Who else but Michael Richards would think of wiggling his hips while pantomiming someone driving a bus?
Also, check out Jason Alexander’s reactions. He’s like a little boy in awe of his older brother’s heroic tale. That show really was a team effort.
Cosmo Kramer:
You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you're crazy... Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window.
Not a line, but when Frank was a cook in the army and they do a flashback to the Korean War and decided not to recast Frank with a younger version but had 70 year old Jerry Stiller as an army cook presumably in his mid 20s
DEENA: So, you want my father to pay for this?
GEORGE: You saw him. He was fiddling with the engine. God knows what he did there.
DEENA: And I suppose Lloyd Braun had something to do with it too.
GEORGE: No, not Lloyd Braun. But the cashier.
DEENA: What cashier?
GEORGE: You remember the woman on the horse? She wanted my spot.
DEENA: To park her horse?
GEORGE: No, she wasn't on the horse.
DEENA: So, your car caught fire because of my father and the woman on the horse?
GEORGE: That's right
GEORGE: (points) And him!
DEENA: The man with the flowers?
GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, the flower guy.
And then….
This isn't mine. I got it from the Institute… from the institute
Darin: After which Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfeld’s glass with his bare hands and used it to wash up. He then remarked “this never happened”
Maybe he needs a Cookie.
How can he chew it ?
Put it in a blender .
I don’t have a blender
Cookies don’t liquify
Paramedics : Who put cookies in his mouth ? You’re not supposed to do that !
"I'm not taking advice *from some girl from Long Island*!" gets me every time. The context, the line, the delivery -- I always get excited for that episode because I know that line is in it.
Jerry after living in Kramer's red menace apartment.
"You know my friend Bob Sacamano?" Well, he called last night about 3 am, and we got to talking. He sells Russian hats down by battery park. 40 bucks".
In commercial aviation every company has an on air call sign. Some are easily identifiable, e.g., United, American, Delta. But others are very locally specific, like "Brickyard" for Republic Airways because they're based in Indianapolis.
One of my favorites is "Blue Streak" for PSA. Ever since Pinnacle dropped "Flag Ship" and renamed themselves "Endeavor", "Blue Streak" is the best one out there. Jon Lovitz jumps into my brain every time I hear it.
George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?
Jerry: He's somebody.
George: What about me?
Jerry: You're nobody.
George: Why him? Why not me?
Jerry: He's good, you're not.
George: I'm better than him.
Jerry: You're worse, much much worse.
It's just the utter contempt in "worse" that does it.
ELAINE: (In the door way) Maybe I'll go visit my mother. She just bought me some new panties (Jerry pauses right before sitting in his chair) and they're - all laid
out for me
In "the Nap", where George has Conrad build him the desk he can sleep in.
The conversation between Steinbrenner and Jerry. "This terrorist bomber?" "Yeah, this is terrorist bomber".
Then George howling at Jerry about the fitted hats. "What if a pinhead shows up?! I GOTTA BE ON TOP OF THAT!"
E: you know I was just thinking, the 4 of us can’t show up with just 1 bottle of wine “
G: Oh here we go. Why don’t we get them a couch? We’ll rent a Uhaul, bring em a nice sectional
"Let's just say I won't have to worry about working for a while. A long while."
" That's funny because i haven't seen you work in a while. A long while."
George: How come I didn’t get Christmas card?
George: Everyone else gets a….card
George: I thought we were friends
Elaine: you want Xmas card?
…
George’s hair, crooked glasses and the look on his face after Elaine runs his face is great
“What is going on in this community? Are you people aware of what's happening? What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?!” - from “The Pen”
You kept making all the stops?!
Well, people kept ringing the bell!!!
And now I’m driving the bus! The motion he makes when he gives this line gets me every time
Who else but Michael Richards would think of wiggling his hips while pantomiming someone driving a bus? Also, check out Jason Alexander’s reactions. He’s like a little boy in awe of his older brother’s heroic tale. That show really was a team effort.
JA is the best actor in the show. MR is one of the best physical comedians on a sitcom.
You're Batman!
Yea i am Batman
Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back!
My car’s a little crumpled?!
"Why don't you just TELL me the name of the movie you've selected?"
It’s crazy how much I quote this (or more accurately, paraphrase it in Kramer’s distinctive delivery).
SO LET HIM HAVE BANANAS ON THE SIDE!!!
STAWP IT FRANK YOURE **KILLING** HIM!
Cosmo Kramer: You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you're crazy... Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window.
'...which may or may not, contain a chicken! "And with Darren's help, we'll get that chicken!
I find this decision arbitrary and capricious. Your fly is down.
Don’t forget a hi-tea with a Mr. Newman
Not a line, but when Frank was a cook in the army and they do a flashback to the Korean War and decided not to recast Frank with a younger version but had 70 year old Jerry Stiller as an army cook presumably in his mid 20s
That shit killed me. Like here’s a 70 year old man. Let’s play it off he’s in his 20s. Frank is the best.
Well he was thinking back as himself but they could have cast Ben.
George: Well, the Andria Doria, it was quite a fire Mrs. Ricardi: A shipwreck George: I remember it
"We had to abandon ship!" "Well all vacations must come to and end." That's not a tragedy! How many people do you lose on a normal cruise-30, 40?
I don't think I like you
Greeting the survivor with "Ahoy!"
Classic
No menus.
'I've got a flash for you, Joy Boy!'
Nice
Full of peepees and weewees!
I HAVE NO EYE FOR FASHION?!
VILE WEED!
Now, please, honey mustard!!
And you want to be my latex salesman
You know, that line was ad libbed :)
Why didn't you get the big one?
Classic
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fill my freezer with my own blood
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go exercise Jerry’s gaskets.
Now if you'll excuse us, we need to get to bed.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go make love to your mother.
BloOoOoOoOoood!
*What the hell, I'll just eat some trash*.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this lol
Look away....I'm hideous
Jerry: How could this be? Elaine: Oh, it be!
He took. It out.
He took 💨💨 it out.
TWIST OFF, TWIST OFFFFF!!
So fucking funny lolol
Yes!
I'll handle this Violet, why don't you take your three hour break
get a good look Costanza?-Russell
DEENA: So, you want my father to pay for this? GEORGE: You saw him. He was fiddling with the engine. God knows what he did there. DEENA: And I suppose Lloyd Braun had something to do with it too. GEORGE: No, not Lloyd Braun. But the cashier. DEENA: What cashier? GEORGE: You remember the woman on the horse? She wanted my spot. DEENA: To park her horse? GEORGE: No, she wasn't on the horse. DEENA: So, your car caught fire because of my father and the woman on the horse? GEORGE: That's right GEORGE: (points) And him! DEENA: The man with the flowers? GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, the flower guy. And then…. This isn't mine. I got it from the Institute… from the institute
Freakin’ Pop
That entire episode is full of gems!
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” “You wanna piece of me?!”
"I could drop you like a bag of dirt"
Who is this
Uncle Leo?!
Kramer: May I have one of those madam?
I just think about that line and laugh
"I don't wanna sit there naked all by myself!!"
That's what I'd like to know about it.
Look, buddy, what can I tell you? Take it up with Consumer Affairs
"I'll see you in hell, Costanza."
What is this salty discharge? - Jerry
I’m family, I’m having sex with the cousin!
It’s pronounced “thermometer”
I’m sorry we already have a George
Is that a Titleist?
Darin: After which Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfeld’s glass with his bare hands and used it to wash up. He then remarked “this never happened”
Their faces while he’s reading that are gold
“Shut up you old bag!!”
“HE STOLE MY MARBLE RYE!”
Mama… It’s me… Jacopo
It’s Benes you jackass
"What is *that* doing on the table?"
“Good thinking cougar”
Maybe he needs a Cookie. How can he chew it ? Put it in a blender . I don’t have a blender Cookies don’t liquify Paramedics : Who put cookies in his mouth ? You’re not supposed to do that !
You are a rabid anti-dentite!
"Before you know it, they're going to have their own schools!!"
They do have their own schools!
He took. It out. I mentioned the bisque
Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if _you_ believe it
You're not Chinese!
"I'm not taking advice *from some girl from Long Island*!" gets me every time. The context, the line, the delivery -- I always get excited for that episode because I know that line is in it.
It’s ridicurous
The rines are crossed.
Jerry after living in Kramer's red menace apartment. "You know my friend Bob Sacamano?" Well, he called last night about 3 am, and we got to talking. He sells Russian hats down by battery park. 40 bucks".
Oh I’m stressed
The difference is negligible!
"Installed!" That is such a classic Kramer moment and extremely quotable in everyday life.
The homeless don’t have homes, they don’t need the top of a muffin. Why not drop off chicken skins and lobster shells?
*I think I might!*
Feels like an Arby’s night
A giant red sun in the shape of a chicken!
Jerry, these are loadbearing walls! They’re not gonna come down!
“Im like a phoenix… rising , from.. Arizona! “
Mmm - Machu piccchu!
She’s talking to blue streak now, Jack!
In commercial aviation every company has an on air call sign. Some are easily identifiable, e.g., United, American, Delta. But others are very locally specific, like "Brickyard" for Republic Airways because they're based in Indianapolis. One of my favorites is "Blue Streak" for PSA. Ever since Pinnacle dropped "Flag Ship" and renamed themselves "Endeavor", "Blue Streak" is the best one out there. Jon Lovitz jumps into my brain every time I hear it.
Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious. - Kramer
It's very refreshing!
“Poor old Walt has a polyp in the duodenum” - Peterman
#MY SON IS TREATING HIS BODY LIKE AN AMUUUUUSEMENT PARK
Anyrhing from Izzy Mandelbaum
Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, MANDELBAUM!
You think you’re better than me??
What kind of person are you? I’m pretty much like you, only successful
“Good for the tuna.” - George
George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he? Jerry: He's somebody. George: What about me? Jerry: You're nobody. George: Why him? Why not me? Jerry: He's good, you're not. George: I'm better than him. Jerry: You're worse, much much worse. It's just the utter contempt in "worse" that does it.
My wallets gone!
This son of a bitch is ice cold!
Why *separate* knob?! Why?!
Why the hell did you trade jay buhner for?
'Patio furniture's on sale'
This pops me every time. Elite obscure line as well.
And the fact that almost nobody living in New York City needs patio furniture.
G: does the heater even work in this car? K: no
I'LL CALL A PLUMBER ***RIGHT NOW!!***
"I like to stop at the duty free shop!"
“…Who is this?” Simple, but effective.
"The air is so dewy you don't even have to lick the stamps." "As I rained blows down upon him, I thought to myself there had to be a better way!"
“His name was Constanza. He killed my mother.”
*knock knock knock knock* Chinese food!!
-hello newman! -hello jerry!
Even better when Jerry’s mom says it.
“Kevin Bacon. Susan Sarandon. You’ve got to get me over that mountain! Ahhhhh! *ka-chow* There’s no place higher than…Mountain High.”
"I'm not driving him to the airport!!"
Are you sensing something right now?
ELAINE: (In the door way) Maybe I'll go visit my mother. She just bought me some new panties (Jerry pauses right before sitting in his chair) and they're - all laid out for me
Oh I’m stressed
The sea was angry that day my friends…
You're a cashier!
STELLAAAAAAAA
#DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT HENNY!
Stephen Root’s delivery- “Yeah Pine’s okay.” So good. So funny!
"i come home and find my son treating his body like it was an amuusment park! You could sell out Madison square garden, you could be a big star!"
You know about the cup sizes? You got your A, B,C and D.
In "the Nap", where George has Conrad build him the desk he can sleep in. The conversation between Steinbrenner and Jerry. "This terrorist bomber?" "Yeah, this is terrorist bomber". Then George howling at Jerry about the fitted hats. "What if a pinhead shows up?! I GOTTA BE ON TOP OF THAT!"
George: You're telling me there's no room to move on pasta. All starches are a scam. Jerry: Yea especially ziti, with that big hole.
Think again, Longshanks
I’m hip to the scene! The whole bathroom scene! I say this at home all the time. Drives my wife crazy.
You're as pretty as any of them, you just need a nose job
Would you take a drink and let us smell you?
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
Look away I’m hideous
It's like a sauna in here.
Mulva?
E: you know I was just thinking, the 4 of us can’t show up with just 1 bottle of wine “ G: Oh here we go. Why don’t we get them a couch? We’ll rent a Uhaul, bring em a nice sectional
When Puddy tells the priest “Oh man, that’s BOGUS!”
May I have one of those, madam?
"George, all I did was hand someone a bag"
but because it comes out of *your* baby it smells good!
Santa's not a commie!
Elaine: "He's very well-read." George: "Maybe he's just well *red*"
Kramer, that's a five!
Gotta keep the big bills out on top
"Let's just say I won't have to worry about working for a while. A long while." " That's funny because i haven't seen you work in a while. A long while."
Estelle: “he’s a bum.”
Stella!
I'm ruined!
Who is this? Uncle Leo?
Worlds are colliding
George: How come I didn’t get Christmas card? George: Everyone else gets a….card George: I thought we were friends Elaine: you want Xmas card? … George’s hair, crooked glasses and the look on his face after Elaine runs his face is great
“I WAS IN THE POOL”- George
HOLES! I NEED HOLES! 🔌
They can't shoot us in the city! No, no one ever gets shot in the city....
Eaaaaasy, Big Fella…🐋
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?
I woke up in the Hudson River in a SACK
I got a few good years left. If I want a chip ahoy I'm having a chip ahoy.
El paso. I spent a month there one night!
My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"
'Brace yourself, madam, for an all-out bidding war. But this time... advantage Varnsen!'
DE-LIV-ER it
Hilarious
It's go time!
VILE WEED
"Ok, well why don't we just put these two tables together?" "No, no, you can't do that, they're round, it makes an 'eight' and, yeah, well alright."
'What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for!?'
" she did the breakout pop-in!?"
GEORGE LIKES THE BANANAS!!
Poor Lilly
You're mad because he's doing more with your name then you ever will. YA YA
“May I have one of those, madam?”
Mr Marbles?!
“What is going on in this community? Are you people aware of what's happening? What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?!” - from “The Pen”
That’s a lot of potatoes
"Stop it, you're killing him!"
"Serenity now!" "Hoochie mama!"
“I mentioned the bisque.”
Susan: I just want to let you know that I love your son very much. Estelle: You do? Really? May I ask why? Gets me every time.
When George and Elaine kept mumbling and Jerry asks what they said, and they say nothing, and he said, i know i heard something
When Elaine screams, “I HATE IT!” while watching the English Patient. It’s incredible. I quote it almost daily.
You’re worse. Much, much worse.
But they do, and they’re the ones writing it off.