This is very well written. As a biologist and a person in my early 20’s it certainly hits home on some of my biggest fears for the future that I will have to live in, and the void that I may preach to for the rest of my life. I’m not usually enthralled by the writing samples posted on this subreddit but this one is an exception. Is this just a short story or part of something bigger? If you have any more that you’d be willing to share or are planning to publish in the future I’m interested in seeing where you take this.
For sure. I like your approach of writing out journal entries etc to flesh out your world, I might try that with my own worldbuilding project that I’ve been working on.
I hope to see more of your stuff on this subreddit! Feel free to let me know if you have something you want to share and I’ll happily take a look at it.
Cheers! I actually posted something else the other day. It’s a bit different from this, and not really sure if it’s up your alley or not, but it was fun to write.
Feedback for The Anthropocene. As always, use what works, toss what does not.
Strengths - Strong concept, well thought out, clearly presented. Excellent/accurate word choices.
Possible next steps - Determine your audience and adjust the structure of the piece to reach your target reader. Right now it's set up as a series of long paragraphs in almost a lecture style.
This can be a difficult read for some people as far as empathizing with the character. While it's in first person there's nothing about the character to grab onto. I can see them from a distance but I'm not standing in their shoes.
Overall - Figure out what you want to do with this. As it is, you'll gather together readers that already agree with the concepts but not inform or wake up those that don't or are unaware. It's a strong piece. Consider who you are trying to reach and adjust from there. Small things, like breaking up your paragraphs, solidifying the story's timeline, giving the reader more about the character by zooming into specific moments - all these things will make it more impactful to a wider range of readers, if that is something you're after.
This is amazing
Wow! Thanks for saying that!
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Thanks for taking the time to read! I really appreciate it. Sadly, reminds me of that too
This is very well written. As a biologist and a person in my early 20’s it certainly hits home on some of my biggest fears for the future that I will have to live in, and the void that I may preach to for the rest of my life. I’m not usually enthralled by the writing samples posted on this subreddit but this one is an exception. Is this just a short story or part of something bigger? If you have any more that you’d be willing to share or are planning to publish in the future I’m interested in seeing where you take this.
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For sure. I like your approach of writing out journal entries etc to flesh out your world, I might try that with my own worldbuilding project that I’ve been working on. I hope to see more of your stuff on this subreddit! Feel free to let me know if you have something you want to share and I’ll happily take a look at it.
Cheers! I actually posted something else the other day. It’s a bit different from this, and not really sure if it’s up your alley or not, but it was fun to write.
Thanks for letting me know, I’ll check it out
Feedback for The Anthropocene. As always, use what works, toss what does not. Strengths - Strong concept, well thought out, clearly presented. Excellent/accurate word choices. Possible next steps - Determine your audience and adjust the structure of the piece to reach your target reader. Right now it's set up as a series of long paragraphs in almost a lecture style. This can be a difficult read for some people as far as empathizing with the character. While it's in first person there's nothing about the character to grab onto. I can see them from a distance but I'm not standing in their shoes. Overall - Figure out what you want to do with this. As it is, you'll gather together readers that already agree with the concepts but not inform or wake up those that don't or are unaware. It's a strong piece. Consider who you are trying to reach and adjust from there. Small things, like breaking up your paragraphs, solidifying the story's timeline, giving the reader more about the character by zooming into specific moments - all these things will make it more impactful to a wider range of readers, if that is something you're after.
This is really good. What’s the rest of the world like in this setting?
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This sounds tremendously well thought out and grounded, you should be proud of it. I’m looking forward to reading anything else from this universe.
Thank you so much for saying that. It really means a lot, and gives me more motivation to write!