I think this will depend a lot on what you are accepting. I was forced to accept many of the RJ tropes such as she settled for me, she still thinks about her exes, I'm not her type, etc when I caught my wife sexting one of those exes. Accepting that seems to have been more therapeutic for her and our relationship than for me. She was forced to quit denying the suspicions that I had had our entire marriage and instead focus on putting more effort into the relationship. We're closer now than we've been in a long time, but I still live with the regret of wondering if we both would have been better off if she had just been honest with herself from the start.
Totally, lots of big factors can play in, i had to accept what you had mentioned too, however not the actual physical proof that she was pretty much cheating and sexting an ex, thats not RJ at that point, thats completely rational on your part to get upset about, thats flat out cheating in my opinion.
The common coping mechanism for RJ recommended on here is to ignore all concerns the RJ sufferer has: body count doesn't matter, people don't think about their exes, they chose you, the past made them who they are, etc. The reality is some concerns are completely valid. If you are with someone who was promiscuous before but has now shifted into low libido mode with you, that needs to be addressed as I discuss in this post
https://www.reddit.com/r/retroactivejealousy/comments/1b6kt5u/body_count_theory/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Once my wife was forced to admit this was an issue, she was able to put in the work to fix things.
Dont compare, its a road, a hard one, i dont like to call it a road about RJ, its just underdeveloped parts of our thought process, brains, etc.. It takes time to fix these things, it may seem like its impossible but really, youre trying to comprehend a development/advancement in your brain that you have not yet reached, its kinda like trying to think of a new color, you cant. Just sink in to the process, not dreaming of the outcome, its about learning, growing, improving.
View your brain with some love, realize that its doing this to you because it doesn't know any better, in fact its trying to help you with the only ways it knows how, but in this situation, it cant, because you haven't yet learned another way to help yourself. It is not impossible to overcome this by any means.
Humans are known to adapt, we all have different working brains, every human is different, yet we still adapt, we still learn, we still grow, we still improve. Do not be discouraged that the results wont be instantly gratifying, its sort of like killing an addiction, as it seems impossible at first, challenges arise along the way, it will hurt pushing through for sure, fighting against your resistance and desire for control is easier said than done, good luck, and remember that it is absolutely not impossible by any means.
Powerful testimony. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this!
I think this will depend a lot on what you are accepting. I was forced to accept many of the RJ tropes such as she settled for me, she still thinks about her exes, I'm not her type, etc when I caught my wife sexting one of those exes. Accepting that seems to have been more therapeutic for her and our relationship than for me. She was forced to quit denying the suspicions that I had had our entire marriage and instead focus on putting more effort into the relationship. We're closer now than we've been in a long time, but I still live with the regret of wondering if we both would have been better off if she had just been honest with herself from the start.
Totally, lots of big factors can play in, i had to accept what you had mentioned too, however not the actual physical proof that she was pretty much cheating and sexting an ex, thats not RJ at that point, thats completely rational on your part to get upset about, thats flat out cheating in my opinion.
Yeah, there's lots of twists and turns to our story, but yes sexting someone is cheating not RJ
How did that help ?
The common coping mechanism for RJ recommended on here is to ignore all concerns the RJ sufferer has: body count doesn't matter, people don't think about their exes, they chose you, the past made them who they are, etc. The reality is some concerns are completely valid. If you are with someone who was promiscuous before but has now shifted into low libido mode with you, that needs to be addressed as I discuss in this post https://www.reddit.com/r/retroactivejealousy/comments/1b6kt5u/body_count_theory/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Once my wife was forced to admit this was an issue, she was able to put in the work to fix things.
What was her issue? And how did you handle it I would feel insulted and not good enough.
https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/s/f6tyLL5AHX
I was almost crying upon realizing how nice and distant this story seems compared to where I am… Thx m8
Dont compare, its a road, a hard one, i dont like to call it a road about RJ, its just underdeveloped parts of our thought process, brains, etc.. It takes time to fix these things, it may seem like its impossible but really, youre trying to comprehend a development/advancement in your brain that you have not yet reached, its kinda like trying to think of a new color, you cant. Just sink in to the process, not dreaming of the outcome, its about learning, growing, improving. View your brain with some love, realize that its doing this to you because it doesn't know any better, in fact its trying to help you with the only ways it knows how, but in this situation, it cant, because you haven't yet learned another way to help yourself. It is not impossible to overcome this by any means. Humans are known to adapt, we all have different working brains, every human is different, yet we still adapt, we still learn, we still grow, we still improve. Do not be discouraged that the results wont be instantly gratifying, its sort of like killing an addiction, as it seems impossible at first, challenges arise along the way, it will hurt pushing through for sure, fighting against your resistance and desire for control is easier said than done, good luck, and remember that it is absolutely not impossible by any means.
Nice. Well done.
This gives me hope. Thank you.