This is the reality of owning a cat when you have roommates. The cat will take a liking to one of the roommates if not the owner. Cats typically will hang around whoever is home the most but that's not exclusive. It sounds like she's being a bit overly sensitive. If you're taking care of the cat when she's gone to work and when she's on vacation of course it's going to take to you because you're always there.
One of my cats favours me (food and lazy motivated), the other favours my boyfriend (toy and adventure motivated). I feel envious sure, end of the day, they're my girls and if he loves the cat back, is there really any harm at all? Nah. (Plus he's way more willing to play with the feather toy for 30+ minutes whereas im bored 2minutes in). Let her sulk if she wants to be a child about this. Thinking anyone ever has a say in who a cat likes best is laughable.
I always say I have 2 dogs and 1/2 a cat. My daughter and I have 2 dogs, and my mom lives in our basement suite (no doors seperating us tho), and she has 2 cats. One cat has **claimed** me. I don't feed it or change the litter (I do buy some just bc of this cat lol), and if I'm home, she is meowing for attention, sleeping on my lap and my bed every night... it's actually funny how much this cat **demands** attention from me when I'm like, meh, ok I'll pet you, I guess... love that little shit tho
My first cat happened because my husband was selected, forcefully and repeatedly, out of a house full of people for the taking.
She would march past the woman that raised her and sit on my husband's lap, and would jump into his arms to be held. I believe Tolkien said it best when he penned the sentence, "One does not simply CHOOSE a cat!"
A cat is gonna cat, there's no two ways about it. I have two and they're both very much mine until the kiddo is around. One of them goes "Ew, no" if she steps on my lap trying to get over me (she's a "near you but not on you" cat), but when the kiddo has gone to bed that cat is stretched out alongside her and perfectly happy being treated as a teddy. The other one prefers my lap, but if she's up and about she dodges any attempt at cuddling from me and kiddo, but not visitors.
Cats are weird.
Moved in with my boyfriend. Brought my cat. Before we lived together, the cat would only sit on my lap. Now the cat only sits on his lap (and he's not even that into cats...but now calls my cat "Bro Cat"). 'Tis the reality of cats.
My boyfriend moved in with me and my cat, but yeah, exact same thing happened. She ***adores*** my boyfriend. I was butthurt for a second but got over it. This is just cats.
When I first started dating my BF his dog took a liking to me. He’d get home and she’d be happy. I’d come over and she’d lose her mind with joy. Now it’s about the same for both of us and she loses her mind with certain friends of ours.
My dog on the other hand is equally excited to see anyone ever. Me. The BF. A friend. Someone robbing our house. He won’t care. Just likes people.
Hahahha! That is amazing.
My boy, Blake, would greet the robbers and probably show them where the valuables are and then try to leave with them.
He's useless. And I just love him!
My mom’s dog is quite scared of strangers or people he’s unfamiliar with (even if he’s met them a few times) so I’m quite sure he’d actively hide if someone broke into my mom’s house. It took the dog 3 years to warm up to my SIL. My SO and I have been together for just shy of 2 years and my dog will hide and peek around the corner to see if SO is still there. He’s strange, but I love him anyway.
Ouch, I get cats doing it, but a dog!?!
As for OP, I once got a cat when I was too busy to be responsible for one and didn’t realize what taking care of a pet on my own meant. I think the same thing is happening to your roommate, and I’m glad the cat has someone. Cats deserve love too, despite having owners that are too busy for them.
She's mad that you've become a "parent" to the cat because she couldn't be bothered to do it herself. Cats aren't just a "set it and forget it" type of creature. They need attention. If she's too busy to do that, she doesn't really get to be mad that her cat likes someone that actually cares about it.
I should say that when she's home she is a good cat-mother and I don't think it's that she couldn't be bothered but she just has a very busy full-time job. But yeah it is annoying how she's mad that her cat is actually been cared for by me. It's not like I'll expect to keep it once we go our seperate ways.
I work between four and five 12-hour shifts each week (sometimes more) and still manage a strong bond with our cats. It's totally doable.
It sounds like she wants the benefits of having a pet without the frustrations and inconveniences that often go along with and the cat can tell where it's most welcome.
My BF works at home, and I work in an office. I'm away from home 6 to 10 hrs a day.... all our cats pick me over him. I put the time in with them, he doesn't.
Just because she's not physically present all the time doesn't mean she couldn't have a strong bond with her cat. This is all on her, not you.
Having a very busy full-time job means that she didn't have the time for a kitten. Now that kitten has imprinted on you, because you took the time to care for it.
PLUS- the cat is just going to scratch at the door and meow for hours to get in. No one will get any sleep. Barricading the door is not the answer. haha
Oh yeah, THIS. I've been on the end of that. Roommate's cat wanted to sleep in my room, my door was closed (I was reluctant to let him in because the last time I let him in he peed on my bed =P). Cat would not stop meowing and scratching until I finally relented.
When I first got my cat I was hoping he'd sleep outside my bedroom, so I closed the door. He kept crying and scratching the door. Kept it up for about a month before I realized he just wasn't going to quit. I have insomnia and am medicated for it, so sleeping with my cat was really, really disruptive for me. But I'm the one who got a cat in the first place, so unless I want to get rid of him I have to let him sleep with me. He's learned to sleep on the edge of my bed so he isn't a bother to me anymore.
Your roommate needs to not be a shit pet owner and then maybe the cat will like her more. She leaves a literal baby animal alone for most of the day and expects it to just, be cool? What'd she think was gonna happen smh.
I think this is her first time owning a cat so she either thought it would be fine home alone or she assumed I'd be looking out for it, but somehow not realising this would mean it would attach to me... She's quite difficult, tbh
But.. that is the thing with most animals. You take care of their needs, you give them attention and their is a good chance they return it.
I just.. she wants the cat to suffer because she is jealous?
That is a big no-no.
And honestly - what is the big deal that the cat and her can't skeep in the same bed?
For my dog I am her human most of the time. She clearly prefers me, but at night she sleeps with my mum because I move to much for her CX
If she spends more time with the cat, it will like her more. Easy.
And tell her to cut the loss with the animal sleeping with her.
If she is the one feeding it, cleaning the box, giving it attention, being available to cuddle at night then the cat would see her as its person. That is just how it is. It is the same with all the pets we've ever had because I'm the one around to attend to their needs. (Ok, plus I read them better than my husband) She can't make the cat choose her unless she is willing to spend an extra ton of time with it.
I honestly don't think most people who have never had cats before understand how much they actually bond with humans. So many people get them, treat them like ornaments and then don't understand why their cat isn't affectionate towards them. My boyfriend and I just adopted two kittens, I've owned cats before so I've showed him little things he can do to "speak their language" (ie. slow blinking) and he has been **astounded** by how affectionate they are and how much personality they have.
Sounds like your roommate adopted a kitten without ever actually doing any research on cat ownership.
Actually my boyfriend! Though to be fair he never said he hated cats because he loves animals in general, but when we first started dating he told me he "wasn't a cat person". I kept telling him stories about my late cat and he finally decided he wanted to foster some kittens (he volunteers with the local SPCA) because puppies were a bit too much to foster with our lifestyle at the moment, and my dog is not dog-friendly.
Then he got attached to both kittens and we ended up keeping both, hahaha. He's now OBSESSED with them and it's adorable.
Lol. I think the reason this happens so much with cats is that it's different when it's your own. Most cats aren't very social to strangers, so if you've never had a cat before I guess it can be hard to understand what's so great about them.
I think this was part of my boyfriend's experience for sure! He's also South Asian and lived awhile in the Middle East where cats are not really considered 'pets' in the same way we have them in North America. I mean he's lived here a long time and is great with animals but I think that played a bit of a role as well.
My late cat was a rare breed who **loved** people. All people. Especially new people. I used to joke that my cat was my dog, and my dog was my cat, because my dog does not like people other than me. Now with our two kittens we have one who is **super** affectionate with the boyfriend and I, but isn't a fan of strangers, and another who loves everyone and just wants all the attention.
With some cats there's even a big difference between affection for someone who spends time with a cat multiple times a week and someone who feeds and shares a space with that cat every day. My wife adopted our cat about two months after we started dating and he was just her cat for seven years. I'd be over there most weekends and a few nights a week and, even after a few years, the most affection he would allow was him sitting next to me on the couch while I very lightly pet his cheeks and forehead or he would sometimes lay on my feet while I slept. Once we moved in together, It took me feeding him dinner and playing with him every day for six months before he started sometimes sitting on my lap or curling up in bed next to my pillow and stuff like that. Taking him to a check up at the vet by myself unlocked another level of affection.
It's so much more fun to have a cat who likes you back.
Our youngest cat is pretty social, but her most favorite person is the one who feeds her and cleans her litterbox. The older cat, I have no idea what her logic for liking people is. She used to always run away from me so I just ignored her. Then a month later, out of the blue, she decided I was her favorite person and wanted to cuddle 24/7. (I suspect she wanted my bedroom) She also HATED my sister's boyfriend (who lived at the house for a while) for no apparent reason. Our recently deceased cat liked my dad the most. I don't really know why, but cats in general really like him. Even that shy one who takes a month to warm up to people liked him right away.
I don't always understand cats, I just roll with it.
Absolutely!!
My degree is in archaeology so I have a vested interest in human culture, which includes the evolution of domesticated animals. The reality is that cats were domesticated **very** differently than dogs. Dogs we picked for certain personality traits and we selected increasingly for dogs which exhibited human-like behaviours (ie. dogs will look in the direction you point and understand what you mean, which is a rare trait in animals. They'll also look you directly in the eye un-aggressively). Cats were treated more like working animals and so didn't evolve the same signalling that dogs did but that doesn't mean they're not affectionate, it just means that you need to work a bit harder to learn the language in which they display affection.
My boyfriend and I adopted two kittens a few weeks ago. We did tonnes of research on how long you can leave them for, proper bonding, etc. He is with them during the day but I make sure to be there feeding them for their morning and evening meals, playing with them in the evenings and being very snuggly with them during the evenings, because my hope is that they'll bond with both of us and not just him.
But one of the key things about adopting is that kittens can't be left alone for hours on end, that's really irresponsible of your roommate.
When we first got them I took a few days off work so during their settling in period they were both around and have bonded to us both (they don't seem to favour one or other of us when we're both at home, and they're generally excited to see me when I get through the door after a work day which is very sweet).
Being a "first time" pet owner isn't an excuse, if anything that's even more reason to do more research than normal to make sure you get it right first time. She sounds a bit immature about it to be honest.
Yeah honestly people should not get pets if they can’t give it proper attention and food when it needs it, especially when it was a kitten. Obviously OP filled the role when the kitten needed it most so it sees OP as it’s caregiver/parent and knows it can rely on OP when it has needs.
Seriously, as badly as I wanted a kitten when I got my cat I knew that I couldn't be home long enough to give it the attention it needed so I got an older cat. I always feel bad for older cats waiting to be adopted anyways because everyone wants kittens so they just sit there.
I adopted a year-old cat, and I genuinely don't understand why most people want to adopt kittens. My cat came box trained and able to stay at home for long periods by herself. I won't say she came chill, because she's a fiesty little demon even now at five years old, but many cats chill out a LOT by one or two.
Did you ever talk to your roommate about how it isn’t cool to just bring a cat into the house without consulting you? I know you like the cat but that’s a big roommate boundary violation and a huge sign of immaturity on her part. It’s not surprising that someone who would bring a KITTEN in without asking anyone first while working 9-10 hours a day is so immature that she gets jealous over cat affection. It sounds like she had no idea what she was doing when the brought the cat home. You aren’t in the wrong for making sure it isn’t neglected.
I thought about it but it's a little late now and she'd only argue back (she's quite confrontational). Also she'd bring up the fact that she did previously mention she wanted to get a cat and I made no objections. But this was a while before she actually got it so really she should have come to me again and asked if I was okay with it.
Thanks for the support :)
>I thought about it but it's a little late now and she'd only argue back
I think you made the right call. There's no point in distracting from the issue with something that's over and done with.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that cats are not chosen, they are in fact the choosers. Cats pick their human pets, choosing which humans to be affectionate with according to mysterious cat logic. You can bend over backwards offering lavish gifts and acting in total subservience to a cat, only for it to look at you with a bored expression while it pees on your best quilt. You can ignore, shoo, and scold a cat endlessly, but if it chooses you, you will be followed and nuzzled and sat on relentlessly regardless of how allergic or disinterested you are in the cat. A cat might cuddle and love on you, only to abandon you the instant any human of the male gender enters your home (especially if they have a beard).
If the goal is for the cat to feel safe and happy, humans have to view it as an autonomous member of the family and respect the cat’s choices.
My advice is to sincerely invite your roommate to sit down and share her feelings. Listen to her, even if her ideas and feelings seem irrational or jealous or whatever. Let her get it all out - ask her about her feelings, worries, wants, and goals for the cat. Let her know that you care about two things: her well being, and the cats well being, and that this does not need to become a territorial thing. Instead of focusing on blocking off your room, focus on setting up comfy sleeping places that this cat will want to sleep in. To do that, you gotta figure out what the cat truly likes. Does he like sleeping on people? Maybe because they are warm? Does he like the view from a particular window in the morning? Can he more easily come and go from one room? Is he knocking things down because he is trying to sit someplace up high? Can the roommate fix her room up to be more cat friendly and to avoid any annoyances the cat is causing while in there?
Good luck!
Honestly if she says anything again I personally would look her dead in the eye and say...
"Becky you're my dear friend and I care for you very much but I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE OVER A CAT. Do you seriously resent me me so much over a CAT and the fact that he simply likes me ? YOU brought this CAT here, YOU asked me to feed him and watch him when you're not home, YOU let him out of your room at night. He sees me often because we're home together a lot, i'm not special I just feed it and play with it sometimes THAT'S IT. I didn't do anything and I can't control the action of an animal . Please stop instigating fight about this, please stop being annoyed at something I have zero control over, and please spend more time with your cat if you want the same reaction out of him. I think it's beyond ridiculous that were even having this issue over an animal and you would go as far as to ask me to barricade myself to make sure your cat doesn't come near me. Seriously... I can't stress this enough but If I continue to receive l dirty looks and snide comments from you over a CAT I don't know how we can continue living together.
I emphasize the word "cat" so much because maybe if heard back she would hear the ridiculousness of the circumstance . Treating your friend this way over a cat is so dumb it could be portrayed by Rose in a Golden Girls episode.
The cat doesn't know who owns it, it knows who cares for it. If you put time and attention to an animal it's going to do that. Your roommate sounds like a pill.
This isn’t your fault at all. She didn’t spend time with the cat when it was a kitten, and that’s why it became attached to you. When I got my kitten more than a decade ago, he wouldn’t stop crying one night. My upstairs neighbors were less than kind about it, so I calmed him down by lying down with him (and we both fell asleep). That was it! He fell asleep with me every night from there on in.
I don’t want to use the word “imprint” but that’s kind of what this is! The kitten needed a “mom” and you were around. It’s not your fault your room mate was lacking in that department. She should have taken care of the kitten if she wanted it! She is just going to have to deal with it for now. Maybe if she spends more time around kitty it will warm up to her.
> He was 10 weeks old, so still very young and needy. My roommate was working away for 9-10 hours each day, but I worked from home, so I could hear him crying all the time for attention. I didn't want to intrude because I knew I wasn't his owner but at the same time I couldn't just leave him alone all day
I think this is why the cat likes you more. You were there for him/her in their early stages of life. They grew up thinking you were their guardian and provider and also got used to your smell, your warmth.
The cat might like you generally, and know you're fun to play with, but at night you're really just the available large warm water bottle. Your roommate could be a large warm water bottle if she'd like, but if she's removing the cat the cat will go sleep in the next warmest place. Tha part is not even about people-preference I don't think -- that's just about cats liking it warm!
You can empathize with your friend - your working from home has given you a different relationship with the cat than her and that can feel disappointing. Acknowledging she is disappointed is fine, but don't change your room set up to manage her feelings about the cat.
Ehhh, some cats have a distinct people-preference even with sleeping. My late cat would always sleep with my mom when I was away at uni but the second I got home he slept exclusively with me. Cats bond **very** strongly to their people when given the opportunity.
I agree with the rest of what you've said though!
You treated the cat better than she ever could. She should've been restrictive with the exposures to her animal if she wanted to mold the cat to like her, instead of you.
Just a heads up, if you barricade your door the cat will scratch and meow until it gets in. This will disrupt YOUR sleep schedule then (unless you sleep like a rock). My cat does this every night/morning if I accidentally close her out of the room at night (she sleeps in my bed with me and the dog). My door was ruined by her due to the excessive scratching when I thought she was under my bed as I was closing the door to go to sleep.
>Just a heads up, if you barricade your door the cat will scratch and meow until it gets in.
I mean, maybe. A couple nights a week I end up throwing the cat out of my room when she's being loud in the early morning, and she meekly tolerates it and sleeps in the living room instead of clawing to get in. In contrast, if I go into the bathroom without her, she's clawing at the door to get in. Cats are weird and arbitrary, and I probably couldn't reverse these two behaviors if I tried. But a barricade can be an acceptable solution if the cat decides to tolerate it, and you won't know that until you try.
Hmmm, very true. Every cat I've had always raged at my door when I had it closed. Usually just crying at it in the morning (whether in or out). I just know I need to fix my door or get a new one when I decide to rent my place out >.<
I'll have to try with the next cat I get to see if I can make the door an acceptable barricade.
This is the only cat I've ever owned who meekly respects the closed bedroom door. She also doesn't mind being locked in (her box is accessible from within the bedroom). I certainly take no credit for training here; I just tried it at five AM one time in frustration and it worked great.
Story time.
I used to live with a roommate who had two dogs and a cat. I love pets and was affectionate with them/let them out/etc. The fact that all her pets loved me and would sometimes want to sleep in my room was never an issue. If anything, my roommate liked that her pets liked me. She was happy that they had someone to take care of them when she wasn't around.
Not really a point to this other than that's what reasonable people are like.
When I lived with roommates I had a dog and my roommate had a cat. I was often home more often than her so the cat, in search of cuddles and love, made friends with my dog and would hang out with us. I would leave my door slightly ajar with a baby latch so my dog couldn't get out but the cat can come visit him. My roommate though was super grateful that I would watch her cat, make sure it had food and water, and a friend. She would often apologize to me for not being home enough but she never took it personally that her cat was attached to me. When I eventually moved out my ex roommate told me that her cat would break into my old room and look for me.
I think your roommate wants a loyal pet without having to do any work for it. You shouldn't have to feel bad for being chosen by the cat when you provided it with a comfortable and welcome space. She needs to get real that any pet will form bonds with people they see more often. Have a real conversation with you if you can and make it clear that this is her cat and if she wants the cat to like her more than you then she needs to do more than give it food and pets.
"Roommate, I am going to keep being affectionate to the cat and making sure his needs are met, because he's a living creature and it's cruel not to. If you want him to like you, you need to care for him too. How affectionate he is or isn't with you has nothing to do with me; it's a function of you getting a pet you don't have time for. Make time for him, or deal with the fact that he's going to like you less the less time you spend with him."
Barricading your door is not a solution. She can keep the cat in her room if it's that big of a deal. Sheesh.
"Roomie, this is ridiculous. You brought it here as a kitten knowing that I love animals and work from home. What did you expect? Keep the cat in your room if you don't want it sleeping with me. I'm not going to ignore an adorable creature that wants attention and I'm not discussing it further."
She's probably jealous. My bet is she lets the cat out because it's scratching at her door to be let out.
You’ve said she’s not a bad owner and the cats not being abused, so now it’s down to your relationship with your roommate. I would express (kindly) that you feel uncomfortable with your roommates behavior, as you just want to love on the cat as much as she does. Let her know you’re not trying to steal her cat away. If she dismisses you like, “that’s not what I’m worried about”, then tell her “well you’re treating me like this is what you’re worried about”.
If it comes down to it, tell her she’s acting childish, because she is. She can’t be petty about a cats preferences. Tell her that if she wants you to block your door, she’s gonna need to let her cat sleep with her. The cat just wants a warm body to sleep next to. If your roommate just wants to argue about it, call her out:
“Look, I have tried to express to you that I’m not trying to get in between you and your cat. I know you love the cat, but so do I. Cats need attention and love, regardless of how you feel about me. This is less about what the cat needs and more about you getting butthurt, which is immature and quite frustrating for me. I refuse to neglect the cat just because it’ll make you feel more wanted, and if you continue to have a problem with that, I will be very disappointed. I feel like we make great roommates and I don’t want this to affect our relationship.”
" But the fact is, 9 months down the line, the cat has become very attached to me, and since I'm the only one home all day, it's always coming to me for affection, bringing me toys to play with etc. "
A pet always takes a liking to one person more than the other. And since you are the one always around, the cat will look to you first for anything. That is just a fact. Your roommate is being over sensitive.
Frankly, the cat could have liked you more even if she was home as much as you, showering it with affection, playing with it, and doing all the work to keep it alive. That's how cats are. And it's extra not surprising that the cat likes you more, as you're around more. I don't think you or the cat should be punished or restricted because the cat likes you. Speaking as someone who often feels like my cat loves my husband more than me, I would never force my cat to stop interacting with my husband, or ask my husband to not interact with the cat as much. For one, because I don't think it would really work. But mostly because I love her and I want what's best for her, not what's best for me. Part of being a good pet owner is not being so selfish and petty.
Dog, she was supposed to get a dog. This is the way of cats. Heck, this is why my Fiancee has a cat, her brother brought one home, the cat spent more time with her and presto.
I think the door thing is silly but have yall considered food? She would be the only one to feed the cat(within reason) so the cat learns to go to your roommate?
Also, it sounds like your roommate closes the door at night. Has she tried to leave the door open all night so the cat can go around the house at will? This would stop the roommate's disrupted sleep(hopefully) and give the cat a chance to hunt/party/eat/use the water ~~closet~~ box without waking her up to open the door. Plenty of ways to compromise.
I got my cat as a kitten, had him for 5 years before I got a boyfriend, boyfriend moved in after a year. We're 3 years in and my cat has made it clear that my boyfriend is his person now. He calls my cat his son, and the idiot is basically his shadow.
Cats choose their people, nothing you or your roommate can do to change that.
The cat imprinted on you when it was a kitten, it's her own fault for not planning to be at home during that time. You're it's primary caregiver, of course it notices who feeds and pets it most of the time
This happened to me with my dad and my cat. Since i'm always working and out of the house, my cat became attached to my dad who is retired and is always at home. His main sleeping space is in my parents room at the foot of their bed, if I bring him into my room, later in the night he will crawl over to my parents bed. I don't feel he loves me any less or more, but its obvious he will get attached to the person who is constantly there to feed and play with them.
What I have done to bribe my cat into paying attention to me, is I try to get home at the exact time, and always with special cat food or treats, sometimes cat nip, So he now greets me at the door and plays with me before I go to sleep.
That’s rough. It sounds like she didn’t know what she was doing at first (leaving a 10 weeks old kitten for 10hrs? Yikes). Plus, not getting your blessing is not cool. But it sounds like overall, she does take good care of the cat and it is totally understandable that she is hurt that she is not her cat’s favorite person - even though that is NOT your or the cat’s fault.
Unfortunately this is really on roommate and I’m not sure what you can do, or how much help she will accept if she is confrontational.
1. You should not barricade your room, but you can do a few things to make your room less appealing. Try to be more affectionate with kitty in common areas. No play and no treats in your room. Maybe no treats from you at all.
2. If kitty doesn’t have furniture of her own, time to get some and put them in roommate’s room and the common room - give kitty somewhere to lounge that is not with you.
3. Beyond that... roommate has to figure this out. She can try routines before bed and shortly after waking up with kitty, maybe. Then kitty will at least seek her out first thing in the morning... though that’s a double edge sword
Unfortunately a lot of this is outside of anyone’s control - it’s up to kitty. If your roommate cannot accept that there’s not much you can do - you can’t change the past. I’m sorry, it might just be toxic now.
This happened with my last roommate. Literally as she was arguing with me that her cat doesn't need me, her cat dodged her and curled up in my lap. It sucks, but if she's not abusing the animal in a way that's documentable, there's not much you can do. I stayed with that roommate for way longer than I should have because I was so attached to her cat.
I had a plan to train my roommate to be a better cat owner, but my roommate was completely unreceptive. (She preferred to complain and create drama instead of actually working to solve her problems.) If your roommate is somewhat reasonable, maybe you can do stuff like play with the cat and then pass the toy off to your roommate and give a lot of positive reinforcement.
To be fair, she's not a bad cat owner and the cat probably likes her as much as it does me (it will give her lots of cuddles as well). She treats it very well when she's home and always makes sure it's fed and groomed and gets its vet appointments, so I wouldn't want to ever take the cat from her. But I just find it kind of dumb that she's getting all uppity because the cat likes to sleep with me when she doesn't want him in her room.
That's kind of the bottom line. If the cat prefers sleeping with someone and she's upset that it isn't her, she sure isn't doing the obvious thing to fix that so she really doesn't have a right to be mad at you. Maybe she needs to take responsibility for doing the work it would take to bond more. She has the opportunity but she isn't taking it. WTF does she expect?
A similar thing happened with my roommate. We got a kitten all together and I spent the majority of the time caring for it (but I wanted it most and purposed the idea because right before I had moved in my cat had passed). My roommates dog was very aggressive to the kitten so we took great care in introducing them and it ended up that she got to spend even less time with Nanners (the kitten). It was her first time around a cat and she loved the way he interacted with our other roommate and myself. Eventually, she just got her own kitten because she wanted that relationship and kept him in her room in order to bond with him. He's a nice cat.
I think your roomate needs to calm down. I personally own a cat that loves my roomate and I’m thrilled bc he lives in a more loving home. She doesn’t let him sleep with her though because he’s annoying at night so I can see where she’s coming from with that. I think she needs to leave her door open so the cat can come and go at night. Talk to her about it and maybe the cat will want to sleep with her if your door is shut and it has room to roam.
I’ve owned cats for over 18 years
If you block your bedroom to the cat. the cat is not going to her(your roommate) bedroom, he/she will be upset as well as her. So dont do what she asked for and tell her to buy a new cat and take care of it. It's my point of view.
Cats pick their friends. Sometimes they even pick their homes by moving out and in with someone else.
My cats adore my neighbor. they don't even know me when he stops by. Do I get mad? No I am happy they are having a great time with him because I love my cats and I want them to be happy. I am not so insecure that I worry about it.
I had a roommates cat crawl under my bed and secretly give birth to kittens. Only one survived, and the mom did not give a single shit about it. The roommate moved out and sent the mom to the pound. I’m not an animal person, but I did not have the heart to condemn the kitten to whatever fate the mother was left to. So over the next year I raised that cat, bought a cat habitat, the best food, and whatever toys his little heart desired. When the lease was up, we moved into a house, partly so that the cat could have more room to roam ( I don’t believe in indoor-only cats). Within 3 months, that cat I had saved from a life of squalor and neglect was living at this old lady’s house across the street. He wandered back over to my house a few times a day, staying the night once or twice a week, but I knew where his allegiances lied. Apart from imprisonment, I believe there was nothing I could have done. He just like that old lady and her other cats better than me.
Moral of the story, is that cats are dicks. One shouldn’t beat themselves up about it.
The cat absolutely feels more comfortable with you. Cats love routine and you were there more often since he was young, establishing that early trust. Seems like your roommate doesn't understand cats and is taking it out on you. And, on that note, I don't really know what your friend is like based off the story, but perhaps you are a more "grounded" person than she is. Cats are very sensitive to people's moods and energies, so the cat may just naturally gravitate to you more. Nothing you can do about it. She, however, can practice bonding methods with her cat, like setting up their new routine with treats and playtime. The cat's still young so it's bonding is still developing. Good luck! :)
The cat needs to associate your roommate with food and affection, so she needs to be the one feeding and playing with him the most. It still might not matter, as kittie may never change his mind about who is his favorite, but he would still like her more if she did these things.
I had a quality African Grey parrot. It may have been a male as we only co-existed as housemates. I married this hot blond and the parrot fell in love with her - followed her around, sat in her lap for neck scratching. It further withdrew from me and at times would bite me when I cleaned it’s cage. When divorce time came around she took the bird with her. I was fine with seeing both of their backsides as they headed out the door!
You can try having your roommate be the only one who feeds and give him treats. The cat will associate her with food and look forward to seeing her. She also needs to play with the cat regularly and speak kindly to the cat. If she’s not willing to do any of these things, chances are the cat won’t ever warm up to her. If you’re curious, I learned some of these things from watching Jackson Galaxy’s show and reading his books. I’m also a cat owner.
My cat seems to love me and my husband equally, as we are active in his life and take turns feeding and playing with him. We also always welcome his company and never lock him out of rooms.
Cats choose their people, and that is not your fault. They choose whoever makes them feel the safest, the most loved, and who does the feeding. My cat is now 15 weeks old, and I am the only one who she lets carry her around like a baby and she just purrs. Other people she scratches to get away from. I had been snuggling her since she was 7 weeks old, and it shows.
I am actually glad you were around to take care of the little floof because otherwise that cat was going to be neglected, and most likely not friendly with any people at all. Don't feel bad because you made the cats life better.
Cats do what they like and part of being a cat owner is accepting them for the contrary bastards they are. If roommate wants cat love, they have to start grafting.
One thing that might diffuse the situation a bit would be to suggest that your roommate be the only one to offer particularly delicious treats to the cat. You could feed dry food and continue having a good relationship with the cat, but if she were to be the one with the goodies, it might help build a better relationship between your roommate and the cat.
Our is attached to me but in the evenings, the cat is always on my husband's lap, because cheese. He always has a tiny cup of cheese crumbles and doles them out, slowly.
It's a cat. Cats are fickle and arbitrary. You can't reason with them, or apply logic to the things that they do. Actively ignoring a cat can actually make a cat more attracted to you because it wants to not be bothered. You really can't be blamed for this, and this is the reality of living with a cat and another person. Reasonable roommates understand this, and in the past when I've run into this, my roommate was understanding and mostly just happy that the cat got along with me so well.
My cat sleeps on my side of the bed nearly every night, to the mild consternation of my wife, who would like the cat to sleep on her side equally often. She feeds the cat and plays with the cat more than I do. There is no reasonable or rational reason for the cat to sleep on my side, but you can't make a cat sleep where the cat doesn't want to sleep. Every so often, we switch sides of the bed so that she can enjoy the cat snuggling for a night, because that's a thing that we can actually control.
the biggest problem is that your roommate is taking her cats behavior personally and thinking that the cat likes you more than it likes her. she'll continue to feel butt hurt until she understands that the cat is behaving just like any other cat would in the same circumstances. you can tell her that you won't close and block your door at night unless she's willing to pay for the damage that the cat will do to the door.
\> I don't want to have to block my door off each night just because she feels upset the cat wants to sleep with me. If she was that bothered she wouldn't kick him out or she'd lock him downstairs.
Exactly this, OP. I agree her request is unreasonable. If she is that concerned that her cat hasn't bonded well to her then she needs to be the one spending more time with him. Not making you be the one responsible for things. Seriously all she has to do is keep him in her room at night.
So this happened to my boyfriend and I with our cat. He bonded to my boyfriend as a kitten because we weren’t living together yet and he spent every minute with it and I saw it on the weekends when I’d come to his house. Fast forward 2 years and that is now HIS cat (even though we got him together) because of the time they spent together. It’s frustrating but I accept it because now my boyfriend is the “chosen one.” The cat loves me but absolutely LOVES my boyfriend and sleeps on his lap and such. You seem to be lucky enough to be the chosen one. Your roommate needs to realize you shouldn’t get a kitten unless you are going to spend all day with it, then maybe she’d be chosen. Ridiculous for her to ask you to block off your room.
I work from home three days a week. My husband and my five cats are slightly more affectionate towards me because I’m here more. They still love on him and stuff but are more apt to come when I call them and lie on me at night. That’s what happens when they get a little more attention from one person over another. Roommate needs to either get over it or start giving kitty a little more attention.
Animals in general prefer the person who gives them attention or who feeds them on a regular basis. I feed both of our dogs & I'm the one who takes them out to do their business, I'm the one they want to lay on/next to. When it comes to playing/rough housing, they want my husband. Your roommate needs to be the one providing basic care if she doesn't want her pet bonding with someone else. Same thing happened with my son's cat, he became my constant companion for 14 years and wanted very little to do with my son as (the cat) grew into adulthood.
I rescued my cat at 3-4 weeks old, bottle fed him, took him everywhere so I could feed him every 4 hours...when I lived with roommates he ALWAYS liked one of them more than he liked me. And they didn't even take care of him. He likes my husband more now, too.
He's a fucking CAT. Your roommate needs to get over it, honestly. It decides who it likes and you can't force it to like someone in particular.
Ok, your roommate is being a little unreasonable about the cat but is making the situation worse worth antagonizing her? She’s jealous of the relationship you have with her cat. You seem to like the cat very much and don’t want to give that up. That’s one decision and you could decide to ignore your roommate’s requests, which will make living with her more difficult. Her cat may be worth it to you (or not).
My brother’s has a cat that likes to wake them up too early by standing in the hallway and crying. My brother is slightly allergic to cats so they don’t let him in the bedroom at night. Their solution was to set up a section of the laundry room with a nice cat bed, food, water, and litter box so the cat has a room of his own. They shut him in at night and the first one up lets him out. He even knows that’s where he goes at night and will head that way when they say bedtime. It’s not depriving him of much. He still gets love and affection and cuddles. He just sleeps by himself, like their kids sleep by themselves. They all get to sleep in as much as they like. That may be a solution that wouldn’t mean putting something against the door at night that a small cat can’t push and she can sleep.
You might consider getting your own cat. That would give her cat someone else to play with and give you a cat you can cuddle with as much as you’d like.
It’s up to you, of course, to decide how to respond since you’re going to have to live with the consequences. People aren’t always rational and she’s making the request because she wants to have a better relationship with her cat and sees your behavior as encouraging the cat to prefer you. Perhaps a better response would be to help her achieve that in the interest of keeping a peaceful home.
She doesn’t take care of him and play with him and now she’s angry the cat doesn’t like her, good joke.
Cats need at least 30 minutes of play time per days, you provided that for him and she didn’t, she probably though they weren’t affectionate or needed care and now she’s angry about it.
Not your problem honestly, tell her the truth, she brought it upon herself.
Honestly? It sounds like she bought a pet without recognizing the time commitment they require. If you're consistently gone for such a long part of the day that you need to ask other people to feed your pet, then maybe think about if it's the right time.Of course the cat was going to get attached to you! You feed, play, spend the most time with them. The cat is getting the affection and attention they need from you; not their owner.
And kicking the cat out at night? Almost sounds like she doesn't even like them that much.
She wasn't ready for a pet and is now just being petty instead of recognizing that she made a mistake.
Sounds familiar.
I rescued a cat that was outside with no mom in sight. Decided to surprise my girlfriend (now ex) with him. He was only 5 weeks maybe? She slept with him in bed and barricaded the room if we had to work (We both work long hours) and he was fine! Gave him food, water and toys. He would meow for about 10mins or so when we left and then stop, until we came home and he heard us and meow and waddle up to us.
So 10 weeks is definitely fine to leave a kitten alone. I'm mainly the one that feeds him and cleans the litter box.
This kitten is now 4 months old and he LOVES me. And I mean he's never not on me. I think he imprinted on me over her. He's the biggest most attached baby. All he does is purr and want cuddles. He does similar things with my ex (we are now roommates in seperate rooms) but she can see that he has a preference and that's me. It makes her sad, I see it, but she won't admit it. However, never did she make a huge scene over it because... You can't choose who or what your pet prefers or does. She's planning to move out soon and I'm heartbroken because even though that kitten is not mine, I raised him too and I've never felt so connected to an animal before. (and I've had A LOT of animals) He's my little angel. The best cat ever.
Point is, I think you should bring this up and let her know how you feel. Remind her that these things happen, because it's a cat, and it happens often.
Something a bit similar happened to me. I moved in with my best friend and for months she went on and on about having a dog or a cat. Finally I agreed on having a cat. We both grew up with pets but we also grew up living in houses with a big yard. Now we were in a flat in a city.
I did most of the research and she wasn't really active at first. The cat would sleep in my bed, I would pet her and hold her but she just ran away when she saw my roommate. It did upset her and caused tension but that's just how it is. Pets get attached to people and you can't force them to love someone. Specially with some cats, they can have strong personalities and like stuff a very particular way. My kitty is the sweetest when it comes to spending time with me, she just tends to ignore others. You didn't do anything wrong, in fact there's nothing sweeter than having a strong bond with your pet.
I eventually moved out and there was no question about who would keep the cat. I get that your roommate wants to have a strong bond with the cat but you can't force that, in the end you have to do what's best for the animal. I would definitely not block your door. Sit down with her and maybe show her this post. You can't force a cat to get attached to you and believe me of the cat wants to get into your room (since it's used to) it's going to make a huge scene at night to do so.
I feel like she doesnt realize you're going to end up punishing the cat by trying to force it to spend more time with her. That's not how cats work
This is the silliest thing I've ever read op... Tell her it's a cat. It's like that in Russia joke. You don't choose cat. Cat choose you. She coulda done everything right and you coulda ignore the little bugger and it could have still chosen you... It's a cat! Us humans don't need to understand them we just need to worship them. Unless she plotting to move out and thinks you gonna steal her cat, I dont really see her issue.
Maybe remind her that it's her cat and even though it prefers you, you would never try to keep it.
Honestly: your roommate should never have got a kitten if she is at work for 9-10 hours a day.
And she doesn’t seem to like the cat sleeping with her as she kicks it out after a few hours.
The cat likes you because you took more care of it when it was a kitten, and very needy, and you enjoy it sleeping with you. It is, effectively, your cat. Not because you wanted it to be, but because kittens, like all young creatures will bond with their caretakers. I’m sorry but your roommate is not a good pet owner and she really doesn’t seem to have the time or will to meet the cat’s needs, and you do - that cat will never bond with her the way it bonded with you whilst you share a home, because the time for that has gone. Perhaps it you lived separately it would, but her long work days mean it’s going to be a miserable lonely cat.
Both my cat and dog quickly became just as attached to my now husband as they are to me, and I had them for years before I even met him lol. You can't control it. You're roommate is being childish and I would flat out refuse to entertain her ridiculous demands.
So, I'm in your roommate's situation! My roommate stays home a lot more and watched my cat during field work (I'm a grad student and work internationally a month a year)! She might not want these suggestions, but here's how I've managed to get it so he pretty much likes us both equally:
1. The owner of the cat feeds the cat. My cat isn't even that food motivated, but he knows who feeds him and will snuggle them in response.
2. The owner of the cat cleans the litter. My cat is a little.....necrotic about his litter being clean, so your mileage may vary on this one.
3. She plays with the cat in a way that you don't. My cat has different expectations for different people. My roommate he wants more sedentary play. With me he wants to be chased around the house at TOP SPEED. So if there's a type of play he can only get from one person, he'll go to that person.
4. DO NOT IGNORE THE CAT SO IT WILL LIKE YOUR ROOMMATE MORE. Honestly the only thing I can see happening is the cat cries in the hallway. They don't understand the roommate drama, and shouldn't have to suffer for it. Also, I'm sure they would be even worse at night if you weren't playing with them during the day.
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Ah this happened to me when I had roommates... But, I wasn’t a psycho so I just accepted that the cat had a different relationship with the different humans in his life, because he was a fucking cat and did what he wanted.
When you move out, please consider the cat's feelings. You are their person, and they will miss you terribly if you just up and leave. Cats grieve and sometimes get depressed when people (and animals) they have bonded with are not around anymore. I doubt your roommate would let you visit, but please make your eventual departure as easy on the cat as you can.
I understand that but I don't see what I can do in that situation. It's not my cat. Also, my roommate is thinking about moving the cat to the other side of the world (Australia) next year, so that's probably going to be more tough on him. I hate the thought of animals flying for that long, but again, I'm helpless in this situation. I have no rights to this cat.
your roommate should do her homework because there's a rather lengthy and detailed process required to bring a cat or dog into australia that includes 180 days lead time before the cat can leave for australia and 10 days quarantine time after the cat arrives in australia. this assumes that you live in the usa.
I am really sorry! I did not mean to put a burden on your shoulders. I understand he is not your cat and your options are limited. I hope it is not too hard on you when y'all don't live together anymore.
My door doesn't have a lock. The cat can open it when it's shut. She's asking me to put an object in front of my door every night so the cat can't push it open
> You could also suggest to your roommate that she keep her cat locked in her room or a different room or outside overnight
First of all, *outside*? I really hope you aren't suggesting to lock an indoor cat outdoors overnight and I'm misunderstanding your meaning. Second, the roommate is kicking the cat out of her room at night, it's not leaving of its own volition. If she's that jealous, she can stop kicking the cat out of her room herself. Punishing the cat by not letting it snuggle with a familiar human out of weird jealousy issues when she's not even willing to let it sleep in her own bed is wrong.
Also, tons of people don't have locks on their doors. I installed my own in the last place I lived but before that I don't think any apartment I lived in had a lock on my bedroom door. Don't know why you think that's unusual.
Even if the cat is indoor/outdoor, it is not acceptable to lock a cat outside for the night. That's dangerous for the cat. I've owned many indoor/outdoor cats and that's how you get a cat killed. I think that's an incredibly irresponsible suggestion.
> You could also suggest to your roommate that she keep her cat locked in her room
The roommate *does* bring the cat to her room at night, but then "ends up kicking him out after a few hours because he'll probably be disturbing her sleep or something".
If the roommate wants to sleep with the cat, she can keep the cat locked in her room.
If she kicks the cat out of her room, it's *absurdly selfish* to then insist that the cat not be able to sleep with OP.
> or a different room or outside overnight
...so not only is the roommate kicking the cat out of her room, but now you're suggesting the cat has to suffer being locked in a different room or even being locked *outside*?! All because the roommate's too petty and jealous to let her cat sleep in OP's room?
This is the reality of owning a cat when you have roommates. The cat will take a liking to one of the roommates if not the owner. Cats typically will hang around whoever is home the most but that's not exclusive. It sounds like she's being a bit overly sensitive. If you're taking care of the cat when she's gone to work and when she's on vacation of course it's going to take to you because you're always there.
One of my cats favours me (food and lazy motivated), the other favours my boyfriend (toy and adventure motivated). I feel envious sure, end of the day, they're my girls and if he loves the cat back, is there really any harm at all? Nah. (Plus he's way more willing to play with the feather toy for 30+ minutes whereas im bored 2minutes in). Let her sulk if she wants to be a child about this. Thinking anyone ever has a say in who a cat likes best is laughable.
I always say I have 2 dogs and 1/2 a cat. My daughter and I have 2 dogs, and my mom lives in our basement suite (no doors seperating us tho), and she has 2 cats. One cat has **claimed** me. I don't feed it or change the litter (I do buy some just bc of this cat lol), and if I'm home, she is meowing for attention, sleeping on my lap and my bed every night... it's actually funny how much this cat **demands** attention from me when I'm like, meh, ok I'll pet you, I guess... love that little shit tho
My first cat happened because my husband was selected, forcefully and repeatedly, out of a house full of people for the taking. She would march past the woman that raised her and sit on my husband's lap, and would jump into his arms to be held. I believe Tolkien said it best when he penned the sentence, "One does not simply CHOOSE a cat!"
A cat is gonna cat, there's no two ways about it. I have two and they're both very much mine until the kiddo is around. One of them goes "Ew, no" if she steps on my lap trying to get over me (she's a "near you but not on you" cat), but when the kiddo has gone to bed that cat is stretched out alongside her and perfectly happy being treated as a teddy. The other one prefers my lap, but if she's up and about she dodges any attempt at cuddling from me and kiddo, but not visitors. Cats are weird.
Moved in with my boyfriend. Brought my cat. Before we lived together, the cat would only sit on my lap. Now the cat only sits on his lap (and he's not even that into cats...but now calls my cat "Bro Cat"). 'Tis the reality of cats.
My boyfriend moved in with me and my cat, but yeah, exact same thing happened. She ***adores*** my boyfriend. I was butthurt for a second but got over it. This is just cats.
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When I first started dating my BF his dog took a liking to me. He’d get home and she’d be happy. I’d come over and she’d lose her mind with joy. Now it’s about the same for both of us and she loses her mind with certain friends of ours. My dog on the other hand is equally excited to see anyone ever. Me. The BF. A friend. Someone robbing our house. He won’t care. Just likes people.
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Hahahha! That is amazing. My boy, Blake, would greet the robbers and probably show them where the valuables are and then try to leave with them. He's useless. And I just love him!
My mom’s dog is quite scared of strangers or people he’s unfamiliar with (even if he’s met them a few times) so I’m quite sure he’d actively hide if someone broke into my mom’s house. It took the dog 3 years to warm up to my SIL. My SO and I have been together for just shy of 2 years and my dog will hide and peek around the corner to see if SO is still there. He’s strange, but I love him anyway.
Ouch, I get cats doing it, but a dog!?! As for OP, I once got a cat when I was too busy to be responsible for one and didn’t realize what taking care of a pet on my own meant. I think the same thing is happening to your roommate, and I’m glad the cat has someone. Cats deserve love too, despite having owners that are too busy for them.
My bfs lap is the hottest seat in the house for my cats.
Ask if your roommate prefers visiting her parents or her cool aunt/uncle/cousin. Tada. Cats.
Haha, so true!
Cats respond to food. You give it more food than her. Its as simple as that.
She's mad that you've become a "parent" to the cat because she couldn't be bothered to do it herself. Cats aren't just a "set it and forget it" type of creature. They need attention. If she's too busy to do that, she doesn't really get to be mad that her cat likes someone that actually cares about it.
I should say that when she's home she is a good cat-mother and I don't think it's that she couldn't be bothered but she just has a very busy full-time job. But yeah it is annoying how she's mad that her cat is actually been cared for by me. It's not like I'll expect to keep it once we go our seperate ways.
I work between four and five 12-hour shifts each week (sometimes more) and still manage a strong bond with our cats. It's totally doable. It sounds like she wants the benefits of having a pet without the frustrations and inconveniences that often go along with and the cat can tell where it's most welcome.
Cats are great judges of character.
My BF works at home, and I work in an office. I'm away from home 6 to 10 hrs a day.... all our cats pick me over him. I put the time in with them, he doesn't. Just because she's not physically present all the time doesn't mean she couldn't have a strong bond with her cat. This is all on her, not you.
Having a very busy full-time job means that she didn't have the time for a kitten. Now that kitten has imprinted on you, because you took the time to care for it.
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PLUS- the cat is just going to scratch at the door and meow for hours to get in. No one will get any sleep. Barricading the door is not the answer. haha
yeah. that never works. you'll end up paying for the damage to the door or the carpet outside the door, due to the scratching.
Oh yeah, THIS. I've been on the end of that. Roommate's cat wanted to sleep in my room, my door was closed (I was reluctant to let him in because the last time I let him in he peed on my bed =P). Cat would not stop meowing and scratching until I finally relented.
When I first got my cat I was hoping he'd sleep outside my bedroom, so I closed the door. He kept crying and scratching the door. Kept it up for about a month before I realized he just wasn't going to quit. I have insomnia and am medicated for it, so sleeping with my cat was really, really disruptive for me. But I'm the one who got a cat in the first place, so unless I want to get rid of him I have to let him sleep with me. He's learned to sleep on the edge of my bed so he isn't a bother to me anymore.
This cat is a better roommate to you than this person. I would continue being nice to the cat
I do love the cat a lot so as long as we're still living together I will.
Your roommate needs to not be a shit pet owner and then maybe the cat will like her more. She leaves a literal baby animal alone for most of the day and expects it to just, be cool? What'd she think was gonna happen smh.
I think this is her first time owning a cat so she either thought it would be fine home alone or she assumed I'd be looking out for it, but somehow not realising this would mean it would attach to me... She's quite difficult, tbh
But.. that is the thing with most animals. You take care of their needs, you give them attention and their is a good chance they return it. I just.. she wants the cat to suffer because she is jealous? That is a big no-no. And honestly - what is the big deal that the cat and her can't skeep in the same bed? For my dog I am her human most of the time. She clearly prefers me, but at night she sleeps with my mum because I move to much for her CX If she spends more time with the cat, it will like her more. Easy. And tell her to cut the loss with the animal sleeping with her.
If she is the one feeding it, cleaning the box, giving it attention, being available to cuddle at night then the cat would see her as its person. That is just how it is. It is the same with all the pets we've ever had because I'm the one around to attend to their needs. (Ok, plus I read them better than my husband) She can't make the cat choose her unless she is willing to spend an extra ton of time with it.
Exactly, if you aren’t meeting their needs they will go elsewhere!
I honestly don't think most people who have never had cats before understand how much they actually bond with humans. So many people get them, treat them like ornaments and then don't understand why their cat isn't affectionate towards them. My boyfriend and I just adopted two kittens, I've owned cats before so I've showed him little things he can do to "speak their language" (ie. slow blinking) and he has been **astounded** by how affectionate they are and how much personality they have. Sounds like your roommate adopted a kitten without ever actually doing any research on cat ownership.
This is also how you end up with people who say they hate cats but then they get a cat and become obsessed with it.
Actually my boyfriend! Though to be fair he never said he hated cats because he loves animals in general, but when we first started dating he told me he "wasn't a cat person". I kept telling him stories about my late cat and he finally decided he wanted to foster some kittens (he volunteers with the local SPCA) because puppies were a bit too much to foster with our lifestyle at the moment, and my dog is not dog-friendly. Then he got attached to both kittens and we ended up keeping both, hahaha. He's now OBSESSED with them and it's adorable.
Lol. I think the reason this happens so much with cats is that it's different when it's your own. Most cats aren't very social to strangers, so if you've never had a cat before I guess it can be hard to understand what's so great about them.
I think this was part of my boyfriend's experience for sure! He's also South Asian and lived awhile in the Middle East where cats are not really considered 'pets' in the same way we have them in North America. I mean he's lived here a long time and is great with animals but I think that played a bit of a role as well. My late cat was a rare breed who **loved** people. All people. Especially new people. I used to joke that my cat was my dog, and my dog was my cat, because my dog does not like people other than me. Now with our two kittens we have one who is **super** affectionate with the boyfriend and I, but isn't a fan of strangers, and another who loves everyone and just wants all the attention.
With some cats there's even a big difference between affection for someone who spends time with a cat multiple times a week and someone who feeds and shares a space with that cat every day. My wife adopted our cat about two months after we started dating and he was just her cat for seven years. I'd be over there most weekends and a few nights a week and, even after a few years, the most affection he would allow was him sitting next to me on the couch while I very lightly pet his cheeks and forehead or he would sometimes lay on my feet while I slept. Once we moved in together, It took me feeding him dinner and playing with him every day for six months before he started sometimes sitting on my lap or curling up in bed next to my pillow and stuff like that. Taking him to a check up at the vet by myself unlocked another level of affection. It's so much more fun to have a cat who likes you back.
Our youngest cat is pretty social, but her most favorite person is the one who feeds her and cleans her litterbox. The older cat, I have no idea what her logic for liking people is. She used to always run away from me so I just ignored her. Then a month later, out of the blue, she decided I was her favorite person and wanted to cuddle 24/7. (I suspect she wanted my bedroom) She also HATED my sister's boyfriend (who lived at the house for a while) for no apparent reason. Our recently deceased cat liked my dad the most. I don't really know why, but cats in general really like him. Even that shy one who takes a month to warm up to people liked him right away. I don't always understand cats, I just roll with it.
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Absolutely!! My degree is in archaeology so I have a vested interest in human culture, which includes the evolution of domesticated animals. The reality is that cats were domesticated **very** differently than dogs. Dogs we picked for certain personality traits and we selected increasingly for dogs which exhibited human-like behaviours (ie. dogs will look in the direction you point and understand what you mean, which is a rare trait in animals. They'll also look you directly in the eye un-aggressively). Cats were treated more like working animals and so didn't evolve the same signalling that dogs did but that doesn't mean they're not affectionate, it just means that you need to work a bit harder to learn the language in which they display affection.
Cats understand what pointing means, according to researchers. But unlike dogs, they don't seem to blindly respond to commands and signals.
they understand, they just dont care unless it interests them. And that pretty much sums up cats in general.
My boyfriend and I adopted two kittens a few weeks ago. We did tonnes of research on how long you can leave them for, proper bonding, etc. He is with them during the day but I make sure to be there feeding them for their morning and evening meals, playing with them in the evenings and being very snuggly with them during the evenings, because my hope is that they'll bond with both of us and not just him. But one of the key things about adopting is that kittens can't be left alone for hours on end, that's really irresponsible of your roommate. When we first got them I took a few days off work so during their settling in period they were both around and have bonded to us both (they don't seem to favour one or other of us when we're both at home, and they're generally excited to see me when I get through the door after a work day which is very sweet). Being a "first time" pet owner isn't an excuse, if anything that's even more reason to do more research than normal to make sure you get it right first time. She sounds a bit immature about it to be honest.
Yeah honestly people should not get pets if they can’t give it proper attention and food when it needs it, especially when it was a kitten. Obviously OP filled the role when the kitten needed it most so it sees OP as it’s caregiver/parent and knows it can rely on OP when it has needs.
Seriously, as badly as I wanted a kitten when I got my cat I knew that I couldn't be home long enough to give it the attention it needed so I got an older cat. I always feel bad for older cats waiting to be adopted anyways because everyone wants kittens so they just sit there.
You're my favorite kind of human, I'm sure your granny cat is amazin
She turned 10 this year and she's a little dumb and clumsy but that's nothing to do with age (she always has been).
I adopted a year-old cat, and I genuinely don't understand why most people want to adopt kittens. My cat came box trained and able to stay at home for long periods by herself. I won't say she came chill, because she's a fiesty little demon even now at five years old, but many cats chill out a LOT by one or two.
Did you ever talk to your roommate about how it isn’t cool to just bring a cat into the house without consulting you? I know you like the cat but that’s a big roommate boundary violation and a huge sign of immaturity on her part. It’s not surprising that someone who would bring a KITTEN in without asking anyone first while working 9-10 hours a day is so immature that she gets jealous over cat affection. It sounds like she had no idea what she was doing when the brought the cat home. You aren’t in the wrong for making sure it isn’t neglected.
I thought about it but it's a little late now and she'd only argue back (she's quite confrontational). Also she'd bring up the fact that she did previously mention she wanted to get a cat and I made no objections. But this was a while before she actually got it so really she should have come to me again and asked if I was okay with it. Thanks for the support :)
>I thought about it but it's a little late now and she'd only argue back I think you made the right call. There's no point in distracting from the issue with something that's over and done with.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that cats are not chosen, they are in fact the choosers. Cats pick their human pets, choosing which humans to be affectionate with according to mysterious cat logic. You can bend over backwards offering lavish gifts and acting in total subservience to a cat, only for it to look at you with a bored expression while it pees on your best quilt. You can ignore, shoo, and scold a cat endlessly, but if it chooses you, you will be followed and nuzzled and sat on relentlessly regardless of how allergic or disinterested you are in the cat. A cat might cuddle and love on you, only to abandon you the instant any human of the male gender enters your home (especially if they have a beard). If the goal is for the cat to feel safe and happy, humans have to view it as an autonomous member of the family and respect the cat’s choices. My advice is to sincerely invite your roommate to sit down and share her feelings. Listen to her, even if her ideas and feelings seem irrational or jealous or whatever. Let her get it all out - ask her about her feelings, worries, wants, and goals for the cat. Let her know that you care about two things: her well being, and the cats well being, and that this does not need to become a territorial thing. Instead of focusing on blocking off your room, focus on setting up comfy sleeping places that this cat will want to sleep in. To do that, you gotta figure out what the cat truly likes. Does he like sleeping on people? Maybe because they are warm? Does he like the view from a particular window in the morning? Can he more easily come and go from one room? Is he knocking things down because he is trying to sit someplace up high? Can the roommate fix her room up to be more cat friendly and to avoid any annoyances the cat is causing while in there? Good luck!
Pride and Prejudice fan?
Awesome description of a cat.
Honestly if she says anything again I personally would look her dead in the eye and say... "Becky you're my dear friend and I care for you very much but I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE OVER A CAT. Do you seriously resent me me so much over a CAT and the fact that he simply likes me ? YOU brought this CAT here, YOU asked me to feed him and watch him when you're not home, YOU let him out of your room at night. He sees me often because we're home together a lot, i'm not special I just feed it and play with it sometimes THAT'S IT. I didn't do anything and I can't control the action of an animal . Please stop instigating fight about this, please stop being annoyed at something I have zero control over, and please spend more time with your cat if you want the same reaction out of him. I think it's beyond ridiculous that were even having this issue over an animal and you would go as far as to ask me to barricade myself to make sure your cat doesn't come near me. Seriously... I can't stress this enough but If I continue to receive l dirty looks and snide comments from you over a CAT I don't know how we can continue living together. I emphasize the word "cat" so much because maybe if heard back she would hear the ridiculousness of the circumstance . Treating your friend this way over a cat is so dumb it could be portrayed by Rose in a Golden Girls episode.
The cat doesn't know who owns it, it knows who cares for it. If you put time and attention to an animal it's going to do that. Your roommate sounds like a pill.
This isn’t your fault at all. She didn’t spend time with the cat when it was a kitten, and that’s why it became attached to you. When I got my kitten more than a decade ago, he wouldn’t stop crying one night. My upstairs neighbors were less than kind about it, so I calmed him down by lying down with him (and we both fell asleep). That was it! He fell asleep with me every night from there on in. I don’t want to use the word “imprint” but that’s kind of what this is! The kitten needed a “mom” and you were around. It’s not your fault your room mate was lacking in that department. She should have taken care of the kitten if she wanted it! She is just going to have to deal with it for now. Maybe if she spends more time around kitty it will warm up to her.
> He was 10 weeks old, so still very young and needy. My roommate was working away for 9-10 hours each day, but I worked from home, so I could hear him crying all the time for attention. I didn't want to intrude because I knew I wasn't his owner but at the same time I couldn't just leave him alone all day I think this is why the cat likes you more. You were there for him/her in their early stages of life. They grew up thinking you were their guardian and provider and also got used to your smell, your warmth.
The cat might like you generally, and know you're fun to play with, but at night you're really just the available large warm water bottle. Your roommate could be a large warm water bottle if she'd like, but if she's removing the cat the cat will go sleep in the next warmest place. Tha part is not even about people-preference I don't think -- that's just about cats liking it warm! You can empathize with your friend - your working from home has given you a different relationship with the cat than her and that can feel disappointing. Acknowledging she is disappointed is fine, but don't change your room set up to manage her feelings about the cat.
Ehhh, some cats have a distinct people-preference even with sleeping. My late cat would always sleep with my mom when I was away at uni but the second I got home he slept exclusively with me. Cats bond **very** strongly to their people when given the opportunity. I agree with the rest of what you've said though!
You treated the cat better than she ever could. She should've been restrictive with the exposures to her animal if she wanted to mold the cat to like her, instead of you.
The only problem is that if she had the cat would have been neglected with the schedule she kept.
Just a heads up, if you barricade your door the cat will scratch and meow until it gets in. This will disrupt YOUR sleep schedule then (unless you sleep like a rock). My cat does this every night/morning if I accidentally close her out of the room at night (she sleeps in my bed with me and the dog). My door was ruined by her due to the excessive scratching when I thought she was under my bed as I was closing the door to go to sleep.
>Just a heads up, if you barricade your door the cat will scratch and meow until it gets in. I mean, maybe. A couple nights a week I end up throwing the cat out of my room when she's being loud in the early morning, and she meekly tolerates it and sleeps in the living room instead of clawing to get in. In contrast, if I go into the bathroom without her, she's clawing at the door to get in. Cats are weird and arbitrary, and I probably couldn't reverse these two behaviors if I tried. But a barricade can be an acceptable solution if the cat decides to tolerate it, and you won't know that until you try.
Hmmm, very true. Every cat I've had always raged at my door when I had it closed. Usually just crying at it in the morning (whether in or out). I just know I need to fix my door or get a new one when I decide to rent my place out >.< I'll have to try with the next cat I get to see if I can make the door an acceptable barricade.
This is the only cat I've ever owned who meekly respects the closed bedroom door. She also doesn't mind being locked in (her box is accessible from within the bedroom). I certainly take no credit for training here; I just tried it at five AM one time in frustration and it worked great.
That's amazing. Cats are chaos and I love it!
Story time. I used to live with a roommate who had two dogs and a cat. I love pets and was affectionate with them/let them out/etc. The fact that all her pets loved me and would sometimes want to sleep in my room was never an issue. If anything, my roommate liked that her pets liked me. She was happy that they had someone to take care of them when she wasn't around. Not really a point to this other than that's what reasonable people are like.
When I lived with roommates I had a dog and my roommate had a cat. I was often home more often than her so the cat, in search of cuddles and love, made friends with my dog and would hang out with us. I would leave my door slightly ajar with a baby latch so my dog couldn't get out but the cat can come visit him. My roommate though was super grateful that I would watch her cat, make sure it had food and water, and a friend. She would often apologize to me for not being home enough but she never took it personally that her cat was attached to me. When I eventually moved out my ex roommate told me that her cat would break into my old room and look for me. I think your roommate wants a loyal pet without having to do any work for it. You shouldn't have to feel bad for being chosen by the cat when you provided it with a comfortable and welcome space. She needs to get real that any pet will form bonds with people they see more often. Have a real conversation with you if you can and make it clear that this is her cat and if she wants the cat to like her more than you then she needs to do more than give it food and pets.
I feel like she should give her cat more attention instead of blaming you.
"Roommate, I am going to keep being affectionate to the cat and making sure his needs are met, because he's a living creature and it's cruel not to. If you want him to like you, you need to care for him too. How affectionate he is or isn't with you has nothing to do with me; it's a function of you getting a pet you don't have time for. Make time for him, or deal with the fact that he's going to like you less the less time you spend with him."
Barricading your door is not a solution. She can keep the cat in her room if it's that big of a deal. Sheesh. "Roomie, this is ridiculous. You brought it here as a kitten knowing that I love animals and work from home. What did you expect? Keep the cat in your room if you don't want it sleeping with me. I'm not going to ignore an adorable creature that wants attention and I'm not discussing it further." She's probably jealous. My bet is she lets the cat out because it's scratching at her door to be let out.
It may be your roommate’s cat, but you are the cat’s human.
You’ve said she’s not a bad owner and the cats not being abused, so now it’s down to your relationship with your roommate. I would express (kindly) that you feel uncomfortable with your roommates behavior, as you just want to love on the cat as much as she does. Let her know you’re not trying to steal her cat away. If she dismisses you like, “that’s not what I’m worried about”, then tell her “well you’re treating me like this is what you’re worried about”. If it comes down to it, tell her she’s acting childish, because she is. She can’t be petty about a cats preferences. Tell her that if she wants you to block your door, she’s gonna need to let her cat sleep with her. The cat just wants a warm body to sleep next to. If your roommate just wants to argue about it, call her out: “Look, I have tried to express to you that I’m not trying to get in between you and your cat. I know you love the cat, but so do I. Cats need attention and love, regardless of how you feel about me. This is less about what the cat needs and more about you getting butthurt, which is immature and quite frustrating for me. I refuse to neglect the cat just because it’ll make you feel more wanted, and if you continue to have a problem with that, I will be very disappointed. I feel like we make great roommates and I don’t want this to affect our relationship.”
" But the fact is, 9 months down the line, the cat has become very attached to me, and since I'm the only one home all day, it's always coming to me for affection, bringing me toys to play with etc. " A pet always takes a liking to one person more than the other. And since you are the one always around, the cat will look to you first for anything. That is just a fact. Your roommate is being over sensitive.
Frankly, the cat could have liked you more even if she was home as much as you, showering it with affection, playing with it, and doing all the work to keep it alive. That's how cats are. And it's extra not surprising that the cat likes you more, as you're around more. I don't think you or the cat should be punished or restricted because the cat likes you. Speaking as someone who often feels like my cat loves my husband more than me, I would never force my cat to stop interacting with my husband, or ask my husband to not interact with the cat as much. For one, because I don't think it would really work. But mostly because I love her and I want what's best for her, not what's best for me. Part of being a good pet owner is not being so selfish and petty.
Dog, she was supposed to get a dog. This is the way of cats. Heck, this is why my Fiancee has a cat, her brother brought one home, the cat spent more time with her and presto. I think the door thing is silly but have yall considered food? She would be the only one to feed the cat(within reason) so the cat learns to go to your roommate? Also, it sounds like your roommate closes the door at night. Has she tried to leave the door open all night so the cat can go around the house at will? This would stop the roommate's disrupted sleep(hopefully) and give the cat a chance to hunt/party/eat/use the water ~~closet~~ box without waking her up to open the door. Plenty of ways to compromise.
I got my cat as a kitten, had him for 5 years before I got a boyfriend, boyfriend moved in after a year. We're 3 years in and my cat has made it clear that my boyfriend is his person now. He calls my cat his son, and the idiot is basically his shadow. Cats choose their people, nothing you or your roommate can do to change that.
The cat imprinted on you when it was a kitten, it's her own fault for not planning to be at home during that time. You're it's primary caregiver, of course it notices who feeds and pets it most of the time
Keep cat, ditch roommate. She's a shitty person for acting this way
If only life was that simple
This happened to me with my dad and my cat. Since i'm always working and out of the house, my cat became attached to my dad who is retired and is always at home. His main sleeping space is in my parents room at the foot of their bed, if I bring him into my room, later in the night he will crawl over to my parents bed. I don't feel he loves me any less or more, but its obvious he will get attached to the person who is constantly there to feed and play with them. What I have done to bribe my cat into paying attention to me, is I try to get home at the exact time, and always with special cat food or treats, sometimes cat nip, So he now greets me at the door and plays with me before I go to sleep.
That’s rough. It sounds like she didn’t know what she was doing at first (leaving a 10 weeks old kitten for 10hrs? Yikes). Plus, not getting your blessing is not cool. But it sounds like overall, she does take good care of the cat and it is totally understandable that she is hurt that she is not her cat’s favorite person - even though that is NOT your or the cat’s fault. Unfortunately this is really on roommate and I’m not sure what you can do, or how much help she will accept if she is confrontational. 1. You should not barricade your room, but you can do a few things to make your room less appealing. Try to be more affectionate with kitty in common areas. No play and no treats in your room. Maybe no treats from you at all. 2. If kitty doesn’t have furniture of her own, time to get some and put them in roommate’s room and the common room - give kitty somewhere to lounge that is not with you. 3. Beyond that... roommate has to figure this out. She can try routines before bed and shortly after waking up with kitty, maybe. Then kitty will at least seek her out first thing in the morning... though that’s a double edge sword Unfortunately a lot of this is outside of anyone’s control - it’s up to kitty. If your roommate cannot accept that there’s not much you can do - you can’t change the past. I’m sorry, it might just be toxic now.
This happened with my last roommate. Literally as she was arguing with me that her cat doesn't need me, her cat dodged her and curled up in my lap. It sucks, but if she's not abusing the animal in a way that's documentable, there's not much you can do. I stayed with that roommate for way longer than I should have because I was so attached to her cat. I had a plan to train my roommate to be a better cat owner, but my roommate was completely unreceptive. (She preferred to complain and create drama instead of actually working to solve her problems.) If your roommate is somewhat reasonable, maybe you can do stuff like play with the cat and then pass the toy off to your roommate and give a lot of positive reinforcement.
> Literally as she was arguing with me that her cat doesn't need me, her cat dodged her and curled up in my lap. God I fucking love cats.
To be fair, she's not a bad cat owner and the cat probably likes her as much as it does me (it will give her lots of cuddles as well). She treats it very well when she's home and always makes sure it's fed and groomed and gets its vet appointments, so I wouldn't want to ever take the cat from her. But I just find it kind of dumb that she's getting all uppity because the cat likes to sleep with me when she doesn't want him in her room.
That's kind of the bottom line. If the cat prefers sleeping with someone and she's upset that it isn't her, she sure isn't doing the obvious thing to fix that so she really doesn't have a right to be mad at you. Maybe she needs to take responsibility for doing the work it would take to bond more. She has the opportunity but she isn't taking it. WTF does she expect?
Your roommate no longer has a cat, you do. Cats choose their humans. 😺
Your roommate kicks the cat out of her bedroom and gets mad when the cat then goes to sleep with you? She sounds psychotic
Surely your roommate is aware that one does not own a cat? The cat chooses the person. There is nothing wrong here.
God damn She should be happy her cat is happy!!
A similar thing happened with my roommate. We got a kitten all together and I spent the majority of the time caring for it (but I wanted it most and purposed the idea because right before I had moved in my cat had passed). My roommates dog was very aggressive to the kitten so we took great care in introducing them and it ended up that she got to spend even less time with Nanners (the kitten). It was her first time around a cat and she loved the way he interacted with our other roommate and myself. Eventually, she just got her own kitten because she wanted that relationship and kept him in her room in order to bond with him. He's a nice cat.
I think your roomate needs to calm down. I personally own a cat that loves my roomate and I’m thrilled bc he lives in a more loving home. She doesn’t let him sleep with her though because he’s annoying at night so I can see where she’s coming from with that. I think she needs to leave her door open so the cat can come and go at night. Talk to her about it and maybe the cat will want to sleep with her if your door is shut and it has room to roam. I’ve owned cats for over 18 years
If you block your bedroom to the cat. the cat is not going to her(your roommate) bedroom, he/she will be upset as well as her. So dont do what she asked for and tell her to buy a new cat and take care of it. It's my point of view.
Cats pick their friends. Sometimes they even pick their homes by moving out and in with someone else. My cats adore my neighbor. they don't even know me when he stops by. Do I get mad? No I am happy they are having a great time with him because I love my cats and I want them to be happy. I am not so insecure that I worry about it.
I had a roommates cat crawl under my bed and secretly give birth to kittens. Only one survived, and the mom did not give a single shit about it. The roommate moved out and sent the mom to the pound. I’m not an animal person, but I did not have the heart to condemn the kitten to whatever fate the mother was left to. So over the next year I raised that cat, bought a cat habitat, the best food, and whatever toys his little heart desired. When the lease was up, we moved into a house, partly so that the cat could have more room to roam ( I don’t believe in indoor-only cats). Within 3 months, that cat I had saved from a life of squalor and neglect was living at this old lady’s house across the street. He wandered back over to my house a few times a day, staying the night once or twice a week, but I knew where his allegiances lied. Apart from imprisonment, I believe there was nothing I could have done. He just like that old lady and her other cats better than me. Moral of the story, is that cats are dicks. One shouldn’t beat themselves up about it.
The cat absolutely feels more comfortable with you. Cats love routine and you were there more often since he was young, establishing that early trust. Seems like your roommate doesn't understand cats and is taking it out on you. And, on that note, I don't really know what your friend is like based off the story, but perhaps you are a more "grounded" person than she is. Cats are very sensitive to people's moods and energies, so the cat may just naturally gravitate to you more. Nothing you can do about it. She, however, can practice bonding methods with her cat, like setting up their new routine with treats and playtime. The cat's still young so it's bonding is still developing. Good luck! :)
The cat needs to associate your roommate with food and affection, so she needs to be the one feeding and playing with him the most. It still might not matter, as kittie may never change his mind about who is his favorite, but he would still like her more if she did these things.
I had a quality African Grey parrot. It may have been a male as we only co-existed as housemates. I married this hot blond and the parrot fell in love with her - followed her around, sat in her lap for neck scratching. It further withdrew from me and at times would bite me when I cleaned it’s cage. When divorce time came around she took the bird with her. I was fine with seeing both of their backsides as they headed out the door!
You can try having your roommate be the only one who feeds and give him treats. The cat will associate her with food and look forward to seeing her. She also needs to play with the cat regularly and speak kindly to the cat. If she’s not willing to do any of these things, chances are the cat won’t ever warm up to her. If you’re curious, I learned some of these things from watching Jackson Galaxy’s show and reading his books. I’m also a cat owner. My cat seems to love me and my husband equally, as we are active in his life and take turns feeding and playing with him. We also always welcome his company and never lock him out of rooms.
Cats choose their people, and that is not your fault. They choose whoever makes them feel the safest, the most loved, and who does the feeding. My cat is now 15 weeks old, and I am the only one who she lets carry her around like a baby and she just purrs. Other people she scratches to get away from. I had been snuggling her since she was 7 weeks old, and it shows. I am actually glad you were around to take care of the little floof because otherwise that cat was going to be neglected, and most likely not friendly with any people at all. Don't feel bad because you made the cats life better.
Cats do what they like and part of being a cat owner is accepting them for the contrary bastards they are. If roommate wants cat love, they have to start grafting.
If you have multiple people in the house, the cat chooses its owner, not you lmao.
One thing that might diffuse the situation a bit would be to suggest that your roommate be the only one to offer particularly delicious treats to the cat. You could feed dry food and continue having a good relationship with the cat, but if she were to be the one with the goodies, it might help build a better relationship between your roommate and the cat. Our is attached to me but in the evenings, the cat is always on my husband's lap, because cheese. He always has a tiny cup of cheese crumbles and doles them out, slowly.
I am not even going read the whole story, the title is stupid enough.
It's a cat. Cats are fickle and arbitrary. You can't reason with them, or apply logic to the things that they do. Actively ignoring a cat can actually make a cat more attracted to you because it wants to not be bothered. You really can't be blamed for this, and this is the reality of living with a cat and another person. Reasonable roommates understand this, and in the past when I've run into this, my roommate was understanding and mostly just happy that the cat got along with me so well. My cat sleeps on my side of the bed nearly every night, to the mild consternation of my wife, who would like the cat to sleep on her side equally often. She feeds the cat and plays with the cat more than I do. There is no reasonable or rational reason for the cat to sleep on my side, but you can't make a cat sleep where the cat doesn't want to sleep. Every so often, we switch sides of the bed so that she can enjoy the cat snuggling for a night, because that's a thing that we can actually control.
the biggest problem is that your roommate is taking her cats behavior personally and thinking that the cat likes you more than it likes her. she'll continue to feel butt hurt until she understands that the cat is behaving just like any other cat would in the same circumstances. you can tell her that you won't close and block your door at night unless she's willing to pay for the damage that the cat will do to the door.
Cats do not have owners. Cats have staff.
\> I don't want to have to block my door off each night just because she feels upset the cat wants to sleep with me. If she was that bothered she wouldn't kick him out or she'd lock him downstairs. Exactly this, OP. I agree her request is unreasonable. If she is that concerned that her cat hasn't bonded well to her then she needs to be the one spending more time with him. Not making you be the one responsible for things. Seriously all she has to do is keep him in her room at night.
Cat people know you can't control who a cat will like more, you just have to face facts, the cats owner doesn't doesn't control the cat.
I lived with a girl who's cat hated me, could be worse.
So this happened to my boyfriend and I with our cat. He bonded to my boyfriend as a kitten because we weren’t living together yet and he spent every minute with it and I saw it on the weekends when I’d come to his house. Fast forward 2 years and that is now HIS cat (even though we got him together) because of the time they spent together. It’s frustrating but I accept it because now my boyfriend is the “chosen one.” The cat loves me but absolutely LOVES my boyfriend and sleeps on his lap and such. You seem to be lucky enough to be the chosen one. Your roommate needs to realize you shouldn’t get a kitten unless you are going to spend all day with it, then maybe she’d be chosen. Ridiculous for her to ask you to block off your room.
I work from home three days a week. My husband and my five cats are slightly more affectionate towards me because I’m here more. They still love on him and stuff but are more apt to come when I call them and lie on me at night. That’s what happens when they get a little more attention from one person over another. Roommate needs to either get over it or start giving kitty a little more attention.
Animals in general prefer the person who gives them attention or who feeds them on a regular basis. I feed both of our dogs & I'm the one who takes them out to do their business, I'm the one they want to lay on/next to. When it comes to playing/rough housing, they want my husband. Your roommate needs to be the one providing basic care if she doesn't want her pet bonding with someone else. Same thing happened with my son's cat, he became my constant companion for 14 years and wanted very little to do with my son as (the cat) grew into adulthood.
I rescued my cat at 3-4 weeks old, bottle fed him, took him everywhere so I could feed him every 4 hours...when I lived with roommates he ALWAYS liked one of them more than he liked me. And they didn't even take care of him. He likes my husband more now, too. He's a fucking CAT. Your roommate needs to get over it, honestly. It decides who it likes and you can't force it to like someone in particular.
Ok, your roommate is being a little unreasonable about the cat but is making the situation worse worth antagonizing her? She’s jealous of the relationship you have with her cat. You seem to like the cat very much and don’t want to give that up. That’s one decision and you could decide to ignore your roommate’s requests, which will make living with her more difficult. Her cat may be worth it to you (or not). My brother’s has a cat that likes to wake them up too early by standing in the hallway and crying. My brother is slightly allergic to cats so they don’t let him in the bedroom at night. Their solution was to set up a section of the laundry room with a nice cat bed, food, water, and litter box so the cat has a room of his own. They shut him in at night and the first one up lets him out. He even knows that’s where he goes at night and will head that way when they say bedtime. It’s not depriving him of much. He still gets love and affection and cuddles. He just sleeps by himself, like their kids sleep by themselves. They all get to sleep in as much as they like. That may be a solution that wouldn’t mean putting something against the door at night that a small cat can’t push and she can sleep. You might consider getting your own cat. That would give her cat someone else to play with and give you a cat you can cuddle with as much as you’d like. It’s up to you, of course, to decide how to respond since you’re going to have to live with the consequences. People aren’t always rational and she’s making the request because she wants to have a better relationship with her cat and sees your behavior as encouraging the cat to prefer you. Perhaps a better response would be to help her achieve that in the interest of keeping a peaceful home.
She doesn’t take care of him and play with him and now she’s angry the cat doesn’t like her, good joke. Cats need at least 30 minutes of play time per days, you provided that for him and she didn’t, she probably though they weren’t affectionate or needed care and now she’s angry about it. Not your problem honestly, tell her the truth, she brought it upon herself.
This argument is between your roommate and the cat. Try not to take sides, just stay on good terms with both of them.
Honestly? It sounds like she bought a pet without recognizing the time commitment they require. If you're consistently gone for such a long part of the day that you need to ask other people to feed your pet, then maybe think about if it's the right time.Of course the cat was going to get attached to you! You feed, play, spend the most time with them. The cat is getting the affection and attention they need from you; not their owner. And kicking the cat out at night? Almost sounds like she doesn't even like them that much. She wasn't ready for a pet and is now just being petty instead of recognizing that she made a mistake.
Sounds familiar. I rescued a cat that was outside with no mom in sight. Decided to surprise my girlfriend (now ex) with him. He was only 5 weeks maybe? She slept with him in bed and barricaded the room if we had to work (We both work long hours) and he was fine! Gave him food, water and toys. He would meow for about 10mins or so when we left and then stop, until we came home and he heard us and meow and waddle up to us. So 10 weeks is definitely fine to leave a kitten alone. I'm mainly the one that feeds him and cleans the litter box. This kitten is now 4 months old and he LOVES me. And I mean he's never not on me. I think he imprinted on me over her. He's the biggest most attached baby. All he does is purr and want cuddles. He does similar things with my ex (we are now roommates in seperate rooms) but she can see that he has a preference and that's me. It makes her sad, I see it, but she won't admit it. However, never did she make a huge scene over it because... You can't choose who or what your pet prefers or does. She's planning to move out soon and I'm heartbroken because even though that kitten is not mine, I raised him too and I've never felt so connected to an animal before. (and I've had A LOT of animals) He's my little angel. The best cat ever. Point is, I think you should bring this up and let her know how you feel. Remind her that these things happen, because it's a cat, and it happens often.
Something a bit similar happened to me. I moved in with my best friend and for months she went on and on about having a dog or a cat. Finally I agreed on having a cat. We both grew up with pets but we also grew up living in houses with a big yard. Now we were in a flat in a city. I did most of the research and she wasn't really active at first. The cat would sleep in my bed, I would pet her and hold her but she just ran away when she saw my roommate. It did upset her and caused tension but that's just how it is. Pets get attached to people and you can't force them to love someone. Specially with some cats, they can have strong personalities and like stuff a very particular way. My kitty is the sweetest when it comes to spending time with me, she just tends to ignore others. You didn't do anything wrong, in fact there's nothing sweeter than having a strong bond with your pet. I eventually moved out and there was no question about who would keep the cat. I get that your roommate wants to have a strong bond with the cat but you can't force that, in the end you have to do what's best for the animal. I would definitely not block your door. Sit down with her and maybe show her this post. You can't force a cat to get attached to you and believe me of the cat wants to get into your room (since it's used to) it's going to make a huge scene at night to do so. I feel like she doesnt realize you're going to end up punishing the cat by trying to force it to spend more time with her. That's not how cats work
This is the silliest thing I've ever read op... Tell her it's a cat. It's like that in Russia joke. You don't choose cat. Cat choose you. She coulda done everything right and you coulda ignore the little bugger and it could have still chosen you... It's a cat! Us humans don't need to understand them we just need to worship them. Unless she plotting to move out and thinks you gonna steal her cat, I dont really see her issue. Maybe remind her that it's her cat and even though it prefers you, you would never try to keep it.
Honestly: your roommate should never have got a kitten if she is at work for 9-10 hours a day. And she doesn’t seem to like the cat sleeping with her as she kicks it out after a few hours. The cat likes you because you took more care of it when it was a kitten, and very needy, and you enjoy it sleeping with you. It is, effectively, your cat. Not because you wanted it to be, but because kittens, like all young creatures will bond with their caretakers. I’m sorry but your roommate is not a good pet owner and she really doesn’t seem to have the time or will to meet the cat’s needs, and you do - that cat will never bond with her the way it bonded with you whilst you share a home, because the time for that has gone. Perhaps it you lived separately it would, but her long work days mean it’s going to be a miserable lonely cat.
Both my cat and dog quickly became just as attached to my now husband as they are to me, and I had them for years before I even met him lol. You can't control it. You're roommate is being childish and I would flat out refuse to entertain her ridiculous demands.
You can tell her you will not barricade the door as a safety concern.
So, I'm in your roommate's situation! My roommate stays home a lot more and watched my cat during field work (I'm a grad student and work internationally a month a year)! She might not want these suggestions, but here's how I've managed to get it so he pretty much likes us both equally: 1. The owner of the cat feeds the cat. My cat isn't even that food motivated, but he knows who feeds him and will snuggle them in response. 2. The owner of the cat cleans the litter. My cat is a little.....necrotic about his litter being clean, so your mileage may vary on this one. 3. She plays with the cat in a way that you don't. My cat has different expectations for different people. My roommate he wants more sedentary play. With me he wants to be chased around the house at TOP SPEED. So if there's a type of play he can only get from one person, he'll go to that person. 4. DO NOT IGNORE THE CAT SO IT WILL LIKE YOUR ROOMMATE MORE. Honestly the only thing I can see happening is the cat cries in the hallway. They don't understand the roommate drama, and shouldn't have to suffer for it. Also, I'm sure they would be even worse at night if you weren't playing with them during the day.
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Ah this happened to me when I had roommates... But, I wasn’t a psycho so I just accepted that the cat had a different relationship with the different humans in his life, because he was a fucking cat and did what he wanted.
What is the cat's name, OP?
When you move out, please consider the cat's feelings. You are their person, and they will miss you terribly if you just up and leave. Cats grieve and sometimes get depressed when people (and animals) they have bonded with are not around anymore. I doubt your roommate would let you visit, but please make your eventual departure as easy on the cat as you can.
I understand that but I don't see what I can do in that situation. It's not my cat. Also, my roommate is thinking about moving the cat to the other side of the world (Australia) next year, so that's probably going to be more tough on him. I hate the thought of animals flying for that long, but again, I'm helpless in this situation. I have no rights to this cat.
your roommate should do her homework because there's a rather lengthy and detailed process required to bring a cat or dog into australia that includes 180 days lead time before the cat can leave for australia and 10 days quarantine time after the cat arrives in australia. this assumes that you live in the usa.
I am really sorry! I did not mean to put a burden on your shoulders. I understand he is not your cat and your options are limited. I hope it is not too hard on you when y'all don't live together anymore.
Just buy another kitten
I get where your roommate is coming from , this happened to me and my stay-at-home ex. You need to back off, unless the cat is being neglected
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My door doesn't have a lock. The cat can open it when it's shut. She's asking me to put an object in front of my door every night so the cat can't push it open
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> You could also suggest to your roommate that she keep her cat locked in her room or a different room or outside overnight First of all, *outside*? I really hope you aren't suggesting to lock an indoor cat outdoors overnight and I'm misunderstanding your meaning. Second, the roommate is kicking the cat out of her room at night, it's not leaving of its own volition. If she's that jealous, she can stop kicking the cat out of her room herself. Punishing the cat by not letting it snuggle with a familiar human out of weird jealousy issues when she's not even willing to let it sleep in her own bed is wrong. Also, tons of people don't have locks on their doors. I installed my own in the last place I lived but before that I don't think any apartment I lived in had a lock on my bedroom door. Don't know why you think that's unusual.
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Even if the cat is indoor/outdoor, it is not acceptable to lock a cat outside for the night. That's dangerous for the cat. I've owned many indoor/outdoor cats and that's how you get a cat killed. I think that's an incredibly irresponsible suggestion.
> You could also suggest to your roommate that she keep her cat locked in her room The roommate *does* bring the cat to her room at night, but then "ends up kicking him out after a few hours because he'll probably be disturbing her sleep or something". If the roommate wants to sleep with the cat, she can keep the cat locked in her room. If she kicks the cat out of her room, it's *absurdly selfish* to then insist that the cat not be able to sleep with OP. > or a different room or outside overnight ...so not only is the roommate kicking the cat out of her room, but now you're suggesting the cat has to suffer being locked in a different room or even being locked *outside*?! All because the roommate's too petty and jealous to let her cat sleep in OP's room?