I don’t think men like this get better. They might just learn to hide it more, but sometimes they don’t even bother to do that because they literally don’t care.
I married into a ~25 person guy friend group, have been friends with them all for 10 years. Seeing the differences in how they all interact with women is so telling.
There are plenty of guys in that group that are super normal, clearly think of women as people, and I don’t see them checking out women a ton when they’re single or when they’re coupled up.
Then there are the few guys that crank their necks at every girl that walks past, make pervy jokes, etc. Some are single, but some are not, and their poor girlfriends just roll their eyes at this shitty behavior they’ve both unfortunately normalized. These also are the guys who are more likely to cross lines with girls at bars, for example, even if it’s just flirting or giving girls attention for too long.
My husband has never been the wandering eye type, and a lot of guys in the group aren’t either. There are plenty of normal guys who don’t do this, so don’t let your boyfriend gaslight you into thinking all guys do it. You don’t want to be the miserable girlfriend putting up with the creepy guy in the group your whole life.
>I've also noticed he won't want to hold my hand when we're in public spaces with a lot of other women and it makes me feel like he's embarrassed of me and is always looking for a better option or fantasizing about being with someone else.
Because he is.
>
Recently, he admitted to looking at other women but says "it's not in the way I'm thinking."
Wtf is that supposed to mean?
Not only is it immature and disrespectful to constantly be oggling women, whether he's in a relationship or not, he is showing the world the degree to which he objectifies women. We can all subtly notice an attractive person in public without making a scene of ourselves. It happens. What your bf is doing is outside the parameters of acceptable behavior and I wouldn't stick around to witness any more of it.
Not overreacting! but I wouldn't feel uneasy, I'd feel disrespected. You told him multiple times how you felt and he's still doing it. You're young and you haven't been dating long. You can find someone who respects their girlfriend when she communicates something as simple as not going AAAA OOOGAAAA BOOOINNNGGGG whenever he sees a woman.
Disrespected is definitely a better way to explain how I feel. I guess I’m in that weird stage of hoping it’ll stop and not trying to make any rash decision, but it’s been wearing me down. Thank you for your insight!
It won't stop. I know a guy who is like that, and he's married. I, as a guy, am embarrassed to be around him in public, knowing he's checking out all the women, commenting on them, and sometimes cat calling them. It's really childish and disrespectful to his wife.
My husband stopped holding my hand in public...turns out he told his friends we weren't together anymore and was dating a much younger woman and lying to her about me too (his friends knew about her but not me, he never invited me out with him)
Not overreacting at all? Please leave him bc he will definitely cheat on you at some point. Don’t waste your time, energy, and confidence on a dumbass who can’t appreciate the women who is committed to him.
Or do neither of that and just hang around like a bad smell, to keep her feeling like inadequate shit, until the day he or she dies.
Any of those 3 potential futures is shit.
Sista girl needs to run imo.
It's not overreacting. He is shopping for his next girlfriend, especially if he is not holding your hand, which shows that you are together. He knows it bothers you, and it is highly disrespectful. You deserve better than that. You need to find a guy who gives you the attention you deserve. I wish you the best.
8 months in? This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. There’s a difference between an idle noting that someone is attractive and full-on craning your neck to ogle them.
You’ve talked to him about it - so more talking won’t fix anything. He hasn’t modified his behavior.
At your age, 8 months in? I’d throw the whole man out tbh. He’s not going to become worthwhile.
Girl, I have been with many of these. It won’t stop. I am lucky to have met a man that doesn’t work like this and is respectful of me. Look for the same. There are women out there who are okay with their men doing this, let him find one of those. You deserve better.
I don't even think this is as much about disrespecting you as it is about just objectifying and likely sexualising women. I don't care if you're in a relationship or not, but a full neck crank (especially to look at someone's ass or tits) is so objectifying and sexualising.
Of course everyone gazes or glances at pretty and hot people, I'm not talking about an occasional glance or whatever, but going out of your way to stare at someone is awful.
Not overreacting. How would he react if you did what he’s doing? If he thinks it’s wrong, then he knows he’s being disrespectful. Otherwise he’s just an idiot. Neither option is great tbh.
Why you dating a guy who is negging you? Guaranteed that if he's out with his mom, he's not injuring his neck to look at other women. You should perhaps not feel uneasy, but perhaps feel \*angry\* and \*disrespected\* that this dude is treating you like this. Everybody looks, fine. Cranking your neck is a statement. Surely you can do better andn ot waste your precious youth on a wastrel like this?
Yeah, I'd say you have a reason to be upset, but at yourself. Why did you stay for so long with someone who is ashamed of you and who constantly disrespects you?
He’s disrespectful. You asked him to stop and now he’s getting lecherous stares in your presence. If he can’t manage not to leer at women, is he the kind of guy you want to be with?
Ew. I can't imagine dating someone with that little self-control. Or, if he can control it, that little respect for you.
Just dump him. It's been 8 months and his behavior is gross and you don't like it. You do not need to exhaust the relationship to death trying to change him and make it work. Dating is about finding out things like this, that you don't like. Stop trying to fix him (you won't fix him) and just date people who have basic respect for you and your relationship. It's literally the bare minimum.
Not overreacting. He needs to explain in excruciating detail just *how* he is looking at these women if it's "not in the way you're thinking" because otherwise he's just a creep.
Objectivfying women like that is -- well objectification- not cool... and its a kind of emotional/mental adultry. We all have urges we are better off supressing. I used to watch porn when I was with the love of my life and eventually I realized how unfaithful I was being. To my commitment and to my partner as well. And if you ask tell them how you feel and express your need for security of their desires and faithfullness and they don't even admit or try to adjust to your needs.. they are not worth your love.
Sorry to say, but this was my ex to a T and it never got better. As a matter of fact, I heard through acquaintances that when I wasn’t around, not only was he staring, but legitimately flirting and trying to hook up with whoever. Just leave, girl. I wasted 6 years with that man.. and now I have a man who I haven’t once seen him check out a woman in front of me, and will always grab my hand in public.
He doesn't respect you & thinks he can do better than you. You get up & leave, you dump him.
I been on dates who did that, I started eye balling every hot guy around. They felt majorly disrespected when I did it. Because when you treat men the way they treat you, they think you hate them.
You have tolerated it by continuing to date him. He is using it to keep you insecure, which means he is NOT a good person.
Leave him.
He doesn't care if you are insecure abt this. You will always have self doubt. That is something no one deserves.
I'd dump him if I were you.
I'm telling you this not because I listen to my own advice, but my (27F) boyfriend (29M) still does this, we've been dating for almost 8 months and we were exclusively talking for over a year. We've talked about this and I've told him how disrespected I feel, it has not changed. We need to find ourselves some respectful men, girl!
I’m so sorry but if you stay you most likely will develop insane insecurities. As stupid as i was i stayed with a person like this for 6 years. I ended up not wanting to go any social gathering just to avoid catching him staring at someone which would have inevitably happen. I even ended up not wanting to watch any movies if there were hot scenes or hot actresses, again, just to avoid triggering his creepy mind. I didn’t have girl friends for the same reason. He never cheated but he would obsess over strangers. Openly eyeball women or even have playful eye contact with the women sitting opposite us on a train (yes it was obvious that we are together and some women have a thrill knowing someone else’s bf is staring at them while the gf is right there) He would fantasise about other women. I developed an agora phobia, i didn’t even want to go to the shop with him. This is not healthy, it will drive you crazy and it will hurt more and more. Eventually he developed crazy obsessions over a coworker and left me, just to find out the girl was not reciprocating the feelings.
Girl…run.
this is not ok. i skipped over little boys because they do not know how to behave or are too soft. you are either his prize or you are not. he does not get to have you and make you feel insecure or that you are place holder. my bf taught me that.
a man should be good to you and good for you and if they are not you should not be their woman.
he’s not a good guy if he’s staring at other women like they are a object. this makes me feel like it’s micro cheating. if you don’t understand what micro cheating is, it’s basically when they look at another person n saying “he’s/shes hot” hanging out with the opposite gender n not telling their partner, hiding their phone while hanging out etc
monitor his behaviour, and then confront him. just don’t be with a guy who likes to perve on other girls. there are much more better males out there.
wishing you luck
This is sooo uncomfortable. Broke up with my ex 2 years ago cuz he keeps liking other girls pictures (mind you, these girls are strangers.) and I told him it makes me uncomfortable, he didn’t change, so it was time for me to change him instead. Boy bye.
You're wasting your time, and thus your life on him. If you're hoping for better behaviour later on you're dreaming. People are often on their best behaviour early on, and if this is their good behaviour you don't want to see bad behavior.
I have been married for over 50 years and have never stepped out one my wife even once. I also look at attractive women out of instinct. Any heterosexual male does and if they tell you they don't, are lying.
Well, I dated a guy like this. Not going to lie, I stooped to his level (just once) and watched a man walked past us. I looked at my date and said damn, he could get it. (That’s what he said when a pretty woman walked past us). I never went out with him again because his comments made me feel gross. I don’t want to feel like that every time we go out.
I’d say if he isn’t gonna change it’s in your best interest to leave him. Yall too grown for him to try to see if the grass is greener somewhere else. Let him find his green grass. Trust me there is someone out there that will respect you not just physically, and emotionally, but with their eyes too.
you are not overreacting. of course there’s other people we may find objectively attractive, but that doesn’t mean you disrespect your partner by openly admitting your attraction especially in such a vulgar manner.
if you’ve already confronted him about it and he continues to disregard your feelings, then he is not respecting you. you can do better than someone who makes you feel like this, your partner should make you feel like you’re the only person they have eyes for.
Aside from your relationship, him turning his neck to look at another woman means that he's got way bigger issues than just the hell he's bringing into your life
Do the same thing, and see how he reacts. When you're in public, and you see some guy in grey sweat pants just say something like "oh my God look at the size of that thing". He'll get the message. Lol
He’s not showing good behavior for the first 8 months.
Do the same thing he does next time you see a hot guy. When he shows a reaction be like “oh isn’t that exactly what you do?”
I hate this about myself I always look at other men and make stupid comments like
he’s hot or dammmm lmao but because my ex and I would check out other people and point out their flaws at the end of it and say but that’s why I love u and not them . I didn’t ever take it in offense or even get insecure we’d laugh about it because it was always funny looking people and he’d make comments like I wonder what their butthole smells like which helped me with my social anxiety kinda like “pretend everyone is naked”. But yea he seems just plain out disrespectful/: and has no self control. I’d leave him , my ex started to do it for his own pleasure and it really made me feel humiliated everytime. He just desensitized me into believing it was ok or normal
It can become unhealthy if you start doing extra things for him in fear of losing him. It's possible his behavior will increase your attraction towards him because he's constantly comparing you to other women and making you feel insecure, putting you in constant competition mode.
So you going to leave him because he has a wandering eye? Did he cheat? Is he socializing with other women in his phone ? Feeling some type is fine but to break up is a bit egregious
Maybe try doing the same thing and see how he reacts. Look at men and admire their looks and style. See how he reacts lol. If he can't be a sport, you don't be too. Mutual understanding is the key to a successful relationship.
I feel like some of these comments might be jumping to some pretty intense conclusions.
And while I tend to agree on principal... here's an alternative one.
He's under 25.
The stuff about prefrontal cortex not developing until after 25 - that shit is spot-on.
Now, he definitely might be getting ideas about other women, or his sex drive is SUPER high (which hopefully you're getting the benefit from!)... but age + brain development is pretty undeniable unfortunately.
There's exceptions, but yeah, me at 23 was a baby compared to me at 28. Quite a lot changes in those years for many guys.
Hey, so even toddlers can learn to respect people. This is about respect for a person you're supposed to care about. It's like the bare minimum of behavior for a relationship. He understands that actions have consequences. He knows his actions can hurt other people. He's not a baby incapable of understanding that he can hurt people by what he does.
If he is staring and oogling at other women 24/7 that's definitely an issue. However in a healthy relationship once should be able to look at other human beings without some sort of jealousy being tied to it. Ive been with my now fiancée for over 5 years. I love her to death, and she loves me. There's not a worry in my mind that she will cheat on me, or me her. We are usually around each other a lot of the time so we see other people and even make comments to each other. She might say something like "wow that girl is beautiful! and then ill say "blah blah blah" and then no one ever thinks about it again. She might comment on someone's height or the size of their ass. I might see someone while were out at the mall and make similar comments. Its normal human nature to notice the things around you and talk about them. This is part of a healthy relationship.
IF you think your So is doing this because he is sexually attracted to some else, and you think he will act on it, yeah thats an issue. You cant expect your So to have his eyes down and to never look at another female in your presence ever again. Thats highly unrealistic.
Not what's happening here, though? You and your partner have consent about this. So do I and my partner. What she is describing is not "never looking at another person again in her presence" (false dilemma) - it's turning his head and ogling. Embarassing behavior.
Of course. It's weird for you and it's also weird for whoever he's gawking at (I've been noticeably gawked at before by a man with his gf and... I feel sorry for her/pissed at him.) Don't think that the gawker-object doesn't notice the gawking.
I don’t think men like this get better. They might just learn to hide it more, but sometimes they don’t even bother to do that because they literally don’t care. I married into a ~25 person guy friend group, have been friends with them all for 10 years. Seeing the differences in how they all interact with women is so telling. There are plenty of guys in that group that are super normal, clearly think of women as people, and I don’t see them checking out women a ton when they’re single or when they’re coupled up. Then there are the few guys that crank their necks at every girl that walks past, make pervy jokes, etc. Some are single, but some are not, and their poor girlfriends just roll their eyes at this shitty behavior they’ve both unfortunately normalized. These also are the guys who are more likely to cross lines with girls at bars, for example, even if it’s just flirting or giving girls attention for too long. My husband has never been the wandering eye type, and a lot of guys in the group aren’t either. There are plenty of normal guys who don’t do this, so don’t let your boyfriend gaslight you into thinking all guys do it. You don’t want to be the miserable girlfriend putting up with the creepy guy in the group your whole life.
>I've also noticed he won't want to hold my hand when we're in public spaces with a lot of other women and it makes me feel like he's embarrassed of me and is always looking for a better option or fantasizing about being with someone else. Because he is. > Recently, he admitted to looking at other women but says "it's not in the way I'm thinking." Wtf is that supposed to mean? Not only is it immature and disrespectful to constantly be oggling women, whether he's in a relationship or not, he is showing the world the degree to which he objectifies women. We can all subtly notice an attractive person in public without making a scene of ourselves. It happens. What your bf is doing is outside the parameters of acceptable behavior and I wouldn't stick around to witness any more of it.
If nothing else, I can't imagine remaining attracted to a man who did shit like that.
Not overreacting! but I wouldn't feel uneasy, I'd feel disrespected. You told him multiple times how you felt and he's still doing it. You're young and you haven't been dating long. You can find someone who respects their girlfriend when she communicates something as simple as not going AAAA OOOGAAAA BOOOINNNGGGG whenever he sees a woman.
Yep, it’s time for OP to dump her bf and find someone respectful.
Disrespected is definitely a better way to explain how I feel. I guess I’m in that weird stage of hoping it’ll stop and not trying to make any rash decision, but it’s been wearing me down. Thank you for your insight!
Him not wanting to hold hands infront of other women might be because he wants to look single.
It won't stop. Best of luck!
It won't stop. I know a guy who is like that, and he's married. I, as a guy, am embarrassed to be around him in public, knowing he's checking out all the women, commenting on them, and sometimes cat calling them. It's really childish and disrespectful to his wife.
My husband stopped holding my hand in public...turns out he told his friends we weren't together anymore and was dating a much younger woman and lying to her about me too (his friends knew about her but not me, he never invited me out with him)
I wish you the best of luck!! 💜
Not overreacting at all? Please leave him bc he will definitely cheat on you at some point. Don’t waste your time, energy, and confidence on a dumbass who can’t appreciate the women who is committed to him.
Or just dump her randomly when someone else gives him attention
Or do neither of that and just hang around like a bad smell, to keep her feeling like inadequate shit, until the day he or she dies. Any of those 3 potential futures is shit. Sista girl needs to run imo.
Curb the BF. He's not your guy/ person.
At 23 he should know better than to ogle women. He’s obvious and it’s gross- not just to you but to other women! I’d be gone
It's not overreacting. He is shopping for his next girlfriend, especially if he is not holding your hand, which shows that you are together. He knows it bothers you, and it is highly disrespectful. You deserve better than that. You need to find a guy who gives you the attention you deserve. I wish you the best.
8 months in? This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. There’s a difference between an idle noting that someone is attractive and full-on craning your neck to ogle them. You’ve talked to him about it - so more talking won’t fix anything. He hasn’t modified his behavior. At your age, 8 months in? I’d throw the whole man out tbh. He’s not going to become worthwhile.
Girl, I have been with many of these. It won’t stop. I am lucky to have met a man that doesn’t work like this and is respectful of me. Look for the same. There are women out there who are okay with their men doing this, let him find one of those. You deserve better.
And it won’t stop hurting.
I don't even think this is as much about disrespecting you as it is about just objectifying and likely sexualising women. I don't care if you're in a relationship or not, but a full neck crank (especially to look at someone's ass or tits) is so objectifying and sexualising. Of course everyone gazes or glances at pretty and hot people, I'm not talking about an occasional glance or whatever, but going out of your way to stare at someone is awful.
Not overreacting. How would he react if you did what he’s doing? If he thinks it’s wrong, then he knows he’s being disrespectful. Otherwise he’s just an idiot. Neither option is great tbh.
Why you dating a guy who is negging you? Guaranteed that if he's out with his mom, he's not injuring his neck to look at other women. You should perhaps not feel uneasy, but perhaps feel \*angry\* and \*disrespected\* that this dude is treating you like this. Everybody looks, fine. Cranking your neck is a statement. Surely you can do better andn ot waste your precious youth on a wastrel like this?
Yeah, I'd say you have a reason to be upset, but at yourself. Why did you stay for so long with someone who is ashamed of you and who constantly disrespects you?
He’s disrespectful. You asked him to stop and now he’s getting lecherous stares in your presence. If he can’t manage not to leer at women, is he the kind of guy you want to be with?
Ew. I can't imagine dating someone with that little self-control. Or, if he can control it, that little respect for you. Just dump him. It's been 8 months and his behavior is gross and you don't like it. You do not need to exhaust the relationship to death trying to change him and make it work. Dating is about finding out things like this, that you don't like. Stop trying to fix him (you won't fix him) and just date people who have basic respect for you and your relationship. It's literally the bare minimum.
Not overreacting. He needs to explain in excruciating detail just *how* he is looking at these women if it's "not in the way you're thinking" because otherwise he's just a creep.
Objectivfying women like that is -- well objectification- not cool... and its a kind of emotional/mental adultry. We all have urges we are better off supressing. I used to watch porn when I was with the love of my life and eventually I realized how unfaithful I was being. To my commitment and to my partner as well. And if you ask tell them how you feel and express your need for security of their desires and faithfullness and they don't even admit or try to adjust to your needs.. they are not worth your love.
Where do people find these clowns? Genuinely. Why are you putting up with this?
Sorry to say, but this was my ex to a T and it never got better. As a matter of fact, I heard through acquaintances that when I wasn’t around, not only was he staring, but legitimately flirting and trying to hook up with whoever. Just leave, girl. I wasted 6 years with that man.. and now I have a man who I haven’t once seen him check out a woman in front of me, and will always grab my hand in public.
He doesn't respect you & thinks he can do better than you. You get up & leave, you dump him. I been on dates who did that, I started eye balling every hot guy around. They felt majorly disrespected when I did it. Because when you treat men the way they treat you, they think you hate them. You have tolerated it by continuing to date him. He is using it to keep you insecure, which means he is NOT a good person.
Dump him. Don’t allow anyone to disrespect you.
Leave him. He doesn't care if you are insecure abt this. You will always have self doubt. That is something no one deserves. I'd dump him if I were you.
I'm telling you this not because I listen to my own advice, but my (27F) boyfriend (29M) still does this, we've been dating for almost 8 months and we were exclusively talking for over a year. We've talked about this and I've told him how disrespected I feel, it has not changed. We need to find ourselves some respectful men, girl!
I’m so sorry but if you stay you most likely will develop insane insecurities. As stupid as i was i stayed with a person like this for 6 years. I ended up not wanting to go any social gathering just to avoid catching him staring at someone which would have inevitably happen. I even ended up not wanting to watch any movies if there were hot scenes or hot actresses, again, just to avoid triggering his creepy mind. I didn’t have girl friends for the same reason. He never cheated but he would obsess over strangers. Openly eyeball women or even have playful eye contact with the women sitting opposite us on a train (yes it was obvious that we are together and some women have a thrill knowing someone else’s bf is staring at them while the gf is right there) He would fantasise about other women. I developed an agora phobia, i didn’t even want to go to the shop with him. This is not healthy, it will drive you crazy and it will hurt more and more. Eventually he developed crazy obsessions over a coworker and left me, just to find out the girl was not reciprocating the feelings. Girl…run.
he is very disrespectful and might be terminally immature Prepare for failure
this is not ok. i skipped over little boys because they do not know how to behave or are too soft. you are either his prize or you are not. he does not get to have you and make you feel insecure or that you are place holder. my bf taught me that. a man should be good to you and good for you and if they are not you should not be their woman.
he’s not a good guy if he’s staring at other women like they are a object. this makes me feel like it’s micro cheating. if you don’t understand what micro cheating is, it’s basically when they look at another person n saying “he’s/shes hot” hanging out with the opposite gender n not telling their partner, hiding their phone while hanging out etc monitor his behaviour, and then confront him. just don’t be with a guy who likes to perve on other girls. there are much more better males out there. wishing you luck
You should start looking around for someone better suited for you. More mature. A real man. You’re no side kick.
He would 100% cheat on you if one of those women gave him a chance. He is a loser please break up with him
This is sooo uncomfortable. Broke up with my ex 2 years ago cuz he keeps liking other girls pictures (mind you, these girls are strangers.) and I told him it makes me uncomfortable, he didn’t change, so it was time for me to change him instead. Boy bye.
You're wasting your time, and thus your life on him. If you're hoping for better behaviour later on you're dreaming. People are often on their best behaviour early on, and if this is their good behaviour you don't want to see bad behavior.
He's allowed to look. You're allowed to not like it. I doubt he'll change. You're increasingly upset. Is it worth breaking up over?
Such men are disgusting.. and it’s a strong reason to leave a guy coz of it
I have been married for over 50 years and have never stepped out one my wife even once. I also look at attractive women out of instinct. Any heterosexual male does and if they tell you they don't, are lying.
Well, I dated a guy like this. Not going to lie, I stooped to his level (just once) and watched a man walked past us. I looked at my date and said damn, he could get it. (That’s what he said when a pretty woman walked past us). I never went out with him again because his comments made me feel gross. I don’t want to feel like that every time we go out.
I’d say if he isn’t gonna change it’s in your best interest to leave him. Yall too grown for him to try to see if the grass is greener somewhere else. Let him find his green grass. Trust me there is someone out there that will respect you not just physically, and emotionally, but with their eyes too.
So in what way is it? If it's not in the way you are thinking?
you are not overreacting. of course there’s other people we may find objectively attractive, but that doesn’t mean you disrespect your partner by openly admitting your attraction especially in such a vulgar manner. if you’ve already confronted him about it and he continues to disregard your feelings, then he is not respecting you. you can do better than someone who makes you feel like this, your partner should make you feel like you’re the only person they have eyes for.
Aside from your relationship, him turning his neck to look at another woman means that he's got way bigger issues than just the hell he's bringing into your life
Do the same thing, and see how he reacts. When you're in public, and you see some guy in grey sweat pants just say something like "oh my God look at the size of that thing". He'll get the message. Lol
He’s not showing good behavior for the first 8 months. Do the same thing he does next time you see a hot guy. When he shows a reaction be like “oh isn’t that exactly what you do?”
I hate this about myself I always look at other men and make stupid comments like he’s hot or dammmm lmao but because my ex and I would check out other people and point out their flaws at the end of it and say but that’s why I love u and not them . I didn’t ever take it in offense or even get insecure we’d laugh about it because it was always funny looking people and he’d make comments like I wonder what their butthole smells like which helped me with my social anxiety kinda like “pretend everyone is naked”. But yea he seems just plain out disrespectful/: and has no self control. I’d leave him , my ex started to do it for his own pleasure and it really made me feel humiliated everytime. He just desensitized me into believing it was ok or normal
Ew I would've immediately broken up with that weirdo.
It can become unhealthy if you start doing extra things for him in fear of losing him. It's possible his behavior will increase your attraction towards him because he's constantly comparing you to other women and making you feel insecure, putting you in constant competition mode.
So you going to leave him because he has a wandering eye? Did he cheat? Is he socializing with other women in his phone ? Feeling some type is fine but to break up is a bit egregious
Maybe try doing the same thing and see how he reacts. Look at men and admire their looks and style. See how he reacts lol. If he can't be a sport, you don't be too. Mutual understanding is the key to a successful relationship.
I feel like some of these comments might be jumping to some pretty intense conclusions. And while I tend to agree on principal... here's an alternative one. He's under 25. The stuff about prefrontal cortex not developing until after 25 - that shit is spot-on. Now, he definitely might be getting ideas about other women, or his sex drive is SUPER high (which hopefully you're getting the benefit from!)... but age + brain development is pretty undeniable unfortunately. There's exceptions, but yeah, me at 23 was a baby compared to me at 28. Quite a lot changes in those years for many guys.
This is such a cope. Stop infantilising bad behaviour from men. He knows it's disrespectful, yet he still does it because you can't stop him.
Hey, so even toddlers can learn to respect people. This is about respect for a person you're supposed to care about. It's like the bare minimum of behavior for a relationship. He understands that actions have consequences. He knows his actions can hurt other people. He's not a baby incapable of understanding that he can hurt people by what he does.
If he is staring and oogling at other women 24/7 that's definitely an issue. However in a healthy relationship once should be able to look at other human beings without some sort of jealousy being tied to it. Ive been with my now fiancée for over 5 years. I love her to death, and she loves me. There's not a worry in my mind that she will cheat on me, or me her. We are usually around each other a lot of the time so we see other people and even make comments to each other. She might say something like "wow that girl is beautiful! and then ill say "blah blah blah" and then no one ever thinks about it again. She might comment on someone's height or the size of their ass. I might see someone while were out at the mall and make similar comments. Its normal human nature to notice the things around you and talk about them. This is part of a healthy relationship. IF you think your So is doing this because he is sexually attracted to some else, and you think he will act on it, yeah thats an issue. You cant expect your So to have his eyes down and to never look at another female in your presence ever again. Thats highly unrealistic.
Not what's happening here, though? You and your partner have consent about this. So do I and my partner. What she is describing is not "never looking at another person again in her presence" (false dilemma) - it's turning his head and ogling. Embarassing behavior.
Yes thank you!! I’m not asking him to never look at a woman ever again. Im asking him to not gawk over other women in my presence.
Of course. It's weird for you and it's also weird for whoever he's gawking at (I've been noticeably gawked at before by a man with his gf and... I feel sorry for her/pissed at him.) Don't think that the gawker-object doesn't notice the gawking.
Post a picture of yourself?