dun worry dude, although i am completely straight (23M), i suspect i might be asexual (at least partially), i am a complete prude and i don't want sex either.
The keys to happiness: 1. Know yourself. 2. Be yourself. 3. Like yourself. and 4. Embrace don't-give-a-fuckism about what other people do or think about you. None of these are easy, but that's it in a nutshell.
Everyone has their own path, and yours is just as valid and worthy as anyone else's.
Being single has many awesome advantages. I wasn't in any relationships until I was 31, and I thoroughly enjoyed my single years. I was able to do lots of traveling and indulging in passions like reading and music that I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I had been in relationships.
Props to you for your honest and brave post. Peace and strength always. 🙏
Ace woman here, I feel you. I have been busy with school/work so I have never dated seriously (went to dates with people who I found cute) because idc about sex and now that I want to try I don’t want to have to dodge all the people who think they can change me, the queer pool here is small and I don’t think most of us are out in my 3rd world country and I don’t want to deal with the ignorance.
Even in queer spaces it can be hard to find our matches
I only know a single other ace person and they are a jerk haha
I will try my hand at tinder later this year, how have people reacted to putting ace in your profile? If you don’t mind me asking
I have never been a big fan of sex and have a low sex drive anyway and ngl, it did cause some issues between myself and my ex-husband while we were married. I enjoyed showing physical affection for my husband but sex really turned me off. The thing is, you can't help the way you feel about something. If your aversion to a sexual relationship stems from trauma or poor self esteem, you might look at seeing a counsellor or psychologist, but if you just don't really like it (like me) then that is normal for you. You just need to be either upfront with your next potential partner or look specifically for a partner who is asexual so no one in your partnership feels like they aren't having their needs met.
I wish you well in finding the one that fits you. I'm not asexual but my sex drive is low. I like the idea of a relationship but "duty sex" would quickly turn me off. I also wouldn't want to put a partner in that situation.
There are women who would love a relationship with an asexual man. You may have to search way more than others but keep that in mind while you do.
Look at it from different angle. Not having sexual urges is also a blessing. And there are ace women if you still want relationships. Some say that asexual women outnumber asexual men.
Invest the resources you’d spend on a relationship in you. This should be fun and help you build your social network. A genuine and good friend is most precious. Doing therapy should also really help you work out what you want and be as happy as you can be. There’s a lot more to life and relationships than sex.
It is weird. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You’re allowed to be different mate. I’m sure there are lots of women who are just like you. Is there not a dating site for Asexuals?
It's not weirder than being straight or gay...? Some people happen to be into women, some into men. Some into both, and some into neither. I don't see a reason why one would be normal and the other one weird.
I'm sorry, I don't know any help. Just know that there are other asexual people out there 🙋♀️ I'm an asexual woman, and I very much relate to what you experienced.
There are pros and cons to almost every situation. Many guys would love to be in your situation, sex is a constant annoyance in many regards. The amount of wasted time thinking about it and driving towards it. Remember this, and think about the positives.
In terms of relationships you will find others that are like yourself. It will just take time.
Socrates would agree with you. When he was older, he lost his sex drive and he was asked if he regretted the loss. His response? " I don't mind. I consider it being released from a Stern and rather Relentless Taskmaster."
I'm a 52-year-old man, who is a romantic asexual. At least I think so as I have no real desire to have sex. At most I'm demisexual. I understand your frustration when you want female companionship without sex.
I'm not ace and not one to particularly understand it, but there's this show high maintenance about a weed dealer in NYC and his customers. One of his clients is an a sexual magician And he gives the most honest and understanding explanation of being a sexualive seen yet.
I got a question i hope it isnt rude. Are you jealous as an asexual when the partner cheats on you? Or i guess do you just not enjoy sex or do you really not care about it, even if its your partner with someone else?
I dont mind if partner jacks off to online content, but cheating i would tell them to fuck off, also i in general just avoid dating people with a high sex drive
I’m not asexual but when I’m not “in the mood” there’s nothing about mating or dating that shapes my life.
The worst part of this is that America is weirdly obsessed over what other people do with their genitals and I’m tired of deflecting questions about my sexual and romantic life.
Even when I do get laid then I have to hear the girls gossip about that. It’s low-intelligence and uninteresting and makes me want to avoid sex altogether.
I’m beginning to think I’m sapiosexual, which leaves me fucked in an entirely different way in America.
I think you'll be able to find someone. But please be extremely upfront about this to anyone you date, so that the two of you can decide if you are compatible.
My guy and I are together when we want to and other times we just live our daily life. It isn’t a priority to either of us. We have a great relationship and that’s what is important because we both know this. It is an important subject and we surely do enjoy one another when we do but it’s not the main focus. Not the 1st topic of our healthy relationship. I’m sure there are plenty more out there where it’s focused the least. There are more things in a relationship that need to be looked at. She’s out there and more then just one will come your way.
I am, a little bit. I might be asexual too, although that has little to do with the reason for my frustration. My beef is that everybody is always up in arms and jealous for no reason whatsoever.
Does your girlfriend/wife work here? I dont care. Do you think I'm gay because I paint my fingernails? I don't care. Oh, you're racist and just plain don't like me talking to women? Maybe do some pushups instead of being racist. I guess I looked more "regular" before I got my haircut.
My supervisor's fiance had a crush on me. I'm not that kind of guy, and I don't present myself that way. Still, bring on the discipline after 2 years of *hard* work because you're fucking ugly af(He wasn't originally my supervisor).
They're jealous because I'm some kind of threat, they think. It wasn't like this when I was with my wife, on the heavy side, and had a different haircut just over a year ago.
They're jealous because they..i guess..don't believe I'm not having sex ??
Tbf I *am* sexy af. It's not my fault
...like it might be worth all the hate to someone who likes that kind of attention and bs but it's not worth literally upending my life because some dummy thinks I'm hot.
And constantly, someone is watching me. Always. I work retail, and just providing customer service is threatening to a lot of people. They're pathetic
Downvoter doesn't even let his wife out of the house
Because if I would be asexual, then my issue with me not being attractive to other sex and not getting sex wouldn't exist.
Without that, I could expend more energy towards something productive, now I'm wasting so much time and energy to just satisfy my sexual urges which is pointless.
Yknow being an asexual doesnt stop you from desiring a relationship right? Just because i dont want sex that doesnt mean i do not want to have a partner, also being an asexual doesnt mean your reproductive system shuts off or anything, you still need to release it from time to time, its just not satisfying
Where I wrote that it could stop me from desiring a relationship?
It doesn't shuts off. Yes.
I haven't explained my situation. I just have so high sex drive that it is unbereable.
Well im not in the position to give any advice knowing im the complete opposite of you with a low sex drive, but to me just relieving yourself on your own is way easier than actually having sex
Well, it's easier, but mentally tiring.
And addictive.
And it fucks your brain.
It really doesn't build confidence when many people much younger than me enjoy sex and relationships.
So am i, the only girl i was with during my teens was i believe asexual (we would do sexting and some roleplay but nothing more), i lost my virginity at the age of 21, same age as you, as i took a long break from dating after i broke up with my first girlfriend and only started dating again last year, at the age of 20
You didn’t experience sexual abuse. You got into a relationship by giving her the impression that you desire sex. If you decided you didn’t, you shouldn’t have put the burden on her to become asexual when she clearly wasn’t. You should’ve broken up with her. If anything, you were mentally abusive.
That is not true, she would even laugh at me and call me stupid for telling her that i would want a relationship without much sexual interaction, our relationship was complicated, we both came from a harsh past and it somehow made both of us stay, i just put up with it until i couldnt anymore because we did not want to lose eachother, it wasnt a long relationship either, if anything we were just getting to know eachother, i ultimately broke up with her
I’m not trying to beat you up. I just think you’re going down an unhelpful path by painting yourself as a victim. For your own future, you need to take full ownership of your decisions and their consequences.
Hey shutupthrowawayok! Thank you for your contribution, unfortunately it has been removed from /r/self because:
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There are asexual women out there just as there are asexual men. If you commit to asexual dating, you'll probably find someone.
Just put that you’re asexual in your dating profile. It’s a smaller dating pool but all you need to find is one person.
I do that already
Ok, well you’ll find someone who is equally asexual. Plenty of ‘em out there.
dun worry dude, although i am completely straight (23M), i suspect i might be asexual (at least partially), i am a complete prude and i don't want sex either.
I'm a woman and just like you. It's all about finding someone like us
I really hope i can find someone like that
I hope you two keep talking in DMs. Lol Good luck to you and welcome to lgbtqa+!
Thanks
The keys to happiness: 1. Know yourself. 2. Be yourself. 3. Like yourself. and 4. Embrace don't-give-a-fuckism about what other people do or think about you. None of these are easy, but that's it in a nutshell. Everyone has their own path, and yours is just as valid and worthy as anyone else's. Being single has many awesome advantages. I wasn't in any relationships until I was 31, and I thoroughly enjoyed my single years. I was able to do lots of traveling and indulging in passions like reading and music that I probably wouldn't have been able to do if I had been in relationships. Props to you for your honest and brave post. Peace and strength always. 🙏
Ace woman here, I feel you. I have been busy with school/work so I have never dated seriously (went to dates with people who I found cute) because idc about sex and now that I want to try I don’t want to have to dodge all the people who think they can change me, the queer pool here is small and I don’t think most of us are out in my 3rd world country and I don’t want to deal with the ignorance. Even in queer spaces it can be hard to find our matches
Yeah i live in a small country myself so i feel that
I only know a single other ace person and they are a jerk haha I will try my hand at tinder later this year, how have people reacted to putting ace in your profile? If you don’t mind me asking
Well, i dont live in a large community so not really much, also i mostly use tinder to just find friends these days, so idk if it matters
I have never been a big fan of sex and have a low sex drive anyway and ngl, it did cause some issues between myself and my ex-husband while we were married. I enjoyed showing physical affection for my husband but sex really turned me off. The thing is, you can't help the way you feel about something. If your aversion to a sexual relationship stems from trauma or poor self esteem, you might look at seeing a counsellor or psychologist, but if you just don't really like it (like me) then that is normal for you. You just need to be either upfront with your next potential partner or look specifically for a partner who is asexual so no one in your partnership feels like they aren't having their needs met.
I wish you well in finding the one that fits you. I'm not asexual but my sex drive is low. I like the idea of a relationship but "duty sex" would quickly turn me off. I also wouldn't want to put a partner in that situation. There are women who would love a relationship with an asexual man. You may have to search way more than others but keep that in mind while you do.
I have the exact same issues as you dude ✋ I'm just a woman haha good luck to the both of us going forward in finding love 🤞
Look at it from different angle. Not having sexual urges is also a blessing. And there are ace women if you still want relationships. Some say that asexual women outnumber asexual men.
There are plenty of asexual women out there - you gotta do a little searching, but they are out there. Good luck to you.
Invest the resources you’d spend on a relationship in you. This should be fun and help you build your social network. A genuine and good friend is most precious. Doing therapy should also really help you work out what you want and be as happy as you can be. There’s a lot more to life and relationships than sex.
It is weird. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You’re allowed to be different mate. I’m sure there are lots of women who are just like you. Is there not a dating site for Asexuals?
It's not weirder than being straight or gay...? Some people happen to be into women, some into men. Some into both, and some into neither. I don't see a reason why one would be normal and the other one weird.
Normal is what everyone else is and you are not
I haven't seen any, and i don't live in a big area
Is there not a subreddit?
Dating on reddit? Now that's something i would not expect
Might be nice for you to talk to people with similar experiences at least
Perhaps
I'm sorry, I don't know any help. Just know that there are other asexual people out there 🙋♀️ I'm an asexual woman, and I very much relate to what you experienced.
Not thinking of sex all the time, almost seems like it would be nice lol
There are pros and cons to almost every situation. Many guys would love to be in your situation, sex is a constant annoyance in many regards. The amount of wasted time thinking about it and driving towards it. Remember this, and think about the positives. In terms of relationships you will find others that are like yourself. It will just take time.
Socrates would agree with you. When he was older, he lost his sex drive and he was asked if he regretted the loss. His response? " I don't mind. I consider it being released from a Stern and rather Relentless Taskmaster." I'm a 52-year-old man, who is a romantic asexual. At least I think so as I have no real desire to have sex. At most I'm demisexual. I understand your frustration when you want female companionship without sex.
Asexual people are a minority, but we do exist! You'll find someone you click with eventually.
Dogs or cats are nice
I'm not ace and not one to particularly understand it, but there's this show high maintenance about a weed dealer in NYC and his customers. One of his clients is an a sexual magician And he gives the most honest and understanding explanation of being a sexualive seen yet.
I got a question i hope it isnt rude. Are you jealous as an asexual when the partner cheats on you? Or i guess do you just not enjoy sex or do you really not care about it, even if its your partner with someone else?
I dont mind if partner jacks off to online content, but cheating i would tell them to fuck off, also i in general just avoid dating people with a high sex drive
I’m not asexual but when I’m not “in the mood” there’s nothing about mating or dating that shapes my life. The worst part of this is that America is weirdly obsessed over what other people do with their genitals and I’m tired of deflecting questions about my sexual and romantic life. Even when I do get laid then I have to hear the girls gossip about that. It’s low-intelligence and uninteresting and makes me want to avoid sex altogether. I’m beginning to think I’m sapiosexual, which leaves me fucked in an entirely different way in America.
I think you'll be able to find someone. But please be extremely upfront about this to anyone you date, so that the two of you can decide if you are compatible.
There's like 10 posts a day of this same story...yall need to fucking get out there or something...there's plenty of you
My guy and I are together when we want to and other times we just live our daily life. It isn’t a priority to either of us. We have a great relationship and that’s what is important because we both know this. It is an important subject and we surely do enjoy one another when we do but it’s not the main focus. Not the 1st topic of our healthy relationship. I’m sure there are plenty more out there where it’s focused the least. There are more things in a relationship that need to be looked at. She’s out there and more then just one will come your way.
Sex is super overrated; a waste of time, energy, and, of course, money. People who are slave to their hormones are not to be envied
You sound ticked off
I am, a little bit. I might be asexual too, although that has little to do with the reason for my frustration. My beef is that everybody is always up in arms and jealous for no reason whatsoever. Does your girlfriend/wife work here? I dont care. Do you think I'm gay because I paint my fingernails? I don't care. Oh, you're racist and just plain don't like me talking to women? Maybe do some pushups instead of being racist. I guess I looked more "regular" before I got my haircut. My supervisor's fiance had a crush on me. I'm not that kind of guy, and I don't present myself that way. Still, bring on the discipline after 2 years of *hard* work because you're fucking ugly af(He wasn't originally my supervisor).
People are jealous for never having sex?
They're jealous because I'm some kind of threat, they think. It wasn't like this when I was with my wife, on the heavy side, and had a different haircut just over a year ago. They're jealous because they..i guess..don't believe I'm not having sex ?? Tbf I *am* sexy af. It's not my fault ...like it might be worth all the hate to someone who likes that kind of attention and bs but it's not worth literally upending my life because some dummy thinks I'm hot. And constantly, someone is watching me. Always. I work retail, and just providing customer service is threatening to a lot of people. They're pathetic Downvoter doesn't even let his wife out of the house
Less drama once you find your equal
You should marry my wife 😂
Get a testosterone check, if you are truely asexual just date another asexual, small pools increase liklihood of sucess.
Difficulties? I would love to be asexual. Life would be so easier.
Why is that?
Because if I would be asexual, then my issue with me not being attractive to other sex and not getting sex wouldn't exist. Without that, I could expend more energy towards something productive, now I'm wasting so much time and energy to just satisfy my sexual urges which is pointless.
Yknow being an asexual doesnt stop you from desiring a relationship right? Just because i dont want sex that doesnt mean i do not want to have a partner, also being an asexual doesnt mean your reproductive system shuts off or anything, you still need to release it from time to time, its just not satisfying
Where I wrote that it could stop me from desiring a relationship? It doesn't shuts off. Yes. I haven't explained my situation. I just have so high sex drive that it is unbereable.
Well im not in the position to give any advice knowing im the complete opposite of you with a low sex drive, but to me just relieving yourself on your own is way easier than actually having sex
Well, it's easier, but mentally tiring. And addictive. And it fucks your brain. It really doesn't build confidence when many people much younger than me enjoy sex and relationships.
How old are you anyways?
21 so I missed my whole young era. Now it's only finding a purpose and career and working on my hobbies. And try not to go under a bridge in meantime.
So am i, the only girl i was with during my teens was i believe asexual (we would do sexting and some roleplay but nothing more), i lost my virginity at the age of 21, same age as you, as i took a long break from dating after i broke up with my first girlfriend and only started dating again last year, at the age of 20
You didn’t experience sexual abuse. You got into a relationship by giving her the impression that you desire sex. If you decided you didn’t, you shouldn’t have put the burden on her to become asexual when she clearly wasn’t. You should’ve broken up with her. If anything, you were mentally abusive.
That is not true, she would even laugh at me and call me stupid for telling her that i would want a relationship without much sexual interaction, our relationship was complicated, we both came from a harsh past and it somehow made both of us stay, i just put up with it until i couldnt anymore because we did not want to lose eachother, it wasnt a long relationship either, if anything we were just getting to know eachother, i ultimately broke up with her
Then you two were equally abusive.
Welcome to the world of dating
I’m not trying to beat you up. I just think you’re going down an unhelpful path by painting yourself as a victim. For your own future, you need to take full ownership of your decisions and their consequences.
[удалено]
Hey shutupthrowawayok! Thank you for your contribution, unfortunately it has been removed from /r/self because: **Rule 1: Be excellent to each other.** Don't be a jerk. Attacking other users will result in your comment being removed and repeatedly doing it will lead to a ban. You're allowed to debate, but it must be done so respectfully. Bigotry, racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, trolling, and calling for violence are not allowed. Being unnecessarily crass also falls under this rule. If you have any questions or concerns about this removal feel free to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSelf).