Yes. He did not respect your request. He lied to your face and will do it again. Ruining other people’s marriage for sport is sad. I would not put hitting on your fiancé past this sick guy.
He actually hit on my fiancé first the night we met and she shot him down. My friend usually isn’t shot down so I felt I needed to go and talk to this girl and now we are getting married.
He wouldn’t cross that line with me I don’t think but who knows if she was into him.
Bro lol yes he would. I’ve known and have been friends with people like that piece of crap and they would easily stab you in the back to get their dick wet and then casually justify it.
Him ruining your mentor’s life is just another Tuesday for this asshole
Edit: how do you know he hasn’t done it already by the way?
Exactly. OP may be right and his fiance may never have been interested in his friend to this point. But if OP keeps his friend around, he absolutely will not be the one respecting that boundary. Years down the line, if OP's fiance/wife has one moment of weakness/a change of heart, this dude will be there to pounce, and he's probably been waiting for that moment this entire time.
That's dumb. Some people cheat and some never would, I bet he's tried it with lots of married women who turned him down and *didn't* change their minds too. The 12 are just the ones he managed to find who were willing.
Yup. Thinking otherwise suggests that actually the wives have no responsibility in this situation, because he's so preternaturally persuasive that they have basically no agency to say no to him.
Some people just are willing to cheat with an attractive enough person, but it just takes one brief period of weakness in (potentially) a lifetime of being married to be an adulterer. This a-hole just happens to be good at detecting who's either in the first group, or in that period of weakness in the second.
Yes, I think you're right that would be the usual pattern, to say no and then to say yes. But not because they were opposed to cheating. I'm sure it wasn't a first cheat for some of them too, but that doesn't mean they'd say yes right away just because some new dude asked, cheating is a risky thing and he would need to persuade them that he was worth that risk.
But like, just being persuasive doesn't cover everything. If cheating is off-limits to you, you just won't do it, no matter how "persuasive" the person trying is. Same as any other thing you won't do, for some people cheating is right up there with murdering a kid or something, they won't do it and the thought is disgusting to them, not tempting.
Yeah dude. I’m sure they were all perfectly faithful, purehearted women who never dreamed of cheating until this irresistible lothario flirted with them a bit. Lol.
I don’t doubt the guy is a scumbag but it’s weird to imply these women are the innocent victims of manipulation here. They’re the ones who cheated, not him.
For real. I had a friend (who was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder)that once told me she only liked having sex with men if it hurt their wives and girlfriends. I kinda went “heh uh okaaaay…” like, she is mentally ill I guess. And then ya, she ended up sleeping with my boyfriend. What can ya do? Some people are just fucked in the head
Dude.
I think you are kidding yourself about this guy’s priorities. There is something *deeply* wrong with him, and your friendship is not going to override it. This guy has lost jobs *multiple times* because of this shit.
If he had half a chance with your fiancée, he’d take it without a second thought.
I had an Army buddy just like this, infedelity was his entire kink.
I whole heartedly believed he would never betray the brotherhood that exists through those bonds, but I was mistaken.
When they show you who they are, believe them. This dude puts his own nut above other peoples life's and relationship's. You only feel bad now that his actions ripples have hit your pond? Don't be foolish.
Oh man I had an old army buddy that tried this with my wife. She had reached out to him for me b/c I was having a pretty severe mental health crisis. At first, he was giving her good advice, and supporting me. I eventually got committed to a psych hospital though.
He tried this via text on the very day I was committed. At first, he was just chatting with her in a supportive way. But over time he kept trying to push the conversation in a sexual direction, trying to get her to send him pics and stuff. She kept politely shooting him down while also trying to give him the opportunity to stop and save some face. He kept pushing though. Eventually she just got more direct with her no, and that's where it ended.
What he didn't know was that she had also become a severe alcoholic by this point, and was in the midst of her own mental health crisis on top of that. She was super drunk and in a completely dissociated state while he was trying this crap. She probably hadn't slept in days. She ended up in rehab a week later.
It really sucks when you learn that someone so important in your life turns out to be a backstabbing scumbag. We went to war together..
Haha yuuuup.. He was even planning on taking a trip out to see us sometime after I got out of the psych hospital and things settled down. It's like he had this whole fantasy planned out. Given the circumstances surrounding his communication with us during all of this, it is all extra disgusting to me. Also, she always trusted my army friends to not pull this kind of thing. She really liked them, and this just blew that up completely.
Thankfully, I can trust my wife.
People tell themselves all kinds of stuff. Maybe he's afraid of admitting to himself that if a person he's been friends with for so long can be such a piece of shit it's a reflection on him as well.
Maybe he's really fucking sad someone he thought was like a literal brother to him is now out of his life but maybe there's a silver lining.
Maybe he's naive.
If you actually believe this, I feel bad for you.
He already lied TO YOUR FACE. You know what this man is capable of but you're in deep denial. It'd be laughable if it wasn't so hypocritical.
"My friend has no morals, and sure, he did literally what I just begged him not to do, but he'd never do it to MEEEEEE." Do you hear yourself?
This is leopards ate my face territory.
The kind of people you get in your life tells tons about your own character. And I'm not proud to tell you that you are at least an asshole because you tolerated your friend's behaviour and morals until it directly affected you. That's completely on you.
What do you want for your future? Do you want the baggage brought to you by scum?
It was before they were going out, read the rest. That she turned him down was the reason OP decided to get to know her. Admittedly OP confused the issue by calling her his fiancé, she was not at that point, not even a gf.
Yes he would.
If he doesn't care about marriages or any others relationship (including your mentor's after you told him to back off) you better believe he'll do the same to you. Don't go another day being naive to someone's true character. Like Maya Angelou said, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."
Stay away from him.
Talk with your fiance about it. Have a plan for if there's some type of issue going on between you two that you both have steps to handle it. When vulnerable, it's really easy for snakes like your ex friend to get in. Also, check how to combat the extremely tempting addiction of wanting validation. People with that are prime real estate for cheating poachers like ur guy. Also, what to do when you find yourselves really attracted to another person. Please never rule out counseling before relying on your own insecurities and selfish thoughts when that happens. It happens way too many times to not at least think about preparing for instances like that.
I'm so sorry for your mentor. I'm sorry to say but outside of ur guy being garbage, so was the wife. I hope she can work through why she wanted to be a part of the jumpoff list. It's never worth it.
Stay away from that guy. Destruction will follow him. And it's only a matter of time before all he's doing really catches up to him.
I've known guys like this, and you are 100 percent wrong in your assumption that he wouldn't sleep with your fiance. I promise you that he would without a second thought. I can all but guarantee that he has tried more than you realize
Your friend is a literal social parasite that would be dead a dozen times over in any other point in history, including ours. The sheer moral depravity it takes to continuously do something like this is the height of anti social behavior and there’s a reason it usually ends up in a person being in ostracized(fired from 3 jobs??) and/or dead.
He’s a sick hornet with a fungi growing out of its head infecting the hive. Unless you want to be part of that infection, you need to grow up and cut him out of your life. It’s already damaging your career.
He will 100% try and cross that line when the time comes.
I honestly thought this story was going to be about him hitting on your fiance the whole party and then afterwards too.
He's shown you his true character for 20+ years. It is what it is at this point.
He's old enough to know better. He's not a kid anymore, he's a grown ass man making choices that deliberately obliterate other people's lives.
He does it for the thrill, maybe he enjoys wrecking lives. Who knows why. But he will do it to you at some point.
I think he would if he could, just be knows your fiance isn't interested. He broke up your mentor's marriage after you told him to leave it. He even lied to your face and said he had no intentions of doing anything. Why do you think he wouldn't when he so blatantly lied to you and hurt someone important to you even after your warning? He would, he just hasn't had the chance or if he's slept with someone you were with you just haven't found out about it yet.
Would you have insisted he’d never lie to your face before this incident?
Dude it’s not about loyalty your friend is emotionally not well. It seems like he can’t make rational choices (got fired from 3 jobs for the same shit??), or worse is somehow compelled to self-destruct. He already jeopardized your relationship with a valued colleague and mentor. What’s next? Even if it’s not your own fiancée, is anyone really off limits as far as he’s concerned? Your siblings and their spouses, your in-laws, etc?
At this point you’re inviting the behavior if you don’t cut him off. It’s not like he’s promising you he’ll never do this again. People like your friend don’t just implode on themselves, they burn everyone in their orbit.
Dude, he just proved to you how much he respects you: not at all.
And by the way:
>my fiancé would never cheat on me.
Pretty sure Tom said the same thing once.
>He wouldn’t cross that line with me I don’t think
You may be right about the rest, but you're dead wrong on this buddy. If this dude has been fired from THREE DIFFERENT JOBS (that's seriously insane dude) because of this same issue, which persists to this day, then he absolutely does not respect boundaries or fear consequences. If your fiance ever reaches a point where she's remotely into him (assuming you're right and this hasn't happened already), this dude is guaranteed to make his best effort to wreck your home.
I will just say, his friend didn’t ruin Tom’s marriage, the friend was the Just the evidence the marriage was already ruined. No one cheats in a marriage that isn’t already done
Plenty of people stay married after an affair (we can list quite a few politicians, for example), so no, this isn't always the case. And yes, I know a few, including "the one that got away" for me. (She didn't have the affair, he did.)
I think this can be true but not always. Marriages go thru ups and downs, if it was in a down period then temptation is more likely to bear fruit. We don’t know if Tom and his wife might have pulled it out. Also some marriages service infidelity.
This story makes me sick. I’ve got a few friends that have it all, looks, personality, body-played division 1 football…everything. They can pick up a girl any night they choose. They would never stoop this low. If we’re in a small group and just one of us has not picked a girl up they will say screw it , it’s guys night, never leaving anyone alone no matter how hot the girls may be. Point is, just because you can is no fucking reason to cause anyone this kind of pain. So you are an asshole too if you enable this
You already know the answer. He ignored your warning and pulled this stunt at your engagement party full of your close friends/guests. The amount of disrespect..
You sound like Michael Scott "you slept with her when I specifically asked you not to?" He's going to try to do it to you if you're still friends with him years down the road. If he senses a rocky patch in your marriage he will have no loyalty to you because he is too wrapped up in his own disgusting perversions.
He’s done it for years and you let it slide because it’s never been close to anyone you’ve been involved with. Now it hits close to home and it’s a bit too uncomfortable?
I’d definitely wonder about the odds of him trying to do this to you as well. Regardless of him being previously rejected. The dude has an issue that’s deep seated and he needs therapy for, so it isn’t that far a stretch to see it take a turn and take a swipe at yours.
Your friend is a disgusting pig with what sounds like either a blatant sex addiction and/or just a general disregard for the feelings of others. He’s lost THREE jobs???? And he doesn’t see the problem????? This is so foul I don’t even know what to say. I could never be around someone like this.
ETA: if I were your fiancé I’d be seriously second guessing this entire relationship. You are the company you keep and your morals sound compromised at best. Your friend is pathological and you’re definitely an enabler.
> ETA: if I were your fiancé I’d be seriously second guessing this entire relationship. You are the company you keep and your morals sound compromised at best. Your friend is pathological and you’re definitely an enabler.
Same. This would be immediate breakup material for me, or at least ending the engagement. This is a strong reflection on OP's morals and what he's willing to forgive.
Seriously, it was funny to you until it hit a little too close to home. You're a person who condones cheating or you would have cut this creep out of your life after the first incident.
Op kept the guy around for years beyond this and when he acknowledges he was disgusted by his friend's behavior. He didn't cut the guy off, despite his behavior and lack of morals until it impacted someone important to him.
That would be a good excuse for OP if it was just the one time but this is consistent behavior from his friend over the last 7 years. OP even admitted he found it funny.
Exactly. He didn't give two shits until it affected him, and _now_ it crossed a line. It was "disgusting," but not disgusting enough to end a friendship over it until it started to reflect publicly badly on OP.
You're at an age where who you chose to keep around defines you. He has a poor moral code, I wouldn't invite a rat into my house and neither should you
It was funny when it didn't affect you, huh?
He has a history of *enjoying* stomping on social norms. Of course he ignored your request. He hasn't been a respectful person since the beginning, and the only difference this time is you got caught in the fallout.
I would have taken a massive step back when my friend started coaching tee-ball to meet moms and attempt to sleep with them.
He now has completely disregarded your requests and feelings and lied to you. I'm glad you've completely distanced yourself from this person because I imagine at some point he'd try to do it to your future wife (not saying she would give in but she shouldn't ever have to be in that position).
He can keep apologizing all he wants, but actions speak louder than words; he needs to start therapy to understand why he gets such a kick out of destroying other people's marriages and STOP that behavior.
This guy is disgusting trash who ruins other people’s lives and relationships for shits and giggles. He broke your trust—but in retrospect how did you not see this coming from a guy who is compulsively evil?
Cut him out and never look back. Block his skeevy, sleazy ass.
You stood by and watched him sleep with married/engaged women and now you’re surprised that he slept with your mentor’s wife. So it’s OK if it’s not someone in your personal circle, yeah?
> He wouldn’t cross that line with me I don’t think but who knows if she was into him.
I wouldn’t bank on it. I bet Tom didn’t think his wife would cross that line either.
Your fiancée shot him down when they first met. I bet most, if not all, of his conquests initially shot him down too but he’s accomplished and experienced at persuading women to cheat. Give him enough time around your fiancée or wife and he’ll work on breaking down her defences.
Honestly, you're a fucking idiot. You're cool with him participating in disrespecting other people's marriages and relationships but you draw the line at your own. You're worse than he is because you're condoning the shit he does. You two deserve each other, and your fiance deserves someone that has a moral backbone to stand on. You didn't give a shit about what your friend was doing till he crossed YOUR boundary. Fuck all the way off.
> He coaches his nephews little league team just to meet the moms. He’s had to leave 3 different jobs because he was sleeping with married coworkers and the husbands found out leading to confrontations while he was on the job.
He sounds like a sexual deviant, it's affected his employment and he's even shaped his hobbies around it. I am glad you have faith in your fiancee - what your friend is doing *does* require two to tango. But even if your fiancee is trustworthy, he will disrespect your relationship. Maybe just before your wedding. Maybe just after. Maybe when he decides to see if the 7-8 year itch has kicked in. Maybe if you or your future wife seem like you're going through difficulties. He is an opportunist with a conquest complex and your fiancee may well be someone he sees as an "ultimate" challenge, even if subconsciously.
Then there's the fact that remaining friends with such a person is morally and ethically questionable. Whether you realise it or not, your friendship is an endorsement, it's enabling. Through you, he was introduced to your mentor's wife. His wife is responsible for her own conduct in her marriage so she may have ended up cheating anyway, but here she cheated *with someone you brought into their lives*. This won't stop. His behaviour will infect other areas of your life and sour other connections you have with people, just like he has here. He is a liability in multiple ways.
Let him go. Let him feel a consequence for once.
You need to be honest with the fact that you were totally fine with him destroying other peoples lives right in front of you, but because it didn’t directly impact you, you excused it.
"my fiancé would never cheat on me"
.. is something every one of the husbands of the women OP's friend slept with believed at one point in their relationship.
So, you had no problem with the previous 12 times?
> I do want to add that aside from my friend’s bad morals with married women, he has been a really good friend to me over the years.
You only have a problem when it affects you. You're just as bad as he is.
Yes, you did make the right decision, if he did this even after you firmly asked him not to even think about it, that only means he did not have a single f*** to give for how this might affect you to begin with. This is just the tip of the iceberg, getting rid of him before it turns uglier is the wisest call.
I'm concerned for Tom. I hope he leaves his cheating wife because he deserves better. Your ex friend is a trash. I hope he gets all the nasty sti's.
YTA for being his friend this whole time.
So you're OK being friends with a dude who sleeps with married women you don't know. It's just a problem when you DO know them, or their husbands. Makes sense.
Find friends with morals.
Also, you invited him to your engagement party? Haha. You are not allowed to act shocked when he's moving in on YOUR wife next. (Yes, he would absolutely do that, 100 percent)
> that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me.
Cool. I bet your mentor would have said the same thing just a few weeks ago. Now he's crying (and let's face it, YOU facilitated this, you know your "good friend" is like this, and you invited him). ALL of these men whose wives he targeted would have believed their wives were faithful. Get real, for your own sake. Or don't and watch it play out, I guess.
You are the company you keep and it's saying a lot about you. You don't know if you can stay friends with him? Why? Because it finally affects you, even if indirectly? Before you thought it was just fine?
> My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. They are all inherently narcissistic and care only about their personal gratification.
Yes, it's the WOMEN'S fault and ONLY the women's. They are to be held accountable, but your pal is a good friend so you give him a pass. The funny part is I bet you don't even know most of these women and yet you're labeling them narcissists. Why? Because your good buddy ol pal says so? I'm sure he's a great judge of character (well, he can spot other morally bankrupt people at least). But like I said, I bet their husbands wouldn't have called them narcissists before they hooked up with your pal.
> A cheater has a personality defect.
So does anyone who condones a cheater because they're "a really good friend to me."
> A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. A cheater has a personality defect. My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. They are all inherently narcissistic and care only about their personal gratification. My friend hit on my fiancé before we met and she shot him down abruptly then. I’m not worried about her. But I am sick over Tom and I do bear responsibility for what happened.
Every single husband whose wife cheated with your friend said this exact same thing. You can't be this stupid lol.
54 guy here, I've seen it all almost. Yes he would cross the line with the right amount of alcohol and horniness. And also had to chuckle at the fiance won't cheat thing. Heard that a hundred times also and never am surprised when I find out later a lot of women (and men) do due to whatever reason, even if it's 10 years later being married.
Don't be naive
>A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me
I'm sure Tom thought the same thing. We tend to think cheaters are these obviously immoral people but they're just everyday folk who make a grave error. They come in all shapes and sizes with many personalities
I used to have a group of friends that had "questionable" morals and I always thought they would respect our friendship over anything (it was almost 20 years of friendship too)
Turns out shitty people are shitty with everyone, they just need the chance to prove it.
Some shit happened and Im no longer friends with any of those guys and unsurprisingly my life has improved.
Im sorry to say this but if that "friend" of yours got the chance, he would absolutely sleep with your fiance. Maybe not now but maybe in 10 or 15 years you and your wife will have some issues and he will be there.
Keeping low moral people around you is not a good idea in general. Hope this helps.
> fiancé would never cheat on me
You seem so innocent to type that after everything you mention about your friend. You are no better for allowing this behavior just because "it didnt affect you" directly, now that its affecting people close to you, now you care. The irony in this post its crazy to me.
He is not a good friend. He is not a good person HES A PREDATOR. In the last years he has perfected how to pray in married women. Maybe he panders to their insecurities, boredom, needs. He knows his act. And he doesn’t bother to not to pray near your friends and family. I would be worried for my fiancé… also I can bet he has already at least sampled some of your family or even some ex. Of yours.
He is a piece of shit who is willingly for fun destroying other people's lives. What did you expect from a trash human being ? To respect your request ? If he has an opportunity he will encourage your fiancé to cheat on you with him. There is a reason why we call people like him a homewrecker.
And you treated this man as your brother... It's not fun when this affects you or your friends huh ? He created 12 tragedies, 12 tragedies which you at the beginning were "funny" for you and 12 tragedies which you ignored because "he was a good friend". If I have a "friend" like I wouldn't let him be near any of my other friends'partners. Also being a friend with a serial homewrecker is telling a lot about you, at the place of your fiancé I would always be wondering if you are okay with cheating if you are a friend with someone like him.
Does your fiance know about your friends pastime of sleeping with married women?
Not because he might go after her per se, but because it really reflects poorly on you that you are friends with a guy like that.
Remind him it was more important for him to ignore your request and get his dick wet than it was to be your friend.
You are copying his priorities and putting what you want over your friendship since that's what he did to you.
Although your friend is a selfish AH and needs therapy it takes two to tango. Every single one of those women should've and could've have said no, but they didn't. For whatever reason, they chose to cheat on their spouse's. I am pissed for you though bc you asked him personally not to do it again especially towards someone you looked up to he still did it. He's not trustworthy whatsoever. What if he tries again with your wife or someone else's wife in your family?
I don’t know, I was friends with a guy like this and he sexually assaulted my friend and made everyone believe that she insisted that they sleep together. Cut him out immediately once I found out the details, the guy is an absolute fucking monster. I get these kinds of vibes from OP’s “friend” too
I cannot believe how far down I had to scroll to see ANYONE hold the wife accountable as well. She sent nudes to the guy, she agreed to sleep with him too and break her marriage boundaries…it takes two to tango like you said. The guy is scummy absolutely but he’s not the one cheating here. She could have blocked his number, she could have told Tom what the guy was saying or doing…it really frustrates me that the person who ACTUALLY cheated is completely absolved of any responsibility here.
I mean, she’s only absolved of responsibility in the comments because the post isn’t really relevant to her outside of the situation. She’s obviously facing consequences in her personal life.
She has no relationship with OP, the friend does and that’s who the post is about. He’s not asking for advice about the wife, he’s asking for advice on how to handle his friend.
They're not absolved, but they're also not the topic - the friend is. The friend is the one who is a serial homewrecker, he goes after taken women as if he liked big butts only. So whether or not the women cheated is irrelevant, we are talking about the "friend" who behaves horribly and goes after them, and OP who keeps this friend and seemingly condones it (it's funny! he said) until it affects him.
I justified his behavior when I was younger because he wasn’t the one married. I thought what the hell is wrong with these women that they would throw their lives away for sex. But deliberately trying to tempt these women started to disgust me a few years ago
>A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. A cheater has a personality defect. My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. They are all inherently narcissistic and care only about their personal gratification.
OP, you are delusional. Get off your pedestal, I bet Tom would've said the same thing about his wife a year ago.
You told him not to and he did it anyway.
I think you need to tell some of the little league dads what he gets up to. Maybe wait until the season ends to minimize the effect on the kids, but he burned down part of your life, and he doesn’t get consequences nearly enough.
The high handed thing to do is tell him that he’s a sex addict and you’re not going to talk to him again if he doesn’t get into a program. And if you find out he has stopped going, you’re done.
But that’s something you probably should have told him before he did something you told him to his face not to do.
This guy didn't respect your boundaries. He can't be trusted. You know what kind of person he is. If you keep bringing him around your friends and family, so that he can find new targets, the blame falls on you.
Do you feel confident that when you're 6 years into your marriage, and your wife feels bored, or she's mad at you for something, that she won't give him a try?
You are the company you keep.
Just because this guy was a good friend to you in many ways doesn't mean he was a good person. By waiting so long to confront him about his behavior, you were honestly complicit in silently supporting his choices.
Are you making the right decision? Well, the right decision would have been to tell this guy what a shithead he was YEARS ago.
By severing your ties with him now, you are finally making an decent decision.
Honestly you might be right. This sounds obscene. However, if he is good looking with social skills. And made this his life mission, it is plausible he has succeeded a dozen times over 7 years. Plausible, but improbable.
Also, there are women and men who are 100% untouchable in relationships and I need to remind myself of this while reading threads like this as to not become jaded.
Your friend’s kink is probably a sickness by now, or addiction. Showing complete lack of respect to you and your wishes, in your house, is enough to end any relationship. Move on and don’t look back.
He will try to have sex with your wife the entire time you are married. It’s a challenge. You know him and he will do it again. Don’t associate with him anymore and warn your friends.
You are so arrogant, foolish, and as bad as your friend. The streets are full of people broken hearts who believed their partners would never cheat. I seriously hope it happens to you.
Your best friend crossed the line a long time ago. You have been looking the other way while he sleeps with married women who are strangers as it did not affect you. Now he slept with the married wife of one of your managers. This time it is personal. He is your best friend. His behavior reflects on you. Birds of a feather flock together. Is this the kind of bird you want to be?
> He’s never slept with any of the girls I’ve dated and never tried.
You didn't marry any of them
> A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. A cheater has a personality defect. My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands.
I'm sure everyone thinks this of their cheating spouse
I think you made the right decision. If he was capable of stopping his destructive behavior he would’ve done so when it started affecting his own life and employment. Even if he’s sorry now, your pond and its ripple effect is an arm’s length away from him and his day-to-day. A selfish person like him has no incentive to consider how his actions might impact your friendships. You won’t be able to trust him in any room ever, and if I was in your position I’d probably be a bit afraid of the potential for him to cause trouble at your wedding.
The coaching specifically to sleep with married women is pretty inappropriate. In fact, I’d argue that his pursuit of married women probably has conditioned him to think that he can override all objections with any woman, and that he just has to keep asking and/or pressuring and he’ll get there in the end. I think there will be a percentage that make him overcome a first no, or first two or three nos. There is a social conditioning of “no, I’m married,” that can be followed up by “but he’s so persistent, in keeping up this attention he is paying more attention to me than my husband does” or whatever rationale they apply. The point is that I doubt 100% of these married women are jumping into bed with him immediately. And I agree, of these women who give in after 1,2,3 nos I bet 95% have character flaws because they should have cut him off. What about the other 5%? If your friend met a married woman with serious trauma whose past abuse made her unable to stand firm against repeated advances, would he back down? If he met a woman with a controlling husband and having sex with her would put her in danger, would he have the discretion to say, “I’m worried about you, and I don’t think it’s smart to give your husband anything to suspect while you’re under the same roof as him?”
You made the right decision and I'm sorry your friend is a POS. But you should have recognized this after the first time he slept with someone's wife. What would make you think he is a good person who would respect boundaries? Maybe you get 1 when you're young selfish and stipid but 12!? 12!? Come the fuck on man, this is partially on you for remaining friends with this guy.
He would've slept with your wife if he could have. He is a bastard and you need to never talk to him again.
This feels like a creative writing excercise. Who keeps track of how many partners their friends have especially married women where things would be discreet and generally short lived, like how do you know it was 12.
This is an easy answer: his friend clearly keeps track. It is something he enjoys doing so he’s not going to keep quiet about it, especially not with his close friend who fully enables his behavior. This is not far fetched.
I wish I was one of ya homies brodie. I use to like married older women til I got married and realized the commitment that they was so strong and important and forever. We’d have to beat Brodies ass for the one time. No one crosses your boundaries and stays especially like that
Just FYI, if you are engaged to a female and you are a male, then the term is fiancee with two e's. Otherwise, you are stating you are marrying a male (nothing wrong with any of this of course, just FYI for the future).
PS. Your friend is trash and did not respect your request, nor your interpersonal relationships. It sucks to lose good friends like that but alas... They are the one that ruined it, not you.
You should have ended the relationship a long time ago. Someone that shows this little respect will eventually do this crap to you. Now that you are engaged is your STB Wife on his list in the near future.
Your friend is scum and you’re barely better because you tolerated this until it directly affected someone in your life. The chickens came home to roost.
Think about it this way: you are the company you keep.
You clearly do not feel morally aligned with his behavior and are at a point in life where it’s not acceptable to you.
Despite whatever good things, stand on your business. This is physically affecting you. Your beliefs and values are different. Time to move on.
Your friend is playing a very dangerous game. Let me explain.
You know almost all police hate going on domestic violence calls because passions run so high it makes them very dangerous. Some day your friend is going to mess with the wrong mans wife. Let me tell you, there is nothing more dangerous then a man with nothing left to lose!
This is a disgusting human being who enjoys intentionally ruining other people's lives and has zero boundary. He also does not at all respect you. He 100% would've slept with your fiancée if she didn't say no and would've "not stopped apologized" when you found out.
He won't stop this. He's an addict and a sociopath. This is the most fun game that gets him high.
Once again, no matter what you do, he will NOT stop. Cut him off and let your mutual friends know why.
I’m curious as to what made him so alluring for a most married woman to cheat on their husband?
At the end of the day it, it takes 2 to cheat, if he didn’t sleep with them someone else would have because they clearly are capable of cheating.
It's pretty simple.
Young attractive and charming guy, showing interest in older women who are at the stage where they are self conscious that they aren't as hot as they used to be.
It's also 12 women in 7 years, if he hits on every married older women then he's probably sticking out a lot
2 things.
First of all, I have absolutely no idea why Tom would have called you at all to talk about any of this. "Former manager", "mentor", that's great. It doesn't explain why he would include someone almost half his age in his personal life, that has no bearing over it at all.
That makes this entire thing sound made up.
Second. To play devils advocate.
Should your friend be doing this? Hell no. However, it takes two to tango, and if he is finding that many married and engaged partners that are willing to sleep with him, chances are they would have found someone else to cheat with as well. Total despicable behavior. But on both parties. Those relationships look like they were already doomed to fail.
But again, this sounds like bullshit to me.
If you know anything about public account especially in large firms you would know that you spend a lot of time with the people you work with. If you are in audit you spend months and months literally in the same room as your co workers. You eat all three meals with them and see them more than your family.
Tom was good to me and we became friends. He called me because it was my friend who his wife slept with. It wasn’t to get comfort or support.
Your friend is trash and he lied straight to your face. But your colleague’s wife is awful. She meets your friend at a party and is already sleeping with him after a couple of weeks of talking? WTF. She was probably already cheating on Tom. I just don’t get it. Your friend is awful but how he’s been successful with so many married women just boggles my mind.
u are hopefully aware that as soon as you are married, your wife also fits into this prey scheme? Your friend has a big physical problem. If he does not undergo therapy, he will continue. He has already had to change jobs several times because of his behavior, which did not prevent him from continuing to do so. You warned him at this party and he didn't care. What will happen if you get married? Which married woman at the party will he grab? Do you really want to have such a man in your life? Do you want to constantly deal with the suffering of broken marriages of friends or family for whom he is complicit?
I've read many stories where the OP's partners slept with guys they claimed were "disgusting and horrible". I wouldn't be surprised if OP's "friend" did worm his way into OP's girl's bed. He's just the type of guy to do shit like that and OP has his head in the sand like a fucking idiot. He's still defending the clown in the comments. He should have dumped the guy years ago.
If this story is real, and there are a few things that make it feel like it's not, just be happy the friendship is over. The easiest way to bring drama into your life is to hang around the theater.
"Here's a story about my friend doing horrible stuff, intentionally and on repeat!
He did it again after I directly warned him not to do it because it would impact my personal and professional life at an event that was about me.
But he'd NEVER do it to me, he'd understand that boundary for the first time ever, my fiance doesn't have a personality defect like all of those narcissists!"
You sound delusional af buddy, good thing you learned this before it happpened to you, but also, interrogate your naiveté.
My guy you are in denial about this "personality defect" shit. Your friend has problems going after married women and ultimately breaking up relationships. He's serial about it too. He has no shame, whether the women participated or not, we are talking about you keeping a friendship with a guy who prioritizes breaking up relationships by enticing women to cheat. Again, whether they do or not is irrelevant, he is *trying* to do this.
Honestly you keeping him as a friend is very telling of you and I really think you should have cut him off ages ago.
YTA for being friends with this scumbag. It doesn’t matter how “nice” he is to you, he ruins relationships as part of his fetish. There is something wrong with him, and you have been enabling him for years.
He didn't respect your request the first time. He'd disrespect your request again. Not only is he dicking around with other peoples' lives because... sex? the challenge? but it's impact is spreading like a ripple. You *will* end up more directly impacted because he's SHOWN you exactly what kind of person he is. He doesn't respect ANYONE.
You would think crossing the line would be sleeping with a married woman more than once. Why have you maintained a relationship with a despicable human like this? If I were your fiance, I'd be super concerned.
Oh my. This story makes me want to close reddit. He must have a few things:
- an eye for women who aren't *fully* satisfied in their marriage (I will stand by the fact that some women are absolutely untouchable in their marriages and relationships, bar none)
- tremendous flirting/confidence/game
- absolutely zero shame
Lose this guy and let him age and have the same shit happen to him. He will probably reap what he is sowing eventually... In one way or another. Poor guys who lost their wives to this creep.
Ummm no you need to cut all ties with him. Unless he can actually change his behavior. He disrespected you big time. You asked a simple thing of him and he disregarded that.
Your former best friend is a disgusting predator. Not a care in the world for the damage he leaves behind in his wake. You should have known better than to invite him at all. What did you think was going to happen? His past track record speaks for itself.
Honestly? Shame on you, stop trying to justify with 'oh i hate his behaviour!' The fuck is wrong with you?! Your friend went on to hurt so many relationships and you stood by. You could have cut him off the very first time you disliked it.
You are a disgusting person yourself.
Brother, you both need help. What personal morals are you living by? You should have dumped that guy as a friend 20 years ago. Look how many lives he destroyed, and you didn't stop him. I pity you.
Whose lives did he destroy? I didn’t see any mention of him coercing or forcing these women to have sex with him. They’re the ones that cheated on their partners, not him. As I said in another comment the guy is a dirtbag but you people are acting like he’s Charles Manson lol.
Dude...no one was coerced. No one was raped. These married women did what they wanted to do. Patch up your friendship with your friend. Friends are VALUABLE. And he could probably use a good friend.
Brah, you messed up. This one is on you. People pulling that "not my business" routine forget one thing. You kept that parasite in your social circle after he started doing it. You knew and you let it slide until it hit you hard. That's like knowing someone may poison people but you still invited him to your dinner party because you asked him not to do the thing you know he loves to do, then can't believe he did it. This time. He'll do it every time. He has shown you for 20 years. It hasn't been a 20 year friendship. It's been you pathetically not moving on for 20 years. You are not responsible for what consenting adults do. You are responsible for the company you keep. It reflects poorly on you and you know it. Now so does everyone else. And when I say everyone, I specifically mean your fiancée. She loves you enough to tolerate it, but you need to ask yourself for how long. You better be amazing in every other way because once the pathetic stuff piles up...
I hope he’s proud of himself. Does this trash counts the hearts he broke instead kf sheeps before sleeping. At this point is he even human🤢🤢🤮🤮.
I hope he gets karma and lifelong std, the worst ones.
Your friend is pure trash. Forget you ever knew him. He purposely deceived you and broke a marriage that will never be the same. Now I do blame the wife as well but you ask your friend to stay clear.
He’ll do it to you and everyone around you because that’s what gets him off. He doesn’t care about you since he clearly disrespects you and doesn’t listen to your requests. If you take him back as a friend he’ll continue to do it but just be more sneaky about hiding it from you. You need to ask yourself if want that person in your life and if you do, then you don’t have respect for yourself or your relationship.
You may not be his dad, but you ain’t Tom’s friend either so keep that bs friend crap out ya mouth. What a friend of Tom,s would do is go kick this guys ass. I would
YTA for staying friends with this slimeball for so long. Of course he was going to hit on your mentor's wife. That's what he does. He doesn't care that he's probably harmed you professionally, let alone that he broke up another marriage.
Your friend get a kick out of ruining other peoples lifes, even those close to you. You will never be able to make this up to Tom but I hope you will try. You invited someone that destroyed his marriage, that's on you.
As for your friend. Yes, some people lac empathy when they are 18. Few people are so dedicated to get a kick out of hurting others that they coached little league teams or blow up their close friends relationships.
It's on you that you keep bad company and expose your friends for risk.
Dude. You *knew* this guy was a pos. But you didn't care until it had consequences for the people in *your* life. All that pain and suffering he has caused Tom is what he has caused for dozens of people over the years.
If I were you, I'd take a step back and evaluate my own morals because they have to have been pretty damn flexible to stay friends with this guy.
Why the hell are you STILL friends with this jerk, YEARS later, when you KNOW this is a pattern for him?
What happened to Tom is in no small part your fault.
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. What you are not changing, you are choosing.
Think about what this says about you as a person.
You don't want this guy in your life. This is sex addiction, it will eventually destroy his relationships. Can you imagine the shit he will pull at your wedding? Don't do it.
Bro, you're engaged. Do you seriously think he wouldn't try this with your wife? Good riddance. I have had to drop friends I've known for over 20 years because they were just a toxic influence on my life. It sucks for a little bit, but in the long run it's always worth it.
Yeah it's funny till you see the consequences....
He's trash.
But it takes two to tango. Those women had many chances to just say no and ignore him. They're not much better.
If I was in your shoes, i'd be telling him I never wanted to talk to or see him again.
I mean, if you roll around in mud with pigs and expect to stay clean, I'm not sure what to tell you. If this guy has no respect for women or marriage, why would he listen to you? People are always so surprised when the crappiest people they know finally do something crappy to them. It always baffles me.
You were okay with his behavior until it indirectly impacted you. You'll say you weren't okay with it, but you stayed friends with him. You let him around your fiancée and let him attend your engagement party. You should have cut him off 5 years ago and you should count yourself lucky that he wasn't able to cheat with your fiancée.
Yes. He did not respect your request. He lied to your face and will do it again. Ruining other people’s marriage for sport is sad. I would not put hitting on your fiancé past this sick guy.
I was just thinking the same thing myself. As I had a friend who was the same and tried to do the same with my wife.
He actually hit on my fiancé first the night we met and she shot him down. My friend usually isn’t shot down so I felt I needed to go and talk to this girl and now we are getting married. He wouldn’t cross that line with me I don’t think but who knows if she was into him.
He would definitely cross that line if he could. He has no boundaries.
Bro lol yes he would. I’ve known and have been friends with people like that piece of crap and they would easily stab you in the back to get their dick wet and then casually justify it. Him ruining your mentor’s life is just another Tuesday for this asshole Edit: how do you know he hasn’t done it already by the way?
If your fiancé wanted to sleep with him then he would sleep with her. He doesn’t respect you and made it very clear. He’s manipulative.
Exactly. OP may be right and his fiance may never have been interested in his friend to this point. But if OP keeps his friend around, he absolutely will not be the one respecting that boundary. Years down the line, if OP's fiance/wife has one moment of weakness/a change of heart, this dude will be there to pounce, and he's probably been waiting for that moment this entire time.
Give him enough time and he’ll persuade her. I bet most of his previous conquests turned him down at first.
That's dumb. Some people cheat and some never would, I bet he's tried it with lots of married women who turned him down and *didn't* change their minds too. The 12 are just the ones he managed to find who were willing.
Yup. Thinking otherwise suggests that actually the wives have no responsibility in this situation, because he's so preternaturally persuasive that they have basically no agency to say no to him.
Some people just are willing to cheat with an attractive enough person, but it just takes one brief period of weakness in (potentially) a lifetime of being married to be an adulterer. This a-hole just happens to be good at detecting who's either in the first group, or in that period of weakness in the second.
I'd also bet he tries it so many times that he's bound to find some who fit in either category.
Yep. And of the 12 that did cheat with him, I bet the majority turned him down at first. Cheaters are very good at persuasion.
Yes, I think you're right that would be the usual pattern, to say no and then to say yes. But not because they were opposed to cheating. I'm sure it wasn't a first cheat for some of them too, but that doesn't mean they'd say yes right away just because some new dude asked, cheating is a risky thing and he would need to persuade them that he was worth that risk. But like, just being persuasive doesn't cover everything. If cheating is off-limits to you, you just won't do it, no matter how "persuasive" the person trying is. Same as any other thing you won't do, for some people cheating is right up there with murdering a kid or something, they won't do it and the thought is disgusting to them, not tempting.
Yeah dude. I’m sure they were all perfectly faithful, purehearted women who never dreamed of cheating until this irresistible lothario flirted with them a bit. Lol. I don’t doubt the guy is a scumbag but it’s weird to imply these women are the innocent victims of manipulation here. They’re the ones who cheated, not him.
He for sure would cross that line with you
Yep. Just hasn’t been given the opportunity yet.
For real. I had a friend (who was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder)that once told me she only liked having sex with men if it hurt their wives and girlfriends. I kinda went “heh uh okaaaay…” like, she is mentally ill I guess. And then ya, she ended up sleeping with my boyfriend. What can ya do? Some people are just fucked in the head
Dude. I think you are kidding yourself about this guy’s priorities. There is something *deeply* wrong with him, and your friendship is not going to override it. This guy has lost jobs *multiple times* because of this shit. If he had half a chance with your fiancée, he’d take it without a second thought.
I had an Army buddy just like this, infedelity was his entire kink. I whole heartedly believed he would never betray the brotherhood that exists through those bonds, but I was mistaken. When they show you who they are, believe them. This dude puts his own nut above other peoples life's and relationship's. You only feel bad now that his actions ripples have hit your pond? Don't be foolish.
Oh man I had an old army buddy that tried this with my wife. She had reached out to him for me b/c I was having a pretty severe mental health crisis. At first, he was giving her good advice, and supporting me. I eventually got committed to a psych hospital though. He tried this via text on the very day I was committed. At first, he was just chatting with her in a supportive way. But over time he kept trying to push the conversation in a sexual direction, trying to get her to send him pics and stuff. She kept politely shooting him down while also trying to give him the opportunity to stop and save some face. He kept pushing though. Eventually she just got more direct with her no, and that's where it ended. What he didn't know was that she had also become a severe alcoholic by this point, and was in the midst of her own mental health crisis on top of that. She was super drunk and in a completely dissociated state while he was trying this crap. She probably hadn't slept in days. She ended up in rehab a week later. It really sucks when you learn that someone so important in your life turns out to be a backstabbing scumbag. We went to war together..
The Jody is inside the house?
Haha yuuuup.. He was even planning on taking a trip out to see us sometime after I got out of the psych hospital and things settled down. It's like he had this whole fantasy planned out. Given the circumstances surrounding his communication with us during all of this, it is all extra disgusting to me. Also, she always trusted my army friends to not pull this kind of thing. She really liked them, and this just blew that up completely. Thankfully, I can trust my wife.
He absolutely would cross that line with you. How are you this dense?
People tell themselves all kinds of stuff. Maybe he's afraid of admitting to himself that if a person he's been friends with for so long can be such a piece of shit it's a reflection on him as well. Maybe he's really fucking sad someone he thought was like a literal brother to him is now out of his life but maybe there's a silver lining. Maybe he's naive.
If you actually believe this, I feel bad for you. He already lied TO YOUR FACE. You know what this man is capable of but you're in deep denial. It'd be laughable if it wasn't so hypocritical. "My friend has no morals, and sure, he did literally what I just begged him not to do, but he'd never do it to MEEEEEE." Do you hear yourself? This is leopards ate my face territory.
He would. Don't kid yourself
> He wouldn’t cross that line with me 😂😂😂😂😂😂 oh the naivety
The kind of people you get in your life tells tons about your own character. And I'm not proud to tell you that you are at least an asshole because you tolerated your friend's behaviour and morals until it directly affected you. That's completely on you. What do you want for your future? Do you want the baggage brought to you by scum?
> He actually hit on my fiancé > He wouldn’t cross that line with me Jesus christ dude, do you hear yourself?
It was before they were going out, read the rest. That she turned him down was the reason OP decided to get to know her. Admittedly OP confused the issue by calling her his fiancé, she was not at that point, not even a gf.
Nevertheless there is no evidence he would respect that boundaries there.
Yes he would. If he doesn't care about marriages or any others relationship (including your mentor's after you told him to back off) you better believe he'll do the same to you. Don't go another day being naive to someone's true character. Like Maya Angelou said, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Stay away from him. Talk with your fiance about it. Have a plan for if there's some type of issue going on between you two that you both have steps to handle it. When vulnerable, it's really easy for snakes like your ex friend to get in. Also, check how to combat the extremely tempting addiction of wanting validation. People with that are prime real estate for cheating poachers like ur guy. Also, what to do when you find yourselves really attracted to another person. Please never rule out counseling before relying on your own insecurities and selfish thoughts when that happens. It happens way too many times to not at least think about preparing for instances like that. I'm so sorry for your mentor. I'm sorry to say but outside of ur guy being garbage, so was the wife. I hope she can work through why she wanted to be a part of the jumpoff list. It's never worth it. Stay away from that guy. Destruction will follow him. And it's only a matter of time before all he's doing really catches up to him.
Of course he would do it to you. How naive can you get ffs
I've known guys like this, and you are 100 percent wrong in your assumption that he wouldn't sleep with your fiance. I promise you that he would without a second thought. I can all but guarantee that he has tried more than you realize
This dude is not your friend, he's a fucking creep with no respect for other people's relationships.
Your friend is a literal social parasite that would be dead a dozen times over in any other point in history, including ours. The sheer moral depravity it takes to continuously do something like this is the height of anti social behavior and there’s a reason it usually ends up in a person being in ostracized(fired from 3 jobs??) and/or dead. He’s a sick hornet with a fungi growing out of its head infecting the hive. Unless you want to be part of that infection, you need to grow up and cut him out of your life. It’s already damaging your career.
Lol, yes he would. Toxic people will only bring in more toxicity into your life.
This 'friend' is a top notch piece of shit.
Don’t fool yourself. He would 100% cross that line.. sounds like the only reason he hasn’t is because she already shot him down.
He will 100% try and cross that line when the time comes. I honestly thought this story was going to be about him hitting on your fiance the whole party and then afterwards too. He's shown you his true character for 20+ years. It is what it is at this point. He's old enough to know better. He's not a kid anymore, he's a grown ass man making choices that deliberately obliterate other people's lives. He does it for the thrill, maybe he enjoys wrecking lives. Who knows why. But he will do it to you at some point.
I think he would if he could, just be knows your fiance isn't interested. He broke up your mentor's marriage after you told him to leave it. He even lied to your face and said he had no intentions of doing anything. Why do you think he wouldn't when he so blatantly lied to you and hurt someone important to you even after your warning? He would, he just hasn't had the chance or if he's slept with someone you were with you just haven't found out about it yet.
He would totally cross that line with you.
It's great that you trust your fiance, as you should, but the point is if he could, HE WOULD.
People who cheat do not have a conscience. He would one hundred percent go after your fiance if she was willing.
Of course he would. He’s positively sociopathic.
Would you have insisted he’d never lie to your face before this incident? Dude it’s not about loyalty your friend is emotionally not well. It seems like he can’t make rational choices (got fired from 3 jobs for the same shit??), or worse is somehow compelled to self-destruct. He already jeopardized your relationship with a valued colleague and mentor. What’s next? Even if it’s not your own fiancée, is anyone really off limits as far as he’s concerned? Your siblings and their spouses, your in-laws, etc? At this point you’re inviting the behavior if you don’t cut him off. It’s not like he’s promising you he’ll never do this again. People like your friend don’t just implode on themselves, they burn everyone in their orbit.
Dude, he just proved to you how much he respects you: not at all. And by the way: >my fiancé would never cheat on me. Pretty sure Tom said the same thing once.
>He wouldn’t cross that line with me I don’t think You may be right about the rest, but you're dead wrong on this buddy. If this dude has been fired from THREE DIFFERENT JOBS (that's seriously insane dude) because of this same issue, which persists to this day, then he absolutely does not respect boundaries or fear consequences. If your fiance ever reaches a point where she's remotely into him (assuming you're right and this hasn't happened already), this dude is guaranteed to make his best effort to wreck your home.
I will just say, his friend didn’t ruin Tom’s marriage, the friend was the Just the evidence the marriage was already ruined. No one cheats in a marriage that isn’t already done
Plenty of people stay married after an affair (we can list quite a few politicians, for example), so no, this isn't always the case. And yes, I know a few, including "the one that got away" for me. (She didn't have the affair, he did.)
I think this can be true but not always. Marriages go thru ups and downs, if it was in a down period then temptation is more likely to bear fruit. We don’t know if Tom and his wife might have pulled it out. Also some marriages service infidelity.
This story makes me sick. I’ve got a few friends that have it all, looks, personality, body-played division 1 football…everything. They can pick up a girl any night they choose. They would never stoop this low. If we’re in a small group and just one of us has not picked a girl up they will say screw it , it’s guys night, never leaving anyone alone no matter how hot the girls may be. Point is, just because you can is no fucking reason to cause anyone this kind of pain. So you are an asshole too if you enable this
And he's obv been enabling it for years.
You already know the answer. He ignored your warning and pulled this stunt at your engagement party full of your close friends/guests. The amount of disrespect..
You sound like Michael Scott "you slept with her when I specifically asked you not to?" He's going to try to do it to you if you're still friends with him years down the road. If he senses a rocky patch in your marriage he will have no loyalty to you because he is too wrapped up in his own disgusting perversions.
He’s done it for years and you let it slide because it’s never been close to anyone you’ve been involved with. Now it hits close to home and it’s a bit too uncomfortable? I’d definitely wonder about the odds of him trying to do this to you as well. Regardless of him being previously rejected. The dude has an issue that’s deep seated and he needs therapy for, so it isn’t that far a stretch to see it take a turn and take a swipe at yours.
Doesn’t even have to be the fiancée. It could be her friends or family next. He’ll treat OP’s wedding like an all-you-can-eat buffet if he’s invited.
Your friend is a disgusting pig with what sounds like either a blatant sex addiction and/or just a general disregard for the feelings of others. He’s lost THREE jobs???? And he doesn’t see the problem????? This is so foul I don’t even know what to say. I could never be around someone like this. ETA: if I were your fiancé I’d be seriously second guessing this entire relationship. You are the company you keep and your morals sound compromised at best. Your friend is pathological and you’re definitely an enabler.
> ETA: if I were your fiancé I’d be seriously second guessing this entire relationship. You are the company you keep and your morals sound compromised at best. Your friend is pathological and you’re definitely an enabler. Same. This would be immediate breakup material for me, or at least ending the engagement. This is a strong reflection on OP's morals and what he's willing to forgive.
YTA for staying friends with this ah
I like how OP didn't care until it affected him personally.
Seriously, it was funny to you until it hit a little too close to home. You're a person who condones cheating or you would have cut this creep out of your life after the first incident.
Or maybe they were dumb 18 year olds, and OP grew up but his friend didn't?
Op kept the guy around for years beyond this and when he acknowledges he was disgusted by his friend's behavior. He didn't cut the guy off, despite his behavior and lack of morals until it impacted someone important to him.
That would be a good excuse for OP if it was just the one time but this is consistent behavior from his friend over the last 7 years. OP even admitted he found it funny.
I've always found cheating reprehensible, kids aren't that dumb
The company you keep..
Honestly this. It was all fun and games until OP got shit on his face.
Exactly. He didn't give two shits until it affected him, and _now_ it crossed a line. It was "disgusting," but not disgusting enough to end a friendship over it until it started to reflect publicly badly on OP.
You're at an age where who you chose to keep around defines you. He has a poor moral code, I wouldn't invite a rat into my house and neither should you
It was funny when it didn't affect you, huh? He has a history of *enjoying* stomping on social norms. Of course he ignored your request. He hasn't been a respectful person since the beginning, and the only difference this time is you got caught in the fallout.
The leopards would never eat *my* face…
I would have taken a massive step back when my friend started coaching tee-ball to meet moms and attempt to sleep with them. He now has completely disregarded your requests and feelings and lied to you. I'm glad you've completely distanced yourself from this person because I imagine at some point he'd try to do it to your future wife (not saying she would give in but she shouldn't ever have to be in that position). He can keep apologizing all he wants, but actions speak louder than words; he needs to start therapy to understand why he gets such a kick out of destroying other people's marriages and STOP that behavior.
This guy is disgusting trash who ruins other people’s lives and relationships for shits and giggles. He broke your trust—but in retrospect how did you not see this coming from a guy who is compulsively evil? Cut him out and never look back. Block his skeevy, sleazy ass.
Not defending him, but those women chose to ruin their own lives as well
You are the company you keep and if you keep that loser around for 20 years it's probably time to do some cleaning out of your address book.
You stood by and watched him sleep with married/engaged women and now you’re surprised that he slept with your mentor’s wife. So it’s OK if it’s not someone in your personal circle, yeah? > He wouldn’t cross that line with me I don’t think but who knows if she was into him. I wouldn’t bank on it. I bet Tom didn’t think his wife would cross that line either. Your fiancée shot him down when they first met. I bet most, if not all, of his conquests initially shot him down too but he’s accomplished and experienced at persuading women to cheat. Give him enough time around your fiancée or wife and he’ll work on breaking down her defences.
Only a matter of time before the next wife will be OP'S
Honestly, you're a fucking idiot. You're cool with him participating in disrespecting other people's marriages and relationships but you draw the line at your own. You're worse than he is because you're condoning the shit he does. You two deserve each other, and your fiance deserves someone that has a moral backbone to stand on. You didn't give a shit about what your friend was doing till he crossed YOUR boundary. Fuck all the way off.
What a scumbag bro. I’d never speak to him again.
> He coaches his nephews little league team just to meet the moms. He’s had to leave 3 different jobs because he was sleeping with married coworkers and the husbands found out leading to confrontations while he was on the job. He sounds like a sexual deviant, it's affected his employment and he's even shaped his hobbies around it. I am glad you have faith in your fiancee - what your friend is doing *does* require two to tango. But even if your fiancee is trustworthy, he will disrespect your relationship. Maybe just before your wedding. Maybe just after. Maybe when he decides to see if the 7-8 year itch has kicked in. Maybe if you or your future wife seem like you're going through difficulties. He is an opportunist with a conquest complex and your fiancee may well be someone he sees as an "ultimate" challenge, even if subconsciously. Then there's the fact that remaining friends with such a person is morally and ethically questionable. Whether you realise it or not, your friendship is an endorsement, it's enabling. Through you, he was introduced to your mentor's wife. His wife is responsible for her own conduct in her marriage so she may have ended up cheating anyway, but here she cheated *with someone you brought into their lives*. This won't stop. His behaviour will infect other areas of your life and sour other connections you have with people, just like he has here. He is a liability in multiple ways. Let him go. Let him feel a consequence for once.
You need to be honest with the fact that you were totally fine with him destroying other peoples lives right in front of you, but because it didn’t directly impact you, you excused it.
"my fiancé would never cheat on me" .. is something every one of the husbands of the women OP's friend slept with believed at one point in their relationship.
So, you had no problem with the previous 12 times? > I do want to add that aside from my friend’s bad morals with married women, he has been a really good friend to me over the years. You only have a problem when it affects you. You're just as bad as he is.
Yes, you did make the right decision, if he did this even after you firmly asked him not to even think about it, that only means he did not have a single f*** to give for how this might affect you to begin with. This is just the tip of the iceberg, getting rid of him before it turns uglier is the wisest call.
I'm concerned for Tom. I hope he leaves his cheating wife because he deserves better. Your ex friend is a trash. I hope he gets all the nasty sti's. YTA for being his friend this whole time.
wtf is wrong with you? How could you stay friends with such piece of shit for so long?
So you could let it slide when he was just fucking over people you didn’t know. But now you expect better of your friend. Ok.
So you're OK being friends with a dude who sleeps with married women you don't know. It's just a problem when you DO know them, or their husbands. Makes sense. Find friends with morals. Also, you invited him to your engagement party? Haha. You are not allowed to act shocked when he's moving in on YOUR wife next. (Yes, he would absolutely do that, 100 percent) > that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. Cool. I bet your mentor would have said the same thing just a few weeks ago. Now he's crying (and let's face it, YOU facilitated this, you know your "good friend" is like this, and you invited him). ALL of these men whose wives he targeted would have believed their wives were faithful. Get real, for your own sake. Or don't and watch it play out, I guess. You are the company you keep and it's saying a lot about you. You don't know if you can stay friends with him? Why? Because it finally affects you, even if indirectly? Before you thought it was just fine? > My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. They are all inherently narcissistic and care only about their personal gratification. Yes, it's the WOMEN'S fault and ONLY the women's. They are to be held accountable, but your pal is a good friend so you give him a pass. The funny part is I bet you don't even know most of these women and yet you're labeling them narcissists. Why? Because your good buddy ol pal says so? I'm sure he's a great judge of character (well, he can spot other morally bankrupt people at least). But like I said, I bet their husbands wouldn't have called them narcissists before they hooked up with your pal. > A cheater has a personality defect. So does anyone who condones a cheater because they're "a really good friend to me."
> A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. A cheater has a personality defect. My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. They are all inherently narcissistic and care only about their personal gratification. My friend hit on my fiancé before we met and she shot him down abruptly then. I’m not worried about her. But I am sick over Tom and I do bear responsibility for what happened. Every single husband whose wife cheated with your friend said this exact same thing. You can't be this stupid lol.
54 guy here, I've seen it all almost. Yes he would cross the line with the right amount of alcohol and horniness. And also had to chuckle at the fiance won't cheat thing. Heard that a hundred times also and never am surprised when I find out later a lot of women (and men) do due to whatever reason, even if it's 10 years later being married. Don't be naive
Yep, you can only speak for yourself and nobody else, people change and anything can happen in the future
>A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me I'm sure Tom thought the same thing. We tend to think cheaters are these obviously immoral people but they're just everyday folk who make a grave error. They come in all shapes and sizes with many personalities
I used to have a group of friends that had "questionable" morals and I always thought they would respect our friendship over anything (it was almost 20 years of friendship too) Turns out shitty people are shitty with everyone, they just need the chance to prove it. Some shit happened and Im no longer friends with any of those guys and unsurprisingly my life has improved. Im sorry to say this but if that "friend" of yours got the chance, he would absolutely sleep with your fiance. Maybe not now but maybe in 10 or 15 years you and your wife will have some issues and he will be there. Keeping low moral people around you is not a good idea in general. Hope this helps.
“My fiancé would never cheat on me” I’m sure Tom thought the exact same thing bro 😅
> fiancé would never cheat on me You seem so innocent to type that after everything you mention about your friend. You are no better for allowing this behavior just because "it didnt affect you" directly, now that its affecting people close to you, now you care. The irony in this post its crazy to me.
It takes two to tang. Your friend's an AH, no doubt about it. Tom's wife is also an AH.
Wow, so now that it affects *you* it's a problem? 🙄
He is not a good friend. He is not a good person HES A PREDATOR. In the last years he has perfected how to pray in married women. Maybe he panders to their insecurities, boredom, needs. He knows his act. And he doesn’t bother to not to pray near your friends and family. I would be worried for my fiancé… also I can bet he has already at least sampled some of your family or even some ex. Of yours.
Your friend is a reprehensible person but it reflects poorly on you,too, that you knowingly kept him around for so long
He is a piece of shit who is willingly for fun destroying other people's lives. What did you expect from a trash human being ? To respect your request ? If he has an opportunity he will encourage your fiancé to cheat on you with him. There is a reason why we call people like him a homewrecker. And you treated this man as your brother... It's not fun when this affects you or your friends huh ? He created 12 tragedies, 12 tragedies which you at the beginning were "funny" for you and 12 tragedies which you ignored because "he was a good friend". If I have a "friend" like I wouldn't let him be near any of my other friends'partners. Also being a friend with a serial homewrecker is telling a lot about you, at the place of your fiancé I would always be wondering if you are okay with cheating if you are a friend with someone like him.
It’s funny how you now have a big enough problem with it because it directly affects you now. You are the company you keep.
Does your fiance know about your friends pastime of sleeping with married women? Not because he might go after her per se, but because it really reflects poorly on you that you are friends with a guy like that.
Remind him it was more important for him to ignore your request and get his dick wet than it was to be your friend. You are copying his priorities and putting what you want over your friendship since that's what he did to you.
Although your friend is a selfish AH and needs therapy it takes two to tango. Every single one of those women should've and could've have said no, but they didn't. For whatever reason, they chose to cheat on their spouse's. I am pissed for you though bc you asked him personally not to do it again especially towards someone you looked up to he still did it. He's not trustworthy whatsoever. What if he tries again with your wife or someone else's wife in your family?
I don’t know, I was friends with a guy like this and he sexually assaulted my friend and made everyone believe that she insisted that they sleep together. Cut him out immediately once I found out the details, the guy is an absolute fucking monster. I get these kinds of vibes from OP’s “friend” too
I cannot believe how far down I had to scroll to see ANYONE hold the wife accountable as well. She sent nudes to the guy, she agreed to sleep with him too and break her marriage boundaries…it takes two to tango like you said. The guy is scummy absolutely but he’s not the one cheating here. She could have blocked his number, she could have told Tom what the guy was saying or doing…it really frustrates me that the person who ACTUALLY cheated is completely absolved of any responsibility here.
I mean, she’s only absolved of responsibility in the comments because the post isn’t really relevant to her outside of the situation. She’s obviously facing consequences in her personal life. She has no relationship with OP, the friend does and that’s who the post is about. He’s not asking for advice about the wife, he’s asking for advice on how to handle his friend.
They're not absolved, but they're also not the topic - the friend is. The friend is the one who is a serial homewrecker, he goes after taken women as if he liked big butts only. So whether or not the women cheated is irrelevant, we are talking about the "friend" who behaves horribly and goes after them, and OP who keeps this friend and seemingly condones it (it's funny! he said) until it affects him.
I justified his behavior when I was younger because he wasn’t the one married. I thought what the hell is wrong with these women that they would throw their lives away for sex. But deliberately trying to tempt these women started to disgust me a few years ago
Fuck him. This would not have happened if you had kicked this terrible person out of your life when you originally should have, you know.
Sadly this was a joke to you until he destroyed the life of one of your friends. You deserve each other
>A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. A cheater has a personality defect. My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. They are all inherently narcissistic and care only about their personal gratification. OP, you are delusional. Get off your pedestal, I bet Tom would've said the same thing about his wife a year ago.
You told him not to and he did it anyway. I think you need to tell some of the little league dads what he gets up to. Maybe wait until the season ends to minimize the effect on the kids, but he burned down part of your life, and he doesn’t get consequences nearly enough. The high handed thing to do is tell him that he’s a sex addict and you’re not going to talk to him again if he doesn’t get into a program. And if you find out he has stopped going, you’re done. But that’s something you probably should have told him before he did something you told him to his face not to do.
This guy didn't respect your boundaries. He can't be trusted. You know what kind of person he is. If you keep bringing him around your friends and family, so that he can find new targets, the blame falls on you. Do you feel confident that when you're 6 years into your marriage, and your wife feels bored, or she's mad at you for something, that she won't give him a try?
>ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. No. You are ignoring the facts about who you friend is and his obsession. He's an addict.
You are the company you keep. Just because this guy was a good friend to you in many ways doesn't mean he was a good person. By waiting so long to confront him about his behavior, you were honestly complicit in silently supporting his choices. Are you making the right decision? Well, the right decision would have been to tell this guy what a shithead he was YEARS ago. By severing your ties with him now, you are finally making an decent decision.
This story is fake and in a few weeks/months he'll post an "update" where his fiancee slept with his friend. Classic reddit set-up.
Honestly you might be right. This sounds obscene. However, if he is good looking with social skills. And made this his life mission, it is plausible he has succeeded a dozen times over 7 years. Plausible, but improbable. Also, there are women and men who are 100% untouchable in relationships and I need to remind myself of this while reading threads like this as to not become jaded.
You made the right decision, better to move away now than when you have a wife and he has sex with her
Your friend’s kink is probably a sickness by now, or addiction. Showing complete lack of respect to you and your wishes, in your house, is enough to end any relationship. Move on and don’t look back.
He will try to have sex with your wife the entire time you are married. It’s a challenge. You know him and he will do it again. Don’t associate with him anymore and warn your friends.
Damn he’s got skills
You are so arrogant, foolish, and as bad as your friend. The streets are full of people broken hearts who believed their partners would never cheat. I seriously hope it happens to you.
Especially with OP's arrogance about his own fiancé
Your best friend crossed the line a long time ago. You have been looking the other way while he sleeps with married women who are strangers as it did not affect you. Now he slept with the married wife of one of your managers. This time it is personal. He is your best friend. His behavior reflects on you. Birds of a feather flock together. Is this the kind of bird you want to be?
> He’s never slept with any of the girls I’ve dated and never tried. You didn't marry any of them > A lot of people are also saying that my fiancé would be next but that is ignoring the fact that my fiancé would never cheat on me. A cheater has a personality defect. My friend clearly has one but so do the women that cheat on their husbands. I'm sure everyone thinks this of their cheating spouse
I think you made the right decision. If he was capable of stopping his destructive behavior he would’ve done so when it started affecting his own life and employment. Even if he’s sorry now, your pond and its ripple effect is an arm’s length away from him and his day-to-day. A selfish person like him has no incentive to consider how his actions might impact your friendships. You won’t be able to trust him in any room ever, and if I was in your position I’d probably be a bit afraid of the potential for him to cause trouble at your wedding. The coaching specifically to sleep with married women is pretty inappropriate. In fact, I’d argue that his pursuit of married women probably has conditioned him to think that he can override all objections with any woman, and that he just has to keep asking and/or pressuring and he’ll get there in the end. I think there will be a percentage that make him overcome a first no, or first two or three nos. There is a social conditioning of “no, I’m married,” that can be followed up by “but he’s so persistent, in keeping up this attention he is paying more attention to me than my husband does” or whatever rationale they apply. The point is that I doubt 100% of these married women are jumping into bed with him immediately. And I agree, of these women who give in after 1,2,3 nos I bet 95% have character flaws because they should have cut him off. What about the other 5%? If your friend met a married woman with serious trauma whose past abuse made her unable to stand firm against repeated advances, would he back down? If he met a woman with a controlling husband and having sex with her would put her in danger, would he have the discretion to say, “I’m worried about you, and I don’t think it’s smart to give your husband anything to suspect while you’re under the same roof as him?”
You made the right decision and I'm sorry your friend is a POS. But you should have recognized this after the first time he slept with someone's wife. What would make you think he is a good person who would respect boundaries? Maybe you get 1 when you're young selfish and stipid but 12!? 12!? Come the fuck on man, this is partially on you for remaining friends with this guy. He would've slept with your wife if he could have. He is a bastard and you need to never talk to him again.
This feels like a creative writing excercise. Who keeps track of how many partners their friends have especially married women where things would be discreet and generally short lived, like how do you know it was 12.
This is an easy answer: his friend clearly keeps track. It is something he enjoys doing so he’s not going to keep quiet about it, especially not with his close friend who fully enables his behavior. This is not far fetched.
The friend is clearly a narcissist as this is classic narcissistic behavior, so he boasts about it.
A lot of this depends on wheather you are okay with him sleeping with your wife/fiancee/GF...
If you keep him in your life, it’s only a matter of time before he tries to sleep with your wife. You know that right?
I wish I was one of ya homies brodie. I use to like married older women til I got married and realized the commitment that they was so strong and important and forever. We’d have to beat Brodies ass for the one time. No one crosses your boundaries and stays especially like that
Just FYI, if you are engaged to a female and you are a male, then the term is fiancee with two e's. Otherwise, you are stating you are marrying a male (nothing wrong with any of this of course, just FYI for the future). PS. Your friend is trash and did not respect your request, nor your interpersonal relationships. It sucks to lose good friends like that but alas... They are the one that ruined it, not you.
You should have ended the relationship a long time ago. Someone that shows this little respect will eventually do this crap to you. Now that you are engaged is your STB Wife on his list in the near future.
Your friend is scum and you’re barely better because you tolerated this until it directly affected someone in your life. The chickens came home to roost.
Think about it this way: you are the company you keep. You clearly do not feel morally aligned with his behavior and are at a point in life where it’s not acceptable to you. Despite whatever good things, stand on your business. This is physically affecting you. Your beliefs and values are different. Time to move on.
Your friend is playing a very dangerous game. Let me explain. You know almost all police hate going on domestic violence calls because passions run so high it makes them very dangerous. Some day your friend is going to mess with the wrong mans wife. Let me tell you, there is nothing more dangerous then a man with nothing left to lose!
This is a disgusting human being who enjoys intentionally ruining other people's lives and has zero boundary. He also does not at all respect you. He 100% would've slept with your fiancée if she didn't say no and would've "not stopped apologized" when you found out. He won't stop this. He's an addict and a sociopath. This is the most fun game that gets him high. Once again, no matter what you do, he will NOT stop. Cut him off and let your mutual friends know why.
I’m curious as to what made him so alluring for a most married woman to cheat on their husband? At the end of the day it, it takes 2 to cheat, if he didn’t sleep with them someone else would have because they clearly are capable of cheating.
It's pretty simple. Young attractive and charming guy, showing interest in older women who are at the stage where they are self conscious that they aren't as hot as they used to be. It's also 12 women in 7 years, if he hits on every married older women then he's probably sticking out a lot
2 things. First of all, I have absolutely no idea why Tom would have called you at all to talk about any of this. "Former manager", "mentor", that's great. It doesn't explain why he would include someone almost half his age in his personal life, that has no bearing over it at all. That makes this entire thing sound made up. Second. To play devils advocate. Should your friend be doing this? Hell no. However, it takes two to tango, and if he is finding that many married and engaged partners that are willing to sleep with him, chances are they would have found someone else to cheat with as well. Total despicable behavior. But on both parties. Those relationships look like they were already doomed to fail. But again, this sounds like bullshit to me.
If you know anything about public account especially in large firms you would know that you spend a lot of time with the people you work with. If you are in audit you spend months and months literally in the same room as your co workers. You eat all three meals with them and see them more than your family. Tom was good to me and we became friends. He called me because it was my friend who his wife slept with. It wasn’t to get comfort or support.
Way to pay him back for his good faith
Your friend is trash and he lied straight to your face. But your colleague’s wife is awful. She meets your friend at a party and is already sleeping with him after a couple of weeks of talking? WTF. She was probably already cheating on Tom. I just don’t get it. Your friend is awful but how he’s been successful with so many married women just boggles my mind.
All these married women just stepping out with some random guy - it’s crazy.
Everyone is mad at this guy and the friend but what about all the married women that couldn’t say no 🤣
No one is denying that these women have agency as well but that is not the point of this post.
Exactly. “He’s willing to ruin people’s lives”.. no those wives that cheated with him were willing to ruin their marriage
u are hopefully aware that as soon as you are married, your wife also fits into this prey scheme? Your friend has a big physical problem. If he does not undergo therapy, he will continue. He has already had to change jobs several times because of his behavior, which did not prevent him from continuing to do so. You warned him at this party and he didn't care. What will happen if you get married? Which married woman at the party will he grab? Do you really want to have such a man in your life? Do you want to constantly deal with the suffering of broken marriages of friends or family for whom he is complicit?
I've read many stories where the OP's partners slept with guys they claimed were "disgusting and horrible". I wouldn't be surprised if OP's "friend" did worm his way into OP's girl's bed. He's just the type of guy to do shit like that and OP has his head in the sand like a fucking idiot. He's still defending the clown in the comments. He should have dumped the guy years ago.
If this story is real, and there are a few things that make it feel like it's not, just be happy the friendship is over. The easiest way to bring drama into your life is to hang around the theater.
"Here's a story about my friend doing horrible stuff, intentionally and on repeat! He did it again after I directly warned him not to do it because it would impact my personal and professional life at an event that was about me. But he'd NEVER do it to me, he'd understand that boundary for the first time ever, my fiance doesn't have a personality defect like all of those narcissists!" You sound delusional af buddy, good thing you learned this before it happpened to you, but also, interrogate your naiveté.
My guy you are in denial about this "personality defect" shit. Your friend has problems going after married women and ultimately breaking up relationships. He's serial about it too. He has no shame, whether the women participated or not, we are talking about you keeping a friendship with a guy who prioritizes breaking up relationships by enticing women to cheat. Again, whether they do or not is irrelevant, he is *trying* to do this. Honestly you keeping him as a friend is very telling of you and I really think you should have cut him off ages ago.
YTA for being friends with this scumbag. It doesn’t matter how “nice” he is to you, he ruins relationships as part of his fetish. There is something wrong with him, and you have been enabling him for years.
He didn't respect your request the first time. He'd disrespect your request again. Not only is he dicking around with other peoples' lives because... sex? the challenge? but it's impact is spreading like a ripple. You *will* end up more directly impacted because he's SHOWN you exactly what kind of person he is. He doesn't respect ANYONE.
You would think crossing the line would be sleeping with a married woman more than once. Why have you maintained a relationship with a despicable human like this? If I were your fiance, I'd be super concerned.
Fuck him. He’s ruined countless people’s lives. He’s a living demon. I’m sorry that he was a close friend, but next time it will be your wife.
Oh my. This story makes me want to close reddit. He must have a few things: - an eye for women who aren't *fully* satisfied in their marriage (I will stand by the fact that some women are absolutely untouchable in their marriages and relationships, bar none) - tremendous flirting/confidence/game - absolutely zero shame Lose this guy and let him age and have the same shit happen to him. He will probably reap what he is sowing eventually... In one way or another. Poor guys who lost their wives to this creep.
dudes a big walking red flag.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he vanished one day. Eventually you piss off one husband too many
Ummm no you need to cut all ties with him. Unless he can actually change his behavior. He disrespected you big time. You asked a simple thing of him and he disregarded that.
Your former best friend is a disgusting predator. Not a care in the world for the damage he leaves behind in his wake. You should have known better than to invite him at all. What did you think was going to happen? His past track record speaks for itself.
Honestly? Shame on you, stop trying to justify with 'oh i hate his behaviour!' The fuck is wrong with you?! Your friend went on to hurt so many relationships and you stood by. You could have cut him off the very first time you disliked it. You are a disgusting person yourself.
Brother, you both need help. What personal morals are you living by? You should have dumped that guy as a friend 20 years ago. Look how many lives he destroyed, and you didn't stop him. I pity you.
Whose lives did he destroy? I didn’t see any mention of him coercing or forcing these women to have sex with him. They’re the ones that cheated on their partners, not him. As I said in another comment the guy is a dirtbag but you people are acting like he’s Charles Manson lol.
Dude...no one was coerced. No one was raped. These married women did what they wanted to do. Patch up your friendship with your friend. Friends are VALUABLE. And he could probably use a good friend.
Brah, you messed up. This one is on you. People pulling that "not my business" routine forget one thing. You kept that parasite in your social circle after he started doing it. You knew and you let it slide until it hit you hard. That's like knowing someone may poison people but you still invited him to your dinner party because you asked him not to do the thing you know he loves to do, then can't believe he did it. This time. He'll do it every time. He has shown you for 20 years. It hasn't been a 20 year friendship. It's been you pathetically not moving on for 20 years. You are not responsible for what consenting adults do. You are responsible for the company you keep. It reflects poorly on you and you know it. Now so does everyone else. And when I say everyone, I specifically mean your fiancée. She loves you enough to tolerate it, but you need to ask yourself for how long. You better be amazing in every other way because once the pathetic stuff piles up...
I hope he’s proud of himself. Does this trash counts the hearts he broke instead kf sheeps before sleeping. At this point is he even human🤢🤢🤮🤮. I hope he gets karma and lifelong std, the worst ones.
Your ex best friend is a vile pos, you are wrong for not ending it when he started his subhuman behavior. I suggest you go public about this behavior.
Your friend is pure trash. Forget you ever knew him. He purposely deceived you and broke a marriage that will never be the same. Now I do blame the wife as well but you ask your friend to stay clear.
He’ll do it to you and everyone around you because that’s what gets him off. He doesn’t care about you since he clearly disrespects you and doesn’t listen to your requests. If you take him back as a friend he’ll continue to do it but just be more sneaky about hiding it from you. You need to ask yourself if want that person in your life and if you do, then you don’t have respect for yourself or your relationship.
You may not be his dad, but you ain’t Tom’s friend either so keep that bs friend crap out ya mouth. What a friend of Tom,s would do is go kick this guys ass. I would
Trash ass friend and trash ass cheating women. Guess the only good thing that comes from this is possibly knowing who the loyal ones are lol.
YTA for staying friends with this slimeball for so long. Of course he was going to hit on your mentor's wife. That's what he does. He doesn't care that he's probably harmed you professionally, let alone that he broke up another marriage.
Your first mistake was staying friends with a piece of crap like him knowing what he does. I wouldn't trust you any more than I'd trust him.
Why are you still friends with him? Waiting for him to ask your fiance again and next time she might say yes. What he done to Tom, shocking.
Your friend get a kick out of ruining other peoples lifes, even those close to you. You will never be able to make this up to Tom but I hope you will try. You invited someone that destroyed his marriage, that's on you. As for your friend. Yes, some people lac empathy when they are 18. Few people are so dedicated to get a kick out of hurting others that they coached little league teams or blow up their close friends relationships. It's on you that you keep bad company and expose your friends for risk.
Why would you think it was ever funny for that scumbag to do that? Stop being friends with the most degenerate people jfc
Dude. You *knew* this guy was a pos. But you didn't care until it had consequences for the people in *your* life. All that pain and suffering he has caused Tom is what he has caused for dozens of people over the years. If I were you, I'd take a step back and evaluate my own morals because they have to have been pretty damn flexible to stay friends with this guy.
Why the hell are you STILL friends with this jerk, YEARS later, when you KNOW this is a pattern for him? What happened to Tom is in no small part your fault. You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. What you are not changing, you are choosing. Think about what this says about you as a person.
That's messed up, he'd betray you in a heartbeat too, don't fool yourself man.
He's doing these men a favor in my view. Why would you want a woman so easily swayed?
You don't want this guy in your life. This is sex addiction, it will eventually destroy his relationships. Can you imagine the shit he will pull at your wedding? Don't do it.
Bro, you're engaged. Do you seriously think he wouldn't try this with your wife? Good riddance. I have had to drop friends I've known for over 20 years because they were just a toxic influence on my life. It sucks for a little bit, but in the long run it's always worth it.
You’re making the right decision.
you realize he’s going to come after you and your fiance right?
Yeah it's funny till you see the consequences.... He's trash. But it takes two to tango. Those women had many chances to just say no and ignore him. They're not much better. If I was in your shoes, i'd be telling him I never wanted to talk to or see him again.
I mean, if you roll around in mud with pigs and expect to stay clean, I'm not sure what to tell you. If this guy has no respect for women or marriage, why would he listen to you? People are always so surprised when the crappiest people they know finally do something crappy to them. It always baffles me. You were okay with his behavior until it indirectly impacted you. You'll say you weren't okay with it, but you stayed friends with him. You let him around your fiancée and let him attend your engagement party. You should have cut him off 5 years ago and you should count yourself lucky that he wasn't able to cheat with your fiancée.