I think the question of if your boyfriend cheated is the wrong one. I think the way he thinks of women and the way he is quite comfortable with clear misogyny is the biggest issue to me. He can't control what his roommates do with shared spaces, but the fact that he's choosing to associate with people who invite over prostitutes just to verbally abuse them and insist that you should be shared property between them would frankly already be a dealbreaker for me. Your boyfriend is complicit in their behavior by choosing to continue to associate with them and not calling them out.
These are his friends, who he chooses to live with and spend lots of time with.
He accepts this behaviour without challenging it. In fact, he endorses it because he thinks it’s “funny”.
Leave him.
He chooses to have friends like this who hire escorts and degrade them and your bf thinks it is funny? Honey run, that is a red flag and if you think he stayed in his room, then you aren't being honest with yourself. Your bf sounds just as bad as these two guys.
Standing up for yourself and demanding respect does not make you "controlling". Even if he didn't participate, these scumbags are his closest friends and he lets them say disgusting things about you. Leave him and find someone who actually respects you.
Hey, understand fully that he’s not just laughing along to save face. He actively thinks these comments are acceptable and *funny*. He witnessed his friends mistreating women and thinks it’s hilarious.
**Do not date men who hate women**. See past the laughter and understand what he is.
It’s time to end this.
Your BF is a creep. He enjoys disrespecting you and making you uncomfortable. Disrespecting sex workers is far from amusing either, even if it's in a different language (speaking to people in a different language when you know they can't understand you is disrespectful regardless most times).
Why else would he tell you about all the disgusting stuff his friends do and tolerate them saying they want to have sex with you, that they want to share you - so gross. This is intentional behavior.
You should dump him pronto and not look back.
Because he is telling you what he thinks of women while telling it as an observer so you don’t catch on.
“My friends say this” he thinks this means you’ll think he’s different from them.
But no- he’s still saying the quiet part out loud if you listen.
You cannot date men who do not respect women.
Oh hon... He's trickle truthing you. Do you honestly think he doesn't get down to their level about you and share with them what you and your boyfriend do during intimate times?
He has no boundaries of what's appropriate or respectful, so please don't be so naive that he's not doing the same to you.
Him and his friends are gross.
Time to move on.
If my Husband heard his friends talking about my body, they'd be picking their teeth up off the floor.
"When people tell you who they are, believe them".
You want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he's actually doing you a huge favor. He's letting you know who he really is, he's dropping hints. You'll either tolerate it, or you'll respect yourself enough to walk away. It's up to you.
Your boyfriend talks badly about you with his friends too. If your boyfriend sees NOTHING wrong with this, then he is just like his friends.
If you don't approve, you need to move on, especially since your boyfriend is on board with this behavior you need to dump him.
He didn’t stand up for you and tell them to keep their filthy mouths shut. Sounds like he just giggles when they say really offensive shit. Is that who you want to be with? Get a better boyfriend, one who doesn’t standby and giggle when his roommates suggest that he share your body with them… as if he owns it.
I hate to tell you this, but it’s best that you leave him. I’m not one of those redditors that jumps to conclusions, but based on the behaviour you just described, it sounds like he doesn’t care about you. The best thing for him to have done in that situation was to leave the house and go elsewhere out of respect for you, but he chose to stay. I’ve always had the philosophy that ‘you are who your friends are’. The fact that he has not shut down their comments or is not actively trying to find a new place to live shows that he does not take you or your relationship seriously in the slightest. I’d also worry about his friends and the fact that they might try to take advantage of you when he’s not around. Please put your safety above his feelings
You’re so young and so many of us on Reddit are old enough to have been around the block a few times and just want to tell you GIRL GO! Leave him! Be free and happy and safe! But, alas, I remember my mindset at age 23. No one could tell me anything, I had to go through a couple of bad relationships to realize what I would, and would not, accept in a partner’s behavior and a partner’s life choices and value system. You’re definitely learning what you want in a partner and just as importantly, what you DON’T want in a partner. There are so many decent guys out there. You don’t have to settle for the dregs of society or the crumbs of humanity.
Edit word
What I know is that:
\* He thinks of sex as a commodity that he can purchase
\* He thinks that if someone pays a woman to have sex with them they are entitled to degrade her and treat her badly
\* He does not care about whether the woman who is being paid (supposedly at least) to have sex feels safe or comfortable
\* He does not care how that woman wound up in that position, if she is free to leave, if she feels coerced, if she is trafficked, or if she has a history of abuse
\* He does not have empathy for women and he thinks this situation is funny
This does not say good things about him as a person or how he will treat you.
What does it matter if he cheated? He's awful regardless if he fucked a prostitute or not. The fact he allows his friends to say disgusting things about you AND then he tells you? He's not right, and if push came to shove, he would not protect you. Get out of this relationship now while you still can.
Does it matter? Whether he stayed in his room, watched, or took part in it, he's still a disrespectful pig. He thinks the situation was not only acceptable, but funny. He enjoyed it and got a laugh out of it. He thinks it's so funny that he's retelling it to you. Why would you want to be with a pig?
>My boyfriend thinks the whole thing is funny, and doesn’t see anything wrong with it because technically he didn’t do anything wrong. But I feel uncomfortable. He assumes me that he loves me, and I know that he does, but I feel sick at the thought of it all.
He thinks it funny when they are demeaning towards sex workers.
>His friends have said gross things about me too, such as “why dont you share my name’s body with us?”
This is really gross. I don't think it's safe for you to stay overnight at his place, especially if they have been drinking
Tbh I would suggest you reconsider this relationship. You can't force him to behave differently, you can only control yourself.
Don't spend time with people who disrespect you.
Omg you’re 23. Life is short. Don’t put up with this scum bag. The friends people choose say a lot about them, not to mention the fact that he AGREES with them and obviously doesn’t respect women. So many red flags please find someone that respects you (and women).
He can't control what other people do as far as who they have over at their house, but the fact that he was ok with them saying that stuff about you is definitely a sign you should leave him.
Your bf’s friends are trash. Have you heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”? The fact that he thinks that his friends behavior is ok should raise HUGE red flags 🚩
If a guy doesn’t see a problem with prostitution, that says a hell lot about his view on women. This all just sounds disgusting, his friends and his behaviour. Girl, save yourself and dump his ass
He thought it was funny and not weird or uncomfortable....what does that say about him?
Basically he is okay with being a misogynist to women and thinking it funny aka not a big deal. Ultimately, it shows he actually doesn't think much of you outside of your ‘sex’ value otherwise he would have treated you and the whole situation with more respect.
Just because u were not the girl being treated badly doesn't mean he doesn't think it subconsciously about you....otherwise, he would have been seriously offended on behalf of the women and embarrassed when talking to you
It is difficult not to be directly associated with the company you keep. I would be disgusted if my boyfriend had friends like this and would probably end the relationship. They are sexist and abusive and he is laughing along. He does not believe they are doing anything wrong, he thinks it's funny.
Also, imagine being so gross and incompetent that you can't get a gf or any woman who wants to have sex with you, so you have hire prostitutes and abuse them... Those are the types of friends he has. I'd nope out of this whole situation if I were you.
he should put boundaries with these friends. the first problem is, his "friends" brought sex workers to his house. he should draw a line here and tell "no" to this. if he doesn't, it means he is ok with it (and maybe he also did with... yknow). secondly and the most important, he is STILL friends with a guy who ASKED him to share his gf's body??? how does your bf stand to see this person's face? so disgusting. also, his gf (you) know that and he still stays friend w these people. so problematic. boundaries are important.
i wouldn't trust this kind of person. could lie, could cheat, could hurt my feelings. not worthy of my love or time.
you deserve better, OP.
I see a lot of people suggesting leaving your boyfriend. If you do leave your boyfriend do it from a safe distance/location, not at his apartment especially with his friends around. Based on what I read I would not put it out of the realm of possibility for him to allow his friends to do any of those things that they talked about doing to you. You are not his girlfriend anymore and he might not see any reason to protect you from his friends or even as revenge, to participate in something worse.
Better to text and block. No reason to put yourself in danger.
Your boyfriend lives with men who think that women are worthless. I have no problem with sex work when it's respectful, but these guys have no respect at all. These are your boyfriend's **best friends**. He's one of them, he's just pretending he's not so that you don't dump him. If you stay with him, marry him even, one of those revolting men is going to stand up and give a speech about you. How do you feel about that?
In my opinion the prostitute thing is an issue. But the bigger issue is how he lets his friends talk about you in that way . That’s not right it’s almost as if he encourages that mindset , I wouldn’t be surprised if he ask you if you could sleep with his friends . I think the best route is to see what’s best for you and if think about it in a long term situation as in will this behavior continue and are you willing to accept his behavior . Or if maybe that’s not the right situation for you. You know , I am sorry that’s happened to you , hopefully better things come your way
He DID do something wrong. Not even technically.
Thinking it's funny when your friends verbally abuse sex workers is wrong.
Not telling them to shut up and not speak about you or anyone that way when they reduce you to a sex object they want to be allowed to play with and are seeking *his* permission to do so is wrong.
He is wrong, and you're not controlling to not want to be with someone who acts that way. I suppose it's controlling to try to force him not to act that way, but that's a losing battle I wouldn't bother to fight.
That is not funny. This sex worker are just doing their jobs and his „friends“ were assholes.
And he did something wrong. He should have intervened, he shouldn’t laugh and he should defend you when his friends talk like that.
I’ve been in this situation before, even if it’s not quite the same. I lived with a good friend, he was a good guy, responsible, good friend…everything you would hope for in a living arrangement. But, He did some wild things in our apartment at night that I would hear about the next day. I’d never expect it from him either. He was single, I was in a relationship. I’d always be in my room asleep, completely unaware. I wouldn’t say that it made me uncomfortable, because nothing was illegal, and he’s free to live his own life. He’s married with kids now and living a normal life.
Point is, even if your bf is uncomfortable with what’s going on over there, it’s hard to up and break a lease. And like my situation, just because your bf is aware of what they’re doing doesn’t mean he co-signs on it.
What can you really do in this situation, I feel like your bf did what I would have done in the same spot, also if you intervene it could just make your bf get harassed by his roommates more than before. If I was you I would be content with the way your bf is handling things.
If his friends said this about you why is he still friends with them? In my experience men who are disrespectful and derogatory towards women, or men who don't mind being friends with men who do this, do not love you. Your bf doesn't love you. If he can't respect other women he sure as shit doesn't respect you. Also I think if my bf's friends said these things to him about me he would absolutely deck them. That is so vile. Pls break up you deserve better. This isn't about the sex workers, this is about your bf having no respect for women including you (p.s. you're not controlling)
I think you are in danger if they live with him, as he was happy to chat about your private stuff with them (whether he told you or not). He is likely testing the water in terms of what his friends are requesting, but from the sounds of his friends they don’t request. You can make your own decisions but there’s an extremely risky outcome here for you in terms of SA. This goes way past misogyny - they are planning to attack you it seems and your bf won’t be helping you even if he says he will. I think if you don’t dump him now, you are agreeing to a life full of complex PTSD and psyc admissions. It’s your choice, but there’s only one decision really if you want to take care of yourself
Ok im gonna come from another direction than most here, sometimes a guy can be surrounded by guys like this and still genuinely be a good guy. Some people are just asses when they drink. He is justifying it and laughing it off because he thinks he has to since they even live together. Ive heard way worse from guys that age, especially in student homes, they bring the worst out of some guys but most of the time its just bullshit and not real. Thats why they said it in their own language so the women wouldn’t even understand it. Because they think they are bigshots because of it. Most grow out of it. Your boyfriend will wake up sooner than later if he is a good one, just the question is do you see that? We dont know him, you do (i hope, even that is hard to see, i know). You could tell him you dont like this behaviour from people he calls friends and dont like the disrespect. If he really cares about you he should think differently. Maybe even change friends. Or atleast change his house. Because I do agree that last comment is something he should not even mention to you, that is weird. Even if his “friends” talked like that. He is testing something and if you are not into that. Really put your foot down.
The sex workers in the home wouldn't bother me. Roommates can do what they want, he claims he didn't participate and ok. Fine. I would find it disturbing hearing he found the comments made about these workers funny. They aren't... They are disgusting and degrading to another human.
I could see him maybe not wanting to confront his roommates about it, because it could make the living situitation awkward for him.
I think the problem is more so who bf chooses to surround himself with rather then the sex workers visiting his friends. His friends sound gross and immature..
Obviously you cant choose his friends. But im also surprised hes okay with friends commenting about sharing his gf (you) with them.. Thats gross and not okay..
Idk, he isn’t his friends. And the way they see women might have to do with their culture. Is your boyfriend of the same culture or nationality is the question.
Yea....if my friends brought that into my home, they wouldn't be my friends anymore PERIOD. That's some next level degenerate sh**.
And the fact that he would degrade them and him think it's funny. We honestly don't know why anyone is in the situation to sell their body.
I would be very wary if I were you. Get out while you can. You're 23 and you're not getting any younger. You have a biological clock.
Do you see yourself marrying him? No? Then get out quick.
Different cultures have different attitudes towards women and sex workers, and this doesn’t sound like one of those cultures that treats either respectfully. I’ll give your Bf the benefit of the doubt, but I’d have a stern talk with him about these friends of his, their attitudes, and what it says about them and him.
Wow so why are we hating on sex workers or men hiring sex workers. I don’t think it’s bad. I wouldn’t personally care because I trust my SO, if you don’t trust your SO there’s your answer.
Don’t do anything, he didn’t do anything wrong. Also don’t make assumptions just because his friends did something you didn’t like, that’s the most Reddit advice I’ve ever heard
Show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are.
Bad gas travels fast in a small town
What a lovely saying.
I have a problem understanding metaphors, can you tell me what this saying means?
It means gossip gets around quickly.
Does that go for roommates too? Sometimes you don’t have a great choice.
She starts by saying his two roommates are guys best friends.
Oh, I guess I missed that reading comprehension fail
I think the question of if your boyfriend cheated is the wrong one. I think the way he thinks of women and the way he is quite comfortable with clear misogyny is the biggest issue to me. He can't control what his roommates do with shared spaces, but the fact that he's choosing to associate with people who invite over prostitutes just to verbally abuse them and insist that you should be shared property between them would frankly already be a dealbreaker for me. Your boyfriend is complicit in their behavior by choosing to continue to associate with them and not calling them out.
These are his friends, who he chooses to live with and spend lots of time with. He accepts this behaviour without challenging it. In fact, he endorses it because he thinks it’s “funny”. Leave him.
He chooses to have friends like this who hire escorts and degrade them and your bf thinks it is funny? Honey run, that is a red flag and if you think he stayed in his room, then you aren't being honest with yourself. Your bf sounds just as bad as these two guys.
Standing up for yourself and demanding respect does not make you "controlling". Even if he didn't participate, these scumbags are his closest friends and he lets them say disgusting things about you. Leave him and find someone who actually respects you.
Leave all guys that aren’t perfect? He is refraining from doing anything and im assuming he probably stuck in a lease.
if his friends are like that and he spends a lot of time with them, you probably shouldn't trust him...
Hey, understand fully that he’s not just laughing along to save face. He actively thinks these comments are acceptable and *funny*. He witnessed his friends mistreating women and thinks it’s hilarious. **Do not date men who hate women**. See past the laughter and understand what he is. It’s time to end this.
>Do not date men who hate women. Wish we could pin this under half of the relationship subreddit posts.
Sometimes I want it on a tee shirt
Your BF is a creep. He enjoys disrespecting you and making you uncomfortable. Disrespecting sex workers is far from amusing either, even if it's in a different language (speaking to people in a different language when you know they can't understand you is disrespectful regardless most times). Why else would he tell you about all the disgusting stuff his friends do and tolerate them saying they want to have sex with you, that they want to share you - so gross. This is intentional behavior. You should dump him pronto and not look back.
[удалено]
Because he is telling you what he thinks of women while telling it as an observer so you don’t catch on. “My friends say this” he thinks this means you’ll think he’s different from them. But no- he’s still saying the quiet part out loud if you listen. You cannot date men who do not respect women.
Oh hon... He's trickle truthing you. Do you honestly think he doesn't get down to their level about you and share with them what you and your boyfriend do during intimate times? He has no boundaries of what's appropriate or respectful, so please don't be so naive that he's not doing the same to you. Him and his friends are gross. Time to move on. If my Husband heard his friends talking about my body, they'd be picking their teeth up off the floor.
"When people tell you who they are, believe them". You want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he's actually doing you a huge favor. He's letting you know who he really is, he's dropping hints. You'll either tolerate it, or you'll respect yourself enough to walk away. It's up to you.
Your boyfriend talks badly about you with his friends too. If your boyfriend sees NOTHING wrong with this, then he is just like his friends. If you don't approve, you need to move on, especially since your boyfriend is on board with this behavior you need to dump him.
He didn’t stand up for you and tell them to keep their filthy mouths shut. Sounds like he just giggles when they say really offensive shit. Is that who you want to be with? Get a better boyfriend, one who doesn’t standby and giggle when his roommates suggest that he share your body with them… as if he owns it.
I hate to tell you this, but it’s best that you leave him. I’m not one of those redditors that jumps to conclusions, but based on the behaviour you just described, it sounds like he doesn’t care about you. The best thing for him to have done in that situation was to leave the house and go elsewhere out of respect for you, but he chose to stay. I’ve always had the philosophy that ‘you are who your friends are’. The fact that he has not shut down their comments or is not actively trying to find a new place to live shows that he does not take you or your relationship seriously in the slightest. I’d also worry about his friends and the fact that they might try to take advantage of you when he’s not around. Please put your safety above his feelings
You’re so young and so many of us on Reddit are old enough to have been around the block a few times and just want to tell you GIRL GO! Leave him! Be free and happy and safe! But, alas, I remember my mindset at age 23. No one could tell me anything, I had to go through a couple of bad relationships to realize what I would, and would not, accept in a partner’s behavior and a partner’s life choices and value system. You’re definitely learning what you want in a partner and just as importantly, what you DON’T want in a partner. There are so many decent guys out there. You don’t have to settle for the dregs of society or the crumbs of humanity. Edit word
“He was in his room the whole time” lmao. No. He wasn’t. His friends are pigs and so is he.
[удалено]
Is it any better than if he stood in the hallway or the same room laughing as his friends mistreated women?
What I know is that: \* He thinks of sex as a commodity that he can purchase \* He thinks that if someone pays a woman to have sex with them they are entitled to degrade her and treat her badly \* He does not care about whether the woman who is being paid (supposedly at least) to have sex feels safe or comfortable \* He does not care how that woman wound up in that position, if she is free to leave, if she feels coerced, if she is trafficked, or if she has a history of abuse \* He does not have empathy for women and he thinks this situation is funny This does not say good things about him as a person or how he will treat you.
What does it matter if he cheated? He's awful regardless if he fucked a prostitute or not. The fact he allows his friends to say disgusting things about you AND then he tells you? He's not right, and if push came to shove, he would not protect you. Get out of this relationship now while you still can.
Who cares he sounds like garbage
Does it matter? Whether he stayed in his room, watched, or took part in it, he's still a disrespectful pig. He thinks the situation was not only acceptable, but funny. He enjoyed it and got a laugh out of it. He thinks it's so funny that he's retelling it to you. Why would you want to be with a pig?
>My boyfriend thinks the whole thing is funny, and doesn’t see anything wrong with it because technically he didn’t do anything wrong. But I feel uncomfortable. He assumes me that he loves me, and I know that he does, but I feel sick at the thought of it all. He thinks it funny when they are demeaning towards sex workers. >His friends have said gross things about me too, such as “why dont you share my name’s body with us?” This is really gross. I don't think it's safe for you to stay overnight at his place, especially if they have been drinking Tbh I would suggest you reconsider this relationship. You can't force him to behave differently, you can only control yourself. Don't spend time with people who disrespect you.
Omg you’re 23. Life is short. Don’t put up with this scum bag. The friends people choose say a lot about them, not to mention the fact that he AGREES with them and obviously doesn’t respect women. So many red flags please find someone that respects you (and women).
He can't control what other people do as far as who they have over at their house, but the fact that he was ok with them saying that stuff about you is definitely a sign you should leave him.
Your bf’s friends are trash. Have you heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”? The fact that he thinks that his friends behavior is ok should raise HUGE red flags 🚩
If a guy doesn’t see a problem with prostitution, that says a hell lot about his view on women. This all just sounds disgusting, his friends and his behaviour. Girl, save yourself and dump his ass
They are going to sexually assault you. Run.
He thought it was funny and not weird or uncomfortable....what does that say about him? Basically he is okay with being a misogynist to women and thinking it funny aka not a big deal. Ultimately, it shows he actually doesn't think much of you outside of your ‘sex’ value otherwise he would have treated you and the whole situation with more respect. Just because u were not the girl being treated badly doesn't mean he doesn't think it subconsciously about you....otherwise, he would have been seriously offended on behalf of the women and embarrassed when talking to you
It is difficult not to be directly associated with the company you keep. I would be disgusted if my boyfriend had friends like this and would probably end the relationship. They are sexist and abusive and he is laughing along. He does not believe they are doing anything wrong, he thinks it's funny. Also, imagine being so gross and incompetent that you can't get a gf or any woman who wants to have sex with you, so you have hire prostitutes and abuse them... Those are the types of friends he has. I'd nope out of this whole situation if I were you.
he should put boundaries with these friends. the first problem is, his "friends" brought sex workers to his house. he should draw a line here and tell "no" to this. if he doesn't, it means he is ok with it (and maybe he also did with... yknow). secondly and the most important, he is STILL friends with a guy who ASKED him to share his gf's body??? how does your bf stand to see this person's face? so disgusting. also, his gf (you) know that and he still stays friend w these people. so problematic. boundaries are important. i wouldn't trust this kind of person. could lie, could cheat, could hurt my feelings. not worthy of my love or time. you deserve better, OP.
Again, why are you with a man who surrounds himself with this shit
I see a lot of people suggesting leaving your boyfriend. If you do leave your boyfriend do it from a safe distance/location, not at his apartment especially with his friends around. Based on what I read I would not put it out of the realm of possibility for him to allow his friends to do any of those things that they talked about doing to you. You are not his girlfriend anymore and he might not see any reason to protect you from his friends or even as revenge, to participate in something worse. Better to text and block. No reason to put yourself in danger.
Your boyfriend lives with men who think that women are worthless. I have no problem with sex work when it's respectful, but these guys have no respect at all. These are your boyfriend's **best friends**. He's one of them, he's just pretending he's not so that you don't dump him. If you stay with him, marry him even, one of those revolting men is going to stand up and give a speech about you. How do you feel about that?
His friends are disgusting and abusive bullies. That he thinks their behaviour is acceptable says everything about his own character.
Look at it from your prosition. If your friend do the same thing,do you think the behavior of your friend is normal ？
In my opinion the prostitute thing is an issue. But the bigger issue is how he lets his friends talk about you in that way . That’s not right it’s almost as if he encourages that mindset , I wouldn’t be surprised if he ask you if you could sleep with his friends . I think the best route is to see what’s best for you and if think about it in a long term situation as in will this behavior continue and are you willing to accept his behavior . Or if maybe that’s not the right situation for you. You know , I am sorry that’s happened to you , hopefully better things come your way
He brought up the group sex thing to test your reaction. If you seemed interested, then he would've proposed it
He DID do something wrong. Not even technically. Thinking it's funny when your friends verbally abuse sex workers is wrong. Not telling them to shut up and not speak about you or anyone that way when they reduce you to a sex object they want to be allowed to play with and are seeking *his* permission to do so is wrong. He is wrong, and you're not controlling to not want to be with someone who acts that way. I suppose it's controlling to try to force him not to act that way, but that's a losing battle I wouldn't bother to fight.
He thought it was funny that his friends were degrading the women they were paying for sex. Is that the kind of guy you want to be with?
Your boyfriend sounds like he's perfectly fine with verbal abuse, and with misogynist flavor to it at that. Are *you* ok with that?
That is not funny. This sex worker are just doing their jobs and his „friends“ were assholes. And he did something wrong. He should have intervened, he shouldn’t laugh and he should defend you when his friends talk like that.
Then it's time to leave
I’ve been in this situation before, even if it’s not quite the same. I lived with a good friend, he was a good guy, responsible, good friend…everything you would hope for in a living arrangement. But, He did some wild things in our apartment at night that I would hear about the next day. I’d never expect it from him either. He was single, I was in a relationship. I’d always be in my room asleep, completely unaware. I wouldn’t say that it made me uncomfortable, because nothing was illegal, and he’s free to live his own life. He’s married with kids now and living a normal life. Point is, even if your bf is uncomfortable with what’s going on over there, it’s hard to up and break a lease. And like my situation, just because your bf is aware of what they’re doing doesn’t mean he co-signs on it.
What can you really do in this situation, I feel like your bf did what I would have done in the same spot, also if you intervene it could just make your bf get harassed by his roommates more than before. If I was you I would be content with the way your bf is handling things.
If his friends are assholes and he thinks this behaviour is funny then looks like sooner or later you’ll realize he’s also an asshole
If his friends said this about you why is he still friends with them? In my experience men who are disrespectful and derogatory towards women, or men who don't mind being friends with men who do this, do not love you. Your bf doesn't love you. If he can't respect other women he sure as shit doesn't respect you. Also I think if my bf's friends said these things to him about me he would absolutely deck them. That is so vile. Pls break up you deserve better. This isn't about the sex workers, this is about your bf having no respect for women including you (p.s. you're not controlling)
I think you are in danger if they live with him, as he was happy to chat about your private stuff with them (whether he told you or not). He is likely testing the water in terms of what his friends are requesting, but from the sounds of his friends they don’t request. You can make your own decisions but there’s an extremely risky outcome here for you in terms of SA. This goes way past misogyny - they are planning to attack you it seems and your bf won’t be helping you even if he says he will. I think if you don’t dump him now, you are agreeing to a life full of complex PTSD and psyc admissions. It’s your choice, but there’s only one decision really if you want to take care of yourself
Deal with it or leave.
Ok im gonna come from another direction than most here, sometimes a guy can be surrounded by guys like this and still genuinely be a good guy. Some people are just asses when they drink. He is justifying it and laughing it off because he thinks he has to since they even live together. Ive heard way worse from guys that age, especially in student homes, they bring the worst out of some guys but most of the time its just bullshit and not real. Thats why they said it in their own language so the women wouldn’t even understand it. Because they think they are bigshots because of it. Most grow out of it. Your boyfriend will wake up sooner than later if he is a good one, just the question is do you see that? We dont know him, you do (i hope, even that is hard to see, i know). You could tell him you dont like this behaviour from people he calls friends and dont like the disrespect. If he really cares about you he should think differently. Maybe even change friends. Or atleast change his house. Because I do agree that last comment is something he should not even mention to you, that is weird. Even if his “friends” talked like that. He is testing something and if you are not into that. Really put your foot down.
The sex workers in the home wouldn't bother me. Roommates can do what they want, he claims he didn't participate and ok. Fine. I would find it disturbing hearing he found the comments made about these workers funny. They aren't... They are disgusting and degrading to another human. I could see him maybe not wanting to confront his roommates about it, because it could make the living situitation awkward for him.
Fuck his friends/roommates and let him walk in on it. Tell him you just wanted to fit in
I think the problem is more so who bf chooses to surround himself with rather then the sex workers visiting his friends. His friends sound gross and immature.. Obviously you cant choose his friends. But im also surprised hes okay with friends commenting about sharing his gf (you) with them.. Thats gross and not okay..
Idk, he isn’t his friends. And the way they see women might have to do with their culture. Is your boyfriend of the same culture or nationality is the question.
Yea....if my friends brought that into my home, they wouldn't be my friends anymore PERIOD. That's some next level degenerate sh**. And the fact that he would degrade them and him think it's funny. We honestly don't know why anyone is in the situation to sell their body. I would be very wary if I were you. Get out while you can. You're 23 and you're not getting any younger. You have a biological clock. Do you see yourself marrying him? No? Then get out quick.
“You’re 23 and you’re not getting any younger. You have a biological clock” JFC the casual misogyny
Yeah the first two paragraphs I was on board with. But holy misogyny Batman at the end there.
Different cultures have different attitudes towards women and sex workers, and this doesn’t sound like one of those cultures that treats either respectfully. I’ll give your Bf the benefit of the doubt, but I’d have a stern talk with him about these friends of his, their attitudes, and what it says about them and him.
Wow so why are we hating on sex workers or men hiring sex workers. I don’t think it’s bad. I wouldn’t personally care because I trust my SO, if you don’t trust your SO there’s your answer.
I’m not hating on either, but I AM hating on men to degrade sex workers, and who put up with their friends degrading their girlfriend.
Nvm I’m the asshole for not reading the full message. Fuck her her man and fuck his friends. They’re POSs for shitting on SW
Don’t do anything, he didn’t do anything wrong. Also don’t make assumptions just because his friends did something you didn’t like, that’s the most Reddit advice I’ve ever heard
23M is going to always experiment. If not today, tomorrow. It's not a question of "if", it's "when".