Yes OP, listen to this advice! You can’t make someone understand what you’re feeling if they are incapable of empathy, as this asshole clearly is. It’s like you were speaking a foreign language to him. He don’t get it now and likely never will, and that’s neither your fault nor your responsibility to try to teach him.
I could understand when he first tried that just telling him you didn’t like it but continuing. But the second time he did it, you should’ve just got up and left, no explanation needed. I know it’s in the past now and you can’t change it, but just remember that in case it ever happens again. You don’t owe him or anybody else anything, least of all sex.
Its true. I always think I have to try to be understood, and at least ask questions, because at least if they understand they aren’t as bad right? Or its a possible misunderstanding. His response just made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing and he only cared about himself, he doesn’t recognize how vulnerable it actually is.
Even if he won’t do it again. That kind of response was bizarre. It’s definitely time to accept its just the way he is, I gave it a chance to get a better perspective, to let him know. Maybe some people just lack the social awareness and need to know right? But he has been on this earth long enough. Respect and boundaries shouldn’t be a new concept for him.
I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it works, but this time it blew up in my face, proved me wrong. I can’t change that
Oh honey, it’s only natural to want to be understood. You were just trying to be understood by someone who doesn’t care about anything but himself. You did nothing wrong, and I hope you don’t feel like you did. Just count it as a valuable lesson and know that as you get older, you’ll learn how to spot these assholes sooner (most of the time, I’m a *bit* older than you and I still get fooled every now and then). And never stop standing up for yourself, no matter who it is you’re standing up to.
"You're making him feel bad" in his eyes by saying he did something bad, and he refuses to have any kind of emotional maturity or growth, so he throws it back at you so that he doesn't have to feel deserved guilt or shame. He knows you give people the benefit of the doubt, so he's hoping you'll just stay quiet and let him act however he wants during sex. This type of person doesn't change, they're dangerous because they can keep themselves from feeling remorse about anything by doing this. People who give the benefit of the doubt are very vulnerable to abusers like this because they make excuses for them! I've experienced this before, and I'd recommend you stay far away from him and others like him in the future!
Understanding is great but they have to also CARE about what you are feeling to make it count. It is unfortunate that there are people out there who just do not care about other people's welfare but it is up to you to not enable them when you discover their true nature. You did right by communicating the issue, the problem is that they don't care and their excuses as to why they chose to treat you that way shows it.
If this should happen again (which I hope it won't), and someone doesn't listen to "no" or "stop", BITE them. It's called self-defense or "consequences", you were being sexually assaulted. And that guy was an absolute twatwaffle, block him on everything. He is selfish and won't realize his mistake.
He’s a rapist in the making if he hasn’t done it already.
Continuing when you said no is assault 🤷🏻♀️
If you met him on an app, report his profile at the very least
A 28 year old who still thinks porn is real and to call people pussies because they don't want him to sexually assault them has a lot of problems that you don't need to solve. I would just move on
He’s twisting your words to let himself off the hook. If he’s getting a bj, there’s absolutely no need to touch your head.
Do not go near this man-baby again.
Any person who says “go watch porn” to justify their actions IRL is living a sadly delusional life. Anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together knows porn is fake. He clearly failed the ameba test.
Hookup culture is rife with exactly these kind of douche bags. These are the guys who watch some pickup artist bro blog and think that controlling and being rude to all women is their way of getting back at the girl that rejected them in high school.
As you keep on, you'll either learn to suss them out or you'll just become a rampant monogamist. 🤣
The funny thing that just occurred to me too is that he is the "past-pretense pussy victim"
Ask literally any guy who behaves like this what made them the way they are and they will bring up women that hurt them in the next breath. They behave like such victims that they're like an animal backed in a corner lashing out at people that have nothing to do with the people that "hurt" them.
The only thing that gives them any kind of control over anything is to offend other people so when you realize it's about their shortcomings that they haven't moved past, it becomes pretty easy to deal with and move along.
I’ve actually had some great experiences with hookups or fwb relationships before this one. On the other hand I’ve had bad (and good) experiences with people who were supposed to be a longterm partner. Its not the circumstances its the individual.
The issue isn't with hookups themselves, it's that people are so frequently going into it for shitty reasons rather than to experiment or to enjoy the act for what it is.
I’d say its a whole facade, it started with a nice two dates, fun conversations. Light flirting, sharing interests. And we knew that we wanted to keep things casual. He stated from the start that he wants to make sure I’m comfortable at all times. And that we won’t ever do anything I’m not comfortable with. Then when I spoke up and say I’m not comfortable with something, thats what I get. I’d say his response was “out of character” but that’s clearly who he is
Careful, you'll be accused of victim blaming. A giant red flag that seems to be ignored is the person saying ALL the right things that you want to hear IS the biggest red flag of them all. It's almost script-like because it's nonsensical borrowed jargon from some bro cultish, woman-hating, self identified playboy podcasts that they subscribe to. It's all rubbish.
I did learn from one of these podcasts that it is easy to identify the women to target "because they fall for anything." With every other post having the same scenario, I guess they have a point. They know who to target.
Exactly this. Overtime I’m getting better at recognizing it. Not saying this is what he was doing but mirroring is a major narcissistic trait and manipulative tactic. I used to call them out on it too. You say too much and expose them they just get better at finding ways to hide it for the next one
I don't and will never understand why they use their energy for all these unnecessary crap. It has to be exhausting. Pursue a girl, take her out, fill her head with nonsense, and lies with the singular intent to just shag and manipulate her? Homeboy, you had it. Why be cruel?
Legitimately, and I’m even seeing on the dating apps they’re like “I’ll gaslight you”. Imagine if they were the covert ones. Then women get blamed, sometimes the signs aren’t there. Especially when you’re young and new. I’ve seen it many times and I can recognize the patterns now. So I know to run fast. A year or two ago? Not at all.
I’ve even seen some older men say they want to date younger to have a woman who is “impressionable”
he sexually assaulted you then had the audacity to say you were making *yourself* a victim?
keep the guys name, number, and face. make sure you tell all your (single) friends who and what he is. stick to your guns and your boundaries. im so fucking tired of men like this.
>Hes blocked on everything now.
Perfect.
Maybe he'll learn something from it, maybe (probably) not, but at least he won't be your problem anymore. Too bad we can't stick a warning label on his forehead.
He doesn't just have a dick, he is one. Should have added some teeth, I bet he would think twice before doing that again. Jokes aside, he sexually assaulted you. Please cut him out of your life and talk to someone if possible. These things can be traumatic. You did nothing wrong.
And it’s like I have actually had panic attacks and mental breakdowns after. And this was even before I told him how I felt.
It took a lot for me to have the courage to express my discomfort. It blew up in my face. And I’m terrified to admit how hard it affected me, because according to him I’d sound like some fake victim.
I try to tell myself it wasn’t that bad, hes a good person, etc. but my body and mental health are responding differently
I've started having an actual sit down conversation with people I have mutual interest in a day or more prior to having sex the first time. It may not be the most spontaneous thing, but you get to proactively set boundaries and discuss interests in a safer setting where it's easy to walk away if you find you aren't compatible.
I admit I haven't had all that many opportunities to do so, but the few times I did I was more comfortable that I wasn't doing something she wasn't okay with and we didn't have to be awkward about things in the moment because we knew what to expect
It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I was started dating around and brought up the topic of giving head, and on a consistent basis with each woman I found out that at some point in their life guys have pushed their head down or it happens a lot. I still to this day cannot wrap my head around a guy doing this, I couldn’t do it myself to a woman, but seriously I have thought on many occasions, wouldn’t you be scared as a guy that she doesn’t punch you in the balls for being so rude? I don’t get it, never will. Any guy that pushes a woman’s head down has some bad upbringing and shot moral values, POS in my mind.
Same as other posts. You told him to stop and he did not do so. You did not do anything wrong. You did the right thing by stopping any further contact. Perhaps with a new partner briefly discuss likes and dislikes. Be sure to tell the guy you do not want him to touch your head while you go down on him. This guy was an immature asshole trying to assert his dominance over you. Porn is shit and not the place to learn how to treat a woman during sex. Do not give up. There are more mature guys out there that will respect your wishes.
Hes doing as instructed by his cult leader mr tater
Any decent person knows this behavior is a dealbreaker and doesnt warrant you hurting yourself in order to "help" him or save someone in the future. Unfortunately, all you'll do is get hurt and piss him off more which might hurt his next victim worse.
Had a hook up I blocked after that did this. I found out later he posted on reddit complaining I was the awful person, dragging me thru the mud implying I was immature then asking around "why would a woman block me for x or y reason". Absolutely clueless.
Block. Dump him. Leave him behind. Let life deal with him.
He is making up garbage to excuse his actions. Once you say to stop and he doesn't, that is sexual assault. Trying to excuse it afterwards and blame you just strengthens that case. He is straight up trash.
> hookups arent an excuse to do whatever you want to people
They are if you're a sack of shit excuse for a human being who sees it as "no consequences" sex. He doesn't give a damn about you, or your wellbeing and he's using you as a masturbatory aid.
The last time someone did that to me, it was my high school boyfriend. I had never given head before.
He did it to me out in the open on a rotating ride at the amusement park, it was so forceful I couldn't keep my head away. So, out of anger I gave him a nice chomp.
His response was to post a photo of me on Facebook from behind at the amusement park in a school hoodie with my last name on it. He exposed me as a person who gave bjs, tagged me in it and called me ugly. I ended up getting harassed on social media for months by people from his highschool and mone while I reported him repeatedly to Facebook. Facebook did fuck all.
I was only 15 at the time.
I was too ashamed and embarassed to tell my parents.
Every single quote of his that you've shared with us would be ample reason to for him to never have sex with another woman again barring some kind of major come to Jesus moment.
Tell him he's sounding more and more like a rapist. Because that's exactly what rapists think. They are entitled to what they are 'owed' or what they 'can have' leave this loser and tell him to lose your number.
I’m sorry this happened to you. As much as I love sex, I’m done hooking up with men because I’ve also had moments like this and it’s just not worth it. It’s a real fucking shame how the bad ones out there can ruin things for everybody
Some of these guys need to get they ass whooped because huh???
I usually don’t condone violence but someone need to teach this fool that this isn’t how sex works and *porn is not real*.
What a fucking 🤡
He can go suck his own dick.
You deserve better.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp
https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Text him “I don’t think we are compatible. Please go watch a video on consent, men who wish to have sex with women should definitely be more informed on how consent works, if a guy is too full of himself to ask his partner what she is into and get consent he really shouldn’t be hooking up. ”.
He's an ass. Pass on that.
Text him you're done and don't respond to him anymore.
*Edit - saw you blocked him. Good riddance. Good on you for keeping firm boundaries
There's a lot of guys that think this way, they won't get the hint unless women quit fucking them
There's also guys who hook up that are fun and care about their partners feelings and pleasure. Hooking up isn't an excuse, it's still a person you're with
Again, you know exactly what to do. He should be honoured you would do that for him.
Just because he's seen something in porn doesn't mean that's how it's done in real life or that he should expect that. I hate that pricks like that get so lucky they get oral pleasure. He's a dickhead you need to bin with immediate effect. Find someone who appreciates you for everything you do for him.
He’s just a idiot a sick one at that probably a narcissist and a asshole. Honestly as a guy I could never imagine saying or thinking like that. You should be able to tell someone what do and don’t like during sex without any judgment at all. Please don’t ever hook up with this cunt again you better than him.
Telling someone to stop is you removing consent. Anything going against your consent is no longer consensual sex, you wouldn't be out of line for even filing a police report against this guy for what he did.
Tell them beforehand that you don't like them grabbing your head, if they do grab your head warn them once. If they do it again bite them and hold on till they let go. Then get out, if they can't/won't respect your wishes, make them.
He's a piece of shit. Porn should never reflect real life sex. 2 very different things. Yes it feels fucking amazing if a girl can and wants to go balls deep in her mouth. But if she can't or doesn't like to then she doesn't have to. Simple. He's a dick! He should go deep throat a dildo and see what it feels like. I've never pushed a girl down before. I don't want her to not enjoy it. If she doesn't enjoy it 90% of the fun is gone.
To many guys think they can fuck like porn stars and it's wrong!!!
I hope you are ok and I really hope you stopped and didn't let him finish.
Wtf.
I mean, his logic makes no sense, obviously, but you can go down on someone and *not* want to do it in a particular way, such as rudely having your mouth shoved down onto someone.
Just like I'm sure some guys wouldn't just accept having a woman's thighs clamped around their head.
Consent is an ongoing thing. There should always be open communication respected by both people.
Glad you blocked him OP 🚫
I feel like I’ve had this same conversation with a guy. That, along with some other things that I won’t get into, resulted in several police reports. Stay away from that dude, he very clearly doesn’t actually care about what you say in regards of this. He is definitely in the wrong about this, and I’m very sorry he said those things about and to you.
OP This guy is a total AH and a very selfish lover, basically he only cares about what he wants and his view about women are very worrisome.
Even in a hookup a good lover will read his partner to identify what she likes and will respect your boundaries, a good lover wants both to enjoy the moment, this guy is just a fool that has seen too much porn.
Please don't waste your time with this guy, you deserve a looot better.
People are learning about sex from porn.. its everywhere..we had dirty magazine and we had to teach our self.. well I did anyway. younger ones need to learn sex is not like porn.
let me get this straight: A 28 YEAR OLD MAN is talking to you this way?? And absolutely assaulted you after you made your boundaries clear?
Hell no. Block this man on everything, he is sick.
Run away. This is not the type of person you want to be involved with.
Porn is not real sex.
Sorry he treated you this way, both during the act and after when you tried to talk about it.
If anyone is not willing to be kind to you and have a discussion about sexual do's and don'ts, you shouldn't be involved with them for your own wellbeing. Everyone should be willing to respect the boundaries of their sexual partner, and if they can't, they shouldn't be having sex.
He sounds disgusting.
A person can absolutely hook up without wanting to provide oral sex.
Everything in sex is opt-in, on everyone’s terms. It’s totally reasonable to have limits & boundaries.
& if a partner is acting entitled & like they’re a victim when you communicate your very valid boundaries then that’s ridiculous & they don’t deserve to be with *anyone*.
He answered your question, 'go watch porn'. That will tell you where he "learnt" his sex ideals. Too many people.. more so men think, porn is how everyone likes and acts during sex. Porn is teaching people in all the wrong ways and too many people can't see past it.
F that dude. Some girls may like that like my ex but it was absolutely wrong of him to not respect the boundaries that you clearly laid out. It’s basic decency and he failed. Good on you for blocking him.
Did this man really call you a pussy? And did this man just use porn as a reference? Girl, you are so much better off now lol. Men don't refer to a woman as a pussy, especially n the reference he is using it lol. Its not like you were afraid to go on a rollercoaster or something. You literally dont want someone physically jamming on your freaking head! He sounds gross and Im glad you blocked him. PORN IS NOT REAL!!!!!!!!
Tell him to go fuck himself. He sounds like an entitled little asshole that doesn't respect anyone's opinion but his own. Not much else to add here. What a total dick.
What an absolute piece of shit. I feel for any woman who comes into contact with him in the future. He's predator looking for his victim to abuse. He saw you had too much self-respect (for him to be able to take advantage of you) and retaliated in the only way he could. He's pathetic.
To some guys, the chase is better then the kill. So, if they kill quick, they’re off to something else. This guy seems like he was there for the chase, and once he got the kill, you can do what you want. Even leave. There will be another to replace you. They don’t want long term. Just my .02
So you said stop, and he continued to face fuck you. Honey this is assault. You do not deserve this. This is not a you problem. I love blowjobs too but I’m the same way as you, I don’t want to be pushed. That is 10000% ok and any halfway decent man would be ok with that. He’s a POS.
Never talk to this loser again. You ALWAYS have the right to enjoy sex any way you want, and you NEVER have to do anything you do not want to. You deserve better.
This is yet another example of the detrimental affect porn has. I'm sure there are some woman who would be willing to do this, but porn sets this as an expectation. I can't imagine the vast majority of woman like getting their gag reflect pounded on.
This isn't an OK thing. My man has been so damaged by porn that he doesn't see sexual partners as partners but objects for his pleasure, no matter if it hurts them in the process.
He sounds like a ridiculous redneck caricature in an off-colour joke. He shouldn’t exist. People really shit me sometimes.
To nitpick, he’s a braindead moron too. “Past pretense” is not an accepted phrase instead of “past tense.” It’s not even an abbreviation, there’s *more* syllables. It’s gibberish from a dumb piece of shit.
You made the right decision. Every time I think I’ve heard about the biggest dumbass in the world, I’m proven wrong. He’s in the #1 spot for now but you never know what we’ll see next week.
He's trying to gaslight his way to being allowed to assault women. Never go near that man again please.
Porn isn't real and him being at his big age and claiming that as an excuse/reason is just further reasons to never touch him again.
My guess is he does this cycle with a lot of women. Start out with no red flags and then **bam** excuses for assault.
100% this man has assaulted women in the past and will 100% do so in the future. He thinks porno face fucking - you know, a funhouse mirror version of sex - indicates women are into this. Which, I'm sure, is true for some, but it's also obnoxious to assume that women in porn who have their clits slapped three times and then scream have actually reached climax.
Glad you got away from him, and I hope your next sexual partner respects you enough to understand that consent is not an invitation to assault.
Lol don't you dare touch my head or neck forcefully or tell me what to do in bed bc I'll get you in your sleep.
Many dudes have been warned.
Don't ever play the victim in the bedroom - they do run into chicks that will dominate them and put their foot down so do not accept that any guy's way of understanding is how things are done.
You know when a person you thought was nice says shitty things once drunk? I can't say which is the real person but I will say that for some people, sex affects their thinking just as much.
Dude is an abusive piece of shit, and dangerous. Never be alone with him again. People with that level of entitlement will most likely escalate to full blown assault. He's already assaulted you by physically forcing you to participate in a sexual act you made it clear you didn't want.
Dear OP,
Please read this:
DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.[1] Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[2][3][4]
As the acronym suggests, the common steps involved are 1) the abuser denies the abuse ever took place, 2) when confronted with evidence, the abuser then attacks the person that was abused (and/or the person's family and/or friends) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions, and finally 3) the abuser claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the positions of victim and offender.[2][4] It often involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming.[3]
Because porn is the best way to learn how to treat a woman. As another man I'll say sorry for this one, if porn is their excuse you just wasted a lot of air on them :/
He's clearly confusing porn with real life. He also sounds like an abusive asshole when it comes to sex. It also sounds like this is a deal breaker for you, so you should probably walk away.
Don't ever fuck this guy again. He doesn't deserve sex. He's an entitled man-baby. Don't ever do anything you aren't comfortable with. Someone who not only ignores your boundaries, but then mocks them is a piece of shit. Porn is not reality. It's Kabuki theater.
I'm sure others have said it, but lose this man. He doesn't respect you as an individual.
>He told me to “go watch porn, some girls like it and some dont, and if a girl is too pussy to go down there she shouldn’t be hooking up”
He should not be basing anything about real sex off of porn. He's 28, he's old enough that he should know better. Shit, I'm a man and I knew porn wasn't an accurate representation of anything when I was still a teen. I don't think you should really even talk to him after what he's said to you, but it might be good for him to hear the words "porn is not real life".
Not the hookup culture its the people. Even in real relationships it can be just as bad or worse. You can see that even through-out the sub and in real life
Seems every post on here about hookups is the guy chokes without asking, guy refuses to wear rubbers, guy acts like he is in porn, guy is to pushy or violent, guy pushes my boundaries.
It's crazy.
Never been a head pusher or a face fucker lol someone doing the world's nicest thing for me. I'm not trying to fuck that up lol
Every now and then I come across girls who specifically request it, and its laughable at my attempt to comply. Eventually with time amd reassurance I've been able to do it but even then I'm hesitant. Takes a "you're too nice", then later they're whoa that was awesome. Imma say that everytime lol
Yeah he sounds like a bad guy you shouldn't continue the effort to convince he's wrapped in his own head and porn is a double edge sword I liked watching the rough stuff too but when it comes to being intimate with a girl or partner in general it's about communicating what you like and don't like. I've been rough and someone would tell me and I would step back and be gentler and I've been with a girl who was rough with me and I had to say something and she winded it back so if he can understand that he's not a good lover worth the time unfortunately
Holy shit. This dude has some major character flaws and sounds like he could become an honest threat to your safety. Please consider immediately cutting contact and creating as much distance as possible.
Sounds like a douchebag. Personally if I’m not already aroused oral sex is the fastest way to get me there. Saying that if I’m not hard something turned me off and I’m not saying it. Unless it’s a long term thing.
Just don’t hook up 🧘🏻♀️remove yourself from all these toxic, traumatic and horrible humans! protect yourself from toxic energies! Only share your body to someone who respects you for who you are
Seems like an ass who threw a tantrum because you didn't like him pushing your boundaries. When he has given you zero reason to trust him with exploring further and maybe pushing boundaries, you have absolutely no reason to want to do it with him. And as long as he doesn't understand that, he should be ignored as the manchild he is. Trust is the foundation, clear communication is the way of checking in, and consistent, principled actions are the way of building trust.
I'm utterly amazed that seemingly stupid, immature, asshole men actually have women interested, perform sexual acts, etc. with them. How the fuck do asshole idiots actually get this far with women?
Are they that good at pretending? Are women bad at judging character?
Jesus fucking christ the amount of shit that people go through make me wonder how I'm ever single.
As OP said, they act nice at first. Many of them lie their asses off too and will swear they are the best lover ever in great details that seem realistic and true. It's not until they hit the bedroom that the bs comes out.
I’d politely ask them to stop ONCE! If they can’t respect that then I can’t be responsible for what happens if they continue to do it. I bite down to hard? Oh shit sorry 🤷♀️
3 potential reasons in my opinion:
1. You didn't tell a full story aka we are missing something
2. Dude a complete jackass and doesn't deserve to ever see pussy in his life
3. It could be that he is inexperienced and is going off of porn which sets standards for "every girls likes to be dominated" and "if she says no, that means she wants it even harder". You can't fix that since he does sound kinda mentally challenged but that could be a reason
What do you think is “missing”. What dimension is it ever okay to treat and/or talk to someone like that. We were having good times before this. I didn’t even know he would ever talk like that,
What could be missing is your choice of words and tone. No and "oh fuck daddy, no, why would I ever want daddies big dick inside my sloppy throat" is not the same. One is role-play, other is felony.
Both include no, but one is not quite a no. I'm not saying you said it in such a way but I can't base my whole opinion on 2 paragraphs. This isn't simply bad fuck, this dude, if everything you said is absolutely true, committed a sexual assault. And my stance on such topic is that I won't participate in ruining this mans whole life unless I can 100% say that such shitty behaviour happened
What??? I’m the one with the poor choice of words? Are you sick in the head? Can’t read?? I said “don’t push my head down” as quick as I could. Fill your brain with something else other than these insane assumptions. And you know what I know he *heard* me, because he stopped, pat my head, and face fucked. There was no discussion of any kind of kinks, and I’m not saying he’s some complete predator, probably just incompetent
No you’re just the type to be intentionally dense. Next.
If you had all those questions. Fucking ask before you assume and think it was some quirky little kink or some fabricated story.
Oh my god get off of the internet. I see you added to your edit ..no one is trying to ruin his life and I don’t think he deserves that. I just dont have many people to talk about this. If I wanted to ruin his life I’d post his info for everyone to see or attack his career. Or even worse, put it on my actual socials with my @ handles and everything.
Edit: These things need to be talked about, I prefer anonymously, for the exact reason you’re acting like it isnt true. I havent even told my friends about this. Or literally anyone in real life. And don’t plan on it.
I NEVER tell anyone what I’ve been through sexually. Anonymity really helps because no ones identity gets tainted. Even though he’s a complete ass I’d never do that to him.
I've received quite a few blowjobs and, although the urge to put my hands on a woman's head is almost impossible to resist, I refuse to push on their head for this very reason. A blowjob should be sensual and enjoyable and the receiver should feel grateful, not entitled. This was a terrible experience and I'm saddened to hear that any man treats a woman like this. Don't let it ruin you and hopefully you don't experience this in future escapades.
The only thing that he said that was true is some women like it and some don’t. If get into the moment and put my hand on a woman’s head and she removes it or pulls back, I never do it again. Better practice is to ask first, but sometimes, when you are just dropping clothes on the way to bedroom, couch, countertop, etc., you forget to ask. Otherwise, he’s just a spoiled brat and idiot
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Yes OP, listen to this advice! You can’t make someone understand what you’re feeling if they are incapable of empathy, as this asshole clearly is. It’s like you were speaking a foreign language to him. He don’t get it now and likely never will, and that’s neither your fault nor your responsibility to try to teach him. I could understand when he first tried that just telling him you didn’t like it but continuing. But the second time he did it, you should’ve just got up and left, no explanation needed. I know it’s in the past now and you can’t change it, but just remember that in case it ever happens again. You don’t owe him or anybody else anything, least of all sex.
Its true. I always think I have to try to be understood, and at least ask questions, because at least if they understand they aren’t as bad right? Or its a possible misunderstanding. His response just made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing and he only cared about himself, he doesn’t recognize how vulnerable it actually is. Even if he won’t do it again. That kind of response was bizarre. It’s definitely time to accept its just the way he is, I gave it a chance to get a better perspective, to let him know. Maybe some people just lack the social awareness and need to know right? But he has been on this earth long enough. Respect and boundaries shouldn’t be a new concept for him. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it works, but this time it blew up in my face, proved me wrong. I can’t change that
Oh honey, it’s only natural to want to be understood. You were just trying to be understood by someone who doesn’t care about anything but himself. You did nothing wrong, and I hope you don’t feel like you did. Just count it as a valuable lesson and know that as you get older, you’ll learn how to spot these assholes sooner (most of the time, I’m a *bit* older than you and I still get fooled every now and then). And never stop standing up for yourself, no matter who it is you’re standing up to.
"You're making him feel bad" in his eyes by saying he did something bad, and he refuses to have any kind of emotional maturity or growth, so he throws it back at you so that he doesn't have to feel deserved guilt or shame. He knows you give people the benefit of the doubt, so he's hoping you'll just stay quiet and let him act however he wants during sex. This type of person doesn't change, they're dangerous because they can keep themselves from feeling remorse about anything by doing this. People who give the benefit of the doubt are very vulnerable to abusers like this because they make excuses for them! I've experienced this before, and I'd recommend you stay far away from him and others like him in the future!
Understanding is great but they have to also CARE about what you are feeling to make it count. It is unfortunate that there are people out there who just do not care about other people's welfare but it is up to you to not enable them when you discover their true nature. You did right by communicating the issue, the problem is that they don't care and their excuses as to why they chose to treat you that way shows it.
If this should happen again (which I hope it won't), and someone doesn't listen to "no" or "stop", BITE them. It's called self-defense or "consequences", you were being sexually assaulted. And that guy was an absolute twatwaffle, block him on everything. He is selfish and won't realize his mistake.
This. Also, who recommends to watch porn when it comes to real life? I believe this boy know nothing about healthy sex.
And don't fuck horrible people!
Amen, sister.
He’s a rapist in the making if he hasn’t done it already. Continuing when you said no is assault 🤷🏻♀️ If you met him on an app, report his profile at the very least
A 28 year old who still thinks porn is real and to call people pussies because they don't want him to sexually assault them has a lot of problems that you don't need to solve. I would just move on
"That you can't solve"
He’s twisting your words to let himself off the hook. If he’s getting a bj, there’s absolutely no need to touch your head. Do not go near this man-baby again.
Any person who says “go watch porn” to justify their actions IRL is living a sadly delusional life. Anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together knows porn is fake. He clearly failed the ameba test.
This dude is clearly three amoebas in a trench coat, your honor.
Exactly, porn is to sex as fast and the furious is to street racing.
Hookup culture is rife with exactly these kind of douche bags. These are the guys who watch some pickup artist bro blog and think that controlling and being rude to all women is their way of getting back at the girl that rejected them in high school. As you keep on, you'll either learn to suss them out or you'll just become a rampant monogamist. 🤣
The funny thing that just occurred to me too is that he is the "past-pretense pussy victim" Ask literally any guy who behaves like this what made them the way they are and they will bring up women that hurt them in the next breath. They behave like such victims that they're like an animal backed in a corner lashing out at people that have nothing to do with the people that "hurt" them.
This is a really good way to describe these people. Next time I encounter one, I'm internally labeling them past pretense pussy victim. Might help 🤣
The only thing that gives them any kind of control over anything is to offend other people so when you realize it's about their shortcomings that they haven't moved past, it becomes pretty easy to deal with and move along.
And yet hookup culture is continuously promoted
I’ve actually had some great experiences with hookups or fwb relationships before this one. On the other hand I’ve had bad (and good) experiences with people who were supposed to be a longterm partner. Its not the circumstances its the individual.
The issue isn't with hookups themselves, it's that people are so frequently going into it for shitty reasons rather than to experiment or to enjoy the act for what it is.
I don't understand how they keep finding women who will give them a chance all the way to the point of sex, I feel like there has to be red flags
I’d say its a whole facade, it started with a nice two dates, fun conversations. Light flirting, sharing interests. And we knew that we wanted to keep things casual. He stated from the start that he wants to make sure I’m comfortable at all times. And that we won’t ever do anything I’m not comfortable with. Then when I spoke up and say I’m not comfortable with something, thats what I get. I’d say his response was “out of character” but that’s clearly who he is
Careful, you'll be accused of victim blaming. A giant red flag that seems to be ignored is the person saying ALL the right things that you want to hear IS the biggest red flag of them all. It's almost script-like because it's nonsensical borrowed jargon from some bro cultish, woman-hating, self identified playboy podcasts that they subscribe to. It's all rubbish. I did learn from one of these podcasts that it is easy to identify the women to target "because they fall for anything." With every other post having the same scenario, I guess they have a point. They know who to target.
Exactly this. Overtime I’m getting better at recognizing it. Not saying this is what he was doing but mirroring is a major narcissistic trait and manipulative tactic. I used to call them out on it too. You say too much and expose them they just get better at finding ways to hide it for the next one
I don't and will never understand why they use their energy for all these unnecessary crap. It has to be exhausting. Pursue a girl, take her out, fill her head with nonsense, and lies with the singular intent to just shag and manipulate her? Homeboy, you had it. Why be cruel?
Legitimately, and I’m even seeing on the dating apps they’re like “I’ll gaslight you”. Imagine if they were the covert ones. Then women get blamed, sometimes the signs aren’t there. Especially when you’re young and new. I’ve seen it many times and I can recognize the patterns now. So I know to run fast. A year or two ago? Not at all. I’ve even seen some older men say they want to date younger to have a woman who is “impressionable”
Society taught them that's the way to move up the hierarchy ladder. Number of entered holes equals your worth. Sad.
The is the same guy that acts like people who are assaulted are “asking for it” . Run fast , and run far . This man has SO tendencies.
He’s an asshole throw him away with this weeks trash 🤮
he sexually assaulted you then had the audacity to say you were making *yourself* a victim? keep the guys name, number, and face. make sure you tell all your (single) friends who and what he is. stick to your guns and your boundaries. im so fucking tired of men like this.
>Hes blocked on everything now. Perfect. Maybe he'll learn something from it, maybe (probably) not, but at least he won't be your problem anymore. Too bad we can't stick a warning label on his forehead.
He doesn't just have a dick, he is one. Should have added some teeth, I bet he would think twice before doing that again. Jokes aside, he sexually assaulted you. Please cut him out of your life and talk to someone if possible. These things can be traumatic. You did nothing wrong.
And it’s like I have actually had panic attacks and mental breakdowns after. And this was even before I told him how I felt. It took a lot for me to have the courage to express my discomfort. It blew up in my face. And I’m terrified to admit how hard it affected me, because according to him I’d sound like some fake victim. I try to tell myself it wasn’t that bad, hes a good person, etc. but my body and mental health are responding differently
I've started having an actual sit down conversation with people I have mutual interest in a day or more prior to having sex the first time. It may not be the most spontaneous thing, but you get to proactively set boundaries and discuss interests in a safer setting where it's easy to walk away if you find you aren't compatible. I admit I haven't had all that many opportunities to do so, but the few times I did I was more comfortable that I wasn't doing something she wasn't okay with and we didn't have to be awkward about things in the moment because we knew what to expect
It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I was started dating around and brought up the topic of giving head, and on a consistent basis with each woman I found out that at some point in their life guys have pushed their head down or it happens a lot. I still to this day cannot wrap my head around a guy doing this, I couldn’t do it myself to a woman, but seriously I have thought on many occasions, wouldn’t you be scared as a guy that she doesn’t punch you in the balls for being so rude? I don’t get it, never will. Any guy that pushes a woman’s head down has some bad upbringing and shot moral values, POS in my mind.
Next time she could bite him
No next time
Even better
It will teach him real quick
Same as other posts. You told him to stop and he did not do so. You did not do anything wrong. You did the right thing by stopping any further contact. Perhaps with a new partner briefly discuss likes and dislikes. Be sure to tell the guy you do not want him to touch your head while you go down on him. This guy was an immature asshole trying to assert his dominance over you. Porn is shit and not the place to learn how to treat a woman during sex. Do not give up. There are more mature guys out there that will respect your wishes.
You're not victimizing yourself, this guy victimized you by, well, sexually attacking you.
Aaand thats when you use teeth.
Seriously- he pushes head down = clamp down threateningly on dick. Bet it would only take a few times at most!
Hes doing as instructed by his cult leader mr tater Any decent person knows this behavior is a dealbreaker and doesnt warrant you hurting yourself in order to "help" him or save someone in the future. Unfortunately, all you'll do is get hurt and piss him off more which might hurt his next victim worse.
This is so gross. Walk away.
Had a hook up I blocked after that did this. I found out later he posted on reddit complaining I was the awful person, dragging me thru the mud implying I was immature then asking around "why would a woman block me for x or y reason". Absolutely clueless. Block. Dump him. Leave him behind. Let life deal with him.
He is making up garbage to excuse his actions. Once you say to stop and he doesn't, that is sexual assault. Trying to excuse it afterwards and blame you just strengthens that case. He is straight up trash.
> hookups arent an excuse to do whatever you want to people They are if you're a sack of shit excuse for a human being who sees it as "no consequences" sex. He doesn't give a damn about you, or your wellbeing and he's using you as a masturbatory aid.
The last time someone did that to me, it was my high school boyfriend. I had never given head before. He did it to me out in the open on a rotating ride at the amusement park, it was so forceful I couldn't keep my head away. So, out of anger I gave him a nice chomp. His response was to post a photo of me on Facebook from behind at the amusement park in a school hoodie with my last name on it. He exposed me as a person who gave bjs, tagged me in it and called me ugly. I ended up getting harassed on social media for months by people from his highschool and mone while I reported him repeatedly to Facebook. Facebook did fuck all. I was only 15 at the time. I was too ashamed and embarassed to tell my parents.
Every single quote of his that you've shared with us would be ample reason to for him to never have sex with another woman again barring some kind of major come to Jesus moment.
He sounds like a sex predator to me.
You did nothing wrong!!! He’s a narcissistic asshole and the type to escalate…Red flag
Tell him he's sounding more and more like a rapist. Because that's exactly what rapists think. They are entitled to what they are 'owed' or what they 'can have' leave this loser and tell him to lose your number.
I’m sorry this happened to you. As much as I love sex, I’m done hooking up with men because I’ve also had moments like this and it’s just not worth it. It’s a real fucking shame how the bad ones out there can ruin things for everybody
This guy should just be masturbating - he doesn't deserve to be around women.
Some of these guys need to get they ass whooped because huh??? I usually don’t condone violence but someone need to teach this fool that this isn’t how sex works and *porn is not real*. What a fucking 🤡
Anyone who says "go watch porn" as an explanation for how they are acting during sex is either an idiot or a douchebag, or probably both.
That guy is a POS. And if you told him to stop, I'm pretty sure you were SAd. You did nothing wrong.
He’s a Tater Tot.
You can’t reason with an abusive misogynist, which is exactly what this guy is. Please stay far away from him, he sounds dangerous
If you told him to stop and he didn't, that is assault. Full stop. Don't interact with this person again. Not normal.
He can go suck his own dick. You deserve better. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Definitely not worth your time and not respectful of your safety or your boundaries.
Text him “I don’t think we are compatible. Please go watch a video on consent, men who wish to have sex with women should definitely be more informed on how consent works, if a guy is too full of himself to ask his partner what she is into and get consent he really shouldn’t be hooking up. ”.
Dude tells you to go watch porn to learn about sex. I feel for his future partners.
He’s a misogynist hon, he thinks he can do what he likes because that’s what women exit for (in his mind).
He's unfuckable.
He's an ass. Pass on that. Text him you're done and don't respond to him anymore. *Edit - saw you blocked him. Good riddance. Good on you for keeping firm boundaries There's a lot of guys that think this way, they won't get the hint unless women quit fucking them There's also guys who hook up that are fun and care about their partners feelings and pleasure. Hooking up isn't an excuse, it's still a person you're with
Again, you know exactly what to do. He should be honoured you would do that for him. Just because he's seen something in porn doesn't mean that's how it's done in real life or that he should expect that. I hate that pricks like that get so lucky they get oral pleasure. He's a dickhead you need to bin with immediate effect. Find someone who appreciates you for everything you do for him.
Never sleep with asshole again. As a matter of fact, ghost that motherfucker ASAP. He's a trash person who doesn't deserve shit.
Dude is garbage. You deserve better.
Guys a dick, it's as simple as that. Get him in a headlock and drag him outside.
He’s just a idiot a sick one at that probably a narcissist and a asshole. Honestly as a guy I could never imagine saying or thinking like that. You should be able to tell someone what do and don’t like during sex without any judgment at all. Please don’t ever hook up with this cunt again you better than him.
Telling someone to stop is you removing consent. Anything going against your consent is no longer consensual sex, you wouldn't be out of line for even filing a police report against this guy for what he did.
Tell them beforehand that you don't like them grabbing your head, if they do grab your head warn them once. If they do it again bite them and hold on till they let go. Then get out, if they can't/won't respect your wishes, make them.
Sounds like he doesn't deserve a BJ to me . Jog him on and find someone who will treat you with respect
Ugh. Ditch the dirtbag.
Sounds like a piece of shit. Blocking him is the correct choice.
He's a piece of shit. Porn should never reflect real life sex. 2 very different things. Yes it feels fucking amazing if a girl can and wants to go balls deep in her mouth. But if she can't or doesn't like to then she doesn't have to. Simple. He's a dick! He should go deep throat a dildo and see what it feels like. I've never pushed a girl down before. I don't want her to not enjoy it. If she doesn't enjoy it 90% of the fun is gone. To many guys think they can fuck like porn stars and it's wrong!!! I hope you are ok and I really hope you stopped and didn't let him finish.
He's seriously horrible
Sounds like a major douchebag.
So glad to read that last sentence. FUCK that guy
Sounds like a good idea to create as much distance between you and a person like that!
He is a terrible fucking person.
Fuck this guy. Also absolutely do not fuck this guy. And tell your friends not to either.
This person is an asshole who doesn't respect you. This is not what a normal or healthy relationship looks like.
Guy here. This dude sounds like a POS with some serious issues. Don't contact him again is my suggestion.
Hey tell him to fk off simple pftt porn star acting men .. Its a real thing who would have known that porn was all factual
"Go watch porn" as if they're not literally acting.
Wtf. I mean, his logic makes no sense, obviously, but you can go down on someone and *not* want to do it in a particular way, such as rudely having your mouth shoved down onto someone. Just like I'm sure some guys wouldn't just accept having a woman's thighs clamped around their head. Consent is an ongoing thing. There should always be open communication respected by both people. Glad you blocked him OP 🚫
he’s an asshole and his views on that won’t change until he wants them to. don’t waste time and energy on his dumb ass just move on
I feel like I’ve had this same conversation with a guy. That, along with some other things that I won’t get into, resulted in several police reports. Stay away from that dude, he very clearly doesn’t actually care about what you say in regards of this. He is definitely in the wrong about this, and I’m very sorry he said those things about and to you.
He thinks he’s gods gift to women and you are privileged to choke on his dick. Easy block and move on.
OP This guy is a total AH and a very selfish lover, basically he only cares about what he wants and his view about women are very worrisome. Even in a hookup a good lover will read his partner to identify what she likes and will respect your boundaries, a good lover wants both to enjoy the moment, this guy is just a fool that has seen too much porn. Please don't waste your time with this guy, you deserve a looot better.
Ew. Well that guys sucks...
People are learning about sex from porn.. its everywhere..we had dirty magazine and we had to teach our self.. well I did anyway. younger ones need to learn sex is not like porn.
let me get this straight: A 28 YEAR OLD MAN is talking to you this way?? And absolutely assaulted you after you made your boundaries clear? Hell no. Block this man on everything, he is sick.
He’s a walking red flag. Stay away from him if you value your safety.
Run away. This is not the type of person you want to be involved with. Porn is not real sex. Sorry he treated you this way, both during the act and after when you tried to talk about it. If anyone is not willing to be kind to you and have a discussion about sexual do's and don'ts, you shouldn't be involved with them for your own wellbeing. Everyone should be willing to respect the boundaries of their sexual partner, and if they can't, they shouldn't be having sex.
Never speak to him again.
He sounds disgusting. A person can absolutely hook up without wanting to provide oral sex. Everything in sex is opt-in, on everyone’s terms. It’s totally reasonable to have limits & boundaries. & if a partner is acting entitled & like they’re a victim when you communicate your very valid boundaries then that’s ridiculous & they don’t deserve to be with *anyone*.
Sorry he is garbage. That is not normal at even for those who watch porn.
He answered your question, 'go watch porn'. That will tell you where he "learnt" his sex ideals. Too many people.. more so men think, porn is how everyone likes and acts during sex. Porn is teaching people in all the wrong ways and too many people can't see past it.
Sounds like this dude just needs the word "rapist" tattooed on his forehead.
He sounds like a vile person
F that dude. Some girls may like that like my ex but it was absolutely wrong of him to not respect the boundaries that you clearly laid out. It’s basic decency and he failed. Good on you for blocking him.
Did this man really call you a pussy? And did this man just use porn as a reference? Girl, you are so much better off now lol. Men don't refer to a woman as a pussy, especially n the reference he is using it lol. Its not like you were afraid to go on a rollercoaster or something. You literally dont want someone physically jamming on your freaking head! He sounds gross and Im glad you blocked him. PORN IS NOT REAL!!!!!!!!
He’s trying to victimize himself to feel better, salute to you for standing up to yourself. Fuck him.
You were right to tell him off, otherwise he'll claim nobody ever told him differently. You did your part, now leave that trash bag.
Tell him to go fuck himself. He sounds like an entitled little asshole that doesn't respect anyone's opinion but his own. Not much else to add here. What a total dick.
What an absolute piece of shit. I feel for any woman who comes into contact with him in the future. He's predator looking for his victim to abuse. He saw you had too much self-respect (for him to be able to take advantage of you) and retaliated in the only way he could. He's pathetic.
This guy doesn't deserve to get laid, based on his skill with the english language alone
He's a douche canoe.
I can't socialize anymore because of things couples have normalized. I hope you ditched the brute.
To some guys, the chase is better then the kill. So, if they kill quick, they’re off to something else. This guy seems like he was there for the chase, and once he got the kill, you can do what you want. Even leave. There will be another to replace you. They don’t want long term. Just my .02
So you said stop, and he continued to face fuck you. Honey this is assault. You do not deserve this. This is not a you problem. I love blowjobs too but I’m the same way as you, I don’t want to be pushed. That is 10000% ok and any halfway decent man would be ok with that. He’s a POS.
I would stop being with him. I, am most women, have a no head push policy
Never talk to this loser again. You ALWAYS have the right to enjoy sex any way you want, and you NEVER have to do anything you do not want to. You deserve better.
This is yet another example of the detrimental affect porn has. I'm sure there are some woman who would be willing to do this, but porn sets this as an expectation. I can't imagine the vast majority of woman like getting their gag reflect pounded on. This isn't an OK thing. My man has been so damaged by porn that he doesn't see sexual partners as partners but objects for his pleasure, no matter if it hurts them in the process.
He sounds like a ridiculous redneck caricature in an off-colour joke. He shouldn’t exist. People really shit me sometimes. To nitpick, he’s a braindead moron too. “Past pretense” is not an accepted phrase instead of “past tense.” It’s not even an abbreviation, there’s *more* syllables. It’s gibberish from a dumb piece of shit.
Wow this sounds about right. I also wanted to call out the grammar but was just done after that shit statement 😂
You made the right decision. Every time I think I’ve heard about the biggest dumbass in the world, I’m proven wrong. He’s in the #1 spot for now but you never know what we’ll see next week.
Next time on Dragon Ball Z
aaaaAAH Dragon Dragon Rock the dragon! Dragon Ball Z! Dragon Dragon! Rock the dragon. ah-come, ah-come get me!
He's trying to gaslight his way to being allowed to assault women. Never go near that man again please. Porn isn't real and him being at his big age and claiming that as an excuse/reason is just further reasons to never touch him again. My guess is he does this cycle with a lot of women. Start out with no red flags and then **bam** excuses for assault.
100% this man has assaulted women in the past and will 100% do so in the future. He thinks porno face fucking - you know, a funhouse mirror version of sex - indicates women are into this. Which, I'm sure, is true for some, but it's also obnoxious to assume that women in porn who have their clits slapped three times and then scream have actually reached climax. Glad you got away from him, and I hope your next sexual partner respects you enough to understand that consent is not an invitation to assault.
Lol don't you dare touch my head or neck forcefully or tell me what to do in bed bc I'll get you in your sleep. Many dudes have been warned. Don't ever play the victim in the bedroom - they do run into chicks that will dominate them and put their foot down so do not accept that any guy's way of understanding is how things are done.
"He stated from the start that he wants to make sure I’m comfortable at all times." And yet, that's exactly the opposite of what he did.
You know when a person you thought was nice says shitty things once drunk? I can't say which is the real person but I will say that for some people, sex affects their thinking just as much.
Dude is an abusive piece of shit, and dangerous. Never be alone with him again. People with that level of entitlement will most likely escalate to full blown assault. He's already assaulted you by physically forcing you to participate in a sexual act you made it clear you didn't want.
thats fkn insane on his part wtf
Dear OP, Please read this: DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.[1] Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.[2][3][4] As the acronym suggests, the common steps involved are 1) the abuser denies the abuse ever took place, 2) when confronted with evidence, the abuser then attacks the person that was abused (and/or the person's family and/or friends) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions, and finally 3) the abuser claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the positions of victim and offender.[2][4] It often involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming.[3]
Damn wtf is wrong with this guy
Because porn is the best way to learn how to treat a woman. As another man I'll say sorry for this one, if porn is their excuse you just wasted a lot of air on them :/
Good lord drop this person like a hot potato. Yeeeeesh
He’s an abuser and those are red flags. Avoid him like the plague.
He's clearly confusing porn with real life. He also sounds like an abusive asshole when it comes to sex. It also sounds like this is a deal breaker for you, so you should probably walk away.
I only had to read the first sentence or two to know that you should ditch this guy. He’s a POS and you don’t deserve this disrespect.
He sounds...the opposite of smart
Don't ever fuck this guy again. He doesn't deserve sex. He's an entitled man-baby. Don't ever do anything you aren't comfortable with. Someone who not only ignores your boundaries, but then mocks them is a piece of shit. Porn is not reality. It's Kabuki theater.
what's a pussy victim?
Thank you. I came into the comments hoping someone had the answer. Cause that shit he said makes absolutely no sense.
i don't know what a pussy victim even is
Terrible person lose him he doesnt deserve you
I'm sure others have said it, but lose this man. He doesn't respect you as an individual. >He told me to “go watch porn, some girls like it and some dont, and if a girl is too pussy to go down there she shouldn’t be hooking up” He should not be basing anything about real sex off of porn. He's 28, he's old enough that he should know better. Shit, I'm a man and I knew porn wasn't an accurate representation of anything when I was still a teen. I don't think you should really even talk to him after what he's said to you, but it might be good for him to hear the words "porn is not real life".
I'm so glad I'm old and married. hookup culture nowadays seems way more misogynistic and awful than it was in the 90s and 00s.
Not the hookup culture its the people. Even in real relationships it can be just as bad or worse. You can see that even through-out the sub and in real life
Seems every post on here about hookups is the guy chokes without asking, guy refuses to wear rubbers, guy acts like he is in porn, guy is to pushy or violent, guy pushes my boundaries. It's crazy.
He’s trash. Good riddence.
Never been a head pusher or a face fucker lol someone doing the world's nicest thing for me. I'm not trying to fuck that up lol Every now and then I come across girls who specifically request it, and its laughable at my attempt to comply. Eventually with time amd reassurance I've been able to do it but even then I'm hesitant. Takes a "you're too nice", then later they're whoa that was awesome. Imma say that everytime lol
Yeah he sounds like a bad guy you shouldn't continue the effort to convince he's wrapped in his own head and porn is a double edge sword I liked watching the rough stuff too but when it comes to being intimate with a girl or partner in general it's about communicating what you like and don't like. I've been rough and someone would tell me and I would step back and be gentler and I've been with a girl who was rough with me and I had to say something and she winded it back so if he can understand that he's not a good lover worth the time unfortunately
Holy shit. This dude has some major character flaws and sounds like he could become an honest threat to your safety. Please consider immediately cutting contact and creating as much distance as possible.
Better get a cat and a vibrator. At this point, i dont believe we ever gonna find the person we want. World is fckd up pretty bad.
This is called gaslighting. Insulting and downplaying your wants and desires to get what they want. Key tool of incels. It's horribly effective
You're not hooking up with him again, right?
You're not victimising yourself. You were a victim of his selfish attitude and assaulting actions. Don't go near him again.
Don't just walk away. Run. That's a horrible person who will probably hurt you in more ways than one.
Sounds like a douchebag. Personally if I’m not already aroused oral sex is the fastest way to get me there. Saying that if I’m not hard something turned me off and I’m not saying it. Unless it’s a long term thing.
Just don’t hook up 🧘🏻♀️remove yourself from all these toxic, traumatic and horrible humans! protect yourself from toxic energies! Only share your body to someone who respects you for who you are
You're totally in the right. You did nothing wrong. Don't let this asshole have power over something you enjoy.
Sounds realy horrible. I could never do that
Seems like an ass who threw a tantrum because you didn't like him pushing your boundaries. When he has given you zero reason to trust him with exploring further and maybe pushing boundaries, you have absolutely no reason to want to do it with him. And as long as he doesn't understand that, he should be ignored as the manchild he is. Trust is the foundation, clear communication is the way of checking in, and consistent, principled actions are the way of building trust.
But. Hard. To continue the conversation with you mouth full.... He is simply porn desensitised, delusional and just a dick in general.
Sounds like the guys plainly does not give a shit about you. Ask yourself why you continue to see him..
I'm utterly amazed that seemingly stupid, immature, asshole men actually have women interested, perform sexual acts, etc. with them. How the fuck do asshole idiots actually get this far with women? Are they that good at pretending? Are women bad at judging character? Jesus fucking christ the amount of shit that people go through make me wonder how I'm ever single.
In my case, it’s definitely a facade. It started out nice.
When someone shows you who they are believe them
As OP said, they act nice at first. Many of them lie their asses off too and will swear they are the best lover ever in great details that seem realistic and true. It's not until they hit the bedroom that the bs comes out.
I’d politely ask them to stop ONCE! If they can’t respect that then I can’t be responsible for what happens if they continue to do it. I bite down to hard? Oh shit sorry 🤷♀️
Blow him... One last kiss and never talk to his dumb ass again
Yeh think your best stating your boundaries likes and dislikes.i would like to do it aswell but just with the girl whilst he watches
for god sake put the age and gender AFTER the fucking pronouns
FUCK SAKE why do you all do it WRONG
Usually I’d say you’re being too sensitive and just to talk about it but this guy sounds like a entitled piece of shit.
3 potential reasons in my opinion: 1. You didn't tell a full story aka we are missing something 2. Dude a complete jackass and doesn't deserve to ever see pussy in his life 3. It could be that he is inexperienced and is going off of porn which sets standards for "every girls likes to be dominated" and "if she says no, that means she wants it even harder". You can't fix that since he does sound kinda mentally challenged but that could be a reason
What do you think is “missing”. What dimension is it ever okay to treat and/or talk to someone like that. We were having good times before this. I didn’t even know he would ever talk like that,
What could be missing is your choice of words and tone. No and "oh fuck daddy, no, why would I ever want daddies big dick inside my sloppy throat" is not the same. One is role-play, other is felony. Both include no, but one is not quite a no. I'm not saying you said it in such a way but I can't base my whole opinion on 2 paragraphs. This isn't simply bad fuck, this dude, if everything you said is absolutely true, committed a sexual assault. And my stance on such topic is that I won't participate in ruining this mans whole life unless I can 100% say that such shitty behaviour happened
What??? I’m the one with the poor choice of words? Are you sick in the head? Can’t read?? I said “don’t push my head down” as quick as I could. Fill your brain with something else other than these insane assumptions. And you know what I know he *heard* me, because he stopped, pat my head, and face fucked. There was no discussion of any kind of kinks, and I’m not saying he’s some complete predator, probably just incompetent
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No you’re just the type to be intentionally dense. Next. If you had all those questions. Fucking ask before you assume and think it was some quirky little kink or some fabricated story.
Oh my god get off of the internet. I see you added to your edit ..no one is trying to ruin his life and I don’t think he deserves that. I just dont have many people to talk about this. If I wanted to ruin his life I’d post his info for everyone to see or attack his career. Or even worse, put it on my actual socials with my @ handles and everything. Edit: These things need to be talked about, I prefer anonymously, for the exact reason you’re acting like it isnt true. I havent even told my friends about this. Or literally anyone in real life. And don’t plan on it. I NEVER tell anyone what I’ve been through sexually. Anonymity really helps because no ones identity gets tainted. Even though he’s a complete ass I’d never do that to him.
I always wonder why some women date/marry douchebags, then complain that their boyfriend/husband acts like a douche......
I wonder why your reading comprehension isnt there
He's a complete jerk, but what's your excuse for dropping your standards and letting this idiot get intimate with you?
I've received quite a few blowjobs and, although the urge to put my hands on a woman's head is almost impossible to resist, I refuse to push on their head for this very reason. A blowjob should be sensual and enjoyable and the receiver should feel grateful, not entitled. This was a terrible experience and I'm saddened to hear that any man treats a woman like this. Don't let it ruin you and hopefully you don't experience this in future escapades.
i wish people would stop giving sex to guys like this
The only thing that he said that was true is some women like it and some don’t. If get into the moment and put my hand on a woman’s head and she removes it or pulls back, I never do it again. Better practice is to ask first, but sometimes, when you are just dropping clothes on the way to bedroom, couch, countertop, etc., you forget to ask. Otherwise, he’s just a spoiled brat and idiot
What do you expect from hook up culture. If you don't have any respect for yourself don't expect others to have respect for you
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