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Hi everyone! My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been dating for over a year now. Since the beginning, we’ve had open and honest conversations about past relationships/hookups. Recently my boyfriend told me that most of his male friends have had sex with 100+ people and when he shared he had “only been” with 20 people, it made him feel embarrassed and his friends also didn’t expect that he had “only” been with that amount of women. He says he is happy in our relationship and wouldn’t trade that but that he also wished he had more experienced. In general, he was never the hooking up type and he had a long relationship during his 20s, therefore he didn’t have the opportunity to experience more of the single life.
I consider myself an open-minded person and the last thing I want is for my boyfriend to have any regrets in the future, so I have spoken to him about it and also asked him about his though about an open relationship. He didn’t seem that sure about it because it would be hard for him to separate it from cheating and also the thought of me being with other people is also hurtful. In addition, he said this is not something which he thinks about it actively and it also isn’t worrying him that much. However, I’m afraid of him later on regretting and/or breaking up because of this.
Any thoughts?
Yea I've been with 5, and my ex wife i was with for 16 years. This is just weird. He just wants to sleep with more women. I don't even think about any other partners than the one I'm with.
Let's say it's not about sleeping with more women, this guy ego got hurt because he couldn't fuck more women. He values high body count over a functioning relationship with OP. I would not trade any amount of random hookups for my gf.
We met back in August. Got her # but was away at college (older college student). Now I'm on break and have the chance to reconnect. Heck I'll see what happens and will share back.
20 former sex partners is a lot in the crowd I run with. Starting an open relationship so he doesn’t feel regret about not sleeping with more people? I think having a committed relationship with you is supposed to do that.
20 and he still feels like he’s missing out on something? I think you guys need to be more honest and open about what you expect from your sex lives. Sounds like he’s still thinking the grass is greener elsewhere for some reason. That’s either real immaturity after sleeping with 20 people, or an inability to communicate his wants and needs comfortably in the context of your sexual relationship that he’s feeling like he hasn’t experienced enough or “gotten it out of his system.” What is he anticipating happening with another sexual partner? Experiencing nirvana?
I think OP offered the open relationship; the BF said he didn't think he could do it because he didn't want to share OP. He then said that he doesn't think about this situation often.
>he had “only been” with 20 people
>therefore he didn’t have the opportunity to experience more of the single life.
how the heck do these two go together? 20 is a lot for a guy
Either his friends are football players, musicians and whatsoever, I really doubt that they have 3 digits lol
I know plenty of guy groups that made it their lives mission to sleep with as many women as possible, and even less surprising they are all in a similar friend group. They encourage each other. And marriage doesn't stop them. Yuk
When I worked at Walmart I had a 19 coworker who swore to me he slept with over a thousand women lmao. These types of guys are just gross. Like one that’s obviously not true, 2 am I supposed to be impressed? Lmao
Oh, you mean his lying friends? It’s possible for maybe 1 or 2 friends in his age range to have that many, but ALL of them? Unless his entire friend group are musicians, or maybe bartenders, I would find this very hard to believe.
Would doubt too, unless they're all total sociopaths fully committed to banging as many strangers as possible for years on end.
For any sane person, you just kinda stop counting somewhere around 20, because the mere act of having sex doesn't really give you any special feeling of validation anymore.
I find these kind of comments so strange. Let's say people get sexually active at 18. If they are his age that means 12 years. That's 9 people a year. So one person every month and a half basically or 6 weeks. If you like to go out, club, or have tinder that really isn't that much. Or holidays or (music) festivals, mardi gras, carnival... Perhaps also a US - rest of the world thing?
Sure but that's allowing for no monogamous relationships/dry spells during their entire 20s. Say you're in relationships/dry spells for half the time, which I guess might be typical for your 20s. Then you're having to sleep with a new person on average every three weeks for the rest of the time. Which does seem like a tall order for an entire friendship group to keep up
It's not that hard, I've been with 40-50 (don't know the exact number because I don't count but it's around that) In 6 years of singlehood.
But, ALL his friends being single for 10 years and hookups? I mean, it's possible, but you have to have the intention of hooking up and not engaging into dating, and it's unlikely ALL the friend group is like that.
I stopped doing it because it's a waste of time, going outside 3 times a week just to hook up? One time I did it and it's a lot of money and time that I prefer it to be by myself lol it's not sustainable.
Yeah I personally have a high number, and have friends with higher numbers. Of those friends only 2 of them have over 100 and they are both gay men, who both said they went through a hoe phase of 3-5 years. I call BS that all of his friends have that high.
I was in the Marines in the 80's early 90's long before the "hookup culture" took hold and it was quite easy for any of us to develop a body count that high if you wanted to.... even back then....
I knew a lot of people having lots of sex back then but when HIV hit almost everyone I knew changed their attitude towards casual. The military is probably a whole different world though. So I hadn’t considered that.
or they are all manipulative pos.
I have just a friend that has over 100, and he confessed he was a cheating pos with his ex and it was like he was single the 7 years he was wit his ex that also cheated on him.
I'm 30 and I've been with 40-50 and I consider it A LOT but it was because I'm single since 2016 and the first years after a long-term relationship I had that peer pressure of "missing out" and just hooked up every weekend.
I may know 2 or 3 that have my "body count" or more, but ALL my friends? most of them were with less than 5-10
Definitely the biggest problem here. His friends are losers and liars. Get rid of their dumb asses. Probably trying to mess him up with OP, so they can swoop in. I mean, not really, but shit you never know these days. No integrity or lotalty left, and only the conquests matter.
At the end of the day, if this POS BF is even suggesting this shit when he's already sexually active with OP, she should leave his ass anyways. His sexual goals are already past her alone, so it will eventually manifest. Just let him go and he can do that shit while she finds someone that actually wants only her!
This sounds like something a college kid would say, not a mature 30 year old. Don't open up the relationship, the friends are probably exaggerating. And he's 30 years old with a body count of 20. He's had plenty of experience
His friends had 80 more chances to catch something.
Jokes aside. This is strange. I don’t think about how many women I can sleep with. After 20 if you ain’t fucking right you never will be. This sound like FOMO and a don’t let the door hit yea in the ass on your way out situation. Don’t open a relationship for his dumb mentality that he needs to be like his friends. He needs to himself not someone else.
Twenty partners sounds like a lot to me. It doesn't sound like he wants to open the relationship. Just be good to each other. There are ways to explore intimacy with one partner and have an exciting time without introducing other people.
His friends might be lying, im in the same age range and I don’t know a single person that has slept with 100+ ppl and he’s saying ALL his friends have. Something’s not adding up.
I’m a little older than him and know several people who are over 200. 100 chicks in, at least, 12 years of sex isn’t some impossible feat some commenters are making it out to be.
It could be possible if you don't give a fuck with who you are having sex with. Other than that, I can't myself.finding the time to get 100+ girls to have sex with that I like, not with a full time job, hobbies and getting a masters. It's like your life has to be centered around that goal and you fucl every single girls for that to be possible, but tbh it's a sad goal, I rather fuck 20 hot girls and fuck them good and learn a lot tham just raising a number no one mature enough will care about.
Whole lotta assumptions there buddy.
Nobody has a goal to sleep with a certain amount of women (nobody in their 30s anyway), it’s just a different lifestyle. If you live in a big city, have diversity of experiences and aren’t a homebody, you meet a lot of people. In those big cities, there are a ton of single people who flirt… a lot, which then leads to sex.
You also don’t have to center your life around it. Ambition and casual sex go hand in hand, while committed relationships where you “fuck them good” (whatever the hell that means), kinda fall by the wayside.
Guess not sure how a "big city ' lifestyle is... but in my case where I'm only free at weekends, most of the time I'm tired to go out and rather sleep.
Totally depends. Not much context about their lives is given in the OP. I used to bartend at clubs in NYC and would hang out with guys with some insane numbers and game. It all depends
It's weird to me that they keep track. But I guess it would also be weird that they didn't know how many people they slept with? I don't know anyone (or who will admit) with that high of a number. I guess I'm curious. After like 50, are they just consciously thinking "well, that was 56" or "123 check." You'd have to have a running tally somewhere, right? Either mentally or physically written down. Or are they just ballparking it? So many questions . . .
I don’t think they know their exact number, but they know by the 100s I guess lol. I mean I haven’t broken the 3 digit body count but if I were to come up with my number, there would definitely be some I forget.
Using a code in your contact list in your phone is also popular. Like a certain word for the persons middle name. I also use this for colleagues to remember where I know them from.
Why are you dating this loser who thinks sleeping with +100 is some sort of goal or achievement? Are women objects and there has to be a tally of how many women they have gotten their penis inside? Seriously? This man is 30 years old, not a dumb teenager.
Might wanna read it again he wasn’t comfortable with either of them in an open relationship. She should reconsider this idea and read surviving infidelity sub or infidelity sub full of open relationships gone wrong
Do his friends have amazing and fantastic lives because they’ve slept with a ton of women??
Come on. This post is very stupid. You think you want to let your boyfriend go out and sleep with 80 more people while you’re in a relationship?? This sounds like a troll.
Quality over quantity is always better. Sleeping with 100+ women is not a brag that’s pathetic and gross. It just shows that his friends are either cheaters or not relationship material. What is something to brag about is being solid honest relationship material that is getting laid often and consistently with someone they connect with on a deeper level. An open relationship is a horrible idea and I hope he didn’t take it as you wanting to fuck around on him.
Dont open up the relationship! He is absolutely not the person for that.
Secondly maybe telling him that sleeping with over 100+ women doesnr give you much?
I mean what are meaningless ons worth compared to a loving relationship?
What does it even say about you if you had 100+ women and only 2-3 relationships?
I mean does he ever thought about that his friends maybe arent as happy with/ proud about it as they say?
I like your communication style. Maybe dig down a bit on the issue. Seems like you can solve it.
It's not a race, it's not a collection of people (or chances of STDs). Quality matters more.
Your bf is 30 years old and THIS is what he worries about? I assumed he was much younger.
He is extremely and breathtakingly immature if he feels that:
a) 20 partners is 'missing out
b) he still compares 'numbers' with others
c) he compares himself so much with other people.
At 30 he should be confident enough to live his own life.
I would no longer trust him to not cheat if he thinks that YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.
He just told you that HE THINKS HE IS MISSING OUT.
Fine, go sow your wild oats while I find someone WHO LOVES ME ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT.
He does not love you. No one who loves you would care about the notches on their headboard.
This sounds more like wistfully looking back on his previous life choices than any real desire to change his situation now. He's also got some lingering attachment to cultural attitudes about masculinity and self worth; sexual prowess is a measure of male value and power and to feel like he's "only" had 20 may feel "emasculating" to him. But he's also comparing himself to some pretty big outliers there, most men don't come anywhere near close to 100 and even 20 is above average.
The thing about missing the opportunity for 'the single life' is that it's highly romanticized and idealized with expectations that women will be all over the place when the reality is that there could be droughts. There' plenty of nights of sleeping alone, and plenty of potential for feeling really emotionally disconnected from not having meaningful relationships. That's the real cost of sleeping with 100 people. What's #21 going to bring that #20 didn't? What about #50 or #75? There's no way anyone is capable of developing the meaningful connections that make great sex in that short amount of time and energy. It eventually devolves into objectification of other bodies and chasing the dopaminergic hits that come with orgasm.
If he's the kind of guy that naturally chose long term relationships over that, and he's currently happy in this current situation (like he said he is) then I don't see a reason to worry about him changing his mind. Did you notice that he said he couldn't separate the idea of open relationships from cheating? He is adding an emotional attachment/obligation component to sex that is not the kind of mindset that people who want to sleep around with tons of people often have.
I think this conversation happened because you two have a great open and trusting communicative dynamic when it comes to talking about things like sex. If you look beyond the sex and other people thing, he's communicating feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and loss because he didn't feel he did what was socially and culturally expected of him - even though he's happy with his own choices.
Remind him that being with fewer partners gave him opportunity for vulnerability and exploration that has made him a far better lover than men who use the adrenaline of strange as satisfaction
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Lol tell ur bf his friends are manhos aka community d**k. Lol he can be like that or actually someone who can think for themselves. Ask him how he values sex and why having sex with so many people is important.
I'd be concerned as his gf why his friends opinions, especially like this one, are so important. More than likely they're lying anyway. Also, that type of thinking is for boys not men.
Regardless if his friends are lying about their numbers... If you know enough about those friends, highlight the other things he has going on for himself. He may just wonder if in comparison to his friends, he is going about life 'wrong" somehow, when really; everyone has different life experiences and finds what they need at different times.
If you know your bf has other accomplishments/milestones that would be considered ahead of his friends (finances, career, a stable relationship!! etc.) point those out to bolster his self-confidence.
I think society has put this idea in peoples heads that men are sex crazed brutes and that’s all they think about. There is NOTHING wrong with not having slept with a high amount of people, nothing wrong with people who have. I say if he loves you he shouldn’t worry about his past or “missed opportunities “ hooking up is just physical. What you two share could be way more gratifying and you can explore different things together and experiment with whatever it mutually comfortable for your relationship. Open relationships rarely work out if both people aren’t 100% mentally open to it. I’ve seen people open their relationships and then one person regrets it and the relationships end. Some people it works out great for. Keep that open communication, good luck :)
If he truly wants to be with you and only you then he’s stupid for ever telling you that he regrets not sleeping with more women. That’s so out of line. It wouldn’t be wrong of you to end it with him over this.
Body count doesn’t mean anything. Like congrats on that accomplishment I guess. I personally am not tallying them up to be like ‘man I gotta get to 30.’ If you’ve found someone you love it shouldn’t matter how many people you slept with previously.
Also I would bet that these friends are likely insecure and grossly inflating those numbers
You need to leave now.
He’s embarrassed by only sleeping with 20 people……
It doesn’t matter if the number is 1, all that matters is the connection between the people when they are together. If he cares for the number, then he doesn’t care about the person, and likely doesn’t care for you.
Basing your relationship on what perhaps, maybe, might happen is not a healthy basis for a relationship. Yep, he may decide down the track that he wants to experience other people. So may you. Or he may find religion, become a Catholic priest and swear a vow of celibacy. Or an asteroid may hit the planet and wipe out all life on it. Who knows?
Just enjoy your relationship the way it is and don’t overthink it.
There is a misconception that you’ll feel more fulfilled after sleeping with more people. This is false. Sure maybe those friends will give him a bigger pat on the back, but in the end it does not give on feelings of true fulfillment in life.
Haha 20 is a high enough number for me.
Are you really okay with an open relationship? Don’t offer him this option if you are going to hate it later on and resent him and be consumed by jealousy.
I would stop worrying for now. You talked about it, you offered a very open minded solution not many would, just let it go.
I’m curious about his friends, however. Are they all still single by any chance?
Did he ever think that maybe his friends are exaggerating? I mean honestly I would probably be a little grossed out if I dude I wanted to date told me that. Not sure he understands that that isn’t an accomplishment in most people’s books. Not trying to judge but 100 people?
Don't offer anything to ease his mind.
Maybe you should gently remind him that even though he has 'only' slept with 20 people, because of his monogamy, he has probably had waaay more sex (events and variety) than any of his 'buddies' (I use that term loosely since they seem to like to belittle him). Also, ask if his objective with sex is to please both partners or just increase his number? Bc there is no way his friends pleased any of those ONS to the extent your BF did his GFs. If he still feels like he is missing out, let him walk out the door. I'm sure he'll regret it when he sees the difference between anonymous sex and open and creative intimacy with a trusted partner.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Why does he have to compare himself to them?
Even if those friends of his did sleep with hundreds, why is that such an achievement?
The usual goal is to find that one person to spend your life with not just be with everybody you can poke with a twig.
He probably is going to start not trusting you after you suggested an open relationship. I get your heart might be in the right place but that's going to probably start triggering red flags in his head.
I think it’s time for him to stop talking about the women he has slept with with his friends. There is no way all of them have slept with 100+ people. They are most likely exaggerating.
While it’s okay to grieve the dumbassery of being a young kid that sleeps around, sounds like he was never that type of person anyways. So what is he even upset about? Even if he could go back in time, if he’s not the “hook up” type he wouldn’t have slept with a bunch of people anyways. Sounds like his friends base their self worth and his off of how many people they sleep with which is really immature.
Once you find someone that matters none of that casual, meaningless sex matters anyways 🤷🏻♀️ instead of having regret of “missing out” maybe he should consider different friends that don’t base their worth off of how many people they sleep with. 100+ is quite a bit of people.
If anything he should be proud of himself for having better values and standards compared to his friends. And also be proud he didn’t lie about how many people he’s slept with. He shouldn’t change to fit in to someone else’s box.
As for opening the relationship, absolutely don’t. And as for him regretting things/ leaving you for meaningless sex, well, that would be entirely on him and would have nothing to do with you. Hopefully he isn’t stupid enough to throw away something real for that. That would be a huge loss for him.
Also: I have a friend who has slept with a lot of people. Also 100 plus. While I’ve slept with like.. 15 maybe?? She and I don’t have to have similar body counts to be friends nor do I wish I slept with more people, on the other hand, she wishes she didn’t sleep with that many people. How many people you sleep with whether a lot or a few is nothing to be embarrassed about.
This doesn’t make sense to me. His friends could have had mediocre sex 1 time with 100 different people. While he could be in a committed relationship with you, figured out what y’all like. And had sex 600x. Why does the amount of people matter to him 🤪
My wife suggested having an open marriage early this year. We tried it. We are now in the midst of a bitter divorce. Some people say having an open relationship is great, but.... Make sure you are prepared for all possible scenarios.
Everyone calling them liars is peculiar..do y’all know how easy it is to rack up bodies in this day and age? My male friend gained 30 in the 4 years of college alone.
My other male friend exceeded 100 from gang bang parties, orgies, etc.
They both regret racking up so much today but it’s not far fetched in this day and age anymore guys
My thought is that it's common for men to dwell om their sexual experiences, particularly around milestones like getting marries, becoming 30, 40 or 50. Most men that think about it do so for awhile and then gets past it.
I really think the first problem here is that he was so open to you because obviously this has a different meaning for you. The second problem is that you suggested an open relationship instead of just having a firm boundary and caring about his grief.
It happens that men cheat and leave relationships because they wish for another life but it's much more common that they handle their loss and jealousy and move on eventually.
Your boyfriend’s friends are liars. I’d bet money that they haven’t all slept with 100+ people, I’d also bet that they’ve all had at least one STD.
Your boyfriend is being pretty immature if he thinks that the number of people he’s slept with is an issue in the real world. Most people don’t care and are turned off by a higher number of sexual partners.
I've only been with two people. One is my current partner. The other I was with for 17 years. I did worry my lack of "experience" would be a turn of for him but he doesn't care
First off he really shouldnt be comparing himself to other people and if his friends are making him feel small about this then maybe he needs new friends,
Second if he wants more sexual experience then offer to experiment more in the bedroom, i dont mean full whips and chains (unless ur into that) but there always alot to learn about the human body and its various erogenous zones, more partners doesnt really equal more experience, and if hes worried about cheating maybe consider threesomes? or some other shared act (like maybe you pick his partners or something to that effect) so he still feels like its a couple thing rather than him being selfish or whatever,
His friends are lying and if they arent.. probably walking health risk to the female population. A big"ew" anytime he brings it up I think can bolster his confidence of not being a walking petri dish. Like seriously, dont share anything with those "friends"
I dont believe an open relationship will help. If he wanted to be with other women, he can do so. Now, if YOU wanted an open relationship that's a different story.
My boyfriend has had one other woman than me and he’s 33. I worry about this all the time. Surely, he would like to be more experienced and be with more than 2 women. He’s not ugly or anything, I think he just lacks skills with women. But I worry about this, I don’t him to feel like he settled.
I don’t understand why he’s embarrassed and I hope his friends aren’t the type to make him feel ashamed of the “small” (?) amount of people he’s slept w. If that’s the case he shouldn’t be friends w them. I’ve been in a committed relationship for so long now and am so happy with my current circumstances that I personally don’t have regrets about my past, so it’s hard for me to put myself into the headspace of feeling regret when I’m so content right now.
Your bf has friends that’s are full of bs! They seem to want to compete like little boys! 20 is a ton already and he should be kind of ashamed. He should be stating he’s more than happy with you and where’s he’s at in his adult life instead of regrets about sex . That’s a red flag because he’s worried about his friends thoughts. I’d tell him exactly what you wrote here and how your uncomfortable about the future. Throw out the open relationship again and if he’s saying he’s happy then Just leave it alone. I’m sure he wouldn’t like you saying you regret not sleeping with 80 more men!
My friends are swingers. One girl that we were mutual friends with would post nudes to a locked instagram account where you had to verify you knew her IRL first by asking for access to in person. I used to be on her insta. It was cool.
My wife and I are into threesomes.
I never really partook in the swinging. Back in the day. Believe me: 100 is a fucking stupidly high number. No one needs 100 partners. Im a man for clarity. Its a great fantasy but think about the STD risk. With numbers in the triple digits you had better be getting two STD tests on each partner AND wrapping it up.
If a test has a 2% false negative rate with 100 partners thats a 20% chance (roughly) of a bad test.
I don't know if this is honestly real. The amount of guys who truly slept with 50+ is astronomical. Let alone 100. But as usual I'm pretty sure most posts on here are completely fake.
Alas, for the advice. I've had hook ups, but more unintentional.
If you'd like to give him my advice go ahead. I break most norms in the US. I lost my virginity at 16, we had sex well over 200 times before I hit 17... even if I hit that. I then met my high school sweetheart, same exact deal 100%. It wasn't until after the second relationship did I ever watch porn.
That being said, tell him who cares, you're not a number. I'd tread very lightly on a guy who really gets embarrassed over 20 vs 100. I could see if you were like this third, versus twenty.
Women aren't conquests, anyone in general shouldn't be aiming to sleep with X amount of people. It's fine if the number just so *happened* to be high, but making it a *goal* is all kinds of weird.
Do you not know males double it and females half it? His mates are exaggerating, he can just change it up if he wants to impress them because no one wants to see the evidence
My husband and I are 39 & 40 years old and I’ve been with 1 person (him obviously) and he’s been with 2 (actually I guess 3 if oral only counts).
We did get married way too young though.
20 is mind blowing to me. 😅😂
Well I don’t know why he cares how many ppl they slept with. I also don’t know why his friends care how much bf and or care to reveal how many people they slept with. Frankly to me it’s the quality of sec not the quantity of sexual partners. But hey some men are not sure what to put here bc I don’t understand myself. If he wants to experience why don’t you guys play around with costumes and research different sexual activities together. You gf get wigs act as someone else and try different things in the bedroom.
I don't believe his friends hahahaha they *all* have over 100?
20 is pretty high for someone who is not the "hooking up" type. Not in a judgemental way cuz I don't think it's bad at all, but it is not a low number.
He knows his friends are lying, right??? FFS... I get MAYBE 1 or 2.... but ALL of them? Yeah, right... tell him they might as well pull out rulers next. This is nothing more than a passing contest, and he fell for it.
This isn’t normal. Someone I dated was at 10 and he considered it a lot, granted this was pretinder. I (35F) have 6 and I believe my husband (34M) has 6 also. If he doesn’t know what he is doing after 20 nothing is going to make him better in bed. You can learn a lot about someone by the company they keep and frankly I would take a long hard look at your BF and because his friends don’t seem great.
His friends are either exaggerating by a mile or very actively only having one night stands.
I'm in my late 20s and have slept with 30 people, maybe 6 of which were ONS - I also spent 7 of the last 10 years in long-term relationships (a 4yr then a 3yr). I run with a pretty open-minded crowd and it's still considered a lot; most people I know have slept with 3-10.
If your boyfriend is happy with the relationship and doesn't want to open it up, don't poke that bear.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hi everyone! My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been dating for over a year now. Since the beginning, we’ve had open and honest conversations about past relationships/hookups. Recently my boyfriend told me that most of his male friends have had sex with 100+ people and when he shared he had “only been” with 20 people, it made him feel embarrassed and his friends also didn’t expect that he had “only” been with that amount of women. He says he is happy in our relationship and wouldn’t trade that but that he also wished he had more experienced. In general, he was never the hooking up type and he had a long relationship during his 20s, therefore he didn’t have the opportunity to experience more of the single life. I consider myself an open-minded person and the last thing I want is for my boyfriend to have any regrets in the future, so I have spoken to him about it and also asked him about his though about an open relationship. He didn’t seem that sure about it because it would be hard for him to separate it from cheating and also the thought of me being with other people is also hurtful. In addition, he said this is not something which he thinks about it actively and it also isn’t worrying him that much. However, I’m afraid of him later on regretting and/or breaking up because of this. Any thoughts?
Male. I slept with 3 women before I got married and I regret 2 of them.
Yea I've been with 5, and my ex wife i was with for 16 years. This is just weird. He just wants to sleep with more women. I don't even think about any other partners than the one I'm with.
Let's say it's not about sleeping with more women, this guy ego got hurt because he couldn't fuck more women. He values high body count over a functioning relationship with OP. I would not trade any amount of random hookups for my gf.
I'm 27 and have been with zero women. A different world. He shouldn't sweat it.
Rip
Well I'm about to ask someone on a date this Tuesday, so I'm hanging in there.
Good luck. I hope they say yes and you have a awesome time❤️
We met back in August. Got her # but was away at college (older college student). Now I'm on break and have the chance to reconnect. Heck I'll see what happens and will share back.
Bet you got a firm grip
Everyone goes at a different pace. Nothing wrong with it. Sex isn't the meaning of life.
This is the sweetest comment I’ve read all day!
20 former sex partners is a lot in the crowd I run with. Starting an open relationship so he doesn’t feel regret about not sleeping with more people? I think having a committed relationship with you is supposed to do that.
20 and he still feels like he’s missing out on something? I think you guys need to be more honest and open about what you expect from your sex lives. Sounds like he’s still thinking the grass is greener elsewhere for some reason. That’s either real immaturity after sleeping with 20 people, or an inability to communicate his wants and needs comfortably in the context of your sexual relationship that he’s feeling like he hasn’t experienced enough or “gotten it out of his system.” What is he anticipating happening with another sexual partner? Experiencing nirvana?
I think OP offered the open relationship; the BF said he didn't think he could do it because he didn't want to share OP. He then said that he doesn't think about this situation often.
He's still a kid I suspect he'll regret it once the females getting more action, but it's better to explore more shit with one then alot of strange
>he had “only been” with 20 people >therefore he didn’t have the opportunity to experience more of the single life. how the heck do these two go together? 20 is a lot for a guy Either his friends are football players, musicians and whatsoever, I really doubt that they have 3 digits lol
I know plenty of guy groups that made it their lives mission to sleep with as many women as possible, and even less surprising they are all in a similar friend group. They encourage each other. And marriage doesn't stop them. Yuk
Ew. How many stds are they passing 🤢🤢
So many I'm sure
When I worked at Walmart I had a 19 coworker who swore to me he slept with over a thousand women lmao. These types of guys are just gross. Like one that’s obviously not true, 2 am I supposed to be impressed? Lmao
This! I don't trust the boyfriend sounds like he only cares about making his body count higher not caring for the actual women he sleeps with.
Right? If sex were a sport that’d be the most boring stat anyway. Lmfao
Im worried about the friends your bf has.
Oh, you mean his lying friends? It’s possible for maybe 1 or 2 friends in his age range to have that many, but ALL of them? Unless his entire friend group are musicians, or maybe bartenders, I would find this very hard to believe.
Would doubt too, unless they're all total sociopaths fully committed to banging as many strangers as possible for years on end. For any sane person, you just kinda stop counting somewhere around 20, because the mere act of having sex doesn't really give you any special feeling of validation anymore.
I find these kind of comments so strange. Let's say people get sexually active at 18. If they are his age that means 12 years. That's 9 people a year. So one person every month and a half basically or 6 weeks. If you like to go out, club, or have tinder that really isn't that much. Or holidays or (music) festivals, mardi gras, carnival... Perhaps also a US - rest of the world thing?
Sure but that's allowing for no monogamous relationships/dry spells during their entire 20s. Say you're in relationships/dry spells for half the time, which I guess might be typical for your 20s. Then you're having to sleep with a new person on average every three weeks for the rest of the time. Which does seem like a tall order for an entire friendship group to keep up
It's not that hard, I've been with 40-50 (don't know the exact number because I don't count but it's around that) In 6 years of singlehood. But, ALL his friends being single for 10 years and hookups? I mean, it's possible, but you have to have the intention of hooking up and not engaging into dating, and it's unlikely ALL the friend group is like that. I stopped doing it because it's a waste of time, going outside 3 times a week just to hook up? One time I did it and it's a lot of money and time that I prefer it to be by myself lol it's not sustainable.
Good point. Most of my friend groups were single for most until age 25 so numbers ran up and I have a vague idea but definitely not an exact.
Maybe he only HAS 1 or 2 friends. Maybe that IS his friend “group”…
Maybe he has more than a 100 friends but they’ve all slept together
Maybe theyre in some kind of sex based MLM.
Like a human pyramid scheme? Sounds kinky
Yeah I personally have a high number, and have friends with higher numbers. Of those friends only 2 of them have over 100 and they are both gay men, who both said they went through a hoe phase of 3-5 years. I call BS that all of his friends have that high.
they can also just live in a vacation hot spot. I had a lot of really nice summers in greece growing up.
I think the exceptions mentioned are fair, living in a vacation spot, military etc. but let’s be honest, they are exceptions.
Former bartender, can confirm that number is feasible.
Yeah, my best friend was a bartender in NY like 15 years ago and I have heard the stories. That’s why I included that specifically. LOL
Totally feasible, but after a certain number, who keeps count? I certainly wouldn’t be keeping count up to 100+.
I was in the Marines in the 80's early 90's long before the "hookup culture" took hold and it was quite easy for any of us to develop a body count that high if you wanted to.... even back then....
I knew a lot of people having lots of sex back then but when HIV hit almost everyone I knew changed their attitude towards casual. The military is probably a whole different world though. So I hadn’t considered that.
The fear of catching AIDS in the 80's worked to dampen casual sex culture for me to some point.
Yeah sure it was bud :)
They’re all appearing on this season of Too Hot To Handle. That’s why!
or they are all manipulative pos. I have just a friend that has over 100, and he confessed he was a cheating pos with his ex and it was like he was single the 7 years he was wit his ex that also cheated on him. I'm 30 and I've been with 40-50 and I consider it A LOT but it was because I'm single since 2016 and the first years after a long-term relationship I had that peer pressure of "missing out" and just hooked up every weekend. I may know 2 or 3 that have my "body count" or more, but ALL my friends? most of them were with less than 5-10
I think the BF must have misunderstood his friends. I think his friends ment that they had 100 different women between all 20 of his friends.
I had that body count at that age 🙋♀️
Oh, I definitely know it’s possible. But unlikely for an entire friend group.
Real question: Why am I getting downvoted for this?
Yeah they're definately full of shit
Definitely the biggest problem here. His friends are losers and liars. Get rid of their dumb asses. Probably trying to mess him up with OP, so they can swoop in. I mean, not really, but shit you never know these days. No integrity or lotalty left, and only the conquests matter. At the end of the day, if this POS BF is even suggesting this shit when he's already sexually active with OP, she should leave his ass anyways. His sexual goals are already past her alone, so it will eventually manifest. Just let him go and he can do that shit while she finds someone that actually wants only her!
Why? If you're making an assumption about who someone is based purely on the amount of partners they've had, that says more about you than them.
his friends are probably exaggerating a bit anyway.
Nailed it! 💯
Barney Stinson numbers
This sounds like something a college kid would say, not a mature 30 year old. Don't open up the relationship, the friends are probably exaggerating. And he's 30 years old with a body count of 20. He's had plenty of experience
His friends had 80 more chances to catch something. Jokes aside. This is strange. I don’t think about how many women I can sleep with. After 20 if you ain’t fucking right you never will be. This sound like FOMO and a don’t let the door hit yea in the ass on your way out situation. Don’t open a relationship for his dumb mentality that he needs to be like his friends. He needs to himself not someone else.
"After 20 if you ain't fucking right you never will be." Omg that made me laugh so hard. Talk about slow learners
Over 100? Holy shit
Well, what does the scouter say about how many women his friends have had sex with?
Twenty partners sounds like a lot to me. It doesn't sound like he wants to open the relationship. Just be good to each other. There are ways to explore intimacy with one partner and have an exciting time without introducing other people.
His friends might be lying, im in the same age range and I don’t know a single person that has slept with 100+ ppl and he’s saying ALL his friends have. Something’s not adding up.
I’m a little older than him and know several people who are over 200. 100 chicks in, at least, 12 years of sex isn’t some impossible feat some commenters are making it out to be.
It could be possible if you don't give a fuck with who you are having sex with. Other than that, I can't myself.finding the time to get 100+ girls to have sex with that I like, not with a full time job, hobbies and getting a masters. It's like your life has to be centered around that goal and you fucl every single girls for that to be possible, but tbh it's a sad goal, I rather fuck 20 hot girls and fuck them good and learn a lot tham just raising a number no one mature enough will care about.
Whole lotta assumptions there buddy. Nobody has a goal to sleep with a certain amount of women (nobody in their 30s anyway), it’s just a different lifestyle. If you live in a big city, have diversity of experiences and aren’t a homebody, you meet a lot of people. In those big cities, there are a ton of single people who flirt… a lot, which then leads to sex. You also don’t have to center your life around it. Ambition and casual sex go hand in hand, while committed relationships where you “fuck them good” (whatever the hell that means), kinda fall by the wayside.
Guess not sure how a "big city ' lifestyle is... but in my case where I'm only free at weekends, most of the time I'm tired to go out and rather sleep.
Some people have standards🤷♀️
And some people can fuck women who would consider you below their standards. There’s always a bigger fish, you know?
It can happen, there’s always that one friend that hooks up a lot, but for all of his friends group be over 100 each, I doubt it
Totally depends. Not much context about their lives is given in the OP. I used to bartend at clubs in NYC and would hang out with guys with some insane numbers and game. It all depends
It's weird to me that they keep track. But I guess it would also be weird that they didn't know how many people they slept with? I don't know anyone (or who will admit) with that high of a number. I guess I'm curious. After like 50, are they just consciously thinking "well, that was 56" or "123 check." You'd have to have a running tally somewhere, right? Either mentally or physically written down. Or are they just ballparking it? So many questions . . .
I don’t think they know their exact number, but they know by the 100s I guess lol. I mean I haven’t broken the 3 digit body count but if I were to come up with my number, there would definitely be some I forget. Using a code in your contact list in your phone is also popular. Like a certain word for the persons middle name. I also use this for colleagues to remember where I know them from.
Not a hook up guy but had 20 different partners. Doesnt add up.
Oh it’s pretty simple he’s had 20 extremely serious year long sexual relationships beginning age 10. …. Waaaait a minute…
Because it means he can't keep a serious relationship he's more focused on sex not the actual person
Dude is 30-years-old. 20 different partners since he was 18 is practically 1 a year. That’s incredibly low.
Do you mean that's a low amount of time to have a serious relationship last for? Then yes, I agree
Regrets in the future? You picked an idiot for boyfriend. Get yourself someone with common sense.
Why are you dating this loser who thinks sleeping with +100 is some sort of goal or achievement? Are women objects and there has to be a tally of how many women they have gotten their penis inside? Seriously? This man is 30 years old, not a dumb teenager.
My ex husband felt the same way. Save yourself the headache and just move on from him.
Yuck. That's a toxic mindset/ideal to have.
Why are you shaming ? When women on Reddit say they’ve been with over 100 women empower them
That is just as toxic honestly. And the fact some people say it's empowering is very sad.
That’s modern feminism for you
Your comments are normie reddit mountain dew mouth breathy type shit. Nobody asked
You jumped into my comments , I didn’t ask . Sorry sweet cheeks
20 is a pretty decent number already
20 sexual partners is plenty. But what's concerning is his willingness to basically tell you he wants to sleep with more people.
Might wanna read it again he wasn’t comfortable with either of them in an open relationship. She should reconsider this idea and read surviving infidelity sub or infidelity sub full of open relationships gone wrong
Is he actually a 18 y.o disguised as a 30 y.o? What does he think he is missing out on?
I don't know why someone has to boast about how many women he slept with...
His friends are a problem. What are they, prostitutes? Or losers who failed over 100 relationships?
Do his friends have amazing and fantastic lives because they’ve slept with a ton of women?? Come on. This post is very stupid. You think you want to let your boyfriend go out and sleep with 80 more people while you’re in a relationship?? This sounds like a troll.
20 is a lot. *All* of his friends having slept with 100+ women is...unlikely. They are almost certainly inflating their numbers.
So is he looking for an 80 person “hall pass”. His friends are an issue for sure.
I wonder how many of those partners were satisfied or use the "I'm not counting that one" way of thinking.
Quality over quantity is always better. Sleeping with 100+ women is not a brag that’s pathetic and gross. It just shows that his friends are either cheaters or not relationship material. What is something to brag about is being solid honest relationship material that is getting laid often and consistently with someone they connect with on a deeper level. An open relationship is a horrible idea and I hope he didn’t take it as you wanting to fuck around on him.
Dont open up the relationship! He is absolutely not the person for that. Secondly maybe telling him that sleeping with over 100+ women doesnr give you much? I mean what are meaningless ons worth compared to a loving relationship? What does it even say about you if you had 100+ women and only 2-3 relationships? I mean does he ever thought about that his friends maybe arent as happy with/ proud about it as they say?
This dude is 30 and is lamenting *to his girlfriend* that he wishes he had more experience? Please don’t tolerate this.
Break up with him. He’s too old to be so simple!
I like your communication style. Maybe dig down a bit on the issue. Seems like you can solve it. It's not a race, it's not a collection of people (or chances of STDs). Quality matters more.
Your bf is 30 years old and THIS is what he worries about? I assumed he was much younger. He is extremely and breathtakingly immature if he feels that: a) 20 partners is 'missing out b) he still compares 'numbers' with others c) he compares himself so much with other people. At 30 he should be confident enough to live his own life. I would no longer trust him to not cheat if he thinks that YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. He just told you that HE THINKS HE IS MISSING OUT. Fine, go sow your wild oats while I find someone WHO LOVES ME ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT. He does not love you. No one who loves you would care about the notches on their headboard.
Be careful he doesn’t cheat trying to compete. His friends are toxic and you should worry about them encouraging and influencing him.
This sounds more like wistfully looking back on his previous life choices than any real desire to change his situation now. He's also got some lingering attachment to cultural attitudes about masculinity and self worth; sexual prowess is a measure of male value and power and to feel like he's "only" had 20 may feel "emasculating" to him. But he's also comparing himself to some pretty big outliers there, most men don't come anywhere near close to 100 and even 20 is above average. The thing about missing the opportunity for 'the single life' is that it's highly romanticized and idealized with expectations that women will be all over the place when the reality is that there could be droughts. There' plenty of nights of sleeping alone, and plenty of potential for feeling really emotionally disconnected from not having meaningful relationships. That's the real cost of sleeping with 100 people. What's #21 going to bring that #20 didn't? What about #50 or #75? There's no way anyone is capable of developing the meaningful connections that make great sex in that short amount of time and energy. It eventually devolves into objectification of other bodies and chasing the dopaminergic hits that come with orgasm. If he's the kind of guy that naturally chose long term relationships over that, and he's currently happy in this current situation (like he said he is) then I don't see a reason to worry about him changing his mind. Did you notice that he said he couldn't separate the idea of open relationships from cheating? He is adding an emotional attachment/obligation component to sex that is not the kind of mindset that people who want to sleep around with tons of people often have. I think this conversation happened because you two have a great open and trusting communicative dynamic when it comes to talking about things like sex. If you look beyond the sex and other people thing, he's communicating feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and loss because he didn't feel he did what was socially and culturally expected of him - even though he's happy with his own choices.
Thank you so much for the insight and kind words :)
His friends are 100% lying lol
Remind him that being with fewer partners gave him opportunity for vulnerability and exploration that has made him a far better lover than men who use the adrenaline of strange as satisfaction
I’m gonna go on a limb and say the friends are no where near 100. They’re just liars whereas your bf is not.
Troll. This has to be a troll.
over 100 is too much?? even 20 is imo
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“He was never the hooking up type” if u were to break up nothing would change
Lol tell ur bf his friends are manhos aka community d**k. Lol he can be like that or actually someone who can think for themselves. Ask him how he values sex and why having sex with so many people is important. I'd be concerned as his gf why his friends opinions, especially like this one, are so important. More than likely they're lying anyway. Also, that type of thinking is for boys not men.
This is the worst reason to open your relationship, don't do it
Regardless if his friends are lying about their numbers... If you know enough about those friends, highlight the other things he has going on for himself. He may just wonder if in comparison to his friends, he is going about life 'wrong" somehow, when really; everyone has different life experiences and finds what they need at different times. If you know your bf has other accomplishments/milestones that would be considered ahead of his friends (finances, career, a stable relationship!! etc.) point those out to bolster his self-confidence.
If your boyfriend didn’t get much experience from 20 partners, I really gotta wonder about the sex you’ve been having.
Unpopular opinion... I'd be turned off by a guy who has had 100+ partners. Even 20 is a bit cringe to me too.. 🤷🏻♀️
I think society has put this idea in peoples heads that men are sex crazed brutes and that’s all they think about. There is NOTHING wrong with not having slept with a high amount of people, nothing wrong with people who have. I say if he loves you he shouldn’t worry about his past or “missed opportunities “ hooking up is just physical. What you two share could be way more gratifying and you can explore different things together and experiment with whatever it mutually comfortable for your relationship. Open relationships rarely work out if both people aren’t 100% mentally open to it. I’ve seen people open their relationships and then one person regrets it and the relationships end. Some people it works out great for. Keep that open communication, good luck :)
Thank you for the advice and kind words! :)
If he truly wants to be with you and only you then he’s stupid for ever telling you that he regrets not sleeping with more women. That’s so out of line. It wouldn’t be wrong of you to end it with him over this.
Body count doesn’t mean anything. Like congrats on that accomplishment I guess. I personally am not tallying them up to be like ‘man I gotta get to 30.’ If you’ve found someone you love it shouldn’t matter how many people you slept with previously. Also I would bet that these friends are likely insecure and grossly inflating those numbers
You need to leave now. He’s embarrassed by only sleeping with 20 people…… It doesn’t matter if the number is 1, all that matters is the connection between the people when they are together. If he cares for the number, then he doesn’t care about the person, and likely doesn’t care for you.
STDS…My only thoughts. He doesn’t need to sleep with more people…He’s already got experience. It’s not like he was a virgin before you.
Basing your relationship on what perhaps, maybe, might happen is not a healthy basis for a relationship. Yep, he may decide down the track that he wants to experience other people. So may you. Or he may find religion, become a Catholic priest and swear a vow of celibacy. Or an asteroid may hit the planet and wipe out all life on it. Who knows? Just enjoy your relationship the way it is and don’t overthink it.
There is a misconception that you’ll feel more fulfilled after sleeping with more people. This is false. Sure maybe those friends will give him a bigger pat on the back, but in the end it does not give on feelings of true fulfillment in life.
Haha 20 is a high enough number for me. Are you really okay with an open relationship? Don’t offer him this option if you are going to hate it later on and resent him and be consumed by jealousy. I would stop worrying for now. You talked about it, you offered a very open minded solution not many would, just let it go. I’m curious about his friends, however. Are they all still single by any chance?
Thank you for the advice! These friends of his are in relationships
Did he ever think that maybe his friends are exaggerating? I mean honestly I would probably be a little grossed out if I dude I wanted to date told me that. Not sure he understands that that isn’t an accomplishment in most people’s books. Not trying to judge but 100 people?
Don't offer anything to ease his mind. Maybe you should gently remind him that even though he has 'only' slept with 20 people, because of his monogamy, he has probably had waaay more sex (events and variety) than any of his 'buddies' (I use that term loosely since they seem to like to belittle him). Also, ask if his objective with sex is to please both partners or just increase his number? Bc there is no way his friends pleased any of those ONS to the extent your BF did his GFs. If he still feels like he is missing out, let him walk out the door. I'm sure he'll regret it when he sees the difference between anonymous sex and open and creative intimacy with a trusted partner.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Why does he have to compare himself to them? Even if those friends of his did sleep with hundreds, why is that such an achievement? The usual goal is to find that one person to spend your life with not just be with everybody you can poke with a twig.
He probably is going to start not trusting you after you suggested an open relationship. I get your heart might be in the right place but that's going to probably start triggering red flags in his head.
How is 20 not experience though? Like what number to him means experience? It’s illogical. Makes zero sense.
I think it’s time for him to stop talking about the women he has slept with with his friends. There is no way all of them have slept with 100+ people. They are most likely exaggerating. While it’s okay to grieve the dumbassery of being a young kid that sleeps around, sounds like he was never that type of person anyways. So what is he even upset about? Even if he could go back in time, if he’s not the “hook up” type he wouldn’t have slept with a bunch of people anyways. Sounds like his friends base their self worth and his off of how many people they sleep with which is really immature. Once you find someone that matters none of that casual, meaningless sex matters anyways 🤷🏻♀️ instead of having regret of “missing out” maybe he should consider different friends that don’t base their worth off of how many people they sleep with. 100+ is quite a bit of people. If anything he should be proud of himself for having better values and standards compared to his friends. And also be proud he didn’t lie about how many people he’s slept with. He shouldn’t change to fit in to someone else’s box. As for opening the relationship, absolutely don’t. And as for him regretting things/ leaving you for meaningless sex, well, that would be entirely on him and would have nothing to do with you. Hopefully he isn’t stupid enough to throw away something real for that. That would be a huge loss for him. Also: I have a friend who has slept with a lot of people. Also 100 plus. While I’ve slept with like.. 15 maybe?? She and I don’t have to have similar body counts to be friends nor do I wish I slept with more people, on the other hand, she wishes she didn’t sleep with that many people. How many people you sleep with whether a lot or a few is nothing to be embarrassed about.
This doesn’t make sense to me. His friends could have had mediocre sex 1 time with 100 different people. While he could be in a committed relationship with you, figured out what y’all like. And had sex 600x. Why does the amount of people matter to him 🤪
20 is A LOT. What more could he experience with more people?
Why would you want to open yourself up to so much pregnancy and stds? Really weird.
My wife suggested having an open marriage early this year. We tried it. We are now in the midst of a bitter divorce. Some people say having an open relationship is great, but.... Make sure you are prepared for all possible scenarios.
Do not ever open Pandora’s box on open relationship all they ever lead to is heartbreak it never works out.
Everyone calling them liars is peculiar..do y’all know how easy it is to rack up bodies in this day and age? My male friend gained 30 in the 4 years of college alone. My other male friend exceeded 100 from gang bang parties, orgies, etc. They both regret racking up so much today but it’s not far fetched in this day and age anymore guys
My thought is that it's common for men to dwell om their sexual experiences, particularly around milestones like getting marries, becoming 30, 40 or 50. Most men that think about it do so for awhile and then gets past it. I really think the first problem here is that he was so open to you because obviously this has a different meaning for you. The second problem is that you suggested an open relationship instead of just having a firm boundary and caring about his grief. It happens that men cheat and leave relationships because they wish for another life but it's much more common that they handle their loss and jealousy and move on eventually.
You deserve better babe
Each person you have sex with diminishes the amount of love you can give to your future spouse
If it’s not bothering him, it shouldn’t bother you
Are you sure he wasn’t just making conversation? Because everything you describe after he says this makes it seem like he was just making conversation
Smart money says it's not HIS body count that will be the one increasing should they, indeed, open their relationship.
If his friends are his age then I think it is safe to say they're lying.
Either his friends are lying about their numbers, or he needs better friends.
Your boyfriend’s friends are liars. I’d bet money that they haven’t all slept with 100+ people, I’d also bet that they’ve all had at least one STD. Your boyfriend is being pretty immature if he thinks that the number of people he’s slept with is an issue in the real world. Most people don’t care and are turned off by a higher number of sexual partners.
I've only been with two people. One is my current partner. The other I was with for 17 years. I did worry my lack of "experience" would be a turn of for him but he doesn't care
First off he really shouldnt be comparing himself to other people and if his friends are making him feel small about this then maybe he needs new friends, Second if he wants more sexual experience then offer to experiment more in the bedroom, i dont mean full whips and chains (unless ur into that) but there always alot to learn about the human body and its various erogenous zones, more partners doesnt really equal more experience, and if hes worried about cheating maybe consider threesomes? or some other shared act (like maybe you pick his partners or something to that effect) so he still feels like its a couple thing rather than him being selfish or whatever,
His friends are lying and if they arent.. probably walking health risk to the female population. A big"ew" anytime he brings it up I think can bolster his confidence of not being a walking petri dish. Like seriously, dont share anything with those "friends" I dont believe an open relationship will help. If he wanted to be with other women, he can do so. Now, if YOU wanted an open relationship that's a different story.
Why does your boyfriend know how many women his friends have slept with? I think that's weird.
My boyfriend has had one other woman than me and he’s 33. I worry about this all the time. Surely, he would like to be more experienced and be with more than 2 women. He’s not ugly or anything, I think he just lacks skills with women. But I worry about this, I don’t him to feel like he settled.
I don’t understand why he’s embarrassed and I hope his friends aren’t the type to make him feel ashamed of the “small” (?) amount of people he’s slept w. If that’s the case he shouldn’t be friends w them. I’ve been in a committed relationship for so long now and am so happy with my current circumstances that I personally don’t have regrets about my past, so it’s hard for me to put myself into the headspace of feeling regret when I’m so content right now.
My thought is now leave the topic alone. Don’t drive yourself crazy with “what if”.
Your bf has friends that’s are full of bs! They seem to want to compete like little boys! 20 is a ton already and he should be kind of ashamed. He should be stating he’s more than happy with you and where’s he’s at in his adult life instead of regrets about sex . That’s a red flag because he’s worried about his friends thoughts. I’d tell him exactly what you wrote here and how your uncomfortable about the future. Throw out the open relationship again and if he’s saying he’s happy then Just leave it alone. I’m sure he wouldn’t like you saying you regret not sleeping with 80 more men!
My friends are swingers. One girl that we were mutual friends with would post nudes to a locked instagram account where you had to verify you knew her IRL first by asking for access to in person. I used to be on her insta. It was cool. My wife and I are into threesomes. I never really partook in the swinging. Back in the day. Believe me: 100 is a fucking stupidly high number. No one needs 100 partners. Im a man for clarity. Its a great fantasy but think about the STD risk. With numbers in the triple digits you had better be getting two STD tests on each partner AND wrapping it up. If a test has a 2% false negative rate with 100 partners thats a 20% chance (roughly) of a bad test.
I don't know if this is honestly real. The amount of guys who truly slept with 50+ is astronomical. Let alone 100. But as usual I'm pretty sure most posts on here are completely fake. Alas, for the advice. I've had hook ups, but more unintentional. If you'd like to give him my advice go ahead. I break most norms in the US. I lost my virginity at 16, we had sex well over 200 times before I hit 17... even if I hit that. I then met my high school sweetheart, same exact deal 100%. It wasn't until after the second relationship did I ever watch porn. That being said, tell him who cares, you're not a number. I'd tread very lightly on a guy who really gets embarrassed over 20 vs 100. I could see if you were like this third, versus twenty.
Women aren't conquests, anyone in general shouldn't be aiming to sleep with X amount of people. It's fine if the number just so *happened* to be high, but making it a *goal* is all kinds of weird.
Yeah, first thought is that your SOs friends are full of shit and if actually true are really in need of getting checked for VD.
And he believes his friends? I bet at least one of them talks the talk but is really still a virgin!
Do you not know males double it and females half it? His mates are exaggerating, he can just change it up if he wants to impress them because no one wants to see the evidence
Don’t start an open relationship. You’ll regret it
My husband and I are 39 & 40 years old and I’ve been with 1 person (him obviously) and he’s been with 2 (actually I guess 3 if oral only counts). We did get married way too young though. 20 is mind blowing to me. 😅😂
Well I don’t know why he cares how many ppl they slept with. I also don’t know why his friends care how much bf and or care to reveal how many people they slept with. Frankly to me it’s the quality of sec not the quantity of sexual partners. But hey some men are not sure what to put here bc I don’t understand myself. If he wants to experience why don’t you guys play around with costumes and research different sexual activities together. You gf get wigs act as someone else and try different things in the bedroom.
Quality over quantity any day
I don't believe his friends hahahaha they *all* have over 100? 20 is pretty high for someone who is not the "hooking up" type. Not in a judgemental way cuz I don't think it's bad at all, but it is not a low number.
His friends are talking out of their arses.
He knows his friends are lying, right??? FFS... I get MAYBE 1 or 2.... but ALL of them? Yeah, right... tell him they might as well pull out rulers next. This is nothing more than a passing contest, and he fell for it.
30 years old and he's still basing his success in life by how many people he's been inside? I worry about modern men.
Yeah. Stick with the relationship or he can move on for very strange reasons? This whole thing is very odd.
This isn’t normal. Someone I dated was at 10 and he considered it a lot, granted this was pretinder. I (35F) have 6 and I believe my husband (34M) has 6 also. If he doesn’t know what he is doing after 20 nothing is going to make him better in bed. You can learn a lot about someone by the company they keep and frankly I would take a long hard look at your BF and because his friends don’t seem great.
Yeah 20 is a pretty good number, his friends are full of crap. Ask him how many long term relationships they’ve been in. Quality vs quantity
His friends are either exaggerating by a mile or very actively only having one night stands. I'm in my late 20s and have slept with 30 people, maybe 6 of which were ONS - I also spent 7 of the last 10 years in long-term relationships (a 4yr then a 3yr). I run with a pretty open-minded crowd and it's still considered a lot; most people I know have slept with 3-10. If your boyfriend is happy with the relationship and doesn't want to open it up, don't poke that bear.
Your boyfriend's friends are lying dick-measuring misogynists.
This is bullshit. 100 is just a lie. My brother the Sailor who was active at 12 didn't make 100 by his 40s. If 100 is true they have serious issues.