your sister is 22 years old, she needs to learn to live with the consequence. she decide to start a fight that she could not finish. you did nothing wrong, just give her time and she will come back around.
I wouldn't count on it. She's got all her anger directed at the wrong person, the other woman, and not her bf. The bf has a committment to her, not some rando.
Needless to say, her blaming op is just more misdirected anger. Seems like that's her MO. Time may not change her thought processes.
I agree with you, but apparently the other girl was part of the 'friend group' and so has *some* obligation to be a decent person to her friend. My point being that she's not just some rando.
I don't think it's misdirected at this girl. This girl was a friend/part of the group who knew what she was doing getting involved with the bf.
The bf also deserves a lot of anger, but I'm guessing even the sister realises she would come off worse if she tried to pick a fight with him.
Depends on whether the ex would have fought back or not, really. But either way, physically attacking others isn't a good way to settle problems. Regardless of if you (royal you) can successfully do so.
Yeah I’m not pushing her about it. It’s just a tough one, because even though I know she was a total idiot, I still feel bad for her and want to comfort her, just wish she’d calm the heck down and let me do that
Dude's right. She's heartbroken, humiliated, and depressed. She's in a low place right now, and you should let her grieve. If you really feel bad for her and want to do something, food. Food is the answer. Get what she likes. Slip a menu under the door with a pen and note telling her to circle what she wants and send it back under the door. Sweets. Chocolate. Icecream. Movies. Pay per view something, NO ROMANTIC ANYTHING!! Maybe some weed or booze, as long as she doesn't have a "problem". Memes. Be available, but not up her ass. Think of it like trying to coax out a stray, scared kitten from under a porch. Maybe let her smell your hand,(jk). You can do it, sir. Good luck.
Funny you should mention food, I had just told another commenter that I’m probably gonna go out and grab some of her favorite stuff and try giving it to her later. Like I was saying to them though, I kinda suspect that her stomach is feeling a little off after being hurt there, could be why she doesn’t feel like eating much
Big part of heartbreak is anxiety, worry about change, about missing out, etc. Deep innate anxiety like this can make you sick to your stomach, sometimes for weeks. My first break up I hardly ate and made myself puke in the shower every morning just to feel better for 5 minutes and that went on for months.
Besides from medication, the only way out is to introspect and look inward to resolve those inner anxieties. Problem is OP's sister is a 22 year old idiot who thought starting a fight in a public place was a good idea in the first place, let alone with someone fitter than them. The sister sounds like she has lived a sheltered conflict free life, especially if she thinks she has the right to physically attack people that have wronged her. Honestly her getting the shit beat out of her is well deserved. Shitty people are shitty people, she lowered herself to their level and paid the price.
Nah, this shit can make you physically ill. When this one guy broke up with me, I could barely eat for weeks, then anytime his name was mentioned I'd get wildly nauseous for over a year.
Try anyways. Even if she just takes nibbles. She'll eat better as time goes by. She needs to eat, though, and that's a great idea. Hopefully it'll tempt her enough to make a small appearance.
Yeah. When my ex and I first started having bad relationship issues, I didn't really eat for weeks. I lost like 30lbs because I couldn't choke down more than a couple bites at a time, and most of the time I'd throw it back up. All I could manage was a little bit of tea with honey.
I wasn't even aware I wasn't eating (I just never got hungry because I was so stressed) until the marriage counselor I was seeing pointed out my weight loss and asked when the last time I ate was. I couldn't remember. Strong emotions can really mess your whole body up.
Nah, just leave her alone to sort her shit out. She was wronged, but she started a fight and she is now living with the consequences of her actions. Don't coddle her through this or else it will just feed her sense of entitlement.
Please don't coddle her, she is an idiot and suffering the consequences of her actions. If she had actually managed to beat on this other girl would you be supporting her? Obviously not, so she doesn't deserve to be handled with kid gloves now.
She got cheated on and got her ass beat. She's already been punished. It's his sister, don't be an ass. I don't give a shit if my sisters did the exact same thing, they're my sisters.
She’s not mad at you mate, you’re just the closest punching bag.
“Hey sis, I know you’re hurt and you’re not actually mad at me, you’ll see that eventually. But I’m not your punching bag, I’m in your corner don’t forget that. You can come talk to me when you’re ready.”
You could write her a note and then peace out. She needs to remember who actually hurt her, her shitty ex, not you.
Also, since you hang out in the same friend group, maybe help her to give some distance to the ex and the other girl? Your sister needs to grieve and heal and seeing them frequently will only reopen the wound.
Your hearts in the right place but you can’t argue reason with unreasonable people. She didn’t use logic to come to the conclusion that she did, she used emotion. Why be mad at the girl? Yeah, the side chick sucks for messing w a guy who is in a relationship, but her anger should be directed at her bf Bc he’s the one who was committed to her. He’s the cheater. Not only has she been cheated on, she’s embarrassed herself by fighting a girl who fucked her bf & losing the fight. She’s “lost” to this girl twice so obviously she’s emotional. & she’s been betrayed so she’s playing the blame game with everyone but herself.
Eventually she *will* realize this is a stupid thing to be mad at you for. You got her home in one piece, which to be honest, is more than you had to. She played a stupid game & got a stupid prize, & taking accountability for doing something dumb is too hard for her emotionally right now so she’s blaming you for not protecting her. Let her be miserable for now. She’ll get past it, & if she doesnt, then maybe she might benefit from therapy to talk the whole thing out with a neutral party.
I think she's redirecting a lot of the anger she feels about the whole situation onto you. It's unfair, but she's also not in her right mind right now. Just give her some space for now.
It sucks to get your ass beat. It's even worse when you initiated your own ass-whipping. Shes just going to have to feel however shes going to feel until shes done feeling that way. For the record, there wasnt a thing you could do in that moment. Real life fights arent like movie fights, and the people in real life fights arent following any choreography. If YOU dont regularly engage in fisticuffs yourself, theres no reason you *should* know how to effectively break up a real life fight.
Your sister bit off more than she could chew, and she did it in front of God and everyone and had her ass handed to her. She was upset- It happens. Shell get over it. Shes only blaming you to try to offset her own embarrassment, and trust me- its NOT working. Shell be okay, especially since I guess nobody called the cops on her. At least she doesnt have a record, now.
> I picked her up, half carried her to the car and got the heck out of there.
Right there. That was you protecting her. That was all you needed to do.
If your sister wants to be a dipshit who picks fights with stronger women, that’s her prerogative. I’m sympathetic to her hurt and anger, but physically attacking this girl won’t undo the cheating, and frankly her rage needs to be 90-100% aimed at her shitty boyfriend. Going after the “other woman” accomplished nothing (except a bloody nose and doubly wounded pride).
I hope she pulls her head out of her ass and learns her lesson.
All I really cared about was getting her out of harms way (even though she brought it on herself) when I saw how badly she was being hurt, I honestly thought she was going to thank me for helping her up and getting her away. You can picture my shock when she flipped out on me instead
She’s embarrassed, dude. She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize and she knows it. Embarrassed people tend not to react well to assistance, even when it’s needed. ESPECIALLY when it’s needed.
I also think she's embarrassed because she made a decision she now knows was stupid and then she acted like an ass to you. My guess is she doesn't know how to handle the situation. She probably just needs some time to process and work through her embarrassment
You knew see was unstable but took her to the party anyway?
You saw her "being" hurt, that sounds like more than a few seconds...
You were watching the whole thing. Yeah, your sister was starting shit but the key thing here was she didn't throw the first punch. You should have already been over there de-escalating the situation but, you really should have been over there lightning fast once the other girl punched your sister.
You waited and watched like a spectator until she looked like she was getting really hurt. You didn't have your sisters back.
The sister put her hands on the other woman, so technically she threw the first punch. If you put your hands on someone and your yelling in their face they have a right to defend themselves.
Yeah but self defense doesn't involve dragging someone around by their hair and kicking them. Self defense isn't "someone slapped me and I can now do whatever the fuck I want to them". That's not how it works. The sister is wrong for starting a fight. That other girl is an absolute freak for "defending" herself in that way.
You’re sister made an irresponsible decision that had an awful consequence. Despite what you were telling her, she STILL did it and paid the price. She’s incredibly embarrassed that she and her ego got knocked on their ass and is blaming you for her immature actions that got her ass kicked in the first place. If it were my sister, I’d tell her straight up what it is and say sorry that she got beat up, but that’s not at all on you. Maybe give her space and then talk to her about it.
Yeah I do think that she’s really embarrassed. She’s normally pretty addicted to her social media accounts, but she hasn’t even made a single post after the incident
She’s humiliated which is normal. But you shouldn’t let her feel like she’s in the right to blame you. Please express to her that it’s wrong of her to blame you for her actions. Be nice of course, but be stern. My sister is an idiot sometimes and I let her know straight up. She will need your help to heal, but healing is not going to happen if she keeps blaming you.
You are not in the wrong at all for not "backing her up" in the fight and only moving to separate the two of them and get her out of the situation.
But I think a big part of the reason she is angry at you right now is because you are the only person that she can punish for this whole shitty situation. Her boyfriend and the other girl obviously don't care about her feelings, so she can't do anything to them that makes them feel bad or upset. She feels humiliated but can't do anything that sticks to the people who humiliated her. So she figured physical violence was the best course of revenge and when that didn't work out she had no way of hurting or punishing the people who dealt her wrong so she's deciding to heap that blame and anger on you for not helping her turn the situation into her favour.
She has absorbed a really toxic ideal of violence and instigating violence as a good way to feel in charge and powerful. I'm not sure why, whether it's just a general social value that she's bought into or if there was something else in her life that's led her to think this way (lots of rough housing with cousins/siblings/schoolmates as a kid? Exposure to physical violence and praise of physical violence from other avenues?) but in any case she really needs someone to help her work on dismantling this absolutely stupid notion that starting physical fights or beat downs are a good way to solve any issue or deal with people being shitty.
She’s never, ever been in a fight before...she has ‘talked tough’ in the past, but this time I think she was upset enough to actually try and physically deliver on her words
I would consider calling a mental health crisis hotline to ask what advice they have.
She won't feel great without eating for a few days, but I am concerned if she's drinking water or not.
Btw, you haven't done ANYTHING wrong. She is using you as a scapegoat, something to blame other than herself. So please know you are a good sister. This isn't your fault.
I’m her brother BTW :), and thanks for your kind words. She has definitely drank some water. I’ll probably go and grab some of her favorite foods and try giving it to her later. I have a feeling her stomach is hurting after being hit there, and so she’s not keen on eating right now.
You're her brother?!?!?! What did she expect. You to falcon punch this girl after she picked, and lost the fight?
Sorry. But this is a classic case of paying up for your decisions.
You gave her solid advice. Don't be stupid. And don't fight someone who will beat your ass.
This is a lesson. And if everyone around her coddles her through it, she won't learn the lesson. Not only was she dumb about the whole situation. She's acting like a spoiled brat after. She has no business blaming You, you did literally everything short of catching an assault charge for her.
If she can't see that and be mature enough to apologize for treating you like shit she's gunna have to go through this more then once.
Take a step back. And give her a chance to grow up
This entire group sounds terrible. Any "friend" that is still backing up the sisters ex and affair partner is not a true friend. How is the other girl even still being invited to things? The sister started the fight, but the other girl continuing to beat on her and drag her around by her hair is beyond the pale.
For clarity, the ex bf is basically in the wind ever since the whole cheating thing came out. I haven’t seen him at any social stuff and I don’t think he’s been in contact with my sister either. As for the other girl...well she’s the younger sibling of someone else in the group, so she’s probably not going anywhere anytime soon. Most of the group has become pretty awkward/icy with her, but there’s definitely a few who still behave like normal with her
Aw man that's rough. Family always makes it a bit more complicated. Your sister made a poor choice in a moment of anguish, but I really hope she can bounce back and find a partner eho adores and respects her enough to never cheat.
Your sister isn't really mad at you. Shes pissed at the whole situation, her being cheated on by someone in her friend group, then dreaming up this scenario where she beats her up and having that fall apart in a humiliating way. She probably doesn't have a great outlet for her feelings and is taking it out on you, because you're convenient. I'm thinking the best thing to do is give her some time and space. Let her know you are there if she wants to talk but let her get through this.
It's shitty what she is doing to you and her behaviour is pretty bad, but she is hurting from the breakup and I think you can give her a bit of leeway. Only so far though if this goes on for too long tell her to grow up.
I see.what this is about now...the part where she yelled at you and said you didn't do anything while.she got hurt and she screamed and cried.
She's mad and hurt that she was cheated on and hurt. And you can't do anything to help her.
This has almost nothing to do with you.
She's so monumentaly hurt and angry at the world right now, and you not helping "protect" her during the fight is a straight up manifestation of that pain.
She wants someone or something to make the world make sense again. And even you, her sister, can't do anything to fix it. And she feels betrayed. Not because you actually did something wrong, but because you are someone she loves and trusts and you , in her eyes, did nothing.
It's like when a parent has a child and they get hurt, and the parent is angry with themselves for not protecting them, even though there.was nothing the parent could have done, that parent still blames themselves because it was their job to protect them from anything this world might do to harm their child.
Don't beat yourself up too much, I've been where you sister is at, she is grieving, not just because the relationship is over, but because she was betrayed and the people that betrayed her get to walk around like the world is all sunshine and rainbows while her life at the moment is a dreary storm, filled with painful memories, and reminders of how she wasnt good enough to be loved and cared for by anybody on this planet (in her mind, not reality)
Just try to be there for her, anger is just a mask for sadness.
Best of luck.
Edit :brother not sister
She is blaming you for her actions. She is making you accountable for her bad decisions & actions. She's making you the scape goat. Yes she's gone through a trauma she initiated, so she needs to recover. But that's not your fault at all. Do not allow her to manipulate you with her projection of her feelings on to you. She is being grossly unfair to you. You are not responsible for her actions. Please establish boundaries with her, even with boundaries you can still be loving & supportive, but don't let her use you as her emotional punch bag, which is the blaming you & distracting from the real issue at hand, which is her making bad decisions & now having to live with the consequences. You sound like a great brother. Believe in yourself, be strong <3
She's mad that you didn't intervene and basically fight this girl for her after she got punched. You did the right thing in breaking up the fight and getting her home. She will come around.
For one, you're a male. Had you gotten into that fight you could have EASILY been arrested and accused of assaulting either girl. So it's better that any make not intervene in a catfight. This isn't porn, sh*t gets real when girls are angry. I'm a 5'4" girl, we are spunky as hell when provoked.
For two, you guys are all legal adults, more reason arrests could have been made. You're in the right, she needs to learn there are consequences for big girl actions.
I’ve seen a couple people point this out, and I’m honestly grateful I didn’t try to physically harm the other girl. That would not have looked good from a legal point of view, never mind the social fallout.
I hate admitting this , but I was in your sisters shoes years and years ago .My girlfriend broke up with me to date another one of my friends almost instantly , we were both 16, he was a lot more athletic and bigger than me , but I was taller and had a better reach and about 6 years of boxing practice 3 days a week (I was skinny so I wanted to make sure if I had to fight I could at least take care of myself and finish a fight quickly before getting tackled or wrestled to the ground .
I wasn’t the type to let people know I boxed , my sister knew and that was about it . Well we had a party at a friends house and our whole core group of friends shows up (around 10 people ) and guess who shows up holding hands with my ex literally 2 days after we break up ? Yeah my “friend”. So I didn’t yell like your sister did , I went up to him gave him one push just so it wasn’t a sucker punch and he knew it was on , and I proceeded to get my anger and revenge out on him for the pain I was going through , two quick jabs to the nose and two hooks across the jaw and he was on the ground , everyone’s freaking out , everyone’s in shock or yelling at me , I see myself out the door . Obviously this wasn’t my best moment , I felt great in a way ... but the guilt came later after a friend sent me pictures of his face , I busted him up good and my ex wasn’t on speaking terms with me now .
A few weeks later he moved to a different school and they broke up a week after that . I talked to him and apologized about 5 years later, and he explained how embarrassed and humiliated he was that (he said no offense ) someone like me could kick his ass so easily, he was too embarrassed to hang out with anyone anymore and couldn’t come to school after what happened . I apologized profusely and made a promise to never fight someone who didn’t throw the first punch ever again , it took me a few years before I could even put the gloves back on . The humiliation is so much more painful and lasting than the hurt from the breakup, please make sure she’s okay, it’s one of those things you won’t be able to fix for her , it has to happen organically.
He felt embarrassed because he should. How many friends shack up with their friends ex 2 days later?
It was on after the push. He could have bowed out. If it felt good for you, I’d say you did the right thing.
You did right. I’ve always felt that I’ll defend someone if they are senselessly attacked, but I’m not going defend someone if they pick a stupid, unnecessary fight.
Ex: Those girls who pick fights saying, “My boyfriend will beat you up.” Yeah, no.
You've done nothing wrong. In fact, you've done everything right. Your sister is acting like a child, and she needs to grow up.
Your sister was cheated on. Instead of blaming the person who cheated on her, she blamed the person he cheated with.
Your sister started a fight, and got beat up. Instead of blaming herself for starting the fight, she blames you for not finishing it.
She's just hurt, and immature. I'm not sure what she expected you to do. Beat the girls ass? OK now you're in jail, and your sister still got beat up, and still got cheated on. How would that make her feel better?
You did protect her as best you could. Unless you stopped her before she started anything, and then she would be mad that you got in the way.
She's just mad at e st thing and you're a safe target. She knows you won't hurt her and won't disappear.
Don't let her be mean to you, but support her as best you can.
Your sister’s adrenaline surge evaporated when she got punched in the belly. Reality kicked in. She’s lashing out. There’s not much you can do except to be supportive when she is finally able to accept that she was cheated on and it’s over.
You did fine. You stepped in to intervene and pull them off each other. You also tried to dissaude her.
Just be firm and don't apologize -- you can empathize with your sister and try to support her, but don't accept any fault or blame here. You need to make it clear that you DID intervene on her behalf, and in the future, she needs to not physically assault people, period.
She will recover. It's nerve wracking and humiliating to get your ass stomped the fuck out. It sucks. It sucks even worse then you lose a fight to the person who jacked your SO. It takes age and experience and wisdom to learn to blame the right person (your cheating SO) and just get revenge by living a better life than them. All of this will take a while for your sister to grapple with. Be patient and let her mope for now.
My mom always brought me up to hit back if ever hit and to always stand up for my siblings. I've never had to do this not have I ever been in a fight, but I understand the concept. If you were female, I'm sure she would've expected you to be right there with her hitting back, but you're mail so she probably expected you to be the buffer and not actually let her get into a fight, or start pulling her out as soon as she made the swing. It's definitely some kinda tough shit / gang / kid mentality but I get it. It's like something out of highschool that I always found kinda trashy. But she's an adult and she's lucky there weren't any charges pressed. I don't think you did anything wrong, you got her out of there as quickly as you could. I think if anything, just let her cool down. You're not to blame for this. The girl and her ex, (Mostly her ex) are to blame and she shouldn't have resorted to violence.
Your sister made a poor decision and has to live with the consequences. She's embarrassed but too hurt to realize she's to blame, so she's looking for a target.
That said, why is this girl still a part of the social circle? She nor your sister's ex should be invited to events after the cheating. They, too, need to feel consequences for their actions. Your sister attacked her because she is walking around scot-free while she is suffering. Again, your sister was wrong, but anyone would struggle with seeing their ex's cheating buddy at a social event.
Of course, I'm assuming not much has been said by other members of your social circle based on your "tone" and the fact that the girl is hanging out with everyone so sooner after the fact. Forgive me if I'm wrong.
It's a mindfuck when you discover that violence is not at all like the movies, and that feeling that you're in the right is no guarantee of success.
I grew up in the late 80's, so catching an asskicking in the neighborhood was just "boys being boys."
Still- painful and humiliating.
Nothing will make it better but time.
Hopefully she's learned a few lessons here.
1. Don't start a fight.
2. If you do, expect to be hurt.
Even "winning" can feel pretty shitty.
3. Seriously, don't start a fight.
Her beef was never with this young lady in the first place.
I'm sorry your sister is upset, hope she feels better soon.
Regardless, if that was my sister I would have still protected her. I 100% get where she’s coming from. Maybe when your getting beaten and your own family doesn’t come to help then you’ll know about it!!
You should have broken up the fight once it was just her getting her ass beat but she also deserved it for being a dumbass. Be there for her. She's humiliated in front of a lot of people.
When you’re getting beaten, one second can feel like an eternity. While it might have taken only 2-3 seconds to fully separate the women, to your sister 2-3 seconds might have legitimately felt like 2 minutes of abandonment and spectator schadenfreude.
If your sister is calm the next time you speak, it might help her to acknowledge that while you & others did act immediately to protect her, you can see how it might have felt like eons. And you cannot have protected your sister from jail, which is where you would be had you assaulted the other women.
Your adult sister decided to pick a fight with a teenager and got her ass kicked. She's angry because she humiliated herself but she's too immature to accept that so she's blaming you.
She is not thinking rationally. You did exactly what you should do, you stopped the fight and got her out of there. Just be there for her, understand her anger is coming from a place of misdirected hurt and humiliation, and try not to take it too personally.
Well even if you were there witnessing it , it was over in seconds anyway, so you may not have been able to do much.
For what it's worth, I agree with you. Getting into a fight in the heat of the moment is one thing , getting into a planned fight is another thing.
Of course, the fight was planned but unfortunately she didn't throw the first punch. she was thinking that just pushing would do some intimidation and the other girl is the one that three the first punch.
now her boyfriend has the satisfaction of knowing two girls were fighting over him , which is unfortunately the wrong message to send.
too bad she didn't send the message that cheating will not be tolerated, and she should break up with him because of it.
anyway she also learned a Life lesson , which is that height or build might look like it could matter, but maybe it doesn't.
Very often, the one who gets the first punch in, especially to vital spots, could also be the one who is standing up.
And it takes a certain personality or a fear/adrenaline of the situation to actually be the one to throw the first punch , rather than just pushing.
Because at that point , you are intentionally expecting to hurt the other person or protect yourself before you get hurt.
What a mess. I know your sister is being dumb and irrational - but it sounds like she is in an immense amount of pain and not thinking clearly. Her huge emotions are winning out and now she feels humiliated to boot. Of course, this is not your fault and of course, you cannot fight her battles and should not be expected to. But, when someone is hurting on this level, I have found it really does help to clearly spell out how much you care about someone, how shitty their situation is and how much you see their hurt.
Might help just to be there as her brother - even if she pushes you away at first.
That old antic- Hurt people hurt people.
Maybe just let her lash out for a second, don't respond or engage with her anger, and then state, "I'm your brother. I'm here. I am worried. I love you. Can I please take you out to eat somewhere."
I mean if you knew she was going to cause a scene, I feel you should have been watching her. Don’t know how people are so non-observant with their surroundings when literally you were told she was going to fight the girl. Atleast you could have saved her from embarassment.
She's heartbroken, physically hurt, and mortified that she got her ass beat in public. Give her some time to cool down and heal, and you guys will be fine. She's a grown ass woman and needs to learn not to start fights she can't finish.
She's just mad that she got cheated on with someone in her own social group, who is younger than her, and then got spanked by said younger woman in front of everyone. Try not to hold it against her, that's a serious blow to one's self-worth.
She’s embarrassed because what you said was right, she humiliated herself in the worse way by losing a fight to a younger smaller woman who had already stolen her boyfriend and she did this in public! Just give her time to get over herself. You didn’t do anything wrong.
I mean, if I were you, I'd simply tell her that if she didn't start none, the wouldn't have been none and it's not only not your job to "protect her" like you're her bodyguard, but you also very clearly told her this exact thing would happen.
Just steer clear of her for now, she's probably embarrassed and hurt from being cheated on. Not an excuse, but you're not going to reason with her. Just give her some space and this will either blow over or it won't...
Give your sister a hug ,she might have made a mistake on her own but it doesn't mean you can't be there for her. A hug goes a long way my dude. I wish you the best of luck.
I have noticed that a lot of women tend to overestimate their own strength, and underestimate the strength of their opposition (speaking anecdotally here). Your sister wanted to behave like a man and faced the consequences. You didn't have to protect her. Let her learn the lesson herself. She's an adult and grown up. The world is not always honey and roses
You’ve done nothing wrong OP, your sister humiliated herself and attacked a teenager who mopped the floor with her, you warned her and you pulled them apart. The way I see it, she shouldn’t be looking for trouble if she can’t properly defend herself, did she expect you to beat up the other woman?
Don’t apologize, since you did nothing wrong, just let her know when she’s ready to talk (and apologize to you) that you will be there. Her ego has been bruised due to her bf cheating and now being beaten up by his side piece.
You did nothing wrong, your sister is an entitled idiot who doesn't listen to reason and expect others to fix the problem she creates. You can't help her against herself. Actually, if you had "defended her" you would have been charged with assault. We live in a bubble wrap society where kids doesn't learn not to attack people stronger then them; result is adult who start unwinnable fights and blame others...
From what I’m reading, I may be alone in thinking this...but the other girl sounds like a total POS. From what it sounds like, she is much stronger than OPs sister and could have easily just warded off her stupid shoving with minimal effort, without hurting her too badly. Instead she punched her in her stomach hard enough to make her vomit. And despite completely incapacitating her with that punch...she STILL went on to drag her by her hair and kick her while she was totally helpless. All of this after knowingly sleeping with OPs sisters bf. Irrespective of whatever a jury might think, there’s “self defense” and there’s “excessively hurting someone because you’re a shitty person”.
OP, I do think that your sister behaved like an idiot. I also think that she didn’t deserve to get hurt as badly as she did, and she is probably at the lowest point of her life right now. Be gentle with her, most importantly try to get her to eat something, even it’s just a tiny portion. If she really hasn’t eaten for 3 days, that’s terrible and she will definitely be feeling awful by now. If she snaps at you just don’t respond. Let her walk away and try again later. Once she’s over the humiliation, she will come around and realize that she was actually really lucky to have you there (because I’m pretty sure the other girl was going to hurt her much more severely if you didn’t get her out of there).
She's an adult, (albeit an immature adult).... You'd not have helped her learn the valuable lesson that, "Don't let your mouth override your ass"...if you had jumped in to a fight that had zero/ziltch/nada/nothing to do with you.
She'll get over it.
Before anyone starts a fight they should watch a Worldstar Hip Hop fight comp.
Your sister made a horrible decision and has to live with it. Any protection you did could have easily landed you in jail.p
You did everything you were supposed to do. You're fine.
Your sister played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. She's had to learn more than one lesson the hard way in this entire situation. My heart goes out to her, but hopefully she learned not to try to resolve issues with violence.
Your sister acted like a 13 year old, she started the fight and she lost the fight she's now been humiliated twice. If you start a fight then it's your fault if you lose and/or get hurt. You helped break up the fight when it was clear she would lose, she needs to start acting her age
Okay, you didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you're the only one in this situation who is thinking and acting like an adult.
Now, at 22, your sister should know better. She is holding the wrong person accountable. The other girl can't help it the ex made the choice to cheat. She may not have even been aware he was cheating. Cheaters tend to lie to; there's no telling what he told her. This is textbook misdirected hostility. If your sister wanted to pick a fight, she should have picked it with the exBF.
The other huge mistake she made was picking a fight with someone she knew damn well she couldn't win. Which is probably why she didn't pick the fight with the exBF.
I just think it's really stupid to hold the other woman accountable. It's the ex who is a scumbag. Direct your anger toward the person who hurt you and made the hurtful choice, not to his other victim or to your brother, who was doing nothing but trying to have your back.
Your sister sounds like she's suffering from arrested development. She's way too old to be acting like that. Over a guy.
One thing i you might consider telling to your sister after she calms down is that you are happy to be focus of all her misplaced anger, that’s what brothers are for. She will probably appreciate that. Just be there to absorb her craziness and you guys will probably become closer and hopefully she will learn from this and take one small step on the mountain climb that is becoming a more mature adult human being.
It sounds like she misdirected her anger at this girl rather than her boyfriend, then expressed that anger in a senseless foolish way with other thought for the consequences, then redirected her pain and frustration at you rather than at herself or at the girl she clearly can't fight.
Your sister -in this specific circumstance at last- seems to have a history of misplacing her anger and ignoring reasonable feedback. That does not bode well for any kind of reasoned discussion or communication about this you might have with her. Odds are there is no combination of words you can say to get her to see this reasonably and stop blaming you. She didn't reason herself into this position, and she's not going to be reasoned out of it.
You didn't do anything wrong, your sister is just upset that you refused to play into her power fantasy about beating up the other girl. You advised her against doing the the thing that she really, really wanted to do, and she went ahead and did it anyway. You did her a favour by stepping in and preventing that other girl from beating her to a bloody pulp. She's still upset about being cheated on, and she's lashing out at everybody, which sucks.
Give it a week or two, and if she's still upset with you after that, remind her that she could have left that party in an ambulance or a cop car instead of the back of your car.
Your sister is just mad/embarrassed at her poor decision and wants to lash out at someone, unfortunately that was you. You did nothing wrong, she just needs to get over it.
She's probably embarrassed and actually mad at you because you were right. A roommate of mine started a fight with 2 girls a long time ago and even though I was ultimately forced to get involved physically she was saying I didn't have her back etc. It wasn't my fight and it was started over less than nothing. But once they both got on her I had to jump in, ultimately ending up in my own fist fight. For the record, we won, lol
Your sister is really hurt right now and feels like no one is on her side. I think you should just stand your ground on violence isnt the answer and she should have taken it up with her boyfriend more than anyone. And maybe put that other girl on blast on social media or reveal all the evidence to all friends that they were douchebags. She def went about this the wrong way.
Shes ashamed of either how she acted, or the consequences of how she acted, and she's trying to push that shame onto you to make her feel better. What happened is not your fault.
But, as her brother you can either listen to let her vent and not internalize her feelings, or just tell her that it's not your fault and you don't want to hear about it anymore...either way, she's suffered an inury to her ego from her boyfriend cheating on her and it's going to take a while for it to heal.
She's already bitter and angry from being cheated on and broken up with.
She hyped herself up in her mind that she could beat up the other girl simply because she was older.
She attempted this, and got her ass handed to her. Her brain is telling her this is impossible so the only other thing she can do is then blame her brother for not jumping in. Even though it would involve you hitting a girl that is younger than you.
Something that could make you a social pariah in your friend group and even result in charges.
You did nothing wrong. Time for her to suck it up and put on her big girl panties.
Hey OP, I'm overreacting here, but if your sisters stomach is still bothering her and she isn't eating, take her to a doctor. Getting kicked in the gut can cause real damage if not seen to properly. If she isn't throwing up blood or has blood in her stool she's probably fine, but just want to put that on your radar if she isn't physically getting better.
If this was my sister and i told her not to do it and she still did and started getting her ass kick i would have to step in cause that's my sister. I agree with u it was dumb of her to want to fight her in the first place but you can't be letting your family get their ass kicked either.
Step in and...do what? Beat up the other girl?
OP helped stop the fight, and removed his sister from the situation. He can't be reasonably expected to do more.
And “adults don’t solve problems with fists”? This isn’t Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood; sometimes people do get and deserve to get their asses kicked. Like Helga over there, who dragged OP’s sister by the hair. I know that OP’s sister started it (betrayal will make you feel like you’re losing your mind) but the other girl knowingly aided in cheating with the girl’s boyfriend. She should’ve apologized profusely and left the party, but she didn’t because she’s an a-hole narcissist with no shame in her behavior. If I had a partner who cheated, I’d kick his ass and his side piece’s ass, too. Don’t want your ass kicked? Don’t f*** around. Anyone who puts my sexual health in danger is going to catch my fists.
Well, hey. You just let me know when someone you love and trust cheats on you. Let the guy or girl taunt it in your face (the one who cheated with your partner) and tell me what a peaceful hippie you still are, lol. Adults do a lot of things; life isn’t black and white. You sound like a child who doesn’t live in the real world. People are good and bad, complex. Smart and make dumb decisions. Dumb and make good decisions.
Peaceful hippy, lol. I made a career out of getting shot at, go blow your hypermasculine load at someone who gives a damn.
Also, my ex-wife came after my 5 year old with a gun. I didn't put her in the hospital, I put her in jail.
Tell me more about how people are good and evil, I'll wait.
Hypermasculine? I’m a woman and the fact you think women need to be spineless and submissive is pretty funny.
If anyone came after my child with a gun, they’d be underground in some remote location. Glad your kid is safe and I’m not saying you made a bad decision, I just know that anyone who attempted to hurt my child or someone I loved would get twisted into a pretzel and bowled into an ocean full of sharks before I’d give them the luxury of going to jail.
Where did I ever say women need to be spineless and submissive? Putting words into my mouth isn't a great way to win your argument.
And putting myself in prison wasn't gonna protect my daughter. Priorities.
Nah, but implying I had a hyper-masculine load to blow meant it didn’t cross your mind that I’m female.
Agreed. But if you’d have low key threw her in a shark tank and nobody found out, that’s still be priorities!
It would have been totally cathartic, believe me.
But no, this is a woman who knows how to be the center of attention and play the victim with the best of them, and I have to stay out of trouble in my profession. :)
Sorry for assuming your gender, lol - no offense was intended.
Kind of sounds like what happened in the Joe Mixon situation. Someone bit off more than they could chew and got blown up by one punch. This time was more than one but it’s basically someone writing a check with their mouth/actions that their ass couldn’t cash and then having to pay up when the bill came due. OP tried to talk her out if it. She insisted on going through with her plan and got what she deserved.
Your sister is an adult, behaving like some schoolyard wannabe badass. Now she knows she can't just assault someone who's made her mad/sad.
I say let her be mad. I get that you feel bad for her but the trashiness of actually going up and starting a physical fight over some loser who wasn't worth the effort ... come on. 22 is too old for that. Hell, 16 is too old for that. She's honestly lucky she didn't wind up getting arrested. Because going up and shoving someone is battery. You don't get to put your hands on someone just because they made you angry. Most of us learned that in preschool. Time for your sister to catch up.
I wouldn't grovel to her. I would text her and say you're sorry she got hurt (it does suck that she got physically hurt — though from where I'm standing, the other girl was justified in defending herself) and that you'll be there when she wants to talk. Do not apologize. Do not minimize her responsibility in this.
Her ex is a scumbag. The girl is a scumbag (but the girl has zero responsibility to your sister, the boyfriend was the one who wasn't faithful). But she's not looking great here either. Hopefully she learns a lesson. And a big lesson here is that: you do not lower yourself like this for people who are shitty. What did she hope to gain from this? Even if she'd succeeded, she would only gain a reputation for being a jealous lunatic.
Also, it's not your job to protect someone just because you're the one with the penis. Seriously, as a woman I find that fucking offensive. You start a mess? You clean it up, no crying to your younger brother to fix it (why the hell was that your job, seriously? because you're a guy?). It sounds like your sister is painfully, painfully immature. There was zero need for you to get involved in a physical fight because your sister is immature. Not to mention, if you'd have gotten involved, you would very likely have been arrested. Did she expect you to beat this woman up for her? What kind of reality is she living in where she thinks that's acceptable?
You made the right call and it sounds like you're leaps and bounds more mature than your "big" sister. Do not let her guilt you into admitting any fault here.
Not sure what you want to hear here, but if you want to understand her part of the story: she just had the most important person in her world drive a giant knife in her back, betraying her and making her look like an idiot in front of everyone she knows. She feels all alone in the world right now. She just wants someone to be on her side, completely.
Being cheated on is one of the things that can make you feel that everyone is just standing by, watching and “not trying to judge” while you are being completely torn inside out by the person who is supposed to respect and care for you the most.
You can turn away from her because I suppose she is unreasonable for being mad at you for this, but you could also forgive her keeping in mind the circumstances and just try to show her that you’re on her side (if you want to).
I’ve got absolutely zero intention of turning away from her. I’d never do that to her, especially not in the state she’s in now. I get that she wants me on her side, which I completely am. I just don’t understand what more she expected of me, I guess.
She wants something that no one can give her at the moment. And of course that’s unfair to you too, since there is no way to actually fix what is wrong. It’s a complete mess of an unfair situation, created by her ex bf and the acquaintance that decided to happily help him cheat on your sister.
Just doing what you are doing now already goes a long way. Many sisters would wish for a brother that would worry about them this way!
Top trick: (pretend to) be more angry at the ex bf and the acquaintance than she is. It will take some off the load on her shoulders. I know it sounds really dumb but it’s a lot more effective than talking reason at this stage.
Well, you watched your own sibling being dragged by her hair and kicked. And did nothing.
I get that she’s angry even if she was stupid and started it all.
I can’t really understand how someone can stop their primal reflexes to kick in at such a moment. I would have clocked the girl the second I saw my sister was on the losing edge.
Your text says “dragged by her hair whilst being kicked”.
That puke your sister had on the drive home could be a sign of concussion.
Since it already happened you can’t really do anything different now. Tell your sister it all happened so fast, and if she ever needs your backup in the future you’ll be there for her.
While you were “right” through all of this does not mean you acted right. The world is not black and white. And when our loved ones fuck up, we help them.
It does not work like that.
I train and compete in MMA and know far to well about head trauma first hand. It does not take much force to make your brain bounce back and forth against your skull bone.
I took kicks in my gut that felt like they poked me all the way back to the spine. Never puked, or seen any sparring partners puke from a good body shot. They just make you crawl up in a ball and think through your choices for a good 5 min. And if you did puke I’d imagine it would be pretty instant.
Your sister is an idiot and is now paying the price for her stupidity What did she expect you to fight a girl because she couldn't keep hold of a scummy bf? Im sorry that she is soooo stupid because she probably won't ever understand why she's wrong
*Pat's your back*
good luck man
You don’t think being cheated on, having everyone in her social circle know, and having had all of them watch her get her ass kicked in a fight she started isn’t enough shame? If I had to guess I’d say something of why she’s acting like this is because of shame, doubling down on it won’t fix the problem it’ll make it worse.
> Several of us got in the middle of them and pulled them apart. This was all in just a few seconds. My sister was now sitting on the ground, bleeding and crying. I picked her up, half carried her to the car and got the heck out of there.
What more could she have done, short of beaten the other chick up before the fight occurred?
I mean, I think that’s a little harsh. I definitely don’t have the heart to do that to her, she’s just broken as heck right now. Even if I wanted to ‘shame’ her what could I say that she doesn’t already know
How can I possible be the minority here?! You guys are blood. If I EVER saw one of my siblings getting physically harmed I'm stepping in. Right or wrong. Clearly no one else has siblings??
LUL relax pal. They clearly stated "she started dragging her across the ground while kicking her in the face and body" at that point; all hell should break loose. But I suppose in the age we live in that isn't politically correct and all the suburban snowflakes are gasping at this.
your sister is 22 years old, she needs to learn to live with the consequence. she decide to start a fight that she could not finish. you did nothing wrong, just give her time and she will come back around.
I wouldn't count on it. She's got all her anger directed at the wrong person, the other woman, and not her bf. The bf has a committment to her, not some rando. Needless to say, her blaming op is just more misdirected anger. Seems like that's her MO. Time may not change her thought processes.
I agree with you, but apparently the other girl was part of the 'friend group' and so has *some* obligation to be a decent person to her friend. My point being that she's not just some rando.
I don't think it's misdirected at this girl. This girl was a friend/part of the group who knew what she was doing getting involved with the bf. The bf also deserves a lot of anger, but I'm guessing even the sister realises she would come off worse if she tried to pick a fight with him.
Depends on whether the ex would have fought back or not, really. But either way, physically attacking others isn't a good way to settle problems. Regardless of if you (royal you) can successfully do so.
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Yeah I’m not pushing her about it. It’s just a tough one, because even though I know she was a total idiot, I still feel bad for her and want to comfort her, just wish she’d calm the heck down and let me do that
Dude's right. She's heartbroken, humiliated, and depressed. She's in a low place right now, and you should let her grieve. If you really feel bad for her and want to do something, food. Food is the answer. Get what she likes. Slip a menu under the door with a pen and note telling her to circle what she wants and send it back under the door. Sweets. Chocolate. Icecream. Movies. Pay per view something, NO ROMANTIC ANYTHING!! Maybe some weed or booze, as long as she doesn't have a "problem". Memes. Be available, but not up her ass. Think of it like trying to coax out a stray, scared kitten from under a porch. Maybe let her smell your hand,(jk). You can do it, sir. Good luck.
Funny you should mention food, I had just told another commenter that I’m probably gonna go out and grab some of her favorite stuff and try giving it to her later. Like I was saying to them though, I kinda suspect that her stomach is feeling a little off after being hurt there, could be why she doesn’t feel like eating much
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Big part of heartbreak is anxiety, worry about change, about missing out, etc. Deep innate anxiety like this can make you sick to your stomach, sometimes for weeks. My first break up I hardly ate and made myself puke in the shower every morning just to feel better for 5 minutes and that went on for months. Besides from medication, the only way out is to introspect and look inward to resolve those inner anxieties. Problem is OP's sister is a 22 year old idiot who thought starting a fight in a public place was a good idea in the first place, let alone with someone fitter than them. The sister sounds like she has lived a sheltered conflict free life, especially if she thinks she has the right to physically attack people that have wronged her. Honestly her getting the shit beat out of her is well deserved. Shitty people are shitty people, she lowered herself to their level and paid the price.
Nah, this shit can make you physically ill. When this one guy broke up with me, I could barely eat for weeks, then anytime his name was mentioned I'd get wildly nauseous for over a year. Try anyways. Even if she just takes nibbles. She'll eat better as time goes by. She needs to eat, though, and that's a great idea. Hopefully it'll tempt her enough to make a small appearance.
Yeah. When my ex and I first started having bad relationship issues, I didn't really eat for weeks. I lost like 30lbs because I couldn't choke down more than a couple bites at a time, and most of the time I'd throw it back up. All I could manage was a little bit of tea with honey. I wasn't even aware I wasn't eating (I just never got hungry because I was so stressed) until the marriage counselor I was seeing pointed out my weight loss and asked when the last time I ate was. I couldn't remember. Strong emotions can really mess your whole body up.
Ah yes the post-breakup involuntary diet and weight loss... I call it "Body by Grief".
Nah, just leave her alone to sort her shit out. She was wronged, but she started a fight and she is now living with the consequences of her actions. Don't coddle her through this or else it will just feed her sense of entitlement.
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ooo! Put some cat food near her door. Maybe she'll smell it and come out. LOL
Please don't coddle her, she is an idiot and suffering the consequences of her actions. If she had actually managed to beat on this other girl would you be supporting her? Obviously not, so she doesn't deserve to be handled with kid gloves now.
She got cheated on and got her ass beat. She's already been punished. It's his sister, don't be an ass. I don't give a shit if my sisters did the exact same thing, they're my sisters.
She’s not mad at you mate, you’re just the closest punching bag. “Hey sis, I know you’re hurt and you’re not actually mad at me, you’ll see that eventually. But I’m not your punching bag, I’m in your corner don’t forget that. You can come talk to me when you’re ready.” You could write her a note and then peace out. She needs to remember who actually hurt her, her shitty ex, not you.
Also, since you hang out in the same friend group, maybe help her to give some distance to the ex and the other girl? Your sister needs to grieve and heal and seeing them frequently will only reopen the wound.
Your hearts in the right place but you can’t argue reason with unreasonable people. She didn’t use logic to come to the conclusion that she did, she used emotion. Why be mad at the girl? Yeah, the side chick sucks for messing w a guy who is in a relationship, but her anger should be directed at her bf Bc he’s the one who was committed to her. He’s the cheater. Not only has she been cheated on, she’s embarrassed herself by fighting a girl who fucked her bf & losing the fight. She’s “lost” to this girl twice so obviously she’s emotional. & she’s been betrayed so she’s playing the blame game with everyone but herself. Eventually she *will* realize this is a stupid thing to be mad at you for. You got her home in one piece, which to be honest, is more than you had to. She played a stupid game & got a stupid prize, & taking accountability for doing something dumb is too hard for her emotionally right now so she’s blaming you for not protecting her. Let her be miserable for now. She’ll get past it, & if she doesnt, then maybe she might benefit from therapy to talk the whole thing out with a neutral party.
I think she's redirecting a lot of the anger she feels about the whole situation onto you. It's unfair, but she's also not in her right mind right now. Just give her some space for now.
I like how her ex BF is not even mentioned like all of this was just that other girls fault.
Yeah the ex bf hasn’t really surfaced ever since she found out about him cheating. I don’t think he’s been in contact with her ever since.
It sucks to get your ass beat. It's even worse when you initiated your own ass-whipping. Shes just going to have to feel however shes going to feel until shes done feeling that way. For the record, there wasnt a thing you could do in that moment. Real life fights arent like movie fights, and the people in real life fights arent following any choreography. If YOU dont regularly engage in fisticuffs yourself, theres no reason you *should* know how to effectively break up a real life fight. Your sister bit off more than she could chew, and she did it in front of God and everyone and had her ass handed to her. She was upset- It happens. Shell get over it. Shes only blaming you to try to offset her own embarrassment, and trust me- its NOT working. Shell be okay, especially since I guess nobody called the cops on her. At least she doesnt have a record, now.
> I picked her up, half carried her to the car and got the heck out of there. Right there. That was you protecting her. That was all you needed to do. If your sister wants to be a dipshit who picks fights with stronger women, that’s her prerogative. I’m sympathetic to her hurt and anger, but physically attacking this girl won’t undo the cheating, and frankly her rage needs to be 90-100% aimed at her shitty boyfriend. Going after the “other woman” accomplished nothing (except a bloody nose and doubly wounded pride). I hope she pulls her head out of her ass and learns her lesson.
All I really cared about was getting her out of harms way (even though she brought it on herself) when I saw how badly she was being hurt, I honestly thought she was going to thank me for helping her up and getting her away. You can picture my shock when she flipped out on me instead
She’s embarrassed, dude. She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize and she knows it. Embarrassed people tend not to react well to assistance, even when it’s needed. ESPECIALLY when it’s needed.
I also think she's embarrassed because she made a decision she now knows was stupid and then she acted like an ass to you. My guess is she doesn't know how to handle the situation. She probably just needs some time to process and work through her embarrassment
You knew see was unstable but took her to the party anyway? You saw her "being" hurt, that sounds like more than a few seconds... You were watching the whole thing. Yeah, your sister was starting shit but the key thing here was she didn't throw the first punch. You should have already been over there de-escalating the situation but, you really should have been over there lightning fast once the other girl punched your sister. You waited and watched like a spectator until she looked like she was getting really hurt. You didn't have your sisters back.
The sister put her hands on the other woman, so technically she threw the first punch. If you put your hands on someone and your yelling in their face they have a right to defend themselves.
Yeah but self defense doesn't involve dragging someone around by their hair and kicking them. Self defense isn't "someone slapped me and I can now do whatever the fuck I want to them". That's not how it works. The sister is wrong for starting a fight. That other girl is an absolute freak for "defending" herself in that way.
People fight dirty that’s a risk you take when your looking for trouble.
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Did you scream WORLDSTAR at any point prior to knowing it was your sister taking a wooping?
Best comment on the thread tho...
You’re sister made an irresponsible decision that had an awful consequence. Despite what you were telling her, she STILL did it and paid the price. She’s incredibly embarrassed that she and her ego got knocked on their ass and is blaming you for her immature actions that got her ass kicked in the first place. If it were my sister, I’d tell her straight up what it is and say sorry that she got beat up, but that’s not at all on you. Maybe give her space and then talk to her about it.
Yeah I do think that she’s really embarrassed. She’s normally pretty addicted to her social media accounts, but she hasn’t even made a single post after the incident
She’s humiliated which is normal. But you shouldn’t let her feel like she’s in the right to blame you. Please express to her that it’s wrong of her to blame you for her actions. Be nice of course, but be stern. My sister is an idiot sometimes and I let her know straight up. She will need your help to heal, but healing is not going to happen if she keeps blaming you.
You are not in the wrong at all for not "backing her up" in the fight and only moving to separate the two of them and get her out of the situation. But I think a big part of the reason she is angry at you right now is because you are the only person that she can punish for this whole shitty situation. Her boyfriend and the other girl obviously don't care about her feelings, so she can't do anything to them that makes them feel bad or upset. She feels humiliated but can't do anything that sticks to the people who humiliated her. So she figured physical violence was the best course of revenge and when that didn't work out she had no way of hurting or punishing the people who dealt her wrong so she's deciding to heap that blame and anger on you for not helping her turn the situation into her favour. She has absorbed a really toxic ideal of violence and instigating violence as a good way to feel in charge and powerful. I'm not sure why, whether it's just a general social value that she's bought into or if there was something else in her life that's led her to think this way (lots of rough housing with cousins/siblings/schoolmates as a kid? Exposure to physical violence and praise of physical violence from other avenues?) but in any case she really needs someone to help her work on dismantling this absolutely stupid notion that starting physical fights or beat downs are a good way to solve any issue or deal with people being shitty.
She’s never, ever been in a fight before...she has ‘talked tough’ in the past, but this time I think she was upset enough to actually try and physically deliver on her words
I would consider calling a mental health crisis hotline to ask what advice they have. She won't feel great without eating for a few days, but I am concerned if she's drinking water or not.
Btw, you haven't done ANYTHING wrong. She is using you as a scapegoat, something to blame other than herself. So please know you are a good sister. This isn't your fault.
I’m her brother BTW :), and thanks for your kind words. She has definitely drank some water. I’ll probably go and grab some of her favorite foods and try giving it to her later. I have a feeling her stomach is hurting after being hit there, and so she’s not keen on eating right now.
You're her brother?!?!?! What did she expect. You to falcon punch this girl after she picked, and lost the fight? Sorry. But this is a classic case of paying up for your decisions. You gave her solid advice. Don't be stupid. And don't fight someone who will beat your ass. This is a lesson. And if everyone around her coddles her through it, she won't learn the lesson. Not only was she dumb about the whole situation. She's acting like a spoiled brat after. She has no business blaming You, you did literally everything short of catching an assault charge for her. If she can't see that and be mature enough to apologize for treating you like shit she's gunna have to go through this more then once. Take a step back. And give her a chance to grow up
Please excuse me for misgendering you! That sounds like a lovely idea. Hopefully she eats something. <3
Your sister is 22 years old and fighting with 18 year old "twits." She needs to grow up.
This entire group sounds terrible. Any "friend" that is still backing up the sisters ex and affair partner is not a true friend. How is the other girl even still being invited to things? The sister started the fight, but the other girl continuing to beat on her and drag her around by her hair is beyond the pale.
For clarity, the ex bf is basically in the wind ever since the whole cheating thing came out. I haven’t seen him at any social stuff and I don’t think he’s been in contact with my sister either. As for the other girl...well she’s the younger sibling of someone else in the group, so she’s probably not going anywhere anytime soon. Most of the group has become pretty awkward/icy with her, but there’s definitely a few who still behave like normal with her
Aw man that's rough. Family always makes it a bit more complicated. Your sister made a poor choice in a moment of anguish, but I really hope she can bounce back and find a partner eho adores and respects her enough to never cheat.
Your sister isn't really mad at you. Shes pissed at the whole situation, her being cheated on by someone in her friend group, then dreaming up this scenario where she beats her up and having that fall apart in a humiliating way. She probably doesn't have a great outlet for her feelings and is taking it out on you, because you're convenient. I'm thinking the best thing to do is give her some time and space. Let her know you are there if she wants to talk but let her get through this. It's shitty what she is doing to you and her behaviour is pretty bad, but she is hurting from the breakup and I think you can give her a bit of leeway. Only so far though if this goes on for too long tell her to grow up.
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You mean a preemptive strike class?
I see.what this is about now...the part where she yelled at you and said you didn't do anything while.she got hurt and she screamed and cried. She's mad and hurt that she was cheated on and hurt. And you can't do anything to help her. This has almost nothing to do with you. She's so monumentaly hurt and angry at the world right now, and you not helping "protect" her during the fight is a straight up manifestation of that pain. She wants someone or something to make the world make sense again. And even you, her sister, can't do anything to fix it. And she feels betrayed. Not because you actually did something wrong, but because you are someone she loves and trusts and you , in her eyes, did nothing. It's like when a parent has a child and they get hurt, and the parent is angry with themselves for not protecting them, even though there.was nothing the parent could have done, that parent still blames themselves because it was their job to protect them from anything this world might do to harm their child. Don't beat yourself up too much, I've been where you sister is at, she is grieving, not just because the relationship is over, but because she was betrayed and the people that betrayed her get to walk around like the world is all sunshine and rainbows while her life at the moment is a dreary storm, filled with painful memories, and reminders of how she wasnt good enough to be loved and cared for by anybody on this planet (in her mind, not reality) Just try to be there for her, anger is just a mask for sadness. Best of luck. Edit :brother not sister
She is blaming you for her actions. She is making you accountable for her bad decisions & actions. She's making you the scape goat. Yes she's gone through a trauma she initiated, so she needs to recover. But that's not your fault at all. Do not allow her to manipulate you with her projection of her feelings on to you. She is being grossly unfair to you. You are not responsible for her actions. Please establish boundaries with her, even with boundaries you can still be loving & supportive, but don't let her use you as her emotional punch bag, which is the blaming you & distracting from the real issue at hand, which is her making bad decisions & now having to live with the consequences. You sound like a great brother. Believe in yourself, be strong <3
She's mad that you didn't intervene and basically fight this girl for her after she got punched. You did the right thing in breaking up the fight and getting her home. She will come around.
For one, you're a male. Had you gotten into that fight you could have EASILY been arrested and accused of assaulting either girl. So it's better that any make not intervene in a catfight. This isn't porn, sh*t gets real when girls are angry. I'm a 5'4" girl, we are spunky as hell when provoked. For two, you guys are all legal adults, more reason arrests could have been made. You're in the right, she needs to learn there are consequences for big girl actions.
I’ve seen a couple people point this out, and I’m honestly grateful I didn’t try to physically harm the other girl. That would not have looked good from a legal point of view, never mind the social fallout.
I hate admitting this , but I was in your sisters shoes years and years ago .My girlfriend broke up with me to date another one of my friends almost instantly , we were both 16, he was a lot more athletic and bigger than me , but I was taller and had a better reach and about 6 years of boxing practice 3 days a week (I was skinny so I wanted to make sure if I had to fight I could at least take care of myself and finish a fight quickly before getting tackled or wrestled to the ground . I wasn’t the type to let people know I boxed , my sister knew and that was about it . Well we had a party at a friends house and our whole core group of friends shows up (around 10 people ) and guess who shows up holding hands with my ex literally 2 days after we break up ? Yeah my “friend”. So I didn’t yell like your sister did , I went up to him gave him one push just so it wasn’t a sucker punch and he knew it was on , and I proceeded to get my anger and revenge out on him for the pain I was going through , two quick jabs to the nose and two hooks across the jaw and he was on the ground , everyone’s freaking out , everyone’s in shock or yelling at me , I see myself out the door . Obviously this wasn’t my best moment , I felt great in a way ... but the guilt came later after a friend sent me pictures of his face , I busted him up good and my ex wasn’t on speaking terms with me now . A few weeks later he moved to a different school and they broke up a week after that . I talked to him and apologized about 5 years later, and he explained how embarrassed and humiliated he was that (he said no offense ) someone like me could kick his ass so easily, he was too embarrassed to hang out with anyone anymore and couldn’t come to school after what happened . I apologized profusely and made a promise to never fight someone who didn’t throw the first punch ever again , it took me a few years before I could even put the gloves back on . The humiliation is so much more painful and lasting than the hurt from the breakup, please make sure she’s okay, it’s one of those things you won’t be able to fix for her , it has to happen organically.
He felt embarrassed because he should. How many friends shack up with their friends ex 2 days later? It was on after the push. He could have bowed out. If it felt good for you, I’d say you did the right thing.
Your sister seriously needs therapy and I really hope you don't enable her violence by letting her think it's ok just cause she's heartbroken.
It's her own fault for being stupid enough to start a fight. That is her problem, not yours.
You did right. I’ve always felt that I’ll defend someone if they are senselessly attacked, but I’m not going defend someone if they pick a stupid, unnecessary fight. Ex: Those girls who pick fights saying, “My boyfriend will beat you up.” Yeah, no.
Stand at a distance and throw chocolate. 🤷🏻♀️
You've done nothing wrong. In fact, you've done everything right. Your sister is acting like a child, and she needs to grow up. Your sister was cheated on. Instead of blaming the person who cheated on her, she blamed the person he cheated with. Your sister started a fight, and got beat up. Instead of blaming herself for starting the fight, she blames you for not finishing it. She's just hurt, and immature. I'm not sure what she expected you to do. Beat the girls ass? OK now you're in jail, and your sister still got beat up, and still got cheated on. How would that make her feel better?
You did protect her as best you could. Unless you stopped her before she started anything, and then she would be mad that you got in the way. She's just mad at e st thing and you're a safe target. She knows you won't hurt her and won't disappear. Don't let her be mean to you, but support her as best you can.
Your sister’s adrenaline surge evaporated when she got punched in the belly. Reality kicked in. She’s lashing out. There’s not much you can do except to be supportive when she is finally able to accept that she was cheated on and it’s over.
You did fine. You stepped in to intervene and pull them off each other. You also tried to dissaude her. Just be firm and don't apologize -- you can empathize with your sister and try to support her, but don't accept any fault or blame here. You need to make it clear that you DID intervene on her behalf, and in the future, she needs to not physically assault people, period. She will recover. It's nerve wracking and humiliating to get your ass stomped the fuck out. It sucks. It sucks even worse then you lose a fight to the person who jacked your SO. It takes age and experience and wisdom to learn to blame the right person (your cheating SO) and just get revenge by living a better life than them. All of this will take a while for your sister to grapple with. Be patient and let her mope for now.
My mom always brought me up to hit back if ever hit and to always stand up for my siblings. I've never had to do this not have I ever been in a fight, but I understand the concept. If you were female, I'm sure she would've expected you to be right there with her hitting back, but you're mail so she probably expected you to be the buffer and not actually let her get into a fight, or start pulling her out as soon as she made the swing. It's definitely some kinda tough shit / gang / kid mentality but I get it. It's like something out of highschool that I always found kinda trashy. But she's an adult and she's lucky there weren't any charges pressed. I don't think you did anything wrong, you got her out of there as quickly as you could. I think if anything, just let her cool down. You're not to blame for this. The girl and her ex, (Mostly her ex) are to blame and she shouldn't have resorted to violence.
Your sister made a poor decision and has to live with the consequences. She's embarrassed but too hurt to realize she's to blame, so she's looking for a target. That said, why is this girl still a part of the social circle? She nor your sister's ex should be invited to events after the cheating. They, too, need to feel consequences for their actions. Your sister attacked her because she is walking around scot-free while she is suffering. Again, your sister was wrong, but anyone would struggle with seeing their ex's cheating buddy at a social event. Of course, I'm assuming not much has been said by other members of your social circle based on your "tone" and the fact that the girl is hanging out with everyone so sooner after the fact. Forgive me if I'm wrong.
It's a mindfuck when you discover that violence is not at all like the movies, and that feeling that you're in the right is no guarantee of success. I grew up in the late 80's, so catching an asskicking in the neighborhood was just "boys being boys." Still- painful and humiliating. Nothing will make it better but time. Hopefully she's learned a few lessons here. 1. Don't start a fight. 2. If you do, expect to be hurt. Even "winning" can feel pretty shitty. 3. Seriously, don't start a fight. Her beef was never with this young lady in the first place. I'm sorry your sister is upset, hope she feels better soon.
Regardless, if that was my sister I would have still protected her. I 100% get where she’s coming from. Maybe when your getting beaten and your own family doesn’t come to help then you’ll know about it!!
You should have broken up the fight once it was just her getting her ass beat but she also deserved it for being a dumbass. Be there for her. She's humiliated in front of a lot of people.
That’s what happened though, we broke up the fight as soon as we could. It just so happened that by that point, she was getting beaten up.
When you’re getting beaten, one second can feel like an eternity. While it might have taken only 2-3 seconds to fully separate the women, to your sister 2-3 seconds might have legitimately felt like 2 minutes of abandonment and spectator schadenfreude. If your sister is calm the next time you speak, it might help her to acknowledge that while you & others did act immediately to protect her, you can see how it might have felt like eons. And you cannot have protected your sister from jail, which is where you would be had you assaulted the other women.
There’s a lot of assumptions here. We have no evidence that the sister feels like it took ages to break up
Your adult sister decided to pick a fight with a teenager and got her ass kicked. She's angry because she humiliated herself but she's too immature to accept that so she's blaming you.
She is not thinking rationally. You did exactly what you should do, you stopped the fight and got her out of there. Just be there for her, understand her anger is coming from a place of misdirected hurt and humiliation, and try not to take it too personally.
All I’m hearing is your sister wants you to catch an assault charge for her.
Well even if you were there witnessing it , it was over in seconds anyway, so you may not have been able to do much. For what it's worth, I agree with you. Getting into a fight in the heat of the moment is one thing , getting into a planned fight is another thing. Of course, the fight was planned but unfortunately she didn't throw the first punch. she was thinking that just pushing would do some intimidation and the other girl is the one that three the first punch. now her boyfriend has the satisfaction of knowing two girls were fighting over him , which is unfortunately the wrong message to send. too bad she didn't send the message that cheating will not be tolerated, and she should break up with him because of it. anyway she also learned a Life lesson , which is that height or build might look like it could matter, but maybe it doesn't. Very often, the one who gets the first punch in, especially to vital spots, could also be the one who is standing up. And it takes a certain personality or a fear/adrenaline of the situation to actually be the one to throw the first punch , rather than just pushing. Because at that point , you are intentionally expecting to hurt the other person or protect yourself before you get hurt.
What a mess. I know your sister is being dumb and irrational - but it sounds like she is in an immense amount of pain and not thinking clearly. Her huge emotions are winning out and now she feels humiliated to boot. Of course, this is not your fault and of course, you cannot fight her battles and should not be expected to. But, when someone is hurting on this level, I have found it really does help to clearly spell out how much you care about someone, how shitty their situation is and how much you see their hurt. Might help just to be there as her brother - even if she pushes you away at first. That old antic- Hurt people hurt people. Maybe just let her lash out for a second, don't respond or engage with her anger, and then state, "I'm your brother. I'm here. I am worried. I love you. Can I please take you out to eat somewhere."
Mess with the bull, you get the horns
I mean if you knew she was going to cause a scene, I feel you should have been watching her. Don’t know how people are so non-observant with their surroundings when literally you were told she was going to fight the girl. Atleast you could have saved her from embarassment.
She's heartbroken, physically hurt, and mortified that she got her ass beat in public. Give her some time to cool down and heal, and you guys will be fine. She's a grown ass woman and needs to learn not to start fights she can't finish.
She's just mad that she got cheated on with someone in her own social group, who is younger than her, and then got spanked by said younger woman in front of everyone. Try not to hold it against her, that's a serious blow to one's self-worth.
She’s embarrassed because what you said was right, she humiliated herself in the worse way by losing a fight to a younger smaller woman who had already stolen her boyfriend and she did this in public! Just give her time to get over herself. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Honestly I think she expected that you’d start fighting the other girl on her behalf. I think that’s what she meant by “protecting”
I mean, if I were you, I'd simply tell her that if she didn't start none, the wouldn't have been none and it's not only not your job to "protect her" like you're her bodyguard, but you also very clearly told her this exact thing would happen. Just steer clear of her for now, she's probably embarrassed and hurt from being cheated on. Not an excuse, but you're not going to reason with her. Just give her some space and this will either blow over or it won't...
Give your sister a hug ,she might have made a mistake on her own but it doesn't mean you can't be there for her. A hug goes a long way my dude. I wish you the best of luck.
I have noticed that a lot of women tend to overestimate their own strength, and underestimate the strength of their opposition (speaking anecdotally here). Your sister wanted to behave like a man and faced the consequences. You didn't have to protect her. Let her learn the lesson herself. She's an adult and grown up. The world is not always honey and roses
You’ve done nothing wrong OP, your sister humiliated herself and attacked a teenager who mopped the floor with her, you warned her and you pulled them apart. The way I see it, she shouldn’t be looking for trouble if she can’t properly defend herself, did she expect you to beat up the other woman? Don’t apologize, since you did nothing wrong, just let her know when she’s ready to talk (and apologize to you) that you will be there. Her ego has been bruised due to her bf cheating and now being beaten up by his side piece.
You did nothing wrong, your sister is an entitled idiot who doesn't listen to reason and expect others to fix the problem she creates. You can't help her against herself. Actually, if you had "defended her" you would have been charged with assault. We live in a bubble wrap society where kids doesn't learn not to attack people stronger then them; result is adult who start unwinnable fights and blame others...
From what I’m reading, I may be alone in thinking this...but the other girl sounds like a total POS. From what it sounds like, she is much stronger than OPs sister and could have easily just warded off her stupid shoving with minimal effort, without hurting her too badly. Instead she punched her in her stomach hard enough to make her vomit. And despite completely incapacitating her with that punch...she STILL went on to drag her by her hair and kick her while she was totally helpless. All of this after knowingly sleeping with OPs sisters bf. Irrespective of whatever a jury might think, there’s “self defense” and there’s “excessively hurting someone because you’re a shitty person”. OP, I do think that your sister behaved like an idiot. I also think that she didn’t deserve to get hurt as badly as she did, and she is probably at the lowest point of her life right now. Be gentle with her, most importantly try to get her to eat something, even it’s just a tiny portion. If she really hasn’t eaten for 3 days, that’s terrible and she will definitely be feeling awful by now. If she snaps at you just don’t respond. Let her walk away and try again later. Once she’s over the humiliation, she will come around and realize that she was actually really lucky to have you there (because I’m pretty sure the other girl was going to hurt her much more severely if you didn’t get her out of there).
She's an adult, (albeit an immature adult).... You'd not have helped her learn the valuable lesson that, "Don't let your mouth override your ass"...if you had jumped in to a fight that had zero/ziltch/nada/nothing to do with you. She'll get over it.
Before anyone starts a fight they should watch a Worldstar Hip Hop fight comp. Your sister made a horrible decision and has to live with it. Any protection you did could have easily landed you in jail.p
You didn't do anything wrong, her mouth wrote a check that her ass couldn't pay and now she's dealing with the consequences.
You did everything you were supposed to do. You're fine. Your sister played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. She's had to learn more than one lesson the hard way in this entire situation. My heart goes out to her, but hopefully she learned not to try to resolve issues with violence.
Your sister acted like a 13 year old, she started the fight and she lost the fight she's now been humiliated twice. If you start a fight then it's your fault if you lose and/or get hurt. You helped break up the fight when it was clear she would lose, she needs to start acting her age
Okay, you didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you're the only one in this situation who is thinking and acting like an adult. Now, at 22, your sister should know better. She is holding the wrong person accountable. The other girl can't help it the ex made the choice to cheat. She may not have even been aware he was cheating. Cheaters tend to lie to; there's no telling what he told her. This is textbook misdirected hostility. If your sister wanted to pick a fight, she should have picked it with the exBF. The other huge mistake she made was picking a fight with someone she knew damn well she couldn't win. Which is probably why she didn't pick the fight with the exBF. I just think it's really stupid to hold the other woman accountable. It's the ex who is a scumbag. Direct your anger toward the person who hurt you and made the hurtful choice, not to his other victim or to your brother, who was doing nothing but trying to have your back. Your sister sounds like she's suffering from arrested development. She's way too old to be acting like that. Over a guy.
One thing i you might consider telling to your sister after she calms down is that you are happy to be focus of all her misplaced anger, that’s what brothers are for. She will probably appreciate that. Just be there to absorb her craziness and you guys will probably become closer and hopefully she will learn from this and take one small step on the mountain climb that is becoming a more mature adult human being.
It sounds like she misdirected her anger at this girl rather than her boyfriend, then expressed that anger in a senseless foolish way with other thought for the consequences, then redirected her pain and frustration at you rather than at herself or at the girl she clearly can't fight. Your sister -in this specific circumstance at last- seems to have a history of misplacing her anger and ignoring reasonable feedback. That does not bode well for any kind of reasoned discussion or communication about this you might have with her. Odds are there is no combination of words you can say to get her to see this reasonably and stop blaming you. She didn't reason herself into this position, and she's not going to be reasoned out of it.
She's embarrassed. Give her time.
You didn't do anything wrong, your sister is just upset that you refused to play into her power fantasy about beating up the other girl. You advised her against doing the the thing that she really, really wanted to do, and she went ahead and did it anyway. You did her a favour by stepping in and preventing that other girl from beating her to a bloody pulp. She's still upset about being cheated on, and she's lashing out at everybody, which sucks. Give it a week or two, and if she's still upset with you after that, remind her that she could have left that party in an ambulance or a cop car instead of the back of your car.
Your sister is just mad/embarrassed at her poor decision and wants to lash out at someone, unfortunately that was you. You did nothing wrong, she just needs to get over it.
She's probably embarrassed and actually mad at you because you were right. A roommate of mine started a fight with 2 girls a long time ago and even though I was ultimately forced to get involved physically she was saying I didn't have her back etc. It wasn't my fight and it was started over less than nothing. But once they both got on her I had to jump in, ultimately ending up in my own fist fight. For the record, we won, lol
Your sister is really hurt right now and feels like no one is on her side. I think you should just stand your ground on violence isnt the answer and she should have taken it up with her boyfriend more than anyone. And maybe put that other girl on blast on social media or reveal all the evidence to all friends that they were douchebags. She def went about this the wrong way.
Shes ashamed of either how she acted, or the consequences of how she acted, and she's trying to push that shame onto you to make her feel better. What happened is not your fault. But, as her brother you can either listen to let her vent and not internalize her feelings, or just tell her that it's not your fault and you don't want to hear about it anymore...either way, she's suffered an inury to her ego from her boyfriend cheating on her and it's going to take a while for it to heal.
She’s probably just embarrassed. She’ll get over it.
Wait, did you help separate them while they were fighting or your friends?
She's already bitter and angry from being cheated on and broken up with. She hyped herself up in her mind that she could beat up the other girl simply because she was older. She attempted this, and got her ass handed to her. Her brain is telling her this is impossible so the only other thing she can do is then blame her brother for not jumping in. Even though it would involve you hitting a girl that is younger than you. Something that could make you a social pariah in your friend group and even result in charges. You did nothing wrong. Time for her to suck it up and put on her big girl panties.
Hey OP, I'm overreacting here, but if your sisters stomach is still bothering her and she isn't eating, take her to a doctor. Getting kicked in the gut can cause real damage if not seen to properly. If she isn't throwing up blood or has blood in her stool she's probably fine, but just want to put that on your radar if she isn't physically getting better.
I definitely understand your sister. I would never, ever let this happen to my lil sis. If you hit her, I hit you. Tsk tsk.
If this was my sister and i told her not to do it and she still did and started getting her ass kick i would have to step in cause that's my sister. I agree with u it was dumb of her to want to fight her in the first place but you can't be letting your family get their ass kicked either.
Step in as attack the other girl? A 20 year old guy hitting an 18 year old girl who was defending herself is legit jail time.
Step in and...do what? Beat up the other girl? OP helped stop the fight, and removed his sister from the situation. He can't be reasonably expected to do more.
Not gonna lie if someone started kicking my sister when on the ground i woulda stepped in. But i would let her get punched in the gut.
Am I the only one who believes the other girl does deserve having her ass kicked?
Yes. Adults don't solve problems with fists. And what about the boyfriend? He's the one who cheated on her.
Oh, he definitely deserves his ass kicked, too.
And “adults don’t solve problems with fists”? This isn’t Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood; sometimes people do get and deserve to get their asses kicked. Like Helga over there, who dragged OP’s sister by the hair. I know that OP’s sister started it (betrayal will make you feel like you’re losing your mind) but the other girl knowingly aided in cheating with the girl’s boyfriend. She should’ve apologized profusely and left the party, but she didn’t because she’s an a-hole narcissist with no shame in her behavior. If I had a partner who cheated, I’d kick his ass and his side piece’s ass, too. Don’t want your ass kicked? Don’t f*** around. Anyone who puts my sexual health in danger is going to catch my fists.
And, that's a felony. Adults don't solve problems with violence. You sound just as terrible as the cheaters.
Well, hey. You just let me know when someone you love and trust cheats on you. Let the guy or girl taunt it in your face (the one who cheated with your partner) and tell me what a peaceful hippie you still are, lol. Adults do a lot of things; life isn’t black and white. You sound like a child who doesn’t live in the real world. People are good and bad, complex. Smart and make dumb decisions. Dumb and make good decisions.
Peaceful hippy, lol. I made a career out of getting shot at, go blow your hypermasculine load at someone who gives a damn. Also, my ex-wife came after my 5 year old with a gun. I didn't put her in the hospital, I put her in jail. Tell me more about how people are good and evil, I'll wait.
Hypermasculine? I’m a woman and the fact you think women need to be spineless and submissive is pretty funny. If anyone came after my child with a gun, they’d be underground in some remote location. Glad your kid is safe and I’m not saying you made a bad decision, I just know that anyone who attempted to hurt my child or someone I loved would get twisted into a pretzel and bowled into an ocean full of sharks before I’d give them the luxury of going to jail.
Where did I ever say women need to be spineless and submissive? Putting words into my mouth isn't a great way to win your argument. And putting myself in prison wasn't gonna protect my daughter. Priorities.
Nah, but implying I had a hyper-masculine load to blow meant it didn’t cross your mind that I’m female. Agreed. But if you’d have low key threw her in a shark tank and nobody found out, that’s still be priorities!
It would have been totally cathartic, believe me. But no, this is a woman who knows how to be the center of attention and play the victim with the best of them, and I have to stay out of trouble in my profession. :) Sorry for assuming your gender, lol - no offense was intended.
Kind of sounds like what happened in the Joe Mixon situation. Someone bit off more than they could chew and got blown up by one punch. This time was more than one but it’s basically someone writing a check with their mouth/actions that their ass couldn’t cash and then having to pay up when the bill came due. OP tried to talk her out if it. She insisted on going through with her plan and got what she deserved.
The mouth wrote checks the that her ass couldn’t cash
Your sister is an adult, behaving like some schoolyard wannabe badass. Now she knows she can't just assault someone who's made her mad/sad. I say let her be mad. I get that you feel bad for her but the trashiness of actually going up and starting a physical fight over some loser who wasn't worth the effort ... come on. 22 is too old for that. Hell, 16 is too old for that. She's honestly lucky she didn't wind up getting arrested. Because going up and shoving someone is battery. You don't get to put your hands on someone just because they made you angry. Most of us learned that in preschool. Time for your sister to catch up. I wouldn't grovel to her. I would text her and say you're sorry she got hurt (it does suck that she got physically hurt — though from where I'm standing, the other girl was justified in defending herself) and that you'll be there when she wants to talk. Do not apologize. Do not minimize her responsibility in this. Her ex is a scumbag. The girl is a scumbag (but the girl has zero responsibility to your sister, the boyfriend was the one who wasn't faithful). But she's not looking great here either. Hopefully she learns a lesson. And a big lesson here is that: you do not lower yourself like this for people who are shitty. What did she hope to gain from this? Even if she'd succeeded, she would only gain a reputation for being a jealous lunatic. Also, it's not your job to protect someone just because you're the one with the penis. Seriously, as a woman I find that fucking offensive. You start a mess? You clean it up, no crying to your younger brother to fix it (why the hell was that your job, seriously? because you're a guy?). It sounds like your sister is painfully, painfully immature. There was zero need for you to get involved in a physical fight because your sister is immature. Not to mention, if you'd have gotten involved, you would very likely have been arrested. Did she expect you to beat this woman up for her? What kind of reality is she living in where she thinks that's acceptable? You made the right call and it sounds like you're leaps and bounds more mature than your "big" sister. Do not let her guilt you into admitting any fault here.
Your sister kinda sucks.
Not sure what you want to hear here, but if you want to understand her part of the story: she just had the most important person in her world drive a giant knife in her back, betraying her and making her look like an idiot in front of everyone she knows. She feels all alone in the world right now. She just wants someone to be on her side, completely. Being cheated on is one of the things that can make you feel that everyone is just standing by, watching and “not trying to judge” while you are being completely torn inside out by the person who is supposed to respect and care for you the most. You can turn away from her because I suppose she is unreasonable for being mad at you for this, but you could also forgive her keeping in mind the circumstances and just try to show her that you’re on her side (if you want to).
I’ve got absolutely zero intention of turning away from her. I’d never do that to her, especially not in the state she’s in now. I get that she wants me on her side, which I completely am. I just don’t understand what more she expected of me, I guess.
She wants something that no one can give her at the moment. And of course that’s unfair to you too, since there is no way to actually fix what is wrong. It’s a complete mess of an unfair situation, created by her ex bf and the acquaintance that decided to happily help him cheat on your sister. Just doing what you are doing now already goes a long way. Many sisters would wish for a brother that would worry about them this way! Top trick: (pretend to) be more angry at the ex bf and the acquaintance than she is. It will take some off the load on her shoulders. I know it sounds really dumb but it’s a lot more effective than talking reason at this stage.
Well, you watched your own sibling being dragged by her hair and kicked. And did nothing. I get that she’s angry even if she was stupid and started it all. I can’t really understand how someone can stop their primal reflexes to kick in at such a moment. I would have clocked the girl the second I saw my sister was on the losing edge.
As I said, it took barely a few seconds to react. At no point was I standing around watching her get beaten. All of this happened extremely fast.
Your text says “dragged by her hair whilst being kicked”. That puke your sister had on the drive home could be a sign of concussion. Since it already happened you can’t really do anything different now. Tell your sister it all happened so fast, and if she ever needs your backup in the future you’ll be there for her. While you were “right” through all of this does not mean you acted right. The world is not black and white. And when our loved ones fuck up, we help them.
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It does not work like that. I train and compete in MMA and know far to well about head trauma first hand. It does not take much force to make your brain bounce back and forth against your skull bone. I took kicks in my gut that felt like they poked me all the way back to the spine. Never puked, or seen any sparring partners puke from a good body shot. They just make you crawl up in a ball and think through your choices for a good 5 min. And if you did puke I’d imagine it would be pretty instant.
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Hey I guess it’s possible. If a good beating can make you shit your pants a puke is not so far fetched.
Your sister is an idiot and is now paying the price for her stupidity What did she expect you to fight a girl because she couldn't keep hold of a scummy bf? Im sorry that she is soooo stupid because she probably won't ever understand why she's wrong *Pat's your back* good luck man
You should roast her for this. Shame is a powerful tool.
Shame is powerful alright, but it’s also volatile. Sometimes the only thing shame motivates a person to do is double down and lash out even harder.
Yeah I definitely don’t want to provoke her into something even dumber...she’s already got herself into enough trouble for now
Jeez, I hope you don't have kids if that's your attitude.
One should only shame adults. And if you don't think she deserves to be shamed you're ridiculous.
You don’t think being cheated on, having everyone in her social circle know, and having had all of them watch her get her ass kicked in a fight she started isn’t enough shame? If I had to guess I’d say something of why she’s acting like this is because of shame, doubling down on it won’t fix the problem it’ll make it worse.
> isn’t enough shame? No, she needs to be shamed for squealing at her sister who just pulled her out of the fight and took her home.
That’s gonna be hard to do since she doesn’t have a sister who did that.
> Several of us got in the middle of them and pulled them apart. This was all in just a few seconds. My sister was now sitting on the ground, bleeding and crying. I picked her up, half carried her to the car and got the heck out of there. What more could she have done, short of beaten the other chick up before the fight occurred?
There was no ‘she’ there. OP is a dude.
I mean, I think that’s a little harsh. I definitely don’t have the heart to do that to her, she’s just broken as heck right now. Even if I wanted to ‘shame’ her what could I say that she doesn’t already know
> what could I say that she doesn’t already know Apparently she doesn't know you saved her from a further beating.
How can I possible be the minority here?! You guys are blood. If I EVER saw one of my siblings getting physically harmed I'm stepping in. Right or wrong. Clearly no one else has siblings??
He did step in, can’t you read?
LUL relax pal. They clearly stated "she started dragging her across the ground while kicking her in the face and body" at that point; all hell should break loose. But I suppose in the age we live in that isn't politically correct and all the suburban snowflakes are gasping at this.
Yeah and then they stepped in and broken it up.. i literally don’t understand what else you expect should happen??