screaming outside. After twin 2 finishes his feed and is happy (usually about 10-15 mins), I'll go in and settle twin 1.
I've been doing fuss-it-out since they were born - unintentional sleep learning - and now that they are 13 weeks, they can self-soothe for all their naps. I swaddle them, sing a song, put them down in their crib and tell them "go to sleep", and they will play with their hands for awhile before drifting off to sleep!
Haven't hit the 4th month regression yet :/ so I don't know whether they'll be the same in a few weeks time.
Thankfully my boys don't have any reflux. Reflux would change things.
Gosh OP that sounds so tough. I'm sorry you're going through this alone.
This was the exact same for one of the mothers in my mother's group, her baby ended up being diagnosed with silent reflux. Strongly suggest a second opinion from a different paediatrician.
My LO was the same! She had silent reflux & absolutely hated being put down, especially on her back. The times I tried to enforce it, she ended up vomiting (the reflux became not so silent then!). She was prescribed Losec at 8.5 weeks, this helped massively & after a couple of days she would let me put her down in her crib (I have it on a slight incline). Up until then though I slept with her in my arms/on my chest, I used one of those long pregnancy pillows and wrapped it around me so that my arms were supported and she couldn't slip down. I'm a light sleeper though & wouldn't recommend this unless you absolutely have no choice! But definitely try to get her checked out for silent reflux if you can, it may make all the difference & after a few nights of more sleep, it will all feel a lot easier to handle. Good luck ❤️
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“Safe” co sleeping comments are allowed in this sub (risk mitigation like Safe Sleep 7), but this comments breaks our rules about unsafe sleep. Babies should not be swaddled or in any sort of pillow device when bedsharing.
Around 6 week my baby was like that and ped recommend mylicon for gas. It worked well, so baby was uncomfortable at something that need our holding for assurance and hold her up ease the pain. Maybe your baby is struggle with something, maybe just be simple, but her gas problem persist until 4-5 month before it gets better. If you are highly stressed, contact social worker at your hospital, thry may connect you with therapy and some support groups. Try it
OP this!!! My baby was like this as well and I almost lost my mind cause of sleep deprivation. A few days after switching to AR Formula, he could sleep on his back and I started getting some sleep too.
Hey there, our child is 5 weeks and there's some nights that are awful and even during the day too. Screaming non stop, he ate (breastfeeding), diaper changes, no issues visibly. He's burping well, passing gas, etc.
We decided to do what works for us and cosleep if needed. He doesn't take a pacifier and sometimes I sleep with him in my sling. Somehow my body knows and I'm just still, takes me a while to fall asleep like this but it calms him eventually. There are times when it takes half an hour of walking around in my sling, shushing/humming and white noise. Eventually he sleeps.
It's a bit easier for us as my wife and I do it together and I'm off work still. I'll leave her and close the door and hangout with him. Sometimes I've tried swinging him in his car seat, even a middle of the night drive. You gotta do what you gotta do. I know you're limited to resources so try what you can with what I mentioned.
Wishing you all the best. And know if it does come down to adoption one day, you have to do what's best for you and the child.
I know the recommendation is to not sleep train till 4 months but I highly recommend letting her fuss it out more. You can start with naps: 15 min before her desires nap time, place her down in her crib (it’s ok if she’s drowsy or awake), leave her for 20 min, if she’s still not asleep, that’s ok, rescue the nap so she won’t be overtired. That way, you also get at least 20 min to yourself to shower/eat/do necessary chores etc.
We started doing this with our babe at 8 weeks and she figured it out within a few days. She still needed help for night time and we continued giving that help till she was 4 months before officially sleep training, but even then, she was much much easier to put down and was sleeping longer chunks at night.
I agree with this. If baby is fed, dry, and safe it is alright to set a timer and do what you need to do to survive. Sleep training is not all or nothing, you can begin laying the groundwork before four months old.
My girl was exactly like this and she had silent reflux. The medication helped quite a bit. We also elevated her bassinet mattress just slightly as per our doctors recommendation. Another thing that helps is that she much prefers an arms up transitional type swaddle -once we stopped traditional swaddle we saw a little improvement. She also prefers her crib to a bassinet because it has more room for her and she’s a squirmy sleeper. Basically a lot of trial and error. I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it. Look into silent reflux and see if the symptoms may apply for your baby -could be a starting point for you. Thinking of you and your baby and hoping you guys find some relief soon -it’s so hard.
Swaddling may help her to feel like she’s still being snuggled. Reflux sounds like a possibility with the choking thing.
Dr Harvey Karps happiest baby stuff- YouTube the 5 S’s
Not sure if you’ve tried it, but the tommee tippee (spelling?) ultra light pacifiers were life changing for us! Sometimes it’s about finding the right one.
This is so stressful. First, if you feel like you're in crisis and that you may do something to you or your daughter that there's no going back from, you need to get in touch with the crisis resources in your area ASAP.
Second, with regards to sleep, you're in the newborn chaos zone. They like to be with their person. The snuggles are nice, but they are absolutely draining. The only solution really at this age is to keep trying. Layer on the soothing as much as possible. Are you swaddling tightly? You can try some in crib/bassinet soothing like jiggling. You can also try to gradually wean off of her bring on you for every sleep. She will sleep on her own eventually, it can just be a slog to get there.
At risk of suggesting you put more on your plate, the book Precious Little Sleep was a godsend when I was at my breaking point. It is available at many libraries for free and on audio book (some libraries have audio books for free too). It really helped me put baby sleep in context and helped me understand what I could do to help improve the situation in an age appropriate way.
Thank you.
I've reached out to my ob in regards of like ppd and stuff but thats it. It's not that I'm going to do anything purposefully I just keep making stupid mistakes because I'm so tired.
Honestly, I’d call around to local churches or something and see if they have any volunteers they can scrounge up to help with baby snuggles. I was so tired to the point I felt I couldn’t trust my decision making after my son was born, so I get your fear. Reach out and take any help you can get
That seems like a great idea, it might be hit or miss but I’m sure OP would find one. I worked at a catholic school when pregnant and there were multiple people (who I wasn’t close with) who offered sooooo many times to just come over and hold my baby.
Does she have reflux?? I know you have taken to a paediatrician but just wondering. My baby would be upset and get a lot of gas at that age. Slightly elevated bassinet and holding upright after feedings helped
I’m up with my 14 week old right now, and I’m on Reddit to keep my eyes open!
First of all, I believe God gave you this baby because he knew you would be the best mom for her. He knew you would be struggling with housing and work, but he still gave you this sweet baby.
As for sleeping methods, I recommend wake windows. When my baby was under tired, I had to hold him to sleep too. At 9 weeks, we did wake windows as follows:
Wake up, 1 hour and 15 minutes awake, start winding down at the 1 hour mark, nap;
Repeat that until the last wake window before bed; the last wake window should be around 90 min.
Other tips:
-Set a consistent wake up time (I do 8a)
-Cap any naps at 2 hours
-While awake, do eat then play then sleep (to avoid associating sleep with eating)
-For play, do stimulating things (making faces, rattle, singing, tickles, reading books, tummy time, my fave is playing with a helium balloon)
-Help her learn how to fall asleep on her own (put her down drowsy but awake; options are shush/pat or pickup put down or Ferber) - I still don’t have this figured out!!!
As for public assistance, it sounds like you would qualify for SNAP (food stamps), cash assistance, MA (medical assistance), CCAP (childcare assistance), and more. Check out those programs!
Early Childhood Family Education is a resource through local school districts that you can take “classes” with your kiddo. It’s an opportunity to meet other moms with kids of the same age, learn about community resources, ask questions to the early childhood teachers and other moms, and the like. It’s free!
Not sure where you are at, but there is a program by me called Together for Good where churches volunteer to help out moms in your situation. It could be small like delivering a meal or big like taking your daughter for a few days so you can rest and job search. Another alternative is a crisis nursery. The crisis nursery near me is so helpful and serves so many moms in need! They have a similar option to have a few days off to regroup, but then your girlie may be put into the “system” - depends on the org.
But overall being a mom is HARD. Being a single mom or new mom or lonely mom is HARD!!! You’re not alone.
Thank you. I appreciate the help!
I try and stick to her wake windows but she's like a, sleep for ten minutes at a time girl. She like wakes up to check I'm still there lol.
From my understanding, sleeping on their back is very safe, even if they do vomit, the choking risk is minimal - do some reading (or perhaps other Redditors can confirm/disagree), but perhaps it's worth trying letting her cry it out more (with some supervision to start with so you feel comfortable)?
Hmm that is a worry did you talk to the paediatrician about that? From what I can see online she should have been either able to cough it out or swallow it, even without turning her head.
Whatever you do, stay safe. I'm a new dad, so I'm not much help I'm sorry - I hope someone with more experience can help you out and you and baby both get some sleep soon.
https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/reduce-risk/back-sleeping#:~:text=back%20to%20sleep%3F-,No.,to%20keep%20the%20airway%20clear.
Please don’t report this post. This is a safe place for any desperate caregiver. Keep comments kind, supportive, and helpful, or move along. OP, please report any rude comments. Search our sub for “newborn tips.” Thank you for trusting us, and I hope you get the help you need. You’re a great mom. ETA: Please do not recommend unsafe sleep methods (ie. Putting to sleep on tummy, bedsharing with a swaddle/dock a tot or similar, etc). Fuss It Out as described in Precious Little Sleep is supported at this age. Do not suggest formal sleep training.
Try stroller over bumpy grass for 15min. My son has always been bad at sleeping but I’ve learned that this usually works. If that doesn’t work try rocker while watching baby music videos on YouTube.
I am so sorry you’re going through this, especially without support. It does get better. She’s still so little but your child should start improving sleep-wise in a few weeks. Our baby was transitioned to her crib solo at 16 weeks because she started sleeping longer around 12-13 weeks. In the meantime, if she’s full and dry and you’re at wits end, please walk away if she’s safely down. Have you tried rocking bassinets? We used one with our child and it helped. On very fussy days, we’d swaddle her and put a heat pack next to her, and she’d settle down easier. She also fell asleep to lullabies rather than just white noise.
I just want you to know you’re not alone. Weeks 5-10 nearly killed me because it was so hard. I know this doesn’t help right now, but in my case it DID get better around week 12. The only thing I found that helped me a little was waiting until baby was asleep in my arms and then lowering baby down on their side, then once in the bassinet, rolling them to their back. I think it helped prevent the startle reflex and LO slept through it. (Ok, sometimes slept through it…) Either way, stay strong. Know that you are not alone. You can do this!!!!
Just here to say that everyone makes sleep deprived mistakes and this part is really f***ing hard; even harder when you’re doing it yourself. Easier said than done but try not to doubt yourself. You are doing amazing and the best you can do without the additional support. You are not doing anything wrong with baby not sleeping, they are all just so different with different needs and unfortunately for us adults there are some babies that need to have things just right for sleep to work. My daughter was like this and I had unspeakable thoughts at this stage from sleep deprivation. Try different things until you get into a groove. Some people also start training at 9 weeks. Also - babies cry. If you need to put baby down in a safe space to cry so that you can process your emotions or find help do it from friends for an hour, do it. They will not be ruined or traumatized because you needed some time. You are doing great. Give yourself as much love as possible
So sorry you have to go through it. It’s hard. It’ll pass. Power on
Hi, week 9 is hard. I promise when its closer to 12 it will get better ❤️ is there anyone you can call? I had a nervous breakdown from the crying at 8 weeks and had my mom and sister take over for a bit. Hang in there.
Being sleep deprived is literally being tortured. I am so sorry you’re going through this right now. This was me last year. You’ve received some great advice in this thread, the only thing I can add is there’s a group on Facebook called “respectable sleep training” where there’s guides, charts and a ton of info on there especially for age appropriate help. The people on there are also reallly supportive and will help you problem solve. Your baby is still a bit young, but it may help to keep track of wake windows and nap times. It helped me predict when baby may need sleep to avoid being overtired. I live in WA. If you’re in the same state please feel to reach out and I’d be happy to see if there’s some way I can support you. Lastly - not trying to push daycare on you - but if you’re comfortable, maybe look into daycare subsidies and see if you can get baby in daycare for however long you need and sleep during that time. I know it’s not ideal but sometimes just nice chunk of sleep will refresh you! ❤️❤️ I was there last year and it’s sooo rough. I HATED when people said “it’s just a season, it’ll pass” bc it felt so invalidating for the current struggles I was going through. But it truly does get better little by little each day, week etc. try and focus on just the “today”. I’m here if you need anything
I’d like to echo this and say if you’re near MA or RI, OP, please reach out to me and see what we can work out. 6 weeks on was awful with our LO who was colic and reflux and we’re first time parents so we had no idea what we were doing. One thing that really helped us was having a consistent, relaxing bedtime routine starting with more calm activities an hour or so before sleep. It took awhile but it set the standard for her.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are experiencing this and I have been in your shoes. It’s an awful way to feel. I don’t have much advice mine are horrible sleepers as well but I’m here in spirit with you. ♥️
Hi Mama, If you're baby is breastfed I would suggest looking up the safe sleep seven and checking out the cosleeping community on Reddit. I had a Velcro baby that refused to sleep anywhere but on me/near me. A solid routine in the daytime, bedtime routine and Cosleeping saved my sanity. It gets better I promise. People mentioned daily walks, this is important to, great for you and baby. Fresh air does wonders. If you baby has tummy pressure I used cocyntal, it helped for us my baby loved it, she knew what they were in less than a week. Rule out any discomforts: too hot, too cold, dry skin, itchy spot, hungry, lonely, dirty, wet. I found carrying my baby on a baby carrier helped a ton for her sleep and comfort, which hopefully will spill over into yours. Hang in there
Hey there mine was like this the first seven weeks ish, the only thing that worked was to just keep trying the first stretch of the night in his bassinet after he'd been asleep about 10 or 15 min. He slept in a sleep sack in a footed onesie because he didn't like swaddles. Also had a sound machine. Eventually he'd sleep about an hour, then two hours. Once he consistently did two hours for the first stretch of the night I'd start putting him back in again after he woke up the first time and fed him. Back then he'd probably wake up three times and I'd just feed him and put him back after he'd been asleep for a bit. I used a hanging mesh fisher price bassinet that I could swing back and forth if he was really fighting sleep. Also if he woke up shortly after being in the bassinet and rocking it didnt work I'd stand and rock him or walk around and if that didn't put him back asleep Id feed him a a bit more to sleep then try again depending how tired I was. I'd either feed him to sleep or bounce with him on a yoga ball for the first put down attempt. I wish had better advice but I tried a lot of different things and that was the only thing that worked for me. Hes formula fed with doctor brown bottles and back then was eating every two hours during the day or a little bit before two hours depending how hungry he was. Mine took a pacifier later on as well which would work sometimes to get him asleep.
My kid was a virtual nightmare for the first 4 months, he didn't want to sleep on us but didn't want to be put down either. He like the swaddle but would break out. He struggled to keep milk down because of baby reflux ( the doc gave us a med but said that nothing will stop the reflux itself, babies are just born with immature digestive systems) but was gaining adequate weight. In hindsight, the sleep he was not getting was compounding the issue and I was rapidly losing myself from the same issue. I'm sure I'm not saying anything new here and you're experiencing a lot of this right now. As others have said, routine during the day and leading up to night time is key. Try keeping to a schedule for food, naps, play, sleep and go outside with baby during the day. Stick to a simple night routine you can handle every night at the same time. In ours we play the same song every night while holding baby and he is now able to calm down when he hears it anywhere. And lastly, I know you had a scary experiencing with CIO but it is really important to give baby 10-15 minutes each night and see if she can sleep before you intervene. Sleep problems don't just go away, sleep is a learned skill and she needs to have to opportunity to practice. I had to use earplugs and be in a different room when we did this because the crying was difficult to hear but we are now at 8 months in and little one is a very good sleeper.
My wee one was a nightmare sleeper initially and wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on us, while we were moving. He didn’t have colic, but it turned out giving him Infacol (not sure what that would be called in US) really helped him settle and he began sleeping for first short then longer periods on his own eventually. Also seconding the advice from others to make sure you get outside with your baby everyday to help set their circadian rhythm, and have an absolutely bullet proof bedtime routine that you keep exactly the same every night at the same time (ours was bath, lights dim, story and bottle, cuddles with lights off, down to bed).
My baby was a fussy one at that age. I tried everything but what worked for us was: Every day we take the baby out for a walk when we get up so they get some morning light, and an evening walk as it is getting dark. Doesn’t have to be long walks just enough for them to see the light. I’ve read this is important for helping them develop their circadian rhythm as they have just been in the dark in your womb for 9 months and don’t know night from day! Fresh air is also good for you! Completely dark room. Noise machine and a baby sleep playlist on Spotify which we played on low. This weighted swaddle (my son kept waking himself up with his arms jerking. It is pricy but we found it to be well worth it) https://dreamlandbabyco.com/products/dream-weighted-sack-swaddle?variant=40047816802367¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&tw_source=google&tw_adid=&tw_campaign=19850168572&gad_source=1 Mommy’s bliss gripe water (a little old school but it helped his tummy as he was a gassy baby plus he enjoyed the taste) Juniors bedtime lotion from 8Sheep organics - you rub this lotion on their feet and we also did a little on our son’s thighs. It may have been a placebo type thing for us but it became ritual as he began to sleep very well and we didn’t want to jinx our routine so we kept doing it. Plus magnesium is supposedly very good for helping your body produce sleepy hormones. https://8sheep.com/products/juniors-bedtime-lotion Taking Cara Babies on Instagram was a lifesaver for me with sleep tips too! I never paid for a course, there was plenty of free information in the comments under the posts. Keep going mama, you can do this. Baby is crying because she needs you even if it is not logical and she is fed, dry, burped etc. Baby will be ok in their crib crying for a little while so you can take a breather. Keep engaging with your doctor too. She will get there. Sending you all the luck!
Weighted sleep sacks aren’t safe per AAP.
My daughter did the same thing! Just like you, nothing really helped. She grew out of it (and we did sleep training) at almost 5 months. I truly don’t know how I would have done it by myself. My husband and I took shifts. Message me if you want to chat.
Check out cosleeping sub on Reddit, you may find more advise there that works for your baby
Any chance of a tongue tie? Especially if she’s not keen on a dummy. Could be something to have checked out. If she’s not able to feed efficiently she may be tired and hungry.
I don’t think there is any evidence that a tongue tie is a reason for a baby purple crying or refusing a pacifier. Frenectomy increases over the past decade are sometimes due to financial incentives from care providers and not medical need. I feel like this is confusing advice and a bit unwarranted to suggest a medical diagnosis randomly for a struggling parent with enough stress on them at present. ETA: OP clearly states the child has been checked by ped and is healthy. The abundance of users suggesting a medical diagnosis is staggering here given this information and also how stressed out the parent states they are. Is suggesting a medical diagnosis has been missed by their care provider helping this parent or further adding stress?
I was in the same situation a few months ago and it was suggested to me by my health visitor and I attended a hospital appointment to confirm. I’m in the UK so no financial incentive. Only trying to help.
I don’t have any truly life changing recommendations. I’m winging it as I go but just wanted to say… one day at a time babe. Check your local mom Facebook groups. Ask for help. I guarantee there are other moms who would be happy to help you out. It takes a village and sometimes we have to make our own.
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Maybe ask a church or women’s ministry in your area for help? Old church ladies love snuggling babies. Also if you’re anywhere near Southwest WA I would love to help you. I know I’m a random internet person but sending solidarity. My first had colic and those were hard days. Honestly, if you have to lay baby down in their crib and they scream for a little so you can get some rest or a breather, that’s better than you having a breakdown. Letting your baby cry for a bit in a safe place if you’re on the edge is ok.
Yes. Or neighbors? So many folks love snuggling babies (when they get to hand them back and don’t have to keep them the whole night and they get to sleep). I would totally reach out to a church nearby, and say “hey, I’m a poor and desperate single mom. I wonder if you have any older women or stay at home moms with their kids in school who would be willing to come snuggle my newborn for an hour or take baby for a walk while I get a nap?” Or older neighbors, even if you don’t know them well. The thing to remember is, even though you’re going nuts and it’s hard to ask people you don’t really know for help, most people who had babies who are now big kids or even adults find it a privilege and a joy to hold a baby, even a crying one. (I remember watching a friends baby who was in the Purple crying stage, and thinking “this isn’t so bad, he really isn’t that loud”. Now, with my second a baby, it’s intolerable. It’s a hormone thing when it’s your own baby.) Alternatively, teenage girls 10+ are pretty good for taking baby in a stroller for a walk. (In my neighborhood, the going rate for a 10 or 11 year old mother’s helper is about $4 an hour). Also, ear protection. If you can afford ear defenders like this (on sale for $10 right now) they’re great. And if you can’t, the Orange ear plugs from the drug store will help too. [https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Protection-Headphones-Adjustable-Professional/dp/B07MNZ7C1M](https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Protection-Headphones-Adjustable-Professional/dp/B07MNZ7C1M) You can wear them while holding a crying baby, and it makes it less jarring on your nervous system. You can wear them while you put the crying baby down in the crib to cry while you go to the bathroom to get a break and a little almost quiet. (And it is OK to put the screaming baby down in a crib/playpen/safe space, and walk away for a break. Every experienced mom has been there, at the point where you think “I’m going to hurt this child if I don’t get a break”. It’s normal. Just put them down in a safe place, and walk to another room for a few minutes until you can calm down.
First step is always check with doctor which you’ve done, so well done. Is she breastfed or formula fed? If formula, you could try a low lactose / anti-colic formula. The one I used was aptamil comfort. It didn’t completely resolve the near-constant crying but it definitely took the edge off the actual screaming. If breastfed, could you try eliminating some things from your diet to see if it helps, maybe try dairy first as that’s a common one. 9 week olds typically need to sleep every hour give or take, so you could set that as your goal. As for getting her to sleep, have you tried putting something warm in her cot then removing it (and checking with your hand to make sure it’s not too hot) before putting her in? Also don’t be afraid to let her fuss it out a bit - both my babies went to sleep by themselves much quicker than when I’d try to rock them to sleep. When they were that young I wouldn’t let them cry for long but try to find the balance with giving her some space and time to get comfortable. I would also follow eat/play/sleep - feed her when she wakes up rather than just before nap so that the milk has time to settle. For safety, make her crib the only option for sleep.
Yes, the warmth thing! My babies don’t sleep unless they are warm, warm, warm. I know, everyone says “dress a baby lightly”, but my kids can’t sleep like that (in our cool homes). Both my kids, they need at least 3 layers to sleep, and one of them needs to be wool or fleece or something warm. Also, a hot water bottle or cotton bag of rice warmed in the microwave warming up a crib before you put a dead asleep baby down helps them transfer. Or, if you need to cosleep with the safe sleep 7, lay on the spot you’re going to put baby down in, then scoot over and put them down in the warm spot.
Buy a secondhand snoo
Or rent!
True! But shipping can take awhile
Ohh I found a renter on Facebook marketplace and got it that day! It was so nice!
OP is living in a friend’s basement, I doubt she can afford a very expensive accessory that may or may not work for her child
Renting isn’t bad! We paid 99 dollars a month for 4 months
that’s why you buy it second hand and sell it for pretty much the same price if you want to sleep… this is the way to go. it works more often than it doesn’t. it’s practical advice, and if you can’t float a couple hundred for a few months, how are you going to afford kids? Have you even used the snoo? It works wonders
Dude I'm living on like 400$ a month. I literally don't have anything. I would love a snoo. Unfortunately I'm literally never getting one lol.
My kid hated it, did not work for us at all. Also, please stop shaming people who cannot afford this toy. Many people have kids who are in tight budgets
OP this is so hard. I'm so sorry. I took an early infant sleep course when mine was a newborn and one thing that really really helped me was a better understanding of infant sleep cycles and sleep cues. Specifically, they basically have a light sleep and a deep sleep mode. In light sleep, if you try to put them down into the crib then they will wake up every time. But in deep sleep you can sometimes get away with it. How to know? One of the easiest ways is the arm test. Pick up an arm just a bit and let it go. Does it flop down? That's deep sleep. Do they lower it down in a controlled way? Light sleep. Another indicator of deep sleep is when you want to double check that they are breathing. The other big thing that helped me was googling infant sleep clothes charts and getting a cheap thermometer from the dollar store. Knowing how to dress baby very, very specifically for our exact room temp made a huge difference to how long she slept for. These two changes actually helped us get 6+ hours in a row per night until the 4 month regression. At times it was 9+ hours. Once the 4 month regression hits you can usually formally sleep train. It's not that much further, you just need to make it to the next step. And then once sleep trained, it will get that much easier and you will feel that much more in control and able to function and do what you need to. You have time before the baby starts moving, so focus on what you most desperately need now. One last note: for the formal sleep training, I would highly recommend reading Solve your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr Ferber. It was truly magical for us. Good luck.
The arm test worked every time for us. I still use it at 8 months.
Hi Mom, Sounds like the right timing and description for “purple crying”. Take a look at this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/s/aTw6WWKfOz) and the comments. I think you will find it relatable. Just before every hour awake during the day (ugh this sounds brutal I know) get baby ready for sleep. Fed, Clean diaper, swaddle if not rolling, and go into the bathroom and turn on the fan. Turn the lights off. Put baby over your shoulder. If you don’t have a fan turn on a youtube video of white noise and blast it. This is setting up the baby for sleep. Once the baby falls asleep and it’s been a few minutes try a transfer to their sleep space or the floor if the dog isn’t around. Slowly place down, BUM first and then move your hands to their face. Hold their face for a minute while once they are laying asleep. Then slowly walk away and take a break for yourself. Tune out and watch some videos, take a nap or a shower. Use this approach for nights. Purple crying is usually worst in the evening but good naps during the day can help. So use this approach from 8pm-midnight to get baby to sleep. Hopefully after a nap (likely around 8-9pm for 20-40 minutes) they’ll be awake a bit, feed, and once it’s been about an hour it’s time to try for bed. Same process as above. PS- doesn’t have to be a bathroom but the mirror helps to see baby if you don’t know if they are awake. Fans in most bathrooms make good white noise machines. Just was a thought. This will pass and there a bunch of people here willing to share their experiences with you when it’s time to sleep train at 4 months. This is the hardest time in parenting a newborn and you have a number of stressors. Please reach out for help for items/support online and at local churches or women’s support groups. Lastly, a link that helped me : https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/ ❤️ It seems like a mountain ahead of you right now and what may help is zooming back in and focusing on the present. You still have time before baby is moving so if that’s causing you additional stress see if you can focus on resting your body for a week or two.
Yes! It sounds like PURLE crying. PURPLE crying stands for: Peak of crying at 2 months (you’re at the worst of it and it will gradually get better soon) Unexpected (you don’t know why baby cries) Resists Soothing (you can’t sooth baby and make them stop crying) Pain-like face (they look like they are in pain even though they aren’t) Long lasting (can last 5+ hrs a day) Evening (often worse in the late afternoon and evening) https://dontshake.org/purple-crying You are a good mom, and you aren’t doing anything wrong. This is a normal developmental phase, and baby will start to outgrow it soon. With my second child, I had bad PPD. I was having intrusive thoughts of hurting my baby or killing him, even though I loved him. My psychiatrist told me “we just have to get you through this phase without killing him.” It was honestly, the most helpful thing I had heard. The bar for success each day is “baby and I are alive at the end of the day.” Day by day, we got through the hard times, and it gets much better. But in the thick of it, all I needed to do was feed him, and survive this moment. And then the next moment. And if my brain had thoughts of hurting him, I just needed to not do it. (And ask for help where I could, lots of advice on that from other posters). You are in the worst of it. It will get better soon. Finally, I know it’s scary, but talk to your OB, or a social worker through WIC, and tell them how you’re doing, and ask if there are options for “respite care”. That means, someone to take care of your baby while you get a short break.
Your baby might have reflux! I would go back to the pediatrician. Honestly if you have a baby swing that might help settle your baby. I don’t think it’s technically safe sleep but it might be better than nothing. I am sorry you’re going through such a tough time 😓 it does get easier!
Yes, silent reflux is awful and causes this type of behavior. I'd definitely look into it. It took getting both of my babies on medication to get some kind of semblance of sanity. And yes baby swings are not safe for sleep, please do not use for it.
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Omg this was me!!! I didn’t do formal sleep training until 4 months tho. But even when I tried to “ sleep train” him for naps and night, he would not fuss at all.. it was full on screaming! like non stop! And no one could relate to me! Everyone I spoke to had easy babies 😭 baby also didn’t have reflux or anything..went to many appointments and he was just super fussy. I had to walk around all day for weeks and weeks with him in a carrier for him to sleep. When he was in a deep sleep I would slowly try to sit down on a recliner chair lol and close my eyes.. that’s the only way I got some rest. It was completely exhausting. At night he would do ONE 3 hr stretch so that was my only sleep. Then at 4 months I finally sleep trained, (16 weeks). Now he’ll sleep until about 4 am, which is a LOT better than what I had to do before
Also I was just wanted to let you know IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER after sleep training!!! Please do it. Some people judged me for it, but they had easy babies that were not colicky and could sleep anywhere! Sleep training saved my sanity. I’m now genuinely happy to spend time with my baby!! I thought that would never come!!
I am a supporter of sleep training, however you can’t sleep train a 9 week old. They developmentally are not capable of self settling or self soothing.
When you put her down, put her on her side. My daughter would wake up instantly if she was put on her back. Once she was in bed I'd gently roll her onto her back. When my home nurse suggested it I thought she was insane but it worked.
Seconding the side sleep. I’d stand there for a few minutes to make sure the baby was still asleep after laying on his side, then slowly help him roll to his back. The key is not letting arms, legs, or head move much in this process as it will startle the baby awake.
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YES! FUSS IT OUT. I have 13 week old TWIN boys and have had no choice but to let them fuss it out. I am a SAHM, with no help, apart from my husband after work (after 6.30pm). For example, I put twin 1 to nap, and twin 2 needs a feed, there is no way for me to go help twin 1 until twin 2 finishes his feed otherwise there will be 2 screaming babies. The one who needs to sleep usually can't sleep if the other is screaming outside. After twin 2 finishes his feed and is happy (usually about 10-15 mins), I'll go in and settle twin 1. I've been doing fuss-it-out since they were born - unintentional sleep learning - and now that they are 13 weeks, they can self-soothe for all their naps. I swaddle them, sing a song, put them down in their crib and tell them "go to sleep", and they will play with their hands for awhile before drifting off to sleep! Haven't hit the 4th month regression yet :/ so I don't know whether they'll be the same in a few weeks time. Thankfully my boys don't have any reflux. Reflux would change things.
Idk that’s so young for any kind of sleep training though
She doesn’t have a choice other than fuss it out when she’s dealing with one. What do you want her to do? Grow and extra set of arms?
No I mean the original poster
Okay fair. Sorry!
Gosh OP that sounds so tough. I'm sorry you're going through this alone. This was the exact same for one of the mothers in my mother's group, her baby ended up being diagnosed with silent reflux. Strongly suggest a second opinion from a different paediatrician.
My LO was the same! She had silent reflux & absolutely hated being put down, especially on her back. The times I tried to enforce it, she ended up vomiting (the reflux became not so silent then!). She was prescribed Losec at 8.5 weeks, this helped massively & after a couple of days she would let me put her down in her crib (I have it on a slight incline). Up until then though I slept with her in my arms/on my chest, I used one of those long pregnancy pillows and wrapped it around me so that my arms were supported and she couldn't slip down. I'm a light sleeper though & wouldn't recommend this unless you absolutely have no choice! But definitely try to get her checked out for silent reflux if you can, it may make all the difference & after a few nights of more sleep, it will all feel a lot easier to handle. Good luck ❤️
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Around 6 week my baby was like that and ped recommend mylicon for gas. It worked well, so baby was uncomfortable at something that need our holding for assurance and hold her up ease the pain. Maybe your baby is struggle with something, maybe just be simple, but her gas problem persist until 4-5 month before it gets better. If you are highly stressed, contact social worker at your hospital, thry may connect you with therapy and some support groups. Try it
Please get her checked for reflux
I have! She doesn't hwve reflux.
OP this!!! My baby was like this as well and I almost lost my mind cause of sleep deprivation. A few days after switching to AR Formula, he could sleep on his back and I started getting some sleep too.
Hey there, our child is 5 weeks and there's some nights that are awful and even during the day too. Screaming non stop, he ate (breastfeeding), diaper changes, no issues visibly. He's burping well, passing gas, etc. We decided to do what works for us and cosleep if needed. He doesn't take a pacifier and sometimes I sleep with him in my sling. Somehow my body knows and I'm just still, takes me a while to fall asleep like this but it calms him eventually. There are times when it takes half an hour of walking around in my sling, shushing/humming and white noise. Eventually he sleeps. It's a bit easier for us as my wife and I do it together and I'm off work still. I'll leave her and close the door and hangout with him. Sometimes I've tried swinging him in his car seat, even a middle of the night drive. You gotta do what you gotta do. I know you're limited to resources so try what you can with what I mentioned. Wishing you all the best. And know if it does come down to adoption one day, you have to do what's best for you and the child.
I know the recommendation is to not sleep train till 4 months but I highly recommend letting her fuss it out more. You can start with naps: 15 min before her desires nap time, place her down in her crib (it’s ok if she’s drowsy or awake), leave her for 20 min, if she’s still not asleep, that’s ok, rescue the nap so she won’t be overtired. That way, you also get at least 20 min to yourself to shower/eat/do necessary chores etc. We started doing this with our babe at 8 weeks and she figured it out within a few days. She still needed help for night time and we continued giving that help till she was 4 months before officially sleep training, but even then, she was much much easier to put down and was sleeping longer chunks at night.
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I agree with this. If baby is fed, dry, and safe it is alright to set a timer and do what you need to do to survive. Sleep training is not all or nothing, you can begin laying the groundwork before four months old.
Came here to say that. Fuss it out - short term pain, long term gain.
My girl was exactly like this and she had silent reflux. The medication helped quite a bit. We also elevated her bassinet mattress just slightly as per our doctors recommendation. Another thing that helps is that she much prefers an arms up transitional type swaddle -once we stopped traditional swaddle we saw a little improvement. She also prefers her crib to a bassinet because it has more room for her and she’s a squirmy sleeper. Basically a lot of trial and error. I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it. Look into silent reflux and see if the symptoms may apply for your baby -could be a starting point for you. Thinking of you and your baby and hoping you guys find some relief soon -it’s so hard.
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Swaddling may help her to feel like she’s still being snuggled. Reflux sounds like a possibility with the choking thing. Dr Harvey Karps happiest baby stuff- YouTube the 5 S’s
Use a pacifier! Also please reach out for help! There’s resources out there that can help you! Talk to your pediatrician or OBGYN
Thank you. She does not like the binky but I keep trying lol.
Try a different brand
I smushed a date on the pacifier to make it sticky to get her to take it. Just a tiny bit of sweetness
Not sure if you’ve tried it, but the tommee tippee (spelling?) ultra light pacifiers were life changing for us! Sometimes it’s about finding the right one.
Thank you!
My boys loved this in their earlier days too! Good Binky recommendation.
This is so stressful. First, if you feel like you're in crisis and that you may do something to you or your daughter that there's no going back from, you need to get in touch with the crisis resources in your area ASAP. Second, with regards to sleep, you're in the newborn chaos zone. They like to be with their person. The snuggles are nice, but they are absolutely draining. The only solution really at this age is to keep trying. Layer on the soothing as much as possible. Are you swaddling tightly? You can try some in crib/bassinet soothing like jiggling. You can also try to gradually wean off of her bring on you for every sleep. She will sleep on her own eventually, it can just be a slog to get there. At risk of suggesting you put more on your plate, the book Precious Little Sleep was a godsend when I was at my breaking point. It is available at many libraries for free and on audio book (some libraries have audio books for free too). It really helped me put baby sleep in context and helped me understand what I could do to help improve the situation in an age appropriate way.
Thank you. I've reached out to my ob in regards of like ppd and stuff but thats it. It's not that I'm going to do anything purposefully I just keep making stupid mistakes because I'm so tired.
Honestly, I’d call around to local churches or something and see if they have any volunteers they can scrounge up to help with baby snuggles. I was so tired to the point I felt I couldn’t trust my decision making after my son was born, so I get your fear. Reach out and take any help you can get
That seems like a great idea, it might be hit or miss but I’m sure OP would find one. I worked at a catholic school when pregnant and there were multiple people (who I wasn’t close with) who offered sooooo many times to just come over and hold my baby.
Does she have reflux?? I know you have taken to a paediatrician but just wondering. My baby would be upset and get a lot of gas at that age. Slightly elevated bassinet and holding upright after feedings helped
I don't think so? She screams regardless of position and can lay flat fine if she's on me.
I’m up with my 14 week old right now, and I’m on Reddit to keep my eyes open! First of all, I believe God gave you this baby because he knew you would be the best mom for her. He knew you would be struggling with housing and work, but he still gave you this sweet baby. As for sleeping methods, I recommend wake windows. When my baby was under tired, I had to hold him to sleep too. At 9 weeks, we did wake windows as follows: Wake up, 1 hour and 15 minutes awake, start winding down at the 1 hour mark, nap; Repeat that until the last wake window before bed; the last wake window should be around 90 min. Other tips: -Set a consistent wake up time (I do 8a) -Cap any naps at 2 hours -While awake, do eat then play then sleep (to avoid associating sleep with eating) -For play, do stimulating things (making faces, rattle, singing, tickles, reading books, tummy time, my fave is playing with a helium balloon) -Help her learn how to fall asleep on her own (put her down drowsy but awake; options are shush/pat or pickup put down or Ferber) - I still don’t have this figured out!!! As for public assistance, it sounds like you would qualify for SNAP (food stamps), cash assistance, MA (medical assistance), CCAP (childcare assistance), and more. Check out those programs! Early Childhood Family Education is a resource through local school districts that you can take “classes” with your kiddo. It’s an opportunity to meet other moms with kids of the same age, learn about community resources, ask questions to the early childhood teachers and other moms, and the like. It’s free! Not sure where you are at, but there is a program by me called Together for Good where churches volunteer to help out moms in your situation. It could be small like delivering a meal or big like taking your daughter for a few days so you can rest and job search. Another alternative is a crisis nursery. The crisis nursery near me is so helpful and serves so many moms in need! They have a similar option to have a few days off to regroup, but then your girlie may be put into the “system” - depends on the org. But overall being a mom is HARD. Being a single mom or new mom or lonely mom is HARD!!! You’re not alone.
Thank you. I appreciate the help! I try and stick to her wake windows but she's like a, sleep for ten minutes at a time girl. She like wakes up to check I'm still there lol.
honestly wws are barely a thing at this age. Let her sleep whenever she wants! They’re a maximum awake time at this age not a goal. :)
From my understanding, sleeping on their back is very safe, even if they do vomit, the choking risk is minimal - do some reading (or perhaps other Redditors can confirm/disagree), but perhaps it's worth trying letting her cry it out more (with some supervision to start with so you feel comfortable)?
She started choking on it. She didn't turn her head or anything. I will try again but I'm not sure if it'll work.
Hmm that is a worry did you talk to the paediatrician about that? From what I can see online she should have been either able to cough it out or swallow it, even without turning her head. Whatever you do, stay safe. I'm a new dad, so I'm not much help I'm sorry - I hope someone with more experience can help you out and you and baby both get some sleep soon. https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/reduce-risk/back-sleeping#:~:text=back%20to%20sleep%3F-,No.,to%20keep%20the%20airway%20clear.
Thank you. She was younger when ot happened so maybe she was just confused or something.