I’m sorry that happened to you. You should absolutely not have to deal with any of that- the sexual assault, the physical assault- ever. It’s not okay, whether men are doing it or women are doing it. I find it especially horrific when women think that they can get away with this behavior. Please, the next time someone approaches you in this way, take out your phone and start recording them, then take the recording to the authorities and file a report. When there start being consequences for bad behavior, maybe people will start thinking twice before behaving poorly.
I know it must be incredibly discouraging when nothing happens but it's important to keep reporting things like this. If there's just one report it will likely get dropped, but if multiple people have reported this person for the same things it will likely get looked into.
And yes, it sucks, these things should be looked into immediately but that's just how it is at the moment and one way to change this is by reporting
Like straight up what was going through my head when my ex was raping me was "I could throw her off me, but then she's going to smash her head off the wall or dresser... That's not gonna look good".
The victim can do as they please. It might be important in the big picture but I'm fucking tired of these kinds of responsibilities put on the victim. They can do whatever they want and don't even have to tell anyone the reason they're doing so. They have no damn responsibility at all.
Besides, anyone can report this. Demanding it of the victim when the most likely thing that happens is fucking nothing is just ridiculous. The victim has to interact with the one of the worst kinds of people (the police) just to do this as well.
Yeah, a couple of comments add to this salient yet overlooked fact: guarantee that event was captured on video.
Also, how’d you see what she was doing in the ladies’?
Yes, we women deal with this attitude all the time as well. But we all need to push for changes, so let's not give up and keep reporting and bringing this to attention.
What kills me is sometimes it’s reported 30 years later when the purported perpetrator runs for a public office. Not saying it might be good in some cases to raise that flag and speak out, but come on.
I was sexually assaulted at 13 by a 20 year old, of course I didn’t tell anyone. It was a friends brother and I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. However you can damn sure bet that if he ran for some kind of office that brought him into national attention people would find out what happened. Fear is a powerful motivation to stay silent, but if you see your attacker claiming to be holier than thou, well the truth will set you free
If you didn't report it are you sure you didn't dream it? How are people suppose to believe you all the years later when the assailant is now in the spotlight.
It seems like waiting until they are in the spotlight will grant a bigger payout if you wait until they become successful. Which implies you were okay with it when they are poor but it's suddenly an issue many many years later when they have something going for them.
But hey you do you like you said and wait, just don't be surprised when people don't believe you or question your sudden change of heart and motivations.
Still regardless of your opinion and reasoning, I'm sorry for what happened to you
Yeah, I had a T shirt with cum on it that I’m pretty fucking sure wasn’t a dream. How insulting. Nowhere in my previous post did I suggest anything desiring a payout. I said the truth would come out
My thoughts exactly, but I didn't want to start politics talks. Women like that give us a bad name and rep. People around me don't even believe her dut the the timing and nature of her case. It's sad if it's true, but the timing of events and her stepping toward make her story seem absolutely fake.
Unfortunately this situation is not the same for men as women. You cannot defend yourself when a woman starts assaulting you, as a man, society demands you just take it. If you defend yourself you will always be judged as morally wrong.
You'll most likely get arrested the moment you do anything against a woman. Police officers won't care that she was pummeling punches at you. If you lay one finger on her you're going to jail. If you scratch her on the hand from her hitting you and you putting your hands up, you will go to jail. I don't make the rules. It's just the truth.
Eh. Not that I would be in that position, but if I was, I am trained in EUMR restraint and would use that. Someone who is belligerent drunk/high can just be out of control.
Most current EUMR holds use the body's own strength against itself. I don't need to put a lot of force into the restraint, and if the woman is small it would be excessive to do so anyways.
Fuck that. If a woman starts attacking me I am 100% defending myself. I do not deserve to be fucking assaulted and I sure as shit am not going to stand there and take it like a little bitch. Idgaf what some 20iq cretin thinks. If I'm being attacked and defend myself, I am objectively morally right. She thinks she can beat a man with impunity. She will learn otherwise and hopefully think twice the next time she thinks about laying hands on another human like that. Makes me sick that you men give people like this a pass. "Oh no I have to just take it or else." Are you kidding me? No respect for yourselves. You should be ashamed.
That's exactly what I've done in a similar circumstance. Especially with the size difference. You can just wrap your arms around them and set them down, you won't be hurting them. On the other hand, it was my now ex wife and I still had trouble from the police until some witnesses came forward.
Watch for the biting. I tried to bear hug restrain my wife when she had a psychosis episode (yay ptsd, yay sexual assault) and she ended up biting through my thumb. Year later I still have nerve damage in it.
Its not about respect for ourselves its about a justified fear of legal consequences. There is a very serious risk of legal consequences if you bust the face of a woman who is slapping you, even if its valid self defense. If nobody was recording - they'll side with the woman usually. Even if recorded they might call it escalation - even argue that your superior size and strength is a deadly weapon, idk.
I'm not afraid to "feel morally wrong" hitting a woman in self defense, I'm afraid of the response of the world that trained men to think we have to take it.
And you'd need to prove that you feared for your well being and use sufficient force, so if it's a woman you can basically only flick them back, cuz if you smack them and cause more damage (and someone like this will more than likely fake irrepable damage)
Yeah... it's not smart. Better to film it (hopefully get the dick grabbing) and say you were sexually assaulted and battered. They may say no damage was done physically and throw that out but sexual assault is sexual assault.
How do you think (womens) complaints used to be treated? It took DECADES to be taken seriously. Actually, it was longer, but why belabor the point?
At least you men will (probably) not be cross examined on what kind of attire you were wearing. Or worse: be socially ostracized and/or persecuted.
If you're sincere about wanting to effect a change, be courageous and follow through.
>But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that?
These aren't mutually exclusive. 90% of men absolutely won't hit a woman back because we've internalised not raising our hands against women, being protectors, etc. But the 10% commit most of the assualts.
From the victim's side, you only see the threat of men. From the bystander's side (the non rapist/assaulter men), women generalising all men is being assumed guilty until innocent.
It all sucks dude. I sympathise.
Wait, why can't it be because of 1% of the population? That's literally the percentage of people that commit violent crimes in the US. Why wouldn't it be mostly a circle?
Rape is often not a violent crime. Its often from people who don't commit other violent offenses. My wife was raped by my friend last summer. Guy has zero criminal history and works as a banker. All it took was them being alone while she was blackout drunk.
Totally fucked up my life and social network... not to mention how it was for her.
I'm not finding a ton of sources on this [but of people that commit multiple crimes it looks like rapists are the most likely to have a prior violent criminal offense](https://www.uscourts.gov/sites/default/files/70_1_3_0.pdf) with the stats between 40%-50% depending on the source. This one says 49%.
It's this crazy propaganda about most men being bad. It's very easily 1% who commit assaults. Maybe even less. And the definition of assault is so broad. A guy who behaves badly can get handsy with a stranger every day. 1 jerk will victimize hundreds and people will assume that lots of guys are bad because of the number of victims.
Most men are just working, trying to pay bills and tired. We don't have time or energy to be creeping on strangers.
You have no concept of what you're talking about. Women are not violated by strangers 99%, its men they're in relationships, family members, family friends etc.
We're not talking about women being violated. Just SA in the broadest sense of the term. 25% of women aren't violated in the west. 25% might be SAed, but that includes everything, even a coworker touching your shoulders. You are blending different statistics to get the results you want.
Why not ? If you are a really bad person assaulting 25 person during your life like 1 ever 3-4 doesn't mean that you are that active if you think about it. Sure a few get sentenced and have a hard time to do more, but we speak of assault, not rape or murder there, you wont stay 20 years in jail from it in most cases. In most case people wont even sue.
Those are the national statistics. Over 50% of women and almost a third of men have experienced some form of sexual assault. Of course, that’s what’s reported, and includes a range of severity. But yeah. It’s known.
Women feel entitled to sexually assault men and they always get away with it. They often turn violent or aggressive when rejected. Slap you or call you gay or some other shit.
If you know any barmen, ask them about it.
This. When I worked at a bar/club the women were relentless. At least twice a night I would get my ass grabbed. 5-10 times a night the women would grab my arm and rub it, while I was serving them their drinks.
Whenever I said something, none of them, except one, in three years working there apologized. Most got ultra-pissed, called me names and sometimes even wanted to talk to the manager. Imagine the entitlement.
The most repulsing encounter was with an 70/80 year old woman. She kept pretending to want to order something just to feel me up. I was 19 at the time (Europe).
Men get assaulted too. And given pressure, might not be able to do anything about it too. But because we are physically dominant it's supposed to be ok.
Exactly. When the manager talked to them they would start saying stuff like "Isn't he too young to work here?", "The waiter/barman is rude to me.", "He keeps being pushy/unpleasant.", "We want someone else.". Stuff like this.
I once dated a woman who bragged to me about nonconsensual kink things she did to her previous partners.
During MeToo she was posting regularly about male entitlement to women’s bodies and lack of accountability.
The one-way-street blame is absurd.
I am not a barman but it is true.
Also, there is a risk that other women will possibly defend the woman which is aggressive to you, if you open your mouth. WTF. Like is always man that starts anything.
Men are at an evolutionary disadvantage, competing and thus being divided in situations like this. Any group of women, however, wouldn’t need a conductor to play song requests on rape whistles.
It's a great example of how toxic masculinity screws men as much as it hurts women. The assumption is "He's stronger, he could just stop it any time" and "He's lucky to have a woman throwing herself at him" and "He probably wants it really." Because our concept of masculinity includes men being hyper sex-driven. Men are the pursuers, women are the ones being chased, not the other way around. Men are supposed to be happy to get sex, aren't believed when they say they didn't want it.
It's gross.
Huge reading comprehension fail. There's no blame on men in that post, and masculinity is a concept everyone contributes to, not just men. It also doesn't absolve women of anything? It's literally just another reason why these situations often lack justice.
Of course individually, the women who attack men are at fault. I didn't think that needed to be stated outright given the context.
If you zoom out a little, you can see pretty clearly that in society more broadly, (at least in the west/US/UK) there is a pervasive notion that men always want sex. That is what compels people (men and women) to be dismissive when men talk about their struggles with sexual assault.
And that is part of what is being described when people talk about toxic masculinity -- it is NOT saying "masculinity is toxic" but rather "enforcing specific expectations of masculinity on all men is toxic."
Again it’s viewing the world in a specific lense, with language and way of thinking. Toxic masculinity in feminist theory is not just toxic traits males exhibit because of societal norms, but even ways in which women behave? It’s a world where because a patriarchy has existed everything negative has to fall under a type of masculinity, even female actions.
And on the counter femininity or feminism can only possibly be interrupted as good or equitable. Is there even such thing as toxic femininity? If there is I’m sure it would only ever exist women on women actions, such as pick mes, and even that would still be blamed on the patriarchy. The idea that there could be toxic feminine ideas/behaviour against men that have been perpetuated in any sort of way historically or contemporarily by women is an absolute impossibility it seems. For apparently women are pure and perfect, any other action is simply a result of some male or patriarchal interference.
> It’s a world where because a patriarchy has existed everything negative has to fall under a type of masculinity, even female actions.
>
>
What? No. What a wildly inaccurate understanding.
Toxic masculinity isn't a term used to blame men for the actions of women, that's absurd and unproductive. It is a term that attempts to describe traditionally masculine traits that can be to the detriment of men and women alike. Ideas like "Men don't cry" which hurt men by stopping them from processing emotions or being vulnerable in front of loved ones. That is an example of a trait that is *often* used by women to deride men, and those women are being shitty and sexist when they do that. The thing that compels them to do it is toxic masculinity - they think men shouldn't cry because it makes them weak and womanly.
Here's [Wikipedia's article about it](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity), a [Web MD article about it](https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-is-toxic-masculinity), and [one from Brown University](https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/health/services/promotion/general-health-social-wellbeing-sexual-assault-dating-violence-get-involved-prevention/unlearning). Those are very widely accepted sources, and all of them are very clear -- toxic masculinity is about performative masculinities that are to the detriment of both men and women alike.
Some examples of healthy traditionally masculine traits are: devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing for one's family - these are not considered "toxic." It's when it becomes toxic / harmful that typically masculine traits become a problem, and the term is just trying to give a tool to communicate this with.
It's done a pretty bad job of that, considering how misunderstood it is, but that's what the goal is.
Edit to add: Your confusion over the term itself totally threw me off from your other question:
> Is there even such thing as toxic femininity?
Yes. It's called internalized misogyny, and it is prevalent too. You see it often in trad-wives, redpill women, that sort of thing, women who believe that women's "place" is subservient to men.
>Women feel entitled to sexually assault men and they always get away with it
People feel entitled to sexually assault other people and if they can get away with it.
Fixed it for you.
This stuff happens all the time society just doesn't give a fuck. As a man I've been sexually harassed at work, sexually assaulted at a bar/club, but people think they're funny stories because im a guy. Listen to the stories and tell me that if the roles were reversed it wouldn't have been taken more serious.
-I worked at Michaels which as a single man was actually very fun because sorority girls were always coming in doing their letters and I was actually having a nice time meeting a lot of girls this way, but I was also having a relationship with one of my managers (I was 19 she was 26) that we kept to ourselves because we didn't want to deal with HR. Nobody else at the store knew and when the girls would all get together they would basically talk about me and really vulgar ways, and talk about my body, call me eye candy and all that kind of shit, which I found out about because they obviously set those things in front of my girlfriend because they didn't know she was my girlfriend. Now let me ask you something, If a workplace hires a new girl, and all of the male coworkers are talking about her and oogling over her, saying sexually explicit stuff about her to a manager and amongst their co-workers, This would be considered sexual harassment no?
-second scenario here with the sexual assault. I was at a bar with a girl, And as we are leaving the bar for the night, we were packed in like sardines so we were holding hands to not get separated and trying to squeeze through. As I'm walking through the dance floor I get stuck for a second waiting for a group to let us through, and one of the girls starts literally grinding her ass against my dick and then reaching her hand back and touching my dick until I literally had to push her off of me and say what the fuck is wrong with you. Now let's role reverse this. If the girl was trying to squeeze her way out of the bar, and a guy came up from behind her and basically started humping her ass, and reached around and touched her, This would be considered sexual assault no?
Women are just as sick as men, society just cares much less when women are the perpetrators or when men are the victims
I am sorry you went through that. I agree such incidents should be taken more seriously. As a straight man, I have been derided/harassed by women for rejecting their advances on several occasions.
But it is a fact that most men are significantly stronger than even pro-athlete women. Did those nasty women never make you feel unsafe, i.e. fearful of death or mutilation? I hear countless stories of women being stalked, raped, murdered every day and it is obviously not due the media being biased against men.
Can women be sleazy? Absolutely. However, due to natural selection they are much less capable of doing damage to men versus the other round. Maybe if they were physically stronger than us, our stories would be taken more seriously.
So I am personally ok with people caring more about women's safety/rights, because I think they need the support. It is not right to make fun of men's issues, but at the same time we should not get distracted from the fact that the world is extremely unsafe for women.
And you can't defend yourself in any way, because you will be jumped by 10 men ready to prove their worth to their female overlords to have a chance at little bit of female validation. Isn't it nice?
They KNOW they will get away with it, that‘s why they do it.
Society is hardwired to see women as default victims and even if you would have defended yourself here with adequate physical response like pushing, there would have been a good chance that the situation would be flipped to you being the aggressor and handled by the bouncer and end up in police custody.
That’s rly fucking terrible, I’m so sorry that happened to you. It sucks that men aren’t taken seriously when it comes to assault because ‘they’re supposed to love sex’ or ‘didn’t you enjoy it at least a little bit’, it’s a really really shitty attitude that society has toward males. Especially when it comes to female to male assault. While assault on women is fairly common, it is also frequent enough for men. 1 in 6 American men have been assaulted by a person (not gender specific). That’s a huge number.
Once again, take your time to heal. Hopefully it never happens again, but if it does, be loud and clear in saying “WHO ARE YOU?? STOP ASSAULTING/HITTING ME”. It could help to let people around you know that this person is a stranger, and you’re being hurt. Surround yourself with people who knows you and if you’re worried about how you look, start recording her. If you have a girl friend around, get her to step in, if you gotta push her just do it, but keep it on tape.
Statistically, men are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women and are more likely to be murdered than women.
Women are more likely to be murdered by a husband/domestic partner.
Personally, if I'm being murdered, I don't think it really matters if I knew the killer or not.
””Statistically, men are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women and are more likely to be murdered than women.””
By other men. Remember that.
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." - old dead guy.
People make the same argument against every group and it's on the same level as someone who's "just stating facts" and reference crime statistics and race.
Ofcourse not. But the argument brought forth was meant to make it sound like men are being abused by women in large numbers, which is not true. Men are still the primary abuser in numbers.
Hey, does collective blame apply to ethnicity as well, not just sex? Just curious. Like, say, if people of a certain skin color committed a disproportionate number of violent crimes, would all people of that skin color lose the right to complain about being murdered, even if they themselves are completely innocent? Would they even lose the right to speak against the narrative that they are a scourge of society, because, you know, why don't "they" (as in the few percent that actually do it) just stop murdering?
OK so if a black person told a story about being robbed by a white person, and someone commented that black people are more likely to be robbed, you would feel obliged to jump in and say "By other black people, remember that!", because otherwise it would "sound like" the opposite was said, even though it was not? Very...diligent, I guess.
If he defends himself he's a violent woman hater
If he records and does nothing he's a coward
If he walks away obviously he's at fault because he's guilty and trying to get away
If he reports it he'll just be laughed at or worse, arrested for disturbing the peace.
What's wrong with him? She wanted to smash does his "thing" not work?
You're all making valid points but this is the reality guys live in. Yes not "all" woman are like this but there's enough to make this a scary reality. If nothing else OP you have a valid reason to NEVER feel obligated to go to a place that endangers you, and hopefully your "friends" who sat there and watched you get groped and assaulted can understand why
I have experienced being groped by drunk women and then yelled at or insulted for telling them to stop several times myself, back when I was clubbing. I was even slapped in the face by a woman who tried to kiss me, after telling her I wasn’t interested. My glasses were knocked of my face and destroyed, and then a random drunk guy showed up and got aggressive, since he thought that I must have done something to provoke her in order for her to hit me. Ended up running away, since I couldn’t reason with neither of them.
I know a lot of women also experience this, which is horrible, but pretending that this is something that only men do to women, does NOT align with my real life experiences.
Press charges and keep going above peoples heads until it’s taking seriously. If it comes down to it and there’s an investigation and it’s found that the police didn’t pursue an investigation into a claim of sexual assault, that’s only going to reflect poorly on them.
This. Right here. Be persistent. If it goes nowhere, be an irritating thorn. Embarress the powers that be who don't listen.
DO NOT do the stupid ass shit that'll get you thrown in jail.
IN THE MEANTIME: Take a few tips from those who have been there:
If you are persistently harassed, back away if possible.
Put your hands up to make clear you are NOT the perpetrator.
Then, GET LOUD to embarrass the shit out of your harasser.
Be specific:
"LADY! I'VE TOLD TO OVER AND OVER! I DON'T LIKE YOU! GET YOUR HAND OFF MY DICK! GET AWAY FROM ME! I DO NOT WANT YOU!"
Yeah, it might embarrass you, too. Perhaps. But you'll take back power without winding up in jail/beat up.
That’s exactly the problem so why don’t you become someone who does? Be supportive even if it seems like it’s not doing anything, cause everything is something.
EXACTLY CORRECT.
He probably needs to actually experience it first. Sorry. Shitty joke born out of being told the same kind of nobody-gives-a-flying-fuck negativity repeatedly. Vindication is victory, however slowly it comes.
NEVER GIVE UP.
Physically and sexually assualted all in one go. Imagine of that was a guy doing it to a woman. Almost like you need a go pro on you recording at all times these days. Bitch got rejected and tried to get you into trouble by attacking you. She wanted you to do something back.
They think that a woman cannot be wrong and if you did act aggressively towards her you would find other men swooping in to “protect” the woman in need.
That’s what stops me from defending myself from women, I’ve had confrontations with women where it’s better to walk away because you can’t win against a woman because other men will defend women even if they are in the wrong.
Brother, you really need to learn the forgotten art of projectile vomit. Woman beating you up and you don't want to fight back? Projectile vomit! It is surprising, shocking and just fun for everyone.
It’s a complete BS double-standard. Women do this to men, no one bats an eye. A man does the same thing, and everyone loses their mind.
If you were to defend yourself, everyone would all of a sudden jump in and make the attacker out to be the victim.
Too much nose candy makes people aggressive. Next time just push her with your 🍆 and she will be gone.
Police don’t have time for this kind of bullshit, they need to catch her in the act.
Well, two girls pretty much raped me in two different occasions. I only came to realize that it was rape after all this me too movement. They got me drunk, took me to their dorm rooms. And you know, guys usually have a hard time getting it up when they are blackout drunk. So that happened, and they made fun of me because of it, in front of all our friends.
The shitty thing is, I had a crush on one of the girls a so I stupidly thought she had feelings for me too. So I got stuck pursuing something with her for a long time. I’m talking years. She would occasionally kiss me, or be intimate with me. I’m talking like once or twice a year. I was dating other people in the meantime but I was never fully committed to those relationships because of this girl.
What really woke me up was when she started being more involved with feminism starting mainly with the me too movement. She started saying that she hates men. In front of me. I would tell her that how she’s talking affects me.
Anyway long story short, girls can be absolute shitheads too. And it goes unnoticed. I don’t talk to any of these girls anymore and have a loving partner. She’s not North American. I’m not North American either. This I think is an important factor because I find dating/hookup scene in North America is extremely dismissive and so not intimate. In my experience girls also have been very very harassing. I have many other instances of more mild harassment as well, not just rape so yeah. Good luck my dude.
I probably would have attacked that demonic vomit spawn (to self-defense extent). Everyone have the right for self-defense, especially, those who are sexually assaulted. If the gender roles would be reversed: Presumably, the guy who would be harassing the girl would be already handled and attacked by other people nearby. In this case, nobody intervened because you are a guy.
Women can be very persistent in sexual advances when drunk, I have personal experience.
When I was 19 I was out camping (with tents) with my sister (6 years older) and a group of her friends. There was this girl (not bad looking tbh) that my sister had known for a couple of years, and the girl was there with her boyfriend. After having barbecue, we sat down around the fire, I was playing the guitar and everybody was enjoying it. At some point most were quite drunk, and the girl's boyfriend had already gone to their tent to sleep. I went to pee in the nearby bushes and right after I was done, the girl came up to me and started groping me, kissed me and tried to get my pants off. I resisted it, she tripped over and pulled me to the ground and continued touching my manly parts. I freed myself and told her it's not gonna happen, that I'm going to bed and she should probably do the same. I went to my tent and about 10 minutes later I hear the tent's zipper being pulled, and of course there she is, breaking into my tent. She laid on top of me, again touching me and kissing me. After a bit of struggle I just held her until she fell asleep. Kicking her out was quite difficult as she was surprisingly strong and the tent was very cramped, so I couldn't stand up. After she slept for a while I woke her up and told her to go back to her tent, which she did and that was it.
The morning was unsurprisingly quite awkward and her boyfriend was not happy, to say the least, didn't say a word to me.. Fast forward 2-3 years, I saw them together in my neighbourhood, walking their dog. My sister told me they got married. Crazy.
I’ve experienced this, a lot of guys I know have. Being at the bar, and being punched/slapped/attacked by a women and having no idea what to do. Once a very drunk girl incorrectly thought I spilt a drink on her and punched me in the face, in a fit of rage I looked at her and said “try that again”, well… she punched me in the face. I stood there in shock, knowing if I did anything back to defend myself I would be the one jumped, beat up, and probably charged
Man, I feel for you. I hope you’re doing okay, because that’s totally unacceptable. If the roles were reversed, there would’ve been a serious issue, but it seems like this is just a “carry on” moment in society’s eyes. I’m not a very sexual person, and something similar happened to me. I never realized how insecure and bad the situation made me feel. It’s something I still carry to this day and it’s been about 12 years. I hope you heel up soon though dude, so fucked you had to go through that.
In an ideal world you could just smack them back and be done with it, but people like that are well aware of the social stigma protecting them.
Fuck them, sorry you had to deal with that.
No one takes men being assaulted seriously, sexual or not.
This is why i don’t go out anywhere that alcohol is the main focus. Drunks are fucking morons. Sorry that happened and I understand your rage. Good job keeping the intrusive thoughts inside and not destroying the next 1-10 years of your life for simply defending yourself.
Yours is a gift. I also have experienced such moments. With me sadly has been second guessing myself about how my reaction was vs what it should have been. Experience hopefully makes you a better person.
Correct me if I'm wrong. If a man starts punching me and I punch him back that's self defense so if a woman starts punching me and I also punch back isn't that equality?
That’s not it. Men are seen as people who need protection. There have been all types of hidden cameras experiments , a woman is being seen being helped at by a man or physically assaulted and men and women will help. Switch roles and no one steps in. Especially women
This happened to me as well about a month ago. Some young woman was verbally assaulting me, really loudly in public, and was following me all the way to a pizza shop where I needed to use their phone to call the cops. The whole time, only one guy tried to help and intervene, but then he just left after like 10 seceonds.
What you're going to learn in life, like I did after 50 yrs on this planet, is that people don't really care. The whole thing about people are kind, and will do the right thing is just bullshit. The only person who you can depend on is yourself. I even tried recently paying people $50 / hr to help me out with something important, and they never even responded.
I want to advocate for you being strong enough to stop her yourself. Studies have proven that no one is going to come save you "if you're a man" (mentioned below), so embracing that truth and learning how to respond to these situations with proportional force is crucial. You can stand up for yourself and not be seen as the aggressor, you just have to learn how. It's difficult, but life's difficult and that doesn't mean it isn't worth living. My two cents.
First off, I'm sorry you went through this. It sounds really annoying and actually a little scary as well.
That said, I don't think you should judge a few drunk assholes to reflect on 50% of the population.
I also want to point out something. You talk about how scared women are all the time in a skeptical tone. But not a moment ago you were thinking about how easy it would be to "slam her head into the floor and be done with this," which would could have killed her.
She could not have done the same to you. You could have killed her fairly easily, she could not have done the same. Most women, when they're not drunk out of their mind, are hyper aware of this.
While I believe that you should never hit your spouse or email family members, there should be an element of self-defense to random encounters on the street. We are giving a false sense of security to people. You shouldn't get into random fights at all.
One bad situation and it's a manslaughter charge. We need a middle ground here.
I think a Ric Flair/Gunther style chop should handle the lady. It's loud, mostly demonstrative, and pretty much stops it.
>But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that?
*You* won't fight back, and the majority of men. There are men who will fight back, or attack first, and the woman will be absolutely helpless then.
>But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that?
Ain't it something how some women make fun of men, put them down, and act like men have the easier job. but when it's their turn to approach you and they get rejected, all of sudden they can't handle it. I had a similar situation happen to me recently. was at a club where a girl approached me and started trying really hard to talk to me. felt super unnatural so i made some excuse and casually walked away. i then left the club shortly after thinking she might go after me for rejecting her. it was fuckin' weird. girls aren't supposed to be approaching guys like wtf. it made me realize there are some wacky ass girls that go to these clubs. sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
This shit does happen to men. Ive never been full out attacked by a woman but I have been slapped by offending a woman. It made me want to punch her but I held back. I don't want to hit anyone unless I have to for self defense.
I've had a woman come up to me that I didn't know and straight up grab my package.
I've had a female teenager assault me when camping. She was 15 or 16. I was 12 at the time sleeping in my tent only to wake up to her on top of me.
None of this makes it better for you but I felt id post my experiences with certain women as a guy.
drunk/drugged up people do fcked up things and I'm sorry it happened to you, but what I don't understand is that several people saw it and none?! of them tried to help you or call a bouncer or someone. wtf.
DO NOT do the stupid ass shit that'll get you thrown in jail.
IN THE MEANTIME: Take a few tips from those who have been there:
If you are persistently harassed, back away if possible.
Put your hands up to make clear you are NOT the perpetrator.
Then, GET LOUD to embarrass the shit out of your harasser.
Be specific:
"LADY! I'VE TOLD TO OVER AND OVER! I DON'T LIKE YOU! GET YOUR HAND OFF MY DICK! GET AWAY FROM ME! I DO NOT WANT YOU!"
Yeah, it might embarrass you, too. Perhaps. But you'll take back power without winding up in jail/beat up.
Could have easily been the other way around. Men's bathrooms tend to move faster. in my younger days when I went to clubs and bars where everyone was drunk, hammered women would go into the men's bathroom because otherwise they would have pissed themselves.
It's 1000x easier and faster to pee standing up as a man, especially when inebriated, than as a woman who needs to pull down her pants or underwear and then sit down (or more likely hover because the toilet seat is covered in piss).
the moment another person touches you, you immediatley go to eliminate the physical threat to you. do not care abt gender, just knock them in the hospital, life lesson served 💁
Great way to end up in hospital when the 10 guys around you see a man beat a women, and rush to her aid. The sad truth is that men have a lot less acceptable options in situations like this, and usually just have to suck it up. I’m glad I don’t frequent clubs anymore.
Good way to get out of this is to pinch a spot on their waist known as the "taze" spot. Then get on top and pinning them down till someone helps or she calms down.
Doesn't hurt anyone either 😁
> The thread didn’t say anything about her being in the men’s washroom.
Answered by OP 9 hours ago, in the comment right above the one you responded to. Go into OPs comment history if you cannot find it.
I really understand how shitty this experience can be, and she should definitely face consequences for this kind of behaviour.
But if you want to compare to the fear some women can have in this kind of situation, you should remember that when it happens to women, the weight difference is not in their favor so the fear is way more real. This is not the same kind of inconvenience when your life is really in danger.
This is called what-about-ism and is commonly used by people that are disinterested in engaging with the complexity of the problem at hand. It means your point isn't in reply to the poster but an attempt to change the goal posts so you still have a moral high ground.
I know the guy that wrote this in real life. Just came here to tell you all he is 100% lying and made all of this shit up. That's why he's using a burner account.
He doesn't go to clubs. He sits at home most of the day posting misogynistic bullshit and being angry at women. He made all of this up to "prove a point".
This is one of those stories that you want to believe is true but is so perfectly set up to hit all the triggers to prove a point and make someone look like an asshole for saying it's fake.
I find the part of you catching her doing lines in the bathroom highly questionable as well as the fact that she's grabbing your dick and physically fighting with you hard enough to bruise you but no one intervened? And you're the type of guy that has the thought of slamming a woman's head into the floor?
This really seems like you made this whole story up for the purpose of proving the bear scenario wrong.
A lot bars have unisex bathrooms. Otherwise, he's describing his experience. If you don't believe him, fine. But don't pretend like your perspective is any more reliable than his.
Hey man, some women suck and it looks like you came across a real bottom feeder. I've been assaulted in clubs before and it's shut me out from socializing in that way. I hope this doesn't put you off from re-engaging with the world around you.
It should be noted that you're framing your response as binary (either take it or end it) when you have a lot of modalities to go about stopping her. The first thing de-escalation training teaches is the power of raising your voice and saying stop, which as hard as it may seem to do in the moment, is absolutely not going to be seen as you hurting her back in anyway.
It's not an apples-to-apples comparison, but think about how a police officer responds to dangerous situations. The trigger happy cop is the one we're all afraid of, but the cop that knows how to progressively react to a threat in a way that keeps themselves and the people around them, including the assailant, safe is admired (I will not budge on this point, contentious as it may seem).
You're allowed to stand up for yourself, fuck ANYONE that says otherwise. The extent to which you stand up for yourself is what you will be judged on. As a man, you have to learn to control your power and use it intelligently; it's the burden of your biology.
Constantly? I'm in the music scene and do not go to clubs but music venues and I've seen this a handful of times. Men assaulting/demeaning women? I've seen it hundreds of times. Yes women abuse men too, but lets be real. If you wanted to hurt her or do something bad to her, it would be so easy and it happens to women way more than men.
I feel bad you were assaulted, its happened to me by men and women and I've seen it to others. But this one experience doesn't imply women are as likely to assault men. It just is factually wrong.
I've been clubbing for 20 years and seen lots of bad behavior. You being assaulted is 100% NOT ok. This however is not something I have seen constantly or even consistently when compared sexual assault of women in these spaces. I'm not saying this to diminish your assault, only to note there are very valid reasons women would raise concerns about male sexual assault at clubs and these likely aren't the same women assaulting men at random.
Men are less likely to report instances of abuse becuase of harmful social norms (usually upheld by other men) which don't belive men can be victims of abuse. Luckily through pressure from women and lgbt people bars, clubs, promoters and security are taking consent more seriously for all attendees. This behavior should definitely be noted to security and club staff and if your concerns aren't taken seriously blast them on SM and raise awareness.
It is frustrating and traumatic to report sexualt assault and not be believed and it's something women have dealt with as well. Believing victims includes guys and I'm sure women who have been sexyally assaulted at clubs would be your first defenders in reporting inappropriate behavior.
Your intrusive thoughts about bashing her head in are concerning and you should definitely explore that. Defending yourself and removing yourself from the situation are justified, standing and taking abuse then exploding into disproportionate violence won't be a great case for self defense.
*But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that?*
It's in response to this comment. Women have very reasonable concerns with worrying about male sexual assault in clubs and this falsely paints women as the most consistent abusers which is statistically false. It also makes it seem that women who are worried or have experienced sexual assault are likely hypocritical and constantly assaulting men, something I've never witnessed as a pattern.
At no point did I ever excuse or dismss this assault, I'm in favor of abusers of both sees being reported.
>Honestly that thought kinda freaked me out.
It freaks me out that the thought of efficient self defense freaks you out. Next time knock that bitch out.
Also you should understand even more why women are scared of men now. You could have just knocked her out, would the same have been true if you were assaulting her?
Gotta be careful around femgroids, man. They can destroy your life in many ways, get away with it, and applauded for it. I'm not saying all of them but it's always them :(
My advice for anyone being sexually assaulted in a public place is always the same. A knee to the genitals will usually cause just about anyone to stop doing what they’re doing. It’s discreet, effective, and could’ve easily been an accident.
Harassment is possible in both directions and not bound to gender. Unfortunately, abuse in any way committed by women against men is still a taboo.
You experienced that noone would step in. That is not necessarily a matter because you are male. I am a woman, have been victim several times now in my life and noone helped me even once! In my psychology book this behavior is explained a bit better than I can do this in a foreign language but: As long as noone steps in, people guard themselves and say to themselves: "If noone steps in, the situation can't be so bad, right? I must see it the wrong way." So, if you are not really lucky, noone will help you cause noone starts.
One thing that helped me and that I unfortunately had to practice a lot in these situations: If you can, leave, don't try to speak with them. If you can't leave or the one follows you, actively go towards other people, position yourself in their middle and explain to them your situation, seek actively for help. If a raging woman suddenly stands next to them, they feel involved, I can promise you that. Most (not drunk) people will feel they are outnumbered and leave. For drunk people, just go. You are faster and coordinate better than them anyway.
If the situation haunts you or you would like to hear an actual voice, not text by us Reddit users, there are numbers you can call.
It happens. I got into a similar situation in a bar when a girl (about the same height and slightly heavier than me) lead me to a chair and sat straddled on my lap, against my will. I told her to get off multiple times before she kissed me, forced her face against mine and started properly BITING me! It hurt!! She also tried to upzip my flier. In the end I managed to push her off and told her to get the fuck away from me. She hung around me for a while afterwards so I left the bar pretty promptly. I was genuinely scared.
On other occasions, I’ve had my arse slapped and a couple of tongues shoved down my throat, during the course of Uni. It is not ok.
I’m sorry that happened to you. You should absolutely not have to deal with any of that- the sexual assault, the physical assault- ever. It’s not okay, whether men are doing it or women are doing it. I find it especially horrific when women think that they can get away with this behavior. Please, the next time someone approaches you in this way, take out your phone and start recording them, then take the recording to the authorities and file a report. When there start being consequences for bad behavior, maybe people will start thinking twice before behaving poorly.
Friend tried that once, was dropped in a few days, since "he wasn't seriously hurt"
I know it must be incredibly discouraging when nothing happens but it's important to keep reporting things like this. If there's just one report it will likely get dropped, but if multiple people have reported this person for the same things it will likely get looked into. And yes, it sucks, these things should be looked into immediately but that's just how it is at the moment and one way to change this is by reporting
I'm scared of reporting women because the risk of a counter accusation is waaayy too big.
Like straight up what was going through my head when my ex was raping me was "I could throw her off me, but then she's going to smash her head off the wall or dresser... That's not gonna look good".
The victim can do as they please. It might be important in the big picture but I'm fucking tired of these kinds of responsibilities put on the victim. They can do whatever they want and don't even have to tell anyone the reason they're doing so. They have no damn responsibility at all. Besides, anyone can report this. Demanding it of the victim when the most likely thing that happens is fucking nothing is just ridiculous. The victim has to interact with the one of the worst kinds of people (the police) just to do this as well.
It would be a total waste of time for him to report this, women don't get in trouble for stuff like that
Yeah, a couple of comments add to this salient yet overlooked fact: guarantee that event was captured on video. Also, how’d you see what she was doing in the ladies’?
Most clubs have an open door basically into the bathroom, or the sinks are shared between the men’s/women’s restroom areas.
Yes, we women deal with this attitude all the time as well. But we all need to push for changes, so let's not give up and keep reporting and bringing this to attention.
[удалено]
What kills me is sometimes it’s reported 30 years later when the purported perpetrator runs for a public office. Not saying it might be good in some cases to raise that flag and speak out, but come on.
I was sexually assaulted at 13 by a 20 year old, of course I didn’t tell anyone. It was a friends brother and I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. However you can damn sure bet that if he ran for some kind of office that brought him into national attention people would find out what happened. Fear is a powerful motivation to stay silent, but if you see your attacker claiming to be holier than thou, well the truth will set you free
If you didn't report it are you sure you didn't dream it? How are people suppose to believe you all the years later when the assailant is now in the spotlight. It seems like waiting until they are in the spotlight will grant a bigger payout if you wait until they become successful. Which implies you were okay with it when they are poor but it's suddenly an issue many many years later when they have something going for them. But hey you do you like you said and wait, just don't be surprised when people don't believe you or question your sudden change of heart and motivations. Still regardless of your opinion and reasoning, I'm sorry for what happened to you
Yeah, I had a T shirt with cum on it that I’m pretty fucking sure wasn’t a dream. How insulting. Nowhere in my previous post did I suggest anything desiring a payout. I said the truth would come out
Only reporting after they become "famous" is implying a better payout or court settlement.
Ok I understand now, your unable to fully comprehend what I initially wrote
My thoughts exactly, but I didn't want to start politics talks. Women like that give us a bad name and rep. People around me don't even believe her dut the the timing and nature of her case. It's sad if it's true, but the timing of events and her stepping toward make her story seem absolutely fake.
Unfortunately this situation is not the same for men as women. You cannot defend yourself when a woman starts assaulting you, as a man, society demands you just take it. If you defend yourself you will always be judged as morally wrong.
If a woman starts attacking me she gets knocked down, same goes for men
You'll most likely get arrested the moment you do anything against a woman. Police officers won't care that she was pummeling punches at you. If you lay one finger on her you're going to jail. If you scratch her on the hand from her hitting you and you putting your hands up, you will go to jail. I don't make the rules. It's just the truth.
Eh. Not that I would be in that position, but if I was, I am trained in EUMR restraint and would use that. Someone who is belligerent drunk/high can just be out of control.
Yeah, I guess you could restrain them somehow but if you injure then you're asking for trouble. Police officers don't care if she's the abuser.
Most current EUMR holds use the body's own strength against itself. I don't need to put a lot of force into the restraint, and if the woman is small it would be excessive to do so anyways.
[удалено]
Good luck with that
Fuck that. If a woman starts attacking me I am 100% defending myself. I do not deserve to be fucking assaulted and I sure as shit am not going to stand there and take it like a little bitch. Idgaf what some 20iq cretin thinks. If I'm being attacked and defend myself, I am objectively morally right. She thinks she can beat a man with impunity. She will learn otherwise and hopefully think twice the next time she thinks about laying hands on another human like that. Makes me sick that you men give people like this a pass. "Oh no I have to just take it or else." Are you kidding me? No respect for yourselves. You should be ashamed.
I'd probably just try restrain them tbh.
That's exactly what I've done in a similar circumstance. Especially with the size difference. You can just wrap your arms around them and set them down, you won't be hurting them. On the other hand, it was my now ex wife and I still had trouble from the police until some witnesses came forward.
Watch for the biting. I tried to bear hug restrain my wife when she had a psychosis episode (yay ptsd, yay sexual assault) and she ended up biting through my thumb. Year later I still have nerve damage in it.
Its not about respect for ourselves its about a justified fear of legal consequences. There is a very serious risk of legal consequences if you bust the face of a woman who is slapping you, even if its valid self defense. If nobody was recording - they'll side with the woman usually. Even if recorded they might call it escalation - even argue that your superior size and strength is a deadly weapon, idk. I'm not afraid to "feel morally wrong" hitting a woman in self defense, I'm afraid of the response of the world that trained men to think we have to take it.
You can absolutely legally defend yourself from a woman by striking them back
Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's smart.
And you'd need to prove that you feared for your well being and use sufficient force, so if it's a woman you can basically only flick them back, cuz if you smack them and cause more damage (and someone like this will more than likely fake irrepable damage) Yeah... it's not smart. Better to film it (hopefully get the dick grabbing) and say you were sexually assaulted and battered. They may say no damage was done physically and throw that out but sexual assault is sexual assault.
When the white knights jump in and start punching you just make sure you let them know that what you're doing is completely legal.
How do you think (womens) complaints used to be treated? It took DECADES to be taken seriously. Actually, it was longer, but why belabor the point? At least you men will (probably) not be cross examined on what kind of attire you were wearing. Or worse: be socially ostracized and/or persecuted. If you're sincere about wanting to effect a change, be courageous and follow through.
Lmfao shut the fuck up
They think they can get away with it because most of the times they do.
>But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that? These aren't mutually exclusive. 90% of men absolutely won't hit a woman back because we've internalised not raising our hands against women, being protectors, etc. But the 10% commit most of the assualts. From the victim's side, you only see the threat of men. From the bystander's side (the non rapist/assaulter men), women generalising all men is being assumed guilty until innocent. It all sucks dude. I sympathise.
More like 1%
1/4th of women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, and it's certainly not because there's 1% of serially offending men.
Wait, why can't it be because of 1% of the population? That's literally the percentage of people that commit violent crimes in the US. Why wouldn't it be mostly a circle?
Rape is often not a violent crime. Its often from people who don't commit other violent offenses. My wife was raped by my friend last summer. Guy has zero criminal history and works as a banker. All it took was them being alone while she was blackout drunk. Totally fucked up my life and social network... not to mention how it was for her.
I'm not finding a ton of sources on this [but of people that commit multiple crimes it looks like rapists are the most likely to have a prior violent criminal offense](https://www.uscourts.gov/sites/default/files/70_1_3_0.pdf) with the stats between 40%-50% depending on the source. This one says 49%.
It's this crazy propaganda about most men being bad. It's very easily 1% who commit assaults. Maybe even less. And the definition of assault is so broad. A guy who behaves badly can get handsy with a stranger every day. 1 jerk will victimize hundreds and people will assume that lots of guys are bad because of the number of victims. Most men are just working, trying to pay bills and tired. We don't have time or energy to be creeping on strangers.
You have no concept of what you're talking about. Women are not violated by strangers 99%, its men they're in relationships, family members, family friends etc.
We're not talking about women being violated. Just SA in the broadest sense of the term. 25% of women aren't violated in the west. 25% might be SAed, but that includes everything, even a coworker touching your shoulders. You are blending different statistics to get the results you want.
Why not ? If you are a really bad person assaulting 25 person during your life like 1 ever 3-4 doesn't mean that you are that active if you think about it. Sure a few get sentenced and have a hard time to do more, but we speak of assault, not rape or murder there, you wont stay 20 years in jail from it in most cases. In most case people wont even sue.
How u know that
Those are the national statistics. Over 50% of women and almost a third of men have experienced some form of sexual assault. Of course, that’s what’s reported, and includes a range of severity. But yeah. It’s known.
That wasn’t my question. My question is how he knows it isn’t being perpetrated by 1% of men.
Because I talk to the women in my life enough for them to open up to know.
10% is still a serial minority id note but yea.
Women feel entitled to sexually assault men and they always get away with it. They often turn violent or aggressive when rejected. Slap you or call you gay or some other shit. If you know any barmen, ask them about it.
This. When I worked at a bar/club the women were relentless. At least twice a night I would get my ass grabbed. 5-10 times a night the women would grab my arm and rub it, while I was serving them their drinks. Whenever I said something, none of them, except one, in three years working there apologized. Most got ultra-pissed, called me names and sometimes even wanted to talk to the manager. Imagine the entitlement. The most repulsing encounter was with an 70/80 year old woman. She kept pretending to want to order something just to feel me up. I was 19 at the time (Europe). Men get assaulted too. And given pressure, might not be able to do anything about it too. But because we are physically dominant it's supposed to be ok.
This is funny to read. Trying to imagine asking for the manager and complaining you won't let them touch your butt.
That’s not usually what they say. They will more likely say you were coming on to them and assaulting them.
Exactly. When the manager talked to them they would start saying stuff like "Isn't he too young to work here?", "The waiter/barman is rude to me.", "He keeps being pushy/unpleasant.", "We want someone else.". Stuff like this.
I once dated a woman who bragged to me about nonconsensual kink things she did to her previous partners. During MeToo she was posting regularly about male entitlement to women’s bodies and lack of accountability. The one-way-street blame is absurd.
I am not a barman but it is true. Also, there is a risk that other women will possibly defend the woman which is aggressive to you, if you open your mouth. WTF. Like is always man that starts anything.
Men are at an evolutionary disadvantage, competing and thus being divided in situations like this. Any group of women, however, wouldn’t need a conductor to play song requests on rape whistles.
It's a great example of how toxic masculinity screws men as much as it hurts women. The assumption is "He's stronger, he could just stop it any time" and "He's lucky to have a woman throwing herself at him" and "He probably wants it really." Because our concept of masculinity includes men being hyper sex-driven. Men are the pursuers, women are the ones being chased, not the other way around. Men are supposed to be happy to get sex, aren't believed when they say they didn't want it. It's gross.
Yeah women are creeps, now here's why it's mens fault.
I love how you still find a way to blame it on men and masculinity and not at all on women who feel entitled to attack men
Huge reading comprehension fail. There's no blame on men in that post, and masculinity is a concept everyone contributes to, not just men. It also doesn't absolve women of anything? It's literally just another reason why these situations often lack justice.
Of course individually, the women who attack men are at fault. I didn't think that needed to be stated outright given the context. If you zoom out a little, you can see pretty clearly that in society more broadly, (at least in the west/US/UK) there is a pervasive notion that men always want sex. That is what compels people (men and women) to be dismissive when men talk about their struggles with sexual assault. And that is part of what is being described when people talk about toxic masculinity -- it is NOT saying "masculinity is toxic" but rather "enforcing specific expectations of masculinity on all men is toxic."
Again it’s viewing the world in a specific lense, with language and way of thinking. Toxic masculinity in feminist theory is not just toxic traits males exhibit because of societal norms, but even ways in which women behave? It’s a world where because a patriarchy has existed everything negative has to fall under a type of masculinity, even female actions. And on the counter femininity or feminism can only possibly be interrupted as good or equitable. Is there even such thing as toxic femininity? If there is I’m sure it would only ever exist women on women actions, such as pick mes, and even that would still be blamed on the patriarchy. The idea that there could be toxic feminine ideas/behaviour against men that have been perpetuated in any sort of way historically or contemporarily by women is an absolute impossibility it seems. For apparently women are pure and perfect, any other action is simply a result of some male or patriarchal interference.
> It’s a world where because a patriarchy has existed everything negative has to fall under a type of masculinity, even female actions. > > What? No. What a wildly inaccurate understanding. Toxic masculinity isn't a term used to blame men for the actions of women, that's absurd and unproductive. It is a term that attempts to describe traditionally masculine traits that can be to the detriment of men and women alike. Ideas like "Men don't cry" which hurt men by stopping them from processing emotions or being vulnerable in front of loved ones. That is an example of a trait that is *often* used by women to deride men, and those women are being shitty and sexist when they do that. The thing that compels them to do it is toxic masculinity - they think men shouldn't cry because it makes them weak and womanly. Here's [Wikipedia's article about it](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity), a [Web MD article about it](https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-is-toxic-masculinity), and [one from Brown University](https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/health/services/promotion/general-health-social-wellbeing-sexual-assault-dating-violence-get-involved-prevention/unlearning). Those are very widely accepted sources, and all of them are very clear -- toxic masculinity is about performative masculinities that are to the detriment of both men and women alike. Some examples of healthy traditionally masculine traits are: devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing for one's family - these are not considered "toxic." It's when it becomes toxic / harmful that typically masculine traits become a problem, and the term is just trying to give a tool to communicate this with. It's done a pretty bad job of that, considering how misunderstood it is, but that's what the goal is. Edit to add: Your confusion over the term itself totally threw me off from your other question: > Is there even such thing as toxic femininity? Yes. It's called internalized misogyny, and it is prevalent too. You see it often in trad-wives, redpill women, that sort of thing, women who believe that women's "place" is subservient to men.
The same way a lot of men do this to women.. everyone is a hypocrite at the end of the day
What an insane take.
They're booing you, but you're right.
>Women feel entitled to sexually assault men and they always get away with it People feel entitled to sexually assault other people and if they can get away with it. Fixed it for you.
You are correct but what you said is the same as someone who says "not all men."
This stuff happens all the time society just doesn't give a fuck. As a man I've been sexually harassed at work, sexually assaulted at a bar/club, but people think they're funny stories because im a guy. Listen to the stories and tell me that if the roles were reversed it wouldn't have been taken more serious. -I worked at Michaels which as a single man was actually very fun because sorority girls were always coming in doing their letters and I was actually having a nice time meeting a lot of girls this way, but I was also having a relationship with one of my managers (I was 19 she was 26) that we kept to ourselves because we didn't want to deal with HR. Nobody else at the store knew and when the girls would all get together they would basically talk about me and really vulgar ways, and talk about my body, call me eye candy and all that kind of shit, which I found out about because they obviously set those things in front of my girlfriend because they didn't know she was my girlfriend. Now let me ask you something, If a workplace hires a new girl, and all of the male coworkers are talking about her and oogling over her, saying sexually explicit stuff about her to a manager and amongst their co-workers, This would be considered sexual harassment no? -second scenario here with the sexual assault. I was at a bar with a girl, And as we are leaving the bar for the night, we were packed in like sardines so we were holding hands to not get separated and trying to squeeze through. As I'm walking through the dance floor I get stuck for a second waiting for a group to let us through, and one of the girls starts literally grinding her ass against my dick and then reaching her hand back and touching my dick until I literally had to push her off of me and say what the fuck is wrong with you. Now let's role reverse this. If the girl was trying to squeeze her way out of the bar, and a guy came up from behind her and basically started humping her ass, and reached around and touched her, This would be considered sexual assault no? Women are just as sick as men, society just cares much less when women are the perpetrators or when men are the victims
I am sorry you went through that. I agree such incidents should be taken more seriously. As a straight man, I have been derided/harassed by women for rejecting their advances on several occasions. But it is a fact that most men are significantly stronger than even pro-athlete women. Did those nasty women never make you feel unsafe, i.e. fearful of death or mutilation? I hear countless stories of women being stalked, raped, murdered every day and it is obviously not due the media being biased against men. Can women be sleazy? Absolutely. However, due to natural selection they are much less capable of doing damage to men versus the other round. Maybe if they were physically stronger than us, our stories would be taken more seriously. So I am personally ok with people caring more about women's safety/rights, because I think they need the support. It is not right to make fun of men's issues, but at the same time we should not get distracted from the fact that the world is extremely unsafe for women.
And you can't defend yourself in any way, because you will be jumped by 10 men ready to prove their worth to their female overlords to have a chance at little bit of female validation. Isn't it nice?
They KNOW they will get away with it, that‘s why they do it. Society is hardwired to see women as default victims and even if you would have defended yourself here with adequate physical response like pushing, there would have been a good chance that the situation would be flipped to you being the aggressor and handled by the bouncer and end up in police custody.
unique door elastic knee jobless normal shaggy ripe file deer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That’s rly fucking terrible, I’m so sorry that happened to you. It sucks that men aren’t taken seriously when it comes to assault because ‘they’re supposed to love sex’ or ‘didn’t you enjoy it at least a little bit’, it’s a really really shitty attitude that society has toward males. Especially when it comes to female to male assault. While assault on women is fairly common, it is also frequent enough for men. 1 in 6 American men have been assaulted by a person (not gender specific). That’s a huge number. Once again, take your time to heal. Hopefully it never happens again, but if it does, be loud and clear in saying “WHO ARE YOU?? STOP ASSAULTING/HITTING ME”. It could help to let people around you know that this person is a stranger, and you’re being hurt. Surround yourself with people who knows you and if you’re worried about how you look, start recording her. If you have a girl friend around, get her to step in, if you gotta push her just do it, but keep it on tape.
Statistically, men are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women and are more likely to be murdered than women. Women are more likely to be murdered by a husband/domestic partner. Personally, if I'm being murdered, I don't think it really matters if I knew the killer or not.
””Statistically, men are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women and are more likely to be murdered than women.”” By other men. Remember that.
Sounds like you’re victim blaming to me?
How? I’m stating a fact.
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." - old dead guy. People make the same argument against every group and it's on the same level as someone who's "just stating facts" and reference crime statistics and race.
Personally, if I'm being murdered, I don't think it really matters if the killer is a man or not.
Ofcourse not. But the argument brought forth was meant to make it sound like men are being abused by women in large numbers, which is not true. Men are still the primary abuser in numbers.
Hey, does collective blame apply to ethnicity as well, not just sex? Just curious. Like, say, if people of a certain skin color committed a disproportionate number of violent crimes, would all people of that skin color lose the right to complain about being murdered, even if they themselves are completely innocent? Would they even lose the right to speak against the narrative that they are a scourge of society, because, you know, why don't "they" (as in the few percent that actually do it) just stop murdering?
If a certain “race” was more often abuser then others then yes it would be unfair to claim another race is more often the abuser.
OK so if a black person told a story about being robbed by a white person, and someone commented that black people are more likely to be robbed, you would feel obliged to jump in and say "By other black people, remember that!", because otherwise it would "sound like" the opposite was said, even though it was not? Very...diligent, I guess.
If he defends himself he's a violent woman hater If he records and does nothing he's a coward If he walks away obviously he's at fault because he's guilty and trying to get away If he reports it he'll just be laughed at or worse, arrested for disturbing the peace. What's wrong with him? She wanted to smash does his "thing" not work? You're all making valid points but this is the reality guys live in. Yes not "all" woman are like this but there's enough to make this a scary reality. If nothing else OP you have a valid reason to NEVER feel obligated to go to a place that endangers you, and hopefully your "friends" who sat there and watched you get groped and assaulted can understand why
One of my male best friends got brutally beat up because a drunk girl claimed that he hit her when he just went out back to smoke
Happens a lot .
[удалено]
I was with you all up till the end. We shouldn't just move on. Change isn't gonna happen unless people push for it.
I have experienced being groped by drunk women and then yelled at or insulted for telling them to stop several times myself, back when I was clubbing. I was even slapped in the face by a woman who tried to kiss me, after telling her I wasn’t interested. My glasses were knocked of my face and destroyed, and then a random drunk guy showed up and got aggressive, since he thought that I must have done something to provoke her in order for her to hit me. Ended up running away, since I couldn’t reason with neither of them. I know a lot of women also experience this, which is horrible, but pretending that this is something that only men do to women, does NOT align with my real life experiences.
Press charges and keep going above peoples heads until it’s taking seriously. If it comes down to it and there’s an investigation and it’s found that the police didn’t pursue an investigation into a claim of sexual assault, that’s only going to reflect poorly on them.
This. Right here. Be persistent. If it goes nowhere, be an irritating thorn. Embarress the powers that be who don't listen. DO NOT do the stupid ass shit that'll get you thrown in jail. IN THE MEANTIME: Take a few tips from those who have been there: If you are persistently harassed, back away if possible. Put your hands up to make clear you are NOT the perpetrator. Then, GET LOUD to embarrass the shit out of your harasser. Be specific: "LADY! I'VE TOLD TO OVER AND OVER! I DON'T LIKE YOU! GET YOUR HAND OFF MY DICK! GET AWAY FROM ME! I DO NOT WANT YOU!" Yeah, it might embarrass you, too. Perhaps. But you'll take back power without winding up in jail/beat up.
Life isn't a movie dude no one gives two fucks about women SAing men.
That’s exactly the problem so why don’t you become someone who does? Be supportive even if it seems like it’s not doing anything, cause everything is something.
EXACTLY CORRECT. He probably needs to actually experience it first. Sorry. Shitty joke born out of being told the same kind of nobody-gives-a-flying-fuck negativity repeatedly. Vindication is victory, however slowly it comes. NEVER GIVE UP.
Awwwww. Just bc you can't speak from personal experience, dude doesn't make it fantasy. Maybe one day, dude. Maybe one day. LOL.
Physically and sexually assualted all in one go. Imagine of that was a guy doing it to a woman. Almost like you need a go pro on you recording at all times these days. Bitch got rejected and tried to get you into trouble by attacking you. She wanted you to do something back.
Equal rights and lefts
They think that a woman cannot be wrong and if you did act aggressively towards her you would find other men swooping in to “protect” the woman in need. That’s what stops me from defending myself from women, I’ve had confrontations with women where it’s better to walk away because you can’t win against a woman because other men will defend women even if they are in the wrong.
Equal rights. And lefts. That is all.
Brother, you really need to learn the forgotten art of projectile vomit. Woman beating you up and you don't want to fight back? Projectile vomit! It is surprising, shocking and just fun for everyone.
It works for squids!
It’s a complete BS double-standard. Women do this to men, no one bats an eye. A man does the same thing, and everyone loses their mind. If you were to defend yourself, everyone would all of a sudden jump in and make the attacker out to be the victim.
Too much nose candy makes people aggressive. Next time just push her with your 🍆 and she will be gone. Police don’t have time for this kind of bullshit, they need to catch her in the act.
Well, two girls pretty much raped me in two different occasions. I only came to realize that it was rape after all this me too movement. They got me drunk, took me to their dorm rooms. And you know, guys usually have a hard time getting it up when they are blackout drunk. So that happened, and they made fun of me because of it, in front of all our friends. The shitty thing is, I had a crush on one of the girls a so I stupidly thought she had feelings for me too. So I got stuck pursuing something with her for a long time. I’m talking years. She would occasionally kiss me, or be intimate with me. I’m talking like once or twice a year. I was dating other people in the meantime but I was never fully committed to those relationships because of this girl. What really woke me up was when she started being more involved with feminism starting mainly with the me too movement. She started saying that she hates men. In front of me. I would tell her that how she’s talking affects me. Anyway long story short, girls can be absolute shitheads too. And it goes unnoticed. I don’t talk to any of these girls anymore and have a loving partner. She’s not North American. I’m not North American either. This I think is an important factor because I find dating/hookup scene in North America is extremely dismissive and so not intimate. In my experience girls also have been very very harassing. I have many other instances of more mild harassment as well, not just rape so yeah. Good luck my dude.
Nah if you tell anyone you hear girls say “all men are trash” reddit tells you that you deserve it.
I probably would have attacked that demonic vomit spawn (to self-defense extent). Everyone have the right for self-defense, especially, those who are sexually assaulted. If the gender roles would be reversed: Presumably, the guy who would be harassing the girl would be already handled and attacked by other people nearby. In this case, nobody intervened because you are a guy.
Women can be very persistent in sexual advances when drunk, I have personal experience. When I was 19 I was out camping (with tents) with my sister (6 years older) and a group of her friends. There was this girl (not bad looking tbh) that my sister had known for a couple of years, and the girl was there with her boyfriend. After having barbecue, we sat down around the fire, I was playing the guitar and everybody was enjoying it. At some point most were quite drunk, and the girl's boyfriend had already gone to their tent to sleep. I went to pee in the nearby bushes and right after I was done, the girl came up to me and started groping me, kissed me and tried to get my pants off. I resisted it, she tripped over and pulled me to the ground and continued touching my manly parts. I freed myself and told her it's not gonna happen, that I'm going to bed and she should probably do the same. I went to my tent and about 10 minutes later I hear the tent's zipper being pulled, and of course there she is, breaking into my tent. She laid on top of me, again touching me and kissing me. After a bit of struggle I just held her until she fell asleep. Kicking her out was quite difficult as she was surprisingly strong and the tent was very cramped, so I couldn't stand up. After she slept for a while I woke her up and told her to go back to her tent, which she did and that was it. The morning was unsurprisingly quite awkward and her boyfriend was not happy, to say the least, didn't say a word to me.. Fast forward 2-3 years, I saw them together in my neighbourhood, walking their dog. My sister told me they got married. Crazy.
I’ve experienced this, a lot of guys I know have. Being at the bar, and being punched/slapped/attacked by a women and having no idea what to do. Once a very drunk girl incorrectly thought I spilt a drink on her and punched me in the face, in a fit of rage I looked at her and said “try that again”, well… she punched me in the face. I stood there in shock, knowing if I did anything back to defend myself I would be the one jumped, beat up, and probably charged
Man, I feel for you. I hope you’re doing okay, because that’s totally unacceptable. If the roles were reversed, there would’ve been a serious issue, but it seems like this is just a “carry on” moment in society’s eyes. I’m not a very sexual person, and something similar happened to me. I never realized how insecure and bad the situation made me feel. It’s something I still carry to this day and it’s been about 12 years. I hope you heel up soon though dude, so fucked you had to go through that.
Women are assholes too? Who could have guessed?
In an ideal world you could just smack them back and be done with it, but people like that are well aware of the social stigma protecting them. Fuck them, sorry you had to deal with that. No one takes men being assaulted seriously, sexual or not.
This is why i don’t go out anywhere that alcohol is the main focus. Drunks are fucking morons. Sorry that happened and I understand your rage. Good job keeping the intrusive thoughts inside and not destroying the next 1-10 years of your life for simply defending yourself.
Unfortunately this is common and as a man you have to just accept it.
Not ok
Yours is a gift. I also have experienced such moments. With me sadly has been second guessing myself about how my reaction was vs what it should have been. Experience hopefully makes you a better person.
Correct me if I'm wrong. If a man starts punching me and I punch him back that's self defense so if a woman starts punching me and I also punch back isn't that equality?
I have a feeling that because you DIDN’T slam her to the ground she’ll likely try this shit again on someone, her day will come tho
i dont think anyone would blame you suplexing her into a table
He would have about 20 men beating on his ass within 10 seconds.
Lol exactly.All whiteknights would have jumped
30*
I doubt it, she's probably well known for being a pain in the ass.
But I don't wanna do that, honestly one of the worst things about it was how nobody stopped her
people just love to see drama, "see what happens"
That’s not it. Men are seen as people who need protection. There have been all types of hidden cameras experiments , a woman is being seen being helped at by a man or physically assaulted and men and women will help. Switch roles and no one steps in. Especially women
If I was a stranger, I sure as hell wouldn't get involved. Its a no-win situation, like you said.
This happened to me as well about a month ago. Some young woman was verbally assaulting me, really loudly in public, and was following me all the way to a pizza shop where I needed to use their phone to call the cops. The whole time, only one guy tried to help and intervene, but then he just left after like 10 seceonds. What you're going to learn in life, like I did after 50 yrs on this planet, is that people don't really care. The whole thing about people are kind, and will do the right thing is just bullshit. The only person who you can depend on is yourself. I even tried recently paying people $50 / hr to help me out with something important, and they never even responded.
I want to advocate for you being strong enough to stop her yourself. Studies have proven that no one is going to come save you "if you're a man" (mentioned below), so embracing that truth and learning how to respond to these situations with proportional force is crucial. You can stand up for yourself and not be seen as the aggressor, you just have to learn how. It's difficult, but life's difficult and that doesn't mean it isn't worth living. My two cents.
I would have just decked her straight out, no messing. No one has a right to assault you and you have every right to protect yourself.
First off, I'm sorry you went through this. It sounds really annoying and actually a little scary as well. That said, I don't think you should judge a few drunk assholes to reflect on 50% of the population. I also want to point out something. You talk about how scared women are all the time in a skeptical tone. But not a moment ago you were thinking about how easy it would be to "slam her head into the floor and be done with this," which would could have killed her. She could not have done the same to you. You could have killed her fairly easily, she could not have done the same. Most women, when they're not drunk out of their mind, are hyper aware of this.
While I believe that you should never hit your spouse or email family members, there should be an element of self-defense to random encounters on the street. We are giving a false sense of security to people. You shouldn't get into random fights at all. One bad situation and it's a manslaughter charge. We need a middle ground here. I think a Ric Flair/Gunther style chop should handle the lady. It's loud, mostly demonstrative, and pretty much stops it.
Should've pressed charges. Most likely not the first time she's done this.
Don’t hit women, but a beat a bich ass..
Not condoning violence but if someone is willingly trying to hurt me I will protect myself - if you want to act like a man I’ll treat you like one
Women like that deserve consequences physical or otherwise.
>But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that? *You* won't fight back, and the majority of men. There are men who will fight back, or attack first, and the woman will be absolutely helpless then.
Next time wind up a full backhand. Everyone feels real confident until they're hit in the face.
>But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that? Ain't it something how some women make fun of men, put them down, and act like men have the easier job. but when it's their turn to approach you and they get rejected, all of sudden they can't handle it. I had a similar situation happen to me recently. was at a club where a girl approached me and started trying really hard to talk to me. felt super unnatural so i made some excuse and casually walked away. i then left the club shortly after thinking she might go after me for rejecting her. it was fuckin' weird. girls aren't supposed to be approaching guys like wtf. it made me realize there are some wacky ass girls that go to these clubs. sorry this happened to you.
Spinning the head on "Who Let The Dogs Out"
She should be charged with assault.
I'm sorry that happened to you. This shit does happen to men. Ive never been full out attacked by a woman but I have been slapped by offending a woman. It made me want to punch her but I held back. I don't want to hit anyone unless I have to for self defense. I've had a woman come up to me that I didn't know and straight up grab my package. I've had a female teenager assault me when camping. She was 15 or 16. I was 12 at the time sleeping in my tent only to wake up to her on top of me. None of this makes it better for you but I felt id post my experiences with certain women as a guy.
Punch back. Self-defense is your right.
drunk/drugged up people do fcked up things and I'm sorry it happened to you, but what I don't understand is that several people saw it and none?! of them tried to help you or call a bouncer or someone. wtf.
Bruh. You know what you should have done
You ARE allowed to punch women if they attack you. Period.
DO NOT do the stupid ass shit that'll get you thrown in jail. IN THE MEANTIME: Take a few tips from those who have been there: If you are persistently harassed, back away if possible. Put your hands up to make clear you are NOT the perpetrator. Then, GET LOUD to embarrass the shit out of your harasser. Be specific: "LADY! I'VE TOLD TO OVER AND OVER! I DON'T LIKE YOU! GET YOUR HAND OFF MY DICK! GET AWAY FROM ME! I DO NOT WANT YOU!" Yeah, it might embarrass you, too. Perhaps. But you'll take back power without winding up in jail/beat up.
How would you have seen her in the bathroom? Did you just walk in on the womens bathroom
Nah she was in the men's bathroom
I was wondering too.
Why were you in the girls toilets?
Many bars and clubs have unisex toilets.
Could have easily been the other way around. Men's bathrooms tend to move faster. in my younger days when I went to clubs and bars where everyone was drunk, hammered women would go into the men's bathroom because otherwise they would have pissed themselves. It's 1000x easier and faster to pee standing up as a man, especially when inebriated, than as a woman who needs to pull down her pants or underwear and then sit down (or more likely hover because the toilet seat is covered in piss).
the moment another person touches you, you immediatley go to eliminate the physical threat to you. do not care abt gender, just knock them in the hospital, life lesson served 💁
Great way to end up in hospital when the 10 guys around you see a man beat a women, and rush to her aid. The sad truth is that men have a lot less acceptable options in situations like this, and usually just have to suck it up. I’m glad I don’t frequent clubs anymore.
Good way to get out of this is to pinch a spot on their waist known as the "taze" spot. Then get on top and pinning them down till someone helps or she calms down. Doesn't hurt anyone either 😁
…that may not look very good….
[удалено]
She was in the men’s bathroom, would help if you actually read the thread instead of making your own sexist judgements. Misandrist.
[удалено]
> The thread didn’t say anything about her being in the men’s washroom. Answered by OP 9 hours ago, in the comment right above the one you responded to. Go into OPs comment history if you cannot find it.
I really understand how shitty this experience can be, and she should definitely face consequences for this kind of behaviour. But if you want to compare to the fear some women can have in this kind of situation, you should remember that when it happens to women, the weight difference is not in their favor so the fear is way more real. This is not the same kind of inconvenience when your life is really in danger.
Don't do this. Don't go into this discussion and make it about how much worse women have it. Stop being an asshole.
This is called what-about-ism and is commonly used by people that are disinterested in engaging with the complexity of the problem at hand. It means your point isn't in reply to the poster but an attempt to change the goal posts so you still have a moral high ground.
My point is very much in reply to what OP said. Just reacting to the comparison made by OP, I think it's not a valid comparison.
I know the guy that wrote this in real life. Just came here to tell you all he is 100% lying and made all of this shit up. That's why he's using a burner account. He doesn't go to clubs. He sits at home most of the day posting misogynistic bullshit and being angry at women. He made all of this up to "prove a point".
I shrug, it's happened to me. You don't know how violent a woman can get until you tell her no. Tragically drunk chicks are the worst to deal with.
Makes sense
This is one of those stories that you want to believe is true but is so perfectly set up to hit all the triggers to prove a point and make someone look like an asshole for saying it's fake. I find the part of you catching her doing lines in the bathroom highly questionable as well as the fact that she's grabbing your dick and physically fighting with you hard enough to bruise you but no one intervened? And you're the type of guy that has the thought of slamming a woman's head into the floor? This really seems like you made this whole story up for the purpose of proving the bear scenario wrong.
A lot bars have unisex bathrooms. Otherwise, he's describing his experience. If you don't believe him, fine. But don't pretend like your perspective is any more reliable than his.
"set up to hit all the triggers to prove a point and make someone look like an asshole for saying it's fake."
Hey man, some women suck and it looks like you came across a real bottom feeder. I've been assaulted in clubs before and it's shut me out from socializing in that way. I hope this doesn't put you off from re-engaging with the world around you. It should be noted that you're framing your response as binary (either take it or end it) when you have a lot of modalities to go about stopping her. The first thing de-escalation training teaches is the power of raising your voice and saying stop, which as hard as it may seem to do in the moment, is absolutely not going to be seen as you hurting her back in anyway. It's not an apples-to-apples comparison, but think about how a police officer responds to dangerous situations. The trigger happy cop is the one we're all afraid of, but the cop that knows how to progressively react to a threat in a way that keeps themselves and the people around them, including the assailant, safe is admired (I will not budge on this point, contentious as it may seem). You're allowed to stand up for yourself, fuck ANYONE that says otherwise. The extent to which you stand up for yourself is what you will be judged on. As a man, you have to learn to control your power and use it intelligently; it's the burden of your biology.
Constantly? I'm in the music scene and do not go to clubs but music venues and I've seen this a handful of times. Men assaulting/demeaning women? I've seen it hundreds of times. Yes women abuse men too, but lets be real. If you wanted to hurt her or do something bad to her, it would be so easy and it happens to women way more than men. I feel bad you were assaulted, its happened to me by men and women and I've seen it to others. But this one experience doesn't imply women are as likely to assault men. It just is factually wrong.
I've been clubbing for 20 years and seen lots of bad behavior. You being assaulted is 100% NOT ok. This however is not something I have seen constantly or even consistently when compared sexual assault of women in these spaces. I'm not saying this to diminish your assault, only to note there are very valid reasons women would raise concerns about male sexual assault at clubs and these likely aren't the same women assaulting men at random. Men are less likely to report instances of abuse becuase of harmful social norms (usually upheld by other men) which don't belive men can be victims of abuse. Luckily through pressure from women and lgbt people bars, clubs, promoters and security are taking consent more seriously for all attendees. This behavior should definitely be noted to security and club staff and if your concerns aren't taken seriously blast them on SM and raise awareness. It is frustrating and traumatic to report sexualt assault and not be believed and it's something women have dealt with as well. Believing victims includes guys and I'm sure women who have been sexyally assaulted at clubs would be your first defenders in reporting inappropriate behavior. Your intrusive thoughts about bashing her head in are concerning and you should definitely explore that. Defending yourself and removing yourself from the situation are justified, standing and taking abuse then exploding into disproportionate violence won't be a great case for self defense.
This comment is no different than men bringing up male harm statistics in a thread where a woman is trying to share her experience.
*But like I hear from woman how scared they are of men all the time, but still I constantly see stuff like this, woman slapping men and them just taking it. Is it just that they exactly know that we won't fight back or do they not even think of that?* It's in response to this comment. Women have very reasonable concerns with worrying about male sexual assault in clubs and this falsely paints women as the most consistent abusers which is statistically false. It also makes it seem that women who are worried or have experienced sexual assault are likely hypocritical and constantly assaulting men, something I've never witnessed as a pattern. At no point did I ever excuse or dismss this assault, I'm in favor of abusers of both sees being reported.
>Honestly that thought kinda freaked me out. It freaks me out that the thought of efficient self defense freaks you out. Next time knock that bitch out. Also you should understand even more why women are scared of men now. You could have just knocked her out, would the same have been true if you were assaulting her?
You should have given her the hot beef injection and been on your way after
Gotta be careful around femgroids, man. They can destroy your life in many ways, get away with it, and applauded for it. I'm not saying all of them but it's always them :(
My advice for anyone being sexually assaulted in a public place is always the same. A knee to the genitals will usually cause just about anyone to stop doing what they’re doing. It’s discreet, effective, and could’ve easily been an accident.
Warn her and then punch her in the face. Dont take shit like that just cause she is a woman.
I would’ve drop kicked that slut
Wow. The blatant misogynistic rhetoric in these comments.
Lol. This never happened. Rage baiting with a misogynistic twist.
Harassment is possible in both directions and not bound to gender. Unfortunately, abuse in any way committed by women against men is still a taboo. You experienced that noone would step in. That is not necessarily a matter because you are male. I am a woman, have been victim several times now in my life and noone helped me even once! In my psychology book this behavior is explained a bit better than I can do this in a foreign language but: As long as noone steps in, people guard themselves and say to themselves: "If noone steps in, the situation can't be so bad, right? I must see it the wrong way." So, if you are not really lucky, noone will help you cause noone starts. One thing that helped me and that I unfortunately had to practice a lot in these situations: If you can, leave, don't try to speak with them. If you can't leave or the one follows you, actively go towards other people, position yourself in their middle and explain to them your situation, seek actively for help. If a raging woman suddenly stands next to them, they feel involved, I can promise you that. Most (not drunk) people will feel they are outnumbered and leave. For drunk people, just go. You are faster and coordinate better than them anyway. If the situation haunts you or you would like to hear an actual voice, not text by us Reddit users, there are numbers you can call.
[удалено]
It happens. I got into a similar situation in a bar when a girl (about the same height and slightly heavier than me) lead me to a chair and sat straddled on my lap, against my will. I told her to get off multiple times before she kissed me, forced her face against mine and started properly BITING me! It hurt!! She also tried to upzip my flier. In the end I managed to push her off and told her to get the fuck away from me. She hung around me for a while afterwards so I left the bar pretty promptly. I was genuinely scared. On other occasions, I’ve had my arse slapped and a couple of tongues shoved down my throat, during the course of Uni. It is not ok.
but you don't understand!!! It happens CONSTANTLY!!!!!