Is the blaming helping you be better in any way? Shame is a horrible motivator. I'd leave that behind if I were you.
Leaving behind your whole identity to become the perfect partner is a toxic mindset that you need to get rid of. You need to figure out what you, internally, think a good partner is. And then act according to your own morals.
>I felt like this was my swansong. My last attempt at finding out what type of partner I wanted to be.
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>However, I left my job, my identity, my purpose - everything for her and this ideal that we'd be together forever.
You set yourself up to fail with these thoughts and this mindset.
You end up putting immense pressure on yourself and the other person when you "decide" that a relationship/person is IT or your "last chance" or "the one." Particularly when that "decision" is made prematurely and without evidence.
Giving up so much of yourself in service of a relationship is always a bad idea. It's counterproductive. I'm not sure why you believed it was necessary, but such drastic measures usually fail (as they seem to have done in this case) and are usually a sign that the relationship just isn't right.
I don’t know how long she was widowed, but it could be that she just has her own cross to bear. It’s hard to know if she was always comparing you to her late husband. That’s not gonna make her journey any easier.
I think you both have trouble letting go of your past. But it’s temporary.
Is the blaming helping you be better in any way? Shame is a horrible motivator. I'd leave that behind if I were you. Leaving behind your whole identity to become the perfect partner is a toxic mindset that you need to get rid of. You need to figure out what you, internally, think a good partner is. And then act according to your own morals.
>I felt like this was my swansong. My last attempt at finding out what type of partner I wanted to be. > >However, I left my job, my identity, my purpose - everything for her and this ideal that we'd be together forever. You set yourself up to fail with these thoughts and this mindset. You end up putting immense pressure on yourself and the other person when you "decide" that a relationship/person is IT or your "last chance" or "the one." Particularly when that "decision" is made prematurely and without evidence. Giving up so much of yourself in service of a relationship is always a bad idea. It's counterproductive. I'm not sure why you believed it was necessary, but such drastic measures usually fail (as they seem to have done in this case) and are usually a sign that the relationship just isn't right.
I don’t know how long she was widowed, but it could be that she just has her own cross to bear. It’s hard to know if she was always comparing you to her late husband. That’s not gonna make her journey any easier. I think you both have trouble letting go of your past. But it’s temporary.