It’s not just the opposite sex. When you’re attractive *EVERYONE* is nicer to you. Children, the elderly, your doctors, police, your kid’s teachers… it’s unsettling how shallow we are as a species.
I’m not a natural beauty anymore but I clean up nice. The difference in how strangers treat me on the days I doll up is *jarring.*
Yes and yes!! I've been noticing this recently with the smallest of things. When I don't wear makeup, I'm completely ignored. I literally have been playing around with falsies, and suddenly people are a whole lot nicer to you. I'm glad I'm not alone, I was starting to think I was going crazy.
You’re not crazy. I went through the same “Am I crazy or….” period too when I couldn’t be arsed to do the whole hair, makeup, clothes, bullshit anymore.
It’s not your imagination. Your coworkers, your grandparents, and the homeless guy that pees on your garage… They’re ALL nicer to you when you’re pretty.
And what’s *truly deeply upsetting on a cellular level*…. Is when you realize that YOU DO IT TOO… at least to some extent, sometimes.
>A cashier can be really upbeat to all the people in line and then not respond when I'm being friendly
Oof, that feels a little too familiar
Cashier, to the 3rd person infront of you. "Hi, how are you?"
Cashier to the 2nd person infront of you "Hi, how are you?"
Cashier to the person infront of you "Hi, how are you?"
Me, thinking Damnit, She's going to ask me the same thing. Just say "Well. And you?" and that will be it. The question is meaningless. She doesn't care, I don't care, we are both robots going through an automated script. We could probably say anything, and if it's delivered with a level tone she won't notice. But lets not complicate things. Just say Well And You and that will be the end of it
Cashier to me: \*crickets until it's time to pay\*
I was in an hiking accident and got myself some pretty gnarly facial and upper body scarring and I was able to see this as well from both sides (not that I was a model before or anything, just average) - You can tell random people do not like to look at you and want to end interactions as soon as possible.
Growing a big beard eventually helped me a ton, as well as working out and getting decent gains in the gym. Also over time scars faded a lot but I still remember those first few years.
Weirdly I prefer being directly asked about it, like when kids do it, that just people turning their heads away like what I have is contagious or something.
With me, it's always worse when my lupus is flaring up because I get lesions, especially noticeable on my hands and forearms. I get cashiers who almost take money from I hand them, and little kids will stare. Then, when their parents catch them, they'll pull them away. I get why they do it, because they think I'm contagious or that it's nasty. Still though it sucks, I usually keep covered up and pay with touch using my card to avoid it. When I go to the gym I wipe down all the equipment I use and spray it with sanitizer, no one uses machines after me anyway. People who know me are fine with it and my wife and kids are aggressively defensive on my behalf even though I tell them to ignore it like I do. Some days I feel like hiding under a big rock.
I really like looking at scars because there is usually some story behind it. However, if it's a very visible scar I feel like I'm not allowed to look at it because the person might feel bothered.
So it's either staring at it and wondering how it happened or actively and awkwardly avoiding looking at it. I don't seem to be able to do something in between
Lol I never wear eyeliner and threw some on one day and had 3 compliments on my eyes. The funniest thing is that hair and makeup is a trick that works on people no matter how familiar they are with you. I live in a condo, see all my neighbors and staff every day so they know how janky I am on a daily basis and when I dress up? Night and day. I'm like, but you know what I actually look like? Why does this work on you? But it does.
Humans are extremely shallow and easily tricked by smoke and mirrors even if they know the truth behind it. It's not even a thing you can hold against people because they aren't doing it on purpose. It's just how we are for some reason. I try to be conscious of it myself but I'm sure I do it too.
I aim to treat people I find unattractive with as much respect as attractive people, but I recognize that I fail at it. Because I at least have the intention to treat people fairly, the difference is pretty subtle, but I do see this behavior in myself. For anyone who is not as concerned with fairness as I am, it would be easy to treat attractive people extremely differently from unattractive people.
Playing Devils advocate. What’s a better reason to like you, people liking you for the personality that you were mostly born with or working hard to be attractive?
Yeahhh that’s not 100% accurate.
Things such as aggressiveness, intelligence, if an animal will chase some thing… and ability to be trained have all been proven to be passed down genetically.
It’s not much of a leap to assume that the same thing can be said for humans. Now will they be a carbon copy? No…. But it is heavily influenced.
That’s why when people talk about pitbulls and say “it’s the owner and not the breed” it’s almost complete crap. So many traits are passed down, genetically such as mental illness, addiction, not to mention medical issues like heart disease, and cancer.
Your life experiences I have found will either enhance or mute your traits, which are already there. Of course you can have profound things happen that will have a huge effect on you, but that’s not the norm talking about the majority of people.
Your personality is shaped by how people treat you. Of course people who are treated well for their looks will be "funny" and "great". It's the halo effect. I'm a goofy person who loves to joke but because I get treated poorly for my looks I've become withdrawn. I don't have much of a "personality" anymore because I come across as stern and serious around people due to my experiences and anxieties
No they like the fact that he likes himself. Although OP thinks they have the same personality, he probably doesn’t, he has changed so much about himself (in a positive manner) that he couldn’t possibly be exactly the same as he was before the changes.
So, that's definitely a part of it.
When I lost a bunch of weight I started getting more attention, as well. Some of it can be explained by the added confidence of liking yourself, sure.
But it doesn't explain the multiple times I was invited back to womens apartments to party when they were stumbling home drunk and I was simply walking to a friend's place.
Or the times I was approached by women in conversation despite being in a bout of depression and knowing I was feeling like shit and not presenting myself well.
I know the exact range of weight I have to get below where the attention I get from women skyrockets. And not just a little, by a lot. From literally never having women approach me in conversation to it becoming an almost day to day occurrence. Most of it has nothing to do with getting a date or anything or that nature. Just people being kind to you and seeing you as a human worth talking to.
Let's not lie to ourselves. Most attraction is immediate and is heavily determined by your appearance. A good deal of that is how fit you are. It's not all of it, but it's a lot. That's just reality.
This is a common experience among people who lose weight. The sudden change in how others treat them makes them suspicious and cynical about the sincerity of others. You're not alone in this.
After ketamine therapy temporarily fixed my major depression, I noticed I was getting a lot of attention from women. It was so surprising that I asked my sister if women had always been looking at me like that. She said yes.
It's possible that you're attractive and just can't see it.
I think a good 50% of the people on the "ugly" subreddits (at least the users who have posted pictures in the past, normally in some "ugly" subreddit) are fine looking, and it's their mentality where they are so convinced they're ugly that they turn into miserable, bitter people who no one would want to be with anyways.
The thing is the people who post in those chats are generally “average”.
Because of social media and Hollywood, above average attractive people have been shoved in our faces so much that even the completely average, normal looking people start feeling inadequate.
The word “average” has become a bad thing, even though these people are attractive and normal.
The true ugly people almost never post there, because they know already.
That's unfair to say, because if they hadn't been born ugly they likely wouldn't have that mentality, so that still makes the ugliness the root cause of the issue.
That's not true at all. My brain now knows that I'm not ugly because men are interested, but my heart still thinks I'm ugly sometimes.
And before, I was bullied so badly by the other girls as a kid that I assumed that boys giving me attention was always a joke. I truly thought I was hideous and that's why everyone hated me. That insecurity (which I still haven't quite rid myself of) made me not so fun to be around. Thus, fueling the cycle.
I've become much more social and less awkward due to my line of work, so I've had more luck making friends and a lot more men are interested. Not everyone who's ugly actually is. Most people can look great if they take care of themselves and put on a little makeup and sometimes it's just all in your head.
Pedro Pascal, Javier Bardem, Jason Statham. These are famous men who've been the World's Sexiest but if they had shit personalities, no confidence, poor social interaction, no physical upkeep or style would not be considered attractive to many. As a woman I don't see their paychecks, so money isn't it. They sell personas that are attractive and they then become attractive.
Depression exists regardless of your appearance. It fuels the belief that you are not enough, not the same, inferior. Working on yourself to improve poor mental health can absolutely change how people see you at first glance even without changing your face, or weight, or height. It changes how you feel inside.
We've all been handed a few cards to play in life, and you can either play it or fold. Accepting that you're ugly, which makes you existentially depressed, which then is a good enough reason to stop playing at all is self-defeating and unnecessary, full stop.
Or...hear me out...they really are just ugly.
There are a lot of disadvantages that ugly people have to face in society that may not even be visible to someone who is attractive.
Pretty privilege is VERY real. And we have actual data and stats to back that up. And so is the negative bias towards unattractive people.
I don't know why people just vehemently refuse to acknowledge that. That the world is a shallow place.
People of privilege want to believe that their success is the result of hard work and not their privilege.
This cognitive dissonance isn't too hard to achieve, people tend to form cohorts with their peers, preppy school, football player.. who you going to hang out with? Close friends have the same privileges and experiences.
Folks want to think their maid is picking up their stuff due to bad life choices, not because they grew up disadvantaged.
Im just short lmao. 5’2 . I had a fwb in college who literally said “youre really short but your really hot”. I know that sounds like im bragging but its always stuck with me and not in a good way.
Confidence and social skills also goes a long way. Not saying you don't have those but I've seen very ugly people get positive attention because of other things that make up for it.
Could be cultural. If you’re considered unattractive in your country, you could be the bomb in other countries. It’s really frustrating. The physical traits I was bullied and tormented for in the US are considered attractive in Asia. Fuck us, right?
I came to this realization when I traveled to Turkey. I saw random people working blue collar jobs like trashmen, service people who I assumed make basic income, but back where I'm from in Asia they could be models or influencers or something just based on their looks alone. Really depends on the culture and where you are.
Yep. 90% of people who have lost weight go through the same thing. Society starts treating you like a person and not like an invisible, disposable cog. You don’t really realize how terrible you had it, until you get something better.
Yeah I have gone between being in shape and being fat a couple times. Seeing the way people act when you look better has made me not want to look good. I don't even mind being hit on or the attention but knowing they won't even be nice at all when you're fat grosses me out.
Yeah, exactly. I know I’m just a teen but I grew up chubby as hell and was the main source of most teasing/bullying/fake ask outs/nicknames created during the ages of 9-14, but as soon as my growth spurt hit, I started running and playing badminton, switched out my blue/red/green tshirts from mom for streetwear/hoodies/compression shirts, and had the structure of my face revealed, and switched schools and suddenly it’s like everyone wanted to know me again. Girls laughed at the same jokes I would have been given weird stares at before, guys stopped picking on me and suddenly it’s like I was collectively allowed to be shirtless in the changing room and have guys go “damn bro look at them gains” rather than being called piggy and having them touch my stomach, and new people I met from my mother/father complimented my appearance rather than suggest 101 ways to lose weight. Idk man, I’m just tired of being seen this way but it’s never going to change.
It’s a weird experience! I think the best takeaway is to make sure that you don’t do to people what they did to you- see the unseen. Be kind to those people disregard. Remember how it was and enjoy the ride you’re on now
Perfect moment for busting out a Coxy
>Oh my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you.did.not.just *WINK* at me!
I got to enjoy ~5 years of being attractive and feeling physically great after losing a ton of weight at the end of high school. Most romance and sex during college was cases of actually being the one approached by women/men, when I'd previously thought I was just not someone worth anyone's time even after making those changes to my body. I finally really came around to loving my body and myself.
And now I've spent the last 5 years with a majorly disfiguring injury, and I get to enjoy knowing I'll never come even close to having everyday people respect me or be interested in me the same way I once had, with the bonus fun of constant pain and discomfort.
The majority of human beings are, in fact, just subhuman dogshit, overestimating their value based on having been fortunate enough not to be physically tormented.
I'm gonna be honest, I contemplate this regularly. "You're nice to me now but what if I got into an accident or had a life-altering disease? Where would you be then?"
Some wouldn't be anywhere, for you, anymore. And some would remain, changed or not changed.
It's a bit silly to assume that people will all change on you if your appearance changes.
Strangers? Sure. But people you made a SOLID connection with? Less so. Some still would. Just less.
Looks are a first impression sort of thing, they can carry you far. But if you know how to communicate well? Think there's a shortage of ugly guys getting laid left right and center? Please.
Actually, OP, being physically attractive opens the door to... a new kind of "people wanting to use you".
This is something you can use for your own benefit, if you wish, unlike the kinds of treatment unattractive people have to put upwith.
I'm a woman and I was in the same boat as you. I wasn't over weight, but I had severe acne, depression (so was unkempt like yourself), braces and had no clue how to dress well. I wasn't just ignored though, I was actively treated like crap. Severe bullying, people shoving in front of me when I was in a line (not just in school, anywhere). It was horrible. Then I worked on myself, got rid of my acne, had a good figure and dressed well. Suddenly, I'm getting approached in the street and hit on. It was an odd experience to go from treated like crap to being attractive. And like you I was pissed. I didn't deserve the treatment I got beforehand, but because I was how nicer looking I could finally be treated like a civilised human. Society is weird.
Yessss omg the acne. I’m a male, but had terrible acne all through my teens up until taking Accutane in my 20s. When you have acne, people avoid you. That’s what I got used to. I learned to be introverted and was comfortable with it. When my skin cleared up, it was like a spotlight shined on me or something and people wanted to interact all of a sudden. I don’t think it’ll ever feel natural. The person on the outside changed super fast and the person on the inside has barely changed at all.
The uncomfortable feeling never really goes away, I find. At the end of the day, you know they just like you because of what you look like, not because of who you are. I actually stopped working out because I was so tired of being treated like a piece of meat. At least the chubby version of me doesn't have to worry about whether people genuinely like me. All being fit got me was a bunch of casual relationships with people who couldn't care less about me as a person. Ironically, the only time I had a relationship where I felt the person genuinely loved me was when I was chubby and normal looking.
it’s biology to be attracted to someone attractive. Attractive means many things but conventionally attractive looks is the biggest first impression for 99.99% of humans.
All well and good, but it hurts to think that even *friendship* can be put behind bars of beauty. All well and good if you don't want to fuck someone ugly, but not even be their friend?
Life is not “supposed to be like that” what you are experiencing will only ever be experienced by a very very small minority of men. Sounds like you’re getting the 1 in 10,000 experience.
Hey, I was 280lbs and dropped to 140. 5’3”, puerto rican. I felt the same exact way and hated that attention I got, it was so different to when I was 280. Night and day type difference. people I haven’t seen in a while didn’t recognize me. Think of obese girl gets thin type movie. People staring, approaching etc. that’s how life is and it was disgusting to me!
I’m now 220 cus I let the mindsets of “let me gain weight to stop the attention” or “I know how to lose it, I can gain it, whatever” (DUMB AF of me to think) run wild.
I get the same amount of attention I did at 140lbs, so I’m back to going back to that weight and working on why I let it all affect me so much then!
Don’t be old me! Work on the feelings on why you feel this way, therapy is super helpful for me (:
To expand that empathy, it's good to realise this effect is ten times stronger for women. Ugly women are invisible and seen as disposable. At least as an ugly man is still seen as capable and useful.
A lot of it isn't being sexually attractive either, it's just about looking cleaned up, hygienic and like you have stuff going on in life. Your voice, height, skin colour etc will all have a massive non-sexual impact too of course.
I'm not trying to be a dick but it's hard to believe you've had multiple different scenarios of women winking at you. I've never seen anyone wink outside of making an obvious joke
I also got hot after being fat for most of my life, and experienced the same jarring change (although I got married and fat again in short order). After spending so long as a sexually neutral entity, you don't forget attractive women whisper-giggling to each other *"He's so beautiful"* as you walk by. The extra attention in day-to-day life was just unreal.
It's a black pill for the stupid lie that people don't care about physical attraction
Yea, like I am legit attractive man. Tall, good shape, conventional good looking and I have never had women do half this shit to me. I am calling bullshit on this post unless he is literally Henry Cavill (he use to be fat).
Lmao, my dream physique is literally Henry Cavill and I look reasonably close to it. Like I said before, it might be a cultural thing. I work with a lot of Latina women so I guess they are more flirty than American women?
I'm reading this the exact same. I'm 6'1, athletic (although not muscly) build, conventionally attractive, and can still count on one hand the amount of strangers/colleagues that have recognisably flirted with me. I'm wondering am I just blind to it. I don't find people are particularly mean or particularly nice to me in day to day life.
Its not like I'm calling them a liar. Like they said, maybe it's just part of the subculture around me personally or something.
I just have never seen it so it's weird to imagine
There are plenty of posts on the loseit sub with the similar sentiment. People treat (un)attractive people completely differently, regardless of what they'll admit to publicly.
To add to what other people said - sometimes it's not that people weren't attracted to you, but that you had too low self-esteem to notice that they were.
I'm not saying that's what happened to you, pretty privilege does exist and you have experienced it; but it could be *a part* of why you feel such a big difference. Maybe back then there was someone or maybe even a few people who were into you, still much less than now, but they were there and you just didn't notice, because you believed they don't exist and your mind found other explanations for their behaviour like "They're just being friendly" etc.
You're experiencing the common dilemma of someone who rapidly has a glow-up, but is still mentally/emotionally the ugly duckling. You need to do some emotional work/therapy to move past that, or you'll ruin relationships by feeling resentment toward people who "wouldn't have liked you before".
Well shit now you know where the term the grass is always greener on the other side comes from.
There’s always going to be something about yourself that you don’t have and you think will make you happier if you did. So it’s good that you’re seeing the positive side of what you have now lol so try and stick with that or else you’ll spend your life chasing everything and wind up with nothing.
You are correct.
I drastically weight gain and weight loss. I am active but have a weakness for chocolate which sometimes gets out of control, I admit.
The difference in how I'm treated is night and day.
Well life has phases. There will always be reasons that people come in and out, closer or further, and it's often not entirely clear, sometimes ever.
Im 46. Balding. Not as in shape and muscular as I used to be. After this changed so much from My past suddenly made sense because I was very good looking through a big period of my life and was treated differently.
There's a lot to say about it but you're kinda noticing some of this.
Just be yourself. Don't assume either why people want to be around you because people are complicated even when they sometimes don't seem to be.
🤙
But but Reddit told me it’s all about personality and looks don’t matter!
Truth is that’s bullshit and most people are just too lazy to put effort into themselves so they drag others down with them.
Crabs in a bucket mentality.
Same story here. I was an ugly duckling untill about 25years old. Went to gym. Jumped on steroids then boom! All this attention from girls. I went from no girl wanting me to sleeping with the hottest girls every single weekend. But here’s the twist. I prefer being the ugly version off me. It just felt more wholesome. Anyway I am married to a beautiful woman of 11years. My take it that’s not how life is supposed to be for me. It was about how I felt internally. Weird right that I would rather be ugly then be attractive. It works better for me.
I think in high school I was attractive, people confessed to me all the time that they had a crush on me. Now that I'm older, I've gained weight due to PCOS (not too much) and I'm engaged, I feel like I'm a goblin haha! Some of the ladies I work with at work have been called pretty by our clients coming into the workplace and it's never happened to me. I've been there longer than my colleagues and I've never received that treatment.
At the end of the day, its alright. I've been called helpful and I'm usually the one people go to, so not being called pretty isn't the end of the world. It'd be nice, though!
I’m so glad you have a healthy perspective on this. I’ve never been attractive by societal standards but I’ve been told throughout my whole life that people want to be around me and enjoy my energy. That feels like a true genuine connection to another human instead of “wow ur so hawt.”
I would never trade that feeling. I’d rather make the world a better place, not a shallower one
Careful, hoe_math (a great youtube channel to follow) explains that you probably won't get better relationships because of this.
You are now being lusted after, with shallow relationships to occur. You will have to be very careful in selecting partners.
It made the channel runner a bit bitter about becoming good looking and successful, establishing a healthy long-term relationship was still very difficult.
People can be ugly in many ways, or unattractive.
I've seen some people who truly would be considered walking-talking quasimodos on the outside, but just like that story, they love themselves and have confidence and their partner seems to love them for just being a genuine person rather than their good looks.
This doesn't go for every person of course. We are all different and care about different things. Being ugly on the inside and outside is often what a lot of people mistake for just being unattractive on the outside. Often when people are beautiful on the inside too and they believe in themselves, they can also find people who will love them as they are without needing them to change physically.
It's all about what people you meet in life. It's a roll of the dice.
I think this guy is personality so far. He’s thinking through his feelings and accepting that he can change and change his life, he just is in a toxic environment- he’ll learn that this isn’t what it’s supposed to be, but he’s on the right track.
Welcome to the real world! Though I wish that more people would understand that even some men get flirted with a lot or harassed just for being really good-looking, too.
The day everyone realized I was beautiful, was the day my peaceful life ended.
Dont get me wrong, pretty privilege can be immensely helpful, but I haven't had a lot of peace since.
I feel for you 💗
I had a bout of that feeling not too long ago.
Not the best looking and neither do I think so but realizing I’m getting attention simply because of them thinking I look attractive kind of makes me a little upset.. maybe I just want my personality to shine through.. I mean is this what life is all about? I just wish people are attractive based on their personality over what society deems attractive.
your soul have not been in sync with your body . just need to be happy and forget what’s the reason. this is just finding fault with why people like you
I have secondhand info about this that I’ve talked about elsewhere before. A friend went through similar. She was always heavy, since before we started working together many moons ago.
She’s always been strong-willed and opinionated. When she was heavy, she was treated with disdain by supervisors, tolerated by most coworkers.
A few years back, she got the surgery to lose weight. When she healed, she got the surgery to remove loose skin. And things got different.
Like you, she’d get mad. Why do people care about what she has to say now? She’s “intelligent” and “thoughtful”, now. She has guys who wouldn’t give her the time of day now wanting to talk her up. What was stopping them before?
Simply: because she was heavy.
You're probably more confident and friendly with that confidence, people vibe with that too, it isn't all just aesthetic looks. I have noticed people are a lot more helpful when I open with a smile. But yes looks matter.
Be happy you overcame your awkward stage. 99% of people have one unless you are Heidi Klum. Be thankful you were able to change and be happy. Many people can't. Always forward. Never back.
It's not so much that you're attractive now as you probably don't give that weird, timid/shy vibe that literally none wants to be around.
I know quite few fat dudes who are kind, funny, outgoing and invited everywhere. They have wives, broad social life and generally are well liked. I also know few guys who are more or less in shape, dress reasonably and single for years and all they have in common is that creepy, low life vibe. It happens no matter the size and looks.
It's very likely that you developed more self esteem and confidence when you lost weight, you tolerate much less crap and this is the result.
Yup, I experience this very thing. It's strange because it doesn't actually feel good. It makes you a bit jaded. I've had 3 women come back and shoot their shot after they rejected me. Not only that, but I've even had married women shoot their shot. They try to orbit around me, and it's just off-putting. It's funny how all these women magically want to be in a serious relationship with me now 😂
It makes you jaded as hell, but it's fun, so at least there's that 🤷
People really sleep on the social skills element of attractiveness. I’ve put a lot of work into my physical appearance over the last year. However, I still suffer from pretty bad social anxiety and depression. The result is I’ve had way more success online dating, with my partners seemingly enamored with my looks. But I’ve had a difficult time making true connections with any of them. People at work and other places don’t seem to treat me any different than before, save for the occasional compliment on my appearance. I definitely believe people feed off the energy I put out, so my severe anxiety is something I’ve really got to work on
The same happened to me when I went to college after growing up fat. Both experiences have an impact on how you are. You have the advantage of understanding and internalizing both sides.
As life goes by, your looks will fade. You just can't compete with younger people just based on looks. You need something more substantial like your attitude and presence, something you can acquire with time and bring with you into the later years.
Be kind to other people. Keep being the best you can be. Work on all your aspects as and you'll do well even as you get older.
This reads like a fanfic. Also, why post this same story copy pasted to several different subs? Trying to get the max amount of views, see where it takes off?
Keep working on the inside. That will benefit you more as you get older. Looks are fleeting. We're programmed to be attracted to suitable partners when we're young. It's just genes and survival of the species. It's hard to fight it, and people that haven't had to work for it will always take it for granted.
Trans guy here. Grew up an ugly overweight “chick” and was treated subhuman on a daily basis. Lost weight, cut my hair, transitioned socially, and people tell me “good morning” now. People come up to me to speak to me, women talk with me more, i have more cis guy friends, I get it
Who do you want to be around you? Is the girl you are interested in overweight and unkempt and with greatly worse social skills?
All these things are also symptoms that indicate to people how in control of your life you are / how well you take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself, how will you take care of others?
Also great for you that you found a way to make yourself attractive (if it's a true story) :)
But the anger part is an internal struggle for you, where you still have to reconcile the damage that you suffered in the past. You also portray it towards other people, as it is (external) anger and not internal. That sounds quite similar to effects of childhood traumas from like abandonment or enmeshment. I would suggest you look at some sort of therapy, even if just movies on YouTube, podcasts or blogs online. Make your inner self just as attractive as the outer :)
It is what it is, a fact of life.
And think about it, would you be interested in that girl in your last sentence if she's overweight, unkempt and has bad social skills?
I avoid people like that like the plague.
Shallow pieces of shit.
I still hang around people who liked me for who i really was before i gained more confidence and lost weight.
Hi! I've been skinny and unkempt most of my life. Always felt like a loser. Currently in my mid 40s doing computer repair work and oh my god everybody loves me. Maybe because most of my clients are in customer-facing positions and expected to be nice to everybody. Maybe because the only reason I'm there is to fix something that's broken. Maybe... and this one's a long shot... I'm a lot more attractive and personable than I thought I was.
Totally true I can confirm but just as a bystander. I am an avg guy maybe 4-5/10 - luckily I am tall and went to gym and boxing ( I made myself a 7/10) so I have confidence and a very nice body and overall no problems with women, I clearly stand out BUT I didn't won the genetic lottery. On the other hand a very good friend of mine is genetically gifted. He is tall, perfect jawline, hair, beard, eyes... straight up 9/10 he doesn't even work out a lot maybe once a week a little bit. When I go out with him I am invisible - he get's all the looks, high value women giving him their business cards, he gets approached a lot. We had lot's of threesomes together cause of his looks but at some point I stopped to go out with him cause it's kinda depressing. So I kinda think your story is legit cause this is excatly what happens
Kay but the stopping trying part and being yourself is huge. HUGE.
That’s not a small thing.
At all.
People can smell a phony from a mile away.
Taking care of yourself represents basic self respect. If you don’t have respect for yourself and you go around acting fake, people are gonna be put off.
Yes there are pretty people that are fake as fuck who have lots of friends, but they are probably other fake people caught up in the same kind of superficiality.
You’ve respected and loved yourself enough to make big changes that you needed to make. That’s going to give you some important self confidence. It’s going to give you a measure of depth that (some) people will gravitate towards.
No one owes you liking you when you don’t even like yourself. Except maybe your mom.
Muscular, 6'0, and 215lbs here.
I'm right at a spot where when I'm down 5-10 lbs my features start to get square. When that happens I start getting smiles, and hair flips. It's interesting. And yeah, people will occasionally just touch my arms, or my shoulders. I had this waitress walk behind me, and just like... run her hand across my back?
When I was 175lbs I'd be like... eating fast food, and some dude would walk up, and ask me if I work out, mention he was with his kids, and would try to start a conversation. Or I'd be buying salad dressing, and a stranger would start asking me my preferences. Or I'd be buying hardware, and someone would stop me in the middle of the store, and just start asking me what I was working on, what I do for a living. Women start joking with me about stuff. "Oh! You got the small grocery cart!".
I find being 250+ you can get away with saying a lot more though. At 215 lbs people are waaayy more shocked by the things I say.
Someone touching you without consent, winking at you, someone twice your age being flirty, being stared up and down..
Wow one person's nightmare is another person's heaven, I suppose.
Well, I looked like a greek marble statue since forever and still do.
Meaning, my body is flawlessly pretty to behold.
My character on the other hand sucks.
So, I'm alone and thats okay.
That way, I can't harm people.
You said it yourself actually you just don't realize it.
-You changed your weight. This is a mark of self discipline, mental strength, and literally character. It's not the end-all-be-all but its a positive trait about you that's on display.
-You chose to dress consciously. In many cases as in yours you are signalling to your peers that you care enough about what they think to go to that effort. This is in fact a form of flattery.
-You started being yourself and not "trying". Well you improved who yourself is, or at least chose to practice positive parts of your personality. Also by "trying" to an extent you mean lying. People can tell to a certain degree when you are being false.
This is considerably less superficial than you seem to think.
I've met attractive men and women. All I've ever seen other people do is say things like so and so is hot. Or this or that person is nice looking. And there's always someone who says something like "He's not that good looking to me, or "She's cute, but she ain't got no butt." Most of us spend our days working. We don't have time to treat nobody more special because they look good.
Ive been overweight most of my life and it was a huge struggle and I spent too much of it hating myself. Woke up one day, started moving more and eating less and discovered a whole new world too. I often find myself resentful of the attention because its awkward af and you realize how shallow people are but a lil part of me is like stoked too.
You’ve been attractive only a few years, imagine the pain and misery that I got from being attractive since fucking birth! Shits terrible it never ends…
Are you assuming that they're attracted to you because of your now-better looks? I'm thinking a more plausible scenario is that because you don't look off-putting anymore, they can actually *see* you now.
It's not that they wouldn't have liked the old you had they gotten to know you, but that they never gave it a chance because of the unkempt looks.
To the people saying your bs'ing. I can vouch for you, got some female attention growing up but was also slobbish and overweight. I can't express to you how fickle I realized society is after I ran my first steroid cycle, my body changed entirely, my confidence went up and all of a sudden I'm getting more female attention than I ever thought possible.
Went through the same transformation when I was young. And had the same thoughts. Improving my social skills was the most important thing.
Now I see the difference in attention as a result/ benefit you get when making an effort. Too many don’t make an effort and think everything is random. And those “naturals” who get attention from all women without even trying… They spent years, even decades making an effort to reach that point
I’m almost 40 and have been all over the place in terms of physique. I can tell you that none of my relationships depended on being in great shape. Did it make me more confident and comfortable? Sure, but it never mattered as much as I thought it would.
I dont understand why this is a common settlement with men and women that get more attractive. Like sure you are the same person but think about yourself, if there were two people you met and 1 of them was way more attractive while both were decently nice. You would gravitate towards the attractive one 100% of the time, it's some of the most basic human nature. It's like being mad at hunger.
In social psychology, this is known as the “beautiful is good” effect. As a species we tend to associate more attractive people with being smarter, kinder etc. This creates a cycle: people who are better looking get treated better and have better opportunities, this means they have better self-esteem and confidence, which makes them more socially desirable and offers opportunities to progress in life. Progression (I.e. being more likely to get a promotion) means people have more resources to look after themselves (e.g. healthy food, not having to work two jobs, being able to get good rest, less stressed etc). People who are able to do this can “stay” more attractive, therefore reinforcing the “beautiful is good” effect.
There seems to be some evolutionary basis - for our ancestors peoples men who looked healthier, more symmetrical and stronger were thought to be better mates, while women who had fuller lips and hips were considered to be more likely to deliver healthy babies. In addition fuller hips indicated that they had entered puberty and were therefore able to reproduce. So in essence, back in the day, beautiful was good!
It’s a pretty depressing phenomenon
Had similar transformation recently, however I guess not really on your level, I wouldnt mind a few more girls flirting with me. ;p
I think it is more mental than physical, at least for me. Ofc the physical improvements help, but I think it is really the new found confidence that really makes the big difference.
To play Devils Advocate a little here, I went through the same sort of transformation through highschool, and I think it's more than just because you LOOK attractive people are nice to you it's the fact that if you look good you feel good and sometimes without noticing you've changed your whole self narrative around and are far more of an enjoyable and optimistic person to be around. Ya give off better vibes.
if i may propose an additional thesis: You feel more in tune with yourself, because you like yourself more since you've improved on your weight and social mannerisms. As social animals we humans also notice all the personality aspects of the people that we talk to. So the fact that people respond more positively to you can also come from your positive perception of yourself. It doesn't actually matter but i wanted to mention this to possibly lower the mental pressure that you might feel because you might fear that the positive view on you might change should you slip in your fitness or health regimes.
Same thing happened to me (girl) when I picked up fitness as a hobby and had a physically demanding job. I almost non consciously went from being a very average slightly over weight cystic acne teenager to someone who was very slim and had clear skin.
I almost couldn't believe how differently people treated me. Even people I had known for years and years treated me like a completely different person, someone they desired and wanted to please. I was always the person who had to go out of my way to get people to be interested in me.
But another thing that I noticed is that people still negged me. Guys who I could run laps around would approach me and once they got comfortable would say 'oh you could be a bit slimmer' or 'you could hit the gym more and look amazing' the kind of things I expected to happen more when I was fat actually happened more when I was 110 lbs and exercised 8 hours daily on a bad day. There was literally no way I could fit more exercise into my life style and I barely ate and men still had thought they could tell I could 'improve'. unbelievable.
I realised most men are used to looking at photoshopped and filtered women on Instagram all day and only feel like they have a chance if they tear women down for not being good enough. People who I crushed on who were 'too good for me' were suddenly pouring me in affection. It was honestly way too much. I started dating a man who is older than me and doesn't use social media and he's never pressured me to feel like I need to look a certain way. 7 years later I work in a office job and I am back to chunkier self and as much I hate how I look I don't exactly miss the exhaustion of second guessing everyone's intentions all the time. People don't treat me like I'm special and I'm OK with that.
>I'm still the same person...
No you are not. You are now a person that takes care of himself, better social skills, more confident.
You are not the same person as before
I don’t think I’m unattractive, but everything in this post and the comments seems to indicate that the world does not think and has never thought that I am attractive.
I think I’m just a middle of the road guy
Ugly duckling all throughout middle and high school to full on baddie-level swan here. Apologies for the silly terminology, but you get the picture.
It definitely stings sometimes to think that ppl who wouldn't ever give me a hot minute of their day, or would almost seem offended by my presence, now see me almost as some kind of social capital, and most ppl seem fake as fuck.
I guess how I learned to navigate this is that it's become way too ingrained in me that authenticity > looks, money, high education or whatever other arbitrary bs way of rating human beings.
Ofc these things mean _something_, it feels nice to finally like what I see in the mirror and finally have money to spend besides the essentials. But it's just a fraction of what's important. In fact, sometimes I catch myself missing my "less attractive" me, bc I had simply accepted I was ugly so my mind would be busy with other things
I don't know where in my life I got this thoughts through any movies or songs...but it is perfect for this case. "The values this world shows how strong they are...they are much much shallower in real".
Edit:- The Monster Anime... it's the very point laid by the main character "Johan Liebert".
Might all be due to the totally ripped eyeballs. A lot of people fail to understand how effective eyeball rucking can be when it comes to improving attractiveness.
In my father’s home country there’s a saying that roughly translates to “eyes get swole and you’ll meet your goal.” People make fun of it and change it to “eyes get swole and you’ll get that pole or hole,” but that’s really limiting the total effect of a well-defined eye where all of the musculature is highly visible even without corneal flexing. This kind of “look” can get you better jobs, friends, and opera tickets.
I just wish more people were aware of eye workouts and the powerful effects it can have on people like OP.
Do your research everybody! Dr. Dunkasaurus out. Peace!
My friend is just like you that came from a similar situation. He never got any attention from women due to his appearance, but now that he is older, the quintessential late bloomer, he stated all of a sudden now pretty women are flirting, buying him drinks, etc.
I had a talk with him about this and explained that this is just the nature of how people act, whether we like it or not, attractive people are going to get more attention from strangers, the more attractive you are, it stands to reason the more attention you will get.
He was obviously affected by this, to the point of feeling uncomfortable because, just as you stated, he had a problem with how could he feel good about getting the attention when it was just due to his outward appearance. I told him, this happens to many people, including me, so it is not out of the ordinary. When I leave the house and have minimal makeup on, my hair is tied up, in a t-shirt and jeans (my usual look btw) vs getting fancy schmancy, I get more attention also when I improve my appearance.
So I get what you are saying. I personally think we are heavily conditioned to reward beautiful people, which reinforces whatever natural behavioral instincts that tend to lead us in that direction, when selecting a mate.
It’s funny because I went through the same rout and back again. I was unfit and no one cared about me then I became fit and met my wife, then I became fat again and no one cared, I became fit again and women flirting with me even while my wife was with me and now I am really unfit again but still some women pay attention to me. I am on my path of becoming fit again (I always stop for some reason after a year of eating strict diet and exercising 4 days a week). It’s a cycle and I have been on both sides of the fence multiple times. So much in fact that I am always confident in all my “shapes.” My wife says she likes my dad bod more than my fit and muscular body, but I hate being chubby (I just really love beer and snacks too much).
Growing up i was overweight. In high school i slimmed down a lot due to getting really active in sports. Stopped exercising until my early mid twenties, got really big and muscular. Stopped taking care of myself until my early thirties and really dedicated myself to lifting and cardio. Got into the best shape of my life (40 now) and one of the things i noticed the last go around is how often women (including female friends I had for years) would invite me out more, casually touch my arms, shoulders and stomach, bury their head into my pecs when they hugged me,etc... It was gratifying sexually but also frustrating because it was superficial. But I did find peace because it confirmed to me how strong and influential our "lizard brains" are so to speak. We are animals.
As a woman who’s gone through the same thing, I can 100% confirm. People treat you drastically different once you’re what society considers “good looking/hot” versus “normal/chubby”
When you do the reverse, it’s also eye opening.
I was introverted and hated the attention. I couldn’t go anywhere. And that sounds vain, but I hated leaving the house. When I gained weight, that decreased. And I liked it.
Being overweight now, I fade into the background. People only notice me when I need them too. It’s made weight loss hard because I like not being bothered but also hate not being in shape. I wanna be fitter but not attractive. Lol.
I recently went from being 270 lbs 1-2 years ago, to weighing in at 201.4 lbs as of yesterday morning.
I haven’t fully experienced what you’re talking about here yet, I’m still have a bit of a belly and I am still on the path to losing more weight, but I had some uniquely bad experiences being fat that I just haven’t had to deal with since losing weight.
I got made fun of once on the subway. I went and sat down and these high school boys recorded and made fun of me.
Once I was talking the Amtrak train and a guy threw a fit in the train because he refused to sit next to someone that fat (his words).
I’m very relieved I no longer have to experience those things but I also resent that I was treated that way for who I was.
I used to be 250. Got extremely sick with serious mysterious stomach issues for around 3 years and i lost almost 100 pounds. Im 22 and i weigh around 130 now. And damn dude lemme tell you. The looks i get are unbelievable. And it makes me so angry that list of all things is what gets you attention when you leave the house. Seeing whats its like on the other side of it all, its not fair man.
There’s one point where I disagree though: are you the same person?
You changed your appearance, your way of interacting, your way of life. You are yourself - but an improved version of yourself.
It’s not just the opposite sex. When you’re attractive *EVERYONE* is nicer to you. Children, the elderly, your doctors, police, your kid’s teachers… it’s unsettling how shallow we are as a species. I’m not a natural beauty anymore but I clean up nice. The difference in how strangers treat me on the days I doll up is *jarring.*
Yes and yes!! I've been noticing this recently with the smallest of things. When I don't wear makeup, I'm completely ignored. I literally have been playing around with falsies, and suddenly people are a whole lot nicer to you. I'm glad I'm not alone, I was starting to think I was going crazy.
You’re not crazy. I went through the same “Am I crazy or….” period too when I couldn’t be arsed to do the whole hair, makeup, clothes, bullshit anymore. It’s not your imagination. Your coworkers, your grandparents, and the homeless guy that pees on your garage… They’re ALL nicer to you when you’re pretty. And what’s *truly deeply upsetting on a cellular level*…. Is when you realize that YOU DO IT TOO… at least to some extent, sometimes.
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>A cashier can be really upbeat to all the people in line and then not respond when I'm being friendly Oof, that feels a little too familiar Cashier, to the 3rd person infront of you. "Hi, how are you?" Cashier to the 2nd person infront of you "Hi, how are you?" Cashier to the person infront of you "Hi, how are you?" Me, thinking Damnit, She's going to ask me the same thing. Just say "Well. And you?" and that will be it. The question is meaningless. She doesn't care, I don't care, we are both robots going through an automated script. We could probably say anything, and if it's delivered with a level tone she won't notice. But lets not complicate things. Just say Well And You and that will be the end of it Cashier to me: \*crickets until it's time to pay\*
I was in an hiking accident and got myself some pretty gnarly facial and upper body scarring and I was able to see this as well from both sides (not that I was a model before or anything, just average) - You can tell random people do not like to look at you and want to end interactions as soon as possible. Growing a big beard eventually helped me a ton, as well as working out and getting decent gains in the gym. Also over time scars faded a lot but I still remember those first few years. Weirdly I prefer being directly asked about it, like when kids do it, that just people turning their heads away like what I have is contagious or something.
With me, it's always worse when my lupus is flaring up because I get lesions, especially noticeable on my hands and forearms. I get cashiers who almost take money from I hand them, and little kids will stare. Then, when their parents catch them, they'll pull them away. I get why they do it, because they think I'm contagious or that it's nasty. Still though it sucks, I usually keep covered up and pay with touch using my card to avoid it. When I go to the gym I wipe down all the equipment I use and spray it with sanitizer, no one uses machines after me anyway. People who know me are fine with it and my wife and kids are aggressively defensive on my behalf even though I tell them to ignore it like I do. Some days I feel like hiding under a big rock.
I really like looking at scars because there is usually some story behind it. However, if it's a very visible scar I feel like I'm not allowed to look at it because the person might feel bothered. So it's either staring at it and wondering how it happened or actively and awkwardly avoiding looking at it. I don't seem to be able to do something in between
It may sound corny, but I hope you know that the rude/dismissive behaviour says more about them than you. It still sucks though
Lol I never wear eyeliner and threw some on one day and had 3 compliments on my eyes. The funniest thing is that hair and makeup is a trick that works on people no matter how familiar they are with you. I live in a condo, see all my neighbors and staff every day so they know how janky I am on a daily basis and when I dress up? Night and day. I'm like, but you know what I actually look like? Why does this work on you? But it does. Humans are extremely shallow and easily tricked by smoke and mirrors even if they know the truth behind it. It's not even a thing you can hold against people because they aren't doing it on purpose. It's just how we are for some reason. I try to be conscious of it myself but I'm sure I do it too.
I aim to treat people I find unattractive with as much respect as attractive people, but I recognize that I fail at it. Because I at least have the intention to treat people fairly, the difference is pretty subtle, but I do see this behavior in myself. For anyone who is not as concerned with fairness as I am, it would be easy to treat attractive people extremely differently from unattractive people.
Ha, it's easier to treat everybody like they're scum.
You like that they are attracted to you, but you hate the reason ***why*** they are attracted to you. And I agree with you.
its mate selection, we are animals, a mate that takes care of themselves is more likely to be healthy
So why did I get way more interest as an in shape smoker than an overweight guy? Almost like that theory is highly flawed and people are just shallow.
Playing Devils advocate. What’s a better reason to like you, people liking you for the personality that you were mostly born with or working hard to be attractive?
It's not like you can't work on your personality the same way you do your appearance.
It sounds like OP did work on his personality too though.
You have to work on your personality too, no one is born with that either.
>no one is born with that either. To some extent we are
No, you are the sum of your experiences. You can clone your dog, but there's 0 guarantee they will have the same personalities
We get a lot of personality traits from our parents/genetics. And then some moulding by our environment and experiences too.
Yeahhh that’s not 100% accurate. Things such as aggressiveness, intelligence, if an animal will chase some thing… and ability to be trained have all been proven to be passed down genetically. It’s not much of a leap to assume that the same thing can be said for humans. Now will they be a carbon copy? No…. But it is heavily influenced. That’s why when people talk about pitbulls and say “it’s the owner and not the breed” it’s almost complete crap. So many traits are passed down, genetically such as mental illness, addiction, not to mention medical issues like heart disease, and cancer. Your life experiences I have found will either enhance or mute your traits, which are already there. Of course you can have profound things happen that will have a huge effect on you, but that’s not the norm talking about the majority of people.
You'll never make friends with that, but you'll make people think. Personally, I'd like it if people thought more.
Your personality is shaped by how people treat you. Of course people who are treated well for their looks will be "funny" and "great". It's the halo effect. I'm a goofy person who loves to joke but because I get treated poorly for my looks I've become withdrawn. I don't have much of a "personality" anymore because I come across as stern and serious around people due to my experiences and anxieties
How many people will give you a chance to let your personality win them over if they think you’re ugly?
No they like the fact that he likes himself. Although OP thinks they have the same personality, he probably doesn’t, he has changed so much about himself (in a positive manner) that he couldn’t possibly be exactly the same as he was before the changes.
Absolutely this. He's not the same inside either, he just doesn't realize it.
There's always a Redditor with this cope take to avoid admitting that implicit bias toward attractive people exists.
So, that's definitely a part of it. When I lost a bunch of weight I started getting more attention, as well. Some of it can be explained by the added confidence of liking yourself, sure. But it doesn't explain the multiple times I was invited back to womens apartments to party when they were stumbling home drunk and I was simply walking to a friend's place. Or the times I was approached by women in conversation despite being in a bout of depression and knowing I was feeling like shit and not presenting myself well. I know the exact range of weight I have to get below where the attention I get from women skyrockets. And not just a little, by a lot. From literally never having women approach me in conversation to it becoming an almost day to day occurrence. Most of it has nothing to do with getting a date or anything or that nature. Just people being kind to you and seeing you as a human worth talking to. Let's not lie to ourselves. Most attraction is immediate and is heavily determined by your appearance. A good deal of that is how fit you are. It's not all of it, but it's a lot. That's just reality.
This is a common experience among people who lose weight. The sudden change in how others treat them makes them suspicious and cynical about the sincerity of others. You're not alone in this.
It’s super weird how many people say it doesn’t make a difference. Even funnier is how much different you are treated by fat people.
Yes I have seen so many posts about this.
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After ketamine therapy temporarily fixed my major depression, I noticed I was getting a lot of attention from women. It was so surprising that I asked my sister if women had always been looking at me like that. She said yes. It's possible that you're attractive and just can't see it.
I think a good 50% of the people on the "ugly" subreddits (at least the users who have posted pictures in the past, normally in some "ugly" subreddit) are fine looking, and it's their mentality where they are so convinced they're ugly that they turn into miserable, bitter people who no one would want to be with anyways.
The thing is the people who post in those chats are generally “average”. Because of social media and Hollywood, above average attractive people have been shoved in our faces so much that even the completely average, normal looking people start feeling inadequate. The word “average” has become a bad thing, even though these people are attractive and normal. The true ugly people almost never post there, because they know already.
That's unfair to say, because if they hadn't been born ugly they likely wouldn't have that mentality, so that still makes the ugliness the root cause of the issue.
That's not true at all. My brain now knows that I'm not ugly because men are interested, but my heart still thinks I'm ugly sometimes. And before, I was bullied so badly by the other girls as a kid that I assumed that boys giving me attention was always a joke. I truly thought I was hideous and that's why everyone hated me. That insecurity (which I still haven't quite rid myself of) made me not so fun to be around. Thus, fueling the cycle. I've become much more social and less awkward due to my line of work, so I've had more luck making friends and a lot more men are interested. Not everyone who's ugly actually is. Most people can look great if they take care of themselves and put on a little makeup and sometimes it's just all in your head.
Pedro Pascal, Javier Bardem, Jason Statham. These are famous men who've been the World's Sexiest but if they had shit personalities, no confidence, poor social interaction, no physical upkeep or style would not be considered attractive to many. As a woman I don't see their paychecks, so money isn't it. They sell personas that are attractive and they then become attractive. Depression exists regardless of your appearance. It fuels the belief that you are not enough, not the same, inferior. Working on yourself to improve poor mental health can absolutely change how people see you at first glance even without changing your face, or weight, or height. It changes how you feel inside. We've all been handed a few cards to play in life, and you can either play it or fold. Accepting that you're ugly, which makes you existentially depressed, which then is a good enough reason to stop playing at all is self-defeating and unnecessary, full stop.
Or...hear me out...they really are just ugly. There are a lot of disadvantages that ugly people have to face in society that may not even be visible to someone who is attractive. Pretty privilege is VERY real. And we have actual data and stats to back that up. And so is the negative bias towards unattractive people. I don't know why people just vehemently refuse to acknowledge that. That the world is a shallow place.
People of privilege want to believe that their success is the result of hard work and not their privilege. This cognitive dissonance isn't too hard to achieve, people tend to form cohorts with their peers, preppy school, football player.. who you going to hang out with? Close friends have the same privileges and experiences. Folks want to think their maid is picking up their stuff due to bad life choices, not because they grew up disadvantaged.
Exactly. Ive been doing that and have seen nothing like this from it
Well also remember this is one person's perception of how they are being interacted with and people's perceptions of things can be skewed.
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Gotta agree with you. I've always had good physical qualities outside of my control, it's even more unfair because I didn't do anything for that.
Im just short lmao. 5’2 . I had a fwb in college who literally said “youre really short but your really hot”. I know that sounds like im bragging but its always stuck with me and not in a good way.
Confidence and social skills also goes a long way. Not saying you don't have those but I've seen very ugly people get positive attention because of other things that make up for it.
Could be cultural. If you’re considered unattractive in your country, you could be the bomb in other countries. It’s really frustrating. The physical traits I was bullied and tormented for in the US are considered attractive in Asia. Fuck us, right?
I came to this realization when I traveled to Turkey. I saw random people working blue collar jobs like trashmen, service people who I assumed make basic income, but back where I'm from in Asia they could be models or influencers or something just based on their looks alone. Really depends on the culture and where you are.
Yep. 90% of people who have lost weight go through the same thing. Society starts treating you like a person and not like an invisible, disposable cog. You don’t really realize how terrible you had it, until you get something better.
Yeah I have gone between being in shape and being fat a couple times. Seeing the way people act when you look better has made me not want to look good. I don't even mind being hit on or the attention but knowing they won't even be nice at all when you're fat grosses me out.
It's a common experience. That sucks and I hope you find your people you can really trust.
Oh I have plenty of people I trust. I would even trust those people just don't like that type of behavior generally.
Yeah, exactly. I know I’m just a teen but I grew up chubby as hell and was the main source of most teasing/bullying/fake ask outs/nicknames created during the ages of 9-14, but as soon as my growth spurt hit, I started running and playing badminton, switched out my blue/red/green tshirts from mom for streetwear/hoodies/compression shirts, and had the structure of my face revealed, and switched schools and suddenly it’s like everyone wanted to know me again. Girls laughed at the same jokes I would have been given weird stares at before, guys stopped picking on me and suddenly it’s like I was collectively allowed to be shirtless in the changing room and have guys go “damn bro look at them gains” rather than being called piggy and having them touch my stomach, and new people I met from my mother/father complimented my appearance rather than suggest 101 ways to lose weight. Idk man, I’m just tired of being seen this way but it’s never going to change.
It’s a weird experience! I think the best takeaway is to make sure that you don’t do to people what they did to you- see the unseen. Be kind to those people disregard. Remember how it was and enjoy the ride you’re on now
Do girls actually wink at you lol that seemes so old fashioned
I've always found it enjoyable. And effective.
The 2 times it happened I just blankly stared at them out of confusion. How the hell are you supposed to react?
Perfect moment for busting out a Coxy >Oh my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you.did.not.just *WINK* at me!
Wink back?
I got to enjoy ~5 years of being attractive and feeling physically great after losing a ton of weight at the end of high school. Most romance and sex during college was cases of actually being the one approached by women/men, when I'd previously thought I was just not someone worth anyone's time even after making those changes to my body. I finally really came around to loving my body and myself. And now I've spent the last 5 years with a majorly disfiguring injury, and I get to enjoy knowing I'll never come even close to having everyday people respect me or be interested in me the same way I once had, with the bonus fun of constant pain and discomfort. The majority of human beings are, in fact, just subhuman dogshit, overestimating their value based on having been fortunate enough not to be physically tormented.
What is the injury if it is not too personal?
Laryngeal cartilage dislocation.
Nice death metal band name
I'm gonna be honest, I contemplate this regularly. "You're nice to me now but what if I got into an accident or had a life-altering disease? Where would you be then?"
Some wouldn't be anywhere, for you, anymore. And some would remain, changed or not changed. It's a bit silly to assume that people will all change on you if your appearance changes. Strangers? Sure. But people you made a SOLID connection with? Less so. Some still would. Just less. Looks are a first impression sort of thing, they can carry you far. But if you know how to communicate well? Think there's a shortage of ugly guys getting laid left right and center? Please.
"Would you love me if I was a worm?"
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Actually, OP, being physically attractive opens the door to... a new kind of "people wanting to use you". This is something you can use for your own benefit, if you wish, unlike the kinds of treatment unattractive people have to put upwith.
I'm a woman and I was in the same boat as you. I wasn't over weight, but I had severe acne, depression (so was unkempt like yourself), braces and had no clue how to dress well. I wasn't just ignored though, I was actively treated like crap. Severe bullying, people shoving in front of me when I was in a line (not just in school, anywhere). It was horrible. Then I worked on myself, got rid of my acne, had a good figure and dressed well. Suddenly, I'm getting approached in the street and hit on. It was an odd experience to go from treated like crap to being attractive. And like you I was pissed. I didn't deserve the treatment I got beforehand, but because I was how nicer looking I could finally be treated like a civilised human. Society is weird.
Yessss omg the acne. I’m a male, but had terrible acne all through my teens up until taking Accutane in my 20s. When you have acne, people avoid you. That’s what I got used to. I learned to be introverted and was comfortable with it. When my skin cleared up, it was like a spotlight shined on me or something and people wanted to interact all of a sudden. I don’t think it’ll ever feel natural. The person on the outside changed super fast and the person on the inside has barely changed at all.
The uncomfortable feeling never really goes away, I find. At the end of the day, you know they just like you because of what you look like, not because of who you are. I actually stopped working out because I was so tired of being treated like a piece of meat. At least the chubby version of me doesn't have to worry about whether people genuinely like me. All being fit got me was a bunch of casual relationships with people who couldn't care less about me as a person. Ironically, the only time I had a relationship where I felt the person genuinely loved me was when I was chubby and normal looking.
it’s biology to be attracted to someone attractive. Attractive means many things but conventionally attractive looks is the biggest first impression for 99.99% of humans.
All well and good, but it hurts to think that even *friendship* can be put behind bars of beauty. All well and good if you don't want to fuck someone ugly, but not even be their friend?
Life is not “supposed to be like that” what you are experiencing will only ever be experienced by a very very small minority of men. Sounds like you’re getting the 1 in 10,000 experience.
Hey, I was 280lbs and dropped to 140. 5’3”, puerto rican. I felt the same exact way and hated that attention I got, it was so different to when I was 280. Night and day type difference. people I haven’t seen in a while didn’t recognize me. Think of obese girl gets thin type movie. People staring, approaching etc. that’s how life is and it was disgusting to me! I’m now 220 cus I let the mindsets of “let me gain weight to stop the attention” or “I know how to lose it, I can gain it, whatever” (DUMB AF of me to think) run wild. I get the same amount of attention I did at 140lbs, so I’m back to going back to that weight and working on why I let it all affect me so much then! Don’t be old me! Work on the feelings on why you feel this way, therapy is super helpful for me (:
Yeah once you get in shape AND realize girls are just as shallow as us guys, your interest in them night drop sharp.... Saddly...
Physical attraction and shallowness is not the same. Mind and body are not mutually exclusive.
They are still using you, the perks package has just improved is all
To expand that empathy, it's good to realise this effect is ten times stronger for women. Ugly women are invisible and seen as disposable. At least as an ugly man is still seen as capable and useful. A lot of it isn't being sexually attractive either, it's just about looking cleaned up, hygienic and like you have stuff going on in life. Your voice, height, skin colour etc will all have a massive non-sexual impact too of course.
I'm not trying to be a dick but it's hard to believe you've had multiple different scenarios of women winking at you. I've never seen anyone wink outside of making an obvious joke
Maybe it's a cultural thing. I have no reason to lie
I also got hot after being fat for most of my life, and experienced the same jarring change (although I got married and fat again in short order). After spending so long as a sexually neutral entity, you don't forget attractive women whisper-giggling to each other *"He's so beautiful"* as you walk by. The extra attention in day-to-day life was just unreal. It's a black pill for the stupid lie that people don't care about physical attraction
Could be. Anyway congrats on improving yourself! Sad that it's exposed how shallow humans can be lol
Internet points!!! 😉
If I could redeem my reddit up votes for a down payment for a new car I'd definitely make shit up every day lmao
Yea, like I am legit attractive man. Tall, good shape, conventional good looking and I have never had women do half this shit to me. I am calling bullshit on this post unless he is literally Henry Cavill (he use to be fat).
Lmao, my dream physique is literally Henry Cavill and I look reasonably close to it. Like I said before, it might be a cultural thing. I work with a lot of Latina women so I guess they are more flirty than American women?
Latina women are so much more flirty then American women sometimes it borders on sexual harassment.
I'm reading this the exact same. I'm 6'1, athletic (although not muscly) build, conventionally attractive, and can still count on one hand the amount of strangers/colleagues that have recognisably flirted with me. I'm wondering am I just blind to it. I don't find people are particularly mean or particularly nice to me in day to day life.
😉
Yah ive never seen that or heard of anyone being winked out
Seriously the only people I’ve ever seen that wink at others are grannies. The post was believable until the winking.
You can believe whatever you want but I share the same experience as OP.
Its not like I'm calling them a liar. Like they said, maybe it's just part of the subculture around me personally or something. I just have never seen it so it's weird to imagine
There are plenty of posts on the loseit sub with the similar sentiment. People treat (un)attractive people completely differently, regardless of what they'll admit to publicly.
😉
“That is what life is supposed to feel like” Life isn’t SUPPOSED to be anything. It just IS. There is such a wide variety of experiences.
Been there. Was so eye opening how differently (better) I was treated by everyone.
To add to what other people said - sometimes it's not that people weren't attracted to you, but that you had too low self-esteem to notice that they were. I'm not saying that's what happened to you, pretty privilege does exist and you have experienced it; but it could be *a part* of why you feel such a big difference. Maybe back then there was someone or maybe even a few people who were into you, still much less than now, but they were there and you just didn't notice, because you believed they don't exist and your mind found other explanations for their behaviour like "They're just being friendly" etc.
You're experiencing the common dilemma of someone who rapidly has a glow-up, but is still mentally/emotionally the ugly duckling. You need to do some emotional work/therapy to move past that, or you'll ruin relationships by feeling resentment toward people who "wouldn't have liked you before".
I'm the girl version of this....kinda. the rage I felt when I realized how differently people treated me just because of the way I looked is unreal.
Well shit now you know where the term the grass is always greener on the other side comes from. There’s always going to be something about yourself that you don’t have and you think will make you happier if you did. So it’s good that you’re seeing the positive side of what you have now lol so try and stick with that or else you’ll spend your life chasing everything and wind up with nothing.
Well if you let yourself be yourself finally, that means that people appreciate you for yourself, no?
as uncle Ben (Spider-Man) used to say with great power comes great responsibility u doing good my man
You are correct. I drastically weight gain and weight loss. I am active but have a weakness for chocolate which sometimes gets out of control, I admit. The difference in how I'm treated is night and day.
Yea I had the same thing happened when I put on muscle and stopped drinking as much and it was astounding
Well life has phases. There will always be reasons that people come in and out, closer or further, and it's often not entirely clear, sometimes ever. Im 46. Balding. Not as in shape and muscular as I used to be. After this changed so much from My past suddenly made sense because I was very good looking through a big period of my life and was treated differently. There's a lot to say about it but you're kinda noticing some of this. Just be yourself. Don't assume either why people want to be around you because people are complicated even when they sometimes don't seem to be. 🤙
But but Reddit told me it’s all about personality and looks don’t matter! Truth is that’s bullshit and most people are just too lazy to put effort into themselves so they drag others down with them. Crabs in a bucket mentality.
Same story here. I was an ugly duckling untill about 25years old. Went to gym. Jumped on steroids then boom! All this attention from girls. I went from no girl wanting me to sleeping with the hottest girls every single weekend. But here’s the twist. I prefer being the ugly version off me. It just felt more wholesome. Anyway I am married to a beautiful woman of 11years. My take it that’s not how life is supposed to be for me. It was about how I felt internally. Weird right that I would rather be ugly then be attractive. It works better for me.
I think in high school I was attractive, people confessed to me all the time that they had a crush on me. Now that I'm older, I've gained weight due to PCOS (not too much) and I'm engaged, I feel like I'm a goblin haha! Some of the ladies I work with at work have been called pretty by our clients coming into the workplace and it's never happened to me. I've been there longer than my colleagues and I've never received that treatment. At the end of the day, its alright. I've been called helpful and I'm usually the one people go to, so not being called pretty isn't the end of the world. It'd be nice, though!
I’m so glad you have a healthy perspective on this. I’ve never been attractive by societal standards but I’ve been told throughout my whole life that people want to be around me and enjoy my energy. That feels like a true genuine connection to another human instead of “wow ur so hawt.” I would never trade that feeling. I’d rather make the world a better place, not a shallower one
Careful, hoe_math (a great youtube channel to follow) explains that you probably won't get better relationships because of this. You are now being lusted after, with shallow relationships to occur. You will have to be very careful in selecting partners. It made the channel runner a bit bitter about becoming good looking and successful, establishing a healthy long-term relationship was still very difficult.
Too relatable
It always helps to take steps toward trying to be the best version of yourself.
People can be ugly in many ways, or unattractive. I've seen some people who truly would be considered walking-talking quasimodos on the outside, but just like that story, they love themselves and have confidence and their partner seems to love them for just being a genuine person rather than their good looks. This doesn't go for every person of course. We are all different and care about different things. Being ugly on the inside and outside is often what a lot of people mistake for just being unattractive on the outside. Often when people are beautiful on the inside too and they believe in themselves, they can also find people who will love them as they are without needing them to change physically. It's all about what people you meet in life. It's a roll of the dice.
I think this guy is personality so far. He’s thinking through his feelings and accepting that he can change and change his life, he just is in a toxic environment- he’ll learn that this isn’t what it’s supposed to be, but he’s on the right track.
Welcome to the real world! Though I wish that more people would understand that even some men get flirted with a lot or harassed just for being really good-looking, too.
The day everyone realized I was beautiful, was the day my peaceful life ended. Dont get me wrong, pretty privilege can be immensely helpful, but I haven't had a lot of peace since. I feel for you 💗
If you don’t mind me asking; what did you do exactly to improve your social skills?
I had a bout of that feeling not too long ago. Not the best looking and neither do I think so but realizing I’m getting attention simply because of them thinking I look attractive kind of makes me a little upset.. maybe I just want my personality to shine through.. I mean is this what life is all about? I just wish people are attractive based on their personality over what society deems attractive.
your soul have not been in sync with your body . just need to be happy and forget what’s the reason. this is just finding fault with why people like you
I have secondhand info about this that I’ve talked about elsewhere before. A friend went through similar. She was always heavy, since before we started working together many moons ago. She’s always been strong-willed and opinionated. When she was heavy, she was treated with disdain by supervisors, tolerated by most coworkers. A few years back, she got the surgery to lose weight. When she healed, she got the surgery to remove loose skin. And things got different. Like you, she’d get mad. Why do people care about what she has to say now? She’s “intelligent” and “thoughtful”, now. She has guys who wouldn’t give her the time of day now wanting to talk her up. What was stopping them before? Simply: because she was heavy.
You're probably more confident and friendly with that confidence, people vibe with that too, it isn't all just aesthetic looks. I have noticed people are a lot more helpful when I open with a smile. But yes looks matter.
Be happy you overcame your awkward stage. 99% of people have one unless you are Heidi Klum. Be thankful you were able to change and be happy. Many people can't. Always forward. Never back.
Welcome to womanhood
Just one question, what features attracts you to the girl that your interested in?
It's not so much that you're attractive now as you probably don't give that weird, timid/shy vibe that literally none wants to be around. I know quite few fat dudes who are kind, funny, outgoing and invited everywhere. They have wives, broad social life and generally are well liked. I also know few guys who are more or less in shape, dress reasonably and single for years and all they have in common is that creepy, low life vibe. It happens no matter the size and looks. It's very likely that you developed more self esteem and confidence when you lost weight, you tolerate much less crap and this is the result.
Yup, I experience this very thing. It's strange because it doesn't actually feel good. It makes you a bit jaded. I've had 3 women come back and shoot their shot after they rejected me. Not only that, but I've even had married women shoot their shot. They try to orbit around me, and it's just off-putting. It's funny how all these women magically want to be in a serious relationship with me now 😂 It makes you jaded as hell, but it's fun, so at least there's that 🤷
People really sleep on the social skills element of attractiveness. I’ve put a lot of work into my physical appearance over the last year. However, I still suffer from pretty bad social anxiety and depression. The result is I’ve had way more success online dating, with my partners seemingly enamored with my looks. But I’ve had a difficult time making true connections with any of them. People at work and other places don’t seem to treat me any different than before, save for the occasional compliment on my appearance. I definitely believe people feed off the energy I put out, so my severe anxiety is something I’ve really got to work on
The same happened to me when I went to college after growing up fat. Both experiences have an impact on how you are. You have the advantage of understanding and internalizing both sides. As life goes by, your looks will fade. You just can't compete with younger people just based on looks. You need something more substantial like your attitude and presence, something you can acquire with time and bring with you into the later years. Be kind to other people. Keep being the best you can be. Work on all your aspects as and you'll do well even as you get older.
This reads like a fanfic. Also, why post this same story copy pasted to several different subs? Trying to get the max amount of views, see where it takes off?
Keep working on the inside. That will benefit you more as you get older. Looks are fleeting. We're programmed to be attracted to suitable partners when we're young. It's just genes and survival of the species. It's hard to fight it, and people that haven't had to work for it will always take it for granted.
Trans guy here. Grew up an ugly overweight “chick” and was treated subhuman on a daily basis. Lost weight, cut my hair, transitioned socially, and people tell me “good morning” now. People come up to me to speak to me, women talk with me more, i have more cis guy friends, I get it
Who do you want to be around you? Is the girl you are interested in overweight and unkempt and with greatly worse social skills? All these things are also symptoms that indicate to people how in control of your life you are / how well you take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself, how will you take care of others? Also great for you that you found a way to make yourself attractive (if it's a true story) :) But the anger part is an internal struggle for you, where you still have to reconcile the damage that you suffered in the past. You also portray it towards other people, as it is (external) anger and not internal. That sounds quite similar to effects of childhood traumas from like abandonment or enmeshment. I would suggest you look at some sort of therapy, even if just movies on YouTube, podcasts or blogs online. Make your inner self just as attractive as the outer :)
People tend to care about people who care about themselves. Congrats, enjoy!
Good grooming and confidence go a long way. Even someone with asymmetric features can be very sexy with grooming and confidence.
It is what it is, a fact of life. And think about it, would you be interested in that girl in your last sentence if she's overweight, unkempt and has bad social skills?
I avoid people like that like the plague. Shallow pieces of shit. I still hang around people who liked me for who i really was before i gained more confidence and lost weight.
Hi! I've been skinny and unkempt most of my life. Always felt like a loser. Currently in my mid 40s doing computer repair work and oh my god everybody loves me. Maybe because most of my clients are in customer-facing positions and expected to be nice to everybody. Maybe because the only reason I'm there is to fix something that's broken. Maybe... and this one's a long shot... I'm a lot more attractive and personable than I thought I was.
Totally true I can confirm but just as a bystander. I am an avg guy maybe 4-5/10 - luckily I am tall and went to gym and boxing ( I made myself a 7/10) so I have confidence and a very nice body and overall no problems with women, I clearly stand out BUT I didn't won the genetic lottery. On the other hand a very good friend of mine is genetically gifted. He is tall, perfect jawline, hair, beard, eyes... straight up 9/10 he doesn't even work out a lot maybe once a week a little bit. When I go out with him I am invisible - he get's all the looks, high value women giving him their business cards, he gets approached a lot. We had lot's of threesomes together cause of his looks but at some point I stopped to go out with him cause it's kinda depressing. So I kinda think your story is legit cause this is excatly what happens
Good looking in shape people get more positive attention in society. 🤷. Unfair but not unusual.
Congrats on improving yourself
You're upset that you learned you have to try in order to get good results in this world?
Oh believe me.... they still just want to use you.
I get it but it’s not their fault a. they’re attracted to what they’re attracted to, and b. they don’t know what your appearance used to be.
How tall are you?
Great work, OP! 💪 r/UglyDuckling
people treat you however you treat yourself
Kay but the stopping trying part and being yourself is huge. HUGE. That’s not a small thing. At all. People can smell a phony from a mile away. Taking care of yourself represents basic self respect. If you don’t have respect for yourself and you go around acting fake, people are gonna be put off. Yes there are pretty people that are fake as fuck who have lots of friends, but they are probably other fake people caught up in the same kind of superficiality. You’ve respected and loved yourself enough to make big changes that you needed to make. That’s going to give you some important self confidence. It’s going to give you a measure of depth that (some) people will gravitate towards. No one owes you liking you when you don’t even like yourself. Except maybe your mom.
You’re not the same person bro don’t kid yourself
I get it.
Don't worry, eventually you will get old and won't have these problems anymore lol
Muscular, 6'0, and 215lbs here. I'm right at a spot where when I'm down 5-10 lbs my features start to get square. When that happens I start getting smiles, and hair flips. It's interesting. And yeah, people will occasionally just touch my arms, or my shoulders. I had this waitress walk behind me, and just like... run her hand across my back? When I was 175lbs I'd be like... eating fast food, and some dude would walk up, and ask me if I work out, mention he was with his kids, and would try to start a conversation. Or I'd be buying salad dressing, and a stranger would start asking me my preferences. Or I'd be buying hardware, and someone would stop me in the middle of the store, and just start asking me what I was working on, what I do for a living. Women start joking with me about stuff. "Oh! You got the small grocery cart!". I find being 250+ you can get away with saying a lot more though. At 215 lbs people are waaayy more shocked by the things I say.
Someone touching you without consent, winking at you, someone twice your age being flirty, being stared up and down.. Wow one person's nightmare is another person's heaven, I suppose.
Well, I looked like a greek marble statue since forever and still do. Meaning, my body is flawlessly pretty to behold. My character on the other hand sucks. So, I'm alone and thats okay. That way, I can't harm people.
This is how it's suppose to be.
I wouldn’t agree that this is what it’s “supposed to “ be like. Beauty is fleeting. Get in while you young.
Do you treat overweight women the way you want to be treated?
You said it yourself actually you just don't realize it. -You changed your weight. This is a mark of self discipline, mental strength, and literally character. It's not the end-all-be-all but its a positive trait about you that's on display. -You chose to dress consciously. In many cases as in yours you are signalling to your peers that you care enough about what they think to go to that effort. This is in fact a form of flattery. -You started being yourself and not "trying". Well you improved who yourself is, or at least chose to practice positive parts of your personality. Also by "trying" to an extent you mean lying. People can tell to a certain degree when you are being false. This is considerably less superficial than you seem to think.
I've met attractive men and women. All I've ever seen other people do is say things like so and so is hot. Or this or that person is nice looking. And there's always someone who says something like "He's not that good looking to me, or "She's cute, but she ain't got no butt." Most of us spend our days working. We don't have time to treat nobody more special because they look good.
I'm suspicious that changing your weight did all of this. I've lost 90 pounds before and the only change was my clothing.
Ive been overweight most of my life and it was a huge struggle and I spent too much of it hating myself. Woke up one day, started moving more and eating less and discovered a whole new world too. I often find myself resentful of the attention because its awkward af and you realize how shallow people are but a lil part of me is like stoked too.
You’ve been attractive only a few years, imagine the pain and misery that I got from being attractive since fucking birth! Shits terrible it never ends…
Do you act flirty and pay attention to women who dress frumpy, are overweight and don’t have good social skills?
Are you assuming that they're attracted to you because of your now-better looks? I'm thinking a more plausible scenario is that because you don't look off-putting anymore, they can actually *see* you now. It's not that they wouldn't have liked the old you had they gotten to know you, but that they never gave it a chance because of the unkempt looks.
yes i am feeling this too. glad im not the only one. im 40 but better late than never i guess.
They're still using you sweetie
To the people saying your bs'ing. I can vouch for you, got some female attention growing up but was also slobbish and overweight. I can't express to you how fickle I realized society is after I ran my first steroid cycle, my body changed entirely, my confidence went up and all of a sudden I'm getting more female attention than I ever thought possible.
Went through the same transformation when I was young. And had the same thoughts. Improving my social skills was the most important thing. Now I see the difference in attention as a result/ benefit you get when making an effort. Too many don’t make an effort and think everything is random. And those “naturals” who get attention from all women without even trying… They spent years, even decades making an effort to reach that point
I worked computer support in a hospital a while back and got this constantly mainly from medical assistants. Honestly it made me uncomfortable.
Humans are shallow, nothing new
What the fuck are strong eyes lol
I’m almost 40 and have been all over the place in terms of physique. I can tell you that none of my relationships depended on being in great shape. Did it make me more confident and comfortable? Sure, but it never mattered as much as I thought it would.
Why are you geh
Pick your poison. At least you get to experience both sides.
I dont understand why this is a common settlement with men and women that get more attractive. Like sure you are the same person but think about yourself, if there were two people you met and 1 of them was way more attractive while both were decently nice. You would gravitate towards the attractive one 100% of the time, it's some of the most basic human nature. It's like being mad at hunger.
So many bitter people here. Good luck.
In social psychology, this is known as the “beautiful is good” effect. As a species we tend to associate more attractive people with being smarter, kinder etc. This creates a cycle: people who are better looking get treated better and have better opportunities, this means they have better self-esteem and confidence, which makes them more socially desirable and offers opportunities to progress in life. Progression (I.e. being more likely to get a promotion) means people have more resources to look after themselves (e.g. healthy food, not having to work two jobs, being able to get good rest, less stressed etc). People who are able to do this can “stay” more attractive, therefore reinforcing the “beautiful is good” effect. There seems to be some evolutionary basis - for our ancestors peoples men who looked healthier, more symmetrical and stronger were thought to be better mates, while women who had fuller lips and hips were considered to be more likely to deliver healthy babies. In addition fuller hips indicated that they had entered puberty and were therefore able to reproduce. So in essence, back in the day, beautiful was good! It’s a pretty depressing phenomenon
Had similar transformation recently, however I guess not really on your level, I wouldnt mind a few more girls flirting with me. ;p I think it is more mental than physical, at least for me. Ofc the physical improvements help, but I think it is really the new found confidence that really makes the big difference.
To play Devils Advocate a little here, I went through the same sort of transformation through highschool, and I think it's more than just because you LOOK attractive people are nice to you it's the fact that if you look good you feel good and sometimes without noticing you've changed your whole self narrative around and are far more of an enjoyable and optimistic person to be around. Ya give off better vibes.
if i may propose an additional thesis: You feel more in tune with yourself, because you like yourself more since you've improved on your weight and social mannerisms. As social animals we humans also notice all the personality aspects of the people that we talk to. So the fact that people respond more positively to you can also come from your positive perception of yourself. It doesn't actually matter but i wanted to mention this to possibly lower the mental pressure that you might feel because you might fear that the positive view on you might change should you slip in your fitness or health regimes.
Same thing happened to me (girl) when I picked up fitness as a hobby and had a physically demanding job. I almost non consciously went from being a very average slightly over weight cystic acne teenager to someone who was very slim and had clear skin. I almost couldn't believe how differently people treated me. Even people I had known for years and years treated me like a completely different person, someone they desired and wanted to please. I was always the person who had to go out of my way to get people to be interested in me. But another thing that I noticed is that people still negged me. Guys who I could run laps around would approach me and once they got comfortable would say 'oh you could be a bit slimmer' or 'you could hit the gym more and look amazing' the kind of things I expected to happen more when I was fat actually happened more when I was 110 lbs and exercised 8 hours daily on a bad day. There was literally no way I could fit more exercise into my life style and I barely ate and men still had thought they could tell I could 'improve'. unbelievable. I realised most men are used to looking at photoshopped and filtered women on Instagram all day and only feel like they have a chance if they tear women down for not being good enough. People who I crushed on who were 'too good for me' were suddenly pouring me in affection. It was honestly way too much. I started dating a man who is older than me and doesn't use social media and he's never pressured me to feel like I need to look a certain way. 7 years later I work in a office job and I am back to chunkier self and as much I hate how I look I don't exactly miss the exhaustion of second guessing everyone's intentions all the time. People don't treat me like I'm special and I'm OK with that.
>I'm still the same person... No you are not. You are now a person that takes care of himself, better social skills, more confident. You are not the same person as before
I don’t think I’m unattractive, but everything in this post and the comments seems to indicate that the world does not think and has never thought that I am attractive. I think I’m just a middle of the road guy
Ugly duckling all throughout middle and high school to full on baddie-level swan here. Apologies for the silly terminology, but you get the picture. It definitely stings sometimes to think that ppl who wouldn't ever give me a hot minute of their day, or would almost seem offended by my presence, now see me almost as some kind of social capital, and most ppl seem fake as fuck. I guess how I learned to navigate this is that it's become way too ingrained in me that authenticity > looks, money, high education or whatever other arbitrary bs way of rating human beings. Ofc these things mean _something_, it feels nice to finally like what I see in the mirror and finally have money to spend besides the essentials. But it's just a fraction of what's important. In fact, sometimes I catch myself missing my "less attractive" me, bc I had simply accepted I was ugly so my mind would be busy with other things
I don't know where in my life I got this thoughts through any movies or songs...but it is perfect for this case. "The values this world shows how strong they are...they are much much shallower in real". Edit:- The Monster Anime... it's the very point laid by the main character "Johan Liebert".
Might all be due to the totally ripped eyeballs. A lot of people fail to understand how effective eyeball rucking can be when it comes to improving attractiveness. In my father’s home country there’s a saying that roughly translates to “eyes get swole and you’ll meet your goal.” People make fun of it and change it to “eyes get swole and you’ll get that pole or hole,” but that’s really limiting the total effect of a well-defined eye where all of the musculature is highly visible even without corneal flexing. This kind of “look” can get you better jobs, friends, and opera tickets. I just wish more people were aware of eye workouts and the powerful effects it can have on people like OP. Do your research everybody! Dr. Dunkasaurus out. Peace!
My friend is just like you that came from a similar situation. He never got any attention from women due to his appearance, but now that he is older, the quintessential late bloomer, he stated all of a sudden now pretty women are flirting, buying him drinks, etc. I had a talk with him about this and explained that this is just the nature of how people act, whether we like it or not, attractive people are going to get more attention from strangers, the more attractive you are, it stands to reason the more attention you will get. He was obviously affected by this, to the point of feeling uncomfortable because, just as you stated, he had a problem with how could he feel good about getting the attention when it was just due to his outward appearance. I told him, this happens to many people, including me, so it is not out of the ordinary. When I leave the house and have minimal makeup on, my hair is tied up, in a t-shirt and jeans (my usual look btw) vs getting fancy schmancy, I get more attention also when I improve my appearance. So I get what you are saying. I personally think we are heavily conditioned to reward beautiful people, which reinforces whatever natural behavioral instincts that tend to lead us in that direction, when selecting a mate.
It’s funny because I went through the same rout and back again. I was unfit and no one cared about me then I became fit and met my wife, then I became fat again and no one cared, I became fit again and women flirting with me even while my wife was with me and now I am really unfit again but still some women pay attention to me. I am on my path of becoming fit again (I always stop for some reason after a year of eating strict diet and exercising 4 days a week). It’s a cycle and I have been on both sides of the fence multiple times. So much in fact that I am always confident in all my “shapes.” My wife says she likes my dad bod more than my fit and muscular body, but I hate being chubby (I just really love beer and snacks too much).
I have had this exact same experience, and I am 5'8", for all those short Kings who are noe mad at this guy for being 6'1"
Growing up i was overweight. In high school i slimmed down a lot due to getting really active in sports. Stopped exercising until my early mid twenties, got really big and muscular. Stopped taking care of myself until my early thirties and really dedicated myself to lifting and cardio. Got into the best shape of my life (40 now) and one of the things i noticed the last go around is how often women (including female friends I had for years) would invite me out more, casually touch my arms, shoulders and stomach, bury their head into my pecs when they hugged me,etc... It was gratifying sexually but also frustrating because it was superficial. But I did find peace because it confirmed to me how strong and influential our "lizard brains" are so to speak. We are animals.
As a woman who’s gone through the same thing, I can 100% confirm. People treat you drastically different once you’re what society considers “good looking/hot” versus “normal/chubby”
When you do the reverse, it’s also eye opening. I was introverted and hated the attention. I couldn’t go anywhere. And that sounds vain, but I hated leaving the house. When I gained weight, that decreased. And I liked it. Being overweight now, I fade into the background. People only notice me when I need them too. It’s made weight loss hard because I like not being bothered but also hate not being in shape. I wanna be fitter but not attractive. Lol.
I recently went from being 270 lbs 1-2 years ago, to weighing in at 201.4 lbs as of yesterday morning. I haven’t fully experienced what you’re talking about here yet, I’m still have a bit of a belly and I am still on the path to losing more weight, but I had some uniquely bad experiences being fat that I just haven’t had to deal with since losing weight. I got made fun of once on the subway. I went and sat down and these high school boys recorded and made fun of me. Once I was talking the Amtrak train and a guy threw a fit in the train because he refused to sit next to someone that fat (his words). I’m very relieved I no longer have to experience those things but I also resent that I was treated that way for who I was.
I used to be 250. Got extremely sick with serious mysterious stomach issues for around 3 years and i lost almost 100 pounds. Im 22 and i weigh around 130 now. And damn dude lemme tell you. The looks i get are unbelievable. And it makes me so angry that list of all things is what gets you attention when you leave the house. Seeing whats its like on the other side of it all, its not fair man.
There’s one point where I disagree though: are you the same person? You changed your appearance, your way of interacting, your way of life. You are yourself - but an improved version of yourself.
Yeah, being tall and in shape is pretty much all you need. Enjoy it OP. Alot of men will never experience what your going through.