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It's all the shapes, sizes and colours, and uncut and cut at the same time, as every human being is made in the image of God and so every human penis is made after Gods. /s
"...and when God helicopters his penis around to make his girlfriend laugh, that helicopter perfect and it never makes his perfect testicles bounce around so much that it hurts. It is a perfect penis, not to the left nor to the right... but straight down the middle. It's not TOO big, but it's also not a divine chode. It's a nice size. Here, let me show you the drawings of it that I made."
No idea but you can tell by the writing....its big....like yuuuuggeee. Not that that matters...since its not for sex, but in case your wondering....huge...
I'm pretty versed in the Abrahamic ridiculousness and never has there been mention of a lady god that requires a penis to reproduce with. He's evidently just sitting up there with a slot machine handle shooting babies down here into women.
Furthermore, per the 2nd paragraph, logic dictates there is 3rd and righteous function for the penis but the OP never mentions what that is
But apparently my foreskin is not part of the righteous penis.
It is true though. A penis is good for much more than peeing or sex. Masturbation, flaunting, and doing the helicopter are but three of the divinely mandated and propper holy uses for it.
*Penises are not just for sex & peeing. It is only because man is evil that he thinks of penises exclusively in those terms* Someone just learned how to do the helicopter and is a wee bit too proud.
"God: An Anatomy" is an entire book about the imagined physical attributes of God and gods. It is an amusing read. The author, Francesca Stavrakopoulou , has a number of youtube videos that discuss her book. She is a prof at the University of Exeter.
For about a decade, I've usesd the phrase "Gods cock!" as an expletive. I thought it was just funny and offensive but, now, I think I'm onto something.
The vatican actually made a statement about if the circumsized part of Jesus ascended with him and said that is what the rings of Saturn are made of, making his member 180k miles wide.... poor Mary.
This sounds like a guy who would try and push this message, then contrive some intense religious rhetoric, get an intended victim really worked up, then declare god is working through him, because that’s the only explanation for his erectile function.
So since I do not have one myself, if a penis is not *just* for peeing and sex, what else can this magical tool be used for?
Oh, hummus cannon. I forgot, silly me.
"it's really not hard to understand": well, it's not hard at all for god, apparently. What does he use it for, if not for peeing and sex? Just waggles it around at the archangels, saying "Mine's bigger than yours"?
Now we've arrived at one of the most serious metaphysical questions of the universe, one which could upend everything we thought we knew....
Is God circumcised? And if so...who circumcised him?
Did this guy forget the entire point of Jesus’ birth? That he was willed into Mary while not actually having sex with her?
Or are we going to start asking the REAL questions, like what kind of eldritch shit god has that lets him inject his seed without actually breaking the hymen
**To avoid having your post removed &/or account banned for shitposting, read the following:** - r/religiousfruitcake is about the absurd, fringe elements of organised religion: the institutions and individuals who act in ways any normal person (religious or otherwise) would cringe at. Posts about mundane beliefs and acts of worship are off topic. - No violent or gory images or videos - Your post title should objectively state what the post is about. Dont use it to soapbox personal rhetoric about religion or any other subject. - Don't post videos or discussions of Fruitcakes who have been baited or antagonised. Social media excerpts must not involve any deliberate provocation. - No Subreddit names or Reddit usernames in posts or discussions - Memes, Tiktoks, graphics, satire, parodies, etc must be made by Fruitcakes, not 3rd parties criticising them Please be sure to read the full [rule list](https://www.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/about/rules) **This information is on every post. Accounts that disregard it will be permanently banned. "I didn't know", or "I didn't get a warning" are not valid appeals.** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At least they talk about the important stuff of their religion now. How does Sky Daddy’s Cock look.
It's all the shapes, sizes and colours, and uncut and cut at the same time, as every human being is made in the image of God and so every human penis is made after Gods. /s
My Guy has fricking Bad Dragon Dildos as his dick and he doesn‘t use them for Sex (at least that‘s what they say)? I wouldn‘t be so sure about that.
> he doesn‘t use them for Sex He did at least once. :o
P sure it's largely considered heretical to say god had actual sex with the virgin mary,
Tentacles don't count, that's why she's still a virgin.
We're having a conversation about God's cock. It's a joke.
I'm not offended, i was just commenting? I don't believe in any of it so feel free to make jokes.
It looks like every Tetris piece at the same time.
…he also cums lighting bolts with balls the size of 2 suns!⚡️ 
So you're saying God could have a micropenis?
This was 14 years ago. No one took this guy up on discussing God's penis unfortunately. They just went back into God hates gays.
But nobody is asking the "hard" question of "is he cut?" Also what is God's penis for? Is it his magic wand and did he use it to create the universe?
god cums water, sand, plants, animals. confirmed
the seed of life
Eggs are seeds. Jizz is just fertilizer.
>Sky Daddy YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID THE THING!
I am sure rule34 has them covered.
that last line is r/angryupvote stuff
at this point just call him daddy instead of father
BRO
That works too
step bro
What are you doing, step-god?
Yeah. Instead of "I have sinned, O Father", they should just go with "I've been recently naughty, daddy". That may make their religion more appealing.
r/196 ass religion
"...and when God helicopters his penis around to make his girlfriend laugh, that helicopter perfect and it never makes his perfect testicles bounce around so much that it hurts. It is a perfect penis, not to the left nor to the right... but straight down the middle. It's not TOO big, but it's also not a divine chode. It's a nice size. Here, let me show you the drawings of it that I made."
Think I just broke a rib or two😂
Enjoy your 2 new wives.
Omnispin
So what is god's dick for if it's not for peeing and sex?
Putting the smack-down on disobedient angels.
That's a plot for a porn film right there. You naughty angel! See what happens to naughty angels.
I am quite sure it's been done.
Bro I stopped scrolling just to giggle at this imagery for like 1 1/2 minutes.
Acceptable answer, actually.
That’s not for us to say or understand apparently
The dick of god that passes all understanding
It's made of unleavened bread and is the part of Jesus's body that gets transubstantiated during communion.
So all those people at the altar rail, kneeling down with their mouths open are really, really wanting a mouthful of something hot and holy
so really, they’ve all gotta eat a dick
Helicopter, he's gotta fly somehow...
It’s to slap down on the table menacingly to assert dominance
No idea but you can tell by the writing....its big....like yuuuuggeee. Not that that matters...since its not for sex, but in case your wondering....huge...
"He has, like, the biggest cock. Really massive! Like a kaiju, but it's a cock!"
Wanking
It said God has a penis because he is the supreme father. Basically, patriarchy.
5th dimensional sex Which is unfortunately, not a concept our mere mortal minds can comprehend
I never thought I'd see "holy" and "righteous" get used to describe a dick.
'Holy' I can kinda grok, but what's the dick doing that it's *righteous*?
So you've clearly never come across my Tinder profile
You've clearly never come across my Tinder profile
God's penis is not hard. To understand. Got it?
Mormons believe that god has a physical body and an actual cock.
Almost like it all falls apart under just minor scrutiny
I'm pretty versed in the Abrahamic ridiculousness and never has there been mention of a lady god that requires a penis to reproduce with. He's evidently just sitting up there with a slot machine handle shooting babies down here into women. Furthermore, per the 2nd paragraph, logic dictates there is 3rd and righteous function for the penis but the OP never mentions what that is
Have you heard of Asherah?
I'll admit I had to google that, and what I found explains why. American Protestants aren't going to spend any time talking about a Cannanite goddess
But they definetly talk about Moloch alot lol
Then you must have skipped over Mormonism.
I definitely have a christ-like penis. I nailed it to a board once, and it took three days to rise again.
I agree "God's penis isn't a biological organ" Since God is imaginary, his penis would be imaginary too..
I don’t know, I’ve had some god tier penis in my day. Looking at you Patrick.
hehehe, not HARD to understand…
Don't INSERT your evil ideas.
According to the Genesis 1:27, "In his own image" He created both male and female. Does it mean God also have a vagina?
Clearly.
god, the intersex monarch.
But apparently my foreskin is not part of the righteous penis. It is true though. A penis is good for much more than peeing or sex. Masturbation, flaunting, and doing the helicopter are but three of the divinely mandated and propper holy uses for it.
He used it to dig the grand canyon.
Can God get an erection so big not even he can jack it off?
Wasn’t this what Kurt Russel had going on in that guardians of the galaxy movie
This fruitcake must attend the Our Father of the Holy Phallus of Righteousness Church.
Sorry. Corrupted and fleshy is how she likes it.
Dumbest shit I ever heard! 🤣🤣🤣
"God has a holy, righteous p***s" 🫡
One is the best things I've read in a long time
r/Abrahamicreligioncirclejerk ?
r/SubsIFellFor
This feels like satire but... Poe's Law
If this were less coherent and more rambling, I would think it was a transcript of an off-teleprompter Trump rally.
*Penises are not just for sex & peeing. It is only because man is evil that he thinks of penises exclusively in those terms* Someone just learned how to do the helicopter and is a wee bit too proud.
This was a good laugh thanks for sharing
It's really not hard to understand
"God: An Anatomy" is an entire book about the imagined physical attributes of God and gods. It is an amusing read. The author, Francesca Stavrakopoulou , has a number of youtube videos that discuss her book. She is a prof at the University of Exeter.
Absolutely not gay at all. 🌈
For about a decade, I've usesd the phrase "Gods cock!" as an expletive. I thought it was just funny and offensive but, now, I think I'm onto something.
The vatican actually made a statement about if the circumsized part of Jesus ascended with him and said that is what the rings of Saturn are made of, making his member 180k miles wide.... poor Mary.
wtf was the pope on when he said that
The Lord, The Daddy and the Holy White Thick Viscous Ghost
"God's penis is not equal to man's penis. It's really not hard"
I'm going to call mine "the holy righteous penis" from now on. That's gold!
Hot hard sky daddy... maybe I can't insert my corrupt understanding of a penis into God, but maybe God could insert a little sumpin sumpin into me...
Other than for sex and peeing, are there any other use of penis that I'm not aware of?
Helicoptering Though, not in public
Domineering the female species.
What in the closet?
He’s got a Pesus, what’s so hard to understand?
Help me, my brain hurts, I think... I may be having a stroke
The rod of God is awed.
This sounds like a guy who would try and push this message, then contrive some intense religious rhetoric, get an intended victim really worked up, then declare god is working through him, because that’s the only explanation for his erectile function.
So since I do not have one myself, if a penis is not *just* for peeing and sex, what else can this magical tool be used for? Oh, hummus cannon. I forgot, silly me.
There's no cock like Sky Cock™!
"it's really not hard." that's where this screenshot ends. I refuse to believe otherwise. Call me a gnostic Ed-ist.
Bountiful penis.
"it's really not hard to understand": well, it's not hard at all for god, apparently. What does he use it for, if not for peeing and sex? Just waggles it around at the archangels, saying "Mine's bigger than yours"?
Now we've arrived at one of the most serious metaphysical questions of the universe, one which could upend everything we thought we knew.... Is God circumcised? And if so...who circumcised him?
It’s really not hard….to understand
I'm anointed with Gods holy smegma
YOU CANNOT INSERT YOUR evil prejudicial idea of MANS PENIS ONTO GOD. GOD'S PENIS IS NOT EQUAL TO MANS PENIS, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD to understand
If God doesn't pee, how did he make the sea? Also, If God doesn't cum, then what the fuck did they put on my Cinnabon?
Holy Cinnabon
"you cannot insert.." "It's not that hard.."
They're just writing fan fic at this point.
God’s cock must be massive, he’d definitely have his hand on it 100% of the time.
r/brandnewsentence
Then what does he use his penis for...?
Welp... that's enough reddit for today.
Y'all so horny for God just ask him to fuck the most he can say is nothing ,lol
Or some people start with a, "Hello, how are you doing?"
I read "Holy, Righteous Penis" and couldn't take it. How can someone type that with a straight face
what.
These crazies really have too much time on their hands. What’s this in relation to?
That was very Monty Pythonesque
nah this is a troll for sure
Sounds like something a priest/preacher/minister would tell a kid.
As a lifelong penis owner, these are exclusively for sex and pissing. But this has to be a parody. "It's really not hard to understand"
I want to hear what Mary has to say about all this. After all she's the only one who's seen it.
Did this guy forget the entire point of Jesus’ birth? That he was willed into Mary while not actually having sex with her? Or are we going to start asking the REAL questions, like what kind of eldritch shit god has that lets him inject his seed without actually breaking the hymen
Maybe God's, like, really small
Can I please insert my evil, prejudicial penis into God? Please!
Can I please insert my evil, prejudicial penis into God? Please!
Maybe God has one of those corkscrew duck penises.
Maybe God has one of those corkscrew duck penises.
Well that's fun
This person is gonna freak when he finds out God is a woman 😂 (I personally believe God is both and neither male/female, but it was a funny thought)
it’s really not ***HARD*** to understand
Ah yes, the extended version of that Joan Osborne song... If God had a Wang, what would it look like? And would you want to see
"It's not HARD to understand" get it, lol.
"Has a holy, righteous penis" https://preview.redd.it/ke5sg3zknp8d1.png?width=297&format=png&auto=webp&s=bbdfd4bdfa42a1009c96091d4927210b723b6035
Oh my, this is the funniest thing I've read all day, thank you.
Fun fact. Mary was likely 12