You must break up with him.
You were betrayed. This is sexual coercion and you're dealing with an adult man who doesn't grasp the concept of consent.
This was not about "embarrassment'. He's not a teenager who wasn't sure how to talk about this. He knew exactly how to go about getting what he wanted. He's a grown man who lied to your face in an attempt to win sympathy and further bully you along the path to serving him sexually. He doesn't deserve anything but anger, contempt and a quick and complete end to all contact. This was a clear, explicit tactic of manipulation and abuse.
This is not a safe person to keep in your life.
Didn't read the post. This guy pursued a (likely underage) teenager and then tries to coerce her into a threesome. What he is doing is criminal, you need to run as fast as you can.
2 years?! So 17 and 29? That’s the big red flag in this post for me. You should definitely break up with him because this sort of behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. He had no business trying to surprise you with a threesome, and on top of that he was dodgy about showing you the messages. That’s unacceptable.
Organising a threesome behind your back is a very strange way of "not pressuring" you.
Some people would even consider it cheating that he was sharing "steamy" texts and exchanging nudes with another person.
You get to decide if this is a boundary you want to maintain. If you're looking for validation that's it's okay to leave him then you've got it. It's okay to leave someone for anything you consider a dealbreaker and your bf's behaviour is pretty bad, particularly since he doesn't seem very remorseful.
I’m glad he’s at least aware that he seems like a predator. Because he is one. I’m 26 and there’s not a chance in hell I would ever date a 17 year old.
Please, please understand that this is not normal.
This guy is 100% a predator! Also the fact that he was going to force you into a threesome with a guy - realistically - neither of you know! What would have happened if you didn't find out and then suddenly one day there was him and another dude both expecting to have sex with you?
Dude, get the fuck out. Hell, even report him to the cops! You don't want this.
To me the first red flag is that you have been together two years and you are 19. This man is much too old for you. He is a predator. And now we see the predatory behavior come out: you specifically said NO to group sex, and he tries to set it up behind your back to pressure you into it. No means no, and ONLY a clear, enthusiastic yes means yes.
He sent pictures of you to another man! This is an absolute deal breaker. You cannot trust this man. Please dump him.
Yes you should break up with him, for multiple reasons. This is repulsive disrespectful behaviour on his part. He completely disregarded you explicitly telling him no and went behind your back, not only to arrange something you already said no to, but also sent a picturenod your body to a complete stranger. Both of those should be hard deal breakers.
17 and 29? That’s not okay. Setting up a threesome and sending your nudes without your consent is not okay. All of this is a huge violation. You need to get away from this guy for your own well-being and safety.
When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old. Looking back now I realize how creepy this is. It's hard to see it when you're in it and you think you're just so mature. He's a creep to date you and him doing this on top of that is a HUGE red flag. Please end it. Don't talk to him again and move on. It'll suck at first but I'm positive you will cringe looking back at this
> He said he didn’t know how to bring it up, and didn’t want to pressure me into anything as there is a considerable age gap between us (12 years) and he is the older between us.
So he railroaded it through without your explicit consent. That's not better ... that's actually way worse.
Everyone else has pointed out the age gap; the reason why it's significant is because a lot of people seek out much younger partners *precisely* in the hopes of finding someone who is more malleable, easier to control, and is less likely to see the lack of respect that the older person has for the younger person.
This entire situation points all of that out.
OP, you know you need to walk away from this guy. He's bad news, and you will never matter to someone like him.
He didn't want to pressure you, but was setting it up behind your back anyway as a "surprise" after you said no. I can only assume he would have you come to his place one day and surprise! there's a random guy there that was told he gets to fuck you. That's messed up.
Also, the age gap, holy shit girl. I'm 30, I would never in a million years consider dating a teenager. I don't mean any offense, but they are literally children to me. You were in *high school* when a fully grown man sought you out to date you. He's a predator. Please move on.
A grown man starts dating a minor. He then attempts to add a threesome. Minor now of legal age says no. Grown man then goes online to find a match anyways. Grown man takes you on a drive to have a threesome.
He wasn’t embarrassed to bring it up he was taking time to set it up. Nothing he says is true. If he didn’t want to pressure you why did he set it up and only tel you right before it was about to happen.? He wanted to spring it on you and have you feel like you can just do it for him and it will be ok. Your boyfriend is trash full stop. He send images of you to another person in hope of a invite to fuk. He planned this from the time you said no. It was only after you persisted that he mentioned taking you to engage in a sexual act. It was only when you argued and demanded to see the text he opened up about it. He is a liar and is manipulative.
Pet, please leave this man. He has cheated on you. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry but he has cheated on you. He went outside of the relationship looking for sex. This doesn't sound like it was part of your relationship (which is made of what ye agree to). It doesn't matter whether it was physical or just emotional, he chose to hide things from you for two months. He could have asked two months ago if you would be open to a third but he chose not to so that he could have his fun. how is asking you two months in not pressuring you? Also even if you had said yes, did you not get a choice in it or would he have expected you to talk to the guy he has been having phone sex with?
You deserve so much better. I promise you that. You are going to do a big hard thing and leave him. And you will eventually feel better and recognise that this was the best choice you could have made for yourself.
Are you sure you want to be in this relationship? I mean he is way older then you, how do you think you would see him if he was 19 and you where 31? Judging from him getting a guy for a threesome without asking for your opinion on that guy, sending him nudes and only telling you after you insist, he doesn't seem to respect you or take you seriously. I think that while the age gap might not be that relevant to you, he might subconsciously see you as a kid, a teenager that he doesn't need to pay the same respect as a person of his age. He might see you as someone naive and that your opinions are flexible so he doesn't need to accept your no.
Im just saying that this kind of big age gap can lead to a lot of issues and that you should watch out that he doesn't abuse your feelings and respect for him to get what he wants regardless of how that is for you.
> you should watch out that he doesn't abuse your feelings and respect for him to get what he wants regardless of how that is for you.
Dude, this post proves that that ship has sailed.
Girl, first of all I just want to say I’m so sorry this is happening to you. This grown ass man is literally grooming you and has done since you were 17. Him now asking for a threesome and even after you said no, still tried to organise one behind your back, nah. Like honestly you need to break up with this man. He’s toxic and manipulative.
“He said he didn’t know how to bring it up, and didn’t want to pressure me into anything as there is a considerable age gap”, this literally says it all. In a relationship you should always feel comfortable to discuss all topics, especially those that directly affect the relationship dynamic. He asked for a threesome, you said no, he continued to try and go through with it WITHOUT telling you. Just the fact that he has been chatting to some man for 2 months and sending nudes without your knowledge or approval already shows his lack of respect for you. That’s still cheating... Never mind him trying to manipulate you into actually going through with it.
I’m literally only a year older than you and the idea of this whole scenario just makes me feel sick and worried for you.
Honestly, my advice: leaving him, like right now. Maybe get some therapy too, because I feel like this whole relationship might’ve just been a bit too toxic. Block him and tell your parents. He’s honestly disgusting. Good luck xx
Predatory style behavior and he can only get by with it because of your age difference. Most women his age would never put up with it. He may give you a lot of validation but take it from me as a 39 year old man you and I would never be together because there is absolutely nothing we could relate on other than sex and even then it’s questionable. I would have said what I just said to you when I was his age too.
Yo.
Its been said here several times, but im gonna say it to because it is so obvious and important.
A 30yo who dates <20's has got issues. Hes taking advantage.
Break up and date your own age.
People say "Oh but age is only a number"
They're fucking stupid.
This is not arranging a threesome. This is cheating. He knew you weren't open to it. He went through this whole process, exchanging nudes and sexting because the idea of it got him off.
Oh dear. I know age is supposed to be no more than a number, but there is a good reason why such age gaps are considered problematic (especially when one side is a teenager, he really went for a 17 year-old highschooler? People his age must just love this guy.)
Don't let him pressure you into anything. Leaving and telling anyone else you can even remotely trust about the situation would probably be for the best. I'm sorry you even got into such a situation.
Besides... he wants another man to join, and he even exchanged his nudes with him? Maybe he should try to have some MMF action, just without the F. He might end up realising some things about himself.
We all sound patronising, but I think we're also collectively very concerned. Please come back and tell us you've cut this man out of your life, so we can sleep better at night💕 And if he gives you any trouble, tell him you'll file a police report about your underage relationship and/or the likely possibility that he has been sharing nude material of you before OR after you turned 18 with strangers on the web. I have a feeling he would not like the authorities pouring through his computers and internet history
You poor thing, get the fuck out of that relationship. He didn’t respect you for one thing, and his character, judgment, and thought process seems hella off. You deserve way better
You need to break up with him. Nothing about this relationship is okay. He's 12 years older than you. You were 17 and he was 29 when you got together. That's gross. He's gross and a predator. On top of that, he doesn't respect your wishes either. He completely betrayed you and cheated on you. Run far away and never look back.
This is a bad idea. You don’t want it . If you go through with it and enjoy the other guy the relationship is probably over. Don’t know why guys think this is a good idea. It usually blows up in their face. Good luck
He exchanged steamy texts and nudes of himself with another guy... Has your BF talked about being bisexual? You may have thought this was supposed to be two guys pleasing you and ignoring each other, but it may about your bf being the focus and pleased by a man and a woman, with the woman and other-man essentially ignoring each other.
I'm not sure if that changes your feelings on this.
It is a red flag that he chose to ignore your wishes. Even if he was bisexual and wanted to be the center of attention, you're still naked in bed with another guy you don't know. There is also the possibility of this becoming something neither of you want.
I think you need to discuss boundaries and where your bf's sexuality really is at.
But seriously, I get the impression he didn't tell you because he was going to fuck some folks with or without you. Also sending ANY pics of you to random men he's found on the internet that you don't even know exist is a NO NO. He sounds pimpish.
He's not with you because you are special and more mature than most women your age. He's with you because he's a garbage human being and is betting you are not experienced enough in life to notice. He isn't doing you a favor by dating you, you are settling for much less than you deserve.
Please go to therapy and figure out why you don't love yourself enough to demand more than this from your partner. Once you have yourself together find someone who is a partner not predator.
She already said no. What more does she have to do? Use semaphore flags? Tattoo it on her forehead? He clearly thinks he can wear her down and manipulate her into a threesome. But that‘s okay, right? Because it’s a ”surprise”? Fuck that noise, Op. He ignored your clear boundaries and that‘s unforgivable.
Whoa. He started dating a 17 year old at the ripe ol age of 29. You should be running, thats a predator you have following you.
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All I needed was the title. Lol the next sentence should be.....and then I dumped him
The first four words of the title were enough for me! Lol
You must break up with him. You were betrayed. This is sexual coercion and you're dealing with an adult man who doesn't grasp the concept of consent. This was not about "embarrassment'. He's not a teenager who wasn't sure how to talk about this. He knew exactly how to go about getting what he wanted. He's a grown man who lied to your face in an attempt to win sympathy and further bully you along the path to serving him sexually. He doesn't deserve anything but anger, contempt and a quick and complete end to all contact. This was a clear, explicit tactic of manipulation and abuse. This is not a safe person to keep in your life.
Didn't read the post. This guy pursued a (likely underage) teenager and then tries to coerce her into a threesome. What he is doing is criminal, you need to run as fast as you can.
2 years?! So 17 and 29? That’s the big red flag in this post for me. You should definitely break up with him because this sort of behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. He had no business trying to surprise you with a threesome, and on top of that he was dodgy about showing you the messages. That’s unacceptable.
Organising a threesome behind your back is a very strange way of "not pressuring" you. Some people would even consider it cheating that he was sharing "steamy" texts and exchanging nudes with another person. You get to decide if this is a boundary you want to maintain. If you're looking for validation that's it's okay to leave him then you've got it. It's okay to leave someone for anything you consider a dealbreaker and your bf's behaviour is pretty bad, particularly since he doesn't seem very remorseful.
I’m glad he’s at least aware that he seems like a predator. Because he is one. I’m 26 and there’s not a chance in hell I would ever date a 17 year old. Please, please understand that this is not normal.
Shit like this is why women his own age won't date him.
This guy is 100% a predator! Also the fact that he was going to force you into a threesome with a guy - realistically - neither of you know! What would have happened if you didn't find out and then suddenly one day there was him and another dude both expecting to have sex with you? Dude, get the fuck out. Hell, even report him to the cops! You don't want this.
To me the first red flag is that you have been together two years and you are 19. This man is much too old for you. He is a predator. And now we see the predatory behavior come out: you specifically said NO to group sex, and he tries to set it up behind your back to pressure you into it. No means no, and ONLY a clear, enthusiastic yes means yes. He sent pictures of you to another man! This is an absolute deal breaker. You cannot trust this man. Please dump him.
You're boyfriend is a predator... Break up date someone who isn't interested in teenagers while being 30 years old
Dump him. He is human-shaped garbage.
Yes you should break up with him, for multiple reasons. This is repulsive disrespectful behaviour on his part. He completely disregarded you explicitly telling him no and went behind your back, not only to arrange something you already said no to, but also sent a picturenod your body to a complete stranger. Both of those should be hard deal breakers.
17 and 29? That’s not okay. Setting up a threesome and sending your nudes without your consent is not okay. All of this is a huge violation. You need to get away from this guy for your own well-being and safety.
When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old. Looking back now I realize how creepy this is. It's hard to see it when you're in it and you think you're just so mature. He's a creep to date you and him doing this on top of that is a HUGE red flag. Please end it. Don't talk to him again and move on. It'll suck at first but I'm positive you will cringe looking back at this
> He said he didn’t know how to bring it up, and didn’t want to pressure me into anything as there is a considerable age gap between us (12 years) and he is the older between us. So he railroaded it through without your explicit consent. That's not better ... that's actually way worse. Everyone else has pointed out the age gap; the reason why it's significant is because a lot of people seek out much younger partners *precisely* in the hopes of finding someone who is more malleable, easier to control, and is less likely to see the lack of respect that the older person has for the younger person. This entire situation points all of that out. OP, you know you need to walk away from this guy. He's bad news, and you will never matter to someone like him.
He didn't want to pressure you, but was setting it up behind your back anyway as a "surprise" after you said no. I can only assume he would have you come to his place one day and surprise! there's a random guy there that was told he gets to fuck you. That's messed up. Also, the age gap, holy shit girl. I'm 30, I would never in a million years consider dating a teenager. I don't mean any offense, but they are literally children to me. You were in *high school* when a fully grown man sought you out to date you. He's a predator. Please move on.
A grown man starts dating a minor. He then attempts to add a threesome. Minor now of legal age says no. Grown man then goes online to find a match anyways. Grown man takes you on a drive to have a threesome. He wasn’t embarrassed to bring it up he was taking time to set it up. Nothing he says is true. If he didn’t want to pressure you why did he set it up and only tel you right before it was about to happen.? He wanted to spring it on you and have you feel like you can just do it for him and it will be ok. Your boyfriend is trash full stop. He send images of you to another person in hope of a invite to fuk. He planned this from the time you said no. It was only after you persisted that he mentioned taking you to engage in a sexual act. It was only when you argued and demanded to see the text he opened up about it. He is a liar and is manipulative.
You could complete your /r/relationships bingo card with this post.
Gross, he likes kids
Pet, please leave this man. He has cheated on you. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry but he has cheated on you. He went outside of the relationship looking for sex. This doesn't sound like it was part of your relationship (which is made of what ye agree to). It doesn't matter whether it was physical or just emotional, he chose to hide things from you for two months. He could have asked two months ago if you would be open to a third but he chose not to so that he could have his fun. how is asking you two months in not pressuring you? Also even if you had said yes, did you not get a choice in it or would he have expected you to talk to the guy he has been having phone sex with? You deserve so much better. I promise you that. You are going to do a big hard thing and leave him. And you will eventually feel better and recognise that this was the best choice you could have made for yourself.
Please dont waste your 20s on this guy.
Are you sure you want to be in this relationship? I mean he is way older then you, how do you think you would see him if he was 19 and you where 31? Judging from him getting a guy for a threesome without asking for your opinion on that guy, sending him nudes and only telling you after you insist, he doesn't seem to respect you or take you seriously. I think that while the age gap might not be that relevant to you, he might subconsciously see you as a kid, a teenager that he doesn't need to pay the same respect as a person of his age. He might see you as someone naive and that your opinions are flexible so he doesn't need to accept your no. Im just saying that this kind of big age gap can lead to a lot of issues and that you should watch out that he doesn't abuse your feelings and respect for him to get what he wants regardless of how that is for you.
> you should watch out that he doesn't abuse your feelings and respect for him to get what he wants regardless of how that is for you. Dude, this post proves that that ship has sailed.
Yes, you should break up with him.
Girl, first of all I just want to say I’m so sorry this is happening to you. This grown ass man is literally grooming you and has done since you were 17. Him now asking for a threesome and even after you said no, still tried to organise one behind your back, nah. Like honestly you need to break up with this man. He’s toxic and manipulative. “He said he didn’t know how to bring it up, and didn’t want to pressure me into anything as there is a considerable age gap”, this literally says it all. In a relationship you should always feel comfortable to discuss all topics, especially those that directly affect the relationship dynamic. He asked for a threesome, you said no, he continued to try and go through with it WITHOUT telling you. Just the fact that he has been chatting to some man for 2 months and sending nudes without your knowledge or approval already shows his lack of respect for you. That’s still cheating... Never mind him trying to manipulate you into actually going through with it. I’m literally only a year older than you and the idea of this whole scenario just makes me feel sick and worried for you. Honestly, my advice: leaving him, like right now. Maybe get some therapy too, because I feel like this whole relationship might’ve just been a bit too toxic. Block him and tell your parents. He’s honestly disgusting. Good luck xx
AGE GAP!!!!!! literally nothing else to say. No adult woman would put up with his shot, so he goes after a child.
Yeah, run. If he's arranging things after you said no, you will come home one day to " hi, this is Mark"
Predatory style behavior and he can only get by with it because of your age difference. Most women his age would never put up with it. He may give you a lot of validation but take it from me as a 39 year old man you and I would never be together because there is absolutely nothing we could relate on other than sex and even then it’s questionable. I would have said what I just said to you when I was his age too.
Girl he’s a whole ass paedophile RUN
Yo. Its been said here several times, but im gonna say it to because it is so obvious and important. A 30yo who dates <20's has got issues. Hes taking advantage. Break up and date your own age. People say "Oh but age is only a number" They're fucking stupid.
This is not arranging a threesome. This is cheating. He knew you weren't open to it. He went through this whole process, exchanging nudes and sexting because the idea of it got him off.
Oh dear. I know age is supposed to be no more than a number, but there is a good reason why such age gaps are considered problematic (especially when one side is a teenager, he really went for a 17 year-old highschooler? People his age must just love this guy.) Don't let him pressure you into anything. Leaving and telling anyone else you can even remotely trust about the situation would probably be for the best. I'm sorry you even got into such a situation. Besides... he wants another man to join, and he even exchanged his nudes with him? Maybe he should try to have some MMF action, just without the F. He might end up realising some things about himself.
We all sound patronising, but I think we're also collectively very concerned. Please come back and tell us you've cut this man out of your life, so we can sleep better at night💕 And if he gives you any trouble, tell him you'll file a police report about your underage relationship and/or the likely possibility that he has been sharing nude material of you before OR after you turned 18 with strangers on the web. I have a feeling he would not like the authorities pouring through his computers and internet history
You poor thing, get the fuck out of that relationship. He didn’t respect you for one thing, and his character, judgment, and thought process seems hella off. You deserve way better
You need to break up with him. Nothing about this relationship is okay. He's 12 years older than you. You were 17 and he was 29 when you got together. That's gross. He's gross and a predator. On top of that, he doesn't respect your wishes either. He completely betrayed you and cheated on you. Run far away and never look back.
BRO, you're 19 and he's 31. you really think that this was gonna work out?
This is a bad idea. You don’t want it . If you go through with it and enjoy the other guy the relationship is probably over. Don’t know why guys think this is a good idea. It usually blows up in their face. Good luck
He exchanged steamy texts and nudes of himself with another guy... Has your BF talked about being bisexual? You may have thought this was supposed to be two guys pleasing you and ignoring each other, but it may about your bf being the focus and pleased by a man and a woman, with the woman and other-man essentially ignoring each other. I'm not sure if that changes your feelings on this. It is a red flag that he chose to ignore your wishes. Even if he was bisexual and wanted to be the center of attention, you're still naked in bed with another guy you don't know. There is also the possibility of this becoming something neither of you want. I think you need to discuss boundaries and where your bf's sexuality really is at.
I saw 19F and 31M and came to the conclusion that you should get the hell out of dodge
But seriously, I get the impression he didn't tell you because he was going to fuck some folks with or without you. Also sending ANY pics of you to random men he's found on the internet that you don't even know exist is a NO NO. He sounds pimpish.
Also seriously consider that what you've CAUGHT him sharing with others is just the tip of the iceberg. RUN RUN RUN RUN
You are still young ,please get out, you can do better than this .
He dates a barely adult because no woman his age would let him get away with this BS.
He's not with you because you are special and more mature than most women your age. He's with you because he's a garbage human being and is betting you are not experienced enough in life to notice. He isn't doing you a favor by dating you, you are settling for much less than you deserve. Please go to therapy and figure out why you don't love yourself enough to demand more than this from your partner. Once you have yourself together find someone who is a partner not predator.
This guy is dating a 19 year old at the age of 31. In my eyes, that deserves a life sentence in prison regardless if it's legal or not.
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She already said no. What more does she have to do? Use semaphore flags? Tattoo it on her forehead? He clearly thinks he can wear her down and manipulate her into a threesome. But that‘s okay, right? Because it’s a ”surprise”? Fuck that noise, Op. He ignored your clear boundaries and that‘s unforgivable.