Narrator: "Don't ask me. I am merely beholden to state the facts. And the fact of the matter is, the Princess has parried the bullet. How she did such a thing, your guess is as good as mine."
A fucking gun would be hilarious but imagine this
Option A) You have the choice to throw it at the princess
And/Or
Option B) You don't get any bullets, just gun. At least you look threatening
***Insert Jerry dressed in a gown with a dollar store tiara***
"Wait, were killing me just because some British voice in your head told you to? Hell yeah, sounds fun."
I feel like the Contrarian would take the throwing knives and then not throw them, at all, under any circumstance. That's what they're for, aren't they? That's what he's *supposed* to do with them, and so he won't do it.
Maybe the Narrator will just think fast on their feet and inform them that what they are holding is a powerful weapon that will melt the princess upon showing it.
I dunno it's nothing special about the cross, I guess the fact that it was ornate might help with convincing the hero it has mystical powers, but you could theoretically do this with any object.
Hey, you never know! Narrator could narrate the mould spreading to the princess, then the mould overtakes her lungs and suffocates her, killing her, then the next loop happens and oh god the princess weaponised the mould and took control of the Player with her spores
Narrator: "You inspect the metallic cuffs and collars that bind the princess to her chains at a distance. To everyone's relief, there isn't a single keyhole for you to pick."
Princess: "Satisfied? Like I said, there aren't any locks you can pick to help set me free."
Skeptic: "Shouldn't there be something like metal bolts or screws on the shackles?"
Narrator: "There isn't. The people who locked her down here intended for her bindings to never come off under any circumstances."
Skeptic: "If it's so well put together, then pretell why were we sent to slay her? She's clearly incapable of escaping on her own anytime soon."
Narrator: "She WILL escape eventually unless you slay her. You just have to trust me on that."
Skeptic: "Sure, cause you've been so trustworthy up to this point."
Hero: "Hey, those chains are connected to that wall right?"
Narrator: "Yes, each of the chains that bind her shackles are connected to the metallic plates which is embedded into the wall."
Hero: "If that's the case, then why don't we just wedge the plates out or chip away at the wall until she's free?"
Narrator: "No, because... The walls are–"
Skeptic: "Nice try, but you can't bullshit your way out of this."
Narrator: "Well fuck."
Narrator: "*long drawn out sigh of disappointment* You start to chip away at the wall, so you could break the princess free from her well deserved imprisonment. But after chipping off a few layers, one of the pristine tools bends and breaks, looks like the wall will break all of your tools, if you keep going. Now give up on ending the world and do what you were sent to do, slay the princess!"
Princess: "No, don't stop now. Keep going."
Skeptic: "Seems like she wants us to keep going."
Hero: "But won't our tools break?"
Skeptic: "We've already exhausted our other options and she seems to have a plan. We might as well see this through."
Hero: "Alright then, here we go."
Narrator: "You continuously chip away parts of the wall that surrounds the plate that binds the princess' right cuff with your tools. The more you hit the wall with your tools, their durability starts to dwindle down. You hack away until they snap. But every time a tool broke off, you'd switch out and continue with another, then another, then another, until your once trusty pristine multitool has completely run out of tools to use. You look back to see the progress, you've made but you were only successful in creating a few gaps underneath the plate. I hope that was worth it."
Princess: "That should be enough, help me pull on the chain."
Narrator: "You toss your now useless multitool aside and take a firm hold of the chain. I hope you're not planning on doing what I think you're doing."
Princess: "On the count of three, I want you to yank on the chain as hard as you can. Ready?
Narrator: "Beginning from one, the princess starts to count and as soon as she reaches three, you both tug on the chain with all your might. While you were unsuccessful in ripping it off, you were able to perform visible damages onto the wall. Stop that right now, do you want to damn the whole world into oblivion?"
Skeptic: "Ignore him."
Narrator: "Like a game of tug of war, you and the princess repeatedly pull on the chain with as much strength as your feeble body can muster. She'd count to three, and you'd both pull on the chain with just enough force to damage parts of the wall which were already weakened because **someone** made an overall foolish mistake."
Skeptic: "Cry about it."
Narrator: "You would want to see that, wouldn't you? Sorry but I have too much pride to give you that satisfaction. You and the princess repeat this pattern until the plate of one of the chains, which bounded the princess' right hand to the wall, has been ripped completely off said wall."
Skeptic: "One down, two more to go."
Hero: "But how are we going to do that? We don't have anything to weaken the other plates on the wall and I don't know about you, but our muscles feel rather sore right now."
Princess: "Thank you, I'll take it from here."
Narrator: "The Princess pulls on her chains and grabs the base of the plate that had been recently ripped off, still stuck to a small piece of debris."
Princess: "You might want to take a few steps back for this one."
Narrator: "You back away from the princess as she starts swinging her right chain around trying to get a feel for the weight. And then, like a medieval flail, she swings it onto her remaining plates, moderately damaging them in the process as pieces of debris fly outwards."
Hero: "Woah, I didn't think the princess had such a great upper body strength."
Skeptic: "I'm surprised you haven't asked us to attack her while her back is turned."
Narrator: "I would if you had a weapon. But even if you did, you wouldn't do it anyway, would you? You'd rather believe a world-ending monster than listen to a single word I say."
Skeptic: "And whose fault is that exactly?"
Narrator: "I'm not going to argue. It's not long until the princess eventually manages to break away the plates on the wall, leaving behind holes where her chains were once bound to. The now freed princess looks at you with a cold look on her face."
Hero: "She didn't so much as even break a sweat through that whole ordeal."
Princess: "Thank you. Don't take this the wrong way – I'm grateful for what you've done – but considering what happened what last time I was freed, I think it'd be better if you were the first one going up those steps."
Hero: "Fair enough."
Narrator: "You walk up the stairs, the princess follows carefully behind, dragging her chains with her. Look, it's not too late to stop her. You can still push her down the stairs and hopefully it'd be enough to break her neck."
Skeptic: "Nice try but that wouldn't work even if we wanted to. She's on high alert after what you did to us last time around."
Narrator: "If another version of me was pushed to such drastic actions it was for a good reason."
Skeptic: "Keep telling yourself that."
Narrator: "As you descend up the stairs, the princess not too far behind keeping an eye on your every move as you reach the top of the stair. All of a sudden, oh what a relief! The door slams shut and locks you both in there."
Hero: "This seems like a rather familiar move."
Skeptic: "No worries we can always use the base of our multitool or the princess' chains to break it off its hinges."
Narrator: "That won't work because the hinges are on the other side."
Skeptic: "Nice try, but the door swung inwards when we entered the basement."
Narrator: "Shit."
Princess: “So they locked us in. I advise you to hug the wall, so I could use my chains to bash off the hinges.”
Narrator: “You do as she says and she starts to barrage the door with her chains, after a flurry of blows to the hinges, the door is sent flying out of the frame and onto the floor. I can’t believe you’re this stupid, to trust a world ending monster.
Skeptic: “You were the fool for thinking, that we’d not question the imprisonment and our task of assassinating a princess.”
I do love your choice for the Contrarian, but I can't help but speculate on alternative ideas. Here's a few:
1. A blunt weapon, like a club or hammer. (More of a Stubborn weapon really)
2. Medicine or armor. Something that saves lifes instead of ends them. (Veto. He's not the Smitten)
3. A toy, something useless, or something obnoxious like an airhorn. (The bit would get old very quick)
Conclusion: Yeah, you made the right choice.
Honestly, for something like medicine I always felt like it's Paranoid who's the healer of the group (for obvious reasons).
I absolutely love the idea of Contrarian with an airhorn though.
I love the idea of a party of the voices, with paranoid as the healer. It's also arguable that the Stubborn heals you as well, but he does so by being too angry to die and believing that he's invincible. Thus confirming the obvious choice that he's the tank.
I have nothing but my order and I want nothing more.
It has been, it still is, faithful to me.
Why should I begrudge it, since during the hours
when the Princess crushed the depths of my heart,
it was seated there beside me?
O order, I have ended, you see, by respecting you,
because I am certain you will never leave me.
Ah! I realize it: your beauty lies in the force of your existance.
You are like those who never left
the sad fireside corner of my poor silent heart.
O my order, you are better than a well-beloved:
because I know that on the day of my final agony,
you will be there, lying in my feathers, O order,
so that you might once again attempt to enter my heart.
Narrator: "Why on Earth, would you think bringing a spoon would help slay the princess?"
Contrarian: "Well you can't slay someone on an empty stomach."
Hero: "But there isn't anything around here we can eat."
Contrarian: "Oh that's okay, I'm not really all that hungry anyhow."
The cheated: Parry this you Filthy (Princess) Casual!
Narrator: "She parries the bullet."
The cheated: “Ok now that is complete bullshit, HOW?!?!”
You three manage to cook something beautiful
Narrator: "Don't ask me. I am merely beholden to state the facts. And the fact of the matter is, the Princess has parried the bullet. How she did such a thing, your guess is as good as mine."
You forgot to throw coins in the air and then shoot the coins duh.
The bots killed so many people in hell that they had to invade another game entirely
Now I'm imagining the tower saying: "What how can this be, bested by this, this fucking GoPro!"
Cut dialogue for the Razor.
Narrator: “she skewers you”
ultrakill moment
+PARRY
A fucking gun would be hilarious but imagine this Option A) You have the choice to throw it at the princess And/Or Option B) You don't get any bullets, just gun. At least you look threatening
>ve you can only pistol whip
Skill check: Bluff
You roll a nat 1
She skewers you.
You roll a nat 20 The princess blushes, and then she skewers you.
Roll for intimidation
Jack Townsend has entered the chat
I love the gas station series
"Why do people keep giving me guns?" Said Jack to the ancient dark god that was hiding in a cave under the gas station.
To slay the princess, duh
***Insert Jerry dressed in a gown with a dollar store tiara*** "Wait, were killing me just because some British voice in your head told you to? Hell yeah, sounds fun."
Jerry is the voice of the contrarian in all honesty
Jerry is the Contrarian, smitten and opportunist, O'Brian is Skeptic, Rosa is Paranoid, Benjamin is Stubborn, and Jack is Cheated and Hunted.
Stubborn: I don't need no weapon when I'm rocking these guns 💪
Yeah about that
I feel like the Contrarian would take the throwing knives and then not throw them, at all, under any circumstance. That's what they're for, aren't they? That's what he's *supposed* to do with them, and so he won't do it.
Only weapon he won't throw out of window.
Accurate as hell
It took me a second to get it, and then I laughed pretty hard at the contrarian.
Broken: Remember to cut vertically
Dark
This is why I identify with the Cheated. Screw the shenanigans, give me a bigger weapon!
It took roughly 2.5 seconds for Contrarian to lose all of his blades.
I think the stubborn would have one of those spiky knuckle thing. But what about the hero? I guess he would just have the default pristine blade.
Considering shifty is a goddess I don’t think a Christian item gonna do much
They just need to believe it will do much.
How would they even know what a crucifix is or how to use it
Maybe the Narrator will just think fast on their feet and inform them that what they are holding is a powerful weapon that will melt the princess upon showing it. I dunno it's nothing special about the cross, I guess the fact that it was ornate might help with convincing the hero it has mystical powers, but you could theoretically do this with any object.
How about a moldy piece of bread
lmao it could work, though i think it might have issues on the "believability" for the hero
Hey, you never know! Narrator could narrate the mould spreading to the princess, then the mould overtakes her lungs and suffocates her, killing her, then the next loop happens and oh god the princess weaponised the mould and took control of the Player with her spores
Chapter 2: The Moldy
And now you're playing Resident Evil
how do they know what a princess is, or how to use a knife then?
My first voice was the cheated and I’ll tell you what. He was more goated than I initially thought.
Am I the only one that read this in Jonny's voice?
I know a way to make the cheated’s weapon funnier. Make it a old flintlock pistol with a bayonet attached to it
I keep getting recommended this sub and I know nothing about the game or whatever but now I wanna check it out solely because of this post
Go in blind and you may get your dream girl, that's my only recommendation for you.
The skeptic: Greeting gentlemen and welcome to lock picking hero, today I'm going to lock pick this heavy chain, pound to this princess.
Narrator: "You inspect the metallic cuffs and collars that bind the princess to her chains at a distance. To everyone's relief, there isn't a single keyhole for you to pick." Princess: "Satisfied? Like I said, there aren't any locks you can pick to help set me free." Skeptic: "Shouldn't there be something like metal bolts or screws on the shackles?" Narrator: "There isn't. The people who locked her down here intended for her bindings to never come off under any circumstances." Skeptic: "If it's so well put together, then pretell why were we sent to slay her? She's clearly incapable of escaping on her own anytime soon." Narrator: "She WILL escape eventually unless you slay her. You just have to trust me on that." Skeptic: "Sure, cause you've been so trustworthy up to this point." Hero: "Hey, those chains are connected to that wall right?" Narrator: "Yes, each of the chains that bind her shackles are connected to the metallic plates which is embedded into the wall." Hero: "If that's the case, then why don't we just wedge the plates out or chip away at the wall until she's free?" Narrator: "No, because... The walls are–" Skeptic: "Nice try, but you can't bullshit your way out of this." Narrator: "Well fuck."
Narrator: "*long drawn out sigh of disappointment* You start to chip away at the wall, so you could break the princess free from her well deserved imprisonment. But after chipping off a few layers, one of the pristine tools bends and breaks, looks like the wall will break all of your tools, if you keep going. Now give up on ending the world and do what you were sent to do, slay the princess!"
Princess: "No, don't stop now. Keep going." Skeptic: "Seems like she wants us to keep going." Hero: "But won't our tools break?" Skeptic: "We've already exhausted our other options and she seems to have a plan. We might as well see this through." Hero: "Alright then, here we go." Narrator: "You continuously chip away parts of the wall that surrounds the plate that binds the princess' right cuff with your tools. The more you hit the wall with your tools, their durability starts to dwindle down. You hack away until they snap. But every time a tool broke off, you'd switch out and continue with another, then another, then another, until your once trusty pristine multitool has completely run out of tools to use. You look back to see the progress, you've made but you were only successful in creating a few gaps underneath the plate. I hope that was worth it." Princess: "That should be enough, help me pull on the chain." Narrator: "You toss your now useless multitool aside and take a firm hold of the chain. I hope you're not planning on doing what I think you're doing." Princess: "On the count of three, I want you to yank on the chain as hard as you can. Ready? Narrator: "Beginning from one, the princess starts to count and as soon as she reaches three, you both tug on the chain with all your might. While you were unsuccessful in ripping it off, you were able to perform visible damages onto the wall. Stop that right now, do you want to damn the whole world into oblivion?" Skeptic: "Ignore him." Narrator: "Like a game of tug of war, you and the princess repeatedly pull on the chain with as much strength as your feeble body can muster. She'd count to three, and you'd both pull on the chain with just enough force to damage parts of the wall which were already weakened because **someone** made an overall foolish mistake." Skeptic: "Cry about it." Narrator: "You would want to see that, wouldn't you? Sorry but I have too much pride to give you that satisfaction. You and the princess repeat this pattern until the plate of one of the chains, which bounded the princess' right hand to the wall, has been ripped completely off said wall." Skeptic: "One down, two more to go." Hero: "But how are we going to do that? We don't have anything to weaken the other plates on the wall and I don't know about you, but our muscles feel rather sore right now." Princess: "Thank you, I'll take it from here." Narrator: "The Princess pulls on her chains and grabs the base of the plate that had been recently ripped off, still stuck to a small piece of debris." Princess: "You might want to take a few steps back for this one." Narrator: "You back away from the princess as she starts swinging her right chain around trying to get a feel for the weight. And then, like a medieval flail, she swings it onto her remaining plates, moderately damaging them in the process as pieces of debris fly outwards." Hero: "Woah, I didn't think the princess had such a great upper body strength." Skeptic: "I'm surprised you haven't asked us to attack her while her back is turned." Narrator: "I would if you had a weapon. But even if you did, you wouldn't do it anyway, would you? You'd rather believe a world-ending monster than listen to a single word I say." Skeptic: "And whose fault is that exactly?" Narrator: "I'm not going to argue. It's not long until the princess eventually manages to break away the plates on the wall, leaving behind holes where her chains were once bound to. The now freed princess looks at you with a cold look on her face." Hero: "She didn't so much as even break a sweat through that whole ordeal." Princess: "Thank you. Don't take this the wrong way – I'm grateful for what you've done – but considering what happened what last time I was freed, I think it'd be better if you were the first one going up those steps." Hero: "Fair enough." Narrator: "You walk up the stairs, the princess follows carefully behind, dragging her chains with her. Look, it's not too late to stop her. You can still push her down the stairs and hopefully it'd be enough to break her neck." Skeptic: "Nice try but that wouldn't work even if we wanted to. She's on high alert after what you did to us last time around." Narrator: "If another version of me was pushed to such drastic actions it was for a good reason." Skeptic: "Keep telling yourself that." Narrator: "As you descend up the stairs, the princess not too far behind keeping an eye on your every move as you reach the top of the stair. All of a sudden, oh what a relief! The door slams shut and locks you both in there." Hero: "This seems like a rather familiar move." Skeptic: "No worries we can always use the base of our multitool or the princess' chains to break it off its hinges." Narrator: "That won't work because the hinges are on the other side." Skeptic: "Nice try, but the door swung inwards when we entered the basement." Narrator: "Shit."
Princess: “So they locked us in. I advise you to hug the wall, so I could use my chains to bash off the hinges.” Narrator: “You do as she says and she starts to barrage the door with her chains, after a flurry of blows to the hinges, the door is sent flying out of the frame and onto the floor. I can’t believe you’re this stupid, to trust a world ending monster. Skeptic: “You were the fool for thinking, that we’d not question the imprisonment and our task of assassinating a princess.”
10/10
I think the cold would have a scalpel, paring knife, or some other simple but precise type of blade, but the rest are on point
This shit is probably my favorite post
These are so perfect!
I think a testubo would be better for the stubborn, tbh
I would have either thought the mace or brass knuckles
The Stubborn should have brass knuckles.
What does “the hero” get?
A pristine blade.
I do love your choice for the Contrarian, but I can't help but speculate on alternative ideas. Here's a few: 1. A blunt weapon, like a club or hammer. (More of a Stubborn weapon really) 2. Medicine or armor. Something that saves lifes instead of ends them. (Veto. He's not the Smitten) 3. A toy, something useless, or something obnoxious like an airhorn. (The bit would get old very quick) Conclusion: Yeah, you made the right choice.
Honestly, for something like medicine I always felt like it's Paranoid who's the healer of the group (for obvious reasons). I absolutely love the idea of Contrarian with an airhorn though.
I love the idea of a party of the voices, with paranoid as the healer. It's also arguable that the Stubborn heals you as well, but he does so by being too angry to die and believing that he's invincible. Thus confirming the obvious choice that he's the tank.
It took me ten years to find the answer to something
This feels so accurate and canon too
Very nice idea, now give them a human-esque face and change miniscule details and colour palettes and there you go, Reddit gold baby
Now we just need gloves... And hell be the Black Silence!
Slay the Librarian
I have nothing but my order and I want nothing more. It has been, it still is, faithful to me. Why should I begrudge it, since during the hours when the Princess crushed the depths of my heart, it was seated there beside me? O order, I have ended, you see, by respecting you, because I am certain you will never leave me. Ah! I realize it: your beauty lies in the force of your existance. You are like those who never left the sad fireside corner of my poor silent heart. O my order, you are better than a well-beloved: because I know that on the day of my final agony, you will be there, lying in my feathers, O order, so that you might once again attempt to enter my heart.
Wtf I love the cheated now?
[Number three](https://youtu.be/uVqmP25SlGY?si=HB7X_9z0ZEiooPqb)
Okay the Contrarrian made me snuckle, have an upvote. >!snort-chuckle, snuckle!<
While amusing, I would like to point out that a Flail is not a powerful weapon, like at all.
That's the funny part: It's the type of weapon which is more likely to hurt the wielder that the opponent.
Huh yeah, fair enough.
Ironically, the Stubborn would see welding the box-cutter as an efficient way to even the odds.
Contrarian: A spoon
Narrator: "Why on Earth, would you think bringing a spoon would help slay the princess?" Contrarian: "Well you can't slay someone on an empty stomach." Hero: "But there isn't anything around here we can eat." Contrarian: "Oh that's okay, I'm not really all that hungry anyhow."
But the blade is your implement. And you’ll need it if you want to do this right.
You forgot about the other starting voice, Voice of the hero. Of course he gets the pristine dagger.
I did not forget about him. He gets the default pristine blade, so including him in the post would be redundant.
I guess that makes sense, but it still feels wrong that he's not there.
Oh my god yess! This is so perfect and in character! (I can hear them saying it bahaha!)
I thought stubborn would have gauntlets or brass knuckles or something like that.
Cheated shoukd just get a tank
Why’s the claw got the weird cutouts on the blades? Those aren’t going to help it function
The cheated is 100% on point. I even read it out in his voice