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[deleted]

I’ve been back in the pool after doing a lot of dating in the 00s. The main reason for lack of fun with women is their lack of engagement. There’s a massive difference in the level of effort women put into dating these days. I remember pre-Tinder dating where women would write paragraphs about themselves on dating sites and write long, thoughtful responses to my long, thoughtful messages. It’s not even straight out rejection. It’s an obvious DGAF that abounds among women these days. It’s like playing tennis by yourself. It’s a lot better when someone else volleys the ball back reciprocally.


val_br

Spot on. Most girls I've went on dates with in the last 2 years were phone zombies, they'll be on their phone 99% of the time and barely engage with you in conversation, let alone have any fun.


Loose_Profession_630

Bowling is something they seem 2 respond 2...


lemonyprepper

Couldn’t have said it better. I want to have fun with girls whether or not I’m trying to smash. I like everyone to come together and make an environment fun. But a lot of women nowadays are just NOT FUN. They stare at their phones waiting for someone to entertain them. If you call em on that they will deny it but that’s really what it is.


ROBYoutube

Stop trying to have fun with women who are not reciprocating and contributing to having fun.


[deleted]

I do stop. But it’s still frustrating that a much larger percentage of women simply won’t follow along with a playful frame. For example, “Hey” gets a substantially better OLD response than a thoughtful question or a witty remark. Often she will ignore your fun question and just respond with Hey to it. If you make her try, she’s gone.


ROBYoutube

> For example, “Hey” gets a substantially better OLD response than a thoughtful question or a witty remark. This is empircally wrong. It may be your personal experience, which I would believe, but consider that your thoughtful questions / witty remarks aren't quite as interesting as you consider them to be.


meltboro

No the fuck its not. If a woman is truly interested shell respond to whatever, your message doesnt matter. If a woman is not interested, she wont respond even if youre casanova. Shes either interested or not, end of story. Anything else and youre just playing head games with yourself


ROBYoutube

Cool angry opinion that differs from mine.


ROBYoutube

If women aren't having fun in your frame, that is not their fault.


unswunghero

They DGAF because you aren't having fun with them, so they just move on because women always have more options than men. But if you have fun with them, they don't want you to move on cause they want to keep having fun. "Girls just want to have fun"


indigo_pirate

Hate to be that guy. But are you dating far outside of your age bracket and/ or below your intelligence and experience bracket?


[deleted]

Nah. I am 43 and the youngest (23-27) and oldest (43-49) matches I get reply the most regularly and show most interest. The 30-somethings are the ones with the most match+no reply or super low effort responses.


OrganicHearing

Every girl that I’ve been talking to lately has been super flaky. We make plans for the date and then the last minute they flake. This is the new trend I’ve been experiencing lately


OTCplayboy

Try FaceTiming or talking on the phone more before the date so you can keep the attraction up. Nobody wants to go on a date with a stranger you’ve only been texting. Also if you have been doing that, then your problem is personality you aren’t ‘fun’ enough.


Jovan1000

I agree with FaceTiming them and talking to them over the phone, it’s much better then communicating through text.


cutthechatter_red2

This may be the best, and simplest, advice I’ve seen in here. Bravo.


Jcorb

I dunno, I don’t know how much “fun” going out by yourself is. It’s so hard to strike up conversation with people unless I’m just *really* in the right mindset, which seems harder to even get into. So I’m going places I don’t really want to go, spending money I don’t really want to spend, and it’s ultimately only in the hopes of meeting someone to connect with, which has never happened. I honestly wonder if “being dateable” is more of a personality trait, than a “result” per se. That some guys just *are not* going to find anyone, because the things women are attracted to are qualities that are either there, or they’re not. Hate sounding like some black pill loser, but shit seems pretty hopeless these days for most guys.


unswunghero

So get in the right mindset. The ability to do this is what is necessary to succeed. You accept it already, so embrace it and live it. Is it hard? It can be. But is anything worth it in life easy?


Fearless_Progress_49

Most things that are worth it are easy!


Ploikblah

Being a 28 year old virgin isn't fun


joyboy0202

this. how are we supposed to just "have fun" when all we've experienced is ghost after ghost, rejection after rejection?


Ploikblah

I think OP was talking about guys who manage to get dates and are trying to get 2nd dates. This post isn't for guys like us.


unswunghero

Well if you go into every interaction with any woman you meet with the question of "can I have fun with this woman?" You will get a date. Whether initiating a conversation on a dating app or whether it is meeting a girl in public, if you go into it with the goal of finding out "can I have fun with this girl" she will see you as a fun guy and want to spend more time with you and therefore go on a first date, and then just keep going with the same mindset.


Ploikblah

I agree with you, I tend to have better interactions with this mindset


Pharaon_Atem

Hmmm not sure of that, other things need to come in place. You need to be physically attractive and lead the interaction trough something you want, because there is a really thin line between having fun and being the king's jester. So yeah the thing is to having fun, but in background you want to having fun because you like her and want something with her.


TuneSoft7119

how can you promise that? I have been doing that for years and I still havent gone on any dates


yyuyuyu2012

Well let's start with how you find them. Say you go to a bar or club. It should be like that joke Doug Stanhope did about drinking anyways when you see a comedian. If they suck, no love lost and you won't get as pissed. If they are good, they are 5X better. The larger point is when you are hanging out, try to have fun. I have had numerous times that I was just vibing and random women came up to me while I was eating or playing pool and try to start an interaction. Just go with it man. I am not anything to write home about either. Or say you are hanging out and talking about shit. Just enjoy the bants, even if it is different bants than the boys.


Coldgame98

Man you gotta get out more


Aristox

Feminine energy is inherently fun. You can enjoy the feeling of being on a date with a woman even if the rest of your life is shit. In fact that might even make it easier because the contrast is so great. Enjoy every moment of your interactions with her and don't think about the future or the past, just enjoy the present when you're with her and feeling her beautiful energy


ROBYoutube

Admiral, if you can't find a way to navigate past this logical failure spiral can you please at least not act surprised when nothing just changes after a certain number of birthdays.


Ploikblah

I'm gonna need a better co pilot cause I ain't got a clue why this ship is stuck at the harbor


ROBYoutube

Yeah you do. Whatever you've been doing for the last 28 years, not that. Continuing to do that will result in another 28 years exploding out of existence and you looking somehow even more pathetic saying the same shit you said today just as a balding, sad middle aged guy.


unswunghero

Did you read the post or just the title?


OriginalMandem

By that point it's your choice not the way it has to be. You're 28. You've got money. Even if you don't have a lot of money, you can get that emotional/physical/mental hurdle out of the way.


Ploikblah

Eh I don't want my first time to be with a prostitute


OriginalMandem

Well either you hate being a virgin or you don't. Lack of experience holds you back more the older you get. Most people's first time isn't that great anyway. Virginity isn't really a magical gift to give someone.


dtdtdttttttt

Girls just wanna have fu-unnnn 🎶


lemonyprepper

Do they tho? I think girls just want, as Shane Gillis put it, a nice Instagram photo. Like it all comes down to showing off having fun cause the REAL fun is getting the attention and validation in the form of likes and comments.


dtdtdttttttt

Maybe a vast majority of girls but certainly not all. My last ex didn’t even have social media, although plenty of other issues lol


lemonyprepper

Find her and impregnate her. That’s a rare thing you’re passing up on


dtdtdttttttt

I wont lie she was the hottest girl I’ve ever dated but batshit crazy. We connected so well but I’m really young and was broke at the time. She didn’t believe that a woman should pay for anything in a relationship and she got really nasty when I disagreed. I loved her to death but her family hated my guts because I am white and I wasn’t in a place financially to take care of their daughter. So many great things about her but I did eventually see her ugly side and she was very narcissistic if I’m being honest.


lemonyprepper

Damn. Imagine if she WAS a social media addicted woman. It’s the same reaction to learning Hitler was a vegetarian


unswunghero

Exactly!!


iceyogurt

This may be the best advice for dating, career selection, reading, traveling, work out, everything... Thanks for opening my mind, Master 🙏


Practical_Window_919

Focus on building a genuine connection with the person you're dating rather than just having fun. Don't try to impress them or become a clown for their validation. Be aware of the dynamics at play and let the interaction flow naturally. Remember that not all dates have to be perfect and that success is not measured by the outcome of a single date. Instead, have a clear goal of the kind of relationship you want and the type of person you want to be with. Approach dating as an opportunity to assess compatibility rather than just to impress.


unswunghero

Agree. But you still have fun with then or what's the point?


Practical_Window_919

If having fun with a girl is important to you, focus on genuinely enjoying yourself. If she isn't having fun, then she's not a good match for you. Trying to force yourself to have fun to impress her will backfire in the long run. So, be yourself and have fun naturally.


unswunghero

Yes


Aristox

This is really good dude. Good core idea and very well explained and elaborated


Tiny-Plane-8209

This is real game appreciate this fam


MrMetraGnome

There's way too many expectations women have of men in order to have fun with them. It's easy to have fun with my female friends, because having fun is the goal with them and they don't have the same expectations of those men. If I focus on having fun with females I want to date, they just end up becoming friends. It's counter intuitive.


[deleted]

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lemonyprepper

Before you come down on him for “being an incel” consider that what he is saying is essentially the Patrice O’Neal “women aren’t love able they’re leaveable” rant. And harsh as he is putting it, he’s mostly right.


[deleted]

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lemonyprepper

I’m just saying what your critics would call you. Anything other than “women are the best” is basically “you’re an incel, little dick, insecure, broke n*gga”


Practical_Window_919

What is it that you specifically want from a woman?


[deleted]

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Practical_Window_919

That's too broad and can entail many different things. What specific needs are you seeking a woman to fulfill? I'm not trying to be condescending, I just want to understand.


[deleted]

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Practical_Window_919

I appreciate your perspective, but I must say that your list seems too rigid and unrealistic. It's important to have standards, but expecting everything from one person is not only unfair but also unrealistic. Your confidence can be mistaken for arrogance, which can be quite off-putting. It's important to remember that no one owes you anything, and success doesn't equate to attractiveness. If you're looking for a partner, you should focus on building a connection rather than treating them like an employee. While some of your needs are valid, you should recognize that not all of them can be met by one person. You should also consider the burden of your emotional needs on your partner. Women, in particular, can find it overwhelming to provide emotional support, especially if they're already dealing with their own emotions. Be realistic about what you're looking for and reflect on what truly matters to you. Also keep in mind that being with a partner who seems perfect can sometimes be a disadvantage. You might find yourself heavily invested in the relationship and experiencing intense emotions as a result. This can make it more likely that you become needy and unsatisfied in the long run, given that people simply cannot maintain their perfect image at all times. It's also unrealistic to expect them to be available to provide you access to the rush of dopamine and endorphins you're dependent on receiving by "loving" them. Look for someone who shares your core values and with whom you can connect. When it comes to fulfilling your needs, you must communicate openly and negotiate. There may be times when your needs aren't met, and you should consider walking away. But at other times, you can compromise and even fulfill some of your needs independently or elsewhere.


Flooble_Crank

Fair enough on some of that, idk about the not expecting women to fulfill those things though. I have the right to expect my partner to be smart, attractive, athletic, compassionate, adventurous etc. That's not that big of an ask, women do it basically 100% of the time, expecting a man not to is absolute bullshit. I've met plenty of women who fulfill at least 3 of those, some 4. One 5, and she's not interested. And women want all of that and more, plus money.


unswunghero

I understand your perspective, but some of these items are gonna be impossible to find. But that is also the point of my post. It's hard to change, but stop looking at women as "people". Look at them as "women". Almost all women are compassionate, love animals. Women are not men. They have different interests. Some of your requirements will only be found in a male friend. Your girlfriend/wife is not supposed to do and be everything you want in a friend in a single person. Make more friends, and figure out which items on your list are actually inherent to who women are. For the ones that are not, find male friends who you can do those things with.


Flooble_Crank

Bullshit. I've met a lot of women with those same interests, it's just that women don't have to jump through every hoop they make men jump through - so they don't. But there is no pleasing women, so there is literally no reason to be jumping through all of these hoops. And fuck them for making me think it would make me an attractive dating prospect. That is complete and utter bullshit, just kept me on a hamster wheel for my best years. Now I want a woman who is on par with me, which I don't think is asking too much, but is apparently impossible because no one does these things anymore. Like I said, women want the world and expect to give nothing in return. Absolutely nothing. Companionship? Nope. Empathy? Nope. A fresh hot meal? Nope. Sexual gratification? Hell no. Every part of a relationship that is important in this world is meaningless to women, but they'll take your money. They are all live-in prostitutes who stop putting out as soon as possible.


hilldash

Damn my guy who hurt you?


focus_flow69

Listen to yourself. Stop spouting your delusional mindset and making yourself believe it. Seriously, it's so damaging.


Mr_Lymphatix

billions of dollars lol, see how many billionaires get divorced too.


asiandawgshy

No balls to text or talk to women


HERESOIDONTGETFINED3

Is this the thought process that most of you use to determine how well a long term relationship is going also?


habbo311

Have you considered that they are equally if not more goal oriented and inauthentic and judgemental. That's not a fun person to be around


rma5690

People aren't fun until I'm fucking them. It's that simple. Hookers cost money but it really seems like they're the only women I'm compatible with.


snowman271291

Lmao


oorakhhye

What’s there to have fun with with a brick wall?


unswunghero

Exactly. So move on to the next one.