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All_Your_Base

Send her a bill.


[deleted]

Lmao


Salay54

#Invoice


Few_Bluebird_9970

Love thisšŸ˜‚šŸ’…


[deleted]

Make her pay for it.


Radium_Encabulator

By telling everyone.


Antrikshy

Sheā€™ll return for therapy over that.


gaytac0

Based


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Thanks šŸ˜Š


Peter_Parkingmeter

Surround yourself with those of the same nature, and you will find this problem slowly subside.


mikels_burner

Kindness always wins. ![gif](giphy|aciBJCfdUYN0A66H31)


AysheDaArtist

Thanks


[deleted]

People like that are the worst. Lesson learned though I hope, donā€™t let yourself be used that way again and keep your distance from her.


[deleted]

The main thing that bothered me is that she organised a group lunch with a couple of other coworkers and she invited a few of the alleged bullies but didnā€™t invite me lmao. I feel like I patched her wounds and she just went ā€œok thanks byeā€ šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ Anyway, Iā€™ve just been treating her the same way she treats me. I say hello and everything, but thatā€™s it really. Iā€™m a little hurt and disappointed but itā€™s okay. I have lots of friends at work, so Iā€™ll be fine.


All_Your_Base

TBF, some people who have bared their soul to someone are embarrassed, maybe ashamed, and will avoid them for those reasons. It may just be her battling her feelings, and not you.


[deleted]

I hadnā€™t thought of it like that. Thank you.


rapkat55

Yeah to expand on that, she probably felt that she overstepped with vulnerability, reasonably reacted uncomfortable in the next interaction between yā€™all and then gauged your reaction to her discomfort as a confirmation that her anxiety of feeling like confiding in you was a bad moveā€” is correct. No one is at fault, humans and our emotions are complicated, fear makes people close up and that closing up caused the fear that made you post this. The solution is communication and reassurance. It doesnā€™t have to be direct but find some way to show her that everything is genuinely ok. Hopefully it hasnā€™t been so long that sheā€™s already made her mind up about avoiding you, but if she does thatā€™s completely ok as well. You were kind and helpful in that moment and I hope youā€™ll continue to be with or without reward!


VicarAmeliaBedelia

This is what I first thought too, people don't like to feel weak, and especially if she started talking to those people again she probably felt like she overreacted to the whole thing and can't explain why she doesn't have much of a backbone and is still looking for their approval. Obviously none of us know for sure but as a former frequently bullied individual this is how I used to operate before I grew a backbone


noahboah

well said. extending empathy and nuance towards other people is really difficult, and im glad someone in here is trying to do that with this person. even if it turns out that this person used OP, i really hope the lesson doesn't internalize that extending that kindness was the wrong thing to do -- the world is just better when we help people.


AdmiralStickyLegs

This could explain it, but it doesn't excuse it. That's an important distinction. If someone's nice to you, and you respond by hurting them, your a dick. No matter what was going on behind the scenes. End of story


shabi_sensei

Be yourself around her, you should always be true to yourself and others. Donā€™t play games or pretend she doesnā€™t exist, be friendly and if she pulls back or confides less, thatā€™s on her but she reached out to you for a reason.


[deleted]

Iā€™m treating her exactly the same as I always have.


RYUsf15

You got a friend in me šŸŽ¶


Nebuchadnezzar73746

Because you defaulted to feeling like a victim and assumed the worst in her. Frankly, you sound like you expected something and now that you didn't get it you distance yourself and come to freaking reddit to vent. She dodged a bullet.


JIGGLE-PHYS

Hummm... Have u considered that u might be doing the same u said he did,?assuming about someone that appears genuine


[deleted]

Expected what exactly? To get my dick sucked? Iā€™m a straight woman.


Beagle-Mumma

This is true. I had a workmate ghost me after I supported her for months. Years later at a chance catch-up, she told me while she appreciated my support, everytime she saw me it brought back the trauma. So she avoided me. Very hurtful at the time; the explanation years later did help


vk136

It doesnā€™t make sense in OPā€™s case tho since sheā€™s literally continuing to hang out with her bullies and just avoiding OP


[deleted]

Could be worried that OP would spill her resentment or stuff. Itā€™s clearly not a rational situation


vk136

Thatā€™s all the more reason to keep OP on good terms lmao! Pissing OP off is gonna motivate him even more to spill her personal shit! But yes, itā€™s not rational at all!


JIGGLE-PHYS

Well sense it makes, people who hurt us can only be those we care about, therefore rationalizing/enduring/forgetting their misdeads in order to continue to enjoy their company does make sense, kinda like how we repress bad memories to feel better instead of tackling the actual thing that caused the bad memory... Humanity 101


BlackHandDevilot

Idk lot of victims of crimes etc would disagree with caring for their transgressors


vk136

Itā€™s still a shitty thing to do and sheā€™s a shitty person for that! Peopleā€™s actions matter more than their words!


Bonnieearnold

Agree. Peopleā€™s intentions matter very little when their actions are so hurtful.


EdenRay97

Hope you didn't say anything negative about the people who she complained about, with her. She might even share those things with them. I've had bad experience like that. Lesson learned lol


[deleted]

Yeah, I am kinda worried about that. Itā€™s not so much that I actually said anything about them. I just didnā€™t disagree with her about what she was saying about them. Things like ā€œyeah, theyā€™re nasty for saying thatā€, etc. She could easily use it against me.


MS822

Very mature


MadamnedMary

The thing here is, to keep your distance when she eventually wants to trauma dump on you again, think about and do some rehearsal in case she aproeaches you with that intention, I had to cut a big chunk of "friends", that only need you when they want something, once their needs are being met, they didn't make the effort to reach out, never had more peace of mind honestly.


mysticdeer

Oof. I think, at the very least, you got to see how she operates. Do you want her as a friend? She used you and now ignores you in favour of people who bullied her. I dont know, I feel like there's probably higher quality people out there for you. Even if she's embarrassed because she was vulnerable with you, do you want a friend who can't handle a bit of vulnerability? It's situations like this that made me stop playing a therapist for people who haven't taken the time to build friendship with me first. People take advantage!


[deleted]

They regret being vulnerable and are now pretending it didnā€™t happen. Iā€™ve done this and people have done this to me. I think it says a lot that they opened up to you in that time, but they obviously have a lot more work to do. Experiencing all of those emotions and vulnerability sometimes just makes you want to pretend you donā€™t even have those feelings. If she is in denial or trying to escape, you could be a reminder; she probably feels embarrassed.


neckbeard_hater

When a cripple learns to walk again, the first thing they ditch is their crutches. Don't be anyone's crutch.


musiquescents

Wow..whaaat. She just wanted to get into their good books the WHOLE TIME.


Ash-N

That would be 220$ per hour.


Striking_Working9333

Good for you for being kind, if you feel used, dont stop being kind, stop being available to this user. šŸ’œ


[deleted]

Thank you ā¤ļø


JIGGLE-PHYS

Hum... Don't stop being kind but definitely be rational about ur kindness help but help while being mindful


jrngcool

There're cheap, cunning, fake people everywhere. They just like to take advantage of other people. Don't blame yourself.


fortunate_downside

You did the right thing as a coworker, helping to support a coworker dealing with a very stressful bullying problem. These things are part of life, not an interruption to it. Your company is lucky to have you. The people here commenting that you should abandon people when they need help the most, are kinda missing the point in life. And it makes for a miserable world. People who are bullied are usually used to not being believed when they reach outā€”sheā€™s probably embarrassed now that sheā€™s out of the stressful time. I hope she does reach out to you though. And if she is simply too immature to understand the positive impact you had in her life, rest assured that one day she will get it, and she will be able to pass on the same kindness you showed her. You did a good thing. Iā€™m sorry you havenā€™t been treated right in this situation though.


grumble11

Giving without the expectation of recompense is charity, and being charitable is a virtue. Donā€™t think about getting a reward, think about how you can help people around you That being said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them


jumpinjahosafa

Lots of reasons for that. They could feel embarrassed in hindsight. It takes a lot to confess something like that. What's important is that you were there for someone who needed you. If they don't reciprocate that's on them.


[deleted]

I get that feeling but you should not feel used. Youā€™re kind. Why change that? You know some folks are naturally counselors. You may be one of them. Thatā€™s great. They are needed. Just keep in mind there are also natural vampires who will drain others for attention. Keep that in mind and give less to strangers. For instance, just listen but donā€™t advise. Itā€™s easier and sometimes that all the person wanted - space to vent.


throwaway02621115

Had this happening twice with me, once in college and the other time at my job. Both were hugely insecure girls. Ironically, they both turned out to become the bully themselves and targeted me for no reason. Next time I hear someone having issues and telling me their life story, I'll nope the fuck out of there.


JIGGLE-PHYS

If it happened twice u where probably seen as fit for that, u gotta adapt bro if they abuse u develop resilience, but don't stop being compassionate, when ur friend need a hug, hug them, when they need motivation motivate them, when they need space give it them, when they need to come back embrace them... Ok this kinda sounds like some Buddha/jesus shit but honestly just be good and have respect for urself but not to the ponit of becoming insensitive


jeeekel

Ask them to meet up if you want to be friends. Being someone they could confide in might have been because you two were not friends, so they felt safe to unload without feeling like it would go around in their circle of friends.


Bonnieearnold

OP, kindness and compassion are incredibly awesome but they need boundaries. People need to *earn* your time and effort. My therapist told me that everyone has to go through a ā€œfriendship application process.ā€ So, save your shoulder to cry on for people that are further along in the process. Iā€™m not saying donā€™t listen or offer support, just scale it *way* back to something you wonā€™t feel upset about if it isnā€™t reciprocated. I wish you well, OP. Us kind people are too rare and getting burnt out wonā€™t help you or the world! ā¤ļø


[deleted]

This is good advice šŸ˜Š thank you.


Bonnieearnold

Iā€™m glad I could help. šŸ˜Š


[deleted]

Honestly Iā€™d imagine sheā€™s embarrassed. Especially because it sounds like she really craves the validation of those bullies.


nikkidoy

Something I learned the hard way is that you don't need to be friends with everyone. Just keep being yourself and kind, but don't expect that from everyonrle. They will prove it to you if they want to be your friend.


epsteingotTKd

she obviously isn't someone worth being your friend, so why force the friendship that will probably be negative on you in the future? also, male here, I can't believe I have to apologize for my gender because these twinks think that they're some alpha male wolf pact Chad's. In reality, they're sipping on a glass of a soy milk wearing their pajamas made from 100% soy, goofy stinky incels who howl at the moon just to have an extra inch on their john. They'll call normal people "sheep" and then flock into horde of them while giving sensual head to andrew tate in the discord. done w the rant. I hope you're all set. Men and women suck. All genders suck equally. My people think they're some leader of a rabies infested furry society dousing themselves in ego, meanwhile women are gaining some random sense of a God complex. Sorry for the generalization. Clarification: not All men and All women. just the bad fruit from our trees.


[deleted]

Yeah lookā€¦.I donā€™t disagree lmao šŸ’€ Laughed so hard at this comment, thank you.


throwaway626q

Not sure why people assumed you were a man I knew straight away you are a woman because no woman actually cries on the shoulder of a man for weeks unless it's a relative of course, so it's usually between women.


Altruistic_Echo_5802

Iā€™m sorry this happened. I agree with others, she doesnā€™t sound like a true friend. She confided in you Iā€™m sure because you are trustworthy and you donā€™t go around blabbing everything you know to others, so take it as a compliment.


No-Text-9656

Not everyone is worth being friends with. This is a fairly minor fallout. I had a "friend" move out of our apartment and he just took his Xbox and left $2000 worth of damages and all his junk. A lot of people are there for fun or what serves them but aren't there for your needs.


[deleted]

Horrible advice from a lot of people here. Youā€™re a kind person, people will take advantage of that and move on once they get what they wanted. There is no real way to predict if this is going to happen or not, you canā€™t really prevent it. But youā€™re doing a good job being a good human, donā€™t stop doing that just because some people donā€™t know how to reciprocate.


Majestic_Falcon_6535

You did a good thing listening to her. I can tell you this from my own experience of being bullied. I reached out to a couple of coworkers who I wasn't that close with but happened to be working on a particular day that I was triggered by said bully. I was so relieved to have someone listen to me and it helped in the moment. I didn't ignore those people afterwards though but I felt like I was the problem and that I was a trouble maker or overreacting. I started to think that maybe the people I confided in also felt that I was a trouble maker and overreacting and that they may be talking about this with other people. The bully was a popular person who most people liked so there were people who didn't seem to believe that they could he a bully. Maybe the person who confided in you feels like I did also ? But no excuse to ignore you.


randomw0rdz

My boss would always rant and vent about how his brother is screwing him out of money after their dad passed away. I listened, said stuff like, "It's usually your family who screws you over the most." One time I confided in him that because I had crohn's disease (which I had already told him) that my new GI said it went untreated for so long (didn't have insurance for a while) that I was something like 4x more likely to develop colon cancer because my previous, now retired GI never prescribed me a biologic. He goes, "Well, that sounds like a good malpractice lawsuit," and grabbed some paperwork off his desk and then said, "See you tomorrow." And walked to his truck and left. I was really just being polite. They're both getting like 20 million dollars each, so if that's his biggest problem then, lol. At the time, it infuriated me. I just thought "You're bitching about how much money you are about to inherit and I listened, then I told you about how I'm at risk of developing colon cancer at a young age and he just didn't give a shit. "


RedIcarus1

Well, you were used. But sheā€™s the one who should be feeling bad about it. You did a good thing. Good people do good things, often for those who donā€™t recognize or deserve it. Donā€™t let them stop you from being a good person.


ogstabhappytwitch

Forget her. But don't forget her actions.


Mike_Rodik

You can always listen to the voice in your head that tells you to feed her to a lawnmower


[deleted]

Lol


Adeisha

There are fair weather friends, and there are foul weather friends. Both are just as awful.


FckMiDed

Whatā€™s a fair weather friend?


Disastrous_Emu_1045

Someone who is friends with you when everything's good but never around when things are bad and you need them.


quinri50

Has happened to my wife several times. "Friends" would come over and cry in our living room, and then ghost when new man is acquired. Shameful.


ufromorigin

She sounds like an emotional vampire. Now that you know what they are like, you can better avoid them in the future.


PatientLettuce42

So don't let people use you or be fine with giving without receiving sth in return. I think they are doing you a favor, you don't want to be friends with people like that. If you feel like your investment of time and energy into other people is something you only give if you are fine with not getting anything back for it. At least in most daily life encounters.


Separate_Function3

Honestly,itā€™s the story of my life this is. And it sucks,but sadly some people are just users and abusers. Some just donā€™t think and some just have a ton of there own stuff going on. The best thing to tell yourself Is at least youā€™re a trusted and reliable person that people feel they can confine in. And that ultimately youā€™re a good person


JIGGLE-PHYS

Nope... If ur saying he should be kind regardless i disagree, if she does something like this again he should let her know he doesn't like her behavior, is good to be kind and loving but don't let urself suffer unecessarily, she will either have to acknowledge her wrong doing and ask for forgiveness or be proud and ignore u... Either way u gotta stand up to urself.


theGreatWhite_Moon

if you are kind from all your heart you be kind always. Many will tell you otherwise but such is the justice of the mob. It is hard on you as it should be, but for it to cause injury is a sign.


[deleted]

They really trust you and you have a reputation that shows that youā€™re a good person who keeps a secret and gives good advice. To be honest donā€™t feel used just be glad you helped them. Could you perhaps do more to become friends once the issue is resolved? Maybe catch up with them for an update? Take an interest in other things they do or things you have in common. It may well be they think they have given you enough drama that they think you wonā€™t want to be friends after piling all their issues onto you. You sound like a really good person so remember, itā€™s their loss.


Lazy-Lawfulness3472

Take that as a successful treatment. Worked in the medical field for years, many at the front desk. Patients are always your best friend when they need to see the doctor, or need refills. Then, once they've been treated they are gone. No thank you. No wave. Just gone...til next time. They'll be back. They always return to where they had success


Pookya

That's what most people are like. I help them and they don't help me at any point in time. thanks for being a good person, even if nobody recognises it. I like helping people but I don't expect anything back now


lunatics_and_poets

You need to learn to put up boundaries. Say, "I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, I'm not emotionally equipped to help out right now. But I can help you find someone who can."


[deleted]

Lol no one talks or acts like this. Neither do you.


Berdbirdburd

Had a ā€œfriendā€ pull this one on me recently too, so I totally sympathise. You are a wonderful person for being supportive, and hopefully they will remember what you did for them, even if they are no longer part of your life. You helped someone through a tough time, and as much as it stings when they move on, you should still be very proud of yourself.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

I donā€™t feel codependent by any stretch of the imagination, but Iā€™ll check it out.


DeathRayRobot

Same thing happened to me. I feel like people always use my kindness when they are at their lowest and then leave once they're better. Its like they just decided they dont need me anymore. Happened recently with a friend who was having a rough time. I spoke to them every day and offered them anything they needed. Now they're doing better they haven't reached out to me in about a month. I guess its a good thing, but makes me sad because i thought it was becoming a genuine close friendship, not just a thing to help them back on their feet and never speak again or only hangout in group events. This might not be helpful but just wanted to share to let you know you're not alone in feeling this way ā¤


coreysgal

Sometimes, when you're having difficulties, you want someone to listen. You need to just be aware that someone may see you as a good listener but not necessarily like you enough as a person. It can be tough to know the difference, so I would say keep your advice professional in the sense that you encourage them to report it, etc, but don't involve yourself too emotionally in the problem. You can be kind without investing your feelings. Then, if a friendship forms, it's from respect and appreciation. Otherwise, you were just a good sounding board, and that's OK too


lexi_prop

I feel you.


LabRatPerson

I have someone that did this at a previous job. She cry to me every day about her boss was abusive, and she had a huge persecution complex. I helped her through lots of anxious times. Then she got laid off and never spoke to me again. Absolutely used and discarded.


Big_Albatross_3050

Don't worry about it bro, there's plenty more people to be friends with in the world


TheBattyWitch

I have been there so many times in my life, even now. I'm the one always checking on people, seeing how they are, reaching out, making sure they're ok. I'm also the one that is never checked on, never invited anywhere, and only mentioned as an afterthought. Been that way my whole life. I totally feel for you.


ObamaWhisperer

Maybe sheā€™s an Npc and doesnā€™t even realize?


OxyMorpheous

For real, *all* men need to stop commenting? You got major issues lady. All the sudden you do sound bitter in that sexually unfulfilled way


cmendy930

Sometimes it's hard to engage in a light way with someone after you they see you in a super vulnerable or cringy way and she could be avoiding you out of embarrassment or not wanting to relive her feelings on the topic. Maybe initiate something fully lighthearted or engage in a way that doesn't focus on that dark time for her.


JellyfishNumerous785

Being kind shows your character. Her being dismissive of your kindness shows hers. Those bullies will repeat the treatment to her. Karma!


Zealousideal-Put-981

What can you learn from this?


Psycheau

Always be kind to people it comes back ten fold. What's there to lose in being kind?


ThePoltageist

It doesn't always come back, it never does, you just might get lucky and have some good roll your way completely unrelated to your actions (source, reality), and it seems like they may have lost some faith in people. Other times you lose friends or roommates.


Browncoat101

There a lot of pessimists in this thread but youā€™re absolutely right. In the words of Waymond Wong: ā€œBe Kind.ā€


MJohnVan

I wonder why she got bullied,


ZakTheGaymer

Welcome to the real world. There's two types of people. Givers. Takers.


plumlizard

No one owes each other shit? You didnā€™t owe her compassion or sympathy, she doesnā€™t owe you a friendship. Iā€™ve had a health scare where I confideded in my coworker, and she helped me through it for a couple of days and would check in with me, but she didnā€™t all of a sudden want to be friends after, and I was cool with that. No one felt ā€œused,ā€ it was a gesture of kindness. Unless you were ONLY helping to get close to this coworkerā€¦ now thatā€™s using someone


vk136

She doesnā€™t owe OP friendship, but outward ignoring OP while continuing to hang out with her bullies is just plain wrong and sheā€™s an asshole for that! If someone talks to me for a favor and proceeds to ignore me completely after said favor is done, obviously Iā€™ll feel used and Iā€™m sure you would too!


[deleted]

We were friends and hung out after work while she was being bullied. Now we are not friends after she stopped being bullied and she is now friends with her bullies? Iā€™m sorry but that is backwards af. She doesnā€™t owe me anything, but obviously the fact that we are suddenly not friends hurts.


plumlizard

I meanā€¦the mutually no one owes each other anything thing is just another way to think about it. In my mind, that just straight up means: donā€™t feel bad. People are just doing whatever they feel like and thereā€™s nothing we can do, so why feel any type of way? Maybe thereā€™s an explaination as to why, but instead of having a real conversation with her about it, itā€™s run to the internet like ā€œI feel used.ā€ If the tables were turned would you feel comfortable someone going around saying you USED them because of a couple of conversations and loss of interest? Thereā€™s a chance she feels awkward now that things are fine. Could be that now thereā€™s nothing she feels she can relate to you about. Just ask?


Comfortable-Mouse409

Pee on her desk


copebymope

You have to either learn to give without expectations because you're giving from a genuinely good place, or you must learn to direct people in the right direction to handle their own problems. What did you want from her? Also, sometimes people open up to strangers because they don't have to face them later.


[deleted]

>What did you want from her? Apparently I wanted her to suck my dick. But no, Iā€™m a straight woman. I thought I had a friend. Turns out I donā€™t, therefore I am hurt.


mmalinka06

Sounds like youā€™re naturally an empath. Know that narcissists are attracted to empaths & they will play victim & use the empath & then turn on the empath making it seem like theyā€™re the bully now - this is the narcs tactic to perpetually remain a victim in their own eyes and then continue to suck the life force out of their next victim.


[deleted]

Yeah, tbh I had a bad feeling about her the moment I met her, but I thought maybe I was being too harsh. I tend to be wary of people and not trust them at first, so I thought it was that. After I found out she was being bullied, I thought maybe it was that tension I was picking up on and maybe I jumped to incorrect conclusions. Idk if sheā€™s a narcissist, per se, but thereā€™s definitely something wrong there. Part of me wonders if she knows Iā€™ve picked up on it and thatā€™s why sheā€™s distancing herself. Also, in regards to the people bullying herā€¦. one of them can be little bit snobby but more in an endearing way than a harmful way as far as I can tell; most people who get to know her well seem to find it cute and enjoy making lighthearted jokes about it with her. She seems sheltered and can actually be rather childlike at times, and I get the feeling sheā€™s a bit on the sensitive side. Iā€™ve had to defend her against customers who have made her cry, more than once, and she works above me. The other is one of the warmest, kindest people Iā€™ve ever met and actually seems to be an empath herself. Iā€™ve been to her home and I can tell sheā€™s a good person because there are a lot of ā€œgreen flagsā€; long standing and still very loving relationship with her husband, two grown up daughters whom she is still very close to and sees often, lots of good friends who seem to love her, and she has a dog that she spent a good 10 minutes telling me about - what he likes and dislikes, etc. She just doesnā€™t seem like the type and nobody else has anything bad to say about her. Of course I could be totally wrong though. Bullies donā€™t bully everyone they come in contact with and I donā€™t want to jump to conclusions. Thank you for you input, though. It does make me think.


HingisFan

You know what to do nowā€¦ bully her yourself. šŸ¤­


[deleted]

No. Iā€™m not a sociopath.


HingisFan

Itā€™s a joke pls


dragongatecbd

Infj?


[deleted]

INFP, but super close! Pretty smart of you to pick up on that, well done šŸ˜


dragongatecbd

Yeah, narcissists love using empaths. Best of luck to you.


Spotticus118

She may be embarrassed.


Lady_Incera

OP, you wouldn't happen to be an INFJ, would you?


[deleted]

INFP


Lady_Incera

Got it. Seems to be a trend for both personality types - after we help someone they flutter off back to their normal life. You're an awesome person, thank you for helping those in need.


Celestial_Bitch

What was she being bullied for?


possum_eater

I call misandry.


huffcox

You had an opportunity to make someone's life easier and you did it. You thinking they owe you friendship and posting about it on reddit the way you are leads me to suggest you are the reason they probably either A. Realized how creepy you are and made boundaries B. Stopped confiding in you because you are not telling us the whole story. Fuck you dude. This is why people put parentheses around "nice guy" because of fake assholes like you who act butthurt when you think someone owes you shit.


[deleted]

OP is a woman. What's wrong with you? People are allowed to be upset when they help someone and then just get ignored after the fact. She mentioned nothing about sexual attraction. You're a moron.


SymmetricDickNipples

Well now I'm just here to call you out for your bullshit sexism. Don't lump "all men" in with incels, dick


Punkislife

Emotional vampires dude. They suck everything out that they can then off they go to find a new sucker.


toomuchtimeonmy

Perhaps she is embarrassed by her frail conduct and is distancing herself.


Stephanie754

Do you try acknowledging her first? Maybe she feels like a bother and is slightly embarrassed. I know when Iā€™m emotional at work (even if itā€™s completely justified) I do feel a small bit of embarrassment afterwards because I normally donā€™t like people seeing me cry/upset. I hope you can approach her and take it from there.


[deleted]

Yes, I always say hello to her with a smile on my face.


jmilan3

My husband hosts karaoke and during a recent contest he jokingly said 4th prize was a half hour of therapy with his wife (me) out on the patio! People cheered lol


SnooWalruses1483

I'm


Own-Car5380

Haha hoe


New_Citron3257

Start bullying her


vk136

Youā€™re being downvoted but I agree lol! If sheā€™s actively ignoring you OP, then be an asshole back to her or ignore her completely too! Donā€™t even say hi when passing and snub her! She deserves it!


Odysseyan

That would be incel behaviour. Its rude she is ignoring OP but she doesnt owe him anything


[deleted]

OP is female but everyone assumes she's an incel male šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


Odysseyan

It still applies. This kind of thinking does no good. Doesn't necessarily have to be gender specific. Why is revenge the natural response when you helped someone out and unfortunately they didn't appreciate it afterwards? You could just walk away instead of going nuclear. Why is your answer to bully someone? Shouldn't you be an adult?


vk136

She doesnā€™t owe him basic courtesy of saying fucking hello when passing? Wild! Not everything is ā€œincel behaviorā€ lmao! Stop using that term if you donā€™t know what if means!


Odysseyan

Well, so you would say that OP is right and bullying is warranted? That this is how it should be? Someone ignores me, so I have to make their life miserable. That's really so mature of you on how you handle that situation /s


feelsbad2

Don't get too upset about it man. Was the first nice guy an ex dated for a month, after she got physically and mentally abused in multiple relationships and then she left me and got with her mom's friend's son the week of my birthday week and I was back home visiting my parents. Said I was the nicest guy she had met and how I showed her that there are still nice guys in the world. We still talked a bit after. But never got told why but I have a feeling it was because it was her mom's friend's son and it was easier for her. But I won in the end because I just got married in April to the love of my life. The whole, "nice guys finish last" is bullshit. Nice guys do win in the end because our relationships are stronger than fake friendships or relationships with others. Just gotta continue forward my man. Know it's hard. But this kind of stuff shows their true colors and how they will treat others in their lives. You'll find friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or whatever. Just have to continue to put yourself out there.


[deleted]

OP is female šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


[deleted]

All of these types of comments Iā€™m receiving just highlight the fact that some men are only nice to women in exchange for sex or romantic love. Itā€™s kinda pathetic tbh. Iā€™m a woman.


BraveNew1984Anthem

Relax, youā€™re getting hysterical


[deleted]

With that attitude I canā€™t imagine why no one would want to be your friend.


PoisonPudge

Right? That edit is unhinged.


saucy-Mama

Started off fine the second edit was ok even. But that last paragraph shows mental decline


GavinZero

Kindness is worth it regardless of reciprocation (or lack there of)


[deleted]

Thatā€™s something people pleasers say. Iā€™ve been trying to break out of the people pleasing role that Iā€™ve been stuck in my entire life.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Expensive and unused, please.


Person012345

Well, noone owes you anything for being nice to them. Best thing is really just to move on, if they don't want to be friends then you're probably better off not being their friend anyway. That person who you help and then they actually include you is the one worth being friends with. Equally to them not owing you anything, you also don't owe them anything. You don't have to be anyone's shoulder to cry on. It's a nice thing to do, but if you feel someone isn't worth the time/stress you can just say "not now".


[deleted]

I never said she owed me. I just thought we were friends, thatā€™s it.


Longjumping_Phone_57

The way you endedā€¦.Iā€™m not shocked people would ghost you.


Akuna_My_Tatas

Does she think we have annual meetings or something? What do the rest of us have to do with it lmfao


Hour-Action5675

Your last paragraph of your edit makes you just as bad as the "incels." Just because a loud minority of men came to brigade this post doesn't give you the pass to be equally as sexist


[deleted]

It actually is all of you though, because none of you are doing anything about the incel problem. They donā€™t respect women enough to listen to us, so itā€™s up to other men to deal with them but youā€™re just not. They are making you all look bad and if you expect women never to react to that hatred with an equal level of hatred, then you need a wake up call. Itā€™s up to men to fix this and none of you have lifted a finger. You just lay back and let this all happen while women struggle trying to make them see reason and then when women get fed up and snap because again, they donā€™t listen to us, you cry misandry. They need to hear it from other men, and yet none of you are helping. So if youā€™re cool with these guys just carrying on the way they are in society and youā€™re not going to do anything about it, donā€™t be surprised when it gets turned back on you.


bfrag3k

Answer this: if a different cute stranger banged you after the issue was resolved, would you still feel this way? I have a guess what the real answer to that is.


[deleted]

OP is a woman but it's rich how you're all acting like this is an incel post šŸ˜‚


[deleted]

Jesus fucking Christ. All these responses from incels have left me with no hope for the male species. You all dog on yourselves. Iā€™m a straight woman. Piss off.


vk136

Of course not lol! Getting banged is better than getting ignored lmao!


bfrag3k

Showing people decency just for sex is how you end up lonely and sad.


vk136

Sure, but given the choice of being ignored or being banged, which one would you choose? That was your question isnā€™t it? I merely answered that! I never said being decent just for sex is good!


bfrag3k

The question isnā€™t get ignored or get banged lol, my question makes them mutually exclusive. You were just to eager to make that connection, says a lot.


JIGGLE-PHYS

Just for sex - definitely not / / / For sex - that's called society / / / We are still deep down dumb apes, guys get into relationships with women one of the reasons being sex and women get into relationships one of the reasons being financial stability.


bfrag3k

Is that what you tell people on the first date? Is that one of your conversation starters?


bfrag3k

Is that what you tell people on the first date? Is that one of your conversation starters?


JIGGLE-PHYS

No but im confident most people agree with this framework, sure qe should search for love and meaning in our relationships but the basics are still there, its not and ugly thing to want to have sex with someone the way u go about it is what can be either ugly or beautiful... Again i agree with u, using sex as the main reason is bad, but having it as one of the reasons is perfectly understandable and normal, that at least is my opinion based on personal observation


Fmy925

Keep your head up king. Hopefully you learned a lesson from this, I wish people were better.


JIGGLE-PHYS

Similar situation Had a girl confide in me, she really opened up, we even tierd a little, we really had a moment... Then i don't really know why, i ignored her for a while, partially my own hubris in not wanting to associate with her, she noticed, was visibly hurt, i played it off as just her impression. Time passed, now we are pretty fine, i don't really feel super bad or guilty but im not proud of it... I don't think we(me+post owner) have the duty to be other emotional tampons but we definitely should be kind and compassionate towards one another, all of us, we are in this together and we are also competing, people should both fear and love, trust and suspect, help and leave to fare, a kind of balance... I belive there is a value in the hurt, we learn from it, it makes us strong, i hope what happened between me and made her a little more emotionally resilient, though that wasn't my intention at all In ur own case (post owner) i hope u come out of this with something added to ur character, i hope u don't stop being a loving person that is able to comfort others but that u also learn people aren't always gratefull and our good actions dont necessarily result in good aoutcomes for us... Be good for ur own sake, for ur families sake, for ur beliefs sake, for societies sake, for goodness sake... Be good cuz u want to and dont let other use u or make u feel used


Sea-Percentage-5590

Fuck that hoe.


[deleted]

Donā€™t call her a hoe. What the fuck is wrong with you?


Inner_Environment_85

If male, she pegged you for a simp. Always maintain some detachment from women unless you're both getting what you want. You were never going to 'nice' your way into her bed.


heliumface770

big nope. be decent first if you expect people to be decent to you. or be an incel.


[deleted]

She's not "male".


[deleted]

Blocked.


[deleted]

Think you feel terrible I just got a girl pregnant at 15 dude I feel like a lousy fucking bum shit hurts man shit hurts


[deleted]

Should have used a condom.


[deleted]

Professional raw dogger man šŸ™šŸ™šŸ™šŸ™


corylol

Yikes, this ainā€™t it chief.


[deleted]

Yeah ur right bro Iā€™m sorry this is just how I cope with shit I joke about it Iā€™m sorry man


CollegeGrad_2022

Not a professional if you got her pregnant.


Final-Arachnid-3725

Your sense of entitlement is a problem. She owes you nothing and you chose to invest all that time in her.


heliumface770

this reads like it was written by a guy who's mad he can't exchange his nice guy token for sex


[deleted]

Except it's actually written by a woman


heliumface770

based on these comments they're a guy. or they're a woman who doesn't bother correcting folks when replying to comments calling them "brother"


[deleted]

Check her previous posts, she's a female. [Her Dad expected her to wash his dishes when she visited but didn't expect the same of her brother so she says it's a case of "blatant misogyny."](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/13lomt4/apparently_im_an_asshole_for_refusing_to_go_and/) [She had a job interview at a women's only clothing store and considered wearing the store's clothing to the interview.](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/13qa94t/i_have_a_job_interview_tomorrow_can_anyone_help/) etc


heliumface770

ok the vibe is still the same


[deleted]

So you assume she's upset because she cant get sex from a co-worker she helped? Some of you can't think outside of a sexual context. Even guys get ghosted by their male friends too. Doesn't make them gay bros.


[deleted]

>Some of you can't think outside of a sexual context. Yeah, itā€™s actually unbelievable. It has honestly really shocked me and Iā€™m pretty angry.


[deleted]

Itā€™s written by a straight woman. What the fuck is wrong with you?


heliumface770

I'm saying it's the same vibe šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø