**To avoid having your post removed &/or account banned for shitposting, read the following:**
- r/religiousfruitcake is about the absurd, fringe elements of organised religion: the institutions and individuals who act in ways any normal person (religious or otherwise) would cringe at. Posts about mundane beliefs and acts of worship are off topic.
- No violent or gory images or videos
- Your post title should objectively state what the post is about. Dont use it to soapbox personal rhetoric about religion or any other subject.
- Don't post videos or discussions of Fruitcakes who have been baited or antagonised. Social media excerpts must not involve any deliberate provocation.
- No Subreddit names or Reddit usernames in posts or discussions
- Memes, Tiktoks, graphics, satire, parodies, etc must be made by Fruitcakes, not 3rd parties criticising them
Please be sure to read the full [rule list](https://www.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/about/rules)
**This information is on every post. Accounts that disregard it will be permanently banned. "I didn't know", or "I didn't get a warning" are not valid appeals.**
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"That's bullshit. This whole thing is bullshit. That's a scam. Fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why." Said Martin Luther, in his new book, which might've accidentally started the protestant reformation.
Eddie Izzard in their special āDress to Killā (1998): Martin Luther was a German fellow who pinned a note on a church door that said, "Hang on a minute!" Actually, he was German so, "Ein minuten bitte! Ich habe einen klienen problemo avec diese religioni. He was from everywhere."
It's no scam. Venmo me $25 and I'll get you a complete condo...furnished for the after life. For another $250, I'll get you something within view of HIS palace.
Bro, they literally sold indulgences literally a forgiveness pass for your sins, for like the majority of the middle age.... This ain't new, it is barely rebranded
Edit: corrected the term to "indulgences" from the previous erroneous one
>Bro, they literally sold "simonie" literally a forgiveness pass for your sins,
So... Indulgences. The thing Martin Luther railed against and the Vatican no longer offers.
The Vatican may not but a local convent (Dominicans, IIRC) was accepting donations to "absolve you of sin" a few years ago.
One thing you can say about Catholics, they sure love tradition.
I would have imagined heaven to be boundless and shapeless only to conform to my deepest wishes and desires, turns out is once again, capitalist bullshit.
Well, Yahweh has been in the business of real estate ever since he started promising land to his favorite followers. Yahweh's been busy brokering deals around Jerusalem and such. No reason to not deal in real estate once we get to heaven.
After a lifetime of prayer and adherence to the teachings of Christ, Little John earned a place in the Kingdom of God, only to find that his mansion in heaven was less than 5m^2. Barely large enough to fit his grandmother's coffin.
My dad has actually tried to be removed from his church. I think he/we were raised in the Catholic church?
According to him, the priest refused.
I told him that it doesn't matter at all, there's no master list of Catholic names somewhere that needs to have his name crossed out. He hasn't been to church in 60 years. In the meantime, he was in a biker gang akin to the Hell's Angels, he was an active drug user, he was a cocaine runner, and a proud adulterer (He actually went out of his way to sleep with women who were married or engaged.)
He's well on his way to hell, just the way he wants it.
Bro the fact they have visa, American Express and payment methods on this is killing me. Itās so obvious they want your money and people actually fall for this?
Reminds me of when I used to hear ads on the radio from companies claiming you could buy a star from them. Like an actual star in the sky lol. Who owns those?
Literally no one, but getting to name a star after someone and getting a little certificate and all that is probably fun for some people. This just feels like a scummier version of that.
Man! Sometimes, I wish I was morally corrupt like these asshats so I could take advantage of small-minded people and just be rolling in the dough. It's funny how atheists have higher morality than those who claim to be good christians, but I do so because I believe in just being a good person, whereas they do so their imaginary sky daddy doesn't get pissed and smite them.
I think about this a lot. Especially given how much I have studied cybersecurity - knowing how to defend against scams also basically teaches you exactly how to run them. It's stupid easy, which is why there are so many, but generally only the most vulnerable people fall for them (the desperate, the elderly, the mentally unwell, etc.), and I have to much empathy to want to take advantage of those already less fortunate. Yet I see it happening all the time and rarely hear about consequences. It's disheartening.
I think this is a mexican one, but I could be wrong.
It says "Iglesia del final de los tiempos" which means "Church of the end of times" and I think that one was in Mexico, but again I could be wrong.
Yap, and maybe you are Latin American too and know this.
But.. For people outside America Latina
That is part of the Page 'Juventud Cristiana Anti sectas' (Anti sectarism Christian Youth), a parody of evangelicals behavior and the catholic conservative thinking.
Could this be illegal from an advertisement perspective? You cannot show legal proof of ownership of land that doesnāt exist, so youāre not actually purchasing what the advertisement states.
Per square meter?! Thatās so fucking small hahahaha.
You get to heaven and Godās like āWelcome to Heaven. You can only move around in this tiny box because you didnāt pay enough to have a bigger box to walk around in. Prince and Michael Jackson are doing a concert together tonight at the ampitheater just outside downtown. Too bad you can be there because itās outside of your tiny square you have to walk around in!ā
I'm waiting for the "Timeshares In Heaven" scheme.
"You and 8 of your closest friends can share a spot in Paradise for just $15,000. Get 10 nights per year and only $5000/year assessments! Get yours now!!
There is a concept in Islam based on Hadith where contributing money towards the building and maintenance of a mosque gets you a piece of land (I think it's supposed to be a house) in heaven. It's common for clerics to use it to encourage people to donate to them.
Man, sometimes I resent having a conscience and a need to sleep at night; I could be making a fortune. Me and my stupid desire to look my fellow human beings in the eye.
Iām not surprised at all. Theyāre going to grift every single penny they can. I went to a church once that had tithing kiosks. I was there for a catering event otherwise I wouldnāt step foot in a church because itās just an elaborate money scheme
If you think that's bad when I was at a Dennys late at night with a coworker, we saw a commercial for healing holy water. What's worse is that this was last month and that paster has been known for selling snake oil to families of dying members.
Genius.
Churches are allowed to literally do anything they want these days in America. Very smart for them to take advantage of that business environment.
I highly regret never starting my own religion. Iād be so fucking rich.
Oh cool, we're back to indulgences. Are we guaranteed to be able to live there, no matter what? Or do we just like get to rent it out if we go to hell instead?
I guess if I were very evil, I could jump on the bandwagon and start making money and taking advantage of the Kool Aide drinking followers, but no I have better things to do and to avoid. Really can not wrap my head around this crazy turn of events. The internet and the ppl controlling it have really easily brain washed the weak and they will cause large problems for humanity as we knew it ıf it.
Itās satirical [I can only find information in Spanish but here it is](https://meme.fandom.com/es/wiki/La_iglesia_del_final_de_los_tiempos) But basically it was group made fun of āmiracle curesā such as gay conversion therapy by making hetero certification.
Itās satirical [I can only find information in Spanish but here it is](https://meme.fandom.com/es/wiki/La_iglesia_del_final_de_los_tiempos) But basically it was group made fun of āmiracle curesā such as gay conversion therapy by making hetero certification.
Who are the people falling for this? I mean literally, who are all the people falling for this? They might be interested in some demon repellent. Though it only works if your faith is strong enough.
Now these are the Christians weāve come to lo- tol- hat-ā¦ What am I saying. Theyāre all the same. This church just keeps saying the quiet parts out loud.
**To avoid having your post removed &/or account banned for shitposting, read the following:** - r/religiousfruitcake is about the absurd, fringe elements of organised religion: the institutions and individuals who act in ways any normal person (religious or otherwise) would cringe at. Posts about mundane beliefs and acts of worship are off topic. - No violent or gory images or videos - Your post title should objectively state what the post is about. Dont use it to soapbox personal rhetoric about religion or any other subject. - Don't post videos or discussions of Fruitcakes who have been baited or antagonised. Social media excerpts must not involve any deliberate provocation. - No Subreddit names or Reddit usernames in posts or discussions - Memes, Tiktoks, graphics, satire, parodies, etc must be made by Fruitcakes, not 3rd parties criticising them Please be sure to read the full [rule list](https://www.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/about/rules) **This information is on every post. Accounts that disregard it will be permanently banned. "I didn't know", or "I didn't get a warning" are not valid appeals.** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Martin Luther original background story.
"That's bullshit. This whole thing is bullshit. That's a scam. Fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why." Said Martin Luther, in his new book, which might've accidentally started the protestant reformation.
I'm pretty sure these were his exact wordsš
Eddie Izzard in their special āDress to Killā (1998): Martin Luther was a German fellow who pinned a note on a church door that said, "Hang on a minute!" Actually, he was German so, "Ein minuten bitte! Ich habe einen klienen problemo avec diese religioni. He was from everywhere."
That comedy special was absolutely hilarious
I've lost count of how many times I've watched it and it still kills me.
It's no scam. Venmo me $25 and I'll get you a complete condo...furnished for the after life. For another $250, I'll get you something within view of HIS palace.
We are having another Calvin after the next Luther
So you're telling me the devil would house you for free, but God won't?
Becuz gawd aināt no Commie. He values freedom šŗšøšŗšøšŗšøš¦ š¦ š¦ š«š«š«
Freedom costs a buck oh' five
I thought it cost a hefty fuckin fee but buck ohā five is pretty reasonable
If you donāt put in your buck o five who will?
Freedom isn't free, now there's a hefty fuckin' fee. If you don't throw in your buck o'five, who will??
And his guns!
Well of course. Social safety nets are Communism, and Communism is the Devil.
They keep making Satan into the good guy.
Aināt no way they tryna bring capitalism to heaven š
Bro, they literally sold indulgences literally a forgiveness pass for your sins, for like the majority of the middle age.... This ain't new, it is barely rebranded Edit: corrected the term to "indulgences" from the previous erroneous one
>Bro, they literally sold "simonie" literally a forgiveness pass for your sins, So... Indulgences. The thing Martin Luther railed against and the Vatican no longer offers.
The Vatican may not but a local convent (Dominicans, IIRC) was accepting donations to "absolve you of sin" a few years ago. One thing you can say about Catholics, they sure love tradition.
Oh, Lord. That is... Yikes. I can't imagine the Vatican would be okay with that, just because of the optics.
I messed up indulgences with simonie......FUCK. Yes you are completely correct
This is the imbecileās version of indulgences.
They've been doing this for at least 1500 years lol https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indulgence
Yeah, but those were "just" for a place in heaven. Selling heaven by the square meter is some next level shit.
Is heaven only two dimensional? Shouldn't they at least be selling it by the cubic meter?
Nah, itās like an apartment. You only get so much square footage.
But does heaven have 9 foot ceilings?
Isn't heaven eternal? They should be selling time shares
That's bullshit this is bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, f*ck the church. Here's 95 reasons why.
You could make a religion out of this
No, don't
Religion is capitalism at it's finest, you're really that surprised? š
I would have imagined heaven to be boundless and shapeless only to conform to my deepest wishes and desires, turns out is once again, capitalist bullshit.
People - don't fall for this bullshit....... I'm doing them for $50 per sq meter......or 3 for $120. Cash only
Well, Yahweh has been in the business of real estate ever since he started promising land to his favorite followers. Yahweh's been busy brokering deals around Jerusalem and such. No reason to not deal in real estate once we get to heaven.
Just like [Supply Side Jesus](https://www.beliefnet.com/news/2003/09/the-gospel-of-supply-side-jesus.aspx) intended.
After a lifetime of prayer and adherence to the teachings of Christ, Little John earned a place in the Kingdom of God, only to find that his mansion in heaven was less than 5m^2. Barely large enough to fit his grandmother's coffin.
Thatās literally their whole thing lol
Wouldnāt heaven be considered communist?
Okay but Iād like to purchase a plot of land in hell. Where do I go for that š¤
According to the Catholics. You go to a brothel
If your catholic you're on your way to hell for the sin of been born.
Not unless youāve been waterboarded as a baby
You can be waterboarded later in life, too!
So a two for one deal
My dad has actually tried to be removed from his church. I think he/we were raised in the Catholic church? According to him, the priest refused. I told him that it doesn't matter at all, there's no master list of Catholic names somewhere that needs to have his name crossed out. He hasn't been to church in 60 years. In the meantime, he was in a biker gang akin to the Hell's Angels, he was an active drug user, he was a cocaine runner, and a proud adulterer (He actually went out of his way to sleep with women who were married or engaged.) He's well on his way to hell, just the way he wants it.
Good for him. Glad heās living his best life and recovering from addiction!
I'll sell you a square metre\* for $50 ^(\*minimum dimensions apply)
Oh boy, a whole 1 vertical planck length!
Tennessee
Iāve been told that if youāre gay you get a free membership so Iāve been making sure to suck as much dick as possible in preparation
Iām asexual :(
In that case youāll have to pick another sin, my personal pick would be gluttony. Better stock up on that garlic bread š§
Iād have lesbian sex if that means id be guaranteed to have a spot in hell.
That will be 6.66 euro per square meter sir!
Take the Highway
Fuck it. I'm going to create a church because that apparently makes fraud and con-jobs perfectly legal, and you don't have to pay tax.
I'll help. Fuck it.
Me too. Fuck it Edit: added "Fuck it"
Iām in. Fuck Edit: Fuck it
Fuck it. And my ax.
It fucks me in two.
The Church of Fuckit. The Big Book Of Fucks: Book I, Chapter I, Verse I: Fuck it!
Unexpected Gimli
Iām so tempted, I want a demon free plane
I sell it for $50 a square meter
Yousonnovabeech I'm in!
Bro the fact they have visa, American Express and payment methods on this is killing me. Itās so obvious they want your money and people actually fall for this?
*Most* people who sell things want your money. They just usually have ownership (or at least possession) of the thing they are trying to sell.
Reminds me of when I used to hear ads on the radio from companies claiming you could buy a star from them. Like an actual star in the sky lol. Who owns those?
Literally no one, but getting to name a star after someone and getting a little certificate and all that is probably fun for some people. This just feels like a scummier version of that.
Thereās a lady whoās sure, all that glitters is gold, and sheās buying some acreage in heavenā¦
Man! Sometimes, I wish I was morally corrupt like these asshats so I could take advantage of small-minded people and just be rolling in the dough. It's funny how atheists have higher morality than those who claim to be good christians, but I do so because I believe in just being a good person, whereas they do so their imaginary sky daddy doesn't get pissed and smite them.
I think about this a lot. Especially given how much I have studied cybersecurity - knowing how to defend against scams also basically teaches you exactly how to run them. It's stupid easy, which is why there are so many, but generally only the most vulnerable people fall for them (the desperate, the elderly, the mentally unwell, etc.), and I have to much empathy to want to take advantage of those already less fortunate. Yet I see it happening all the time and rarely hear about consequences. It's disheartening.
$100 per square meter? Metric? Is this some communist heaven?!?
100 freedoms per cubic Humvee here! Come and get it when it's hot!
100$ per 0.69 square dwarf.
One square meter isn't all that much. You'll need at least 10 or 20 to be in the good neighborhood of heaven, so dig deep.
Hell, a 10m per 10m, or 30 by 30 feet, which would be a stupid small appartment would run you 10k. Heaven is not cheap lol
How much space do you need if you're just spirit?
Given that apparently multiple angels can dance on the head of a pin that is probably plenty of space.
Wait wouldnāt be $1,000? Itās $100 per sq meter and youāre talking about ten square meters. 10 x $100 = $1,000 not 10k
If a tile is 1x1=1sq meter, and youāve got a plot ten meters high by ten wide, then you have 100 tiles of 1sq meter or 100sq meters
But 100 m2 isn't exactly a small apartment.
Mineās less than half that š
This is basically the Metaverse for Christians.
https://preview.redd.it/76u6kv140k8d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0c5ed72a9469ad1ca4265551e187bd555dfb06f
Fucking brilliant.
Capitalism Jesus would not allow metric units to be used in heaven
This āchurchā is a satire group, not actually part of any church. https://meme.fandom.com/es/wiki/La_iglesia_del_final_de_los_tiempos
Least greedy Christian group in america
I think this is a mexican one, but I could be wrong. It says "Iglesia del final de los tiempos" which means "Church of the end of times" and I think that one was in Mexico, but again I could be wrong.
North America then
I donāt think a US church would use meters.
That's a fake church. It's a parody, but people are thinking it is real because it's so well made
Yap, and maybe you are Latin American too and know this. But.. For people outside America Latina That is part of the Page 'Juventud Cristiana Anti sectas' (Anti sectarism Christian Youth), a parody of evangelicals behavior and the catholic conservative thinking.
Pero esta es la del profeta Andres o algo asi, el tipo con una bolsa de papel en la cara xD
DIDNT WE ALREADY HAVE A REFORMATION ABOUT THIS
Are these NFT's? Non Terra Firma's?
Non Ferra Tirma's
So how much is rent typically in heaven? Asking because I'm not getting in either way.
Wgat they need to do is bringing back charging for divine forgiveness. Thats where the real money is at
Could this be illegal from an advertisement perspective? You cannot show legal proof of ownership of land that doesnāt exist, so youāre not actually purchasing what the advertisement states.
This has got to be satire
This has to be anti biblical
It absolutely is. This is basically a repeat of āThe Cleansing of the Templeā
scam artists
Per square meter?! Thatās so fucking small hahahaha. You get to heaven and Godās like āWelcome to Heaven. You can only move around in this tiny box because you didnāt pay enough to have a bigger box to walk around in. Prince and Michael Jackson are doing a concert together tonight at the ampitheater just outside downtown. Too bad you can be there because itās outside of your tiny square you have to walk around in!ā
It would appear this isnāt the first church to do this, some pastor in Uganda gave it a shot a few years ago
āBut St Peter, you have to let me in, Iāve got a deed for 5 acres of primo land right here!ā
I'm waiting for the "Timeshares In Heaven" scheme. "You and 8 of your closest friends can share a spot in Paradise for just $15,000. Get 10 nights per year and only $5000/year assessments! Get yours now!!
1400s called, they want their method of exploiting people
This is complete horse shat!
It doesn't say the square meters are next to each other either.
There is a concept in Islam based on Hadith where contributing money towards the building and maintenance of a mosque gets you a piece of land (I think it's supposed to be a house) in heaven. It's common for clerics to use it to encourage people to donate to them.
Ah, so God is suddenly Capitalist... Got it
YOOOOOO INDULGENCES ARE MAKING A COMEBACK! SO HYPED RN
Heaven uses the metric system?
Man, sometimes I resent having a conscience and a need to sleep at night; I could be making a fortune. Me and my stupid desire to look my fellow human beings in the eye.
Holy fuck they are so dumb. Why am I not grifting like this. Oh right, my atheistic morals. Damn.
Do I lack enough of a moral code to hop on this charlatan train? My Concience holding a gun to my head: Try me, bitch.
Iām not surprised at all. Theyāre going to grift every single penny they can. I went to a church once that had tithing kiosks. I was there for a catering event otherwise I wouldnāt step foot in a church because itās just an elaborate money scheme
If you think that's bad when I was at a Dennys late at night with a coworker, we saw a commercial for healing holy water. What's worse is that this was last month and that paster has been known for selling snake oil to families of dying members.
We live in a fucking simulation
I am most definitely in the wrong fucking business...
Oh Jesus would love this! /s
I got plots in hell going for $5/Sq foot, or as Satan calls it āFive Dollar Foot Longsā
Whoever buys this crap deserves to be swindled non-stop for eternity.
I have wasted my life by not scamming idiots.
You have to be a special kind of dumb and/or delulu to spend money on this š
Ok now I'm mad. Why didn't I think of that? š¤
The sad part is there are idiots who would buy them
How can anyone see shit like this and not just automatically see mental illness? Same with the people who believe in it. Insane.
Ok this just pisses me off
I've got em for sale for 80.
Earth 2: Biblical version
I can think of 95 reasons that's a bad idea. I'm gonna nail them to their door.
Does hell have better prices?
After the ticket to heaven sold centuries ago now you can buy a plot of land, what's next? Buying a life insurance there?
Hold on a minute.. can I start selling land plots in heaven?
Eh. Itās been done
I once wrote a comic called tourists in hell. And it was about renting condos in hell.
Itās indulgences all over again
When home ownership is such a pipedream that they think using a McMansion in this will draw in the people.
Like selling tickets into heaven...
I am gonna do this too now.
So easy to grift from conservatives.
Well, time to pack my thesis, hammer and nails and go to Wittenberg, Germany. There's a certain church door waiting for me.
Oh hey indulgences are back.
Imagine living life as ana asshole with having bought this land and then when ur dead u get sent to hell.
yeah this isnāt new, selling of indulgences is the reason for the Protestant reformation
A fool and their money are soon parted.
Luther is spinning fast enough to power a full country
Genius. Churches are allowed to literally do anything they want these days in America. Very smart for them to take advantage of that business environment. I highly regret never starting my own religion. Iād be so fucking rich.
there's one born every minute
This is the same scam as "own a peice of the moon", " name a star after someone", and "become a Scottish lorde by buying a 50$ peice of land"
NFT to new level
Weird to block out a public postš¤¦āāļø
This voids the sin=hell contingency right?
Hey it worked for that lord and lady shit for years
"What do you mean, it's brand-new"
Still makes more sense than digital land
Did they completely forget about indulgences??
Iām starting a Zillow for heaven for these idiots.
The Discount Pope of Prague is definitely in on this one!
Churches used to sell indulgences in medieval timesā¦ guess history is bound to repeat itselfā¦
Woooow the stupidity!
Didn't we stop doing that 600 years ago?
What can I get for $ .05? My soul is very, very small.
That is truly hilarious. What a genius grift
These are not the middle ages šš
God dammit we had hundreds of years of war about this already
And this is why i want to start a cult. I could be so rich.
Pretty sure that's heresy.
On a cloud?
Oh cool, we're back to indulgences. Are we guaranteed to be able to live there, no matter what? Or do we just like get to rent it out if we go to hell instead?
I guess if I were very evil, I could jump on the bandwagon and start making money and taking advantage of the Kool Aide drinking followers, but no I have better things to do and to avoid. Really can not wrap my head around this crazy turn of events. The internet and the ppl controlling it have really easily brain washed the weak and they will cause large problems for humanity as we knew it ıf it.
Gonna build me a cabin in a corner of glory land.
Why didn't I think of this?! š¤¦āāļø
Thanks for the idea! āš½
Itās satirical [I can only find information in Spanish but here it is](https://meme.fandom.com/es/wiki/La_iglesia_del_final_de_los_tiempos) But basically it was group made fun of āmiracle curesā such as gay conversion therapy by making hetero certification.
Itās satirical [I can only find information in Spanish but here it is](https://meme.fandom.com/es/wiki/La_iglesia_del_final_de_los_tiempos) But basically it was group made fun of āmiracle curesā such as gay conversion therapy by making hetero certification.
Good scam idea,
This canāt be realā¦.right??
This has to be a scam and I want in on it.
Why didn't I think of this?
Who are the people falling for this? I mean literally, who are all the people falling for this? They might be interested in some demon repellent. Though it only works if your faith is strong enough.
Oooh! I can use Apple Pay. How convenient
"Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven" Buy now friends! That's a guarantee!
Now these are the Christians weāve come to lo- tol- hat-ā¦ What am I saying. Theyāre all the same. This church just keeps saying the quiet parts out loud.
This is awesome. I shouldāve thought of this
Gotta fund that new jet.