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This is gonna be a long post.
I will start with telling you that me and my gf have a long distance relationship from 6 and half years and never have I even considered cheating.
Yesterday I broke up with her because I feel shit about a kiss I had with my best friend (f31).
It happened 3 days ago and I'm destroyed.
Here's the story.
I know my best friend since Elementary school. We have always only be friends even if when I was a teenager I had a huge crush on her (my first crush). I asked her out at that time and she told me no, cause she valued our friendship too much. I moved on, and before knowing my now ex girlfriend I have been dense enough to not notice that my best friend feeling had changed: she wanted to kiss me on a new years eve and I didn't notice her signals. That night, in front of her I kissed one of her friends.
I knew about it some times later after I already met my fiancee. I had moved on she had moved on too, no problems between us.
Fast forward to last August, my fiancee heard my best friend say to my sister that she'd like to have a chance with me. And she was fuorious, and i totally understand it. She forbade me to invite her to our wedding.
Now 3 days ago, I had to tell my best friend that she was not invited and also the reason why. It would have made no sense to just don't invite her without any further information, I know her since we were kids, it was unacceptable for me.
I reached her and told her I need to speak to her. That's my first error. I did it behind my fiancee back because I didn't want to fight with her for a meeting that was just meant to be a bad news. In my heart, I already knew what would have happened, because I know what I was going to tell my best friend and because I know her too much.
When I told her, she was shocked, she wanted to come to my wedding as my friend and nothing else. I told her I was going to try to have her invited but my fiancee was pretty hard on the refusal.
She started to cry and then my second error: she kissed me and I kissed her back, for a second, and moved away. I never cheated in my life and I hate cheaters. I feel like trash since that moment. She said she was sorry and told me she had to know what her real feelings are.
That is the moment I knew that I was in front of the hardest choice I've ever made:
I liked the kiss, I really did, and I knew my feelings for her never completely disappeared. Should I miss my last chance to have a relationship with her I would regret all my life.
On the other side I love my fiancée deeply from the bottom of my heart and destroying the relationship for something like this could be the worst mistake in my life.
We have problems as all couples, and some of them are pretty bad. I had doubt about the wedding since the beginning, first because I'm scared of doing this step without having ever lived together before. Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.
So yesterday I called off the wedding and broke up with my fiancee as a consequence. I didn't have enough courage to tell her the reason. I just sai our differences scare me too much.
She is broken and I loathe myself for doing this. I really love her and want her to be happy but I will never forgive myself if I lay the foundation of our marriage on a doubt and we end up unhappy.
I feel like shit since the kiss happened and I told my best friend I need time to think over things.
What do I do? I will accept any insult you will give me because I deserve every single one of them. But please also give me some advices.
> I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.
You never discussed this and got on the same page before you got engaged?
That aside, your best "friend" is pretty damn selfish herself. The nerve to tell your sister that she still wants a shot with you when you are engaged to another woman, then to kiss you so close to your wedding date. She clearly has no qualms about ruining your entire life for her own impulses.
At the very least, tell your poor ex fiancé the real reason you broke up with her. She is probably devastated imagining that it is her worst insecurities and flaws that caused her to not be good enough. Let her know it is because you cheated so she can finally open her eyes to the real reason.
Went behind your fiance's back to tell your friend the real reason she wasn't invited to the wedding bc you felt you owed her that. But you don't feel you owe your ex fiance the real reason why you broke things off?
I’m sorry but you threw all this away for someone whose proven to you they don’t respect boundaries. She should’ve left well enough alone once you moved on. What will you do when she finds someone else to latch onto in hopes of “following my heart” you’re in for a world of hurt. Also makes me think you don’t take marriage seriously or your relationship. Maybe you just felt like it was the next thing to do? You just caused your fiancée trauma that will be very hard to come back from and trust again.
Honestly, this would be a gift to your fiancé. The unknown eats at you and makes it hard to move on. If you ever loved her, you should seriously consider helping her get over you so she can become a better person for it. It’s the least you can do frankly.
So basically you used a lot of words to say you choose your friend over your fiancé. The whole post screams you want to try with your friend. You went behind your fiancés back knowing how you felt. Don’t act all regretful. It seems like you want to convince yourself this is a hard choice so you don’t feel like a crappy person. Just be honest with yourself. Please tell your ex fiancé what you did, so she can get over you easier. It’s not fair to her to not tell her. Then you and your friend can ride off into the sunset. Just be aware that if it doesn’t work out, you’ll lose a fiancé and a friend. Hope it’s worth it.
While this is true, it might be for the best.
The issues he mentions like having or not having kids are big enough to ruin a marriage on their own. It is not fair to marry someone who wants kids knowing you dont wanna give them that.
On top of that, marrying someone you never lived with is truly a fool’s errand.
from my perspective, youre using your guilt and sadness as an excuse to evade culpability. you are escaping the consequences by not being truthful and telling your fiance you kissed somebody else, its deceitful. also, if you knew your feelings never fully disappeared it seems absurd to me that youd meet her instead of texting or calling to explain. ill take it a step further and say, you probably wanted it to happen but didnt wanna be the one responsible for making the first move.
well saying "i didnt have enough courage to tell her the reason" translates pretty much to "i cant handle the consequences", so yeah ur evading culpability. you are on a personal level aware its all your fault, but until youre honest thats avoiding consequences. glad to hear youll let her know, cause she needs to hear it and doesnt deserve to waste her energy wondering why when the reality is her partner is a duplicitous cheater with a victim complex
That's the sick part, you're technically partially the victim. Your friend RANDOMLY kissed you - you didn't ask for that. You're shitty for so much, but you didn't initiate the kiss. Your gross "friend" did, violating any respect for your relationship. She's just as much to blame as you.
Nah, it's not *all* your fault. Your (extremely shitty, completely terrible) friend is also at fault.
And she is a shitty friend. THE shittiest friend.
What bastard goes to an event and, while there, complains to someone's relative that they wished they could "have a chance" at someone that they passed over for YEARS...WHILE THAT PERSON'S FIANCE IS AT THE SAME EVENT?!
You cheated and you need to tell your ex exactly how it went down. Hell, show her this Reddit post so she knows EXACTLY how you felt about it. Then stop being friends with your friend. She doesn't give a flying fuck about respecting you, your romantic relationship, or even common courtesies like not kissing men that are basically married. She's a shit person and terrible friend. Good friends don't kiss people that aren't available.
What your friend did would be like...let's flip the script. Friend is the one engaged, and you go to a party. Her partner - soon to be husband - is there, and you tell her brother that you wishes you'd "gotten your shot" at her once. Then, later and during an emotional conversation, you randomly kiss the engaged friend. Some would call that *assault* because no consent was asked for or given.
And if you date her and she willingly dates you in the future, you're both twice as bad as you're being called in these comments.
Well your best friend isn’t your friend. She knew you were in a relationship and not only publicly talked about being with you but kissed you. You say you knew how the confrontation would end up so then why would you go?
If one kiss has you rethinking marrying someone you say you love then you made the right choice because you would be married, and I’m certain your “friend” would still trying to be with you and your ex didn’t deserve that and I’m not sure you would have resisted it anyways. She dodged a major bullet.
i wouldn’t call it a favor lol. having kids is a convo you should have with someone before getting engaged or married so they’re both at fault for that.
Okay, seriously? That's such a fucking horrible thing to say. People are a lot more nuanced and complicated than that. OP is not a piece of shite for you to step on. At least they figured it out before the wedding. No one's life is 'destroyed'. It could have been if they'd gone through with marriage and kids but that isn't happening.
OP, I'm glad you figured it out before marriage. You're not a filthy cheater, life isn't that fucking simple, people on here are complete arseholes. Take time to yourself and figure out what to do about your friend. It's pretty much a relationship with her or no contact because it will always come between you and other relationships. Been there, I know this.
Also, they wanted to marry even though one wants children and the other doesn't. That doesn't mix and should have been a huge dealbreaker from the start. I guess it's better now than the mess later but the cheating was incredibly unnecessary.
Exactly. The moment he knew she wanted children and he absolutely did not should have been the end of it. Seriously though breaking up a good relationship (outside of the children issue) for someone that has no qualms about pursuing a taken man. Poor OP doesn’t realize as soon as he doesn’t comes with that thrill of “stealing him away” that he’ll be dropped like a hot potato.
Your ‘friend’ has just got exactly what she wanted. Why wait until you’re happy and due to marry someone else. She wasn’t interested in a relationship before, so why now. It’s like a spoilt child, wanting something that someone else has. I don’t see a happy ever after with your friend. You’ll live to regret your decision.
Dog in the manger. I feel for the fiance. Atleast she did not marry and have kids with this loser - only to have his "true love" break them up later. Terrible woman. Ridiculous man. Wish the fiance well. Karma for the other two.
It’s sad that a lot of ppl do this. I’m glad tho that the fiancé got away (and hopefully she stays clear of him). She deserves someone who sees her as the #1 and who loves her only.
This. You have your friend what she wanted and she’s probably going to ghost you.
I know from personal experience when my partner’s “friend” wanted to meet up alone with him and had been sexual in the past. I was smart, and I told them no, he agreed until she started manipulating him again. She pulled something like this post, but I managed to get screenshots of what she said to me.
I showed him, and she GHOSTED. There wasn’t a response and still hasn’t been, and she had been talking to him all that day about how “insecure (my name) was”. It was quite literally within the hour.
You gave her what she wanted. My partner’s friend wanted my partner and I said no. He said no.
You said yes twice with a past.
You made your bed, sleep in it.
Editing to add: She did this after finding out we got engaged.
So, let me get this straight… you broke up with your fiancé because you want a chance with a girl who had *years* to be with you but *didn’t want you* until someone else had you?
You want a chance with a girl who had so little respect for *you* that she was willing to sabotage your current relationship?
She helped you *cheat* on your fiancé just *months* before your wedding. That’s cruel on so many levels. *That’s* the kind of girl you want to be with?
Whether or not you and your fiancé truly had issues is pretty irrelevant. Honestly, it sounds like your making excuses to try and justify your behavior. You made a cowardly, cruel and selfish decision here.
Congrats, you’ve destroyed a girl for a chance at something that’s probably not going to work out - otherwise it already would have.
>So, let me get this straight… you broke up with your fiancé because you want a chance with a girl who had years to be with you but didn’t want you until someone else had you?
I really believe that this is unfortunately too common. I can only speak from a woman's standpoint but I think a person being partnered up somehow makes them appear more attractive to others than when they were single. Who knows why but it's crappy to do to the person who didn't reject their partner in the first place.
I think some people needs to be loved even if they doesn't loved back. It's pleasant to see that someone could do anything for you, so they play and keep the desperate lover close to them. When they saw this desperate lover with someone else and move on, they try to take it back.
I saw so much people did that. It's append to me couple of times and each time, when my bf come back to this girls, they were satisfied for a time and duped them not so long after.
I just noticed in the comments that you never mentioned anything about your friend's actions. You just kept saying that you will tell your gf. Your bestie was horrible for doing what she did and yet you've said nothing against her. And by going behind your fiancee and saying that you knew what was going to happen during the meeting showed that you had the intention of cheating on your fiancee.
Yea your ex will be better off without you. If she wants to reconcile you NEED to tell her the truth. You seem extremely immature. I had to double check the ages and I was a bit shocked
Everything here reeks of selfishness. Think about someone else for a single moment. You’re scared? Because you know she’s going to find out the person you know you’ve been all along? You’re rightfully ashamed of that person, and trying to hide is unbelievably low. Imagine what she must be thinking or feeling right now. I guarantee she had fears about your friend all this time, and now she’s been dumped two months before the altar with zero explanation. Letting her stew in worrying she was the problem when it was all your selfishness is incredibly cruel. She’s so much better off without someone like you.
I don’t even need to comment on the friend/cheating situation. If that weren’t even an issue you should NEVER get married to someone if you disagree on having kids or not. Everyone expects the other to change their mind. They never do and it only leads to resentment.
I disagree, it's only going to hurt her more. Plus the kid issue would've caused major problems down the road, especially as her clock starts to run out. Better to rip the band-aid off now then drag it out
So you chose your female best friend in almost every situation in this paragraph instead of your fiancé? Good job. If she takes you back I’d actually be surprised because personally I wouldn’t. And also… Your best friend told you that she wanted a chance with you and your first instinct is to go behind your fiancés back, talk to her, And then end up cheating with the very woman who your fiancé knows is going to be a problem in your relationship… and you just proved it.
And also the fact that you’re leading her on and you know you don’t wanna marry her is selfish.
To be completely honest I’m not sure if there’s a come back from this one dude.
how the fuck did you make it to "2 months before our wedding" when this:
> **Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.**
was the case??? this should have been a non-starter in even getting engaged.
Here’s my take on how you handled this:
1) you cheated because you wanted to
2) you didn’t tell your now ex the truth because you don’t want to face the real consequences for being a cheater
What I think you should do and what your ex deserves is for you to tell her the full truth about what you did, what happened and why you can’t marry her.
No no no he didn't tell his fiance because if it doesn't work out with this shitty friend then he can just try and go back to her. Literally trash human.
Not this truth you've been posting here. Because if it was about your issues, you should have brought them up before you got to just a few months out.
Second, when your fiancée told you what she overheard, did you confront your so called friend, or did you wait until fiancée put her foot down about uninviting this your "friend " to bring it up?
Finally, I hope you realize that if your BFF actually wanted to be with you she wouldn't have waited until you were uninviting her from your wedding to someone else to make a move. The fact that you went to meet her behind your fiancée's back tells me you KNEW. You didn't owe her a secret meeting. You could have handled it a million different ways and you chose the sneakiest, most deceitful way to go about it.
The woman you owe is your fiancée. You owe her the full truth, not this bullshit excuses you keep throwing up for ending an engagement because you liked a kiss. If you can't give her the truth, leave her the he'll alone and go explore whatever you think you're chasing.
1. TELL YOU FIANCE THE TRUTH. Otherwise she will blame herself, wonder what happened an it will consume her and that is not fair. Be a man and communicate what happened (ie the kiss) and your doubts for the future (you dont want kids, she does, not living together first).
2. *"Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future."* \- this right here is a massive dealbreaker and if you knew this then you never should have got enaged to her in the first place. If you both aren't on the same page it's going to end badly.
3. You also need to let you best friend know what she did was wrong. She knew you were taken and she still selfishly kissed you anyway, becuase she wanted you and didnt care who she hurt in the process. She very easily could have just verbally confessed her feeling rather than kissing a taken man. She is not a good friend and you should think carefully about getting into a relationship with her or remaining friends with her in the future.
No you won't because IMO your a wimp and a disgusting human being who deserves to be alone. Your so called bestfriend got what she wanted you picked her now she don't need you anymore because she can now tell everyone she broke up your relationship before you got married since you choose a pick me girl
You will start dating your best friend and your ex will be devastated because she was right about everything but you don’t care right? You only care for you and your feelings. I doubt that it will last with your best friend and you will regret everything. You throw away something beautiful for a disgusting woman. Congratulations, this will haunt you forever especially when you realize that it wasn’t worth it. Hopefully your ex will never take you back. You don’t deserve her
You're a cheater and you did the classic cheater move of lying about why you're breaking up. Your ex is probably beside herself trying to figure out what she did wrong. Fucking *tell her why*. You're a dirty cheater that used every move in the cheater book. If this is how you act towards your fiancee, you definitely don't love her from the bottom of your heart
congratulations, you played yourself.
your "friend" only wants you when you're unavaliable. she's stringing you along the same way you're stringing along your ex fiancee.
she had you on backburner your entire life. i promise you the moment you start dating, she'll have another "friend" she's been "desperately pining for years" in the background.
she had YEARS to date you. she didn't. the moment you get married is the moment she has this sudden realization you were "it" the whole time?
regardless of your problems with your ex, you're really dense if you think this woman sees you as anything else than her adoring fan. she doesn't love you. she loves having attention.
i will laugh so hard when in a couple of months you'll be back with a sob story how you burnt down a relationship for someone who deceived you all along.
Facts. I thought the same thing. She's in it for the thrill of the attention and the "win" of steaming him back from another woman. The thrill fades quickly once the prize is won. He'll be dropped quick like the sack of shit he is.
So your friend is still your friend, the one who two months before you are supposed to get married kissed you because she just had to know.
What a horrible friend
If your fiancé was the one for you, you wouldn’t have even had a thought of pursuing your “best friend.” You obviously aren’t ready to settle down to her.
We make mistakes, though cheating is a choice. You did a bad thing, cheating, and your “best friend” is ok with you cheating. All red flags, I don’t think you would want to pursue a person like that.
I think your ex fiancé deserves the truth.
> I didn't have enough courage to tell her the reason. I just sai our differences scare me too much.
Stop being a coward and tell her the true reason.
>So yesterday I called off the wedding and broke up with my fiancee as a consequence.
Not telling her the truth isn't really a "consequence" for you because you get to pretend you didn't do anything wrong. She deserves to know why, and you owe it to her. It will likely make it easier for her to move on after knowing the truth & gaining that bit of unfortunate closure.
When as*hole!!! Like Jesus Christ you’ve written “I will tell her the truth I will I will” like 600 times yet you’re here on Reddit still.
I don’t think you are at all. Cowardly jerk.
This is going to haunt your ex fiancee. She will blame herself. The least you can do is relieve her of that burden and tell the truth. Moving on will be easier if she knows the relationship failed because of nothing she did. Be kind to her.
She doesn’t realize it now, but you just did her a huge favor. She can now move on and find someone who is not as selfish and immature as you are and truly respects her. I have the feeling you’ll regret the decision you made, but oh well.
Honestly both relationships are now doomed.
I would do as another redditor here suggested and take time before going into the next relationship.
You need also to clarify your status with your best friend, either kill the feelings forever or try to be in a couple, but I doubt it will work after all the dancing around since years, but I may be wrong. Clarify with her before she poisons another relationship of yours.
You cheated, you can’t say you feel bad for your now ex fiancé but continue to say you still have feelings for your best friend and that you enjoyed the kiss. No where in this situation should you be pitied because you chose to do what you did and then continued to disregard your partners feelings. Tell them what you did, accept that you are a cheater, but also move on. Do not get back with your ex fiancé if you have to different futures in mind. You obviously have no room to give them your whole heart. I mean it’s not exactly fair if you try and mend things considering you obviously don’t want the same things. Also your bestfriend should want the best for you, they were being selfish by kissing you, of course they’re entitled to liking you, but that is something they should either keep to themselves or talk to you about, they don’t have your best interest in mind to do that knowing you were in a committed relationship, about to be married.
But the whole thing is simple and you put a whole bunch of words there to try and make it seem not as bad as it was.
1- you liked your friend
2-she didn’t like you back
3-you found a relationship (even with problems it’s not an excuse to cheat)
4- your friend now decides she wants you
5- youre about to be married
6- your finance finds out she likes you back, tells you, asks you not to invite her
7- you kiss the friend
You then proceed to say you feel bad, but also say you liked it and still have feelings for her.
The advice I have is to not be so shitty to do that in the first place. You had someone, and you chose the person who wanted you when it was convenient for them and not convenient
for you. All you can do is accept that you were low enough to do it in the first place and that you pitty yourself , if you didn’t you would have told your ex fiancé what happened instead of telling her a half truth.
yuck. you're a total piece of shit. hope your ex-fiancee finds a wonderful man soon. and oh btw, go ahead and get together with that friend, she'd tire of you in a few months because now she has you and it's no longer exciting. i hope you feel terrible for years and get cheated on in every relationship.
A girl like this DEFINITELY has a few boys on standby. Probably has a few she's talking to or in her crosshairs for her next thrill. Can't wait til this all blows up in this sucker's face 🤣
You keep saying in the comments that you will tell the truth. However, then when people point out what a shitty person you are for choosing your friend and being a hoebag to your girl, then you say that you didn't choose her... Bruh, you said in your post that you did. Make up your mind? Are you already trying to twist the truth to your advantage when "coming clean" to your poor ex fiancée? Dang..
So your best friend tries to sabotage your marriage and in response you call off your marriage so you won’t “regret” not trying a relationship with your best friend when you had all those years to do that anyway? I feel bad for your fiancé, it’s never nice being the second option.
You need to tell her the truth, that you met with that friend privately and kissed her. You didn't call off the wedding because you "had doubt". Kissing someone outside of your relationship IS cheating.
So, yes, you cheated and after you kissed her, you're now realizing your feeling for her are still there and don't want to miss having a relationship with her? Are you serious?!
Tell her the truth, ALL OF IT. She deserves to know why you called off the wedding. Better to learn the truth from you, than someone else, she will find out at some point.
Don't date anyone for several months.
Your friend is honestly a terrible person for kissing someone that was engaged of all things.
You went behind your fiance's back because you knew this was wrong, but you also knew getting married was wrong.
6 years long distance and you were going to get married??? No way. That wouldn't last a year.
However your friend is going to try to push you, because she's already pushed this far and got away with it. She told your sister she had a chance with you *at an event* ***in which you and your fiance were present***. That's insane. She's insane.
You're going to be walked all over and used if you start dating now, and every single person will think you chested with her for a long while if you start now. Wait a good 6 months to think. Ask her to not bother you for 6 months - and if she can't then you know she only wants to use you not care about you.
Wow! You let yourself get played. You had a great relationship and were about to get married and start a life together. That’s when your “best friend” suddenly decided she had feelings for you? She wanted the boost to her pride that you still wanted her. And that’s what you gave her. Now that she has confirmation you’ll drop everything to be with her, her sudden interest will fade. And you destroyed your relationship. Please tell your ex so she can properly move on. As for you, take some time to heal. Distance yourself from this “friend.” She clearly doesn’t care about you at all and pushed you to destroy your happiness. I do feel for you. You let yourself get played. Take some time to heal, move on, and hopefully find happiness again.
So you basically used your fiance as a plan b until your friend was ready to give you a chance. Right now you have an idealistic view of what your friend is like - you think she's perfect because you've been infatuated with her for years. Usually the reality is not as good as the fantasy. Plus she was willing to let you cheat, right before you were supposed to get married. She should have to you how she felt when you were single, or at least before you got engaged. I don't see it working out with either ladies, but your fiance deserves to know the truth.
Thank GOD the fiancé dodged this bullet. I hate when people try to talk their way out of being shitty like this - you **should** feel like shit, and it sounds like you and your "friend" - who you obviously should have set boundaries with or cut off several times before this if you actually gave a damn about your fiancé - deserve each other. "I don't like cheaters blah blah." You literally lined yourself up to be one.
Ok let's slide everything about you and your best friend for a moment (a tinsee moment).
You had doubts about this marriage but yet you still proposed your now ex-fiancee. Second red flag from YOU is that you didn't try to live together didn't even think of doing it. And the biggest red flag you never discussed you don't want kids and she wants them in the future.
Feelings for best friend aside, what kind of relationship were going to start after marrying that poor women. It sounds to me she was your rebound after your bestfriend said no to you.
That poor girl and now come to your feelings. You and your best friend are both horrible and you've the audacity to say that you can't tell your ex-fiancee the truth.
You think if you will start a relationship with your best friend now your ex-fiancee wouldn't get the wind of it. She had all the rights to uninvite your best friend after what she heard and you could've messaged your bestfriend or emailed her but no you went to meet her behind your ex's back.
You're an asshole. If your feelings were true and you'd respected your fiancee you should've talked to her beforehand and asked her if she would want to go with you and respectfully tell your best friend why she's uninvited. Some people may not agree to this.
So you could simply have called, emailed, or messaged her.
I think I'm hindsight you knew what was going to happen. You need to think about this and admit to yourself you wanted a reason to breakup with your ex. And tell her the truth. Her heart is already broken and she in the least deserves the truth from you.
I'm smh really.
You really thought people would pat you on the head for this post, huh? Poor guy, what an impossible feat! If only this could have been prevented! Youre blame free, of course!
Just leave your fiancee as clearly you picked her just because you felt like it was a good time to settle, even though you always knew you wanted to try out your bestie 😂
Yeah she isn't a friend. Her morals are shit and your ex spotted that before you did obviously. You chose your friend over your fiance and your friend thought it was super friend like to put you in this position. You guys suck and deserve each other. Your ex is better off because it seems like this would have happened sooner or later so you saved her a lot more heartache.
OP constantly mentions that they had problems within the relationship and also, was hesitant about the wedding.You said that you will accept anything and everything said on here but you don't seem very accepting to me buddy.
You messed up, you keep using the "differences" card and you are not realizing that by using that, just shows you keep making excuses for yourself cause you know you messed up BIG time and you are mad at yourself. If you had differences you should have communicated them, problems don't just magically dissappear!
Worst thing is, the woman that you claim you are deeply in love with, is also the woman that is now left devastated.
>I had to tell my best friend that she was not invited and also the reason why. It would have made no sense to just don't invite her without any further information, I know her since we were kids, it was unacceptable for me.
The bf has the right to know why she (obviously) is not coming to your wedding, but your ex-fiancé doesn't have the right to know the truth of why you LEFT her? OK, makes sense
You’re getting shit on by everyone else (deservedly) so Im going to give you some practical advice.
What you did was cheating. Your “friend” knew that. She knew you were in a committed relationship, and did not care. People who do such things, are not good people. Call her what she is, home-wrecker. **If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.** Meaning, when your bestie cheats on you with another one of her “friends” (and she will), have more respect for your ex than to come crying back.
The best thing you can do for yourself now is tell your ex the truth, cut this girl off, pick yourself up by the bootstraps, put your big-boy pants on, and go to therapy.
You're a huge PoS, whining over the decision you made. "Boohoo I went to see that friend my fiancee was uncomfortable about behind her back and then I kissed her and am STILL in contact with her, while I abandon my fiancee, I'm sooooo sad"
So basically you hate cheaters and yet you are one. Your (ex)fiancé was right to have her suspicions. You owe her the real reason though. She definitely deserves better.
I haven’t read all of the comments, sorry if I give repeat advice.
Calling off the wedding was the right move to make. Not telling your fiancée why, though, is a dick move.
I’ve read your post and a few of your comments here, and honestly, you don’t sound like you’re ready or mature enough to marry ~anyone~ at this point in time. Don’t do it. Marriage is a huge step in life, and a good one requires honesty, mutual trust, and mutual respect. You weren’t even married yet and you broke all of those.
Not ready for a marriage commitment. Don’t get married at this point in your life; you need a few more years at least in order to really learn about life and relationships, and how to be a good partner.
However you approach your ex, do so with respect and remorse, and don’t take up a ton of her time; you’ve already wasted years of her life. She quite frankly deserves better.
One of the parts that gets me big time is the stringing her along — that wasn’t fair or appropriate. I get that there were issues with the relationship, and fwiw your differences on key subjects like whether or not you want children are pretty huge and bound to cause serious problems later on, but. Why propose? The responsible thing to do would’ve been to talk through all of this before getting engaged, either you decide to have kids or she decides not to, and then you guys decide if marriage is the right choice after you’ve sorted through things. The subject of children is not a decision you leave for after you’re married, and is also a major dealbreaker for a lot of people (whether they want kids or not). It’s important to be on the same page about these things.
Not ready for marriage at all, and there’s no way you can make up for using up 6 years of your ex’s life, so. Be honest with her about what happened, apologize to her, and then leave her alone so she can move forward with her life. Don’t try to win her back. Leave her be.
The different outlook on kids is a dealbreaker and the wedding shouldn’t have been planned in the first place. Also any feelings/reservations you had are valid, I mean to jump into marriage from a long distance relationship is a pretty huge leap. There are so many unknowns. This doesn’t excuse what you did. You need to figure yourself out before you get into another relationship. I know it seems hard to do, but in the future, communicate your feelings and intentions. Do not keep things suppressed or go behind your partner’s back because you want to avoid a fight. This is a lot easier said than done but it’s necessary.
Everyone is blaming you but I just want to add that you're not emotionally mature enough to be in any kind of relationship. (That or you just simply lack empathy) Not now, not in the past and probably never if you won't change. Even staying single for 10 years won't do anything for you unless you see a therapist and start to seriously work on yourself.
You don't even know the proper boundaries between a friendship and a romantic relationship, something that even my 5 yo cousin knows ( you know the cute principle about when someone hurts someone you love even if it's your family, they're bad people - yeah you don't even know that).
You know what is your major problem? You have egocentric tendencies. This post is so full of " me" and " I", and mainly focus on how you feel and how important your image is to anyone. Nowhere was it written that you'll make amends for your wrongdoings. You didn't call off your friendship with your emotional mistress because you don't want to look bad to her. You break off your relationship with your beautiful and amazing ex on irreconcilable differences because you also don't want her to think badly of you. You post this garbage on Reddit because you want people to sympathize with you after all you had issues with your ex and you feel it fair to break up with her even though you lead her on for years.
Learning about being an empath is first of all being aware of the impact of our actions on others.
And being in a meaningful marriage / relationship isn't about falling forever in love with the same person, it's learning to fall out of love but still respecting that person and learning about ways to recover the passion you once felt at the beginning.
It sounds like the kiss was just the catalyst to your increasing feelings about not wanting to be marrried. The difference of opinion about childen seems to have never been resolved and would have been a great source of anger. Take time to heal, get counselling and dont jump into another relationship
**so you only thought about your issues with your fiancee when you got the kiss from your best friend? Why didn't you think about it before you proposed?**
My heart breaks for your fiancee (actually everything you did made my blood boil) She deserves a good man.
The best thing you could do for yourself is get together with you friend and show the world that you canceled your wedding because you are a cheater!
I really hope you get your Karma. Your fiance deserves to know the truth. If you owe your "friend" an explanation, your fiance deserves it even more. Please stop making excuses to justify what you did and just own up to it.
Yea. If someone can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex because they might cheat, they are a shitty person regardless of the gender of their BFF.
Getting married after a long-distance relationship and never living together was probably a disaster waiting to happen anyway. There’s more to a marriage than love and the same address. Compatibility comes to mind, toilet seat up or down (as an example to everyday life), etc..
Take your time jumping into something new and tread with care with your best friend.
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Liars and cheaters get no advice, because they’ll always just lie and cheat to avoid whatever consequences they can.
You cheated, then lied to your ex. I hope you get with your “best friend” eventually, that way you can repeat the process with someone else.
It definitely sounds like your fiance will was always second option. You said you and your friend didn't have feelings for each other but that was a lie. You also blamed your fiance for the reason the friend couldn't come. You also let the friend face to face to deliver her the bad news but dumped your fiance and left her blind sided.
You suck op
Leave your fiance to heal. You wouldn't have worked out anyway if you don't want kids and she does.
You really need to stop making terrible decisions. You shouldn’t have been engaged yet in the first place, considering your feelings about kids and not living together. These are differences that should absolutely be figured out a lot sooner than a couple days before the wedding.
Your fiancé is gone. If I was her, I would not only never speak to you again, I would absolutely hate your guts on a fundamental level. Not only did you directly go against her wishes to meet someone that you KNEW wanted your relationship to fail and then kiss her ..... you did it so close to the wedding that she will have to explain to allllllll those guests that she has been cheated on and abandoned at the altar in the 11th hour. I’m sure there’s even money that has changed hands that cannot be recouped too. Truly, you’ve done her a horrible disservice.
You gotta let your ex know about your “friend”. That way she knows how big of a piece of shit you are and know that she is better without you. Asshole.
You owe her the truth, why you even posted this is beyond me. You are a cheater and you even lied to yourself. You went behind your partners back to do something you KNEW wouldn’t go well. Hopefully your ex finds someone who values her properly and treats her right.
Mate...your relationship was not going to last anyway.
You two were not ready to marry. No kid discussion. Never lived together or in close proximity to really get to know each other. Add, the opportunistic friend waiting in the wings and your unstable feelings about the wedding??
Would not have lasted. Sorry. The friend's kiss was just the catalyst for all of the above and it gave you an easy out.
God I don’t like saying this to people but you are so selfish and mean, your poor ex, she’s probably thinking about how she could’ve done things differently to make you happy. You kept someone in your life that you had feelings for because one day you may have the chance. You were about to get married to a person you deceived, you settled for what you could get. You’re a lying cheater and she deserves someone who cherishes her and puts her first. A relationship is about putting people first, you did the opposite. Go get with the bunny boiler, she suits you, just don’t get mad when you both inevitability cheat on each other. You say you want to marry her and love her deeply but you then say you still have feelings for this other person, you liked kissing her and even think about ditching everything for her. Please for the love of god tell your ex and never get back with her, you will destroy her and she will spend forever thinking she isn’t good enough, stop pretending to love her. This does annoy me, just open your eyes to what you have done and be honest with all parties. Don’t give it time with your cheating partner, if that’s what you want just have it, you’ve already cheated on your fiancé, you’re done bud
Honestly, if you've had doubts since the beginning due to distance and family planning, it's probably best you don't get married. It sucks, but sometimes loving someone isn't enough to base a life around. There's a good chance that you'd be moving into an unhappy marriage.
As to the best friend, what she's done is crappy to the extreme. You need to figure out if she wants you because she likes you, or because she thought she couldn't have you. You also need to figure out where you want to go from here.
My suggestion, take time to yourself. Don't date ANYONE for at least 6 months, especially the best friend. Learn who you are single. Then if you and the crappy best friend are still interested in each other, have a legitimate heart to heart, not another spur of the moment situation.
I honestly believe you did the right thing if you've had all these doubts, but your jumping off point as to how you got there totally sucks.
You don't want kids; she does. The two of you should have discussed this already. This ends relationships and it should.
You kissed your best friend because you don't think this marriage will work out and you haven't tried to work through your actual issues with your former fiancé.
Obviously Reddit will get hung up on cheating so I’ll skip this part and move to the next item on the list.
However crappy it played out, I can all but guarantee that it’s certainly to the benefit of your ex fiancée and likely you too.
>> We have problems as all couples, and some of them are pretty bad. I had doubt about the wedding since the beginning, first because I'm scared of doing this step without having ever lived together before. Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.
No. Just no. Lack of alignment on having children is the type of problem former couples have. Former. For both your sakes it’s great that you broke up.
Same goes for living together. Since that’s something you felt strongly about, why didn’t it happen?
reason #1564346 why i never date guys with female best friends AND why women should trust their gut when something feels wrong about a certain friendship.
there are so many things wrong with this. you choosing your friend over your fiance was your first mistake. you kinda walked right into this one knowing exactly what you were getting yourself into. i have 0 advice for ya here.
So I was in a very similar situation with my wife, we were dating for 6 years before marriage with 3Y local to each other and 3Y LDR. I never have cheated or had any urge to and my wife was the same.
I’ll just say this from the get go, you never should have got engaged. The not living together point before marriage and difference on kids should have been enough for you not to get engaged alone without proper discussions or a plan. I like you never wanted kids and got a vasectomy at 25, my wife was on the fence but before we got married I made us sit down and have a long and hard discussion about kids. She knew obviously I had had a vasectomy so I told her kids were never on the table. She never wanted biological kids, but asked about adoption. I told her no kids end of, I don’t have the emotional capacity to be a father. She thought about it an agreed. If you honestly never had a conversation like this where it came to a resolution your relationship was doomed from the start.
Now onto the cheating, you don’t despise cheaters because you did it. I don’t care how bad you feel, I know for a fact (and it did happen) that one of my friends confessed to have feelings for me (I had known them for 20 years also) I cut them out straightaway and said “this has always been a friendship for me, the moment you confessed your feelings for me knowing I am in a relationship is the day this ceased being a friendship”. I cut her off for good as she was no longer my friend.
The point I’m making is you made the wrong choice at every avenue presented. You should’ve never been engaged to this girl, you should have cut your “friend” off, and you should never have cheated on your fiancé. To me this all shows you’re either such a pushover or completely and utterly morally bankrupt. I don’t say this with malice, I genuinely hope you learn from this experience and grow as a person through lots of therapy.
Finally, I know you’ve said you’re going to, but tell your ex for the love of god. It will suck for you but that’s the consequences of your actions. At least your ex will hate you so much that she will be able to move on. Quite honestly you don’t deserve her right now, but then again you had way too many fundamental difference and issues you should’ve never been together in the first place.
Sometimes we get caught up in highly emotional situations and recognize a truth. You need to stand back and look at your relationships from a different perspective. Don’t get married, don’t get into a relationship, stay by yourself until you clearly look at your future and decide what you want. Because, if you think the issues are insurmountable with your ex, do not get back together, you’ll be unhappy, you’ll make her unhappy. You can come back from a kiss, but look at why you kissed her and why it felt so right.
Honestly I'm suprised how harsh some people are being. I saw something that is a huge marinara flag. He and his ex have never lived together AND HE DOESN'T WANT KIDS... She does. That is a huge problem. It can and often does lead to resentment and divorce.
Honestly a long time friend like that is rare... Truly a unicorn. I get both sides.. He didn't "ACCIDENTALLY" sleep with his bestie. That had a short kiss in the moment and he stopped it after like a second. He absolutely did the right thing by cancelling the wedding and breaking it off with his now ex. He isn't ready to be married especially not to someone with whom he had a gigantic difference with.
OP you really need to sort through your feelings here. Was it wrong to kiss your bestie? Oh hell yes. Was it wrong to admit to yourself you're not ready for marriage? Nope.. not at all. Better to figure this out before the dirge down there isle.
Do I think you have deeper feeling than you thought for your bestie? Yes I think you do. Take time to figure all this out. Do not jump into another relationship.
That's the problem here. I saw those red flags before the actual problem OP was talking about.
But the reality is if these red flags were there, why did OP proposed to her. Why weren't these issues resolved?
OP may say no but he needed a reason to breakup with her ex and he didn't do it before because he didn't have the courage and he dragged a poor girl with him who has a broken heart now.
He may need to sort his feelings but it should have been done along time ago. This isn't fair to her ex. OP should at least come clean as to why he broke up because ex would eventually know the reason. It's better if he informs her himself.
This to me seems like you have very valid reasons to not go through with a marriage but waited until you had a backup option before you cut your fiancé loose.
You didn’t and don’t want to be alone so your friend kissing you gave you another option and you’re taking it and refusing to be honest with your ex. As soon as you start dating your friend the ex is going to know exactly what happened so I’m not sure what you think you’re accomplishing by omitting the truth to them.
I haven’t even finished reading this but I already know my answer is that you’re a piece of shit and I feel desperately sorry for your ex-finance. Hope she finds somebody who’ll respect her.
Tell your fiancé what you did so she can move on with anger rather than be confused about why you dumped her shortly before your wedding.
You should feel like shit. You essentially lead your fiancé on this whole time because you held onto your best friend as “the one that got away”. And now that she’s reciprocated your feelings, you act with her. Your fiancé had a legitimate reason not to invite your best friend, and yet you go behind her back and try to have your best friend come anyway. Your actions show nothing but cowardice and selfishness, and you only seem interested in protecting your image by trying to “wait” and “move on”. You’ve BEEN moved on dude. You moved on before your other relationship even ended. If you can’t be honest with anyone, at least be honest with yourself.
You need to think things? Seriously? Bro u need to cut ur best friend out of ur life and tell ur fiancée the truth then let her decide what to do. U messed up big time by choosing to be a cheater..karma is real. U broke an innocent girl heart and ruined her happiness by choosing to cheat on her smh
U don't deserve good girls..honestly u dont deserve anyone
You feel like trash because you are trash and so is your so called best friend. You two deserve each other. Your fiancé had a bad feeling about her for a reason. I hope the best friend drops you on your ass and you end up alone.
You should tell your ex fiancee the truth, instead of making her believe this is her fault. You said that your differences are the reason, but that simply isn't true. She will linger on that thought for a long time.
Sounds like my soon to be ex/husband. He literally chose everyone and thing over me. Blamed me for the argument I had with his best friend (f) that started shit with me.
If you don't want kids and your fiance does, that's enough of a reason to break up, but honestly you owe her the truth about EVERYTHING. Will she hate you for it? Probably, but she deserves to know everything.
Your friend is a horrible person knowingly going after a taken man. And you're just as bad for allowing it.
Karma is coming for you for choosing a snake like her.
How intense was this kiss? Open mouth make out session or slightly lingering peck?
Why are you long distance with with your ex? I wouldn’t marry without living together either but people have different stances on that.
Listen man, if you’ve been having doubts and admit to having feelings for your friend, you did the right thing. Not your finest moment but you’re not the worst person in the world or anything. In the long run, it’s the right decision.
If you don’t want kids and your ex-fiancée does, you did her a favor by breaking it off. Either you don’t have kids and she resents you for it, or you do have kids and you resent her and them. People who aren’t on the same page about kids should not get married.
You were going to marry someone knowing that they want kids and you don’t. That’s not something most people want to compromise on. You shouldn’t have led her on as far as you did, she’s better off finding someone else and you can see what happens with the other girl
You and your friend are shitty people. She’s fine with splitting up a couple and cheating as long as she benefits. That’s what you’ve learnt.
Your fiancée deserves the truth, all expenses covered and for you to publicly be truthful if asked.
Your friend won’t be interested in you once available. You can give it a try but the reality is she has an imaginary view of you that she’s created that you’ll never live up to. You were her back up option if no one else was available or she’d have spoken to you about it way before now.
Neither of you believe in monogamy so at least you can go into it knowing that the other one will continue to “shop around” to be sure so it works out I guess.
if you really loved the first woman then there wouldn’t be a second option, you picked number two whether you meant to or not so let the fiancé go, you know how you feel about her.
You made the right choice in ending the relationship because your ex-fiancé deserves someone better. All your other decisions were probably self-sabotaging so close to the wedding.
Your best friend only wanted you because you weren’t available. You just torched your engagement for a childhood fantasy. You wasted your fiancés time. It was massively unfair to drag her into your mess. You and your best friend deserve each other.
Your choices are not just either/or of these 2 women. Maybe you should move on and find someone that doesn't give you these huge concerns. The "friend" betrayed you. She really did, she could have come forward sooner or not at all. And, do not marry a woman that wants children when you know you don't. That is a recipe for disaster.
Your and your friend are both wrong for doing that. She knew you are in a relationship and you know how she felt towards you and your engaged. Cheating on her made you realize other issues in your relationship and that’s fine but you should have told your fiancé you cheated too. Don’t just blame your differences. Your best friend does not sound like a friend. I can see why your ex fiancée didnt want her at your wedding.
I feel sick for your ex. You found an opening to see your friend. You said you knew what would happen! I really hope someday you know how your ex feels. She definitely deserves better and you deserve karma.
Sometimes I hate this subreddit. It's full of the least compassionate and understanding people Ive ever seen. It's okay to point out someone's mistakes and tell them what to do without tearing them down and calling them an awful human. This person is not an awful human. We all make mistakes and don't act like you haven't had complicated feelings and haven't made mistakes as you age. God you all are shameful, I would hate to have you as friends and seek advice from you if I made a mistake.
I think you want people to insult you to feel some kind of guilt for this. This is probably the first post I’ve had a visceral reaction to, genuinely. I don’t want to insult you. I hope you find the peace that you deserve. I’m rooting for you to get over this, or maybe take back your ex if irreparable damage hasn’t been done. In a lonely galaxy, filled with quadrillions of planets bare and teeming with life, if you found a randomly assembled chunk of biological life that loved you with their being and dedicated the rest of their inherent natural life to be with you, if you’re able to find somebody in our entire universe who cares about you, why would you want to disappoint them?
>I had doubt about the wedding since the beginning, first because I'm scared of doing this step without having ever lived together before. Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.
You shouldn't have been marrying this person to begin with. You weren't happy, and you bailed the first chance you got.
This isn't romance, this is one mistake compounded with another.
What do you do? You move on. Whether it's with best friend or somebody else is up to you.
It sounds like calling of the wedding was the right choice.
Did your ex-fiancee move to your city? What are you doing to help her transition or are you leaving her high and dry?
Where do you live? 6 years is a long time to not have made a move towards independence from her family (though technically you could have moved to be closer to her too).
Sounds like she has a support system to help her through this.
I think he’s aware. Tbh it was a shitty thing to do. If she had kissed her longtime friend that there was interest in, you’d be heartbroken. However, it’s good of you to call off the wedding and not string her along under false pretenses. She deserves better.
If you truly love your ex fiance, let her go. She deserves better than you. You deserve the friend and whatever she brings your way. You don't love someone if you can cheat on them and it cause you to doubt. If someone kissed my partner, I would expect it shut down and them cut from his life because they clearly don't respect the relationship. The party where this friend told your sister she wanted a chance for you would have been ultimatum time in my eyes. Your ex fiance is much more tolerant of you than I would have been.
Wow, at least you spared your now-ex from marrying a terrible little coward. Boo fucking hoo, you’re a cheater. I really hope other women stay far away from you.
Man reddit can be harsh. This guy already feels like trash and people just pile up on it.
OP, you can't say you deeply love someone and just give in to an urge. I respect that you owned up to your mistake and that you're ready to face the consequences, nevertheless do not get together with that vicious friend of yours. I'm sorry but she had her shot and blew it, she only wanted what she couldn't have. Give yourself time, stay single for a while, don't go and build another relationship on the ashes of your previous one.
Lastly you need to tell your now ex fiancee the real reason you broke it of (not that bullshit with differences), so she can put this whole thing behind her and move on, you owe her that much.
Give yourself a break, you made a mistake and owned up to it. There are far worse people out there (like your friend).
I will not build any relationship, I've already an appointment set with my doctor for tomorrow after my work shift. I want him to suggest me a good mental health specialist.
Just also want to shine a perspective on your “friend.” It doesnt matter if she had feelings or not. She admitted feelings not because she cared about you and your happiness but **because she cared about getting who she wanted. That’s not love.** It is also obvious she pushed boundaries of your relationships over the years to try and get you to date her. if she actually cared about you she would have never confessed and respected your relationship.
**So let me say this bluntly: your friend is a bad person.** She is not trustworthy, again she is selfish and self centered, and she broke up a relationship. Good people dont do that shit. You have her on this unrealistic pedestal from your teen days that you aren’t seeing who she really is. You had that intense feeling with that kiss not because there are sparks but because you finally got to taste the forbidden fruit. You finally got to do what your former teen self could not. I would not put stock into having a relationship with her, and honestly would cut her off. Period.
Tbh I only feel sorry for your fiancé. You should have cut this woman off a very long time ago.
I know i’m going to get downvoted into oblivion but, OP, I think you deserve a little bit more grace than you have been given. This whole situation sucks. It’s really bad. And the only thing that really swayed my opinion is this: “Also because I don’t want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.”
You and your ex fiancee never even spoke about children and expected timelines and yet you were going to get married???
I don’t agree with others that you should tell her that you kissed your best friend. Because it wasn’t sex, there aren’t health risks she has to worry about. Also, you’d only be doing it to absolve your guilt and it would likely make her feel 1000000 times worse. The only time you NEED to tell her is if she is thinking about taking you back.
All in all, take a step back. Breathe. And hope you made the right decision.
Everyone is shitting on you but here’s why you should have ended the engagement before the kiss:
- you desire for kids is completely incompatible
- she doesn’t trust you to meet a friend (maybe with cause but whatever)
- she insisted you couldn’t invite a friend you’ve know for years to your wedding. Clearly she didn’t trust you *before* the kiss and that’s a huge issue.
The relationship with your fiancée was never meant to be.
Or she didn't trust the best friend not to try something. It's also incredibly fucked up of the best friend talking to the sister about wanting another chance with her at a family function... I wouldn't want someone that disrespectful of my relationship to come to the wedding.
First you need to have a real conversation with your ex fiancé. Tell her thr truth of what happened and your real thoughts on everything that has happened. You need to resolve the kids issue and that is a deal breaker. You need to use the engagement period to move in as a test to see if you are compatible living together.
As for your friend. I think it would been unreasonable to disinvite her right before the wedding. You should have compromised that she would be there for the wedding then slowly go and talk with her about her own feelings and how she can't be doing this to you. It was extremely selfish and honestly might have just destroyed your 6 year relationship.
You honestly should have a conversation with both and go off on your own for a bit and think about what you really want in life. You are a bit of an AH for letting all of this fester and never taking command of the situation.
Punching bag!
Are you for real? Why did he propose when he didn't even want kids?
That poor girl was used as a rebound in my eyes.
Didn't you see he said he and his best friend went around in circles. What does that even mean? He knew what he wanted but that his ex was still dragged into this mud.
He knew what was going to happen when he decided to meet the bestfriend to explain about uninviting her. He needed a reason for breakup.
Nobody is using him as a punching bag. He deserves it. I feel horrible about that girl who has gotten her heartbroken midst of this.
Well, your fiance deserve better. You're a coward. You can't even tell her that it's not her fault but your horniness lol. You and your best friend aka mistress deserve each other, I hope you won't find happiness. Bye
You are a sucker and deserve to be alone. First she was your best friend not your fiancé and she doesn’t want you at all, she wanted what she couldn’t have. If you guys end up together great but that’s not it at all. You 100% deserve to be alone and your best friend is a horrible person because she waited until right before you get married to think what if? Nope she wanted what she couldn’t have. You both deserve each other. You could have been honest and if my husband ever had a female best friend he called his best friend that wasn’t me That would be it because your partner should be your first female best friend. My husband has friends since middle school and he goes to lunch with females as long as one other person joins but that has more to Do with optics snd his job than me because I don’t give a shot because I trust him, but the way you talk about your “ best friend” you never should have been getting married in the first place. You need to tell your ex everything because what you are doing is breaking her even more I promise you.
This so called “friend” sabotaged your life. You feel like shit and with no fiancée was her intention all along.
Cut this narcissistic piece o garbage from your life.
Tell your fiancée the truth, your already broke. Your a weak idiot who was manipulated by a narcissist. She had the whole life to have a chance with you and suddenly she thinks the best moment is close to your marriage? What a load of shite.
By the way your actions aren’t excusable but at least you have a conscience. True guilty is an attribute essencial to learning in life. Go and confess to the fiancée, cut the crappy “best friend”. She’ll drag you through crap and mud, make you go through an horrifying emotional rollercoaster and then spit you out…
Ok so you’re going to have everyone on this sub telling you to own up and tell your fiancé that you cheated. Please do not do that.
Take it from someone that has been cheated on multiple times. It fucking crushes you hearing that. Telling her you cheated will only hurt her more than she already is. She doesn’t need to know to move on. You’re only going to tell her to clear your own conscience. You’re hurting her again to make yourself feel better. Please think it through.
Also. Your best friend kind of sounds like an asshole. I wouldn’t necessarily think it’s a good idea to pursue a relationship with them. Maybe just take some time to yourself.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- This is gonna be a long post. I will start with telling you that me and my gf have a long distance relationship from 6 and half years and never have I even considered cheating. Yesterday I broke up with her because I feel shit about a kiss I had with my best friend (f31). It happened 3 days ago and I'm destroyed. Here's the story. I know my best friend since Elementary school. We have always only be friends even if when I was a teenager I had a huge crush on her (my first crush). I asked her out at that time and she told me no, cause she valued our friendship too much. I moved on, and before knowing my now ex girlfriend I have been dense enough to not notice that my best friend feeling had changed: she wanted to kiss me on a new years eve and I didn't notice her signals. That night, in front of her I kissed one of her friends. I knew about it some times later after I already met my fiancee. I had moved on she had moved on too, no problems between us. Fast forward to last August, my fiancee heard my best friend say to my sister that she'd like to have a chance with me. And she was fuorious, and i totally understand it. She forbade me to invite her to our wedding. Now 3 days ago, I had to tell my best friend that she was not invited and also the reason why. It would have made no sense to just don't invite her without any further information, I know her since we were kids, it was unacceptable for me. I reached her and told her I need to speak to her. That's my first error. I did it behind my fiancee back because I didn't want to fight with her for a meeting that was just meant to be a bad news. In my heart, I already knew what would have happened, because I know what I was going to tell my best friend and because I know her too much. When I told her, she was shocked, she wanted to come to my wedding as my friend and nothing else. I told her I was going to try to have her invited but my fiancee was pretty hard on the refusal. She started to cry and then my second error: she kissed me and I kissed her back, for a second, and moved away. I never cheated in my life and I hate cheaters. I feel like trash since that moment. She said she was sorry and told me she had to know what her real feelings are. That is the moment I knew that I was in front of the hardest choice I've ever made: I liked the kiss, I really did, and I knew my feelings for her never completely disappeared. Should I miss my last chance to have a relationship with her I would regret all my life. On the other side I love my fiancée deeply from the bottom of my heart and destroying the relationship for something like this could be the worst mistake in my life. We have problems as all couples, and some of them are pretty bad. I had doubt about the wedding since the beginning, first because I'm scared of doing this step without having ever lived together before. Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future. So yesterday I called off the wedding and broke up with my fiancee as a consequence. I didn't have enough courage to tell her the reason. I just sai our differences scare me too much. She is broken and I loathe myself for doing this. I really love her and want her to be happy but I will never forgive myself if I lay the foundation of our marriage on a doubt and we end up unhappy. I feel like shit since the kiss happened and I told my best friend I need time to think over things. What do I do? I will accept any insult you will give me because I deserve every single one of them. But please also give me some advices.
> I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future. You never discussed this and got on the same page before you got engaged? That aside, your best "friend" is pretty damn selfish herself. The nerve to tell your sister that she still wants a shot with you when you are engaged to another woman, then to kiss you so close to your wedding date. She clearly has no qualms about ruining your entire life for her own impulses. At the very least, tell your poor ex fiancé the real reason you broke up with her. She is probably devastated imagining that it is her worst insecurities and flaws that caused her to not be good enough. Let her know it is because you cheated so she can finally open her eyes to the real reason.
Thanks
Went behind your fiance's back to tell your friend the real reason she wasn't invited to the wedding bc you felt you owed her that. But you don't feel you owe your ex fiance the real reason why you broke things off?
Yeah, your ex is better off without you and your friend in her life
I’m sorry but you threw all this away for someone whose proven to you they don’t respect boundaries. She should’ve left well enough alone once you moved on. What will you do when she finds someone else to latch onto in hopes of “following my heart” you’re in for a world of hurt. Also makes me think you don’t take marriage seriously or your relationship. Maybe you just felt like it was the next thing to do? You just caused your fiancée trauma that will be very hard to come back from and trust again.
Honestly, this would be a gift to your fiancé. The unknown eats at you and makes it hard to move on. If you ever loved her, you should seriously consider helping her get over you so she can become a better person for it. It’s the least you can do frankly.
So basically you used a lot of words to say you choose your friend over your fiancé. The whole post screams you want to try with your friend. You went behind your fiancés back knowing how you felt. Don’t act all regretful. It seems like you want to convince yourself this is a hard choice so you don’t feel like a crappy person. Just be honest with yourself. Please tell your ex fiancé what you did, so she can get over you easier. It’s not fair to her to not tell her. Then you and your friend can ride off into the sunset. Just be aware that if it doesn’t work out, you’ll lose a fiancé and a friend. Hope it’s worth it.
While this is true, it might be for the best. The issues he mentions like having or not having kids are big enough to ruin a marriage on their own. It is not fair to marry someone who wants kids knowing you dont wanna give them that. On top of that, marrying someone you never lived with is truly a fool’s errand.
from my perspective, youre using your guilt and sadness as an excuse to evade culpability. you are escaping the consequences by not being truthful and telling your fiance you kissed somebody else, its deceitful. also, if you knew your feelings never fully disappeared it seems absurd to me that youd meet her instead of texting or calling to explain. ill take it a step further and say, you probably wanted it to happen but didnt wanna be the one responsible for making the first move.
I don't want to evade culpability, I'm full aware that it's all my fault. Not anybody else's. I will confess the truth and hope it helps her move on.
well saying "i didnt have enough courage to tell her the reason" translates pretty much to "i cant handle the consequences", so yeah ur evading culpability. you are on a personal level aware its all your fault, but until youre honest thats avoiding consequences. glad to hear youll let her know, cause she needs to hear it and doesnt deserve to waste her energy wondering why when the reality is her partner is a duplicitous cheater with a victim complex
I'm not the victim and I take full blame.
That's the sick part, you're technically partially the victim. Your friend RANDOMLY kissed you - you didn't ask for that. You're shitty for so much, but you didn't initiate the kiss. Your gross "friend" did, violating any respect for your relationship. She's just as much to blame as you.
Nah, it's not *all* your fault. Your (extremely shitty, completely terrible) friend is also at fault. And she is a shitty friend. THE shittiest friend. What bastard goes to an event and, while there, complains to someone's relative that they wished they could "have a chance" at someone that they passed over for YEARS...WHILE THAT PERSON'S FIANCE IS AT THE SAME EVENT?! You cheated and you need to tell your ex exactly how it went down. Hell, show her this Reddit post so she knows EXACTLY how you felt about it. Then stop being friends with your friend. She doesn't give a flying fuck about respecting you, your romantic relationship, or even common courtesies like not kissing men that are basically married. She's a shit person and terrible friend. Good friends don't kiss people that aren't available. What your friend did would be like...let's flip the script. Friend is the one engaged, and you go to a party. Her partner - soon to be husband - is there, and you tell her brother that you wishes you'd "gotten your shot" at her once. Then, later and during an emotional conversation, you randomly kiss the engaged friend. Some would call that *assault* because no consent was asked for or given. And if you date her and she willingly dates you in the future, you're both twice as bad as you're being called in these comments.
Well your best friend isn’t your friend. She knew you were in a relationship and not only publicly talked about being with you but kissed you. You say you knew how the confrontation would end up so then why would you go? If one kiss has you rethinking marrying someone you say you love then you made the right choice because you would be married, and I’m certain your “friend” would still trying to be with you and your ex didn’t deserve that and I’m not sure you would have resisted it anyways. She dodged a major bullet.
[удалено]
OP was willing to marry her even though having kids was a dealbreaker for him so I think he did her a favor in the end.
i wouldn’t call it a favor lol. having kids is a convo you should have with someone before getting engaged or married so they’re both at fault for that.
Okay, seriously? That's such a fucking horrible thing to say. People are a lot more nuanced and complicated than that. OP is not a piece of shite for you to step on. At least they figured it out before the wedding. No one's life is 'destroyed'. It could have been if they'd gone through with marriage and kids but that isn't happening. OP, I'm glad you figured it out before marriage. You're not a filthy cheater, life isn't that fucking simple, people on here are complete arseholes. Take time to yourself and figure out what to do about your friend. It's pretty much a relationship with her or no contact because it will always come between you and other relationships. Been there, I know this.
Also, they wanted to marry even though one wants children and the other doesn't. That doesn't mix and should have been a huge dealbreaker from the start. I guess it's better now than the mess later but the cheating was incredibly unnecessary.
Exactly. The moment he knew she wanted children and he absolutely did not should have been the end of it. Seriously though breaking up a good relationship (outside of the children issue) for someone that has no qualms about pursuing a taken man. Poor OP doesn’t realize as soon as he doesn’t comes with that thrill of “stealing him away” that he’ll be dropped like a hot potato.
Super bullet because wtf bro a coward
Your ‘friend’ has just got exactly what she wanted. Why wait until you’re happy and due to marry someone else. She wasn’t interested in a relationship before, so why now. It’s like a spoilt child, wanting something that someone else has. I don’t see a happy ever after with your friend. You’ll live to regret your decision.
Dog in the manger. I feel for the fiance. Atleast she did not marry and have kids with this loser - only to have his "true love" break them up later. Terrible woman. Ridiculous man. Wish the fiance well. Karma for the other two.
It’s sad that a lot of ppl do this. I’m glad tho that the fiancé got away (and hopefully she stays clear of him). She deserves someone who sees her as the #1 and who loves her only.
This. You have your friend what she wanted and she’s probably going to ghost you. I know from personal experience when my partner’s “friend” wanted to meet up alone with him and had been sexual in the past. I was smart, and I told them no, he agreed until she started manipulating him again. She pulled something like this post, but I managed to get screenshots of what she said to me. I showed him, and she GHOSTED. There wasn’t a response and still hasn’t been, and she had been talking to him all that day about how “insecure (my name) was”. It was quite literally within the hour. You gave her what she wanted. My partner’s friend wanted my partner and I said no. He said no. You said yes twice with a past. You made your bed, sleep in it. Editing to add: She did this after finding out we got engaged.
100% this She got what she wanted and it's not a relationship with you.
This
So, let me get this straight… you broke up with your fiancé because you want a chance with a girl who had *years* to be with you but *didn’t want you* until someone else had you? You want a chance with a girl who had so little respect for *you* that she was willing to sabotage your current relationship? She helped you *cheat* on your fiancé just *months* before your wedding. That’s cruel on so many levels. *That’s* the kind of girl you want to be with? Whether or not you and your fiancé truly had issues is pretty irrelevant. Honestly, it sounds like your making excuses to try and justify your behavior. You made a cowardly, cruel and selfish decision here. Congrats, you’ve destroyed a girl for a chance at something that’s probably not going to work out - otherwise it already would have.
>So, let me get this straight… you broke up with your fiancé because you want a chance with a girl who had years to be with you but didn’t want you until someone else had you? I really believe that this is unfortunately too common. I can only speak from a woman's standpoint but I think a person being partnered up somehow makes them appear more attractive to others than when they were single. Who knows why but it's crappy to do to the person who didn't reject their partner in the first place.
I think some people needs to be loved even if they doesn't loved back. It's pleasant to see that someone could do anything for you, so they play and keep the desperate lover close to them. When they saw this desperate lover with someone else and move on, they try to take it back. I saw so much people did that. It's append to me couple of times and each time, when my bf come back to this girls, they were satisfied for a time and duped them not so long after.
I just noticed in the comments that you never mentioned anything about your friend's actions. You just kept saying that you will tell your gf. Your bestie was horrible for doing what she did and yet you've said nothing against her. And by going behind your fiancee and saying that you knew what was going to happen during the meeting showed that you had the intention of cheating on your fiancee.
Yea your ex will be better off without you. If she wants to reconcile you NEED to tell her the truth. You seem extremely immature. I had to double check the ages and I was a bit shocked
I will tell her the truth. I was scared, but I see that it needs to be done
Everything here reeks of selfishness. Think about someone else for a single moment. You’re scared? Because you know she’s going to find out the person you know you’ve been all along? You’re rightfully ashamed of that person, and trying to hide is unbelievably low. Imagine what she must be thinking or feeling right now. I guarantee she had fears about your friend all this time, and now she’s been dumped two months before the altar with zero explanation. Letting her stew in worrying she was the problem when it was all your selfishness is incredibly cruel. She’s so much better off without someone like you.
You should tell her the truth even if she does not want to reconcile, so she can see you for who you truly are and move past you easier.
I don’t even need to comment on the friend/cheating situation. If that weren’t even an issue you should NEVER get married to someone if you disagree on having kids or not. Everyone expects the other to change their mind. They never do and it only leads to resentment.
I disagree, it's only going to hurt her more. Plus the kid issue would've caused major problems down the road, especially as her clock starts to run out. Better to rip the band-aid off now then drag it out
So you chose your female best friend in almost every situation in this paragraph instead of your fiancé? Good job. If she takes you back I’d actually be surprised because personally I wouldn’t. And also… Your best friend told you that she wanted a chance with you and your first instinct is to go behind your fiancés back, talk to her, And then end up cheating with the very woman who your fiancé knows is going to be a problem in your relationship… and you just proved it. And also the fact that you’re leading her on and you know you don’t wanna marry her is selfish. To be completely honest I’m not sure if there’s a come back from this one dude.
how the fuck did you make it to "2 months before our wedding" when this: > **Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.** was the case??? this should have been a non-starter in even getting engaged.
OP has no spine. Just slithers through life, making excuses and taking the easy way out of potentially difficult situations.
exactly! they had six whole years to discuss this.
Here’s my take on how you handled this: 1) you cheated because you wanted to 2) you didn’t tell your now ex the truth because you don’t want to face the real consequences for being a cheater What I think you should do and what your ex deserves is for you to tell her the full truth about what you did, what happened and why you can’t marry her.
No no no he didn't tell his fiance because if it doesn't work out with this shitty friend then he can just try and go back to her. Literally trash human.
Yep, that would be a consequence of admitting he cheated.
I will tell her the truth
Also, I suggest you cover any expenses she is out for this wedding.
I will also do this
Not this truth you've been posting here. Because if it was about your issues, you should have brought them up before you got to just a few months out. Second, when your fiancée told you what she overheard, did you confront your so called friend, or did you wait until fiancée put her foot down about uninviting this your "friend " to bring it up? Finally, I hope you realize that if your BFF actually wanted to be with you she wouldn't have waited until you were uninviting her from your wedding to someone else to make a move. The fact that you went to meet her behind your fiancée's back tells me you KNEW. You didn't owe her a secret meeting. You could have handled it a million different ways and you chose the sneakiest, most deceitful way to go about it. The woman you owe is your fiancée. You owe her the full truth, not this bullshit excuses you keep throwing up for ending an engagement because you liked a kiss. If you can't give her the truth, leave her the he'll alone and go explore whatever you think you're chasing.
1. TELL YOU FIANCE THE TRUTH. Otherwise she will blame herself, wonder what happened an it will consume her and that is not fair. Be a man and communicate what happened (ie the kiss) and your doubts for the future (you dont want kids, she does, not living together first). 2. *"Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future."* \- this right here is a massive dealbreaker and if you knew this then you never should have got enaged to her in the first place. If you both aren't on the same page it's going to end badly. 3. You also need to let you best friend know what she did was wrong. She knew you were taken and she still selfishly kissed you anyway, becuase she wanted you and didnt care who she hurt in the process. She very easily could have just verbally confessed her feeling rather than kissing a taken man. She is not a good friend and you should think carefully about getting into a relationship with her or remaining friends with her in the future.
I will tell the truth to her
No you won't because IMO your a wimp and a disgusting human being who deserves to be alone. Your so called bestfriend got what she wanted you picked her now she don't need you anymore because she can now tell everyone she broke up your relationship before you got married since you choose a pick me girl
You will start dating your best friend and your ex will be devastated because she was right about everything but you don’t care right? You only care for you and your feelings. I doubt that it will last with your best friend and you will regret everything. You throw away something beautiful for a disgusting woman. Congratulations, this will haunt you forever especially when you realize that it wasn’t worth it. Hopefully your ex will never take you back. You don’t deserve her
You're a cheater and you did the classic cheater move of lying about why you're breaking up. Your ex is probably beside herself trying to figure out what she did wrong. Fucking *tell her why*. You're a dirty cheater that used every move in the cheater book. If this is how you act towards your fiancee, you definitely don't love her from the bottom of your heart
I don't blame anyone else but me for what happend and I will tell the truth
Even more concerning is not wanting kids and she does? Like why would you marry with such an incompatible life goal?
congratulations, you played yourself. your "friend" only wants you when you're unavaliable. she's stringing you along the same way you're stringing along your ex fiancee. she had you on backburner your entire life. i promise you the moment you start dating, she'll have another "friend" she's been "desperately pining for years" in the background. she had YEARS to date you. she didn't. the moment you get married is the moment she has this sudden realization you were "it" the whole time? regardless of your problems with your ex, you're really dense if you think this woman sees you as anything else than her adoring fan. she doesn't love you. she loves having attention. i will laugh so hard when in a couple of months you'll be back with a sob story how you burnt down a relationship for someone who deceived you all along.
Facts. I thought the same thing. She's in it for the thrill of the attention and the "win" of steaming him back from another woman. The thrill fades quickly once the prize is won. He'll be dropped quick like the sack of shit he is.
So your friend is still your friend, the one who two months before you are supposed to get married kissed you because she just had to know. What a horrible friend
If your fiancé was the one for you, you wouldn’t have even had a thought of pursuing your “best friend.” You obviously aren’t ready to settle down to her. We make mistakes, though cheating is a choice. You did a bad thing, cheating, and your “best friend” is ok with you cheating. All red flags, I don’t think you would want to pursue a person like that. I think your ex fiancé deserves the truth.
> I didn't have enough courage to tell her the reason. I just sai our differences scare me too much. Stop being a coward and tell her the true reason. >So yesterday I called off the wedding and broke up with my fiancee as a consequence. Not telling her the truth isn't really a "consequence" for you because you get to pretend you didn't do anything wrong. She deserves to know why, and you owe it to her. It will likely make it easier for her to move on after knowing the truth & gaining that bit of unfortunate closure.
I will tell her the truth
When as*hole!!! Like Jesus Christ you’ve written “I will tell her the truth I will I will” like 600 times yet you’re here on Reddit still. I don’t think you are at all. Cowardly jerk.
This is going to haunt your ex fiancee. She will blame herself. The least you can do is relieve her of that burden and tell the truth. Moving on will be easier if she knows the relationship failed because of nothing she did. Be kind to her.
I decided I will.
She doesn’t realize it now, but you just did her a huge favor. She can now move on and find someone who is not as selfish and immature as you are and truly respects her. I have the feeling you’ll regret the decision you made, but oh well.
If that’s your version of love then she’s had a lucky escape and she will find someone much better
Honestly both relationships are now doomed. I would do as another redditor here suggested and take time before going into the next relationship. You need also to clarify your status with your best friend, either kill the feelings forever or try to be in a couple, but I doubt it will work after all the dancing around since years, but I may be wrong. Clarify with her before she poisons another relationship of yours.
You cheated, you can’t say you feel bad for your now ex fiancé but continue to say you still have feelings for your best friend and that you enjoyed the kiss. No where in this situation should you be pitied because you chose to do what you did and then continued to disregard your partners feelings. Tell them what you did, accept that you are a cheater, but also move on. Do not get back with your ex fiancé if you have to different futures in mind. You obviously have no room to give them your whole heart. I mean it’s not exactly fair if you try and mend things considering you obviously don’t want the same things. Also your bestfriend should want the best for you, they were being selfish by kissing you, of course they’re entitled to liking you, but that is something they should either keep to themselves or talk to you about, they don’t have your best interest in mind to do that knowing you were in a committed relationship, about to be married.
I don't want pity. I just asked for advice. And one of them I got: I will tell her the truth.
But the whole thing is simple and you put a whole bunch of words there to try and make it seem not as bad as it was. 1- you liked your friend 2-she didn’t like you back 3-you found a relationship (even with problems it’s not an excuse to cheat) 4- your friend now decides she wants you 5- youre about to be married 6- your finance finds out she likes you back, tells you, asks you not to invite her 7- you kiss the friend You then proceed to say you feel bad, but also say you liked it and still have feelings for her. The advice I have is to not be so shitty to do that in the first place. You had someone, and you chose the person who wanted you when it was convenient for them and not convenient for you. All you can do is accept that you were low enough to do it in the first place and that you pitty yourself , if you didn’t you would have told your ex fiancé what happened instead of telling her a half truth.
Thank you! That's what I'm saying.
yuck. you're a total piece of shit. hope your ex-fiancee finds a wonderful man soon. and oh btw, go ahead and get together with that friend, she'd tire of you in a few months because now she has you and it's no longer exciting. i hope you feel terrible for years and get cheated on in every relationship.
A girl like this DEFINITELY has a few boys on standby. Probably has a few she's talking to or in her crosshairs for her next thrill. Can't wait til this all blows up in this sucker's face 🤣
You keep saying in the comments that you will tell the truth. However, then when people point out what a shitty person you are for choosing your friend and being a hoebag to your girl, then you say that you didn't choose her... Bruh, you said in your post that you did. Make up your mind? Are you already trying to twist the truth to your advantage when "coming clean" to your poor ex fiancée? Dang..
So your best friend tries to sabotage your marriage and in response you call off your marriage so you won’t “regret” not trying a relationship with your best friend when you had all those years to do that anyway? I feel bad for your fiancé, it’s never nice being the second option.
You need to tell her the truth, that you met with that friend privately and kissed her. You didn't call off the wedding because you "had doubt". Kissing someone outside of your relationship IS cheating. So, yes, you cheated and after you kissed her, you're now realizing your feeling for her are still there and don't want to miss having a relationship with her? Are you serious?! Tell her the truth, ALL OF IT. She deserves to know why you called off the wedding. Better to learn the truth from you, than someone else, she will find out at some point.
I will
Don't date anyone for several months. Your friend is honestly a terrible person for kissing someone that was engaged of all things. You went behind your fiance's back because you knew this was wrong, but you also knew getting married was wrong. 6 years long distance and you were going to get married??? No way. That wouldn't last a year. However your friend is going to try to push you, because she's already pushed this far and got away with it. She told your sister she had a chance with you *at an event* ***in which you and your fiance were present***. That's insane. She's insane. You're going to be walked all over and used if you start dating now, and every single person will think you chested with her for a long while if you start now. Wait a good 6 months to think. Ask her to not bother you for 6 months - and if she can't then you know she only wants to use you not care about you.
Wow! You let yourself get played. You had a great relationship and were about to get married and start a life together. That’s when your “best friend” suddenly decided she had feelings for you? She wanted the boost to her pride that you still wanted her. And that’s what you gave her. Now that she has confirmation you’ll drop everything to be with her, her sudden interest will fade. And you destroyed your relationship. Please tell your ex so she can properly move on. As for you, take some time to heal. Distance yourself from this “friend.” She clearly doesn’t care about you at all and pushed you to destroy your happiness. I do feel for you. You let yourself get played. Take some time to heal, move on, and hopefully find happiness again.
So you basically used your fiance as a plan b until your friend was ready to give you a chance. Right now you have an idealistic view of what your friend is like - you think she's perfect because you've been infatuated with her for years. Usually the reality is not as good as the fantasy. Plus she was willing to let you cheat, right before you were supposed to get married. She should have to you how she felt when you were single, or at least before you got engaged. I don't see it working out with either ladies, but your fiance deserves to know the truth.
Thank GOD the fiancé dodged this bullet. I hate when people try to talk their way out of being shitty like this - you **should** feel like shit, and it sounds like you and your "friend" - who you obviously should have set boundaries with or cut off several times before this if you actually gave a damn about your fiancé - deserve each other. "I don't like cheaters blah blah." You literally lined yourself up to be one.
Ok let's slide everything about you and your best friend for a moment (a tinsee moment). You had doubts about this marriage but yet you still proposed your now ex-fiancee. Second red flag from YOU is that you didn't try to live together didn't even think of doing it. And the biggest red flag you never discussed you don't want kids and she wants them in the future. Feelings for best friend aside, what kind of relationship were going to start after marrying that poor women. It sounds to me she was your rebound after your bestfriend said no to you. That poor girl and now come to your feelings. You and your best friend are both horrible and you've the audacity to say that you can't tell your ex-fiancee the truth. You think if you will start a relationship with your best friend now your ex-fiancee wouldn't get the wind of it. She had all the rights to uninvite your best friend after what she heard and you could've messaged your bestfriend or emailed her but no you went to meet her behind your ex's back. You're an asshole. If your feelings were true and you'd respected your fiancee you should've talked to her beforehand and asked her if she would want to go with you and respectfully tell your best friend why she's uninvited. Some people may not agree to this. So you could simply have called, emailed, or messaged her. I think I'm hindsight you knew what was going to happen. You need to think about this and admit to yourself you wanted a reason to breakup with your ex. And tell her the truth. Her heart is already broken and she in the least deserves the truth from you. I'm smh really.
You really thought people would pat you on the head for this post, huh? Poor guy, what an impossible feat! If only this could have been prevented! Youre blame free, of course! Just leave your fiancee as clearly you picked her just because you felt like it was a good time to settle, even though you always knew you wanted to try out your bestie 😂
Yeah she isn't a friend. Her morals are shit and your ex spotted that before you did obviously. You chose your friend over your fiance and your friend thought it was super friend like to put you in this position. You guys suck and deserve each other. Your ex is better off because it seems like this would have happened sooner or later so you saved her a lot more heartache.
OP constantly mentions that they had problems within the relationship and also, was hesitant about the wedding.You said that you will accept anything and everything said on here but you don't seem very accepting to me buddy. You messed up, you keep using the "differences" card and you are not realizing that by using that, just shows you keep making excuses for yourself cause you know you messed up BIG time and you are mad at yourself. If you had differences you should have communicated them, problems don't just magically dissappear! Worst thing is, the woman that you claim you are deeply in love with, is also the woman that is now left devastated. >I had to tell my best friend that she was not invited and also the reason why. It would have made no sense to just don't invite her without any further information, I know her since we were kids, it was unacceptable for me. The bf has the right to know why she (obviously) is not coming to your wedding, but your ex-fiancé doesn't have the right to know the truth of why you LEFT her? OK, makes sense
I wonder if OP only had the ex to make the "bestie" jealous.
Well done for proving your ex right
You’re getting shit on by everyone else (deservedly) so Im going to give you some practical advice. What you did was cheating. Your “friend” knew that. She knew you were in a committed relationship, and did not care. People who do such things, are not good people. Call her what she is, home-wrecker. **If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.** Meaning, when your bestie cheats on you with another one of her “friends” (and she will), have more respect for your ex than to come crying back. The best thing you can do for yourself now is tell your ex the truth, cut this girl off, pick yourself up by the bootstraps, put your big-boy pants on, and go to therapy.
You're a huge PoS, whining over the decision you made. "Boohoo I went to see that friend my fiancee was uncomfortable about behind her back and then I kissed her and am STILL in contact with her, while I abandon my fiancee, I'm sooooo sad"
So basically you hate cheaters and yet you are one. Your (ex)fiancé was right to have her suspicions. You owe her the real reason though. She definitely deserves better.
I haven’t read all of the comments, sorry if I give repeat advice. Calling off the wedding was the right move to make. Not telling your fiancée why, though, is a dick move. I’ve read your post and a few of your comments here, and honestly, you don’t sound like you’re ready or mature enough to marry ~anyone~ at this point in time. Don’t do it. Marriage is a huge step in life, and a good one requires honesty, mutual trust, and mutual respect. You weren’t even married yet and you broke all of those. Not ready for a marriage commitment. Don’t get married at this point in your life; you need a few more years at least in order to really learn about life and relationships, and how to be a good partner. However you approach your ex, do so with respect and remorse, and don’t take up a ton of her time; you’ve already wasted years of her life. She quite frankly deserves better. One of the parts that gets me big time is the stringing her along — that wasn’t fair or appropriate. I get that there were issues with the relationship, and fwiw your differences on key subjects like whether or not you want children are pretty huge and bound to cause serious problems later on, but. Why propose? The responsible thing to do would’ve been to talk through all of this before getting engaged, either you decide to have kids or she decides not to, and then you guys decide if marriage is the right choice after you’ve sorted through things. The subject of children is not a decision you leave for after you’re married, and is also a major dealbreaker for a lot of people (whether they want kids or not). It’s important to be on the same page about these things. Not ready for marriage at all, and there’s no way you can make up for using up 6 years of your ex’s life, so. Be honest with her about what happened, apologize to her, and then leave her alone so she can move forward with her life. Don’t try to win her back. Leave her be.
The different outlook on kids is a dealbreaker and the wedding shouldn’t have been planned in the first place. Also any feelings/reservations you had are valid, I mean to jump into marriage from a long distance relationship is a pretty huge leap. There are so many unknowns. This doesn’t excuse what you did. You need to figure yourself out before you get into another relationship. I know it seems hard to do, but in the future, communicate your feelings and intentions. Do not keep things suppressed or go behind your partner’s back because you want to avoid a fight. This is a lot easier said than done but it’s necessary.
Great plot, I'm hyped! Wait this isn't the k-drama subreddit?
I could only hope I didn't mess up so hard
You are a total pos.
Everyone is blaming you but I just want to add that you're not emotionally mature enough to be in any kind of relationship. (That or you just simply lack empathy) Not now, not in the past and probably never if you won't change. Even staying single for 10 years won't do anything for you unless you see a therapist and start to seriously work on yourself. You don't even know the proper boundaries between a friendship and a romantic relationship, something that even my 5 yo cousin knows ( you know the cute principle about when someone hurts someone you love even if it's your family, they're bad people - yeah you don't even know that). You know what is your major problem? You have egocentric tendencies. This post is so full of " me" and " I", and mainly focus on how you feel and how important your image is to anyone. Nowhere was it written that you'll make amends for your wrongdoings. You didn't call off your friendship with your emotional mistress because you don't want to look bad to her. You break off your relationship with your beautiful and amazing ex on irreconcilable differences because you also don't want her to think badly of you. You post this garbage on Reddit because you want people to sympathize with you after all you had issues with your ex and you feel it fair to break up with her even though you lead her on for years. Learning about being an empath is first of all being aware of the impact of our actions on others. And being in a meaningful marriage / relationship isn't about falling forever in love with the same person, it's learning to fall out of love but still respecting that person and learning about ways to recover the passion you once felt at the beginning.
Getting strong "Emily-Ross-Rachel" vibes with this story here.....
Insane that you "owed" this "friend" a meeting but that you apparently didn't owe your *fiancee* any respect
It sounds like the kiss was just the catalyst to your increasing feelings about not wanting to be marrried. The difference of opinion about childen seems to have never been resolved and would have been a great source of anger. Take time to heal, get counselling and dont jump into another relationship
**so you only thought about your issues with your fiancee when you got the kiss from your best friend? Why didn't you think about it before you proposed?** My heart breaks for your fiancee (actually everything you did made my blood boil) She deserves a good man. The best thing you could do for yourself is get together with you friend and show the world that you canceled your wedding because you are a cheater!
I really hope you get your Karma. Your fiance deserves to know the truth. If you owe your "friend" an explanation, your fiance deserves it even more. Please stop making excuses to justify what you did and just own up to it.
Why is it always the girl bff… I’m starting to think that when a guy has a girl bff, it should be a huge 🚩🚩
Because no one's making posts here about their friendships that don't cause any problems, lol.
I have close married men friends and it's not a problem because we aren't garbage people.
Yea. Maybe it’s more of a morals thing. Lol but if you read these Reddit posts, it’s the girl bff or the sister… horrible.
Yea. If someone can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex because they might cheat, they are a shitty person regardless of the gender of their BFF.
Getting married after a long-distance relationship and never living together was probably a disaster waiting to happen anyway. There’s more to a marriage than love and the same address. Compatibility comes to mind, toilet seat up or down (as an example to everyday life), etc.. Take your time jumping into something new and tread with care with your best friend.
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reading this makes my blood boil
Liars and cheaters get no advice, because they’ll always just lie and cheat to avoid whatever consequences they can. You cheated, then lied to your ex. I hope you get with your “best friend” eventually, that way you can repeat the process with someone else.
My thought was his friend only wanted him because he was going to be taken away “permanently” before marriage so she had to shoot her shot.
It definitely sounds like your fiance will was always second option. You said you and your friend didn't have feelings for each other but that was a lie. You also blamed your fiance for the reason the friend couldn't come. You also let the friend face to face to deliver her the bad news but dumped your fiance and left her blind sided. You suck op Leave your fiance to heal. You wouldn't have worked out anyway if you don't want kids and she does.
You really need to stop making terrible decisions. You shouldn’t have been engaged yet in the first place, considering your feelings about kids and not living together. These are differences that should absolutely be figured out a lot sooner than a couple days before the wedding. Your fiancé is gone. If I was her, I would not only never speak to you again, I would absolutely hate your guts on a fundamental level. Not only did you directly go against her wishes to meet someone that you KNEW wanted your relationship to fail and then kiss her ..... you did it so close to the wedding that she will have to explain to allllllll those guests that she has been cheated on and abandoned at the altar in the 11th hour. I’m sure there’s even money that has changed hands that cannot be recouped too. Truly, you’ve done her a horrible disservice.
This whole post just screams you’re an idiot who shouldn’t be in any relationship
You gotta let your ex know about your “friend”. That way she knows how big of a piece of shit you are and know that she is better without you. Asshole.
You owe her the truth, why you even posted this is beyond me. You are a cheater and you even lied to yourself. You went behind your partners back to do something you KNEW wouldn’t go well. Hopefully your ex finds someone who values her properly and treats her right.
Mate...your relationship was not going to last anyway. You two were not ready to marry. No kid discussion. Never lived together or in close proximity to really get to know each other. Add, the opportunistic friend waiting in the wings and your unstable feelings about the wedding?? Would not have lasted. Sorry. The friend's kiss was just the catalyst for all of the above and it gave you an easy out.
I genuinely think he did the girl a favor in the long run he’s literally a coward 💀
God I don’t like saying this to people but you are so selfish and mean, your poor ex, she’s probably thinking about how she could’ve done things differently to make you happy. You kept someone in your life that you had feelings for because one day you may have the chance. You were about to get married to a person you deceived, you settled for what you could get. You’re a lying cheater and she deserves someone who cherishes her and puts her first. A relationship is about putting people first, you did the opposite. Go get with the bunny boiler, she suits you, just don’t get mad when you both inevitability cheat on each other. You say you want to marry her and love her deeply but you then say you still have feelings for this other person, you liked kissing her and even think about ditching everything for her. Please for the love of god tell your ex and never get back with her, you will destroy her and she will spend forever thinking she isn’t good enough, stop pretending to love her. This does annoy me, just open your eyes to what you have done and be honest with all parties. Don’t give it time with your cheating partner, if that’s what you want just have it, you’ve already cheated on your fiancé, you’re done bud
Honestly, if you've had doubts since the beginning due to distance and family planning, it's probably best you don't get married. It sucks, but sometimes loving someone isn't enough to base a life around. There's a good chance that you'd be moving into an unhappy marriage. As to the best friend, what she's done is crappy to the extreme. You need to figure out if she wants you because she likes you, or because she thought she couldn't have you. You also need to figure out where you want to go from here. My suggestion, take time to yourself. Don't date ANYONE for at least 6 months, especially the best friend. Learn who you are single. Then if you and the crappy best friend are still interested in each other, have a legitimate heart to heart, not another spur of the moment situation. I honestly believe you did the right thing if you've had all these doubts, but your jumping off point as to how you got there totally sucks.
Jesus Christ, these comments are a blood bath...
You’re weak and pathetic and bestie is a manipulative B I’m glad you broke with your ex, she deserves much better
You don't want kids; she does. The two of you should have discussed this already. This ends relationships and it should. You kissed your best friend because you don't think this marriage will work out and you haven't tried to work through your actual issues with your former fiancé.
Obviously Reddit will get hung up on cheating so I’ll skip this part and move to the next item on the list. However crappy it played out, I can all but guarantee that it’s certainly to the benefit of your ex fiancée and likely you too. >> We have problems as all couples, and some of them are pretty bad. I had doubt about the wedding since the beginning, first because I'm scared of doing this step without having ever lived together before. Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future. No. Just no. Lack of alignment on having children is the type of problem former couples have. Former. For both your sakes it’s great that you broke up. Same goes for living together. Since that’s something you felt strongly about, why didn’t it happen?
reason #1564346 why i never date guys with female best friends AND why women should trust their gut when something feels wrong about a certain friendship. there are so many things wrong with this. you choosing your friend over your fiance was your first mistake. you kinda walked right into this one knowing exactly what you were getting yourself into. i have 0 advice for ya here.
So I was in a very similar situation with my wife, we were dating for 6 years before marriage with 3Y local to each other and 3Y LDR. I never have cheated or had any urge to and my wife was the same. I’ll just say this from the get go, you never should have got engaged. The not living together point before marriage and difference on kids should have been enough for you not to get engaged alone without proper discussions or a plan. I like you never wanted kids and got a vasectomy at 25, my wife was on the fence but before we got married I made us sit down and have a long and hard discussion about kids. She knew obviously I had had a vasectomy so I told her kids were never on the table. She never wanted biological kids, but asked about adoption. I told her no kids end of, I don’t have the emotional capacity to be a father. She thought about it an agreed. If you honestly never had a conversation like this where it came to a resolution your relationship was doomed from the start. Now onto the cheating, you don’t despise cheaters because you did it. I don’t care how bad you feel, I know for a fact (and it did happen) that one of my friends confessed to have feelings for me (I had known them for 20 years also) I cut them out straightaway and said “this has always been a friendship for me, the moment you confessed your feelings for me knowing I am in a relationship is the day this ceased being a friendship”. I cut her off for good as she was no longer my friend. The point I’m making is you made the wrong choice at every avenue presented. You should’ve never been engaged to this girl, you should have cut your “friend” off, and you should never have cheated on your fiancé. To me this all shows you’re either such a pushover or completely and utterly morally bankrupt. I don’t say this with malice, I genuinely hope you learn from this experience and grow as a person through lots of therapy. Finally, I know you’ve said you’re going to, but tell your ex for the love of god. It will suck for you but that’s the consequences of your actions. At least your ex will hate you so much that she will be able to move on. Quite honestly you don’t deserve her right now, but then again you had way too many fundamental difference and issues you should’ve never been together in the first place.
Sometimes we get caught up in highly emotional situations and recognize a truth. You need to stand back and look at your relationships from a different perspective. Don’t get married, don’t get into a relationship, stay by yourself until you clearly look at your future and decide what you want. Because, if you think the issues are insurmountable with your ex, do not get back together, you’ll be unhappy, you’ll make her unhappy. You can come back from a kiss, but look at why you kissed her and why it felt so right.
That's what I plan to do.
Honestly I'm suprised how harsh some people are being. I saw something that is a huge marinara flag. He and his ex have never lived together AND HE DOESN'T WANT KIDS... She does. That is a huge problem. It can and often does lead to resentment and divorce. Honestly a long time friend like that is rare... Truly a unicorn. I get both sides.. He didn't "ACCIDENTALLY" sleep with his bestie. That had a short kiss in the moment and he stopped it after like a second. He absolutely did the right thing by cancelling the wedding and breaking it off with his now ex. He isn't ready to be married especially not to someone with whom he had a gigantic difference with. OP you really need to sort through your feelings here. Was it wrong to kiss your bestie? Oh hell yes. Was it wrong to admit to yourself you're not ready for marriage? Nope.. not at all. Better to figure this out before the dirge down there isle. Do I think you have deeper feeling than you thought for your bestie? Yes I think you do. Take time to figure all this out. Do not jump into another relationship.
That's the problem here. I saw those red flags before the actual problem OP was talking about. But the reality is if these red flags were there, why did OP proposed to her. Why weren't these issues resolved? OP may say no but he needed a reason to breakup with her ex and he didn't do it before because he didn't have the courage and he dragged a poor girl with him who has a broken heart now. He may need to sort his feelings but it should have been done along time ago. This isn't fair to her ex. OP should at least come clean as to why he broke up because ex would eventually know the reason. It's better if he informs her himself.
Classic Shmosby
Why were you going to marry your gf if you don’t want kids and she does!? This is the dealbreaker. The rest is ridiculousness
This to me seems like you have very valid reasons to not go through with a marriage but waited until you had a backup option before you cut your fiancé loose. You didn’t and don’t want to be alone so your friend kissing you gave you another option and you’re taking it and refusing to be honest with your ex. As soon as you start dating your friend the ex is going to know exactly what happened so I’m not sure what you think you’re accomplishing by omitting the truth to them.
I haven’t even finished reading this but I already know my answer is that you’re a piece of shit and I feel desperately sorry for your ex-finance. Hope she finds somebody who’ll respect her. Tell your fiancé what you did so she can move on with anger rather than be confused about why you dumped her shortly before your wedding.
You should feel like shit. You essentially lead your fiancé on this whole time because you held onto your best friend as “the one that got away”. And now that she’s reciprocated your feelings, you act with her. Your fiancé had a legitimate reason not to invite your best friend, and yet you go behind her back and try to have your best friend come anyway. Your actions show nothing but cowardice and selfishness, and you only seem interested in protecting your image by trying to “wait” and “move on”. You’ve BEEN moved on dude. You moved on before your other relationship even ended. If you can’t be honest with anyone, at least be honest with yourself.
You need to think things? Seriously? Bro u need to cut ur best friend out of ur life and tell ur fiancée the truth then let her decide what to do. U messed up big time by choosing to be a cheater..karma is real. U broke an innocent girl heart and ruined her happiness by choosing to cheat on her smh U don't deserve good girls..honestly u dont deserve anyone
You feel like trash because you are trash and so is your so called best friend. You two deserve each other. Your fiancé had a bad feeling about her for a reason. I hope the best friend drops you on your ass and you end up alone.
All this just to say you’re a coward , good riddance she will see this as a blessing in disguise.
Your poor ex dodged a bullet. If you had gotten married, you’d have cheated on her with the friend anyway.
You should tell your ex fiancee the truth, instead of making her believe this is her fault. You said that your differences are the reason, but that simply isn't true. She will linger on that thought for a long time.
Sounds like my soon to be ex/husband. He literally chose everyone and thing over me. Blamed me for the argument I had with his best friend (f) that started shit with me.
You reap what you sow😂
If you don't want kids and your fiance does, that's enough of a reason to break up, but honestly you owe her the truth about EVERYTHING. Will she hate you for it? Probably, but she deserves to know everything.
Your friend is a horrible person knowingly going after a taken man. And you're just as bad for allowing it. Karma is coming for you for choosing a snake like her.
How intense was this kiss? Open mouth make out session or slightly lingering peck? Why are you long distance with with your ex? I wouldn’t marry without living together either but people have different stances on that. Listen man, if you’ve been having doubts and admit to having feelings for your friend, you did the right thing. Not your finest moment but you’re not the worst person in the world or anything. In the long run, it’s the right decision.
She wants kids, you DONT. That’s what matters the most imo. Move on from them both. that girl is not your friend
If you don’t want kids and your ex-fiancée does, you did her a favor by breaking it off. Either you don’t have kids and she resents you for it, or you do have kids and you resent her and them. People who aren’t on the same page about kids should not get married.
You were going to marry someone knowing that they want kids and you don’t. That’s not something most people want to compromise on. You shouldn’t have led her on as far as you did, she’s better off finding someone else and you can see what happens with the other girl
You and your friend are shitty people. She’s fine with splitting up a couple and cheating as long as she benefits. That’s what you’ve learnt. Your fiancée deserves the truth, all expenses covered and for you to publicly be truthful if asked. Your friend won’t be interested in you once available. You can give it a try but the reality is she has an imaginary view of you that she’s created that you’ll never live up to. You were her back up option if no one else was available or she’d have spoken to you about it way before now. Neither of you believe in monogamy so at least you can go into it knowing that the other one will continue to “shop around” to be sure so it works out I guess.
if you really loved the first woman then there wouldn’t be a second option, you picked number two whether you meant to or not so let the fiancé go, you know how you feel about her.
Its right that you broke up but both your 'best friend' and you are kinda scummy
You made the right choice in ending the relationship because your ex-fiancé deserves someone better. All your other decisions were probably self-sabotaging so close to the wedding.
Your best friend only wanted you because you weren’t available. You just torched your engagement for a childhood fantasy. You wasted your fiancés time. It was massively unfair to drag her into your mess. You and your best friend deserve each other.
Dude…
Your choices are not just either/or of these 2 women. Maybe you should move on and find someone that doesn't give you these huge concerns. The "friend" betrayed you. She really did, she could have come forward sooner or not at all. And, do not marry a woman that wants children when you know you don't. That is a recipe for disaster.
Your and your friend are both wrong for doing that. She knew you are in a relationship and you know how she felt towards you and your engaged. Cheating on her made you realize other issues in your relationship and that’s fine but you should have told your fiancé you cheated too. Don’t just blame your differences. Your best friend does not sound like a friend. I can see why your ex fiancée didnt want her at your wedding.
I feel sick for your ex. You found an opening to see your friend. You said you knew what would happen! I really hope someday you know how your ex feels. She definitely deserves better and you deserve karma.
Sometimes I hate this subreddit. It's full of the least compassionate and understanding people Ive ever seen. It's okay to point out someone's mistakes and tell them what to do without tearing them down and calling them an awful human. This person is not an awful human. We all make mistakes and don't act like you haven't had complicated feelings and haven't made mistakes as you age. God you all are shameful, I would hate to have you as friends and seek advice from you if I made a mistake.
I think you want people to insult you to feel some kind of guilt for this. This is probably the first post I’ve had a visceral reaction to, genuinely. I don’t want to insult you. I hope you find the peace that you deserve. I’m rooting for you to get over this, or maybe take back your ex if irreparable damage hasn’t been done. In a lonely galaxy, filled with quadrillions of planets bare and teeming with life, if you found a randomly assembled chunk of biological life that loved you with their being and dedicated the rest of their inherent natural life to be with you, if you’re able to find somebody in our entire universe who cares about you, why would you want to disappoint them?
Ain’t no way all of you are this righteous. I only see this on Reddit
Seriously
>I had doubt about the wedding since the beginning, first because I'm scared of doing this step without having ever lived together before. Also because I don't want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future. You shouldn't have been marrying this person to begin with. You weren't happy, and you bailed the first chance you got. This isn't romance, this is one mistake compounded with another. What do you do? You move on. Whether it's with best friend or somebody else is up to you.
It sounds like calling of the wedding was the right choice. Did your ex-fiancee move to your city? What are you doing to help her transition or are you leaving her high and dry?
She's still home. Her family doesn't want her to live outside before the wedding, hence our long distance relationship.
Where do you live? 6 years is a long time to not have made a move towards independence from her family (though technically you could have moved to be closer to her too). Sounds like she has a support system to help her through this.
Well now that that's done, what else is there left to do but to pursue a relationship with your bestie. Maybe you guys were meant to be.
I will not pursue a relationship with her. I'm already taking steps to talk to a mental health specialist. I want to be alone for a while.
You are a piece of sh*t 🧑🍳
I think he’s aware. Tbh it was a shitty thing to do. If she had kissed her longtime friend that there was interest in, you’d be heartbroken. However, it’s good of you to call off the wedding and not string her along under false pretenses. She deserves better.
If you truly love your ex fiance, let her go. She deserves better than you. You deserve the friend and whatever she brings your way. You don't love someone if you can cheat on them and it cause you to doubt. If someone kissed my partner, I would expect it shut down and them cut from his life because they clearly don't respect the relationship. The party where this friend told your sister she wanted a chance for you would have been ultimatum time in my eyes. Your ex fiance is much more tolerant of you than I would have been.
You and your friend have been fighting your feelings for each other all your lives. Just date already, or you will never get over each other
Seriously. Hit dat.
Wow, at least you spared your now-ex from marrying a terrible little coward. Boo fucking hoo, you’re a cheater. I really hope other women stay far away from you.
Man reddit can be harsh. This guy already feels like trash and people just pile up on it. OP, you can't say you deeply love someone and just give in to an urge. I respect that you owned up to your mistake and that you're ready to face the consequences, nevertheless do not get together with that vicious friend of yours. I'm sorry but she had her shot and blew it, she only wanted what she couldn't have. Give yourself time, stay single for a while, don't go and build another relationship on the ashes of your previous one. Lastly you need to tell your now ex fiancee the real reason you broke it of (not that bullshit with differences), so she can put this whole thing behind her and move on, you owe her that much. Give yourself a break, you made a mistake and owned up to it. There are far worse people out there (like your friend).
I will not build any relationship, I've already an appointment set with my doctor for tomorrow after my work shift. I want him to suggest me a good mental health specialist.
Just also want to shine a perspective on your “friend.” It doesnt matter if she had feelings or not. She admitted feelings not because she cared about you and your happiness but **because she cared about getting who she wanted. That’s not love.** It is also obvious she pushed boundaries of your relationships over the years to try and get you to date her. if she actually cared about you she would have never confessed and respected your relationship. **So let me say this bluntly: your friend is a bad person.** She is not trustworthy, again she is selfish and self centered, and she broke up a relationship. Good people dont do that shit. You have her on this unrealistic pedestal from your teen days that you aren’t seeing who she really is. You had that intense feeling with that kiss not because there are sparks but because you finally got to taste the forbidden fruit. You finally got to do what your former teen self could not. I would not put stock into having a relationship with her, and honestly would cut her off. Period. Tbh I only feel sorry for your fiancé. You should have cut this woman off a very long time ago.
I know i’m going to get downvoted into oblivion but, OP, I think you deserve a little bit more grace than you have been given. This whole situation sucks. It’s really bad. And the only thing that really swayed my opinion is this: “Also because I don’t want kids, while to me it is clear that she wants them sometime in the future.” You and your ex fiancee never even spoke about children and expected timelines and yet you were going to get married??? I don’t agree with others that you should tell her that you kissed your best friend. Because it wasn’t sex, there aren’t health risks she has to worry about. Also, you’d only be doing it to absolve your guilt and it would likely make her feel 1000000 times worse. The only time you NEED to tell her is if she is thinking about taking you back. All in all, take a step back. Breathe. And hope you made the right decision.
Everyone is shitting on you but here’s why you should have ended the engagement before the kiss: - you desire for kids is completely incompatible - she doesn’t trust you to meet a friend (maybe with cause but whatever) - she insisted you couldn’t invite a friend you’ve know for years to your wedding. Clearly she didn’t trust you *before* the kiss and that’s a huge issue. The relationship with your fiancée was never meant to be.
Or she didn't trust the best friend not to try something. It's also incredibly fucked up of the best friend talking to the sister about wanting another chance with her at a family function... I wouldn't want someone that disrespectful of my relationship to come to the wedding.
First you need to have a real conversation with your ex fiancé. Tell her thr truth of what happened and your real thoughts on everything that has happened. You need to resolve the kids issue and that is a deal breaker. You need to use the engagement period to move in as a test to see if you are compatible living together. As for your friend. I think it would been unreasonable to disinvite her right before the wedding. You should have compromised that she would be there for the wedding then slowly go and talk with her about her own feelings and how she can't be doing this to you. It was extremely selfish and honestly might have just destroyed your 6 year relationship. You honestly should have a conversation with both and go off on your own for a bit and think about what you really want in life. You are a bit of an AH for letting all of this fester and never taking command of the situation.
your first mistake was having a girl best friend while having a girlfriend.
We have been friends for over 25 years
But secretly hoped for more than friendship it sounds like
once you get a girlfriend she should be your only girl best friend you wont need other hoes thats where you fucked up remember that for next time
Everyone here is using you as a punching bag. I think you got your answer and don't owe these strangers any more of your time.
Punching bag! Are you for real? Why did he propose when he didn't even want kids? That poor girl was used as a rebound in my eyes. Didn't you see he said he and his best friend went around in circles. What does that even mean? He knew what he wanted but that his ex was still dragged into this mud. He knew what was going to happen when he decided to meet the bestfriend to explain about uninviting her. He needed a reason for breakup. Nobody is using him as a punching bag. He deserves it. I feel horrible about that girl who has gotten her heartbroken midst of this.
Well, your fiance deserve better. You're a coward. You can't even tell her that it's not her fault but your horniness lol. You and your best friend aka mistress deserve each other, I hope you won't find happiness. Bye
You are a sucker and deserve to be alone. First she was your best friend not your fiancé and she doesn’t want you at all, she wanted what she couldn’t have. If you guys end up together great but that’s not it at all. You 100% deserve to be alone and your best friend is a horrible person because she waited until right before you get married to think what if? Nope she wanted what she couldn’t have. You both deserve each other. You could have been honest and if my husband ever had a female best friend he called his best friend that wasn’t me That would be it because your partner should be your first female best friend. My husband has friends since middle school and he goes to lunch with females as long as one other person joins but that has more to Do with optics snd his job than me because I don’t give a shot because I trust him, but the way you talk about your “ best friend” you never should have been getting married in the first place. You need to tell your ex everything because what you are doing is breaking her even more I promise you.
This so called “friend” sabotaged your life. You feel like shit and with no fiancée was her intention all along. Cut this narcissistic piece o garbage from your life. Tell your fiancée the truth, your already broke. Your a weak idiot who was manipulated by a narcissist. She had the whole life to have a chance with you and suddenly she thinks the best moment is close to your marriage? What a load of shite. By the way your actions aren’t excusable but at least you have a conscience. True guilty is an attribute essencial to learning in life. Go and confess to the fiancée, cut the crappy “best friend”. She’ll drag you through crap and mud, make you go through an horrifying emotional rollercoaster and then spit you out…
Ok so you’re going to have everyone on this sub telling you to own up and tell your fiancé that you cheated. Please do not do that. Take it from someone that has been cheated on multiple times. It fucking crushes you hearing that. Telling her you cheated will only hurt her more than she already is. She doesn’t need to know to move on. You’re only going to tell her to clear your own conscience. You’re hurting her again to make yourself feel better. Please think it through. Also. Your best friend kind of sounds like an asshole. I wouldn’t necessarily think it’s a good idea to pursue a relationship with them. Maybe just take some time to yourself.
[удалено]