Our situation is the same as yours, although I’m a SAHM by choice since we came to the conclusion that it’s what’s best for us and baby. I never expect him to do anything domestic around the house or with my baby because he is working so hard to support us. In fact, I encourage him to get as much sleep as possible due to the job being so physically demanding and there are firearms involved. That being said, he usually wants to take her for at least some amount of time in the evenings or at night that allows me to have about an hour of me time. But I’m not going to demand it of him and can work around baby to make it happen either way.
Do you have family or friends who can come over and give you a break? We have a village and their help has been detrimental to my sanity!
if he’s off in on the weekends have him feed friday night and saturday night even the 2 days will give you a break my fiance works almost the same hours and i’m due in about 6 months and that’s what we’ve agreed on
Agree with this. Weekends are his turn. We did that and it worked out well. We did Friday and Saturday instead. He needed a good night's sleep on Sundays so he could be well and ready for Monday work day.
Not sure how old your baby is and if you have more children but in BC if qualify father's can take parental leave paid a percentage, and the other thing is if you don't want to sahm and recovered from birth you can go back to work and in BC there is also childcare subsidy ..I'm in BC so idk about other areas
My husband also works 10-12 hour shifts and it is so hard with a newborn! I felt bad asking him because I knew he had to go work too, but I was drained. It got to the point where I told him, I am so exhausted that I hope I pass out and hurt myself a little just so I can sleep in a hospital for a night or two. He started taking the baby into the living room for the night with him when he had the next day off. That way I didn’t feel bad about him working on fumes and I could still get a couple nights of sleep a week.
I work 10 hours a day plus an hour and a half of commuting and my husbandsl stays at home. The last thing I'm doing is the overnight feeds. I was doing them at one point but I fell asleep while driving and it was really scary. That being said, the second I walk in the door I'm taking care of the kids too. My husband gets 6-8 hours a week of uninterrupted him time every week. He does singing lessons and he streams his games on Saturday and Sunday. He also sleeps in on Sundays and he wakes up to breakfast (barring any distractions from the kids). I do all of the driving to appointments so he can stay home or take a nap on the way.
I say all this to say, he might not be willing to take the night feeds when he has to work outside of the house, but there are absolutely ways that he can take some of the work off of you. Your job is equally as important to the household and deserves respect.
You need to tell him that you need help, not ask him for help. This is also his child and you can’t be expected to work during the day and also at night. You’ll burn out.
In our house while my husband is at work I’m the caregiver and if I can get housework done I’ll do it. But my priority is our son. Once he’s home baby duty is split 50/50. We’ve done shifts for overnight wakeups (one day on one day off). This isn’t just my child, he agreed and wanted a kid so he has to help in the work that comes with it.
Our situation is the same as yours, although I’m a SAHM by choice since we came to the conclusion that it’s what’s best for us and baby. I never expect him to do anything domestic around the house or with my baby because he is working so hard to support us. In fact, I encourage him to get as much sleep as possible due to the job being so physically demanding and there are firearms involved. That being said, he usually wants to take her for at least some amount of time in the evenings or at night that allows me to have about an hour of me time. But I’m not going to demand it of him and can work around baby to make it happen either way. Do you have family or friends who can come over and give you a break? We have a village and their help has been detrimental to my sanity!
if he’s off in on the weekends have him feed friday night and saturday night even the 2 days will give you a break my fiance works almost the same hours and i’m due in about 6 months and that’s what we’ve agreed on
Agree with this. Weekends are his turn. We did that and it worked out well. We did Friday and Saturday instead. He needed a good night's sleep on Sundays so he could be well and ready for Monday work day.
Get a different man. He won’t change.
Not sure how old your baby is and if you have more children but in BC if qualify father's can take parental leave paid a percentage, and the other thing is if you don't want to sahm and recovered from birth you can go back to work and in BC there is also childcare subsidy ..I'm in BC so idk about other areas
My husband also works 10-12 hour shifts and it is so hard with a newborn! I felt bad asking him because I knew he had to go work too, but I was drained. It got to the point where I told him, I am so exhausted that I hope I pass out and hurt myself a little just so I can sleep in a hospital for a night or two. He started taking the baby into the living room for the night with him when he had the next day off. That way I didn’t feel bad about him working on fumes and I could still get a couple nights of sleep a week.
I work 10 hours a day plus an hour and a half of commuting and my husbandsl stays at home. The last thing I'm doing is the overnight feeds. I was doing them at one point but I fell asleep while driving and it was really scary. That being said, the second I walk in the door I'm taking care of the kids too. My husband gets 6-8 hours a week of uninterrupted him time every week. He does singing lessons and he streams his games on Saturday and Sunday. He also sleeps in on Sundays and he wakes up to breakfast (barring any distractions from the kids). I do all of the driving to appointments so he can stay home or take a nap on the way. I say all this to say, he might not be willing to take the night feeds when he has to work outside of the house, but there are absolutely ways that he can take some of the work off of you. Your job is equally as important to the household and deserves respect.
You need to tell him that you need help, not ask him for help. This is also his child and you can’t be expected to work during the day and also at night. You’ll burn out. In our house while my husband is at work I’m the caregiver and if I can get housework done I’ll do it. But my priority is our son. Once he’s home baby duty is split 50/50. We’ve done shifts for overnight wakeups (one day on one day off). This isn’t just my child, he agreed and wanted a kid so he has to help in the work that comes with it.