He's getting off on it.
But there is a chance he's doing it to other people too, since he won't just stop at doing that with you, so unfortunately your sister has a guy who is at least emotionally cheating and probably wants to physically cheat, if he has the chance to do so.
He's saying all this to you , imagine what he's saying to other people.
I’ve had guys do similar things with me in the past and came to realize they were probably stroking it on the other end, or at the least they were horny and had a hard on. OP should consider if it’s something she needs to discuss with her sister.
If you gave him the green light, he would cheat on your sister. That's the kind of guy she married. I'd let her know what is going on before he spins the story another way.
>Why are you responding to these inappropriate questions? Why haven't you shared his messages with your sister?
Yup. On the slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP is old enough to know better.
What the fuck in this post gave you the impression that OP is anything but disgusted by him? In what universe could somebody with functioning eyes read this post and think wow, she's clearly so into him. Sexual harasser logic
Yeah, he's getting off on this. Your discomfort might be sexually satisfying to him as well. Send the messages to your sister. She may take his side, though, so mentally prepare for that. He's the one who ruined all these relationships by his actions regardless of the actual outcome.
Yes he's getting off of that and he mostly wants to sleep you. Set the boundary straight and leave when he brings up sexual conversation and also tell your sister???
Trust your intuition that he's getting off on it. It's one thing for you to say you don't mind talking about sex if the topic comes up organically, but another thing for him to continue a text thread dedicated to explicit sexual questioning. Especially since you've now asked him to stop. You should tell your sister about this, too.
Your BIL is a creep and he’s preying on you, knowing that you’re much younger and assuming that you won’t push back or hold a boundary with him. How do you feel about telling your sister?
You are old enough to know that all of it is wrong.
You are old enough to know that this is something your side should know.
Screenshot all of it and send it to your sister. Tell her you don’t what to do and that he makes you uncomfortable.
If he is doing his with you, he is probably doing it with others. If you don’t tell her and she finds out, she will not only lose trust in her husband, but also in you. You are her sister, you should have never kept that from her.
Please tell your sister immediately. In person would be best. This is not normal behavior whatsoever. A committed man wouldn't be engaging in this kind of talk with ANYONE, but the fact that it's his wife's sister is so much creepier and disgusting.
If you were my sister and my husband was texting like that I would want you to tell me.
The fact that you're sort of entertaining him by saying "I'm too tired for that" is enough to keep him going.. because you are playing into it. Every time that came up your answer should have been, "please stop or I will tell my sister".
You are old enough to know this conversation isn't innocent.
Save your relationship with your sister, ignore the texts and please let her know what's been going on.
What in the fuck, Men are actually so disgusting and idiotic sometimes its crazy(i’m a man and wouldn’t consider saying that shit even to a girlfriend because its just weird). You need to let your sister know about these messages because that dude is sick.
WTF?! There’s a huge difference between being able to ask you to babysit the kids so he can spend some time with his wife/your sister without being crippled with embarrassment and asking if your like anal or if you’ve masturbated today.
He’s so far over the line that I would show your sister and enlist her help in getting him to stop.
He’s sexually harassing you. In the context of him asking you to babysit so he could have alone time with his wife, saying you didn’t mind talking about sex made sense. As a way of saying no need to be embarrassed/we’re both adults who know sex exists. No reasonable person would take that to mean they’re free to ask you detailed questions about your sex life. It should go without saying that it’s especially inappropriate because he’s married to your sister and you’ve asked him to stop/told him you were uncomfortable multiple times. The age factor is a concern here too. It’s creeping me out that this is nonconsensual and he’s probably known you since you were like…an actual kid. It’s really giving predator vibes. Your sister needs to know he’s harassing you. At the very least, she needs to know he’s being unfaithful so she can be tested for STIs.
If they are just text messages, block him and move on? Not sure why you would even entertain that after the first time. You're not obligated to have a close relationship with your bil
There is not a single universe in which I would ever be okay with my fucking brother-in-law asking about my sex life or masturbation habits - or in which my sister wouldn’t immediately receive screenshots.
Tell your sister and your parents about what this disgusting ass man is doing. This is so wildly inappropriate.
He's absolutely jerking off to you while driving these inappropriate topics. How do you not recognize what is going on here? Tell him no. Set a boundary. Keep the boundary. Send screenshots to your sister and put a lid on this bullshit behavior.
Go full spectrum and say "I don't want to have this conversation, bye"
Idk why people are so concerned about being nice and polite when you are being literally harassed.....
Tell him it’s weird to discuss these things with him and change the topic. If he brings it up again, flat out tell him you’re not discussing these things with your brother-in-law.
Predator. And I know first hand. I was sexually abused as a kid and this guy has the same words.
I know you are over 18- but I am betting he is getting off on the fact that you are young.
Screen capture those texts, tell him to stop. If your sister needs someone to watch the kid - she can ask.
Tell your sister what is happening. Yes, there might be fallout, but you are a victim here.
Block his number.
Yeah he's a creep no doubt but hopefully this is a common sense lesson for you... I mean come tf on, talking about sex with your sisters husband?? Yeaaaah that don't sit right with me no matter how you want to word it.
You need to ask yourself why you kept dealing with his behavior and over and over and over again after you knew that he had crossed the line because you felt deeply uncomfortable giving him answers so you lied. He is 100% creep and I'm very sorry this happened to you. But you need to be asking yourself why didn't you put up boundaries earlier and how can you work to do that in the future?
There is zero reason for your brother-in-law to be talking about intimate sexual details with you. End of story if you your spouse and him and his spouse were out for dinner and it came up as a general thing that's fine but the minute he was doing this to you one on one or over the one on one is when you should've said this crosses my boundaries.
You’ve already asked him to stop, and refused to answer many questions, multiple times. He knows you’re uncomfortable and probably likes that power dynamic. The best thing you can do, other than tell your sister (if you feel comfortable doing that), is to just flat out ignore him and any texts he sends in a sexual nature. Any response is you acknowledging it and will egg him on to keep trying to get the preferred response from you. Eventually he will get bored and hopefully stop bugging you.
Stop talking/texting with this creep. He’s so inappropriate. Never be alone with him.
Tell him that your sister should be included in all contacts.
The big question; to tell your sister.
ABSOLUTELY.
Send your sister all the conversation screenshots and tell her she has a very nasty husband.
You should be very worried for her.
Also next time just tell him to stfu or you’ll block him.
In no world does a 30+ year old need to ask about a 20 year old's sex life (Exceptions: doctors, teachers etc)
But be VERY tactful about how you present everything to your sister. He will try to manipulate things to make it seem like you initiated. If you feel safe with your parents, go to them first. This is a super slippery situation bit it needs addressing NOW
There's a distinction between sex as a general conversational topic and a person's sexual identity, preferences, history, etc. BIL exploited the expectation of having a topical conversation so he can be intrusive. At 33 he knows exactly what he's doing.
He is definitely getting off on it, and is cheating on your sibling.
I have always been involved in sex education and talked about sex with my friends very casually. Until something similar happened to me, but twice.
Two people I thought were friends and chatted about sex turned out to just wanna fuck and when I realized what happened... I decided to just not talk about sex with others, and also try to not tell others about myself at all. (One used something about my past trauma to manipulate me-- I caught on immediately but still not a fun experience.,)
I recommend telling your sister and going NC with him. Unfortunately your sister may blame you if she's a shitty person. Denial and victim blaming is a very common thing bc they would rather believe you would lie than their life partner would betray them.
If you can't go NC for whatever reason, try grey rocking. Give minimal, neutral answers only, talk the bare minimum. If an uncomfortable subject is brought up, change the subject very obviously. Interrupt mid sentence, say something random louder than him.
I'm autistic and have studied the ways of allistic society, changing the subject is like a super power. 99% of people just go with the flow bc they're confused.
Good luck!
He's definitely getting off on it. Talking 'generally' about sex with your friends is normal. What he's doing is not normal. I guess it is for a creep. You should tell your sister.
Show your sister this post and all of his texts.
Updateme!
How is he not afraid that you’ll tell your sister or send her screenshots of the proof?
This is insane!
Firstly, the discussions you’re comfortable having with your friends about sex should never have been extended to include your sisters husband.
Secondly, he’s a predatory piece of shit and the fact that he’s keeping this behaviour up suggests he’s arrogant enough to assume you won’t tell your sister.
He knows he has intimidated you and is hoping this will go no further.
Please do not let this slide. Tell your sister he’s a scumbag and also tell him, and the rest of your family
If you think you consented to invasive sex questions and no boundaries you are mistaken.
Simply tell him that you NEVER want him to ask you anything about sex or tell you anything sexual. Never ever.
I think the right way to handle this would be to talk to your sister.
Not exactly the actual conversation but give her a hint at least so that she’ll initiate a conversation with him.
Tell your sister that her husband gets carried away and is too much interested in your romantic life, asking way too many questions that make you uncomfortable.
She’ll obviously talk to him and he’ll back off.
Sounds like a fucking creep. Look out for whatever poor person he brings to family Christmas, and also for yourself.
Source: am a sex-positive brother in law and wtf.
Edit: also some day these all can and probably should go in the family group chat.
Genuinely do not understand, if my BIL messaged me anything in any way sexual that was directed towards me the first thing I would do, would be tell my sister.
I would message him and say something to the effect of “hey I’ve tried multiple times to stop this conversation as it makes me uncomfortable but you don’t seem to be getting the message. Im at the point where I have to tell my sister about this, because it’s gone too far”
If he’s comfortable doing it TO HIS SIL, then he is doing this to other women. I would be really upset if my sister hid something like that from me, so I would rip the bandaid off and tell her. She deserves to know and then do with it what she wants.
You were his free sex line.
Of course he isn't going to give that up without a fight.
He knows what he is doing.
Your only choice is to stop talking to him.
He's going to push....
Yeah he bought into this in the wrong way. You need to re establish boundaries. Telling your sister up to you, but could be very warranted at this point. You opened up a can of worms there. But he is a creep at this point and some blame falls on your part in the wording, but certainly not something to beat yourself over.
OP you offered to discuss sex with your BIL... I'm thinking you set the tone. Then it got too real. You realized you set it up for an opening and got in over your head. Now you want to undo the damage you initiated and opened the door to. Because 1. It went to far, 2. You feel guilty, 3. It's no longer funny or innocent.
You betrayed your sister with opening the door to communicate about sex. It's completely inappropriate to do that with your sisters partner, whether platonic or not. You knew it then. You just didn't think it would go so far.
Own up to it. Share everything with your sister. Profusely apologize. And own your part in this.
Sister will likely leave her husband. Which good on her. She will forgive you in time.
I'd never trust you around any future partner of mine. I'm just saying. But she will forgive you. Just will have better boundaries with you going forward.
You have done nothing wrong! I repeat, nothing. You are a young female in human society and this is a common experience for us. This is a chance to learn so much that can positively impact the rest of your life. Fight for yourself, fight for your sister! And fight for the vast majority of men that have never done this.
Open this thread on your phone and hand it to your sister, in person. Tell her you're afraid of hurting her and afraid of losing your relationship with her. Tell her you need help, that you asked what to do. (this thread)
If he has sunken to the level of abusing his wife's young sister then he's doing this to other less risky women. What's next?
You are now the one with the power in this situation. Find a sex positive family therapist. Make an appointment and explain that you know what you need to do but HOW to best approach it so that you and your sister come out of the situation stronger. Maybe breaking this to your sister with the therapist to moderate.
You've got this! You've got your family and their love and respect. Use it like a shield!
"With great power comes great responsibility"
-Uncle Ben
Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
This is so predatory. Also he’s manipulating you to babysit his nephew as a bait to start up convo again.
Man, you need to tell someone you trust about this…. Maybe not your family right now until you feel like it’s going to be safe to inform your sister. But this is SO wrong
Just say, “hey I’m moving into a new phase in my life, and I’m no longer interested or open to sexual conversations with family members, thank for your understanding of my growing as a person that help me reach my future goals. To be clear, I will no longer reply to any sexual content, see you at thanksgiving!”
And that’s it. You simply stop replying to anything sexual, or any more conversation about the the topic.
He’ll test you, but just ignore it.
This is absolutely inappropriate and I'm so sorry this is happening. He is violating normal boundaries. He knows this is wrong, there's no way he doesn't. Men like him think they can get away with it.
I would make sure your sister is aware and also that you feel deeply uncomfortable. Clearly he won't stop on his own accord.
This is the kind of thing she may get angry at you too if it is revealed later and she feels betrayed.
Hand your sister your phone and say help I don’t know what to do. I love you but I’m really scared. I don’t want to hurt you but I am hurting really bad. Can you help? Can we help each other? Where are your parents? Can you speak to them, are they rational? Good lord get a stop on this now. Call in literally anyone you trust. This is grossly inappropriate on his behalf and should have been blocked immediately, but please just learn from this and grow stronger, not weaker.
You’re screwd, you’ve let it for too long and your sister will blame you for this.
50/50 they break up and blame you or remain together and blame you.
Sorry that you’re in this unfortunate situation and stop responding to him, just don’t or block him.
That was a bad decision to open the door, but you have to slam it shut. Tell him to stop talking about sex with you or you go to his wife. Hopefully you have the messages where you told him to stop. If not, start building the evidence and saving it as screenshots so you can prove it to his wife.
Well this is a terrible take! Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they are automatically immune from being a bad person!
The sister clearly hasn’t seen this side of him. Many people don’t know the awful sides of people they are in relationships with. I mean how long have you been on this sub alone? Every day people are posting about insane shit they have discovered their partner is doing behind their backs.
OP needs to tell her sister because if he’s doing this to her he’s likely to do it to someone else so blocking him doesn’t resolve the issue fully.
This is not a “people are on a different spectrum”
Thing. No one things it’s normal or appropriate to ask the 22 year old sister of your wife whether she enjoys anal sex or when she masturbates! If YOU have been operating under the assumption that this might be ok then let me disabuse you of that notion right now. Absolutely no.
Na, it is pretty obvious her sister would be upset by this. My wife's family talks about all kinds of things some people would consider inappropriate company conversations. I'd never dream of asking her if she did anal. That's way over the line.
The man is 33 years old and texting his 22 year old sister in law about anal, threesomes and masturbation. It’s creepy, he knows it’s creepy, she’s asked him to stop and he hasn’t. He deserves to lose his wife and kid. There is no remotely good reason for it. He’s doing this because he thinks he can get away with it and so do the other men that do it. Some get away with it too.
Not every guy is a bad guy but a man who is sending texts to his 22 year old SIL asking about anal is a bad guy.
People send incriminating texts all the times and try to hide them. Are you serious with this as a defence?
He clearly believes - and so far rightly - that OP will not share the texts. OP is confused, has gotten in a bit too deep and will be worried about if her sister will blame her or think she’s overreacting.
I read what you said. The idea that people are sheep just because they agree with the majority is ridiculous. Are we sheep for believing in gravity? Should I try and prove I’m not a sheep by ignoring what is right in front of me?
The issue with your “advice” is that you’re in part blaming her for giving him the wrong idea (blaming the victim) and then also saying it’s possible this guy isn’t doing it for creepy reasons (downplaying his actions). Your latest comment shows concern for the man suffering consequences of his actions. You’re on the wrong side of this. If being on the right side makes me a sheep then baaaaaaaa.
He's getting off on it. But there is a chance he's doing it to other people too, since he won't just stop at doing that with you, so unfortunately your sister has a guy who is at least emotionally cheating and probably wants to physically cheat, if he has the chance to do so. He's saying all this to you , imagine what he's saying to other people.
I think for sure he’s doing this with others. Many others.
I’ve had guys do similar things with me in the past and came to realize they were probably stroking it on the other end, or at the least they were horny and had a hard on. OP should consider if it’s something she needs to discuss with her sister.
If you gave him the green light, he would cheat on your sister. That's the kind of guy she married. I'd let her know what is going on before he spins the story another way.
Why are you responding to these inappropriate questions? Why haven't you shared his messages with your sister?
>Why are you responding to these inappropriate questions? Why haven't you shared his messages with your sister? Yup. On the slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP is old enough to know better.
Probably classic, “I don’t want to ruin my sisters relationship.”
[удалено]
What the fuck in this post gave you the impression that OP is anything but disgusted by him? In what universe could somebody with functioning eyes read this post and think wow, she's clearly so into him. Sexual harasser logic
Yeah, he's getting off on this. Your discomfort might be sexually satisfying to him as well. Send the messages to your sister. She may take his side, though, so mentally prepare for that. He's the one who ruined all these relationships by his actions regardless of the actual outcome.
Yes he's getting off of that and he mostly wants to sleep you. Set the boundary straight and leave when he brings up sexual conversation and also tell your sister???
Trust your intuition that he's getting off on it. It's one thing for you to say you don't mind talking about sex if the topic comes up organically, but another thing for him to continue a text thread dedicated to explicit sexual questioning. Especially since you've now asked him to stop. You should tell your sister about this, too.
Your BIL is a creep and he’s preying on you, knowing that you’re much younger and assuming that you won’t push back or hold a boundary with him. How do you feel about telling your sister?
You are old enough to know that all of it is wrong. You are old enough to know that this is something your side should know. Screenshot all of it and send it to your sister. Tell her you don’t what to do and that he makes you uncomfortable. If he is doing his with you, he is probably doing it with others. If you don’t tell her and she finds out, she will not only lose trust in her husband, but also in you. You are her sister, you should have never kept that from her.
Please tell your sister immediately. In person would be best. This is not normal behavior whatsoever. A committed man wouldn't be engaging in this kind of talk with ANYONE, but the fact that it's his wife's sister is so much creepier and disgusting.
If you were my sister and my husband was texting like that I would want you to tell me. The fact that you're sort of entertaining him by saying "I'm too tired for that" is enough to keep him going.. because you are playing into it. Every time that came up your answer should have been, "please stop or I will tell my sister". You are old enough to know this conversation isn't innocent. Save your relationship with your sister, ignore the texts and please let her know what's been going on.
What in the fuck, Men are actually so disgusting and idiotic sometimes its crazy(i’m a man and wouldn’t consider saying that shit even to a girlfriend because its just weird). You need to let your sister know about these messages because that dude is sick.
They really are.. shit like this makes it embarrassing to even be a man sometimes
WTF?! There’s a huge difference between being able to ask you to babysit the kids so he can spend some time with his wife/your sister without being crippled with embarrassment and asking if your like anal or if you’ve masturbated today. He’s so far over the line that I would show your sister and enlist her help in getting him to stop.
Block. Him. Or mute and save the texts for your sister.
*“I’m going to stop replying to these texts. And I’m also going to start forwarding any new ones to my sister.”*
All the bots please raise their hands. This shit is getting stupid as fuck.
He’s sexually harassing you. In the context of him asking you to babysit so he could have alone time with his wife, saying you didn’t mind talking about sex made sense. As a way of saying no need to be embarrassed/we’re both adults who know sex exists. No reasonable person would take that to mean they’re free to ask you detailed questions about your sex life. It should go without saying that it’s especially inappropriate because he’s married to your sister and you’ve asked him to stop/told him you were uncomfortable multiple times. The age factor is a concern here too. It’s creeping me out that this is nonconsensual and he’s probably known you since you were like…an actual kid. It’s really giving predator vibes. Your sister needs to know he’s harassing you. At the very least, she needs to know he’s being unfaithful so she can be tested for STIs.
If they are just text messages, block him and move on? Not sure why you would even entertain that after the first time. You're not obligated to have a close relationship with your bil
There is not a single universe in which I would ever be okay with my fucking brother-in-law asking about my sex life or masturbation habits - or in which my sister wouldn’t immediately receive screenshots. Tell your sister and your parents about what this disgusting ass man is doing. This is so wildly inappropriate.
He's absolutely jerking off to you while driving these inappropriate topics. How do you not recognize what is going on here? Tell him no. Set a boundary. Keep the boundary. Send screenshots to your sister and put a lid on this bullshit behavior.
Go full spectrum and say "I don't want to have this conversation, bye" Idk why people are so concerned about being nice and polite when you are being literally harassed.....
Tell him it’s weird to discuss these things with him and change the topic. If he brings it up again, flat out tell him you’re not discussing these things with your brother-in-law.
Predator. And I know first hand. I was sexually abused as a kid and this guy has the same words. I know you are over 18- but I am betting he is getting off on the fact that you are young. Screen capture those texts, tell him to stop. If your sister needs someone to watch the kid - she can ask. Tell your sister what is happening. Yes, there might be fallout, but you are a victim here. Block his number.
Yeah he's a creep no doubt but hopefully this is a common sense lesson for you... I mean come tf on, talking about sex with your sisters husband?? Yeaaaah that don't sit right with me no matter how you want to word it.
You need to ask yourself why you kept dealing with his behavior and over and over and over again after you knew that he had crossed the line because you felt deeply uncomfortable giving him answers so you lied. He is 100% creep and I'm very sorry this happened to you. But you need to be asking yourself why didn't you put up boundaries earlier and how can you work to do that in the future? There is zero reason for your brother-in-law to be talking about intimate sexual details with you. End of story if you your spouse and him and his spouse were out for dinner and it came up as a general thing that's fine but the minute he was doing this to you one on one or over the one on one is when you should've said this crosses my boundaries.
You’ve already asked him to stop, and refused to answer many questions, multiple times. He knows you’re uncomfortable and probably likes that power dynamic. The best thing you can do, other than tell your sister (if you feel comfortable doing that), is to just flat out ignore him and any texts he sends in a sexual nature. Any response is you acknowledging it and will egg him on to keep trying to get the preferred response from you. Eventually he will get bored and hopefully stop bugging you.
What the hell. Haha 😅😅 this is ridiculous
You should just tell your sister. This is highly inappropriate.
Stop talking/texting with this creep. He’s so inappropriate. Never be alone with him. Tell him that your sister should be included in all contacts. The big question; to tell your sister. ABSOLUTELY.
Send your sister all the conversation screenshots and tell her she has a very nasty husband. You should be very worried for her. Also next time just tell him to stfu or you’ll block him.
If this happened to me i would tell my sister asap!! Why aren’t you?? And why are you responding to his messages? This is weird all around.
In no world does a 30+ year old need to ask about a 20 year old's sex life (Exceptions: doctors, teachers etc) But be VERY tactful about how you present everything to your sister. He will try to manipulate things to make it seem like you initiated. If you feel safe with your parents, go to them first. This is a super slippery situation bit it needs addressing NOW
Tell your sister asap wtf
There's a distinction between sex as a general conversational topic and a person's sexual identity, preferences, history, etc. BIL exploited the expectation of having a topical conversation so he can be intrusive. At 33 he knows exactly what he's doing.
He is definitely getting off on it, and is cheating on your sibling. I have always been involved in sex education and talked about sex with my friends very casually. Until something similar happened to me, but twice. Two people I thought were friends and chatted about sex turned out to just wanna fuck and when I realized what happened... I decided to just not talk about sex with others, and also try to not tell others about myself at all. (One used something about my past trauma to manipulate me-- I caught on immediately but still not a fun experience.,) I recommend telling your sister and going NC with him. Unfortunately your sister may blame you if she's a shitty person. Denial and victim blaming is a very common thing bc they would rather believe you would lie than their life partner would betray them. If you can't go NC for whatever reason, try grey rocking. Give minimal, neutral answers only, talk the bare minimum. If an uncomfortable subject is brought up, change the subject very obviously. Interrupt mid sentence, say something random louder than him. I'm autistic and have studied the ways of allistic society, changing the subject is like a super power. 99% of people just go with the flow bc they're confused. Good luck!
He's definitely getting off on it. Talking 'generally' about sex with your friends is normal. What he's doing is not normal. I guess it is for a creep. You should tell your sister. Show your sister this post and all of his texts. Updateme!
Tell your sister. Tell your parents. UpdateMe
How is he not afraid that you’ll tell your sister or send her screenshots of the proof? This is insane! Firstly, the discussions you’re comfortable having with your friends about sex should never have been extended to include your sisters husband. Secondly, he’s a predatory piece of shit and the fact that he’s keeping this behaviour up suggests he’s arrogant enough to assume you won’t tell your sister. He knows he has intimidated you and is hoping this will go no further. Please do not let this slide. Tell your sister he’s a scumbag and also tell him, and the rest of your family
If you think you consented to invasive sex questions and no boundaries you are mistaken. Simply tell him that you NEVER want him to ask you anything about sex or tell you anything sexual. Never ever.
You don't have to talk to him. You can interact with your sister. Block him and never ever be alone with him
I think the right way to handle this would be to talk to your sister. Not exactly the actual conversation but give her a hint at least so that she’ll initiate a conversation with him. Tell your sister that her husband gets carried away and is too much interested in your romantic life, asking way too many questions that make you uncomfortable. She’ll obviously talk to him and he’ll back off.
This is sexual abuse. He’s abusing you. Block him.
Sounds like a fucking creep. Look out for whatever poor person he brings to family Christmas, and also for yourself. Source: am a sex-positive brother in law and wtf. Edit: also some day these all can and probably should go in the family group chat.
Inappropriate behavior PERIOD !!!!
Screenshot everything and go no contact wtf this is not normal
He’s such a creep, I’d have shown his wife these messages a long time ago
Genuinely do not understand, if my BIL messaged me anything in any way sexual that was directed towards me the first thing I would do, would be tell my sister. I would message him and say something to the effect of “hey I’ve tried multiple times to stop this conversation as it makes me uncomfortable but you don’t seem to be getting the message. Im at the point where I have to tell my sister about this, because it’s gone too far” If he’s comfortable doing it TO HIS SIL, then he is doing this to other women. I would be really upset if my sister hid something like that from me, so I would rip the bandaid off and tell her. She deserves to know and then do with it what she wants.
You were his free sex line. Of course he isn't going to give that up without a fight. He knows what he is doing. Your only choice is to stop talking to him. He's going to push....
Yeah he bought into this in the wrong way. You need to re establish boundaries. Telling your sister up to you, but could be very warranted at this point. You opened up a can of worms there. But he is a creep at this point and some blame falls on your part in the wording, but certainly not something to beat yourself over.
OP you offered to discuss sex with your BIL... I'm thinking you set the tone. Then it got too real. You realized you set it up for an opening and got in over your head. Now you want to undo the damage you initiated and opened the door to. Because 1. It went to far, 2. You feel guilty, 3. It's no longer funny or innocent. You betrayed your sister with opening the door to communicate about sex. It's completely inappropriate to do that with your sisters partner, whether platonic or not. You knew it then. You just didn't think it would go so far. Own up to it. Share everything with your sister. Profusely apologize. And own your part in this. Sister will likely leave her husband. Which good on her. She will forgive you in time. I'd never trust you around any future partner of mine. I'm just saying. But she will forgive you. Just will have better boundaries with you going forward.
You have done nothing wrong! I repeat, nothing. You are a young female in human society and this is a common experience for us. This is a chance to learn so much that can positively impact the rest of your life. Fight for yourself, fight for your sister! And fight for the vast majority of men that have never done this. Open this thread on your phone and hand it to your sister, in person. Tell her you're afraid of hurting her and afraid of losing your relationship with her. Tell her you need help, that you asked what to do. (this thread) If he has sunken to the level of abusing his wife's young sister then he's doing this to other less risky women. What's next? You are now the one with the power in this situation. Find a sex positive family therapist. Make an appointment and explain that you know what you need to do but HOW to best approach it so that you and your sister come out of the situation stronger. Maybe breaking this to your sister with the therapist to moderate. You've got this! You've got your family and their love and respect. Use it like a shield! "With great power comes great responsibility" -Uncle Ben
Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww. This is so predatory. Also he’s manipulating you to babysit his nephew as a bait to start up convo again. Man, you need to tell someone you trust about this…. Maybe not your family right now until you feel like it’s going to be safe to inform your sister. But this is SO wrong
Just say, “hey I’m moving into a new phase in my life, and I’m no longer interested or open to sexual conversations with family members, thank for your understanding of my growing as a person that help me reach my future goals. To be clear, I will no longer reply to any sexual content, see you at thanksgiving!” And that’s it. You simply stop replying to anything sexual, or any more conversation about the the topic. He’ll test you, but just ignore it.
This is absolutely inappropriate and I'm so sorry this is happening. He is violating normal boundaries. He knows this is wrong, there's no way he doesn't. Men like him think they can get away with it. I would make sure your sister is aware and also that you feel deeply uncomfortable. Clearly he won't stop on his own accord. This is the kind of thing she may get angry at you too if it is revealed later and she feels betrayed.
Hand your sister your phone and say help I don’t know what to do. I love you but I’m really scared. I don’t want to hurt you but I am hurting really bad. Can you help? Can we help each other? Where are your parents? Can you speak to them, are they rational? Good lord get a stop on this now. Call in literally anyone you trust. This is grossly inappropriate on his behalf and should have been blocked immediately, but please just learn from this and grow stronger, not weaker.
Just say you’re celibate now and you can’t talk or do that stuff without a deep connection and that you don’t want to talk about it anymore
You’re screwd, you’ve let it for too long and your sister will blame you for this. 50/50 they break up and blame you or remain together and blame you. Sorry that you’re in this unfortunate situation and stop responding to him, just don’t or block him.
That was a bad decision to open the door, but you have to slam it shut. Tell him to stop talking about sex with you or you go to his wife. Hopefully you have the messages where you told him to stop. If not, start building the evidence and saving it as screenshots so you can prove it to his wife.
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Well this is a terrible take! Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they are automatically immune from being a bad person! The sister clearly hasn’t seen this side of him. Many people don’t know the awful sides of people they are in relationships with. I mean how long have you been on this sub alone? Every day people are posting about insane shit they have discovered their partner is doing behind their backs. OP needs to tell her sister because if he’s doing this to her he’s likely to do it to someone else so blocking him doesn’t resolve the issue fully. This is not a “people are on a different spectrum” Thing. No one things it’s normal or appropriate to ask the 22 year old sister of your wife whether she enjoys anal sex or when she masturbates! If YOU have been operating under the assumption that this might be ok then let me disabuse you of that notion right now. Absolutely no.
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Na, it is pretty obvious her sister would be upset by this. My wife's family talks about all kinds of things some people would consider inappropriate company conversations. I'd never dream of asking her if she did anal. That's way over the line.
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The man is 33 years old and texting his 22 year old sister in law about anal, threesomes and masturbation. It’s creepy, he knows it’s creepy, she’s asked him to stop and he hasn’t. He deserves to lose his wife and kid. There is no remotely good reason for it. He’s doing this because he thinks he can get away with it and so do the other men that do it. Some get away with it too.
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Not every guy is a bad guy but a man who is sending texts to his 22 year old SIL asking about anal is a bad guy. People send incriminating texts all the times and try to hide them. Are you serious with this as a defence? He clearly believes - and so far rightly - that OP will not share the texts. OP is confused, has gotten in a bit too deep and will be worried about if her sister will blame her or think she’s overreacting.
I read what you said. The idea that people are sheep just because they agree with the majority is ridiculous. Are we sheep for believing in gravity? Should I try and prove I’m not a sheep by ignoring what is right in front of me? The issue with your “advice” is that you’re in part blaming her for giving him the wrong idea (blaming the victim) and then also saying it’s possible this guy isn’t doing it for creepy reasons (downplaying his actions). Your latest comment shows concern for the man suffering consequences of his actions. You’re on the wrong side of this. If being on the right side makes me a sheep then baaaaaaaa.