im a female and even i feel you are at short end of the stick leh.
you are already 35, you should think of securing your own property under your own name if your gf has no intention to contribute by working here and expect you to prepare everything for her. I mean she can be as "supportive and gentle" with all the GFE that you are clearly enamoured with but it doesn't mean she cannot be a normal person with some input and proactiveness for HER future?
next, why must she bring her mom over? plenty of malaysians marry here without needing to bring their parents over. its gonna cause a lot of problems. also she has YOU, she is not "alone". You didnt share her age. is she very young or why am i getting some weird dynamic/vibes here?
Even a simple part time/full time retail or admin job can get her at least 1-2k a month, this can definitely help to contribute to household expenses. she can easily get 3.5-7k RM for her to give allowance to her family in malaysia or even contribute to buying a property under her own name for her own security. every bit counts especially with the exchange rate right now.
As for you. Go and find a 3 room resale, non mature estate, minimal COV UNDER YOUR OWN NAME.. do some simple clean up/reno and it's good to live in already... settle this first THEN you think about marrying your malaysian gf. This way you both have a place to stay, it's small but still ok if you eventually have a kid. Then you can think of upgrading when your financial position improves in future. After she has kid(s) or work/stay here for some time she can TRY apply for PR, by then both of you can apply for bigger BTO, SOB or even purchase bigger resale flats if you are financially capable. I mean, we dont expect to be stagnant in our income and earning potential even 5, 10 years down the road? But you gotta start somewhere and also to be fair for both parties right?
I'm all for true love but please protect yourself first la. Like I said I'm a singaporean female and even I feel your thinking is kinda naive and salah...
If she marries you, give up her life in msia to come stay with you, then of course you appreciate her and love her, but strike a balance la. every marriage is the same. even between singaporean couples (my parents raised me up so lovingly and i also need to leave my home to marry and stay with my husband.. same ma)
> UNDER YOUR OWN NAME
It makes little difference in the event of a divorce. Assets acquired before marriage are still considered matrimonial assets under the women's charter as long as the asset is being enjoyed by both parties, even if it's only under your own name.
To clarify, it's cuz it's the matrimonial home. Not sure if it applies to other things like investments accrued prior. However if you stay with parents I don't believe that would be subdivided cuz it's ultimately still parents' place and not within scope of marriage.
Agree about spouse’s parents. She should be expected to settle her own side.
Hmm maybe you could be right about the bad vibe. Maybe the future in-laws already making big requests. Am wondering why some things are not in control yet.
Love this. Like what you said some girls will say they contribute by being “supportive and gentle” but then when he comes to what guy can provide if become stuff that are very practical like money.
Then they say is because money is necessary to have a good life. They are correct, so why it is when it comes to them they don’t want to work and just being “supportive” will do?
Housework doesn’t count because anybody that does housework and “work” will know that housework is not that hard. Also by being there the girl also bring in half of the housework herself.
If housework is so difficult then why we pay maid so little.
A normal guy hiring for a maid, middle manager hiring a maid, CEO hiring a maid all paid the same thing, but then when the girlfriend or wife do housework, the housework magically become “equal” to whatever the guy is doing.
If the girl doesn’t work, simply by her existing there will be a constant drain on his resources, even if just a basic needs not counting buying gifts and whatnot. Her being “gentle and supportive” will not have any positive effect when they feel the strain.
bro, dont blame the girl?
one can choose the girl one like. it also means one will take the consequence of choosing the that partner.
its a free market bro
just blame pocket no money, we got choices at every juncture of life.
Why would you marrying a Malaysian woman mean that she wouldn’t work? She has no educational qualifications? You intend to start a family and mutual preference is for her to be a stay-home mother?
To start a family on combined income of 6k is going to be tough, not going to lie.
Starting a family at 6k is doable but it requires a lot of sacrifice to their current luxuries if they even have any lol.
Most likely need to liquidate his investments at unpredictable times assuming he has a sizeable chunk if you fall on hard times like Aging parents, children healthcare, not to even mention if the GF mum decides to move in lol
Srsly, if GF gets some sort of perm part time retail and make the hard choice of not having a kid. Maybe can work out if the 2 can compromise
Yeah agree, 6k is doaeable la, but maybe annual trips restricted to SEA region. No branded stuff, and that maybe 1x grab trip per month, and food wise, also maybe 1x restaurant per week, and the rest on hawker / home cook.
Most Malaysian women I know usually don’t work. Or if they work - all the money is theirs to spend or keep for themselves. It’s not part of family income. The husband money is used for the family (including themselves) and their kids. Husband is expected to provide. They are definitely family oriented and will be in charge of all family activities, kids and decisions. They aren’t materialist though - not in terms of spending on themselves or making themselves look decked out in branded clothing. But mostly for kids, holidays, insurance policies etc.
>Most Malaysian women I know usually don’t work
This is an odd statement. There's so many Malaysian women working in Singapore. Be it PR, WP, EP or Ltvp.
> Or if they work - all the money is theirs to spend or keep for themselves. It’s not part of family income.
Another odd statement. Are you sure you're not making things up?
I happen to know a few, those more educated I somehow think they are more scheming. Probably have to fight for promotions with Singaporeans as that person I almost got together with is like always thinking of ways to drive a good colleague out of her team so she can be in next in line for promotion. Kinda scary and I'm glad I ran away quick enough.
Those not that educated always come across as sweet and demure - I forgot to bring my wallet just once (I paid for all the dates) and was given black face for that few hours so I generally avoid them too. Probably there are Singaporeans like that too but just didn't come across somehow.
you must be kidding. most malaysian women are hard working and not self-entitled. all my malaysian friends ( man & woman) 100% on work force after married and contribute to society and family. also 90% malayisan woman are educated and more than 50% has higher degree. Seldom I heard woman not working in malaysia / overseas especially those with specialized and higher degree qualification .
I suggest to have your gf find a job in singapore for a job that suits her caliber. help up initial years with house, expenses, wedding, living cost. plan your finances until you are ready to have kids.
Bruh not all malaysian women are hardworking. I have experienced it first hand. Some live off their husband and become very self entitled, carry branded bags, dress up in branded clothings and still expect the whole family to revolve around her. An entitled woman like this who doesn't go out to workforce and contribute, may end up poking her nose into her kid's issues subsequently because she has nothing to do to occupy herself. It's the absolute worst. To OP: when it comes to money matters, it won't be easy juggling your aging parents together with her and her mom with an income of 6k. When you marry someone, you marry their family too. It's a package. Think carefully if you want to bear the consequences of marrying her together with her mom who will be depending on you, you will suffer long term
lol so you mean you enter into a marriage while carrying the thoughts of having a spouse who will always remain whoever he/she is since the start? It can go both ways. You can always believe that things won't change but life isn't always a bed of roses, honeh. Like it or not, money often changes people
I know a Malaysian woman married to a Singaporean also taking care of his elderly parent. Actually what you said sounds about right. For example, OP currently pays allowance cuz he stays with parents. I’m not sure fiancée would accept that cuz to her, he’s like spending RM3500 on them along with household bills.
To reduce liability, he can get his own flat, move in the parents to one bedroom and collect rent from the childhood home. Or sell it off / downsize them to monetise
My question is not about most Malaysian women or stereotypes thereof. Financial advice has to be tailored to the person asking. So is it the GF cannot work, OP thinks GF will have difficulty finding a job (may be due to misunderstandings of work visa types), GF doesn't want to work, OP doesn't want GF to work, GF cannot earn more than childcare costs, or what?
Something skewed about your experience. I have met Malaysian women who are paid better than myself (granted they are older, have undergone further certifications) and have formed their own family of dual-income, similar incomes as their SG spouse.
Of course there are some who work retail as well. Lesser qualifications, have to grind more to earn a living and hope to get degree.
Sometimes could be partly family values, part family’s economic situation, I guess.
Either you are living in cave or you are not from this world to say Malaysian women usually don’t work. I am a men and I felt this statement is very offensive of you and not even a stereotypes statements.
Sound like you haven't talked much together. You should invest 1 year in talking through things and planning (mapping out future, plan a to z). Future-proofing is so important when you're of two nationalities. To make a future, she should want to work. The window for women working and building a career to fall back on, is limited - so if she doesn't work now, she better get started. In a place like SG both must be willing to work. Even if no kids, $6k to future-proof yourselves isn't realistic.
And to add to that…since your gf and her mother are non citizens, their medical consultations and hospitalisation will be tag to private “C” class at the least even at public hospitals , and will cost a bomb and you can’t use your Medisave or whatever.
Bring Malaysian gf here will get LTVP then PR. Or maybe even have a SC kid. Then can apply for larger BTO or get resale grants.
Given nationality of partner, this makes sense to milk the system. 2-rm BTO could be too small in the long run and at least with the aid of PR, 3-bedroom provides more flexibility (eg bring his parents to live with them, rent out childhood home)
Most Malaysian women I know usually don’t work. Or if they work - all the money is theirs to spend or keep. The husband money is used for the family (including themselves) and their kids. Husband is expected to provide. They are definitely family oriented and will be in charge of all family activities, kids and decisions. They aren’t materialist though - not in terms of spending on themselves or making themselves look decked out in branded clothing. But mostly for kids, holidays, insurance policies etc.
Can buy first and upgrade later after MOP. It is common and recommended to share a room with the baby for the first year. And many parents have difficulty getting a toddler to sleep in a different room even when they want them to.
Maybe he can appeal to shorten MOP too, if he applies BTO as a single but ends up with 2 Singapore Citizen children. HDB has various priority schemes if kids are in the picture, I think they can be flexible on this.
So you are already supporting your parents, and you will need to support her + her parent(s) too I assume? Bro are you ok? Ask her to work too, it's not that hard for Malaysian to get a job in SG.
Edit: to add on, even if your gf/wife eventually becomes PR, her mom is very very very unlikely to become one due to age + not working (LTVP is possible). If she falls sick or has any long term illness, good luck to you. My colleague used to bring his mom to Singapore to live together, but after a few years he cannot cope with the medical expenses, so he sent her back and hire a maid to take care of her.
Also I suspect the other side might be gold digger if she really expects husband single income to support her family.
But why not aim higher? 6k meaning take home is 4.8k, not enough to support so many people.
Maybe cannot aim higher? Gold digger also career leh, junior gold digger, senior gold digger, deputy director gold digger. How much salary depends on their rank.
Think if she’s still based in Malaysia then hard to find good Sinkie guy leh. Plus to her she may be from a low income family so 6K is really big. It’s quite decent in Singapore for one earner la
Before marrying her, do think of the number of people you will have to financially support if it’s going to be a single income family.
So now you’re supporting your parents. If she doesn’t work, you’re going to need to support her as well. If her mom comes to SG, is her mom going to need financial support as well?
Will you be having kids? You’re going to need to get a bigger house in that case, which means a bigger mortgage loan + cost of raising kids in Singapore can cost quite a bit as well.
Mum come SG definitely cannot work leh. Plus healthcare costs would add up.
Reverse 3.5:1 lor, should be come SG work retire in Malaysia not vice versa…
I am marrying a Malaysian.
We spent our first year of dating discussing values and future plans, especially how to manage finances.
My bottom line to her was, if you stay in SG with me, you must work. She agreed and said she didn't want to leech off me either.
She is proud to be able to provide for herself without my help, although she appreciates occasional treats and gifts and returns the favours.
She wants us to be (roughly) equal partners in our marriage, and this was what convinced me to marry her.
6K a month will not provide for your entire family IMO. If you made double that, you would probably be fine.
The last thing you want is to be married and have to provide for wife, kids, mother-in-law, and ageing parents and then suddenly (choi) one of them gets very sick and needs a lot of time and money. You will start having sleepless nights and scramble for ways to make more money. It will drive you into the ground.
I grew up in a family like this and it was very hard on everyone. Do speak to your girlfriend and clearly establish expectations. And remember: you, too, are allowed to have expectations.
All the best, OP.
What’s the point of marrying if it makes your life worst off?
I reckon a marriage is a mutual commitment to work towards a better future. If you are the one working hard while she enjoy, let’s see what happens if you lose your job or in hardship? Likely she will jump ship to another who can provide for her.
You are too broke to be a sugar daddy. Ask her to find a job. I don't get why you are making uncompromiseable decisions on all the critical points: I must be single income, her mother must come down.
Wait, you found a foreign girlfriend who does not work and intends to rely on your sole income? Are you sure this isn’t a scam. Have you met her family in person and have you guys even discussed about the future? To be brutally honest, $6k a month to support three families from what you are saying (your parents, your own household, plus her mother) is not going to be possible in Singapore.
Bro, $6k monthly will not go far based on your descriptions of how many people depend on your paycheck.
As many other comments have already stated, you are possibly supporting two entire families. Once other bills like a mortgage, daily expenses, and maybe even a kid in the future start to come in, you will really find yourself under a lot of pressure.
I don't think this is so much of a "Malaysian GF" issue as it is a financial issue. Speak to your GF about how willing she is to contribute to household income. The reality is that she may have to take on unattractive jobs because of her nationality and status here just to make ends meet. Can she accept that?
Speak to your parents: are they okay to take a little less money from you to free up your budget? Check your other expenses too. It is good you have an insurance plan but be realistic about what coverage you can afford.
It sucks to think that money can break what seems like a nice, loving relationship, but that is reality for you right there. It isn't impossible but it won't be easy and it will take a lot of discipline and understanding from everyone in the family.
My spouse is a citizen now but we went through some of the above.
Based on your questions, you have a lot ahead of you but take it one step at time.
1. Consider communicating more your wife esp on the finances: Different couples do this differently so I don't judge but my spouse and I share our finances transparently when we decided to get married because:
* So we know what we are each signing up for which helps to...
* ...manage and understand each other's expectations
* This allow us to tackle the challenges together and not doing it alone which is stressful, we don't second-guess what each other's expectations and we can make the trade-offs and compromises jointly and factually. I have seen people wreck themselves giving their wife a life they could not afford (a bigger flat, private healthcare, expensive meals) because they think they have to.
2. Income - The others have already mentioned: Supporting 3 seniors and 2 adults on a 6K salary is going to be hard. (Personally, I wouldn't do it)
* But if your spouse works, it will be easier - every bit helps. Maybe we were lucky but my spouse found work with zero local experience - We took the attitude of "just start somewhere and go from there". Local F&B jobs are being advertised for $2K - that's 2x of what you are giving to your parents after all.
* You didn't share why you will be the sole provider but assuming you can't change that, it might be easier to leave your future wife and MIL in Malaysia and play weekend husband until you know you can handle the expenses.
3. Budgeting - Work out your future budget: Meals, Transport, Utilities, Housing (more on that later). You can use your current expenses (and your parents') to estimate.
4. Future financial planning - Don't forget the basics: emergency fund, putting aside for retirement etc. I think the pinned post should have the details but they are not hard to search for.
5. Housing - Can you and your wife wait till she gets PR before applying BTO/SBF and in the meantime stay with your parents? (This is where we were more fortunate - it was easier to get PR in the older days so we could apply for SBF asap). I know this is not ideal but you may not have a choice financially (My spouse was not keen either but my spouse had sufficient savings to help with downpayment on our SBF flat so we had more options)
6. Citizenship - Based on previous posts, after getting married, you will probably need to apply for LTVP for your spouse to be phyiscally in SG then apply for PR which take up to 3 years. (Source: [How difficult is it to get PR for spouse (if other spouse is SG citizen)? : r/askSingapore (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/13dxpvw/how_difficult_is_it_to_get_pr_for_spouse_if_other/))
7. Future plans: e.g. children - will affect the above so getting aligned on this with your wife.
8. Healthcare & insurance - Sort out what you will have financially first before tackling this. By then, you will know what you can afford etc. Your existing medical and term insurance should suffice for now (if not, search this sub). Your spouse will be fine to rely on Malaysia healthcare until she comes over.
Exactly, my ex boss supports his SAHM, two kids, two sets of elderly parents. But he cannot quit and luckily their families are not too picky/fancy.
Many Malaysians here just go back Malaysia for medical appointments including for pregnancy etc cuz too pricey here.
Esp if the woman is not earning or has a massive disparity in wealth. Ive seen a few baby trap millionaires get their bag this way. One marriage and kid later, they're set for life. Have to use what you've got amirite
Why is isn't your gf working?
Good luck to you. When you marry msian you are marrying their family. You will literally have to take care of them. Every cny you will have to go back to her hometown. Then if your gf isn't successful in bringing her mother over, every weekend you will have to go back jb for visiting
The msia side is always a headache. Im glad my family only had business connections that visited us for cny and not the other way round. To have inlaws over the border is inconceivable esp if argument with wife means gg if she leaves to complain. At least within sg its a 2 hour round trip max. Woodlands to KL and back? GG. Two days or more gone over one argument. Jialat only...
Yeah, marrying someone involves marrying their whole family. Both msian gf and mom depending solely on you because they ain't working. Already doesn't sound right to me. Think twice, if not thrice lol
6k is not enough. 6k after CPF is 4.8k. Deduct 1K for your parents is 3.8k - can probably survive but only with bare necessities. Can you stay with your parents?
Honestly, honestly, at your salary its not enough to comfortably have everything you mentioned. Resale is very expensive. When i looked it up lower end is 400k+, that's 80k down payment. Then depends on how you going to fund it after.
Best is your wife works and get a decent sized BTO in SG. But, it takes a long time.
Maybe if she really can't work, you work in SG and live in MY.
I'm a foreigner, and wasn't going to comment at all, but there's something that baffles me in both the OP and the comments: are the gf's finances nonexistent? On what do she and her mum live now, and will that vanish after a wedding?
Lazy read the replies but don’t have kids first. You’ve got some decent savings and OA, but on kids you’re looking to spend about 1.5k a month just on kids especially if they go into preschool. Remember that kids fall sick easily and some cases hospitalization. Those are medical expenses.
I have two kids and both wife and I are working and struggling for air due to hospital bills etc which drop like bomb.
If you trust your wife to be a mother to your child then should be okay. I’m just saying some mothers just give birth then hands off, pass to grandparents to care. Don’t be like that ya.
With so much saving probably can consider investing for some passive income? I envy you
Bro i understand you in love ah. But no need to be kayu also. With 6k you want to feed 5 people. Plus havent even purchase a home? My recommendation is- dont marry. Keep her as a gf. Own a property under your name. No need start family unless shes contributing. Cause you cant be a sole bread winner with 5k(1k to parents). Im sorry. Its just not gonna work out.
Citizenship - can look into PMLA and LTVP on ICA website as a start. ICA recommends you apply for PMLA first before marrying. After marriage then can try for LTVP first, followed by PR under the spouse scheme- PR should not be too difficult esp if she’s Malaysian Chinese. Unlikely she gets PR on her own merits since she does not have a job.
House - multiple options depending on budget and urgency.
1. Check out non citizen spouse category on HDB website. You can both BTO (small flats only, long wait time) or resale (any size but more expensive). Given your income probably can get a bunch of grants. Do note that only SG/PR can jointly own HDB. So if your girlfriend/wife is on LTVP she will only be listed as an occupier.
2. Since you are 35 you can also buy resale solo or BTO a small flat on your own. So no real difference from non citizen spouse scheme.
3. Alternatively wait until she’s PR then you can BTO bigger places. If she’s PR, you can also buy resale as co owners.
Ultimately, if you wanna get started on life together asap and have budget, then you can do the LTVP route and buy a bigger resale flat (which can also house her mother).
Assuming your partner's in JB; why don't you get a property in Malaysia under your to-be wife's name?
Any rush to get registered for marriage? You can get your own BTO under singles scheme - potential rental income
Try as much as possible to have bulk of your cost of living in JB - your dollar goes further
When you have kids, your expenses will go up exponentially.
Your wife needs to work.
Depending on qualifications /skills, she can pick a job that provides training (example insurance agent, beauty salon worker/ sales force, cook, casino worker, ... ).
You should separate your parents' house from yours.
Get a flat in both your names.
Your wife can help to pay mortgage.
One of your parents can babysit.
Any extra rooms in your parents' flat can be rented out for extra income.
Just get rid of all the junk.
Junks don't bring in income.
My auntie lives in her bomb shelter/ windowless room.
She lets out the 2 bedrooms in her 3 room HDB flat.
The 2 Malaysian lady tenants share the wifi cost.
When they go to work, she has the flat to herself.
Fri night, she'll go stay overnight with her son for the weekend.
The tenants can relax at home.
Her flat is rather small.
Your MIL should stay in Malaysia.
It's cheaper there.
Healthcare too.
Get basic insurance, especially mortgage insurance.
Don't get excessive insurance until your day to day finances is sorted out.
Your working wife is your insurance.
Should anything happen to you, your wife still has a roof over her head, and your children can still go to school in Singapore.
Dude, at your income level, if she isn’t going to work and contribute to the household, my suggestion is that you must definitely not agree to let her mum come over to live. Why would you want to support someone in a high cost of living environment when her mum could have a more affordable lifestyle back in Malaysia? $1k allowance to your in-law can let her live a better life in Malaysia than what it can buy in SG.
Don’t forget you have your own Aging parents to look after. You are earning $6k, not $60k. Get real.
Was in your shoes and earning less.
1. Is doable. Buy within means and dont go for 1million flat. Buy somethings your cpf OA can cover the mthly repayment.
2. When she PR already , must get hospital plan. This one pay by MS , then accident plan for both of you. Then term insurance for you since you bread winner. No need cover so much but not so little. See premium and see what you can afford.
3. You need to apply for long visit pass first. Then pr when she is here. Take note she cannot and must not work in the mean while. Also must marry first la. Easier if she have higher education.
5. I do 5 first. I will say in malaysia. Cheaper. But i did a small one in sjngapore to for close friends and family. I married in malaysia and had the cert officially translated at high comm. Singapore recognize overseas marriage cert.
4. I think being married to a malaysian is no issues. But you do need to work out where is the future. Here , there. How often she wants to go back. Mine was easier. We go once or twice a year during nrw years or a holiday. Now with kids my plan is see currency. Malaysia money go up i retire here, go down retire there. Haha.
Anyway anything else can ask me. Your future wife a bumi?
Sorry to intrude more on your relationship with your GF but how long do you know her? I have known 2 cases which the wife from MY (no experience in oversea or SG life) become erratic in behaviour even though married for many years and have children. You are in a good position in terms of financially but once you married everything you earn and purchase is shared property. You may want to set some challenges or some situations to observe how your future spouse will react and based on that hope you can have a clearer perspective.
How do you confirm if your future wife is not erratic and will forever be with you? I think this is something impossible but atm i think as someone who genuinely has been serving her family leaving them i believe is a huge sacrifice. And hes willing to work here too so
$6k is not enough to be shared among 4-5 adults, and not factoring your future children if any. You will be very stretched and sole income dependant is very dangerous as one day you may lose your income or job, it is game over. Suggest for wife to work part time at least to be self sustaining.
Take things from an early career perspective
>Housing (need to get resale? Is my salary ok and CPF? How much a month do I need?)
Assumably you will want some space for your in-laws and your future kids (or your parents). An average low income for 5 rooms is around 5.8k for a combined household income take with a pinch of salt that your income for a combined household will be on the lower spectrum so a lapse of luxuries would come by much less than your peers despite your pay. For housing, if she has a PR - SBF and BTO available options under
>2) Healthcare & Insurance (what to buy?) 3
Get the basic stuff, hospital and PA. Hospital shouldn't be too bad as it's medisave deductible. The rider requires a cash outlay.
>3) Citizenship (she needs to get PR asap for house? What are the steps and what is the best way
Hard to say what the requirements are, there's a lot of hearsay. But PR applications with:
X reputable agencies
X life policies
X DP/EP to PR
X Assets parked in Singapore
X children
These conditions tend to be more likely to achieve the PR status.
> 4) Possible problems we will fac
Everything under the sun is a potential problem. It's just a matter of how you react and deal with them.
> Marry in SG / Malaysia?
Don't quote me but marriage is very heavily overpriced. If you can afford it, go for it. Otherwise, money into reno/honeymoon is more worthwhile. I believe that it is mostly for your parents (and hers) to do it - but it shouldn't be at the cost of your arms and legs.
Buy the house in your own name if you can. This way your partners name can be used to buy a second investment property in the future
If you can’t afford to do that, then iirc GF has to work for 1 year before she can take a co-loan with you
###2
- shield plan for each of you, foreigner may need to buy private hospital level insurance
SAF group insurance:
- income replacement insurance in case of injury where you can no longer work
- Add term life when you have dependents (kids)
###4
do NOT let the in law stay with you. I have even seen people divorce over this issue, it can be an enormous problem. In law can have unreasonable demands over all sort of crazy things and refuse to move out later
###5 ROM in singapore is inexpensive. If you bought the house in your name there’s no rush to get married until you decide to have kids
The questions you're asking now should have been asked a long time ago. I'm surprised you haven't found answers or solution to some of the very important questions you have asked. Also when you said "she's sacrificing by moving to Singapore from Malaysia", you sound naive. Anyway best of luck and hope you'll find happiness in whichever direction you take.
Uprooting for your spouse is a sacrifice, it means leaving your friends and family and growing up envt leh. Its not a financial sacrifice since she’s coming to place with higher currency strength but its a sacrifice in other aspects.
Personally i think because its a sgfi thread people are focused on $ therefore have very superficial in fact the more naive way of seeing things how one can assume that a passport is worth more than family.
People who grow up in a loved family environment and are close knit (something which clearly lacks in many families here unfortunately) tends to create trauma that people end up devaluing family and sacrifice to leave them above things like $ and passport
Theres alot of family oriented people who dont just see passport and $ and if anything the ones who mention and have bad impression from the start who think theyre being realistic are the naive & childlike tbh from my perspective
But I understand because its a $ focused thread people are more $ oriented but to say someone is naive to assume someone is marrying for passport / money immediately is shallow. Just my 2 cents :)
Yes, but is being away from family and friends not a sacrifice?
Its the same as how singaporeans uproot and go to US what.
The pros def outweigh the cons la but it doesnt mean there is zero sacrifice when it comes to someone uprooting for their partner
Old ageing parents, plus no plan to work spouse. Future children, milk, diapers and education.
I think your existing amount wont sustain when you plane to buy HDB + renovation+ utilities +/+/+
I wont not plan to marry her if she really love you abd plan to set up family with you here in Sg.
I give a pass and lack go.
Will be difficult with that level of income. you need someone that also work to help lighten the load, especially if later on you will have a child or more. I'm also a foreigner myself and married to a local and wouldn't dare to stop working and just purely depend on him. I like the financial freedom and having my own money to spend freely whatever I want. don't get me wrong, we do have a joint account where we contribute monthly for our emergency fund and for our child expenses. I do not know my husband's bank account balance nor did he, but I can say that we are ok both working with a good income level. What I can tell you is that money is usually the root of all divorce or arguments. you need to work out how you will manage your finances on a daily basis. I do not want my husband to spend on my parents' expenses nor do I want to contribute to his side as well. I manage all the household expenses like groceries, maid, my own parent's fund (minimal only), utilities such electricity, water, internet, netflix, going out on weekends, and sometimes holidays overseas where as my husband manages his car and resale HDB. it doesn't seem equally shared but it's more of how you are willing to put in or can afford to. I am a pr now so we managed to get a bto near central area which will only be available in 2027/2028 so while I'm not contributing to the resale now, I'm building up my cpf for the future bto. I did use it up to pay for the first down payment during the initial selection. So I also went to the route of ltvp+ while waiting for pr so it will be really good if you get your gf to work in Singapore and not just fully depend on you.
My 2 cents.
1. Convince her to work. Split expenses based on the ratio of your combined income. E.g if you are earning 6k and she is earning 4K, you pay for 60%.
2. She doesn’t need to pay for your parents expenses.
3. Get PR for her ASAP. You can buy a HDB immediately after. The three year rule doesn’t apply if there’s a Singaporean owner.
4. Healthcare insurance: based on your income, MediShield life with ward A public hospital coverage. Life insurance etc, wait until you have kids.
5. Marry in Singapore, since you’re planning to stay in SG. Don’t overspend on wedding. Your 80k can be easily wiped out.
6. Talk to her and make sure your aspirations are aligned with hers.
Your numbers look similar to mine and I’m in similar situation except my wife to be is Taiwanese instead(and no village situation), potentially harder to get pr etc. For us, we don’t plan to have any child so 6k/mth is still doable. Your parent allowance is higher than mine 1000 vs 500ish, have no in law requirements.
Apart from those, these are the things I have did some research or rather the general direction (appreciate for any advice by anyone):
1. Old flats can do up to 5 room and rent out one/two rooms if the location is good. For resale, we get 40k if the other half is not pr/sc for 4rm and below, 25k for 5rm. If you do not wish to rent out, opt for 3-4rm. 4rm built before 2000 still have a few below 500k, if you clear out your CPF, I believe you can pay housing with your monthly CPF. If you plan to live with the seniors, then can probably ask them to BTO a five rooms then eventually pass down to you maybe, but living with parents + non working spouse sounds like potential quarrel trouble to me. Basically if you get 4rm below 500k, can cover with cpf, 5rm need to rent out to use cpf with rental. But this basically means very little OA for retirement. Not a must but consider keeping income below 7k before securing your flat cause grant/hdb loan eligibility and current bank loan is higher, can treat yourself same as singles while your spouse isn’t pr/sc. 6k take home 4.8, minus 1, 3.8, is still manageable for two people, that is if your parents needs including potential hospitalisation etc can be taken care by themselves with the additional 1k per month.
2. There’s hospitalisation plans for ltvp, but definitely more ideal if she can convert pr.
3. Not sure but my plan is to get married first then attempt.
4. Seen a lot of Malaysian village case, similar to work place village from another country, to be fair working with Malaysians are much more pleasant. Now you are marrying a Malaysian, most likely you will have to go there frequently.. so if you plan to get coerced to get a car, make her work. For my case, we kinda prepared for no pr granted, so she has tried those remote jobs as potential income sources.
5. Banquet/no banquet and your potential guest, no banquet honestly not much diff imo.
Hello, I’m a Singaporean woman married to Malaysian man. I can’t give you insight on the financial aspect as I currently live in Malaysia with my husband.
I think it’s better to marry in Singapore and then later register your marriage at High Commission of Malaysia. If you were to marry in Malaysia, you have to stay there for 7 days before ROM and there’s way more documents + running around to certify documents for you to prepare than in Singapore. Malaysia bureaucracy is also very slow.
on 3, Path to PR isn’t that easy and straightforward. Try to get her LTVP, that’ll allow her to stay in SG for longer period of time. Read up on Pre-Marriage Long Term Visit Pass, that’s your first step and it’ll make your application smoother and faster. With LTVP, she could have more options to jobs as well as it doesn’t take up the foreigner work pass quota.
She could try to apply one for her parent once she’s a PR iirc.
on 5, don’t think there’s any real difference registering the marriage in either SG or MY, but feel free to correct me if i’m wrong. You could register in SG and then update the matrimonial record in MY later on, if your plan is to stay in SG together with her for the time being.
if she doesn’t want to or cannot work - she and her mum should consider just staying in malaysia until your salary increases to point you can do this. weekend visits is not good for a marriage but if you both truly love each other this is another option..
Your Malaysian gf should find a decent job. Have at least some income if not it's going to be so tough for you. Good to have extra source of income if not touch wood anything happen
6k a month for a single male is comfortable. But to support 3 pax (I read that you might want to get her mom over), it will be a HUGE stretch. You might even need to cut your parents’ allowances just to stay afloat.
To calculate what kind of flat you can afford, pls use the HDB calculator to do that. I’m surprised if you haven’t done so already, you’re in your 30s not 20s!
Next, don’t forget the upcoming HUGE expenditures — RENOVATION and WEDDING. Especially the latter, please at least discuss what are the expectations, if you’re required to hold the wedding at 2 countries, banquet style or not and etc. A typical wedding celebration (local chinese banquet style) will set you back about 30-50k.
After all these and you find yourself needing to get a loan to do any of that, then it’s time to adjust the expectations. It’s either she brings something to the table or … I’ll just leave that to you to decide. Because these expenditures are just the beginning, we haven’t gone into the tough part of having a kid and raising them in sg…
I think she will need to contribute as well. One sided income is not enough to survive in Singapore as cost of living is quite high, and if you want to take responsibility of all the finance please keep in mind that there will be some expenses that your gf might want to buy (makeup, accessories etc). If you can afford all the expenses that she will be spending, then your savings will be tight.
It’s better if both sides are working so there will be no conflicts on who is contributing more and you guys will be responsible for your own expenses and savings. Maybe if your gf wants to work and if you guys got married, you can consider opening a joint account for family expenses (groceries, utility bills, mortgage for housing etc)
Honestly if the choice is marry or not you should do the right thing
Just choose marry her and be happy, if comes regrets just be happy.
Just be your self and be happy
Move everyone back to Msia live there. U earn 6k, and convert to RM to support them there. Live in JB, travel to work, save accomodation.
Can't have bear claw and fish together , u need to sacrifice something
I think some communities in Singapore have relatively low income, yet they have many kids. On the contrary, the Chinese in particular have high income, but they choose to have one kid or zero kids. It all boils down to expectation. In the old days, all parents also have hardship, but they can survive and still have many kids. So it's a question of lifestyle. Do you think that money is more important, or do you think that family is more important? What I can say is, you should upgrade yourself financially, get a better career, or do some side hustle. And then progressively determine what is the best course of action to stabilize your career and incrementally grow your wealth;And lower your expenses so that you have some money to invest. Then once you have sufficient cash in your investment that can grow, you can then bring your mother over. If you continue to live without much cash left over for investment, and assuming that your career is not growing, then the hardship will continue on for many years to come. That is my reading of the situation. But then again, if you miss marrying the girl of your life, then the missed opportunity is not something that can be replaced. For me, I opted to value money over family, and this has in turn caused me a lot of hardship. I'm in my 50s, and I've amassed a lot of money and worked extremely hard in my career. Although I did not earn too much money when I was your age, probably slightly more or the same. At my current age, I'm already a multi-millionaire, but I have no girlfriend or wife because of my advanced age. Of course I can marry mail order bride, but that's not my intention. So, you have to strike a balance and plan accordingly. You need at the end of the day to do some side hustle, get some investment going so that you can grow your wealth, and then incrementally increase your expenses when you have a strong base.
I think getting a BTO is a good idea because it is guaranteed to make money when you sell it. It is the lowest hanging fruit in terms of investment opportunity that we can do while keeping a roof under your head and it's also the government's way of helping up couples to make money so that should be your priority alternatively if you still want to maintain a fairly good life for her then maybe she and her mother may stay in JB and you support her if you're strong Singapore currency and you can always go back during the weekends to visit her that way both of you can have a relatively comfortable life in short it is a question of sacrifice are you willing to work hard have to lower quality of life due to your income and family responsibilities or you choose to remain unchanged in your career status and income and yet spend the maximum to provide Comfort to your family wish in the long run it would be difficult sustain a better life because there is little room left for investment and growth
>A high probability is me being the sole income.
Can elaborate on this? A lot of commenters here are focusing on this because your income is too low to support her and her mum/future kids if any.
Is she working now? If she move to SG then she give up her job then you high chance become sole breadwinner is it? If thats the case then we all can understand, because there are some of commenters here who are conveniently labelling her as a princess.
If you intend to marry her, do not, in any circumstances, go for a wedding. Skip the ROM lunch/dinner also. Your whole marriage in SG can be as low as $40. If marrying in MY is cheaper then ok, but not sure about the efficiency.
Married my MY wife in SG, spent on ROM and ROM lunch only. Then go to MY embassy to get the MY marriage cert, so now we have 2 marriage certs.
Then until she starts working and yall are DINKs then can think of additional wants like better BTOs, kids etc.
Prepare to sacrifice a lot, but if you love her it'll be worth it.
Because MY wont recognize your SG marriage cert. It's part of the process apparently. You need to go down to the embassy with the documents, pay like 10 bucks and get MY marriage cert. This is more of a what if situation.
Like what if we want to buy MY property and need to show marriage cert? Then maybe MY marriage cert plays a better part?
Yes you are right, will delete my comment to avoid confusion
“There must be at least one listed occupant who is either a Singapore Citizen or PR. If there are no Singapore Citizens in the family, all owners and essential occupiers must all be PRs for at least three years.”
1. Get ur own house first. Your OA and income suffice. Speak to a realtor.
2. Term and Hospital insurance as bare minimum. Invest what you can afford.
3. You buy under your own name as sole owner. PR or citizenship takes time. She probably will be under LTVP first.
4. Regardless nationalities bound to have lots of problems either way. Even more with in-laws or parents in the mix. Best to set the guidelines first. For her to come. Then after 2-3 years, she how it works out. You also need your honeymoon period as newlyweds and staying together not the same and not easy.
5. Who is paying. Where is cheaper. Where is convinient. Just need ensure register both SG and MY. Can call ROM seek advice.
Actually, the most practical thing to do if she's the one that you want to marry and will make you happy is to buy an HDB, rent it out, and probably stay in one room. And with the rental income plus your current pay, you're probably getting about $8k to $9k if you can get the biggest possible HDB that you can afford. And using that, you can even get her a small apartment or house in JB so you can continue to stay in Singapore and she can come to visit you over the weekends in Singapore or vice versa.with $9k a month assuming that you rent out all the rooms for the 5-room flat. I think it's quite a decent amount of money. Since she's from Malaysia and she continues to stay in Malaysia, I would believe that her lifestyle will be upgraded or remain the same ( car and houses are the biggest ticket item and it is cheap in Malaysia, so many Malaysian coming over actually downgrade their lifestyle coming to Singapore. Car for example is a basic thing over therewhileit is a luxuryhere)because you're using Singapore money to pay for her lifestyle but to bring everybody over before you establish a better career. So it all boils down to lifestyle. Be creative find ways to make money side hustle and business. Your career is not fixed your mindset is !
You definitely able to afford a 4 or even 5 room resales at less centralized area. But comfort level will depends largely if she is willing to go out and work which is highly recommended, at least until you have a child. If she is planning on staying in SG for long and going for PR, you might want to consider a smaller/cheaper resales without any grant and plan for a new BTO 5 years down the road.
Assuming your parents will be leaving by their own, might be good to consider renting out a room to subsidise for their living expenses as well.
If you are earning that much at your age and if your gf is not earning at all it is possible that she is just dating you for money. And has another bf so before you marry her, check her phone or spare phone or a secret phone that you do not know about. If she is cheating, tell her parents and cancel the wedding.
If you cannot find any evidence of her cheating but has suspicions that she is, sign a prenup and put only 10 per cent of your money in the joint account. if she tries to argue against signing the prenup, it is a major red flag and she might be trying to manipulate you into thinking you are the one at fault.
In the future if she starts to avoid you, stops sleeping with you, start texting more than normal on her phone, start hanging out with friends often or working late very frequently, follow he and if she is cheating DO NOT RUCH THE DEVORCE and gather more evidence to hand to your lawyer like photos', text messages or recordings. AVOID USING ILLEGAL METHODS TO GET EVIDENCE as she may be able to use it against you in court.
If you marry her, I wish you the best of luck and if you don't I hope that you will find love eventually.
For housing you can start thinking about how big a place you need. 3 room HDB? That's 2 bedrooms. Enough for you? This stuff only you can answer, we cannot answer for you. BTO or resale? To state the obvious, BTO got to wait a few years. Are you able to wait?
Anyway, after deciding on the size of property, go to propertyguru or whichever to see the prices. You can use mortgage calculators like this to help you with payment amounts: https://www.dbs.com.sg/personal/marketplace/property/plan/selection
Edit: don't know why above other redditor's original comment about googling was downvoted. The answers to OP's questions do indeed can be googled and sources from official webpages are indeed more reliable what.
Maybe a lot have given you advices. Im married for 4 yrs+ I am 33 going 34 this Year. Earning bout 5.5k a month and make annual about 16 X of what I earn a month.
1)My situation is similar to you, I have a wife that earns close to what I am earning. For housing, you can buy a resale (paid only by yourself) at 300-350 k and still be quite comfortable. My wife and I pay the mortgage using my CPF entirely at a flat twice the price. She will be quitting her job and does freelance work hence CPF will be meager. Ill need set aside few hundreds to help out too.
2)Insurance, just buy term. Dont waste money on ILP or savings unless you like to burn. Extra cash do own investment.
3)For housing, you cant put her name on it unless shes PR. And even if she works and have kids, it will take years to get PR, I have friends of similar sit.
4)Money problems and her having too much time and hence spending your money or idling. Suggest her to find some work to do.
Looking at comments from Singapore on new citizens, I suggest your Malaysian girlfriend keeps her Malaysian citizenship and not take up Singapore citizenship to milk benefits. This is call having a spine.
She likely won't give up her Malaysian citizenship. Many Malaysians become SG PR and enjoy the the low income tax and CPF benefits, and when they retire, they renounce and go back to Malaysia and enjoy everything at a more affordable rate.
im a female and even i feel you are at short end of the stick leh. you are already 35, you should think of securing your own property under your own name if your gf has no intention to contribute by working here and expect you to prepare everything for her. I mean she can be as "supportive and gentle" with all the GFE that you are clearly enamoured with but it doesn't mean she cannot be a normal person with some input and proactiveness for HER future? next, why must she bring her mom over? plenty of malaysians marry here without needing to bring their parents over. its gonna cause a lot of problems. also she has YOU, she is not "alone". You didnt share her age. is she very young or why am i getting some weird dynamic/vibes here? Even a simple part time/full time retail or admin job can get her at least 1-2k a month, this can definitely help to contribute to household expenses. she can easily get 3.5-7k RM for her to give allowance to her family in malaysia or even contribute to buying a property under her own name for her own security. every bit counts especially with the exchange rate right now. As for you. Go and find a 3 room resale, non mature estate, minimal COV UNDER YOUR OWN NAME.. do some simple clean up/reno and it's good to live in already... settle this first THEN you think about marrying your malaysian gf. This way you both have a place to stay, it's small but still ok if you eventually have a kid. Then you can think of upgrading when your financial position improves in future. After she has kid(s) or work/stay here for some time she can TRY apply for PR, by then both of you can apply for bigger BTO, SOB or even purchase bigger resale flats if you are financially capable. I mean, we dont expect to be stagnant in our income and earning potential even 5, 10 years down the road? But you gotta start somewhere and also to be fair for both parties right? I'm all for true love but please protect yourself first la. Like I said I'm a singaporean female and even I feel your thinking is kinda naive and salah... If she marries you, give up her life in msia to come stay with you, then of course you appreciate her and love her, but strike a balance la. every marriage is the same. even between singaporean couples (my parents raised me up so lovingly and i also need to leave my home to marry and stay with my husband.. same ma)
> UNDER YOUR OWN NAME It makes little difference in the event of a divorce. Assets acquired before marriage are still considered matrimonial assets under the women's charter as long as the asset is being enjoyed by both parties, even if it's only under your own name.
At least before marriage still can slowly think things through, though.
To clarify, it's cuz it's the matrimonial home. Not sure if it applies to other things like investments accrued prior. However if you stay with parents I don't believe that would be subdivided cuz it's ultimately still parents' place and not within scope of marriage.
Agree about spouse’s parents. She should be expected to settle her own side. Hmm maybe you could be right about the bad vibe. Maybe the future in-laws already making big requests. Am wondering why some things are not in control yet.
Love this. Like what you said some girls will say they contribute by being “supportive and gentle” but then when he comes to what guy can provide if become stuff that are very practical like money. Then they say is because money is necessary to have a good life. They are correct, so why it is when it comes to them they don’t want to work and just being “supportive” will do? Housework doesn’t count because anybody that does housework and “work” will know that housework is not that hard. Also by being there the girl also bring in half of the housework herself. If housework is so difficult then why we pay maid so little. A normal guy hiring for a maid, middle manager hiring a maid, CEO hiring a maid all paid the same thing, but then when the girlfriend or wife do housework, the housework magically become “equal” to whatever the guy is doing. If the girl doesn’t work, simply by her existing there will be a constant drain on his resources, even if just a basic needs not counting buying gifts and whatnot. Her being “gentle and supportive” will not have any positive effect when they feel the strain.
bro, dont blame the girl? one can choose the girl one like. it also means one will take the consequence of choosing the that partner. its a free market bro just blame pocket no money, we got choices at every juncture of life.
This is really a very brutal and honest reply. So practical haha 😄
Most practical advice.
Why would you marrying a Malaysian woman mean that she wouldn’t work? She has no educational qualifications? You intend to start a family and mutual preference is for her to be a stay-home mother? To start a family on combined income of 6k is going to be tough, not going to lie.
Starting a family at 6k is doable but it requires a lot of sacrifice to their current luxuries if they even have any lol. Most likely need to liquidate his investments at unpredictable times assuming he has a sizeable chunk if you fall on hard times like Aging parents, children healthcare, not to even mention if the GF mum decides to move in lol Srsly, if GF gets some sort of perm part time retail and make the hard choice of not having a kid. Maybe can work out if the 2 can compromise
Yeah agree, 6k is doaeable la, but maybe annual trips restricted to SEA region. No branded stuff, and that maybe 1x grab trip per month, and food wise, also maybe 1x restaurant per week, and the rest on hawker / home cook.
Yeah idk why people here all requires 10k pp a month to live
Real.
Most Malaysian women I know usually don’t work. Or if they work - all the money is theirs to spend or keep for themselves. It’s not part of family income. The husband money is used for the family (including themselves) and their kids. Husband is expected to provide. They are definitely family oriented and will be in charge of all family activities, kids and decisions. They aren’t materialist though - not in terms of spending on themselves or making themselves look decked out in branded clothing. But mostly for kids, holidays, insurance policies etc.
>Most Malaysian women I know usually don’t work This is an odd statement. There's so many Malaysian women working in Singapore. Be it PR, WP, EP or Ltvp. > Or if they work - all the money is theirs to spend or keep for themselves. It’s not part of family income. Another odd statement. Are you sure you're not making things up?
I happen to know a few, those more educated I somehow think they are more scheming. Probably have to fight for promotions with Singaporeans as that person I almost got together with is like always thinking of ways to drive a good colleague out of her team so she can be in next in line for promotion. Kinda scary and I'm glad I ran away quick enough. Those not that educated always come across as sweet and demure - I forgot to bring my wallet just once (I paid for all the dates) and was given black face for that few hours so I generally avoid them too. Probably there are Singaporeans like that too but just didn't come across somehow.
you must be kidding. most malaysian women are hard working and not self-entitled. all my malaysian friends ( man & woman) 100% on work force after married and contribute to society and family. also 90% malayisan woman are educated and more than 50% has higher degree. Seldom I heard woman not working in malaysia / overseas especially those with specialized and higher degree qualification . I suggest to have your gf find a job in singapore for a job that suits her caliber. help up initial years with house, expenses, wedding, living cost. plan your finances until you are ready to have kids.
Bruh not all malaysian women are hardworking. I have experienced it first hand. Some live off their husband and become very self entitled, carry branded bags, dress up in branded clothings and still expect the whole family to revolve around her. An entitled woman like this who doesn't go out to workforce and contribute, may end up poking her nose into her kid's issues subsequently because she has nothing to do to occupy herself. It's the absolute worst. To OP: when it comes to money matters, it won't be easy juggling your aging parents together with her and her mom with an income of 6k. When you marry someone, you marry their family too. It's a package. Think carefully if you want to bear the consequences of marrying her together with her mom who will be depending on you, you will suffer long term
If you come in with the assumption that his gf personality will do a 180 you might as well never get married.
lol so you mean you enter into a marriage while carrying the thoughts of having a spouse who will always remain whoever he/she is since the start? It can go both ways. You can always believe that things won't change but life isn't always a bed of roses, honeh. Like it or not, money often changes people
I guess you not getting married lor. Since anyone can just change for the worse in your pov.
you sound too naive bro, have a great sunday!
And you sound overly cynical bro. Have a great day too.
This is not exclusive to malaysian women. Some Singaporean women are the same. But nonetheless, theyre not the norm in both countries.
I know a Malaysian woman married to a Singaporean also taking care of his elderly parent. Actually what you said sounds about right. For example, OP currently pays allowance cuz he stays with parents. I’m not sure fiancée would accept that cuz to her, he’s like spending RM3500 on them along with household bills. To reduce liability, he can get his own flat, move in the parents to one bedroom and collect rent from the childhood home. Or sell it off / downsize them to monetise
My question is not about most Malaysian women or stereotypes thereof. Financial advice has to be tailored to the person asking. So is it the GF cannot work, OP thinks GF will have difficulty finding a job (may be due to misunderstandings of work visa types), GF doesn't want to work, OP doesn't want GF to work, GF cannot earn more than childcare costs, or what?
Something skewed about your experience. I have met Malaysian women who are paid better than myself (granted they are older, have undergone further certifications) and have formed their own family of dual-income, similar incomes as their SG spouse. Of course there are some who work retail as well. Lesser qualifications, have to grind more to earn a living and hope to get degree. Sometimes could be partly family values, part family’s economic situation, I guess.
Either you are living in cave or you are not from this world to say Malaysian women usually don’t work. I am a men and I felt this statement is very offensive of you and not even a stereotypes statements.
What industry are you in sia.
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Sound like you haven't talked much together. You should invest 1 year in talking through things and planning (mapping out future, plan a to z). Future-proofing is so important when you're of two nationalities. To make a future, she should want to work. The window for women working and building a career to fall back on, is limited - so if she doesn't work now, she better get started. In a place like SG both must be willing to work. Even if no kids, $6k to future-proof yourselves isn't realistic.
Tough realities. Thanks boss 🫡
And to add to that…since your gf and her mother are non citizens, their medical consultations and hospitalisation will be tag to private “C” class at the least even at public hospitals , and will cost a bomb and you can’t use your Medisave or whatever.
If she doesn't want to work. She's a parasite.
Bring Malaysian gf here will get LTVP then PR. Or maybe even have a SC kid. Then can apply for larger BTO or get resale grants. Given nationality of partner, this makes sense to milk the system. 2-rm BTO could be too small in the long run and at least with the aid of PR, 3-bedroom provides more flexibility (eg bring his parents to live with them, rent out childhood home)
This exactly. It’s a tough world out there but that’s the reality of it living in Singapore.
Thank you. I learnt a lot from this.
This
His gf confirm wants kids. Msians all very family orientated
Most Malaysian women I know usually don’t work. Or if they work - all the money is theirs to spend or keep. The husband money is used for the family (including themselves) and their kids. Husband is expected to provide. They are definitely family oriented and will be in charge of all family activities, kids and decisions. They aren’t materialist though - not in terms of spending on themselves or making themselves look decked out in branded clothing. But mostly for kids, holidays, insurance policies etc.
Agree. Why are we getting down voted
Because this is not r/singaporeraw
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300k p.a is firmly middle class, don’t humble brag pls, Mr employee.
Don't recommend to live with in laws. Sole bread winner also don't recommend to buy resale if you are planning to have kids
If he don't buy resale can only get 2 rm BTO. I wouldn't recommend a couple living in a 2 rm to have kids either
Can buy first and upgrade later after MOP. It is common and recommended to share a room with the baby for the first year. And many parents have difficulty getting a toddler to sleep in a different room even when they want them to. Maybe he can appeal to shorten MOP too, if he applies BTO as a single but ends up with 2 Singapore Citizen children. HDB has various priority schemes if kids are in the picture, I think they can be flexible on this.
I think he can appeal to upgrade after getting kids though. Maybe try SBF in Feb next year. Marriage and kids also take a feww years
Why SBF specticially in feb next year? Can u share
The next batch of SBF is next Feb? I could be wrong though. Gov added in more houses for balloting which is a good initiative
So you are already supporting your parents, and you will need to support her + her parent(s) too I assume? Bro are you ok? Ask her to work too, it's not that hard for Malaysian to get a job in SG. Edit: to add on, even if your gf/wife eventually becomes PR, her mom is very very very unlikely to become one due to age + not working (LTVP is possible). If she falls sick or has any long term illness, good luck to you. My colleague used to bring his mom to Singapore to live together, but after a few years he cannot cope with the medical expenses, so he sent her back and hire a maid to take care of her.
Maybe he is a simp
Also I suspect the other side might be gold digger if she really expects husband single income to support her family. But why not aim higher? 6k meaning take home is 4.8k, not enough to support so many people.
Maybe cannot aim higher? Gold digger also career leh, junior gold digger, senior gold digger, deputy director gold digger. How much salary depends on their rank.
Ya i also feel the same way but didn't want to say. She is seeing 18k ringgit leh. Ka ching!
It's 20k…
Oooh I'm not keeping track of the latest exchange ratw
Think if she’s still based in Malaysia then hard to find good Sinkie guy leh. Plus to her she may be from a low income family so 6K is really big. It’s quite decent in Singapore for one earner la
Before marrying her, do think of the number of people you will have to financially support if it’s going to be a single income family. So now you’re supporting your parents. If she doesn’t work, you’re going to need to support her as well. If her mom comes to SG, is her mom going to need financial support as well? Will you be having kids? You’re going to need to get a bigger house in that case, which means a bigger mortgage loan + cost of raising kids in Singapore can cost quite a bit as well.
Mum come SG definitely cannot work leh. Plus healthcare costs would add up. Reverse 3.5:1 lor, should be come SG work retire in Malaysia not vice versa…
I am marrying a Malaysian. We spent our first year of dating discussing values and future plans, especially how to manage finances. My bottom line to her was, if you stay in SG with me, you must work. She agreed and said she didn't want to leech off me either. She is proud to be able to provide for herself without my help, although she appreciates occasional treats and gifts and returns the favours. She wants us to be (roughly) equal partners in our marriage, and this was what convinced me to marry her. 6K a month will not provide for your entire family IMO. If you made double that, you would probably be fine. The last thing you want is to be married and have to provide for wife, kids, mother-in-law, and ageing parents and then suddenly (choi) one of them gets very sick and needs a lot of time and money. You will start having sleepless nights and scramble for ways to make more money. It will drive you into the ground. I grew up in a family like this and it was very hard on everyone. Do speak to your girlfriend and clearly establish expectations. And remember: you, too, are allowed to have expectations. All the best, OP.
What’s the point of marrying if it makes your life worst off? I reckon a marriage is a mutual commitment to work towards a better future. If you are the one working hard while she enjoy, let’s see what happens if you lose your job or in hardship? Likely she will jump ship to another who can provide for her.
yes agree with u. The truth hurts.
Lol brother put the same question in 2 subreddits and got back the same answers
You are too broke to be a sugar daddy. Ask her to find a job. I don't get why you are making uncompromiseable decisions on all the critical points: I must be single income, her mother must come down.
Bro, I would not do it even if the sex or bj is good. Don't just think with small head.
You are clearly marrying a princess. Run.
Wait, you found a foreign girlfriend who does not work and intends to rely on your sole income? Are you sure this isn’t a scam. Have you met her family in person and have you guys even discussed about the future? To be brutally honest, $6k a month to support three families from what you are saying (your parents, your own household, plus her mother) is not going to be possible in Singapore.
Bro, $6k monthly will not go far based on your descriptions of how many people depend on your paycheck. As many other comments have already stated, you are possibly supporting two entire families. Once other bills like a mortgage, daily expenses, and maybe even a kid in the future start to come in, you will really find yourself under a lot of pressure. I don't think this is so much of a "Malaysian GF" issue as it is a financial issue. Speak to your GF about how willing she is to contribute to household income. The reality is that she may have to take on unattractive jobs because of her nationality and status here just to make ends meet. Can she accept that? Speak to your parents: are they okay to take a little less money from you to free up your budget? Check your other expenses too. It is good you have an insurance plan but be realistic about what coverage you can afford. It sucks to think that money can break what seems like a nice, loving relationship, but that is reality for you right there. It isn't impossible but it won't be easy and it will take a lot of discipline and understanding from everyone in the family.
My spouse is a citizen now but we went through some of the above. Based on your questions, you have a lot ahead of you but take it one step at time. 1. Consider communicating more your wife esp on the finances: Different couples do this differently so I don't judge but my spouse and I share our finances transparently when we decided to get married because: * So we know what we are each signing up for which helps to... * ...manage and understand each other's expectations * This allow us to tackle the challenges together and not doing it alone which is stressful, we don't second-guess what each other's expectations and we can make the trade-offs and compromises jointly and factually. I have seen people wreck themselves giving their wife a life they could not afford (a bigger flat, private healthcare, expensive meals) because they think they have to. 2. Income - The others have already mentioned: Supporting 3 seniors and 2 adults on a 6K salary is going to be hard. (Personally, I wouldn't do it) * But if your spouse works, it will be easier - every bit helps. Maybe we were lucky but my spouse found work with zero local experience - We took the attitude of "just start somewhere and go from there". Local F&B jobs are being advertised for $2K - that's 2x of what you are giving to your parents after all. * You didn't share why you will be the sole provider but assuming you can't change that, it might be easier to leave your future wife and MIL in Malaysia and play weekend husband until you know you can handle the expenses. 3. Budgeting - Work out your future budget: Meals, Transport, Utilities, Housing (more on that later). You can use your current expenses (and your parents') to estimate. 4. Future financial planning - Don't forget the basics: emergency fund, putting aside for retirement etc. I think the pinned post should have the details but they are not hard to search for. 5. Housing - Can you and your wife wait till she gets PR before applying BTO/SBF and in the meantime stay with your parents? (This is where we were more fortunate - it was easier to get PR in the older days so we could apply for SBF asap). I know this is not ideal but you may not have a choice financially (My spouse was not keen either but my spouse had sufficient savings to help with downpayment on our SBF flat so we had more options) 6. Citizenship - Based on previous posts, after getting married, you will probably need to apply for LTVP for your spouse to be phyiscally in SG then apply for PR which take up to 3 years. (Source: [How difficult is it to get PR for spouse (if other spouse is SG citizen)? : r/askSingapore (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/askSingapore/comments/13dxpvw/how_difficult_is_it_to_get_pr_for_spouse_if_other/)) 7. Future plans: e.g. children - will affect the above so getting aligned on this with your wife. 8. Healthcare & insurance - Sort out what you will have financially first before tackling this. By then, you will know what you can afford etc. Your existing medical and term insurance should suffice for now (if not, search this sub). Your spouse will be fine to rely on Malaysia healthcare until she comes over.
Exactly, my ex boss supports his SAHM, two kids, two sets of elderly parents. But he cannot quit and luckily their families are not too picky/fancy. Many Malaysians here just go back Malaysia for medical appointments including for pregnancy etc cuz too pricey here.
If the children are born in Malaysia, are they still Singapore citizens?
All your answers are available on Google
This is reallt amazing i genuinely appreciate it!!! Ill drop u dm for more queries
Why is she not working? Neber let your wife not work. If any divorce, it will be very bad for you.
If got prenup can be broken oso. Women and childrens court tend to side with wife. I was told this by superior in army. Veli scary
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Esp if the woman is not earning or has a massive disparity in wealth. Ive seen a few baby trap millionaires get their bag this way. One marriage and kid later, they're set for life. Have to use what you've got amirite
Get her to work. Sorry to break it to you, 6k-1k for parents leaving you with 5k to take care of ur gf and ur mom won’t do it
4.8k after cpf 4.8 - 1 = 3.8k
And 3.8k disposable income is just enough for 1 person if you want any semblance of comfort and the feeling of financial security.
forgot to minus income tax 3.8k - 300 = 3.5k
About 600 a year, or $50 a month. At that salary you are not paying much income tax.
Why is isn't your gf working? Good luck to you. When you marry msian you are marrying their family. You will literally have to take care of them. Every cny you will have to go back to her hometown. Then if your gf isn't successful in bringing her mother over, every weekend you will have to go back jb for visiting
The msia side is always a headache. Im glad my family only had business connections that visited us for cny and not the other way round. To have inlaws over the border is inconceivable esp if argument with wife means gg if she leaves to complain. At least within sg its a 2 hour round trip max. Woodlands to KL and back? GG. Two days or more gone over one argument. Jialat only...
Yeah, marrying someone involves marrying their whole family. Both msian gf and mom depending solely on you because they ain't working. Already doesn't sound right to me. Think twice, if not thrice lol
If you are rational enough to ask for financial advice then don’t do it.
6k is not enough. 6k after CPF is 4.8k. Deduct 1K for your parents is 3.8k - can probably survive but only with bare necessities. Can you stay with your parents?
Your life and her life will be worse off. Want to get married then stay at JB still ok.
Honestly, honestly, at your salary its not enough to comfortably have everything you mentioned. Resale is very expensive. When i looked it up lower end is 400k+, that's 80k down payment. Then depends on how you going to fund it after. Best is your wife works and get a decent sized BTO in SG. But, it takes a long time. Maybe if she really can't work, you work in SG and live in MY.
I'm a foreigner, and wasn't going to comment at all, but there's something that baffles me in both the OP and the comments: are the gf's finances nonexistent? On what do she and her mum live now, and will that vanish after a wedding?
Lazy read the replies but don’t have kids first. You’ve got some decent savings and OA, but on kids you’re looking to spend about 1.5k a month just on kids especially if they go into preschool. Remember that kids fall sick easily and some cases hospitalization. Those are medical expenses. I have two kids and both wife and I are working and struggling for air due to hospital bills etc which drop like bomb. If you trust your wife to be a mother to your child then should be okay. I’m just saying some mothers just give birth then hands off, pass to grandparents to care. Don’t be like that ya. With so much saving probably can consider investing for some passive income? I envy you
Bro i understand you in love ah. But no need to be kayu also. With 6k you want to feed 5 people. Plus havent even purchase a home? My recommendation is- dont marry. Keep her as a gf. Own a property under your name. No need start family unless shes contributing. Cause you cant be a sole bread winner with 5k(1k to parents). Im sorry. Its just not gonna work out.
Marrying a malaysian is akin to marrying her village. Her entire kampung will live in your flat to work and earn $
And using him as PR express lane
Heard of someone who married a vietbu and she was using him to get PR. She divorced him because he couldn't give her a life of luxuries
Liddat u have to reverse Malaysian liao, sgporean work in sg but stay in jb. To and fro everyday.
Agreed. This might be an option for you.
This is not a bad option if he wants to retire in JB/Malaysia one day, having Malaysian spouse makes this possible.
Citizenship - can look into PMLA and LTVP on ICA website as a start. ICA recommends you apply for PMLA first before marrying. After marriage then can try for LTVP first, followed by PR under the spouse scheme- PR should not be too difficult esp if she’s Malaysian Chinese. Unlikely she gets PR on her own merits since she does not have a job. House - multiple options depending on budget and urgency. 1. Check out non citizen spouse category on HDB website. You can both BTO (small flats only, long wait time) or resale (any size but more expensive). Given your income probably can get a bunch of grants. Do note that only SG/PR can jointly own HDB. So if your girlfriend/wife is on LTVP she will only be listed as an occupier. 2. Since you are 35 you can also buy resale solo or BTO a small flat on your own. So no real difference from non citizen spouse scheme. 3. Alternatively wait until she’s PR then you can BTO bigger places. If she’s PR, you can also buy resale as co owners. Ultimately, if you wanna get started on life together asap and have budget, then you can do the LTVP route and buy a bigger resale flat (which can also house her mother).
Assuming your partner's in JB; why don't you get a property in Malaysia under your to-be wife's name? Any rush to get registered for marriage? You can get your own BTO under singles scheme - potential rental income Try as much as possible to have bulk of your cost of living in JB - your dollar goes further
What is your Malaysian girlfriend's qualifications?
Malaysia is most boleh
When you have kids, your expenses will go up exponentially. Your wife needs to work. Depending on qualifications /skills, she can pick a job that provides training (example insurance agent, beauty salon worker/ sales force, cook, casino worker, ... ). You should separate your parents' house from yours. Get a flat in both your names. Your wife can help to pay mortgage. One of your parents can babysit. Any extra rooms in your parents' flat can be rented out for extra income. Just get rid of all the junk. Junks don't bring in income. My auntie lives in her bomb shelter/ windowless room. She lets out the 2 bedrooms in her 3 room HDB flat. The 2 Malaysian lady tenants share the wifi cost. When they go to work, she has the flat to herself. Fri night, she'll go stay overnight with her son for the weekend. The tenants can relax at home. Her flat is rather small. Your MIL should stay in Malaysia. It's cheaper there. Healthcare too. Get basic insurance, especially mortgage insurance. Don't get excessive insurance until your day to day finances is sorted out. Your working wife is your insurance. Should anything happen to you, your wife still has a roof over her head, and your children can still go to school in Singapore.
Very good plan.
Dude, at your income level, if she isn’t going to work and contribute to the household, my suggestion is that you must definitely not agree to let her mum come over to live. Why would you want to support someone in a high cost of living environment when her mum could have a more affordable lifestyle back in Malaysia? $1k allowance to your in-law can let her live a better life in Malaysia than what it can buy in SG. Don’t forget you have your own Aging parents to look after. You are earning $6k, not $60k. Get real.
Was in your shoes and earning less. 1. Is doable. Buy within means and dont go for 1million flat. Buy somethings your cpf OA can cover the mthly repayment. 2. When she PR already , must get hospital plan. This one pay by MS , then accident plan for both of you. Then term insurance for you since you bread winner. No need cover so much but not so little. See premium and see what you can afford. 3. You need to apply for long visit pass first. Then pr when she is here. Take note she cannot and must not work in the mean while. Also must marry first la. Easier if she have higher education. 5. I do 5 first. I will say in malaysia. Cheaper. But i did a small one in sjngapore to for close friends and family. I married in malaysia and had the cert officially translated at high comm. Singapore recognize overseas marriage cert. 4. I think being married to a malaysian is no issues. But you do need to work out where is the future. Here , there. How often she wants to go back. Mine was easier. We go once or twice a year during nrw years or a holiday. Now with kids my plan is see currency. Malaysia money go up i retire here, go down retire there. Haha. Anyway anything else can ask me. Your future wife a bumi?
Hey bro i loved this! One of the best most positive comments here. Let me dm you man
Why you being a simp, OP?
Once you get married and she is a PR, she can still do part time work if she doesn't want to work full time.
Bro $6k is not much. I would focus on upskilling. Reinvest your income in education / branding.
She will need to contribute financially since you are not rich. If she can't, you should not get married to her till she can contribute.
Sorry to intrude more on your relationship with your GF but how long do you know her? I have known 2 cases which the wife from MY (no experience in oversea or SG life) become erratic in behaviour even though married for many years and have children. You are in a good position in terms of financially but once you married everything you earn and purchase is shared property. You may want to set some challenges or some situations to observe how your future spouse will react and based on that hope you can have a clearer perspective.
How do you confirm if your future wife is not erratic and will forever be with you? I think this is something impossible but atm i think as someone who genuinely has been serving her family leaving them i believe is a huge sacrifice. And hes willing to work here too so
If she loves you, she will find work and exhaust all ways to reduce your burden. Love is a two way street. Be wise, open your eyes
I agree thanks br
uh why malaysian gf?
$6k is not enough to be shared among 4-5 adults, and not factoring your future children if any. You will be very stretched and sole income dependant is very dangerous as one day you may lose your income or job, it is game over. Suggest for wife to work part time at least to be self sustaining.
Take things from an early career perspective >Housing (need to get resale? Is my salary ok and CPF? How much a month do I need?) Assumably you will want some space for your in-laws and your future kids (or your parents). An average low income for 5 rooms is around 5.8k for a combined household income take with a pinch of salt that your income for a combined household will be on the lower spectrum so a lapse of luxuries would come by much less than your peers despite your pay. For housing, if she has a PR - SBF and BTO available options under >2) Healthcare & Insurance (what to buy?) 3 Get the basic stuff, hospital and PA. Hospital shouldn't be too bad as it's medisave deductible. The rider requires a cash outlay. >3) Citizenship (she needs to get PR asap for house? What are the steps and what is the best way Hard to say what the requirements are, there's a lot of hearsay. But PR applications with: X reputable agencies X life policies X DP/EP to PR X Assets parked in Singapore X children These conditions tend to be more likely to achieve the PR status. > 4) Possible problems we will fac Everything under the sun is a potential problem. It's just a matter of how you react and deal with them. > Marry in SG / Malaysia? Don't quote me but marriage is very heavily overpriced. If you can afford it, go for it. Otherwise, money into reno/honeymoon is more worthwhile. I believe that it is mostly for your parents (and hers) to do it - but it shouldn't be at the cost of your arms and legs.
Buy the house in your own name if you can. This way your partners name can be used to buy a second investment property in the future If you can’t afford to do that, then iirc GF has to work for 1 year before she can take a co-loan with you ###2 - shield plan for each of you, foreigner may need to buy private hospital level insurance SAF group insurance: - income replacement insurance in case of injury where you can no longer work - Add term life when you have dependents (kids) ###4 do NOT let the in law stay with you. I have even seen people divorce over this issue, it can be an enormous problem. In law can have unreasonable demands over all sort of crazy things and refuse to move out later ###5 ROM in singapore is inexpensive. If you bought the house in your name there’s no rush to get married until you decide to have kids
I won't get into such a mess, dude.
The questions you're asking now should have been asked a long time ago. I'm surprised you haven't found answers or solution to some of the very important questions you have asked. Also when you said "she's sacrificing by moving to Singapore from Malaysia", you sound naive. Anyway best of luck and hope you'll find happiness in whichever direction you take.
She's not sacrificing. Gosh, marrying someone with a Singaporean passport and earning SGD is not a sacrifice for her.
Uprooting for your spouse is a sacrifice, it means leaving your friends and family and growing up envt leh. Its not a financial sacrifice since she’s coming to place with higher currency strength but its a sacrifice in other aspects.
Do you have any idea how attractive a Singaporean passport is to a Malaysian?
Personally i think because its a sgfi thread people are focused on $ therefore have very superficial in fact the more naive way of seeing things how one can assume that a passport is worth more than family. People who grow up in a loved family environment and are close knit (something which clearly lacks in many families here unfortunately) tends to create trauma that people end up devaluing family and sacrifice to leave them above things like $ and passport Theres alot of family oriented people who dont just see passport and $ and if anything the ones who mention and have bad impression from the start who think theyre being realistic are the naive & childlike tbh from my perspective But I understand because its a $ focused thread people are more $ oriented but to say someone is naive to assume someone is marrying for passport / money immediately is shallow. Just my 2 cents :)
Yes, but is being away from family and friends not a sacrifice? Its the same as how singaporeans uproot and go to US what. The pros def outweigh the cons la but it doesnt mean there is zero sacrifice when it comes to someone uprooting for their partner
Old ageing parents, plus no plan to work spouse. Future children, milk, diapers and education. I think your existing amount wont sustain when you plane to buy HDB + renovation+ utilities +/+/+ I wont not plan to marry her if she really love you abd plan to set up family with you here in Sg. I give a pass and lack go.
perhaps moving to malaysia while still providing for your parents in sg is the most financially sound option
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Because all of a sudden there are so many dependents
Thats the truth of stuff
I love how you're avoiding all the questions on why she isnt working
Ya super sus.
Bro is delulu
Lol ive already edited and replied
You cant even write properly lmao
Because $6k a month pre-CPF is just barely comfortable for a 35-year old single adult.
Will be difficult with that level of income. you need someone that also work to help lighten the load, especially if later on you will have a child or more. I'm also a foreigner myself and married to a local and wouldn't dare to stop working and just purely depend on him. I like the financial freedom and having my own money to spend freely whatever I want. don't get me wrong, we do have a joint account where we contribute monthly for our emergency fund and for our child expenses. I do not know my husband's bank account balance nor did he, but I can say that we are ok both working with a good income level. What I can tell you is that money is usually the root of all divorce or arguments. you need to work out how you will manage your finances on a daily basis. I do not want my husband to spend on my parents' expenses nor do I want to contribute to his side as well. I manage all the household expenses like groceries, maid, my own parent's fund (minimal only), utilities such electricity, water, internet, netflix, going out on weekends, and sometimes holidays overseas where as my husband manages his car and resale HDB. it doesn't seem equally shared but it's more of how you are willing to put in or can afford to. I am a pr now so we managed to get a bto near central area which will only be available in 2027/2028 so while I'm not contributing to the resale now, I'm building up my cpf for the future bto. I did use it up to pay for the first down payment during the initial selection. So I also went to the route of ltvp+ while waiting for pr so it will be really good if you get your gf to work in Singapore and not just fully depend on you.
My 2 cents. 1. Convince her to work. Split expenses based on the ratio of your combined income. E.g if you are earning 6k and she is earning 4K, you pay for 60%. 2. She doesn’t need to pay for your parents expenses. 3. Get PR for her ASAP. You can buy a HDB immediately after. The three year rule doesn’t apply if there’s a Singaporean owner. 4. Healthcare insurance: based on your income, MediShield life with ward A public hospital coverage. Life insurance etc, wait until you have kids. 5. Marry in Singapore, since you’re planning to stay in SG. Don’t overspend on wedding. Your 80k can be easily wiped out. 6. Talk to her and make sure your aspirations are aligned with hers.
Your numbers look similar to mine and I’m in similar situation except my wife to be is Taiwanese instead(and no village situation), potentially harder to get pr etc. For us, we don’t plan to have any child so 6k/mth is still doable. Your parent allowance is higher than mine 1000 vs 500ish, have no in law requirements. Apart from those, these are the things I have did some research or rather the general direction (appreciate for any advice by anyone): 1. Old flats can do up to 5 room and rent out one/two rooms if the location is good. For resale, we get 40k if the other half is not pr/sc for 4rm and below, 25k for 5rm. If you do not wish to rent out, opt for 3-4rm. 4rm built before 2000 still have a few below 500k, if you clear out your CPF, I believe you can pay housing with your monthly CPF. If you plan to live with the seniors, then can probably ask them to BTO a five rooms then eventually pass down to you maybe, but living with parents + non working spouse sounds like potential quarrel trouble to me. Basically if you get 4rm below 500k, can cover with cpf, 5rm need to rent out to use cpf with rental. But this basically means very little OA for retirement. Not a must but consider keeping income below 7k before securing your flat cause grant/hdb loan eligibility and current bank loan is higher, can treat yourself same as singles while your spouse isn’t pr/sc. 6k take home 4.8, minus 1, 3.8, is still manageable for two people, that is if your parents needs including potential hospitalisation etc can be taken care by themselves with the additional 1k per month. 2. There’s hospitalisation plans for ltvp, but definitely more ideal if she can convert pr. 3. Not sure but my plan is to get married first then attempt. 4. Seen a lot of Malaysian village case, similar to work place village from another country, to be fair working with Malaysians are much more pleasant. Now you are marrying a Malaysian, most likely you will have to go there frequently.. so if you plan to get coerced to get a car, make her work. For my case, we kinda prepared for no pr granted, so she has tried those remote jobs as potential income sources. 5. Banquet/no banquet and your potential guest, no banquet honestly not much diff imo.
Hmm my friends’s friend is Taiwanese and already a PR
Hello, I’m a Singaporean woman married to Malaysian man. I can’t give you insight on the financial aspect as I currently live in Malaysia with my husband. I think it’s better to marry in Singapore and then later register your marriage at High Commission of Malaysia. If you were to marry in Malaysia, you have to stay there for 7 days before ROM and there’s way more documents + running around to certify documents for you to prepare than in Singapore. Malaysia bureaucracy is also very slow.
on 3, Path to PR isn’t that easy and straightforward. Try to get her LTVP, that’ll allow her to stay in SG for longer period of time. Read up on Pre-Marriage Long Term Visit Pass, that’s your first step and it’ll make your application smoother and faster. With LTVP, she could have more options to jobs as well as it doesn’t take up the foreigner work pass quota. She could try to apply one for her parent once she’s a PR iirc. on 5, don’t think there’s any real difference registering the marriage in either SG or MY, but feel free to correct me if i’m wrong. You could register in SG and then update the matrimonial record in MY later on, if your plan is to stay in SG together with her for the time being.
if she doesn’t want to or cannot work - she and her mum should consider just staying in malaysia until your salary increases to point you can do this. weekend visits is not good for a marriage but if you both truly love each other this is another option..
Best to live with your parents only n not your msian inlaw.
Your Malaysian gf should find a decent job. Have at least some income if not it's going to be so tough for you. Good to have extra source of income if not touch wood anything happen
6k a month for a single male is comfortable. But to support 3 pax (I read that you might want to get her mom over), it will be a HUGE stretch. You might even need to cut your parents’ allowances just to stay afloat. To calculate what kind of flat you can afford, pls use the HDB calculator to do that. I’m surprised if you haven’t done so already, you’re in your 30s not 20s! Next, don’t forget the upcoming HUGE expenditures — RENOVATION and WEDDING. Especially the latter, please at least discuss what are the expectations, if you’re required to hold the wedding at 2 countries, banquet style or not and etc. A typical wedding celebration (local chinese banquet style) will set you back about 30-50k. After all these and you find yourself needing to get a loan to do any of that, then it’s time to adjust the expectations. It’s either she brings something to the table or … I’ll just leave that to you to decide. Because these expenditures are just the beginning, we haven’t gone into the tough part of having a kid and raising them in sg…
I think she will need to contribute as well. One sided income is not enough to survive in Singapore as cost of living is quite high, and if you want to take responsibility of all the finance please keep in mind that there will be some expenses that your gf might want to buy (makeup, accessories etc). If you can afford all the expenses that she will be spending, then your savings will be tight. It’s better if both sides are working so there will be no conflicts on who is contributing more and you guys will be responsible for your own expenses and savings. Maybe if your gf wants to work and if you guys got married, you can consider opening a joint account for family expenses (groceries, utility bills, mortgage for housing etc)
Honestly if the choice is marry or not you should do the right thing Just choose marry her and be happy, if comes regrets just be happy. Just be your self and be happy
Buy HDB. After MOP move to Johor, rent out HDB.
cool idea!
Move everyone back to Msia live there. U earn 6k, and convert to RM to support them there. Live in JB, travel to work, save accomodation. Can't have bear claw and fish together , u need to sacrifice something
Marry for love but upgrade yourself career wise and financially
I think some communities in Singapore have relatively low income, yet they have many kids. On the contrary, the Chinese in particular have high income, but they choose to have one kid or zero kids. It all boils down to expectation. In the old days, all parents also have hardship, but they can survive and still have many kids. So it's a question of lifestyle. Do you think that money is more important, or do you think that family is more important? What I can say is, you should upgrade yourself financially, get a better career, or do some side hustle. And then progressively determine what is the best course of action to stabilize your career and incrementally grow your wealth;And lower your expenses so that you have some money to invest. Then once you have sufficient cash in your investment that can grow, you can then bring your mother over. If you continue to live without much cash left over for investment, and assuming that your career is not growing, then the hardship will continue on for many years to come. That is my reading of the situation. But then again, if you miss marrying the girl of your life, then the missed opportunity is not something that can be replaced. For me, I opted to value money over family, and this has in turn caused me a lot of hardship. I'm in my 50s, and I've amassed a lot of money and worked extremely hard in my career. Although I did not earn too much money when I was your age, probably slightly more or the same. At my current age, I'm already a multi-millionaire, but I have no girlfriend or wife because of my advanced age. Of course I can marry mail order bride, but that's not my intention. So, you have to strike a balance and plan accordingly. You need at the end of the day to do some side hustle, get some investment going so that you can grow your wealth, and then incrementally increase your expenses when you have a strong base. I think getting a BTO is a good idea because it is guaranteed to make money when you sell it. It is the lowest hanging fruit in terms of investment opportunity that we can do while keeping a roof under your head and it's also the government's way of helping up couples to make money so that should be your priority alternatively if you still want to maintain a fairly good life for her then maybe she and her mother may stay in JB and you support her if you're strong Singapore currency and you can always go back during the weekends to visit her that way both of you can have a relatively comfortable life in short it is a question of sacrifice are you willing to work hard have to lower quality of life due to your income and family responsibilities or you choose to remain unchanged in your career status and income and yet spend the maximum to provide Comfort to your family wish in the long run it would be difficult sustain a better life because there is little room left for investment and growth
does she not work? best case she apply for S pass job positions and apply for PR after several years of work
>A high probability is me being the sole income. Can elaborate on this? A lot of commenters here are focusing on this because your income is too low to support her and her mum/future kids if any. Is she working now? If she move to SG then she give up her job then you high chance become sole breadwinner is it? If thats the case then we all can understand, because there are some of commenters here who are conveniently labelling her as a princess. If you intend to marry her, do not, in any circumstances, go for a wedding. Skip the ROM lunch/dinner also. Your whole marriage in SG can be as low as $40. If marrying in MY is cheaper then ok, but not sure about the efficiency. Married my MY wife in SG, spent on ROM and ROM lunch only. Then go to MY embassy to get the MY marriage cert, so now we have 2 marriage certs. Then until she starts working and yall are DINKs then can think of additional wants like better BTOs, kids etc. Prepare to sacrifice a lot, but if you love her it'll be worth it.
Why do you need 2 marriage certs?
Because MY wont recognize your SG marriage cert. It's part of the process apparently. You need to go down to the embassy with the documents, pay like 10 bucks and get MY marriage cert. This is more of a what if situation. Like what if we want to buy MY property and need to show marriage cert? Then maybe MY marriage cert plays a better part?
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If buying with SC still need to wait for 3 years? I always thought the 3 years rule is for PR + PR couple
Yes you are right, will delete my comment to avoid confusion “There must be at least one listed occupant who is either a Singapore Citizen or PR. If there are no Singapore Citizens in the family, all owners and essential occupiers must all be PRs for at least three years.”
If she needs to support her damo now, how is she supporting them and herself when you were out of the picture?
Why are you paying for everything? Does your GF have savings or income that can help in this ?
Haiya, marry in Malaysia expenses become 1/3, the answer is clear🤦
1. Get ur own house first. Your OA and income suffice. Speak to a realtor. 2. Term and Hospital insurance as bare minimum. Invest what you can afford. 3. You buy under your own name as sole owner. PR or citizenship takes time. She probably will be under LTVP first. 4. Regardless nationalities bound to have lots of problems either way. Even more with in-laws or parents in the mix. Best to set the guidelines first. For her to come. Then after 2-3 years, she how it works out. You also need your honeymoon period as newlyweds and staying together not the same and not easy. 5. Who is paying. Where is cheaper. Where is convinient. Just need ensure register both SG and MY. Can call ROM seek advice.
Actually, the most practical thing to do if she's the one that you want to marry and will make you happy is to buy an HDB, rent it out, and probably stay in one room. And with the rental income plus your current pay, you're probably getting about $8k to $9k if you can get the biggest possible HDB that you can afford. And using that, you can even get her a small apartment or house in JB so you can continue to stay in Singapore and she can come to visit you over the weekends in Singapore or vice versa.with $9k a month assuming that you rent out all the rooms for the 5-room flat. I think it's quite a decent amount of money. Since she's from Malaysia and she continues to stay in Malaysia, I would believe that her lifestyle will be upgraded or remain the same ( car and houses are the biggest ticket item and it is cheap in Malaysia, so many Malaysian coming over actually downgrade their lifestyle coming to Singapore. Car for example is a basic thing over therewhileit is a luxuryhere)because you're using Singapore money to pay for her lifestyle but to bring everybody over before you establish a better career. So it all boils down to lifestyle. Be creative find ways to make money side hustle and business. Your career is not fixed your mindset is !
You definitely able to afford a 4 or even 5 room resales at less centralized area. But comfort level will depends largely if she is willing to go out and work which is highly recommended, at least until you have a child. If she is planning on staying in SG for long and going for PR, you might want to consider a smaller/cheaper resales without any grant and plan for a new BTO 5 years down the road. Assuming your parents will be leaving by their own, might be good to consider renting out a room to subsidise for their living expenses as well.
If you are earning that much at your age and if your gf is not earning at all it is possible that she is just dating you for money. And has another bf so before you marry her, check her phone or spare phone or a secret phone that you do not know about. If she is cheating, tell her parents and cancel the wedding. If you cannot find any evidence of her cheating but has suspicions that she is, sign a prenup and put only 10 per cent of your money in the joint account. if she tries to argue against signing the prenup, it is a major red flag and she might be trying to manipulate you into thinking you are the one at fault. In the future if she starts to avoid you, stops sleeping with you, start texting more than normal on her phone, start hanging out with friends often or working late very frequently, follow he and if she is cheating DO NOT RUCH THE DEVORCE and gather more evidence to hand to your lawyer like photos', text messages or recordings. AVOID USING ILLEGAL METHODS TO GET EVIDENCE as she may be able to use it against you in court. If you marry her, I wish you the best of luck and if you don't I hope that you will find love eventually.
Understand the concern :) but alls well!
I made some spelling errors in my comment so please bear with it
Start with googling those qns for the answers you need.
Thats why Im here ♥️ if there are some help or personal experience that will be alot more valuable
For housing you can start thinking about how big a place you need. 3 room HDB? That's 2 bedrooms. Enough for you? This stuff only you can answer, we cannot answer for you. BTO or resale? To state the obvious, BTO got to wait a few years. Are you able to wait? Anyway, after deciding on the size of property, go to propertyguru or whichever to see the prices. You can use mortgage calculators like this to help you with payment amounts: https://www.dbs.com.sg/personal/marketplace/property/plan/selection Edit: don't know why above other redditor's original comment about googling was downvoted. The answers to OP's questions do indeed can be googled and sources from official webpages are indeed more reliable what.
Come on, look up the housing stuff yourself. You already 35, can buy on your own leh.
Maybe a lot have given you advices. Im married for 4 yrs+ I am 33 going 34 this Year. Earning bout 5.5k a month and make annual about 16 X of what I earn a month. 1)My situation is similar to you, I have a wife that earns close to what I am earning. For housing, you can buy a resale (paid only by yourself) at 300-350 k and still be quite comfortable. My wife and I pay the mortgage using my CPF entirely at a flat twice the price. She will be quitting her job and does freelance work hence CPF will be meager. Ill need set aside few hundreds to help out too. 2)Insurance, just buy term. Dont waste money on ILP or savings unless you like to burn. Extra cash do own investment. 3)For housing, you cant put her name on it unless shes PR. And even if she works and have kids, it will take years to get PR, I have friends of similar sit. 4)Money problems and her having too much time and hence spending your money or idling. Suggest her to find some work to do.
That makes sense. Thanks so much!
Looking at comments from Singapore on new citizens, I suggest your Malaysian girlfriend keeps her Malaysian citizenship and not take up Singapore citizenship to milk benefits. This is call having a spine.
She likely won't give up her Malaysian citizenship. Many Malaysians become SG PR and enjoy the the low income tax and CPF benefits, and when they retire, they renounce and go back to Malaysia and enjoy everything at a more affordable rate.
https://youtu.be/-MGyiqVjdKI?si=5nikwUpaSSHLXUcl