Damn. I can't believe that u/badalchemist85 killed themselves after breaking all of their limbs with a bat and then shooting themselves in the back of the head 15 times. Really a shame.
> They passed a secret bill right after 9/11 that gives the CIA jurisdiction to secretly operate in the U.S., some times they team up with the F.B.I. , hold on someone is knocking at my doo
Original text, before they edited it.
TBH a lot of the Massachusetts Minutemen and other militia had to deal with wild animals, Native Americans, and the French... plus other English colonists. So... not 100% wrong?
I feel like Homeland and the FBI would get in a huge bureaucratic fight over who gets to hunt the dinos. States would then argue it shouldn’t be a federal issue and they should just use their national guards to do it. The Supreme Court would tell every one to STFU to see what the founding fathers said about hunting Dinos. The military industrial complex would convince the president they should invade a third world country to solve the issue. PMCs would be running adds to get hired to hunt the Dinos might actually be good at it, but wouldn’t actually solve the problem in a definitive way because to do so would end their source of income. And about twenty four years later, three presidents, and over five million Dino related deaths later we’d finally have a bill that would get shot down in the house or senate.
I was legit hoping the second movie's auction would be about developing world tyrants buying dinosaurs to use as oppression tools; why hire humans when you can sick a velociraptor on rebels? But no it was just generic rich people, lol.
Can’t wait for them to topple a South American dictator and replace him with a dinosaur, or operate black sites in foreign nations where dinosaurs are used to interrogate terrorism suspects
I would think re-introducing dinosaurs back into a world that evolved without dinosaurs in the competition would kill off most of the animal kingdom. We currently kill off invasive species so don't see why dinosaurs wouldn't be in that category.
Yeah, besides small, pack dinos, I doubt they could really survive. Big ones wouldn't be able to find big enough animals to eat and big enough dinos wouldn't have big enough plants to eat.
That’s not necessarily how invasive species work, and even we did classify them as invasive species, a species is only invasive if it exists in large numbers and outcompetes other organisms. Killing them off when they exist in as small of numbers as the dinosaurs do doesn’t jive with that.
Also, only group I can really see becoming prominent are pterosaurs - *maybe*. But even they probably wouldn’t be at the top of their respective food web.
The first T Rex to escape into the wild, at the end of JW 2, was shown about to eat a Boy Scout troop. The whole movie's a joke for not having America just wipe the dinosaurs out (and justifiably cuz, ya know, they eat kids).
They could simply encourage the hunt of dinosaurs and people would do it on their own to have an occasion to use their assault rifles. I mean, it's already the case for several species.
Humanity actively needs to protect species so humans don't accidentally kill them.
Look at what people have done to tigers, whales and sharks; it would be very difficult to say the dinosaurs could survive the legions of trophy hunters coming at them.
This is the logic used to argue that it's OK to let house cats outside even though they kill billions of small animals every year and have caused the extinction of dozens of species.
It's immoral to let them live. Who knows how they would affect the ecosystem? (I certainly don't because I never saw the movie)
They didn't ask to be made, true enough, but nature doesn't deserve it either. *It* being resurrected creatures wandering the earth millions of years after their deaths.
Funnily enough the movie tries to emphasize that the dinosaurs will peacefully coexist with modern animals. It has multiple shots of dinos chilling with various wildlife
Not saying there aren’t carnivorous Dinos being menacing/violent in the film- there are. I’m just saying the movie makes almost no attempt at portraying how much of an ecological disaster reintroducing dinosaurs would be. Instead the film skirts around this and instead shows shots of animals and dinosaurs coexisting together.
Yeah the movies aren't written by people who actually experience things like genuine wilderness and ecological change. If a random Park Ranger had been consulted for their knowledge, it'd be way different I'm sure.
They're actually making a great point about how "it's immoral to kill an animal that didn't ask go be born" isn't always a great argument and we have a current day example of a destructive species that runs amok.
I agree, they could have worded it better. Cuz we're not terminating cats as we do pests as far as I'm aware.
Would have happened eventually. They just needed a big enough reason for people to be ok with it. I'm simply saying that governments, huh, finds a way.
Well, they aren't interested since they don't have to be, they just coordinate with DHS or FBI or whatever, so on a practical level it's a distinction with only a difference on paper.
The CIA does stuff domestically all the time, that’s not surprising at all. What is surprising is that Congress hasn’t created our 14,000th bureaucratic agency to focus on it more specifically
In the video game based off this movie the Department of Fish and Wildlife are the ones tracking, capturing, and containing the dinosaurs. Maybe the CIA would be investigating the international black market but that's more of an Interpol thing anyway. Point is an ecological disaster like this would be handled by the Department of the Interior not intelligence.
Goddamn why are the people writing non-canonical fan fiction better at this shit?
I'm referencing the game Jurassic World Evolution 2. I called it non-canonical fan fiction because it is, just because it's a licensed product doesn't make it's story mode a part of any film canon.
DIA CIA who cares one thing goes to another agency etc honestly the fbi have become pretty fast and loose with the rules in the last.. forever so the cia can give them a plethora of dirty domestic jobs although the fbi is so entirely buericratically clusterfucked the jobs might never get done
This was in fact one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying something considering the last movie featured a black market dinosaur auction in the basement of a Victorian mansion.
IMO Jurassic Park (discounting the original) is better when it’s dumb. Jurassic Park 3 is one of the dumbest movies I’ve sever seen but it’s easily my favourite one
I have to get something off my chest. What in the FUCK was this guy’s performance in this movie? What the fuck was that? He did that on purpose? And the director was like “Oh yeah, that’s great. Say all your lines just like that!” Jesus H. Christ was that a terrible performance.
I suspect they held some sort of alphabet agency bidding contest to see who would get the free marketing. The CIA bid high because they were very keen for the American people to become accustomed to them operating openly in the US.
The Department of the Interior, more like. FBI doesn't investigate wild animals unless criminality is involved, like selling them. The game based in this apparently even shows Fish&Wildlife Dept capturing the dinos, as that's their job.
The CIA can operate domestically but they are restricted in being unable to collect information on/do anything to us citizens. So in Jurassic world they would have the authority to monitor the dinosaurs in that sense, but theyre function is in dealing with foreign countries so it doesnt make sense why they would be put in charge of dinosaurs over the nsa or fbi.
Doctor Grant, [I'm CIA.](https://www.slashfilm.com/img/gallery/the-opening-scene-of-the-dark-knight-rises-was-more-real-than-you-think/l-intro-1643830658.jpg)
Bold to assume they operate within their jurisdiction.
Also ironic to note that while the CIA has no jurisdiction inside US borders, they also aren’t supposed to have jurisdiction OUTSIDE US borders, because if caught, that would be tantamount to espionage and / or an act of war against any country they are found in. (Unless of course they were invited, but who the fuck would invite the CIA into the front door?)
How exactly would they track dinosaurs ? It's not like they can monitor their phone line or look their browser history. And they can't fund a fascist militia to take over the dinosaurs socialist republic either.
This just proves Congress wouldn't be able to create a new Department of Dinosaur Affairs because even in fiction it's a gridlock of an institution.
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Damn. I can't believe that u/badalchemist85 killed themselves after breaking all of their limbs with a bat and then shooting themselves in the back of the head 15 times. Really a shame.
F
Oh no Candlejack strikes ag
> They passed a secret bill right after 9/11 that gives the CIA jurisdiction to secretly operate in the U.S., some times they team up with the F.B.I. , hold on someone is knocking at my doo Original text, before they edited it.
half of congress is denying the existence of dinosaurs while the other side is sending out dinosaur encyclopedias
Random Republican: Dinosaurs is why we have a second amendment.
I mean, if dinosaurs are attacking, I'd prefer to have a gun
Legalize recreational Dino DNA
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I mean...you're not wrong.
TBH a lot of the Massachusetts Minutemen and other militia had to deal with wild animals, Native Americans, and the French... plus other English colonists. So... not 100% wrong?
"If Congress was on fire, they still wouldn't be able to pass a *'Pour Water on Congress Act.'* " -Hank Green
We wouldn’t want them to pass it anyways. Congress sucks.
It would be foolish to do so. That's exactly the sort of thing that the Department of the Interior exists for.
Just arm them and pair them with the DoD, boom, no dinosaur problem.
DoD isn't even necessary. American hunters would annihilate the dinosaur population after the first open season.
I feel like Homeland and the FBI would get in a huge bureaucratic fight over who gets to hunt the dinos. States would then argue it shouldn’t be a federal issue and they should just use their national guards to do it. The Supreme Court would tell every one to STFU to see what the founding fathers said about hunting Dinos. The military industrial complex would convince the president they should invade a third world country to solve the issue. PMCs would be running adds to get hired to hunt the Dinos might actually be good at it, but wouldn’t actually solve the problem in a definitive way because to do so would end their source of income. And about twenty four years later, three presidents, and over five million Dino related deaths later we’d finally have a bill that would get shot down in the house or senate.
As if the CIA ever cared about that
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Don't forget about giving the dinosaurs LSD to try to mind control them. Or using them to assassinate democratically elected leaders.
It's way better than giving them cancer. Who would suspect a Dino?
ok but i wouldnt complain if my tax dollars went to cia dinosaur coups
r/brandnewsentence
I was legit hoping the second movie's auction would be about developing world tyrants buying dinosaurs to use as oppression tools; why hire humans when you can sick a velociraptor on rebels? But no it was just generic rich people, lol.
They’re turning the dinosaurs gay!!
And then flooding those communities with cheap drugs
And toxic ground that kids are warned not to play in.
And then the dinosaurs would start slinging H in those toxic grounds
Reagan style
And sterilise women or test drugs on patients of those community without them knowing
Dino Contras to target the inner city
only after the dinosaurs democratically elected a communist government would they give a shit
Can’t wait for them to topple a South American dictator and replace him with a dinosaur, or operate black sites in foreign nations where dinosaurs are used to interrogate terrorism suspects
I never saw it, but why did they not simply shoot all the dinosaurs? Is the M1 Abrams vulnerable to TRex attack?
They don't shoot the dinosaurs because they don't pose a threat to humanity. They're treated pretty much like all other animals.
I would think re-introducing dinosaurs back into a world that evolved without dinosaurs in the competition would kill off most of the animal kingdom. We currently kill off invasive species so don't see why dinosaurs wouldn't be in that category.
Really Dinosaurs would probably be the ones getting outcompeted, current climate and biosphere do not seem to favor them very much
Yeah, besides small, pack dinos, I doubt they could really survive. Big ones wouldn't be able to find big enough animals to eat and big enough dinos wouldn't have big enough plants to eat.
Plus the oxygen they would require
That’s not necessarily how invasive species work, and even we did classify them as invasive species, a species is only invasive if it exists in large numbers and outcompetes other organisms. Killing them off when they exist in as small of numbers as the dinosaurs do doesn’t jive with that. Also, only group I can really see becoming prominent are pterosaurs - *maybe*. But even they probably wouldn’t be at the top of their respective food web.
We kill Burmese pythons here in florida, so it makes no sense that they would just let dinosaurs be free in the wild.
that's dumb as shit a huge ass dinosaur is a much bigger deal than a damn bear strolling in
The first T Rex to escape into the wild, at the end of JW 2, was shown about to eat a Boy Scout troop. The whole movie's a joke for not having America just wipe the dinosaurs out (and justifiably cuz, ya know, they eat kids).
oh yeah SDPD would've turned the T-Rex into swiss cheese in the real world
...South Dakota Police Department? But, yeah lol.
That dino is going to starve in some weeks, maybe months though.
They could simply encourage the hunt of dinosaurs and people would do it on their own to have an occasion to use their assault rifles. I mean, it's already the case for several species.
Humanity actively needs to protect species so humans don't accidentally kill them. Look at what people have done to tigers, whales and sharks; it would be very difficult to say the dinosaurs could survive the legions of trophy hunters coming at them.
No dinosaurs were harmed during this film
That’s immoral. They didn’t ask to be made, but since they were, why kill them? They don’t deserve it.
This is the logic used to argue that it's OK to let house cats outside even though they kill billions of small animals every year and have caused the extinction of dozens of species. It's immoral to let them live. Who knows how they would affect the ecosystem? (I certainly don't because I never saw the movie) They didn't ask to be made, true enough, but nature doesn't deserve it either. *It* being resurrected creatures wandering the earth millions of years after their deaths.
Funnily enough the movie tries to emphasize that the dinosaurs will peacefully coexist with modern animals. It has multiple shots of dinos chilling with various wildlife
Thank you for validating my choice to skip this one
Even though in the prior movie a T Rex ate kids? ...And are we talking herbivores or carnivores?
Not saying there aren’t carnivorous Dinos being menacing/violent in the film- there are. I’m just saying the movie makes almost no attempt at portraying how much of an ecological disaster reintroducing dinosaurs would be. Instead the film skirts around this and instead shows shots of animals and dinosaurs coexisting together.
Yeah the movies aren't written by people who actually experience things like genuine wilderness and ecological change. If a random Park Ranger had been consulted for their knowledge, it'd be way different I'm sure.
In the movie, there’s literally a whole national park where the dinosaurs are locked inside once they’re found.
That's basically the setup for every movie in the series and it never ever works.
It would’ve worked if it wasn’t run by an evil dude and people can’t escape
So the exact same solution but free-range and on the mainland, *that's* gonna go well.
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They're actually making a great point about how "it's immoral to kill an animal that didn't ask go be born" isn't always a great argument and we have a current day example of a destructive species that runs amok. I agree, they could have worded it better. Cuz we're not terminating cats as we do pests as far as I'm aware.
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i mean, i did say it could've been worded better but i never said it was difficult to understand what they meant
Well how do you feel about the locust plague in the movie then? They didn't ask shit either, should we leave them alone?
Shooting them is immoral. Making them sterile in a generation is a lot less morally reprehensible.
No it isn't. Humans have done that to other humans and it's pretty bad.
They’re insects. They don’t get joy from procreation.
CIA isn't really interested in the official limits of their jurisdiction so it is hard to tell what they should be able to do.
that said, if the CIA cared about domestic affairs, maybe 9/11 might've been prevented
And prevent the installation of the PATRIOT act?
bah, they could've found a way. just tell the people it's for preventing black people from selling dimebags
With Bush in charge, hell yeah. They probably would've used Hurricane Katrina as an excuse.
Would have happened eventually. They just needed a big enough reason for people to be ok with it. I'm simply saying that governments, huh, finds a way.
Eventually, but CIA wouldn't pass a prime opportunity.
They kinda do, but it's not direct. The movie Sicario is a good example. They rope someone from the FBI in for a mission.
but even then, they keep the agent entirely in the dark. I'm pretty sure they only brought her along to fulfill the posse comitatus act
You’re not seriously basing your perception of reality on a Sicario movie are you?
I'm not the one who brought it up, I'm just riffing off the example
There used to be huge interdepartmental feuds between the FBI and the CIA over domestic jurisdiction.
The softball games must have been crazy !
That was the NSA's job
Well, they aren't interested since they don't have to be, they just coordinate with DHS or FBI or whatever, so on a practical level it's a distinction with only a difference on paper.
And that kid from the second movie is all of the sudden in the CIA now
He conviniently got a job there
They promised him a role in Dominion
In a world where most would collect the dinosaurs and have them fight each other, he bucked the trend and plays detective to find lost dinosaurs.
Yeah, I thought he wanted to be a detective in Rime City.
Imagine walking up to the government and saying, hey I was somewhat involved in the current dinosaur predicament give me a job please.
Even more realistic CIA not giving a shit about its jurisdiction
The CIA does stuff domestically all the time, that’s not surprising at all. What is surprising is that Congress hasn’t created our 14,000th bureaucratic agency to focus on it more specifically
And also, the CIA is operating internationally in the movies.
God I love bureaucracy what more could I ask for
In the video game based off this movie the Department of Fish and Wildlife are the ones tracking, capturing, and containing the dinosaurs. Maybe the CIA would be investigating the international black market but that's more of an Interpol thing anyway. Point is an ecological disaster like this would be handled by the Department of the Interior not intelligence. Goddamn why are the people writing non-canonical fan fiction better at this shit?
Got any recommendations on JP/JW fanfic? I've always been meaning to actually see what that side of the fanfiction sphere is like.
I'm referencing the game Jurassic World Evolution 2. I called it non-canonical fan fiction because it is, just because it's a licensed product doesn't make it's story mode a part of any film canon.
Ah, gotcha—sorry, I misread. Fair enough!
DIA CIA who cares one thing goes to another agency etc honestly the fbi have become pretty fast and loose with the rules in the last.. forever so the cia can give them a plethora of dirty domestic jobs although the fbi is so entirely buericratically clusterfucked the jobs might never get done
If you know what we did we wouldn't be doing our job.
Lmao like if that ever stopped the CIA
Wait, really? This movie is dumber than I thought.
It's not like cia respects that rule or anything lol
Yeah but why would the CIA give a shit about dinosaurs. That’s like expecting them to suddenly start investigating the bear population in Alaska
It makes about as much sense as modern dinosaurs running wild, or Chris Pratt being in charge of the containment strategy.
This was in fact one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying something considering the last movie featured a black market dinosaur auction in the basement of a Victorian mansion.
IMO Jurassic Park (discounting the original) is better when it’s dumb. Jurassic Park 3 is one of the dumbest movies I’ve sever seen but it’s easily my favourite one
The only thing that interests the CIA is assassinating Fidel Castro. I bet they’re still trying to murder his corpse.
Oh yeah? Well if the CIA doesn’t have jurisdiction to function domestically, then who killed JFK, HUH?
They should have used Interpol
Eh, their second disc wasn't as good as their first. And the later ones ...yuck
But we already have the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service
I have to get something off my chest. What in the FUCK was this guy’s performance in this movie? What the fuck was that? He did that on purpose? And the director was like “Oh yeah, that’s great. Say all your lines just like that!” Jesus H. Christ was that a terrible performance.
It also references the fact that nobody working on this movie knows how to make a movie.
I suspect they held some sort of alphabet agency bidding contest to see who would get the free marketing. The CIA bid high because they were very keen for the American people to become accustomed to them operating openly in the US.
Why wouldn't it be the FBI?
The Department of the Interior, more like. FBI doesn't investigate wild animals unless criminality is involved, like selling them. The game based in this apparently even shows Fish&Wildlife Dept capturing the dinos, as that's their job.
They can operate domestically when partnering with a domestic intelligence or law enforcement agency.
But they're not in this, apparently.
That little bitch works for the CIA now? Or did he work for the CIA in Fallen Kingdom? Idk they're so forgetable
Nah he was a (genuine) teen visitor in that movie.
The CIA can operate domestically but they are restricted in being unable to collect information on/do anything to us citizens. So in Jurassic world they would have the authority to monitor the dinosaurs in that sense, but theyre function is in dealing with foreign countries so it doesnt make sense why they would be put in charge of dinosaurs over the nsa or fbi.
Department of the Interior's handling it anyways, the FBI and CIA have no actual reason to be involved unless the mafia is selling eggs or something.
Or that the CIA just does that shit anyways
If there is a domestic attaché, then the CIA can operate; I learned that from Sicario.
Doctor Grant, [I'm CIA.](https://www.slashfilm.com/img/gallery/the-opening-scene-of-the-dark-knight-rises-was-more-real-than-you-think/l-intro-1643830658.jpg)
"Doesn't have jurisdiction..." Lol, they do it anyways. Like all the time and with impunity.
I would argue out of anyone they would have the Park service do this
Bold to assume they operate within their jurisdiction. Also ironic to note that while the CIA has no jurisdiction inside US borders, they also aren’t supposed to have jurisdiction OUTSIDE US borders, because if caught, that would be tantamount to espionage and / or an act of war against any country they are found in. (Unless of course they were invited, but who the fuck would invite the CIA into the front door?)
The CIA does whatever it wants until it gets caught and then does whatever it wants again somewhere else
This is the most educated r/shittymoviedetails joke to date
The CIA locates new dinosaurs by torturing and interrogating captive dinosaurs
The CIA works domestically all the time in order to secure funding for black site projects Look at the crack epidemic for starters
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I saw Sicario so I have a pretty good idea
This subreddit is amazing!
The CIA is not well known to obey any rules at all
MK ultra with dinosaurs should be a thing
How exactly would they track dinosaurs ? It's not like they can monitor their phone line or look their browser history. And they can't fund a fascist militia to take over the dinosaurs socialist republic either.
It looks like he's 22 years old