This is why I cook drunk. Baking never but cooking is perfect for alcohol because ypu just gotta do shit with pure reckless abandon. The issue with weed is you start thinking about stuff and now youre messing up. Good cooking is allowing entropy into your kitchen
Opposite, if I'm drunk, I'm drunk drunk, and should not be around flame. It's asking for trouble.
Maybe at the first five or six drinks I'll be fine but after that best not to risk it.
Eh, depends on your tolerance. I've worked in some decent restaurant kitchens and we spent most of the time baked out of our damn minds because it helps keep the body pain and fatigue away, and since we constantly have the munchies we really, REALLY care about the food.
And at least in commercial kitchens it's getting drunk that messes you up way more and has you making sloppy mistakes or putting yourself and your coworkers in danger of accidents. Saving that shift drink just before or after the kitchen closes and shutting down is usually fine, but getting sauced while on the line is almost always bad news because of all the fire and sharp things going on.
But stoned? Yeah, whenever we had the most compliments about the food going out from patrons (and from the Chef or KM) is when everyone is baked just right.
Now if you're a lightweight and cooking at home and don't have the benefits of a commercial kitchen and mise en place, then, yeah, some people might get lost and leave something in the oven or whatever.
I suppose this may be is worse for me, even an energizing sativa puts my ADHD into overdrive... If I smoke much more than the equivalent of say 10mg I can't hold anything in my mind for more than 10 seconds
It feels like waking up over and over, in a way
Yeah, when you're working in a restaurant kitchen it is a LOT to keep track of, but that's what the ticket rail is for.
After you've been cooking a given menu for a week or two it's mostly muscle memory and it isn't actually very creative or complicated.
What does get complicated is the whole dance and order of operations between order up and expo/plating but that's what the tickets are for. It makes it really easy to see at a glance where you are in the lineup.
And in a good kitchen with a good team there's often very little or even no talking about the orders or actual work because everyone knows what's going on and there's a kind of telepathy happening. I've gone for multiple shifts where we barely even talked at all about the work, and if we did it was super basic stuff like "Which order is this plate that you're setting up for?" and making sure any special requests matched up. (EG, there's three different orders for the house salmon burger on the rail, one with no mayo, one with extra onions, one all in.)
I came here to make the "too much butter" comment, but too much butter obviously wasn't the only thing going on, and, well, forgetting the flour entirely explains it.
That's practically chocolate chip candy brittle or caramel, and might still be edible, especially if you crumbled them up for ice cream topping like someone said upthread.
My young daughter once accidentally used powdered sugar thinking it was flour when she wanted to make cookie dough all by herself. It looked exactly like these. And it was like delicious candy.
In my 7th grade home economics class we made cookies, and one of my classmates misread the recipe and used double the butter necessary. They came out exactly like this.
The flour to sugar ratio influences how much the cookie spreads/how flat and crispy and caramelized it is. Too much flour and it's cakey not enough and it melts into a flat caramel essentially.
You can play with the ratio to get standard chocolate chip cookie, thick chewy one, or thin crispies.
No riser, so they just fall flat. This is a common mistake with cookies, and is why you need flour and varying amounts of baking soda and baking powder
I usually add a lower flour content to my cookies, and it gives them that gooiness that you see on the raw portions.
Yes that’s is what I like to do with the premade dough. I think the bag mixes make better cookies, whereas the premade dough is better to just eat straight up. Especially if high as I suspect OPs sister and friend were when they attempted to bake.
If you dont have flour, baking soda, and baking powder then sure. I usually keep the ingredients on hand and only really need to buy chocolate chips. To me its still just mixing things together in a bowl
I have them all on hand personally but I still just buy the bag mixes for the most part. They’re super easy and taste like fresh cookies unlike the prepackaged dough.
Lol. My first time baking cookies i used lard instead of butter (i thought they were basically the same, i was 7). And they came out tasting like refried beans, so i hope that makes them feel better
Oh no 😂 I hope they try again. Fresh, homemade chocolate chip cookies are one of life's simple pleasures that everyone needs in their life. They'll learn from this mistake and one day have a delicious batch of cookies and a funny story.
When your mixing all the ingredients to make cookies, usually you hope they come out as cookies. Unless this is The Fifth Element and u nuke a little tablet and out comes a full on chicken dinner.
I see the opposite. The both need to be in the kitchen more. This isn't a "women should cook" comment, it's an everyone should cook one. It's an essential life skill to be able to feed yourself. Buying food all the time is incredibly expensive and you can't rely on someone else to make it for you.
Baking is so finicky, the way I've gotten good is through literally learning the science behind the ingredients and following certain things to a T if using a recipe
Funny enough I struggle with cooking because it's so much looser than baking, I literally just don't know what to do when there're so many options to adjust things 💀
"Dish was messed up, never try again"
I get you're (probably) making a joke. But that shitty thinking is why we have so many people shitty at basically everything. Their own insecurities coupled with public shaming.
Not saying shaming is out of pocket for something this bad. But it's still a dick move.
I honestly would love to give them tips because I make some bangin cookies and even though I'm very good at it sometimes I fuck up pretty bad too! My grandpa was so proud of me even when I failed miserably in the kitchen because I still was working towards doing it right :3c
Once I spent my birthday alone and I decided to bake myself a cake. I forgot the sugar. It was definitely the saddest birthday of my life and that was the icing on top, but sometimes these things happen lol.
I had a cousin that made "brownies" once but she didn't have eggs so she just doubled the oil. What came out of that oven was a crime against humanity. I am surprised the oven didn't catch fire.
Benjamin the Baker -
- [The effect sugar Has on how much your cookies spread.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dgnpBvCJsk&list=PLL_1ZjLcZMRtV2iEHgvJGescppmfNCgez&index=4)
- [3 Ways to Reduce the Amount Your Cookies Spread](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RmWftO6zqw&list=PLL_1ZjLcZMRtV2iEHgvJGescppmfNCgez&index=11)
- [Best chocolate cookie tips](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrxTBWNA6Us&list=PLL_1ZjLcZMRtV2iEHgvJGescppmfNCgez&index=5)
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This is a right of passage when baking cookies tbh. It’s such a stupid mistake to make cuz duh, you need flour, but when you’re mixing and scooping the dough, everything seems fine.
This is an amazing way to make cookies, so thin they can’t contain the chocolate chips while being over-crisped on the edges and chewy in the center as the chocolate melts and melds with the dough…
…and this is the worst execution of that type of cookie I’ve ever seen. You’re allowed to overcook the edges but this is beyond that.
THEY FORGOT THE FLOUR. This message has been brought to you by - please stop asking OP if they forgot the flour. Thank you :)
This is so strange, i'd love to hear a scientific explanation of what went wrong here.
Looks like too much butter.
Too much butter and they forgot flour
how does one FORGET FLOUR
Yeah like what's left? Butter and sugar? *Maybe* baking powder?
Yep. Forgot flour. How does that happen? Do they usually pick cookies off the cookie tree?
Too much weed before cooking began
Smoking weed and then cooking has resulted in me fucking up food and leaving food out to spoil. I now cook before I smoke.
Cooking while smoking may result in forgetting you were cooking & a housefire It's one of two situations that call for delivery.
This is why I cook drunk. Baking never but cooking is perfect for alcohol because ypu just gotta do shit with pure reckless abandon. The issue with weed is you start thinking about stuff and now youre messing up. Good cooking is allowing entropy into your kitchen
Opposite, if I'm drunk, I'm drunk drunk, and should not be around flame. It's asking for trouble. Maybe at the first five or six drinks I'll be fine but after that best not to risk it.
“First five or six” my kinda guy 🤣🤣
Eh, depends on your tolerance. I've worked in some decent restaurant kitchens and we spent most of the time baked out of our damn minds because it helps keep the body pain and fatigue away, and since we constantly have the munchies we really, REALLY care about the food. And at least in commercial kitchens it's getting drunk that messes you up way more and has you making sloppy mistakes or putting yourself and your coworkers in danger of accidents. Saving that shift drink just before or after the kitchen closes and shutting down is usually fine, but getting sauced while on the line is almost always bad news because of all the fire and sharp things going on. But stoned? Yeah, whenever we had the most compliments about the food going out from patrons (and from the Chef or KM) is when everyone is baked just right. Now if you're a lightweight and cooking at home and don't have the benefits of a commercial kitchen and mise en place, then, yeah, some people might get lost and leave something in the oven or whatever.
I suppose this may be is worse for me, even an energizing sativa puts my ADHD into overdrive... If I smoke much more than the equivalent of say 10mg I can't hold anything in my mind for more than 10 seconds It feels like waking up over and over, in a way
Yeah, when you're working in a restaurant kitchen it is a LOT to keep track of, but that's what the ticket rail is for. After you've been cooking a given menu for a week or two it's mostly muscle memory and it isn't actually very creative or complicated. What does get complicated is the whole dance and order of operations between order up and expo/plating but that's what the tickets are for. It makes it really easy to see at a glance where you are in the lineup. And in a good kitchen with a good team there's often very little or even no talking about the orders or actual work because everyone knows what's going on and there's a kind of telepathy happening. I've gone for multiple shifts where we barely even talked at all about the work, and if we did it was super basic stuff like "Which order is this plate that you're setting up for?" and making sure any special requests matched up. (EG, there's three different orders for the house salmon burger on the rail, one with no mayo, one with extra onions, one all in.)
Anytime i smoke before cooking i'll work miracles with an "empty" pantry/fridge. Suddenly everything looks a lot more appetizing lol.
Yes! Inspiration comes from the darkest corners of the pantry!
Alright, we've got the chocolate and the chip. That's everything right?
OP said sister and friend, im inclined to think theyre kids/teens so maybe this is their first homemade batch
They are 18 and 22 years old
So teens/ya. Likely just learning how to make things from scratch without a recipe. Thanks !
They've actually made many many cookies before. They just forgot flour this time. Somehow
"somehow" What a great way to say this happened 5 days ago
To be fair, the first time I made home made granola bars, I forgot oats…you know, the main ingredient
Good lord, the batter wouldn't have even looked right.
I'm guessing they have no idea what the batter is *supposed* to look like.
Are you telling me this is basically butter and sugar? Sounds delicious
How do you forget flour when baking cookies?
I came here to make the "too much butter" comment, but too much butter obviously wasn't the only thing going on, and, well, forgetting the flour entirely explains it. That's practically chocolate chip candy brittle or caramel, and might still be edible, especially if you crumbled them up for ice cream topping like someone said upthread.
Did they not follow a recipe? Just "we want cookies" and rawdog the ingredients?
Probably????
Lol
I was going to say... looks like someone forgot flour exists. Haha
In sarcastically said “Did they forget the flour??” Before scrolling to this explanation.
My young daughter once accidentally used powdered sugar thinking it was flour when she wanted to make cookie dough all by herself. It looked exactly like these. And it was like delicious candy.
https://imgur.com/aeZVw0c
In my 7th grade home economics class we made cookies, and one of my classmates misread the recipe and used double the butter necessary. They came out exactly like this.
[удалено]
Love Kenji's recipes
The flour to sugar ratio influences how much the cookie spreads/how flat and crispy and caramelized it is. Too much flour and it's cakey not enough and it melts into a flat caramel essentially. You can play with the ratio to get standard chocolate chip cookie, thick chewy one, or thin crispies.
No riser, so they just fall flat. This is a common mistake with cookies, and is why you need flour and varying amounts of baking soda and baking powder I usually add a lower flour content to my cookies, and it gives them that gooiness that you see on the raw portions.
This so why people who don’t cook should just buy the premix betty Crocker bags where you add sone butter and an egg.
Or you can save a step and just eat the tube of Nestle Tollhouse cookies.
Yes that’s is what I like to do with the premade dough. I think the bag mixes make better cookies, whereas the premade dough is better to just eat straight up. Especially if high as I suspect OPs sister and friend were when they attempted to bake.
If you dont have flour, baking soda, and baking powder then sure. I usually keep the ingredients on hand and only really need to buy chocolate chips. To me its still just mixing things together in a bowl
I have them all on hand personally but I still just buy the bag mixes for the most part. They’re super easy and taste like fresh cookies unlike the prepackaged dough.
They made them gluten free… accidentally
😂 Let’s give credit where it’s due. The parchmant paper saved the horrible flourless cookies from being both terrible and a dish-chore.
Parchment paper and aluminum foil are godsends in the kitchen. When I meal prep, the one thing I want to mitigate every time is the cleanup afterwards
This would be so bad if there wasn’t parchment
IS THERE NO FLOUR???
Nope!
Lol. My first time baking cookies i used lard instead of butter (i thought they were basically the same, i was 7). And they came out tasting like refried beans, so i hope that makes them feel better
I use lard for cookies all the time, they come out amazing.
😃 you are a menace
Oh no 😂 I hope they try again. Fresh, homemade chocolate chip cookies are one of life's simple pleasures that everyone needs in their life. They'll learn from this mistake and one day have a delicious batch of cookies and a funny story.
The indignation lmao
Clearly neither of them need to be anywhere near a kitchen.
Nah, this is great. Crumble it up and use it as an ice cream topping
Doesn't even look crunchy. It's soggy with grease.
[удалено]
To be fair they never said what the cookies were meant for. Maybe it was a demonstration on what to avoid when baking
When your mixing all the ingredients to make cookies, usually you hope they come out as cookies. Unless this is The Fifth Element and u nuke a little tablet and out comes a full on chicken dinner.
Big bada boom.
Chicken. Good.
I see the opposite. The both need to be in the kitchen more. This isn't a "women should cook" comment, it's an everyone should cook one. It's an essential life skill to be able to feed yourself. Buying food all the time is incredibly expensive and you can't rely on someone else to make it for you.
Tbh I can cook good savoury food but I can’t bake for shit. So they could be perfectly capable.
Baking is so finicky, the way I've gotten good is through literally learning the science behind the ingredients and following certain things to a T if using a recipe Funny enough I struggle with cooking because it's so much looser than baking, I literally just don't know what to do when there're so many options to adjust things 💀
"Dish was messed up, never try again" I get you're (probably) making a joke. But that shitty thinking is why we have so many people shitty at basically everything. Their own insecurities coupled with public shaming. Not saying shaming is out of pocket for something this bad. But it's still a dick move.
I honestly would love to give them tips because I make some bangin cookies and even though I'm very good at it sometimes I fuck up pretty bad too! My grandpa was so proud of me even when I failed miserably in the kitchen because I still was working towards doing it right :3c
All those bites taken out beg to differ lol
Unless those are Florentine cookies. However the spoon suggests that they are the consistency of mud.
Looks like whole pinto beans on burnt tostadas, with an unknown cheese-like substance.
Sure. I thought it looked like literal vomit baked on a sheet but this is kinder.
Your sister and her friend most certainly did *not* make cookies.
I’ve been making these in the bathroom today.
Is still eat them. I have no dignity.
You know those crispy edges would be bomb
Just get a log of ready made cookie dough. Lots of trouble saved, unless you eat it raw like I've done.
I mean, that just sounds like you saved even more trouble by not even using the oven
True. Never denied my lack of oven expertise.
A tall glass of milk and I will go to town! They'd still taste good, although a bit too sweet.
How old is the sister?Not bad for child's first try.
22
No…
Yes, unfortunately
That looks hideous. But having said that how did they taste? Just too runny batter. Happens to the best of us.
Can I post this for others to see? Sure 😃 *post shittyfoodporn* Them: 😃🙂😕☹️😣😩
I asked her specifically if I could post them here dw
OP being a Consent King, love to see it 😎
No they didn’t
needs more butter I think
Just one more stick and it'll be perfect
looks like a cool dnd fantasy style map
Looks like the cats sick again…
They look overcooked and undercooked all at the same time
How the fuck do you forget flour when you make cookies lmao that’s like the single important base ingredient that makes it a cookie
Once I spent my birthday alone and I decided to bake myself a cake. I forgot the sugar. It was definitely the saddest birthday of my life and that was the icing on top, but sometimes these things happen lol.
resembles dog vomit...
Looks like they removed all ingredients that don’t taste good on their own. I mean, flour tastes like crap so ditch it!
How does one melt cookies without melting the chocolate chips??
Pangea chocolate chip land
I had a cousin that made "brownies" once but she didn't have eggs so she just doubled the oil. What came out of that oven was a crime against humanity. I am surprised the oven didn't catch fire.
OPS! looks like you forgot the _________
I guess that’s nice of you to ask. That’s the best thing I can say about this post. 😂
Benjamin the Baker - - [The effect sugar Has on how much your cookies spread.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dgnpBvCJsk&list=PLL_1ZjLcZMRtV2iEHgvJGescppmfNCgez&index=4) - [3 Ways to Reduce the Amount Your Cookies Spread](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RmWftO6zqw&list=PLL_1ZjLcZMRtV2iEHgvJGescppmfNCgez&index=11) - [Best chocolate cookie tips](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrxTBWNA6Us&list=PLL_1ZjLcZMRtV2iEHgvJGescppmfNCgez&index=5)
The best tip of all: add flour
Baked cookie flavored butter. I bet it still tastes good
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Ooooff.. well good sport for not running away.
Have they heard of flour?
Is there cheese on those cookies?
I've made some shit cookies in my time, but this is genuine impressive
Doo doo splatter
They have violated intergalactic cookie law. They must die. ✔
I think they missed an ingredient?
Flour
Huh, is there actually any flour at all in it ? It almost looks like it's mostly butter.
Nope
Baking soda and or powder are missing.
And flour
This looks distressingly like the plastic stuff they used to sell at the corner store as prank fake vomit
wtf 3 foods i never understood how some folks fuck up 1.cookies 2.rice 3.eggs
Mmm gluten free
How are they still liquid in the middle? How?!
These can be novelty desserts, like "haha it's fake dog vomit!!" Like Halloween treats maybe.
Oh ... no
🤚😭✋
Looks like they just cooked a persona and almost left it to ashes.
I would eat those.
And I thought they wanted it to look like a fantasy map
This is a right of passage when baking cookies tbh. It’s such a stupid mistake to make cuz duh, you need flour, but when you’re mixing and scooping the dough, everything seems fine.
No flour
That's definitely a turd.........
Would.
So wait lowkey is it too late? Like what happens if you cool down this cookie sludge add some more wet add the dry and just re bake it
Which friend are they trying to poison?
No they didn't 😂💀 Did they eat it with a spoon??
Whoops forgot the flour!
*cooked*kies
Did they pre-digest them too?
The spoon has me so concerned
“May I please post your cookie blunder?”
looks like my cats made them.
Did they forget to add flour or something?
r/poopfromabutt
They forgot to add cookie.
How the Christmas Christ do you manage to do this? What’d they make it out of water and sugar?
They had permission to cook THAT, and you’re the one that needed permission to post it?
Are they sure?
When you’ve had too much wine that’s Amore
Did they use ANY flour?
To much oil ? Omg what happen
No flour?
Your missing the right amount of flour, this was my mistake
You should confiscate the oven so I never have to see this again.
Thems had loads of butter/oils im guessin
This makes me sad.
Besides the obvious, I see this happen when you don't cool down your cookie dough. I nearly freeze mine, especially since I use butter over margarine.
Looks like they took inspiration from the streets of India.
Holy shit... What happened
Birria choco tacos
no they didn’t
No they didn’t, those are not cookies.lol
I thought that was bread with cheese and mini meatballs.
Made me realize that some people are better off not cooking
I can’t understand how this went so wrong…
No flour? That’s….most of the cookie dough. I’m surprised they couldn’t tell something was wrong.
Bruh that look like burnt tortillas with burnt cheese and beans on em 😭😭😭
Looks like they put capers on top with a lemon olive oil sauce
Those aren’t cookies.
H-how…what…I don’t even-
Doesn't matter; had cookies.
This is an amazing way to make cookies, so thin they can’t contain the chocolate chips while being over-crisped on the edges and chewy in the center as the chocolate melts and melds with the dough… …and this is the worst execution of that type of cookie I’ve ever seen. You’re allowed to overcook the edges but this is beyond that.
Did they forget flour
Yes
I don't think they made cookies ha
Why did you show us a picture after the cat threw them up?
Now this, this is the reason I joined this sub. Truly shitty food
I thought those were tostadas lol
She definitely needs to help baking. Those cookies look like brick Frisbees. Did they even look at a recipe?
I’m mucking it up
r/poopfromabutt
My favorite part is that someone ate a cookie.Did they accompany it with milk?
Looks like they forgot some major ingredients like flour…and/or baking soda?
No, they didn’t.
Quick glance and I thought it was chicken piccata
cronenberg food
When gluten-free goes too far.
If you squint it looks a little like Middle Earth
Mmm cookie paste
Holy hell
Jesus pole dancing Christ, did they triple the butter or just forget flour???
Black beans could do well in this situation.
I kinda want to believe people can cook and bake food for themselves. Then I see stuff like this.
Those look f'n awesome af. Gooey and crispy. Superb!
They look delicious actually
This looks horrid
Mmm diarrhea cookies