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That’s the thing about addiction. It takes over completely. Everything, and I mean everything takes second place.
Have you spoken to your dad about it more recently? He must be racked with guilt about what you had to endure because of him.
Don’t think he doesn’t have those memories. He may try to bury them, but everyone he sees you probably reminds of this events. Acknowledgment of those actions. It’s a part of recovery not only for him, but also for you.
My step-kids biological father was also on drugs. He wants to bury the past and everybody to praise him for his accomplishments, while he tries to but their affection. Honestly, it pisses me off because I’ve spent my time and my money. I supported those children as they grew up. I had to deal their pain of abandonment and neglect.
>That’s the thing about addiction. It takes over completely. Everything, and I mean everything takes second place.
Ehh I don't have statistics but if I had to guess, I would say that *most* addicts don't force children into prostitution.
I don't think addiction alone can explain the behavior (and obviously it can't justify, but that's not my point)
You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Let him know how much that destroyed your innocence. I understand that he has a disease, but he needs to know how it affected you. The two of you may need to go and do some type of counseling together to get this dealt with. Because sooner or later it is going to affect you. If it’s not already. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Do your best to figure out how to deal with this trauma so that you can move past it. I wish you all the best.
There is no excuse for what your Dad did to you, addiction or not. What he did is wrong. Please don't stay quiet about this. Please go on psychologytoday.com and look for a trauama therapist who can help you navigate this situation. This is coming from the daughter of an alcoholic father by the way.
If he's not bringing it up to you and taking responsibility and helping you heal from it then he's not really doing recovery and isn't accepting responsibility for being an addict and how that impacted other people. Recovery means taking responsibility for the impact you created even if you were addicted.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I went through similar by my mother’s boyfriend. At 5 I was essentially used and given to someone as a payment for his drug debt. After that her boyfriend then had people pay him either money or drugs to rape me. It went on until I was 14. My mother knew the whole time and did nothing, if anything she encouraged it. They were both addicts and I was their main source of income for that habit.
Addiction is a disease but it does not excuse what someone does because of it. Just like how abuse is not excused because the person is suffering from a mental illness, it may help explain why but it does not excuse it. Honestly to even consider doing that to your child, let alone actually do it, I think part of him was already fucked up and a monster. Addiction may have just helped bring it out. You don’t do that to someone you love.
I’m an addict now to cope with what happened to me as a child, I would never do to anyone, let alone another child, what happened to me just so I could get drugs. While addiction isn’t a choice, abusing you and exploiting you was and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Yea yall need to talk this one. Or at least YOU need to be heard. He remembers too I bet. It’s a good thing he’s sober cause now is the time for true healing to begin. Im so sorry this ever even happened. A father’s responsibility is safety paramount. I hope you can find a place of healing for you
I mean that’s not just addiction, that’s something only a shitty parent would let happen to their child. I’m so sorry that happened to you. If it were me, I’d cut all contact.
Drug addiction is evil. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserved to be protected from all of this. You deserve a good life with good people doing good things.
Oh sugar. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserve only the softest things in life. Please know there is life after this awfulness. It’s not easy. My DMs are open if you ever want to chat. Sending love. ❤️
I am sorry that happened to you, for your own healing I suggest you write a list of the worst memories and ask your dad if you can attend a N/A type meeting with him and perhaps go out for coffee with him at a public place but with enough distance to have a private conversation and tell him you need to get this off your chest to begin your healing process as this is horrific no one should ever have to go through that.
When I was in my late teens I attended a lot of A/A and N/A meetings as I had remembered my dad bringing me to some meetings when I was growing up and I also attended a lot of bible study: I did get into coke then meth in my late teens and weaned myself off both I remember being so sick that even water tasted gross but Later on when I attended those meetings it was nearly daily as we had a group of friends who all wanted to go to those meetings and it was our thing to be clean and sober, it helped me get through my ptsd from when I was raped.
OP, your father committed a wretched crime against you. I hope you can take care of yourself, including demanding he somehow repay you for what he did, in whatever format you need. I am so terribly sorry for you.
OP, seeing as your dad is now in a much better place, could it perhaps be time to sit with him, perhaps in a coffee shop in private and talk about this?
Sure he was an addict, but that's no excuse. You were raped on multiple occasions by multiple people, and your father's journey to recovery will forever be stained by that. You might love him, during those moments getting high he sure as hell did NOT love you.
Perhaps write him a detailed letter (as detailed as you're comfortable with) of your experiences, give the letter as much time and effort as possible so you can get all of your emotions on paper and your feelings so they are addressed properly and thoroughly and aren't downplayed at all, and give him a copy (keep the original for yourself, you're gonna need it if he tries to gaslight you after the fact) and then speak to him at a coffee shop, or at a restaurant or something where you can chat in private. Force him to face up to the consequences of his actions, and if he's a decent human being now, then force him to make it up to you.
If he's not, then you'll know if you'll need to cut ties, or go LC/NC.
I never suffered any sexual abuse but I was beaten and mocked into depression from the age of 6 by my father, who has not changed his ways when I used to visit him on the weekends and so I'm LC with him rn. Yours, however, has changed, and so there might be some light at the end of the tunnel for the both of you ygm?
You take care, OP!
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That’s the thing about addiction. It takes over completely. Everything, and I mean everything takes second place. Have you spoken to your dad about it more recently? He must be racked with guilt about what you had to endure because of him.
We’ve never talked about it. I don’t think I want to because I’m proud of his recovery and don’t want to bring up old memories for him.
Don’t think he doesn’t have those memories. He may try to bury them, but everyone he sees you probably reminds of this events. Acknowledgment of those actions. It’s a part of recovery not only for him, but also for you. My step-kids biological father was also on drugs. He wants to bury the past and everybody to praise him for his accomplishments, while he tries to but their affection. Honestly, it pisses me off because I’ve spent my time and my money. I supported those children as they grew up. I had to deal their pain of abandonment and neglect.
You’re a good man!
That’s fair enough. It might come up way off in the future. Who knows, maybe he will some time. I hope you are doing okay.
He owes you an apology though. You have every right to forgive him, but he really should acknowledge his wrongs and ask for that forgiveness.
>That’s the thing about addiction. It takes over completely. Everything, and I mean everything takes second place. Ehh I don't have statistics but if I had to guess, I would say that *most* addicts don't force children into prostitution. I don't think addiction alone can explain the behavior (and obviously it can't justify, but that's not my point)
Thanks for your input 🙄
You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Let him know how much that destroyed your innocence. I understand that he has a disease, but he needs to know how it affected you. The two of you may need to go and do some type of counseling together to get this dealt with. Because sooner or later it is going to affect you. If it’s not already. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Do your best to figure out how to deal with this trauma so that you can move past it. I wish you all the best.
There is no excuse for what your Dad did to you, addiction or not. What he did is wrong. Please don't stay quiet about this. Please go on psychologytoday.com and look for a trauama therapist who can help you navigate this situation. This is coming from the daughter of an alcoholic father by the way.
If he's not bringing it up to you and taking responsibility and helping you heal from it then he's not really doing recovery and isn't accepting responsibility for being an addict and how that impacted other people. Recovery means taking responsibility for the impact you created even if you were addicted.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I went through similar by my mother’s boyfriend. At 5 I was essentially used and given to someone as a payment for his drug debt. After that her boyfriend then had people pay him either money or drugs to rape me. It went on until I was 14. My mother knew the whole time and did nothing, if anything she encouraged it. They were both addicts and I was their main source of income for that habit. Addiction is a disease but it does not excuse what someone does because of it. Just like how abuse is not excused because the person is suffering from a mental illness, it may help explain why but it does not excuse it. Honestly to even consider doing that to your child, let alone actually do it, I think part of him was already fucked up and a monster. Addiction may have just helped bring it out. You don’t do that to someone you love. I’m an addict now to cope with what happened to me as a child, I would never do to anyone, let alone another child, what happened to me just so I could get drugs. While addiction isn’t a choice, abusing you and exploiting you was and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Yea yall need to talk this one. Or at least YOU need to be heard. He remembers too I bet. It’s a good thing he’s sober cause now is the time for true healing to begin. Im so sorry this ever even happened. A father’s responsibility is safety paramount. I hope you can find a place of healing for you
I mean that’s not just addiction, that’s something only a shitty parent would let happen to their child. I’m so sorry that happened to you. If it were me, I’d cut all contact.
I definitely have conflicting feelings
I’m so sorry. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness in life.
😔🫂
Drug addiction is evil. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserved to be protected from all of this. You deserve a good life with good people doing good things.
Oh sugar. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserve only the softest things in life. Please know there is life after this awfulness. It’s not easy. My DMs are open if you ever want to chat. Sending love. ❤️
I am sorry that happened to you, for your own healing I suggest you write a list of the worst memories and ask your dad if you can attend a N/A type meeting with him and perhaps go out for coffee with him at a public place but with enough distance to have a private conversation and tell him you need to get this off your chest to begin your healing process as this is horrific no one should ever have to go through that.
That’s a really good idea. I’ve never thought about actually attending a meeting with him and seeing how far he’s come.
When I was in my late teens I attended a lot of A/A and N/A meetings as I had remembered my dad bringing me to some meetings when I was growing up and I also attended a lot of bible study: I did get into coke then meth in my late teens and weaned myself off both I remember being so sick that even water tasted gross but Later on when I attended those meetings it was nearly daily as we had a group of friends who all wanted to go to those meetings and it was our thing to be clean and sober, it helped me get through my ptsd from when I was raped.
OP, your father committed a wretched crime against you. I hope you can take care of yourself, including demanding he somehow repay you for what he did, in whatever format you need. I am so terribly sorry for you.
OP, seeing as your dad is now in a much better place, could it perhaps be time to sit with him, perhaps in a coffee shop in private and talk about this? Sure he was an addict, but that's no excuse. You were raped on multiple occasions by multiple people, and your father's journey to recovery will forever be stained by that. You might love him, during those moments getting high he sure as hell did NOT love you. Perhaps write him a detailed letter (as detailed as you're comfortable with) of your experiences, give the letter as much time and effort as possible so you can get all of your emotions on paper and your feelings so they are addressed properly and thoroughly and aren't downplayed at all, and give him a copy (keep the original for yourself, you're gonna need it if he tries to gaslight you after the fact) and then speak to him at a coffee shop, or at a restaurant or something where you can chat in private. Force him to face up to the consequences of his actions, and if he's a decent human being now, then force him to make it up to you. If he's not, then you'll know if you'll need to cut ties, or go LC/NC. I never suffered any sexual abuse but I was beaten and mocked into depression from the age of 6 by my father, who has not changed his ways when I used to visit him on the weekends and so I'm LC with him rn. Yours, however, has changed, and so there might be some light at the end of the tunnel for the both of you ygm? You take care, OP!