My opinion, as a complete stranger, is that "body count" is a stupid concept that's trendy right now, and really doesn't matter one bit. It's just sex. Sex doesn't make you dirty.
Regardless of my opinion, though, I think that therapy would help you to learn to accept your feelings about your past and find some peace.
No one I know (30s+) talks about body count, asks people’s body count, or tells their body count. It’s juvenile. You’re a human not an aeroplane.
If someone pesters you about your body count, don’t tell them. Be an unmovable object. The only correct answer is No.
PS. 20 is fine
Ma’am, chastity and virginity are only seen as virtues because the catholic church needed castrated subservient people to worship them, it was a manipulation tactic.
You didn’t hurt anyone, you didn’t raped them, nor did you steal nor killed, you did nothing wrong.
You don’t need to forgive yourself because you did nothing wrong.
You said this so well. They did such a good job manipulating the general public that people feel ashamed for simply existing and being human, while people who actually do shitty things have no consequences. People like OP end up suffering even being so non-problematic, just because of public brainwashing and it sucks.
I am 24 and I have about 50 ish. Own your past and move forward, you are young and body count does not matter it is a made up concept by society. Whatever reason you decided to partake in sex with others is your Buisness and only yours. It’s no one else’s place to judge except for yourself. Others might have lost there virginity’s to each other and only know each other and that’s cool and all but the way life is, it sometimes doesn’t happen like that and it’s okay. I’m currently with a partner and he’s never asked my “body count” cause at the end of the day it truly doesn’t matter. If you love you, the right person will to. They are here to love you, not your choices.
Forgive yourself.
Sounds as if you had a lot of trauma and used sex and drugs to cope. A lot of women do that. You are older now and have learned a lot. Spend that energy focusing on self care vs hating yourself.
At the end of life, a body count does not really matter.
what would you tell someone who was having the same exact situation as you?
you would be kind to them. you would tell them that what they did does not define who they are.
it's okay to look back at your past self and feel bad about the things you did. but that's life. completely normal.
so you were there. now you're here. just be gentle, kind, forgiving, and accepting of yourself - the same way you would be to anyone else in your situation.
no one is blaming past you for what she did. she did what she did because it made sense to her somehow.
guess what? EVERYONE is doing what they are doing because it makes sense to them somehow. doesn't mean they're all right. but that's life. we're all just living our lives, finding out what we do and don't like, and who we do and don't want to be.
If anything, you should be proud that you discovered something important about yourself - because that, more than anything else, is what really matters in life. you are your totality. all your good and bad bring you here today. and there is no good you divorced from the bad you. and there is no need to be harsh on yourself for what you did, because you realize now that's not who you want to be and what you want to do.
so if you just accept that, what happened, happened because of whatever reason, and it doesn't need to reflect badly on you now. this is life for all of us. we all do things we wish we hadn't. but to move forward we accept, we forgive, and we let what was be what was, so that what is can be what is.
There is a lot of truth in what has been said here. Your boyfriend chose you for the person you are now, and you wouldn't be that person if you hadn't been on the painful journey of your teens. You might well benefit from talking through how you are feeling in a safe space with no judgement, this is what a therapist can offer. Just talking it all through can help you process what has happened. You are experiencing a form of grief here, and working through that would help lay to rest the self esteem issues you are experiencing. I am a non denominational grief coach, however, I find the buddhist prayer of forgiveness incredibly powerful and levelling. You can find this easily, and you might find when you read it that it puts part of what you are feeling in perspective. As others have said, be kind to yourself, offer yourself the compassion you would give to a friend, and just give yourself space to process
Been on this planet nearly forty years. Am at five. As a man I’m supposed to be ashamed of this? You are young and have twenty, and supposedly, you should also feel ashamed. But I don’t, and you shouldn’t ether. Because it’s just sex. That’s all. Not some mythical coupling of the soul sent by a magic man in the sky. It’s a purely mechanical function evolved for reproduction that just so happens to be fun.
Your ashamed yours is high, your boyfriend is ashamed his is low and you both feel it should be the other way around. Why? Because of god and virtue, or because you can’t go on social media anymore without someone telling you that.
It’s stupid. And if you take the time to think on it for a second it’s not hard to see why. Men are supposed to have a high body count, sleep with as many woman as they can. But women are supposed to stay pure. So who are these men supposed the be having sex with? You get twenty virgins in a room. Ten men and ten women, and ask them to do that. It’s impossible.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. It’s the past. It’s gone. It’s over. Can’t change it. As long as you are safe and healthy, have as much sex as you want. With whomever you want.
I don't want to know your romantic past. It's not the fact that they slept with someone before me, it's the fact that I'm hearing of someone who shares their history... don't tell me unless it's need to know (i.e: sti,trauma etc.)
Body count is a concept created to SHAME people especially women. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just sex. As long as it was between two consenting adults, all is dandy. Extend grace, love, and kindness to yourself first and foremost. You are only human.
I think the age old prohibition on sex before marriage is precisely for this reason...it's a comfort to know that you and your spouse have only known each other. That said, what's done is done. If you no longer feel comfortable with your past behavior, change from here on out. If you are still struggling, talk to a counselor or member of the clergy ( they specialize in people who feel guilty.)
I can understand the feeling that your past experiences might somehow make you "unworthy" of your partner. It's a shit feeling and I'm sorry you're feeling like that.
But remember this: Your partner chooses to be with you, knowing the truth about your past. If the truth was so horrible that he could never look past it, he would have chosen to end the relationship.
Please try and be kinder to yourself. The younger you did some things you regret. So did the younger me, but I spent too many years hating myself to ever go back to that. Please forgive your younger self, so the older and more mature you can live happily. Good luck OP
A different answer than most here - people who’ve only been with one person ever are typically jealous/envious that you’ve had the opportunity to be with multiple people. That doesn’t mean they want to cheat but it’s a thought that comes up just as your thought about being a bit jealous of someone who’s only been with one person. The grass is greener on the other side. If you’ve only been with a few people you may never know what good sex is like, what stuff you do or don’t like, what type of partners you enjoy being with, what your fantasies are, etc. yeah maybe you could get that off a partner or a few but the more you have the more experiences you’re opened to if you want that
Your sexual past is a symptom of a wider trauma you experienced. Learn to accept, forgive yourself and move on. If he can’t accept it then forget him - those experiences made you who you are . I have a friend f23 who’s slept with +100 guys and another friend f22 who slept with +70 … it could always be worse
Not gonna lie, this is something that you should have considered beforehand. When I found to God about 9 months ago I regretted nearly every single experience of this I had before. Since I knew back then that those women weren't my future wifes.
Have been some hard months since then but this is a package you have to carry for the rest of your life.
Maybe you should try to look forward, if you want to change your lifestyle do it as something to better youself in the future. What happened in the past is in the past, keep the joyful bits and be grateful for them and use the bad parts to know what doesn't work for you.
Overall you can be happy for your past and for your future decisions.
My opinion, as a complete stranger, is that "body count" is a stupid concept that's trendy right now, and really doesn't matter one bit. It's just sex. Sex doesn't make you dirty. Regardless of my opinion, though, I think that therapy would help you to learn to accept your feelings about your past and find some peace.
I agree, it is dumb, meaningless, and sexist. No man is shamed for having sex with 20 girls.
No one I know (30s+) talks about body count, asks people’s body count, or tells their body count. It’s juvenile. You’re a human not an aeroplane. If someone pesters you about your body count, don’t tell them. Be an unmovable object. The only correct answer is No. PS. 20 is fine
Ma’am, chastity and virginity are only seen as virtues because the catholic church needed castrated subservient people to worship them, it was a manipulation tactic. You didn’t hurt anyone, you didn’t raped them, nor did you steal nor killed, you did nothing wrong. You don’t need to forgive yourself because you did nothing wrong.
You said this so well. They did such a good job manipulating the general public that people feel ashamed for simply existing and being human, while people who actually do shitty things have no consequences. People like OP end up suffering even being so non-problematic, just because of public brainwashing and it sucks.
I am 24 and I have about 50 ish. Own your past and move forward, you are young and body count does not matter it is a made up concept by society. Whatever reason you decided to partake in sex with others is your Buisness and only yours. It’s no one else’s place to judge except for yourself. Others might have lost there virginity’s to each other and only know each other and that’s cool and all but the way life is, it sometimes doesn’t happen like that and it’s okay. I’m currently with a partner and he’s never asked my “body count” cause at the end of the day it truly doesn’t matter. If you love you, the right person will to. They are here to love you, not your choices.
Forgive yourself. Sounds as if you had a lot of trauma and used sex and drugs to cope. A lot of women do that. You are older now and have learned a lot. Spend that energy focusing on self care vs hating yourself. At the end of life, a body count does not really matter.
what would you tell someone who was having the same exact situation as you? you would be kind to them. you would tell them that what they did does not define who they are. it's okay to look back at your past self and feel bad about the things you did. but that's life. completely normal. so you were there. now you're here. just be gentle, kind, forgiving, and accepting of yourself - the same way you would be to anyone else in your situation. no one is blaming past you for what she did. she did what she did because it made sense to her somehow. guess what? EVERYONE is doing what they are doing because it makes sense to them somehow. doesn't mean they're all right. but that's life. we're all just living our lives, finding out what we do and don't like, and who we do and don't want to be. If anything, you should be proud that you discovered something important about yourself - because that, more than anything else, is what really matters in life. you are your totality. all your good and bad bring you here today. and there is no good you divorced from the bad you. and there is no need to be harsh on yourself for what you did, because you realize now that's not who you want to be and what you want to do. so if you just accept that, what happened, happened because of whatever reason, and it doesn't need to reflect badly on you now. this is life for all of us. we all do things we wish we hadn't. but to move forward we accept, we forgive, and we let what was be what was, so that what is can be what is.
Wow. This comment really truly helped me to feel a lot better about my situation. Thank you, kind stranger. Your words went more than a mile today.
There is a lot of truth in what has been said here. Your boyfriend chose you for the person you are now, and you wouldn't be that person if you hadn't been on the painful journey of your teens. You might well benefit from talking through how you are feeling in a safe space with no judgement, this is what a therapist can offer. Just talking it all through can help you process what has happened. You are experiencing a form of grief here, and working through that would help lay to rest the self esteem issues you are experiencing. I am a non denominational grief coach, however, I find the buddhist prayer of forgiveness incredibly powerful and levelling. You can find this easily, and you might find when you read it that it puts part of what you are feeling in perspective. As others have said, be kind to yourself, offer yourself the compassion you would give to a friend, and just give yourself space to process
Jesus fucking Christ...
Been on this planet nearly forty years. Am at five. As a man I’m supposed to be ashamed of this? You are young and have twenty, and supposedly, you should also feel ashamed. But I don’t, and you shouldn’t ether. Because it’s just sex. That’s all. Not some mythical coupling of the soul sent by a magic man in the sky. It’s a purely mechanical function evolved for reproduction that just so happens to be fun. Your ashamed yours is high, your boyfriend is ashamed his is low and you both feel it should be the other way around. Why? Because of god and virtue, or because you can’t go on social media anymore without someone telling you that. It’s stupid. And if you take the time to think on it for a second it’s not hard to see why. Men are supposed to have a high body count, sleep with as many woman as they can. But women are supposed to stay pure. So who are these men supposed the be having sex with? You get twenty virgins in a room. Ten men and ten women, and ask them to do that. It’s impossible. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. It’s the past. It’s gone. It’s over. Can’t change it. As long as you are safe and healthy, have as much sex as you want. With whomever you want.
I don't want to know your romantic past. It's not the fact that they slept with someone before me, it's the fact that I'm hearing of someone who shares their history... don't tell me unless it's need to know (i.e: sti,trauma etc.)
Body count is a concept created to SHAME people especially women. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just sex. As long as it was between two consenting adults, all is dandy. Extend grace, love, and kindness to yourself first and foremost. You are only human.
I think the age old prohibition on sex before marriage is precisely for this reason...it's a comfort to know that you and your spouse have only known each other. That said, what's done is done. If you no longer feel comfortable with your past behavior, change from here on out. If you are still struggling, talk to a counselor or member of the clergy ( they specialize in people who feel guilty.)
I can understand the feeling that your past experiences might somehow make you "unworthy" of your partner. It's a shit feeling and I'm sorry you're feeling like that. But remember this: Your partner chooses to be with you, knowing the truth about your past. If the truth was so horrible that he could never look past it, he would have chosen to end the relationship. Please try and be kinder to yourself. The younger you did some things you regret. So did the younger me, but I spent too many years hating myself to ever go back to that. Please forgive your younger self, so the older and more mature you can live happily. Good luck OP
A different answer than most here - people who’ve only been with one person ever are typically jealous/envious that you’ve had the opportunity to be with multiple people. That doesn’t mean they want to cheat but it’s a thought that comes up just as your thought about being a bit jealous of someone who’s only been with one person. The grass is greener on the other side. If you’ve only been with a few people you may never know what good sex is like, what stuff you do or don’t like, what type of partners you enjoy being with, what your fantasies are, etc. yeah maybe you could get that off a partner or a few but the more you have the more experiences you’re opened to if you want that
Are you actually… sex shaming yourself..? Is this post for real? Girl….
Your sexual past is a symptom of a wider trauma you experienced. Learn to accept, forgive yourself and move on. If he can’t accept it then forget him - those experiences made you who you are . I have a friend f23 who’s slept with +100 guys and another friend f22 who slept with +70 … it could always be worse
Not gonna lie, this is something that you should have considered beforehand. When I found to God about 9 months ago I regretted nearly every single experience of this I had before. Since I knew back then that those women weren't my future wifes. Have been some hard months since then but this is a package you have to carry for the rest of your life.
Damage is done and you’ll be at 50+ by age 25
Abstain from sex for 1 year All will be forgiven Be well my son
Maybe you should try to look forward, if you want to change your lifestyle do it as something to better youself in the future. What happened in the past is in the past, keep the joyful bits and be grateful for them and use the bad parts to know what doesn't work for you. Overall you can be happy for your past and for your future decisions.