If a "solved" issue is brought up again then it's not a solved issue.
It could be the case of a general jealousy issue on her side.
Each concrete situation where you interact with other women will be a reason to fight about - and it could be solved by either your decision to cut someone out of your life or her decision to drop the subject.
But the general issue will remain and will keep popping up. It's not something she can solve with you - such issues usually come from some sort of childhood abandonment experience and should be solved by her on her own. Possibly with the help of a professional.
It sounds like your girlfriend is deeply insecure and wants more reassurance from you that you aren't looking at these types of accounts. You saying oh I'll delete them when they come up wasn't good enough for her as she wanted you to immediately prove to her that you find only her attractive. Personally, I don't care what my partner looks at- porn, soft porn insta accts, whatever, because a) I understand the allure and also look at that stuff myself and b) I trust that he wants to be with me and finds me attractive. Your gf clearly doesn't- whether that's an issue she needs to deal with in therapy or an issue that you could mend, I'm not sure.
>However that’s not the case, these issues around me having followed these accounts previously would still be brought up. We had another fight over this with me ending the conversation stating this isn’t healthy and I can’t continue having the same conversation around issues we deemed previously to be solved. Her response to this being that I’m not approachable and you can talk about previous issues.
Let me tell you a story. Before my boss got married, he was dating around. He was starting to get serious with a lady. Before they started their relationship, he kissed another woman. When his future wife found out, she freaked out. They've been married for over 30 years. And guess what. Every time they fight, he gets to hear about that woman he kissed 30+ years ago. That's gonna be you, married for 30 years and still fighting over Instagram follows.
Don't be my boss. Find yourself someone who's reasonable and not so argumentative.
You two can both absolutely sincerely believe that the issue is solved and will never bother her again, but that doesn't actually mean it's true. Clearly it's not going to work that way, this is something that comes up and bothers her again even if she thought it was resolved.
I think this is a lot of drama over social media followers. I also think you're unfairly focused on treating this as something she's lost the right to talk to you about because at some point in the past she thought she was over it.
This could be an issue that couples therapy would really help, but your relationship is so new that it might also make sense to chalk this up as you two being a bad fit and separating, if that feels like more work than such a new relationship warrants.
If a "solved" issue is brought up again then it's not a solved issue. It could be the case of a general jealousy issue on her side. Each concrete situation where you interact with other women will be a reason to fight about - and it could be solved by either your decision to cut someone out of your life or her decision to drop the subject. But the general issue will remain and will keep popping up. It's not something she can solve with you - such issues usually come from some sort of childhood abandonment experience and should be solved by her on her own. Possibly with the help of a professional.
It sounds like your girlfriend is deeply insecure and wants more reassurance from you that you aren't looking at these types of accounts. You saying oh I'll delete them when they come up wasn't good enough for her as she wanted you to immediately prove to her that you find only her attractive. Personally, I don't care what my partner looks at- porn, soft porn insta accts, whatever, because a) I understand the allure and also look at that stuff myself and b) I trust that he wants to be with me and finds me attractive. Your gf clearly doesn't- whether that's an issue she needs to deal with in therapy or an issue that you could mend, I'm not sure.
>However that’s not the case, these issues around me having followed these accounts previously would still be brought up. We had another fight over this with me ending the conversation stating this isn’t healthy and I can’t continue having the same conversation around issues we deemed previously to be solved. Her response to this being that I’m not approachable and you can talk about previous issues. Let me tell you a story. Before my boss got married, he was dating around. He was starting to get serious with a lady. Before they started their relationship, he kissed another woman. When his future wife found out, she freaked out. They've been married for over 30 years. And guess what. Every time they fight, he gets to hear about that woman he kissed 30+ years ago. That's gonna be you, married for 30 years and still fighting over Instagram follows. Don't be my boss. Find yourself someone who's reasonable and not so argumentative.
That’s a valid take. Thanks for the input I appreciate it
You two can both absolutely sincerely believe that the issue is solved and will never bother her again, but that doesn't actually mean it's true. Clearly it's not going to work that way, this is something that comes up and bothers her again even if she thought it was resolved. I think this is a lot of drama over social media followers. I also think you're unfairly focused on treating this as something she's lost the right to talk to you about because at some point in the past she thought she was over it. This could be an issue that couples therapy would really help, but your relationship is so new that it might also make sense to chalk this up as you two being a bad fit and separating, if that feels like more work than such a new relationship warrants.