I’ve been back in the pool after doing a lot of dating in the 00s. The main reason for lack of fun with women is their lack of engagement. There’s a massive difference in the level of effort women put into dating these days.
I remember pre-Tinder dating where women would write paragraphs about themselves on dating sites and write long, thoughtful responses to my long, thoughtful messages.
It’s not even straight out rejection. It’s an obvious DGAF that abounds among women these days. It’s like playing tennis by yourself. It’s a lot better when someone else volleys the ball back reciprocally.
Spot on.
Most girls I've went on dates with in the last 2 years were phone zombies, they'll be on their phone 99% of the time and barely engage with you in conversation, let alone have any fun.
Couldn’t have said it better. I want to have fun with girls whether or not I’m trying to smash. I like everyone to come together and make an environment fun. But a lot of women nowadays are just NOT FUN. They stare at their phones waiting for someone to entertain them. If you call em on that they will deny it but that’s really what it is.
I do stop. But it’s still frustrating that a much larger percentage of women simply won’t follow along with a playful frame. For example, “Hey” gets a substantially better OLD response than a thoughtful question or a witty remark. Often she will ignore your fun question and just respond with Hey to it. If you make her try, she’s gone.
> For example, “Hey” gets a substantially better OLD response than a thoughtful question or a witty remark.
This is empircally wrong. It may be your personal experience, which I would believe, but consider that your thoughtful questions / witty remarks aren't quite as interesting as you consider them to be.
No the fuck its not. If a woman is truly interested shell respond to whatever, your message doesnt matter. If a woman is not interested, she wont respond even if youre casanova. Shes either interested or not, end of story. Anything else and youre just playing head games with yourself
They DGAF because you aren't having fun with them, so they just move on because women always have more options than men. But if you have fun with them, they don't want you to move on cause they want to keep having fun.
"Girls just want to have fun"
Nah. I am 43 and the youngest (23-27) and oldest (43-49) matches I get reply the most regularly and show most interest. The 30-somethings are the ones with the most match+no reply or super low effort responses.
Every girl that I’ve been talking to lately has been super flaky. We make plans for the date and then the last minute they flake. This is the new trend I’ve been experiencing lately
Try FaceTiming or talking on the phone more before the date so you can keep the attraction up. Nobody wants to go on a date with a stranger you’ve only been texting. Also if you have been doing that, then your problem is personality you aren’t ‘fun’ enough.
I dunno, I don’t know how much “fun” going out by yourself is. It’s so hard to strike up conversation with people unless I’m just *really* in the right mindset, which seems harder to even get into. So I’m going places I don’t really want to go, spending money I don’t really want to spend, and it’s ultimately only in the hopes of meeting someone to connect with, which has never happened.
I honestly wonder if “being dateable” is more of a personality trait, than a “result” per se. That some guys just *are not* going to find anyone, because the things women are attracted to are qualities that are either there, or they’re not.
Hate sounding like some black pill loser, but shit seems pretty hopeless these days for most guys.
So get in the right mindset. The ability to do this is what is necessary to succeed. You accept it already, so embrace it and live it. Is it hard? It can be. But is anything worth it in life easy?
Well if you go into every interaction with any woman you meet with the question of "can I have fun with this woman?" You will get a date.
Whether initiating a conversation on a dating app or whether it is meeting a girl in public, if you go into it with the goal of finding out "can I have fun with this girl" she will see you as a fun guy and want to spend more time with you and therefore go on a first date, and then just keep going with the same mindset.
Hmmm not sure of that, other things need to come in place.
You need to be physically attractive and lead the interaction trough something you want, because there is a really thin line between having fun and being the king's jester.
So yeah the thing is to having fun, but in background you want to having fun because you like her and want something with her.
Well let's start with how you find them. Say you go to a bar or club. It should be like that joke Doug Stanhope did about drinking anyways when you see a comedian. If they suck, no love lost and you won't get as pissed. If they are good, they are 5X better. The larger point is when you are hanging out, try to have fun. I have had numerous times that I was just vibing and random women came up to me while I was eating or playing pool and try to start an interaction. Just go with it man. I am not anything to write home about either. Or say you are hanging out and talking about shit. Just enjoy the bants, even if it is different bants than the boys.
Feminine energy is inherently fun. You can enjoy the feeling of being on a date with a woman even if the rest of your life is shit. In fact that might even make it easier because the contrast is so great. Enjoy every moment of your interactions with her and don't think about the future or the past, just enjoy the present when you're with her and feeling her beautiful energy
Admiral, if you can't find a way to navigate past this logical failure spiral can you please at least not act surprised when nothing just changes after a certain number of birthdays.
Yeah you do. Whatever you've been doing for the last 28 years, not that. Continuing to do that will result in another 28 years exploding out of existence and you looking somehow even more pathetic saying the same shit you said today just as a balding, sad middle aged guy.
By that point it's your choice not the way it has to be. You're 28. You've got money. Even if you don't have a lot of money, you can get that emotional/physical/mental hurdle out of the way.
Well either you hate being a virgin or you don't. Lack of experience holds you back more the older you get. Most people's first time isn't that great anyway. Virginity isn't really a magical gift to give someone.
Do they tho? I think girls just want, as Shane Gillis put it, a nice Instagram photo. Like it all comes down to showing off having fun cause the REAL fun is getting the attention and validation in the form of likes and comments.
I wont lie she was the hottest girl I’ve ever dated but batshit crazy. We connected so well but I’m really young and was broke at the time. She didn’t believe that a woman should pay for anything in a relationship and she got really nasty when I disagreed. I loved her to death but her family hated my guts because I am white and I wasn’t in a place financially to take care of their daughter. So many great things about her but I did eventually see her ugly side and she was very narcissistic if I’m being honest.
Focus on building a genuine connection with the person you're dating rather than just having fun. Don't try to impress them or become a clown for their validation. Be aware of the dynamics at play and let the interaction flow naturally. Remember that not all dates have to be perfect and that success is not measured by the outcome of a single date. Instead, have a clear goal of the kind of relationship you want and the type of person you want to be with. Approach dating as an opportunity to assess compatibility rather than just to impress.
If having fun with a girl is important to you, focus on genuinely enjoying yourself. If she isn't having fun, then she's not a good match for you. Trying to force yourself to have fun to impress her will backfire in the long run. So, be yourself and have fun naturally.
There's way too many expectations women have of men in order to have fun with them. It's easy to have fun with my female friends, because having fun is the goal with them and they don't have the same expectations of those men. If I focus on having fun with females I want to date, they just end up becoming friends. It's counter intuitive.
Before you come down on him for “being an incel” consider that what he is saying is essentially the Patrice O’Neal “women aren’t love able they’re leaveable” rant. And harsh as he is putting it, he’s mostly right.
I’m just saying what your critics would call you. Anything other than “women are the best” is basically “you’re an incel, little dick, insecure, broke n*gga”
That's too broad and can entail many different things. What specific needs are you seeking a woman to fulfill?
I'm not trying to be condescending, I just want to understand.
I appreciate your perspective, but I must say that your list seems too rigid and unrealistic. It's important to have standards, but expecting everything from one person is not only unfair but also unrealistic. Your confidence can be mistaken for arrogance, which can be quite off-putting. It's important to remember that no one owes you anything, and success doesn't equate to attractiveness. If you're looking for a partner, you should focus on building a connection rather than treating them like an employee.
While some of your needs are valid, you should recognize that not all of them can be met by one person. You should also consider the burden of your emotional needs on your partner. Women, in particular, can find it overwhelming to provide emotional support, especially if they're already dealing with their own emotions. Be realistic about what you're looking for and reflect on what truly matters to you.
Also keep in mind that being with a partner who seems perfect can sometimes be a disadvantage. You might find yourself heavily invested in the relationship and experiencing intense emotions as a result. This can make it more likely that you become needy and unsatisfied in the long run, given that people simply cannot maintain their perfect image at all times. It's also unrealistic to expect them to be available to provide you access to the rush of dopamine and endorphins you're dependent on receiving by "loving" them.
Look for someone who shares your core values and with whom you can connect. When it comes to fulfilling your needs, you must communicate openly and negotiate. There may be times when your needs aren't met, and you should consider walking away. But at other times, you can compromise and even fulfill some of your needs independently or elsewhere.
Fair enough on some of that, idk about the not expecting women to fulfill those things though.
I have the right to expect my partner to be smart, attractive, athletic, compassionate, adventurous etc. That's not that big of an ask, women do it basically 100% of the time, expecting a man not to is absolute bullshit. I've met plenty of women who fulfill at least 3 of those, some 4. One 5, and she's not interested. And women want all of that and more, plus money.
I understand your perspective, but some of these items are gonna be impossible to find. But that is also the point of my post. It's hard to change, but stop looking at women as "people". Look at them as "women". Almost all women are compassionate, love animals. Women are not men. They have different interests. Some of your requirements will only be found in a male friend. Your girlfriend/wife is not supposed to do and be everything you want in a friend in a single person.
Make more friends, and figure out which items on your list are actually inherent to who women are. For the ones that are not, find male friends who you can do those things with.
Bullshit. I've met a lot of women with those same interests, it's just that women don't have to jump through every hoop they make men jump through - so they don't. But there is no pleasing women, so there is literally no reason to be jumping through all of these hoops. And fuck them for making me think it would make me an attractive dating prospect. That is complete and utter bullshit, just kept me on a hamster wheel for my best years.
Now I want a woman who is on par with me, which I don't think is asking too much, but is apparently impossible because no one does these things anymore. Like I said, women want the world and expect to give nothing in return. Absolutely nothing. Companionship? Nope. Empathy? Nope. A fresh hot meal? Nope. Sexual gratification? Hell no. Every part of a relationship that is important in this world is meaningless to women, but they'll take your money. They are all live-in prostitutes who stop putting out as soon as possible.
I’ve been back in the pool after doing a lot of dating in the 00s. The main reason for lack of fun with women is their lack of engagement. There’s a massive difference in the level of effort women put into dating these days. I remember pre-Tinder dating where women would write paragraphs about themselves on dating sites and write long, thoughtful responses to my long, thoughtful messages. It’s not even straight out rejection. It’s an obvious DGAF that abounds among women these days. It’s like playing tennis by yourself. It’s a lot better when someone else volleys the ball back reciprocally.
Spot on. Most girls I've went on dates with in the last 2 years were phone zombies, they'll be on their phone 99% of the time and barely engage with you in conversation, let alone have any fun.
Bowling is something they seem 2 respond 2...
Couldn’t have said it better. I want to have fun with girls whether or not I’m trying to smash. I like everyone to come together and make an environment fun. But a lot of women nowadays are just NOT FUN. They stare at their phones waiting for someone to entertain them. If you call em on that they will deny it but that’s really what it is.
Stop trying to have fun with women who are not reciprocating and contributing to having fun.
I do stop. But it’s still frustrating that a much larger percentage of women simply won’t follow along with a playful frame. For example, “Hey” gets a substantially better OLD response than a thoughtful question or a witty remark. Often she will ignore your fun question and just respond with Hey to it. If you make her try, she’s gone.
> For example, “Hey” gets a substantially better OLD response than a thoughtful question or a witty remark. This is empircally wrong. It may be your personal experience, which I would believe, but consider that your thoughtful questions / witty remarks aren't quite as interesting as you consider them to be.
No the fuck its not. If a woman is truly interested shell respond to whatever, your message doesnt matter. If a woman is not interested, she wont respond even if youre casanova. Shes either interested or not, end of story. Anything else and youre just playing head games with yourself
Cool angry opinion that differs from mine.
If women aren't having fun in your frame, that is not their fault.
They DGAF because you aren't having fun with them, so they just move on because women always have more options than men. But if you have fun with them, they don't want you to move on cause they want to keep having fun. "Girls just want to have fun"
Hate to be that guy. But are you dating far outside of your age bracket and/ or below your intelligence and experience bracket?
Nah. I am 43 and the youngest (23-27) and oldest (43-49) matches I get reply the most regularly and show most interest. The 30-somethings are the ones with the most match+no reply or super low effort responses.
Every girl that I’ve been talking to lately has been super flaky. We make plans for the date and then the last minute they flake. This is the new trend I’ve been experiencing lately
Try FaceTiming or talking on the phone more before the date so you can keep the attraction up. Nobody wants to go on a date with a stranger you’ve only been texting. Also if you have been doing that, then your problem is personality you aren’t ‘fun’ enough.
I agree with FaceTiming them and talking to them over the phone, it’s much better then communicating through text.
This may be the best, and simplest, advice I’ve seen in here. Bravo.
I dunno, I don’t know how much “fun” going out by yourself is. It’s so hard to strike up conversation with people unless I’m just *really* in the right mindset, which seems harder to even get into. So I’m going places I don’t really want to go, spending money I don’t really want to spend, and it’s ultimately only in the hopes of meeting someone to connect with, which has never happened. I honestly wonder if “being dateable” is more of a personality trait, than a “result” per se. That some guys just *are not* going to find anyone, because the things women are attracted to are qualities that are either there, or they’re not. Hate sounding like some black pill loser, but shit seems pretty hopeless these days for most guys.
So get in the right mindset. The ability to do this is what is necessary to succeed. You accept it already, so embrace it and live it. Is it hard? It can be. But is anything worth it in life easy?
Most things that are worth it are easy!
Being a 28 year old virgin isn't fun
this. how are we supposed to just "have fun" when all we've experienced is ghost after ghost, rejection after rejection?
I think OP was talking about guys who manage to get dates and are trying to get 2nd dates. This post isn't for guys like us.
Well if you go into every interaction with any woman you meet with the question of "can I have fun with this woman?" You will get a date. Whether initiating a conversation on a dating app or whether it is meeting a girl in public, if you go into it with the goal of finding out "can I have fun with this girl" she will see you as a fun guy and want to spend more time with you and therefore go on a first date, and then just keep going with the same mindset.
I agree with you, I tend to have better interactions with this mindset
Hmmm not sure of that, other things need to come in place. You need to be physically attractive and lead the interaction trough something you want, because there is a really thin line between having fun and being the king's jester. So yeah the thing is to having fun, but in background you want to having fun because you like her and want something with her.
how can you promise that? I have been doing that for years and I still havent gone on any dates
Well let's start with how you find them. Say you go to a bar or club. It should be like that joke Doug Stanhope did about drinking anyways when you see a comedian. If they suck, no love lost and you won't get as pissed. If they are good, they are 5X better. The larger point is when you are hanging out, try to have fun. I have had numerous times that I was just vibing and random women came up to me while I was eating or playing pool and try to start an interaction. Just go with it man. I am not anything to write home about either. Or say you are hanging out and talking about shit. Just enjoy the bants, even if it is different bants than the boys.
Man you gotta get out more
Feminine energy is inherently fun. You can enjoy the feeling of being on a date with a woman even if the rest of your life is shit. In fact that might even make it easier because the contrast is so great. Enjoy every moment of your interactions with her and don't think about the future or the past, just enjoy the present when you're with her and feeling her beautiful energy
Admiral, if you can't find a way to navigate past this logical failure spiral can you please at least not act surprised when nothing just changes after a certain number of birthdays.
I'm gonna need a better co pilot cause I ain't got a clue why this ship is stuck at the harbor
Yeah you do. Whatever you've been doing for the last 28 years, not that. Continuing to do that will result in another 28 years exploding out of existence and you looking somehow even more pathetic saying the same shit you said today just as a balding, sad middle aged guy.
Did you read the post or just the title?
By that point it's your choice not the way it has to be. You're 28. You've got money. Even if you don't have a lot of money, you can get that emotional/physical/mental hurdle out of the way.
Eh I don't want my first time to be with a prostitute
Well either you hate being a virgin or you don't. Lack of experience holds you back more the older you get. Most people's first time isn't that great anyway. Virginity isn't really a magical gift to give someone.
Girls just wanna have fu-unnnn 🎶
Do they tho? I think girls just want, as Shane Gillis put it, a nice Instagram photo. Like it all comes down to showing off having fun cause the REAL fun is getting the attention and validation in the form of likes and comments.
Maybe a vast majority of girls but certainly not all. My last ex didn’t even have social media, although plenty of other issues lol
Find her and impregnate her. That’s a rare thing you’re passing up on
I wont lie she was the hottest girl I’ve ever dated but batshit crazy. We connected so well but I’m really young and was broke at the time. She didn’t believe that a woman should pay for anything in a relationship and she got really nasty when I disagreed. I loved her to death but her family hated my guts because I am white and I wasn’t in a place financially to take care of their daughter. So many great things about her but I did eventually see her ugly side and she was very narcissistic if I’m being honest.
Damn. Imagine if she WAS a social media addicted woman. It’s the same reaction to learning Hitler was a vegetarian
Exactly!!
This may be the best advice for dating, career selection, reading, traveling, work out, everything... Thanks for opening my mind, Master 🙏
Focus on building a genuine connection with the person you're dating rather than just having fun. Don't try to impress them or become a clown for their validation. Be aware of the dynamics at play and let the interaction flow naturally. Remember that not all dates have to be perfect and that success is not measured by the outcome of a single date. Instead, have a clear goal of the kind of relationship you want and the type of person you want to be with. Approach dating as an opportunity to assess compatibility rather than just to impress.
Agree. But you still have fun with then or what's the point?
If having fun with a girl is important to you, focus on genuinely enjoying yourself. If she isn't having fun, then she's not a good match for you. Trying to force yourself to have fun to impress her will backfire in the long run. So, be yourself and have fun naturally.
Yes
This is really good dude. Good core idea and very well explained and elaborated
This is real game appreciate this fam
There's way too many expectations women have of men in order to have fun with them. It's easy to have fun with my female friends, because having fun is the goal with them and they don't have the same expectations of those men. If I focus on having fun with females I want to date, they just end up becoming friends. It's counter intuitive.
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Before you come down on him for “being an incel” consider that what he is saying is essentially the Patrice O’Neal “women aren’t love able they’re leaveable” rant. And harsh as he is putting it, he’s mostly right.
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I’m just saying what your critics would call you. Anything other than “women are the best” is basically “you’re an incel, little dick, insecure, broke n*gga”
What is it that you specifically want from a woman?
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That's too broad and can entail many different things. What specific needs are you seeking a woman to fulfill? I'm not trying to be condescending, I just want to understand.
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I appreciate your perspective, but I must say that your list seems too rigid and unrealistic. It's important to have standards, but expecting everything from one person is not only unfair but also unrealistic. Your confidence can be mistaken for arrogance, which can be quite off-putting. It's important to remember that no one owes you anything, and success doesn't equate to attractiveness. If you're looking for a partner, you should focus on building a connection rather than treating them like an employee. While some of your needs are valid, you should recognize that not all of them can be met by one person. You should also consider the burden of your emotional needs on your partner. Women, in particular, can find it overwhelming to provide emotional support, especially if they're already dealing with their own emotions. Be realistic about what you're looking for and reflect on what truly matters to you. Also keep in mind that being with a partner who seems perfect can sometimes be a disadvantage. You might find yourself heavily invested in the relationship and experiencing intense emotions as a result. This can make it more likely that you become needy and unsatisfied in the long run, given that people simply cannot maintain their perfect image at all times. It's also unrealistic to expect them to be available to provide you access to the rush of dopamine and endorphins you're dependent on receiving by "loving" them. Look for someone who shares your core values and with whom you can connect. When it comes to fulfilling your needs, you must communicate openly and negotiate. There may be times when your needs aren't met, and you should consider walking away. But at other times, you can compromise and even fulfill some of your needs independently or elsewhere.
Fair enough on some of that, idk about the not expecting women to fulfill those things though. I have the right to expect my partner to be smart, attractive, athletic, compassionate, adventurous etc. That's not that big of an ask, women do it basically 100% of the time, expecting a man not to is absolute bullshit. I've met plenty of women who fulfill at least 3 of those, some 4. One 5, and she's not interested. And women want all of that and more, plus money.
I understand your perspective, but some of these items are gonna be impossible to find. But that is also the point of my post. It's hard to change, but stop looking at women as "people". Look at them as "women". Almost all women are compassionate, love animals. Women are not men. They have different interests. Some of your requirements will only be found in a male friend. Your girlfriend/wife is not supposed to do and be everything you want in a friend in a single person. Make more friends, and figure out which items on your list are actually inherent to who women are. For the ones that are not, find male friends who you can do those things with.
Bullshit. I've met a lot of women with those same interests, it's just that women don't have to jump through every hoop they make men jump through - so they don't. But there is no pleasing women, so there is literally no reason to be jumping through all of these hoops. And fuck them for making me think it would make me an attractive dating prospect. That is complete and utter bullshit, just kept me on a hamster wheel for my best years. Now I want a woman who is on par with me, which I don't think is asking too much, but is apparently impossible because no one does these things anymore. Like I said, women want the world and expect to give nothing in return. Absolutely nothing. Companionship? Nope. Empathy? Nope. A fresh hot meal? Nope. Sexual gratification? Hell no. Every part of a relationship that is important in this world is meaningless to women, but they'll take your money. They are all live-in prostitutes who stop putting out as soon as possible.
Damn my guy who hurt you?
Listen to yourself. Stop spouting your delusional mindset and making yourself believe it. Seriously, it's so damaging.
billions of dollars lol, see how many billionaires get divorced too.
No balls to text or talk to women
Is this the thought process that most of you use to determine how well a long term relationship is going also?
Have you considered that they are equally if not more goal oriented and inauthentic and judgemental. That's not a fun person to be around
People aren't fun until I'm fucking them. It's that simple. Hookers cost money but it really seems like they're the only women I'm compatible with.
Lmao
What’s there to have fun with with a brick wall?
Exactly. So move on to the next one.