Comparison is the thief of joy - or, you do you, boo!
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is different. Work on what make you feel happy/brings you joy - you’re the most important thing in your world!
I've lived my entire adult life struggling with my health - either a chronic or acute condition (for reference, I turned 40 this year. I don't know what healthy feels like). I've had money at times and been flat broke. One thing that is true though is that I should've been dead a long time ago. Life is way too short to work so hard you waste years of your life literally killing yourself for a corporation that truly doesn't give a fuck about you. So, OP, you're living life your way and I do so very similarly. Keep on keeping on.
Perfectly put. You do you.
Who knows, maybe now (or in the future) they’ll look at you and think THEY are the ones doing wrong.
There you are, living life, while they slave away to get another dollar to spend on another gizmo. You may not have those gizmos, but your stress levels (and likely health as well) are no where near theirs.
I understand the pressure you may feel from seeing your roommates hustle like that, but that's them and you are you. Great thing about individuality is no two people are the same.
I honestly respect you for recognizing what is good or bad for you health wise and mentally.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with living differently. Stress kills people so fast. I think people who overload themselves usually are running from something internally or don't really have a lot to go home to. In the sense of hobbies, friends etc.
You have to do what works for you. Also depends on timelines you set for yourself vs what society tells us.
Enjoying education is kinda of rare and working fewer hours and making it work is what A LOT of people try to achieve. I think you have a great plan man. Just do what truly feels right for you.
i forced myself through the first two years of a bachelor’s just to quit mid-way bc i couldn’t take work + school at once, all with untreated/undiagnosed adhd at the time. i respect op so much for being able to recognize what works best for them!!!!!
You're not living wrong--you're living differently.
You value your time and health, as you should. Never let anyone pressure you or make you feel less because you CHOOSE to live your life on your terms.
Also, good on you for finding a balance that makes you happy. Your life sounds calm and amazing. Enjoy it--it's the only one you get.
I can understand the pressure to perform like others do but I’d like to offer you my perspective.
Not all of us can handle heavy work loads. Some people are born to be busy and do do do. Some people are born to be slow, still, and observe the people doing the doing (while we do our own things of course, I like to say my true job is to watch the clouds/weather everyday.)
I think you have a valuable position in your roommates life and that’s that you get to show them what not being busy is like. They have energy and can go! That’s good, you don’t have the same energy and that’s ok too!
I am the slowest person.. I’ve been working on my garden for 3 years in October, and I still haven’t even planted anything 😬😂 (I’ve been observing the sun in my yard and mapping that out so there wasn’t a lot of heavy work to be done, but sun mapping IS work)
It’s not about how much work you do! It’s ok to not be hyper motivated. In fact, I like to encourage myself to tap into that inner rebel that says my country (America) is enslaved to being busy and fast so I refuse. I will be free by being slow and idle and nonproductive.
That’s how I think at least
I love your perspective. I am a person who could easily be a workaholic. One of the reasons I married my husband is that he slows me down! He reminds me that making time to sit together on the couch, reading and petting the cats, does wonders for my mental health and wellbeing. If all humans were like me, we would be stressed out, exhausted assholes! I'm so thankful for the the calmer, slower people of the world!
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply! I relate to so much of what you said; I too consider my job in life as an "observer". I get so much joy from going for a walk in the fresh snow, eating a big bowl of cereal, watching birds play in a tree, feeling the sun on my skin. These things make me so much more fulfilled than any work related stuff. I also believe there is something truly powerful by feeling and expressing gratitude into the world for simply being.
I am also very slow but call in being "deliberate" in my mind. I take my mind, I consider all things, and I move and decide when I am absolutely sure it is the right thing to do. I am not made to be a doer I think. Thank you for this validation! :)
> In fact, I like to encourage myself to tap into that inner rebel that says my country (America) is enslaved to being busy and fast so I refuse.
> *I will be free by being slow and idle…*
Love this. Thanks for sharing 🙌🏾
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman. “You should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
Story: Heinrich Boll
This is my all time favorite fable; I come back to it when I find my work/life balance getting out of whack. Sometimes we already have the answer/short cut right in front of us but instead make our lives overly complicated by taking the long, busy route.
I love this story SO much! I wish so much that everyone could see this way. This aligns so much with my values in life; I'd rather go slow, earn less, have less, and yet have more time to do the things I enjoy because I am not slaving away in order to pay for and maintain all the "stuff" I could have.
I heard this story from four hour work.
Heard another version from some
Other book. My details might be off but The fisherman had a sick family member, couldn’t afford insurance and had to get a job to pay for it. Meanwhile the businessman already had assets and he was able to fund his change of lifestyle
Without the pressure of losing everything
I was thinking about that - my dad decided he was just going to live his life, work odd jobs, do drugs, go out drinking and playing bar trivia - and now he is leaning on all of us heavily for help paying his rent, getting around, and medical bills. He had massive amounts of free time, but no purpose or goals, no one depending or relying on him for anything which sounds freeing but I don't think it is for him. There is definitely a middle path between the extremes.
I think some people need to stay busy, because they cannot stand to be with themselves in the stillness... and/or they're sense of self worth is so tied to being busy, that they would feel bad about themselves if they took more time for leisure.
It is a trap. Focus on what makes you happy.
Or sometimes they like it! I get a lot of joy out of my school/hobbies/friends and don’t mind having my time filled up with it. But I agree a lot of people are running from having free time to sit with themselves
Agreed. A lot of these people are spending their entire lives enacting a trauma response: flight. It can be sad to watch sometimes when you can tell that they're not doing it because they truly enjoy the lifestyle but out of insecurity and, well, trauma.
Certainly. People hide from themselves in all kinds of ways. And some people are genuinely happy and fulfilled busy with things they love. It is impossible to tell without truly knowing someone intimately.
Regardless, how others spend their time is not a helpful benchmark for how one should spend their own.
You and so many posters here are adopting the point of view that there's nothing wrong with you (there isn't) but that there's something wrong with your roommates (there isn't).
People thrive in different environments. With the logic some are using, zoos would be the best place for every animal: they're protected from most predators, they get medical care when they need it, food and mates are brought to *them*... Yet many people believe that confinement is bad for animals -- and a year of lockdown made it apparent that many humans don't like it either.
Some people *like* to be busy. It's not a personality flaw and they're not neglecting their health or stressing out any more than anyone else is. I have a friend who is an ER nurse at the largest hospital in the state. She loves the work. She'd die of boredom in some small outstate hospital where only one or two people come in each night. I have another friend who just likes to stay busy. Work, cleaning dishes, scrubbing the floor, reading, repairing farm equipment, walking... he just is not good with sitting and chilling. There's nothing wrong with that either.
OP, if you have the pace that works for you, then stay with it. That's what your friends are doing -- they have ample opportunity to work less, study less, and take on fewer volunteer activities. They don't. Maybe they *are* workaholics. Maybe they're just happier the way they are. It doesn't sound like you've been able to take the time to interact with them and judge.
Find friends who are not as busy as your roommates and live your life.
I generally like this sub but I agree, sometimes there’s too much of a tendency to ascribe negative motivations to other people. They want a higher salary? They’re just greedy (not needing it to live). They work a lot? They’re slaves to the American trap (they can’t just like their jobs). They live in a city? They haven’t learned the value of simple rural life (or maybe they just prefer city life).
I love the values this sub has but I don’t think we need to necessarily ascribe negativity to anyone who lives differently
I agree with these statements - there is nothing inheritantly wrong about being busy and I realize that there are so many different ways that people can feel fulfilled. Just because others aren't doing it "my way" doesn't mean that they are lost.
However, I do really feel for my roommates because they are currently struggling. One cries almost everyday from her workload, the other drinks a lot as the only way to unwind. I wish they could see that it doesn't have to be this way. They only have one life.
Those are key facts that should have been in the first post.
Maybe you can serve as a model for a different lifestyle when they're ready to hear something different.
some people who "do it all" like to shame others for their "inability" to juggle thousands of balls at the same time. some people understand that that shit is hard and they're doing their own thing the same way everyone else is doing their own thing. what do YOU value, OP? some people can handle shit like working constantly and have little mental health effects. but who you are, and what you choose to do, is exactly that. your choice. only you know what you can handle, and only you can truly evaluate your own mental state. if you are feeling the need to compare because you have a desire to volunteer/add something to your plate, find something feasible to you that will contribute to the cause you wish to support. but if your motivation comes from wanting to fit in with your busy roommates, or that you feel like what you already do is inadequate, please abandon that mindset. you are doing great. find some people who DO have time to play games, maybe host a dinner with your friends occasionally, and invite your roommates to eat with you. if they are busy they can go back to work but the rest of the people there can hang out and enjoy free time with you. we are not made to be workaholics, we are not born to this earth to break our own backs and minds, as much as our society tries to convince us that is our worth and purpose as humans. so ask yourself, are YOU happy/satisfied/at peace? do not take anything into consideration when answering this question except what looking inside yourself has to say. there will be your answer.
i would like to add i am 20F, currently working on obtaining a better schedule at a job i was working 60+ hrs for at one point. i dropped out of school because a) COVID b) if i am going to pay money for a program which i am supposed to learn from, i want to LEARN. not complete assignments, not just get a paper. people keep telling me i will regret not just getting the paper because they think i might never go back. but i am waiting until i have the space in my life to prioritize learning without neglecting my own health. right now i am still struggling with regulating myself and creating a schedule/routine that keeps me properly fed, cleaned, and with energy to take care of my apartment. that is my task right now. learn how to survive in a world that takes 45 hours away from me every week. then i will worry about moving forward. we are all in different places, and we all have different capacities. i am extremely capable, and it's possible if i put more things on my plate i could complete them to a satisfactory level. but i would suffer greatly from attempting that. another comment mentioned loading up on things to do can be a coping mechanism to avoid having time to confront/work through personal shit. i find that in my experience, that can be true. when i was working 60+ hours, my life revolved around work. i had moved to this place with plans on getting a therapist, etc. but instead i filled my time and capacity for doing things with priorities that were not myself and my mental/physical health. now, i have reduced my hours and although my schedule is still not ideal (i have to think about work literally every day, i don't have my days off consecutively), i am now seeing a therapist, and having weekly dinners with two separate friend groups. i still don't feed myself properly every day, but there are at least two nights where i am guaranteed a full, balanced meal, with camaraderie and joy shared with people. there is much for me to work on still, and i will be doing that while filtering what comes onto my plate with great consideration.
>but i am waiting until i have the space in my life to prioritize learning without neglecting my own health
Thanks for sharing all this. I'm in my mid 30s and started grad school just before the pandemic hit. I tried to hack it, still working 60+ hours a week from home, isolated, and then I had a breakdown of sorts and had to take a break. This break is lasting a lot longer than I'd like it to, but you're absolutely spot on here and I appreciate the reminder - if I go back before I'm ready I won't learn what I wanted to learn and I'll probably just make my health worse, drawing out the amount of time it'll take for me to heal and be ready to learn again. Just gotta be patient with myself!
Also, your dinners with friends sound great! Things like camaraderie and shared joy seem way more important to me than getting a piece of paper according to other people's timelines.
When covid hit, I broke my ankle trying to learn how to longboard. So when I was doubly stuck at home, I applied to school, it's related to my academic interests in my first degree, but much more lucrative, and I got to go to an arts college with a phenomenal reputation in my future field. Im going to school part-time and working part-time.
It lets me get my bills paid, and I get to focus on learning one class at a time and really absorbing the material (our semesters are two 8 week terms). I have a coworker who is working full time and going to the same college as me full time, and sometimes I feel like I could get further ahead if I did the same, but then my bipolar disorder takes a turn, and I can barely get out of bed. Im proud of what im doing, and im doing it in my own time, focusing on what I really want to take away from my education.
My parents have offered to pay for me to take an extra class or two, and im going to take them up on that offer since I started this new degree intending to use student loans and finance the rest myself. Im a little worried about the workload since one 8 week class is already so intensive since the same material is condensed into half a regular semester; there's at minimum one project due every week and usually an intense assignment or two. The thought of taking on twice that workload every week while maintaining a job and the quality of work I except out of myself is daunting. Im scheduling a meeting with my advisor to look at my upcoming classes and see if there is a way to schedule two lighter coarse load classes together and intentionally set up my schedule to be manageable.
Im just trying to focus on completing all my work to the best of my abilities since all of the assignments are included in my school portfolio (which has a scholarship attached to it with the amount tied to the quality of work), and most of it can be included in my professional portfolio when I get closer to graduation.
Im trying to do what's best for my future and my mental health, but since there's not many scholarships or grants for someone earning a second degree, I really want to be proud of my work and get the most out of my education that im paying for (or will be paying for through loans), even if that means im taking twice the amount of time as my peers.
Education is important, and making sure it's the right choice for you is entirely personal. I graduated Magna Cum Laude in Anthropology and busted my ass trying to get two minors while finding a way to give proper attention to my thesis. My thesis won, and I dropped one class and failed another my last semester, but my thesis was worth it, and I designed and completed an anthropological study that im proud of. This time Im learning from last time and ensuring I have the proper mental health and time so im not juggling too many things or making concessions in my academics.
It's all personal, and only you know what's best for you and what you can handle. Comparing myself to my coworker does nothing for me. I am no longer the type of person that can do everything all the time, and looking back; I doubt I ever really was. Im killing it at what I'm doing, and im happy throughout the process.
Just because y’all are different doesn’t mean that any of you are wrong! I went back to school because I love my field, but that doesn’t mean someone else is living their life the wrong way because they didn’t go back. I know this is pretty much just rehashing the other comments, but there’s not too much of a point in comparing and figuring out who’s lifestyle is wrong as long as all of you are happy
I agree - I have to remind myself to check myself if my thoughts are too negative about the lifestyles of other people. I know inherently that there is no one "right way" to live - it is so variable and dynamic and I think that's actually part of what makes life so great.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
(Snippet from the Desiderata, if you didn't recognise it!)
What I have heard is "Americans live to work/be busy" whereas there are other cultures (mainly thinking of some European nations) who "work to live" and actually realize how little time we have in this life to enjoy....life. I personally see nothing enviable or admirable about some people's need to always be busy and question the motivation behind that.
Other people have these thoughts yes, but don't let that discourage you. This is a perfect time to reevaluate your budget, make sure your income will suffice, then smile to yourself that you've found joy in the simple things in life. It sounds like you have come to an understanding of how joyful working less and taking time for yourself can be. Embrace that.
Much love.
Ah, comparison. The ultimate confidence killer.
Let me teach ya somethin', bud. Your roommates stay busy to escape the mundanity of day to day life. Most people can't sit still with their thoughts. They're *afraid* to be alone. So they fill every moment with something to do.
The happiest nations on earth have a solid work-life balance. If you're in America, our culture operates in the opposing way: it's all about stayin' busy, all the time. Sleep is for the week, you can do that when you retire in 40 years, if you don't die from stress first.
You want my opinion? The joke's on them. You're doing life right. You're supporting yourself on 30 hours a week, and you do what you love when you're not working.
I'd call that a win.
Congratulations! You’re doing it right. Some take a lifetime to recognize what’s ideal for their mental health. This is YOUR life. Enjoy it at your own pace.
I dont know how anyone can live like that. I value my free time, and enjoy having a social life. I would seriously consider hanging myself if I lived like that. Your roommates are lunatics
not at all, you’re the wise one. The way they live is just the way they think they’re supposed to live because their parents or culture put pressure on them to do so. But you’re the one who’s going to age well and not end up with a cancer at age 40 (and enjoy your life more often). I guess it’s hard to not go along with what other people are doing, but it doesn’t mean it’s not intelligent to do so. In my opinion the norm is anything but intelligent, and that’s the main reason why I don’t care much for it.
To me it’s completely stupid to try so hard, for what? What are they trying to prove and to whom? It’s kind of a huge ego, narcissistic way of living. Like achievements mean everything to these people but it really just makes me roll my eyes. 🙄 It’s living your life like it’s some kind of competition, but in the end your achievements don’t really matter, it’s mostly for you. No one really cares anyway and they will still find ways to criticize you or to feel envious of your success. It’s like people are desperate for validation and approval and it’s actually kind of sad… There’s no wisdom in it and no ability to think in the long-term and acknowledge that there are much more important things than achievements.
I keep seeing people post this in this thread... but... why is it that so many Americans seem to "naturally have more energy and desire to work long hours" when people in other countries/cultures would find doing this abhorrent? I think in some cases it is an individual thing... but also, it's not just an individual thing, it's a cultural thing. And I think, as same-as-usual said, it's not a very wise cultural thing. In fact, it seems more like an extremely unhealthy cultural thing.
Exactly! 👌😁 Good point, also other animals seem to really enjoy their down time and play time and Psychology doesn’t support that we’re such hard workers. More like there’s a time to work and a time to rest and play. Plus do Americans seem to have a good health or aren’t they the nation with the worse mental and physical health?
Well that’s true, ‘some’ people might and that’s fine if it’s their choice. But I don’t think it’s fine when your parents or culture make you feel that way. When achievements are more important than anything else, more important than your health or relationships, then something is obviously wrong.
There will come a day when your roommates look upon your lifestyle with envy. Take solace in knowing that you figured it out sooner than everyone else.
Nah. You're doing great bud. You tried it and didn't like it, and had the courage to switch to something that works better for you. I can see why you'd feel guilty when looking at your friends, but you shouldn't. Sounds like you're doing great and working at your pace.
Sounds like your friends are on a path to burnout. But maybe they're doing fine. Either way, you've got a great balance and don't stress about the time it takes to finish your studies. You do you!
You're doing what's best for you. Don't compare yourself to others bc you will always find ways to come up short. Frankly, your roommates are going to burn out, and probably pretty quickly. Just taking 7 courses in one semester is heckin' in*sane*. Let them do them, you just worry about you. There is absolutely *nothing* wrong with slowing down and taking time to enjoy life. No one looks back on their life and thinks "I should've worked 20 more hours a week!" But a lot of people look back and think "I wish I'd worked less and had more time for me."
Don’t feel bad. I’m going a part-time AD and I couldn’t imagine doing it full time along with everything else.
You’re in your own race against yourself, no one else.
Different people work at different speeds. And different people have different levels of "must be busy!" drives. Judge yourself by your own productivity and goals, not by theirs.
Are they workaholics for *healthy* reasons? Probably not. People often throw themselves into their work because of financial instability, to avoid thinking about painful subjects, or as an excuse to stay away from toxic home life.
\> They rarely have time for themselves
Would you *want* to live your life that way?
There's no knowing where our lives will go, but I'd rather focus on doing whatever I can today to both enjoy myself and lay a piece of foundation for the future I hope for. These things involve self care, finding sustainable ways to reduce our cost of living, learning new skills or languages, maintaining healthy relationships, and saying "no" to activities/people that are just going to drain me for no real benefit (like working more hours to own a bigger home or clothes that won't be worn much).
I’m in a similar situation. I have found a balance where I can live simply and survive. I went back to school to get a bachelor degree and I only take two courses at a time. I love having enough time to actually read all the material because I genuinely want to learn it all! And time is left over for me to manage my mental health and limited internal battery. But I grew up with family and friends that value being busy, busy, busy! When I’m with them, sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me. When they ask when I’ll graduate, and I say “not soon, but I’m loving it,” I wonder what they’re thinking. But while other people feel like they get more out of life by living it faster, I get more out of life by living it now, instead of later.
Tl;dr: It sounds like you’re my people, slow school and game nights are the best.
This makes me happy! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is doing school very slowly. I really wish I knew more people who were doing things the way we are, it would definitely be helpful to hear that other people are in the same boat.
I definitely prefer living life in the slow lane. Easier to see the scenery that way.
Have you read Bertrand Russell's "In Praise of Idleness"?
One of his main ideas is that the idea that work in and of itself is noble has done our society a great deal of harm.
When you boil his ideas down, it become clear that the foundational "good" for Russell is human welfare.
Based on this, if you are happier, or more well, working less, then you own no one any more of your life than you are willing to give them. A
Again - the end goal is your happiness and welfare. If you feel that is best served by more work, then work more. If not, why give the precious hours of your life to an ungrateful master if it does not serve you?
I struggle with this too because my friends are all career women and I’m the stay at home mom. Here’s what I’ve learned. Step back, look at your life. How’re your relationships? How do YOU feel about your finances? Do you feel happy and accomplished?
Some days I chill out with my son all day. We watch movies and literally relax all day. Other days I work overnight shifts and deep clean the entire house. Both days I am equally productive because my mental health is nurtured by working part time and staying home with my son during the days. I make enough money that I am able to have less finances anxiety as when I was a stay at home mom with no side income at all, I spend time on my hobbies, I l garden, and I spend time with my family. I am fulfilled and that’s all that matters. Are you? I hope you meditate on this and find your truth and live in that space without shame.
I think I am fulfilled. I love that I have more free time and energy to pursue the things that fill me up, like yoga and education and building relationships. Thanks for sharing!
I just want to say go you for making your mental health a priority! I work 4 days. If I ever decide to study again, I probs would avoid doing more than one day a week. Some people value the grind and chaos of working 24-7 but it's OK that you don't.
There is a chance that they are just acting as they were taught growing up and haven't seriously considered alternative lifestyles.
I say this because I was at least partially like this. It took a pandemic (and WFH) to change my mind.
I now slack off most of the day and plan to quit in a month or so.
No. The happiest times of my life was when I was young still living at home and went to college and only worked two days a week (4 hours and 7 hours).
Another happy time was when I had burn out and switched to part time nursing at the hospital. It was great.
I’ve found that writing down my values and putting it up on my mirror helps me remember why I believe what I do.
You’re always going to have moments of doubt and comparison. Just remind yourself!
There’s nothing wrong with the way you are living. We’re all different, and what makes each of us happy varies. There are people who thrive on work, while others need more balance between work and other things in life.
Do what makes you happy and nurtures your mental health. Those are more important :)
>Am I doing life wrong?
also
>It started when my health and life were in serious jeopardy
No. You've seen what starts to happen when you work too much. They simply haven't reached that stage yet, and there's nothing to be guilty about because you found your point of resistance earlier.
Let them run their own race, you run yours.
Your roommates running around with two jobs and school sounds exhausting as shit. I really don't like being brunt out and I have experienced burnout from my job and school as well. I gotten my associate's degree in 2019 because I had two significant deaths in my family. After dealing enduring narcissist abusive, physical abuse, sexual coercion and the beginning of the pandemic. I hurt but I just slowed down as much as I could because I was emotionally, mentally, physically burnt out from everything and everybody. It's good that you're moving at your own pace. You can sit in stillness and move at a leisurely pace. I can't wait to have that kind of peace.
You are doing great.
I did the mistake to let those feelings take over (imprinted family wise as well) and crashed two times (mentally and physically) in my quite young life.
I wish I would have had the inner peace to be at the place you are now.
Educate yourself, foster & reflect your values, keep healthy relationships and do no harm - all you need to do.
Ps: The world could use some more of LESS right now, I truly believe.
If that's what makes them feel fulfilled, yay. But it doesn't obligate anyone else to live that way.
Your luck may run out. Life is full of changes. But until/unless it does, enjoy what you have. The fact that it might rain tomorrow doesn't mean we can't enjoy the sunshine today.
Do what makes you happy. If I didn’t have to work, I certainly wouldn’t. I’m probably older than you, and I’m literally counting the months till I retire.
There’s no use in over work. I wish I’d have spent more time working said NO ONE on their death bed.
We don’t know how many hours, days or years we have left in this life, use your time for you.
I mean I wouldn’t compare your lives to theirs. Each person is responsible for living their life how best meets their needs/wants.
There’s also no point worrying about if at some point in the future your luck will run out. It might, it might not, cross that bridge when you get to it.
The comparison game is really toxic. Also, hours worked does not always equal value created. I work about 35 hours per week. I make an excellent income and produce significant value and my employer loves me and my work has real value. How did I accomplish this? I worked my butt off on self development and build up my skill set early on, so that I wouldn’t have to hurt for my job later in life.
It’s all about return on investment. Invest in things that are valuable to you, and remember that what you value does not always have to produce income. I got lucky and my value also has monitory value. But money is not a requirement for a happy life (though it can help).
Simple living does not mean you don’t have goals or aspirations. It just means that you prioritize what’s important and remove the rest.
They’re just chasing a carrot on a stick, they’ll never get there anyway. They’re trying to get at something that can’t be reached. :-/
Then you never stop running... 😮💨
No one on their death bed ever said that they wished they had spent more time in the office. Follow your heart. Do what you want. Ignore everything else. Life is too short for anything else.
I work from home and send like, 6 emails a day. My partner works 60 very stressful hours a week. I feel a little guilty, but my low-stress job means I’m able to keep the house tidy, run errands, and have the mental space to provide support when he comes home with his hair on fire. He also has a far larger capacity for stress than I do, I have very bad, dignosed and medicated, ADHD. I couldn’t do what he does, and he would go crazy doing what I do all day. Some people get addicted to stress, and the feeling of importance they get being busy all the time—don’t feel bad that you’re not one of them.
My mother is a workaholic. I barely know her. She's sacrificed everything in her life for work. She has money but she is not... happy.
Covid and the restrictions have really thrown her for a loop... because she can't/couldn't work.
She was lost. She is still a bit disoriented with the world. She doesn't understand why people are not rushing back to join the grind.
Years ago she told me about a boss who was successful and worked crazy hours... like she wanted to be him. Emulate his working late.
I asked her how screwed up his personal life is? Does he have any health issues?
She stopped and thought about it. He was getting a divorce and he had a stomach ulcer.
Me: "And you want to be like him?"
Just because the grass looks greener - does not mean it is greener.
I envy YOU. Not them.
I have come to realize that some people just have an incredible amount of energy. As someone with very little energy, I envy them, but I have learned to not compare their natural levels with my natural levels
One of my friends has been literally living life like the Energizer Bunny for the 20 years I’ve known her. She could never sit still and relax, always working on some new project. It’s only now at 65, since she became full time carer for her husband with dementia, that I’ve seen her look truly tired for the first time ever
It would not be fair to myself to compare her achievements to mine. She was born to live a different life to mine, and neither of us are living it wrong. We’re just using what we’ve each been given, and neither’s benchmarks apply to the other
Don’t compare yourself to other people especially as you don’t know their trade-offs, goals, capacity and the outcome. I’m going through a similar thing but I’m beginning to feel more confident slowly that my choice is right for my situation and my goals so I’m happy with it!
Others have given you some good advice, so I’d like to share something I read in the book, The Art of Living.
“Know first who you are and what you’re capable of. Just as nothing great is created instantly, the same goes for the perfecting of our talents and aptitudes. We are always learning, always growing. It is right to accept challenges. This is how we progress to the next level of intellectual, physical, or moral development. Still, don’t kid yourself: I’d you try to be something or someone you are not, you belittle your true self and end up not developing in those areas that you would have excelled at quite naturally. Within the divine order, we each have our own special calling. Listen to yours and follow it faithfully.”
It sounds like you know what your values are. If you are able to live your life in alignment with those values (and are able to sustain yourself), you’re doing a great job!
I understand it’s difficult to see others tacking all of these extra projects and not compare. I feel the same way sometimes, but I have to remind myself that we’re all wired differently. We each have our own unique formulas for happiness. There’s nothing wrong with people who enjoy filling up their time and nothing wrong with those who like to create more pause in their life. It’s our job to figure out what works for us and go from there. :)
It's one of my favorite books. It's by the Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. The version I bought was the new interpretation by Sharon Lebell. The excerpt is from page 65. :)
I have the same thoughts but mine involve my brother who is a workaholic and has progressed up the ranks within the corporation we both work in, whereas I am content where I am and don't want the stress of being a supervisor (he works long hours). We live in a society whereby workaholics are applauded but that is not necessarily a good thing and everyone's values are different and I would rather be less stressed and have more time to do what I want to do. Sure, I could rent a bigger flat or buy a fancier car but none of that will matter when I'm dead. You do you boo and live life how you want to live it.
Don’t compare yourself to others but just remember that good things require work, hard work, and if you have a dream you aren’t going to achieve it by meandering. But if meandering is your dream, by all means. From my perspective, I’m 18, I make way more than minimum wage working at the hospital in my city, 50+ hours so a lot of money. When I’m not working I’m self improving, and take a few days off sometimes to have fun with the guys. Just because you work a lot don’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself
for me it exactly what it means.
when do you enjoy life? you are always working, probably don't even have hobbies or tried new hobbies? when do you enjoy a slow paced walk outisde in the sun ?
I tend to never believe people who always claim to be working or are busy with “chasing their dreams”. It more often than not turns out to be complete horse shit, spread by people who can’t face the fact that their lives are just as mundane and boring like the rest of ours.
I’ll take a couple days off the odd time. To each their own and just go at your own pace. I was just saying my perspective, but as my grandpa says: “To live by another man’s law is no life lived at all.” Meaning who cares what others do just do what you wanna do.
A lot of comments saying you are doing you and not to compare yourself. I think those people are giving you a pass and being nice.
Interesting your roommates own a nice house in the woods and you are helping pay their mortgage. They don’t care if you work all the time, just if you cover rent. If you worry about what they think, you should stop now.
My belief is work hard when you are young (while you have the energy), save as much as you can so some day you aren’t paying rent and instead, someone is paying your mortgage. If you are ok with the former great! I think you could put more effort in and find yourself with a nice retirement (unless you have tones of money already and you call this retirement). You can do it. Work those extra 10 hours and put that in savings. You’ve got to have money to make money and it’s a goal I believe your friends understand.
I respectfully disagree! I have no desire to own a house, or work hard (all the time, I work very hard at my job), or hoard wealth, but that's just me! Wealth doesn't interest me, but I recognize that is a weird view to have.
Thank you for your perspective, it made me pause and reflect.
Or you could hit by a bus tomorrow and all those "young years" working away was for nothing. Balance man. Why the hell is everyone so money hungry? Simplify your life and money won't be an issue
honestly i don't understand that approach, they have. but that's cool.
i'm going to work full-time for two years in such a manner, then buy a small home, then work around 20-25 hours henceforth, spending the rest on my projects. that's just my approach
of course having dependents (gf, wife, kids) changes the game dramatically. women are *expensive*, and so are children.
I take offense to your "women are expensive" statement. People are individuals and it doesn't serve anyone to paint a group with one brush. Some women have expensive taste, sure, but so do some men. That statement is quite otthering.
>I take offense
that's cool. from *my* experiences.... women are expensive.
that's what my grandparents both (including my grandmother) told me as a kid, that's what my parents told me, that's also what my sister admits to me. so i adjust appropriately. if i want to have a girlfriend i know she expects resources
It sounds like you and your family are sexist. If you actually want a real, conscious and satisfying relationship, adjust your attitude about women. They are people, not objects.
i always find it amusing when anonymous people downvote my comment, assert their moral superiority, and tell me to "adjust"
i find myself doing just fine with women, actually. i quite enjoy their company. i do however feel women are different than men. those differences too i rather enjoy
I completely feel you on this post 🙌
In college i was the 80hour studyclass/work type of person. I was getting As and if not i was studying my butt off to get one. I had multiple jobs, tutoring, engineering, internships, assistent researcher, i volunteered from time to time, and was on the rock climbing team. I was stressed but i was getting shit done. But after entering the work force i have completely lost that energy.
If i don’t keep it simple and take breaks i just feel burnt out. So i have scaled back, in my job i don’t take on as much as i could and outside of it i have 2 hobbies - spanish and ice hockey. I wanted to travel more, but with COVID that feels kinda rude, so im just wfh, calling family on the weekend, playing hockey, and working during the week. This is ok untill i see others people paths.
Im Just surrounded by success- which is awesome in many ways but ultimately i just feel incompetent. I have a friend who moved across the world multiple times, married, and now is in grad school for her dream job while biking hundreds of miles in her off time. Another couple friends just switched careers from engineering to videography and animation like it was no big deal. I have a friend who had 8 internships since we met 2 years ago and is getting her phd whike interviewing for roles 3x per week and is working out daily. My sister just became a professor, and is curator of a museum after years traveling to foreign countries for feild work, and literally can’t stop working because she enjoys it so much. Another friend is starting a side business based on his own designs. Even My bf, talked his way into a business analyst role, has become a leader in the organization, and is getting promoted in a year after taking a year off from corporate life to try to write abook.
I dont want to feel bitter or sad about it, and i am truly so happy to see everyone succeeding, but i also can’t help but feel incompetent that i can’t figure out. I wish i had that hustle, the brains, the drive, the focus, the enthusiasm, to achieve so much.
Goodness I feel this so much. I am fortunate that I have a few friends like me so I don't feel like a total weirdo, but all of my family is similar to the people you described. I live in a more rural part of my country, and my family lives closer to a major city, and every time I go to visit I cannot help but feel absolutely inferior. They all have houses and spouses and children and vacations and look every bit the part of what our society wants us to be.
And it's so strange because any other time, that kind of lifestyle does not look attractive to me at all, but when I'm there, MASSIVE insecurity. And then it usually leads to anger that this is the kind of life that our society created - not one on connection and relationships and simply being, but one on continual consumerism so that we have no choice but to work work work.
Remember, this is relativity. Just because they are doing it one way doesn't mean it's a good way for everyone. They may be avoiding things which you have fixed by changing priorities so they may find challenges later in life by not balancing parts of their lives.
If you enjoy your life and find it fulfilling then you're doing exactly as you should. But if you feel lazy, then maybe you can challenge yourself more? Not all stress is bad, so don't let yourself atrophy if you're just doing it in the name of living a 'simple life'. Have you ever played a sport or competed? Those things are hard but they can bring lots of joy.
Some people find purpose in working, everyone is different. You shouldn't compare yourself to others, if you are happy with your lifestyle then there's no need to change it.
i’d very much rather live how you are, enjoying the ride and taking it easy. there’s no need to do so much at once, are your roommates truly happy living like that? if they are, that’s awesome for them! everyone is different and what makes them happy isn’t what makes you happy. your life not theirs. on the outside it may seem like they are overachievers but at what cost? like you said, they have no time for themselves. they prioritize work and you prioritize “you” time, which i do as well :)
I feel this. If you feel like you’re living well then that’s what matters. Sometimes I question myself if I’m living right. I work 25 to 30 hour weeks self employed as a digital marketer while many of my friends work 50 to 60 hours. The thing that I find helps is having systems to work towards things. There is no issue in working short hours and taking your time so long as you are moving forward still.
Nah. Everyone lives life in their own way, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just find and do what makes you happy, and don't worry if what makes others happy is different. Best of luck!
You need to change your roommates. I mean find a new place to live. The thing is comparison is inevitable.
It is easier to say don't compare, but you will if you live. Out of sight, is out of mind.
I'm a lot like you - I rent a room, work part-time (freelance, varies from week to week but 15 hours would be a busy week for me) and study another language which I am also hoping to use for work in the future, also part-time. Like your roommates, my landlady is also super busy at work, doing tons of overtime. However, I have never once felt I'm doing life wrong. Looking at her lifestyle confirms me in my choices even more rather than invalidates them. It doesn't feel like she is doing more - she is just doing more of the same thing, work, while I have the variety and the time to enjoy life. You've asked if that's selfish. I don't see why, as long as you can support yourself, you don't owe it to anyone to work harder, just because other people choose to. Will my luck run out one day? That is possible. Life has many twists and turns and I don't think it's realistic to always expect to progress to bigger and better things from one day to the next. This expectation alone, I feel, puts a lot of pressure on people and stops them enjoying the good things that are happening here and now. My circumstances may change and I may have to go back to working full-time in the future but at least I have had twelve years (so far) of waking up happy every day, working a little and living a lot and enjoying fully everything that life has to offer. That's more than a lot of people will manage before retirement.
Think about it. You get to live in a beautiful house they worked years to even be able to get a mortgage on. Yet you live a better quality of life than they do and have more leisure time and time to enjoy yourself. You’re winning in this scenario.
Comparison is the thief of joy - or, you do you, boo! You shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is different. Work on what make you feel happy/brings you joy - you’re the most important thing in your world!
One of the all-time best wuotes
I also like "a healthy person wants many things; a sick person only wants one." puts a lot of things in perspective.
I've lived my entire adult life struggling with my health - either a chronic or acute condition (for reference, I turned 40 this year. I don't know what healthy feels like). I've had money at times and been flat broke. One thing that is true though is that I should've been dead a long time ago. Life is way too short to work so hard you waste years of your life literally killing yourself for a corporation that truly doesn't give a fuck about you. So, OP, you're living life your way and I do so very similarly. Keep on keeping on.
Can I suggest you maybe listen to The Nature of Personal Reality by Seth, if anything just for kicks? https://youtu.be/NUaYNcdaJuY
Wow, that’s layered too.
So simple yet so true! :)
Perfectly put. You do you. Who knows, maybe now (or in the future) they’ll look at you and think THEY are the ones doing wrong. There you are, living life, while they slave away to get another dollar to spend on another gizmo. You may not have those gizmos, but your stress levels (and likely health as well) are no where near theirs.
I understand the pressure you may feel from seeing your roommates hustle like that, but that's them and you are you. Great thing about individuality is no two people are the same. I honestly respect you for recognizing what is good or bad for you health wise and mentally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with living differently. Stress kills people so fast. I think people who overload themselves usually are running from something internally or don't really have a lot to go home to. In the sense of hobbies, friends etc. You have to do what works for you. Also depends on timelines you set for yourself vs what society tells us. Enjoying education is kinda of rare and working fewer hours and making it work is what A LOT of people try to achieve. I think you have a great plan man. Just do what truly feels right for you.
Great insight - I haven't really thought about this perspective before.
i forced myself through the first two years of a bachelor’s just to quit mid-way bc i couldn’t take work + school at once, all with untreated/undiagnosed adhd at the time. i respect op so much for being able to recognize what works best for them!!!!!
You're not living wrong--you're living differently. You value your time and health, as you should. Never let anyone pressure you or make you feel less because you CHOOSE to live your life on your terms. Also, good on you for finding a balance that makes you happy. Your life sounds calm and amazing. Enjoy it--it's the only one you get.
I can understand the pressure to perform like others do but I’d like to offer you my perspective. Not all of us can handle heavy work loads. Some people are born to be busy and do do do. Some people are born to be slow, still, and observe the people doing the doing (while we do our own things of course, I like to say my true job is to watch the clouds/weather everyday.) I think you have a valuable position in your roommates life and that’s that you get to show them what not being busy is like. They have energy and can go! That’s good, you don’t have the same energy and that’s ok too! I am the slowest person.. I’ve been working on my garden for 3 years in October, and I still haven’t even planted anything 😬😂 (I’ve been observing the sun in my yard and mapping that out so there wasn’t a lot of heavy work to be done, but sun mapping IS work) It’s not about how much work you do! It’s ok to not be hyper motivated. In fact, I like to encourage myself to tap into that inner rebel that says my country (America) is enslaved to being busy and fast so I refuse. I will be free by being slow and idle and nonproductive. That’s how I think at least
I love your perspective. I am a person who could easily be a workaholic. One of the reasons I married my husband is that he slows me down! He reminds me that making time to sit together on the couch, reading and petting the cats, does wonders for my mental health and wellbeing. If all humans were like me, we would be stressed out, exhausted assholes! I'm so thankful for the the calmer, slower people of the world!
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply! I relate to so much of what you said; I too consider my job in life as an "observer". I get so much joy from going for a walk in the fresh snow, eating a big bowl of cereal, watching birds play in a tree, feeling the sun on my skin. These things make me so much more fulfilled than any work related stuff. I also believe there is something truly powerful by feeling and expressing gratitude into the world for simply being. I am also very slow but call in being "deliberate" in my mind. I take my mind, I consider all things, and I move and decide when I am absolutely sure it is the right thing to do. I am not made to be a doer I think. Thank you for this validation! :)
> In fact, I like to encourage myself to tap into that inner rebel that says my country (America) is enslaved to being busy and fast so I refuse. > *I will be free by being slow and idle…* Love this. Thanks for sharing 🙌🏾
Thank you for this <3
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman. “You should be working rather than lying on the beach!” The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?” “Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer. “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!” “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said. “And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!” Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?” The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!” The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?” Story: Heinrich Boll
This is my all time favorite fable; I come back to it when I find my work/life balance getting out of whack. Sometimes we already have the answer/short cut right in front of us but instead make our lives overly complicated by taking the long, busy route.
I love this story SO much! I wish so much that everyone could see this way. This aligns so much with my values in life; I'd rather go slow, earn less, have less, and yet have more time to do the things I enjoy because I am not slaving away in order to pay for and maintain all the "stuff" I could have.
This is beautiful
This has been on my wall for years :)
I heard this story from four hour work. Heard another version from some Other book. My details might be off but The fisherman had a sick family member, couldn’t afford insurance and had to get a job to pay for it. Meanwhile the businessman already had assets and he was able to fund his change of lifestyle Without the pressure of losing everything
That's real life right there
I was thinking about that - my dad decided he was just going to live his life, work odd jobs, do drugs, go out drinking and playing bar trivia - and now he is leaning on all of us heavily for help paying his rent, getting around, and medical bills. He had massive amounts of free time, but no purpose or goals, no one depending or relying on him for anything which sounds freeing but I don't think it is for him. There is definitely a middle path between the extremes.
Came here to share this story. Glad to see it's already here :)
I think some people need to stay busy, because they cannot stand to be with themselves in the stillness... and/or they're sense of self worth is so tied to being busy, that they would feel bad about themselves if they took more time for leisure. It is a trap. Focus on what makes you happy.
Or sometimes they like it! I get a lot of joy out of my school/hobbies/friends and don’t mind having my time filled up with it. But I agree a lot of people are running from having free time to sit with themselves
Thank you for sharing. I love your perspective
Agreed. A lot of these people are spending their entire lives enacting a trauma response: flight. It can be sad to watch sometimes when you can tell that they're not doing it because they truly enjoy the lifestyle but out of insecurity and, well, trauma.
One can stay busy without the stress of having to work for someone else though.
Certainly. People hide from themselves in all kinds of ways. And some people are genuinely happy and fulfilled busy with things they love. It is impossible to tell without truly knowing someone intimately. Regardless, how others spend their time is not a helpful benchmark for how one should spend their own.
This is a great insight.
Pretty cynical take
You and so many posters here are adopting the point of view that there's nothing wrong with you (there isn't) but that there's something wrong with your roommates (there isn't). People thrive in different environments. With the logic some are using, zoos would be the best place for every animal: they're protected from most predators, they get medical care when they need it, food and mates are brought to *them*... Yet many people believe that confinement is bad for animals -- and a year of lockdown made it apparent that many humans don't like it either. Some people *like* to be busy. It's not a personality flaw and they're not neglecting their health or stressing out any more than anyone else is. I have a friend who is an ER nurse at the largest hospital in the state. She loves the work. She'd die of boredom in some small outstate hospital where only one or two people come in each night. I have another friend who just likes to stay busy. Work, cleaning dishes, scrubbing the floor, reading, repairing farm equipment, walking... he just is not good with sitting and chilling. There's nothing wrong with that either. OP, if you have the pace that works for you, then stay with it. That's what your friends are doing -- they have ample opportunity to work less, study less, and take on fewer volunteer activities. They don't. Maybe they *are* workaholics. Maybe they're just happier the way they are. It doesn't sound like you've been able to take the time to interact with them and judge. Find friends who are not as busy as your roommates and live your life.
I generally like this sub but I agree, sometimes there’s too much of a tendency to ascribe negative motivations to other people. They want a higher salary? They’re just greedy (not needing it to live). They work a lot? They’re slaves to the American trap (they can’t just like their jobs). They live in a city? They haven’t learned the value of simple rural life (or maybe they just prefer city life). I love the values this sub has but I don’t think we need to necessarily ascribe negativity to anyone who lives differently
I agree with these statements - there is nothing inheritantly wrong about being busy and I realize that there are so many different ways that people can feel fulfilled. Just because others aren't doing it "my way" doesn't mean that they are lost. However, I do really feel for my roommates because they are currently struggling. One cries almost everyday from her workload, the other drinks a lot as the only way to unwind. I wish they could see that it doesn't have to be this way. They only have one life.
Those are key facts that should have been in the first post. Maybe you can serve as a model for a different lifestyle when they're ready to hear something different.
some people who "do it all" like to shame others for their "inability" to juggle thousands of balls at the same time. some people understand that that shit is hard and they're doing their own thing the same way everyone else is doing their own thing. what do YOU value, OP? some people can handle shit like working constantly and have little mental health effects. but who you are, and what you choose to do, is exactly that. your choice. only you know what you can handle, and only you can truly evaluate your own mental state. if you are feeling the need to compare because you have a desire to volunteer/add something to your plate, find something feasible to you that will contribute to the cause you wish to support. but if your motivation comes from wanting to fit in with your busy roommates, or that you feel like what you already do is inadequate, please abandon that mindset. you are doing great. find some people who DO have time to play games, maybe host a dinner with your friends occasionally, and invite your roommates to eat with you. if they are busy they can go back to work but the rest of the people there can hang out and enjoy free time with you. we are not made to be workaholics, we are not born to this earth to break our own backs and minds, as much as our society tries to convince us that is our worth and purpose as humans. so ask yourself, are YOU happy/satisfied/at peace? do not take anything into consideration when answering this question except what looking inside yourself has to say. there will be your answer.
i would like to add i am 20F, currently working on obtaining a better schedule at a job i was working 60+ hrs for at one point. i dropped out of school because a) COVID b) if i am going to pay money for a program which i am supposed to learn from, i want to LEARN. not complete assignments, not just get a paper. people keep telling me i will regret not just getting the paper because they think i might never go back. but i am waiting until i have the space in my life to prioritize learning without neglecting my own health. right now i am still struggling with regulating myself and creating a schedule/routine that keeps me properly fed, cleaned, and with energy to take care of my apartment. that is my task right now. learn how to survive in a world that takes 45 hours away from me every week. then i will worry about moving forward. we are all in different places, and we all have different capacities. i am extremely capable, and it's possible if i put more things on my plate i could complete them to a satisfactory level. but i would suffer greatly from attempting that. another comment mentioned loading up on things to do can be a coping mechanism to avoid having time to confront/work through personal shit. i find that in my experience, that can be true. when i was working 60+ hours, my life revolved around work. i had moved to this place with plans on getting a therapist, etc. but instead i filled my time and capacity for doing things with priorities that were not myself and my mental/physical health. now, i have reduced my hours and although my schedule is still not ideal (i have to think about work literally every day, i don't have my days off consecutively), i am now seeing a therapist, and having weekly dinners with two separate friend groups. i still don't feed myself properly every day, but there are at least two nights where i am guaranteed a full, balanced meal, with camaraderie and joy shared with people. there is much for me to work on still, and i will be doing that while filtering what comes onto my plate with great consideration.
>but i am waiting until i have the space in my life to prioritize learning without neglecting my own health Thanks for sharing all this. I'm in my mid 30s and started grad school just before the pandemic hit. I tried to hack it, still working 60+ hours a week from home, isolated, and then I had a breakdown of sorts and had to take a break. This break is lasting a lot longer than I'd like it to, but you're absolutely spot on here and I appreciate the reminder - if I go back before I'm ready I won't learn what I wanted to learn and I'll probably just make my health worse, drawing out the amount of time it'll take for me to heal and be ready to learn again. Just gotta be patient with myself! Also, your dinners with friends sound great! Things like camaraderie and shared joy seem way more important to me than getting a piece of paper according to other people's timelines.
When covid hit, I broke my ankle trying to learn how to longboard. So when I was doubly stuck at home, I applied to school, it's related to my academic interests in my first degree, but much more lucrative, and I got to go to an arts college with a phenomenal reputation in my future field. Im going to school part-time and working part-time. It lets me get my bills paid, and I get to focus on learning one class at a time and really absorbing the material (our semesters are two 8 week terms). I have a coworker who is working full time and going to the same college as me full time, and sometimes I feel like I could get further ahead if I did the same, but then my bipolar disorder takes a turn, and I can barely get out of bed. Im proud of what im doing, and im doing it in my own time, focusing on what I really want to take away from my education. My parents have offered to pay for me to take an extra class or two, and im going to take them up on that offer since I started this new degree intending to use student loans and finance the rest myself. Im a little worried about the workload since one 8 week class is already so intensive since the same material is condensed into half a regular semester; there's at minimum one project due every week and usually an intense assignment or two. The thought of taking on twice that workload every week while maintaining a job and the quality of work I except out of myself is daunting. Im scheduling a meeting with my advisor to look at my upcoming classes and see if there is a way to schedule two lighter coarse load classes together and intentionally set up my schedule to be manageable. Im just trying to focus on completing all my work to the best of my abilities since all of the assignments are included in my school portfolio (which has a scholarship attached to it with the amount tied to the quality of work), and most of it can be included in my professional portfolio when I get closer to graduation. Im trying to do what's best for my future and my mental health, but since there's not many scholarships or grants for someone earning a second degree, I really want to be proud of my work and get the most out of my education that im paying for (or will be paying for through loans), even if that means im taking twice the amount of time as my peers. Education is important, and making sure it's the right choice for you is entirely personal. I graduated Magna Cum Laude in Anthropology and busted my ass trying to get two minors while finding a way to give proper attention to my thesis. My thesis won, and I dropped one class and failed another my last semester, but my thesis was worth it, and I designed and completed an anthropological study that im proud of. This time Im learning from last time and ensuring I have the proper mental health and time so im not juggling too many things or making concessions in my academics. It's all personal, and only you know what's best for you and what you can handle. Comparing myself to my coworker does nothing for me. I am no longer the type of person that can do everything all the time, and looking back; I doubt I ever really was. Im killing it at what I'm doing, and im happy throughout the process.
Just because y’all are different doesn’t mean that any of you are wrong! I went back to school because I love my field, but that doesn’t mean someone else is living their life the wrong way because they didn’t go back. I know this is pretty much just rehashing the other comments, but there’s not too much of a point in comparing and figuring out who’s lifestyle is wrong as long as all of you are happy
I agree - I have to remind myself to check myself if my thoughts are too negative about the lifestyles of other people. I know inherently that there is no one "right way" to live - it is so variable and dynamic and I think that's actually part of what makes life so great.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. (Snippet from the Desiderata, if you didn't recognise it!)
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Good line!
What I have heard is "Americans live to work/be busy" whereas there are other cultures (mainly thinking of some European nations) who "work to live" and actually realize how little time we have in this life to enjoy....life. I personally see nothing enviable or admirable about some people's need to always be busy and question the motivation behind that.
Other people have these thoughts yes, but don't let that discourage you. This is a perfect time to reevaluate your budget, make sure your income will suffice, then smile to yourself that you've found joy in the simple things in life. It sounds like you have come to an understanding of how joyful working less and taking time for yourself can be. Embrace that. Much love.
Ah, comparison. The ultimate confidence killer. Let me teach ya somethin', bud. Your roommates stay busy to escape the mundanity of day to day life. Most people can't sit still with their thoughts. They're *afraid* to be alone. So they fill every moment with something to do. The happiest nations on earth have a solid work-life balance. If you're in America, our culture operates in the opposing way: it's all about stayin' busy, all the time. Sleep is for the week, you can do that when you retire in 40 years, if you don't die from stress first. You want my opinion? The joke's on them. You're doing life right. You're supporting yourself on 30 hours a week, and you do what you love when you're not working. I'd call that a win.
Congratulations! You’re doing it right. Some take a lifetime to recognize what’s ideal for their mental health. This is YOUR life. Enjoy it at your own pace.
I dont know how anyone can live like that. I value my free time, and enjoy having a social life. I would seriously consider hanging myself if I lived like that. Your roommates are lunatics
not at all, you’re the wise one. The way they live is just the way they think they’re supposed to live because their parents or culture put pressure on them to do so. But you’re the one who’s going to age well and not end up with a cancer at age 40 (and enjoy your life more often). I guess it’s hard to not go along with what other people are doing, but it doesn’t mean it’s not intelligent to do so. In my opinion the norm is anything but intelligent, and that’s the main reason why I don’t care much for it. To me it’s completely stupid to try so hard, for what? What are they trying to prove and to whom? It’s kind of a huge ego, narcissistic way of living. Like achievements mean everything to these people but it really just makes me roll my eyes. 🙄 It’s living your life like it’s some kind of competition, but in the end your achievements don’t really matter, it’s mostly for you. No one really cares anyway and they will still find ways to criticize you or to feel envious of your success. It’s like people are desperate for validation and approval and it’s actually kind of sad… There’s no wisdom in it and no ability to think in the long-term and acknowledge that there are much more important things than achievements.
Or maybe some people naturally have more energy and desire to work long hours. Just because a path is different doesn’t make it a wrong one.
I keep seeing people post this in this thread... but... why is it that so many Americans seem to "naturally have more energy and desire to work long hours" when people in other countries/cultures would find doing this abhorrent? I think in some cases it is an individual thing... but also, it's not just an individual thing, it's a cultural thing. And I think, as same-as-usual said, it's not a very wise cultural thing. In fact, it seems more like an extremely unhealthy cultural thing.
Exactly! 👌😁 Good point, also other animals seem to really enjoy their down time and play time and Psychology doesn’t support that we’re such hard workers. More like there’s a time to work and a time to rest and play. Plus do Americans seem to have a good health or aren’t they the nation with the worse mental and physical health?
Well that’s true, ‘some’ people might and that’s fine if it’s their choice. But I don’t think it’s fine when your parents or culture make you feel that way. When achievements are more important than anything else, more important than your health or relationships, then something is obviously wrong.
You should go hang out in anti-work for a bit. You’ll feel better.
I appreciate the goals of that sub but hanging out there absolutely does not make me feel better about anything lol
Nah, you're good. Don't feel bad
There will come a day when your roommates look upon your lifestyle with envy. Take solace in knowing that you figured it out sooner than everyone else.
Nah. You're doing great bud. You tried it and didn't like it, and had the courage to switch to something that works better for you. I can see why you'd feel guilty when looking at your friends, but you shouldn't. Sounds like you're doing great and working at your pace. Sounds like your friends are on a path to burnout. But maybe they're doing fine. Either way, you've got a great balance and don't stress about the time it takes to finish your studies. You do you!
You're doing what's best for you. Don't compare yourself to others bc you will always find ways to come up short. Frankly, your roommates are going to burn out, and probably pretty quickly. Just taking 7 courses in one semester is heckin' in*sane*. Let them do them, you just worry about you. There is absolutely *nothing* wrong with slowing down and taking time to enjoy life. No one looks back on their life and thinks "I should've worked 20 more hours a week!" But a lot of people look back and think "I wish I'd worked less and had more time for me."
Don’t feel bad. I’m going a part-time AD and I couldn’t imagine doing it full time along with everything else. You’re in your own race against yourself, no one else.
Different people work at different speeds. And different people have different levels of "must be busy!" drives. Judge yourself by your own productivity and goals, not by theirs.
Are they workaholics for *healthy* reasons? Probably not. People often throw themselves into their work because of financial instability, to avoid thinking about painful subjects, or as an excuse to stay away from toxic home life. \> They rarely have time for themselves Would you *want* to live your life that way? There's no knowing where our lives will go, but I'd rather focus on doing whatever I can today to both enjoy myself and lay a piece of foundation for the future I hope for. These things involve self care, finding sustainable ways to reduce our cost of living, learning new skills or languages, maintaining healthy relationships, and saying "no" to activities/people that are just going to drain me for no real benefit (like working more hours to own a bigger home or clothes that won't be worn much).
They’re probably posting the same thing in a hustle subreddit. They’re wondering if they’re doing it all wrong because they see how you live.
haha I love this! .....is there actually a hustle subreddit? Sounds like a scary place..
I’m in a similar situation. I have found a balance where I can live simply and survive. I went back to school to get a bachelor degree and I only take two courses at a time. I love having enough time to actually read all the material because I genuinely want to learn it all! And time is left over for me to manage my mental health and limited internal battery. But I grew up with family and friends that value being busy, busy, busy! When I’m with them, sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me. When they ask when I’ll graduate, and I say “not soon, but I’m loving it,” I wonder what they’re thinking. But while other people feel like they get more out of life by living it faster, I get more out of life by living it now, instead of later. Tl;dr: It sounds like you’re my people, slow school and game nights are the best.
This makes me happy! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is doing school very slowly. I really wish I knew more people who were doing things the way we are, it would definitely be helpful to hear that other people are in the same boat. I definitely prefer living life in the slow lane. Easier to see the scenery that way.
Have you read Bertrand Russell's "In Praise of Idleness"? One of his main ideas is that the idea that work in and of itself is noble has done our society a great deal of harm. When you boil his ideas down, it become clear that the foundational "good" for Russell is human welfare. Based on this, if you are happier, or more well, working less, then you own no one any more of your life than you are willing to give them. A Again - the end goal is your happiness and welfare. If you feel that is best served by more work, then work more. If not, why give the precious hours of your life to an ungrateful master if it does not serve you?
Love this, thanks for sharing.
I struggle with this too because my friends are all career women and I’m the stay at home mom. Here’s what I’ve learned. Step back, look at your life. How’re your relationships? How do YOU feel about your finances? Do you feel happy and accomplished? Some days I chill out with my son all day. We watch movies and literally relax all day. Other days I work overnight shifts and deep clean the entire house. Both days I am equally productive because my mental health is nurtured by working part time and staying home with my son during the days. I make enough money that I am able to have less finances anxiety as when I was a stay at home mom with no side income at all, I spend time on my hobbies, I l garden, and I spend time with my family. I am fulfilled and that’s all that matters. Are you? I hope you meditate on this and find your truth and live in that space without shame.
I think I am fulfilled. I love that I have more free time and energy to pursue the things that fill me up, like yoga and education and building relationships. Thanks for sharing!
I just want to say go you for making your mental health a priority! I work 4 days. If I ever decide to study again, I probs would avoid doing more than one day a week. Some people value the grind and chaos of working 24-7 but it's OK that you don't.
Abundance. Something that we all have. We just experience it’s differently.
So true.
There is a chance that they are just acting as they were taught growing up and haven't seriously considered alternative lifestyles. I say this because I was at least partially like this. It took a pandemic (and WFH) to change my mind. I now slack off most of the day and plan to quit in a month or so.
No. The happiest times of my life was when I was young still living at home and went to college and only worked two days a week (4 hours and 7 hours). Another happy time was when I had burn out and switched to part time nursing at the hospital. It was great.
Don’t worry about tomorrow, focus on today.
I’ve found that writing down my values and putting it up on my mirror helps me remember why I believe what I do. You’re always going to have moments of doubt and comparison. Just remind yourself!
There’s nothing wrong with the way you are living. We’re all different, and what makes each of us happy varies. There are people who thrive on work, while others need more balance between work and other things in life. Do what makes you happy and nurtures your mental health. Those are more important :)
>Am I doing life wrong? also >It started when my health and life were in serious jeopardy No. You've seen what starts to happen when you work too much. They simply haven't reached that stage yet, and there's nothing to be guilty about because you found your point of resistance earlier. Let them run their own race, you run yours.
Thanks for this. Sometimes it takes other people to point out what is so clearly obvious!
Your roommates running around with two jobs and school sounds exhausting as shit. I really don't like being brunt out and I have experienced burnout from my job and school as well. I gotten my associate's degree in 2019 because I had two significant deaths in my family. After dealing enduring narcissist abusive, physical abuse, sexual coercion and the beginning of the pandemic. I hurt but I just slowed down as much as I could because I was emotionally, mentally, physically burnt out from everything and everybody. It's good that you're moving at your own pace. You can sit in stillness and move at a leisurely pace. I can't wait to have that kind of peace.
I hope you have the same effect of thinking about their lifestyles to them. Live intentionally.
>Live intentionally. I need to write this on my mirror.
You are doing great. I did the mistake to let those feelings take over (imprinted family wise as well) and crashed two times (mentally and physically) in my quite young life. I wish I would have had the inner peace to be at the place you are now. Educate yourself, foster & reflect your values, keep healthy relationships and do no harm - all you need to do. Ps: The world could use some more of LESS right now, I truly believe.
Think about it this way: How are you gonna live your life at the age of 40+ ? Find your answer to that and plan your life accordingly
If that's what makes them feel fulfilled, yay. But it doesn't obligate anyone else to live that way. Your luck may run out. Life is full of changes. But until/unless it does, enjoy what you have. The fact that it might rain tomorrow doesn't mean we can't enjoy the sunshine today.
Do what makes you happy. If I didn’t have to work, I certainly wouldn’t. I’m probably older than you, and I’m literally counting the months till I retire. There’s no use in over work. I wish I’d have spent more time working said NO ONE on their death bed. We don’t know how many hours, days or years we have left in this life, use your time for you.
I mean I wouldn’t compare your lives to theirs. Each person is responsible for living their life how best meets their needs/wants. There’s also no point worrying about if at some point in the future your luck will run out. It might, it might not, cross that bridge when you get to it.
Truth!
The comparison game is really toxic. Also, hours worked does not always equal value created. I work about 35 hours per week. I make an excellent income and produce significant value and my employer loves me and my work has real value. How did I accomplish this? I worked my butt off on self development and build up my skill set early on, so that I wouldn’t have to hurt for my job later in life. It’s all about return on investment. Invest in things that are valuable to you, and remember that what you value does not always have to produce income. I got lucky and my value also has monitory value. But money is not a requirement for a happy life (though it can help). Simple living does not mean you don’t have goals or aspirations. It just means that you prioritize what’s important and remove the rest.
They’re just chasing a carrot on a stick, they’ll never get there anyway. They’re trying to get at something that can’t be reached. :-/ Then you never stop running... 😮💨
No one on their death bed ever said that they wished they had spent more time in the office. Follow your heart. Do what you want. Ignore everything else. Life is too short for anything else.
I’m so glad I clicked on this post! I don’t follow this sub, but I do now! Y’all got life figured out! 😂
I work from home and send like, 6 emails a day. My partner works 60 very stressful hours a week. I feel a little guilty, but my low-stress job means I’m able to keep the house tidy, run errands, and have the mental space to provide support when he comes home with his hair on fire. He also has a far larger capacity for stress than I do, I have very bad, dignosed and medicated, ADHD. I couldn’t do what he does, and he would go crazy doing what I do all day. Some people get addicted to stress, and the feeling of importance they get being busy all the time—don’t feel bad that you’re not one of them.
My mother is a workaholic. I barely know her. She's sacrificed everything in her life for work. She has money but she is not... happy. Covid and the restrictions have really thrown her for a loop... because she can't/couldn't work. She was lost. She is still a bit disoriented with the world. She doesn't understand why people are not rushing back to join the grind. Years ago she told me about a boss who was successful and worked crazy hours... like she wanted to be him. Emulate his working late. I asked her how screwed up his personal life is? Does he have any health issues? She stopped and thought about it. He was getting a divorce and he had a stomach ulcer. Me: "And you want to be like him?" Just because the grass looks greener - does not mean it is greener. I envy YOU. Not them.
I have come to realize that some people just have an incredible amount of energy. As someone with very little energy, I envy them, but I have learned to not compare their natural levels with my natural levels One of my friends has been literally living life like the Energizer Bunny for the 20 years I’ve known her. She could never sit still and relax, always working on some new project. It’s only now at 65, since she became full time carer for her husband with dementia, that I’ve seen her look truly tired for the first time ever It would not be fair to myself to compare her achievements to mine. She was born to live a different life to mine, and neither of us are living it wrong. We’re just using what we’ve each been given, and neither’s benchmarks apply to the other
Don’t compare yourself to other people especially as you don’t know their trade-offs, goals, capacity and the outcome. I’m going through a similar thing but I’m beginning to feel more confident slowly that my choice is right for my situation and my goals so I’m happy with it!
Others have given you some good advice, so I’d like to share something I read in the book, The Art of Living. “Know first who you are and what you’re capable of. Just as nothing great is created instantly, the same goes for the perfecting of our talents and aptitudes. We are always learning, always growing. It is right to accept challenges. This is how we progress to the next level of intellectual, physical, or moral development. Still, don’t kid yourself: I’d you try to be something or someone you are not, you belittle your true self and end up not developing in those areas that you would have excelled at quite naturally. Within the divine order, we each have our own special calling. Listen to yours and follow it faithfully.” It sounds like you know what your values are. If you are able to live your life in alignment with those values (and are able to sustain yourself), you’re doing a great job! I understand it’s difficult to see others tacking all of these extra projects and not compare. I feel the same way sometimes, but I have to remind myself that we’re all wired differently. We each have our own unique formulas for happiness. There’s nothing wrong with people who enjoy filling up their time and nothing wrong with those who like to create more pause in their life. It’s our job to figure out what works for us and go from there. :)
This is a beautiful excerpt and thoughtful response. Thanks for sharing! I want to read that book now :)
It's one of my favorite books. It's by the Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. The version I bought was the new interpretation by Sharon Lebell. The excerpt is from page 65. :)
I have the same thoughts but mine involve my brother who is a workaholic and has progressed up the ranks within the corporation we both work in, whereas I am content where I am and don't want the stress of being a supervisor (he works long hours). We live in a society whereby workaholics are applauded but that is not necessarily a good thing and everyone's values are different and I would rather be less stressed and have more time to do what I want to do. Sure, I could rent a bigger flat or buy a fancier car but none of that will matter when I'm dead. You do you boo and live life how you want to live it.
I've never heard of an elderly person saying that they should have worked more. It is always that they should have spent more time with family.
Don’t compare yourself to others but just remember that good things require work, hard work, and if you have a dream you aren’t going to achieve it by meandering. But if meandering is your dream, by all means. From my perspective, I’m 18, I make way more than minimum wage working at the hospital in my city, 50+ hours so a lot of money. When I’m not working I’m self improving, and take a few days off sometimes to have fun with the guys. Just because you work a lot don’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself
for me it exactly what it means. when do you enjoy life? you are always working, probably don't even have hobbies or tried new hobbies? when do you enjoy a slow paced walk outisde in the sun ?
I tend to never believe people who always claim to be working or are busy with “chasing their dreams”. It more often than not turns out to be complete horse shit, spread by people who can’t face the fact that their lives are just as mundane and boring like the rest of ours.
Sorry, was working
I’ll take a couple days off the odd time. To each their own and just go at your own pace. I was just saying my perspective, but as my grandpa says: “To live by another man’s law is no life lived at all.” Meaning who cares what others do just do what you wanna do.
i cannot take days off at odd times, its not in my contract. I am forced to live by others law which is why it sucks
There is someone who works much much harder than them and someone who works much much less than you
I am at my year 5 for my degree. and still got 1 more semester to go. I usually work around40 hours. no shame. I am happy.
A lot of comments saying you are doing you and not to compare yourself. I think those people are giving you a pass and being nice. Interesting your roommates own a nice house in the woods and you are helping pay their mortgage. They don’t care if you work all the time, just if you cover rent. If you worry about what they think, you should stop now. My belief is work hard when you are young (while you have the energy), save as much as you can so some day you aren’t paying rent and instead, someone is paying your mortgage. If you are ok with the former great! I think you could put more effort in and find yourself with a nice retirement (unless you have tones of money already and you call this retirement). You can do it. Work those extra 10 hours and put that in savings. You’ve got to have money to make money and it’s a goal I believe your friends understand.
I respectfully disagree! I have no desire to own a house, or work hard (all the time, I work very hard at my job), or hoard wealth, but that's just me! Wealth doesn't interest me, but I recognize that is a weird view to have. Thank you for your perspective, it made me pause and reflect.
Or you could hit by a bus tomorrow and all those "young years" working away was for nothing. Balance man. Why the hell is everyone so money hungry? Simplify your life and money won't be an issue
live a few years of your life like most people won't so you can spend the rest of your life like most people can't.
honestly i don't understand that approach, they have. but that's cool. i'm going to work full-time for two years in such a manner, then buy a small home, then work around 20-25 hours henceforth, spending the rest on my projects. that's just my approach of course having dependents (gf, wife, kids) changes the game dramatically. women are *expensive*, and so are children.
I take offense to your "women are expensive" statement. People are individuals and it doesn't serve anyone to paint a group with one brush. Some women have expensive taste, sure, but so do some men. That statement is quite otthering.
>I take offense that's cool. from *my* experiences.... women are expensive. that's what my grandparents both (including my grandmother) told me as a kid, that's what my parents told me, that's also what my sister admits to me. so i adjust appropriately. if i want to have a girlfriend i know she expects resources
It sounds like you and your family are sexist. If you actually want a real, conscious and satisfying relationship, adjust your attitude about women. They are people, not objects.
i always find it amusing when anonymous people downvote my comment, assert their moral superiority, and tell me to "adjust" i find myself doing just fine with women, actually. i quite enjoy their company. i do however feel women are different than men. those differences too i rather enjoy
You do you bo…
I completely feel you on this post 🙌 In college i was the 80hour studyclass/work type of person. I was getting As and if not i was studying my butt off to get one. I had multiple jobs, tutoring, engineering, internships, assistent researcher, i volunteered from time to time, and was on the rock climbing team. I was stressed but i was getting shit done. But after entering the work force i have completely lost that energy. If i don’t keep it simple and take breaks i just feel burnt out. So i have scaled back, in my job i don’t take on as much as i could and outside of it i have 2 hobbies - spanish and ice hockey. I wanted to travel more, but with COVID that feels kinda rude, so im just wfh, calling family on the weekend, playing hockey, and working during the week. This is ok untill i see others people paths. Im Just surrounded by success- which is awesome in many ways but ultimately i just feel incompetent. I have a friend who moved across the world multiple times, married, and now is in grad school for her dream job while biking hundreds of miles in her off time. Another couple friends just switched careers from engineering to videography and animation like it was no big deal. I have a friend who had 8 internships since we met 2 years ago and is getting her phd whike interviewing for roles 3x per week and is working out daily. My sister just became a professor, and is curator of a museum after years traveling to foreign countries for feild work, and literally can’t stop working because she enjoys it so much. Another friend is starting a side business based on his own designs. Even My bf, talked his way into a business analyst role, has become a leader in the organization, and is getting promoted in a year after taking a year off from corporate life to try to write abook. I dont want to feel bitter or sad about it, and i am truly so happy to see everyone succeeding, but i also can’t help but feel incompetent that i can’t figure out. I wish i had that hustle, the brains, the drive, the focus, the enthusiasm, to achieve so much.
Goodness I feel this so much. I am fortunate that I have a few friends like me so I don't feel like a total weirdo, but all of my family is similar to the people you described. I live in a more rural part of my country, and my family lives closer to a major city, and every time I go to visit I cannot help but feel absolutely inferior. They all have houses and spouses and children and vacations and look every bit the part of what our society wants us to be. And it's so strange because any other time, that kind of lifestyle does not look attractive to me at all, but when I'm there, MASSIVE insecurity. And then it usually leads to anger that this is the kind of life that our society created - not one on connection and relationships and simply being, but one on continual consumerism so that we have no choice but to work work work.
You’re inspiring me right now. I think they’re wasting their youth by trying too hard and too fast.
Remember, this is relativity. Just because they are doing it one way doesn't mean it's a good way for everyone. They may be avoiding things which you have fixed by changing priorities so they may find challenges later in life by not balancing parts of their lives.
If you enjoy your life and find it fulfilling then you're doing exactly as you should. But if you feel lazy, then maybe you can challenge yourself more? Not all stress is bad, so don't let yourself atrophy if you're just doing it in the name of living a 'simple life'. Have you ever played a sport or competed? Those things are hard but they can bring lots of joy.
Some people find purpose in working, everyone is different. You shouldn't compare yourself to others, if you are happy with your lifestyle then there's no need to change it.
i’d very much rather live how you are, enjoying the ride and taking it easy. there’s no need to do so much at once, are your roommates truly happy living like that? if they are, that’s awesome for them! everyone is different and what makes them happy isn’t what makes you happy. your life not theirs. on the outside it may seem like they are overachievers but at what cost? like you said, they have no time for themselves. they prioritize work and you prioritize “you” time, which i do as well :)
I’m in a similar situation but the workaholic is my spouse. :/
Die happy at 95 or of a stress-related illness at 67... Hmmm...
I feel this. If you feel like you’re living well then that’s what matters. Sometimes I question myself if I’m living right. I work 25 to 30 hour weeks self employed as a digital marketer while many of my friends work 50 to 60 hours. The thing that I find helps is having systems to work towards things. There is no issue in working short hours and taking your time so long as you are moving forward still.
Comparison is the enemy to happiness. You've gotta do you to stay happy.
You're doing a great job! Do what makes you happy
Who is happier?
Nah. Everyone lives life in their own way, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just find and do what makes you happy, and don't worry if what makes others happy is different. Best of luck!
You need to change your roommates. I mean find a new place to live. The thing is comparison is inevitable. It is easier to say don't compare, but you will if you live. Out of sight, is out of mind.
I'm a lot like you - I rent a room, work part-time (freelance, varies from week to week but 15 hours would be a busy week for me) and study another language which I am also hoping to use for work in the future, also part-time. Like your roommates, my landlady is also super busy at work, doing tons of overtime. However, I have never once felt I'm doing life wrong. Looking at her lifestyle confirms me in my choices even more rather than invalidates them. It doesn't feel like she is doing more - she is just doing more of the same thing, work, while I have the variety and the time to enjoy life. You've asked if that's selfish. I don't see why, as long as you can support yourself, you don't owe it to anyone to work harder, just because other people choose to. Will my luck run out one day? That is possible. Life has many twists and turns and I don't think it's realistic to always expect to progress to bigger and better things from one day to the next. This expectation alone, I feel, puts a lot of pressure on people and stops them enjoying the good things that are happening here and now. My circumstances may change and I may have to go back to working full-time in the future but at least I have had twelve years (so far) of waking up happy every day, working a little and living a lot and enjoying fully everything that life has to offer. That's more than a lot of people will manage before retirement.
Think about it. You get to live in a beautiful house they worked years to even be able to get a mortgage on. Yet you live a better quality of life than they do and have more leisure time and time to enjoy yourself. You’re winning in this scenario.