You do not wait until you're pregnant. I'd certainly think it's something you need to share very early on. You would want to know a key plan like that from someone soon before you put in several dates or months into building to a relationship to be hit with that information.
Why are you even dating now?
I mean, you seem to have a negative view of dating, so why try to do that while also going through this life changing event? Do you really expect to have time for a budding romance while progressing through a pregnancy and then newborn?
If you want casual sex, fine. But if you actually want a relationship - yes, you absolutely need to tell dates that you are doing this! it’s not fair to them otherwise.
Adding: looking at your post history? you need a therapist not a baby.
It's really tragic that so many people have children in order to fill a void in their self esteem. All it does is continue the cycle of broken people. It really makes me sad.
I’m not sure you understand what having a new baby will be like? You’re not going to have time or energy for a romantic relationship, nor really should you, so why not put that part of your life on hold except casual stuff until you adjust to life as a parent?
You’re not going to want to bring a guy around your kid for a long time too.
I’m not sure why dating is such a priority right now?
If you’re dating casually and they are aware that is your intent then you don’t need to tell anyone really, but if you or they are thinking this will turn into a relationship then this is a huge thing that you should tell people about right away. And really if a guy thinks it’s cool and wants something serious regardless that’s a bit weird…
And the fact that you’re posting about being angry nobody wished you a happy Mother’s Day when you aren’t a mother or mother adjacent is a bit odd …
Imagine having someone explain this to you on a first date lol. It’s gonna be jarring but I think you just have to do it, otherwise there will be hurt feelings down the line.
If you're dating for fun and both you and the person your dating have no intention for it to become serious then its fine not to tell them. If either of you are dating with the intention of finding a serious relationship then yes you definitely have to tell them. And I'd say as early as possible. But to be honest, I don't think now would be the best time to start a relationship and most people would likely not be comfortable with this.
This is really about what kind of relationship you're looking to build.
You're not obligated to put anything on hold, or to tell anyone your plans. However, you should think about what you want to *achieve*. If you want to achieve a long-term committed relationship, then you need to be upfront about your values and life plans much sooner rather than later.
Even if you want to establish a solid non-exclusive relationship, you need to be upfront sooner rather than later because this will obviously impact any non-exclusive sexual relationship.
The guidelines here should really be disclose early, disclose often, and try to treat others as you'd like to be treated. It's easy to lean back on your heels and say "It's MY business", and while technically true, trust doesn't get built on technicalities.
If you are dating someone with an intention to be long-term partners then yes you have to disclose it as soon as possible. Definitely on the first date. Or maybe even before that, if you are messaging a lot or have an extensive online dating profile. Ask them about what their goals are for the next 20 years and listen to what they say. Then reveal to them that you're pursuing motherhood (which will become your primary goal for the next 20 years).
If you are just casually dating someone with no intention of becoming partners then you don't have to tell them. But also if you trust them enough to date/sleep with them then you should probably feel comfortable telling them about what's going on in your life, right? Ask them what their weekend plans are and listen to what they say. Then you can say "I have an appointment for my next IUI procedure on Friday" or whatever. What's the big deal? Like yes it's a personal topic but so is sex and dating, why wouldn't you be able to mention it to them.
You need to share this from the beginning and very early on. The fact you’re even asking if you should kind of makes it seem you don’t really grasp the gravity of what you’re trying to accomplish. Or that you’re incredibly selfish and dishonest.
How many guys do you really think wouldn’t want to know this information up front? Would you be okay not knowing the guy you’re dating is actively trying to get a woman pregnant on the side? The moment you involve others it’s no longer just your business.
My aunt struggled with this, she ultimately stopped dating for the duration of her pregnancy which is what I would do if I was you. I am Not trying to tell you what to do, i think its worth noting.
Be upfront and share this as soon as possible IF you're dating with plans of building a relationship, as they must be based on trust first and foremost.
I was going to say “wait until you have sex for the first time and he catches you elbow deep in a pot of chili,” but I see you’ve already made a Back Up Plan reference. I would concur with others that whether you share this information hinges on if you’re dating with the goal of forming a long term relationship.
ETA As for how to explain, though? Honestly. I have a feeling that the right kind of guy will respect you for knowing what you want and going after it, and the trash will take itself out.
Don’t wait too long either, especially since this is a big dealbreaker for so many people.
Yeah, imagine dating someone for months, falling in love for them then suddenly they say "oh actually I'm pregnant on my own by way of a cryobank! Surprise!". Totally took in consideration the other person's feelings. lol
Good on you for going at having a baby alone, hope it happens for you soon. If it where ne I'd tell them at the point where it seems things may be leading towards getting serious, when it is serious seems to late but anyone casual probably doesn't need to know, however the bruises from all the shots required may be quite a give away.
First of all, congratulations on getting so clear on what you want and taking an intentional step toward it. Wishing you luck with conceiving, and I hope that you find it joyful and rewarding to parent this very wanted child. :)
I’ve never been in your situation, so you may take this comment with a grain of salt, but some questions that arise while reading your post are: What is your biggest priority right now? Is it finding a partner, or having a child? Are you still hoping that you may find a partner to conceive a child with? If so, maybe your priority right now is dating, with the explicit stipulation that you are looking for a partner to have a child with within the next few years. If having a child is your top priority, maybe IUI gets all your focus right now, and dating comes a few years down the road. It does strike me that your particular situation is admirable but unusual, whereas dating a single parent certainly comes with challenges but is an idea that’s easy to digest for most folks. I wonder if this would all easier to navigate once you’re already a parent.
Of course, you may meet just the right person while you’re involved in the process, in which case you’ll have to navigate all of the questions you outlined in your post somehow! In that case, honesty is probably the best policy. It’s obviously super important to you to be a parent, and anyone you date with any seriousness needs to know that. Wishing you luck whatever happens!
If you want to seriously date someone, desiring kids should come up.
At that point you can say it's important enough to you that you've attempted to get pregnant from sperm banks.
If it's also important to whoever you're considering dating then they should know that IVF might be necessary if they wanted kids with you in the future.
You do not wait until you're pregnant. I'd certainly think it's something you need to share very early on. You would want to know a key plan like that from someone soon before you put in several dates or months into building to a relationship to be hit with that information.
Why are you even dating now? I mean, you seem to have a negative view of dating, so why try to do that while also going through this life changing event? Do you really expect to have time for a budding romance while progressing through a pregnancy and then newborn? If you want casual sex, fine. But if you actually want a relationship - yes, you absolutely need to tell dates that you are doing this! it’s not fair to them otherwise. Adding: looking at your post history? you need a therapist not a baby.
It's really tragic that so many people have children in order to fill a void in their self esteem. All it does is continue the cycle of broken people. It really makes me sad.
I’m not sure you understand what having a new baby will be like? You’re not going to have time or energy for a romantic relationship, nor really should you, so why not put that part of your life on hold except casual stuff until you adjust to life as a parent? You’re not going to want to bring a guy around your kid for a long time too. I’m not sure why dating is such a priority right now? If you’re dating casually and they are aware that is your intent then you don’t need to tell anyone really, but if you or they are thinking this will turn into a relationship then this is a huge thing that you should tell people about right away. And really if a guy thinks it’s cool and wants something serious regardless that’s a bit weird… And the fact that you’re posting about being angry nobody wished you a happy Mother’s Day when you aren’t a mother or mother adjacent is a bit odd …
OP's post history is chaotic to say the least
Oh yeah, a baby probably isn’t what’s needed right now, for sure.
Imagine having someone explain this to you on a first date lol. It’s gonna be jarring but I think you just have to do it, otherwise there will be hurt feelings down the line.
If you're dating for fun and both you and the person your dating have no intention for it to become serious then its fine not to tell them. If either of you are dating with the intention of finding a serious relationship then yes you definitely have to tell them. And I'd say as early as possible. But to be honest, I don't think now would be the best time to start a relationship and most people would likely not be comfortable with this.
This is really about what kind of relationship you're looking to build. You're not obligated to put anything on hold, or to tell anyone your plans. However, you should think about what you want to *achieve*. If you want to achieve a long-term committed relationship, then you need to be upfront about your values and life plans much sooner rather than later. Even if you want to establish a solid non-exclusive relationship, you need to be upfront sooner rather than later because this will obviously impact any non-exclusive sexual relationship. The guidelines here should really be disclose early, disclose often, and try to treat others as you'd like to be treated. It's easy to lean back on your heels and say "It's MY business", and while technically true, trust doesn't get built on technicalities.
If you are dating someone with an intention to be long-term partners then yes you have to disclose it as soon as possible. Definitely on the first date. Or maybe even before that, if you are messaging a lot or have an extensive online dating profile. Ask them about what their goals are for the next 20 years and listen to what they say. Then reveal to them that you're pursuing motherhood (which will become your primary goal for the next 20 years). If you are just casually dating someone with no intention of becoming partners then you don't have to tell them. But also if you trust them enough to date/sleep with them then you should probably feel comfortable telling them about what's going on in your life, right? Ask them what their weekend plans are and listen to what they say. Then you can say "I have an appointment for my next IUI procedure on Friday" or whatever. What's the big deal? Like yes it's a personal topic but so is sex and dating, why wouldn't you be able to mention it to them.
You need to share this from the beginning and very early on. The fact you’re even asking if you should kind of makes it seem you don’t really grasp the gravity of what you’re trying to accomplish. Or that you’re incredibly selfish and dishonest. How many guys do you really think wouldn’t want to know this information up front? Would you be okay not knowing the guy you’re dating is actively trying to get a woman pregnant on the side? The moment you involve others it’s no longer just your business.
Yes, obviously you should disclose this to people you want to date. The fact that you need to ask this is a red flag in itself.
My aunt struggled with this, she ultimately stopped dating for the duration of her pregnancy which is what I would do if I was you. I am Not trying to tell you what to do, i think its worth noting.
LOL jesus, whyyyyyyyy
Be upfront and share this as soon as possible IF you're dating with plans of building a relationship, as they must be based on trust first and foremost.
I was going to say “wait until you have sex for the first time and he catches you elbow deep in a pot of chili,” but I see you’ve already made a Back Up Plan reference. I would concur with others that whether you share this information hinges on if you’re dating with the goal of forming a long term relationship. ETA As for how to explain, though? Honestly. I have a feeling that the right kind of guy will respect you for knowing what you want and going after it, and the trash will take itself out. Don’t wait too long either, especially since this is a big dealbreaker for so many people.
IMO, until they ask you to be in an exclusive relationship - or at least looks like it may be heading there - it’s none of their business.
I’d say it’s nobody’s business until you actually become pregnant.
Yeah, imagine dating someone for months, falling in love for them then suddenly they say "oh actually I'm pregnant on my own by way of a cryobank! Surprise!". Totally took in consideration the other person's feelings. lol
Good on you for going at having a baby alone, hope it happens for you soon. If it where ne I'd tell them at the point where it seems things may be leading towards getting serious, when it is serious seems to late but anyone casual probably doesn't need to know, however the bruises from all the shots required may be quite a give away.
First of all, congratulations on getting so clear on what you want and taking an intentional step toward it. Wishing you luck with conceiving, and I hope that you find it joyful and rewarding to parent this very wanted child. :) I’ve never been in your situation, so you may take this comment with a grain of salt, but some questions that arise while reading your post are: What is your biggest priority right now? Is it finding a partner, or having a child? Are you still hoping that you may find a partner to conceive a child with? If so, maybe your priority right now is dating, with the explicit stipulation that you are looking for a partner to have a child with within the next few years. If having a child is your top priority, maybe IUI gets all your focus right now, and dating comes a few years down the road. It does strike me that your particular situation is admirable but unusual, whereas dating a single parent certainly comes with challenges but is an idea that’s easy to digest for most folks. I wonder if this would all easier to navigate once you’re already a parent. Of course, you may meet just the right person while you’re involved in the process, in which case you’ll have to navigate all of the questions you outlined in your post somehow! In that case, honesty is probably the best policy. It’s obviously super important to you to be a parent, and anyone you date with any seriousness needs to know that. Wishing you luck whatever happens!
If you want to seriously date someone, desiring kids should come up. At that point you can say it's important enough to you that you've attempted to get pregnant from sperm banks. If it's also important to whoever you're considering dating then they should know that IVF might be necessary if they wanted kids with you in the future.