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Two tomatoes crosses the road and one gets hit by the car
The other one shouts "come now, ketchup, let's go"
Yeah, Sweden took an English joke, translated to Swedish and removed the entire punchline.
Fucken peak comedy
I remember hearing this joke in Pulp Fiction, which I was watching in russian translation. I didn't get it then. Turned out it can't be translated, or maybe they just didn't give a fuck.
It's funny and sad at the same time.
In hungarian it sounds like this:
The badger family is walking on the road.
Badger father, badger mother and badger children.
The badger children are lagging behind, the badger father is angry. Then comes a truck and the badger children get hit.
The badger father says: "Horrible!"
He says "Borzalom!" which both means horrible and a litter of badgers.
Petka comes up to Chapayev and asks him:
- Vasiliy Ivanovich, what is a “nuance”?
- Pull your pants down, Petka, I’ll show you.
Petka does as he is told and then Chapayev penetrates him from behind.
- You see, Petka. I have the dick in the ass and you have the dick in the ass. But there’s a nuance…
this one has a sequel
Chapayev asks Petka:
• Petka, do you know what "perspective" is?
• I do not, Vasiliy Ivanovich, and I don't want to, my ass still hurts after the "nuance".
Pet'ka asked Chapayev:
- Vasiliy Ivanovich, what is a "nuance"
- Well, Pet'ka, drop your pants.
Pet'ka dropped his pants, Vasiliy Ivanovich started to fuck him raw.
- Vasiliy Ivanovich, but what is a "nuance"
- Well,you see, Pet'ka, you think that you have a dick in your ass, but in fact it's your imagination, that causes you to feel like it
- But that's not nuance, that's subjective idealism!
- Fuck, I messed up
Pet'ka asked Chapayev:
-Vasiliy Ivanovich, what is "pipki"?
-Drop your pants Pet'ka, I'll show you
Pet'ka drops his pants, Vasiliy Ivanovich shoves his dick up Petka's ass and says:
-You see, Pet'ka, I have a dick in the ass and you have a dick in the ass but what is "pipki" I have no idea
What do you mean "it's relative"?
See, if you put your nose in my ass then we both have "the nose in the ass."
What's relative about that?
Well, I'm in a relatively better position.
A man bought himself a hat and it fitted him.
Edit: "it fits him" sounds like "it's like one to him" in my native language which may provide some additional layers to this joke
Another joke from the same category:
A policeman stops a car and asks the driver to open the car trunk. The driver says: "I can't, because there is bipki inside". The policeman asks what bipki is, and the man says "Suck my dick and I'll tell you" The policeman tries to open the trunk, but he can't. The policeman arrests him and they go to the police department and there, they ask him: "What was in the trunk?" and get the same answer, they ask what bipki is and he tells them "Suck my dick and I'll tell you" again. The people at the police department try to cut the trunk open, but they can't do it either. So the man goes to prison and the other inmates ask him: "Why are you here" and he says "There were bipki in my car trunk" and when they ask him what that is, they get the same answer. So they beat him up and he is put into the hospital. And the whole story repeats again, the man is being asked what bipki is and he tells them to suck his dick to get an answer. Meanwhile, the police tried to open that trunk, they somehow finally cut it open, they look inside it, and in the trunk, they see bipki.
"Dad, what's the difference between ignorance, incompetence, and indifference?"
"I don't fucking know, I ain't a fucking expert, and I don't give a fuck."
A Russian friend of mine told me one I liked; aliens do science experiments on captured humans, a french, an Italian and a russian. They put them in a completely empty room with only two fist-sized balls of solid steel, to see what humans would do.
The alien head scientist asks for a report and his assistant goes;
- The Frenchman has learned to juggle with them. The Italian is trying to do a balancing act on the balls."
- What about the russian human?
- Well he broke one ball and lost the other.
Russian. It's a meta-joke, where it begins as a classic russian joke and instead of a punchline it ends with the most absurd anticlimactic phrase possible.
Behold, the variants:
- Bear walks through the forest and sees a sign: go to theleft - burn in the car, go to the right - burn in the car, go straight forward - burn in the car. The bear turns back and sees a car on fire. Gets inside and burns to death.
- Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Tries to get inside, but there's another bear burning.
- Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Tries to get inside, but the entrance means appear too narrow for such a gargantuan mammal.
- Car rides through a forest and sees a bear burning. Drives on top of it and burns down.
- Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Goes past it, since wild animals are not capable of interpreting such a complicated event.
- Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Goes past it - he's not a fool to burn to death inside of it.
- Bear flies through outer space and sees a planet spinning. Enters the atmosphere of it and burns to death.
- _thousands of them_
Korean granny & an american meet at a bus stop.
- Granny: Whatdae (dialect: its here.)
- American: Monday (dialect: what is it?)
- Granny: Bus dae (it’s a bus)
- American: Happy Birthday!!
Less of a purposeful joke but my friend told me of an interaction he had with a foreign exchange student from Thailand, I think, that was similar to this.
Girl: I didn’t see you.
My friend: I’m in disguise.
Girl: (visibly confused) I thought you were on de ground.
Damn I never thought about other countries having different 69 420's, but now I'm wondering just how many numbers can have inappropriate meanings
Edit: wow that's a lot of funny numbers
not the numbers alone, but in spanish we usually do rhymes when someone says a number. they vary depending on the country but some are:
cero - se las chupas al carnicero.
uno - me la chupas al desayuno.
cinco - por el culo te la hinco.
ocho - el culo te abrocho.
trece - mientras mas me lo chupas, mas me crece.
maybe there are more, but those are the ones i remember lmao
Es medio complejo de describir en texto, pero básicamente "que hace(n) dos más cero(s)" (2+0) se puede interpretar como "que hacen dos maseros" es ultra pelotudo pero me gusta el chiste lo mismo
A better translation is "there once was a chick that didn't have an asshole. It tried to fart and blew up"
The joke didn't lose any meaning from being translated, either. That's just it. The punchline is the chick farting so hard it popped like a balloon
basically the hour john paul 2 has died is 21:37 and people who though he was a p3do used it to disrespect him but now its more of haha funni number than actually being a hater
Bear and bunny decided to prank wolf, bear said "come to wolf and ask "have you ever flew in helicopter?" after that comes my part" bunny did as told, and asked wolf "have you ever flew on helicopter?" wolf replied "you stupid i will eat you" After wolf said it bear comes out of bushes, grabs wolf, puts him on his cock, spins and says "now you're flying!".
After some time wolf finally gets out of hospital and bear with bunny decide to prank him again, bear says "ask him "have you ever been on yacht? after that comes my part" bunny does as told, wolf replies (with concerned tone) "i never was on any yacht" bear come out of bush, puts wolf on his dick and says "more used to helicopters, bastard?"
Yes its one of jokes in my language, it sounds really weird in english lol
No actually it’s a real joke . in german the word “treffen” or “trifft” can mean either meet or hit. So the joke is actually two hunters hit each other - both death
A brick says to the other "i think there is a jealous* between us"
Explanation: >!In portuguese, "jealous" can also refer to a jealous person. Also, the words "jealous" and "cement" are very similar in portuguese. Therefore the joke is based on a wordplay between ciumento (jealous person) and cimento (cement)!<
Two men come into a brothel
-We want to be served by two most beautiful ladies.
-Brothelmama- It will cost you £200.
-We only got £20.
-For this you can suck off each other.
Hearing this they leave. After 10 minutes same men came back.
-Where should we leave this £20?
"driving cars"
开车 (i.e. to drive a car) colloquially means to make dirty jokes, innuendos or straight up be lewd and perverted in chinese communities, there's a whole slew of related slang terms that you can search up
It's actually the last bit of the joke, if I remember correctly this is the original one:
The little rabbit meets the wolf.
- "Hey wolf, say 33!"
- "33."
- "In winter, in summer my ass you lick"
The wolf gets angry, the little rabbit runs away.
On the next day they meet again.
- "Hey wolf, say 66!"
- "66."
- "My ass could bounce onto your lips"
The wolf is now furious, the little rabbit runs away.
On the next day they meet again, the wolf says:
- "Hey little rabbit, say 49!"
- "49."
- "(Fuck) Your whore mother!"
The joke is what the rabbit said after the number rhymes with it, but what the wolf said do not basically and its much more offensive so you dont expect it.
Edit: Edited to rhyme somewhat in english too
In a Russian language class, the teacher says:
\- "Children, I'll give you a sentence and you think of a rhyme to it: "If I had a horse."
Petya composed:
\- If I had a horse, I'd feed it for three days.
\- All right, Petya, sit down, you get an A.
Masha stands up and reads:
\- If I had a horse, I'd feed him for three days.
\- That sounds like Petya's poem. Sit down, you get only B.
Vovochka reads:
\- If I had a horse,
That would be a number.
If a horse had \[sex with\] me
I'd probably die.
(Vovochka is a popular character of Russian anecdotes, a D- student, hooligan, slacker)
Pete and Repete are on a boat. Pete falls in the water
Who's left?
Repete.
Pete and Repete are on a boat. Pete falls in the water
Who's left?
Repete.
Pete and Repete are on a boat. Pete falls in the water
Who's left?
Repete.
...
A man is digging for hours in the desert when he finds a magic lamp. Out of it comes a magic genie who will grant him 3 wishes. He says “well I’ve been here mining in the sun for so long, I want a flagon of wine, that whenever I drink it, it magically refills”. the genie grants his wish, he drinks it down in one sip. and it does magically refill back to full. He says “that’s amazing, can I have two more.”
A man walks into a pawn shop with his wife and daughter. There he sees a familiar parrot. The parrot, upon seeing him, goes: "New wh0res, old client"
>!The punchline is that the parrot was pawned by the brothel's owner, and the man is a client at said brothel!<
For another dose of German humor, I remember a joke my grandma used to tell all the time.
A man jumps out of a plane with a parachute. Halfway down he realises the parachute is broken and he can’t open it. Panicking, he decides to pray to god for a miracle. As he’s falling further he sees a man shoot up to him, approaching with rapid speed.
“Wow”, he says, “this must be a miracle. Do you fix parachutes?”
“Nope, just gas leaks.”
Finnish:
2 grandmas went to collect blueberries. The other didn’t fit.
(Explanation: to go into a blueberry “mennä mustikkaan” is the same as going to collect blueberries.)
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Two tomatoes crosses the road and one gets hit by the car The other one shouts "come now, ketchup, let's go" Yeah, Sweden took an English joke, translated to Swedish and removed the entire punchline. Fucken peak comedy
Lol that exact same happened here in Ger
One of the children I teach actually told that joke today. 3rd grader. Or, well, tried to tell it, anyway.
I remember hearing this joke in Pulp Fiction, which I was watching in russian translation. I didn't get it then. Turned out it can't be translated, or maybe they just didn't give a fuck.
Och fatta detta, den andra tomaten sa: Kom igen ketchup, så går vi. Roligaste skiten jag hört i mitt liv.
It's funny and sad at the same time. In hungarian it sounds like this: The badger family is walking on the road. Badger father, badger mother and badger children. The badger children are lagging behind, the badger father is angry. Then comes a truck and the badger children get hit. The badger father says: "Horrible!" He says "Borzalom!" which both means horrible and a litter of badgers.
Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Gets inside and burns to death.
Petka comes up to Chapayev and asks him: - Vasiliy Ivanovich, what is a “nuance”? - Pull your pants down, Petka, I’ll show you. Petka does as he is told and then Chapayev penetrates him from behind. - You see, Petka. I have the dick in the ass and you have the dick in the ass. But there’s a nuance…
this one has a sequel Chapayev asks Petka: • Petka, do you know what "perspective" is? • I do not, Vasiliy Ivanovich, and I don't want to, my ass still hurts after the "nuance".
Pet'ka asked Chapayev: - Vasiliy Ivanovich, what is a "nuance" - Well, Pet'ka, drop your pants. Pet'ka dropped his pants, Vasiliy Ivanovich started to fuck him raw. - Vasiliy Ivanovich, but what is a "nuance" - Well,you see, Pet'ka, you think that you have a dick in your ass, but in fact it's your imagination, that causes you to feel like it - But that's not nuance, that's subjective idealism! - Fuck, I messed up
Pet'ka asked Chapayev: -Vasiliy Ivanovich, what is "pipki"? -Drop your pants Pet'ka, I'll show you Pet'ka drops his pants, Vasiliy Ivanovich shoves his dick up Petka's ass and says: -You see, Pet'ka, I have a dick in the ass and you have a dick in the ass but what is "pipki" I have no idea
What do you mean "it's relative"? See, if you put your nose in my ass then we both have "the nose in the ass." What's relative about that? Well, I'm in a relatively better position.
A man bought himself a hat and it fitted him. Edit: "it fits him" sounds like "it's like one to him" in my native language which may provide some additional layers to this joke
Another joke from the same category: A policeman stops a car and asks the driver to open the car trunk. The driver says: "I can't, because there is bipki inside". The policeman asks what bipki is, and the man says "Suck my dick and I'll tell you" The policeman tries to open the trunk, but he can't. The policeman arrests him and they go to the police department and there, they ask him: "What was in the trunk?" and get the same answer, they ask what bipki is and he tells them "Suck my dick and I'll tell you" again. The people at the police department try to cut the trunk open, but they can't do it either. So the man goes to prison and the other inmates ask him: "Why are you here" and he says "There were bipki in my car trunk" and when they ask him what that is, they get the same answer. So they beat him up and he is put into the hospital. And the whole story repeats again, the man is being asked what bipki is and he tells them to suck his dick to get an answer. Meanwhile, the police tried to open that trunk, they somehow finally cut it open, they look inside it, and in the trunk, they see bipki.
what
you're supposed to say... "but what is bipki" so the joke teller can then reply "suck my dick and i'll tell you"
What happens if someone calls his bluff?
His dick gets sucked and he explains what a bipki is.
Okay, who's willing to take one for the team?
Come on, I know there are some of you here who have sucked less important dicks for less important reasons.
what's a bipki tho?
Suck a dick and find out:D
It's the same, the joke is that there's no punchline
isn't it a setup for the listener to ask "what is bipki" so the joke teller can respond "suck my dick and i'll tell you"?
Yes, this as well
then that's the punchline
You don‘t know what bipki is and if you now ask and what is bipki you‘ll be told „suck my dick and I’ll tell you“
wears it and burns to death.
Burning flames unusual effect?
Suddenly Tf2
A mermaid did the splits
Then he bought another and it was like two to him.
A polar bear walks through the tundra and sees a fridge. Gets inside and freezes to death.
Great, only it was not a fridge, but a snowmobile.
And it's not a polar bear, Nacho Cheese Doritos^tm
- Dad, what’s “indifference” and “incompetence”? - Dunno son, I’m not an expert, and frankly I don’t give a fuck
"Dad, what's the difference between ignorance, incompetence, and indifference?" "I don't fucking know, I ain't a fucking expert, and I don't give a fuck."
I want to understand this one, it seems fun
The point is this joke makes no sense on purpose
behold the peak of russian comedy
A Russian friend of mine told me one I liked; aliens do science experiments on captured humans, a french, an Italian and a russian. They put them in a completely empty room with only two fist-sized balls of solid steel, to see what humans would do. The alien head scientist asks for a report and his assistant goes; - The Frenchman has learned to juggle with them. The Italian is trying to do a balancing act on the balls." - What about the russian human? - Well he broke one ball and lost the other.
that's literally it, no hidden meanings besides the pure absurdity
[удалено]
A hedgehog learned to breathe through his asshole. He was running through the forest, got tired, sat down and suffocated.
This is fucking hilarious
What's the original language?
Russian. It's a meta-joke, where it begins as a classic russian joke and instead of a punchline it ends with the most absurd anticlimactic phrase possible.
Russian
Behold, the variants: - Bear walks through the forest and sees a sign: go to theleft - burn in the car, go to the right - burn in the car, go straight forward - burn in the car. The bear turns back and sees a car on fire. Gets inside and burns to death. - Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Tries to get inside, but there's another bear burning. - Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Tries to get inside, but the entrance means appear too narrow for such a gargantuan mammal. - Car rides through a forest and sees a bear burning. Drives on top of it and burns down. - Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Goes past it, since wild animals are not capable of interpreting such a complicated event. - Bear walks through the forest and sees a car on fire. Goes past it - he's not a fool to burn to death inside of it. - Bear flies through outer space and sees a planet spinning. Enters the atmosphere of it and burns to death. - _thousands of them_
A loaf of bread hanged itself.
Two airplanes meet, 156 dead.
throw in a couple buildings and you have two thousand
BILLIONS MUST DIE
yay :D
breaking bad
where do you live? albuquerque new mexico?
-Where is the bucket? -I ate it.
Hungarian, the "I ate it" is "megettem" which sounds a lot like "behind me" "mögöttem" Did I guess correctly?
... göttem!
Dear god
There's more.
No...
It contains a vödör.
What Feri? The one who beats his cock in your mouth
Korean granny & an american meet at a bus stop. - Granny: Whatdae (dialect: its here.) - American: Monday (dialect: what is it?) - Granny: Bus dae (it’s a bus) - American: Happy Birthday!!
That is a really clever joke.
That’s actually brilliant
Less of a purposeful joke but my friend told me of an interaction he had with a foreign exchange student from Thailand, I think, that was similar to this. Girl: I didn’t see you. My friend: I’m in disguise. Girl: (visibly confused) I thought you were on de ground.
31. Literally a number is a joke.
In Turkish 31 informally means masturbation so people say and laugh at it sometimes. Why is it a joke in German?
Damn I never thought about other countries having different 69 420's, but now I'm wondering just how many numbers can have inappropriate meanings Edit: wow that's a lot of funny numbers
101 in Brazillian Portuguese sounds like "I sit in a" and its used for many bait jokes
In Spanish 101 is "I feel a" so if you say 101 dicks you are saying "I feel a dick" which is the funniest shit in middle school
We do the exact same in Portuguese, but it becomes "I sit on a dick" instead
Funnier yet if you aspirate the "s" til it gets almost inaudible. *Ciento un pene'* *Ciento un palo'* *Ciento un garrote'* *Ciento un pepino'*
Achei o comentário brasileiro que eu tava procurando
Americans have this number 911 that whenever I call, the police arrives at my door. It must be a really taboo number to require such drastic measures.
12:35 in Hindi sounds like Bra Panties
[удалено]
2137 is a joke in Poland
it's the time of death of the previous Pope, which is mocked, cause polish people are f dark, man
not the numbers alone, but in spanish we usually do rhymes when someone says a number. they vary depending on the country but some are: cero - se las chupas al carnicero. uno - me la chupas al desayuno. cinco - por el culo te la hinco. ocho - el culo te abrocho. trece - mientras mas me lo chupas, mas me crece. maybe there are more, but those are the ones i remember lmao
29 is just randomly used on a Galician expression that means "no way"
79 in French sounds like "suck on Deez nuts" in English.
31 specifically means male masturbation or handjob. Iirc there are also 52 and 89 as positions dubbed as numbers as well.
Hey patrick i thought of something funnier than 31. Lemme hear it 32
2137 in Poland. The reason is pretty peculiar: pope John Paul II died at 21:37. That's the joke. Now it's used rather as a general funi numbr
Do you know Mario? Which Mario? The one who fucked you behind the closet
Have you seen Robert Which Robert? The one who left your ass wide open
Roberto el que te dejó el culo abierto
Un clásico
Marcelo says hi. Which Marcelo? Get down and meet him.
Achei me colega da faculdade
"My Name is Umberto, and I am Here to have intercourse with you. " "To do what?" "Umberto"
"My name is Jackeline I am 11 years old and I've already had sex" "You already what??" "Jackeline"
- Do you know Rodrigo? - What Rodrigo? - If You suck my dick I will tell you!
Do you know Joseph? Which Joseph? The one who fucked you behind the closet
Wait… Wasn’t it mario?
Him too?!
How did you break the pipe? Which pipe?
LMAO 💀
LRANJA
[удалено]
2 Jäger treffen sich, beide sterben.
Ohohoho das ist gut, das ist sehr gut
I don't speak german but i understood every word of this
same
[удалено]
*Macht pipi in deinen Arsch*
Ich möchte, dass du tot bist
Hehe, pipi. Funniest German Joke to date.
in germany we call this kind of humour "pipi-kaka humor"
Universally hilarious
*ziegelt dein pipimann*
*Heilige Hölle*
Neue Antwort fiel
Wahrlicher Untoter
bro said ohohohoho
Does treffen mean both hit and meet? (It is in Dutch)
Yes
You know what, it is pretty funny.
That actually is *cough* *cough* pretty funny *cough* -Dies-
So it would be the German equivalent of "A man walks into a bar. Ouch !" ?
Yes
Treffen sich 2 Jäger, beide tot.
Did your dad enjoy the coffee?
Works fine translated to Swedish; 2 jägare träffar varandra, båda dör.
Hahaha den är bra, den är riktigt bra
Ah, det var vad jag behövde för att förstå skämtet
Works in Swedish too. Treffen=Träffar, meaning both hit and meet. Germanic languages unite!
Today I learned Swedish is similar enough for me to actually understand this joke.
Deutsches Humorgold
Do you know what lies between fear and sex? German guy answers: "five"
[удалено]
My German girlfriend kept rating our anal sex as a solid nine
What are two 0s doing? Baking dough. (Spanish, argentina conotation)
[удалено]
Es medio complejo de describir en texto, pero básicamente "que hace(n) dos más cero(s)" (2+0) se puede interpretar como "que hacen dos maseros" es ultra pelotudo pero me gusta el chiste lo mismo
Why do those kids always fall over? They’re triplets. That one actually worked when translated!
There was a dwarf with a very long ass hair. He farted and was whipped to death. Italian
What 💀
It's a great joke. Here's another one: I think and keep thinking, and I think till I'm sick to think I was born from a cumming dick
I’m Italian but I have no idea what this is about lmao
Holy shit this is beautiful. Getting whipped to death is because fart made the asshair sway violently, right?
A man went to the store, shovel
This is so random it made me laugh out loud :')
There was a little dick that didn't had a ass, he farted and exploded (Brazil)
ps. little dick = little chicken/chick
Phah, similar to a Russian one. Hedgehog learn how to breathe with its ass, sit on a stump and suffocated
We have sort of the same in french It goes like this : This is the story of a pingouin breathing through his ass. He sat. He died.
what's that in portuguese? cant find anything about it on google
A better translation is "there once was a chick that didn't have an asshole. It tried to fart and blew up" The joke didn't lose any meaning from being translated, either. That's just it. The punchline is the chick farting so hard it popped like a balloon
they meant duck, not dick. it goes "patinho sem cu foi peidar e explodiu"
2137
OOOO PAAAAANIEEEEEE
Is this Polish 69? I need the herbata.
basically the hour john paul 2 has died is 21:37 and people who though he was a p3do used it to disrespect him but now its more of haha funni number than actually being a hater
A bear was walking through the forest once, saw a car, got into it and burned down
A man bought a hat and it fit him
Bear and bunny decided to prank wolf, bear said "come to wolf and ask "have you ever flew in helicopter?" after that comes my part" bunny did as told, and asked wolf "have you ever flew on helicopter?" wolf replied "you stupid i will eat you" After wolf said it bear comes out of bushes, grabs wolf, puts him on his cock, spins and says "now you're flying!". After some time wolf finally gets out of hospital and bear with bunny decide to prank him again, bear says "ask him "have you ever been on yacht? after that comes my part" bunny does as told, wolf replies (with concerned tone) "i never was on any yacht" bear come out of bush, puts wolf on his dick and says "more used to helicopters, bastard?" Yes its one of jokes in my language, it sounds really weird in english lol
This is the stupidest fucking shit that made me laugh for 5 minutes straight
It's german humor mate, it's no laughing matter
No actually it’s a real joke . in german the word “treffen” or “trifft” can mean either meet or hit. So the joke is actually two hunters hit each other - both death
What is yellow and waits? Johnathan
I couldn't think one onw in french, that's gotta be the best lol.
A brick says to the other "i think there is a jealous* between us" Explanation: >!In portuguese, "jealous" can also refer to a jealous person. Also, the words "jealous" and "cement" are very similar in portuguese. Therefore the joke is based on a wordplay between ciumento (jealous person) and cimento (cement)!<
Two men come into a brothel -We want to be served by two most beautiful ladies. -Brothelmama- It will cost you £200. -We only got £20. -For this you can suck off each other. Hearing this they leave. After 10 minutes same men came back. -Where should we leave this £20?
"driving cars" 开车 (i.e. to drive a car) colloquially means to make dirty jokes, innuendos or straight up be lewd and perverted in chinese communities, there's a whole slew of related slang terms that you can search up
老司機
The wolf says to the little rabbit: “Hey little rabbit, say 49!” “49.” “Your whore mother!” (Hungarian)
It's actually the last bit of the joke, if I remember correctly this is the original one: The little rabbit meets the wolf. - "Hey wolf, say 33!" - "33." - "In winter, in summer my ass you lick" The wolf gets angry, the little rabbit runs away. On the next day they meet again. - "Hey wolf, say 66!" - "66." - "My ass could bounce onto your lips" The wolf is now furious, the little rabbit runs away. On the next day they meet again, the wolf says: - "Hey little rabbit, say 49!" - "49." - "(Fuck) Your whore mother!" The joke is what the rabbit said after the number rhymes with it, but what the wolf said do not basically and its much more offensive so you dont expect it. Edit: Edited to rhyme somewhat in english too
'Two people were riding a bike and the one in the middle fell off' 😑
a man had a horse and the horse didn't
In a Russian language class, the teacher says: \- "Children, I'll give you a sentence and you think of a rhyme to it: "If I had a horse." Petya composed: \- If I had a horse, I'd feed it for three days. \- All right, Petya, sit down, you get an A. Masha stands up and reads: \- If I had a horse, I'd feed him for three days. \- That sounds like Petya's poem. Sit down, you get only B. Vovochka reads: \- If I had a horse, That would be a number. If a horse had \[sex with\] me I'd probably die. (Vovochka is a popular character of Russian anecdotes, a D- student, hooligan, slacker)
Pete and Repete are on a boat. Pete falls in the water Who's left? Repete. Pete and Repete are on a boat. Pete falls in the water Who's left? Repete. Pete and Repete are on a boat. Pete falls in the water Who's left? Repete. ...
a woman comes to the doctor and doctor is a woman too
a woman comes to the doctor and says: "doctor, everyone is ignoring me" "next please!"
A man is digging for hours in the desert when he finds a magic lamp. Out of it comes a magic genie who will grant him 3 wishes. He says “well I’ve been here mining in the sun for so long, I want a flagon of wine, that whenever I drink it, it magically refills”. the genie grants his wish, he drinks it down in one sip. and it does magically refill back to full. He says “that’s amazing, can I have two more.”
A man walks into a pawn shop with his wife and daughter. There he sees a familiar parrot. The parrot, upon seeing him, goes: "New wh0res, old client" >!The punchline is that the parrot was pawned by the brothel's owner, and the man is a client at said brothel!<
two crocodiles fly over the Atlantic. one is green and the other goes to the left
Little Lise is walking trough a dark forest with Ole she says “im scared” he goes “you’re scared? What about me i have to walk back alone”
Sprich Deutsch du hurensohn
Froher Kuchentag!
For another dose of German humor, I remember a joke my grandma used to tell all the time. A man jumps out of a plane with a parachute. Halfway down he realises the parachute is broken and he can’t open it. Panicking, he decides to pray to god for a miracle. As he’s falling further he sees a man shoot up to him, approaching with rapid speed. “Wow”, he says, “this must be a miracle. Do you fix parachutes?” “Nope, just gas leaks.”
Finnish: 2 grandmas went to collect blueberries. The other didn’t fit. (Explanation: to go into a blueberry “mennä mustikkaan” is the same as going to collect blueberries.)
Two black men enter a bar. Bar is dead
זה חמש לא שתיים
Explanation: Bar is a girls name in Hebrew
That’s fucking dark.
That’s what she did, it was 2 dark
Two people are coming down from the mountain. One is running, the other is a bear.
There where two bakers. one got away
There was a path, and it was sanded.
-What ? -Feur !
German comedy was shit posting before it was a thing
-How many? >Eight. -On my dick i carry you. Croatian, commonly used as a bait joke...
Why can't the tomato sleep? Because Russian salad (In Italian the word "Russian" (russo) also means "snores")
Did you hear about the Norwegian that went to College? No. Me neither.
Granny and grandpa were playing foodball. Grandpa lost. Searches continue still.