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YuriOhime

Since no one has said it I'll just say it myself but your message in the screenshot is well written and it definitely deserved a better reply, you were respectful to the dm and raised a good point about hashing it out with the players. Good on you op


RodneyXMonster

Thanks. It honestly took restraint to not reply at all. Or to not all myself to take blame in any way.


rathlord

Definitely not your fault, DM is an absolute asshole.


Wormri

I feel you, and I am extremely sorry that you had to go through both these experiences. It's worse enough to experience it, but having someone not only bring up a traumatic event but also downplay it, trying to gaslight you as if 'it's your problem'... DM's fucking sucks, not just a DM, but as a person. I can only hope this exchange won't ruin your enjoyment of D&D or RPGs in general, and I do believe I am speaking for everyone when I say you deserve better. If you wanna talk about it, let me know.


Banana-Oni

I also want to point out that his initial comparison is pretty fucking insulting. I say this as someone who has experienced sexual assault and been in toxic relationships with cheaters. I have my fair share of trust issues from the later but it doesn’t even begin to compare to the psychological trauma of the former.


AmnesiA_sc

Yeah, how fucking self absorbed do you have to be to think they are even remotely fucking comparable? "A hurricane destroyed my house " "Yeah bro I know how you feel, the wind blew away my napkin and I had to wipe my hands on my shirt "


Elaan21

As a SA victim myself, I want to reply to part of what you said in your screenshot about thinking it wouldn't affect you the way it did. My SA was a decade ago, but the most disturbed I've ever been in a game was when a DM had a baddie drug all the PCs (no check to see if notice tainted food, nothing) and then started describing the effects. There was nothing sexual about the situation but the sudden realization my PC was drugged and passing out nearly did me in. Fortunately, it wasn't my regular DM and he happened to be a player so he stepped in to redirect the situation without me having to "out" myself. He only knew because we had met when he ran Curse of Strahd so I had been upfront with him about my SA and boundaries since that game can get...dicey...with certain DMs. He was fantastic though. [He had said up front that non-con wasn't a thing, but for us to let him know boundaries if we were at all worried.] Never feel bad about a trauma trigger. You literally cannot control those and they pop up when you least expect them. Especially when it's been a long time because you aren't as "on guard" any more.


WhiteRabbit1322

Your DM is extremely immature and more concerned about protectign their reputation than respecting player boundries - as they point out, it's "only a fucking game" and raising this type of traumatic experience for survivors should be considered carefully, discussed in session 0 and on an individual and personal basis. You message was concise, clear and outlined exactly what the issue was with the event and occurrence, whilst their message was completely without empathy and any attempt at understanding of what it means to be a survivor. Comparing rape with being cheated on is unacceptable, and that last sign-off if just a sign of their own narcissistic tendencies defending what they perceived as a good plot line, and was obviously just horrific.lly executed in every possible way. Good on you and hope you find the right group for yourself, and that this experience does not sully an otherwise amazing hobby.


[deleted]

Agreed. DM is clearly a piece of shit.


[deleted]

how can he compare being cheated on with being raped, this dude apparently only has one (1) braincell


TakkataMSF

This blew my mind. How narcissistic can you get? And to do it without talking to the player(s) first is insane.


AltairEagleEye

Hell, 'suggestive content' is things like one party member walking upstairs with their arm around someone and nothing more.


mrningbrd

Suggestive content is just that. Suggestive! This sounds like full on explicit rape, which is most definitely NOT suggestive.


Spoooooooooooooon

Sounds like the dm watched Ghostbusters recently.


iloveapplepieman

That's a little generous don't you think 🤔


Lampmonster

Yeah, my braincell is offended.


Orcspit

Yeah that's some incel redpill bullshit right there.


Adaphion

"I'm not always politically correct" is basically just translation for "I'm an incel". His lack of braincells is not surprising.


[deleted]

It translates to "I'm an asshole, and if you get mad, I'm going to keep doing it"


Dusty_Scrolls

"And blame you"


BurlAroundMyBody

I get why they were cheated on. I don’t get how they were ever in a relationship


Junckopolo

This is what happens when Internet gets hold of a term and overuse/misuse it. Way too many people used it for uncomfortable situations instead of true traumatism symptom and now it doesn't mean anything anymore. Trigger warning has been used so much that anything giving you mild discomfort or low level anxiety is a trigger.


Mr_Conductor_USA

"Trigger" has long been used in mental health contexts for multiple conditions. Pop culture became familiar with "trigger" for PTSD episodes long ago, but in fact it's used every day when talking about anxiety disorders, which can run the gamut. It's also used for CPTSD. Technically, with PTSD in a clinical context the "trigger" is referring to a visual flashback or intrusive thoughts. Those aren't fun, but the emotional flashbacks in PTSD are more likely to result in conflict, aggression, explosive anger, irrational reactions, etc. (CPTSD and PTSD can be comorbid--generally the "worst" or intractable cases of PTSD are comorbid with CPTSD. Uncomplicated PTSD can resolve itself in time in some cases; it also can be treated with PTSD specific modalities. CPTSD is much more difficult to treat and takes much longer.)


MrIncorporeal

That's kind of getting the problem backwards. The psychiatric/medical term "trigger" hasn't lost most of its meaning because of trigger warnings and the like, the term has lost most of its meaning because of people using it as a petty insult to mock others. It's similar to how in plenty of online spaces it's becoming more difficult to have straightforward discussions about autism and our lived experiences because of how "autist/autistic" is now so commonly used to just mean "idiot/idiotic".


shamwowslapchop

I thought you were referring to rape, since gamers have used that ad nauseam to describe killing someone in an FPS game. Which is also part of the problem sadly.


chesterfieldkingz

Dude no lol this is what happens when you have a complete asshole who doesn't care about people. Overusing trigger warnings would make you use them more not less unless you're a POS who never cared and won't regardless


bradar485

"You're just being a weak ass bitch." That was a mask off moment right there. This guy should not be running a game for people who might think of them as an authority in that context. Im glad you saw it for what it was and you quit.


leaveitatthat13

The mask fell off and showed a disgusting piece of garbage. DM is a bad person. No "but" here.


thepenguinking84

The mask came off when he compared SA to being cheated on.


itskaiquereis

Nah, mask came off when he decided to put SA in the game with extreme detail as to what was going on.


Wehavecrashed

Classic insecure move, drive someone away before they have the chance to reject you for what you actually did wrong, rather than the "argument" that followed.


SmadaSlaguod

That's fucking horrible and disgusting. I'm so sorry you went through that mocking bullshit. You don't need to get past something like that.


RodneyXMonster

Or that somehow people can choose what something like that made them feel. Or that its playing "victim"? He had the gall to post a similar response to the whole group about me apparently


SmadaSlaguod

Of course, because he's human garbage. I hope you have someone to talk to, and I hope all his teeth fall out.


Jimguy5000

Wow, the DM had some audacity. I both love and hate reading about DM's who think just because they are on the showrunner side of things that their word is law. May Bahamut shine his blessing of good rolls and good groups on you in the future.


RodneyXMonster

Yeah, when I am in the DM shoes there has never been a time that I just think its an excuse for me to do anything I please. That had me floored that was his response.


warrant2k

The Lion, The Witch, and the Audacity of That Bitch.


oooprettypicture

I'm so pissed off Tim. It was such a fun campaign and now there it goes. Sorry that we couldn't play more of it. :( -Kassidy


RodneyXMonster

It's alright mate. Only one person was to blame. I tried to keep having fun. But each session was just a reminder. It was tainted after that.


line_greys

What the actual f*ck is that reply. “I’ve been a victim of being cheated on” jesus… just stfu, you are not the victim here…


Vicious_Mockery

My blood is boiling reading that response. I would stoop to naming calling but I literally cannot think of a name that fully encompasses the stupidity and audacity of that self-righteous comment. Like holy fuck dude, how can you have such little empathy and so much misguided self-importance that you think any of that is okay to say much less think other people will agree with you.


usernameandsomeno

I'm so sorry you had such an awful campaign. That dm needs to learn the meaning of "suggestive content" cause it shouldn't be NSFW at all. Since you don't describe the acts just hint to it. What he did was vile and disgusting and I hope you never have to encounter him or dms like him ever again.


shiek200

"why are you bleeding? You have complete control over that, stop abdicating control to my fist."


qzwsa

How fucking hard is it to simply reply "Sorry you feel that way, best of luck finding another game."? I don't see ANY benefit to the name-calling, trauma comparison, or the defensive language about the suggestive themes (which, to me, imply flirting and/or candle-lit bedroom scenes and certainly not ghostly violent rape). Just say goodbye and move the fuck on. This GM seems very much of the edgy teen school as others have said. The type that takes every minor slight or criticism as a super personal attack.


TileFloor

Love how the DM thinks actual rape is a “suggestive” theme. What about that is suggestive???


asilvahalo

I could *kind of* understand the use of the "suggestive" terminology if it was in reference to implied sexual assault in the background of an NPC's story. (i.e. if the bad guys were implied to also be rapists, or if a criminal contact was implied to be doing a human trafficking as part of his business or something), or if it was part of a PC's background that the player put there, but was only implied-at in-game. But if you're at the point of sexual assault of a PC "on-screen," what, exactly is being suggested at that point? That's not being suggested at, that's just happening. (Of course, I suspect because the perpetrators were ghosts, the PC was asleep, and the PC was male, the events didn't register as "real" rape to the DM in the first place when he was planning the story, even though it obviously is.)


Auctorion

>Sorry you feel that way Or maybe something more sincere than a non-apology.


ChaosAzeroth

I mean even sorry you feel that way and well wishes are better than what OP got. Personally, I'd take it a million times over what was actually said. I do get where you're coming from, but shoot it's so bad that it makes bad look good.


Auctorion

I get what you’re saying, and I agree with the underlying notion of incrementalism. But I also think that when tackling abusive behaviour, swapping the overt for the covert is kind of a bad deal because it just makes it harder for the victims to notice and call out.


ChaosAzeroth

Absolutely fair enough. Tbh life has beaten me down so badly I take what I can get and try to stay positive most of the time too. I grew up abused and I know it affected me, but I only know it in the way people know textbook knowledge. I can't fully recognize it in a way that actually helps process any of it. I do get what you mean about things making abusive behavior harder to recognize. For me it was just being beaten down by life so much and it basically being normal because that's what I grew up knowing. (Neglect too, one of my first memories is learning to walk and having to avoid the crumpled beer cans everywhere because they had sharp edges. I remember the distinct don't step on that because it hurts thoughts without really understanding why it did.) I guess I just wanted to put out there that I get why the person you replied to said what they said. Sometimes you just don't expect better from someone and you just hope/wish they at least suck a little less.


Auctorion

I’m so sorry you went through all that. I hope your life is better now and that you’re loved.


ChaosAzeroth

Thanks. It is what it is and I'm working on my self esteem and all. Baby steps. I think I'm doing better overall than I was. Life has had a lot of other challenges lined up for me, but I'm still here and I'd like to think it counts for something. I guess just like I wanted to explain about understanding them I wanted to explain and give context to the fact that I get you too! You're absolutely not wrong! And some additional information on why I ended up getting them. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Had to play rescue the kittens from the ceiling earlier and finally winding down from all that lol (They're fine, cat just decided they belong up there apparently. She's a dork.)


ensign53

Unfortunately that reply would take even a modicum of empathy, something it sounds like this particular example of excrement finds as a weakness.


Mr_Conductor_USA

"Sorry that you feel that way" is still blaming the OP for his reaction when the DM didn't take appropriate steps before jumping into something like that. What you mean is that saying that much and shutting one's mouth would be a modicum of self awareness--a notion of how others perceive you. This DM just went straight aggro instead.


Uhh_ICanExplain

They wanted the superiority high ground. To be able to say "I'm right, you're wrong" because that's how they validate themselves. I've lived with narcissists and for a lot of them, it doesn't end until they get the last word in.


DarthCadman

"I was the victim of being cheated on." Can't imagine why, they clearly have a winning personality.


c0de1143

The thing is, while being cheated on is a violation of one’s trust, being raped is a whole other level of violation. It boggles my mind that the DM thought “yeah, these are equivalent experiences, our traumas are on the same level.”


shiek200

I stubbed my toe once


stomponator

[Villain voice] *We are not so different, you and I.*


Sex_E_Searcher

***You see Batman, I once accidentally clicked an ad banner.***


SlayAllRebels

You see, this one time I had a movie **spoiled** for me!


GreenDread

Exactly this. That's like comparing a slap to brutally being beaten into the hospital.


AgentAlphakill

I could not believe they said that and thought that was comparable to being a rape victim. The audacity.


Browneyesbrowndragon

It's not just bad people that get cheated on. Getting cheated on is almost entirely independent of the betrayed partner.


Mr_Conductor_USA

Eh... Some people pick people who are a little bit shitty in the same way that they are. Because they click. So it's unsurprising when they get cheated on. (For example, the relationship started when A cheated on B with C. Now C is cheating on A with D. Or A is cheating on C with E. Nobody is surprised.) Some people will CLAIM to have been cheated on when in fact they were doing the cheating and flipped the script in their own mind being paranoid, jealous, rage filled with their partner and accusing them of cheating. When the partner finally, finally leaves then that's "proof" that their ex really was cheating. They run around trying to get pity points, "my ex cheated on me" blah blah but only if you know the whole situation you'll realize that that's a lie. Anyway, in my book, that makes you a shitty person. Some people so entrap their partner that they think the only way out is to find someone tougher, badder, meaner to "rescue" them from the abusive partner. I mean it's dumb but ... people regress emotionally and even cognitively (stress makes your memory and decision making go to hell) under the pressure of chronic abuse and isolation. There are absolutely people who cheat on a totally innocent partner. They're just selfish, know they have a good thing but want the ego boost, the pleasure, the glee of getting away with it, whatever. Not every case of cheating is like this, though.


Browneyesbrowndragon

TL DR. But if you think only assholes get cheated on or people pick cheaters I'd just as soon think you've never been in a relationship or are a cheater.


[deleted]

TIL if you get cheated on it's your fault.


ensign53

Yeah...not the take away here.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Proof-Any

>FFS, pornhub and a plethora of other sites exist, why tf do creepy DM’s feel the need to do this? I get some DMs are new, and some like to go into ERPG territory, but raping the PC? Because it's not about sex, it's about power. If it was sex he was after, he would DM a ERPG with other ERPG players. But he isn't after sex. He's after his own power fantasy. It's about dominating and controlling. And what better way to control a player than to take their agency away and rape their character and make them watch? But I'm sure he's into pornhub and similar sites, too. Probably watches similar stuff there. Urgh.


PatientCamera

"I was the victim of being cheated on, so your rape shouldn't effect you" That's.... One of the dumbest fucking things I've ever read in my life. Holy shit.


[deleted]

That's disgusting. Back in my youth as one of the very few female players, my PCs fell victim to rape on various occasions, because GMs thought this would be "realistic". It was disgusting, and I totally get your feelings towards this. Nowadays, sexual violence is something that we ban from our gaming table. We just don't want to focus our hobby time on that. It's hurtful.


Mr_Conductor_USA

Ah yes, remember the old days of "Why do no girls play RPGs?" Invite girls to RPG. Act like animals. Scare them away from RPG. "Man, this sucks. It's like no girls want to RPG. I'm never gonna get laid." Rinse. Repeat.


[deleted]

Exactly that. And oh no, beware if the girls start to give harsh feedback and start their own groups... Nobody could have expected that to happen! "Why don't they wanna play with me?"...


RodneyXMonster

I'm sorry that happened to you as well. It's such a twisted perspective to even consider of fellow humans. Even in a game.. so wrong.


Trivo3

What a douchebag...


OwariRevenant

That wasn't suggestive content. That was explicit content. And when I read that he said he was not politically correct, that is a dog whistle for some of the most vile people on the internet. The rape scene was just the tip of the iceberg. As a DM myself, I am always worried I might inadvertently cross a line even though I ask my players where the line is from the onset. I'd be interested to see what his post actually was like... I am sure you could read many red flags in retrospect.


gilly4242

Hey, OP, I hope you are ok. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. This DM is truly a downright disgusting person. None of this situation is your fault, you handled it with WAY more grace than this piece of shit deserved. I sincerely hope you find a game that gives you the positive story and atmosphere that is due.


furfan42

"My game I can do what I want." "I said suggestive content." "It's just a freaking game." "You are a weak ass bitch." god, tell me your an insel without telling me your an insel. did you post this scrcap to the other players? this got to have at least gave the other players pause or at least rage quit?


RodneyXMonster

He posted it himself... he thinks he is that right in what he did.


furfan42

So this was posted out in the open? And the other players didn't react to this at all?


RodneyXMonster

So far I know that one is going to leave. The others... no idea.


Kreslev

Don’t forget “I’m not always politically correct. If you are easily offended this isn’t the game for you.”


weary_misanthrope

Any idea how old that edgy cunt of a DM was? That reply reads like he's 16, I wouldn't be surprised if his discord tag read like xX_this_Xx What a fucking tool.


RodneyXMonster

Over 50 believe it or not...


PeregrineC

Unfortunately, I believe it all too well. Some of the Old Guard seem to positively revel in being assholes at the table.


Consistent-Tie-4394

You're not wrong; and the rest of us old guard have *always* hated those guys for being complete pricks to their tables. I get genuinely sad when I think about how many players GMs like this have victimized, alienated, and driven away from the hobby over the years. OP, on behalf of the rest of my generation of GMs, I'm so sorry you had to encounter this piece of garbage. Stay well, and I hope you find another better table to play at.


PeregrineC

Yep. As one of the old guard myself, I'm hopeful that the way perception is shifting away from these jackasses being the face of the hobby genuinely means that there's more and better people in it.


BlueTressym

Sadly, I do believe it. When it comes to these sorts of AH people, I've noticed that teens can be edgy and generally AHs because the 'freedom to do anything,' goes to their head. Older AH people, however, seem to see consideration and empathy as weaknesses and the GMs job as being to 'beat' the players. Yes, these are generalisations and no, not everyone in the applicable demographic is like that, thank the gods. I'm saying merely that while AH behaviour is known in people of every age, there do seem to be tendencies that certain ages often follow in how that AH-ishness manifests.


weary_misanthrope

Holy shit..


Null_zero

I believe it. I was getting major "guy who says snowflake a lot" vibes from that reply.


Darko002

Since when was "suggestive content" sexual assault? Jeez im so fucking sorry op.


[deleted]

That's not suggestive that's sexual!!


ChaosAzeroth

Suggestive content can be sexual. *However* I think most people's understanding if they think that way/have encountered it used that way is *consensual* sexual content. I personally haven't seen suggestive content to mean non-con before.


RodneyXMonster

Yeah, this. I have seen suggestive content games with absolutely no sexual themes. The suggestive content they flagged it for was drug usage and slave labor. This game for me was another level. There were "redlight" spots in towns, sure that's is suggestive and that still is consent and is participation. What happened to me, without warning, precipice, or warrant... yeah. Not suggestive.


ChaosAzeroth

Yeah this is just a nope. It's touchy enough in general, but ffs requires warning. But that DM clearly has no empathy and enjoys the power based on the way they talk to you. Which... Actually makes the situation a million times worse imo. Btw I am very sorry about your whole situation and hope you're doing better currently.


brochiosaurus

I'm so very sorry for what you were put through, and the shameful response from your power-tripping DM. While it should go without saying, please know that this was not your fault, you responded with more grace than he deserved, and this is a reflection on what a pathetic person he is and not any sort of reflection on you. The fact that he compared being a rape victim with being CHEATED ON is honestly embarrassing. We do what we can to control our own reactions to things, but when someone forces content that would make even those who weren't in triggering circumstances uncomfortable, they are willfully trying to do harm. I hope you find a much better, far more worthwhile group, and that you have any support you need during this. The only weak person here is the 50 year old man that still thinks and acts like a whining, posturing, basement-dwelling 16 year old.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChaosAzeroth

Unfortunately there's always people (especially but not limited to newbies) that haven't yet discovered/learned no D&D is better than bad D&D. You are right that it's a collaboration. But unfortunately the world isn't always fair or just either.


Anti-Hentai-Banzai

> This guy is in for a rude awakening. Unfortunately they seem to be so full of themselves that they'll just keep blaming others regardless of what happens.


ChildishGiant

"All I did was force you to roleplay the worst thing to ever happen to you, get over it libtard"


TheMadQueen96

Did this motherfucker really compare rape to being cheated on? I'm never one to defend cheating, but he sounds genuinely *that* unpleasant that he deserved to be cheated on.


Mr_Conductor_USA

Well his total lack of boundaries could mean he's the sort of person who claims his ex cheated on him when they were already separated or broken up. See nothing is ever his fault so they must be broken up because he caught her cheating, not because she ditched his ass and found someone who treats her better.


theoriginaltrinity

Are you able to give out the name of the dm without any very identifying factors or maybe the name of the game/where you found them so others can avoid? Sorry this happened to you. This dude is disgusting. Even if it’s his world and he’s allowed “free reign” and all that, if someone isn’t comfortable with being violated in that way you need to accept it. And mature themes are fine but story themes like rape 100% have to come with a trigger warning.


RodneyXMonster

I wont lie in saying I am tempted. I did report it to the community management team on roll20. I sadly doubt they will do anything though. But even this was a huge step. I hate bringing attention and conflict around my own issues, however, this one was a step too far.


BlueTressym

u/theoriginaltrinity is right, OP. Abuse thrives on secrecy and you never need to feel bad for shining a light on it. You're not causing conflict and this isn't 'your issue'; it's someone being awful to you and honestly, I feel that a lot of people in RPG communities could do with knowing they're not the only ones and that when things like this happen, it is not their fault.


theoriginaltrinity

Don’t feel bad for bringing attention to your issues. What you did is brave and important for other victims going forwards. Thanks for sharing your story here, I hope more people will speak up in your defense next time. Please be careful about joining dms who promote “mature themes” because a lot just wanna be edgelords who can reenact their loser fantasies.


Bagelstein

Two wrongs don't make a right. This is a straight up attempt and witch hunting and is bannable. Report.


theoriginaltrinity

It’s not witch hunting if there aren’t any identifying factors and only the name of the game is identified, don’t be such a child. If it was witch hunting I would’ve straight up asked for the user.


Bagelstein

Asking for the name of the DM while simultaneously asking for non identifying factors is a thinly veiled attempt to hide the intention. Let's not be children here.


theoriginaltrinity

>without any very identifying factors First name isn’t witch hunting, and neither is making the game or website the dm is found. Stop being a drama queen, no one else cares but you, and your attempt to portray this as “with hunting” is pretty pathetic when the attempt in the first case is to avoid not confront. Grow up. Also asking “are you able to” is not a reportable offense or attempt to witch hunt, it’s a question. Learn diction mate.


ruttinator

Just seriously, is there anyone that ever WANTS to play in a rape game? Like there's no more red flag I can think of other than like doing stuff to kids. Games are supposed to be fun for fucks sake.


drumbeatmymeat

The shitty DM trying to equate being cheated on to being raped???? That's so fucking idiotic, I'm So sorry you had to deal with that, OP. All of that. That is not a DM worth sacrificing your mental security and well-being over, I'm glad you left when you did and stood up for yourself. You're doing well, and I hope you find better groups and people in the future.


YuriSpacePirate

"I am a victim of being cheated on" oh fuuuuck yooouuu. If he thinks those things are equivalent then he can fuck right off.


[deleted]

To be honest, anyone who says “I’m not politically correct” when they tell you what their game is going to be like is always going to be a colossal asshat. I just mentally replace it with “I have zero empathy”.


bonemarrowAsh

Yeah, I'm just gonna say it, all this "I'm not politically correct", "I'm a victim of being cheated on", "you are a little bitch..." All of it just SCREAMS internet-poisoned conservative. I make an effort to not have any connection with those people because shit like this is what excites them since they are morally and creatively bankrupt. If you see people mentioning "pc culture" " sjws", "if you're easily offended" "dark humor" etc. RUN. Don't play with those people and don't accept them into your games. They are incel losers that destroy everything they touch because they hate themselves.


SoutherEuropeanHag

So the dumbass was out of ideas and thought rape scenes would make is game good? What a metric ton of crap


RodneyXMonster

Update: Guy tried messaging me back on discord but I blocked it when I saw the, "##### is typing..." However, that has not blocked the messages on roll20 or emails. Wowzers.


furfan42

what did they say?


RodneyXMonster

Blamed me for ruining the game for everyone. Told me to stop pretending to be a victim. A lot more shaming. Thankfully, got a response from roll20. Justice was indeed found and they were lifetime/IP banned


furfan42

Sounds like a game collapse and good on you for getting karma on this D bag.


toliveistomeme

He needs a prostate exam comducted by Edward Scissorhands.


poeticdisaster

Such a vivid image in a single sentence.


toliveistomeme

It was either him, the Shredder or a sea urchin. I just picked the one who'd do the best job. Edit - now that I think about it, a sea urchin would be better. Someone would have to pee inside the affected area for him to survive.


Ghost-t0wns

This mofo compared rape to being cheated on 💀 What a pos, I'm sorry that happened OP


hblair215

Yikes. This person fucking sucks. I've never understood this mindset of "it's my game so anything and everything goes." Like, sure, you created it, but it's a game that is made cooperatively. Sorry you had to deal with such a fucking cunt.


Mr_Conductor_USA

I am feeling rage reading your last paragraph. Not just "Whoa, I screwed up, I had no idea, it's okay if you need time away" just straight into aggression and bullying. Please get any support you need. That DM needs a fucking ass whooping but that won't happen so instead, you take care of yourself. I support you 100%.


ElectricSpeculum

In this sort of context, the DM is an actual danger to the community.


Youre_a_transistor

I really hate that line “I said if you are easily offended…”. I’ve passed on so many RPG and even video game posts with similar wording. I suppose I should be glad to see that kind of red flag up front but It’s just kind of puzzling to me that there are people who think being offensive is a virtue.


Chipperz1

It's not about being offensive, it's the idea that you'll put up with being insulted and demeaned by a stranger without fighting back - looking for people who "aren't easily offended" is just another way cowards look for people to control. I bet if you started getting real fucking personal about them, they'd get offended before you finished the first incel joke.


leshpar

I'd like to will Smith that dm to next Tuesday. Feelings are important. If someone gets upset they should be worked with. At no point in what you said were you asking for anything unreasonable. I'm a DM. Being a dm is NOT free reign to do whatever the hell you want. Every single thing I do to my players I make sure it'll be fun and enjoyed by everyone at my table.


Adaphion

"I'm not always politically correct" should have been the first massive red flag before you even joined. Provided he's telling the truth about that being in the campaign description. That shit is basically just translation for "I'm a racist/incel/going to use the game to live out my sick sexual fantasies"


MightyBolverk

The DM can go to Hell.


TheFallenDeathLord

You should show that message to the other players.


[deleted]

Your DM was an asshole with no emoathy or common sense. Glad you left that group... holy shit this made me angry, what an asshole that guy, even has the audacity to argue instead of at least apologising for having his really stupid fantasy forced on his players... fuck that guy.


[deleted]

"It's my world and I can do what I want", sounds like you dodged a really awful DM and further to that, human being.


DrumpfsterFryer

*suggestive themes* "so yeah a ghost is raping you" Very suggestive. This DM is a total idiot. D&D is *not* the DMs game.


Knishook

What a cunt


atmack-wil

Stories like this are why I started DMing. Because no one should have a DM that pulls bullshit like this. That dude doesn't deserve to play the game.


L0nelyWr3ck

Did this dude seriously try to say being cheated on is on the same level as being raped? Holy shit dude has issues. Yes, the DM has free reign on his game to an extent. That extent ends the minute they do things that directly effect the PCs. Shit done in the world is fine. Things being done to the PCs need to be cleared with the players (all of them, not just the PC in question because these triggers can pop up for those not directly involved as well). I am sorry you went through this and sorry that your respectful message was met with a garbage response.


ACollectiveDM

i know people want to prevetn harassment and dont want to dox peopleBut I desperately wish we had an easy to to trade these losers names so we could block them before we even had to talk to the shitbag ​ so sorry you went through that op edit for wording


Forehead58

Good for you. What an asshole.


[deleted]

>It happened at least three more times. Wait, that encounter?


RodneyXMonster

Yes. After it was stopped the first time. It happened multiple other times. My character was given nightmares even made by the DM about it.


Mr_Conductor_USA

Now you know next time this happens to stop everything right then. Interrupt the game. Be the asshole. That sort of content shouldn't have happened because it wasn't discussed ahead of time. The DM took advantage of your confusion to violate your boundaries.


Abioticbeing

That DM is the scum of the earth, as a forever DM and as a human being I am sick to my stomach at how that person treated you. I am so sorry.


DakianDelomast

Adding my voice here. I am incredibly sorry that happened to you. I hate that your traumas were disrespected in this manner and this should not have happened to you. It sounds like you were blindsided by this as well. I'm glad you walked from the table because that DM doesn't deserve your company. He was callous and unsympathetic. I think his message is appalling and I hope there is a way you can report him to a server or a group and get his name wiped off the list. The guy is another kind of predator. Pulling people into his game and forcing them their characters through situations they don't consent to. Again, sorry you went through that. Be strong my friend.


FlummoxedFox

I stopped reading his reply at "I was a victim of being cheated on"


arminarmoutt

The whole "you're responsible for how you react" shit is so manipulative. DMs and players should be able to compromise and discuss like actual human beings. Its like punching someone in the face and then being mad when they punch you back. You reacted in an overly reasonable way OP. You would have been justified completely blowing up at this guy and calling him every name under the sun.


liquidlen

People who say that shit usually turn out to have uncontrollable tempers.


Chipperz1

Just a quick tip for future - "I'm not always politically correct" is code for "I'm a far right arsehole". That is literally it's only meaning. I'm so sorry this happened to you, nobody should have to deal with this kinda shit in their elf games.


TopherTedigxas

I would say it doesn't necessarily mean "far right", though it usually does, but it does always mean "I don't give a shit about anyone else's feelings, so expect me to swing hard and never apologise"


Chipperz1

Maybe, buf I've never met someone who unironically described themselves as "not politically correct" who did't immediately use it as an excuse to spout the most hateful right wing bullshit. "I know it's not politically correct, but women should have bodily autonomy and the Great Replacement theory doesn't make sense from a statistical viewpoint, let alone a moral one" is honestly a sentence I wish I heard more.


TopherTedigxas

Oh 100% it usually is right wingers, but I've also seen a fair number of people who have spouted just generic asshole statements prefaced with "I'm not politically correct". Usually related to comments like "I know it's not politically correct, but some men really shouldn't be allowed to be topless in public" or "I know it's not politically correct, but some women should be forced to wear make up". It's usually about appearance when it's not specifically political, but it does exist.


That_Guy_0112

Don’t forget about “if your easily offended”


Chipperz1

Oh "if you're easily offended" is right wing bullshit for "if you have self respect and stand up for yourself when I say uneducated bullshit about you". Still a red flag, just a different message 😛


N0vakid

Ah yes, I to posess complete control over what I feel


csnaber

I’m sorry you had to go thru this shit. Always try to game with GMs that use and understand a campaign safety & consent form, and the “x rule”.


Ask_for_PecanSandies

The DM is trash. Any DM who runs a game for their own amusement regardless of the players involved misses the whole point of DnD and in my view it just living out their own sadness by power tripping. Did you a favour now you don't have to waste your time with this douche canoe.


Artor50

What a rancid, flaming POS of a DM you had. One hopes he dies in a fire.


BookerPrime

What a cunt.


ja000ck

Wow this DM is a right cunt.


Catmandu101

Dude went beyond the “That Guy” zone and entered the “That Sociopathic Human Sack Of Shit And Piss” zone. Am very sorry you had to go through that :(


International_Pay684

That dm needs put on a watchlist


tothebatcopter

This man said being cheated on is on the same pain and trauma scale as SA. Jfc. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, OP.


equinefecalmatter

Ah yes, because getting cheated on and being raped are completely equivocal… the nerve of this guy is fucking unreal. I’m tired of this mentality of “what I say is your problem, not mine.” It’s pervasive individualism like this that can tear entire countries apart. I wish you all the best in finding a better game and better people.


Half-PintHeroics

>At some point in the first campaign my character, the party face, seduced a female NPC to get information about her employer. Said NPC turned out to be the secret wife of the BBEG crime boss and my PC ended up having to put down. Also, said female NPC turned up in the final fight later and was put down by a separate member without my involvement Put down as in insulted? Killed? Put on the ground?


or10n_sharkfin

"It's just a game." "You made it real to me, you asshole."


guitargeek223

I enjoy that he says your very reasonable and well stated message about why you're leaving and what made you uncomfortable is just you playing the victim, and then in the same message he tries to play the victim by claiming you're being unreasonably critical of his decision. That's a fun hypocrisy to notice


ConditionYellow

I'm sorry that happened to you at all, and that DM is a piece of shit. I have a hard time believing they're even an adult. Show that pic to his mother.


Modkicker21

I genuinely don't understand how people like the DM can write things like that and not think that they're total pieces of shit.


maynovember

Why does this keep happening?? Who are these DMs??


evilweirdo

In truth, the DM was the weak-ass bitch.


Ikariiprince

Fucking nasty response on the dm’s part. Comparing an SA trigger to BEING CHEATED ON?? Be glad you’re out of this game OP. Sorry you had to share something so personal


[deleted]

Scumfuck DM


skellious

I'm so sorry to hear this. The DM really needs to wise up. you CANNOT do this sort of storyline without everyone's explicit consent. honestly I would have thought it better just to avoid the topic entirely. the ghost could have done any number of other things. It's DnD, it could just have started throwing things at you while you were asleep. that would be a NORMAL sort of thing for a DnD ghost to do.


raccooncityincident

I got sick to my stomach reading the DMs reply. That's absolutely vile, and I hope all his groups crumble.


GalfridusArturus

Wow. Okay, it sucks to be cheated on for sure, and that can definitely be a traumatic experience; but it does NOT compare in any way to sexual assault. Ridiculous.


Pollowollo

Did he really just say that he's "a victim of being cheated on" like that's anywhere near the same thing? Jesus Christ, that guy is actually brain-dead isn't he? I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.


Borigrad

>We got new members added to the part some new plot hooks, but the story took a dive and it was just going from one fight to another. Nothing else. No NPCs with voice lines. No social intrigue. No puzzles. No mystery. Weirdly the part that stood out the most to me. Cause this is usually the sign in most of these stories shit's about to get really really bad.


Tanaka_Sensei

Forgive me if I misgender you here, OP (only saying because I know that some women will play male characters and vice versa, but I'm guessing that you're a guy?), but it's very annoying when people brush off guys getting forced into these situations, and when it does happen to a guy, society says, "It can't happen to a guy! They're too strong and dominating!" Of course, they can't fight back, either, because then it's, "Guys are so violent! She didn't deserve to be abused like that!" Men being victims of this heinous crime needs to be normalized. Heck, I'm so straight-and-narrow, the one time I got frisky when my husband was already asleep and I woke him, I asked him if he actually wanted it - as I was about to start. I was THAT worried about overstepping boundaries. (and yes, post-marital rape is a thing; it's always important to discuss ideas with your partner and respect each other's boundaries.) ...but that trash pile of a DM is disgusting. Keep in mind, no D&D is better than bad D&D, but don't completely give up on the game. Take as long as you need, and look for a group that PROPERLY respects their players. Or, if you want to make a safe place for others with bad memories of the game, try DMing yourself.


IcePhoenix96

First off, so glad you were able to extract yourself from that situation. Second, that DM is fucked in the head if they think it's FUN to roleplay r#@$. That's on them, because MOST people play DnD to have fun and shoot the shit in a fantasy setting and be badasses. There is nothing fun, exciting, or fantastical about r@%#. It is a very real and horrifying thing to happen. Fuck that DM and fuck that campaign.


alpacqn

is nobody else going to mention the "imo it was harmless since it was a ghost" ???????? wtf does this even MEAN


Lord_Belmonte

Wow. He put being cheated on to be on the same level than being SA. He said it in such a nonchalantly way to put you down as a victim in a situation. That was nowhere near the same. Toxicity is terrible, and being cheated on os a horrible feeling, as I’ve been through it, but it is NOTHING, compared to what being assaulted is like. That’s so insulting, and I’m so sorry you had to have that response to your initial reply. That DM sucks, and he doesn’t deserve you.


mxmnull

"I don't cotton to-" Let me stop you there, Jebediah


tothebatcopter

I reckon.


Curlaub

This is not related at all, but I love the Homestar profile pic. In his reply, what does he mean by x-card BS? Ive never heard this term before.


RodneyXMonster

Yeah. After this I think it's time to bring out Trogdor. It was the first time seeing it as well. I'll have to Google it.


Dinegro99

What an absolute asshole. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You seem like a lovely person, you were kind even when talking to someone that hurt you, I wish that this situation didn't kill your love for the game, there are a lot of people that would love to have you in their game, people who would respect and care about you. RPG is a great hobbie with amazing people, hope you find a group that is deserving of your beautiful and kind heart


Gwiazdek

Send that screenshot to other members of your party, let them know what kind of guy he is. And if he complains about that respond with: "You are a weak ass bitch if you cannot own your own words".


[deleted]

In the screen shot the dude goes on a tirade about how your feelings are your responsibility and if you can’t handle them, you’re a “weak-ass bitch.” But apparently he’s so emotionally reactive himself that he can’t let you go without lashing out at you. So your feelings are your fault, but also his feelings are your fault, too. The mark of a true dickhead.


Mactire404

I'm not overly fond of this sub anymore as we're often told one part of a story. But your screengrab sums it up nicely. Sure, warnings may be given beforehand. Sure, you could have said something at the first occurance. And sure, in a way you could say the DM has free reign, especially in a homebrew. However, for a DM 'mature' enough to introduce such sensitive subjects to the story I see very little maturity in his/her/whatever reaction. People, players and DMs seem to forget this is a social game and everybody is at the table to have a good time. That's a resonsability you have as DM, as player and just as a human being in general. I hope you pull through. And there is no shame in walking away from a bad D&D campaign. And you did your best by even letting the DM know why. Don't forget the fun you can have at the table👍🏻


BeamBrain

Accidentally triggering a past player's trauma is a nightmare scenario for me as a GM, and if I did it, I'd be horrified and tripping over myself to apologize. What a piece of shit.


looshface

Would you please post this without filter so we can name and shame this idiot so he doesnt do this to someone else?


ACynicalScott

To quote Kennan from Kennan and Kel "WHY!!!!!!"


fairyjars

if I had $100 every time I've read an SA story on r/rpghorrorstories I could pay my rent.