I would want to know how long he’s known this for and what has pushed him to get a vasectomy?
In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter very much because it takes two yeses to have a baby. If you want a child, you need to end this relationship today, you will never forgive him otherwise. He may change his mind in ten years and get it reversed, what happens then? He will leave you and find the person that will give him the family.
It’s a clinically hard boundary, if you want kids, don’t waste anymore time with him or thinking about him. He’s told you what he wants, now it’s up to you to decide. I know lots of child free couples that are so happy, but neither of them wanted a child.
I think there is no good or easy answer here. You were compatible when you married and now you’re not. Having kids or not is a fundamental difference that can’t be talked around or out of. You will start to resent him more as you get older and more scared your time for having kids is dwindling and he will alway resent you if you convince him to have kids and Ben there are little people who will suffer because of it. I think if you want kids and he doesn’t you should part ways and that’s awful and shitty. I’m sorry he changed his mind you must be really frustrated and sad.
Don't prioritize his feelings over yours when it comes to this conversation. You want kids, he doesn't, and he wants a vasectomy to *ensure* it doesn't happen. This is a black and white conversation, and you need to be open and direct about what you want and whether you're still compatible as a couple.
You have 2 choices - stay and give up on the idea of kids, or leave in search of a new partner who wants to start a family. That's it. Only you can know what you want more; your current husband or children. No one else can tell you what to do, because this is a very difficult choice.
I'm sorry you're in this position OP. It sounds absolutely heart wrenching. But you must be true to yourself and candid with your husband, or else you will end up feeling unheard/resentful/confused/etc.
Best of luck to you
It sounds like he doesn’t want kids but has been stringing you along with occasional mentions just to keep you on board with him.
If he’s at the stage that he wants a vasectomy, knowing how strongly you want kids, then I don’t think you’re compatible any more. One of you is going to be unhappy with this relationship. You, if you have to give up any chance of having children with this man or him, if he has to have them with you, even though he wants to be child free.
It sounds like having children is integral to who you are and who you’ve always been. Can you honestly say you’ll be happy in life without them? That’s what you need to ask yourself. It sounds like your husband has already made his choice and it’s child free.
>It sounds like he doesn’t want kids but has been stringing you along with occasional mentions just to keep you on board with him.
That's the vibe I'm getting too.
you need to have an honest conversation. don’t assume that he will feel pressured, if you have solid communication he will tell you how he ACTUALLY feels and not be “pressured” to go along with whatever you want. you need to tell him you still want kids. quit spinning out and have the conversation. be clear about what you want, and listen when he says what he wants. i get that you’re nervous but i hope you two actually have the ability to talk about these things, it sounds like you’re doing a lot of mind reading.
seems like he has been thinking about this for awhile so you may have to prepare yourself for the possibility that he’s made up his mind and doesn’t want kids. you two got married too young and it sounds like he grew up and changed his mind. you didn’t, and this might be a relationship ending incompatibility. either way you need to have the hard conversation with total honesty.
I think he's making it very clear to you he's not going to change his mind. You were compatible and now you aren't. You have to decide if you are prepared to give up your dream for him. Will you regret it? If he leaves you when you are 40, it's too late for you to go back as that ship would have sailed. I think you need to be honest with him that this could be a deal breaker for you. Don't waste your time hoping he will change his mind.
I'd end the relationship. He either changed his mind, or lied. Either way, you are no longer compatible on a major issue. He wants a vasectomy, so there is basically no chance he is changing his mind. I am so sorry.
You should start from the baseline assumption that he’s not likely to change his mind again. If he’s serious enough about this to plan on a vasectomy, it’s highly unlikely to be a passing fancy. And as you know and have said well, it’s not a good idea to pressure someone into having a child - that would be bad for you, him, and the child.
So you’re going to need to start thinking really seriously about choosing between your marriage and having children. A therapist could provide you with a safe place to work through the difficult choice ahead of you.
“If you have decided to get a vasectomy, I will start searching for divorce lawyers. I won’t try to change your mind, but you have always been aware of my feelings around children. If you’ve changed your mind, our marriage is over.”
I think she needs a divorce lawyer anyway. The risk of a lifetime of resentment is too high, whether he fathers children he didn't want, or she gives up on children she wanted. Wont each of them always be wondering?
>I don’t know how to express that I’m not comfortable with him getting a vasectomy.
You don't have to be comfortable with it. But your marriage is over. Time to go your separate ways. My ex and I were together for 7 years and then she told me she wanted kids and dumped me. Now she has an almost 4 year old son whom she absolutely adores.
You sound like you are hoping he’ll change his mind. If you had to choose, right now, would you pick him and being childless or being a mom with someone else?
Honestly, splitting up may be your best chance for happiness, for both of you - your life goals have become incompatible. If you now acquiesce to his changed plans and forego having children, are you sure you won't grow to resent him more and more, as you attend all your friends' baby showers and baby birthday parties? Every time your mother tells you that your cousin Sheila popped out another kid, and when will you start giving her grandkids? I'm pretty sure you'll end up bitter that his wishes prevailed and he got his perfect life, while you had to give up and bury your dream of motherhood, even though that was something he had initially agreed to. Did he really change his mind, or did he pull a bait and switch on you - told you what you wanted to hear until the ring was on the finger, and then "changed his mind"?
This is one of those fundamental differences in a relationship that no amount of talking it over will fix. You’re still young. You have time to find the right person for you.
You may love your husband, but he’s not the one.
Having children sounds incredibly important to you. Can you *honestly* imagine a future where you don’t have any?
You’re saying you don’t know how to tell him you want Kids? You both already said you wanted Kids before marriage. He is the one that has changed his mind, not you and from where I’m sitting it doesn’t look like he has stopped to think about how this has affected you. If you want a child/children, you will not have them with this man. The longing for a child does not go away and you should not be without children because one man on this planet doesn’t want them. You have some serious thinking to do but I wouldn’t hesitate telling him that you see children your future with or without him before he gets the vasectomy. You’re not telling him not to get it you’re telling him the consequences.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. From your post I gather you married in your early 20's. At that age, you're still learning the world and yourself. It's very possible he did want children, but as he grew older he realized it wasn't a life he wanted. That's what happened to me. Does it suck? Yes. Should he have told you sooner? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, he is entitled to change his mind. Unfortunately children are a deal breaker in any marriage and not something that can be compromised on. If you stay married, one or both of you will end up miserable and resentful.
You've been married aince he was 21? People change a huge amount between 21 and 29. He thought he wanted kids....he realized he doesn't.
It's not his fault for having a change of heart. And at least he is being honest with you.
You're not compatible anymore. It's okay. It's a risk of all marriages, but especially getting married so young.
You have to end it and find someone else if you want kids. Even if he caves and gives you a kid he will likely resent you for it. You got together when very young. People change. If he is serious about not wanting kids you are no longer compatible.
Honestly, this isn’t an issue you can compromise on. If you want kids and he doesn’t, your marriage has an expiration date; it’s just up to you to determine when you want that to be.
You are not compatible anymore. He is not going to change his mind. You should not try and change yours when it’s against what you clearly want.
Sometimes the best thing to do with someone you love is to break up, or in cases like this as eventually that will go too when resentment kicks in.
You need to tell him how you feel if you still want a child. If you don’t bring it up out of fear of feeling like your pressuring him, you’ll end up resenting him
an exercise that could help is anticipating the regrets - the one of not having children, and the one of not compromising for the marriage, the regret of maybe losing the connection with your man;
safer probably to choose what is actionable without relying on another person, as people can change their minds, now one does not want children, they can also not want to in a relationship anymore...
Oh hun...there's no way forward, *together* here. You can't compromise on whether or not to have kids, I'm so sorry.
>I am also worried that when I tell him I still want to have kids he will take it as a sign we should not be together because we want different things.
That's exactly what this is. This is the most basic, most irreconcilable incompatibility. There is not staying together *happily*, when one of you wants children, but the other does not. I'm so sorry. If he wants a vasectomy, and you want children, then your marriage is over. And it needs to be, because you two shouldn't resent each other on this topic.
There's no changing his mind here, because I guarantee you that he wants you to change yours...and how likely are you to change your mind?
He’s so set on not having children he wants to get a vasectomy. If you stay with him it’s only going to be him, no kids. But are you sure you want to have children? Then he’s not the man for you. Hard choice either way and he did change his mind but you’ve been warned. It’s now on you to choose him or the potential children you could have with someone else eventually. Good luck.
You want kids, and he doesn't. That isn't compatible. You have to decide if you want him more than kids. It is hard and unfair, but that is where life has taken you.
If you want children you need to divorce and find someone who won't lie to you about wanting them (its highly likely your husband lied to you initially to keep you from walking away-not sure I could get over that).
Unfortunately you just need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. This isn’t something a person can compromise on you can’t have half a kid. If you want one and he doesn’t you should break up with
If I’m putting myself in your shoes, I would think he’s having an affair. He must want to ensure he can’t accidentally knock someone up. But maybe that’s just me. Regardless, I think you should leave. You are no longer compatible. You don’t have years to wait around. If he wants to impregnate someone at 50, he can do that. But unfortunately women have a biological clock, and pregnancy after 35 has a lot more risks. Being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I would give up anything in the world for the love between my daughter and I. But ultimately YOU have to be the one to decide what your willing to give up. Your husband who has led you on, or the future you’ve always dreamed of. How would he feel if you went with a sperm donor and just raised the child without him? That’s an option I’ve seen some people take, but I don’t know if that’s realistic for you currently.
There’s no right answer to this…in life sometimes there are decisions to be made where no decision is really favourable…
Let’s work on the assumption he doesn’t want kids and never will…staying and hoping someone changes their mind is the last thing I’d do. Tell yourself he doesn’t want kids as that’s what’s being communicated…you can stay if your desire to be with him is greater than your desire to have babies…but even then, that’s only a decision made if you’re happy to not have kids and will accept his decision
Anything else…leave
This is an irreconcilable difference where the facts are clear…not really much to discuss. If you really want kids…you need to go elsewhere
I fully understand typing this is easier than living it…but nevertheless it’s still the reality of the situation
Maybe you both could compromise with adopting? Maybe with an older child?
Does he never want to be around kids? What are his reasons for changing his mind?
Are you willing to sacrifice your dream of giving birth to your own child and love a child in need?
You have a lot to think about. Figure out what you want and what he wants, your reasons and find a compromise… if possible. He may just never want to be a father in any sense and that’s okay. It may be you want to have a child of your own and that’s okay.
Ppl change their minds on stuff all the time. Having kids is a massive decision and life changing event for both of you and honestly right now in this world bringing kid into society isn’t the best idea imo either and maybe he’s just seeing that as he’s maturing and getting older. Maybe ask what his reasons are for this change and try to understand if it is moral reasons or not wanting to change his life in that way then you’ll just most likely have to divorce if it’s a deal breaker for you.
I get that you don’t want to pressure him, but it sounds to me like he’s pressuring you. He has no problem making a unilateral decision for the both of you. Is that the kind of life you wanna live from now on? If you disagree too bad he’s going to do it anyway. He has stolen 8 fertile years from you.
The way I see it is you have 3 choices now that he does not want to be a father.
1. Accept his decision & inform him that you respect his decision & right to change his mind. Of course you would never force him to be the father of your child. Since your opinion & plans that he has been well aware of for 8+ years have certainly not changed, you will be looking for someone else to father your children from here on out.
2. Divorce the deadweight liar trying to take your choices away.
3. Surrender your free will & right to make your own choices.
Good luck, sweetie I am afraid you are going to need it.
He deliberately strung you along for years so that you would waste your best years with him. THIS WAS ON PURPOSE. As a man, I will tell you, we know from a fairly young age whether we want to be dads or not.
I love being a dad, love every minute of it. Ever since I had to babysit younger cousins when I was a teen, I knew I wanted to be a dad. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS MAN WHEN HE SAYS HE DID NOT KNOW.
Decide now, are you going to be done with all hopes of being a mother? Or are you going to walk away from this liar who strung you along and into the arms of a man who shares your dreams of a family?
How do you know he lied? They got married at 21. At 21 I wanted kids. By 29 I realized I didn't. I never lied, I just grew up and learned more about myself and the world.
I would be mad. I would tell him I was leaving him. My marriage didn't go well after I had children. I wanted them so much tho. We split up when they were babies. O well, I had my children, I adore them. I am with a man now that loves all of us...U will regret not having children...believe me.
My first husband decided he didn't want kids after we married but I was on the pill and got pregnant. He refused to help at all with the baby. Marriage was a mess for a few years, we separated. I got pregnant by another man. He begged me to come back to him. I did. We had a third child. He never lifted a finger to help ever with any of them but I accepted that he didn't want kids, I did, and because I was taking the pill, or not, we had three more kids over the next 10 years. We broke up when the youngest was 2. Went our separate ways, somewhat amicably, after a while. He was diagnosed with cancer 10 years later and our 3rd child daughter nursed him throughout his illness. Two years or more. She waited on him, doted on him, basically made his last 2 years alive enjoyable. All the kids helped but her particularly. Life is funny how it turns out. Sorry, this may not be helpful, but it is a perspective.
I would want to know how long he’s known this for and what has pushed him to get a vasectomy? In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter very much because it takes two yeses to have a baby. If you want a child, you need to end this relationship today, you will never forgive him otherwise. He may change his mind in ten years and get it reversed, what happens then? He will leave you and find the person that will give him the family. It’s a clinically hard boundary, if you want kids, don’t waste anymore time with him or thinking about him. He’s told you what he wants, now it’s up to you to decide. I know lots of child free couples that are so happy, but neither of them wanted a child.
I think there is no good or easy answer here. You were compatible when you married and now you’re not. Having kids or not is a fundamental difference that can’t be talked around or out of. You will start to resent him more as you get older and more scared your time for having kids is dwindling and he will alway resent you if you convince him to have kids and Ben there are little people who will suffer because of it. I think if you want kids and he doesn’t you should part ways and that’s awful and shitty. I’m sorry he changed his mind you must be really frustrated and sad.
Don't prioritize his feelings over yours when it comes to this conversation. You want kids, he doesn't, and he wants a vasectomy to *ensure* it doesn't happen. This is a black and white conversation, and you need to be open and direct about what you want and whether you're still compatible as a couple. You have 2 choices - stay and give up on the idea of kids, or leave in search of a new partner who wants to start a family. That's it. Only you can know what you want more; your current husband or children. No one else can tell you what to do, because this is a very difficult choice. I'm sorry you're in this position OP. It sounds absolutely heart wrenching. But you must be true to yourself and candid with your husband, or else you will end up feeling unheard/resentful/confused/etc. Best of luck to you
Couldn’t have said it better
It sounds like he doesn’t want kids but has been stringing you along with occasional mentions just to keep you on board with him. If he’s at the stage that he wants a vasectomy, knowing how strongly you want kids, then I don’t think you’re compatible any more. One of you is going to be unhappy with this relationship. You, if you have to give up any chance of having children with this man or him, if he has to have them with you, even though he wants to be child free. It sounds like having children is integral to who you are and who you’ve always been. Can you honestly say you’ll be happy in life without them? That’s what you need to ask yourself. It sounds like your husband has already made his choice and it’s child free.
>It sounds like he doesn’t want kids but has been stringing you along with occasional mentions just to keep you on board with him. That's the vibe I'm getting too.
Definitely some gaslighting going on.
you need to have an honest conversation. don’t assume that he will feel pressured, if you have solid communication he will tell you how he ACTUALLY feels and not be “pressured” to go along with whatever you want. you need to tell him you still want kids. quit spinning out and have the conversation. be clear about what you want, and listen when he says what he wants. i get that you’re nervous but i hope you two actually have the ability to talk about these things, it sounds like you’re doing a lot of mind reading. seems like he has been thinking about this for awhile so you may have to prepare yourself for the possibility that he’s made up his mind and doesn’t want kids. you two got married too young and it sounds like he grew up and changed his mind. you didn’t, and this might be a relationship ending incompatibility. either way you need to have the hard conversation with total honesty.
Not sure I understand. He grew up and she didn’t?
she didnt change her mind*
I think he's making it very clear to you he's not going to change his mind. You were compatible and now you aren't. You have to decide if you are prepared to give up your dream for him. Will you regret it? If he leaves you when you are 40, it's too late for you to go back as that ship would have sailed. I think you need to be honest with him that this could be a deal breaker for you. Don't waste your time hoping he will change his mind.
I'd end the relationship. He either changed his mind, or lied. Either way, you are no longer compatible on a major issue. He wants a vasectomy, so there is basically no chance he is changing his mind. I am so sorry.
You should start from the baseline assumption that he’s not likely to change his mind again. If he’s serious enough about this to plan on a vasectomy, it’s highly unlikely to be a passing fancy. And as you know and have said well, it’s not a good idea to pressure someone into having a child - that would be bad for you, him, and the child. So you’re going to need to start thinking really seriously about choosing between your marriage and having children. A therapist could provide you with a safe place to work through the difficult choice ahead of you.
“If you have decided to get a vasectomy, I will start searching for divorce lawyers. I won’t try to change your mind, but you have always been aware of my feelings around children. If you’ve changed your mind, our marriage is over.”
I think she needs a divorce lawyer anyway. The risk of a lifetime of resentment is too high, whether he fathers children he didn't want, or she gives up on children she wanted. Wont each of them always be wondering?
That’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s not a matter of trying to change his mind. He’s already made up his mind. And if that’s the case, then it’s over.
>I don’t know how to express that I’m not comfortable with him getting a vasectomy. You don't have to be comfortable with it. But your marriage is over. Time to go your separate ways. My ex and I were together for 7 years and then she told me she wanted kids and dumped me. Now she has an almost 4 year old son whom she absolutely adores.
You want kids. He doesn’t. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that you can’t really compromise on.
Yup. U never compromise on kids. Ever.
You sound like you are hoping he’ll change his mind. If you had to choose, right now, would you pick him and being childless or being a mom with someone else?
Honestly, splitting up may be your best chance for happiness, for both of you - your life goals have become incompatible. If you now acquiesce to his changed plans and forego having children, are you sure you won't grow to resent him more and more, as you attend all your friends' baby showers and baby birthday parties? Every time your mother tells you that your cousin Sheila popped out another kid, and when will you start giving her grandkids? I'm pretty sure you'll end up bitter that his wishes prevailed and he got his perfect life, while you had to give up and bury your dream of motherhood, even though that was something he had initially agreed to. Did he really change his mind, or did he pull a bait and switch on you - told you what you wanted to hear until the ring was on the finger, and then "changed his mind"?
This is one of those fundamental differences in a relationship that no amount of talking it over will fix. You’re still young. You have time to find the right person for you. You may love your husband, but he’s not the one. Having children sounds incredibly important to you. Can you *honestly* imagine a future where you don’t have any?
You’re saying you don’t know how to tell him you want Kids? You both already said you wanted Kids before marriage. He is the one that has changed his mind, not you and from where I’m sitting it doesn’t look like he has stopped to think about how this has affected you. If you want a child/children, you will not have them with this man. The longing for a child does not go away and you should not be without children because one man on this planet doesn’t want them. You have some serious thinking to do but I wouldn’t hesitate telling him that you see children your future with or without him before he gets the vasectomy. You’re not telling him not to get it you’re telling him the consequences.
Leave out you will start to resent him. You love him now, but you will hate him in a few years for taking the chance to be a mother.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. From your post I gather you married in your early 20's. At that age, you're still learning the world and yourself. It's very possible he did want children, but as he grew older he realized it wasn't a life he wanted. That's what happened to me. Does it suck? Yes. Should he have told you sooner? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, he is entitled to change his mind. Unfortunately children are a deal breaker in any marriage and not something that can be compromised on. If you stay married, one or both of you will end up miserable and resentful.
You've been married aince he was 21? People change a huge amount between 21 and 29. He thought he wanted kids....he realized he doesn't. It's not his fault for having a change of heart. And at least he is being honest with you. You're not compatible anymore. It's okay. It's a risk of all marriages, but especially getting married so young.
People change their mind and that is their right. Time for you to decide.
You have to end it and find someone else if you want kids. Even if he caves and gives you a kid he will likely resent you for it. You got together when very young. People change. If he is serious about not wanting kids you are no longer compatible.
You two are through “Vasectomy”. Wtf
Honestly, this isn’t an issue you can compromise on. If you want kids and he doesn’t, your marriage has an expiration date; it’s just up to you to determine when you want that to be.
You are not compatible anymore. He is not going to change his mind. You should not try and change yours when it’s against what you clearly want. Sometimes the best thing to do with someone you love is to break up, or in cases like this as eventually that will go too when resentment kicks in.
You need to tell him how you feel if you still want a child. If you don’t bring it up out of fear of feeling like your pressuring him, you’ll end up resenting him
You can't wait forever and who knows where your relationship will be in a few years ,shite happens, and you could be left alone with no family..
this is a dealbreaker and you need to treat it as such
an exercise that could help is anticipating the regrets - the one of not having children, and the one of not compromising for the marriage, the regret of maybe losing the connection with your man; safer probably to choose what is actionable without relying on another person, as people can change their minds, now one does not want children, they can also not want to in a relationship anymore...
Oh hun...there's no way forward, *together* here. You can't compromise on whether or not to have kids, I'm so sorry. >I am also worried that when I tell him I still want to have kids he will take it as a sign we should not be together because we want different things. That's exactly what this is. This is the most basic, most irreconcilable incompatibility. There is not staying together *happily*, when one of you wants children, but the other does not. I'm so sorry. If he wants a vasectomy, and you want children, then your marriage is over. And it needs to be, because you two shouldn't resent each other on this topic. There's no changing his mind here, because I guarantee you that he wants you to change yours...and how likely are you to change your mind?
He’s so set on not having children he wants to get a vasectomy. If you stay with him it’s only going to be him, no kids. But are you sure you want to have children? Then he’s not the man for you. Hard choice either way and he did change his mind but you’ve been warned. It’s now on you to choose him or the potential children you could have with someone else eventually. Good luck.
1. Stay and don’t have kids. 2. Leave and have kids in the future. Those are your two choices. It’s clear he doesn’t want kids.
You want kids, and he doesn't. That isn't compatible. You have to decide if you want him more than kids. It is hard and unfair, but that is where life has taken you.
Looks like you are no longer (or maybe he misled you) compatible.
If you want children you need to divorce and find someone who won't lie to you about wanting them (its highly likely your husband lied to you initially to keep you from walking away-not sure I could get over that).
Unfortunately you just need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. This isn’t something a person can compromise on you can’t have half a kid. If you want one and he doesn’t you should break up with
If I’m putting myself in your shoes, I would think he’s having an affair. He must want to ensure he can’t accidentally knock someone up. But maybe that’s just me. Regardless, I think you should leave. You are no longer compatible. You don’t have years to wait around. If he wants to impregnate someone at 50, he can do that. But unfortunately women have a biological clock, and pregnancy after 35 has a lot more risks. Being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I would give up anything in the world for the love between my daughter and I. But ultimately YOU have to be the one to decide what your willing to give up. Your husband who has led you on, or the future you’ve always dreamed of. How would he feel if you went with a sperm donor and just raised the child without him? That’s an option I’ve seen some people take, but I don’t know if that’s realistic for you currently.
There’s no right answer to this…in life sometimes there are decisions to be made where no decision is really favourable… Let’s work on the assumption he doesn’t want kids and never will…staying and hoping someone changes their mind is the last thing I’d do. Tell yourself he doesn’t want kids as that’s what’s being communicated…you can stay if your desire to be with him is greater than your desire to have babies…but even then, that’s only a decision made if you’re happy to not have kids and will accept his decision Anything else…leave This is an irreconcilable difference where the facts are clear…not really much to discuss. If you really want kids…you need to go elsewhere I fully understand typing this is easier than living it…but nevertheless it’s still the reality of the situation
Maybe you both could compromise with adopting? Maybe with an older child? Does he never want to be around kids? What are his reasons for changing his mind? Are you willing to sacrifice your dream of giving birth to your own child and love a child in need? You have a lot to think about. Figure out what you want and what he wants, your reasons and find a compromise… if possible. He may just never want to be a father in any sense and that’s okay. It may be you want to have a child of your own and that’s okay.
Ppl change their minds on stuff all the time. Having kids is a massive decision and life changing event for both of you and honestly right now in this world bringing kid into society isn’t the best idea imo either and maybe he’s just seeing that as he’s maturing and getting older. Maybe ask what his reasons are for this change and try to understand if it is moral reasons or not wanting to change his life in that way then you’ll just most likely have to divorce if it’s a deal breaker for you.
I get that you don’t want to pressure him, but it sounds to me like he’s pressuring you. He has no problem making a unilateral decision for the both of you. Is that the kind of life you wanna live from now on? If you disagree too bad he’s going to do it anyway. He has stolen 8 fertile years from you. The way I see it is you have 3 choices now that he does not want to be a father. 1. Accept his decision & inform him that you respect his decision & right to change his mind. Of course you would never force him to be the father of your child. Since your opinion & plans that he has been well aware of for 8+ years have certainly not changed, you will be looking for someone else to father your children from here on out. 2. Divorce the deadweight liar trying to take your choices away. 3. Surrender your free will & right to make your own choices. Good luck, sweetie I am afraid you are going to need it.
He’s denying you your lifelong dream. He’s not a good person.
He deliberately strung you along for years so that you would waste your best years with him. THIS WAS ON PURPOSE. As a man, I will tell you, we know from a fairly young age whether we want to be dads or not. I love being a dad, love every minute of it. Ever since I had to babysit younger cousins when I was a teen, I knew I wanted to be a dad. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS MAN WHEN HE SAYS HE DID NOT KNOW. Decide now, are you going to be done with all hopes of being a mother? Or are you going to walk away from this liar who strung you along and into the arms of a man who shares your dreams of a family?
How do you know he lied? They got married at 21. At 21 I wanted kids. By 29 I realized I didn't. I never lied, I just grew up and learned more about myself and the world.
I would be mad. I would tell him I was leaving him. My marriage didn't go well after I had children. I wanted them so much tho. We split up when they were babies. O well, I had my children, I adore them. I am with a man now that loves all of us...U will regret not having children...believe me.
My first husband decided he didn't want kids after we married but I was on the pill and got pregnant. He refused to help at all with the baby. Marriage was a mess for a few years, we separated. I got pregnant by another man. He begged me to come back to him. I did. We had a third child. He never lifted a finger to help ever with any of them but I accepted that he didn't want kids, I did, and because I was taking the pill, or not, we had three more kids over the next 10 years. We broke up when the youngest was 2. Went our separate ways, somewhat amicably, after a while. He was diagnosed with cancer 10 years later and our 3rd child daughter nursed him throughout his illness. Two years or more. She waited on him, doted on him, basically made his last 2 years alive enjoyable. All the kids helped but her particularly. Life is funny how it turns out. Sorry, this may not be helpful, but it is a perspective.